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Butt heads

Family Circus, 8/7/06

I’d like to think that little Jeffy is finally asserting himself violently, like a Frenchman whose honor has been insulted, while Billy is suddenly whining like a little baby Italian. But longtime readers of this feature know that Jeffy has neither the cojones to take on his brother’s sternum with his forehead nor the leg strength to take the flying leap depicted in the top half of this panel. The only logical conclusion is that he once again is a pawn in someone else’s game: presumably some other Keane who has a gripe with Billy (Mom? Dad? Dolly? Barfy?) has hurled Jeffy at the offending towhead.

Apartment 3-G, 8/7/06

Speaking of red cards, if Tommie doesn’t do something really dramatic tomorrow — I’m thinking suicide, or at least some sort of ritual cutting — then I’m citing her for drama. “Sorry, Professor, I wanted to ask if you’d watch Crossing Jordan with me last night … but now it’s too late! That is, at least until next Tuesday at 10 p.m., on NBC!”

By the way, panel two features a rare example of the King Features coloring monkeys actually making up for a defect in the original drawing. That cool cat Ari somehow lost his mustache between the first and second panels, making him look all too much more like Mary Worth’s Professor Ian “Chinbeard” Cameron. In an attempt to maintain facial hair continuity, the colorists didn’t daub his upper lip with “caucasian peach” in panel two, leaving him looking like he has one of those icky “got milk?” mustaches.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/7/06

Something about Rex’s bolded-italicized phrase in panel one makes me want to repeat it over and over again, Zippy the Pinhead style. It sounds like it could be a rhyming catchphrase from a Jesse Jackson speech. “Your life was an escalating deception … as you tried to create a dishonest perception! Now you need to make a whole-hearted correction!

In a comment in an earlier post, faithful reader Laura noted that the little blurb at the top right of the first panel (“As Rex begins to walk away, Troy stops him!”) is, in her words, the “GAYEST. OMNISCIENT NARRATION BOX. EVER.”, which made me chuckle. What I’m wondering is how this so-called omniscient narration box failed to figure out that “Troy”‘s name is actually “Adam,” since everyone in the strip, up to and including Abbey the Wonder Dog, has by now been clued it.

The Middletons, 8/7/06

I suppose it’s strictly accurate to say that it gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “rockin’ and rollin’.” Since nobody has actually used the phrase before, any meaning you attribute to it would be “new.”

112 responses to “Butt heads”

  1. bonnach
    August 7th, 2006 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    I think Tommie’s main problem with the Professor is that he seems to be paying too much attention to that, that, that girl with the messy hair! “Surely he would prefer someone with perfectly coiffed and wind resistant hair like mine!”, she’s thinking.

  2. Tim Jarrett
    August 7th, 2006 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    It gives a whole new meaning to the term “rockin’ and rollin’”!

    Which of course originally meant “having intercourse” before it meant bopping along like Elvis.

    I’m not sure which interpretation of Pinky’s utterance is scarier.

  3. DaveyK
    August 7th, 2006 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    Leave it to FC to bring the shrill “won’t somebody please think of the children” point-of-view to the Zinedine Zidane incident.

    My vote is that it was Barfy who midget-tossed Jeffy, since the whole panel makes me want to barf.

  4. Lore
    August 7th, 2006 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    Hey, did anyone notice that Aldo looks like — oh wait, he’s not in this one.

  5. Underclassed
    August 7th, 2006 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    I’m looking forward to Family Circus adapting more topical humor. Billy will test positive for a sugar-high in a neighborhood tricycle race, and little P.J. says his first words – a profanity-laced anti-Semetic tirade ending in Dolly being called “Sugartits.”

  6. Underclassed
    August 7th, 2006 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    *Semitic* Always preview. Always.

    As long as I’m clogging up further space on the board, anyone else think the coloring in RMMD is approaching Sin City style minimalism? Testicle-ripping imminent.

  7. Frank Drackman
    August 7th, 2006 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    Cool Head butt, but Jeffys still got the gay legwarmers..Billys really sort of a sissy boy, isn’t he.??

  8. Gnarl E.
    August 7th, 2006 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    Chuck Berry uses “Rockin’ and Rollin’” in his song “Reelin’ and Rockin,’” which is clearly the interpretation that #1 has offered!

  9. Carol
    August 7th, 2006 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    wasn’t Ari’s hair brown yesterday?

  10. Carol
    August 7th, 2006 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    wasn’t Ari’s hair brown yesterday?

  11. Infinity Fried Chicken
    August 7th, 2006 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

  12. Zorba’s Little Brother
    August 7th, 2006 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    Doesn’t Jeff actually draw The Family Circus now? Maybe he’s working on some childhood issues he’s been repressing for all those years.

