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Friday quickies

Crock, 4/9/10

You have to give a certain amount of credit to a strip that knows its limitations. Crock has repeatedly shown that it is unable to depict supposedly attractive characters as anything other than mangle-faced horrors; thus, to preserve our illusions about Otis’s adorable little girlfriend, it’s best that the strip has chosen to position her so she remains mostly unseen. If only the creators had been wise enough to similarly hide the fact that none of them have a clue what the hell an “iTunes” is.

Shoe, 4/9/10

I know that being one of the birds of Shoe means being cynical and world-weary about everything, but I hope that if I’m ever informed that the spirit of a dead loved one is attempting to communicate with me from beyond the grave, I would respond with something other than a belligerent “So?”

Pluggers, 4/9/10

Pluggers know that “copy editing” is for big city elitists.

457 responses to “Friday quickies”

  1. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    April 9th, 2010 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    Exactly how did they “swap” iTunes? I’m not sure I want to know.

  2. Megan (Best of Fates)
    April 9th, 2010 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    Ah, the old iTunes swap. When I was young, oh the stories I could tell. You met that special someone, insisted on seeing a note from a doctor verifying he’s (or she, depending) disease free, then you just let those ol’ iTunes free. Maybe they swap, maybe they don’t, but a good time’ll be had by all.

  3. tbiggs
    April 9th, 2010 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Maybe the plugger is using a York-ism. Pittsburg has its “yuns” (plural you) and other regional oddities of speech… perhaps York PA does as well. That’ just my idea; it’ anybody’ guess whether that’ actually true.

  4. Mardou Fox
    April 9th, 2010 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    I think this Plugger is trying to sound a little bit gangsta.

  5. Larry McAwful
    April 9th, 2010 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    That spirit from the grave that’s calling you, Mr. Fishhawk, is Jeff MacNelly. He’s tired of dying again, every day, on the comics page, and wants you to stop already.

  6. Thomas B.
    April 9th, 2010 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Pluggers

    Okay, I’m not sure how else to caption today’s Pluggers. Oh I got it:
    Pluggers know a doggie bag can be used to carry a pets’ meal…twice.

    or

    “C’mon, Boy. Finish Up!” made my mind wander to Plugger sex. Thank God this was actually about something far less repulsive, you know like a dog shitting three feet from your back porch.

  7. Chyron HR
    April 9th, 2010 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    Crock – This is just a rerun of a strip from the 80s, with “iTunes” in place of “Pac Man Fever”. And that was just a rerun of a strip from the 60s, with “Pac Man Fever” in place of “Chlamydia”.

    Pluggers – Like their owners, Plugger pets have trouble going to the bathroom.

  8. Écureuil Écumant
    April 9th, 2010 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    Shoe: Collect, huh? Why wouldn’t I be surprised if all Shoe’s relatives ended up in the celestial penitentiary. I wouldn’t take their calls either. If they want to buy extra ramens from the canteen, they can just earn ‘em the honest way by tossing some extra salad.

  9. ted in ftl
    April 9th, 2010 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    I can cope with the Pluggers typo – we all know that neither the syndicates nor the papers spend money on copy editors anymore, and the Pluggers “team” doesn’t care. I’m having problems with the anthropomorphic chicken having a non-anthropomorphic dog as a pet. That just seems wrong somehow (even for Pluggers)…

  10. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    April 9th, 2010 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    I just hope those kids are practicing safe swapping.

  11. StoutHearted
    April 9th, 2010 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Why doesn’t MW just come out and say it? The Johnsons have a problem with erectile dysfunction. Their argument is feeling like the precursor to an Enzyte commercial.

  12. Thomas B.
    April 9th, 2010 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Did you notice that each of the three Friday quickies has a foot wear reference?
    Crock(s), Shoe, and Nancy Shue.

    That was almost as good as the Friday with:
    Crankshaft, Dick Tracy, and Flash Gordon.

  13. Thomas B.
    April 9th, 2010 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#7): You win. Your Plugger joke is better.

  14. Sue D. Nymme
    April 9th, 2010 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    It’ time for a grammar smackdown!

  15. imperturbe
    April 9th, 2010 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    @StoutHearted (#11):

    People in Mary Worth don’t have erections. They don’t have genitalia.

  16. Thomas B.
    April 9th, 2010 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Don’t be so hard on the Plugger’s grammar; she is a 300 pound chicken lady. How bright could she be?

  17. Sue D. Nymme
    April 9th, 2010 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    I hereby award Bill Rechin 3 internets and 2 iTunes for today’s hilarious Crock.

  18. ZitherFan
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    @ted in ftl – Stay away from Disney comics then!

    Actually don’t – seek out and read the works of Carl Barks.

  19. Malethoth K
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    (DT)GT – Holy crap holy crap is Derek talking about gay sex right in front of Coach Kaz? Are we going to learn that he quit being a pitcher for Milford’s shittiest academic institution to play music and bang Lone Star Shirt Guy? Their tender embrace in the final panel is particularly poignant.

  20. Tom
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    In “Pluggers” is that her grandchild? Or someone else’s child? How can they have a pet dog when her neighbors might be dogs? Or maybe she’s baby sitting. I’m so confused. Anyone remember the Chicken Lady in “Kids in the Hall”? Rember her on a date he’s eating eggs and she says “it’s fresh, I laid it myself”. Do you think the Plugger chicken lady lays eggs and eats them or has she goe through menapause? Do chickens go through menapause? Man all these questions from a Pluggers strip. Scary I have this much time on my hands .

  21. Gnoll
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    As someone who has owned more than one iPod, I can safely say that swapping “iTunes” is not something enjoyable, nor can you do it more than a handful of times.

    I’m sure there’s a great sex metaphor here but it’s too early in the morning so lend me a hand.

  22. neographite
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Also, don’t pluggers sit around in regular-folks bars, drinking Coors and playing pool and listening to country music on the jukebox, precisely where they *would* experience a “last call?” Or have I confused this week’s nominalist, perdurable stereotype with last week’s?

  23. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Forget the copy editing. What’s that giant ball of light descending on them?!

  24. Edgy DC
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Far be it for me to admit that I don’t understand what the details of Crock represent, but isn’t Grossie’s mouth supposed to be hidden behind a veil of some sort? So how do we see daylight between her lips when viewing her in profile?

    Is this how the economic engine that is Crock has kept King Features afloat for 35 years?

  25. Larry McAwful
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    @23. Sequitur: The Rapture.

  26. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    MW: I believe that Bonnie and Fine Ernie should solve their problems by taking their mad interpretive-dance skilz on the road.

    A3G: Well, you can’t make “brat” without “rat,” now can you?

    SM: So Sabretooth will now journey to Miami to ask Spidey where he can find Wolverine in NYC? Why don’t they just rename this strip Dumb and Dumber and be done with it?

    Curtis: After all the “dangers of the damned peanuts” build-up, the climax is…. Curtis passing out. The anti-climaxes in this strip make the supposed high points in Spider-man look like screaming orgasms in comparison.

    MT: “I learned that some people think that after two guys assault a U.S. senator, shoot at a guy, and store poached-animal carcasses on their property, law-enforcement should be involved in the case! Is that not the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard?”

  27. Sue D. Nymme
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    “Must be… he said they swapped iTunes.”

    “iTunes? What’s iTunes?”

    “Instances of tricky uninhibited nasty extreme sex.”

  28. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#26):

    A3G: Well, you can’t make “brat” without “rat,” now can you?

    And you can’t make it without “bra” either.

    I have no idea what that means.

  29. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    This cartoon is kind of a metaphor of how people talk about Mary Worth behind her back and to her in person.

  30. Patrick
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    “Swapped iTunes? I thought he was just Twittering her!”

  31. thatquietkid
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Oh, I love swapping iTunes! Nothing like a day where all I do is swap iTunes, Microsoft Words, Minesweepers, and Solitaires with the one you love. Of course, it’s only okay to swap Microsoft Paints if you’re married. Otherwise you’re a whore.

  32. Saluki
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    While “journalist” Mark Trail was getting shot at and falling into the drink while investigating the Parker poachers, Buzz the park ranger found out all they needed to know by googling them. Doh.

  33. Digger
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Ha! Those crazy youngsters, with their “iTunes.” Why in my day they just called it “music.” I’m eighty-seven years old, and Crock gets me.

    I thought the Plugger chain of command went Bear, Dog, Chicken. Therefore, that dog is not coming in when he’s called by his fowl master.

  34. Islamorada Girl
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    MW: I am so hoping Bonnie and Ernie’s problem is OCD hoarding disorder, with a condo crammed full of useless junk and rotting garbage picked from the dumpsters of Santa Rosa. That might actually be interesting. Unfortunately, I predict what we’re going to get is a couple of retirees who’ve lost all their investments and are forced to live on their Social Security checks, and Bonnie can’t control her spending.
    Yawn-o-rama.

  35. Isaac
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Clearly you folks are not up on the hip world of punctuation! An apostrophe that is not followed by anything is known as an “excitement mark,” to convey the importance or excitement behind the word being delivered. Get’ a’ clue’!

  36. Calico
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    @Isaac (#35):
    Apostrophes remind me of Frank Zappa, and Mr. Wilson’s ever-present flop sweat.

  37. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Someone needs to start a new comic strip based on Ranger Buzz Miller. Something in which he can constantly remove his shirt and take skinnydips in the lake at sunset. Maybe a pet bear, a male bear. Yes.

  38. Calico
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    @Islamorada Girl (#34):
    Have you seen “Hoarders” on AETV?
    The worst two were an animal hoarder, and a woman who was a food hoarder.
    Bags, books, and boxes are one thing, but when it becomes a health hazard, it’s pretty gross to look at, and quite sad.

    I think Mary Worth actually has this condition – she’s a hoarder of souls.

  39. spike
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    @Islamorada Girl (#34): I have to agree with you. A few snarkers in the previous thread suggested that this is unlikely b/c Bonnie’s attire is so darn bland, but my guess is that she just can’t pass up a sale…and as you said, Yawn-o-rama!

    9CL: OK, it’s been a few years since Bill has supposedly died, and she still can’t bring herself to look up the dude with whom she had passionate hand sex at a POW camp while her [presumed] fiance was hitting Utah Beach? It seems to me that Brooke is trying to out-Batiuk Batiuk for the “I-was-held-a-prisoner-forever” storyline. What year is it supposed to be at this point? 1946? ’50?

    SM: Oh, Boy! Sabretooth heads to Miami to wreak havoc! Time to move MJ’s show on to Chicago, Petey!

  40. DialMforMerger
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    How exactly does one accept charges for collect calls from an incorporeal entity trapped on the border between life and death? My best guess is by offering up the sweet, sweet nectar of life-energy as currency, which means that Shoe–whose crushing ennui is the main source of his strip’s “humor”–clearly can’t afford the call.
    On the other hand, maybe hideous bird-people can pay in something like seed, or feathers, or despair at their unnatural existence.

  41. Aviatrix
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Couldn’t you fairly easily swap iTunes by syncing your iPod shuffles (i.e. players with no other information on them) to each other’s computers?

  42. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#41): Careful, Aviatrix. You’re trying to logicfy Crock.

  43. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Close2 – “Since the diplomas at Flegburn High were drawn by the same hand as everything else in the strip, nobody could make any sense of what they said.”

    Curtis – “Hey, Thag! Wall of text closer today?”

    Gil – I wish I had one of those “BLOND BASTARD” T-shirts.

    Hägar – But Lucky Eddie! If you were really sticking to your principles and never giving in, you would stay for another beer in spite of your previously announced intention to go home! Ho ho! I’ve caught you in a humorous inconsistency! You’d best go back to just saying things that are inappropriate.

  44. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Hi – I don’t know about Chip, but Hi’s so motivated he’s been barricaded in the bathroom for the last 25 minutes, occasionally peeking out and then locking it again.

    Luann – “Main men” in this case means that you two will never get anywhere with her, but you’d damn well better not ever try to get anywhere with anybody else.

    Mary – Are they… are they jumping on a trampoline in there?

    Piranha – Jennifer Mantis ate your head? Dude, that’s how she says “Yes!”

  45. DialMforMerger
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Edit: By the Great Quotin’ Fingers, I just goggled “Shoe” and found out that the bird-demon I thought was Shoe is in fact “Cosmo Fishhawk”! Why is the strip is named after one of the supporting cast? The “Blondie Paradox” strikes again!

    (well technically, it struck in 1977, but it personally struck me this morning so… oh whatever, here’s the original comment, with the corrected name:)

    How exactly does one accept charges for collect calls from an incorporeal entity trapped on the border between life and death? My best guess is by offering up the sweet, sweet nectar of life-energy as currency, which means that Cosmo–whose crushing ennui is the main source of his strip’s “humor”–clearly can’t afford the call.
    On the other hand, maybe hideous bird-people can pay in something like seed, or feathers, or despair at their unnatural existence.

  46. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#38): is Kikyo’s Soul Collectors show up, that would be the best Mary Worth event ever.

    MC: panel 2: SQUEEEE! I do love the Lily strips.

    Lio: Cybill, taking lessons from Guard Duck.

    MG&G: I liked last weeks Casual Friday Death better.

    RwO: *dies laughing*

    SF: Panel 4, the make-outs commencing, is missing. drat.

    SFx: man, I thought King Louie was a stoned orangutan.

    Cleats: Needs more Bobbie Flay.

    GA: that isn’t the actual anagram, doofus.

    Frazz: win! Well played, Caufield.

    IP: If I were still playing Champions, I would SO be equipping the next set of ninja mooks with those.

    Love Is . . . pissing off this Sagittarius.

  47. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    PluggersWhen the bear’s away, the hen will play. [*]

    Rx – I see from Rex’s shirt that Toots is painting the garage grass green.

    @Walker of Dog (#y72): Unbelievably enough, I originally thought of the neologism “Cuckoo Mom” as a term for someone who’s had someone else’s baby foisted off on her. I suppose the root for ‘cuckold’ must be something to do with cuckoos, who lay their eggs in the nests of other birds. When I saw “cuckquean” yesterday, I was really impressed.

    @Sequitur (#y93): I never weighed in, because I thought it was obvious he was talking about jacks. My actual post was a play on “onesie,” and I haven’t been keeping track of how many other people followed with something similar to that. So far, nobody’s struck a middle path with the UK slang “jacksy,” for which I’m grateful.

  48. DialMforMerger
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    ^^”Goggled”: How people search the interwebs to find out how to swap iTunes.

  49. Professor Fate
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    9CL: “So he gave my purse to the woman he had brought with him from Austria – She assumed my idenity and that’s how she became your grandmother.”

    FW: So does this mean Funky’s going to get a lip lock on the business end of the pistol Becky lifted from Wally? One can only hope.

    MW: So does this conversation have a point?

  50. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @Izzy (#y110): Pluggy Freelance?

    @Aviatrix (#y144): My sisters played jacks in the 60s. Jacks are still sold, though the jacks themselves are now usually plastic. Somebody gave my daughter some, and we just spin ‘em, same as I did in the 60s, because I’m lucky if I can manage onesies.

    @Mibbitmaker (#y207): I’m hoping that all of Funky Winkerbean since the Great Leap Sideways has been a fantasy taking place in Les’s mind in the few seconds it takes him to die upon being shot by a mugger in Central Park. I mean the first Great Leap, not the second. Why not write all that depressing crap out of continuity while we’re at it? Sure, it’s tough for Les to have to take a bullet, but now his friends can leave his gravesite, the rain can stop, the sun can come out, and they can go back to being a funny comic strip about high-school kids. I’d also like a pony.

    @Calico (#36): Did I already mention my great idea for a bumper sticker?
    I [heart] APOSTROPHE’S
    Huh? Huh? Huh? Could make a good shirt, too.

  51. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Piranha: Oh, crap. I hope this doesn’t start another internet rage like “[character of your choice] ate my balls!” And there’ll be web sites popping up all over for “[character of your choice] ate my head!”

  52. honeypot
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @Islamorada Girl (#34):

    I’m gonna weigh in here, as the first to bring up the shopping problem in yesterday’s. Nothing casual about ANY scene in MW, folks. When I saw Mare in Marcy’s, smugly looking about for fresh meddling meat, Bonnie came staggering up with full arms and a guilty smile, I knew we were in for a treat. The fatal dinner invitation was launched, and the months worth of upcoming excruciating exposition to follow.

    Yeah, I agree with everyone it would be cool to see a hoarder problem, if for only the art. It’s gonna be something along the continuum that you suggest, Islamorada Girl. I, too, am afraid of Senior Spending Too Much, when I’d rather have Charterstone Has To Get Involved Because Hoarding Is Against The Covenant and An Intervention is Staged a la Hoarders on A & E.

    Good times! We only know about the shopping, though, so we’ll have to watch Ernie reveal himself as the victim here. I await the outcome with baited breath and hope that the awesomeness that is A3G right now is inspiring other soap strips to step it up a notch.

    Oh, and anyone who watches those hoarding shows knows that taste is not necessarily an element here.

  53. AtomicDog
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Luann – It means that she wants you two to dress up as Lobo and fight it out over her. Don’t forget the hook and chain.

  54. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#50): And then there would be the counter bumper stickers that would show Calvin pissing on an apostrophe.

  55. FafMor
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @Professor Fate (#49): 9CL: “So he gave my purse to the woman he had brought with him from Austria – She assumed my idenity and that’s how she became your grandmother.”
    This actually makes sense, given the completely nonsensical plot so far. Followed by “But if she’s my grandmother, who are you?”, and then the woman in the bed is revealed to be Thorax, in drag, impersonating the grandmother.

  56. nerowolfgal
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    MT – Last time we saw Mark he was in the lake with an overturned canoe after the hairy dudes took a shot at him. Now he is dry, with perfect hair and immaculately ironed clothes. Just more proof Mark is actually made out of plastic. You can also see this because his lips never move.

    Poor Cherry, I think she thought being married to a tall plastic pillar would be more fun.

  57. Walker of Dog
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    FC: These needy Keane children are exhausting – yesterday it was Dolly, today it’s this other one. Can’t they get their positive reinforcement from PBS?

    A3G: What a cheat! Margo gets pushed and we don’t get to see it? This could be evidence of a struggle between the strip’s writer and illustrator. It’s all very easy for Ms. Shulock to write the stage direction for the shove, but Mr. Bolle fears the consequences if he dares to create a visual representation of an assault on his dark mistress.

