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Tuesday quickies

B.C., 12/15/09

Wow, it took less than three years after the death of the devout Johnny Hart for B.C. to devolve into red-hot woman-on-wolf action. Impressive!

Mark Trail, 12/15/09


Beetle Bailey, 12/15/09

Boy, Beetle sure gets around, doesn’t he? I’d be more convinced by his “Now I have to check for hidden cards in your underwear” gambit as just being sensible pre-gambling precautions if there were anyone in the room other than him and Cosmo.

Mary Worth, 12/15/09

Don’t be too hasty, Wilbur! If you end up having lunch with the young man, he might see you try to cram an entire sandwich down your throat without chewing and decide that maybe you aren’t related to each other after all.

262 responses to “Tuesday quickies”

  1. Nekrotzar
    December 15th, 2009 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    They call me MR. TRAIL!

  2. Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
    December 15th, 2009 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: I was trying not to read this story line but you just had to make me look. Ugh. This guy gives advice? Well, here’s some advice for you Wilbur Weston, get over yourself. And for the people who do this strip, if you don’t care about your story and characters, why should we?

  3. spike
    December 15th, 2009 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    BB: Mercifully no show tunes were sung/whistled/hummed in today’s two panels.

    JP: Rocky and Godiva are sure to get a call from Children’s Services any day now.

  4. Icepick Jones
    December 15th, 2009 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    “Loved your mother?” Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down there slugger. There is only one person Big Daddy Wilbur loves, and that’s Big Daddy Wilbur. Second place goes to this Pastramie on Rye.

  5. Mighty Max King
    December 15th, 2009 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    What this Mary Worth story line really needs are some boffo Batman-style bursts: Point! . . . Click! . . . Type! . . . CHEW!

  6. Dragon of Life
    December 15th, 2009 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Note that Wilbur put the entire conversation on hold to go make a pair of sandwiches. “No time for illegitimate offspring now, there’s tuna fish to be had!”

  7. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Archie: – Why does Archie have that “Wow, what a hot babe!” look on his face in panel two as he glances at Moose? Is there something about Archie we’re not being told?

  8. Muffaroo
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    AD – Jesus, the drugzzz must be starting to kick in.

    Dick – Hairy’s attempt to pass off a toy violin as a Strad failed, even though he cleverly used a six-inch bow to make it look bigger.

    Smirky – Don’t sweat it, Wedgie. They just want you to join their glee club.

    Gil – I tried one of those Valley Tech drives, but it kept freezing up.

    Phantom – Today’s strip features additional interpretation for the emotionally challenged. See those tears? That’s how you react to a sad story.

    R=R – Pasquale should have built his fort under Rose’s “Let-Things-Be” Tree. It’s just barely possible the cognitive dissonance would have made her head explode. A small chance, but worth a try, right?

    Snuffy – Aw Aw AWWW! It’s funny because this is how the cycle of hopeless misery and abuse is carried on in Hootin’ Holler!

    Spidey – It’s true. His hideout has the proportionate dirt and filth of a spider’s hideout. Plus cable TV.

    Ziggy – He’s not going to switch to high-def because he only watches the side of the box, and on a high-def set, there’s less of that to watch.

  9. pmWolf
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    I’m confused by Mark Trail. Is Mark just opposed to the idea of owning a cell phone, or is it really 1956, and they don’t exist yet?

  10. Muffaroo
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    Nekrotzar @y4 – Wasn’t that Hank’s metaphor?

    Little Guy @y47 – It may look like an ordinary Hoover, but it sucks like his girlfriend who lives in Canada!

    Mighty Max King @5 – YES!

    ps – 53 now. Kids. Lawn. Must yell.

  11. Mardou Fox
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    Wow, Beetle does get around, doesn’t he? Sarge, Miss Buxley, last week he seemed to be an onlooker while Sarge got it on with Rocky, and now he’s putting the moves on Cosmo? I always thought he was an unwilling participant in Sarge’s love games, but now it seems he’s moved from prey to predator.

  12. Tim
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    pmWolf @ 9 – Do you really think Mark would let cell towers befoul the pristine wilderness of Lost Forest?

  13. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Ziggy: Ziggy doesn’t even have a digital converter. He’s content to watch snow.
    AND, he STILL has NO PANTS!

  14. Mardou Fox
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    BC: What’s with the look on that woman’s face? I don’t read BC often, but I didn’t remember her having that crazed look or the hugely missshapen head. She not only looks drunk, but it looks as if the artist was drunk when he drew this strip.

    MT: Josh said it all. Pleasure overload!!!

    MW: I’m speechless. An illegitimate son surfaces and Wilbur’s response is to touch his face a lot and then make two sandwiches? Creepy.

  15. teenchy
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    Re the current PBS/Ziggy arc: You don’t suppose Ziggy’s actually wearing pants that cover his feet, like footy pajamas or those getups from the “I Will Survive” number in The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert?

  16. anonymous
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: A Plugger “man of letters” – (sigh) well, at least it’s honest. Stuffing Walmart circulars and utility shutoff notices into Plugger mailboxes IS as close to scholars and literary matters as any Plugger is ever going to get.

  17. Mela
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    A3G: For everything else, there’s booze.

    Curtis: This actually made me laugh, because Goddamn, are kids today allergice to everything?! I know I sound old saying that, but you weren’t considered allergic to food unless eating it immediately killed you.

    FW: Making Judd Winick’s Green Lantern story look subtle, here’s Batiuk on homophobia.

    GA: I feel sorry for this vet tech. She’s probably the only person for miles whose parents weren’t blood relatives, yet she’s surrounded by sub-functional mouth breathers.

    Luann: Competing for Zits’ regular title of “laziest use of a single panel by a traditional format strip”, we have this… thing. I can only hope that the ensuing violence somehow leads to the death of Delta, whose smug obliviousness to those around her makes me loathe her the most.

    My Cage: Today’s strip is truly made of win. That is all.

    Pluggers: Pluggers sneer at all education past the third grade and those who do not do likewise.

    Zits: So is the black-clad Santa just for whiny teenagers?

  18. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    MW: With every new day, we get more evidence of what Abbey must have seen in Wilbur; a man who must have not one sandwich but two is clearly a man of vast appetites, a man with a lust for—well, two sandwiches.

    MT: Okay, the faux-country dialogue, the fat, cigar-chompin’ sheriff: all admittedly hilarious. But they just can’t compete with our knowledge of what’s been happening off-screen while the store owner incapacitates Mark and the sheriff drives all the way out there: Rusty, um-still-pinned-under-a-car here!, languishing as the tide inexorably creeps in, believing until his last water-logged breath that gosh, Mark is so smart and competent, I’m sure he’ll sav—-

    JP: Ignoring for a moment the fact that Sam will take any opportunity to tell the story of How I Beat Down the Big Bad Bodyguard, isn’t he being a little disingenuous here? He lies about his identity and commits borderline insurance fraud to intrude into the home of a woman whose husband was just murdered, and when the man who’s hired to protect that woman restrains him, Sam’s the victim? Then again, can we expect a guy who clearly got his law degree from the Parkerville School of Modeling to understand the meaning of “self-defense”?

    BB: Beetle, you’re right that strip poker can be a fun kind of foreplay, but the idea is to strip during the game, not before it.

    A3G: We’ve been led to believe that Martin is kind of a dick, right—or at least that he was, for a number of years? So it’s a testament to Margo’s powers of bitchiness that we’re actually compelled to feel pretty sorry for the poor guy right now.

    SM: Because if it’s evidence, then it’s okay for you to be talking to the giant vacuum cleaner.

  19. JamesMurton
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Huh, so M. Emmet Walsh has made a guest appearance in Mark Trail, it seems. Much as I’d like it to suddenly turn into Blood Simple, I have a horrible feeling it’ll be more familiar for anyone who’s seen Deliverance…

  20. Steve S
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    I like how Wilbur has a second sandwich at the ready on his plate in panel 1. Prepare to see a stress-eating binge!

  21. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Yestercongrats to all the floaters—great stuff!

    y4 Nekrotzar: Mmmmmmm… Metaphor cake……

  22. queek
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    It seems that B Racoon has been posting on the Internet again, as have several others of his posse.

  23. Steve S
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    This Mark Trail plot seems like a roleplaying game session with a sadistic GM and a batch of seventh-grade players hopped up on Mountain Dew.

  24. Anonamuse
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: That redneck sheriff also has…hope you can handle this, Josh…sideburns! They’re just so white that they nearly match his skin tone.

  25. Nomstrosity
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    Yes, why aren’t we being treated to strip after strip of Wilbur’s hot… well, lukewarm… actually, tepid ’70s flashbacks? I’ll tell you why: they never happened. Frustrated and lonely, Wilbur’s neuroses have perhaps manifested themselves as an Internet alter ego, which allows him to believe on some level that once, at least, he had something which might be called a life. It says something about the bleakness of his outlook that the sockpuppet identity he’s created is not a scintillating former paramour getting back in touch after all these years, but instead some unknown, unwanted progeny insisting to him that yes, he once had a glimpse at romance, and yes, it is now dead and gone.

  26. B. Racoon
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    queek @ 22 – Believe me queek, I would not be posting a Racoon willie on the internet. While raccoons can be made into pets, Racoons can not. We are too independent and consider humans more like friends with whom we can converse instead of mere companions.

  27. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    22 queek: It’s Sneaky! He’s clearly trying to parlay his Mark Trail appearance into a Hollywood career.

  28. hogenmogen
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    #1 Nekro: I was trying to figure out a way to throw in a Heat of the Night reference. Well done.

    Funky Wunderpants: The short one knows that Oklahoma refers to the Broadway show, not the state. The big one will smack him for this intolerable lack of ignorance.

    Seed-of-Wilbur: Maybe we could meet…
    Wilbur, Sandwich-Chomper: Eh, why bother?
    Seed: So we can text in person.
    Wilbur: Will you pay for my lunch?
    Seed: I was hoping you would pay for mine.
    Wilbur: Good bye. Never contact me again!