    Nick Theodorakis

  13. lilybdcsa
    August 7th, 2006 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    Excuse me for asking a stupid question….but what’s a red card?

  14. ben
    August 7th, 2006 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    It’s official: international soccer isn’t cool anymore.

  15. Bigfoot
    August 7th, 2006 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    As for that RMMD, mmmm mmm! When those boys are around, they can’t even cut the panels straight.

    Oh yeah!

    (Lilybdcsa, a red card means you’re out of the game in soccer. By the time I’ve finished writing this, I swear someone else will already have posted an explanation. More information on red cards is available on the Internet.)

  16. ben
    August 7th, 2006 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    Further to Bigfoot, this is, amazingly for FC, an (almost) topical reference to the French captain Zidane being ejected from the World Cup final. Searching for “zidane headbutt” on YouTube should find you the original and numerous parodies/spoofs/etc.

  17. Ari
    August 7th, 2006 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    It seems like only yesterday, my hair was brown.

  18. Dub Not Dubya
    August 7th, 2006 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    Josh, Jimmy Buffet used it in the song “Livingston Saturday Night” (lyrics here), except it’s “rockin’ and a rollin’” in his version. Also, Pinky must be Canadian to have left off the “g” at the end of each word, just like April Patterson and friends.

    Abbey the Wonder Dog knew Troy’s real name all along, of course.

  19. Maxim Gorky
    August 7th, 2006 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

  20. catastrophile
    August 7th, 2006 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    I think the phrase which has really never ever been used before is “. . . butted me with his head!”

  21. migellito
    August 7th, 2006 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    #10: Yeah, you beat me to it. I really like pbf, and they have a spiffy new look too.

  22. yellojkt
    August 7th, 2006 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    Just like Tommie to not bother the Professor even when her life depends on it. She’ll just wait for Ari to finish boffin’ (or rockin’ and rollin’) with Gina and then barge in.

  23. mumbles
    August 7th, 2006 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    Josh, good luck over at Wonkette. Are you sitting in for the guy who used to pretend he was a hot lawyer chick?

  24. treedweller
    August 7th, 2006 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    I picture, just out of the frame, a seesaw cobbled together from an old plank they found in the garage and a beer keg that is a souvenir from Thel’s college days. Jeffy was standing on one end, and Dolly shoved Barfy from the kitchen counter so he landed on the other end. Jeffy was supposed to shoot straight up in the air to the top of the refrigerator, where he was going to swipe Bil’s bottle of “medicine,” but he clumsily lost his balance and got launched into Billy instead. While Billy tattles, Dolly is stashing the evidence back in the garage. They will team up against him and swear he is lying when questioned.

  25. DA
    August 7th, 2006 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    Forget Zidane; show me anyone who’s spent time in Italy who hasn’t wanted to headbutt an Italian many times!

    I remember being on the bus in Rome and some guy starts screaming at me. I get pissed and start yelling back (without the hand gesticulations) “I don’t understand you! I don’t speak Italian!” So he starts screaming in Italian more, and I start yelling ” I said I can’t understnd you, motherfucker, speak English!”

    I’m sure we both came out of it looking really smart.

  26. Benji
    August 7th, 2006 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    Ben Franklin appears to have just completed a right-handed swing to hit out of the bunker. Yet there is a spray of sand flying off to the left. Is this the world’s windiest golf course, or what?

  27. Maughta
    August 7th, 2006 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    Okay, but why, oh why, hasn’t someone mentioned the neon green counters in Mary Worth?!? They show off the beige casserole so nicely.

  28. betty crocker
    August 7th, 2006 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    Any good chef knows you can’t evaluate cooking unless you taste it. Just what makes MW so effing sure she has created another tuna casserole masterpiece? Or maybe this is the voices in her head playing out the scenario she wishes she was in . . . .

  29. Dingo
    August 7th, 2006 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    I have got to stop reading these posts with the window open. My neighbors believe me to be much better in spirits and nature than I attribute to myself because of how much all of you send me into fits of laughter so harsh that I scream like white trash at a tent revival.

    Y’know, I bet during college ol’ Thel was referred to as sugar tits by many a frat boy. Then again, I bet Dad was, too.

  30. Biblio
    August 7th, 2006 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Tommie is ovulating, and tomorrow will be too late for the professor to – ok, I can’t even finish that thought, let alone type it.

  31. AwfulArt
    August 7th, 2006 at 11:19 pm [Reply]


    “I was a Republican until they lost their minds.”
    —- Charles Barkley, who’s mulling a run for governor of Alabama in 2010.

    In the N.Y. Daily News on Sunday. Gotta love Charles..!!

