The Comics Curmudgeon

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Marriage works

Kudzu, 12/14/05

The Lockhorns, 12/14/05

Ah, marriage! When it goes well, how sweet it is! How it fills both partners with joy and helps bring two souls together as one! And when it doesn’t … well, then it’s delicious fodder for laughs, laughs, laughs! As if the last few weeks of Mary Worth divorce drama hasn’t been enough to prove that, we’ve got not one but two marriage counselor strips today. This Lockhorns panel isn’t “funny” per se (unless we’re talking about the oblate spheroid that is Dr. Pullman’s head, which is funny, but not ha-ha funny), but at least it stays true to the strip’s overarchingly bleak tone and subject matter. Look at Loretta’s face. A lesser comic would have had her smirking triumphantly at the fact that she always gets the last word, or have her brow furrowed with rage that her foibles were being aired in a public forum. But the Lockhorns never feels a need to step back from the brink of the abyss, and so Loretta’s face is just one of numb depression: she and her husband can’t communicate, her marriage is killing her, and the overpriced, bald-headed sub-Freud across the desk isn’t going to say anything that’s going to fix it.

Similarly, today’s Kudzu is true to that feature’s usual M.O., which is to say that it’s perfectly happy to cast aside even its wafer-thin sense of internal cohesion in order to follow some half-assed joke idea to its not-funny conclusion. I mean, why are they … that is, what is it supposed to … or, why should we … oh, forget it, just forget it.

One thing I and millions of comics readers will never forget is this little gem from today’s Judge Parker:

Watch it, April, he’s just going to show you “the claw” later himself — and he hopes you’re going to like it!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 14, 2005 at 10:28 pm and is filed under Judge Parker, Kudzu, Lockhorns. |

83 responses to “Marriage works”

E-man\\\'s world
December 14th, 2005 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

Ohhhhh …. first!
Justin
December 14th, 2005 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

Man, comics really suck.
Dr. Sbaitso
December 14th, 2005 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

Too little data so I make big.
Flasshe
December 14th, 2005 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

Josh, you know that the claw thing has to go on a T-shirt, right? Although the shirt might also have to say “Harvard Law” and be stunningly ugly.
Len
December 14th, 2005 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

The Greek theatrical masks (“personae”) represented the Muses of Comedy (Thalia) and Tragedy (Melpomene). (Traditionally, a Comedy ended with a wedding, and a Tragedy ended with a funeral.) Apparently in this married couple, the wife feels it’s a comedy, and the husband that it’s a tragedy? Since she’s the “drama queen,” it would work better if SHE held the weeping mask, no?

I’m reminded of a One Big Happy I saw recently, where Ruthie tells her grandpa that snooty Cylene had a lunchroom temper tantrum because the milk served wasn’t 2 percent skim. “She’s such a Dairy Queen!” says Ruthie. Grandpa corrects her, “DRAMA Queen.” And Ruthie further modifies: “Dairy-Drama Queen!”

But we’re neglecting the third sort of Theatrical performance (at least according to Elizabethan traditions)… In the name of the Muse Clio — I’m HISTORY!!
Doug Puthoff
December 14th, 2005 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

You forgot about Leroy’s head. It’s perfectly flat. I could put a vase on it!.
Schteve
December 15th, 2005 at 12:40 am [Reply]

“Not claw! CRAW!!!”
2fs
December 15th, 2005 at 12:42 am [Reply]

Poor April found her chopstick skills unhandy
But fort’nately a sweatshirt-wearing dandy
Who grinned like a macaw
Had learned at Harvard Law:
“Just use them like a claw and call me Randy!”
Doug Puthoff
December 15th, 2005 at 12:44 am [Reply]

Another off-topic “Zits” question:

What the heck ever happened to Chad, Jeremy’s perfect older brother in college? He seems to have joined Chuck Cunningham in the Missing in Action list.
2fs
December 15th, 2005 at 12:44 am [Reply]

oh crap: “work them like a claw.” Very important detail.
mumbles
December 15th, 2005 at 1:16 am [Reply]

Maybe Judge Parker is going for a “Love Story” thing here, what with the Harvard Law sweatshirt. “Love means never having to say ‘call me Randy.’”

