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Professor Papagoras: Bad choices cheerleader

Marvin, 4/27/10

Regular readers of Marvin (a company of damned souls among whom I number) know that the strip takes occasional breaks from poop jokes to churn out multi-day theme weeks, like “Belly Laffs” or “CrySpace” or “Marvin’s Terrible Advice Column For Babies, The Name Of Which I Refuse To Look Up.” One of the least pleasant aspects of these sequences is that they feature jokes that are supposed to be jokes within the strip’s reality. We’re not just being invited to laugh at Marvin’s heavy-lidded antics; we’re expected to celebrate the characters’ own wit when they come up with hilarious “pregnant women get fat” gags. This to me doubles the offense of the whole project; it’s not enough that the jokes aren’t funny, but the structure of the narrative is built around taking the funniness of the jokes as a given, which makes the whole thing fail all the more.

That having been said, I have high hopes for this emerging “Marvin’s grandmother’s stand-up career” sequence. By looking at the expression of naked contempt on her face, we can tell that she has no illusions about the humorousness of her material. The fact that the easily amused and possibly senile residents of her retirement home are laughing uproariously at her litany of old people jokes doesn’t allow her to fool herself into thinking that she’s funny; instead, it just causes her to turn her internalized loathing onto her pathetic audience. If she can maintain this attitude of icy disdain, she shows great promise of becoming an excellent meta-comedian, with her entire act based on her own knowledge of her comic inadequacies and hatred for her fans.

Family Circus, 4/27/10

Speaking of comedic structure, I have no idea whatsoever why this Family Circus is supposed to be funny; however, I know why I like it, which is because Billy is having some kind of full-on manic episode, flinging envelopes of seeds all over the floor and gibbering out semi-comprehensible nonsense. I’m not sure why exactly Mommy, who will be responsible for picking up all those seeds when Billy runs shrieking into the fertilizer section, looks so pleased; maybe she knows that her eldest son’s brief enthusiasm for locally grown nutritious food will have passed within minutes, and she can continue to feed him Top Ramen and Pop Tarts until he’s felled by type 2 diabetes and/or hypertension at age 15.

Apartment 3-G, 4/27/10

This is almost certainly some sort of unnecessarily coy set-up to a “Tommie gets an ambush makeover from I Dressed In The Dark” storyline, but I’d like to believe that Ruby’s describing how, almost without noticing it, she became a phone sex operator.

297 responses to “Professor Papagoras: Bad choices cheerleader”

  1. Entophile
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    Is it just me or is today’s Archie a little pornographic, personally I probably could have done without the combination of sweat drops, head bobbin, and hands hidden in his lap. I call for a handcheck!!

  2. Uncle Ritzy Fritz
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    “hey look, the packet of melon seeds has my picture on it!

  3. Uncle Ritzy Fritz
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    -close quote

  4. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    If anybody had asked me, I would have said that a week of Marvin taking Pluggers shtick and spreading it across two or three panels was a bad idea, but nobody every asks me.

  5. True Fable
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    I was rewarded today at the sight of a horrified Mary Worth with the phrase “Out of control!” I can sit back for the rest of the week knowing that even Mary recognizes excess, except of course where her meddling is concerned.

  6. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Particularly for those who have read much Kurt Vonnegut, the second panel of today’s H&J is hilariously apt.

  7. Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Bill Keane’s humor is just too hip for your room, Josh. Billy is a “pitcher,” who will grow vegetables he can hump, while Jeffy and Dolly, being “catchers,” will naturally gravitate to the “penetrative” plants.

  8. James
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    If I had to guess I would say today’s Family Circus is a reprint. The drawing style looks really old

  9. sully
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    “When the tattoo on your back is now on your butt”?
    Har de Har Har, granny! What’s your next knee-slapper… your tits?

  10. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Thel is buying vegetable seeds because it would look suspicious if she just left a bare patch of overturned dirt behind the house after burying all the bodies. It explains the placid little smile on her face, too.

  11. Megan (Best of Fates)
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    At first I assumed Aristotle was attempting a new fashion to highlight his excessive love of all things white, with a big lead up to his announcement of KKK leadership, but now I’ve decided he’s the angel of death, come to take Ruby “home” – with the caveat that she can only enter heaven if she agrees to testify against Margo. Wait, am I confusing Heaven with Law & Order again?

  12. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    A3GRuby discovers that it doesn’t matter how you look when you’re running a phone sex line. curlyfries dood it first.

    Archie“What’s he in for?”
    “Playing with himself.”
    “I can see that, but what did he do?” [*]

    Fred aka “No Shit Sherlock”

    Judge – Angst Styles of the Rich: “Saddle tramps like us, we were born to ride.”

  13. Hasty Penguin
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Archie shouldn’t be doing that. It’s what ended up getting him in detention in the first place!

  14. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Mark – “The question that comes up now is how to mark our canoe trail on the lake. If I try to mark it with an axe, the water fills it in, and if I use breadcrumbs, they just float away.”

    Marmaduke“Beat it. I’m a lamp.”

    Marfield – Comedy relief. This week’s extravaganza of two active panels will consist of Grandma Doris instead of Marvin. Count your blessings. [*] ps: This is probably how Sylvia would look if drawn by someone with an ounce (no more, no less) of cartooning ability. I didn’t care enough to wonder about it.

    Non“Just wait. In a few miles they turn to binary.” [*]

  15. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Pluggers’ inferiority is really moral superiority. In your face, modern world!

    PricklySoon we can have the hilarity of watching Carmen have to produce forms of ID for every policeman she sees. If they don’t question her, they can be sued by vigilant citizens. Isn’t Arizona fun? [*]

    Shoe – You can’t get stereonucleosis unless you’re conjoined twins.

    Slylock – Uh oh, Death Cat’s new apprentice is here!

  16. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    @boojum (#yy119): Postulate a light source that would make any the hell sense of the shadows here.
    Bonnie bought the shadows at the same place she got the rest of the junk.

    @Vince (#y22): There’s an image definitely suitable for Viz comics’s “Up the Arse Corner.” And nothing else.

    @Uncle Ritzy Fritz (#2): Early contender!

  17. Sue D. Nymme
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Thel is not concerned about Billy because she’s completely baked out of her gourd.

    Also note that the other FC offspring appear to be chowing down on those seeds without bothering to plant them or wait for them to grow.

  18. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Ruby’s statement seemed innocuous at the time, but she came to regret it later that week when a band of hardcore, street-tough creationists pinned her down in the alley, pelting her with bananas and and yelling “Recant!”.

  19. JH Pants
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Archie’s doing a report on Onan for some extra credit. I’m glad he’s using his detention time wisely.

  20. farfaraway
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    A3G: I totally took Ruby’s explanation for her confession that she was guilty of bringing Aristotle and Bobbie together. It made no sense, but we’re all used o that, aren’t we?

  21. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:11 am [Reply]

  22. Hasty Penguin
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    That’s it. I can only take so much. Fred Bassett can die in a car fire.

  23. Chip Whittle
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Josh said:

    That having been said, I have high hopes for this emerging “Marvin’s grandmother’s stand-up career” sequence …

    And that sort of absurdist comedy, folks, is why he’s bringing in that at famous-blogger paychecks and the rest of us are just trying to remember to re-set our user names after upgrading our browsers.

    Blondie: Cursive is easy. Just move your hand around in random spastic arcs until an incomprehensible nearly linear scribble covers the page. As a bonus, once you master this skill you can draw Crock, in case anyone imagines a reason someone would need to.

    Cathy: Oh, for crying out loud. The correct punchline, Ms Guisewite, is “I’m ‘Mom’-nilingual!” They’re called words, use them.

    Crock: OK, so, the errors I spot in the scene: there’s no cactuses in North Africa, cactuses aren’t international distress signal orange, soda machines aren’t concrete pillboxes left over from the Japanese conquest of Malaya, the depicted patch wouldn’t conceal the soda machine, I’m reading Crock, uh… mm…OK, what’s the sixth?

    Mark Trail wants to hold an open public meeting about land use policy. I imagine this as proceeding kind of like a kitten–a kitten who’s very good at punching and emphasizing words oddly, but still, a kitten–trying to wrestle the Chernobyl nuclear power plant back into control.

    Spider-Man: Oh, for crying out loud…yes, Mary Jane, you could take pictures using a camera.

    You know, is it possible we’ve been too hard on Peter Parker and the problem is his camera is actually a potent stupid-field generator that locks onto whoever touched it last?

  24. nescio
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    I think Mary Worth is stifling a yawn throughout today’s strip. That’s what I’d be doing.

  25. Sequitur
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Wow! The float zipped past real fast this week! I didn’t even get to say “congrats” to Krazy Kat and the rest of the Floaters.

    Well, if you’re still out there, “Congrats to Krazy Kat and the rest of the Floaters! What’s your hurry?”

    Ooh, look! Some snark flew off the float!

  26. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    so, has anyone spotted B. Racoon lately? Just squeee-urious.

  27. wenchphanny
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    I think… I think?… the Family Circus one might be attempting to reference the fact that those particular fruits and vegetables are used as nicknames for those respective children. “Pumpkin” and “String Bean” are fairly common things to use to “fondly” refer to your child. Carrots come up often in reference to red-heads, and Billy still hasn’t figured out that he’s called “watermelon” because he’s made primarily of H20 and a too-thick, impenetrable rind that stands between him and anything resembling knowledge.

  28. skullcrusherjones
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    After the coming race war, the Keanes will be well fed by their garden but are sowing the seeds for future factions.

    “We Melon & Goarders know for a fact that Carrotites are simply inferior human beings.”

  29. AmazingThor
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Archie: Unspeakable filth!

  30. Glen
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    If you have not yet voted in the Birmingham News showdown between Judge Parker and Mary Worth, please do.

    Hopefully you can lend a vote for the Judge, which is currently out of the paper, kicked off the page by the editors a few weeks ago. Thanks to a pretty vocal outcry, they are putting it to a vote.

    Based on the comments, the Judge is likely doing well. Here is the link:

    http://blog.al.com/bn/2010/04/judge_parker_or_mary_worths_fa.html

  31. Sequitur
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    @Glen (#30):
    Voted (Da Judge, of course).

    I thought this comment was interesting:

    Judge Parker is better than Mary Worth. Please keep both and drop “Get Fuzzy” and For Better or Worse.

  32. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#y1): Happy floaty birthday! I’m thrilled to be joining you on the float—along with all the other funny folk. And I’m so in the mood for chocolate!

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#26): Oh–that little cutie-pie racoon can come peer over my fence any time! (Perhaps he’s a trainee in Racoon Patrol?)

  33. Steve S
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Mom Keane’s bliss is all about the LSD, which not coincidentally is the only way this cartoon would be enjoyable.

  34. Captain Thunder
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    “…and HEMLOCK for P.J.! Because I hate that little brat.”

  35. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Person”? “Real excited”? “Things”? “Evolved”? Yep, that’s pretty much what passes for sex talk in the A3G universe.

    MW: Have we ever seen Mary this flabbergasted before? She’s dealt with Stalkin’ Aldo (and his intervention! and his death!); a nearly dead defective and his fiancee; her own nearly dead boyfriend lover submissive; Toeby’s internet misadventures; that faintin’ skater and her dad; and Charley’s stripey-shirted, leering Delilust—all with nary a gasp of astonishment or a recoil of surprise. But gift boxes? Stacks and stacks of gift boxes? Well, that’s enough to send any meddle-hardened matron reeling!

    MT: A reasonable suggestion, involving discussion, compromise, and fairness, with no fist-on-face contact whatsoever? Elrod, what have you done with Mark Trail, and who is this cheerful, non-punch-happy impostor?

    And is there some new meeting protocol that one must stand when speaking? I have a meeting tomorrow, and I think I’ll try this stand-up-and-talk strategy. But first I have to wax my spit curl.

  36. Dragon of Life
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    “What? Your Storyline is evolving!” (Triumphant fanfare.) “Storyline evolved into TEDIUMON!” “Storyline used MARGO. It’s super-effective!”

  37. Ned Ryerson
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    @One-eyed Wolfdog (#6): It’s a transparent appeal to the “Christ, what an asshole” movement.

  38. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @KarMann (#y6): re: Brewster: Grammatica thinks that Rickard needs a link to that their/they’re/there Facebook page—and a good poke with the Proofread-It Pencil of Pain.

  39. Sequitur
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#35): You can sit it you want to try the “I’m older, wiser and sager than thou so shut and listen to my elegant oration” approach. Standing allows you more power over the listeners and gives them a better chance to hear you. However, standing defeats the purpose of the low cut blouse.

  40. tb4000
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @One-eyed Wolfdog (#4):

    When comic strips start stealing ideas from the Pluggers well, you know they’re fucked up.

  41. Hank
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    It appears that Dennis is a menace because he can’t control his bladder.

  42. AndyL
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    I’m not at all convinced that Mrs Keane is planning on picking up those seeds. Look how she’s not even watching her son rampage the rack, not showing the slightest concern for the product he’s taking off the shelf or what he does with it afterward. No, she’s the sort of parent who will leave them where they fall. (After all, she didn’t put them on the floor!) If anyone notices this, she’ll smile and say “Kids! What are you gonna do?” as though this were normal behavior.

  43. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#39):

    standing defeats the purpose of the low cut blouse.

    Not if one leans over repeatedly to emphasize a point.

  44. Sequitur
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#43): It depends to what or who you are pointing.

  45. AndyL
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    I really hope Josh is right about an “I Dressed in the Dark” story line. It allows me to get my hopes up that finally we’re going to have a good Tommy storyline. I know deep down that it’s not true, of course, But it allows me to hope.

  46. TheDiva
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    FW: The students in panel three don’t know whether a teacher is being murdered or having sex, and can’t decide which of the possibilities is more horrifying.

    Luann: Well, it didn’t take much exposure to Tiffany’s charms to make Gunther go “Luann WHO”? They should have gotten the boy a hooker years ago!

    Marvin: I think Grandma Marvin is just depressed that she’s reduced to using material that Pluggers rejected.