  29. Nomstrosity
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    There’s also a potential visual explanation for the lack of Wilbur’s flashbacks – this is Mary Worth, hence there is no way we can differentiate between the present day and thirty-some years ago simply by looking at what people are wearing.

  30. AmazingThor
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    Can someone help me with today’s 9 Chickweed Lane? I came in on the tail end of this story line, but it seems like they’re about to reveal that Grandma was once Hitler’s lover.

  31. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Other Coast: “I love reading the comics. Today, yet another second-string wanna-be-edgy strip tries to score points by trotting out tired, predictable snark on the old dinosaurs!”

  32. Thomas B.
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Okay, its not that hard to predict where a Mark Trail ahem plot is going, but wow did I hit this one last week.

  33. AmazingThor
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Oh, Dolly…Those are Daddy’s “special” catalogs, they’re not children.

  34. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    DtheM and FC: You know, we haven’t really received many catalogs in the mail this season. My email inbox, however, whew!

  35. Thomas B.
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:49 am [Reply]


    Kudos to you for identifing those shapes as a woman and a wolf. All I saw was a cactus wearing a dress and a patch of tumbleweed with shaved legs and eyeballs.

  36. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    (BC: Have I mentioned I love the wolfy critter? Yeah? OK. Also, I have a young pup who has precisely this effect on people. I hate the phrase, but it’s the only one that fits: he is unquestionably a chick magnet. There is a certain amount of irony in this, but… well.)

  37. Anonymous
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    Great phrase in Agnes today: “Unusually thick patch of nostril pelt”. I’ll let you look for the context, as if it needs one.

    #10 Muffaroo – did you turn 53 today? So did I. How far can we let kids get on our lawn before we yell at them? (I haven’t finished the manual yet.)

  38. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    37. Anonymous
    I’m going to turn 59 next month and I have yet to yell at kids to get off my lawn.
    They know that if they trespass, they’ll be eaten by an Ork.

  39. Edgy DC
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Dear Wilbur,

    How many sandwiches does a man need? Please act you were raised somewhere decent, eat your egg salad at the table, and stop drooling your disgusting crumbs between my buttons.

    I’m a highly sophisticated computer keyboard, not a placemat, you disgusting slob.


    Your Wireless Laser Desktop 7000

  40. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    I could send the B.C. artist photos of erect canine penises. For, y’know, future art references.

    Stop looking at me that way.

  41. AhClem
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    MW – Back on that fateful day at Santa Royale U, Wilbur won the I Eta Pi hot-dog eating contest that was held as part of the homecoming festivities. Abby was working as a bun girl at the contest. Is it any wonder they got together?

  42. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    I imagine that Wilbur’s head, seen from directly above, would give the impression of a spider (one of those large, furry ones) trying to make off with an ostrich egg, which is not only an interesting visual, it’s a more interesting storyline.

  43. AmazingThor
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Sand-man has officially become the worst villain in Spidey’s rogue’s gallery. I didn’t think you could get any more undignified than when Spiderman rolled up Electro in a giant anti-static carpet, but being hauled around in a giant vacuum cleaner is much, much more pathetic.

    And who knew the secret to ending crime once and for all was to just give every criminal a sick child to care for?

  44. Mardou Fox
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    #5: COTW! Mwa ha ha ha!

    Wilbur is sooo gross. In that second panel, he really isn’t putting the sandwich in his mouth… he has no mouth! He seems to be sliding the sandwich into a hologram of his face. Or, wait, is he sticking out his big, fat, fuzzy white tongue and pulling on it–ratcheting up a step from the self-comforting behaviors of touching his face and comb-over?

  45. groddeck
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    #37 Anonymous was me. I must be more reluctant than I thought to owning up to a birthday.

  46. Digger
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Mark’s going to have a hard time explaining about Rusty when we wakes up to find himself wearing a ball gag and no pants.

  47. Thomas B.
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:15 pm [Reply]


    You have to wonder about the state of law enforcement in the Lost Forest’s when a Sheriff stands in front of the smashed window of a store and declares “Why did you call me out here, Joe?” Nice work Officer Clancy Wiggum-Barbrady.

    Even more disturbing is the response “I caught you a thief, Sheriff.” What does that guy mean by “you”? Since when to criminals become the property of…oh my God, are we about to see the The Gold Watch scence from Pulp Fiction?

  48. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Muffaroo and Anonymous: Happy Birthdays!

  49. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    48, me, revised: Muffaroo and groddeck: Happy Birthdays!

  50. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    43. AmazingThor
    ie. sick child theory: Yeah. We all know how tender those hardened criminals are at heart.
    This last Spidy story sucked. WHAT?!

  51. zenvelo
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    Isn’t Wilbur actually Dick Van Patten, thinking eight was enough, I don’t need a ninth ungrateful brat to support?

  52. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    51 zenvelo: I don’t know if I can live in a world where Wilbur has successfully copulated nine times.

  53. Donald The Anarchist
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    MW I think Wilbur just saw Drag Me to Hell and thought, “There’s a useful skill to have…”

    MT Come to think of it, would it really be a surprise if Mark had a bunch of unpaid tickets? Apparently punching out meter maids DOESN’T make infractions go away…

  54. 8th Man Fan
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    #34 Sequitur re: catalogs-by-mail: Sic transit gloria catalogs.

    yy#204 Dingo: CC preview/post works okay on my Win7 laptop, using IE 8. The issues you’re having are likely due to either the browser or Java install. Suggest removing/reinstalling both.

    S-M, today and the past few days: As the sand flows through the hourglass, yet again I’ve wasted several minutes of my life…

  55. AmazingThor
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    It’s time to play “Let’s give Dennis a more menacing caption”!

    “I’m cutting out letters for my ransom note to Santa. If I don’t get what I want he can say goodbye to Mrs. Claus”

  56. theProphet
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth is totally dominating my attention on this blog right now. Seriously, exactly ALL of the panels featuring Wilbur by his computer is comedy gold, today we get him clamping a huge sandwhich in his orangutang-esque hand, totally engrossed in his alleged son’s incredibly well-formulated facebook messages.

  57. groddeck
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    #49 – Thanks, bb,u. I might celebrate Wilbur Weston-style – jam a sandwich in my mouth while emailing some bastard.

  58. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    54. 8th Man Fan
    re: catalogs-by-mail – WHAT WILL PLUGGERS DO?!!

  59. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Wilbur is eating a sandwich. There is another full sandwich on the plate. In panel two, he had one sandwich fully in his mouth while the plated sandwich remains. Is there enough olive loaf in the universe for two Wilbur sandwiches?

  60. doug rogers
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @55, Thor. Or same caption, and Dennis is cutting up the old man’s skin mags.

  61. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wilbur has no gag reflex. There’s a lot of places you could go with that, but none of them are likely to result in siring offspring.

    MT: “No no, can I do that line again. I’m just getting the essence of my hillbilly sheriff character. Ahem. Well lookee here, seems like we got us a fella who ain’t from ’round these parts.”

    BB: Hey, Greg Walker, we ‘mudges are amateurs, but we’re gifted amateurs. You don’t have to make it quite this easy for us.

    9CL: Hey, I just want to check something. The Allies still won WW2, right? I didn’t slip into an alternate universe?

    S-M: If you want to know why they’re called “New York’s Finest”, you’ll have to look elsewhere to find out.

    MC: Might get angry letters, but hugely funny.

    PBS: I hope the real John Flynn has a sense of humor.

    Garfield: Actually Jon, those are… Well, let’s call them “personal massagers.” The fine folks at Adam and Eve thought they’d be more festive if they looked like pecan logs.

    FC: Because as we all know, there’s nothing kids like better than to look through catalogs.

    DT: “And furthermore, why are you playing it with a windshield wiper?”

  62. BigTed
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    I guess it’s common for geeks like Wilbur to keep all the necessities at hand when they’re busy at their computers. But using a sandwich as your mousepad is going too far.

  63. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wilber! White bread?? Come on, man, use some whole wheat or rye. You’re gonna need the roughage after all those salmon squares you’ve been skarfing down.

  64. Black Drazon
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    It’s nice of Dawn to recognize that this is a two sandwich crisis, and also that her father’s legs have gone numb in his chair at the thought that he might have to add to his holiday shopping list.

  65. Krazy Kat
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    Sweet!! Does anyone else foresee Mark punching and/or kicking his way out of a holding cell? Anyone?

  66. Joe Blevins
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    MT: Oh, how I wish Mark Trail could have room for four panels, so there could be a “Meanwhile..” cutaway to Rusty during all of this! I imagine by this point he’s singing Pink Floyd’s The Wall in its entirety to entertain himself, and he’s just gotten up to “Comfortably Numb.” Also, Sassy has lifted her leg on him like three times now.

    MW: Social networkin’ is tough work! It requires not just a sandwich but a back-up sandwich as well. I can only imagine the sustenance Wilbur would need to, say, watch the Olympics on TV.

  67. fishmorgjp
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    Wow, the Cute Chick in B.C. has really devolved… she used to be all curvy, but now she looks a bit like a novelty candle that had been stored in a hot attic: softened into a shapeless form. (This has also happened to Fat Broad.)

  68. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    61. Artist formally known as Ben
    PBS: Here is Pastis’ actual meeting with John Glynn.

  69. Alan's Addiction
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    I note that “B.C.” is pioneering Sarah Palin’s next controversial wolf hunting program: wolf strangling, only for the toughest (and most insane) women.
    Wait a minute – when did “Mark Trail” become “Dukes of Hazzard?” Elrod better make sure he has the appropriate copyright permission, or else his car, or house, or even Mark, might get blowed up by the Duke boys.
    Wow, I’d like to nominate the punchline in today’s “Beetle Bailey” as the dirtiest line I’ve ever seen in a newspaper, even in context. I only hope Beetle stops before the body cavity search.
    I foresee amazing things from this “Mary Worth” storyline, in which Wilbur will undoubtedly initially reject his Internet son, and then form some sort of deep, lasting (and stupid) emotional bond at Mary’s urging. It’s amazing because it might be the first time that the “Mary Worth” writers acknowledge that technology can bring people closer together. Oh, you might think they’ve been doing that through years of showing random telephone conversations, but I tend to discount those as they usually involve Mary, and any interaction with her tends to be horrible for everyone involved.