    Also, is “cuck-mother” gaining any traction yet? And how does one go about creating an internet meme anyway? Does it involve downloading the iTunes?

    MW: And in other news of writer/illustrator conflict: Giella’s on strike!

    MT: Buzz’s blond hair has gone completely white. What horrific trauma did we miss during Mark’s buffooneries? Let’s replay the expedition to the Parker place from Buzz’s perspective, Rashoman-style. (Note to parents: this perspective is rated NC-17.)

    RMMD: A little perspective hitch in panel 2. It looked like Brook’s gigantic head is in the driver’s seat, and her chin has sprouted a little arm to drive with. Remember, Brook’s head: 10 and 2.

    GT: I generally try not to over-interpret any gay subtext in the comics, but come on.

    S-M: Peter’s other question goes unanswered: “Why isn’t my TV at home this nice?”

    Phan: Savarna, you ran upstairs for that? You can do better.

  58. TheDiva
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Cathy: Sadly, Irving has failed to realize all his problems could be solved this way.

    FW: It’s useless to have dreams in the Funkyverse, even crappy ones.

    Luann: It means you’ll do until Luann hits her majority and can accept Dwarf Elvis’ proposal.

    MW: How much longer can Bonnie and Ernie argue in vague generalizations while making vague silhouettes in the window? I give them another week.

  59. Mooncattie
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    Crock – They have no choice but to swap iTunes. Necking is clearly impossible.

    MW – “Let’s argue for another week in a non-specific way, like in that comic strip everybody reads that has the short guy and the tall guy!”

    FW – Utter hilarity! Keep it coming! On a side note, the #1 Pizza Empire in the Toronto area is indeed called “Pizza Pizza”, and it’s pretty much all cardboard crap. You don’t have to be delicious to be #1.

    A3G – “Misbegotten brat”? Oh Roberta, you are so dead. And it’ the best 3G storyline evah!

  60. Walker of Dog
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @boojum (#Y214): Your snark made me laugh, and I’m at work. Please don’t let it happen again – I need my stony facade.

  61. John C Fremont
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    @KarMann (#y226): I know. That was just my not-very-awake-yet brain’s way of saying that I find Mr. Manley’s Neddy renderings to be very hot – but I still do not accept this girl as Neddy. This is my own problem, and I am working on it. In my heart, however, this will always be the Neddy that I love;
    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20061112&name=Judge_Parker
    (Excuse my lazy link – I’m supposed to be working.)

  62. Mibbitmaker
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Archie: Except that part where Archie kept repeating, “Bueller?” (sp?)

    DT: Well, it is a mystery guest, Dick. ~Wait a minute…

    ReFOOB: HEY, JOOOOOHN! YOU’RE BEING ROOOOOOD AGAIN!

    Garfield: Cats are like Brook from Rex Morgan.

    Luann: It means that she’s basically Olive Oyl from the animated cartoons, Gunther.

  63. Shawn S.
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    GT: Theres a “slim chance” that pitching means gay sex in this context, but if so you better keep your mouth shut Kaz! What happens at the Pit stays at the Pit.

    Crock: ugh. UGGGHHH!!!

    SM: Anytime Sabretooth and Spiderman are in the same strip together I have the Benny Hill theme playing in my head.

  64. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    Friday quickies
    I guess Josh can’t wait to get out of Baltimore for the weekend.
    I know I would if I were in Baltimore.

  65. spike
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Professor Fate (#49): I thought Edith was Juliette’s mother.

    A3G: Martin and Bobbie are about to tumble down the stairs. Guess the pointed-finger-with-an-attitude thing is a genetic trait.

    FW: There are only screaming nightmares, not dreams, in the Funkyverse.

  66. Kanomi
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Larry McAwful (#25): “The Rapture”

    That raises an interesting theological point – all dogs go to heaven, but does that include anthropomorphic Plugger dog-men?

    And if it does, what about anthropomorphic chicken ladies? Or their naked and leashed offspring, who have not yet evolved upright into trucker hats and matching pantsuits? Are they Left Behind?

    So many questions.

  67. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    4/9

    Crock: No no no. Steve Jobs isn’t going to give you anything for namedropping iTunes. Not at this late date. You want that good product placement loot, you need to shoehorn the iPad into your jokes. Ask Cathy Guisewite all about it.

    H&L: Something tells me that when Chip gets older, he’s going to pay a lot of women to dress in a lot of costumes and give him a lot of encouragement.

    DtM: Who gives their kid a time-out in a rocking chair? Rocking chairs rock, and thus cannot be used for punishment.

    FW: “Hey, do you think a man could hang himself from that beam with a 44′ belt? Just idle curiosity.”

    JP: Manley’s decided to give Neddy a Christina Ricci bubble forehead. Interesting choice. Things are looking good for his run.

    9CL: Something tells me that purse was supposed to be a pair of silk panties, but the syndicate guy noticed at the last minute.

    GT: Still trying to figure out what “I pitch for myself” means, but I’m guessing Lone Star here is his designated catcher.

    PBS: In Pig’s defense, that’s the first thing I thought too. Actually maybe that’s more an indictment of me.

    S-M: It looks like Sabretooth is crashing with Kurt and his babymama from Mary Worth. Who, by the way, have as much idea where Wolverine as Spider-Man does.

    OBH: Uh, I’m with Joe here.

    SSmith: Rival bingo game going on? Oh, the Parson is gonna put a hillbilly hit on someone now for sure.

    GA: Now the conversation (and I use the term loosely) has moved on to baseball statistics they can’t remember. Never thought I’d say this, but I miss Slim being racist.

  68. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @Larry McAwful (#25): and
    @Kanomi (#66):
    Actually with Pluggers it’s the “RUPTURE!”
    (Cue Rhino/Bear guy with a truss.)

  69. commodorejohn
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    A3G – Man, Bobbie’s so worked up her face is starting to fall off. What lies underneath? I think we all know the answer.

    Archie – Great, now I’m going to hear Archie as voiced by Edward Everett Horton.

    A.D. – Quite geeky. I approve wholeheartedly.

    Curtis – Dude. Best Curtis storyline in a long, long time (Kwanzaa excepted, of course.)

    DT – “Has your name as one of the mystery…?” Oh hell, I give up.

    FW – Ha ha!

    GT – “I pitch for myself?” I’m trying not to read that as some kind of filthy double entendre, but it’s difficult.

    JP – Hmm, looks like Manley pays as much attention to the back forty as he does to the front acreage. Interesting.

    Luann – DO NOT WANT

    MC – I love this kid.

    PBS – It’s a fairly old joke, but one that never gets stale. Plus, Pig’s expression totally sells it.

    Popeye – Thank God for long skirts.

    Ripley’s – As if we needed more proof that Russians are utterly hardcore. Also, that salamander is the most suggestive thing I’ve seen in the funnies in a, er, long time.

    RMMD – “Supervise Tony and spend time with Sarah! And try to prevent the surrounding foliage from seeping further into my shirt!”

    SM – This being Spider-Man, it’s inevitably the TV that drives the action. They should rename the strip The Amazing Television.

  70. The Party Sim
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Ugh, I’ve figured out the Mary Worth storyline. It’s going to be an overlong, super-preachy month or so on the dangers of obesity.

    And it’s going to suck.

  71. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Archie: I really don’t want to hear Archie’s oral report.

  72. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#62):

    Luann: It means that she’s basically Olive Oyl from the animated cartoons, Gunther.

    Ah, but even at her young age, Luann has–ahem–a couple of things that Olive lacks. Hence the attention from Gunther, Quill, Elwood (shudder) et al.

  73. Red Greenback
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    “They swapped iTunes”? So that’s what poorly-drawn Bedouin women comic strip characters are calling it these days.

  74. Mela
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Ooh, missed that one – have to turn in my Grammar Nazi card now. But I can see why I missed it; Pluggers are sub-literate, so why shouldn’t the copy editor be as well?

  75. Larry Fine
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: Where dreams go to die.

  76. Vince M
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    @nerowolfgal (#56): Now that you mention it, he does have the dynamics and emotional range of an action figure.

  77. Calico
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#50):
    Great shirt idea.
    I go into an apopoleptic fit every time I see a misused ‘ .
    It happens so often in VT it’s not even funny anymore.

  78. Wasabi Jane
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Did anyone else immediately think the dog was actually the chicken lady’s kid? Pluggers make their kids defecate outside! Haha!

  79. Larry Fine
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    It wouldn’t be Spiderman if we didn’t see a TV every so often.

  80. Darkefang
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    H&L: You shouldn’t read anything Oedipal into the fact that Tracy looks like Lois in a cheerleader uniform. Whichever Brown does this strip is just a really poor artist.

    Luann: That’s right Gunther, Luann just proposed a menage a trois.

    MT: Wasn’t Buzz Miller young, buff and blonde a few strips ago? In panel two, he’s starting to look like Alan Hale, Jr.

    MW: How many more days of vague arguing are we going to have to watch through the Johnson’s balcony window before we get any details about this plot?

  81. gnome de blog
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @Mela (#74):
    Don’t feel too bad. Maybe that’ how Pluggers talk.

  82. Chyron HR
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile, in New York, Aqualung continues his reign of terror!

    Meanwhile, in Milford, Coop and Jamie continue their reign of terror!

    Meanwhile, in New York, Prince Adam continues his reign of terror!

  83. commodorejohn
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Darkefang (#80): Yeah, Buzz was younger earlier on. Maybe Jan turned out to be a succubus.

  84. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @neographite (#22): You seem to be under the misimpression that Pluggers are real people rather than condescending Salt Of The Earth stereotypes. Woult that it were.

  85. odinthor
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    Curtis. — Welcome to adulthood, Curtis.

    FW. — Hm, Funky. Is the “American Dream” all about conning people into buying inferior or undesirable product? Just asking.

    HtH. — As sages and philosophers have known since ancient times, “It’s important to stick to your principles as long as they’re the same as mine!”

  86. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Jus’ wondering. Does anyone still use a water cooler like they have in Blondie?
    Notice also that there is no waste disposal container for the conical cups.

  87. Pozzo
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Oh, and Perfesser – could you put your rumpled tweed suit back on? At least then you have a sort of Lewis Black “loveable curmudgeon” vibe going on. A polo shirt makes you look like the uncle I’d avoid at family reunions.

  88. gnome de blog
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    The way I see it, Bobbie shoots Martin but he doesn’t die. Stunned by his sacrifice, Margo’s hard cold heart melts a little. She and Gabriella nurse Martin back to health and they all live happily ever after. Comix curmudgeons from everywhere storm Schloss Shuloch demanding the return of the real Margo. Bobbie goes to the Retired Comics Home for the Criminally Insane, and we can move on to better things, like Ruby’s boyfriend, whether Papagoras loses his shrink license, and Tommie’s budding second career in a piano bar. In about six years somebody notices that Lu Ann moved back to South Dakota (Wyoming? Iowa?), married her cousin and had four kids.

  89. The TJ
    April 9th, 2010 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    I think an even bigger indication of the cynicism in Shoe is that the Psychic, someone who has been in contact with dark powers and has seen the unknown, is bored out of her skull. You’d think she’d try to look a little mysterious, if just to get a better tip or something. It’s as if the artist only learned to draw two expressions, horrified shock and soul-crushing depression.

  90. boojum
    April 9th, 2010 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

  91. Here Come ole Flattop
    April 9th, 2010 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @Professor Fate (#49): re: FW: I believe that’s called “Suck starting a .45.”

  92. Mela
    April 9th, 2010 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    The Party Sim – Dear God, I really hope that’s not it. Any strip where social interraction is largely built around shoving neutral colored blobs of faintly food-like substances into your gullets has no right lecturing readers on obesity.

  93. boojum
    April 9th, 2010 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#37): Buzz the Bear doesn’t understand your extreme interest in him.

  94. Red Greenback
    April 9th, 2010 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    I,m coo coo for comma,s!

  95. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    |i|perfer|pipes|

  96. Baka Gaijin
    April 9th, 2010 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#37): But would this bear understand the hostility…?

    @Walker of Dog (#57): “What horrific trauma did we miss during Mark’s buffooneries?” “Buffooneries” is a word? I can think of a few people I’ll sling it at.

  97. Ned Ryerson
    April 9th, 2010 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Last Friday, I used the Comics Kingdom Viewer and looked at the whole week’s worth of the strips I usually follow and it kind of ruined this week for me. I hate knowing ahead of time how slow the soap strips are going to move….and yet, I’m tempted to look again today. I must stay strong.

    I swapped ITunes with a girl once.
    I ended up getting a virus on my Twitter.

  98. Kanomi
    April 9th, 2010 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#68): That’s a better pun then we’ve had all week in the funny pages. Are you listening, Kudzu?

  99. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 9th, 2010 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @boojum (#93): memetic mutation win!

  100. MaryAnnTheRest
    April 9th, 2010 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Hell, you’re all funny today. I’m loving A3G as much as anyone, but really, how many more people can walk up to Crazy Lady with Gun and yell in her face? Nobody’s intimidated by her at all, are they? And now Margo and Martin are arguing over whether it’s Margo Season or Martin Season. All Bobbie needs is an Elmer Fudd hunting cap.

  101. mollificent
    April 9th, 2010 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    A3G: And the epic awesomeness continues.

    Luann: Gunther, if you were planning on going out in a hail of gunfire, I think now would be the appropriate time.

    PmP: Honestly? I laughed.

    PBS: Now I’m laughing AND crying. I’m going to remember that come next payday. :D

    Ziggy: Hell, I can provide THAT service free of charge!…and frequently do. (Just ask bourbon babe. ;))

  102. un_malpaso
    April 9th, 2010 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    I think Crock deserves a couple of Internets for its “iTunes” joke.

    It would have been funnier if she had said, “They swapped sextings.”

  103. Austria
    April 9th, 2010 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    FW: Ohhh, Funky. Funky, Funky, Funky. Your dreams ended LONG ago.

    Luann: Good grief, Quill. Not very subtle, are you?

    MW: Didn’t they use, like, that exact same panel yesterday?!

    MC: I didn’t really see the supposed anime influence before. I see it now.

    PBS: I KNEW IT

    RMMD: Brooke has a tiny arm growing out of her chin.

    Zits: I see Pierce therefore I am happy.

  104. Hairhead
    April 9th, 2010 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    LUANN — MORE “IF THEIR THOUGHTS WERE SPOKEN”

    DRAMA TEACHER: What a bunch of pussies these kids are! I mean, I’m lifting an ice cream cone to them — what are they, eight? God, I remember my high school in the ‘sixties, dope and hot girls . . . I’m glad I put the PCP in my cone . . . and if these dweebs are still here when it kicks in . . . fuck ‘em!

    QUILL: I wish this was over so I could go back to the school and meet Tiff backstage. Crikey, that girl could suck a ‘roo through a soda straw!

    LUANN: I’m so fucking hot! Look at me, people cheering for me, and I’ve got two guys at my table! What should I do? Hmmm, I can’t “blow” the ice cream cone ’cause that would send Gunther into hysterics . . . I know (smirk), time for some more cock-teasing. (speaks “You two are my main men” gives Gunther heavy-lidded bedroom eyes.)

    LUANN: High school kids have the filthiest minds — look at Gunther clumsily shoving his creamy, creamy ice cream into mine — ha ha! That’s as close as you’ll ever get, buddy! God, this is fun!

    GUNTHER: What the fuck is going on? Ohmigod! I said “fuck”!. Now I’m thinking of fucking! Ohmigod! I said it again! Think of something else . . . Hammer . . smashing . . into . . Luann’s . . . face . . . Aahhhh . . better . . .

  105. Push Trot
    April 9th, 2010 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Er, that’s not how you draw an orangutan. They’re orange, and male ones have large cheek flaps on the sides of their face.

    Of course, it’s perfectly true that they’re usually stoned.

  106. Walker of Dog
    April 9th, 2010 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#96): I thought I was just making up a nonsense word, but it turns out some post-Elizabethan smartass beat me to it.

  107. mvg
    April 9th, 2010 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    TheDiva (58): “MW: How much longer can Bonnie and Ernie argue in vague generalizations while making vague silhouettes in the window? I give them another week.”

    Actually, those are just cardboard cutouts propped up behind the drapes while a looped recording plays inane dialogue — all to lull the cruel, white-haired warden’s suspicions while Bonnie & Ernie scramble desperately through the air ducts to their almost-completed tunnel under the wall of the hellish Charterstone, the Boomsby Prison (obligatory exclamation point) of Southern California.

    GA: So any bets on whether 110-yr-old Walt will revive long enough to say, “Don Larsen…” before he finally expires?

    MaryAnnTheRest (100): COTW candidate!

    Spike (39) “9CL: OK, it’s been a few years since Bill has supposedly died, and she still can’t bring herself to look up the dude with whom she had passionate hand sex at a POW camp while her [presumed] fiance was hitting Utah Beach? It seems to me that Brooke is trying to out-Batiuk Batiuk for the “I-was-held-a-prisoner-forever” storyline. What year is it supposed to be at this point? 1946? ‘50?”

    OK, so here goes: maybe Bill was captured in Normandy & shipped off to a prisoner-of-war camp, where Eva’s Nazi lookalike converted him to Fascism & he volunteered for the Waffen SS. He was then sent to the Eastern Front, where he was captured again, this time by the Soviets. He’s spent the subsequent years slaving in a mine on the Kolyma peninsula & won’t be released until the mid-’50s w/a handful of other surviving German POWs. Ok, it’s a reach, but is it any more preposterous than the explanation we probably WILL get? (Please don’t say ‘amnesia’…)

  108. Walker of Dog
    April 9th, 2010 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @MaryAnnTheRest (#100): How much would you pay to drop into that stairway, stick your finger in Bobbie’s face, and tell off that armed loonie? Note to Uncle Lumpy: possible raffle opportunity for next fundraising season.

  109. Ned Ryerson
    April 9th, 2010 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    @Professor Fate (#49): MW: So does this conversation have a point?

    Are you new to Mary Worth?

    Meanwhile….
    Say, I was swapping iTunes with this girl last night.
    Oh yeah, how was it?
    Not so great. I forgot to disable my pop-up blocker.

  110. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#37): Dingo, I imagine you remember this Mark Trail story from 2006 about the pet bear Molly but it didn’t count since it was a female bear.

  111. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 9th, 2010 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#57):

    is “cuck-mother” gaining any traction yet?

    I simply can’t read that without transposing it into “mother-cucker.”