And what’s with the women’s hair in Mary Worth? Was it “bad bob” day at the local barber college?
Shan
December 15th, 2005 at 1:21 am [Reply]

I’m a Harvard Law grad (yes, really), and I think the idea of “Harvard Law” and “Work them like a claw” on the same T-shirt is fantastic. Just beautiful, I tell you. But I’m sure someone at the school would sue . . . maybe I can ask permission in the same letter I’m writing to complain about not being offered the chopsticks class Randy Parker took (and apparently excelled) in.
erin
December 15th, 2005 at 2:31 am [Reply]

Maybe Kudzu would make more sense if there were some emphasis on “me”, as in:

“–and he calls me a drama queen!”

Ah, yet obviously he’s the real drama queen with his tragedy mask, ha ha–hmm, no, still not funny.
Lor
December 15th, 2005 at 3:28 am [Reply]

I just have to say it. The Git Sum girl looks pretty skanky.
Leo
December 15th, 2005 at 3:38 am [Reply]

Actually the guy was trying to say “Walk them like a crawl”. Basically he wanted her to just take it easy and slowly get used to the feel of the chopsticks. Unfortunately his accent got in the way once again, and she was left to scratch and chop at her chow mein futily.
Lor
December 15th, 2005 at 3:49 am [Reply]

Wow, today’s JP is even ickier. From “working those sticks like a pro” to “delicious barbecued pork” … erp. I have to go barf now.

And what’s with the BUMP! in today’s Phantom? What exactly is doing the … bumping? No, don’t tell me, I don’t want to know.
Commander Cosmos
December 15th, 2005 at 4:21 am [Reply]

Re: The question about Chad, the older brother in “Zits”:

He was mentioned, however obliquely, in the Dec. 10 strip. So he’s not forgotten!
Mumblix Grumph
December 15th, 2005 at 5:18 am [Reply]

One thing about the Lockhorns I can never understand is how Leroy gets to dance with hot chicks at the dozens of cocktail parties they visit every month.

Who throws these soirees? Why do they invite Leroy and Loretta?

And why are the hot chicks twice as tall as Leroy? Are L & L the normal height in Lockhornville? If so, these Amazons must be over ten feet tall. Why are they even acknowledging Leroy’s presence, much less cutting a rug with the guy?

Maybe the hot babes are space aliens and choose men with high sperm counts due to sexual repression, because obviously, Leroy hasn’t shot one off since the Nixon adminstration.
mooselet
December 15th, 2005 at 5:41 am [Reply]

#18: Sadly in the case of male sperm, the less you use ‘em up the weaker they get. If you want really powerful stuff you’ve got to replenish the tank every 2-3 days, so to speak. So unless Leroy is spanking the monkey every few days (which is a mental image I refuse to contemplate), his stuff has more cobwebs than a haunted house.

I spent 18 months working in assisted reproduction and I know waaaay to much about this type of stuff. And now so do you.
GotFuzzy
December 15th, 2005 at 7:38 am [Reply]

Thank Cheebas I was not drinking my coffee yet, because Mumblix and Mooselet would have had me spit-taking it all over the keyboard.

Check out the 12/15 (DT)GT, where we get to see the elaborate coifs of Steve Luhm and Ted Pearse in one panel. If we could stuff Rap-Dog and Hadley in there, it would be like the Horrible Hair Hall of Fame. I don’t know if there is a comic frame big enough to hold all that extravagant badness on a scalp.
JG
December 15th, 2005 at 8:28 am [Reply]

More claws, mule!
Merdz
December 15th, 2005 at 8:52 am [Reply]

Oh man, nothing says “please take a load of my sperm tonight” like wearing your law school sweatshirt on a date, and then dropping a bunch of sexual innuendo about chopsticks use.

I bet she’s going to use them as a claw, alright… in his eye.
ninjac
December 15th, 2005 at 8:56 am [Reply]

Oh god that should be a new t-shirt! “Work them like a claw and call me Randy!”
ISBN
December 15th, 2005 at 8:56 am [Reply]

I am so totally fouled out at JP. On so many levels.