  70. Charles Dexter Ward
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    I’m sure there’s a fetish involving watching overweight, middle-aged men stare at a computer screen and stuff sandwiches in their mouths. I’m glad Mary Worth is catering to that under-reached demographic, but the rest of us are faintly nauseated.

  71. JC Lisbon
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    I think Mark Trail is about to be subject to some Porky’s-style justice. Let me rephrase that: I HOPE Mark Trail is about to be subject to some Porky’s-style justice.

  72. Chip Whittle
    December 15th, 2009 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    “Please, Mister Wilbur, you’ve got to help me! I’m the poor Mopey Comic Book Guy in Funky Winkerbean and growing up to be you is still marginally better than my fate if I stay here, where I’ll get locked out of my store, try to break in, be shot by a vigilante who runs off in a blind panic, have my shop vandalized by opportunist robbers, who rub Cholera Sticks over me so my wounds get infected before the lead cancer gets me!”

    Apartment 3-G: “Money, power, and connections can’t fix everything, Martin! Money, power, connections, and charm can’t do a thing…Money, power, connections, charm, empathy, attractiveness for an Apartment 3-G male I guess, and a relentless desire to make good on things can’t…look, I’ll come in again.”

    Curtis: But if they can’t bring in something hallucinogen-laced how are they ever going to have a Kwanzaa Story?

  73. Joe Blevins
    December 15th, 2009 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    BC: It is worth noting that the thought balloon in panel one makes sense when attributed to either character.

    BB: It’s no longer subtext at this point, right? It’s just text. Soon it will be diagrams.

  74. Professor Fate
    December 15th, 2009 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    MT: This is turning into a Bob and Ray version of Mark Trail – next Mark returns to the car with some chewing tobacco and a hose – The tobacco is for him and the hose is so the little fella can breathe while the tide is in.

    MW: That Wiblur is able to unhinge his jaw to eat sandwhiches means that he’s not really human and therefore could not be this kids father.

    FW: Other’s have noted this – how do they know it’s from Oaklahoma? How big is the closet in Funkyland?

  75. Steve the Pocket
    December 15th, 2009 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Bizarro: Win.

    Curtis: The “no religious symbols” instruction is the most reasonable of those guidelines, since who puts religious symbols on cookies? — and yet it will probably account for the bulk of empathetically angry letters from readers.

    Dilbert: Man, I coulda used someone like Alice when I staffed the computer labs at college. Those schizophrenic printers would claim to be jammed every other print job, even though they pretty much never were.

    Foob: Who is this schmuck anyway? I don’t recognize him from the newer strips and he’s clearly not the sleazebag he went out drinking with a while back.

    My Cage: Also win. Can I still complain that 90210 is a dated reference though?

  76. Fashion Police
    December 15th, 2009 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    We understand Miss Magee’s disdain. A round-neck sweater, buttoned-up dress shirt and no necktie? Thoughtless! We wouldn’t want to be seen with him either.

  77. Mardou Fox
    December 15th, 2009 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    #65: Mark’s moral boundaries are so rigid that I’m pretty sure just throwing that water heater, oil drum, or whatever it was through the window may have unhinged him permanently. When he wakes up with no pants and the Sheriff is telling him he’s “the purtiest man he’s seen in a long time,” there will definitely be no return. At the very least, Mark will punch his way to freedom, steal a car, drive down to the beach to grab what’s left of Rusty, then make a run for the border, but end up driving into a canyon with Rusty, Thelma-and-Louise-style. It is going to be so great!

  78. commodorejohn
    December 15th, 2009 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    A3G – You know, as much as we celebrate moments of over-the-top Margo-ness like “my naked, ringless fingers! and WHACK WHACK WHACK, I think we should stop to appreciate the little things every now and again. Today’s strip isn’t anything ludicrously awesome, but there’s something satisfying about Margo’s casual, icy putdown of her own father.

    BB – God dammit, Beetle Bailey, this isn’t even sporting.

    DT – It’s nice to know that the musical instruments in Dick Tracy are as deformed as the hands that play them.

    FW – Yeah, I’m thinking “show tune” here is code for “gay.”


    Luann – If they’d just switch Quill with Gunther, they’d have all the assholes in one convenient target cluster.

    MT – Okay, that settles it. There needs to be a Mark Trail movie, if only to see John Goodman playing this guy on the big screen.

    MW – Wow! This is almost as thrilling as the time Electro sat in an office chair and ate a sandwich!

    PBS – It’s for the greater good.

    Pluggers – Pluggers consider mailmen the peak of literacy. This probably means that Pluggers hate mailment for thinking they’re better than them, the elitist guvmint snobs.

    RMMD – Aww, mother-daughter trash-talking. It’s the Morgan family way!

    SM – Sure, why not.

    Edison Lee – Maybe I’ve been coming at this all wrong. Maybe Edison Lee is written from the perspective of a person whose entire knowledge of human society and culture comes from watching broadcast TV. Maybe this person has gone so far as to mistake the portrayal for the thing itself. Maybe this is what Plato’s Cave would look like if the shadows were infomercials, network news, and reruns.

    Ziggy – Ziggy’s life is so empty that, even with nothing but static coming over the converted airwaves, he still sits and stare blankly at the TV, which for some reason is placed at a 90° angle to his chair.

  79. aldos
    December 15th, 2009 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    47. Thomas B. – I thought the same thing about Pulp Fiction. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m ready to see Mark get ass-raped by the sheriff from Smokey and the Bandit.

  80. DAS
    December 15th, 2009 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    My previous comment was eated, so let me try again.

    MT: like RMMD, MT seems to be going down the “gay porn” set-up ally.

    MW: is Wilbur’s love child Mary herself? Who else communicates in such a stilted manner.

    BC: is BC acknowledging evolution? Didn’t God create domesticated dogs just like every other beast?

  81. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    78. commodorejohn
    re: Electro – At least Electro’s eating whole wheat.

  82. wossname
    December 15th, 2009 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    B. Racoon @ yy132 – I am so there! bourbon babe speaks highly of your hospitality and food and drink (at least, I THINK that’s what she was praising).

    Congrats to ChrisV82 and all the floatriders!

    DT – I don’t know how Longhair Sr. can tell much about the tone of the violin, since Longhair Jr. is holding his THUMB across the fingerboard. I think you’re supposed to be pressing your FINGERS on the strings, not-Yehudi-Menuhin!
    (Also, as usual with DT, I’m fairly confused already about this plot. Didn’t Longhair Jr. have a brother, also longhaired, a few days ago?)

    FOOB – heh heh – heh heh – he said “pearl necklace,” Beavis.

    (Memo to self: Watch for the new day’s thread to start, rather than repeatedly refreshing the previous day and wondering why nobody has anything to snark in there.)

  83. Calico
    December 15th, 2009 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    Jesus, Wilbur – two whole Wonder bread sandwiches?
    Are they leftovers from the last horrible, salmonella-infested Pool Party?

  84. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 15th, 2009 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    BB: “Turns out, he had an ace in the hole.”

  85. Calico
    December 15th, 2009 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    #82 – In an ep of (British) Kitchen Nightmares, poor depressed Nick Anderson, a one-time Michelin Star winner, is doing some caramel/chocolate dot-thingys around a plate rim.
    Ramsay says something like, “Jesus, that looks like a pearl necklace I gave to my ex-girlfriend.”
    Hehheh heh heh heh

  86. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 15th, 2009 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    #75 Steve the Pocket,
    Thanks to desperate lack of ideas, 90210 is back on the air.

  87. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 15th, 2009 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    H&J: To be fair, eBay should have picked up on the fact that that “Great Pyramid at Giza [buy now]” listing was violating their terms of service.

  88. Calico
    December 15th, 2009 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    #46 – Yeah, this is getting a little too Quentin T. for me.

    I like the other day’s strip, though, when Mark is in the store and he finds a jack – and the Jackelrod Ball ™ is right in front of him. Good times.

  89. Terry in Silver Spring
    December 15th, 2009 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    The plot of Mark Trail is heading precariously toward the convergence with the HBO series Oz.

  90. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 15th, 2009 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns: That is exactly how I picture the person on the phone who says that kind of crap, so well done there.

  91. Master Softheart
    December 15th, 2009 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    I previewed and everything, but my comments have vanished – perhaps my reference to Basque separatists triggered some kind of government alarm and I will soon be disappeared. Oh well, at least while being waterboarded by Steve Shanon’s colleagues in Guantanamo Bay I will have memories of today’s Mark Trail to comfort me.

  92. B. Racoon
    December 15th, 2009 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    wossname @82 – Excellent!

  93. The Ridger
    December 15th, 2009 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @18 bourbon babe: Absolutely. Sam’s like “So I poked him, and when he hit me, I had to defend myself!” Tool.

  94. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    December 15th, 2009 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    White bread: $1.89
    Olive loaf: $3.42
    Mayo: 1.21
    Unknown son: Priceless

  95. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    December 15th, 2009 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    So currently in Mark Trail, Mark has been battered on the head, is about to go to jail and Rusty is about to die . . . it’s starting to feel a lot like Christmas!

  96. wossname
    December 15th, 2009 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    91 Master Softheart – There is a long and erudite post from you (and I’d expect nothing less!) at the end of yesterthread. I observed this while I was hanging around there forlornly hitting F5.

  97. gnome de blog
    December 15th, 2009 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    What’s up with Tom Batiuk channelling other cartoonists? First he borrowed the “15′ll get you 20″ riff from Luann. Now he’s going for a double play: Derrick and Onion-like goons from Curtis and random Rogers & Hammerstein from Mary Worth.

    Since I’m not among those convinced Batiuk has gone ’round the bend (well, any more than Brooke McEldowney has) I can only conclude he’s sending a message. To whom I have no clue.