    MW: I imagine Mary saying that last line in a Dave Coulier voice. And yes, I know I’m showing my age with that reference.

  47. Sequitur
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @AndyL (#45): I’m hoping for a Lu Ann South or East or whatever Dakota epidode where she takes a side trip to Iowa.

  48. Écureuil Écumant
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Marvin: Not only is it lame to turn a comic strip into a static “YouTube clip” of a standup routine, but the joke makes no sense. I guess it’s meant to be a riff on the idea that some things droop as you get older. But back skin is not one of those things, and butts are, so a tramp stamp (for example) won’t end up on your butt; your butt will retreat from it — as well it should. They probably knew they couldn’t use “tits”, couldn’t figure out a funny place where a butt tattoo would end up, so they ended up stuck on stupid.

  49. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Archie— Archie’s school uses progressive educational practices. Instead of simply punishing him for his transgressions, detention is used as an opportunity for Archie to get in touch with himself.

    Marvin— Josh said, “If she can maintain this attitude of icy disdain, she shows great promise of becoming an excellent meta-comedian, with her entire act based on her own knowledge of her comic inadequacies and hatred for her fans.”

    Which reminds me, whatever happened to Rita Rudner?

  50. Who Is Dick Player?
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Marvin: I’m confident an unread Marvin anthology rests on the coffee table in the lobby of Hell.

  51. Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    A3G: Given the expression of soul crushed ennui Ruby has, I’d suspect of dating Les Moore instead of phone sex.

  52. Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    A3G corrected: Given the expression of soul crushed ennui Ruby has, I’d suspect her of dating Les Moore instead of phone sex.

  53. Comcis Fan
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    PJ seems to be chewing on a packet of seeds to grow peas. It all makes sense, melon seeds for the melon head, carrot seeds for the carrot top, peas for PJ — all except for Dolly and the string beans. Maybe the string represents her long strands of hair, or it’s a Dollyism, because she’s bean there.

  54. Ned Ryerson
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Marvin’s Grandma had originally planned to do an elaborate act involving ping pong balls, but it rejected by the Bocca Grove Condo Board, so she decided on this “comedy act” instead.

    When my grandson sits on my lap and I get that first whiff of a BM, I have to ask myself, “Which one of us needs a diaper change?”

    HAR HAR….It’s funny ’cause its true…HA HA HA

  55. Sequitur
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @Who Is Dick Player? (#50): Coffee table in hell. Didn’t Cosmo Kramer invent that?

  56. Batman Beatles
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Oh geez, not June’s story again…

  57. Écureuil Écumant
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    MT: I agree with bb,u — what’s Elrod done with the real MT? In the first panel we have what looks like a golem that was left too long in the back seat of the car on a hot day. In panel 2 he’s looming to emphasize his point (looming being about all a golem is good at). And in panel 3, his poor feeble golem excuse for a mind is startled by some stranger, suddenly appearing through the open window and looming over him. Keep your Kabbala, Elrod, just give us Andy back.

  58. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    FC— Despite his short stature, Billy is actually approaching puberty and is learning to scatter his seeds.

  59. Calico
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    3G – “After that, it just sort of…grew! And then it got flat as a day-old pancake!”

    FC – I see PJ is eating some seeds. I hope it’s corn. Or habanero.

  60. commodorejohn
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    Agnes – I see Trout has learned the “though-balloon plus aside glance” technique from Ozy of Ozy & Millie.

    Archie – Wow, you don’t even have to mess with the art on this one to make it seem obscene.

    Blondie – Cursive is a retarded form that sacrifices legibility in the name of superficial aesthetics and which was originally used to circumvent limitations we don’t even have anymore (i.e. the splotchiness at the start of a stroke with old-style pens.) I’m not going to tell people to stop using it, but the cursive snobs can damn well get off their high horse about it. Clear, legible printing for the win!

    Crankshaft – We are of course meant to infer that Ed is stupid and back at stacking, as befits the strip’s “old people are worthless boobs who should be locked in nursing homes” theme, the simple fact is that it is impossible, in the Winkerverse, to make a stack that stays stacked, just as it is impossible to create a successful business that stays successful.

    FC – As amusing as Billy’s seed-packet freakout is, I can’t help but notice that this is very obviously a straight-up rerun from years ago. I’m not even a Family Circus scholar, but the art style is noticeably different. Also, from the downright Spartan display on the walls, I can only assume that this is the same nearly-empty hardware store Mark Trail broke into last year.

    FB – Wow, you don’t even have to mess with the dialogue on this one to make it seem obscene.

    FW – That sound is Susan realizing that Les is still obsessed with his ten-years-dead wife. Sorry, lady, but you won’t be getting your girl-rocks off with him anytime soon. You can probably get some sympathy from Cayla, though. “Moving on” isn’t something they do in this strip.

    GT – Okay, who let the Langoliers join the baseball team?

    JP – It’s kind of interesting seeing a callback to the girls’ actual in-strip history, but it would probably work better if I weren’t so distracted by Sophie’s goofy-ass earrings. What do you think you are, girl, a Christmas tree?

    Luann – Tiffany, just graduate to straight-up mass murder. No jury will convict you.

    MT – Gee, wow, never saw that coming.

    MW – Psst, Bonnie, it wouldn’t be such an issue if you’d just take things out of their boxes. Believe it or not, most clothing is not cubic in shape.

    OBH – I love this strip.

    Popeye – *insert tasteless joke here*

    RMMD – Did…did Toots just mouth off? To June? Holy shit does this kid have some stones.

    SM – Maybe we can keep getting photos of you in action? Please?

    The Norm – Heh, so true.

  61. boojum
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#43): Wow. I know I just sat up and took notice. If you know what I mean.

  62. commodorejohn
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    * “bad at stacking.”

  63. Mibbitmaker
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#58): Apparently, so is Archie.

  64. Walker of Dog
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#35): Mark hasn’t been the same since that Sunday strip about hemp. The Fists O’ Justice have withered into the limp hands o’ indifference.

  65. boojum
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @AndyL (#45):

    …my hopes up that finally we’re going to have a good Tommie storyline….

    Now you’re just pulling random words out of the air and stringing them together!

    But it does suggest a good CC party game. Fill-in-the-blank: “The only good Tommie story line is a _____________ story line.”

  66. Shawn S.
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Luann: Gunther is so pathetic he thinks this is what love feels like.

    A3G: A good way to have a conversation is to always keep your back to the person you’re talking to!

    FC: Heh, Jeffy WOULD grow carrots. Just look at him sexily eying down that box.

  67. Sequitur
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    @boojum (#65): Fill in the blank: Margo

  68. Walker of Dog
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Phan: Walker apologetically ends Lily’s embrace in panel 1. Her hug lasted so long that even the Ghost-who-Flaunts-It became uncomfortably aware that he was wearing nothing but Spandex while being groped by an old lady.

    MW: As the first wave of nausea hits, Mary realizes the error of sampling her own baked goods. The good news: if she can hold everything in until Bonnie leaves the room, her vomit will blend in perfectly with the grotesquely colored merchandise, thus avoiding an awkward social situation.

    FC: “Psst, Thelma. Behind you – it’s me, the liquid fertilizer. Four 20-ounce containers of me at $11.95 each – isn’t your freedom worth that much?”

    A3G: Ruby has eloped with a telemarketer. As a bonus, she will receive a 15% discount on her driveway sealing job. In other news, Ruby doesn’t have a driveway.

    S-M: Mary Jane, just a suggestion – the next time you’re in a crowded public place and you want to reflect on the daring deeds your husband performs in his superhero disguise, maybe choose the thought balloon over the dialogue bubble.

  69. Mibbitmaker
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    A3G: Great, Ruby. Now, how about EXPLAINING IT TO US NOW?!!

    BBailey: Gen. Halfwit: “I’ll buy that. But, after all, I am a blow-up doll.”

    Blondie: Why rip off a joke when you can rip off a whole style of joke? Just squeeze in a modern reference and you’re good to go!

    DT:
    “You should be at rehearsal.”
    “We should get started.”
    I should read a different strip.

    Doonesbury: G.B.’s hand is getting really heavy this week, eh? Too bad, he’d been on a roll lately.

    MT: Rapped up in a big, boring bow.

    OBH: Aw, c’mon, Detorie — I can understand (from your point of view) being ticked off by one major critic from here, but leave good ol’ Hammy alone. He’s really cool.

    RMMD: Translation: “Okay, you got me dead to rights, I admit it. Now spill, scruff boy!”

  70. Calico
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    @boojum (#65):
    Fill in the blank: Housecleaning

  71. boojum
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Oh, and bourbon babe, unbuckled: The line “But first I have to wax my spit-curl” sounds unspeakably filthy, for some reason. I think I need to stop reading Archie in the morning.

  72. Little Guy
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#43): Silly, there are no low-cut blouses in “Mark Trail”. On the other hand…

    SpideyBouncey: The lack of movement combined with the off-the-shoulder reveal means that MJ has the most stoic breasts in the comics. Either that, or one heck of a boob job.

  73. odinthor
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    FC. — Eh, the best I can come up with is that Billy is reserving for himself the growables with “fun” associations (watermelon=summertime picnics ‘n’ such, pumpkin=Cathy in Bathing Suit Day Hallowe’en) while consigning the “ewwww! vegetables!” stuff to the others. [Pause.] Well, I didn’t say I could make it funny.

  74. Sequitur
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Da Judge: I wonder why the horse doesn’t feel like it has it made?

  75. Sequitur
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    There’s got to be a great caption for the last panel but I got nothin’.

  76. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#57): It’s eerie, isn’t it? He still has the vaguely cheerful, soulless affect of our usual woodlands android, but something just seems off….

  77. boojum
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Public Service Announcement: If, because of the shortness of the thread, you missed Ned Ryerson’s Mark Trail comment (y27), you owe it to yourself to go back and read it. Ned, you are the Philip Roth for a new and more… broadminded.. generation.

  78. Mela
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    To everyone, I’m just unnaturally glad to hear how many other people hate cursive. Thanks!

  79. farnsworth
    April 27th, 2010 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    OK, wait a minute. I thought back tattoos were something that are mainly on the backs of the current under-30 set. Certainly not people my age, in their late 40s. But from today’s Marvin, it seems as if everyone old enough to be in a retirement home has a back tattoo that has sagged down to their butt.

    Wow, I am so glad that Marvin has kept me culturally relevant.

  80. ElkMeadow
    April 27th, 2010 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure why exactly Mommy, who will be responsible for picking up all those seeds when Billy runs…

    Mommy will pick them up? Mommy will be responsible and pick them up? As a former Kroger employee I ask: What planet, pray tell, do you live on?

  81. ElkMeadow
    April 27th, 2010 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @Mela (#78):

    My daughter was told in third grade that she had to learn cursive, that it would be important and needed for the rest of her life. That was the only class she had to use it, and all teachers afterwards encouraged printing or typing.

  82. Walker of Dog
    April 27th, 2010 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#69): Mark Trail is a rapper?! Much more of this, please.

  83. Chyron HR
    April 27th, 2010 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Marvin – You can tell you’re getting older… because your brain is able to perceive time as a series of distinct points along a linear axis!

    Oops, I almost forgot to write in some people laughing at my own joke: “HAR HAR” “HA HA HA”

    9 Chickweed Lane – “To propitate for your dashing from the diner”? Honestly, Brooke, having a foreigner speak English with a preposterous, comical dialect is such crude humor.

    Dennis the Menace – Inspired by Arizona, Dennis’ hometown now requires dark-skinned people to wear nametags with their country of origin.

    Funkerboo – “EEEEEEEEEEE!!! That’s almost as exciting as the FIRST TIME you had a book published, Les!”

    Judge Parker – “I’m a homeless kid, Soph. Someone who’s just my sister would never be able to understand what that’s like.”

    Popeye – “Arf arf, Olive’s joined the Church of Spinachology!”

  84. Rachelkachel
    April 27th, 2010 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Clearly, Billy has gone mad and is emulating Ophelia from Hamlet. “There’s carrots, that’s for remembrance – pray you, love, remember.”

  85. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 27th, 2010 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @farnsworth (#79): Not necessarily—I have a small tattoo on my lower back—got it for my 40th birthday. No sagging yet….. (But if people get tattoos for their 40th birthdays, tattoos are no longer a sign of youthful rebellion, either.)

  86. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 27th, 2010 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#85): crossed red pencils? or a Racoon with a glass of merlot? ;-)

  87. Anson Pants
    April 27th, 2010 at 12:48 pm [Reply]


    she shows great promise of becoming an excellent meta-comedian, with her entire act based on her own knowledge of her comic inadequacies and hatred for her fans.

    Marvin’s grandmother is Larry David ?

  88. Baka Gaijin
    April 27th, 2010 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth, final panel: That wide blue-eyed stare and five-fingered gasp stifle can mean only one thing: Mary’s seeing Bonnie’s huge fetid pile o’merchandise from Dingo’s House of Depravity and Refrigerator Repair Service. The turkey leg’s half-lodged in, well, you can imagine what Mary’s seeing. Looking at Bonnie swelling up again, she found the sparkly hot pink butt plug and fully lodged it somewhere.

    Slylock Fox: Another stoned animal. Mr. Weber Jr., do you draw these on a hemp Wacom?

    One Big Happy: Pleaseohpleaseohplease, Butchie the Hateful Squirrel, crossover to Mark Trail. Please?

  89. Sequitur
    April 27th, 2010 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#88): Will Butchie the Hateful Squirrel show us his nuts?

  90. Indichik
    April 27th, 2010 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    Someone should tell Bil Keane that CAPITALIZING the names of the different types of seeds doesn’t make this panel any more amusing or less incomprehensible. In fact, if anything, it just FILLS ME WITH RAGE.