  32. Marc
    August 7th, 2006 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    26 – Maughta….and now the fun begins!!! The counters are reconfiguring themselves and the perspective makes no sense. Why are the upper cabinets black now?….I haven’t had this much fun since Lou and Kelly made a salad that took a week and half to complete.

  33. paddywhack
    August 8th, 2006 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    Considering that Ari has aged twenty years over the course of Tommie’s hallway encounter with him, I’d say he has about 10 minutes to live. Tomorrow, he’ll be a a bleached skeleton, and it will most certainly be “too late”.

  34. mentarman
    August 8th, 2006 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    #8, yes, it was.

    #9, yes, it was.

  35. apostate
    August 8th, 2006 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    Infinity Fried Chicken:
    Thanks for the link. I haven’t checked out PBF in ages. For those of you too lazy to copy and paste, here it is in convenient clicky form.

    Dilbert: Schadenfreude is one of my favorite words. The other one is misanthrope. Not sure exactly what that says about me.

  36. LB
    August 8th, 2006 at 4:02 am [Reply]

    Did anyone notice the coloring mistake in Rex Morgan? In panel one Rex is wearing a tuxedo-black blazer with an ultimately cool white stripe down around the collar, but in the next we only see that his once-cool suit is ugly-blue (to match the car) with *no* cool binocular-strap-stripe.
    Rex is only adapting to his surroundings by changing his colors. Like an iguana.
    Unless of course, with the shift in perception and background, Rex was able to magically change his clothes too. This must happen a lot with inherently homoerotic storylines.

  37. ben
    August 8th, 2006 at 4:45 am [Reply]

    I think Jeffy looks like Captain Kangaroo.

  38. Vu42
    August 8th, 2006 at 4:52 am [Reply]

    Seven posts since #28 and no one’s said “substitute different colors for “white trash” and see how soon you get banned from the forum?”

    White people – the only safe target for scathing comments by far-left liberals.

  39. Hank Kimble
    August 8th, 2006 at 5:05 am [Reply]

    I can give Tommie some sage advise, “Don’t use too much of it in Turkey dressing.”

  40. Badly_Computer_Generated_Boy
    August 8th, 2006 at 6:27 am [Reply]

    Is anybody sure that Professor Ari and Professor Ian aren’t the same guy?
    Similar Michael McDonald/Kenny Rogers-esque appearances, similar somewhat foreign-sounding first names, similar seemingly purposeless existences…

  41. Bigfoot
    August 8th, 2006 at 7:09 am [Reply]

    Why Oh Why is Cathy the spokes-comic for the United States Postal Service? There is no reason to send bad comics to all U.S. residences.

    I really don’t care whether Cathy’s mom is web-aware enough to print stamps & schedule package pick-ups at


  42. ohyes
    August 8th, 2006 at 7:10 am [Reply]

    While talking in the hallway, the Professor changed from a brown to a blue sportcoat and washed the dye out of his hair, and Tommie politely changed from a yellow sweater to a green shirt, but that slut Gina is still wearing yesterday’s clothes – with neckline down to there – along with her tumbled hair and air of contentment.

  43. Bigfoot
    August 8th, 2006 at 7:15 am [Reply]

    #37: You must not come around here often. We make scathing comments about all sorts of humans and non-humans. Have you ever heard us go off on Pluggers?

    Everybody but pure Amer’cun white guys — the only safe target for scathing comments by Vu42.

  44. bitsey
    August 8th, 2006 at 7:16 am [Reply]

    I can’t dissociate Pinky talking about rockin and rollin from an article about 80 year olds having sex that I read recently. The thought of Pinky pumping Paul’s penis pump is stuck in my head now.

  45. Air Forbes
    August 8th, 2006 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    Yes, now you too, can have Cathy comics mailed right to your door. Postal themed ones, no less.

    Looking at the postal service’s website, I see that Dilbert is promoting their business services. I haven’t seen those cards yet.

    “I’m trying to suck up to the Postal Service so they’ll put me on a stamp,” Adams joked. “My long-term plan is to claim credit for every package they deliver.”

  46. Pozzo
    August 8th, 2006 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    #36: Did you mean “chameleon”? Or do iguanas adapt to their backgrounds, too?

  47. Lloyd S.
    August 8th, 2006 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure the phrase “a-rockin’ and a-rollin’” was used in the lyrics to “Splish Splash,” along w/ “a-slippin’ and a-slidin’.” That’s probably close enough. And no, my fingers aren’t curling for these quotation marks.