    @Sequitur (#64): Now, now—no disparaging Baltimore! A) It’s a pretty darned cool city, and B) it’s the likely location for Mid-Atlanticon!

    @Sequitur (#86): Yes, we do, although we’re phasing it out in favor of some fancy-schmancy new water-dispensing gizmo. Academia: Where old technology never goes away.

  112. seismic-2
    April 9th, 2010 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “A sudden hard push”??? I’m sorry, but it doesn’t look the least bit as if Martin has pushed Margo aside and moved from 2 steps behind here to 2 steps in front of her. I see no signs that Margo has been pushed aside. Rather, it looks much more as if Martin has simply passed through her undisturbed body, ghost-like. I suppose that was what Margo meant when she said that Bobbie wouldn’t dare shoot her – she knew that the bullets would just pass right through her body, leaving her unharmed.

    Boy, when that Daiai Lama gives you a blessing, he really doesn’t fool around, does he?

  113. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#111): Actually, I’ve been through Baltimore a few times and even flew out of their airport. The city made no impression on me one way or another. Although I haven’t been there since Camden Yards was built.

    I’m sure you’ll be getting a water cooler like this soon!

  114. Austria
    April 9th, 2010 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Baltimore has Otakon therefore it is awesome.

  115. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 9th, 2010 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#113): That would be the special water cooler that the tenured faculty get. We mere instructors have to drink out of a garden hose.

  116. dale
    April 9th, 2010 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#86):

    Water cooler. Tuesday morning. Local auto repair shop.
    Didn’t think about it at the time, but one advantage is: no plumbing required.

  117. Amateur
    April 9th, 2010 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    MW: Man, these silhouettes are annoying. What fun is a vague impression of Fine Ernie frantically waving his arms, when we don’t get the bugged-out eyes and frothing at the mouth to go with it?

  118. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

  119. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

  120. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @dale (#116): I guess no plumbing is an advantage but all I remember from those old coolers is tiny waste baskets for the cups. Five minutes after the waste basket is emptied it’s filled up again and people toss the little cup in the general direction of the basket. Soon there’s cups all over the place.

  121. Ed Dravecky
    April 9th, 2010 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    It’s obvious that Slim Chance is talking about the gay sex but we can only pray that Slim and Skeezix’s ongoing pitching talk in Gasoline Alley doesn’t take the same turn.

    TNAoQV: I, for one, welcome our new fuzzy bunny overlords…

  122. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 9th, 2010 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#118): That’s actually a pretty accurate depiction of how I’m reacting to my work load right now….

  123. bats :[
    April 9th, 2010 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#38): nah, I don’t think so. Mary is a hoarder of souls — she eats what she catches.

  124. bats :[
    April 9th, 2010 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#123): dammit. Mary isn’t a hoarder of souls — she eats what she catches.

  125. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#124): Could you draw that?

  126. tb4000
    April 9th, 2010 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: If this week is the final Curtis ever, ending with the character’s magical peanut induced death, I will nom Billingsley for the Eisner.

  127. KarMann
    April 9th, 2010 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    MW: It seems just too damned obvious, but, I present to you. . . a Very Special Six Differences mashup.

  128. bats :[
    April 9th, 2010 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    I like to think of Mark Trail not so much “plastic” as “permanent press.” Of course, this applies to clothing, coiffure, personality…

    A&J: I’m intrigued by this week’s storyline, with Ludwig pitching to be an anthropomorphic, talking cat. In spite of it all, today’s third panel is soooo very feline.

    @commodorejohn (#69): re A3G: very nice!

  129. bunivasal
    April 9th, 2010 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    Interestingly, this is the Plugger’s last call because he is a giant chicken who owns a dog.

  130. Uncle Ritzy Fritz
    April 9th, 2010 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @DialMforMerger (#45): At least the strip features Shoe once in a while; if you really wanted to rename it after a rarely-included element, how about calling it “Humor”?

  131. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    April 9th, 2010 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#110): Yes, yes, I was thinking of Molly but Molly befriended Mark Trail so it was natural for Molly to be female since it seems all the two of them did together was shop for shoes. Buzz could befriend Bert the Bear — Smokey’s Cousin — a gourmet cook who knows how to put out a fire… or start one. Each week, Buzz and Bert could go into town and chat up people at a bar or coffeehouse and then those people come out to visit them on the lake. We could have the one-panel of Buzz sitting by the fire, reading Proust, while Bert fucks the bejeezus out of a tourist from Dubuque in the next room with text panels of the young man screaming and squealing like a young Dan Quayle at a Ricky Martin concert. The occasional skinnydipping segment with Bert getting a salmon in his mouth and Buzz a snapping turtle on his cock. The obligatory ennui where no one shows up to visit so Bert and Buzz take turns with each other and then relax on the bed covered in pizza and cum. On occasion, Mary Worth could visit with salmon squares, a dish that always gets Bert to spill his secrets.

  132. bats :[
    April 9th, 2010 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @Hairhead (#104): this one’s for you (and everyone else). Gosh, I loathe this strip. Or its characters. Maybe both.

  133. Stroker Ace
    April 9th, 2010 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    Crock: so awful it must be drawn on cocktail napkins.

  134. Écureuil Écumant
    April 9th, 2010 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @35 Isaac said:

    Clearly you folks are not up on the hip world of punctuation! An apostrophe that is not followed by anything is known as an “excitement mark,” to convey the importance or excitement behind the word being delivered. Get’ a’ clue’!

    An excitement mark? Yes, in much the same manner as a Dirty Sanchez is known as an excrement’ mark’

    @103 Austria said:

    RMMD: Brooke has a tiny arm growing out of her chin.

    I’ll see your RMMD and raise you a GT. Lone Star Dude has a pig’s snoot for an index finger.

  135. commodorejohn
    April 9th, 2010 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#128): Thanks :)

  136. Écureuil Écumant
    April 9th, 2010 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    MT: Can’t wait to hear Fashion Police’s take on Ranger Buzz’s sheath skirt! Along with that casual khaki epaulet shirt, it really gives him that meter-maid ambience.

  137. bats :[
    April 9th, 2010 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#115): there’s a water cooler like this where I volunteer, because the water from the sink (about 20 feet away) is apparently direct from the bowels of hell (as opposed to spending $$$ at the Water Depot to pretend you’re still not getting water direct from the bowels of hell).
    While you don’t need plumbing, #116. dale, you do need an electrical outlet, or all you get is room temperature water. We couldn’t have that, could we?
    (Yeah, it chaps my furry little hide to think we have to outlay money for freakin’ tap water.)

  138. boojum
    April 9th, 2010 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#131): The depravity has already begun!!

    http://www.bertbear.co.uk/

    They must be saving the “special” pictures on a different site….

  139. boojum
    April 9th, 2010 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Drat! That was supposed to show the sex-tastic campfire scene:

    http://www.bertbear.co.uk/campfire.jpg

  140. Écureuil Écumant
    April 9th, 2010 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @boojum (#138):

    He needs to start his own clothing line, “Burtbeary”, for the chavs.

  141. boojum
    April 9th, 2010 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#140): I think he’s dressed from the Dingo Collection for Very Special Bears – all he’s wearing is the tie.

  142. bats :[
    April 9th, 2010 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#125): No, I cannot draw that. Mary nomming on her napkin last week was chilling enough.

    @KarMann (#127): whoa! Pretty darned lame! Like Ned Ryerson, I’ve been “reading ahead” (and I think it has to stop — I kind of like the daily-wait-until-9-PM ritual to see the next day’s serial strips), and I wondered if I’d accidentally read the same strip.
    Maybe in the future, this can be the standard “dang, I need an extra panel” strip — just change the date (conveniently, the writer/artist box is in the panel), and add some gesticulating dialog to match the police outline shrouded actions!

  143. BigTed
    April 9th, 2010 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    Regarding copy-editing comics:

    I’m an experienced magazine editor, and a couple of years ago I applied for a syndicate position that would have involved editing a variety of newspaper columns and overseeing some comic strips.

    It sounded great, but then I found out the pay range — and it was so low that I genuinely couldn’t afford to take the job.

  144. Uncle Lumpy
    April 9th, 2010 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    The plot of this week’s Curtis is very much like X: The Man with X-Ray Eyes.

    And props to Billingsley for those backgrounds: “HEIR TOMHNWTRKDHODGTBGO TOOLATETOTU GIRLINNABIKINI YOURE MY KIA STOMP DOE NIN TWO STE GEB FE ATI EATHER EVER DUE HO ILE RS TOGETHER TAILED WHEN HE WAS FRIENDS SSAYS HY WHO KNEW CAR KEYS PIGEON WALL NOW WHER GET IN XY WHO TOLD ME DINNER THE MOO ROBINSON HILLTOP REFRIGERATOR THE SHOWERS HEAVY AT AL WIDESPREAD DOES THIS WHY WOULD SHE SAID SHE WHERE DID THEY INTRODUCING NEW CAN’T WE EVER GE I THINK IT’S TOO TOUCHING SCE IT’S TOO I DON’T LIKE”

  145. Baka Gaijin
    April 9th, 2010 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @Stroker Ace (#133): “Crock: so awful it must be drawn on cocktail napkins toilet paper.” Caught that misspelling for you.

  146. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#137): Is there water in hell?

    @bats :[ (#142): That’s okay. Your Soviet Mary was great.

  147. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#145):
    “Crock: so awful it must be drawn on cocktail napkins used toilet paper.”
    You forgot a word.

  148. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 9th, 2010 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#88): I think having Dr. Poppanotherpill show up is almost mandatory at this point. If he gets shot, it’s like he’s paying the price for that sweet, sweet psycho sex with Bobbie.

    @boojum (#90): Close, close.

    @Hairhead (#104): …Hey, what was in those peanuts, anyway?

  149. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 9th, 2010 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#144): It’s that attention to craft and detail that makes us respect this strip as much as we do (i.e., not a whole hell of a lot).

  150. Baka Gaijin
    April 9th, 2010 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#147): I don’t actually read Crock so I’ll trust you.

  151. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#149): Is that your tongue implated firmly in your cheek? (I sure hope so.)

  152. KarMann
    April 9th, 2010 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#150) on Crock: Oh, you just look at it for the pretty pictures?

  153. Baka Gaijin
    April 9th, 2010 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#152): WHAT????? Crock/=Pretty Pictures from what I gather from everyone’s comments.

  154. KarMann
    April 9th, 2010 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#147):
    “Crock: so awful it must be drawn on photocopied from cocktail napkins used toilet paper.”
    And you mixed up a phrase, too.

  155. Joe Btfsplk
    April 9th, 2010 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    Shoe – MacNelly’s unquiet spirit can not be at peace until his characters, all parts of himself, finally join him in the afterworld. Cosmo’s “So?” is a perfectly natural response to old news; He’s been hearing that restless voice calling to him for years now. He’s learned to live with it. They all have.

    @Edgy DC (#24): Grossie has never bathed nor had any other reason to remove the garment, so over the decades it has become permanently fused with her skin. The mouth-slit allows her to feed and vocalize, which is all this strip requires of her.

  156. spike
    April 9th, 2010 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#146): RE: Water in Hell?
    Why, yes! There is water in Hell…but it’s just an inch or so out of your grasp…

  157. bats :[
    April 9th, 2010 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#148): what’s the name of Margo’s (supposedly) dead fiance, the one (supposedly) killed in an avalanche in Tipal (or Nebet)? Maybe he can show up, exclaim, “Margo! I’m not dead yet!”, and then fall in a hail of bullets.

  158. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#154): See, that just shows you how Crock can mess you up.

    “Photocopy” made me think of a Steven Wright line:
    “I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.”

  159. Baka Gaijin
    April 9th, 2010 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Btfsplk (#155): Grossie? Is that a nickname given lovingly as a reminder of the quantity of boils on her body? [*]

  160. Mibbitmaker
    April 9th, 2010 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    Even adult Liz Patterson is saying, “All these suitors of yours are human beings, Luann! For Christ’s sake, GET OVER YOURSELF!!”

    LuAnn from A3G has been absent for so long because, since they have essentially the same first name, she’s too ashamed to show her face on the funny pages.

  161. cheech wizard
    April 9th, 2010 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    Curtis – So Curtis is hearing voices. What else is new?

    9CL – The usual practice was for a woman to drop her hankie to draw a man’s attention. Apparently, Edie has to pay for sex.

    MW – “We’ve talked about this before! So are you going to do something or not?…. Maybe that’ll motivate you to do something about this!”

    The only reason I can think of for showing this scene semi-obscured for two days in a row is that he’s standing there shaking his dick at her.

  162. boojum
    April 9th, 2010 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#158): Steven Wright:

    “I tried to make instant coffee in the microwave. I went back in time.”

  163. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#160): Isn’t Lu Ann off in (North, South, East or West) Dakota gathering some Dakota honey? Or has she returned to Nue Yawk?

    @boojum (#162): Yeah. Ain’t he great.

  164. Little Guy
    April 9th, 2010 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    Wednesday’s Norm from “My Cage” vs this week’s “Curtis”. Which one is more demented?

    JP: MikeM is showing promise, but more butt-cling, please. You’re the artist. You’re allowed to “paint on the clothes”.

    @Uncle Lumpy (#144): Saturday — “I can still HEAR!!!!”

  165. Mibbitmaker
    April 9th, 2010 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    I couldn’t resist. I peaked ahead on A3G. I can think of one hint to give without spoiling anything: there’s a really funny sound effect next week. And it’s not from the gun.

    Also peaked at MW. Tomorrow’s strip proves it: Dick Locher is writing this week’s MW!

  166. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 9th, 2010 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#163): She’s back; she was the blonde that the P.I. saw with Martin. (As always, Luann is most effective when used only to complicate another person’s more interesting story.)

  167. Baka Gaijin
    April 9th, 2010 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Bonnie and Ernie could just be arguing about Senegal’s answer to the Statue of Liberty. She thinks it’s sexy, he thinks it’s sexist. Maybe cheech wizard is right: Ernie’s just jiggling his junk at Bonnie’s flappy labia.

  168. KarMann
    April 9th, 2010 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#163) on Steven Wright: In honour of recent Non Sequitur:
    “Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity… If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head… if you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick…”

  169. KarMann
    April 9th, 2010 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#165) on A3G: Oh goody, I’ve been hoping for Margo to pull an umbrella out of her… out of nowhere, and go to town on Bobbie. WHACK WHACK WHACK!!!

  170. mr 12 oz can
    April 9th, 2010 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    mary worth- i think it would be cool if they showed nocharecters just them talking near there windows for 2 weeks .plus i think ernie is yelling at bonnie because her problem is getting invited to dinners by strangers . mary will have dr jeff invite them over next as mary will hide in the closet and take notes .

  171. Poteet
    April 9th, 2010 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#Y225): BWAHAHAHA! Thanks, I needed that. I remember once, years ago, I had to wake up the (lone) baggage handler to get my suitcase. Yep, good times, good times.

  172. Poteet
    April 9th, 2010 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    CROCK — Private note to self after skimming thread — whatever iTunes are, it is apparently not possible to swap them. So, um, Crock is stupid. Ha ha ha!

  173. Old School Allie Cat
    April 9th, 2010 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    Luann – They may both be your main men, but if you’d look to your right to see the moves Quill’s tongue is putting on his cone, I think you might want to lock that down.

    9CL – I have actually grown kind of attached to this storyline. I’m going to hate it when we have to go back to Edda cockteasing Amos on the couch every day.

    Sally Forth – I assume this week is just a placeholder while Jackie sets up household with Ralph?

    FW – With Montoni’s gone, where will New Yorkers get a decent slice now? Oh, that’s right, on every freaking street corner of the city!

  174. Sequitur
    April 9th, 2010 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#172): How old are you Poteet? To not know what iTunes are you have to be very, very young or very old…or from Iowa.

    (I’m gonna get myself geographically killed here today.)

  175. commodorejohn
    April 9th, 2010 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#172): Don’t worry; it’s okay to be ignorant of Apple products. It’s solid proof that you’re not one of the hipster zombies that make up Steve Jobs’s customer base.

    At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

  176. Marion Delgado
    April 9th, 2010 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    Her violation of the city’s intrusive firearm brandishing/waving hysterically laws aside, can we admit Roberta has a point about Margo?

  177. Amateur
    April 9th, 2010 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#127): Ha! Awesome!

  178. zerowolf
    April 9th, 2010 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    MW: This discussion is so vague I’m starting to believe Herb and Jamaal have moved into Charterstone.

  179. zerowolf
    April 9th, 2010 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Hmmmm… Roberta does have a point…

  180. Wolf Shepard
    April 9th, 2010 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#43): He’s wearing a ‘LONE STAR’ beer T-shirt. I have one just like it.

  181. zerowolf
    April 9th, 2010 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    BGSS: She’s gone down to that there heathen Cathylick Church! Cathy? lick? BRAINBLEACH STAT!

  182. Aviatrix
    April 9th, 2010 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#161): Yes! The problem is a bizarre sexual fetish!

    @Sequitur (#174): You mean iOwa?

  183. Anonymous
    April 9th, 2010 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Gee June, what do you think Rex is going to do if you leave him alone with a sweaty young man?

  184. Wolf Shepard
    April 9th, 2010 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#67): Since when is “Don Larsen” a statistic? Don’t statistics have something to do with numbers?

  185. Anonymous
    April 9th, 2010 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#179): That was suppose to be in agreement with Marion Delgado @ 176. Howcome the “reply” feature doesn’t always work right?

  186. zerowolf
    April 9th, 2010 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    Luann: That means Luann is going to have a cocktease threeway.

  187. Jason1981
    April 9th, 2010 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#160):

    You meant adult Liz (*snerk!* Yeah, right, like she’s an adult. heh!) is “shrieking ” that. And with the “scrunched up face of constipated rage”, and the “upwards-pointing finger of moral superiority” , no less. …….While calling April a “picky-face” when Apes calls her on her hypocrisy. ;-)

  188. Carlo
    April 9th, 2010 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    Now matter how funny Comments of the Week are, Josh’s zingers are still the best.

  189. Chance
    April 9th, 2010 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    Did you ever really look at what that hairy guy in Crock is wearing? Pants with built-in straps, like suspenders, right? Not so. They go over his shoulder when he faces you, but they go up into his hat when his back is turned.

    Man, the art in Crock is really, really terrible.

  190. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 9th, 2010 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @Carlo (#188): That’s why he’s the Pope, Carlo.

    doesn’t stop plenty of other folks from bringing teh funny.

