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Game on!

Fall Fundraiser update: So ends another week-long gin and Ritalin® binge Comics Curmudgeon fundraiser. Thank you for your generosity and patience — no more formal appeals until spring, promise! Of course, you can still contribute and get a bracelet for a week or so, and that PayPal button is always over there at the left — just sayin’! Seriously, you folks are great – thank you!


Funky Winkerbean, 9/26/09

Oh, game on! Serial P.O.W. Wally Winkerbean proves that brain damage or no, he’s still the disarming ladies’ man of days gone by. Five bucks on the table and Rana beams “that’s my Dad”, while Comic John’s Bat-cojones shrink to Robins’ eggs.

Apartment 3-G, 9/26/09

Shaky or no, drug-addled elderskank Bobbie Merrill still got game — Ruby passive-aggressively accepts her downgrade from friend to neighbor, as Bobbie deftly snags the “Doc” for an afternoon Ambien® adventure.

Beetle Bailey, 9/26/09

And who doesn’t love the Game of Golf? Ida Know, Not Me! General Halftrack’s odd collection of fetish objects suggests he’s a latter-day Fulvius Stella, lighting a white candle to invoke the tender mercies of Celtic Horse Goddess Epona, with a martini at the ready to help him forget That Special Night. And all dressed up for a Morris Dance.

And a few final matters –


Margo Moments — a Fall Fundraiser special, part 7

Apartment 3-G (panels) — 2/17, 3/13, 4/28, 5/11, 5/31, 6/23, 7/15, 7/21, 8/23, 9/13/2009

OK, you’re all up to date. What will Margo do next? Stay tuned!

Margo, Queen of the Universe!

Bracelet pix have been pouring in from Middle Earth to deepest space (the final frontier!), furthest Afghanistan to deepest Baltimore, Santa Royale General Hospital to a lonely Lhasa morgue. Here’s a sample:

Thanks to faithful reader AeroSquid, Josh and Amber and Aunt Lumpy for photographic documentation of the awesome range and power of What Margo Would Do!

Josh will be back Sunday; look for Sunday comics in the early evening. This has been a fun week; thanks, everybody!

– Uncle Lumpy

264 responses to “Game on!”

  1. bats :[
    September 26th, 2009 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    I hadn’t seen the Mills toe-tag and WWMD anklet. Stylish!

  2. Rainbird
    September 26th, 2009 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    What no more Mary Worth updates? Was it that much of a let down? Just because the shooting has stopped doesn’t mean that nothing is happening.

    On the other hand, sitting on the suspects, and sweating is about all we will probably get for a while in terms of action.

  3. mkilby
    September 26th, 2009 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    I think the bracelet should have been placed around Jon’s neck, instead of on his head. And how about an alternative meaning for the WWMD acronym: “W’s Weapon of Mass Destruction” ?

  4. zenvelo
    September 26th, 2009 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    The Fruhlingers must have a happy marriage of equals, each with the proper guidance from above, reminding them right there on their wrists…

  5. zenvelo
    September 26th, 2009 at 2:15 am [Reply]

    Wally doesn’t wanna creampie his daughter; he doesn’t want to change his name to Jon Phillips.

  6. Digger
    September 26th, 2009 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    Way to go, Wally. You took an event that people could have enjoyed and immediately sucked the fun out of it. Funky and Les would be proud, except of course they’re not capable of pride. But they’ll send a little smugness your way.

  7. Mibbitmaker
    September 26th, 2009 at 2:24 am [Reply]

    I swear, as I looked at the bracelet pics I glanced the upper leftmost one as I was listening to “Only Women Bleed” by Alice Cooper on headphones. (insert Robert Klein ‘eerie’ sound here)

  8. Mibbitmaker
    September 26th, 2009 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    9CL: Mary: “Okay, O.J., calm down already!”

    BC: :o)

    Blondie: (see 9/25 Edison Lee)

    S4th: Ouch, Ted.

    S-M: “Boss, you — I say — you sure are persistant — pig-headed, that is.”

    Curtis: Show the li’l brat the 9/26 BC…

    DT: Pull back, damn cameraman! For the love of God, PULL BACK!!

    FW: John: “Or, you could’ve had people eat them instead of all that waste. Ass!”

    GA: This is getting as cruel and drawn-out as Summer-of-’94 FW!

    HotC: I like the Fonzie-loving doctor from Friends better.

    H&J: “Who do you think you are? Mary Worth?”

    Luann: Uh, rhymes with “oh”.

    MT: That’s Jack Elrod’s tent. See?

    OBH: Now Ruthie knows what it’s like to be a stereotyped husband.

    ZtP: What an airhead! (*rimshot! rimshot! rimshot! rimshot! rimshot! rimshot! rimshot!!*)

  9. KarMann
    September 26th, 2009 at 3:00 am [Reply]

    Luann: As a one-time jeweler, let me chime in to say that, by the standards Elwood’s been setting us up to expect, that ring & its diamond are pretty pathetic.

  10. MolyBendum
    September 26th, 2009 at 3:00 am [Reply]

    Curtis - Papa Greg has apparently never heard of an Ipod. And he thinks kids (or anyone else, for that matter) are interested in the space shuttle. Is it really “Interesting” that today’s youth could care less about space? Or that they use the word “gadget”? I think it’s alarming on both counts. What Greg should find “interesting” is that Curtis either spent $1200 on downloads (because you know he downloaded each individual popular song, he couldn’t be bothered to appreciate an entire album) or he illegally downloaded 1200 songs and the RIAA is about to fine Greg about $960,000. So either way he’s costing his pops a buttload of money once again. But what’s really going on is that these three panels of ill-conceived, blatant-disregard-for-parenting is just a setup once again for the incredibly lame “Curtis likes rap and his dad doesn’t” joke. And that’s neither impressive nor interesting.

  11. sugarpie
    September 26th, 2009 at 3:16 am [Reply]

    Thanks for the swell week Uncle Lumpy! Umm…you don’t have to go through any customs checkpoints on your way home do you? Cause you may want to check your pockets first. Ahhem, cough, (buckyswife) cough.

  12. willethompson
    September 26th, 2009 at 4:02 am [Reply]

    MW: “The drug raid winds down…” Winds down? Like a frat party?

    So, the raid at the drug house was supposed to start at 8 but nothing much was happening until 9 when a few cops drifted in, some with six-packs of Tuborg (it was on sale), some with bottles of Boone’s Farm. By 11, the drug dealers are dancing with the cops, while in a side room, a few are taking hits off beer bongs and playing cards. In darkened corners, there is some drunken making out. Pizza delivery vans come and go. By 3 am, the Focus album is on its third drop on the changer (the needle is stuck on that peckerhead yodeler) as a lieutenant is vomiting off the porch. Meanwhile, in an attic room reeking of incense and Cheetos, two passed-out druggies are being sodomized as part of a frosh initiation. The cops will later claim it was consensual.

    Oh, and Miller and Hewlett’s bad news? They booted the Organic Chemistry hourly. Bummer.

    (Thanks for covering for Josh, Uncle Lumpy – nice work!)

  13. Alfred E. Neuman
    September 26th, 2009 at 4:14 am [Reply]

    It’s Sex On A Couch Saturday!

    9CL— Edda, with that attitude, you’ll never get Mary to have sex on the couch with you.

    Crankshaft— Jeez, can’t a married couple have sex on their own couch without parental voyeurs showing up? Hey, Batiuk, this isn’t Luann, you know.

    Hi & Lois— It looks like poor Chip will have to have sex on the couch by himself. Hey, Walker and Browne, this isn’t Luann, you know.

    RMMD— “Now that we’re alone on the couch in the Pro Shop, would you like to see my favorite shaft? Feel how hard it is. Note the large head with the special groove. I’d love to show you how I use it to make a hole-in-one…”

  14. Dr. Weird
    September 26th, 2009 at 4:22 am [Reply]

    FW

    Why did Wally do that, anyway? He can’t tell that’s his daughter there due to his condition, right?

  15. Jason1981
    September 26th, 2009 at 4:54 am [Reply]

    Luann: This storyline has finally gotten dumber than the entire Spider-Man comic strip. (And getting pretty close to the stupidity of the Anthony/Liz crap in FBoFW)

  16. Master Softheart
    September 26th, 2009 at 4:55 am [Reply]

    Archie: Oh, well played, Archie!

    9CL: Just to clarify, Seth and Edda have now both forced Mary to watch a pornographic video of Edda having awkward, groping, first-time-Catholic sex with the slouching, drooling, chinless Amos. Because she is consumed by baseless jealousy emerging from the fact that Amos had a high-school crush on Mary, Edda is now obsessed with using this porn video as a basis for forcing Mary to acknowledge her sexual possession of said uninspiring musician. And this is how Edda greets her former best friend who is visiting her for the first time in New York. From this fact pattern, we can conclude certain things. First, Edda is insane and not a very pleasant person. Second, until Mary is revealed to be a similarly unpleasant person (which will inevitably happen given her creator), we should feel badly for her both because her vacation is off to a disgusting start (she might as well have visited Charley in Santa Royale) and because she wen through high school with no better friend than Edda.

    If I could believe that it were intentional, though, I would applaud the audacity of any comic author willing to break with convention and make their main characters so completely unsympathetic.

    Gil Thorpe: In panel three, Marty Moon succeeds in running over Spider Man!

    Luann: While the strip’s queasy obsession with its main characters not having sex is usually a bit too icky to be enjoyable, I was actually starting to appreciate the Brad strips a few days ago. This present storyline about Luann and Mini-elvis, however, has moved beyond the bounds of creepy and into “consider contacting prosecutors.”

    Steve Shanon, Straight Man: Sam, I’m not sure that using your corrupt connections with Randy will be much help. Since it will involve the new titular “Judge Parker” in his own strip, though, I suppose that it would be petty to object.

    FW: So, I’m guessing that Wally’s back pay has come through. Unfortunately, this strip strongly suggests that in his brain damaged state he is unlikely to be able to spend or save it wisely – which will likely result in his being homeless and near death in alarmingly short order. I suppose that the staggering failure of the VA/ Tricare system depicted in these strips could be read as a condemnation of any public option in the proposed health care plans. Let Wally’s story serve as a warning to all the utopian socialists – governments treat people as badly as Tom Batuik treats his protagonists!

  17. MolyBendum
    September 26th, 2009 at 4:58 am [Reply]

    Hagar – “I’ve seen your “small knife” my son….trust me when I say you’re going to want a woman with severe vaginismus.”

  18. Raymond Larrett
    September 26th, 2009 at 5:36 am [Reply]

    Usually there are ads for comics at the top of the page, but today it was for Valtrex, I guess because the post mentioned Ambien. Not a comment about the post, which was very funny, but I thought it interesting.

  19. mordock999
    September 26th, 2009 at 5:39 am [Reply]

    Today’s Comics 09/26/09

    FUNKY WINKERBEAN — “Okay, NOW that the table’s cleared, hop up and ASSUME the position!”– Wally Winkerbean “LOVE GOD!”

    APARTMENT 3-G — “Dr.Aristotle Paragoras??” Ya know, Miz Merrill, down South we likes tah shorten them ferin’ names tah somthin’ mo’ pro-nuncable. Try: “Why thank ‘ye doctuh PAP!!”

    BEETLE BAILEY — “The otherwise enjoyable golf outing was soon turned into a violent racial incident when the Club’s newest member, Elwood “ALF” Druit, mistook Lt. Fuzz for a caddy.”

    LUANN — (TEN Years From now)

    “I now MIS-PRONUNCE you ALF and WIfe! You may (SHUDDER) Ki, Ki, KI KISS (QUAKING) the ….ARUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” — The Right Reverend Gunther Berger after he went mad while performing Luann’s wedding ceremony and beating Elwood senseless with a RARE, COLLECTABLE copy of Gideon’s Bible.

    __________________________

    DEATH to TJ, Elwood, and TAXES!!!!

  20. Sheila Sternwell
    September 26th, 2009 at 6:44 am [Reply]

    General Halftrack’s good luck tokens are arranged so they spell out something obscene in code.

  21. Sheila Sternwell
    September 26th, 2009 at 7:03 am [Reply]

    P.S. I scanned comments on the last thread and I feel obliged to mention that docweasel is from a certain political thread that got way, WAY out of hand. Or was it more than one thread? All I know is it was stuff back around the elections, and Google is your friend. I’m just puttin’ that out there for people who thought docweasel was new here.

  22. True Fable
    September 26th, 2009 at 7:19 am [Reply]

    Hooray for Uncle Lumpy! Masterful job this week, Unca!

  23. Steve L
    September 26th, 2009 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    I actually much preferred waking up and getting to read my Comics Curmudgeon. If only Josh was on your schedule.

  24. LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
    September 26th, 2009 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Luann: I called it, days ago. What do I win? I free bracelet?

    Anybody having trouble with constipation? Just imagine their wedding night.

  25. T K
    September 26th, 2009 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    Winkerbean high school needs to start offering courses other than band and English! A little education in math or business would inform the cheerleading squad that they’ll go broke buying whole pies for half price and giving them to people at 2 for $1!

  26. Mela
    September 26th, 2009 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    A3G: Are we gonna see a pillpopper/housemaid catfight? Will Margo jump in and wreck them both because they’re doing it wrong?