    As for Rex, it’s obvious that italicized language and quick costume changes are symptoms of his romantic disappointment…

  48. Hogenmogen
    August 8th, 2006 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    What bothers me about certain soaps is when they rewind/replay and it comes out slightly differently on the second take, but not so different that it makes a difference. Sunday, the Prof and Garafalo (if they get married, she’d change her name to Profalo, I guess) are leaving. Monday, he reiterates what he told Tommie on Sunday, but this time it is “errands” instead of the leisurely “showing the neighborhood”. Who wants to hang with the Prof as he picks up dry cleaning?
    The love-sick and forelorn Tommie, of course. If you recall the sad and pathetic New Year’s Eve party with the two of them together in an otherwise empty apartment sharing a drink they called lonliness, for it was better than drinking alone. The Prof, who has grown weary of being desperate for a story line, has decided to get on with life off the stage. Maybe he’ll spin off into his own strip like Crankshaft did.
    Um… considering how badly that turned out, maybe not.

    Another pet peeve is the narration box that doesn’t tell you anything. Was it necessary to say that “Troy” talked to Rex when the panel clearly shows them talking? Wouldn’t it be more helpful if there was a box in the second panel explaining where Rex got the binoculars?

  49. Hogenmogen
    August 8th, 2006 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    “My new friend Pinky”
    Does “Pinky” realize that she’s only in black and white? Does “Pinky” mind being introduced in such a ham-handed, awkward manner? Does “Pinky” realize that even at “new friend” status, she’s destined to quickly disappear into the featureless backdrop of The Middletons, ne’er to return?

  50. SNF
    August 8th, 2006 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Vu42: That’s because white people have a sense of humour.

    There, happy now?

  51. LB
    August 8th, 2006 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    #46 – yes, yes you are correct. chameleon.
    whee check them out!

  52. Matt McIrvin
    August 8th, 2006 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Matt Welch once said that you could tell a lot about a person by asking them “What is the last acceptable prejudice?”

  53. MaryAnnTheRest
    August 8th, 2006 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    So are we doing a letter writing campaign to the USPS?

    Dear humor-challenged government stooges:

    I am offended by the forced entry of Cathy into my home. I am trying to raise my children to have critical thinking skills. Yet you expose them to an alleged “comic strip,” luring them in with the bright and pretty colors, fooling them into thinking this passes for an acceptable standard of writing and/or drawing. For shame! Please desist as once.

  54. Hogenmogen
    August 8th, 2006 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Ah, the sad, grim downward spiral of Adam “Dr. Troy Gainer” Long. How I harken for the early days when his charismatic smile and friendly persuasion even made Rex drop his (pants) animosity to the sport of golf and take in a day a the links. It used to light up the comics pages effortlessly. When were these salad days of Rex and Troy? February. Yes, this story line has been continuing for SIX MONTHS. Sarah has been gravely ill since the beginning of April. By way of comparison, even the cessile Mary Worth managed to wrap up that non-story line involving Kelly and Lou Fatty Stirling in that amount of time.

    I think Wilson & Nolan should let Adam Long team up with One-Eye-Jack in their own spin off, as they bravely fight crime and help people while staying one step ahead of the law. Or not.

  55. Hogenmogen
    August 8th, 2006 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Oh, and if you need a little brightening of your comics page today, I present to you vintage Troy McCheesy:

  56. Harry Worth
    August 8th, 2006 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Today Alpo calls to ask if Mary has eaten yet.

    mmmmm graa slurp gag choke mmmmm grrrr. “Why yes Alpo, I was just finishing a tuna casserole, fresh from the oven. Excuse me now, I have to call 911 because I have just destroyed my stomach with 9X13X3 inches of 400 degree tuna and noodles and whatever else.”


  57. justafoob
    August 8th, 2006 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Well, well, well

    Today we find the senior Pattersons finding a cute little house down the street.


    I wonder if they might buy it and then sell their homestead to Mike and his tribe?

    That would leave an apartment open that Lovey could rent to Liz and Granthony.

    dumm de dummmm dummmmmm

    Foreshawdowing, it is not just for breakfast anymore.

  58. johnw
    August 8th, 2006 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Adam/Troy missed a golden opportunity:

    Rex: “Surely you knew it would end like this!”

    A/T: “Of course… but don’t call me Shirley!”

    Heck, it’s even a perfect fit for the word-balloon.

  59. Harry
    August 8th, 2006 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    The last panel of Rex Morgan looks remarkably like the posters for Brokeback Mountain.

  60. ez_E
    August 8th, 2006 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    MW: What aldo wants to eat don’t need no cooking. Insert your own juvenile ‘tuna’ joke here as you see fit.

  61. kostia
    August 8th, 2006 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    What is WRONG with the people at and around 9 Chickweed Lane that they cannot recognize a woman if she takes off a nun’s habit? This isn’t rocket science, people. Diane is Sister Aramus is Diane is Sister Aramus is Diane. Say it with me. Morons.