1. I don’ t like the use of the phrase “work them/it” pertaining to inanimate objects. It sounds …dirty.

2. April keeps putting her elbows on the table while she eats, and playing with her hair.

3. BBQ pork??!?! What the…wait. What IS the point of that entire strip? I mean, there’s nothing funny, no point, NADA. Just Toolbox telling April she’s working the sticks like a “pro, April giggling girlishly while dropping sebum and hair follicles into her food, and then Toolbox overeagerly throwing out the “EAT MY BBQ PORK!!”

and Josh, good eye on Loretta’s face. It is the bleakest thing I’ve seen! haha!
Jeanne
December 15th, 2005 at 8:59 am [Reply]

“Just use them like a claw and call me Randy”
Is that like ‘Well, slap my ass, and call me Judy’?
Hysterical Woman
December 15th, 2005 at 9:21 am [Reply]

#9. The great thing about characters like Chad is that you can just drop them without worrying too much about internal cohesion. For instance, Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes had an uncle who visited for a few strips. He was dropped like a baked potato, and the strip didn’t morn his lack-of-name. Then again, an older brother is harder to misplace. It seems strange that he wouldn’t be home for the holidays. Maybe he’s in “Africa” or something.
Len
December 15th, 2005 at 9:58 am [Reply]

#26 — It’s been established that Mama Zits keeps an extremely watchful eye on her younger offspring, Jeremy (he complained to the doctor of his lack of a love life due to Mom’s meddling). It’s pretty obvious that older brother Chad (handsome and athletic) is off in college, sowing his wild oats everywhere now that he’s out from under Connie Pointy-boob’s thumb.
Adouble
December 15th, 2005 at 10:02 am [Reply]

#12 Suing seems likely. I know a black dude from Brown University who got sued for selling a shirt that said “The Ivy Leagro”. They want to keep tight control on that stuff.
Phinneaus J. Whoopigoldberg
December 15th, 2005 at 10:19 am [Reply]

That’s not a bad title for a comic…

A Black Guy From Brown
Lady Goodman
December 15th, 2005 at 11:10 am [Reply]

Um, is the central vac thing in today’s FBOFW a Canadian thing?
adfella
December 15th, 2005 at 11:11 am [Reply]

PLEASE EXPLAIN B.C.

This is becoming embarrassing…but once again I must confess to not getting the joke in today’s B.C. regarding Tang.

Just a few days ago, I had to reach out to the Curmudgeon fan base to explain the Queen Ida/Pro Choice “joke.”

Perhaps I’m just not up to the challenge, intellectually speaking, of ascertaining the deeper meanings of Johnny Hart’s philosophical musings.

Can anyone out there explain wherein the humour doth lie in today’s strip?
gnome de blog
December 15th, 2005 at 11:12 am [Reply]

Re 8:
Well done, 2fs!
King Folderol
December 15th, 2005 at 11:16 am [Reply]

12/15: Sally Forth – Ted’s all excited about a MEATLOAF bar? Either Sally’s the worst chef in the world or Ted’s job is so bad (Please hire me! I’ll even wash your windows/clean your toilets!) that he’s feigning excitement for the meatloaf bar. Is there really such a thing as a meatloaf bar? Is this just more “Ted is gay subtext” that they’re trying to toss in here so that when he comes out in mid-2006 we’re fully prepared?

A3G: Is that a lie detector test on the wall in panel one? It looks like somebody’s been lying, and Margo’s client’s got proof on her wall!

JP: The “you’re working those sticks like a pro” line just turned my stomach. I’m sure there are some bawdy punchlines available here for the taking, but I’m not going anywhere near it.
Dennis Jimenez
December 15th, 2005 at 11:19 am [Reply]

Liberty Meadows might have been funny today if the lead in would have been something truely tasteless like hot beef injection, rather than steak.

Decent art though.
yellojkt
December 15th, 2005 at 11:31 am [Reply]

In Ted’s defense, fascination with a meatloaf bar doesn’t even blip the Gaydar(r). If it were tartaki, calamari, or carpaccio then maybe we could fit Ted for his tutu. And if there are such things as meatloaf bars anywhere in Manhattan, I want to know where, Ces, so I can check it out on my next trip.
Pozzo
December 15th, 2005 at 11:45 am [Reply]

I guess if you’re a marriage counselor, you’re required to have “Marriage Counselor” in large letters on your wall. Just in case the couple forgets why they’re in there, I guess.
Dark Star
December 15th, 2005 at 11:54 am [Reply]

#7 â€œNot claw! CRAW!!!â€

I thought the same thing.
I guess were the only ones that know the “Get Smart” reference.
Marc
December 15th, 2005 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