    ‘Shaft: A doughy, pissed-off middle-aged couple in their skivvies – exactly what I wanted to see this morning. Thanks.

    FW: Aww… that’d be heartwarming if Wally’s storyline wasn’t so insulting and offensive.

    Luann: Master Softheart said exactly what I would have. Thanks, man.

    Pluggers: Pluggers also can’t count higher than four.

  27. Ed Dravecky
    September 26th, 2009 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    The Obvious Train is blowing its whistle mighty loud as it heads straight down the tracks towards Inevitable Conclusion station in Mary Worth. Does anybody still hold out any hope that the last month of strips has been an enormous feint?

  28. True Fable
    September 26th, 2009 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    9 Dickweed Lane Nothing could be finer than to see Edda’s pompous inflated ego threatened, in the morning!

    Apartment of Doom Oh come on now, Ruby. Professor Pap’s just going to go get him some strange; he’ll be back soon. She’ll probably have a mountain fall on her or get shot by a junkie just as soon as they’re finished.

    Children of the Circle It’s easier to imagine Dolly as a Plumber’s Helper.

    Canadian Zombie Of COURSE Elly thinks it’s wonderful; she gets to complain nonstop with a whole fresh new perspective!

    Flashy Winkerblinker The score: Comic Book John – the wife.
    Dumped ex Wally – his daughter’s trust. Maybe the whole town should spend a few years captive in a war zone.

    WTF GT Now it’s all just a random series of panels with people I don’t recall, and objects showing up for no apparent reason. Ahhhh, Gil Thorp is back up to snuff again!

    Part of the City *raises hand* Unapologetic user of inside Star Trek chatter, right here!

    Sam Driver & the Pretty People Posse! Sam’s just upset that something is happening in the strip. Several somethings. All he wanted was a few close-ups of his good side, and then all this beating and murder and fuckin’ WORK goes and shows up. Damn.

    Sweet & Shallow Yeah, Elwood: get engaged to a sixteen-year-old who makes it her life’s goal to chase and be chased by every boy who walks past. Smart move, guy. But take heart: if she’s anything like her Aunt Adrian, you’ll be shot soon and maybe you’ll be mercifully free of it all.

    Fist O Justice Theater End of Act 2: Famous Last Words just before the curtain falls for intermission.

    Mary, Bringer of Meddle You mean that exceedingly blond cop is NOT Hewett? Oh, wow! Somebody won the Dead Pool!

    Kit Walker, Targeted Ranger I’d better damn well see Chatu actually striking in the very next strip on Monday, or the Narration-Box-That-Butts-In-With-Exclamation-Points is a LIAR!

    RMMW See, this is taking so long because they don’t have Abbey the Wonder Dog to do all the work for them. Harrumphf.

    S4th Today Sally demonstrates why she should not be in charge of anybody.

  29. dreadedcandiru2
    September 26th, 2009 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    Sunday ReFoob Advisory: John and the kids have a swell day looking at the sights and sounds at their local farmers’ market while Elly is presumably cleaning the floor of the attic with a toothbrush; he brings home a bushel of apples which she immediately starts cooking so as to not be thought of as idle.

    Conclusion: Elly loves to feel bad.

  30. zerowolf
    September 26th, 2009 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    GT; Valerie, two words: Restraining Order

  31. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Wow, Unca Lumpy ! That’s almost like winning the CotW ! =D

  32. dreadedcandiru2
    September 26th, 2009 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: This is, as you said, the first blast across the bow in Batiuk’s next great experiment in pointless misery: Wally’s slowly winning Becky, Rana and Wally Junior away from John. The inevitable conclusion is that once he and Becky remarry, he’ll stroke out because of his injuries and thanks to government red tape, his loving family will have to give up any dream they ever had of having a stress-free life in order to devote their time to the thankless task of taking care of an aphasic lump who sits in his chair and yells “Boxcar” all day long. Also, John’s attempts to alleviate her burden will be haughtily rejected and be made into proof of his being inferior. We can each and every one of us see her sit at the table and whine about how she was powerless to prevent the tragedy from happening already.

  33. mr 12 oz can
    September 26th, 2009 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    will andy please come to the rescue !!!!

  34. Lesser Whark
    September 26th, 2009 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    #26 Mela, #28 True Fable: I’d find Wally’s act touching if I hadn’t seen the Landmine story arc. Batiuk hosts this on his own site, so he must consider it an example of his great writing skill. We spend 3 weeks wondering if Wally will be blown up, 1 week wondering if Becky was blown up (and being glad she wasn’t), and 1 panel discovering that Rana’s entire family really was blown up. Khan’s willingness to get himself killed saving a main character is also an offensive stereotype which was overused a century ago.

    Long term, being adopted by Wally and Becky must have done Rana’s psyche no good at all. She should be loaded with survivor guilt on top of regular teenage angst, so why is she sanest member of her adoptive family? Does this demonstrate that the crushing depression afflicting all other Westview residents is acquired at birth? Rana has the smirk, so that part must happen later…

    Fun trivia: if the mine Wally stepped on is a copy of the original WW2 ‘Bouncing Betty’, it should have detonated before he stepped off the trigger, sparing us a couple of weeks of dithering.

  35. 8th Man Fan
    September 26th, 2009 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Excuse the delay in responding, got in real late from work and conked out, catching up on CC now:

    y#82 Calico: Aaaargh! Off by three days in the Scott pool. I never had a whole lot of luck in Vegas. BTW, 8th Man Fan, your spreadsheet is totally awesome.

    Thanks. Though, to be honest, I just applied ready-made Google Docs options to Amateur’s proposed betting pool. My main contribution was selecting the pink background for the form in the hopes it would suggest salmon squares.

    y#111 bats :[: 8th Man Fan: if everyone’s bets on Scott arriving at the hospital crap out, will a new pool be started? It might be nice, but in the MWuniverse, given time and all, you might have to revise the betting pool ever 10 days or so all the way through the end of the year.

    y#118 Amateur: #111 — That’s a good question, bats :[. Should’ve thought of the possibility of endless dragging-out when I came up with the pool idea last week. (I was thinking a week would be “dragging out,” foolish Pollyanna that I was.) 8th Man Fan, what say you?

    Seems to me a betting pool with bets based upon H-addicted zombies, dog prostitution rings, and a head on life support ain’t exactly written in stone. Go ahead and enter new bets. To make it easier to spot multiple bets, now sorting the spreadsheet by name.

    Requesting a favor: Due to odd work hours, don’t really have time to count narration boxes or track some of the more esoteric plot events mentioned in the bets. Whoever does spot a winner can let me know by e-mailing me at gojira110 at gmail dot com. I’ll update the spreadsheet accordingly. I’m also open to suggestions about the spreadsheet format and when to freeze the bets (I’m thinking of closing the betting form when Scott finally gets to the hospital or Adrian finds out she’s engaged to a corpse, whichever comes first). Hmmm…What would be a good color for winners?

    Note: Will update the spreadsheet either at 7:30 a.m. or 11:30 p.m. EST, people should avoid posting at those times.

  36. Baka Gaijin
    September 26th, 2009 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    #29 dreadedcandiru2, conclusion: As the kids say, “Like, DUH!!!” Do kids still say that? Did they ever say that? Hey you kids, get off my lawn!!!!

    Luann: At least she didn’t recoil in horror like a certain betrothed. Then again, mini-Elvis had the class not to propose over Moons over My Hammy.

  37. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    September 26th, 2009 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    “Josh Fruhlinger”? Sounds familiar. Writes a column at ITWorld, yes?

  38. Phred22
    September 26th, 2009 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    BB: Compare the angle we see the three items at right with the four at left. The General’s prayer must have led to him and the items nearby being transported into a green dimension with zero gravity. His golf companions should either organize a search team or continue on without him.

  39. Metz77
    September 26th, 2009 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Such is the power of Margo that Josh would donate to his own site to get one of the bracelets of might.

  40. True Fable
    September 26th, 2009 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    #34 Lesser Whark – Oh yeah; I forgot about that! (My own survival tactic at work: selective amnesia!)

    I really don’t know why I sympathize with any of these people; it’s just my automatic defense of veterans I suppose.

    But being as how NONE of Wally’s homecoming made any realistic sense whatsoever, my automatic distrust of anything Tom Batuik puts in his strip should kick in and I will go back to loathing every single character as usual.

    Still… I do like the premise that a father chooses to buy all the pies so his daughter won’t have to get any to the face. That in itself is a nice gesture. Of course, that’s not to say that the other cheerleaders shouldn’t retrieve a couple of the pies on top of the stack, and smack her with them anyway. That’s a FUNNY gesture.

  41. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    BB: Off frame is a dead chicken hastily sacrificed by the Santeria chaplain…. and one of those creepy little frizzy haired, sexless bingo gnomes. Oh ! Ms. Buxley is dressed as a Mayan Priestess.

    Blondie: I think Dag was perfectly justified when he pummeled his boss, random fill in character and Herb (or Postal Carrier) with his ‘Ladies Tee’. Haters.

    Crock: Then Crock had the hot boxes filled with un-popped kernels…..as a scientific experiment.

    Curtis:
    “I had one of those Radio Shack ™ Flavor Radios ™, Curtis. Pumpkin, I believe. I thought it was cooler than Apollo Eleven. The moon mission’s that were born out of testosterone-fueled dares and hastily designed spacecraft by a bunch of drunken engineers on a cocktail napkin, just stopped. Then I realized that the very same technology and selfless grit went into my precious Flavor Radio. But it was too late. Because of my disrespect of America’s brave space program, we stopped going to the moon. Or anywhere else, Curtis. The gobbly-gook that runs your iPod ™ could have gotten us to Mars, Curtis. But, Father like Son, YOU ruined America’s quest to democratize the STARS with your selfish attitude ! Thanks, son.”

    “When are you going to quit smoking ?”

    DtM: “Something called the Necronomicon. His mom says it’s the only book he will ever need to read. Can you buy this ‘Thomas the One-eyed Trouser Train’ book for me, Mom ?”

    FW: After making Rana’s ‘dad’ shrink away in embarrassment, Wally proceeds to flash some cash in front of the cute little red headed cheerleader at the table (who incidentally just turned 18) . Then they drive away together in Wally’s brand new ‘Fuck You’ mobile.

    HtH: Why…why is Hagar making fun of his son’s penis ?

    H&L: So is Chip. I think. Anyway, Esther brought her photo album of rare French post cards and forced Chip to describe how he felt when looking at them. Chip is now gay.

    JP: “No coffee…my bowels are reaching peak capacity and rumbling like Mount St. Helens. Ooooo…Hear that ? I’ll be right back.”

    MT: ALOT cooler if the ‘gators tail was peeking out of the tent flap.

    MW: “And you were surprised in WHAT way ?”

    PBS: I’m ‘Stupefied’.

    RMMD: “Meet my Executive Assistant….Mr. Bean Pot.”

    Zits: No. Jeremy’s supposed to adopted. Remember ?

  42. Aaron
    September 26th, 2009 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    #38 Phred22: I hope we’re about to see a Halftrack-centric Space Jam sequel!

  43. Islamorada Girl
    September 26th, 2009 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Thanks Uncle Lumpy! You’re the best! We tucked some special brownies into your suitcase for the drive home!

  44. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    ‘Shaft: Thanks, Tom. A September-December Underwear-Incest Party. I am now gay. Thanks again !

  45. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Hitler’s Hell Hound: Never mind Marm ! Check out the khaki ass-chaps on those Tom of Finland clones ! See ? I TOLD you ! Thanks again, Tom !

  46. Rusty
    September 26th, 2009 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    FW: I prefer to analyze this strip as Wally’s uncomprehending act in response to seeing a table full of cream pies. He has been wandering Westview for a month or more now (I wonder how he keeps his hair high and tight?) and stumbles into a scene where he isn’t supposed to recognize anybody and shouldn’t know what the purpose is. It would be better if he tried eating the pies.

  47. Emily K [RiffChick]
    September 26th, 2009 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    FW: oh, I get it. Wally is trying to get back into his daughter’s life by earning her trust. John (the man she calls DAD by the way) didn’t hesitate to throw pies at her. But Wally came to her rescue.

    GOD! I didn’t think it was possible, but Batiuk actually managed to take what was a week full of regular funny strips (or at least attempting to be funny) and cap it off with an overarching aura of pathos!!

    As dreadedcandiru2 said,

    This is, as you said, the first blast across the bow in Batiuk’s next great experiment in pointless misery: Wally’s slowly winning Becky, Rana and Wally Junior away from John. The inevitable conclusion is that once he and Becky remarry, he’ll stroke out because of his injuries and thanks to government red tape, his loving family will have to give up any dream they ever had of having a stress-free life in order to devote their time to the thankless task of taking care of an aphasic lump who sits in his chair and yells “Boxcar” all day long. Also, John’s attempts to alleviate her burden will be haughtily rejected and be made into proof of his being inferior. We can each and every one of us see her sit at the table and whine about how she was powerless to prevent the tragedy from happening already.

    While I’m not ready to assume the more detailed predictions in that paragraph, I will say there is absolutely no doubt that Becky will leave 2nd Banana John for her first (true) love, causing conflict and despair for all involved, especially John.