    Supercilious obscurantism doesn’t work for McEldowney either.

  98. ElkMeadow
    December 15th, 2009 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    #30 AmazingThor asked for an update on 9CWL.

    Okay, here goes:

    Gram is a USO singer (which is to say, a civilian volunteer) who is ordered by the US Military to sing Mozart to German POWs in Britian and get them to tell their military secrets to her while holding her hands after her performances. She falls in love with the officer who is ordering her around. His name is Bill.

    Now remember this: The Americans are the enemy in Britian, and are considered to be worse than the Germans. The strip makes that very clear. There are no Nazis in this world, just Germans. Who are probably simply misunderstood.

    And so here we all are together: There’s a German officer of such magnificient Aryan beauty, who Gram just saw, that caused her to say, “Wow”. So we may assume that he looked like Seth, because that’s the one whom all the women in the strip drool over, and he has blonde hair, blue eyes and muscle.

    So the question coming up is: which one is Juliette’s bio-dad, and which is her was-there-when-she-was-born dad?

    As if anyone has to ask.

    ( As to whom she married, his last name was O’Malley.)

    And why is the USO being picked on? I think it’s because a certain cartoonist didn’t get to go to Iraq and ride a helicopter.

  99. Poteet
    December 15th, 2009 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    # 91 Master — I wrote a complicated comment at the end of the last thread and it disappeared into the ether when I tried to post it. You are not alone. And I don’t have the fortitude to try to remember and write it again, so as my mother used to say, it musta been a lie.

  100. gnome de blog
    December 15th, 2009 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    Philosophical conundrum: can Mark Trail ever punch a Law Enforcement Officer, even a cigar-chomping sideburner?

  101. Hibbleton
    December 15th, 2009 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I like how the snow has turned every bit of Martin’s car white: tires, trim, chrome, upholstery . . . Must be symbolic of his pure intentions or sumtin.

  102. Poteet
    December 15th, 2009 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    9CL — I don’t understand all these “wows.” Wow, he looks like a real asshole? Wow, his silhouetted head looks like a giant lima bean? Wow, his silhouetted thumb looks like a lollipop? Wow, Granny had a secret thing for Wehrmacht uniforms? Wow, if Mom is half-Nazi, that would explain a lot?

  103. gnome de blog
    December 15th, 2009 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and what’s with Rex, June and widdle Sawah going off on a six-month cruise and coming back three days early!? How do you come back three days early from a cruise? Did they hire a helicopter to pick them up at sea?

    June sure is cute when she’s mad, though.

  104. Spunde
    December 15th, 2009 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Can anyone make out what’s on Universal Press Syndicate Vice President John Glynn’s coffee mug in today’s Pearls Before Swine? I’m sure it’s hilarious.

  105. Carlo
    December 15th, 2009 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    MW: I think there are actually three sandwiches there.

    There’s the one Wilbur is stuffing into his maw.

    There’s one to his right slightly in front of him.

    Then, from the perspective of panel 2, the third sandwich is to his right and behind him.

    It’s a sandwich-a-palooza!

  106. MolyBendum
    December 15th, 2009 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail - The sheriff saying “Let’s go have a look at this bad boy” is throwing me off. “Bad boy” like “Oh Timmy, you’re such a bad boy!” or “bad boy” like “You gotta see my new Corvette, check this bad boy out!”? Cuz in one of those, the sheriff will arrest Mark, in the other he’ll wax him up and ride him around town. Either way, they probably both involve a ball-gag.

  107. UncleJeff
    December 15th, 2009 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    BB: “I guess you’ll have to get naked.”
    Who else has Beetle said that to?
    a) Miss Buxley
    b) Miss Bips
    c) Sergeant Snorkle
    d) General Halftrack
    e) All of the above

  108. wossname
    December 15th, 2009 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    104 Spunde – I blew the mug up to screen-filling proportions, but still can’t make it out. It does seem to say SOMETHING, though — it’s not just a squiggle. I guess Pastis will have to tell us.

  109. Poteet
    December 15th, 2009 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    MW — Moy and Giella, I’m begging you. As a gift for the holiday season, please, please show us Wilbur’s college hair.

  110. SF_Reader
    December 15th, 2009 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    MW: Here we go again, Wilbur stuffing his face. What point is the author trying to make? That Wilbur is such a hard worker he has to have lunch in front of his computer, or that he’s such a loser eating a wonder bread sandwich (probably soaked in mayonaise) substitutes for human interaction.
    BB: Totally hot! Does this mean Sarge and Beetle have broken up?

  111. Chyron HR
    December 15th, 2009 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    B.C. – It’s the Flatwoods Monster! Oh, shit, what are we gonna do now?

    FOOB – It’s simply uncanny how well Lynn Johnston can imitate her drawing style from twenty-five years ago!

    Mary Worth – Better punchline: “These teens are not quite as hot as advertised.” (What do you mean it’s not a comedy?)

    Herb & Jamaal – “No, Herb, I bought a pyramid in which to entomb myself and my servant. You’re not claustrophobic, are you?”

    Luann – Let’s all enjoy the holiday stylings of the “Greg Evans Can’t be Bothered to Draw Anyone But the Main Cast” Carolers.

    Shoe – Ha ha! Lawyers! They suck! Why don’t they do something productive, like drawing somebody else’s comic after he dies?

  112. Binder's Butter Beans
    December 15th, 2009 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    MW: I like how Wilbur has a second sandwich waiting in the wings. I also like how he gained about 40 pounds between panel 1 and panel 2. What the hell is in those sandwiches?!

  113. Calico
    December 15th, 2009 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    #112 – I’m guessing pure beef tallow, with a bit of lettuce to alleviate the guilt.

  114. Paul K
    December 15th, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Anyone else starting to see a parallel between the story of Mark trail and Rusty and that of the Man and Boy in “The Road”? deserted seaside, empty stores…..

  115. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 15th, 2009 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    82 wossname: My praise for B. Racoon is wide-ranging, multi-faceted, and pretty much all-inclusive!

  116. Mardou Fox
    December 15th, 2009 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    Maybe instead of just being accidentally boring, the writers of Mary Worth are giving us a powerful depiction of how lonely, boring, and emotionally bankrupt this “online social networking” really is?

    Wilbur can remember his swingin’ college days, but he’s now so doughy that he can’t even summon up the energy to flash back to them. He hears the news that he may have a son, but it only bestirs him to make another sandwich and plop his pasty ass back down in front of that screen again.

    “In the year 2525…..”

  117. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    104. Spunde and 108. wossname
    I was thinking “Ah Ha! I get Pearls in print. Maybe that will be easier to read!”
    Well, it’s a bit easier. The second word is “eater” but I can’t make the first word out because it’s on a crease in the paper.
    Pastis! If you’re out there, give us a hand! PLEASE!

  118. cj
    December 15th, 2009 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    Sheriff Earl P. Judd is on the case, and all cases are solved quickly, as all suspects are guilty. The Sheriff also refers to everyone other than his deputy as “Hoss” or “Boy”.

    Meanwhile, “Rusty” has probably bled out, and we are all the better for it.

  119. ArchieNemesis
    December 15th, 2009 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail easily has several concussions from this fishing trip alone, which would explain his panicked numbskullery and poor station-wagon-handling skills.

    At least his history of getting conked on the noggin will help him forget the horror of Rusty slowly being smothered by the tide.

  120. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    99. Poteet
    If you were about to say something and forgot what you were going to say, my mother would proclaim, “Well, it must have been a lie.”
    She was not consistent with this. Other times she would say, “Don’t worry about it. If you forget it, it’s not important.”

  121. Bobdog
    December 15th, 2009 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    In the Mark Trail universe do the negatives of tobacco smoking outweigh the positives of a law enforcement uniform? Does the fact it’s a cigar instead of a cigarette count for anything? How am I to make an instant moral judgement/characterization about this sheriff character? All that’s clear is he has no facial hair.

  122. markytom
    December 15th, 2009 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    MW: It appears that Wilbur’s brutal, time-expansion “adventure” with FaceBook is merely the third Mary Worth lesson in a trilogy. 1) Toby buys something on the internet AND GETS RIPPED OFF! 2) Adran dates through the internet AND GETS RIPPED OFF! 3) Wilbur, no doubt, will painfully find out that using the internet only has one possible end result . . . HE WIL GET RIPPED OFF! The internet is truly evil.

  123. Bobdog
    December 15th, 2009 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    Two sandwiches Wilbur? Really? Actually, I’m not convinced, given the viewing angle of the last panel, that there is not in fact a third sandwich awaiting his gluttonous maw, sitting on an identical stack of green books to the one in the first panel.

  124. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    MT: I’ve got another slant on this Rusty thing. I say those pelicans will be helping him. Unless you’re a fish, pelicans are not predatory birds. In other words, they’re not mean spirited (or as mean spirited as a bird may be. What does that mean? I don’t know.) Anyway, somehow the pelicans will rescue Rusty and then… He’ll have to figure out a way to save Mark? NO!
    You see, after Mark is made prisoner he will be required to do the cooking for the jail. His World Famious™ pancakes will be so good that fat-bellied sheriff will become Mark’s friend for life and also let him go!

  125. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    And yes. Mark’s pancakes are “Famious” not “Famous”.

  126. Thomas B.
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:12 pm [Reply]


    Um…I…think it’s funnier to joke about it rather than say that I’m ready to see Mark get…um, well what you said. I…I…um really don’t want to see that. Alluding to it is enough for me. But thanks for the feedback.

  127. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    122 markytom
    I think the makers of “Mary Worth” are trying to get back at this blog in an internet sort of way. HA! Josh has caused them to hate the internet.
    They better embrace the internet. It may become the only way to see the comics someday.

  128. JB
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    No no no, the swingin’ 70s is too early for Wilbur! God help us, I want to see Wilbur in the early 80s, sporting his ‘fro, red pleather jacket, matching pants pulled high over his white socks and black shoes, and with his single sparkly white glove moonwalking to an all-too-prophetic rendition of ‘Billy Jean,’ whom he to this day avers is NOT his lover–and the kid is most assuredly NOT his son!…

  129. Uncle Lumpy
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    Today’s comics work better up-and-down:

    “Well, let’s go have a look at this bad boy! I guess you’ll have to get naked!”