30- Lady Goodman–No, I have a central vac at my house, and I’m New Jersian. hah!
MyBrainHurts
December 15th, 2005 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

Thanks a LOT mooselet! The image in my mind will stay there for a very long time!
Ken
December 15th, 2005 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

So the Zits brothers are Chad and Jeremy- like the British Invasion band?
Gradioc
December 15th, 2005 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

There is just so much going on in JP today I can’t believe it’s not intentional. Nobody’s even brought up the middle panel and April shaking a limp noodle at JPJr. while complaining she’ll never get fat like this. “Got anything, well, STURDIER, there Sailor?” “Handling those sticks”? “Try the pork”? Dear God, there are enough double entendres to make Mae West blush.
Effin'B
December 15th, 2005 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

#35: That has to be the dumbest post ever.
Bitter Scribe
December 15th, 2005 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

Of all the reekingly bad comics out there, The Lockhorns ticks me off the worst. Geniuses like Gary Larson and Bill Watterson hang up their pens because they feel they have nothing new left to say, while The Lockhorns has been recycling the same half-dozen or so gags since the Kennedy administration.
Bigfoot
December 15th, 2005 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

#41:
Gradioc, you’re pure genius. If there were an award for best sexual innuendo awareness, you’d definitely win.

#31:
You’re right, there’s no explaining BC. My best guess is that the johnny hart syndicate has decided that Tang is weird & so is the lack of rhyming with orange. Or else that it took astronaut-style genius… I dunno. (By the way, the closest rhyme I have is “door hinge” — sounds pretty rhymey to me, but then I’m prone to error in my self-judgements.)
randomdude
December 15th, 2005 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

Oh Johnny Hart! How you love to taunt and bewilder my poor brain! Tang! Orange! Such genius! No one can unravel your twisted strands of logic. But that is not enough for you, sir, no. Every few days you are able to summon up the ability to out-crap your previous crap! You never fail to sink deeper and deeper into the abyss of random unfunniness. I applaud you sir! Kudos!
King Folderol
December 15th, 2005 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

#35 – I was trying going for the whole “meat” double entendre. Guess I shoulda been clearer.
MotoMike
December 15th, 2005 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

Re: #37: DarkStar, not so fast, or you’ll have to tell us about it from under the Cone of Silence…. What? … What?

BitterScribe (#43), The Lockhorns does indeed belong to the Kennedy administration; there was a whole kind of humor in the late fifties and early sixties built around the idea of the bickering married couple and how riotous their disagreements. Specifically, there was a radio program called The Bickersons which was like the Lockhorns but come to life like Frankenstein’s monster.

And back to BC: evidently there’s some group (a sub-culture, if you will) that thinks that what appears in that strip is funny. I don’t. But, on the other hand, I don’t find Monty Python very funny. But, on the other hand, I get what’s supposed to be funny about Monty Python; it doesn’t make me laugh but not every joke does. BC, on the other hand (approaching octopus-rhetoric conventions) seems to be written by someone who … well, (to tangentalize terribly here) has anyone ever read Heinlein’s “The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress”? In that book, the main character is trying to explain to a sentient computer what makes jokes funny and the computer just doesn’t “get it” (until very late in the book, as I recall) … BC seems to consist of “jokes” written by that computer. Let’s call them “Tang” jokes. Somewhere, someone thinks that Tang tastes like orange juice, even though it probably has nothing in it from real oranges and really tastes like battery acid cut with nail polish. BC is to funny as Tang is to OJ.
adfella
December 15th, 2005 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

THANK YOU!

My heartfelt and sincere thanks to those of you who responded to my cry for help regarding the seeming lack of a joke in today’s B.C.

(And I guess we’re not really just talking about today’s effort….hell, a case could be made that MOST of the B.C. strips have a gigantic gaping chasm where the humor was supposed to be.)

Anyway, thanks to those of you who reassured me that there’s nothing wrong with my comedy sense-o-meter.
Anne Nonymous
December 15th, 2005 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

#33: King Folderol: I own a catering company, and I can tell you that I have never, in my career, heard of a meatloaf bar. Ces explained, over in the forum, that, when he started writing the strip, he was given a description of Ted that said that Ted likes meatloaf, and has, ever since, thrown the meatloaf thing into every absurd situation he can, just because it seems so odd.
the_velcro_kid
December 15th, 2005 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

Believe it or not, I think I may have an explanation for the “rhymes with orange”/ Tang joke: By “the people who came up with ‘Tang’,” maybe he means the people who came up with the NAME ‘Tang,’ i.e., the poor marketing people who exhausted every possible option for a catchy name for their new drink that would let people know, through rhyme, that it allegedly tastes like oranges, before finally surrendering and calling it “Tang” (which I’ve heard is supposed to connote tangerines–another fruit that Tang tastes nothing like).