  191. Walker of Dog
    April 9th, 2010 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @Wolf Shepard (#180): I thought the bandmate was labelling himself as the “Lone Star” in Derek’s firmament of love.

  192. odinthor
    April 9th, 2010 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    #175 ‘n’ such; Poteet, commodorejohn. — Pockets of yester-tech still exist: This very day, I myself finally had the hard-wired rotary phones in my home disconnected and replaced them with modern stuff. Well, “modern stuff” as of a quarter century ago. Cell phones? What’s that? Some sort of prison thing?

  193. commodorejohn
    April 9th, 2010 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#192): Heh. Back when I was working tech support for an ISP, I got a call from an older lady who’d just signed up and couldn’t figure out how to hook up her modem. Turned out she had no wall jacks; all her phones were hard-wired. Had to send out an on-site tech to put in a jack for her to hook the computer to. Crazy.

  194. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    April 9th, 2010 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#192): Why would you EVER disconnect a rotary phone? I keep mine around just to confuse people. I’ve even considered getting myself an old-fashioned dial-less phone (they’ll still work — you just have to flick the switch-hook up and down a lot to dial).

  195. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    April 9th, 2010 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#192): Incidentally, I firmly believe that if you can’t kill someone with it, it really isn’t worth having. Thus, the aforementioned Black Bell-Labs rotary phone and my IBM PC-AT keyboard (just you try finding a DIN5-to-USB converter!).

  196. commodorejohn
    April 9th, 2010 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#195): Oof, those old AT keyboards would make for a pretty good bludgeon. Although I think I’d prefer an old 5.25″ floppy drive – if you can get it with an hard-wired power cable, you’ve got yourself a pretty suitable flail.

  197. commodorejohn
    April 9th, 2010 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    (P.S. wouldn’t it be easier to just stack a DIN-to-PS/2 and a PS/2-to-USB converter??)

  198. odinthor
    April 9th, 2010 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    I had them fit a “modern” cord to the old rotary phones so I could still slip ‘em into the old jacks for those popular Luddite parties I have with that nice Mr. and Mrs. Neander Thal from down the street. Sometimes, if we’re really in a party mood, we take rocks of different sizes and bang them together. There’s nothing wrong with current stuff; but you can’t beat the classics.

  199. cheech wizard
    April 9th, 2010 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#182): Bizarre? Naw, I figured he’s just pestering her for a blowjob.

  200. Buck Ripsnort
    April 9th, 2010 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    @DialMforMerger (#40): Merger, when Them What’s Gone collects, it’s EVERYTHING. PERMANENTLY.

  201. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    April 9th, 2010 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#196): One of these days, I’ll have to document how I took an old mainframe 8 inch (yes, eight!) floppy drive and hooked it up to my Apple ][e. Got the drive and 1000 floppies for $5 at a military surplus auction.

    I did, however, pass on purchasing the refrigerator-sized, 100MB hard drive (my bad, too, since I’ve come to find out that the platters were coated with a few thousand dollars worth of 21 ct. gold).

  202. Buck Ripsnort
    April 9th, 2010 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    As far as copy-editing — You’re assuming some poor soul is forced to look at Pluggers? That’s hard to reconcile w/ a loving God.

  203. Anonymous
    April 9th, 2010 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I’ll tell you what that means, Gunther. That means don’t look Quill in the eyes while you’re both doing her, that’s what that means.

  204. Jamus The Bartender
    April 9th, 2010 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    203 was me, btw. Darn cookies…

  205. Écureuil Écumant
    April 9th, 2010 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#201):

    First computer I ever used on the job was an Ohio Scientific (Challenger, I think) that was interfaced to dual 12″ floppies, which I believe were mainframe drives with a custom interface board. This was in ’78 and it was for the Hawaii Sex Abuse Treatment Center database. There was something Freudian that they had to have the biggest floppy disks in town.

  206. Fashion Police
    April 9th, 2010 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#136):
    In theory, we are not opposed to men wearing skirts. However, they almost invariably look silly in them, and Ranger Miller is no exception. Of course, men can look silly in other kinds of garments as well. Pastel argyle sweaters come to mind.

    We would advise Ranger Miller to explore the opportunities afforded by a properly-accessorized kilt.

  207. commodorejohn
    April 9th, 2010 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#205): I’m always impressed by how much work people used to have to go to just to make one piece of equipment talk to another. Closest I’ve ever gotten to that was wiring up a cable with which to fool my Famicom Disk System into thinking that it was talking to its actual disk drive and not a PC pretending to be one (for playing a bunch of totally sweet games perfectly legal purposes,) but I was just following instructions and using someone else’s software.

    Although I did have a nice aggravating afternoon of SCSI voodoo yesterday when my Amiga SCSI controller arrived and wasn’t in the mood to talk to the hard disk…

  208. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    I’M WEARING ZIGGY’S PANTS!! AND BOY, ARE MY ARMS TIRED!

    i learned that from crankshaft

  209. Mooncattie
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    Luann – Mr. Fogarty raised his ice cream cone and concluded his toast with a “Great show, everyone!”, but, once more, the voices of happy children were drowned out by that roaring, familiar white noise that made its appearance whenever his life got too stressful. Not again, he thought, but the flashes of memory of a life far in the past, a life of adventure and passion and no horrible high school children, seemed to possess him. Must kill. Must kill. What was that he said, so long ago?
    “If God had wanted man to fly, Mister Wint”
    “He would have given him wings, Mister Kidd”

  210. Miss Othmar
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @Tom (#20): And you know how Goofy is a dog and his buddy Mickey is a mouse, but Mickey has a pet dog that doesn’t talk…? Same thing.

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#50):

    I’m hoping that all of Funky Winkerbean since the Great Leap Sideways has been a fantasy taking place in Les’s mind in the few seconds it takes him to die upon being shot by a mugger in Central Park…the rain can stop, the sun can come out, and they can go back to being a funny comic strip about high-school kids.

    Nah… that would require writing.

    @MaryAnnTheRest (#100): Brilliant! (or should I say “bwilliant”?).
    I’m still waiting for the Crazy Tazer Neighbor to show up.

  211. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    AND I’VE GOT A PET TWIT!

    i call him "gunther"

  212. Mr. O'Malley
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#86): My office has a water cooler much like that, although it dispenses both hot and cold water. Most people bring their own mugs rather than use the little paper cups.

  213. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
    April 9th, 2010 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#206):
    OOH! OOH! DINGO SAID THAT MARK TRAIL AND MOLLY THE BEAR GO SHOE SHOPPING TOGETHER!
    WHAT SORT OF SHOE SHOULD A BEAR WEAR??

    maybe something with a long tongue?

  214. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    @Wolf Shepard (#180): I’d have sworn you were familiar with snark. Say, you know what can be found on the internet?

  215. Linty McDangle
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#127): So I took a look at your “six differences”, but I couldn’t find any, due to the fact that it looks like Bonnie’s wearing a sombrero.

    I had to check it out on the comics page, and really, I’ve never thought of wearing a sombrero as a solution to make your husband deal with financial difficulties. Maybe Bonnie should write a self-help book: Mariachi Marriage: A Guide To Solving Your Differences Through Stereotypical Mexican Headgear.

  216. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    @Linty McDangle (#215): usually it’s the girl leaving her hat on that is the cause of the financial difficulties. . . . .

  217. FOOBed again
    April 9th, 2010 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#86): We have a water cooler like the one in “Blondie” where I work, but we can also get hot water from it. Apparently there are at least two companies that deliver these big water bottles in Seattle, because the office across the hall from us gets theirs from a different company than the one we get ours from. I’m assuming those kind of water bottles are usually used in coolers like the one in Dagwood’s office, but I could be wrong.

    @Mela (#92): Also, if it’s a problem that Bonnie is overweight, then what about Wilbur and Ian?

  218. commodorejohn
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    Well, since we’ve all been enthralled to learn about giant isopods in the past, I thought that perhaps the other ‘Mudges might enjoy reading about the 2 1/2′ long one that was pulled up in the Gulf of Mexico.

    Two and a half feet! Lord, there are dogs smaller than that.

  219. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
    April 9th, 2010 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#218):
    HELLO MY HONEY! HELLO MY BABY! HELLO MY RAGTIME GAAALLLL!

    check please

  220. bats :[
    April 10th, 2010 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#218): great. First a major earthquake in northern Baja California, now giant isopods hitching rides on submarines. Just great.

  221. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
    April 10th, 2010 at 12:13 am [Reply]

  222. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
    April 10th, 2010 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#220):
    OOH! MS. BATS :[! COULD WE HAVE MR. COMMODORE’S CREATURE SITTING IN THE CHAIR WHEN BROOK GOES FOR HER MANICURIST TRYOUT!

  223. cheech wizard
    April 10th, 2010 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    Phantom: “So long, and thanks for all the fish! At least, that’s what it smelled like!”

  224. Comcis Fan
    April 10th, 2010 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    @StoutHearted (#11):

    I’d like to see Mary’s reaction when she comes out to the garden to snip her morning glories and finds Bonnie and Ernie siting in two clawfoot Cialis bathtubs on the Charterstone lawn.

  225. commodorejohn
    April 10th, 2010 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    @HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! (#219): Probably my favorite thing about that scene is that they actually got John Hurt to reprise his role from Alien. Mel Brooks never does a joke halfway.

  226. bats :[
    April 10th, 2010 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    A few Saturday observations:

    FC: Thel finally snaps and send Jeffy out to play on the median. About freakin’ time…

    FW: wasn’t the NYC Montoni’s up and running before the time jump? If so, old Funky had 10 years of success in a city that has really had its low points.
    Or, as we say out West, “Christ, what an asshole.”

    MT: some of the local wildlife is relieved to hear that the Senator’s nefarious dealings are about to come to a halt, particularly after Chez Fauna’s latest promotion of “Eat more beaver!”

    MW: Mary with long hair (to say nothing of long BLOND hair) is seriously creeping me out. Ernie and Bonnie’s School of Interpretive Dance continues undisturbed.

    FOOBlite: “And in a few years, when you least suspect it, it’ll be YOUR money. And MY dental assistant. Ciao, baby!”

  227. bats :[
    April 10th, 2010 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#225): I’ve always wondered about the connection/friendship between Brooks and Hurt, considering Brooks produced “The Elephant Man,” and Hurt also played Jesus in “History of the World, Part I.” I suspect it’s an interesting story.

  228. lost
    April 10th, 2010 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#194): This is the top Google result for a Dial-less telephone. http://www.alzstore.com/Alzheimers/dial-less-telephone.htm The fact that there is a market need for a telephone that can’t dial out is far more depressing than any storyline that Batiuk has managed to come up with.

  229. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
    April 10th, 2010 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#227):
    IT’S GOOD BEING KING!

    oh pissboy...

  230. Hobbes Fan
    April 10th, 2010 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    Mary was so frightened by the Wilbur storyline that her hair turned…um, blond.

  231. Donkey Hotey
    April 10th, 2010 at 1:40 am [Reply]

    The odd thing about today’s Shoe is that instead of Cosmo exhibiting his usual google-eyed, shocked expression AFTER the punchline, he looks completely gobsmacked (or perhaps drunk) even in the first panel.

  232. Mibbitmaker
    April 10th, 2010 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#226): “Eat more beaver”? That restaurant must also have a supply of “Colonel Angus beef”! (Thanx, Tina Fey!)

  233. NJP
    April 10th, 2010 at 2:36 am [Reply]

    Mary’s become a serial killer. First Aldo, now Mary has scalped Tobey, and is wearing her hair as a wig.

  234. Mr. O'Malley
    April 10th, 2010 at 2:49 am [Reply]

    A-3G: Wait, here’s a note. “Ari—staircase party at Gabriella’s”

    ReFoob: Here’s one to baffle the youngsters. What are those objects anyway?

    FW: So Montoni’s doesn’t even make pizza—they just heat up prefab frozen pizzas that they buy by the containerload. This knowledge makes the fact that most of the inhabitants of Westview spend a large part of their free time hanging around Montoni’s even more depressing than it was previously.

    JP: Just a stalled truck in the road ahead, and the whole non-seatbelt-wearing bunch will be out of our hair forever; we’ll be able to spend more time with the novel-writing judge and the martini-sipping widow.

    Luann: OK, so how far does the dream sequence back up to? Before the auditions?

    MT: So the senator was punched by one of his employees? Even for this strip, that’s a bit of a stretch.

    MW: It’s hard to tell if this is Mary having suddenly acquired long blond hair, or some other character (Toby?) who is so badly drawn that she seems to have Mary’s face. The big pile of Legos on the dresser only adds to my confusion.

    Pluggers: But she is asking, so the joke doesn’t make any sense.

  235. Master Softheart
    April 10th, 2010 at 3:19 am [Reply]

    Garfield: Occasionally, Jim Davis sets aside the formula and goes for poignancy. Sometimes, this works.

    Luann: Tricks of narrative structure are only effective if the audience cares enough to make the alternate realities and lives matter in some way. If they don’t, it’s like expecting people to become engaged in the plot twists of a cat food commercial.

    A3G: Before this storyline, I actually liked Professor/Doctor Papagoras.

    FW: Responding to Mr. O’Malley @ 234: I choose to believe that Jabba the Pizza Magnate is referring to an inventory of ingredients, cardboard delivery boxes, and other items that can be made into pizzas by a dedicated staff as a farewell gift to New York rather than a collection of frozen, preservative-laced, petroleum-based pizza substitutes that can be microwaved and handed to passers-by as an expression of contempt by Funky and Les. Softheartedness is sometimes a difficult path.

    RM:MD: June strikes with precision and emotional impact that would make Mary Worth envious. Rex may have prevented her from openly expressing her hatred of Brook and that entire branch of the family, but June will not put up with this vapid child expressing contempt toward the suburban paradise she has constructed. “We lived in the city and partied every night, Brook, but then we grew up – and if you can’t manage to do the same then you’ll be turning tricks in Times Square by the end of this week no matter how much sympathy Rex has for strays. Understand?”

    As a minor art note, Nolan does a great job with the windblown hair in panel 1 – with Baretto gone, Nolan’s art shines out again as the best among the soap strips.

    Phantom: It’s cute how shamelessly they flirt, in a sociopathic kind of way. I would bet that if she hadn’t been distracted by the radio call Savarna would have machine-gunned the survivors as soon as Walker was out of visual range.

  236. Jason1981
    April 10th, 2010 at 3:32 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#220): A giant earthquake in CA, then a giant bug? ……Why does that sound familiar? Oh ..right..: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUelB-OSneY

    …….That must’ve been what happened.

  237. Jason1981
    April 10th, 2010 at 3:33 am [Reply]

    @Jason1981 (#236): whoops, well, maybe not giant BUG…but it’s still pretty freaky lookin lol

  238. Kanomi
    April 10th, 2010 at 3:38 am [Reply]

    4/10
    Beetle: “Just pretend the ball is Beetle’s head.” – I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. Seriously. I’m walking away…

    Dagwood: What bigger emergency? When the boss finds out that over the last eight decades you have embezzled more than $1.4 million of company funds and spent it all on sandwiches? Oh, ok yeah, that’ll be a pretty big one.

    Cathy: Ms. Cathy Guisewhite. Feminist. Cartoonist. Tireless crusader against oppressive and unjust taxation.

    Seriously, if you have a national soapbox on which to talk about the twisted nepotism that is the tax code and the only thing you find yourself able to say, day after day, year after year, is “Taxes are confusing. Tax software is puzzling. I dislike taxes.” then maybe you should retire your fucking useless strip. Or go back to whining about bathing suits.

    Hagar: “Let’s see, I can’t think of a decent punchline for this gag. But I already drew the setup and it’s nearly tee-time. What to do, what to do. Fuck it, I’ll just draw some ants. Hit ‘send’ and hit the links!”

    Garfield: Garfield realizes he doesn’t exist. In a just universe, he would then immediately vanish, never to torment us again. Yet we all know that won’t happen. Ergo, existence is suffering, and this world is a vale of tears. Thanks, comic pages.

    Mark Trail: Call me a pedantic nitpicker if you will, but I don’t think it’s feasible to finance a U.S. Senate seat from the sale of poached squirrel meat. Bribes, graft and manipulating tax laws? Yes. Dead rabbits, not so much.

    Mary Worth: No! Just tell us! Argh!

    Phantom: “My harmless freighter…a secret bondage playroom? No one will believe that!”

    Funky Winkerbean:

    FREE FOOD MAKES HUNDREDS HURL
    Bankrupt proprietor charged with recklessly endangering public health

    New York (AP): In an incident New York Restaurant Inspectors are calling a flagrant violation of basic health practices, an Ohio businessman and operator of the failing restaurant chain, ‘Montoni’s Pizza’, is accused of poisoning hundreds of New Yorkers.

    The accused, a failed Ohio businessman, handed out hundreds of boxes of stale, rotting foodstuff that had been stacked up in a storage closet, billing it as ‘free pizza.’

    “It was like Night of the Living Dead,” said Officer T. Sloane, first on the scene. “Ambulances around the block. Hundreds of people staggering around vomiting, puke running through the gutters. And the stink! Like the Jersey shoreline…”

  239. Jason1981
    April 10th, 2010 at 3:43 am [Reply]

    MT: “That….that’s impossible! It can’t be! I mean..the Senator doesn’t have side-burns or facial hair–he can’t be evil!”

  240. dale
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:17 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#234):

    In re: MT

    “our friend” is facetious. There are two senators. If Wallace is the restaurant owner, it was the other one who got into/started the fight with the local rubes.

    Questions for Ranger Buzzy and Writer Who Trespasses:
    Does Wallace own the Parker Bros. hunting/fishing camp operation or just the land which is leased to the brothers?
    What laws related to wild game, taxes, restaurant inspection, poaching, etc. have been violated? None that we know of so far.

  241. Baka Gaijin
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:24 am [Reply]

    @Kanomi (#238) on Cathy: “…“Taxes are confusing. Tax software is puzzling. I dislike taxes.” then maybe you should retire your fucking useless strip. Or go back to whining about bathing suits.” You peeked ahead to next week’s strips. AACK!

  242. curlyfries
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:29 am [Reply]

    #34

    “I predict what we’re going to get is a couple of retirees who’ve lost all their investments and are forced to live on their Social Security checks, and Bonnie can’t control her spending.”