  48. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Monty: I get the feeling that this comic is slowly creeping back to it’s Robot Man roots when Monty was just a secondary player.

  49. TheDiva
    September 26th, 2009 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: My only consolation is that given Cranky’s track record, this will end with the house burning down and this abominable image will be purged in the flames.

    FW: Well, Wally’s sure handling the face amnesia, PTSD, and loss of his wife an family in stride. I guess by Funkytown standards, his cup overfloweth.

    Luann: Dear Greg Evans: Please go on Wikipedia and search for the phrase “marriageable age.” Unless a) dwarf Elvis somehow managed to bribe parental consent out of Luann’s parents or b) your strip actually takes place in, say, Tanzania, this is in no way legal or socially acceptable.

  50. buckyswife
    September 26th, 2009 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    MW: “Yes, as we chat about the evening’s events, they’re both bleeding out about 10 feet away from us!”

    JP: “I’ll get you a cup of coffee, and then I’ll continue that lap dance I’ve started!”

    DtM: Could it be any clearer that Dennis is the master to Joey’s submissive? They’re like Sarge and Beetle in the larval stage.

    MT: That’s because Rusty and Sassy aren’t there, Mark; they’re in some gator lair, beginning their ripening rotting process for later consumption. The good news? Now you and Bob Jackson have the tent to yourselves!

    HtH: Ha ha! It’s funny because Hagar knows his son has a small dick!

    FC: Ha ha! It’s funny because Dolly is five six four school age and doesn’t know how to use a faucet!

    Blondie: Ha ha! It’s funny because Dagwood’s friends are assholes!

  51. buckyswife
    September 26th, 2009 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    y299 B. Racoon: Damn! An invitation to join a handsome, suave raccoon—the James Bond of raccoons—for some red wine, just after I go to bed!

    11 sugarpie: Shhhh! Don’t tell! Uncle Lumpy doesn’t know that I’ve been stalking him.

    Oh. Damn.

    Speaking of whom: Uncle Lumpy, great job this week! Much applause—and thanks!

  52. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    51. buckyswife: It was gooooooood. =P

  53. Comrade Denny
    September 26th, 2009 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Blondie: “Ladies’ tees?” Are there such a thing? And do they actually confer a driving advantage? How do they work? Are they even necessary? I don’t golf, much to my dad’s chagrin, so I really want to know.

    Crankshaft: Hey! Family orgy! Now we finally see some shaft-crankin’!

    Lockhorns: “But on the plus side, her mother is a demon in the sack.

    Momma: Momma’s decided that industrial society has no future and has started stockpiling canned goods.

    Pluggers: Pluggers have mange.

  54. MolyBendum
    September 26th, 2009 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    - Rex Morgan, A@#SS -
    “Meanwhile…..”, Narration Box? Meanwhile in which panel? Oh, the second one! Sorry, I didn’t see your arrow. So meanwhile, Tim’s loopy mother is repeating “Where are we?” over and over as her lunatic escapee boyfriend rants on about back when he was a pro golfer. Not that I imagine he was ever a pro golfer, he was probably Carl Spackler. He’s about to grab the nearest driver and start swinging at the old lady’s head screaming, “CINDERELLA STORY…..OUTA NOWHERE…..BITCH!!!”

  55. popamatic
    September 26th, 2009 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: Listen you clown, perhaps you should hear the words that the wise philosopher once said: “If you’re going to shoot, shoot! Don’t Talk.”

  56. Muffaroo
    September 26th, 2009 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Beetle, Blondie, Non Seq – What’s ‘flog’ spelled backwards again? Oh, yeah.

    Dick“Here, Kitty, Kitty!” Yes, catcalls are certainly appropriate here.

    Garfield – Come on; how long has it been since the comics section was large enough to even dent a spider? How big are the cell phones in your world, cat?

    Herb – As I prefer to say, “The fall down a thousand flights begins with a single step.”

    Mark – “Hmmm, the Jack Elrod sign is up. That means I’d better not come a-knockin’!”

    Marmaduke – He can’t read, yet he makes appointments with tradesmen and orders things off the internet. Oh, mass of wacky goddamn contradictions, thy name is Marmaduke!

    Mary – You can’t beat the old ‘good news-bad news’ format in these here gag strips, eh Hewlett? Hey, sorry about you getting shot in the head. Wait, you aren’t Hewlett?

    Pluggers – The heartbreak of Male Pattern Mange. [Goddamnit, Comrade Denny! Your comment showed up only after I renewed just before posting!]

    Sally – Alice? Ralph? Why is Sally having this talk with her daughter about ‘The Honeymooners’?

  57. Muffaroo
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Farley’s Revenge @y316 – Actually, Veggie Tales is about the only really Christian kiddie cartoon I’ve ever seen that was enjoyable on a non-ironic level. I won’t burden you with details.

    Uncle Lumpy – T’anks for another superlative babysitting job! Wow, my head sure hurts this morning.

    willethompson @12 – “‘The drug raid winds down…’ Winds down? Like a frat party?”

    “The drug raid’s over
    It’s time to call it a night
    The thugs have blasted your friend
    And now his sad end’s in sight!
    It’s time to haul in to the ER
    Be sure to call in from the phone in your car.

    “The drug raid’s over
    His vitals flicker and dim
    It’s quite ironic tonight
    His girl friend is right there dreaming of him.
    It’s time to pay for those days of mirth
    So just make way for ‘comfort’ from Mary Worth.

    “It’s all over; The end…”

    Master Softheart @16 – Judge Parker is my favorite titular comic these days. I’m told that the characters are actually saying stuff in those balloon things.

  58. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    MW: Holy crap ! I just noticed. There’s actually African-American cops in the Maryverse ? Seems like a feeble afterthought after all the blond, blue eyed aryan-drones of late.

  59. buckyswife
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    53 Comrade Denny: There are indeed ladies’ tees; they’re slightly closer to the green. (I learned this during a long-ago, short-lived experiment in trying to learn to golf so I could have a shared activity with the buckyhusband. I also learned that the buckyhusband has absolutely zero patience for someone learning to golf.)

  60. MolyBendum
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    #53 Comrade Denny - I golf, but apparently I don’t pay attention very well because I don’t know if there’s an exact distance for the ladies tees. But anyway, it’s just a tee box about 25-30 yards closer to the hole than the men’s box. There’s also one even closer for old people. The “tee box” is only a marked (usually with giant, colored golf balls: white-men, pink-ladies, yellow-seniors) spot where you tee off from, it’s not a “box”. It gives an advantage only that you’re closer to the hole. Necessity depends on the manliness of the woman, I guess.
    But again, by the end of 18 holes I’m usually crashing into things with my cart and I shoot about a 10 on the last hole, if I can even find my ball by then. That’s my excuse if I’m fuzzy on these details.

    Oh, I see buckyswife posted an answer, but I’ll post this anyway. Yay, overkill.

  61. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Male Pattern Baldness in Pluggers = Parvo. PARVO, PEOPLE !!!!!!!

  62. Tim
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Thanks, UL!

    My donation will be arriving sometime after I am fairly sure that you won’t send me one of those bracelets… frankly, they scare me.

  63. Uncle Balustrade
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    Gen. Halftrack is going to hold up the golf game with that multi-faceted prayer ritual. He’d be much better off taking a page from the “Laverne and Shirley” show, and merely invoke the spirit of “Boo-Boo Kitty”.

  64. John C Fremont
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Thanks, Uncle Lumpy! Sorry I’m not in a position this month to contribute to this most worthy cause, but in another month or so I’ll be buying more T-shirts for Christmas presents. And maybe then the bracelets might be available for purchase..?

    It took some time to get caught up on comments this morning. (Why does work have to be so much work?) But, man, oh, man, references to Windsong, Focus, Boone’s Farm and Morris Dancing! Plus, battles with evils trolls and black tie-wearing racoons! No wonder I love this place!

    RMMD – In addition to catching up on comments, I spent way too much time unsuccessfully looking for Peter Cook and Dudley Moore as Sonny & Cher singing “I’ve Got You, McBabe,” all because of that stupid pot in the foreground which made me think about how much better off Tim’s mom and Henry are than young Sonny & Cher. I think this is a sign that I need help.

    MW – Hey, the bad guys were all wearing Miami Vice suits all week, and now they’re wearing matching white turtlenecks? The hell?

  65. Calico
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    I’d like echo as well-
    Thank you again Uncle Lumpy!
    (This time I didn’t forget to top off the bottle of Grey Goose with tap water, and I think I got all the popcorn vacuumed up properly out of the shag carpet.)

  66. Calico
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    Would like to echo, that is…

  67. BenG
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Umm…ew. Wouldn’t it have been more practical to just leave the room? Weirdos.

  68. Poteet
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    # 25 TK — Thank you. Your comment made the point much better than my thought when I looked at that sign, which was “this is by far the stupidest so-called fundraiser I’ve ever seen.”

  69. Poteet
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Thank you, Uncle Lumpy. I’ll replace your chocolate stash one of these weeks, promise.

  70. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    FW: Tom. You really need to fully explore your dark side. Just a small baby step over the line. Instead of Band Turkeys and Mussed up faces…auction off all the Cheerleaders to the most creepy middle-aged inhabitants of Westview. Make them mow lawns, rake leaves, and clean out gutters in skimpy cosplay outfits. The school would benefit more than the Ohio Lottery contributes ! Do it, Tom. You have the power. Do it for education.

  71. Poteet
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    9CL — I have an appalled suspicion that Brooke somehow thinks this is how female friendships actually work. Ew, ew, ew.

    MW — This has probably been asked, but just how old are these cops and drug dealers? Their lined, craggy features look like those of Civil War vets in 1900 parade photos. No wonder they had trouble shooting straight.

  72. crazyjerseygirl
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Who the hell is that in todays Mary Worth? Blond cop #3? It was difficult enough to tell Scott from the captain and now we have this idiot to contend with? This is the most aryian police force ever! Don’t they have any diversity requirements in Santa Royale or wherever this crazy comic takes place? Or maybe they are Charterstone cops where any hint of ethnicity MUST come from Western Europe (Chinbeard as a Scotsman is a radical character indeed!)
    ~Crazy

  73. buckyswife
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    A3G: Who would have imagined the Professor in a love triangle? Especially one like this?

    Later, in his apartment, Aristotle pondered his choices, savoring the delicious fact that he did indeed have choices. And delightful ones at that.

    On the one hand, Ruby: Frumpy yet girlish in her bows and frills, surely willing to act the scullery maid were he to but ask. And desperate in her aging, hang-dog yearnings—and Aristotle did like desperation.

    On the other hand, Bobbie Merrill: No spring chicken, either, but more polished, sophisticated. Not so needy as Ruby—but the Professor enjoyed a bit of a challenge. And there was that other thing: her need for sleeping aids. Nothing like a bit of drug dependency to make a woman more available!

    Yes, it certainly was going to be a very interesting couple of weeks six to eight months.

  74. buckyswife
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    72 crazyjerseygirl: Scott’s the one with part of his head blown off.

    =-)

  75. Joe the Plugger
    September 26th, 2009 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Can someone who knows more about women’s fashion than me help me out? Is Edda wearing a flesh-colored turtleneck under her Little Black Dress? Or is she randomly wearing a neck-warmer? Or is her neck in a cast/brace? What is that thing?

  76. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    72. crazyjerseygirl: Did’nt you notice the nervously drawn and not-too-black African-American cop next to Blond cop #3 ?

  77. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    MW: Will Sunday’s MW make any reference to Scott or will it be six panels of Mary sitting on the toilet in the Bum Boat’s ladies room contemplating the quantum variance for Jell-O ™ Shrimp Fiesta serving sizes as it relates to the Charterstone Hallo-Boo ! Party.

  78. buckyswife
    September 26th, 2009 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    77 AeroSquid: Of course not! Shrimp Fiesta is served at the Charterstone Cinqo de Mayo(nnaise) pool party. She’ll be thinking about the recipe for Pumpkin Salmon Surprise, while poor Dr. Jeff sits at the table and tries to figure out whether Mary will do her once-a-year bobbing for his apple.

  79. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    78. buckyswife: =D ! Dear Lord ! Please post the recipe for Pumpkin Salmon Surprise! That’s right, Mary ! Bob them apples like the girls in Peking ! No…no…Bob. It’s not your turn.

  80. buckyswife
    September 26th, 2009 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    79 AeroSquid:
    Pumpkin Salmon Surprise

    1 can Libby’s pumpkin
    1 can salmon
    marshmallows

    Combine pumpkin and salmon in casserole dish. Top with marshmallows. Bake at 350 degrees for 2 hours.

    Surprise!

    (Note: Serve with an iceberg lettuce salad, accompanied by a chilled Potato-ade.)

  81. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    Mary’s Haunted House at the Charterstone Spooky-Party will consist of a still bleeding Scott dressed as the post-cliff diving Aldo.

    “Put this Cap’n Kangaroo wig on, Scott ! It’s Charterstone FUN time !””

    *gurgle*

    “Adrian ? I sent her to Cambodia. Forget about Adrian.”

    *Cough* *gurgle*

    “Do you kiss your mother with that….ummmm….mouth-like orifice ?”