  62. Harry Worth
    August 8th, 2006 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    “What is WRONG with the people at and around 9 Chickweed Lane that they cannot recognize a woman if she takes off a nun’s habit? This isn’t rocket science, people. Diane is Sister Aramus is Diane is Sister Aramus is Diane. Say it with me. Morons”

    Some people can’t.

    Like if Captain Kangaroo took of his conductor’s uniform, why he could be Alpo Keptfresh.

  63. Vu42
    August 8th, 2006 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    #50 SNF: Vu42: That’s because white people have a sense of humour. There, happy now?

    Very happy, thank you! That’s the first answer to that question (I’ve heard bandied about on many occasions) that makes any sense at all!

  64. Dan B
    August 8th, 2006 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    FOOB: I’m new to the phenomenon, so can someone explain to me why it is that the parents have that constantly googly-eyed look? Do glasses really make them look like that? It’s scary as hell.

    MW: In hindsight, someday we’re all going to realize that the last name “Kelrast” was not the clearest indication that Stalkeraldo was a crazed stalker. In fact, his habit of calling people every five minutes or so to see if they have eaten lunch creates a strong presumption that he is a crazed stalker.

    Speaking of crazy this was bugging me for the last few days, but Aldo hanging out at Mary’s car when she went all “AUGHH” on us reminded me of something. I figured it out. He was trying to pull a Scotty J., from Boogie Nights, and was gonna all try to kiss Mary (who I guess gets to be Dirk Diggler) by surprise at her car. I should get out more.

    MF: OK, we get it. All teachers are raving lunatics who should be spit on and have poo thrown at them as they walk down the street in their underpants. Except for the ones I don’t hate – they’re cool. Tinsley sounds like every high school student ever.

    GF: There’s a little bit of Zippy going on today. Definitions! Definition! High definition! Unfortunately, it doesn’t really work.

    Pluggers: Ha ha! Let’s hear it for heart disease, diabetes and early death! Funny!

  65. Abbey the Wonderdog
    August 8th, 2006 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Widdle Sawah got a better diagnosis from a phony doctor than she did from a real doctor and a real nurse.

    Health Insurance or No Health Insurance I think that family protective services should be called in and Sawah wisked away to the safety of the orphanage.

    and now back to our cheesy story. . .


  66. rich
    August 8th, 2006 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: “Lanny Penn’s Bunker Blast” would be a good name for a rock band …or a laxative.

  67. rich
    August 8th, 2006 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Although having one of your characters run for office can add a touch of excitement to a strip, showing us the actual campaign would be a bit more dramatic than scenes of Randy clawing through financial documents, as we were subjected to today. With this strip’s glacial pace it’ll be a month before we return to Raju’s makeover, which was only mildly more interesting than the political subplot.

    By the way, Mr. Fancy New Artist, there has only ever been one way for us to tell Sam Driver and Randy Parker apart: Sam’s hair hangs down, Randy’s is combed up. When you draw them exactly the same way, as in Saturday’s strip, the effect is that of a crazy person kelrasting with himself in the mirror.

  68. Nicolars
    August 8th, 2006 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    Isn’t Jeff Keane just working out some sibling resentment, since Bill Keane is a respected animator and Jeff…has to work on Family Circus?

  69. Dan B
    August 8th, 2006 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    #67: Yeah, but look at Gloria. Yow. Mr. New Artist Man made her into a saucy little fox.

  70. Hogenmogen
    August 8th, 2006 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Prickly: “It’s all fun & games until someone loses an IM.” That’s actually got humor.

    Snuffy Smiff: Every plugger in the world saw that and said “Hey, that’s got potential!”

    Spidey: Yawn.

    Mallard: I like Dilbert, Get Fuzzy, Preteena, and a couple of others. If I were to list the strips drawn by incompetent imbeciles, you’d be reading it for weeks.
    Mallard Fillmore sucks
    Mallard Fillmore sucks
    Mallard Fillmore sucks
    Mallard Fillmore sucks
    Mallard Fillmore sucks
    Mallard Fillmore sucks
    Mallard Fillmore sucks
    Mallard Fillmore sucks
    Mallard Fillmore sucks
    Mallard Fillmore sucks
    Mallard Fillmore sucks
    Mallard Fillmore sucks
    Mallard Fillmore sucks
    Mallard Fillmore sucks
    Mallard Fillmore sucks
    Mallard Fillmore sucks…..

  71. Hogenmogen
    August 8th, 2006 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    Take Josh’s/Jesse Jackson’s lines and make a Broadway musical number:

    Rex: Your life was an escallating deception.
    Adam: Surely I knew it would end like this.
    Rex: You created a dishonest perception.
    Adam: All I wanted was one little kiss.
    Rex: You must make a whole hearted corre-

  72. tefflan
    August 8th, 2006 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Remember, everyone, that the only times you can make fun of an ethnic or racial group without getting into trouble are:

    1) if you are a member of the group;
    2) if you have married into the group;
    3) if you are a hip, young black comedian; or
    4) if you flat don’t give a flying shit what the fucking hell anyone thinks about your comments.