    Oh, no, it’s much worse than that. Bonnie’s bland attire and fixed stare, their inability to tell Mary’s tasteless formaldehyde-based cuisine from “roast chicken”, Ernie’s truculent insistance that Bonnie “do something” – it’s all so clear! They have a failing Amway dealership and Ernie wants her to start hooking on the side. “Pimp My Bride” comes to Charterstone!

    Of course, since something as simple as Facebooking was ponderously described as “online social networking” for the Amish devotees of the strip, Ernie’s plan will henceforth be described as “financially compensated fluid redistribution.”

  243. Push Trot
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:39 am [Reply]

    GT: I think Gill should have a talk with Derek. He could go blind.

    Marmaduke: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

    MW: I called it! That dinner at Mary’s was the last straw for Ernie – He’s packing his stuff and going to Jackson, or maybe Kansas City.

    Sally Forth:
    April 1, 1. panel: “Why do we sign up for softball every year? We’re not even into sports…”
    April 2, 1. panel: “Mom, I don’t know if I’m cut out for softball…”
    April 3, 1. panel: “Maybe you should reconsider quitting softball, sweetie…”
    April 4, 1. panel: “Dad, would you be upset if I quit softball?”
    April 6, 1. panel: “Why do you want to quit softball, sweetie?”
    April 7, 1. panel: “Sweetie, I’d never make you place softball if you didn’t want to…”
    April 8, 1. panel: “You’re quitting the softball team?”
    April 9, 1. panel: “You’re right, Faye, we can’t quit the softball team. My dad needs us…”
    April 10, 1. panel: “I’ really, really happy you decided to keep playing softball, sweetie…”

    Chief Wiggum: [bangs on window] “Stop saying ‘softball’ in there!”

  244. Baka Gaijin
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:41 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Is Brookings implying that Pluggers hide their homosexuality?

    Mary Worth: The man behind the curtain is none other than the Reverend Will B. Dunn from Kudzu! Oh yeah, that first panel is about as creepy as a busload of clowns. CLOWNS!!!

    Dennis the Menace: Now we know who’s behind so many comic strips being dropped from dead tree newspapers. Good ol’ Mr. Wilson.

    Non Sequitur: I’d pay to see a cage match between that woman and Margo.

    Baby Blues: Ha ha. Darryl and Wanda don’t know about wet washcloths.

    Zits: This can’t be happening. Jeremy didn’t immediately Hoover the letter into his ever-hungry stomach or throw it into the refuse pile he calls a bedroom? Hold on tight, the world is going to stop spinning.

    Pearls Before Swine: Another winner, Pastis!

  245. Push Trot
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:52 am [Reply]

    @Push Trot (#243):
    Whoops! Guess I made a plugger in that April 10 quote. Now, where did I put my coveralls and chewing tobacco? I must do penance…

  246. Sheila Sternwell
    April 10th, 2010 at 5:21 am [Reply]

    MW: My detective skills have failed. This Mary-or-Tobey creature has changed into a nightgown and robe by Saturday’s strip, making it impossible to determine who it’s supposed to be by the clothing. I am most displeased, not just because of that, but because this is the third day in a row that the 2nd panel has been reused. You know, even the sweatshop Garfield artists redraw panels. Something to think about, Giella.

  247. Crankenstank
    April 10th, 2010 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    Haven’t you heard of The It’ Girl?

  248. Lucky
    April 10th, 2010 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey – And then Sarge was rushed to a urologist to get his stuck… No, no, I can’t do this joke.

    Garfield – Uh oh. Garfield is finally starting to realize that he has been dead since October 1989.

    Mark Trail – Let’s give credit where it’s due. I totally didn’t see that coming. Though that’s probably because this plot isn’t making much sense anymore.

    Marmaduke – “And you said we don’t need double-reinforced glass.”

    Mary Worth – I wonder if we’ll see that panel three times tomorrow.

    Plugger – So that’s why Sarge is always eating cake. It’s an euphenism.

    Prickly City – Stantis just sent a liberal to the Moon. Nope, can’t see any hidden meaning there.

  249. Mordock999
    April 10th, 2010 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#234):

    Re: Luann – MAYBE Luann’s Dream goes ALL the way back to when BEFORE she had her makeover. Jest sayin’…,

    _____________________
    DEATH to TJ!!!

  250. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 10th, 2010 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out “Evans, you HACK!” and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.

  251. Baka Gaijin
    April 10th, 2010 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    @Crankenstank (#247): Are you referring to Mary Worth? I’m thinking more of a “Crying Game” but with age/beauty instead of gender being the twist. I’ll be in the bathroom puking.

  252. Écureuil Écumant
    April 10th, 2010 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    MW: At long last, we get a peep into Mary’s boudoir as she untangles her serpents. Better yet, we don’t go blind because all those decades of looking at her face have desensitized us.

  253. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 10th, 2010 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    MG&Grrrroooooooaaaaaaaannnnnnnn.

    MC: next up, Rex walking by making accordion noises after being flattened!

    RwO: o how funny! I lol’d.

    6Cx: *snurk*

    SB: I’m going to restrain myself, and not post what immediately came to mind as the obvious alternative punchline here.

    Lio: robo-Suessian WIN. Man, I love this strip.

  254. Hibbleton
    April 10th, 2010 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    MW: Now we know where Mary was during the Wilbur/Kurt story line. She was getting lipo. Her waist and hips in panel 1 are drawn quite nice.

    Yesterday’ Plugger was Jacques Pepin. It’ common for him to drop final ess’ at end’ of word’, ya know.

  255. Écureuil Écumant
    April 10th, 2010 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    FW: So Montoni’s gimmick is to deliver still-frozen pizzas. What an angle. No longer does it matter if you’re the last stop on the delivery run. Just pop ‘em in your microwave and serve ‘em up piping hot!

  256. Push Trot
    April 10th, 2010 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    @Lucky (#248): re: Mark Trail, see: @dale (#240)

    Though I’m pretty sure your bafflement was shared by Mark, by the look on his face in the final panel today: “Wait a minute! Do you mean the senator who owns and runs a restaurant that serves game, and who frequently visits the Parker brothers? I did not see that one coming! Also, you have nice lips”

  257. zerowolf
    April 10th, 2010 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    MW: I think I know the darkest secret of the Johnsons. Looking at the shadow outline Ernie is really the avatar of the fire god Moloch and with the lack of ears Bonnie is the incarnation of the Venus of Willendorf This story line is about whether Mary’s Meddlepower is stronger than even the Elder Gods themselves.

  258. Écureuil Écumant
    April 10th, 2010 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    JP: I like the way Manley shows Neddy and Sophie looking at each other in the back seat in panel 1. Nice setup for panel 2. Also rings true.

    And Jules reveals he’s a well-informed world citizen by declining to incur a four-figure ER bill less than 30 minutes after clearing Customs.

  259. Écureuil Écumant
    April 10th, 2010 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    MT: I think Elrod may have set us up to be punk’d here. Today’s strip informs us that the Parker Bros’ camp is owned by Senator Wallace and they supply game meat to his restaurant (as well as others in the area). Looking back at previous strips, Moe & Joe have never once given voice to any patently illegal activity. All talk of poaching, etc, is coming from Mark, whose only real evidence is:

    (a) boxes of processed game meat in a freezer and
    (b) geese under a net.

    Nothing inherently illegal about meat in a freezer, and as for the geese, Moe & Joe only say they’re going to process the birds that they “left under the net”, not that they “trapped”. We’ve not been shown any actual poaching being transpired.

    Most every state has a statute by which individuals can pay for a license to raise game birds and quadrupeds on their own property year-round and sell the meat commercially. None of the species listed on the boxes in the freezer are endangered, hence they would seem to be covered by these licensure provisions. The Parkers’ insistence on keeping others away from their camp could quite reasonably be prompted by their desire to avoid THEIR game being poached. This could all be entirely legal, meaning Mark (and we) have been royally punk’d.

  260. Amateur
    April 10th, 2010 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#224): COTW!

    Also, Mary-with-Toby’s-Hair — or is it Toby-with-Mary’s-Face? — is seriously creeping me out.

  261. Mela
    April 10th, 2010 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Saturday:

    A3G: Dammit, he’s NOT getting shot?!

    Archie: Archie & Hot Dog decide to insult Jughead as harshly as they can by comparing him to Mary Worth’s cooking.

    Baby Blues: Sounds like my house… the one devoid of small children.

    Baldo: Either this is stalling for Monday’s real answer or the start of the greatest mistake ever.

    Bizarro: I’ll admit – I laughed.

    ReFOOB: I sympathize with John/Rod here – he’s the one that actually goes out and earns a living instead of getting a martyr complex over staying home all day and freeloading like Elly/Lynn. But, since he’s not the artist, I’m sure we’re expected to sympathize with the housemooch.

    FW: The homeless winos of New York and their ruined tastebuds salute you, Les.

    GA: “Now shut the fuck up and take me home.”

    HotC: Her mother’s a tree? Or is the artist that bad at drawing not-children that don’t have cavernous black holes in place of mouths?

    H&J: Did Bentley die suddenly with only a small pool of strips surviving, forcing the syndicate to run the same twelve over and over until enough papers cancel?

    Luann: Y’know, if the whole “West Side Story” performance was a dream sequence, I don’t feel cheated. I’ll feel relieved that there’s still a shot we’ll (a) actually get to see it and (b) it’ll go about as smoothly as “Moose Murders”.

    MW: “My arms have been stuck like this for days! Call a doctor already!”

    MG&G: Wow. Not even Pastis tortures a premise that much for a cheap pun.

    My Cage: I don’t know what made this funnier, Violet’s subdued fuming in panel two or the little stars by Norm’s head.

    NS: Okay, that payoff was actually kind of worth it.

    6Chix: Ha, ha, ha! Geeks, amirite? Now, where’s my iPad and my Android? I gotta Tweet about “American Idol”, tee hee! (In short: GO FUCK YOURSELF, BIMBOS. What is this, “Annoying Women Pile on People Whose Tastes Actually Show Some Imagination Week”?)

  262. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 10th, 2010 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    Startled by the accusation, the aging Plugger suddenly felt his long sublimated instincts rise to the surface, and he scarfed the rest of the forbidden cake in one ferocious, snapping bite. He looked up from the polished plate, and he saw his wife again as if for the time, truly: Delicious. Chicken. Dinner.

  263. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 10th, 2010 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Of course, once the driver was immobilized by webbing, it should come as no surprise that he lost control of the car, although predicting the exact number of casualties that ultimately resulted from the subsequent skid-and-carrom (in particular, the six nuns and the girl scout troop) would have been difficult, it’s true. It took Peter Parker more than ten days, and as many gallons of Ben & Jerry’s, before he really got over it.

  264. Mibbitmaker
    April 10th, 2010 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    A3G: Uninteresting plot point. The action resumes Monday.

    Cleats: She looks like she could beat them at that.

    Cranky: Just DROP it, Anti-WaltKelly!

    DtM: “…while I snark them.”

    DT: “….an old mystery from waaaaaaaaay back when this strip was actually good (194something)

    Doonesbury: NObody expects th– (psst — hey, R.R., you left out “Spanish”….)

    ReFOOB: What an ass! What a jerk! What a mindless spender of a spouse! And that’s not the worst of it! The worst of it is…. he’s right. (Thanks, Dave Berg, for the format of the joke) ………Wait….. “mindless spender of a spouse”? Hey, Lynn, no fair transferring misogynist stereotypes into misandrist (Lynn’s intention, more or less) ones!

    MW, p.1: Mary’s been so inactive in the meddling game since she was frozen out of the last couple of storylines (thus her desperation in the beginning of this one) that she’s morphing into one of the more useless characters in her strip! That’ll make her really desperate!

  265. wossname
    April 10th, 2010 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    A3G – Dare I hope that Bobbie has left a note for Ari? It could say (a) I’m going to kill my husband; (b) I’m going to kill myself; (c) I’m going to kill anybody who crosses my path; (d) I’m going to kill you; and/or (e) all of the above. And it would be convenient if it provided Gabriella’s address.

    JP – For shame, for shame! Five people in the car and not one is wearing his/her seatbelt. I’m sure Judge Parker can get you out of any tickets, but this could become an issue of how well Manley can draw fractured skulls and shattered glass.

    MW – Quick pool – how many more times are we going to see this stupid drawing in panel 2 before this story ends? (It’s still the same drawing even if it’s cropped slightly differently.) I guess… ummmm… 5, plus 2 appearances in Sunday throwaway panels.

  266. Rusty
    April 10th, 2010 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Luann: I have the icky feeling that this is Evans’ dream, not Luann’s. “I can’t quit drawing you Aaron Hill!”

  267. Écureuil Écumant
    April 10th, 2010 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    A3G Pity poor Dr. Poppapillinus. He’s making a Bobbie booty call, but he’d really rather be sittin’ on the Doc by the bay.

  268. TheDiva
    April 10th, 2010 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: Come on, Jeff. Bash his head in and throw the body in a ditch somewhere. You know you want to.

    FW: Funky is disappointed that his prefabricated midwest pizza didn’t take New York City by storm. He’s hoping to have better luck with Montoni’s in Chicago, though.

    Luann: And Luann rolls over and finds Suzanne Pleshette in bed next to her.

    MW: Oh dear Lord, Toby’s turning into Mary–mentally and physically!

  269. commodorejohn
    April 10th, 2010 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    A3G – The mangoes! The mangoes made her do it! I knew it all along!

    AS – Actually, this would’ve been funnier without the caption.

    Curtis – Of course, this story still accomplished absolutely nothing, but at least it went somewhere unexpected in so doing.

    DT – I’m wondering who in the world ever confused Dick for a “great detective.” Skillful killer of miscreants and subversives, sure, but detective? Hah.

    Garfield – Garfield‘s scathing three-panel indictment of…itself? Wow. I really wouldn’t have expected that. Next question: IF YOU REALIZE THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENS OR CHANGES IN THIS STRIP, WHY DON’T YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?

    GT – Dammit, Gil Thorp, I’m trying not to go straight to the gutter here, but you keep leading me there.

    JP – What’s with panel one? Are they driving through Battlefield Earth?

    LUANN – WHAT THE FUCK. NO SERIOUSLY. WHAT.

    MT – “How can this be?” Mark thinks. “He…he doesn’t even have a beard!”

    MW – Is panel one supposed to be titillating? Because I’m sorry, Toby just isn’t any kind of sexy, particularily not when she’s wearing Mary’s face. I’m more interested by those yellow things on her dresser. I’d assume they’re supposed to be books, except that some of them clearly have wider segments at the ends. Are they tubes of some kind? What would they contain? …oh.

    MC – Yeah, that was justified.

    Phantom – Ooh, I got a chill when she said that last line. I’m gonna miss her.

    Pluggers – Well thanks for that image, Pluggers.

    Popeye – She would.

    SM – I dunno, I think my money’s on the drunken driver.

    Edison Lee – THIS. IS. NOT. FUNNY. CHRIST.

    Ziggy – Is this meant as Angry Kem bait? P.S. dear God let’s cut away before he gets to the Miller’s Tale.

  270. bats :[
    April 10th, 2010 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#67): I think the most recent developments in 9CL work just as well with a pair of silk panties.

    Oh, and Luann? See? After all of it, she ends up with Puddles! In bed! I called it!
    Wait, what?

  271. professor fate
    April 10th, 2010 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @Kanomi (#238): re FW. Bravo! I was going to go the food posioning route but you did it so much better – thanks for the laugh.

  272. Red Greenback
    April 10th, 2010 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    MW: Okay, I have no comment for panel one other than Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? However, I think in panel two, Fine Ernie is explaining his familiarity with the “impressive spread” at Mary’s crib. Back when he was in the service overseas, one evening on a very drunken leave, Fine Ernie sampled the local cuisine -dog and monkey brains.

  273. Marion Delgado
    April 10th, 2010 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    …. and that’s how Luann lost her virginity to Patrick Duffy, who was in the shower.

  274. cheech wizard
    April 10th, 2010 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    LuAnn – If you’re going to use the cheesiest plot device in the hack writer’s arsenal, I have to admit, dragging out the festering corpse of a long-abandoned character is a pretty fun way to do it.

    Besides, LuAnn can’t be the belle of the ball. That would be like turning Charlie Brown into Jason Hanson.

  275. Sequitur
    April 10th, 2010 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    Luann: FOUL! FOUL! I cry!

    JP: Okay. Now Neddy is looking just plain evil. Evil, I say. I’d sic her on Greg Evans to eat out his heart but she wouldn’t find one.

    Dilbert: Asok better not get around Greg Evens or his nose will really grow.

    FW: I hope Greg Evans is in that line and gets served a slice of death on a slab.

    NS: I’d like to see her zap the hell out of Greg Evans.

    Pickles: I didn’t know the sink was named “Earl.” It probably got clogged trying to digest the Luann story line.

    DtM: Just be sure to skip “Luann” Mr. Wilson. You don’t want to set Dennis off.

    Curtis: Actually Curtis read Greg Evans’ mind and realized what was going to happen to the plot.

    Blondie: Don’t worry Dag. You’re just dreaming this. Just ask Greg Evans.

    PBS: Looks like Rat just read today’s Luann.

    MW: Mary, look, over there! Greg Evans. Sic ‘em girl!

    R=R: Toss Greg Evans in the birdbath!

  276. bats :[
    April 10th, 2010 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    @Push Trot (#245): you DO realize that True Plugger Penance is to swallow your wad of chewing tobacco, don’t you?

  277. Baka Gaijin
    April 10th, 2010 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#275): Sequitur, do I detect you having a little problem with a certain comic today? Is it, oh I don’t know…SATAN! Whoops, it’s that strip with the annoying girl. Non Sequitur, right?

  278. odinthor
    April 10th, 2010 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Baldo. — Hm. When a politician responds to a query with, “I’m glad you asked that question,” it actually means, “I wish the earth would gape open beneath you and that you’d fall into the deepest pit of Hell!”. When a significant other responds that way, it generally means that not only is the horse out of the corral but that it has long since been rendered at the glue factory. When a character in a comic strip responds that way, it generally means that the cartoonist is just trying to keep us in suspense over the weekend. I know I’m certainly going to cancel all my weekend events.

    Curtis. — Curtis, dawg, here’s a li’l tip you’ll want to remember: It’s better not to know what other people are thinking because they’re probably even more messed up than you are. OK, let’s go get some ice cream, bud.

    GT. — And so we have Pitch and Tuck. Hey, enjoy yourselves, guys!