    “It’s been so long . . . what good would come of it? (Later) Of course, it can have its advantages.”

  130. Black Drazon
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    I would like to add to the growing pile of “the bullies in FW are totally more into show tunes than this guy” by mentioning that I didn’t even know that was a show tune, because it’s been expropriated by so many other things that I honestly thought it was a single (only a few show tunes work so well out of context). So what’re the bullies getting at? “If you keep singing show tunes I’m gonna cut you up so bad you’ll look like the Phantom as portrayed by Colm Wilkinson from the long-running but now-closed Toronto production of Phantom of the Opera!”

  131. Violet
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    Wilbur: What the…? I never said I loved his mother; I just said I nailed her. Is this thing on auto-euphemize?

  132. Dicky
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    46, Digger: He should just be well restrained, fully clothed, gag optional. If your scenario were to play out, you’d miss out on at least half the fun.

    Where does Mark Trail take place again? Depending on the state, Castle Doctrine may have allowed Mark to have been destroyed without police intervention. What a foolish store owner Joe is. Who needs the cops when you can execute him in any manner you choose?

    The major reasons I can think of for Kurt to want to know his biological father are illness for which genetic history would be helpful, illness for which family donors would be helpful, or father issues unresolved even after how many years of life (30+?).
    As per Wilbur’s thought bubbles and previous response, he really ought to succinctly inform Kurt of his lack of desire to meet him and make it clear he does not want any relation with him. Then we could have another stalker scenario~ The only interesting anagram of his name is knave ruts, so he’s a ne’er-do-well with a daddy fetish?

  133. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    FW: I think that what we’re seeing is a new “Les-like” character. If I remember correctly, Les was always being stuffed in his locker back in high school. That’s what this skinny guy’s fate seems to be now. Locker bound.
    We’ll then hear these words coming from the locker, “Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen…” (not a show tune).

  134. Mardou Fox
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    I got an extra kick out of Beetle Bailey because I have this friend who, well, let’s just say she’s a little secretive about her love life, but quite some time ago I figured out that if she said she had “played a few games of cards with” a guy, it really meant, well… more than just gin rummy.

    Does the whole world use this code and I just didn’t know it?

  135. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    134. Mardou Fox
    If everybody knew it then it wouldn’t be a code.

  136. Calico
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    #122 – Hahaha!
    This comic is so very hysterical if one is in the right frame of mind.
    A Ménage à trois of internet pathos and deception in MW is actually a really funny concept.

  137. Mardou Fox
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    135: D’oh!! Right!

    I like your idea of the pot-bellied sheriff being Mark’s friend for life (through the magic of pancakes). His world view would be better-rounded if he had a few shady pals!

  138. Marthas Rolling Pin
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    #133 Sequitur, Ah, but there is a show tune that would be appropriate:

    I gets weary, and sick of trying,
    I’m tired of living, but scared of dying…

    Could be the show tune theme for all of FW.

  139. mr 12 oz can
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    im digging up the bodies of paul williams and jackie gleason to film this part of the mark trail saga .by the way is lost forest near hooterville because im pretty sure mr goodwrench called the sheriff from the telephone pole.

  140. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    #129 – “Domestication is a blatant affront to my predatorial nature. I guess you’ll have to get naked!”

  141. Thomas B.
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:51 pm [Reply]


    Here is where the kids needs to introduce a bully paradox.

    Bully 1: Only a sissy would sing a show tune like ‘Oh what a beautiful morning’.

    Bully 2: Yeah, any guy that can spot a song from ‘Oklahoma’ should get his butt kicked.

    Bully 1: Yeah, for sure!

    Les’ reincarnation (to Bully 2): Yeah, can you believe this guy (points to Bully 1) knows ‘Oh what a beautiful morning’ just from hearing two bars?

    Bully 2: Hey, yeah he does.

    Les’ reincarnation (to Bully 1): Oh but this guy (Bully 2), he knew the production.

    Bully 1: Hey, that true. (to Bully 2) How do you know the production sissy?

    Bully 2: How do you know the song so well wimp? (Pushes Bully 1).

    Bully 1: Wimp!
    Bully 2: Sissy!

    They fight while Les 2 gets away. Bugs Bunny does it all the time. Of course, such a happy ending could never occur in FW.

  142. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    138. Marthas Rolling Pin
    Everybody! Altogether now!
    “But ol’ man river He jes’ keeps rollin’ along!”

  143. Anonamuse
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    Master Softheart @ 91: I sure hope you haven’t been disappeared. I almost brought Somali pirates into the discussion the other day. Can’t remember why it seemed relevant at the time, but now I’m glad I didn’t. May have been a narrow escape. *Shiver, shiver*

    Poteet @ 99: What your, as well as Sequitur’s, mother useta say is cute. Haven’t heard that one before. :)

    UncleJeff @ 107: Ooh! Ooh! I know the answer! Pick me, pick me!

    Thanks to bourbon babe, I know that the correct choice is of course: (e) all of the above!

  144. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    141. Thomas B.
    I like your scenario. But doesn’t the first person have to be dead to have a reincarnation?
    But wait, this is Funkyworld. Les could be dead and nobody would give it a second thought. It wouldn’t even be reported in the press.

  145. It\'s time to pay the price
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    Oh god, its Pulp Fiction all over again. I can’t wait till Andy busts in with a Samurai Sword in his mouth to cut those motherfuckers down.

  146. Carlo
    December 15th, 2009 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    139 12 oz: I think Paul Williams is still alive, which would make your plan a little awkward.

  147. KarMann
    December 15th, 2009 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    @117 Sequitur, 104 Spunde and 108 wossname: I can make it out pretty easily in the print version. First line “Argyle”, second “eater”, with the presumed “sw” hidden by the curve of the mug.

  148. gkl
    December 15th, 2009 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    MW: I can’t imagine Wilbur is this guy’s father. There’s absolutely no resemblance in the font. Typographicogenetically, the only way Wilbur could possibly be the dad is if he had sex with a dingbat.

    (or perhaps he’s the dingbat, but that would require him to have had sex with Garamond or Gill Sans, and frankly, they can do better.)

  149. Anonamuse
    December 15th, 2009 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    Violet @ 131: Absolute comment perfection. :)

  150. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    As of the time of this writing, Paul Williams is still alive.
    He was known for writing multiple hit popular tunes and for several film roles like the one he played in “Smoky and the Bandit.”
    One of his most ironic roles was a role in Star Trek: Voyager as Prelate Koru of the Qomar Planetary Alliance, a race technologically superior to the Federation but lacking musical ability.

  151. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    December 15th, 2009 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    Re-FOOB: A pearl necklace?? John, you idiot, you don’t need to go to the jewelry store to give SmElly a pearl necklace!!

    The real question is, who in thier right mind would want to????

  152. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    147. KarMann

    148. gkl
    Oh, gosh. You just gave me this mental image of Wilber having sex with Edith Bunker. [BRAIN FLUSH NEEDED!]
    Although it could make sense.

  153. KarMann
    December 15th, 2009 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur #144: You’ve seen The Sixth Sense, haven’t you? How do you think Les communicates so well with Lisa, after all?

  154. ElkMeadow
    December 15th, 2009 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    #132 Dicky. I agree that those are good reasons for Kurt to find out if Wilbur is his bio. pa, to get those answers. But he doesn’t have to do it by having a meeting, like, RIGHT NOW!

    #139 12oz. I LIKE Paul Williams. Please don’t bury him. *whimper*

    We’ll remember you, Ed-dy
    through the sacrifice you made
    we can’t believe the price you paid
    for looooovvvve
    for loooooove!

    And for a note of shock and horror: There’s a remake of Phantom of the Paradise coming soon!

  155. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    153. KarMann
    But instead of Les saying, “I see dead people”, he can now say, “I am dead people.” Or alternatively, “I am dead, people. SO LEAVE ME ALONE!”

  156. Poteet
    December 15th, 2009 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    # 120 Sequitur — Yes. Exactly. And my mother used correct grammar, so I’m glad she doesn’t visit this site. I’m the one who sometimes says “musta.”

    # 143 Anonamuse — And sometimes, re the lying part, she was right:-).

    # 154 ElkMeadow — Are any ghastly details about the remake available?

  157. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 15th, 2009 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    124 Sequitur: Interesting. So Rusty might be okay … unless he’s pale and damp enough to be mistaken for a fish? …. or unless the pelicans are having a really bad day and decide to take out their frustration …. or unless the shrikes show up?

    I’m just trying to make sure we have some back-up plans here.

    I’m not so sure about the pancake scenario. I have a feeling that the only time Mark sets foot in the kitchen is when he’s on his way out the back door. Now, if we’re talking about Sandman, I think we’d be having us some pancakes!

    143 Anonamuse: Yay for “all of the above”! (Now that the semester is done, I’m planning to have an “all of the above” couple of weeks.)

  158. gnome de blog
    December 15th, 2009 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    121 Bobdog – Sideburns. He has sideburns.

  159. yanni
    December 15th, 2009 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    You know, I can’t help but think that the Mary Worth writers are giving us a look at Peter Parker’s future-self.

  160. TheDiva
    December 15th, 2009 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    FW: Just in time for the holidays, it’s a retelling of the Matthew Shepard story. Merry Christmas, everyone!