  91. Northernlurker
    April 27th, 2010 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    I need to get this off my sunken chest. Marvin’s grandmother bugs me. Marvin is what-18 months old? Grandmothers of 18-month-old babies do not look like Marvin’s grandmother. Chances are they still work–they travel–most likely still healthy, they hike, they exercise, they mountain bike–quite possibly they would be no more than mid 50s.
    Grandparents do not look like that. Maybe they did at one time but not today–yet that is how they are portrayed, not just in Marvin, but in most comics.
    It’s a pet peeve.
    Okay I’m alright now and I’ll go back to my lurking.

  92. Baka Gaijin
    April 27th, 2010 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#Y6): The Didactic-signal is a huge illuminated colon, isn’t it? No, wait, that’s just the neighborhood gastroenterologist’s sign.

    @Sheila Sternwell (#Y13): The Far Side got thumped for its potential dogg secks because it had actual readers. Marmaduke, not so much.

    @Sequitur (#89): Only if Granny Squirrel doesn’t claim his sack of nuts as hers first.

  93. Baka Gaijin
    April 27th, 2010 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Northernlurker (#91): If you had to deal with that screaming shit geyser for any length of time, you’d age about 60 years, too.

  94. Écureuil Écumant
    April 27th, 2010 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Not aspirin, Lynn. Make it Tylenol. And draw a big funnel next to the bottle.

  95. Pozzo
    April 27th, 2010 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    “You can tell you’re getting older…when you feel Death’s icy fingers gripping your heart. Thank you! I’ll be here all week…unless I die.”

  96. Meaty
    April 27th, 2010 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Marvin’s grandmother is Neil Hamburger. “You know you’re getting older when people stop asking when you are due and start asking when your intestinal fistula surgery is scheduled.”

  97. Bennui
    April 27th, 2010 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Billy’s enthusiasm for WATERMELON and PUMPKINS is well-placed, as both are the shape of his head.

  98. wossname
    April 27th, 2010 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#88): I’m surprised we haven’t heard from HAMMY!!! about Butchie the Hateful Squirrel. You’d think he’d be legendary in sciuridine circles. Also, Écureuil Écumant has been very quiet about Butchie l’Écureuil Abominable.

  99. wossname
    April 27th, 2010 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#92): Didn’t we decide the Didactic-signal was one of those exclamation point/question mark hybrids whose name I’ve forgotten?

  100. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 27th, 2010 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Thel is smiling because by planting pumpkins and watermelons, Billy can give himself another dozen or so brothers and sisters without any additional wear and tear on her netherparts.

  101. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 27th, 2010 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#99): “I got InteroBanged by the Didactic Duo”

    would SO be a T-shirt design.

  102. Anonymous
    April 27th, 2010 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#101): Or “She interrobangs! She interrobangs!”

  103. boojum
    April 27th, 2010 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    102 was me. Dang cookies.

  104. Sequitur
    April 27th, 2010 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    FC: I don’t think they’re at the hardware store or feed ‘n seed store. Look at the wall with tools on it. There’s only one of every tool instead of a rack of several of them for sale (which brings us to the phrase “rack of hoes” but we’ll not go there).

    I think they’re in their own shed. Thel gets out so seldom that she takes the opportunity to get dressed up and grab her purse just for a trip to the shed.
    And the circle cuts off the top of the “SEEDS” sign. It probably actually says, “DEMON SEEDS”.

  105. boojum
    April 27th, 2010 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @boojum (#103): Speaking of “She Bangs” – Am I the last one to hear that Ricky Martin has joined the rest of the world in saying that he’s gay? Why do I not get these memos?

  106. wossname
    April 27th, 2010 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#101): Hmm, I’ll need to talk this over with Grammatica. Would we be doing this interrobanging as a duo?

  107. Crankenstank
    April 27th, 2010 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    MMMMM, Top Ramen. Yum.

  108. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 27th, 2010 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    Today it looks like Ghost-Who-Assumes is consoling Diana’s parents for the presumed death of their daughter by grabbing Lily’s titties. Yeah, Savarnah, you may have dodged a bullet on this one.

  109. Buck Ripsnort
    April 27th, 2010 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    FC: Of course Thel is smiling; any connection between Billy’s head and a watermelon is comedy gold. Also, the drugs.

    Marvin: Even Armstrong can’t bear the Hell-Dimension he’s created for long, so he takes these little holidays away from the main family. But there is no permanent escape.

    Dammit, if I’m never getting on the float, I’m not bolding the strip titles anymore. So there, too.

  110. Buck Ripsnort
    April 27th, 2010 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Buck Ripsnort (#109): any connection between Billy’s head and a watermelon is comedy gold especially if it involves Gallagher’s “sledge-o-matic”.

  111. Alison
    April 27th, 2010 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    Marvin’s grandma looks bored out of her mind, so I don’t think she’s any more amused by this strip’s jokes than anyone here. Also, she has no legs in the middle panel.

  112. Bryan
    April 27th, 2010 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    One Big Happy: I’d really like to see Butchie the Squirrel Kid wander into Len from Edge City’s back yard.

  113. Mibbitmaker
    April 27th, 2010 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    MT: All wrapped up in a big, boring bow.

    A3G: Great, Ruby. Now, how about EXPLAINING IT TO US?!!

  114. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    April 27th, 2010 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    ring ring… ring ring…

    So, Mistah. Whatcha wearin’? Are ya wearin’ jeans? I bet they’re tight. Me? I’ve got bows in mah hair. Didja hear me, sweetie? I’ve got BOWS in my HAIR. Big green ones. Big. Green. Floppy. Bows. In my hair. Just like they were your hands, I do. They press down on me like you were tryin’ to get me to bend at the knees and perform some kind of act for you. No… NO! Mama don’t scrub no floors.

  115. Austria
    April 27th, 2010 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Rachelkachel (#84): HOLY CRAP, A KACHEL ON THE INTERNET. Also — COTW all weeks. Hamlet is amazing.

    BB: “Why is that dog wearing a uniform?” “Why did YOU deflate on Sunday?”

    Blondie: All throughout elementary school they forced us to write in cursive, saying that in middle school and high school they’d make us use cursive and we had to learn how because it was the most important thing and if you don’t use cursive NO! YOU HEAR ME? YOU GO TO HELL! YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE!!! Enter sixth grade and they told us to print. Enter high school and typing was required. I don’t even remember half the capital letters…and I am A-OK with that. Hated cursive. Hated it with a passion. Also: TEXTING! IS! NOT! FUNNYYYYYYYY!!! *kicks*

    reFOOB: Solution – leave the spoon within her reach. See? It’s so logical!!

    Luann: Ahahahahahahahahaha sweet, sweet karma

    Zits: Holy crap, it’s that guy! You know, that one guy that used to be Jeremy’s best friend, but never shows up anymore? What was his name again? Horatio? Hank? Hansel? Hector? Yes, that’s it! Hector! Here I thought he’d died in the van.

  116. Push Trot
    April 27th, 2010 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    FW: Is it too much to hope for an exploding violin?

  117. Push Trot
    April 27th, 2010 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#108): I’m REALLY glad I’m not the only one who could see that! For someone who doesn’t understand English, and haven’t seen a Phantom strip before, this thing would look soo wrong.

  118. odinthor
    April 27th, 2010 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#74): Because he’s nothing but a neigh-sayer.

  119. commodorejohn
    April 27th, 2010 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#114): You’re lucky I wasn’t drinking anything, or you’d owe me a new keyboard.

  120. Calico
    April 27th, 2010 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#114):
    Oh God, scullery maid phone porn, more than I needed to know in 15 lifetimes.

  121. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 27th, 2010 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

  122. Calico
    April 27th, 2010 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#101):
    Oh, and here’s a totally squee video for you and everyone else here who loves animals (SFW):
    http://www.wimp.com/elephantseal/

  123. commodorejohn
    April 27th, 2010 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#122): I’d question the necessity of putting “SFW” on a link to a video of an elephant seal if I hadn’t witnessed one very, very special documentary on the Antarctic as a child.

  124. Sequitur
    April 27th, 2010 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Crankenstank (#107): Agreed. Mmmmm.

  125. BowToTheBard
    April 27th, 2010 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    “I’ll grow watermelons and pumpkins because I’m a chubby chaser, Jeffy will grow carrots because we all know he’ll turn out gay, and Dolly will grow string beans because she’d never, ever sleep with a black guy!”

  126. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    April 27th, 2010 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    When Thel finds the packet with the child-eating monster, maybe we’ll see her smile.

  127. Rachelkachel
    April 27th, 2010 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#115): Er, not actually a Kachel, it’s just a childhood nickname. Because it rhymes, you see.

  128. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 27th, 2010 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Forget “propitiate”, I was more annoyed with the re-use of the “running like a gazelle” comparison that this strip is wont to use for Burbers. Was she on all fours and leaving a trail of dung behind her?

    And just to be pedantic, I’ll point out that her suitor is not a “Nazi”. Not all (or even most) of the soldiers in the Wehrmacht were party members, and the strip was careful to point out that this is an Austrian who joined the army reluctantly.

  129. Push Trot
    April 27th, 2010 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Oh joy! I admit I’m probably just a little too exited about the prospect of seeing Spider-Man get humiliated in public while his out-of-his-league beauty of a wife is there to immortalize it on film.
    I’m not Archie exited about it, but even so…

    MT: What? I thought the whole point of senator Pimp Daddy’s trek around the lake with Mark was to talk to the lake folk about their views on the canoe/motor boat business. Is Mark adding anything new at all? Will … will this be the last yet neverending Mark Trail story – to go ’round and ’round and ’round until the end of the Universe? If they set out on another canoe trip tomorrow I’m packing canned goods and heading for the hills.

  130. Austria
    April 27th, 2010 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    @Rachelkachel (#127): Aww. *disappointment* They lied to you. “Kachel” isn’t really supposed to rhyme with “Rachel” — if it does, that’s Americanization.

  131. curlyfries
    April 27th, 2010 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#12): Thanks for noticing my early bird A3G phone sex post! I can only assume that great minds think alike.

    And apparently Josh and I do, too.

  132. Glen
    April 27th, 2010 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#31):

    Thanks, Sequitur.

    Anyone else who wants to vote for Judge Parker, here is the link. :)

    http://blog.al.com/bn/2010/04/judge_parker_or_mary_worths_fa.html

  133. James
    April 27th, 2010 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Has the General really never seen Otto until right now? It’s been what, 50 years? And darn you Mort for making me have to look up the name of the dog in Beetle Bailey so I could complain about him.

  134. mr 12 oz can
    April 27th, 2010 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    mary worth- i know its suppose to be 2010 mary even showed the calendar a couple weeks ago . but bonnies stuff looks like it came from 1966 so maybe she can go on antique roadshow and sell her schmattas
    mark trail- i know this is a old story from 30 years ago but has elrod or the person who runs his resperiyor < i know typo. ever heard of editing . get to the next inane story
    apt 3g – how come doctor p never uses his just for men hairdye during the week only on sunday ???

  135. curlyfries
    April 27th, 2010 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#128):

    “And just to be pedantic, I’ll point out that her suitor is not a “Nazi”. Not all (or even most) of the soldiers in the Wehrmacht were party members, and the strip was careful to point out that this is an Austrian who joined the army reluctantly.”

    Killjoy! Yeah, Brooke was must punctilious about sanitizing Kiesl, wasn’t he? – to the point of making him Austrian, not German. I have nothing against the Wehrmacht personally, and I’m of German heritage, too, but it seems as though not a single person was ever “really” a Nazi, let alone a true believer. You always get perks if you join the central power structure and spout the party line, but I doubt if Leni Riefenstahl was the party’s sole devotee from 1933 onward. The Wehrmacht was apparently so full of reluctant soldiery that I’m surprised their boot soles lasted past the Anschluss, such was the degree of foot dragging everyone claimed to have exhibited.

    I can understand the allergic reaction and desire to distance after the true extent of the regime’s horrors were known, but I lose patience when people start revising history making it all the fault of a few “evil Nazi masters” and letting the rest of population get away with claiming they were innocent bystanders whose only fault was not paying attention.

  136. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 27th, 2010 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#99): Yes! I had my heart set on the colon (The Coolest Punctuation Mark), but it doesn’t convey its coolness visually.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#101): I’d so wear that t-shirt, even at the risk of egocentric self-referentiality.

    @wossname (#106): Hmmm… Well, let’s wait until we meet next month and see how well we hit it off!

  137. Ranger
    April 27th, 2010 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    OBH: I love how everyone always refers to Buggy Crispino using both his first and last name. Must be a bevel of Buggy’s running around the school.

  138. Hasty Penguin
    April 27th, 2010 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    I was going to leave it where it was, but really, how could the artists at Archie see it as anything else?

  139. Sequitur
    April 27th, 2010 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @Hasty Penguin (#138): And the editors were reading porn at the time and let it pass.

  140. Walker of Dog
    April 27th, 2010 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @Push Trot (#129): Apparently Archie is a regular reader of Judge Parker, and his exertions in the corner are in response to yesterday’s Full Lohan shot. I will make an effort to use the phrase “excited, but not Archie-in-the-corner excited” on a regular basis. It’s the next great Internet meme.

    @Mibbitmaker (#113):

    “MT: All wrapped up in a big, boring bow.”

    I wasn’t suggesting you change the spelling – I just wanted to hear some off-the-hook LoFo novelty rap! I will be so excited… but not Archie-in-the-corner excited.

  141. Sequitur
    April 27th, 2010 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    Archie: I had no idea that Archie was a member of the Blackfoot tribe.

  142. Sequitur
    April 27th, 2010 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    Archie pt.2: Does anyone know of a school that has a room that is only used for detention so that they can write “DETENTION” on the door?

  143. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 27th, 2010 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#135):

    Just as it is impossible to find an American who will admit to voting for George W. Bush (or Jimmy Carter back in the day, though he has been rehabilitated of late and is no longer considered history’s greatest monster).

    The Stackpole military history series from Germany is now being published in English, and your generalization fits to a T. Everyone was either a front-line soldier who was too busy fighting the war to notice anything else, or was an outspoken opponent of the Nazi leadership who was nevertheless honor-bound to serve their country. And I do have some sympathy with that argument – would you hold a Private serving in Iraq responsible for Guantanimo?