    Heathcliff. — Sheer lunacy! If only the sign had said “Jerry’s Auto and Cow Repair.”

  279. Sequitur
    April 10th, 2010 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#277): SATAN LICKED MY BRAIN! And his name is Greg Evans.

  280. 8th Man Fan
    April 10th, 2010 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    MW, panel 1: Mary or Toeby? Let’s check the Mary Worth model sheet. Nope, not Mary.

  281. bats :[
    April 10th, 2010 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#259): you make a number of valid points (and a lot of sense in general). Mark is going to come over to your house and punch you. I’d keep the doors locked, if I were you.

    On other matters: everyone needs a break from time to time. Writers, artists, wildlife mavens and park rangers are not superhuman — a little escape with a little borrowing is a good thing…

  282. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 10th, 2010 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Good lord, she’s got his nose now.

    A3G – Right on cue. I mentioned this happening yesterday, but I’m pretty sure someone else already called it. Hey, Doc! Go in the basement!

    Baby – Maybe you should just feed your kids in the bathtub and save an acre of rain forest.

    Dick gets to revisit the Lindbergh kidnapping. At a party!

  283. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 10th, 2010 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Family – You guys on the other side of the street, heads up! Launching in 3… 2… 1…

    Smirky – On the bright side, the cancer rate in the Big Apple will soon drop by a couple of percentage points.

    Luann – I see that Elbow is showing Luann the “something extra” he can offer in the sack today.

    Mark – Hey! You don’t show Drama Prairie Dog and then cut away before he gives us The Look!

  284. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 10th, 2010 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Mary
    Took a walk through Charterstone
    Late last night
    All the shades completely thrown
    Way down tight
    From within, a pole lamp shone;
    Threw silhouettes on the shade
    And there it laid; an odd pair they ma-ade

    Put his arms up in the air
    To a height
    Standing stiller than a chair
    Through the night
    Wondered what they’d eaten there
    Bad spuds or salmon square
    That made them freeze, as stiff as you please.

    Silhouettes (silhouettes)
    Silhouettes (silhouettes)
    Silhouettes (silhouettes)
    Ty-oh, oh-oh

    Rx – I prefer to believe that Brook is talking in the last panel.

    @Écureuil Écumant (#255): Microwave those frozen pizzas? Hell, just put ‘em on a stick and eat ‘em like popsicles!

  285. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 10th, 2010 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    ps: Salon has dropped “Tom the Dancing Bug” from their pages. They know he was popular, so writing to complain probably will have no effect — at least that’s what everybody (including Mr. Bolling) is saying. This is part of the “We’re sinking! Quick, destroy all the lifeboats!” mentality that we’ve seen in the paper press already. Fortunately, Tom can still be found.

  286. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 10th, 2010 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

  287. commodorejohn
    April 10th, 2010 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#285): Good lord. How many more publications are going to respond to declining readership by cutting the one thing everybody reads?

  288. Calico
    April 10th, 2010 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#268):
    Yeah, is that Toby or Mary?
    Looks more like Mary but with hair extensions-I guess she’s been watching Kate Gosselin on “Dancing with the Stars.”
    If I see one more pic of Ernie’s window, I’m going to write to Giella and beg him to stop.

  289. Calico
    April 10th, 2010 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    So Montoni’s is actually Dominos. Gross.
    Frozen pizza doesn’t cut it in NYC, dummy Funky.

  290. Mibbitmaker
    April 10th, 2010 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    FW: Nope! Still not worth the price.

    GF: Have a fever, Satch?

    JP: Hey, Jules, you’re tipping the whole car over! (stupid deadweight)

    Luann: Luann and “adult” Liz Patterson: between them, they own every man on planet earth. And a couple of martians, too. Expect turf wars once Liz “grows up”.

    MW, panel 2: That panel now officially qualifies as ‘stock footage’.

    NS: So, symbolically, she’s worse than Danae. I can’t argue with that.

    Popeye: That’s some perceptive subconscious!

    RMMD: June! June! June! June! June! June!
    (rats — one syllable just isn’t very effective for a rah-rah chant. Something like “Dar-ryl! Dar-ryl! Dar-ryl!” works much better) (thanks, Office)

    S-M: Supervillains sure love themselves, don’t they?

  291. Peanut Gallery
    April 10th, 2010 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Here’s my theory about the thrice-repeated second panel of wraithlike silhouettes in Mary Worth: Sometimes when you make a horrifically embarrassing blunder, in a futile attempt to cover your humiliation you say “I meant to do that!” and deliberately repeat the same blunder a couple more times for credibility.

  292. Mars
    April 10th, 2010 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    I hate that I have to wait until Sunday for Josh’s Saturday post. I want him to bash today’s Luann NOW.

    This isn’t the first time Greg Evans has used this device, but it’s the first time he had no real reason to. Just….what???

  293. dreadedcandiru2
    April 10th, 2010 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    Sunday Spoilers for 11 April 2010:

    ReFoob: We start out with Annie complaining about how deer nibble on her garden because she doesn’t have a fence around it; the repellent Elly recommends has a brand-name that she likes because she uses the phrase whenever John is feeling amorous: Not Tonight, Deer.

    Sally Forth: We remind ourselves that Sally is a bureaucrat with a husband who acts like a kid.

    FW: Batiuk rips off classic comics so the title character can piss and moan about how the Man made his business fail. Insert comment about how he should look in a mirror here.

  294. bats :[
    April 10th, 2010 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#290): neither Luann nor Liz Patterson qualifies. Margo owns them all…

    I’ve used “Junie” in mashups; then again, it’s when Rex is feeling frisky (rarely) or being submissive and groveling (commonly).

    I don’t really care where Sabretooth goes. He’d better remember his wind-machine for that FABulous Fabio tresses-tossed-in-the-breeze look, though!

  295. Mibbitmaker
    April 10th, 2010 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Jun-ie! Jun-ie! Jun-ie! Jun-ie! Jun-ie! Jun-ie!

    Thanks, bats:[

  296. Calico
    April 10th, 2010 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#290):
    Luann: The American FOOB?

    And in FOOB, it’s part #692 about how John/Rod is a tool.

  297. Calico
    April 10th, 2010 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and if Luann and Liz had a turf war, you know this could really strain relations between Canada and the US. No beer bets here!

  298. Ukulele Ike
    April 10th, 2010 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    JP: Neddy has been Audrey Hepburn for a week now, and suddenly she goes all Sophia Loren in panel 2? I mean, the girl got large. You can see why the poor guy’s back is fucked up.

    Edge City & FOOB: These midlife crisis-suffering swine deny themselves nothing. I’d like to see Len lose control of the motorcycle and plow into John’s living room, crashing into the stereo.

  299. Mibbitmaker
    April 10th, 2010 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    Oh, God, I peeked ahead on FW now!

    TRYING NOT TO SPOIL (requires refridgeration):

    In FW, even a happy story is depressing. Dread next Friday, children! Dread it like the plague!

  300. Amateur
    April 10th, 2010 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    MW: Oh my gosh, I just figured it out. Bonnie has (we think) overspending problems; Toby had the same problem; Toby wants to get to know Bonnie; Toby’s wearing Mary’s face . . . Toby’s going for her Meddler’s Badge on this one! She’s getting full-fledged Senior Meddler status!

    Mary will be so proud. Or she’ll murder Toby in a jealous rage. I’m not sure which.

  301. TruthOfAngels
    April 10th, 2010 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers are smarter than you think. They use their dogs to bury the mutilated remains of smartass Internet satirists who ‘dis’ their ‘tude. Look, no hands!

  302. Calico
    April 10th, 2010 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#298):
    And run over the almighty new can opener as well.

  303. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 10th, 2010 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#298): I’d like to see Elly lose control of her can opener and decapitate Abby.

  304. Ukulele Ike
    April 10th, 2010 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    What was UP with that stupid can-opener? Does Elly feed her family entirely on canned goods? Will her hands start to bleed uncontrollably if she’s forced to use a manual opener? I ask merely for information — aside from tomatoes for pasta sauces, and the occasional beans, I rarely open a can in my kitchen. Why would you clutter up your counter with such a pusillanimous appliance?

  305. Victory Garden
    April 10th, 2010 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    Luann: OMG WHAT
    OMG

    WHAT

  306. FOOBed again
    April 10th, 2010 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#299): Next week’s FW: DO NOT WANT!

  307. KarMann
    April 10th, 2010 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Linty McDangle (#215): So. . . Ernie is a hat man? Maybe he’s hooked up with Margo, and that’s the real cause of his and Bonnie’s strife!

  308. Kanomi
    April 10th, 2010 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @professor fate (#271): heh thanks, though a real AP copy-editor would never permit that double “Ohio businessman” unforgivable egregious slip! ^^

  309. Sequitur
    April 10th, 2010 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    I had to go listen to the Trololololo guy to get Luann out of my head.
    Bad choice.

  310. Kanomi
    April 10th, 2010 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @FOOBed again (#306): How are you all peeking ahead? ^^

  311. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 10th, 2010 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    4/10

    H&J: Aaaargh! Bentley, if you’re going to take three weeks off from writing and drawing, you at least need to dig a little deeper into your old joke files.

    H&L: And over here we have Chip talking about a player for the “Lancers” and his “tools”, with the player’s bulge on full display all the while. Someone needs to take that vacation to Key West, already.

    A3G: Since no one keeps bowls of pears out except for painters, it looks like Lu Ann has been staying over at Bobbie’s place. Ahaha. No, even by the current standards of awesome melodrama, that doesn’t compute.

    JP: Manley finally grows into Barreto’s shoes and goes the full sexy. That he does so in a panel of a 19-year-old girl and her little sister may be unfortunate, but still…

    DtM: Mr. Wilson is lifting with his back instead of his legs. He’s more of a menace to himself than Dennis could ever be.

    FW: When Funky Winkerbean gets all fun and festive it… evokes the bread lines of the Great Depression.

    OBH: This got a good giggle out of me.

    Garfield: Becomes all too self-aware.

    BB: No, don’t pretend it’s Beetle’s head. You’ll just hold it to your crotch for ten minutes.

    Baldo: Sure Tia Carmen. Accept a marriage proposal from the oddball stalker you don’t really know. My Spanish is a little rusty. ¿Como dice “Bluebeard?”

    M-Dawg: “And I swear to God, I can see him mouthing my name. What does it mean, Lenny?”

    Luann: Big fan of Dallas, Evans?

    S-M: “Yeah, maybe that wall-crawlin’ creep can take on drunk drivers. But there ain’t no one drunker than Sabel–URP!–no one more drunker than Sabretooth!”

  312. monsieurjohn
    April 10th, 2010 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    I had no idea that drawing a silhouetted fighting couple was so hard that it was necessary to re-use the exact same art 3 days in a row.

    Also, Mary Worth is dyeing! It’s about damn time, if you ask me.

  313. Jamus The Bartender
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    reFOOB:Well. John. * ahem* You….you certainly do have those minerals. I’ve got a spot open for you on the sofa if you need it, and i’m sure you will…

  314. Jamus The Bartender
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I promise, by the bottom of my heart , NEVER to do this.

  315. Jamus The Bartender
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Okay, in the first panel, the cat is asking the dog where he got that sweet new can opener, and in the second one, the cat is asking the dog how he could spend so much on a new can opener when there are starving children everywhere who have never so much as SEEN a can opener, and the dog responds with a back hand to the throat and a curt, “It’s MY money.”

  316. Austria
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    4/10

    Arch: GOOD GRIEF THAT IS ONE PHALLIC DOG TREAT. But more importantly…what is it, exactly, that Archie and Hot Dog are simultaneously thought-ballooning about? Is that a rock?

    BB: …Yes, Sarge. Pretend the ball…is Beetle’s head. J…What do Mort and Walker want me to DO here?!

    Luann: Boy fight! Boy fight! Boy fight for Luann’s loooooooooooooove!!!

    MW: This is the third day in a row they’ve used that same panel. I swear.

    R=R: Okay, Peekaboo, I take it back. If you kill those horrible birds, you may live.

  317. Jamus The Bartender
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “We live out in the boonies to keep away from assorted lowlifes. As you can see, that didn’t work, so we’ll have to think of something else now…”

  318. Jamus The Bartender
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    My Cage: It gets me hot every time Violet visits violence upon her various co-workers.

  319. Jamus The Bartender
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Is Ernie nailed to a cross in his apartment? That’s the only reason I can see for his arms to be stretched out like that for two days.

  320. Jamus The Bartender
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    JP: Should Sam be driving like that, with the two left wheels touching the ground? I mean, Neddy’s lover looks like he’s got a bad back there, which will solve the having sex problem, I suppose, but someone should tell Sam to slow down or something.

  321. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    Austria – They’re thinking, in classic cartoon style, “Nut”.

  322. Jamus The Bartender
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    FC: “Also, be sure to drink eight eight ounce glasses of water, or it’s equivalent per day. Also, be sure to set down a base tan before swimming in the water, and always observe the ‘no running by the pool’ rules. Also, Mommy says marriage should be between a man and a woman, never two dudes. ” Thanks, Thel, what else does Wild Man say?

  323. Jamus The Bartender
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    DtM: I’m guessing Josh must feel like this every day now.

  324. Anonymous
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Kanomi (#310):

    Careful what you wish for!

  325. Jamus The Bartender
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: I’m actually waiting for Mr. Dithers to invoke the right of Droit de Seigneur , with Blondie waiting in a frilly negligee.

  326. Écureuil Écumant
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    Mutts vs. Red and Rover: These strips are stacked in the dead-tree WaPo and both use the same “When it rains, it pours” adage today. Not that this is particularly relevant to anyone but WaPo subscribers — but I like that kind of random synchronicity and have seen it a surprising number of times.

    @281 bats :[ said:

    Mark is going to come over to your house and punch you.

    Well, I do have the fruhlingeresque facial hair to provoke it. Bring it on, jack-off.

    @274 cheech wizard said:

    LuAnn – If you’re going to use the cheesiest plot device in the hack writer’s arsenal, I have to admit, dragging out the festering corpse of a long-abandoned character is a pretty fun way to do it.

    Actually, he might not be as festering as you think…

  327. Here Come ole Flattop
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    For everyone just hanging on to Greg Evan’s EVERY word: http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/2010/apr/10/growing-older-draws-cartoonist-to-pen-new-play/

    Sorry, couldn’t get my version to rename this for something better.

  328. Écureuil Écumant
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    FC: “Be sure to look both ways before crossing the street. Because judging by these rolls of lard on your porcine ass I’m lovingly cupping, you wouldn’t be able to outrun a steamroller.”

    Also, @322 Jamus the Bartender, are you sure you don’t mean “Wildmon”? [*]

  329. commodorejohn
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#324): Oh lordy. (Mouseover for further commentary)

    @Here Come ole Flattop (#327):

    “As I started writing, it was much like creating ‘Luann,’” Evans said. “You create characters, and they start to tell you what they need to do and where the story needs to go.”

    Isn’t that cute. He thinks Luann has ever actually gone anywhere, instead of just remaining in occasionally-twitching plot stasis for years on end.

    And cripes, for a guy so apparently into musical theater, he couldn’t even bring himself to hint at the nature of the actual performance in Luann?

  330. Écureuil Écumant
    April 10th, 2010 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#329):

    He doesn’t exactly need a character to tell him where the strip should go. All he needs to do is read this blog.

    But here’s the quote that caught my eye: “I reached a point where I realized one of the characters was going to die.”

    The autobiographical one, I hope.

  331. Sequitur
    April 10th, 2010 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    Damn Death Cat is walking around in my backyard.

  332. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 10th, 2010 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#330): I’m not sure if Alfred E. Neuman’s ideas, particularly involving Bernice, would pass muster with the editors. (just to use an example.)

  333. dreadedcandiru2
    April 10th, 2010 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#304):

    The reason Elly needs that can-opener is that not only does all the Pattersons’ food come out of cans, she also needs a reason to be pointlessly upset. If anyone thinks that next week’s Funky Failurebean is going to be bad, wait until Tuesday’s Foob; you’ll be witness to a woman who pisses her family allowance check away like an idiot lecture the majority source of income in the family on the need to be frugal.

  334. Jamus The Bartender
    April 10th, 2010 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#328): I was thinking of the Wildman from Robot Chicken, but maybe he meant Wildmon too.

  335. Calico
    April 10th, 2010 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#322):
    Jeffy can’t cross the street on his own, because his legs are missing.

  336. Kanomi
    April 10th, 2010 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#324): Ack! It’s giant Funky Winkerbeans from the future, run!

    @Here Come ole Flattop (#327): Does this mean Ruann just turned 25 and when she wakes up her never-ending high school nightmare is over? And she is married to Gunther and works at Safeway as a clerk?

    Please let her be married to Gunther and work as a Safeway clerk. And let Gunther be involved in the local LARP scene and has a Myspace page about his Vampire ‘clan’ and Ruann drinks wine coolers for breakfast and is slowly turning into “Jean Teasdale” from The Onion.

  337. bats :[
    April 10th, 2010 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    @Here Come ole Flattop (#327): wow, this looks right up there with “Menopause the Musical” *. Seriously do not want, whether or not it was written by the golden Bic of Evans.

    *No, I am not making this up. There is a permanent company of this in Las Vegas — I think ensconced at the Hilton.

  338. Poteet
    April 10th, 2010 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#174): Hey, I’m sure there are people in Des Moines who know exactly what iTunes are. So there:-).

    @commodorejohn (#175): Yay, I’m not a hipster zombie!

  339. Poteet
    April 10th, 2010 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#304): I’ve never had an electric can opener. I may sob myself to sleep tonight.

  340. Ukulele Ike
    April 10th, 2010 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    My mom had one! In Avocado Green! Now there was a lousy cook.

  341. Ukulele Ike
    April 10th, 2010 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    ….this was in the 1970s — when the current FOOB is set, correct? Everything was Avocado Green in the ’70s.

  342. Poteet
    April 10th, 2010 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    On a completely random note, I am weirdly fascinated by that row of colorful ModCloth shoes. I couldn’t possibly walk in any of them, but I’d like to see that black number with the yellow heel on Neddy.

  343. commodorejohn
    April 10th, 2010 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    We used to have an electric can opener once, way back when I was a youngster. It was much bulkier than it had any right to be, noisy as hell, and not noticeably faster than a normal can-opener. I guess it saved you a little effort, but not much, because you still had to hold the can up to it. It was, in short, not unlike one of those “labor-saving devices” you see on the Home Shopping Network that save you a small amount of time off of an already simple task in exchange for counter space and an electrical outlet. I never saw the point.