God, this is a stretch.
Sassy_Rocks
December 15th, 2005 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

Here’s another Tang theory. Tang (rising tone) means sugar in mandarin. Tang breakfast drink (the same junk drink crap the astronauts drink) is 99.9999% sugar and high fructose corn syrup, so it kind of makes sense.

What doesn’t make sense is Mrs. Butterworth. What she really has under her matronly apron is .000001 percent imitation butter flavored product. There’s nary a drop of real dairy buttery goodness in her. It’s a misnomor, much like the Non Dairy Queen.
Marc
December 15th, 2005 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

Stupid foob, make sure you’re vaccumm capsule is on, now you have to clean your whole foob’in house again!
Marc
December 15th, 2005 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

isnt on***
heynoni
December 15th, 2005 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

One thing I like about this site is that I’ve discovered so many cartoon strips that I never knew existed. The only thing that has me baffled is WHY they exist. Judge Parker has just dedicated three strips for the purpose of establishing that this woman is using chopsticks for the first time. It’s got me hooked. I’m gleefully anticipating future strips featuring further exciting developments in this couple’s relationship. eg: the Sock Fiasco…

“Hon, have you seen my argyle socks…?”
“Aren’t they in the top drawer of the dresser?”
….
“Oh, yeah, they are. Thanks.”

Or the romantic post-coital interlude….

“Pass the tissues, hon….”

etc…
Mibbitmaker
December 15th, 2005 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

Possible explanation for Mr. Lockhorns’ flat head: the Mrs. once hit him with such a hard, flat object (on purpose, of course) that it changed his skull.

Either that, or he failed to get hired as a Dick Tracy villain (“Sorry, Lockhorn, we already HAVE a ‘Flattop”!”)
Mibbitmaker
December 15th, 2005 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

Looks like “Call Me” Randy has a sudden broken neck! He must be on painkillers, with him smiling and all. Would explain his saying such stupid things lately.

Today’s FBOFW: “You stewpid idiot!”?? It’s like Ellie is trying to immitate Ren Hoek (Stimpy’s pal), but fell short. El, it’s either “You stewpid eeeediot!”, or “You stupid idiot!”, choose one! (Since it’s comics, “stoopid” would also be acceptable)

A3G: Margo’s met her match in bitchhood. The woman even brought a head bobble out of her, something we haven’t seem lately. Maybe Margo’s client will have a humanitarian transformation that’ll last a nanosecond, too, just like our Ms. Magee.
Mibbitmaker
December 15th, 2005 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

That’s “seen lately”, stewpid Mibbit! You might think LuAnn 3G wrote my post or something!
pinky
December 16th, 2005 at 12:29 am [Reply]

Beware… Friday’s FBoFW is not for the faint of heart. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go put acid drops in my eyes.
Lor
December 16th, 2005 at 1:23 am [Reply]

Oh God, pinky, you aren’t kidding. Who said Friday was the high point of the week in Comicsland?

My take on the Tang thing was completely different – I just thought they named it Tang because Tang was easy to rhyme. Unlike orange. I agree Tang is hideous stuff … it even killed my desire to be the first woman astronaut. Astronette? (well not really, but I have to blame Tang for ruining my life somehow)

Mibbitmaker, I love Margo’s first client. Doesn’t she look like an evil Luann (3G)? I noticed the head-bobble too. I think we’re in for a mighty battle of wills. What I can’t figure out, though, is 1) why the Bitch Queen Bride has a weird topknot, and 2) why bother about Margo’s recent little epiphany at all, since it doesn’t seem to have gone anywhere or changed anything. She went straight from thinking about the less fortunate to becoming Wedding Planner to the Super-Spoiled.
Lor
December 16th, 2005 at 1:42 am [Reply]

Speaking of double entendres (as in JP), check out today’s Gil Thorp. One nerdy-looking woman in glasses says to another: “It’s good that we do so many rebounding drills – since that’s the only time we’ll get any!” Hee.