    As portrayed in the strip, Kiesel deserted under fire in order to be captured so that he could sit out the war in a POW camp. He then consorted with a known Allied spy, passing on military information that is implied to have been accurate and valuable enough that it could easily have led to the death of his countrymen. In the attempt to sanitize him, Brooke has neutered him – well before a Burber got the chance to.

  144. Uncle Lumpy
    April 27th, 2010 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#142):

    a room that is only used for detention so that they can write “DETENTION” on the door?

    And on the inside of the door, so as to taunt the inmates! It’s as though the Gates of Hell were turned around and changed to read, “See? See! Now that you’re here, you can just abandon hope, that’s all!”

  145. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 27th, 2010 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#63): Padumpum!

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#121): And another Padumpum!

    More one-liners, mules!

  146. Anonymous
    April 27th, 2010 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#142):

    I imagine the school in the first season of MMPR had a detention room, considering how many times Bulk and Skull got detention. ….Well, actually, it was “DEEEE-TENTION!”

  147. Jason1981
    April 27th, 2010 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    Oops, post 146 was me. Forgot to add the user-name and stuff..

  148. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 27th, 2010 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    @boojum (#65): The phrase, “good Tommie story line” is an oxymoron.

  149. seismic-2
    April 27th, 2010 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    FC: Actually, Thelma is smiling because it is her intention that the melon-heads will be toiling away at growing their veggies under the supervision of Ed Crankshaft. Meanwhile, she will be joining Mark Trail and Abby Spencer in relaxing in their hemp field.

  150. Jamus The Bartender
    April 27th, 2010 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    @Entophile (#1): No, it’s not just you. I’m thinking his next move will be to confession.

  151. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 27th, 2010 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#141): I noticed that dark blob, too. My first reaction was that instead of a chair, Archie preferred to have a stool.

  152. gnome de blog
    April 27th, 2010 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    @Hasty Penguin (#22): Why? Just because Fred Bassett was the last place you’d expect sex in the comics?

  153. curlyfries
    April 27th, 2010 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#143): Hell, since my immediate family is insane enoug proud to have voted for Cheney Bush (both pere et fils), that analogy ain’t quite the same. A better comparison is finding anyone who’ll admit to having testified before HUAC, naming names of acquaintances and friends to keep off a blacklist.

    And yes, I would hold a private serving in Iraq resposible for prisoners in Gitmo – if that soldier had voted since 1993 to keep a party in power that demonized all Arabs and Muslims, blamed them for our losses in Vietnam, and whose platform was that America’s destiny is to subjugate all lesser races and countries. And also preached that those Semitic people weren’t human, but vermin, so depriving them of their rights (or lives) was akin to squashing a bug and was a patriotic act as it would make America stronger.

    The Nuremburg Laws were passed in 1933, six whole years before the actual war started and those bitchin’ Hugo Boss-designed uniforms were put to real use. Individual action is the face of something like that is almost impossible and I’m not faulting anyone for not wanting to get kicked to death by the SA. But people thought they’d benefit enough to give them 1/3 of the Reichstag seats, and Der Stürmer was printed for other reasons than to line the birdcage. So I do hold people responsible for liking the message and encouraging it. What the NSDAP was about wasn’t a secret, any more than what happens in Gitmo is.

    Brooke’s portraying Kiesl as both a coward looking for a snug port to ride out the storm, and a nookie-driven traitor, in order to make him an acceptable hero for this load of scheiße actually speaks volumes about Brooke. So rather than having a misplaced loyalty, Kiesl has none at all, except to his own hide, his LPs and possibly Edna’s cellulite gazelle-like thighs. I guess what’s ticking me off about this whole thing is apparently Brooke thinks that the most tragic thing that happened in the war was the occupation of Paris.

    So I’m not sure whether Kiesl or Brooke is more deserving of a good Burbering at this point. But since I’m mortally sure Brooke would enjoy it, I say none for him.

  154. Sans Sense
    April 27th, 2010 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    FC: Thel’s smiling because those little bastards are proving they’ll eat anything and she’s heading to the pesticide section next.

    “I’ll eat Slug Bait and Round Up! Jeffy eats Vikron, here’s Ambush for Dolly, and…”

  155. Sans Sense
    April 27th, 2010 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    A3G: So Ruby’s selling gray market Viagra on CraigsList and just got Professor QuickScript to help make it happen. They better give Margo a cut or no help from her Detective friend will be coming their way…

  156. Fashion Police
    April 27th, 2010 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#153) said:

    So I’m not sure whether Kiesl or Brooke is more deserving of a good Burbering at this point. But since I’m mortally sure Brooke would enjoy it, I say none for him.

    One must make allowances for Mr. McEldowney, since he appears not to have progressed emotionally beyond junior high school. Consequently, one does not expect more from him than puerile fantasies. Forgive us for leaping so ardently to his defense, but we tend to give him the benefit of the doubt because – as we have noted before – he draws such lovely dresses. Even though at times his color palette leaves much to be desired.

  157. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 27th, 2010 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#128): You do the pedantic, and we’ll keep on a-snarkin’. Side by side, just like that. Oh,
    Pedantry and irony
    Posting side by side in Curmudgeonry
    With the letters on the keyboard, oh Lord,
    Why can’t we?

    Getting misty now.

  158. Sans Sense
    April 27th, 2010 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    Archie: I kind of like the thought of an Archie-Blair Witch Project crossover. Might thin the Riverdale herd quite nicely.

  159. Sans Sense
    April 27th, 2010 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: Ghost-Who-Tweaks-His-Mother-In-Law’s-Tit is about to drop a bomb!

  160. commodorejohn
    April 27th, 2010 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#153): Word. I think the thing that’s most appalling is that for as obsessed as Brooke is with the culture of the 1940s, he doesn’t seem to actually understand any of it, or even care. The one thing I remember most strongly from when I was following the strip regularily (well, after the piano-top sex tape fiasco, anyway) is the absolutely hideous conversation Edda and Ex-Nun had about Casablanca, in which the conclusion was stated, without a hint of sarcasm, that Ilsa should have murdered her own husband because Humphrey Bogart was cooler.

    That’s what it’s all about to him; not the civilized world facing down some of the most monstrous behavior humanity is capable of, and certainly not any of the political and cultural subtleties this storyline pretends to grapple with. The 1940s is only of interest to the man because of sweet hats, high-minded artsy people, and early noir. Despite Brooke’s veneer of romanticism, he’s really just the worst kind of nihilist, functionally identical to those pseudo-gothpunk twits that infest Hot Topics around the country and don’t even consider you to be a human being unless you match their specific checklist of interests; the only real difference is the entries on his checklist.

  161. Baron Bizarre
    April 27th, 2010 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    @One-eyed Wolfdog (#18): Wow, time to get my eyes checked – for a second, I thought your post said:

    “Ruby’s statement seemed innocuous at the time, but she came to regret it later that week when a band of hardcore, street-tough creationists pinned her down in the alley, pelting her with bananas and and yelling “Retard!”.

  162. Baron Bizarre
    April 27th, 2010 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    Wow, that came out looking funny.

  163. Fashion Police
    April 27th, 2010 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    Count us among those fervently hoping Miz Ruby’s “secret” is indeed the opening gambit in The Makeover of Miss Thompson.

    You may snicker behind your hands if you wish, but we confess a distinct fondness for ruffled collars. Nonetheless, the frills, the hair-ribbons, the kelly green blouse, those earrings so reminiscent of Diet-Coke pull-tabs from a bygone era – it all looks so frightfully fussy. It’s even more perplexing because one would have thought ruffled collars would be just Miz Ruby’s style.

    We are sincerely fearful of what sort of ill-advised makeover poor Miss Thompson could expect at the hands of someone who dresses with all the discrimination of Mrs. Bonnie Johnson at a Maisie’s sale.

  164. commodorejohn
    April 27th, 2010 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#160): Did I say “nihilist?” I meant “narcissist,” though I guess both are suitable descriptions.

  165. Lesser Whark
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#152): I can’t speak for Hasty Penguin, but the first two days of this week are in open mockery of all forms of comic narrative. In a gag strip, end the day with a punchline. In a soap strip, end the day with suspense (mostly). This week has neither. In any other strip I’d welcome the addition of continuity, but this is the least interesting implementation I’ve ever seen. The ham-fisted inclusion of the eponymous Fred today is icing on the cake.

    Bonus: last week, we had this delayed Easter strip. Wouldn’t the author of a strip about a dog know that chocolate KILLS dogs? Worse, Fred’s ears are behaving a lot like Killer’s Hat.

    For a long time I’d defend Fred Basset a pleasantly understated little strip, but now I agree with Hasty Penguin. Fred can die in a fire – or in nauseated pain due to theobromine poisoning – or of a malignant batiukoma. I’m not picky.

  166. Hank
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#143): Just as it is impossible to find an American who will admit to voting for George W. Bush

    Actually, in a recent poll :

    just 50% of voters now say they prefer having [Obama] as President to George W. Bush, with 44% saying they’d rather have his predecessor.

    That would seem to indicate that at least 44% of the public would admit to voting for him. While not a majority, that’s still a far cry from an impossibility.

  167. Écureuil Écumant
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    DT: Can Brozman tell us why he drew the “POLICE HDQTRS” to look like the front end of a 1978 Mercury Grand Marquis? Are the squadroom chairs upholstered in fine Corinthian leather?

    And what’s with the “HDQTRS” part of the hood ornament? The stinkin’ sign’s so big and garish already, I can’t imagine the cops would be violating the Gotham sign ordinance any worse by spelling it out. It all makes it look — to paraphrase the Great Emancipator — like they’ve got their HDQTRS where their HNDQTRS ought to be.

  168. Poteet
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    Belated COTW congratulations to Krazy Kat and the other krazy float riders! Yay, tossed flowers, etc.!

  169. Poteet
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    Sorry for the sideline, but I have a comics-related newspaper-website question for those who know more about computers than me, a category which increasingly encompasses just about everyone over the age of seven. *sigh* Since finding CC, I’ve been hopping onto various newspaper sites to read various comics online, feeling happily secure.

    But today I found out that some dreadful creature called “malware” had attached itself to one Iowa newspaper website and was lurking there, waiting to infect visiting computers and install evil programs to suck out the bank accounts of the computer owners. I was advised not to visit that website until further notice. Does this happen often to newspapers websites? Do I now have something else to worry about? *sniff*

  170. gleeb
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Archie’s inability to stop touching himself has brought him to this sorry state. Don’t let this happen to YOU.

    Beetle: How many years did it take Halftrack to notice the uniformed dog?

    ‘shaft: It’s funny, because if there were a reality teevee show about the lives of foresters, it’d be really dull, like Ed’s life.

    Parker: Ooh, she’s a brooding, introspective trust-fund kid. They’re the best kind.

    Monty: Now that’s what a homeless trust-fund kid looks like, not-so-fresh off the tennis courts!

    :

  171. Écureuil Écumant
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#169): Well, apparently the Chron’s “roll yer own” comics webpage hosted a virus for awhile. I presume that’s been fixed, but I’m not takin’ any chances.

  172. commodorejohn
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#169): It doesn’t happen that often, and it typically isn’t the site itself that’s at fault. Usually what happens is some lowlife will sign up for ad space on whatever ad service a site uses and use the ad space to try and muscle something into your computer; typically, it’s one of those *#$^%!&$#^ing “antivirus” programs that try to trick you into installing them and then attempt to charge you for removing any viruses they find (or allege to have found.) The best thing you can do is contact the site’s maintainer, if possible, and let them know that something might be up, then see what you hear back from them.

  173. Aviatrix
    April 27th, 2010 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#170): There is such a show. I saw some clips from it (“Up Next!”) while watching the History channel, but I elected not to watch it because it seemed too gruesome. For context, the show I was watching was about the Battle of Passchendale.

  174. Sequitur
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#169): Not in Iowa! NOOOOOOOOO!!!

    Seriously, if you feel unsafe, leave the site alone and do as commodorejohn says.

  175. Len
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    If Dennis doesn’t have an incontinence problem, what do the supermarket drones need the mop for? Does Dennis open randomly chosen bottles of fluid and pour them on the floor? Or does he cause such mayhem to fellow shoppers that they need to mop up the blood?

    I like Momma Alice’s expression. She lloks like she’s telling herself, “Be brave, girl. Maybe we can get through shopping wthout being taken to court.”

  176. Zerowolf
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    MW: Of course its getting crowded in here, Bonnie. You’ve packed on 50 pounds since yesterday’s strip.

    What’s the over under that tommorow will be back to thinner Bonnie?

  177. Zerowolf
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    BGSS: Stuff in Cans? Did Herb and Jamaal buy out the Hootin’ Holler General Store?

  178. curlyfries
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#156):

    …we tend to give [Mr. McEldowney] the benefit of the doubt because – as we have noted before – he draws such lovely dresses.

    While the esteemed Fashion Police do have an interest, nay, even an obligation to appreciate the high nipped waists, smoothly curving buttocks, gently rounded child-bearing hips and long, hairless nether limbs that the emotionally stunted Mr. McEldowney presents as the perfect form for a lovely dress, the FP might wish to remember amidst all this rapture that these are the males.

    It is my feeling that Mr. McE would be better off eschewing Juliet’s provocative underpinnings as well as those truly hideous overalls worn by one of his more bucolic characters and focus on designing a nice line of gloves, hats, and possibly piano scarves that would cover a Bösendorfer, in anticipation of a much-anticipated revival of the postwar New Look. *

  179. Zerowolf
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: It’s old family business, now stare at my tata’s and answer the questions.

  180. Who Is Dick Player?
    April 27th, 2010 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    #55 Sequitur: I recall it was a coffee table book that turned into a small coffee table. I guess that’s kind of hellish, if you have a generalized fear of high concept camp.

  181. Sequitur
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    @Who Is Dick Player? (#180): Yeah. Go back to #55 and click on “Cosmo Kramer” and you can watch a less-then-three-minutes clip of it.