  344. Poteet
    April 10th, 2010 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#341): I’d agree with you about the avocado green, except we must also remember the burnt-orange of the ’70s, such as burnt-orange shag carpeting. Avocado-green and burnt-orange — a combo for the ages.

  345. Calico
    April 10th, 2010 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

  346. FOOBed again
    April 10th, 2010 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    @Kanomi (#310):
    You can use The Comics Kingdom Viewer to look ahead a week–the strips update every Friday. You can also build a full page of Comics Kingdom comics instead of having 4 to a page if you use the regular Comics Kingdom portal (such as on the Seattle P-I or Albany Times Union sites).

  347. Hasty Penguin
    April 10th, 2010 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    Oh my god. Sunday’s Mary Worth. “I’m in love with you, Adrian’s severed head.”

  348. KarMann
    April 10th, 2010 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

  349. ElkMeadow
    April 10th, 2010 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#348):

    Wow, that was…something. I guess if Lynn Johnston’s getting paid for her reruns as if they were brand-new, I guess others can re-use their art too. Although my now deceased journalism professor, Dr. Roy Paul Nelson, would have given a bad grade to anyone who tried to pull that crap in his cartooning class.

  350. ElkMeadow
    April 10th, 2010 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    Okay, here’s my call for RMMD. The hair and nail salon she’s going today is doing freebies for the women who live at the women’s shelters–both the homeless one and the one for battered women and their children. And a few bring their children with them, because they need haircuts. And the older girls get manicures too.

    Which will teach Brook A Major Life Lesson About How She Should Be Grateful and Be Nice To June and Her Mom For The Rest Of Her Life.

    And at MW Bonnie’s real best friend is Cathy. Cathy and Bonnie met up when their husbands, Ernie and Irving, refused to step foot into one more boutique. The two men ran into John Patterson outside the Somy store and helped him pick out his new sound system.

    previously posted on dead thread “Toosies”.

  351. Calico
    April 10th, 2010 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#348):
    Vacation’s all I ever wanted
    Vacation, have to get away!

    LOL

  352. bats :[
    April 10th, 2010 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#344): you’ve missed the Trifecta: avocado green, burnt orange, and harvest gold!
    And I just couldn’t help myself, although I do feel better.

  353. bats :[
    April 10th, 2010 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#348): it’s like an old any Hanna-Barbera cartoon!

  354. Citric
    April 10th, 2010 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    reFOOB: Maybe it’s because I come from a society where most women have a job, and the “housewives” I know are an important part of the family business who have an income of their own, but wow Elly is a castrating, whining bitch.

  355. Just some guy
    April 10th, 2010 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    These kids today with their i-tunes and their twitter-pods!

  356. Amateur
    April 10th, 2010 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    Spoiler for tomorrow’s “Mark Trail”:

    Mark Trail, advocate for hemp growers.

    No, I am not making this up.

  357. Poteet
    April 10th, 2010 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#352): Of course you’re right. How could I forget? Classic Seventies — a basement with burnt-orange shag carpet, avocado-green chairs, and harvest-gold curtains. Ooh yeah.

  358. Red Greenback
    April 11th, 2010 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    I really dig-g-g Sunday’s Mark Trail. Just say no to nylon! This song’s for you, Jackelrod!

  359. bats :[
    April 11th, 2010 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    Sunday! Sunday!

    MT: oh, Mark, now I know why you are like you are!

    Phantom: the Ghost-Who-Lives-in-the-Past is mesmerized by the moving pictures on the wall! “Must hunting herd of wildebeest! Fight the mighty lion in hand-to-hand combat! Thwart the wily aardvark!”
    “Geez, Dad. You’re embarrassing us!”

    RMMD: why June doesn’t reach over, open the passenger side door, and push Brook out into traffic is beyond me.
    Love Rex’s expression, though!

    FOOBlite: yeah, Elly, too bad they don’t make a Hamburger Helper-sort of product (not in a can, though) with that name. You’d have stock in the cempany, I bet.

  360. KarMann
    April 11th, 2010 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    4/11:
    Beetle Bailey: Wait a minute, isn’t Plato supposed to be the smart one? His suggestion is the most ignorant of the bunch!

    Curtis: Notice how Curtis deftly avoids actually answering the question of whether he’d like people to watch him “pitch woo”. Closet exhibitionist!

    JP: Why does that last panel look so ominous?

    MT: ZOMG, Mark Trail‘s gone over to the dark side!

    RMMD: “Don’t hate anyone”? Go on, tell us another one!

    S4th: I think I mentioned the other day, in passing, that I’m currently taking a small business management class? So, Do. Not. Want.

    SFx: Slylock has a JET?!?

    S-M: Web-rope, web-line, what are you going to do about it, Petey? Show up at a press conference to correct them? Go talk to the reporter, and panic when he asks you how you know what the allegedly proper terminology is?

  361. Chip Whittle
    April 11th, 2010 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: I think Bonnie’s husband is just upset that she has him wearing these comically oversized Viking horns at home.

    Also am I reading the first panel wrong or is Mary checking her makeup in a hair brush?

  362. Aviatrix
    April 11th, 2010 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#259): But Moe & Joe have facial hair.

  363. KarMann
    April 11th, 2010 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    4/11 Pickles: Has Grandpa been visiting Westview in his spare time?

  364. Poteet
    April 11th, 2010 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    4/11

    SF — In the last panel, I think the intended word was “inevitably,” not “undoubtedly.”

    MT — Holy moly. After seeing that in MT, I feel as if I’ve been toking myself.

    S-M — Wouldn’t Sabretooth have some trouble getting seated on any sane, normal airline, being as how he’s got an insane fanged grin, raggedy clothes, no luggage, and long sharp claws? Not to mention the way he probably smells?

  365. Aviatrix
    April 11th, 2010 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#352): It wouldn’t be complete without walnut brown bathroom fixtures. Unless of course you haven’t renoed since the previous trend and you have turquoise porcelain.

  366. Uncle Lumpy
    April 11th, 2010 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    …insane fanged grin, raggedy clothes, no luggage, and long sharp claws…

    But look on the plus side: no laptop, cellphone, shoes, or hair gel. As far as TSA cares, he’s good to go.

  367. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 11th, 2010 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#332): You’re right, we’ll never see my plot ideas for Luann in print. However, we can always hope that Evans has a “private collection” of strips that he might sell to discreet Curmudgeons for their edification and amusement.

  368. Uncle Lumpy
    April 11th, 2010 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    Oh, perfidious nylon!

    And I have to say, Mark was showing the signs as early as September, 2008.

  369. Baka Gaijin
    April 11th, 2010 at 4:48 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#364) on Spiderman: “Wouldn’t Sabretooth have some trouble getting seated on any sane, normal airline, being as how he’s got an insane fanged grin, raggedy clothes, no luggage, and long sharp claws? Not to mention the way he probably smells?”

    Take 1: It’s quite obvious you haven’t flown on an American domestic flight recently. No luggage? [*] Bwa ha ha.

    Take 2: It’s quite obvious you haven’t flown on an American domestic flight recently. Odor-enhanced passengers are not only not refused boarding but are seated right next to me.

    Take 3: It’s quite obvious you haven’t flown on an American domestic flight recently. Long sharp claws? Yeah and she insists upon repainting each one with a reproduction of the Sistine Chapel.

    @KarMann (#360) on Slylock Fox: “Had.” Slylock has a pile of aircraft-grade aluminum alloys.

    @ElkMeadow (#350) on Mary Worth: Great way to tie up those three strips. Kudos!

  370. Push Trot
    April 11th, 2010 at 5:32 am [Reply]

    S-M: Can I say one positive thing about today’s Spider-Man? Hmm…
    I like how the question in the throwaway panels is aswered unequivocally by the strip below.

    MT: OH OH OH! I’m really exited, but I don’t know how to channel it! Look at that first panel, it’s just so, so … I’m … systems overload – systems overload

  371. Baka Gaijin
    April 11th, 2010 at 5:34 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Strips

    My Cage, last panel: I’m worried. Violet has adopted Mary Worth’s nutritional credo.

    Spiderman, middle panel: Uh, pendejo, you specifically did not bring the Spidey-suit to Miami FOR THIS EXACT REASON! And yet, given the almost infinite choice of costumes available in South Beach alone, you chose which one? Twatpancake. A better choice? How about an azure harlequin mask paired with a hilariously oversize cyan bedazzled codpiece, one large enough to store your camera and web shooters? You’d be known as the Blue Braguette!

    By the way, researching this comment, I ran across the furthest extension, heh heh, of the codpiece trend: Cleaver Pants Warning: link may be NSFW. No nudity but Mary Worth might swoon.

    Cathy: This is the only time I can say this: I agree with both Cathy and Irving wholeheartedly.

    Mary Worth: Does Mary have a hairy chest? OMG!!!

    Slylock Fox, How to Draw…: Didn’t this “pig” start out as an baked orangutan a couple days ago?

  372. Push Trot
    April 11th, 2010 at 5:57 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#371):
    Well, the ‘Orangutan’ was stoned, while this pig looks like it has the munchies.
    I think the animals from Slylock Fox have been hanging around Mark Trail just a little too much. (damn it, it’s just not enough!)

    And, Slylock/Max…

    General Disarray: “Pythons did it!”

  373. KarMann
    April 11th, 2010 at 5:57 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#369) on S-M: My prediction for Monday’s installment: Sabretooth goes to the salon for a manicure, where Brook Bradford is surly to him. Will she survive? Will Sabretooth rough her up so she’ll tell him where Spider-Man is watching TV today so he can ask him where Wolverine is? Will we care what happens? Tune in next time!

  374. Baka Gaijin
    April 11th, 2010 at 7:16 am [Reply]

    @KarMann (#373): Sadly, your storyline is much more interesting than what we’ll actually see.

  375. Buck Ripsnort
    April 11th, 2010 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    Luann: Snark aside, you’re supposed to BUILD UP to the “And then I woke up” schtick, by making events progressively weirder and too wild to believe. Since the inexplicable attraction to That Bitch is already a given, the strip seemed as “natural” as it ever was.

  376. Bryan
    April 11th, 2010 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: I don’t think that’s how global warming works.
    Phantom: Hey, it’s Bob Dobson of the Church of the Subgenius!
    Dick Tracy: This is really more of “Self-Promoter’s Handbook” entry.

  377. Buck Ripsnort
    April 11th, 2010 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    MW: How do you avoid drawing yet another goddamned panel of Shadow-Bonnie&Ernie in the Sunday strip? Just draw the window.

  378. Écureuil Écumant
    April 11th, 2010 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    MT: Elrod gives us the alternative answer to the Loopy Lorikeet. Mr. Chairman, I request unanimous consent to revise and extend my product line for Mid-Atlanticon.

  379. This Guy
    April 11th, 2010 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    Okay, so… this storyline (if that term may be used) in Spider-Man has been going on for months, and it has achieved… precisely dick. Imagine pitching this to an editor: “Okay, so there’s this guy, and he knows where this other guy is, and this third guy wants to know where the second guy is, so he keeps pestering the first guy, so then the first guy leaves town and goes to Florida, and hides out for weeks and weeks so the third guy won’t pester him. But then the first guy forgets that he’s hiding and the third guy finds out and goes to Florida too so he can pester the first guy some more. Meanwhile, the second guy has no idea what the hell is going on.”
    Editor: “Get the fuck out of my office.”

    Is the world going to explode or something if Sabretooth finds out where Wolverine is? Is Peter the only person in the entire universe who knows where Wolverine is? Is Sabretooth just so rock-stupid that he thinks the only way to find out what he wants to know is to annoy Peter into submission by stealing plaster dinosaur skulls? FIND OUT… some time in 2016, when this storyline ends.

  380. zerowolf
    April 11th, 2010 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#371): I think that’s suppose to be a nightie under her bathrobe. Mary Worth in a nightie is as much an “EWWWWW!” moment as Mary Worth with a hairy chest.

  381. zerowolf
    April 11th, 2010 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    FW: If you threw your heart and soul into this business maybe you should have thrown your ass onto a plane and moved to New York to run it.

  382. This Guy
    April 11th, 2010 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#381): Eh, the evil gods of Funky’s universe probably would’ve known how to find him in New York, too.

    Sunday’s Cul de Sac: Anyone care to speculate on what comics Alice is getting all exicted about? My hypothesis:

    Dog that looks like a squirrel: Uncertain
    Cat: Garfield
    Ugly baby: PJ from Family Circus
    Guy not sharing his sandwich: Wilbur from Mary Worth
    Alligators: From Mark Trail

  383. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 11th, 2010 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    MT: today’s strip explains SO much. I’d rant on the factual errors, but instead, I’ll just make a classic comics reference: “taint corn, it’s dope! Take a bushel home for the wife?”

    PV: OK, who else read the last panel and did the “ooo-wee-oh!” theme from WoOz?

    FW: teh suck, it burns!

    PBS: you’re reaching, Pastis. Still funny, but obviously forced.

    SF: tl: dr. (robot monkeys! hee!)

    RwO: rofl. The queeksgirl loves Tetris, I’ll enjoy showing this one to her.

    MC: see, Batuik, THAT’s how you do soul-crushing despair! Take notes.

  384. Baka Gaijin
    April 11th, 2010 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#380): oh, now Zerowolf, I know you’re kidding. “She’s” got a full chest of white hair and I’ll bet hairy shoulders that shed into the food. Come to think about it, I don’t recall seeing Mary Worth in anything sleeveless. All this time I thought it was to hide her tribal armband tattoo.

  385. Vince
    April 11th, 2010 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#382): re. Cul De Sac: I was thinking Marvin and the crocs from PSB> Eet smellee baybee!

  386. Kanomi
    April 11th, 2010 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    @FOOBed again (#346): O_O
    Wow, that site is frickin’ awesome. Thanks!

    4/11

    Mark Trail: Brilliant! I never would’ve guessed this clean-cut “nature photographer” was really an outlaw weed farmer! No wonder he’s always chasing everyone out of Lost Forest. Mad ‘spect to T-Mark, the original trail blazer.

  387. gleeb
    April 11th, 2010 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Sly: “Max, they’re not anthropomorphized! We can’t get away with planting evidence and having them arrested like usual!”

    Rex: “I don’t hate anyone.” Thanks, I like a nice laugh from the comics. This is still the woman who nursed a silverware grudge for decades, right?

    Phantom: The Ghost-who-walks better not start making Twitter gags, or he’ll lose a reader.

    Mark: I never pictured Trail as a big NORML supporter.

    ‘bean: And starting a restaurant in a high-competition location like Manhattan is goes unnoticed if you’re a cheapskate incompetent like Funky.

    H&J: Really? This is the kind of thing I expect Herb to do. Or has he refused to even file a return in years, based on some crazy notion like Ohio not being a state?

    Dick: And how will that stop crime? I come here every week for crimestopping tips, not Dick-aggrandizement!

  388. Mela
    April 11th, 2010 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Because Chron doesn’t do Sunday strips, I’ve decided to give commentary on the ones I’m stuck reading the ones offered by Courier Post.

    Deflocked: The normal art style on this one bugs me (it’s a little too scribbly), but it actually provides a neat contrast to the more photorealistic ocean scenes. Joke’s cute, too.

    Mutts: I hate having to turn something sideways to read it. Just sayin’.

    ‘Shaft: Yes, Batiuk, it’s awful the way people are encouraged to do something about being unable to feel happiness and not wallow in relentless misery like you and your characters. Oh, and devoting a quarter of your space to a stock portrait of your character glaring unwelcomingly at the readers every week is LAZY. Please, quit or kill yourself, something so that a good strip can take this thing’s place.

    Luann: Can we go back to the cheap-deviced-out-of-vaguely-racist musical plot, please? Your title character isn’t half as smack-worthy there.

    Dilbert: Nothing to say about this except that the Courier Post sure has some odd layouts (this runs down the left of the page in a single column).

    RiR/Marm: Another victim of the weird layouts, since this feeds seemlessly into Marmaduke; both have the same plot, but at least RiR doesn’t end with a nubile babysitter about to get eaten. Although Rose’s mom does look like she ate someone…

    Monty: That’s a CAT?!

    Buckets: Now here’s some scribbly, hard to read art! And it’s not even cute-funny.

    Betty: Pantomime humor works better when it’s lucid.

    Slylock: Massive storm… Right. Not Max’s open can of Mt. Dew. BTW, the art for the jungle looks different than Weber’s normal style. Anyone else weirded out by this? Of course, I’m weirded out by the pig that’s begging like my dog, but that’s just me.

    Curtis: I like that Curtis is more baffled by Gunk using the phrase “pitch woo” than anything else.

    Over the Hedge: A squirrel has a near-death experience while two other animals talk about philosophy and the nature of the soul. Why isn’t this on the front page?!

    Courier Post really needs to re-evaluate their comics section. If they don’t, for some unfathomable reason, want to drop Crankshaft, they could at least move it from their front page and give the section to a strip whose artist will actually use the whole space (not just 3/4th) and won’t be basking in his own misery. They trim a lot of their strips in odd ways or lay them out in confusing set-ups, which isn’t helping. Even passable strips are hard to understand when there’s no division between it and its neighbor. If all newspapers are this inexplicable and uninviting with their comics sections, maybe that’s why they’re struggling. Between running crap stories and making the “bonus” stuff like comics a headache instead of a pleasure, they’re shooting themselves merrily in the foot.

  389. This Guy
    April 11th, 2010 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#384): Good point about the crocs from PBS. As for Marvin, the art in that strip isn’t so much visually ugly, though it does betray an intense ugliness of the soul. For that matter, crocodiles do have an excellent sense of smell, so I’d imagine they’d want to keep as far away from Marvin as possible.

  390. Hank
    April 11th, 2010 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    @Mela (#388): Mela, you can read the Sunday strips here: http://comicbooth.com/comicbooth_sundays.htm

  391. TheDiva
    April 11th, 2010 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    reFOOB: “You’re lucky you have a fence, Elly, you can just let your children run around the yard and not worry about them falling into a river and nearly drowning….” Meanwhile, Elly bases her shopping choices on how well they reflect her bitter resentment towards her spouse.

    FW: I turned my laptop sideways for this?

    MW: Mary’s already calculating how many martinis it will take to get Bonnie to spill the beans. Meanwhile, Bonnie and Ernie are so exhausted by their argument they’re forced to continue it while lying on the floor under the windowsill.