  73. AppleGirl
    August 8th, 2006 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    JP: Whatever happened to Raju’s makeover? I could care less about the hack political campaign!

  74. cheech wizard
    August 8th, 2006 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    69 – Gloria is hot, but she was also horribly managled in the transition between artists. Surgeons tried to put her back together, but unfortunately, her left boob was stitched on sideways – see last panel of Sunday’s strip.

    And why is she surprised to find Sam and Randy in “early” if she’s already been to the courthouse that morning? When do they normally saunter in, 10:30? “Oh, hi boys, did you skip your usual liquid breakfast this morning? Should I mix up a shaker of Bloody Marys to tide you over ’til lunchtime?”

    Jeez, maybe Randy’s ne’r-do-well opponent is going to be holding the high ground in this election.

  75. Megan Koumori
    August 8th, 2006 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Does anyone remember that ‘Family Guy’ episode where Stewie is watching the new ‘Bewitched’ movie (“Guess what, I’m a Clippers’ fan!”)? After the aforementioned line, he walks out of the theater and hitches a ride on a plane to California. There he buys a ladder, goes to Will Ferrell’s house, rings the doorbell, and when Ferrell answers the door, punches him. “THAT’S NOT FUNNY!”
    I want to do the same to Jeff Keane. Everyday.

  76. cheech wizard
    August 8th, 2006 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    MT – “I hope that bear appreciates what you are doing.” No, that’s the trouble with wild animals, Kelley – they’re DAMN INGRATES!!! Unlike unpredictable nature photogs whose first reponse to getting saved from a mauling is to start snipping at the social graces of a wild beast.

    Hey, Kelly – do you know what would be a great opportunity for an aspiring nature photographer? How about a PHOTO OF A RANGER PULLING AN ARROW OUT OF THE ASS OF A GRIZZLY??!?!??! I’d think your readers would eat that shit right up. But if you’d rather be the Miss Manners of the animal world, well I guess we all have to hearken to our own muse….

  77. SmartPeopleOnIce
    August 8th, 2006 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    #41 – (at least it was #41 when I wrote this – why the heck do the numbers change?) Anyhoo, Bigfoot: “Ugh?” Don’t you mean: “Ack!”?

    $56 – Hmm, if Aldo’s first name is really Alpo, then that makes his name an anagram for “Alpo Stalker”. ‘Nuff said.

    And this seems as good a time as any to mention: Mallard Fillmore once did a Rex Morgan crossover. June 1999. I’d post the link but I don’t want to be responsible for the subsequent plucking of eyes. Ok, I’d post the link but I don’t know how. There, I said it.

    And before the villagers start chasing me with torches, I was only perusing MF archives to see if that strip was EVER funny.

    No. No it was not.

  78. Dingo
    August 8th, 2006 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    A few thoughts:

    Imagining Mary Worth as the Dirk Diggler of Charterstone is something I had not the capacity to think. Maybe what drove ol’ Doc Jeff to Cambodia was envy.

    Thanks to SNF, Bigfoot, and Tefflan. Yes, Vu42, I happen to come from a family that resembles an episode of Jerry Springer but lacking in the warmth. That makes me pure, unadulterated white trash – Miracle Whip, jelly jars for juice glasses, and all. The line that I wrote is from the play Greater Tuna. The original:

    That girl screams like white trash at a tent revival.

    It’s a great line and speaking as a “hat man,” I intend to keep using it. I hit two of the four criteria on Tefflan’s list (#1 and definitely #4).

    Lastly, does anyone know why some comics come up on the Houston Chronicle as “content not available”? On my computer on campus, I can read all of the strips with no problems. Here at home, Mary Worth, The Girls in Apartment 3G, Mark Trail… all come up with “content not available.” I have Norton Internet Security. Do you think the people at Symantec are attempting to keep me from knowing what happens down at the Charterstone women’s shelter?

  79. Bigfoot
    August 8th, 2006 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    SmartPeopleonIce (#77), my bad. I should have Acked when referencing Cathy. I just couldn’t bring myself to live in that world though.

    Dingo (#78), I get the same deal with “content not available.” Anything from King Features shows up that way from home, but not from work. I also have NIS at home…hmmm. Maybe that’s it, but I always figured it was some sort of King Features exclusion deal since I work at a library & have tons more access to copyright materials here than at home. Anyone else have any theories about the King Features content blockage?