Or is that a woman??
Len
December 16th, 2005 at 2:33 am [Reply]

This Zits made me laugh out loud. Says something about the relative values of caffeine and edjumacation for Jeremy and Pierce. And I liked the pun on the latte-vending franchise’s name.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/comics/Zits.dtl
Leo
December 16th, 2005 at 4:05 am [Reply]

61. Yeah, that is pretty funny. I’m jealous that you have Fourbucks in the US. In Japan it’s more like Twelvebucks.
Rachel
December 16th, 2005 at 7:28 am [Reply]

Amen,Pinky…FBOW has been in a steady decline for a while,but today’s strip was boring, banal, and stewpid. Days of watching Ellie vaccum? Why would anyone think that was interesting, much less funny?
bubujin
December 16th, 2005 at 7:42 am [Reply]

#58: You’re absolutely right, Pinky! Not only have we had a full moon the last night or two, but we get one in FBOFW. Maybe Lynn’s passing along a message to all Curmudgeonites?
yellojkt
December 16th, 2005 at 8:34 am [Reply]

Leo,

When I was in Japan last summer, Starbucks struck me as one of the better bargains. Everything is expensive there.

My wife puts her gingerbread lattes on her debit card and the statement comes in with a string of transactions all around four bucks, so the background joke is dead on.
Jeff
December 16th, 2005 at 10:31 am [Reply]

Good Lord that Judge Parker is creepy.

Sounds like he’s propositioning her–FOR A RAPE.
Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
December 16th, 2005 at 11:08 am [Reply]

The last three days of FBOFW couldn’t have all just been a buildup to today’s butt-shot. Could they?

I’ve had a central vacuum system. The canister was located in the garage. Others I’ve seen have been in basements. None of them would have distributed dust throughout the house. Maybe things are different in Canada.
Zorba the Geek
December 16th, 2005 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

#67: Sure it could, Chet. Lynn Johnston has an unholy fascination with Elly’s rear- she’s always either featuring it in a close-up, or having Elly scratch it. (When Elly isn’t flapping her nightgown because of hot flashes and night sweats as a result of the world’s longest menopause.) I don’t want to think about Elly Patterson’s butt any more (or her menopause). Must….vacuum….out….my……mind. Maybe I can have a central vac installed for the purpose.
Jay Nickola
December 16th, 2005 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

12/16: If it’s December, it must be time for “Rose Is Rose” FRUITCAKE JOKES! Now read it carefully . . . Get it? See, because fruitcake IS HEAVY! Also, DISGUSTING! Ha ha! Now to use my time machine to take this strip to 1861, submit it to Punch magazine under my own name, and become marvelously rich by forging bold new comedy frontiers!
Mibbitmaker
December 16th, 2005 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

Today:

A3G: Margo saying the groom-to-be must be either a saint (one of the Foobs?) or a doormat (Ted Forth?).

FBOFW: Our Ellie, once again making an ass of herself!

FC: If there were a next panel: Thel: “Why are you asking me? It’s not like me and your father play Santa (Sly wink to the reader)! Go ask Santa, himself, over at ‘Mutts’!”

Spiderman: Yeah, lady, the guy you’re talking to is Marvel, and Batman is DC. That’s a major faux pas. It’s even bigger a faux pas for me, since I’m even less interested in superheros that Peter is.

Rhymes with Orange: Yeah, and I wish that PUN stayed at the annual Nasa holiday party!
Sassy_Rocks
December 16th, 2005 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

Ode to Elly Patterson’s junky trunk:

Elly got a big ol’ butt, uh huh… When she gets the notion she puts her backfield in motion…Hey sexy, sexy Ain’t nothing wrong, if you wanna do the butt all night long…
adfella
December 16th, 2005 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

REGARDING COMMENT #69: FRUITCAKES AND ROSE

I had the same exact thought, Jay, when I saw today’s Rose….is there anything more lame, more trite, and more cliched than to play the “nobody likes fruitcake” card during the Christmas season?

Let me see if I understand this….fruitcake is a densely-textured seasonal product that apparently NOBODY likes, yet EVERYBODY sends one to their unsuspecting relatives and loved ones? Hence the ensuing hilarity?