  82. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    80. buckyswife: As the cast of Hee-Haw would say: YUM-YUM ! =P

  83. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    MW: ‘The drug raid winds down.’

    “So, Chief. How’s that drug raid thing goin’ ?”

    “It’s winding down.”

    “Good. Good. Find a lotta drugs ?”

    “Yup. Lotsa drugs.”

    “Good. Good. How’s Scott doin’ ?”

    “Who ?”

    “Scott. Aryan Cop #1 ? Engaged to a nurse, I think ? He’s going to go far, that Scott guy. He might even take over YOUR job, one day.”

    “Yeah.”

    “Yeah, what ?”

    “Funny thing about Scott.”

    “Funny how ? Ha ha, funny ? Or The dead clown in the attic smells funny, funny ?”

    “WHARRR-GARBLLL !”

    “Bad time to suddenly eat a Twix ™ bar, Chief.”

  84. Comrade Denny
    September 26th, 2009 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    MW: You know, this story doesn’t have to end in heartbreak for Adrian. There’s probably at least fifty guys on the SRPD who could call themselves Scott and Adrian wouldn’t know the difference. There’s probably at least 4 or 5 — like Scott — who are closeted and looking for beards as well.

  85. Tazistan Jen
    September 26th, 2009 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    I can actually provide useful information about the FW fund raiser. Those aren’t pies. They are aluminum pie tins filled with that spray on whipped cream. So everyone should forgive Wally for not eating them.

  86. Brave Little Toaster
    September 26th, 2009 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    Soup to Nutz This is one I don’t see referenced here much, but today’s strip is worth a peek.

  87. buckyswife
    September 26th, 2009 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    84 Comrade Denny: Shoot, Dr. Jeff could dye his hair blond and call himself Scott, and Adrian probably wouldn’t know the difference. Before you know it, they’d be baking cupcakes together, happy as can be.

  88. Brave Little Toaster
    September 26th, 2009 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    76 Aerosquid:
    That guy is black? I thought it was supposed to be Gilbert Gottfried.

  89. Harry Pothead
    September 26th, 2009 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    HI AND LOIS — First, Chip should look on the bright side. Having a toothless babysitter makes for good oral, right? Besides her dog food and Gerber’s diet, Chip spunk would be a welcome addition to her regimen.
    Secondly, why is Hi so smug about hiring a babysitter who is older than dust? I thought that it was the ultimate cliche suburban dad’s fantasy to have a teenybopper babysitter (See Alicia Silverstone) to bang away at without shame.
    Thirdly, isn’t it a bit weird that a teenage boy needs a babysitter? Isn’t he old enough to watch his siblings while the parents are away?

  90. Married Agnostic Woman
    September 26th, 2009 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    #49 The Diva: Aw, c’mon, Luann’s got to be almost 40 by now. She can marry whoever she wants!

    Which DeGroot will lose their virginity first? Luann or Brad? Stay tooned!

  91. Harry Pothead
    September 26th, 2009 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    #90 – Puddles will be the first DeGroot to get laid. The bad news? TJ will be the one responsible.

  92. Alan's Addiction
    September 26th, 2009 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    What’s this in “Funky Winkerbean?!” An altruistic deed that makes someone a little happier, with no strings attached or derisive comments or bitterness; has the world gone mad?! I expect such things in other comments, but not in “Funky.”
    Ms. Merrill’s face in the first panel of A3G is the creepiest thing I’ve seen this week. I don’t know why, except that it gives the strong impression that someone has take a two-year-old’s face and stuck it onto an adult’s body, then topped the whole demonic mess off with a mop of “He-Man”-inspired hair. I suppose the look could be described as “gay toddler cross-dresser,” but even that can’t evoke the sinister feeling I get when I look at that frightening visage.
    I can only hope that General Halftrack accidentally performs some sort of satanic incantation and opens some sort of doorway into our world for the Old Ones. Yep, nothing would enliven a game of golf quite like facing down Cthulu.

  93. Poteet
    September 26th, 2009 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    # 80 buckyswife — Ooog. I think I need to lie down for a moment.

  94. Comrade Denny
    September 26th, 2009 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    #87 – buckyswife:

    True enough. In fact, I hope Charlie tries this ploy in the coming weeks, or months, of this unfolding storyline.

  95. Mars
    September 26th, 2009 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    If Luann even has to think about her answer to this, I’m outta this strip for the next week or so. The paper puts it next to Get Fuzzy, so I usually have no choice but to glance at it, but I’ll just have to apply my left hand to that side of the page.

    Seriously, every suitor she meets is weirder and creepier than the last one. She’s going to be dating Bigfoot next.

  96. commodorejohn
    September 26th, 2009 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    #71 Poteet – Oh, I have no doubt. Brooke’s warped understanding of human emotion and interaction is topped only by his raging self-importance.

    AS – September 26th, 2009: the day I finally got an honest, hearty laugh out of The Argyle Sweater.

    Crankshaft – It sure doesn’t take much to get Pam to strip to her bare essentials, does it? You have to wonder why the hell Jeff is so consistently downcast when he’s got a woman like that.

    DT – The third panel should have been reversed, for symmetry. Observe.

    Dilbert – Dilbert decides that the joke just isn’t explained clearly enough.

    FC – Dolly doesn’t even understand basic household fixtures.

    FW – Given the creepy quasi-sexual nature of the pie-throwing thing, it’s no wonder that this is played like he’s saving his daughter from something terrible. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go perform a precision lobotomy to remove my memory of this past week.

    GT – All the other soap strips take months and months for stories that should last a couple weeks. Gil Thorp has to pick up the slack, which is why it engages in such spastic plot-jumping.

    HTH – It’s good to see that Hagar is doing his part to not perpetuate the belief that the size of a man’s “blade” is the primary and only factor in his success in “battle.”

    HOTC – Thumbs up, Tatulli.

    JP – I wonder what it is that Gloria is dancing to?

    Love Is… – the universe itself trying to get rid of you.

    Luann – …the fuck?

    MT – I’ve seen action figures less stiff than Mark.

    MW – Richard Kiel and Arch Hall, Jr.? Man, drug deal or no, it’s good to see them working together again.

    Momma – Yes, well, it might help the joke if we could clearly distinguish those objects from anything else in all of Momma besides the characters.

    Pluggers – Pluggers live in truly astonishing denial.

    Popeye – Say, do you think this past week of Popeye could have been accomplished in like three days? Naw, couldn’t be.

    SF – Yeah, I would think Ted’s advice might be a little hard to decipher if you’re not familiar with, say, Thundercats.

    Ziggy – ZIGGY HAS NO ANKLES.

  97. KarMann
    September 26th, 2009 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    A black sheriff SRPD officer?!?
    Why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles.

    Yeah, add me to the list of those who didn’t realize that that’s what reverse-passes for black in MW.

    @Brave Little Toaster #86: Thank you for bringing that one to my attention. I may have to try adding some soup & roasted nuts to my regular comics diet!

  98. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 26th, 2009 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    9/26

    Allo allo. I’ve been absent this week due to some kind of grim sickness that I might have taken tme off for except that vacation was last week. Hoping to get back up to speed, so here goes.

    Luann: Wow, you miss a few days of Luann and cracks form in the earth, then widen to the point where HELL IS UPON US ALL!!!

    A3G: Is Ruby smarter than she looks? Well,, that’s setting the bar pretty low, but lets find out just how much smarter. Does she know how much she can tap the Professor for by not reporting to the psych board that he’s been watching over “shaky” patients while they’re both naked?

    HtH: Pay attention, Hamlet. Your dad is giving you the big talk about how different guys have different size “blades.” You really don’t want him to have to repeat this one.

    S-M: You gotta like Big Shot’s peppy attitude. Whenever life gives him a radioactive spider powered lemon, he looks to make radioactive spider powered lemonade.

    Lockhorns: For one thing, Leroy, you’re the one with a marked resemblance to Loretta’s mother. (No wonder they regularly visit a Sigmund Freud lookalike.) For another, what crappy ccinema is showing the colorized version of the Lon Chaney Wolfman?

    M-DAwg: You wouldn’t bother him because you’re not real cops. Cops don’t wear assless chaps. Not while on duty, at any rate.

    Congratulations to Uncle Lumpy on a sterling week. Ta.

  99. Mibbitmaker
    September 26th, 2009 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    In FW, Becky is like Olive Oyl (animated division), except that Comicbook John and Wally the Impossibly Returning Vet are both Popeye.

    Who’s in the Bluto role? Why, Tom Batiuk, of course.

  100. Calico
    September 26th, 2009 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    #89 – It’s Harold and Maude, rewritten for the cartoon pages.

  101. queek
    September 26th, 2009 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    70: Make it a fundraiser to send one of the cheerleaders to a pro-football cheerleader tryout, and you have a movie plot. *whistles innocently*

  102. odinthor
    September 26th, 2009 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    GT. — “Honk! Screeech!” Huh? You, Gil Thorp, will never be Mark Trail. That should be “Quack! Ahh!”

  103. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    S-M: “GREAT ! We’ll drag ‘im along like ballast !” Ummmm….Big Shot ? That really did’nt make any sense…at all. I was in the Navy and I know a thing or two about ballast. Are you planning on driving your Oldsmabuick into the East River or something ? Then cutting the webbing when you want to surface quickly ?

  104. mollificent
    September 26th, 2009 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    All hail Uncle Lumpy! Thanks for a great week of snark, mediation and Margo-y goodness. :)

    Oh, and gosh, that pic of Josh and Amber is cute!

    A3G: urgh. This is bringing back annoying memories of being ditched by a visiting friend a few years ago, indeed to wander off with a strange, slightly crazy lady he’d just met. The good news is, I had NO romantic attachment to said friend (perish the thought) so the only thing bruised was my ego. At least I had the satisfaction of ripping him a new one later… ;)

    Luann: oh, come ON. Well, maybe this stupidity will be the vehicle that brings this Elwood story to a resolution at last, and then we can go back to the passive-agressive Gunther nonsense. Oh joy.

    FW: Aww, that’s kinda sweet. Sorry, guys.

  105. Alfred E. Neuman
    September 26th, 2009 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    #96 commodorejohn Re: FW— Don’t do it, man! There is a more pleasant alternative procedure, courtesy of that great philosopher, Foster Brooks: “I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”

    #101 queek— I’ll bet that at least one of those cheerleaders is named “Debbie”.

    Uncle Lumpy— Congratulations on another outstanding tour as guest host. Speaking for my fellow night owls, it has been great to get in our snarks first instead of last.

  106. queek
    September 26th, 2009 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    105: ayup. Given the location, perhaps “Connie does Cleveland” or something along those lines.

  107. Poteet
    September 26th, 2009 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    MT — I hate to be the one to break it to you, Mark, but tents usually look calm. Tents, in general, are placid beings. Unless there’s a big storm or a wildfire or something, tents seldom look upset. It’s what’s inside the tent, or more probably not inside, that you need to be concerned about.

  108. Islamorada Girl
    September 26th, 2009 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    92, Alan: Cthlu is doubtless a better golfer than General Halftrack. What I want to see is Cthlu and the general having drinks back at the officer’s club after the game.

  109. bats :[
    September 26th, 2009 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    107. Poteet: Exhibit A: the circus tent in Dick Tracy. Not calm inside. Turgid, maybe, but not calm.

  110. zamros
    September 26th, 2009 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    You ever notice that characters in 9CL end up looking like neanderthals in any profile shot?

  111. Baka Gaijin
    September 26th, 2009 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    #104 mollificent on Luann: That’s right, I forgot about pouty creepy probably criminally jealous Gunther. You know he’s lurking about in the bushes carrying a beribboned empty pig head, pair of matching ball gags, and a orgy-sized bottle of Astroglide.

  112. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

  113. kallista
    September 26th, 2009 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    17 Moly, 41 Aero, 50 Buckyswife, et. al: Yes, good calls because, as we all know, the word vagina comes from the Latin word for sheath.

  114. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

  115. mr 12 oz can
    September 26th, 2009 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    will andy please come to the rescue!!!

  116. bup
    September 26th, 2009 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    Crock – no bedrolls today. Maybe those guys going to the hotbox should have their bedrolls, though.

  117. Comrade Denny
    September 26th, 2009 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    #103 – AeroSquid: If Big Shot’s as smart as your average Spider-man villain, that’s exactly what he intends to do.

  118. bats :[
    September 26th, 2009 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    112. AeroSquid: two can play at this little game!

  119. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    117. Comrade Denny: There ! You see ? At least in the Venture Brothers, villians are meticulously vetted by the The Guild of Calamitous Intent before being paired up with the ‘good guys’. What does Spidey get ? Some unkown mobster who takes waaay too much Zoloft ™. And look at the others ! Remote Control Man, A Vibrating Sex toy with legs, Mr. Wattage, The Human Litter Box…..oh…I see…..he DOES get vetted by the Guild. Wow, Spidey…..you suck !

  120. Lesser Whark
    September 26th, 2009 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    #85 Tazistan Jen: I agree that those ‘pies’ look nothing like real pies, but are you sure the cream doesn’t conceal a cephalopod surprise?

    Wait – that would actually be funny, so has no place in the Funkyverse.