  80. Craigers
    August 8th, 2006 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    $56 – Hmm, if Aldo’s first name is really Alpo, then that makes his name an anagram for “Alpo Stalker”. ‘Nuff said.

    Soon you’ll be telling us that he looks like Captqain Kangaroo…

  81. rich
    August 8th, 2006 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    78: Sometimes I get the “Content not available” line from Houston Chronicle, then I click again a minute later and it comes up. So I’d say try at least twice.

  82. Ennui, Willie Keeler
    August 8th, 2006 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Why Oh Why is Cathy the spokes-comic for the United States Postal Service? There is no reason to send bad comics to all U.S. residences.

    At work, we got a Dilbert postcard.

    Soon you’ll be telling us that he looks like Captqain Kangaroo…


  83. ben
    August 8th, 2006 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Now that you mention it, Dilbert does look a lot like Captain Kangaroo. Also, his name is an anagram of Tilbder.

  84. Emma
    August 8th, 2006 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    Lily- was that a real question? What’s a red card? Oh my.

    Anyways-that guys does have a milk mustache. That must be why that lady is mad at him. She knows he drank all her milk, and she’s out for vengance.

  85. DA
    August 8th, 2006 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Anyone who thinks throwing around derisive terms like “White Trash” and “Redneck” are cool…..Let’s take it to the cockpit!

  86. Dan B
    August 8th, 2006 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    #85: Couldn’t we just substitute “plugger” for either one of those? That “comic” is just one long redneck joke anyway.

  87. rich
    August 8th, 2006 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Kelly Welly is a robot. That explains why she is so UNPREDICTABLE to mere humans. How do I know? She doesn’t use contractions (“I hope it appreciates what you are doing”). Only robots talk like that. This I know from many hours spent watching Small Wonder.

    Maybe she’s friends with the Liz Patterson robot (“Gordon, I am so nervous. I have never spent this much money before in my life!”).

  88. johnw
    August 8th, 2006 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    “Judge Parker” is going to tie the two storylines together by having Randy hire Raju as his secret campaign operative. He’ll use his Indian wiles to hack into the Diebold vote-counting software and give Randy the first-ever unanimous victory in the history of comic-strip judicial races.

  89. mere cog in the machine
    August 8th, 2006 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    Getting “offended” at terms like “white trash” is like stating that Christianity is “under attack” because schools use decorations like “seasons greetings”. Red staters want the WHOLE pie. Domination of all three branches of government AND victimhood too.
    Damn can I use quotations or what?

    FOOB: After reading todays strip I have come to the sad conclusion that John would like to be actually penetrated by a toy train at this point in his lame, novacaine-fuzzed, pathetic, married-to-a-self-righteous-cow Canadian existence.

  90. Bigfoot
    August 8th, 2006 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    Rich, hello from another member of the Small Wonder generation. Think of how much smarter I’d be if I found a better use of my time as a kid…

  91. catastrophile
    August 8th, 2006 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    Hey, don’t sell yourself short. AI and cybertech ethics are going to become major issues at some point in the next few decades. You’re just ahead of the curve.

  92. Dingo
    August 8th, 2006 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    I actually read that the “actress” (definite Margo finger-quotin’ action on this) who played that sassy robot on Small Wonder is now an acting coach and teacher in Los Angeles.

    That’s almost like asking Michael Jackson to babysit your children, George Bush to be your President, or Mel Gibson to light the candles on your menorah.

    WWMD? (for the uninitiated, What Would Mary Do?)

  93. DA
    August 8th, 2006 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    Mere cog

    a)I put it in the cockpit, comment there

    b) You just made yourself look like a total jackass with that analogy. RICH white people run the government, not rednecks.

  94. Craigers
    August 8th, 2006 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    “Captain Kangaroo’s Dank Smell” is an anagram of “Aldo Kelrast’s Pancaking Moan”. Coincidence? I think not.

  95. LittleGuy
    August 8th, 2006 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    Did I miss it, or was there no correlation to Tommie’s ‘quotes’ and Margo’s quoting fingers?

  96. MossMoses
    August 8th, 2006 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    Why the use of “it” when referring to the ass arrow grizzly? Is there something else about that bear that readers don’t know about? Maybe there is another arrow between its legs that disabled its manhood. Ranger Rick’s recovery is amazing, to say the least. He is fine after being flattened by a massive grizzly bear claw to the face. It don’t work that way outside of LaLa LoFo.

  97. Gracie287
    August 8th, 2006 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    All you fellow B.C.-haters, check out this link:
    Ces, you rock!

  98. ohgrl
    August 8th, 2006 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    mere cog, i think you just made Finger-Quotin’ Margo’s head explode.