  161. Jamus The Bartender
    December 15th, 2009 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    BC: Okay, that can’t be Cute Chick. Cute Chick has always been sort of laid back, but with strong feminist ideals. Not that feminists can’t say things like ” woofy, puppy, wiffy” and all that, but this lady is crazy. But,she’s also kinda hot, so i’m gonna call her Crazy Cave Babe. And, as most of you know, I kinda find crazy attractive.
    9CL: Wow. Grandma Burber dated a Nazi. Is this where see the start of a new strip, ” Edie Ernst, She Wolf Of The SS”?
    FOOB: Yeah, I know it’s immature as hell, but I stopped reading and lost it at the sentence” A pearl necklace would be perfect.” Best. FOOB. Ever. :)
    Luann: Those nursing home residents are gonna be witness to some of the worst carnage they’ve seen since Okinawa.
    Sally Forth: YAY, Sally’s ball busting mother, and Ted’s crazy dysfunctional parents are coming to visit for the holidays. Okay, does anyone know the fate of Sally’s father? Is he still around, or…not?
    Rex Morgan: Finally, a Rex Morgan storyline I can relate to….hot blonde babe breaks into the house and rummages through all of Rex and June’s things, and stays for weeks on end, using the shower first and prancing through the house in a towel. Can TOTALLY relate.
    Mary Worth: No good can possibly come of this, Wilbur. Get an account with and have some REAL fun.
    Mark Trail: I’d hate to be the preacher who has to give the eulogy at Rusty’s funeral……
    Judge Parker: Oh…right. Rocky and hot wife Godiva who looooves horses are still at Abbey’s guest cottage. We saw them….what was it, September?

  162. zerowolf
    December 15th, 2009 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    Barney Google: That, and he’s the only brother she has.

  163. Revenge of Chesnut
    December 15th, 2009 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    Ohhh, those are BOOKS on Wilbur’s desk. I totally thought he was resourcefully keeping sandwich numero dos nice and melty by setting a metal plate on top of his warm disk drive. I must admit I am disappointed.

  164. Jumper
    December 15th, 2009 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    Nekrotzar #1
    Thank you!

  165. zerowolf
    December 15th, 2009 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    FW: Because nothing says Happy Holidays like a gay-bashing story arc.

  166. Bryan
    December 15th, 2009 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    154, ElkMeadow: There’s a remake of Phantom of the Paradise coming soon!

    Oh, fer crying out loud. What’s next, a remake of The Apple?

  167. Jamus The Bartender
    December 15th, 2009 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    FW: I was kinda hoping the bully was gonna get into an argument with the skinny kid over which musical was better, “Oklahoma” or ” Cabaret”, but that’s not gonna happen, is it?

  168. Jimmyleg Jehosephat
    December 15th, 2009 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    Jumper called “In the Heat of the Night” 3 days ago. Very prescient.

  169. Charterstoned
    December 15th, 2009 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    MW – Unless he has done a complete personality about-face, Wilbur’s long-ago romance most likely consisted of “comforting” himself whilst only imagining the girl, after having been stuffed in a locker by the cool guys.

  170. queek
    December 15th, 2009 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    134: probably not playing euchre, then. After all, in euchre, if you have a good hand, you can go alone.

  171. Poteet
    December 15th, 2009 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    BC — It’s been awhile since I saw Cute Chick, but I’m pretty sure she didn’t always look so deranged. Also, her hair used to be less bulbous. Unless that’s her head.

  172. littlestevie
    December 15th, 2009 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Mark will get thrown into some sort of lost forest prison camp straight out of Cool Hand Luke. He will be forced to grow sideburns by all of the poachers that are in the work camp he helped imprison. They will then throw Mark in a ring where he will be forced to punch himself out. Meanwhile Rusty will just float away.

  173. commodorejohn
    December 15th, 2009 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    #161 Jamus The Bartender – I imagine Sally’s mom probably devoured him after mating. Although that raises the question of where Jackie came from…

  174. gnome de blog
    December 15th, 2009 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    161 Jamus – and Ted has to buy a Christmas present for Sally’s mom. An electric-blue leather bustier would be perfect.

  175. gnome de blog
    December 15th, 2009 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    173 commodorejohn – who said Sally and Jackie have the same father?

  176. mr 12 oz can
    December 15th, 2009 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    sorry for thinking paul williams dead been awhile since i heard old fashion love song . but didnt he go into hiding when he didnt get the part of oliver in the brady bunch movie

  177. Crankenstank
    December 15th, 2009 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Beetle Bailey is exactly why “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was created.

  178. Crankenstank
    December 15th, 2009 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Mary Worth is exactly why “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was created.

  179. Aviatrix
    December 15th, 2009 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Oh like we’re supposed to believe anyone would hire Crankshaft to be a mall Santa. And why would he apply?

    RMMD: Someone writing this is bracing for the onslaught of holiday guests.

    MT: The stogie-chomping sideburned sheriff will turn out to be a former poacher for whom Mark arranged gainful employment. The tide will come in just far enough for Rusty to take a last gasping breath, and then it will recede before he drowns.

    Dicky @132: We’re thinking this episode is on the Florida panhandle, but it doesn’t really matter, because in the Mark Trail universe the correct think to do is always punch out the bad guys and then either take them to jail or help them mend their ways. It will turn out that the store closed because wrench-man couldn’t hire enough staff, so Mark, being judged not entirely evil will be offered a job.

  180. UnclGhost
    December 15th, 2009 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    Is this the first time we’ve found out what year it is in Funky Winkerbean in a while? I mean, before the flash-forward, it always seemed kind of like the 90′s, but I never knew it was intentional.

  181. Uncle Lumpy
    December 15th, 2009 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    Hey, cut the Cute Chick some slack — she’s contracted ninecielesis of the mouth and jaw. And yeah, it’s not a pretty picture.

  182. Carbunicle
    December 15th, 2009 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    Funky: Cliche out the ass much? Jesus. I dumped unky years ago but now I am actively anti-Funky.
    9CL: I said it before and I’ll say it again: Granny Burber is Eva Braun. There’s ‘irrelevant,’ ‘pretentious,’ ‘played-out,’ ‘bottom-of-the-barrel,’ and ‘Crock.’ A new niche may have to be carved out that is equidistant from all of these to accommodate this strip’s unique combination of flaws. Scotty, pass me the Venn generator and cross-circuit with the Meyers-Brigg matrix.
    Mark Trail So awesome. How will Andy save the day without revealing his secret identity as the only sentient in the entire Trailerverse?

  183. Écureuil Écumant
    December 15th, 2009 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Another thing I never dreamed I’d ever see in the comics: Spider-Man stroking the Jolly Green Giant’s scrotum.

  184. Spunde
    December 15th, 2009 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    @147 Thanks, KarMann. Not quite the knee slapper I expected, but I’m sure it tickled Pastis to do it.

  185. commodorejohn
    December 15th, 2009 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    #175 gnome de blog – Point. That would explain the sheer magnitude of the differences between the too, as well…

  186. Carbunicle
    December 15th, 2009 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    (Dang this forum for making me think about Funky Winkerbean)
    Unless there is a hee-larious rug-pull sometime this week and it turns out the bully-seeming seniors are the ones who love showtunes (ironically or not will have to be an exercise left for the FW enthusiast) and need someone to sing second tenor in their Rodgers-Hammerstein-based Christmas revue. And it turns out that the anemic locker-singer is the homphobe! Oh, the harhar!

  187. Poteet
    December 15th, 2009 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    # 181 Uncle Lumpy — Google says that word doesn’t exist, which means I’ve probably missed some very clever joke. Dang.

  188. Vince M
    December 15th, 2009 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    143: Anonamuse: Oh no, you just said ‘Somali pirates’! Oh no, wait – *I* just said ‘Somali pirates’! Oh, and again!

  189. Écureuil Écumant
    December 15th, 2009 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    @8 Muffaroo said: “Gil – I tried one of those Valley Tech drives, but it kept freezing up.”

    Well, you should have known it was doomed as soon as it “started to click”.

  190. James
    December 15th, 2009 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Archie is a solemn commentary on the preferential treatment athletes receive in schools. The only consolation the readers get is from the fact that coach obviously doesn’t know the answer to the problem and therefore cannot help Moose cheat. They’ll probably just call his teacher up and tell her to give him an A though anyway.

  191. James
    December 15th, 2009 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    Also, today’s Baldo seems to boil down to: “Haha! Tia Carmen is poor.”

  192. gkl
    December 15th, 2009 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    152 Sequitur: Yeah, that could cause Sally Struthers.

  193. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 15th, 2009 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    187 Poteet: I’m left standing on the curb right there with you, I’m afraid.

  194. Carrie ForthWorth
    December 15th, 2009 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    Wow, Sheriff J. W. Pepper showed up in Mark Trail! If Mark Trail is becoming a James Bond movie, then that means that Rusty is the poor, sacrificial victim who dies early on in the storyline. Oh well.

  195. LoFoMoFo
    December 15th, 2009 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    MT: I can’t wait to see Mark working on a chain gang and singing negro spirituals.

  196. Howlin' Wolf
    December 15th, 2009 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    I see this sheriff situation playing out Unforgiven-style. (Spoiler alert, for those of you who are scandalously behind on your teevee-watchin’.) I predict this here modern-day Little Bill flogs Rusty to death, then Mark hunts him down and blasts him. “I don’t deserve this … to die like this,” splutters the sheriff. “I don’t have facial hair!” But, of course, “Deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it.”

  197. Black Drazon
    December 15th, 2009 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    To really gasp this BC you need to look at the background of panel 1. “Whoa… puppy, my arms are… SO LONG. Lookadem! If I spread them wide enough they can touch the whole horizon!” Johnny Hart found religion, cute chick found the Special Berries Growing By That Rock.

  198. ElkMeadow
    December 15th, 2009 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    Re. Phantom of the Paradise remake:
    Not gonna be one! Whooho!

    Sorry I got everyone (and myself) twisted over this. From the

    Edward R. Pressman, who was credited as Producer on Phantom, has listed a remake of the film as “coming soon” on his website for years. We believe this is why some gullible soul submitted the supposed remake into the Internet Movie Database, which in turn occasionally inspires panicky fans to get in touch with us to ask “is it true?” (Our answer appears below, dated January 22, 2007.) Pressman’s website has now finally deleted reference to the project; the Phantom remake is now no longer listed there, so everyone can sleep easy. Sheesh.

    There were also rumors about a remake of the Henson/Bowie “Labyrinth”, but it turns out (thankfully!) to be remake of a 2003 French film by the same name.