  182. sloopygoop
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    Judging from the art style, that Family Circus has got to be from decades ago, when the thought of people actually growing their own food at home instead of picking it up in a package would have been funny in and of itself.

  183. AnitaNomad
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    FC: I think Ma Keane is smiling because she sees that PJ is eating a packet of seeds—poisonous seeds, no doubt. Soon she’ll have one less melonhead to feed.

  184. Poteet
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#171): @commodorejohn (#172): @Sequitur (#174): Thank you — your insights are appreciated. I found out via forwarded message that state employees are being asked to avoid the newspaper site in question and that a tech guy has found out that at least one click-on sports photo within the site is infected. I’ll whimper no more except to say that the people who do this virus stuff are really mean.

  185. curlyfries
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#160):

    I think the thing that’s most appalling is that for as obsessed as Brooke is with the culture of the 1940s, he doesn’t seem to actually understand any of it, or even care.
    That’s what it’s all about to him; not the civilized world facing down some of the most monstrous behavior humanity is capable of, and certainly not any of the political and cultural subtleties this storyline pretends to grapple with. The 1940s is only of interest to the man because of sweet hats, high-minded artsy people, and early noir.

    Word to YOU – you nailed it. Yeah, Brooke sees that whole era through some gauzy filter – it’s all sweetheart necklines and snoods and snappy fedoras with a Bogarty gumshoe underneath, and the war was just an excuse to break out the shoulder pads and ankle straps and put on a USO show. The fact that a great many people celebrated the middle of the decade by being dead doesn’t seem to have made it onto his radar screen. Maybe that’s the only way he can deal with unpleasantries, sweep them under the rug and focus on the fact that Coco Chanel had some extremely good years while the Nazis held sway at Fouquet’s. It’s not a particularly mature approach, but denial seems to be employed by a lot of the human race just as much now as 60 years ago.

    But when you indulge in preposterous “historical” bodice rippers like this, some pesky facts get in the way. First, a British officer who attempted to fuck with a critical [already preposterous] OSS intelligence op would be instantly cashiered – the OSS officer would not be eating sand at Omaha Beach. And post-interrogation kriegies with any sort of remaining intell would immediately be suspicious of the sudden appearance of a pandering USO leider singer. There’s a reason most intell in the bag was gotten by an undercover soldier planted in amongst the POW population, not least because there was very little chance of him getting gang raped to death by black-patch SS or hardcore Nazis in the attempt. Seriously, warbling Lili Marlene and looking virginal doesn’t prompt most POWs to start blurting out locations of Panzer divisions, altho now I know exactly what it will take to get all of McEldowney’s financial info and internet passwords.

    Brooke needs to realize that his grasp on that time is fuzzy, tenuous and entirely based on the fantasy of light opera and Turner Classic Movies. So, Brookie, have a little cry, put on a little Chevalier and move on to airbrushing some more soft porn Pibgorn instead, and leave the war to the grown ups. And don’t eyeball me, boy. *

  186. Poteet
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#160): @curlyfries (#185): Ahh, no need to rant about 9CL when others do it so much better. How nicely restful.

  187. curlyfries
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#184): Amen, they’re total shits, and they get a lot of people to bite, too. Just never click on ANY virus warning open applications that pop up. Shut them down immediately as well as all open sites and open your own secure antivirus program if you think there’s the slightest chance you might actually have something going on.

  188. bunivasal
    April 27th, 2010 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    I think the joke is that Billy has descended into heavy handed metaphorical self-loathing. “I’ll grow WATERMELONS and PUMPKINS the size of my ENORMOUS HEAD.”

  189. Poteet
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    4/28

    MW — AIEEE, the baby-shit-colored clothes are giving off an eerie phosphorescent glow and we’re about to see a flashback! It doesn’t get much worse!

    S-M — I’ll bet that stranger is cringing because Sabretooth’s most fearsome weapon is his breath.

  190. Dr. Weird
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    @sloopygoop (#182):

    Retreaded Family Circus strips are easy to spot. The Keane Operation is erasing part of Thel’s old hairstyle and they don’t bother to re-ink the line of her face afterwards. Look for things like the left side of her face in this strip… the line of her face ends around her nose and the rest is just blank. Sloppy, sloppy.

  191. Lesser Whark
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#185): Your assessment of PoW camp policy makes a lot more sense than Brooke’s. On a related note, why is Edna permitted to wander off with Bill’s dog tags? Even if she were his next of kin, wouldn’t that cause no end of confusion if she were in, say, a plane crash? Eventually they’d realise that he’d been declared dead years earlier, but it would generate a lot of paperwork. So, is there any circumstance where you’re permitted to carry someone else’s tags as a souvenier? (Unless they’re a mutant with super strength and razor sharp claws?)

    I’m also disgusted by the characters’ inability to make the slightest decision on their own. We could have had Kiesl seeking Edna out during his visit to the US. We could have had Edna, discovering that a show has Kiesl in it and auditioning for a bit part in it. But no, they meet through author-driven coincidence. Having concluded that they’re still attracted to each other, they’re still incaple of making a move until the author pushes them together. Despite Brooke’s walls of text, they’re incapable of discussing their relationship, behaving with the maturity of teenagers. The only way they can talk is in vague hypotheticals. Oh, and I don’t think spines bend that way.

    The one consolation in that this can’t last, because Bill’s return is inevitable. It would be neat if Kiesl knows where Bill is, so that when he tells Edna, he knows that he’s terminating his own relationship. However, no 9CL character ever faces a true moral dilemma, so he’ll probably hook up with his co-star in Don Giovanni or something cheesy like that.

  192. Poteet
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    4/28

    FC — Dolly, no one wants to see that.

    JP — Bigger lettering, please! I’m feeling “a little insecure” about having to squint.

    MT — I confess to occasional fantasies about environmental conflicts being solved easily, with smiles all around. But in MT, punching is always desperately needed, and this strip shows why.

    PHANTOM — Stripey-butt, you have all the deep, sensitive understanding of solid concrete, which is what your brain is made of, and furthermore, you are a douche.

    SF — Argh, I know those lyrics. *fights impulse to look for a sturdy rope and a chair*

  193. Jon
    April 28th, 2010 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    wtf?

  194. Jon
    April 28th, 2010 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    Sorry…what I meant to say was…wtf re: Family Circus? Because that was just weird. I mean, that makes no sense whatsoever of any kind. I’ll leave it at that.

  195. ElkMeadow
    April 28th, 2010 at 1:40 am [Reply]

    Gran said that Aussie guy was her FIRST crush.

    I shudder to think of how many other crushes, how many other story lines like this we are going to have arty-ly drawn on dead trees. Gads, she probable also “worked” the Ed Sullivan show AND Woodstock AND Disco.

  196. Mr. O'Malley
    April 28th, 2010 at 1:42 am [Reply]

    Evidently both FB and FC have turned themselves into continuity strips and are working toward some kind of big buildup later in the week. Given their past history, it seems unlikely it will work.

  197. Sister Sestina
    April 28th, 2010 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    My father was in the German Army during WWII. Anti-aircraft. I suppose technically he was in a Croatian auxiliary unit (after Yugoslavia got overrun, the Ustasha collaborated in exchange for having an “independent” state of Croatia). His notorious war career consisted of:

    1. Damn near freezing to death in a pillbox by the North Sea.
    2. Getting sent to the Crimea and developing eczema on his hands so bad that he was sidelined and sent to hospital.
    3. Being deployed to a coastal Croatian town that was supposed to get fortified but the supplies never came, and eventually slinking silently away AWOL back home.

    Definitely not a Nazi party member, just some schmuck who got caught up in the wheels of history. But not a conscious-stricken objector either. He’d much rather have not fought, but still he admired the German sense of order, was sometimes wistful about the camaraderie of a soldier’s camp, and — even more scary — half-wistful for a time when you didn’t have to think for yourself, just point your gun. But then my father had his own personality disorder issues that developed way before the war, within the chaos of a family against which even the Wehrmacht might have seemed preferable. (And he WAS an asshole).

  198. ElkMeadow
    April 28th, 2010 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    @Jon (#194):

    I had to look. Sheesh, didn’t Dolly ever wear tights or shorts or long pants or jeans? Are her parents so afraid that if she ever didn’t wear a dress, she’d become a boy? If she isn’t allowed to wear pants, then why isn’t she wearing a longer dress, a modest one? And white panties with a short dress…they don’t stay white for long. Sit in the dirt or sit on chocolate or sit on any surface not squeaky clean, and they look really, really bad.

  199. ElkMeadow
    April 28th, 2010 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#192):

    Oops, meant to post to yours too, Poteet.

    We see London, we see France,
    we really don’t want to see Dolly’s underpants.

  200. boojum
    April 28th, 2010 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#189): I see your AIEEE, and I raise you a GAAAH!! It is, indeed, the dreaded Mary Worth flashback!!

    There are a number of six-word phrases that strike fear into any man’s heart:
    “Come in and shut the door.”
    “We need to talk about us.
    “The test results are… not good.”
    “Just say what’s on your mind!”
    “Bend over and drop your pants.”

    But NOTHING compares to the horror of a “Let me tell you a story…..”

  201. ElkMeadow
    April 28th, 2010 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    @boojum (#200):

    Now I’ve got the Brady Bunch theme song in my head.

  202. ElkMeadow
    April 28th, 2010 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    @Lesser Whark (#191):

    The dog tags thing gets me. If she’s not married to him, they go to next of kin. If she’s next of kin, she shouldn’t be getting married to him.

  203. boojum
    April 28th, 2010 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#201): And… cue the horror.

  204. michael5000
    April 28th, 2010 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    Billy is clearly mad, MAD, MAD!!! …and I’m impressed at Keane for slipping in this shout-out to Ophelia’s famous flower speech, from Hamlet. This Sunday, I’m looking forward to seeing Billy’s dotted trail meandering through the neighborhood to where it abruptly ends where the willow grows askant the brook.

  205. Jason1981
    April 28th, 2010 at 2:24 am [Reply]

    4/28:

    MT: “That’s right, Mark. I also plan to have sex with her sometime in the future!”

    ” …’Sex’?…What’s ‘sex’? ”

    Luann: No, Crystal..just …NO. Do NOT start that “combining names of couples into a single stupid-sounding name” that people do in fan-fiction. Don’t become unlikeable, like the rest of the strip’s cast.

    ………However, if you’re being sarcastic (which is very likely, considering your smartass attitude), then carry on.

  206. Mibbitmaker
    April 28th, 2010 at 2:55 am [Reply]

    @Jason1981 (#205): re: Luann: More than that, I think she’s mockingly comparing Gunther (specifically) to Anthony from FOOB (who, remember, we often refered to as “Blanthony”), using the name-combo thing as cover — or, more accurately, Greg is!

    Could it be….

    ‘Greg Reads The Comics Curmudgeon So Lynn Doesn’t Have To’…?

  207. Mibbitmaker
    April 28th, 2010 at 2:58 am [Reply]

    Besides, I think someone here already refered to Gunther as “Gunthony” fairly recently.

    Dun-dun-DUNNNNNNNNNN!

  208. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 28th, 2010 at 4:14 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#184):, @curlyfries (#187): If you’re going to be in the market for a new computer any time soon, seriously consider a Mac. Macs are much more resistant to such dastardly deeds. But even then, having anti-virus software is still a good idea.

  209. Anonymous
    April 28th, 2010 at 5:27 am [Reply]

    Re: Luann
    4/28
    T: “Guess what? Quill’s HAPPY that me ‘n’ Gunther are a ‘couple’! Your dumb plan tanked, Crystal!”
    C: “I didn’t PLAN anything, you ditz. YOU decided to pursue Gunther”

    Okay, Tiffany needs to take responsibility for her own choices (she won’t), but ATTENTION Crystal: yes, that is exactly the plan to purposed to Tiffany in the first place.

    4/21 and 4/22
    “Maybe Quill likes Luann cuz she doesn’t throw herself at him like you do.”
    “I don’t throw myself, Crystal”
    “Ok, you’re too available. Guys like to pursue”
    “So I should play hard to get?”
    “Too late for that. But maybe he’d like you more if he saw some OTHER guy liking you”
    “Yeah? And who might that be?”
    “What about Gunther?”
    “Gunther? I should make Gunther like me to make Quill like me?”
    “I’m just saying guys like girls that other guys like. Do what you want.”

  210. Lucky
    April 28th, 2010 at 6:11 am [Reply]

    Blondie – “I’ve invested my money in a drug running business.” , “I get financial advice from old movies.” , “I watch Glenn Beck.” , “I donated heavily to Obama’s campaign.”

    Snuffy Smith – Mamma wants candy, if you catch my drift…

    The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee – I know you’re supposed to show that hamster as a thoroughly despicable being, but do you really have to go the easiest way possible?

  211. John C Fremont
    April 28th, 2010 at 6:44 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#192): Yeah, there was always something that bothered me about the line “… the islands and bays are for sportsmen.” Something very Mark Traily.

    That was regarding “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald,” for all you younguns.. or TWotEF, if you prefer.

    MC – A cross between Mr. Bean and Charlie Brown? But that’s – that’s – me!
    (Much like Rowan Atkinson, most of my humor is visual. It shows, doesn’t it?)

  212. Mela
    April 28th, 2010 at 7:12 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#209): The mistake with assigning the blame to Crystal in all this is assuming that ANYONE other than Greg Evans likes Gunther, which is patentedly false.

    Today’s offerings:

    9CL: The entire point of this tired, meandering story, everyone.

    ‘Shaft: Yes, a severed limb compares so well to a splinter, Batiuk. Your empathy for your fellow man continues to shine through all you do.

    FC: Why is Dolly not wearing pants? Ew.

    FW: “I get so hot when you set yourself up for easily avoidable failure!”

    GA: Please? You might choke on it and end this zombie strip.

    Luann: Now she’s mocking stupid fangirl portmanteau naming? I like her more and more. Shame Evans thinks she’s a “villain” because she’s not “wholesome” and stupid.

    MW: Hunker down, everyone. Here comes the “OMG, I was POOR!” sob story.