  121. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    120. Lesser Whark: SQUID !

  122. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    118. bats :[ : I THOUGHT that would coax you away from your knitting. =D

  123. mollificent
    September 26th, 2009 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    #111 Baka Gaijin: Aughh!! Not the pig’s head!! That’s worse than clowns!

    You’re lucky I’m lazy, Baka. There’s an auto detailing shop right down the street from my house (on my way to the local mini-mart) that houses the limo for J.P. Patches the clown. It’s all old and beat up and scuffed, but there are really creepy pictures of JP and his sidekick, also quite disturbing, all over it. I almost whipped out my cell phone and took a photo to post the other day, but decided to have mercy. ;)

  124. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    123. mollificent: JP Patches ! I met him back in the early 90′s at the old King Dome ! =D

  125. mollificent
    September 26th, 2009 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    124: Cool!

    I should hastily add that I have nothing against Patches personally! I’ve never met him nor seen the show, though I’ve heard about it.

    But there really *is* something inexplicably sad and a little freaky about this old beat-up limo with grinning clowns all over it, especially given our recent clown experiences. :)

  126. Portia
    September 26th, 2009 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    That panel of Margo is infinitely improved if you imagine her doing a Troll 2 impression: “They’re eating her! Now they’re gonna eat me! OH . . . MY . . . GOOOOOOOD!”

  127. maryunworthy
    September 26th, 2009 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    #89 – wondered the same thing about Chip myself – why would he need a sitter??

  128. dreadedcandiru2
    September 26th, 2009 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    Sunday Winkerbean Advisory: It’s day two of the Officer Pauling of John; he’s “proven” to be an inferior father because he thought-bubbled that he didn’t see what the Hell was wrong with Rana getting a pie in the face!! Because he thinks a vain, flighty nincompoop who lives in a world of dream-ending amputations, ironic deafness, alcoholism, cancer and despair stands around squealing that getting pied and laughed at is the worst thing ever in history needs a reality check, he’s less fit to be a father than a shiftless goof who’ll either stroke out or go full-on Travis Bickel on everyone.

    Conclusion: Tom Batiuk is a total, jacked-up, freaky-deaky crazy-pants.

  129. bats :[
    September 26th, 2009 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    122. AeroSquid: knitting?! Is THAT what I’ve been doing? (Actually, I was watching “Little Children,” one of Those Kinds of Movies that I don’t necessarily call “entertaining” or “feel good”…)
    Okay…just one more…

  130. The Enemy
    September 26th, 2009 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    Cancerbean: Counting the pies on the table, I see it took only five dollars to make “noodle armed”, pudgy dorkboy look like a tool compared to Wally. John might as well just pull his RealDoll out of storage now.

  131. commodorejohn
    September 26th, 2009 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    #128 dreadedcandiru2 – Dear God, is Funky Winkerbean is becoming the new FOOB?

  132. Islamorada Girl
    September 26th, 2009 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    131. Commodore: Yes.

  133. zerowolf
    September 26th, 2009 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    Why is it that every outfit Ruby owns looks like she’s coming back from the riverside after doing laundry on a rock?

  134. Sequitur
    September 26th, 2009 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    Just droped in for a minute and saw the fun AeroSquid and Bats :[ were having and I couldn’t help myself.

  135. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    134. Sequitur: It’s obviously a trap set by crafty old Cthulhu. He’s in there waving around one of Cherry’s legs. This has happened in other strips:

    http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2612/3956698837_7c6ed84757_o.jpg

  136. kallista
    September 26th, 2009 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    Sequitur: The unsettling part for me is that I think that’s Bob’s leg–he’s come back for seconds.

  137. kallista
    September 26th, 2009 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    Also, I’m wondering what the poor people are having for dinner. (My ex-husband used to ask me that when I’d serve him something for dinner like bacon pancakes). I’m eating a fried bologna sandwich right now. With a small serving of ennui.

  138. Sequitur
    September 26th, 2009 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    135 A’Squid – Oooooh, that wrascally ol’ Cwthuwu!

  139. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    138. Sequitur: At first he was only mildly terrifying around the Arbuckle residence.

    http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2440/3957549186_88d4fa806e_o.jpg

  140. Harry Pothead
    September 26th, 2009 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    That’s NOT the real General Halftrack! There would NEVER be a full martini glass anywhere within a five mile radius of that man! This comic has jumped the shark with its bizarro world version of the general!

  141. Sequitur
    September 26th, 2009 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    139 A’Squid – Elmer d’ Fudd knows how to handle Cthulhu.

  142. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    141. Sequitur: The acid is already burning into brain.

  143. Sequitur
    September 26th, 2009 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    142 A’Squid – Doesn’t matter. Elmer d’ Fudd has an anti-acid steel plate in his head. I don’t know why. There’s no brain under there.

  144. Dr. Pill
    September 26th, 2009 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    Wally stopped the pie throwing because he know the life Rana would be leading if she had stayed in Afghanistan. Lucky to go to school, maybe lucky even to survive school. He sees her now in the short-skirted, tight cheerleading outfit and realizes she knows nothing about her past. Whether he’ll be able to tell her about it is another question; he is a damaged Iraq & Afghan vet, so he cannot be allowed next to her. At this moment. I’d like to give Wally credit for being loving enough and brave enough to show it in front of everyone. Batiuk likely will screw it up, though.

  145. Sequitur
    September 26th, 2009 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    I sense that kallista needs this.

  146. queek
    September 26th, 2009 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    120: win.

    with tentacles.

  147. kallista
    September 26th, 2009 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, Sequitur. I needed that :-)

    I’m avoiding writing a report on tactile situation awareness suits for helicopter pilots, and any diversion is a welcome diversion! Especially one with pig/pug noses and authors with similar last names. You know, I teach research and writing, but when it comes to my own, I flail and wander as much as my students do. Of course, purposeful flailing and wandering can be harnessed into good results.

  148. Sequitur
    September 26th, 2009 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    147. Kallista – This blog is one place where flailing and wandering is harnessed into good results. This is one place you can go flying with your imagination and land in a place where’s there’s a laugh or two and not even need Pig’s Internet Happy Box.

  149. essteess
    September 26th, 2009 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    Is there no one else who will follow up on Uncle Lumpy’s morris dance reference? Um, dunno (sorry, Ida Know) how much morris dancing you’ve actually seen, but the cleats General Half-Ass, er, Half-Track is wearing would most assuredly not be what you want on your feet for capers, half-gyps and rounds.

  150. AeroSquid
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    147. kallista: ‘Tactile Situation Awareness Suits for helicopter pilots ? Are those the new Mk II Nano-fit Neural Interface suits with Rockwell-Collins Semi-Autonomous Targeting Package ? Sweet.

  151. Big Sims
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    MW
    Can anyone please explain when and why the Jehovah’s Witness got involved in this drug bust?

    Asking too much?

  152. Esther Blodgett
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    Dispatch from behind enemy lines…have been held for months by unidentified assailants…it’s been hell…these people are remorseless…each day they force me to read Family Circus and The Argyle Sweater…and they expect me to laugh…they expect me to laugh…

    Help me return home to my loved ones…send snark…and good comics…

    (I miss you guys! Am making sincere effort to return to regular reading and posting!)

  153. buckyswife
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    118 & 129 bats :[ —Did you like “Little Children”? I sort of liked the movie better than the book, even though that almost never happens to me—and even though I like Tom Perrotta.

    And that Rusty face, peekin’ out of the tent? ((shudder)) I’m going to be seeing him everywhere…. The worst will be when I’m getting ready to get into the shower.

    I should have known the raccoon would be after the pancakes. Pancakes and merlot—they can’t resist.

    134 Sequitur: I’ll tell you what: If Rusty is getting more action than I am, I’m going to be pissed off.

    147 kallista: I have a “flailing and wandering” spiel I give my writing students, too—and when I finished it recently, one boy said with sincere despair, “That sucks.” All I could do was nod and say, “Why, yes it does.”

  154. zerowolf
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    A heartfelt, meaningful, tender moment in Funky Winkerbean. This means only one thing, someone is gonna die!

  155. zerowolf
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    #90: Puddles has a better chance of losing his virginity than either Luann or Brad.

  156. Olz
    September 27th, 2009 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    #104 mollificent wrote:

    “FW: Aww, that’s kinda sweet. Sorry, guys.”

    It would have been if;

    1) Rana hadn’t been portrayed as a stuck up princess

    2) Wally hadn’t followed right after John to make him look bad

    3) Batiuk remembered that Wally can’t recognized faces anymore. (You know Mr. Batiuk internal consistency … it’s called writing)

  157. bats :[
    September 27th, 2009 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    153. buckyswife re “Little Children”: I hadn’t realized it was based on a novel (that’s neither here nor there). It was a hard movie to watch–many unlikeable (read, real) characters. What I did like was that the adulterous couple did come to grips with reality and just running off wasn’t in keeping with the harshness of life. While it was a good movie, it’s not one going into the collection to be watched again.
    (And Kate Winslet is naked, though not as naked as I’d thought she’d be. Then again, I’m trying to think of a movie she’s been in that she hasn’t been naked. Which is cool, since real people are naked a lot.)

  158. mollificent
    September 27th, 2009 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    #156: Fair enough! ;)

    I know it’s too late to get this posted up top, but I thought I’d share–I got my bracelet today! (Yay!) It was quite exciting to get a piece of mail addressed from the Comics Curmudgeon!

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/mollificent/3957158953/

  159. mollificent
    September 27th, 2009 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    #157 bats:[ : Now what we need is a movie with Ewan McGregor AND Kate Winslet. Let the naked party begin!

  160. buckyswife
    September 27th, 2009 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    157 bats :[ —Yeah–I find myself drawn to books and movies with dislikable characters—not sure what that means, if anything. I suppose it’s revealing that one of the most compelling characters in the movie (and book) was a child molester.

    159 mollificent: Naked celebrity wish list? Put me down for one Daniel Craig, please.

  161. bats :[
    September 27th, 2009 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    159. mollificent: it’s surprising (and shameful!) that Ewan and Kate haven’t been in a movie together. Their Bacon number is 2 — that’s a travesty! (The scary thing is is my Bacon number is 4.)

    160. buckywife: Ronnie (the molester) was about as likable as most of the characters, which isn’t saying lots, and heart-wrenching.

    Daniel Craig naked –>”Love is the Devil” (another hard-to-watch film; I have a copy and I still haven’t seen it all).

  162. Uncle Lumpy
    September 27th, 2009 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    #158 mollificent –

    Maybe not too late! I’m forwarding pix to Josh with the recommendation that he post them, possibly with the COTW. If it’s OK with you, I’ll include the photo you posted, or you can send a higher res copy to me at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net.

    That goes for everybody! I love giving Josh work!

  163. Uncle Lumpy
    September 27th, 2009 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    PS. My bracelet and toe-tag are already on public display.

  164. Lesser Whark
    September 27th, 2009 at 1:48 am [Reply]

    MW 09/27: High priority: measuring the exact mass of heroin seized. Some priority: the suspects. No priority: the casualties. Someone at police HQ must be desperate for that heroin, and I don’t think they’ll put it in the evidence locker…

    For that matter, how do they even know they’re carrying a corpse? Isn’t it standard these days to give a victim CPR as you rush them to hospital, let the hospital apply any fancy gadgets they have, and only then declare them dead? I can only explain this in two ways:
    (1) The police sat around for an hour weighing the heroin, then said “Eh, cooled to room temperature. Must be dead.”
    (2) “Is he dead?” Bap bap bap. “He is now.”

  165. Poteet
    September 27th, 2009 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    9/27

    MY CAGE — Hooray for CC, because I just know some kindly Mudge is going to explain this strip
    tomorrow. Er, today.

    MW — Dang it, now I really do want to know if Dudley Do-Right is dead or alive.

    PV — Yay! Aleta rules! Literally!

  166. mollificent
    September 27th, 2009 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    #162 UL: Fine with me! I don’t have a higher-res copy…I just took it with my cell phone. So, if you can get it from Flickr, go right ahead!

    Haha, and the toe tag was you? Brilliant!

  167. MolyBendum
    September 27th, 2009 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    165 Poteet re MC – John Hughes is dead. Those were scenes from The Breakfast Club, Ferris Beuller and ummmm, maybe Sixteen Candles, I can’t remember without looking it up. Nice little tribute.

  168. Girl Reporter
    September 27th, 2009 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    buckyswife says:

    Pumpkin Salmon Surprise

    1 can Libby’s pumpkin
    1 can salmon
    marshmallows

    Combine pumpkin and salmon in casserole dish. Top with marshmallows. Bake at 350 degrees for 2 hours.

    Surprise!

    (Note: Serve with an iceberg lettuce salad, accompanied by a chilled Potato-ade.)

    Oh, you do the Atkins version? My Mom made it with a Ritz Cracker crust!

  169. True Fable
    September 27th, 2009 at 6:44 am [Reply]

    I, Platypus Very nice john Hughes tribute, Ed and Melissa. Very nice indeed.

    #156 Olz – Wow, you’re right on every point! all I had for Failing Wi nkydink was the fact that Comic John was right to want prissy miss Rana to lead as miserable and disappointing a life as he led every day of his life, but I forgot that Wally supposedly has facial amnesia or whatever the technical term is, plus it does underscore the “your stepdad is a dick for not making this gesture for you” move Wally is doing. Good points all!