    PBS: Ouch. This is probably the most convoluted set-up for a pun since Two Lumps’ “Sealing cat is watching you masticate.”

  392. Hank
    April 11th, 2010 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan may be a dick, but today’s final panel dickery is pretty damn funny. Bravo.

  393. Hank
    April 11th, 2010 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    RE: Cathy. Just out of curiosity, how many times HAS Cathy Guisewhite gone bankrupt and/or had her manager steal everything she’s made? Because she obviously doesn’t understand the difference between paying taxes and financial planning.

    RE: Gasoline Alley. Anyone else notice that the general theme of the strip lately seems to be the equivalent of the characters and the artist rasping “killll…..meeee…..”?

  394. wossname
    April 11th, 2010 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    FW – The content is as annoying as ever, but that is some nice drawing! With fanservice even.

    MT – Why is that one speech bubble yellow, when the rest are white? Maybe it’s obscured by a cloud of hemp smoke?

    MW – Today’s strip deepens my confusion about who it was we saw yesterday brushing her hair in her peignoir negligee bathrobe. I figured, as I think most of us did, that that was Toby with a badly drawn face that made her look like Mary. But today’s lady-with-hairbrush is clearly Mary. OK, backtrack to yesterday’s – maybe it actually was Mary all along, and the color monkeys thought blond would like nice on this person they hadn’t really identified. But where did the long hair come from? Has Mary’s hair been up in a bun all these years?

    Sly – Slylock has a PINK JET???? And his navigational skills are so bad he didn’t know what continent he was over?

    Écureuil Écumant #378 – As a MidAtlanticon attendee, I hope you won’t drop the “looped as a lorikeet” T-shirt option for those of us whose drug of choice is booze.

    Kanomi #386 re MT – COTW! “the original trail blazer” – BWAhaha!

    And returning to Y-Luann – How far back do we think the dream started? When I first read it, I interpreted it as just the one day’s strip that was a dream. But obviously some people here think the whole “Luann stars in WSS and Quill likes her better than Tiffany” arc has been a dream (in the literal sense only). If you’re right, that really would be cheesy.

  395. Calico
    April 11th, 2010 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    FOOB – New product – “Never again, deer.”
    Elly, just give Anne some of that slop you call food, put it in the garden, and the deer won’t return, I guarantee.

  396. Calico
    April 11th, 2010 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    Oh, and Stoner Trail for the Sunday win!
    So that’s why always talking to himself, and craving pancakes.

  397. commodorejohn
    April 11th, 2010 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Curtis – This is all kinds of unsettling.

    DT – Gee, this doesn’t look suspiciously similar to the Sunday strip from one week ago at all.

    FW – Because if there’s one thing the “unknown artist or artists” behind that cover wanted, it was for a fine little bit of ’50s-’60s pop art to be used so that another artist could expend the minimum amount of effort in creating what barely doesn’t even count as a visual pun. Hack.

    JP – That last panel is Abbey suddenly realizing what “give me a few minutes” and “I’ll be right down” entail. She’s probably more jealous than anything, though.

    MT – Mark Trail: reminding you how awesome hemp is!

    MW – Oh God, that was Mary yesterday? I’ve…I’ve seen Mary Worth in a nightgown? Before I run off to commit suicide in hopes of driving the image from my brain, I just want to say that if there’s one thing less sexy than Tobey brushing her hair, it’s Mary doing the same. Goodbye, friends.

    MC – I love Violet.

    NS – Yep, we’re done here. So long, Non Sequitur. You will not be missed.

    Ghost-Who-Camwhores – Mark Trail?

    PV – Ooh! Sphincter iris doors!

    RMMD – June doesn’t hate you like Cthulhu doesn’t hate you, Brook; you’re just too insignificant for her to have any feelings about.

    SF – Of course, none of this would actually dissuade Ted, but the first step or two should keep him busy until he gets distracted by a Thundercats marathon.

    SM – And there goes Spider-Man, determinedly being exactly as stupid as it set itself up to be.

  398. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 11th, 2010 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    four for four on Frame Games. GO ME!

    *does happy dance*

  399. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    April 11th, 2010 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    They Call Me MISTER Toots!

    The Asian midget was reclining on a chaise longue in sunglasses and a party dress, waiting for her mimosa to kick in. Her live-in gay arm candy, Rex, had brought her another drink.

    “Here you are, m’lady.” he said while putting it on the table. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

    “Well, you could tickle my labia with your tongue but I know how you feel about salmon squares.” she replied. Sarah was full of herself, as she had always been. Rex felt that she sat at the right-hand side of Jesus, only because he wouldn’t share the chair. Someday, he’d bitchslap her halfway back to Beijing, if he could only grow the balls.

    Suddenly, a crash was heard emanating from the garage.

    to be continued later today

  400. Baka Gaijin
    April 11th, 2010 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#399): No, NOW! No “to be continued.” I’m sorry I had to put on my Margo face, but church can wait.

  401. Mimi
    April 11th, 2010 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    MW: For me, the strange, shadowy unchanging window frieze evokes a memory… and I imagine for a moment an alternate MW universe, where Bonnie and … Ernie? have set up Bates Motel memorial edition simulacra of themselves and re-enact gruesome scenes of repressed sexual rage and homicide.
    Meddle that, Mary.

  402. Ukulele Ike
    April 11th, 2010 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#379): To top things off….I don’t think that Spider-Man knows where Wolverine is.

  403. 8th Man Fan
    April 11th, 2010 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#379) re: Spider-Man: This has to be the “plot” pitch of the ages. Wolverine didn’t leave a forwarding address, Spidey hasn’t the slightest idea where he went, and, if push comes to shove, Wolverine can take of his own business, anyway. Plot-wise, this is the anti-A3G.

  404. 8th Man Fan
    April 11th, 2010 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#402): Shucks. #379 This Guy: What he says.

  405. professor fate
    April 11th, 2010 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    MW: looking at the last pannel I got the horrible idea that bonnie and her husband are furries and they are having this argument dressed as Yogi Bear and
    BooBoo bear.

    FW: Oh shut up. I swear the messge of this strip is everybody give up and die, becasue no matter what you do, it will never work out – writes the creator of a long running comic strip that runs in something like 700 papers.
    You know – maybe his pizzia just sucked – a plot point that Batuik actually made some time ago. He did nothing with it, content to spin stupid impossible plots about ex gi’s and first round champion ship playoff losses that turn into a final somehow.

  406. Calico
    April 11th, 2010 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#399):
    HURRY UP and finish the story, dammit!
    LOL
    “Asian midget”

  407. Calico
    April 11th, 2010 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#397):
    I agree, today’s Curtis makes absolutely no sense – and it’s not even Kwaanza!

  408. GarrisonSkunk
    April 11th, 2010 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    Is it still a “Friday Quickie” if it’s still up top on Sunday?

  409. Amateur
    April 11th, 2010 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#402): And if he did know, Wolverine has had time to circumnavigate the globe three times by now.

  410. wossname
    April 11th, 2010 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#397):

    Because if there’s one thing the “unknown artist or artists” behind that cover wanted…

    Oh, is that what that fine print says? When I zoomed in on it, it got too blurry to read. OK, I hereby revoke my compliment on the drawing.

  411. mollificent
    April 11th, 2010 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    Quick snark…I’ll have to catch up on comments after work.

    JP: You know, I was laughing at Jules just like everybody else. Then I spent the last two days indulging in more physical activity than I have in approximately the last six months together. Now I feel like my entire body has been beaten with a hammer and my back is all twinge-y. So do I feel more sympathetic toward zee Frenchman now?

    Nah, screw it. He’s still a whiner. ;) Plus, I’m getting my creaky ass out of bed and going to work in a few minutes. As wonderful as my boss is, I don’t think he’ll accept “I rehearsed for four hours, danced in three flash mobs and walked all over downtown yesterday” as a valid excuse for missing work. ;)

    MT: To quote the great Roy Zimmerman: “At the Summer of Love anniversary celebration, I spent a lot of time at the hemp booth. Because, after all, it IS more comfortable than cotton. And I’ve never had a pair of pants that stayed lit that long!”

    RwO: WIN!!

    PBS: ARGH ARGH ATM Machine?!?! I expect better of you, Pastis.

  412. Poteet
    April 11th, 2010 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#366): @Baka Gaijin (#369): BWAHAHA! I now realize that ignorance really is bliss.

  413. Uncle Lumpy
    April 11th, 2010 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#412):

    “Ignorance is bliss, bliss ignorance—that is all
    Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.”

  414. Calico
    April 11th, 2010 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Something Crankshaftily weird for a weird Sunday!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zjlLb0tqGs&feature=related

  415. Buck Ripsnort
    April 11th, 2010 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    FuckYOU, Winkybean: Somewhere, Frank Cho is in a corner, weeping.

  416. Buck Ripsnort
    April 11th, 2010 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    Ziti: O hon, you’re gonna LOVE menopause!

  417. Poteet
    April 11th, 2010 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#413): I swear I’m going to post that somewhere.

  418. Poteet
    April 11th, 2010 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    9CL — On one hand, I don’t understand this. On the other hand, I emphatically don’t care.

    ReFoob — I wonder how tall Elly’s fence is. Or maybe the deer in Foobville aren’t all that determined.

  419. This Guy
    April 11th, 2010 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#402):
    @8th Man Fan (#403):

    So it’s actually even worse than I made it sound? That is delightful.

  420. commodorejohn
    April 11th, 2010 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#418): That must be a hell of a fence. My dad had to apply for a state grant to build a…12-foot, I think? wire mesh fence around his orchard because the damn things kept jumping over anything less. Of course, whatever fence she has, it’s apparently not enough to keep a toddler from getting out and nearly drowning, so maybe the deer really are just lazy.

  421. commodorejohn
    April 11th, 2010 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#410): Yep. Just the latest in a series of “Batiuk Xeroxes a Silver Age comic cover and pastes his characters’ heads onto it” Sundays. I believe “it’s called Writing,” if memory serves.

  422. KarMann
    April 11th, 2010 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#382) on CdS: I was thinking about that, too. But for the sandwich, I was thinking that could be either Wilbur as you said, or Dagwood. For alligators, I thought it was pretty likely Pearls Before Swine; Mark Trail never crossed my mind. (Alligators, crocodiles, same difference, right? [*])

  423. bats :[
    April 11th, 2010 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#399): “bitchslap her halfway to Beijing.” Damn, I’ll have to start working that into my idle threats.

    Oh, and MARK TRAIL! Someone with animation skillz (not that I’m looking at you, Dingo, but I’m looking at you), please consider a short animation of Mark, hemp leaves, Rusty, ruffed grouses, etc., etc., turning slow, mesmerizing pinwheels and wiggly patterns to the tune of “Purple Haze.” Pleaseohpleaseohplease. (I can see this in my mind, but I’m wasted I don’t know how to make it a reality.)

  424. Donkey Hotey
    April 11th, 2010 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#357): My mom’s basement has orange hi-lo shag carpeting, including the passion pit in front of the fireplace. It also has a built-in enclosed wet bar with a mirrored back bar, framed ceramic tile painting of a nude woman, burnt orange Formica bar top, and gold tile backsplash…and an avocado refrigerator (which she wants to replace to save energy, but hasn’t been able to round up four strong guys to pick it up and lift it over the bar, the only way it will come out of there).

    My late stepdad (who built the house) was quite the playboy in the ’70s, from what I’ve heard.

  425. Poteet
    April 11th, 2010 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#420): Yes, good point, and my thought too. There are tree farmers in Iowa who could attest that to hungry deer, a five-foot fence is a joke. Maybe the deer in Ontario are different.

  426. Poteet
    April 11th, 2010 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @Donkey Hotey (#424): Oh, wow. I’m in awe.

    On one hand, I can understand the desire to change a few things. On the other hand, someday some movie director is going to really, really want to film in a basement exactly. like. that.

  427. KarMann
    April 11th, 2010 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @Mela (#388) and others complaining about reading Mutts and Groovy Blinkerlegume sideways, Slylock Fox upside-down, etc.: I use the Image Zoom add-on for Firefox, which in addition to its obvious zooming features, also lets you rotate the images in 90° increments. Very handy for these kinds of things.
    On the other hand, some fairly particular combination of zooming and rotating apparently causes the image to be reloaded without the correct referer [sic], so that pictures from the Chron get changed to a “Content Currently Unavailable: No Referrer [sic]*” message. No such problem at that Comics Kingdom viewer, of course; just sayin’.

    * Too long a story; didn’t write

  428. Poteet
    April 11th, 2010 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    GF — Is it really trendy now to wear shirts with holes in them? Does that also apply to teeshirts? What about teeshirts with stains AND holes? And as long as I’m being hopeful, is there any chance at all that big glasses frames will come back?

  429. Poteet
    April 11th, 2010 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    TNAQV — I like Fuzzy Bunny Time. I want them to do TARTUFFE.

  430. Baka Gaijin
    April 11th, 2010 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#428): The hobo look is trendy only amongst those who do not leave their apartments. The rest of civilized society shuns them and tries to get trick them into wearing Cleaver Pants on their treks outside. Warning: link may be NSFW. No nudity but Tommie Thompson will faint, crack her head open on the coffee table and enrage Margo because she can’t “bathroom” for 2 to 4 weeks.

  431. KarMann
    April 11th, 2010 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    4/11 Luann: So, what Pop really meant to say was, “OK, may I have you’s attention, please? It’s clear that you aren’t doing you chores around here. You each need to pitch in. So let’s you check the ‘chore list’ every week.”? Damn, where did he [*] learn to speak English like that?

  432. Miss Othmar
    April 11th, 2010 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#422): I’m thinking that “ugly baby” must be Marvin. But for the life of me I can’t think of a dog that looks like a squirrel. Not Marm, or Ruff, or Fred Basset, or Snoopy, or Barfy, or Daisy, or Mutts….

  433. KarMann
    April 11th, 2010 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    @Miss Othmar (#432): My money’s on Buckles.

  434. Ukulele Ike
    April 11th, 2010 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#418): Ummmmmmmmmmmm. The best I could come up with is, if you’re practicing classical ballet in your home, leave your cat behind a closed door, because you might land on her tail?

    But that made me realize that Edda and Seth HAVE A BALLET STUDIO IN THEIR UPPER WEST SIDE APARTMENT, which, as a fellow New Yorker, made my head splode.

  435. Baka Gaijin
    April 11th, 2010 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Miss Othmar (#432): “…dog that looks like a squirrel.” Easy one. Cathy. No, that’s a woman who eats like a dog. No, that’s Elly Foob. Where were we? Right, a dog that looks like a squirrel. Rusty’s tollhouse cookie dog, Sassy.

    @Ukulele Ike (#434): As someone who’s only seen New York from movies and TV, you mean that everyone doesn’t have space for a ballet studio in their flats? Please don’t tell me that Hollywood is lying to me.

  436. Ukulele Ike
    April 11th, 2010 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    On the other hand, it’s been established that Seth’s parents are insanely wealthy Texans, so it’s possible that they rented a penthouse duplex on West 72nd Street for their twirling lad’s pleasure. They’re footing the bills, correct? For both him and the blondie roommate he inexplicably decided to take in, rather than live alone or with his significant other? Or a harem of muscle boys?

    On the other other hand, Brooke probably just wanted to draw Edda’s disembodied ass for the Sunday strip.

  437. Vince
    April 11th, 2010 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @Donkey Hotey (#424): Cool! Can you post pictures somewhere?

  438. newday
    April 11th, 2010 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    For the first time ever I laughed aloud at Garry Trudeau’s comic. What’s happening to me?

    And I know what Tom Batiuk is doing, here. He’s killing everything off so his comic won’t outlive him, which is genius.

  439. monsieurjohn
    April 11th, 2010 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    Next week in “Spider-man”: Sabretooth gets randomly selected for additional screening at the TSA checkpoint!

  440. KarMann
    April 11th, 2010 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    @monsieurjohn (#439): Damned mutant profiling, it is!

  441. Écureuil Écumant
    April 11th, 2010 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#426):

    Alas, Russ Meyer shuffled off this mortal shag six years ago.

  442. runningbiking
    April 11th, 2010 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    On the other had, with Crock, it’s not unrealistic to have adults using technological terms inappropriately. My aunt talks like that about what her kids are doing technology-wise. If she doesn’t know the term, she guesses.

  443. bats :[
    April 11th, 2010 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    @Donkey Hotey (#424): Wow…cocktail party at Donkey Hotey’s mom’s house! Maybe we can even find four burly guys to manhandle the avocado fridge out of there (before the liquor starts to flow).

  444. Mary Kay Commando
    April 11th, 2010 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#428): As someone who takes the subway through Williamsburg every day, I can tell you big glasses frames are totally back.

  445. Walker of Dog
    April 11th, 2010 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    @Mela (#261): Martin was very careful to give Bobbie permission only to threaten him. Any shooting of Martin by Bobbie would be completely unauthorized and could result in serious legal consequences to the shooter. Legally, Martin has built himself an airtight shield. Check and mate, Bobbie.

  446. KarMann
    April 11th, 2010 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#443): I think it’d be even easier to find four guys to tote the fridge out after the liquor starts to flow.

    Momma Hotey isn’t especially attached to that fridge, is she? Just wants it out of the way?

  447. seismic-2
    April 11th, 2010 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    Spidey: This has got to be, without a doubt, absolutely the stupidest SM plotline ever. Oh, all right, it’s really just the stupidest SM plotline since, well, the last one. But still.

    MT: Now finally we know what’s been in that campfire that Mark and Rusty like to sit around. We also now know why it is that in MT most of the dialog is spoken by ginormous squirrels.

    Phantom: “Dad, are you serious? You’ve never even seen a Webcam before? Have you been living in a ca… Oh, right. Never mind.”

  448. gnome de blog
    April 11th, 2010 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#447):
    I’m actually suprised they can get wireless in a cave in the middle of the African jungle. My brother spent a couple of months at a village in Zambia last year and they had to go to the internet cafe in the local equivalent of the county seat, where they had electricity.

  449. curlyfries
    April 11th, 2010 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    #371 Baka, I actually remember the press release for those – hell, even Charlie would swoon at the side view. And I can say, without fear of contradiction, that Eldridge Cleaver had the only pants in history that fit him like a glove.

  450. Wolf Shepard
    April 11th, 2010 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#214): Assholes, apparently.

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