  99. Dingo
    August 8th, 2006 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    That’s a funny site, Gracie287. I especially liked the Sid & Marty Kroft shows. Ah… takes me back to when I could sing along with the Bugaloos.

    Jonna hasn’t had a comic in awhile. I was thinking maybe we should all take a stab (!) at putting Ms. Worth into an ol’ Monkees song in honor of Load Stalker aka Captain Stalkeroo, Bob Keeshan, Jerry from the Copy Shop, etc.. Or, as one or possibly two persons on this site has pointed out, that man who looks strikingly similar to duh-duh-dunnn Captain Kangaroo. Let’s animate the dear woman to Mary, Mary, Where are you going to? or, for our British English friends, Mary, to where are you going? There’s also And then along comes Mary but… with Dr. Jeff in Cambodia, I don’t know if I’d want to see how some of you animate that.

  100. Uncle Lumpy
    August 8th, 2006 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    There you go, an even hundred.

  101. GodWithFire
    August 8th, 2006 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    #78 I would pay big bucks to see a ranger pull an arrow out of a grizzly’s rump. Not that there’s anything wrong with it.

    But you bring up an interesting point: My understanding is that most National Geographic nature photographers immerse themselves into the subject’s environment, often spending weeks or even months living in the bush, creating hidden shooting nests, and waiting patiently for the critter to a) get close enough b) do something interesting c) while the light is right d) and other stuff. And they also have enormous, 600mm or larger lenses on their 35mm cameras, or even lug around medium/large format rigs with bellows and plane movements.In contrast, the Mark Trail photographer seem to get out of their car, equipped with an old SLR sporting a 50mm lens, fire off a shot or two, and say “Wow! This will get me big bucks at the magazine.”

    If that’s actually how it works, I’m gonna dust off the old Nikons and buy me a shirt with pockets that have buttons and flaps on BOTH sides.

  102. AwfulArt
    August 8th, 2006 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    There ya go an odd 101. WOW..!!

  103. Dingo
    August 8th, 2006 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    Y’know, if you look at the number 100 in just the right light, it resembles Captain Kangaroo.

  104. Deckard Canine
    August 8th, 2006 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    I can hardly believe that more than 100 posts into this thread, nobody has mentioned the Beach Boys’ “Barbara Ann” for its use of “rockin’ and a-rollin’.” Sure, I have the advantage of having sung it in a group once, but it’s not like nobody ever hears it anymore.

    I was hoping people would ignore Vu42. The fact that his first post on this thread doesn’t seem to have anything to do with the previous ones suggests that he just wanted to stir us up. And IMO, “white trash” should be as offensive to other races as to Caucasians — does the fact that we don’t say “black trash” or “Latino trash” mean that they are trash by default?

    Regarding the USPS choice of Cathy, I have two words for you: low bid. The Post Office has to be very careful to maintain a profit, especially in the age of email. It’s the same reason they’ve used Steve Miller’s “Fly like an Eagle” in ads — that couldn’t have been their first choice.

    #97 – It took me a while to realize that those weren’t actual quotes. He’s almost that bad.

  105. Ed Minchau
    August 8th, 2006 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    Has anyone else noticed that Tommie looks nothing at all like Captain Kangaroo?

  106. Scumbaggioni
    August 9th, 2006 at 4:21 am [Reply]

    Mrs. Lovejoy: “…Won’t somebody PLEASE think of the White People?!?”

    They are, after all, history’s only true victims of repression, violence, and all things bad. And now, they are being made fun of by their own kind. When will their nightmare end?

    Give generously, won’t you?

    The White Coalition
    c/o Bruce Tinsley
    666 McVeigh Memorial Court
    Coulterville Militia Compound, ID 60666

    (Disclaimer: born to rednecks, escaped and never looked back)

  107. kostia
    August 9th, 2006 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    I retract my earlier comment. Sister Stephen knows it’s her. Father Durly’s still a moron, though.

  108. rich
    August 9th, 2006 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    89: If you’re still checking in, Mere Cog, your FBOW comment above was harsh, disgusting, and PERFECT!

  109. Blake
    August 9th, 2006 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    Didn’t the soccer headbutt happen over a month ago? Are those kids that slow? I’ve had my suspicions but this would also explain their inability to grow.

  110. dimestore lipstick
    August 9th, 2006 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    For everyone who is apalled by the USPS forcing Cathy down our throats, you should know that the post office is a repeat offender on this. For the last several years, Family Circus has been the spokescartoon for the annual mail carriers’ “Stamp Out Hunger” food drive.

  111. Zal
    August 9th, 2006 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    Jerry Lee Lewis – “Great Balls of Fire”

  112. Kevin
    August 11th, 2006 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    If you like seeing violence in the family circus family, check out this recent coming on the Perry Bible Fellowship:

Comments are closed for this post.