    Sam Driver and the Pretty People Posse! Okay, so Woody sometimes plays fast and loose with legal issues sometimes. We all look another way when Karen Moy tells a romantic story, or Jack Elrod mixes dialog and human figures with his nature artwork. We deal with Greg Evans and his view of teen romance, Tom Batiuk depicting his version of the halcyon days of youth, and Lynn Johnston’s dialog for children sounding like something coming from a 60 year old woman. Granted, it helps that I am a huge Woody Wilson fan, but I’m cutting him some slack because HE is entertaining. Not that the others aren’t — they just don’t mean to be entertaining the way I see them, as entertaining. :P

  170. ladadog
    September 27th, 2009 at 7:01 am [Reply]

    JP: There must be a manual somewhere called “People Who Are About to be Framed”.

    Rule #1: Make sure you vow to kill someone using a VERY LOUD VOICE in front of a room full of people,.

    Rule #2: When stumbling across dead body of said person you swore to kill, make sure to listem for police sirens and then PICK UP THE GUN and don’t drop it until they have seen you.

    (Good morning, True Fable)

  171. Pinback65
    September 27th, 2009 at 7:10 am [Reply]

    157 bats :[ : One movie in which Winslet does NOT appear naked is one of her best, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. A particular disappointment, since she spends most of the film with either blue or bright red hair, and I wanted to see if she was committed enough to her characterization to match the carpet with the drapes.

  172. True Fable
    September 27th, 2009 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    #170 ladadog – Good morning! Are we all ready for the legal hijinks that will ensue this week, combined with busty women in delightfully tight clothes and GQ cover men grimly speaking into the phone yet STILL have exclamation points at the end of every sentence? YES! Let’s go…!

    Why is it that every detective show has such dumb innocent people in them? “I heard a nonspecific noise so I went in to find the ONE person in the world that I have issues with, lying in a pool of their own blood with a knife in his back, so NATURALLY I went over and GRABBED THE HANDLE and pulled it out, and that is when you cops showed up! Why are you arresting me?! Help! Call Matlock! Call Jessica Fletcher! Call Monk! Call SAM DRIVER, dammit!

    I want to be surrounded by Pretty People, at least!”

  173. Harry Pothead
    September 27th, 2009 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    #159 — It’s no naked party without cameo appearances by Harvey Keitel and Kathy Bates! Slow down, there’s plenty of Kleenex and lotion for everyone!

  174. mr 12 oz can
    September 27th, 2009 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    theres no way that was a black cop in saturdays mw maybe hes from isreal .plus why are the cops driving the van in there umpire uniforms today .. well the police do enjoy playing softball on sunday.

  175. Old School Allie Cat
    September 27th, 2009 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    MW – They had better not kill off Adrian’s fiance. Not that I am a Scodrian ‘Shipper, I just don’t want to deal with a funereal mopefest. A critical-condition-for-three-months mopefest seems more doable.

  176. professor fate
    September 27th, 2009 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    MW: So the town as a swat team but not an ambulance? Weird.

    FW: As someone previously pointed out – I thought Wally wasn’t able to recognize faces anymore? Or did he get better? Oh hell this is Funky Winkerbean nobody gets better . Well we can only hope this strip does not become Les and Wally double stalking their daughters.

  177. queek
    September 27th, 2009 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    my apologies for being slightly off-topic, but the Sunday “Sinfest” is a thing of beauty and win.

  178. Niall
    September 27th, 2009 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Sunday!

    Apt 3G: Yup, they’re teasing us all right. Any projection of this that doesn’t end in chika-bow-wow yet is not the least bit suspenseful or even interesting is the most likely candidate for what will happen in the actual strip.

    Blondie: Wow, this is actually impressive – the entirety of The Secret’s stupidity debunked in 6 panels. I can’t snark this when it snarks on something worthier of snarking than itself – and does it reasonably properly. *applauds for once*

    Curtis: it’s no Kwanzaa, but it’s an advance peek into the insanity of Billingsley’s mind when describing both movies in there. K-town better deliver in spades to be weirder than this, that’s all I say.

    Mary Worth: Wow, there’s so much to snark on that… I don’t know where to begin!

    Phantom: Oh thank god, this non-story is over. I have to admit, the segue to the new adventure is well-handled, and it promises – Lost Kingdoms can make for great stories. But this is the Phantom, which never delivers. Maybe the Narration Box will stop phoning it in and get itself up to snark.

    Rexie: “I’m a lover, not a violent person”?? Oh, not even I am buying that horrid attempt at a smooth line!

    F Minus: Okay, I actually find that pretty funny, in a straight role reversal idea.

    Marm: Gah! That first panel with the title and the positioning and my mind the images won’t go awayyyyyy!

    PBS: Ow. It’s a rare time I can tell that even for Pastis, this is overstretching for a pun.

    My Cage: I don’t get it either, other than it’s possibly a great tribute strip. But John who? However, Max saying Bueller Bueller more than made up for the rest. :)

  179. AeroSquid
    September 27th, 2009 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    BB: Well ! Now I know how street gangs and foreign insurgents got that big cache of M-1 carbines and trouser grenades.

    Blondie: Dag, you need to visualize small at first. Start with Blondie’s breasts.

    Curtis: Michelle: Roman Polanski called. He’s flying in from Switzerland and wants to know more about you and you interesting little life. After a few small ‘administrative details’ to attend to, he will meet you at Jack Nicholson’s house for Quaalude’s and Champaign.

    DtM: I guess those gold wings on your hat didn’t help….wait….that’s your hair ? HAHA! You got struck out by a GIRL ! A girl that really likes the show ‘Sliders’.

    FW: What’s even funnier is the throwaway panel. John just happened to park his gold AMC Pacer next to a sledgehammer. One thing led to another and BAM ! Instant fundraiser ! As for the rest: “My DAD ! Note the lack of quotey fingers. DAD! DAD! DAD ! Be home in time for ‘dinner’…..’dad’.

    HtH: More importantly, Hagar: Did you remember that ‘French sword enhancer kit’ for your son ?

    H&L: It’s called Calvin Ball, Lois.

    Mark Trail: Note to True Fable: These are Mountain SHEEP ! Settle down, stud.

    MW: Who could it be ? The blond guy who was just winged or the blond guy who was shot FIVE FRIGGIN’ TIMES !

    MC: I’m getting all the references….I’m a little concerned about the timing. I’ve already moved on to the Roman Polanski celebrity news.

    PBS: ‘Do the bush’. Heh. I stopped reading after that.

    RMMD: “Queen Beatrix will be serving Hostess ™Ho-Ho’s at the reception. More Potato-Ade ™ my dear ?”

    Zits: “This is bat country ! Damn bats !”

  180. AeroSquid
    September 27th, 2009 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    The answer to Sunday’s MC strip is: John Hughs.

  181. commodorejohn
    September 27th, 2009 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    A3G – Quick, where’s the sexophone?

    Crankshaft – Ha….ha?

    DT – oh god that first panel

    FC – Jeffy has very, very, very deep-seated issues.

    FG – Yeah, sure, narration box. Last time you said that it turned out to be some kind of space dragon turtle from another dimension.

    FB – Surprisingly, even making Fred a voyeur isn’t sufficient to make him interesting.

    FW – Angry Kem, wherever you are, this one is ripe for medievalization.

    MW – “And we’re not going to specify which is which!” Also, I made it on the date of arrival, but we’ll have to see about the rest…

    Ghost-Who-Minds-His-Own-Business – Ah, the classic “find an injured guy who knows about the next plot” maneuver.

    PV – Uh-oh, Gollum took a wrong turn and ended up in Prince Valiant!

    SF – They could ask Ted, but he’d probably go off on a tangent about how the 256-color remake of BattleChess was pretty, sure, but the Amiga original will always be the definitive version.

    SM – That’s either the world’s strongest lamppost or the world’s weakest car. Also, our hero Spider-Man demolished the corner of a building.

  182. AeroSquid
    September 27th, 2009 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    The Lockhorns Cavalcade of Despair:

    #1: Both of my divorces were posted in the Skagit Valley Herald. Leroy is just visualizing Loretta’s Obit.

    #2: Leroy bought scalped tickets for ‘DICK !’ The fake off-broadway musical about a white whale.

    #3: “Watch this, Larry ! Hey Loretta ! Larry just pulled out his penis !”

    #4: “The safety phrase for tonight’s dinner is: “Oh, God ! I’m going to be sick !”

    #5: Whatever, Loretta ! Leroy gettin’ some from Loni Anderson !”

  183. AeroSquid
    September 27th, 2009 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    ‘Shaft: It’s…..ummmm…funny…because old people can use golf carts instead of walkers ? Ha ?

  184. AeroSquid
    September 27th, 2009 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Hitler’s Hell Hound: Valkyrie is now in effect !

  185. AeroSquid
    September 27th, 2009 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    FC: “My ‘Lil Buddy’ Lonely Fun-Time Toy ?”

  186. sugarpie
    September 27th, 2009 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    MWorth Really? 300 pounds of heroin? Well that finally explains why Santa Royalzzzz is so messed up. But is even that amount of smack enough to account for Mary Worth’s interior design choices?

  187. Ukulele Ike
    September 27th, 2009 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    queek #177: Thank you for pointing out the gorgeousness of today’s “Sinfest.” I thought LAST Sunday’s was delightful, but this one beats it all to bits: Monique, Buddha, Jesus, AND the Devil all workin’ their personal magicks.

    JP: The great police procedural novelist Ed McBain used to like to say “The last time a private eye solved a murder case was never.” Wilson here seems to be confusing the proper roles of private eyes and lawyers.

  188. Olz
    September 27th, 2009 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    FW Sunday,

    Rana, Rana, the Dad (Wally) your going home with only became your Dad (Wally) after your real Dad and the rest of family was blown up in Afghanistan so Dad (Wally) & Becky could adopt you. So Dad #2 (Wally) spent the least amount time in your life. Dad #3 (John) has been your father for most of your life.

    But then if a guy spending five bucks on you impresses you, hold on that cheerleader outfit in will impress your clients.

  189. Olz
    September 27th, 2009 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    FW Sunday, **corrected comment**

    Rana, Rana, the Dad (Wally) your going home with only became your Dad (Wally) after your real Dad and the rest of your family was blown up in Afghanistan so Dad (Wally) & Becky could adopt you. So Dad #2 (Wally) spent the least amount time in your life. Dad #3 (John) has been your father for most of your life.

    But then if a guy spending five bucks on you impresses you, hold on that cheerleader outfit ii will impress your clients.

  190. Olz
    September 27th, 2009 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    FW Sunday, **one more time**

    Rana, Rana, the Dad (Wally) your going home with only became your Dad (Wally) after your real Dad and the rest of your family was blown up in Afghanistan so Dad (Wally) & Becky could adopt you. So Dad #2 (Wally) spent the least amount time in your life. Dad #3 (John) has been your father for most of your life.

    But then if a guy spending five bucks on you impresses you, hold on that cheerleader outfit it will impress your clients.

  191. John C Fremont
    September 27th, 2009 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    I have nothing to say. All I can think about is Kate Winslet’s carpet.

  192. Hank
    September 27th, 2009 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    RE: Judge Parker. This is so illegal on so many levels. A judge can’t discuss a case before him with an outside party and sure as hell can’t retain a lawyer to investigate it for him.

  193. AeroSquid
    September 27th, 2009 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    Monty: “And our dad’s ErosClown password is ‘scarydwarf09′ ! That will be $59.99 (AUS).”

  194. Muffaroo
    September 27th, 2009 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    Smirky Schadenfreude – Who’s your daddy?

    Mary“We have one officer in serious condition! The other one didn’t make it… “I told you we should have waited for him.”

    My Cage“A writer, a goth chick, an egoist (and his wife), a gold digger, and a dumb guy…” “…here on GILLIGAN’S ISLE!”

    (I get it: John Hughes. Nope, never saw that movie.)

    Slylock – Based on the information given, I couldn’t tell whether Hairy knew how much money was there or not. I prefer to think the answer was that Slylock didn’t want all that rope to go to waste.

    Pearls – Ham for dinner? What’s for dessert? Candied goat? Rat tart?

    Dick – Whoa! This stunning new information will certainly require some discussion. Better use the bathroom now, folks! You won’t want to leave your seats for the next month.

    Dr. Pill @144 – That’s an excellent reading of the action in FW, and better than the strip deserves.

  195. Buck Ripsnort
    September 27th, 2009 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    PBS: Cute, but you just KNOW when Pastis first came up w/ this joke, “doin’ the bush” meant something completely different.

  196. Hank
    September 27th, 2009 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    RE: Mary Worth. Just a thought, but maybe the officer who died would have made it …if the cops had called for an ambulance instead of driving him to the hospital in their ratty old undercover van.

    RE: Funky. If Wally doesn’t remember faces, are we sure he isn’t actually hitting on Rana? And since she’s adopted, this makes it only slightly less creepy than Les’s attempts to woo Summer.