  199. NoahSnark
    December 15th, 2009 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    I suspect that Beetle will not be completely satisfied until he checks Cosmo’s prostrate for playing cards.

  200. Mardou Fox
    December 15th, 2009 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    @172: I like how you think!

  201. Uncle Lumpy
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#187)

    “ninecielesis” = 9CL-esis.

  202. Bryan
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    201: “ninecielesis” = 9CL-esis.

    Ohhhhh….I totally didn’t get that.

  203. Farley's Revenge
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    MT: “What we have here is a failure to communicate.” Can you imagine Mark on a chain gang? I see him getting his clock cleaned every time the guards turn around, which they would do often, just because he won’t shut the hell up about pancakes and rusty jacks on the beach.

    Apropos of nothing and entirely non-comic related news from chez Farley: The older offspring is home from war in more or less one piece and he will be with us for Christmas. We haven’t seen him in three years, so we are just about giddy to have him home with us again.

  204. Farley's Revenge
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    MW: Man. Talk about gullible. Compared to Wilbur, even Toby looks like a total computer geek right now.

  205. Jamus The Bartender
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    203. Now THERE’S a Christmas present, congratulations, Farley. :)

  206. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    201. Uncle Lumpy
    Ah, I thought the joke was “cut the cute chick some slack” since she doen’t wear slacks!

    I’m starting to run now. Nope. Can’t hang around with a champaign cork pointed in my direction.

  207. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    203 Farley’s Revenge: That’s wonderful—you’re all going to have such a wonderful holiday!

  208. Farley's Revenge
    December 15th, 2009 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    Yup, we’re excited he’ll be here. If he follows form, he’ll come in, drop his gear, and go straight to bed for ten hours.

    I see Wilbur puts his sandwich on a stack of books. This depresses me, mainly because tonight, I put my Chik-Fil-A sandwich on a stack of books while I ate my salad. I hate the idea that I might have anything in common with that schlub.

  209. Buck Ripsnort
    December 16th, 2009 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    MT: Everyone else is riffing on In the Heat of the Night, but I know that there sheriff from MST3K’s The Crawling Hand, featuring Alan “Skipper” Hale as the completely useless lawman.

  210. Muffaroo
    December 16th, 2009 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    groddeck @37 – I don’t actually know much about yelling at kids on the lawn. To tell the truth, I didn’t really feel the urge before today. Now all of a sudden, I… I must… yell! If it wasn’t so dark, I’d go out and yell at a cloud.

    bourbon babe @48-9 – Thanks!

    My birthday present to all of you – Via WFMU’s “Beware of the Blog,” the references to the 365 Day Project reminded me of this (which is not part of the project). It’s “The Worst Comedy Album of All Time?”, Unkie Dunkie: The Baloney Slicer. The quality of this one is downright hypnotic. There’s the monotonous, stylized delivery of the wretched, hostile, misanthropic, misogynistic jokes. There’s the constant laughter of the apparently immense audience (which continues “unabated regardless of what he’s saying,” as one commenter points out). There’s the hyperactive rimshot drumming. There’s the overdone sound effects. I’ve listened to it repeatedly, and I am still amazed. What were they thinking? What? Were they thinking?

  211. Poteet
    December 16th, 2009 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    # 201 Uncle Lumpy — Poor Cute Chick. Thanks for the explanation.

  212. yaoi huntress earth
    December 16th, 2009 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    9CL: Given that the shadow of Gran’s true German love has a long face, anyone want to bet that he’s going to look like Brooke/Amos?

  213. Jamus The Bartender
    December 16th, 2009 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    212. So…that means Amos is one of the Boys From Brazil? Great…

  214. Poteet
    December 16th, 2009 at 1:21 am [Reply]


    MW — “Listen, Kurt, I haven’t asked any questions about your mother. And I’m not sure I even want to know whether she ever went fulltime with the pole-dancing.”

    MT — Rusty is gone, I hope he’s drifting out to seeeea…He always loved to swim awaaaay…Maybe he’ll find an island with a shady treeeee… Just like the one in our backyard…

  215. Poteet
    December 16th, 2009 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    12/16 ZITS — I’ve never seen Santa dressed in black before. Nice touch.

  216. BananaSam
    December 16th, 2009 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    MW- The stilted language of the email and the mystery man’s insistence that they meet suggest that Wilbur may soon be the victim of some sort of serial killer or con artist. Come to think of it, since they met on the Internet and this is Mary Worth it’s basically certain.

  217. KarMann
    December 16th, 2009 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    12/16 MT: Holy spit, will you get a load of that nose on Joe there!?! Truly Nixonian! It makes me Hopeful!

  218. KarMann
    December 16th, 2009 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    12/16 Speed Bump: @B. Racoon: Excuse me, good sir, but praytell, are those raccoons or Racoons in that comic strip? And is that your good self posting on this site, caught in the act?

  219. KarMann
    December 16th, 2009 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    Oh, and in the strange coincidence department, you folks who were talking about Paul Williams’ current state of being? Look at the TV in 12/16′s Dinette Set.

  220. Poteet
    December 16th, 2009 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    12/16 GA — Interesting. Every vet I’ve ever gone to has automatically had me go with the cat into the exam room so I can be there as she examines the cat and explains what she’s finding. I can see why Rufus might be better off in the waiting room, however.

  221. Jason1981
    December 16th, 2009 at 2:40 am [Reply]


    PBS: Rat, check out the Ziggy strip! You were told lies! LIES! There’s still no pants on Ziggy!

    RMMD: But she doesn’t HAVE to be your problem– Cue’s place is probably empty right now, and it’s not like it’d look any worse!

  222. KarMann
    December 16th, 2009 at 2:44 am [Reply]

    @Jason1981 #221: Must admit, first thing I did when I was reading PBS, before I even finished reading it, I scrolled down for a quick look at Ziggy. Very disappointing.


  223. bman
    December 16th, 2009 at 2:58 am [Reply]

    So apparently Wilbur gorges himself when he’s stressed. At the rate these stories progress, there will be an 800-pound gastropod frowning at that computer screen soon.

  224. Ed Dravecky
    December 16th, 2009 at 3:06 am [Reply]

    Steve the Pocket @75: There’s a new 90210 series currently running on The CW television network. They brought back Melrose Place, too. Sandwiches all around are in order for both casts.

  225. gnome de blog
    December 16th, 2009 at 3:32 am [Reply]

    No jail for Mark Trail. They’ll chain him to a log.

  226. Mibbitmaker
    December 16th, 2009 at 3:39 am [Reply]


    MW: Assuming it’s even the same woman, of course.

    MT: Gee, I WONDER WHY?

    GT: Hey! Stop glaring at the readers! You’ll blow the play!

    FC: …. and bears, oh my!….

    9CL: Good. They took the threat of a hate-based war enemy seriously then…

    Doonesbury: Garry’s really on a roll this week :o)

    A3G: “…. Eric left nothing to me — it all went to some Maggie woman!”

    Cranky: You bet your sweet headband he would!

    Cleats: Gee, kids, they seem to have this new thing now. I believe it’s called RECYCLING!!!

    DT: Wow, this sure took an awful Bing Crosbyish turn all of a sudden…

    PBS & Ziggy: I guess we can write off the cartoonists in cahoots (as JJJ would say) idea at this point….

  227. True Fable
    December 16th, 2009 at 3:47 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, NRA How old is this kid? Four? Fourteen? Forty? Whatever the number, she inherited her mother’s cold fish glare.

    Apartment of Doom “He left me eighteen bottles of Bland brand hair coloring.”

    Meddle Eyre GAH. First the panel with Wilbur stuffing his maw, then the second panel of Wilbur staring into space with his combover strands creeping across his balding pate like those stringy things squids have. GAH.

    Children of the Circle *raises hand* Yes, I must admit I pulled a Keane Moment when I set out the Creche this year: I put little plastic goats in the manger scene.


    Canadian Zombie Lynnie Baby reminds us again how much she despises and distrusts children.

    F-sharp Whirlygig Buck up, kid: you’re only setting the stage for an episode of Glee or High School Musical. Only in Batiuk-style it will be Flee or High School Trauma.

    Fist O Justice Theater Oh what a thrill ride we are on! Mark’s been slapped down by Barney Fife or someone, And who’s going to save Rusty? Tune in next time to Fist O Justice Theater, where we stretch believability beyond its lites!

  228. Mibbitmaker
    December 16th, 2009 at 4:04 am [Reply]

    “Hey… what‘re you two doing?”

    “We gotcha, thievin’ stranger! We don’t cotton to no strangers in these here parts, boy!”

    “I was desperate! My adopted son is pinned down by my car and the tide’ll drown him if we don’t get back there! I was going to pay you ba–”

    “Strangers have a nasty habbit o’ tellin’ lies. Yew lucky I’m in a good mood, boy. Real lucky!”

    “But we have to hurry! It’s — oh, gosh… sideburns? On an officer of the law? Aw, shoot!”

    “Don’t gimme ideas, boy.”

    “My name is Mark Trail. I’m a respected nature writ–”

    “You’re comin’ with US, stranger! NOW! — oh, and yew can f’get that ‘Mike Train’ malarky, boy. From now on, your name is gonna be ‘Miss Cole’!”


  229. Sheila Sternwell
    December 16th, 2009 at 4:14 am [Reply]

    Ziggy: Like everyone else, I went running to Ziggy to see if he was wearing pants, and no. No, he wasn’t. But he’s back behind the local mall Santa again, alone and unnoticed, watching little kids as they sit on Santa’s lap. So that should make Pastis feel better about being in bed with Ziggy, because Ziggy clearly has no interest in him. He only yearns for little kids carefully balanced upon the knee of a seasonal employee in a farted-up old Santa suit and fake beard caked with Cinnabon crumbs.

  230. Mr. O'Malley
    December 16th, 2009 at 4:19 am [Reply]

    Now that Wilbur’s on his second sandwich, he seems to have mellowed out a bit. But he’s also developing a bit of a list to the left.