    MC: He still won’t get the reference, Bridget. You were right to leave.

    Popeye: This strip chugs along doing NOTHING interesting, and then they randomly throw the prospect of someone blowing someone else up. That’s why it’s still on my reading list.

    R&R: A real Lab would eat that fly and ask for seconds, you student.

    Argyle: For some unplaceable reason, I liked this.

  213. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 28th, 2010 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    Lio: !!! *loves*

    Tank: Dodger divorce double entendre day two.

    OTH: unicorn farts, day three. I am so stealing “my spleen itches.”

    Luann: oh, how appropriate THAT name is!!!

    Hateeachothers: I chuckled. Not really that clever, but still.

    9CL: look at the bright side folks, it’s not hand jive!

    IP: one for bourbon babe, unbuckled.

    (posted prior to reading, apologies for any oversnark.)

  214. CanuckDownSouth
    April 28th, 2010 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    Why yes, Spidey. Yes, I shall*

    And I guess I can’t really snark on Lavender Cat Burglar for staying in spandex rather than making himself at home. If I were about to tell my inlaws how my actions contributed to the death of their child, I think I’d want a mask and costume, too. Maintaining a bit of a barrier to help with composure and all that.

    * Wouldn’t “nobody” or “nothing” be a better title for this strip?

  215. Suzy
    April 28th, 2010 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    I haven’t posted in a while, but I still read EVERYDAY! :-)

    That out of the way, I have two things to say today.

    1. Oh God, it’s storytime in Mary Worth. We’ll be hearing about the origins of this lady’s shopping addiction and hoarding tendencies for the next 9 months…

    2. 9CL. Am I the only one who’s sick of seeing these two make out for the last 2 weeks?? I’ve been reading this storyline for approximately the last century, when I normally don’t read this strip at all! But I can’t stop now when I know the other guy MUST be alive somewhere or his daughter wouldn’t exist. Can we FUCKIN’ GET ON WITH IT?!

  216. wossname
    April 28th, 2010 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    A big tip of the wossname chapeau to A3G – this strip has been delivering more fun lately than anybody. First we got the delicious anticipation of the Roberta/Bobbie reveal… now we get to speculate madly about WTF Ruby is talking about.

    C’shaft This week’s stupid premise continues, but my question is, what happened to that guy in panel 1? I think he cut off the left half of his head, but why is there no blood on the chainsaw?

    DT Anja Nu. Limelight Star Bright. Sam Script. OK, who else are we going to meet in this arc? I’m hoping for Lee Dingman, Cass Tparty, Bro Dway, and Gree Spaint. Hey, maybe I can take over when Locher retires! I can’t draw, if that helps…

    LuAnn You go Crystal!

    MT Now just hold on a minute! This has the feeling of a denouement, but we have about 500 loose plot ends that haven’t been resolved. Surely we’re not supposed to just accept that this arc is over??

  217. gleeb
    April 28th, 2010 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#173): Clearly, I need to watch less television.

  218. Écureuil Écumant
    April 28th, 2010 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    FP: Time to get those seedlings going, now the last frost is past? So now we know that the Keanes live up the holler down Copperhead Road.

  219. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 28th, 2010 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    MW: “Are all of these things clothes?”—Mary asks the question that’s been on all of our minds. Because seriously, who would wear that shit?

    A3G: “‘Cause if everyone doesn’t get on board, it’ll be a disaster!”—Ah, so we’re continuing with the phone-sex talk.

    BB: Why are military folks so thrilled about the end of the recession (ignoring the fact that no one celebrates the end of a recession that way)? I lived the military life for nearly 20 years, and it’s one of the most recession-proof jobs around.

    SM: Also in the “makes no friggin’ sense department”: the “dialogue” in today’s strip.

    MT: Okay, Elrod, you got, what, three more days with this story arc. This is what I want to you to do: Mark leaves the conference room and heads to the elevator. At the last moment, Senator Poachy McSweatface squeezes through the door. Mark gives him a cordial nod because he’s already forgotten who he is. But the senator is still stinging from his recent humiliation at Mark’s hands, so in a hissy fit, he pushes all the buttons so the elevator will stop on every floor. Mark, who hates to have his buttons pushed, unleashes the Fists o’ Elevator Justice. And a grateful nation rejoices.

  220. Écureuil Écumant
    April 28th, 2010 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#216) re MT: Elrod himself must’ve realized too late that there’s zero evidence of any actual poaching having been committed; that it’s entirely likely that the Ugly Twins have a $50 state license for raising game birds and quadrupeds, which allows them to sell the meat to restaurants legally; and that therefore the entire premise from the ’70s was invalid in this millennium. What’s the point in tying up trivial loose ends (assaults on senators and law enforcement officials, etc.) if the main plot point is bogus.

    The particularly pathetic thing is that with MT, we don’t even have the satisfaction of a pool party. The end of a MT arc is always defined by what doesn’t happen: Cherry doesn’t get laid, and we don’t get more than a fleeting glimpse of Andy.

  221. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 28th, 2010 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    MidAtlanticon News! Please check out the meetup discussion forum for an update on the MidAtlanticon plans—and to reply to an important location query!

  222. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 28th, 2010 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    A3G“If everyone doesn’t get on board…”
    Hold it right there, Miss Christmas Tree! I don’t want to hear any more about your preverted ‘train’ games. I think my brain just threw up a little in its corpus callosum.

    Crank – Christ, what an ax hole!

    Crock – It figures that “Plop!” is the sound effect the sage in the ant hill makes when he beats off. It sounds sufficiently bleak, hopeless, and devoid of any pleasurable connotations to fit right into the Crock universe.

    Dick – Too bad Dick doesn’t go to Vitamin Flintheart for acting advice. I’ll bet the old boy’s around somewhere. He’d only be 127 now, and that’s not all that much older than Dick.

  223. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 28th, 2010 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Doonesbury – Oh boy! The Owl of Decision is making a cameo today.

    Herb – I’ve always liked the logo on Chargemaster Credit Cards, which quite openly depict money being siphoned from you to your kind, jolly merchants. [*]

    Luann – Funny today.

    Mark – Everybody be sure and label who you’re speaking to. Since this strip is mainly read by animals who tell people apart by scent, we need all the clues we can get. Speaking of which, great job on each of you finding a tie that can’t be mistaken for any of the others! Mark, am I wrong in guessing that your tie contains a message that can be read only by bees?

  224. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 28th, 2010 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke can’t remember where he buried their neighbor, Mr. Fuzzy.

    Marfield – The audience is singing the laughing hyena’s song from “Bozo at the Circus.”

    Hee hee ha ha ho, ho
    What I’m laughing at, I don’t know.
    Perhaps I should cry. I don’t know why
    I’m on the circus show.

    Spidey“Nobody can hide from Sabretooth!
    “Then call me Nobody!
    ’cause I hid from you for two months!”

    Wolverine, meanwhile, is stretched out in a beach chair in another state, drinking something out of a coconut shell with a little umbrella in it. Sweeeeet.

  225. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 28th, 2010 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#211): (Much like Rowan Atkinson, most of my humor is visual. It shows, doesn’t it?)
    It had better show, if it’s visual humor. Most of these strips just tell, tell, tell, so you’re probably miles ahead of them.

    @CanuckDownSouth (#214): Phantom’s in-laws have probably never seen him as Kit Walker. He probably wore the tights and mask to his wedding, after which Diana wrote to her mother and excitedly told her that her husband had pupils after all!

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#219): Anybody whose position requires getting more people to join the military would probably welcome the recession, as it drives young men into the service even better than seeing two girlfriends converging on him with no place to duck out of sight except a recruiting station.

  226. Sequitur
    April 28th, 2010 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#192): C’mon Poteet! Join in!

    The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
    Of the big lake they call Gitche Gumee
    The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead
    When the skies of November turn gloomy….

    ~~strangling sounds~~

  227. tb4000
    April 28th, 2010 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Luann: OK. I know we say this strip is full of characters we loathe, but Crystal is becoming my new favorite.

  228. Sequitur
    April 28th, 2010 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    @Mela (#212):

    FC: Why is Dolly not wearing pants? Ew.

    She’s actually the love child of Ziggy and Thel.

  229. Écureuil Écumant
    April 28th, 2010 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    @ 223 [Old Man] Muffaroo on MT:

    Mark, am I wrong in guessing that your tie contains a message that can be read only by bees?

    You are entirely correct. And the message is, “Entrance to hive is directly above.”

  230. TheDiva
    April 28th, 2010 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Cathy: You know what, I take it back–I think Cathy as a mom would be a very amusing experience. Her arm-flailing panic when she realizes there’s no way to go through pregnancy without gaining weight, her desperately verbose self-rationalization for buying a new pair of shoes instead of diapers, her despairing cry of “AAAACK!” as the cops cart her away after she left the infant to drown in the tub while she tried to put together an outfit that would against all odds flatter her figure. It could be the best thing to ever happen to this comic strip.

    DT: I’m not sure what bothers me more about the name “Anja Nu”–the pun itself or that they’ve bestowed it on a woman who makes Joan Rivers look like Vanessa Hudgens.

    FW: Ah, the sweet anticipation of another project doomed to failure!

    Lio: Oh, if only he’d been placed next to Family Circus instead.

    Luann: [M. Night] What a twist! [/M. Night]

    Marvin: I’m sure I saw the old lady on the Hallmark cards saying that once.

    MW: Geez, when Mary Worth is criticizing your fashion choices, you know you’re in a bad way.

  231. Chip Whittle
    April 28th, 2010 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#219):

    BB: Why are military folks so thrilled about the end of the recession (ignoring the fact that no one celebrates the end of a recession that way)? I lived the military life for nearly 20 years, and it’s one of the most recession-proof jobs around.

    It’s because if they didn’t have the end of the recession then they’d have to find some other excuse to drink heavily. It’s a Perky Side Of Alcoholism gag, not another baffling quasi-political gag. It’s still a baffling Perky Side Of Alcoholism gag, but that’s what they were going for with the mention of celebrating the end of the recession again.

  232. MaryAnnTheRest
    April 28th, 2010 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#226):

    The worst part of the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald is that the tune gets earwormed into my head all the time but I don’t know the lyrics, so I end up slotting in the lyrics to Billy Joel’s Piano Man. Hum it with me:

    So I sit at the bar, they put bread in my jar
    And say man, what are you doing heeeeeere?

    It fits eerily well. It may drive me to narcotics, actually.

  233. Aviatrix
    April 28th, 2010 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#217): Is that because you found the Lumberjack reality TV show dull instead of unspeakably gruesome? Remember, my impression was based on the previews, a medium through which Ishtar looked funny.

  234. Sequitur
    April 28th, 2010 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @MaryAnnTheRest (#232): Oh great. Now my sense of musical balance has been distorted. But it’s my own fault. All I can say is, “Ack!”

  235. vanya
    April 28th, 2010 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Brooke is arguably historically accurate in the sense that he seems to think like someone actually from the 1940s. Most Americans at the time didn’t consider the Germans evil – they considered the Japanese evil. The general American attitude was that Germans were simply too stiff, obedient and law abiding for their own good, and it was a shame that that evil Hitler fellow and his Nazi clique had brainwashed them. Most American soldiers in occupied Germany after the war were pretty fond of Germans, and many married Germans. German commanders like Rommel and Guderian were even considered “noble” adversaries. The Holocaust and the true evils of Nazi Germany didn’t really penetrate most people’s imaginations until the mid-70s (go watch old Hogan’s Heroes reruns if you don’t believe me). Brooke seems to have stopped reading history books in about 1956.

  236. Readem and Laf
    April 28th, 2010 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    JP It didn’t take long for Neddy to devolve from stunning, rich, attractive Parisian to miserable. Where did she pick up this “shoe designer”?

    What happened to the plucky homeless street person? Or was that Sophie, the PhD caliber internet literati before that plot line was trashed when her hired help realized managing PEDs for jocks was more profitable?

    Come on Neddy, spill your guts to Sophie. You know you want to.

    Mary Worth could solve this.

  237. Poteet
    April 28th, 2010 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#199): It maybe doesn’t scan so well, but I love it.

  238. Poteet
    April 28th, 2010 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @boojum (#200): In theory, we could at least be glad that it’s Mary who’s about to suffer this time. But since in reality we readers will be doing all the suffering, and since Mary will just drink it all in the way she drinks in all human suffering, I’ll add “prolonged muffled sobbing” to the pot.

  239. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 28th, 2010 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    4/28

    9CL: If you want to know if a comic can simutaneously be beautifully crafted and mind-numbing, look no further.

    Luann: Turns out Crystal is actually a pretty fun character to spend time with. Relatively speaking, at least.

    Blondie: Where I come from, “I’ve got most of my money tied up in pharmaceuticals” means “I’ve got something here that’ll fuck you right up. Want a taste?”

    Crock: Now we know that PLOP! is the sound a hermit makes while ejaculating in a sand cave. Thanks a bunch, Rechin.

    GT: Cassie is drawn with a bouncy round ass and a dead-eyed Howdy Doody face. Kinda tells you where Rod Whigham’s priorities lie. Still probably the best artist Thorp has had, though.

    S-M: “Call me Nobody. ‘Cuz I can hide from you if I have to jump on a plane and fly 1350 miles to do it.”

    Shoe: Shoe’s answer is supposed to reflect the cynicism of a multiple divorcee (whose exes seem to be imaginary, but whatever.) But “marriage” actually would fit the lateral thinking cleverness that most crosswords look for.

    H&J: Either that or you forgot to hit the ATM on the way to the coffee shop.

    WofI: So the Wizard’s fat wife is in the princess’ or whoever’s living room or someplace and she’s looking in a full-length mirror and they’re talking about her being fat all a propos of nothing, nothing at all. Have I pretty much got that right? The creators seem to be trying to prove that–Yes Virginia–Cathy could be even worse.

    M-Dawg: After seeing Marm and Phil Hitler writhing together on the couch, I dread to learn what “finding Mr. Fuzzy” entails.