Whoah, buddy….we are mining some comedy GOLD today!
King Folderol
December 16th, 2005 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

#49 – Thanks Anne. I suspected as much.

JP – I’m convinced there’s something wrong with April’s neck. It seems to just loll back and forth whenever she smiles.

Luann – I cannot believe how long this stuffed animal storyline has been dragging on. I agree with Josh; every since Dirk ran away from Brad’s mom, I’ve lost all respect for him. His character has jumped the shark. BTW, the guy in panel three today (at the specialty store called STUFT, which I can’t imagine exists in any real universe) is one of the weirdest drawn character I ever seen.

SF – The trim on Sally Forth’s shirt is missing in panel #1 today and returns for the rest of the strip. In BW, it looks like she’s wearing some sort of bizarro mumu.
philip
December 16th, 2005 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

Oh, it’s funny because the husband is wearing the “tragedy” mask!

No, wait, it’s still not funny.

sigh.
Islamorada Girl
December 16th, 2005 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

King Folderol—I loved your krewe’s float in Mardi Gras last year.

Margo and Bridezilla. Who will out diva the other?
Those boots and that micro mini in Friday’s strip make our Margo look like a hooker going to a court appearance.
Grandpa\'s Dead
December 16th, 2005 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

Here’s waaaay too much information on the Foob-esque central vacuum system:

http://home.howstuffworks.com/central-vacuum.htm

I always thought these things were just in hospitals.
TJ
December 16th, 2005 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

I like fruitcake. And meatloaf.
2fs
December 16th, 2005 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

77: Me too. 51: “Mrs. Butterworth” was given that name by the Frangelico bottle, with whom she’s been having a long-term affair. That’s all I’m sayin’.
gnome de blog
December 16th, 2005 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

Re #75:

Boots? Micro mini? Where?? Where!??
Marc
December 16th, 2005 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

FBOFW: Elly, whatchu goin’ do wit all that junk in your trunk?
(Sorry about that, had to get that out of my system)

The Monty storyline is dumb, and Crankshaft is just too….fake hipsterish…That little guy is creepy. AND.. glasses generally connect, not just disapate on the bridge of your nose.
Michael Denton
December 16th, 2005 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

Everyone’s _clearly_ lost the intention behind this Kudzu strip. It’s a promo for gay reparative therapy. This poor woman has realized that she’s married to a big nelly and has taken him to the local minister to convert him back to a God-fearin’ hetro-sexule.

Apparently the tactic is to humiliate him back into straight-mandom by calling him names. The masks are either there so he doesn’t make some come-hither look to the minister, to protect their true identities or the gay man just thinks they look fabulous.
Matt Johnsen
December 19th, 2005 at 11:15 am [Reply]

Forgive this long post by a first-time commenter, but I feel the need to bring to bear on this strip the wisdom of one of the greatest thinkers in modern history : Lemmy Kilmister of Motörhead. Here follow the lyrics to “The Claw” from that band’s underrated masterpiece Orgasmatron :

Watching you watching me
I was hoping you’d be here tonight
Watching him watching you
He’d better watch out too
‘Coz he keeps getting in my light
I think he’s going overload
Don’t know what you’re running for
He thinks he’s got you where he wants you babe
But he don’t understand the power of the claw
The claw, the claw, the claw

You know me I know you
We both know what we came here fore
And he think he knows you
He thinks he’s got you too
Gonna make him cry for sure
He’s going to have to make his own way home
I don’t know what’s he’s smiling for
He thinks you’re gonna keep your promises babe
But he don’t understand the power of the claw
The claw, the claw, the claw

Me walking up to you
And whisper in your eager ear
You whisper back to me
And he begins to see
He feels the claw is near.

And so the ballet starts again
Exit stage left through the door
And we begin the horizontal dance
And he begins to know just what the claw is for
The claw, the claw, the claw, the claw

You know just what the claw is for
I know what my claw is for
Greezy
January 5th, 2006 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

I am that “black guy from Brown.”

Guess I have a colorful background.

Yes, I am getting sued by the Council of Ivy League Presidents, but fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke. Won’t stop me, shouldn’t stop you.

ivyleagro.com is days away from becoming operational.

Logo tees are already available and other designs are being printed as I type.

Trust, you will love them.

Be on the lookout for ‘em and if you can’t wait til the site is fully and completely operational, get at me email style.

rgreezy@gmail.com

-R-

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