    Don’t do it, Wilbur! We want to see you still sitting at your computer! Tell him to use videoconferencing!

  231. Strangefate
    December 16th, 2009 at 4:34 am [Reply]

    Does Wilbur really think someone is going to pretend to be his son if he isn’t? That’s like someone pretending to have a smaller penis than they really do. There’s just no scenario in which that makes sense.

  232. Strangefate
    December 16th, 2009 at 4:39 am [Reply]

    That said…

    Knowing the target demographic of Mary Worth is sixty-year old shut-ins, my guess is this might be an internet scam and that’s why we’re being treated to so many shots of a computer. Which, as I know from reading Pluggers, are viewed as sinister tools of the devil. Plus isn’t every plot in this strip about some chump almost getting scammed by a two-bit con artist, forcing Mary Worth to meddle in their lives for their own good?

  233. KarMann
    December 16th, 2009 at 5:54 am [Reply]

    12/16 DT: Oh, and if you liked the arc of the pipe wrench in the recent Mark Trail, you’ll love the trajectory of the ersatz Stradivarius in today’s Dick Tracy, along with the placement of the swelling from it on Junior’s face!

  234. John C Fremont
    December 16th, 2009 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    Wilbur Weston, the Dagwood Bumstead of Charterstone.

    A man, a plan, an endless supply of sandwiches.

    Thus spaketh Wilber Weston; “Hmmm… Maybe so. Nom, nom, nom…”

    Man, Wilber’s really cramming that sandwich into his face. Plus, I’ve never seen his combover drawn so lovingly. A visual feast! Much like his neverending supply of sandwiches! Boy, oh, boy, if I were a chick named Abby, I would so want to “do” him. And by “do,” I mean “run away screaming.” But lovingly run away.

    Damn. I could really go for a sandwich right about now.

  235. nerowolfgal
    December 16th, 2009 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    Dear god, Gil Throp is boring now that they are just covering football. I don’t care about football, BRING ON THE CRAZY!

  236. Bryan
    December 16th, 2009 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane: Everyone in this strip talks like they’re Mr. Spock. “According to my calculations, Captain, she is in your Earth year of 1944.” Better make sure she dies or Hitler wins WWII!
    Fred Bassett: Don’t give chocolate to dogs! Do, however, leer at Nigella Lawson.
    Gasoline Alley: This is a stupid plot, as usual, but I do sympathize with being madly in love with your cat’s vet.
    Herb & Jamall: Ha ha! Women like to gossip! Ha ha ha!

  237. Lucky
    December 16th, 2009 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    Family Circus – Manger scene, emperor Nero style.

    My old school once had a manger scene with a Yoshi in it. That was confusing and awesome.

    Fred Basset – Fred is contemplating suicide, it seems.

    Pearls Before Swine – Great, I’m never going to get that vision out of my head.

  238. hogenmogen
    December 16th, 2009 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    Spidey: You know he’s just going to rob another bank. What else can he do? Guys who wear black and white striped shirts always rob banks. He only needs to steal a mask and a black cap.

    MW: Wilbur still has questions about some chick he screwed 20 years ago? Like what? “Did she leave you the Madonna tape she borrowed from me?”

    MT: Woo hoo! Mark is unconscious and at the mercy of a couple of hillbillies. They’ve been waiting to re-enact the scene in Pulp Fiction where Marcellus Wallace gets sodomized by Zed, and suddenly fate drops a hunky load of man-meat right there at their feet! ——————————————————————————–
    Zed: Bring out the Gimp.
    Maynard: Gimp’s sleeping.
    Zed: Well, I guess you’re gonna have to go wake him up now, won’t you?

  239. Écureuil Écumant
    December 16th, 2009 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    GT: In an interesting holiday twist, Jamarr turns his back on the Star of Bethlehem and beats feet in the opposite direction, belately realizing that pigskin is probably not the gift of choice for the babe of a Yiddisheh mama.

  240. Écureuil Écumant
    December 16th, 2009 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    MT: Shur’f looks mighty much like LBJ in today’s second panel. Guess that’s why he wants to get Mark into the squad car quick: It’s better to have him inside the cruiser pissin’ out, than outside the cruiser pissin’ in.

  241. Little Guy
    December 16th, 2009 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    yZombieCavemen: So, since the death of Johnny Hart, Cute Chick now looks like Courtney Love?

    MT: Shave his head and put him in the same cell as Diana Palmer.

    PBS: Cartoonist-on-Ziggy action is too far even for Rule 34.

    Ghost-Who-Auditions-For-The-Old-Spice-Commercials: BOOMSby Prison!

    Funky Singalong Cancer Blog: I agree he should be beat up. Sing something from a good show, like “West Side Story” or “Spamalot”.

  242. heynoni
    December 16th, 2009 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    SHERIFF: Well, let’s go have a look at this bad boy….

    Cue guest-director Quentin Tarantino to take the storyline from here, to its inevitable, sado-masochistic conclusion.

  243. Mordock999
    December 16th, 2009 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann 12/16/09

    Later, at the Sleepy Creek Retirement Home –

    Luann – “Mrs. Horner? I’d like for you ro meet Quill, MY new friend and LATEST ‘Cute’ acquistion!”

    Mrs. Horner – “Why, I’m very PLEASED to meet you, Aaron Hill!”

    Luann – “Thats QUILL, Mrs. Horner!”

    Mrs. Horner – “My, my you sure can PICK them, Luann. This Aaron Hill CERTAINLY is a LOOKER!”

    Luann – “Quill, Mrs. Horner! QUILL!”

    Mrs. Horner – “All things considered, whats the DIFFERENCE, Luann Dear?”


    DEATH to TJ!!!

  244. Mardou Fox
    December 16th, 2009 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Mark will be thrown in jail not only for smashing windows and attempted old-jack-stealing, but for impersonating a UPS driver. Chain gang time!!!

    I must admit, when I opened up the comics page today and saw Mark Trail sprawled senseless, I giggled with hysterical glee! This is soooooo delicious!

    Meanwhile, back at the beach…. glub glub….burble….

  245. Little Guy
    December 16th, 2009 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    RMMD: So, why can’t we have an extended set of strips of Brook getting ready for bed by June?

  246. Terry in Silver Spring
    December 16th, 2009 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Sequiter said:
    “I’ve got another slant on this Rusty thing. I say those pelicans will be helping him. Unless you’re a fish, pelicans are not predatory birds. In other words, they’re not mean spirited (or as mean spirited as a bird may be. What does that mean? I don’t know.)”

    The most useful thing the pelicans can or will do is to fly over Rusty and poo on him.

  247. 60-Year Old Shut In
    December 16th, 2009 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Strangefate, 232 Let me tell you something, sonny. We are not the target audience for Mary Worth. You take that back right now, punk!

  248. Amateur
    December 16th, 2009 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    #203 — Congratulations!!

    MW: *Sigh* This is going to go on all week, isn’t it?

    Computer: If we meet, we can both discuss the love we had for my mother.
    Wilbur (chomping): Perhaps.

    Computer: My mother was a remarkable lady; we should meet to talk about her.
    Wilbur (chomping): He has a point.

    Computer: It would be nice to meet and discuss an amazing woman we both knew.
    Wilbur (chomping): This is true.


  249. gleeb
    December 16th, 2009 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    It’s a very misucal day in the comics.

    Dick: Violin-based violence! What will be this guy’s grisly fate? Crushed by an enormous bull fiddle? Crushed by an enormous bull named Fiddle?

    Edge City: Dance music based annoyance!

    ‘bean: Musical-theater-based dismissal! Who are these two, anyway? And has Wally blown his brains out yet?

    H&L: Dik Browne’s Suspicion. Needs a Bernard Herrmann score.

    Momma: Stephen-Foster-adapted nagging! Also, did she get that hat from the Bandar Doctor Guran?

  250. wossname
    December 16th, 2009 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    220 Poteet: I used to take my cats to a big vet clinic that did most procedures out of sight of the pet-owners, like in GA, which I didn’t really like. It was sort of an assembly line operation. Now I have a wonderful vet in a small, no-frills office who does everything in front of me, and spends a lot of time petting, talking to, and generally coochy-cooing the cats.

    203 Farley’s Revenge – that’s wonderful news! Hope y’all have a great holiday together. And in other military matters, MolyBendum, when do you get back?

  251. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 16th, 2009 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Edge City: So, that would be Anthrax’s “I’m the Man”, I guess?

  252. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 16th, 2009 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    R&R: …to pee on a tree? What, exactly, is the message here?

  253. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 16th, 2009 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    Gil: Panel 3 would have been perfect for the art on an Atari cartridge, circa 1982, containing some allegedly football-related moving-blob-of-pixels game. When I look at this strip, in fact, I can actually hear the sound effects.

    December 16th, 2009 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Spidey- Even Dyson isn’t stupid enough to put a reverse button on a vacuum. That’s just trouble waiting to happen.

    PBS- I don’t think eunuchs are normally wear pants anyway.

  255. Sequitur
    December 16th, 2009 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    I wonder who’s being featured here?

  256. Sequitur
    December 16th, 2009 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    DT: Being Dick Tracy, the next thing that will happen is a saxophone player will show up. Then we’ll have a comic(?) strip with sax and violins.

    ~~duck and cover!~~

  257. I am Jack's username
    December 16th, 2009 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    Re: Mark Trail

    Two words. Ass and Rape.

    Gleefully Yours,


  258. ElkMeadow
    December 17th, 2009 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    Sequitur, this is just a note, but have you ever thought that maybe the puns could be scaled back a bit?

    The last time we saw Ms. Horner in the same room with Luann and Gunther, she was trying to set them up. And now she’s not. So is Gunther the next Wilbur?

    Hey, Wilbur, it’s Facebook. Look at the kid’s Wall. See the pics. Does he even look like you? At least it seems Wilbur has the right idea–he can sit there, glued to that chair, chain-eating sandwiches and answer the questions. He doesn’t have to answer them truthfully–after all, the “relationship” with Abby was probably limited to her copying his notes before exams.

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