    DT: Presumably, we’re supposed to think, “Holy crap! What happened to Johnny Nothing’s face?” My own question, though, runs more to why they gave the “ingenue” pun-name to a 60-year-old callgirl.

    Marvin: If for some reason you want to be charitable to the audience at Doris’ standup gig, you can assume that their breaking up after hearing a punchline that’s been edited out of the strip. “They say you’re body is a temple. Mine is the Temple of Doom. The last time Harrison Ford was in it, he drank something and got evil.”

  240. Poteet
    April 28th, 2010 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#208): Thanks — I appreciate the tip.

  241. Chip Whittle
    April 28th, 2010 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    The Better Half is setting up Mr. Half to be the victim of neighborhood cannibalism, right? Or am I reading this wrong?

    Ah, Crock. The Marvin of Fake Algeria. But remember, according to its creator, it’s just that dastardly political correctness which is keeping this strip from being as screamingly funny as it could be.

    Gasoline Alley: “Here, Mr. Walt! It’s time for you to take a break from chugging cans of liquid that you hold like you were a raccoon so you can take your personality-altering pill!” On the other hand, he is older than The Doctor and gulping down liquids is about the only fun he has left.

    The Phantom finishes telling this story and the old lady says, “I’m sorry, Mister Ghost, Diana’s parents live across the street and down two houses…no, no, don’t apologize, they all look the same in this subdivision. Last week I pulled into the driveway and got all upset how I thought my garage door remote was broken!”

    In a surprise move today Ziggy has reached 1997. I bet soon he has a joke about Amazon now shipping to Brazil. And he’s got a killer crack about Ask Jeeves lined up, or at least a crack that will make us long for the release of death.

  242. Poteet
    April 28th, 2010 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#211): @Sequitur (#226): Wow — how many of us are there??

  243. Uncle Lumpy
    April 28th, 2010 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    So the train sped on with all its might,
    And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sight,
    And the passengers’ hearts felt light,
    Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year …

  244. curlyfries
    April 28th, 2010 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @Lesser Whark (#191):

    … why is Edna permitted to wander off with Bill’s dog tags? Even if she were his next of kin, wouldn’t that cause no end of confusion if she were in, say, a plane crash? Eventually they’d realise that he’d been declared dead years earlier, but it would generate a lot of paperwork. So, is there any circumstance where you’re permitted to carry someone else’s tags as a souvenier?

    You mean like someone thinking Edna’d been hiding a man in her handbag? You’re allowed to carry or wear them, and if found at a wreck with no body parts to match they might still be checked, but not right away – it’s hard to vaporize a body, after all.

    Brooke missed an obvious ‘out’ – when an OSS op went behind enemy lines on a mission, his tags and all personal effects stayed behind. Since he made Bill the fall guy in defending Edna’s virtue – jeez, Brooke does love the idea of knight errants defending virgins, doesn’t he? – Bill was in combat uniform and would have been wearing his dogtags. Edna’s having the full set means there’s further unlikely idiocy in store for us.

    Let’s see, what could it be…Bill hooks up with Edith Piaf while liberating Paris and is overwhelmed by her senstivity as well as her ability to have real grownup sex with a man rather than cocktease just hold hands and kiss. While Edith goes out for postcoital croissants, Bill lies in bed and plots his desertion, but soon overhears two undercover German operatives in the sreet below plotting the assassination of DeGaulle. Grabbing his clothes, he accidentally leaves them behind in his haste to follow them and then gets runs over by a taxi. He comes to with amnesia and the tune of Non, je ne regrette rien running through his head. Piaf, before she commits suicide over being abandoned by the best lay she’s ever had, mails the dogtags to SHAEF as a reproach – which, ironically, is the first time anyone actually displayed faith in French postal system. The tags are received, and of course no investigation is ever made. The tags are sent to Edna, rather than Bill’s mother or other family, because the U.S. Army is, above all things, a senstive and intuitive army, an army that cares so deeply about unconsummated sexual relationships that it instinctively knows to whom it should send the tags. Then it goes back to its real love, paperwork.

    The only other explanation is that Bill caught one helluva case of the clap and was quarantined at the end of the war. Realizing he’d actually lucked out because he knew the only woman on the face of the earth whose knees were welded together would wait, he declared himself dead (hey, he’s OSS, they can do that shit) and then took his time (and penicillin) and then enjoyed himself before making his reappearance, just in time to sire Juliet.

  245. Krazy Kat
    April 28th, 2010 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    MT: Well, I’m glad to see the good senator is back to his noble silver mane. The ginger look works for some, but the Just For Men dye job wasn’t fooling anybody.

  246. gleeb
    April 28th, 2010 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#233): No, I didn’t know about the lumberjack show at all; I don’t have the cable teevee. But if there’s a risk of seeing that sort of thing, I need to watch less.

  247. Chip Whittle
    April 28th, 2010 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    The Chuckle Brothers: Yes, comic strips are a timely, relevant genre.

    The Doozies: See, this is why I avoid supermarket-free-sample people despite my almost Plugger-like interest in free food.

    Wouldn’t today’s Eek! be more logical if the Grim Reaper were just dropping off his laundry? At the pick-up, after all, the cleaner’s already seen Grim before and he’d be expecting the return trip. (Yeah, maybe it was dropped off on a different shift, but then wouldn’t the coworkers talk about the Grim Reaper stopping in?)

  248. odinthor
    April 28th, 2010 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    FBoFW. — It’s “The Grass is Always Greener…” Syndrome: Moment by moment, she always wants what she doesn’t have.

    JP. — Is Margaret Keane advising on the artwork?

  249. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 28th, 2010 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#247): To be fair to The Chuckle Brothers, they may simply be trying to educate readers on what unfunny topical comics looked like in 1979.

  250. Calico
    April 28th, 2010 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @odinthor (#248):
    And when she gets it, she complains.
    Elly is the type of character who, if you gave her $10,000 in a paper bag, she’d complain about the bag.

  251. mollificent
    April 28th, 2010 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Luann: Haha! Go, Crystal! She wins the One Redeeming Character Award this week. (Though I did rather like how Quill blew off Tiff’s attempts at manipulation. Careful, Molly…don’t get soft.)

    MG&G: Yeah, tell me about it. Sigh. (Though I’d have to be pretty desperate to sell MY harp.)

  252. Calico
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    Re: the soul-crushing “comaedy” put forth by Marvin’s Grandma, I just heard a station ID on CBC for the program Q, and the person doing the ID was none other than Phyllis Diller.
    I always liked her, and here are a couple of her gems I remember from the radio spot:
    “You know you’re old when you find out they’ve discontinued your blood type.”
    “You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your Alligator shoes…and you’re in bare feet.”

  253. Chyron HR
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    Chickmacht – Here’s the drawing board of Brooke McEldowney, the highbrow cultured cartoonist who holds us “beefwits” in contempt. What sophisticated joke has he come up with today? “Bwuh glahng flunggg.” Okay, next on the tour is Mel Lazarus’ office…

    Fred Blandset – Fred’s owner went to a quickie sex booth with his new transvestite boyfriend? I really don’t like the direction Russell T. Davies has taken this strip.

    Ned and Sophie – Judge Parker is a pretty cool guy. She tries out for cheerleading and doesn’t afraid of anything.

    Marvin – Very funny, King Kai. Now will you teach us the ultimate martial arts technique already?

    Mary Worth – “Let me tell you a story, Mary. M’tumbu and Rafiki were best friends in their village until one day, when the giant hippo spirit came…”

    The Wiz – “They say inside every fat person is a skinny person. What did he taste like?”

  254. Calico
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#253):
    So Kwaanza has come early to whitebread Charterstone? Cooooolll!

  255. commodorejohn
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Ruby’s starting a cult? Awesome! I’ll get the Flavor Aid!

    Crankshaft – So I gather that this is parodying something. Normally I’d feel obliged to look it up, but this being Crankshaft, I know that understanding the context isn’t going to make it actually funny or anything.

    FC – Please God tell me that isn’t a panty-shot of Dolly. Please.

    FB – THRILLING.

    FW – c’mon nuclear strike c’mon nuclear strike c’mon nuclear strike…

    GT – Yikes, Cassie’s been hanging around Steve Luhm so much that she’s started to inherit his hair.

    HOTC – Sorry, Dean, but that’ll never happen as long as the textbook companies have anything to say about it.

    Liō – It’s okay, Liō. Look at him in today’s strip; it was for the best.

    Lockhorns – “Leroy thinks about just stepping out into the middle of the street, closing his eyes, and never looking back.”

    Love Is… – side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

    Luann – Okay, Crystal, you’ve won me over. You may now join Knute in the list of people who will be spared when the Luann universe is swept by a civilization-destroying plague.

    MT – “Mark We Thank You Very Much For Your Help And Hopefully You Will Come Back Soon And Enjoy Our Canoe Trail?” That’s one hell of a middle name Mark’s got there.

    MW – Oh God, another “let me tell you a story…” bit? I see the good folks over at Mary Worth and Me are already gearing up for it, but…I dunno, I just don’t see this being nearly as interesting as “My Compulsion To Help Others.”

    Popeye – Wimpy, sir, you have just shot up about six million (sorry, “milling”) points in my estimation. Save me a bloody Olive giblet for a souvenir, would you?

    RMMD – Well how about that, Brook was telling the truth! Don’t you feel bad now, June? …pff, no, of course you don’t.

    SF – I do!

    Edison Lee – Edison Lee is going to lecture people on not being biased? That’s a laugh.

  256. Calico
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    Oh, oh, here’s another Diller gem:
    “You know you’re old if your walker has an airbag.”

  257. Poteet
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#243): Note to self — it’s not always safe to google bits of verse.

  258. Walker of Dog
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    MW: Missing third panel: In response to Bonnie’s story intro, Mary sets her jaw, quietly mutters “Great”, and takes a seat on a pile of Maisies boxes. No way she’ll be catching Judge Judy today.

    MT: I don’t know if you can make out that dapper fellow wearing the powder-blue suit in the first panel. He is watching, completely enthralled, as Mark and the Senator lean in and the Senator slowly extends his free hand over Mark’s. Powder Blue’s tiny fists vibrate in anticipation as he thinks to himself, “Oh my god oh my god – they’re totally going to make out!”

    JP: Sophie’s “Hunh?” face in the third panel is wonderfully expressive, especially within the tiny confines of a newspaper strip. I continue to enjoy the top-notch artwork from Mr. Manley. But while we’re on the subject of work, I don’t know where those two gum-flappers think they’re going – they haven’t mucked out a single stall yet.

    Phan: What the hell happened to Walker’s nose in the second panel? Is his incompletely reabsorbed twin trying to escape? Seriously, cover that thing with a bandage or a red clown nose or something. Like the Palmers haven’t been traumatized enough?

    S-M: “Call me nobody”? We need to get Peter introduced to Dick Tracy’s latest sociopath, Johnny Nothing. They could start the first low-self-esteem support group made up entirely of people whose self-evaluation is perfectly accurate.

    DT: Speaking of Johnny Nothing: what a pokerface!

  259. Sequitur
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#242): Probably more than will admit it.
    I was once driving from Florida to Texas all night long. I was listening to a radio station and they devoted two hours talking about the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald with experts. They played the song at least twice. The discussion was fascinating enough to keep me awake from 1-3am.

  260. Professor Fate
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    9CL: To quote MST3K “I’m not just wondering if there is a point to this, I’m wondering if thre is a point to anything.”

    MW: “So Aragon pushed her down to the floor, his hands ripping open the flimsy elf cloth that covered her heaving breasts” Whoa. Wrong Story. Let me start again.

    FW: Well it could be worse -if it was 9CL they would be making out while having this converstion.

  261. Little Guy
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#242): I would have remembered more if I’d put 15 more miles behind me…..

  262. Perky Bird
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    “Let me tell you a story, Mary. Once upon a time, there was a woman who had lots of clothes. Great big piles of clothes, all over her condo. Piles that were large enough to hide the body of a certain preachy, meddling neighbor. Shall I continue?”

  263. Calico
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    “In a musty old hall in Detroit they prayed,
    in the ‘Maritime Sailors’ Cathedral.’
    The church bell chimed ’til it rang twenty-nine times
    for each man on the Edmund Fitzgerald.”

    Those lines always make me cry. I used to hear this somg on radio quite a bit.

  264. Perky Bird
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#221): I’m having a bit of trouble logging in to the discussion forum, but hopefully I’ll be able to log on tonight once I get home. I’m soooo looking forward to Mid-Atlanticon!

  265. Sequitur
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#255):

    HOTC – Sorry, Dean, but that’ll never happen as long as the textbook companies have anything to say about it.

    This is going to happen in Texas.

  266. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#239): Now we know that PLOP! is the sound a hermit makes while ejaculating in a sand cave. Dude!

    @Chip Whittle (#241): fake Algeria
    Since looking at and reading Crock gives me a headache, I think they’re in Neuralgeria.

    @curlyfries (#244): Whereas I once offered the theory that she later marries another guy named Bill O’Malley (perhaps the cartoonist with the nuns) in Bill’s memory. Maybe Kiesl changes his name in order to qualify for Bill’s benefits. His monetary benefits.

    @Calico (#256): “Can I borrow your comb? I have this terrible scalp disease, and I hate to use mine!” — P. Diller

    @Walker of Dog (#258): Maisies boxes
    Sounds like the room is full of adult diaper containers. Hm, thinking of Johnny Nothing playing poker… every so often, he forgets himself and tries to drink some beer…

  267. Sequitur
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#263): Ah, gee, Calico. You’re about to make me cry.

    That’s got to be one of the finest story ballards written.

    There’s no crying in Snarkball.

  268. Aviatrix
    April 28th, 2010 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    All the suggested stories are hilarious. I couldn’t single out one to reply to. Sadly, the only thing we know for sure about this arc is that the real story won’t match any of yours in brilliance.

  269. curlyfries
    April 28th, 2010 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @vanya (#235): I do agree Brooke stopped reading history about 1956, but his attitude is like someone from the 1840′s, not the 1940′s.