  197. John C Fremont
    September 27th, 2009 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    #194 Muffaroo – No, not rat tart. Strawberry tart. Well, it’s got some rat in it…

  198. kallista
    September 27th, 2009 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    153 Buckyswife: I have a discussion I lead on Day One called “English Classes Suck.” I encourage us to get it all out up front with great fanfare and righteousness, and we move on from there. It also draws out the people who love English; they are always in the minority but happy to shine. And I find my poets that day, which is worth gold. I like to know my poets and my future engineers because the work we do requires facility with art and science.

  199. queek
    September 27th, 2009 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    The Sunday Lio was made of win, even more so than usual. nice stacked references.

    I remember the Cherry Bowl. Well done, Mr. Mallett.

  200. mollificent
    September 27th, 2009 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    A3G: My bleary morning eyes first read the last panel as “I’d be CAREFUL, Doctor, if you would come up with me.” Leading me to wonder if she was warning him about her jealous husband, or her predilection for biting men’s heads off after sex. But obviously that would be far too exciting for 3G. ;)

    Dick Tracy: Two observations: 1) Panel 3 is TERRIFYING (panel 1 if no throwaway). 2) This makes NO FRIGGING SENSE!

    FW: Nice…twist the knife, Rana. It would’ve been too easy to just say, “Can I ride home with Wally?” But nooo…that wouldn’t be pathos-inducing enough. Bleah.

    MW: Props for buildup of suspense! I honestly can’t make up my mind whether they’re really going to kill off Scott. (Probably not, but…)

    PV: Gollum?!?

    RMMD: Ugh. Look, sleazy guy, quit trying to mack on the nurse and focus on finding the truants, okay? I really, really don’t want to hear about you being a lover. At all. Thanks.

  201. Tlachtga
    September 27th, 2009 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Wow–Comics Curmudgeon and ancient Celtic gods. My life is complete. I now await the divine Margo, who will lead me to the Otherworld. Or New York. Or a New York that doesn’t look like any New York beyond 1966. So, uh, the Otherworld. I can’t wait.

  202. Niall
    September 27th, 2009 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    153. buckyswife: you just need better mental images when going in the shower. What can we give you to cleanse that image away?

    158. molliicent: YES! Perfect photo! Especially the backdrop. I’ve finished re-reading (after many years) the Last Unicorn book, in the 40th anniversary edition bought from a website benefitting Peter S Beagle directly, and I have to admit I kept hearing the voices for many of the lines taken verbatim from the book. The movie really is well-done, and simplified but not significantly altered from the book; just some details cut and not going quite as deep. Of course, now I’ll have to watch it again (in the widescreen, remastered 25th anniversary edition also from same website, signed by Beagle… because I had to :)).

    160. buckyswife: didn’t you get that wish already with Casino Royale?

    167. MolyBendum: ahhh, thank you. I wonder if this Sunday was slipped in earlier than usual – it’s not been two months yet, and I thought 2.5 or 3 months was the lead-in time for Sunday strips (larger than weekday strips)… Having only seen Bueller of those three movies once, like, over fifteen years ago, I didn’t attach his name to it. In fact, checking his wikipedia list of movies he wrote, produced and directed, Bueller is the only one I’ve seen at all… so that would explain why it didn’t spark anything for me.

    194. Muffarro: Yup, I was thinking the same thing about MC. …and your PBS comment made me realise how I had completely overlooked the HOLY GOD SQUICKY PART Pastis you are EVIL

    198. Kallista: you are that too rare beast, a good teacher. Please continue.

  203. Uncle Lumpy
    September 27th, 2009 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    #187 Uke Ike; #192 Hank –

    When I started reading Judge Parker (during the Johnson administration, IIRC), the Judge was pretty much the icon of stasis he is today, Randy was a 28-year-old spoiled high-schooler, and Sam Driver was a rugged private eye who did all the fun stuff.

    Now, Sam’s been neutered by the same abdication of authorial discipline we see in the financial success of Foob‘s Mike, Weeder, and Gordon, the Harry Dinkle Performing Freaking Arts Shrine, Randy’s judgeship, Aristotle Papagoras’s newly-minted MD, Sally Forth’s inexplicable promotion, and all the other “I am in debt to and must therefore reward my fictional character” stupidity. Credit Wilson and Nolan for not making Rex Morgan Surgeon General.

    Anyway, even if it’s a ham-handed device, it might not be a bad thing for Sam to get back to his roots. I could see him coming home after a couple fistfights and shootouts and knocking a grin into Abbey that’ll last for weeks (years, in Judge Parker).

  204. mollificent
    September 27th, 2009 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    #202 Niall, re: Casino Royale: Well, yes, there was a lovely bit of mostly naked Daniel in the film, but any satisfaction thereof was mostly ruined by him proceeding to get his unmentionables smashed brutally by the creepy Danish dude.

    Not that I’m against that sort of thing, if that’s what you’re into. But not me. ;)

  205. buckyswife
    September 27th, 2009 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    JP: I thought becoming a judge was a promotion for Randy. So why doesn’t he have a secretary whose hotness is commensurate with his position?

    MT: Clearly, the final panel symbolizes the upcoming dominant-male battle between Mark and Bob Jackson. Over Rusty, of course.

    A3G: “I’d be grateful”? What man could resist that come-on?

    DtM: Um, that’s four pitches that you listed, Dennis. So does your league have special rules just so Gina has more opportunities to humiliate the batters?

    MW: I honestly don’t know what will happen here. On the one hand, if Scott lives, the strip gets to show their (literally) shining, relieved love, emphasizing the power of a near-death experience to reveal to a woman that if she wants to get married, she’d better act quickly. On the other hand, if Scott dies, then Mary can materialize on the scene in black-lipped concern, spouting “you will survive this” platitudes and offering a bony, withered shoulder for Adrian to cry on.

    In other words, in terms of ickiness, it’s pretty much a wash.

  206. The Enemy
    September 27th, 2009 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Cancerbean: Rana will want to get to know Wally again, bond like “father” and “daughter”, give Wally hope that he will reconnect with his family after brutal years in captivity, but then Rana and Becky will tell him that he’s sweet and all but noodle-”armed” John has been there for them so shove off. (So is John the stand-in for all the white-knighting internet nerds who hope that by being non-threatening and submissive, they’ll get the girl when the actual man disappears?)

    Then Wally will join Les and Funky on the roof, hoping for the sweet release of death.

  207. buckyswife
    September 27th, 2009 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    202 Niall, 204 Mollificent: One can never have too much naked Daniel Craig (one of my core principles), but Mollificent’s right—not so much fun given that scene’s circumstances. Too much wincing, not enough…. well, I’ll stop there.

    198 kallista: Not to turn this into a pedagogy blog or anything, but—I’m with you on the “let’s get this out into the open and talk frankly about it” approach; I try do that as lightly and with as much humor as possible. Students appreciate it—right up until the moment I try to talk frankly and openly about their writing. Then, not so much. (But mine are frightened freshmen, so I have to cut them a little slack.)

  208. Anonymous
    September 27th, 2009 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    MW: Why is the A-Team van driving straight into a teeny tiny model hospital?

    This “female character falls for a policeman but concern about his dangerous profession dooms the romance” storyline was done already. On the “Golden Girls.” Over 15 years ago. With more attractive characters.

  209. Calico
    September 27th, 2009 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    #190 and before – Olz, congrats for seeing the glaring continuity error in FW.
    I guess Wally can recognize others’ faces after all.
    (It’s called writing, right?)

    H & L – Haha, Parker and Stone did this joke years ago with the film “Baseketball.”

    SlyFox Re: Bonnie and Boo-Boo –
    This makes me a little sad as we are still mourning the passing of our big pom, who left us in June.
    We’ve been looking at pics of shelter dogs online, and we saw a male pom for sale as well that kind of looks like our beloved departed. We even called the seller last night.
    We realize now that we don’t want a Doppelganger, nor a “replacement” for our pooch, as she was one in a bazillion. We also realize it’s too soon to adopt a pooch.
    Eventually…

    And finally, MC is very sweet today. I loved The Breakfast Club and want my partner to see it too-told her I think she would really enjoy it.
    Niall, I think you would enjoy this film too. : )
    (Weird fact – the song “Don’t you forget about me” was the only “hit” for Simple Minds-and they didn’t write it! However, I love Jim Kerr’s tunes too. Check out the live recording “Simple Minds in the City of Light” – very ethereal music.)

  210. Calico
    September 27th, 2009 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    Ahhh, here we go – RIP JH.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAdaQhitdKg

  211. Bryan
    September 27th, 2009 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Don’t soldiers get shot for falling asleep on guard duty?

    Rex Morgan: 11 sentences (not counting narration) 10 of which end in exclamation points. Maybe only one should have (“It was all I could do to keep from choking him!”) and that’s debatable. But “There’s a map light in the overhead above you, Becka!” really didn’t warrant an exclamation point. Still, props go to mustache boy for swinging for the fences with Becka. “I’m a lover, Becka…not a violent person!” Smoooooth, brother.

    Funky Winkerbean: “But I like seeing my teenage step-daughter humiliated!” says the comic book guy.

  212. TheDiva
    September 27th, 2009 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    C’shaft: I agree with Rose in panel two. And the phrase “I agree with Rose” is something I hope to never, ever say again in this context.

    Curtis: I’d wondered if anyone could desecrate The King and I more than that God-awful animated adaptation a decade or so back. Now I know.

    reFOOB: Once again, things like supporting local agriculture, eating fresh fruits and vegetables and the joy of fresh homemade baking are all secondary to the fact that Elly has so much work to do and nobody appreciates her!

    FW: I’m not sure who Batiuk thinks we’re supposed to be siding with here (and honestly, I don’t care), but I’ve got to agree with Comic John. If Rana can’t take a face-full of whipped cream for the sake of a fundraiser, she’s way too full of herself for her own good.

    And once again, Wally’s recovery has been nothing short of remarkable–which probably means he’ll be going back to Iraq for another tour-of-duty/POW stint after yet another bookkeeping snafu in the near future.

    Pluggers are regular targets for identity theft.

  213. dreadedcandiru2
    September 27th, 2009 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    This Monday’s ReFoob: Lynn tries to dig herself out of the hole she got into by having Deanna move away five years prematurely; the end result will, of course, be a hoot-and-holler stinker that makes Suicide Girl’s preaching to the straw men look coherent and sane.

  214. 8th Man Fan
    September 27th, 2009 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    #181 commodorejohn & other “Sunday” bettors in the Scott’s Drug Bust pool: Sorry, but, as I read it, “Day we see Scott arrive at the hospital” means when he makes it inside. The unmarked, no-lights, no-siren police van is still a block away, put-putt-ing towards “Receiving.”

    Amateur: Agree?

  215. Uncle Lumpy
    September 27th, 2009 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    #214 8th Man Fan –

    What’s the ruling if we see a guy wheeled in, but don’t know whether it’s Det. Scott or Officer Colleague? Betcha they’re both blond for a reason!

  216. Esther Blodgett
    September 27th, 2009 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    FW: In any given comic strip, shouldn’t there be at least one character for whom we don’t feel loathing and contempt? Maybe Batiuk could borrow a couple of the crocs from Pearls for a few days so we’d have someone to root for. Just a thought.

  217. bats :[
    September 27th, 2009 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    175. OSAC: true about the non-desire for a funeral. Mary had one of those about a year ago (hell, maybe even longer, I’m too lazy to look it up), complete with an open casket. I’m not too keen on seeing a portrait of the corpse as a piece of Swiss cheese (blonde and full of holes)…

    178. Niall, re PBS: I didn’t read this until the morning paper, and three panels in, even gullible me stopped and said, “oh, no”…then I read it again and made mr. bats :[ read it right then and there. Stretching, maybe, but I don’t think I could think that convolutedly.

    195. Buck Ripsnort: hmmm, any allusion to John C Fremont’s comment at 191. No? Sorry.

    199. queek: oh, yeah. Lio is definite gold today.

    200. mollificent re FW: yeah, maybe it was the basic teenocentric universe for Rana to make a nasty comment like that to John, but hey, John was thinking about wishing she were taken down a peg or two…nice thought, pseudo-Dad! John’s been in her life in a very major way for 10+ years — if he hasn’t had any influence on her behavior, whose fault is that?
    I like the idea that if Wally can’t remember faces, he might be doing the buy-out of the pies for anyone to avoid having to go through a crappy fund-raiser like this. Some people don’t mind it, or even enjoy it, but this is high school, and you know, like in everyone having to use the gym showers, everyone in a group is going to be pressured into *participating*.

  218. bats :[
    September 27th, 2009 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    203. Uncle Lumpy: is there any long-running comics character who has been moved into a position of authority/responsibility and still acts like a maverick/free spirit/total nutcase? Just wondering.
    (Well, Prince Valiant aside, and that doesn’t seem to be working out for him…)

  219. 8th Man Fan
    September 27th, 2009 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    #215 Uncle Lumpy re: who’s at the hospital: Good point. Given the usual MW pacing, may not be able to confirm a winner on this bet for another week or so.

  220. Uncle Lumpy
    September 27th, 2009 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    #218 bats :[ –

    I was thinking Prince Valiant, too! He and Aleta are the Arlo ‘n’ Janis of the Middle Ages — PV is so good in so damn many ways. I’ll even excuse the typeface!