    Your “it’s not the Germans, it’s the Nazis” argument is very much a post-war apologist concept, since they were seen as one and the same thing during the ’40′s by both the government and the civilian population. The propaganda machinery had a lot to work with when it came to Japan due to race and Pearl Harbor – and they did work it for “evil”. But that doesn’t mean the Germans were just seen as stiff but misguided victims – that’s a real wreath-laying-at-Bitburg revisionism. The US Gov’t saw German-Americans as being of “enemy ancestry” and interned about 11,000 or so – even though they were far away from bad ol’ Nazi influence. Don’t forget the previous Great War against “the Hun” didn’t exactly leave people feeling like they’d had a dispute with the Katzenjammer Kids, and just because liberty cabbage went back to being sauerkraut didn’t mean all was forgiven. Rommel may have been respected where Tojo was loathed, but that’s actually more of a military and racial issue. Look at how the German-American Bund rallies in Madison Square Garden during the late ’30′s were received – Germans were seen as violent troublemakers. That perception is also what helped incur the postwar split of Germany.

    American soldiers stationed in Germany after the armistice no doubt did grow “fond” of the Germans (as long as they weren’t stationed in any of the towns that surrounded a concentration camp, that is), but American citizens’ perception is a different matter. American and Canadian soldiers did bring home German war brides, but they weren’t universally welcomed with open arms by the general population – my college roommate’s mother married a serviceman in ’55, and she didn’t have an easy time convincing her new neighbors that she wasn’t a defacto Nazi.

    People were also very much aware of the postwar Nuremberg Tribunals for war crimes and didn’t have to wait until the late 70′s to have them in their consciousness – people knew, believe me. The fact the media and school curriculums tiptoed around mentioning the subject until then isn’t exactly an indicator. The fact that everybody wanted to forget about it and move on until they could get some distance and really handle it 30 years later is a pretty human reaction – it actually speaks to how awful it was. Also, the fact that Germany immediately became our ally against our former “Uncle Joe” meant the propaganda machinery had to work overtime to make this palatable – so cold war communism became the new demon, and Germans were sanitized. There were no real Nazis except the ones we’d just executed and the ones who’d fled the country, leaving it to the “real” Germans.

    Hogans Heroes debuted in 1965, btw, not the 1970′s, and there was a lot of negative press about the whole concept of a show set in a POW camp – and trivializing the “other” type of camp issue was raised, as well. I know someone whose parents wouldn’t let him watch it- they disapproved of making the war and the Nazis funny. All the “real” Nazis were in the SS or SA and wore black, and the rest were “not real” cuddly Nazis like Schultz and Inge and whoever else just missed the good old days when Hindenburg was in power – they really underlined Schultz’s outright yearning for that. If the “German, Not Nazi” perception was already there and accepted since the 1940′s, well, then there would be no point to their doing it.

  270. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 28th, 2010 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Marm: “Find Mr. Fuzzy” is a cute name for that.

  271. Steve the Pocket
    April 28th, 2010 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#265): This is good news! Texas has been working on a massive revision to their public school curriculum that, to put it mildly, is not sitting well with the rest of the country. There were worries that because Texas is such a major consumer of textbooks, this will ultimately affect the whole country. If they go digital, though, the publishers will be able to cater to their specialized interests without changing what’s printed in their actual books.

    In other words, I wholly support this.

  272. dale
    April 28th, 2010 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    MT

    Who pays Mark’s expenses? He’s been on the road for several weeks. Hasn’t got anything new to write about the great outdoors.
    His only contribution: People should try to get along and things will be just fine.

  273. dreadedcandiru2
    April 28th, 2010 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#269): It’s really hard to justify vanya’s argument in the face of what Roosevelt and Morgenthau planned for the Germans after the war; since the perception at the time was that Germany was going to be a menace no matter who was in charge, the idea was that the Allies were going to have to reduce it to a strictly agrarian society so as to keep the Hun from making mischief in the year 1965. Of course, after the war, Stalin went back to wanting to take over the world so we wound up having to lay off so, well, here we all are.

  274. Uncle Lumpy
    April 28th, 2010 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @dale (#272):

    People should try to get along and things will be just fine.

    Hell, I’ll buy him a cup of manly joe for that!

  275. MaryAnnTheRest
    April 28th, 2010 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @Steve the Pocket (#271):

    Not to get political, but just speaking on publishing, I’m not sure I follow your logic on this. Printed books are actually printed from information stored in electronic media. The digital version is sort of turned into a print version, to put it very roughly. You’d just set a print run for Texas from the Texas database. How would giving kids digital access change anything for publishers? I think the real issue is would a publisher pay authors for two different types of content, one Texas and one everybody else, and the method of delivery would be irrelevant. I’m guessing there are already regional differences between curricula, though, and the material (printed or digital) that goes with it.

  276. Baka Gaijin
    April 28th, 2010 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @Krazy Kat (#245): That’s not “Just for Men.” It’s Strom Thurmond‘s “Tang #10″ inspired by Bozo the Clown.

  277. ElkMeadow
    April 28th, 2010 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @vanya (#235):

    I never could understand what was so funny about a bunch of men in a prison camp when down the road there were people burning up like cord wood. The photos were in Life magazine, and films were in some history program Walter Cronkite narrated on week-end afternoons. Adolf Hilter was the first person I could recognize on television. I was in college in the late ’70′s when I finally learned about the sources of the “dead baby” jokes that had been around for years.

    Part of the attitude towards the Germans stemmed from half the country being related to them. It was another thing I learned in history class that in WWI, the US didn’t officially pick side until the Germans sank one of our ships. Before then it was just sell arms to both sides equally.

  278. Buck Ripsnort
    April 28th, 2010 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    M-Puke: “Mr. Fluffy” is the ‘Puke’s favorite sex-toy, Mr. Hitler. Either find it fast or drop trou and grit your teeth.

  279. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 28th, 2010 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    Marvin – “You can tell you are getting older” … when you are still breathing.

    If you aren’t then you literally have nothing to worry about.

  280. Just some guy
    April 28th, 2010 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    To understand Family Circus, look carefully at the words in ALL CAPS.
    Then derive from that the words in lower case.
    If you apply the proper cipher, you realize it’s a terrorist message from Al Qaeda.

  281. Krazy Kat
    April 28th, 2010 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    I just had a moment that nearly made my head explode.

    I followed one of the posted Marvin links to read the reference to “Belly Laffs,” and then scrolled down the comments to discover the first commenter was… me. Well, not ME, since I only started frequenting this site last year, but another commenter using the handle “Krazy Kat” back in 2008. I guess it makes sense that someone else used it, since Krazy Kat is a classic in the early newspaper comics genre, but now I wish I had done my homework and checked old user names before picking my own. What if people thought we were the same person? What if the old KK was a jerk? What if the old KK was absolutely Hi-Larry-Us and everything I write is held up to the standard he/she set?

    I might need to reconsider my name. Le sigh.

  282. ElkMeadow
    April 28th, 2010 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#247):

    The Grim Reaper’s dry-cleaners might have an after-hours drop-off chute. Ours does, but then you don’t get the slip of paper.

    @Calico (#263):

    Thanks for the extra info. “Rat Patrol” was another show I remember watching.

    And here’s a website for the ship: http://www.ssefo.com/ @curlyfries (#269):

  283. Krazy Kat
    April 28th, 2010 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    Aw man, not only is/was there another Krazy Kat, but he/she is/was a totally awesome and generous human being.

  284. ElkMeadow
    April 28th, 2010 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    Whoa, I have no idea what happened on my last post.

    @curlyfries (#269):

    Thanks for the info.

  285. Peanut Gallery
    April 28th, 2010 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#242): Recent update! We must all start committing the revised lyrics to memory as soon as they’re released.

  286. boojum
    April 28th, 2010 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    @Professor Fate (#260): Regarding your Mary Worth comment: No, no — please continue!

  287. Baka Gaijin
    April 28th, 2010 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    Hurrah! New post! Fresh snark! Get it while it’s fresh!

  288. wossname
    April 28th, 2010 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Krazy Kat (#281): I had a slightly similar and slightly head-exploding moment at one point, because I used to use the handle krazykat in other venues (no, I’m not the noble plate-giving KK from 2008, but I was krazykat2 on aol for many years). When I first got up the nerve to start posting here, I thought I had kept my eyes open and not detected any kk/KK posts, so I used it — once. The next day you (whom I now consider the “real” KK) posted something and I was all “oopsie!”

    But for quite a while, whenever I saw your name, I thought briefly, “Hey, that’s me!”

  289. Push Trot
    April 28th, 2010 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: I’m hoping for the off chance that the log was magical, and that Crankshaft will now go to sleep for a hundred years.

    DtM: I wanna see more of that underwear. Woof!

    Herb & Jamaal is veering very close to Plugger territory with the ‘I don’t have the cash necessary to buy coffee’ shtick. Hey, deadbeat! If you want to have coffee money get a white collar job, like Dagwood Bumstead!

    MT: Methinks Ranger Miller’s canoe yearns to dock in the magnificence of … no, I just can’t do it, sorry.

    S-M: Great, Spidey. Now after Sabretooth is finished with you, Terence Hill is gonna come and kick your ass. I hope Bud Spencer tags along.

  290. Readem and Laf
    April 28th, 2010 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#269):
    My mother was incensed the first time she saw me watching “Hogan’s Hero’s” as a child. To me, it was just your regular zany TV comedy, but her first gut reaction was to snap, “IT WASN’T LIKE THAT!”

    (And a married couple in the neighborhood had numbers tattooed on their arms, but I was too young to understand the signifiigance at the time.)

  291. Écureuil Écumant
    April 28th, 2010 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    MW: The reason Bonnie needs a houseful of clothes is because her weight jumps as much as fifty pounds from one day to the next, so she needs five of everything in different sizes.

  292. curlyfries
    April 28th, 2010 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#284): That was an interesting mashup the EdmundErwin RommelFitzgerald! LOL!

    @ElkMeadow (#277): I think you’re thinking of Walter Cronkite’s “The 20th Century” (I used to watch it, too). I never knew about the source of the dead baby jokes, tho.
    While officially isolationist and neutral, our “fairness policy” allowed American bankers to lend money to both sides during WWI, but a British naval blockade of the German coast made it impossible for America to do any arms trading with Germany, even though trade with Britain continued. Interestingly enough, the Germans presumed we had more in common with Britain and would come into the war on their side, so they stepped up the submarine warfare as a pre-emptive strike, with an eye to keeping us from sending troops across the Atlantic in any great amount. It was a combination of six merchant ships sunk by u-boats and the interception of the Zimmerman telegram that brought us into the war. It also took a direct attack to bring us into the mix in ’41, even though we were openly giving aid to Britain earlier.

    I think part of the confusion over what the attitude was during the 40′s comes from the almost immediate switching of gears everyone had to do with the cast change of “who’s yer enemy?” It’s complicated – we went from firebombing bombing the shit out of the civilian population of Dresden to airlifting chocolate, milk and spam to the civilians of Berlin behind the blockade. I mean, we couldn’t be feeding former Nazis -hell, no! So we were really feeding innocent Germans (all of them too young to have fought in the war) who were resisting the Russians alongside of us. To rehabilitate, for lack of a better word, the image of a hated and vanquished enemy so that you can feel sorry enough for them to go all-out to help them, instead of letting them lie in the bed they made, took some work, especially when that “bed” was revealed for the horrorfest it truly was. We hated the newenemy Russians more than we hated the oldenemy Germans.

    I wonder if Germany had attacked the US as the Japanese had, what our attitude would have been then? The Russians experienced the Third Reich up close and personal and wanted decades worth of payback in exchange – would we have done the same? Would we be forebearing and refrained from tarring and feathering Edna for all that tonsil hockey with Kiesl – or would we have come to our senses and heated up a barrel of GatorPatch because some things just. should. not. be. allowed.?

  293. Married Agnostic Woman
    April 28th, 2010 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Elly Patterson will never be happy.

    FC: Fan service FAIL.

  294. vanya
    April 28th, 2010 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    Let’s be clear – most Germans were emphatically not Nazis. Collective guilt is a pernicious idea and shouldn’t be applied to Germans, Jews, Russians or anyone.

  295. J.D. Hammond
    April 28th, 2010 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    The FC is funny because everyone knows all of those children are grown from melons or gourds of some kind, and the thought of Jeffy growing carrots implies he’s the bastard son in this reproductive project.

  296. curlyfries
    April 29th, 2010 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    @vanya (#294): Vanya, what’s emphatically clear is that you are very determined to separate the average 3rd Reich German from the Nazi label. If you think arguing whether the majority of the population were card-carrying Party members or not will render all their acts null and void in the end, hair split away. The right or wrongness of collective guilt is a separate issue.

    You’re going to have trouble proving that most Germans were “emphatically not Nazis”. Because the Reich soon infiltrated all levels of society, lines between membership and citizenship immediately became blurred. To function within the Reich at all, you had to be a German citizen, which meant you had to be ethnically pure by Party standards. To hold almost any job, you had to sign a loyalty oath to the Fuhrer and become a Party member, so many were forced to join. Almost all German children joined the Hitler Youth, which replaced all existing youth organizations – and persecution could result if you failed to comply.

    While many Germans may have had contrary beliefs, no one can attest as to how many were really coerced and who was really a resistance fighter deep in their heart. The fact that 3 million political dissenters ended up in camps prior to the war proves that Hitler didn’t cakewalk into power, but remember that those immense torchlight rallies and Nationalist demonstrations weren’t held in empty stadiums, and no one in the crowd was being held there by gunpoint. The Nazi Party was seen as progressive and held the promise of building a better Germany, however much those who supported it wholeheartedly would like to restyle things now. What did happen is that as the war progressed and things began to come apart, support for the Reich began to falter, but again, whether this was due to a deep-seated dissention finally being allowed to surface or just recent disillusionment coming to the fore would be hard to gauge.

  297. Susan Merget
    December 18th, 2010 at 4:23 am [Reply]

    Man I love your blog, I will be here ateast twice a week.

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