    Also Mike Doonesbury ran a startup for a while without turning into a jerk (love to see Dilbert try that). Steve Canyon had an easy way with command. Brenda Starr kept her edge even as Editor-in-Chief (primarily because Mary Schmich* is so awesome).

    But most continuity-strip characters put in a few good years, then succumb to Robin Williams Sanctification Syndrome.

    * Note to Mary Schmich — in the name of all that is holy, marry former Baltimore mayor Kurt Schmoke and hyphenate your children! Name the twins Spook and Schwinn!

  221. Captain Itchy B...
    September 27th, 2009 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    If Beetle Bailey was real, Beetle and Sarge would be have been court marshaled long ago and serving time in Leavenworth.

  222. Gold-Digging Nanny
    September 27th, 2009 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    No, thank you, Uncle Lumpy!

  223. gnome de blog
    September 27th, 2009 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    So how come Detective Hewlett didn’t rate the bulletproof umpire chest protector instead of the sweater-vest?

    Also, it looks like Judge “Randy” Parker had another square-jaw implant since we last saw him.

  224. bats :[
    September 27th, 2009 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    I ask you…is there anything more fun, more thrilling than the Sunday COLOR comics?

  225. Baka Gaijin
    September 27th, 2009 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    #224 bats :[ : You forgot the NSFB tag. Not Safe for Baka Gaijins. Thankfully the hysterical blindness kicked in before I could see any disgusting clown action.

  226. AeroSquid
    September 27th, 2009 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    Show of hands: How many of you actually clipped and saved the DT Crimestoppers Textbook in the hopes that it would help you out of a jam OR solve a crime ? How many of you were beat up when caught quoting from them in the school yard ?

    http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2605/3959302739_e5313f35a0_o.jpg

  227. Skip Bittman
    September 27th, 2009 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    FW: Comic-book John is devastated that his daughter won’t pretend Wally doesn’t exist. As a step-father myself, I have to say that that’s the deal John signed on for: a daughter with divided loyalties, in exchange for being able to have sex with Wally’s wife. It’s not a mini-tragedy that she wants to spend a little time with Wally, it’s just the way things are. Get over your insecurities, loser.

  228. Ukulele Ike
    September 27th, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    AeroSquid @ 226: I remember a “Crimestopper’s Textbook “from the ’60s, the decade when Chester Gould completely flipped his wig, which had something to do with traffic fatalities. It was illustrated with a highway with tiny autos terminating at the maw of an enormous human skull. Never been able to shake that image. I could name the date for you, but I can’t locate my coffee table book of Dick Tracy history by Jay Maeder, and don’t you just hate it when THAT happens…

    Uncle Lumpy @ 203: Thanks for the “Judge Parker” tip. As you can tell from the above comment, I am grotesquely old, but have only started up with his Honor since coming to this blog (and only with any enthusiasm since the artist changeover).

    bats @ 218: Sure — Crazy Harry from FW!

  229. Ukulele Ike
    September 27th, 2009 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Oh golly, where are my manners.

    Thank you for the fine week of comics snark, Uncle Lumpy! Always a pleasure.

  230. Mars
    September 27th, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Doonesbury: WOW.

    I mean, I know Trudeau is kinda whacked, and will say anything to promote his views as absolute, but I thought he was above invoking Godwin’s Law.

  231. AeroSquid
    September 27th, 2009 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    228. Ukulele Ike: I remember the one where if you saw more five hippies in one place to call the FBI immediately. Do NOT approach them ! j/k =D

  232. Uncle Lumpy
    September 27th, 2009 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    #228 Uke Ike –

    Lord, but those late Chester Gould strips were magnificent. All the crazy Moon Maid and Junior stuff, the flying trashcans and wrist TVs, all the nutty fascist iconography — a total internally consistent universe that bore no relationship whatsoever to our own.

    Man, that’s the way I want to go out. Or perhaps have.

  233. Tazistan Jen
    September 27th, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    If MW has any realism (a big if) both officers are already at the hospital. Even EMTs don’t declare people dead, so cops certainly don’t. And people go to hospitals in ambulances, not police vans. I think they are rushing to the hospital to see their surviving buddy, not because they tossed both guys in the back.

  234. AeroSquid
    September 27th, 2009 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    230. Mars: I think it’s a play on what the moonbats on the right (Glenn Beck & Co.) are comparing Obama to. Just Like the left wing moobats did with Bush. Neither side of the aisle really knew what a Nazi was. This is why Doonesbury should really remain on the editorial page.

  235. AeroSquid
    September 27th, 2009 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    232. Uncle Lumpy: I really do miss the yellow french-tickler spacecraft that the National Police used and the wacky antics of BO Plenty.

  236. AeroSquid
    September 27th, 2009 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    Who would’nt look forward to this kind of Dick Tracy action everyday ?

    http://drexfiles.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/tracy_24.jpg

  237. Foolkiller
    September 27th, 2009 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    General Halftrack is now into Santoria.

  238. Uncle Lumpy
    September 27th, 2009 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    #235 AeroSquid –

    BO always had an insect or two hovering around — or more likely escaping in terror from — his body. It was like the straps on Rufus’s girlfriend’s (name?) blouse, one of which was always falling down. Nice schtick at first, but after a couple years you just wanted to scream at the artist.

  239. True Fable
    September 27th, 2009 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    I have come to two inescapable conclusions this afternoon.

    (1) I wish with all my might that I looked like Daniel Craig. Naked or not.

    (2) Jack Elrod enjoys tormenting goat-lovers like me by running a bigass Sunday matinee about Bighorn Fucking SHEEP. SHEEP, Jackelrod? Really? You bring out the Bighorns when you know good and damn well that all I want for Christmas is a damn GOAT matinee? You’re deliberately thumbing your inkwell at me, you coldhearted cad. Fine. FINE. I will go back to hard workouts on my way to achieving Casino Royale Daniel Craigdom, and you just go right ahead putting SHEEP in the goddamn Fist O Justice Theater Matinee. See if I care. *sob!*

    Meanie.

  240. Uncle Lumpy
    September 27th, 2009 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    Ah. Miss Melba. Thank you, 2007 bats :[.

  241. ladadog
    September 27th, 2009 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    Off topic, but, I had the great,good fortune earlier this week, to see Daniel Craig with Hugh Jackman in the two man play: A Steady Rain.

    Sadly, both men were entirely clothed. Still, it was great man-watching. The play, not so great.

  242. commodorejohn
    September 27th, 2009 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    #236 AeroSquid – The “ejection tube?” And the population is “thoroughly aroused?” My goodness.

  243. AeroSquid
    September 27th, 2009 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    242. commodorejohn: Yeah Chester had a few deep seated issues.

  244. Calico
    September 27th, 2009 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    #236 – Yes, that is the Tracy art and sheer craziness that I remember a bit.

    I’d love to see a mashup of MW and DT –
    “Mary Worth, Earth Biddy? Oh no!”

  245. bats :[
    September 27th, 2009 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    241. ladadog: wow! Lucky you! (Clothed or not :)

    239. True Fable: you’ll be okay. I think Jackelrod weenied out on today’s Real-Life Adventures: bighorn rams have really obvious scrotums. Pendulous. Cannot look away. How can they walk with that between their legs. Wow. That’s where they keep their wallets.
    Didn’t see a damned one of them in any of the panels. And yes, I looked.

  246. Victor
    September 27th, 2009 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    SHOE…”And try not to puke on her when you notice that SHE IS COMPLETELY PLUCKED!!!”
    http://macnelly.com/archives/shoe_daily/shoe_daily092709.jpg
    ME on the other hand…I Would Hit It!

  247. AeroSquid
    September 27th, 2009 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

  248. Baka Gaijin
    September 27th, 2009 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    #245 bats :[: I had a friend who couldn’t ignore the scrotum. He, in a parking lot, groped a cage ram. He said it was leathery. To clarify, this wasn’t an animal on display. His owner was in the Wal Mart, nowhere to be seen. The friend was walking by and the rest is history.

  249. John C Fremont
    September 27th, 2009 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    #239 True Fable – Good luck with that Daniel Craig thing. The best I’ve been able to accomplish is a sort of Yakov Smirnoff look. Well, Yakov after a few too many trips to the all-you-can-eat buffet.

  250. sugarpie
    September 27th, 2009 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    240 Uncle Lumpy In some ways Gasoline Alley was ahead of its time. Despite her slatternly appearance, didn’t Miss Melba end up becoming the mayor of whatever burg they all live in? I wish Gasoline Alley would bring back Rover’s mom. Rwrouff!

  251. Poteet
    September 27th, 2009 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    # 167 MolyBendum — Thank you.

    9CL — And once again, this strip makes chastity look really good.

  252. buckyswife
    September 27th, 2009 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    241 ladadog: I wondered if that play was going to be any good. Besides the visuals, I mean.

    239 True Fable and 249 John C Fremont: You don’t need to look like Daniel Craig to be sexy as hell (I mean, yeah, it helps, but still…). Put a nice tuxedo on you, and I bet you’d do just fine.

  253. bats :[
    September 27th, 2009 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    249. John C Fremont: in the Soviet Union, the buffet eats you!
    Har! I always wanted to do that.

    Today’s afternoon DVD: “Amazing Grace” (vaguely about the cliche song, more about the abolition of slavery in Great Britatin).

  254. Lesser Whark
    September 27th, 2009 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    #233 Tazistan Jen: The “Jensen! Step on it!” and “We have one officer in serious condition” lines imply that they’ve stuffed the casualties in the van, on top of the piles of heroin (since “backup” are only taking the “suspects” away).

    These “POLICE” would probably be healthier if they wore their body armor while being shot at, not just before and afterwards. Aren’t those ceramic plates heavy? Who wears one while driving a van? Do they get shot at much while driving? Maybe they plan to start a shootout if an ambulance cuts in front of them on their way to “RECEIVING” at “HOSPITAL”…

  255. True Fable
    September 27th, 2009 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    #247 Aerosquid – GOAT! Goat Kid! Ah yes, me in the good old days, back when my nanny used to rock me to sleep with her bleating!

    The ears are proportionally accurate, too. :P

    #252 buckyswife – As a matter of fact, I do own a tuxedo! I wear it twice a year to concerts where I am shaken, not stirred.

  256. Jamus the Bartender
    September 27th, 2009 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    My Cage: I was gonna do a similar John Hughes tribute, but , see, Cassandra was gonna ask me what I was having for breakfast, and I said to her, “you’re wearing it”, then everything went all dark. Don’t make Breakfast Club jokes around your pregnant babymama.
    Funky Winkerbean: I was kind of weirded out by today’s Funky, watching Rana play one daddy against another, until……
    Doonesbury: This one made me forget all about how weird Funky Winkerbean was.

  257. Muffaroo
    September 27th, 2009 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    TheDiva @212 – Stealing the identity of a plugger? Can a criminal go any lower than that? Tearing pages out of library magazines? Stealing free samples? Shoplifting fake appliances from furniture stores?

    Mars @230 – Information on Godwin’s Law can be found on the internet.

  258. Ukulele Ike
    September 27th, 2009 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Officer in serious condition” ? Give him a few snuffles of that heroin, it’ll calm his nerves.

    AeroSquid @ 221: Oh, you have GOT to be kidding. Even Gould in his way-past-prime wouldn’t….this is reminding me of the National Lampoon “Car Safety” photo series where the guy wouldn’t wear his seatbelt and was dragged out of the car by inner-city youths. “Yow! Negroes!”

    sugarpie @ 250: I’m waiting for Rover’s old girlfriend to come back: the curvy Italo-American cabdriver who was last seen clenching the chimney on the roof of a log cabin, totally nekkid.

    Okay. Now I’m off to polish the Ejection Tube until the Population is Thoroughly Aroused. Josh should be back soon.

  259. Amateur
    September 27th, 2009 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    #214: I agree.

    #215: Ah, good question. I guess we won’t be able to make an official ruling until we actually see Scott inside the hospital and it has been confirmed that it is Scott (we’ll have to leave it to Adrian to make the identification, as I wouldn’t know him from any of the other cops).

    Of course, that could put us into December . . .

  260. Esther Blodgett
    September 27th, 2009 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    #257 Muffaroo re link to Godwin’s Law FAQ: Yowza. Geek writing makes me all warm and tingly inside.

  261. dale
    September 27th, 2009 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    Slylock

    My immediate guess was correct and I stayed with it after looking at the picture for a while. This puzzle seems a bit abstract for the target audience of kids. I agree that it really isn’t clear whether Harry actually knew the amount and said it out loud or whether the amount just described the pile.

  262. dale
    September 27th, 2009 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    Funky

    Shouldn’t the windows have been removed before submitting the car to a car smash? Or this could have been used as an opening to further injury and permanent disfigurement.

  263. Anonymous
    September 27th, 2009 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    MW: The Santa Royale narc squad sure seems to operate on the cheap. Apparently they don’t even have regular radios, let alone their own cherished tac freq. Instead they have to expropriate the dealers’ prepaid TracFones™ and call the desk sarge back at the cop shop to exchange info.

    They seem mighty blasé about a measly 300 pounds of heroin and two of their bros gunned down. Ho hum, just another day on the mean streets of Santa Royale.

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