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Apartment 3-G: Adult literacy edition

Apartment 3-G, 10/10/06

Even the visible-stage-direction-happy artists at Apartment 3-G can’t figure out a way to show that Lu Ann’s lips are moving as she reads Alan’s letter, so they’ve decided to just have her read it aloud to an empty room.

Ignoring Lu Ann’s tendency towards single noble tears, I’m sort of intrigued by the sentence structure of Alan’s missive. It could be read as “I hope it’s not too late to say, ‘I love you, Alan.’” Then, when she reads that part aloud, Alan could jump out of a closet and say “Ha ha, you do love me! You admit it! Sucker!” and head out to go have sex with one of his barely-legal art groupies, laughing all the way.

Mary Worth, 10/10/06

So, due to crappy coloring, it took me a minute to figure out what’s going on here: That little soliloquy in the second panel is of course emerging from Ian, and you can see the stem pointing from the word balloon at his big fat head just above Toby’s tresses. But somehow another balloon stem seems to be emerging from the tree upon which Wilbur is resting one of his hairy mitts. The effect implies that Dr. Cameron, failing to get his accomplices to join in with him in a four-part harmony of condescension, has chosen to co-bloviate with the local flora.

Mark Trail, 10/10/06

Wow, remember when this storyline was about poachers and tiger penises and Kelly Welly’s unquenchable sexual urges? Now it’s all about the wacky adventures of Molly, the lovable bear … with an nose for trouble! You just know she’s going to wander off and, I don’t know, maul a baby or something, and then not understand the hostility towards her, and then Mark will have to bail her out of trouble and everyone will laugh and say, “Ho, ho, that’s our Molly!” And then there will be scenes from next week’s episode, with special guest star Tim Conway. I’m totally OK with this change of focus, you understand, but I’d sort of like to be informed of when Kelly gets tired of Ranger Rick and casts him aside, a broken man.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 10, 2006 at 09:16 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Mark Trail, Mary Worth. |

208 responses to “Apartment 3-G: Adult literacy edition”

Jorge
October 10th, 2006 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

Why is Molly the size of a dog?
ben
October 10th, 2006 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

And why does Molly look like a dog?
LN
October 10th, 2006 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

For someone who lacks such insufficient words for such a time as this, he sure does seem to gas on a lot.
TurtleBoy
October 10th, 2006 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

…And so begins Molly’s Thelma-and-Louise-like adventure of cross-country hijinx.

Who gets to play Molly in the silver screen production?
Steve S
October 10th, 2006 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

“I hope we’re not asked to say anything”? What is this, an open-mike funeral?
TurtleBoy
October 10th, 2006 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

And why does Mary look like she’s about to barf in her purse in the final frame?
NJP
October 10th, 2006 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

Molly’s been drawn as smaller than the average bear for awhile, although she’s positively diminutive at the moment. But the point stands, that Molly is small, which makes Mark’s mistaking the 1000-pound monster bear (formerly with the arrow in its ass) for Molly last week all the more egregious.
Dingo
October 10th, 2006 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

Molly will be played by Bea Arthur.
Rudy the Ape
October 10th, 2006 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

I’m simply impressed by Mark’s ability to avoid being swatted by the 30 foot squirrel. The dogbear must have spooked the mutant treeclimber.
Fred P.
October 10th, 2006 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

Close examination reveals that Trail has chained Molly to the Jeep. Whether this is to prevent Molly from wandering off into another impromptu but adorably serendipidious adventure, or if its due to some sick and twisted sexual fantasy on Trail’s part, well, that’s just a question that we’ll each have to answer for ourselves.

(he is getting some film you, know, the exhibitionist perv)
Rusty
October 10th, 2006 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

“We didn’t really know Aldo Kelrast, but do we ever really know each other? What say you, Toby? Do you think you really know my darkest self, the person who hides behind the chinbeard?

Yes, we didn’t know Aldo, and we damn sure didn’t come to praise him.”

Somebody should push the ol’ professor into a freshly dug grave.
Uncle Lumpy
October 10th, 2006 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

“Hello”
“AUGH”
“You’d Better Not!”
“Oh, no”

(Sigh)

Goodbye, Aldo.
reader-who-posts
October 10th, 2006 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

You would think all these old Mary Worth groupies would have been to a funeral before. What do they think, that the preacher will say “And now is the time for eulogies from random people. Would the fat guy with the combover come up and speak?”
andrew howzer
October 10th, 2006 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

actually they could say something about ol’ ‘Do, but it wouldnt exactly be nice to hear at his wake. “We rememebr Aldo so well. When we first met him we thought he was a wife-killer, and then once he started stalking MW our hearts really warmed for him. Now that hes dead, we love him even more!”
given the small turnout for his burial, it may be these blovi-losers are the best pathetic friends that sap had!
NotThatGuy
October 10th, 2006 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

Freshly dug grave? What freshly dug grave? They’re standing around a tombstone, with grass growing over it; normally one needs to disturb the earth before secreting a body underground, and the tombstone comes last.

More evidence that Aldo Lives!
turandot
October 10th, 2006 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

MW: what are the odds that Mary & Co. will learn that Aldo worked with critically ill children and the elderly, while they spend their days silently passing judgment on people, which would actually put them all to shame?

Nah, that’s too much to hope for.
Mik Holmes
October 10th, 2006 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

Heh, people seem to have parked in the middle of the graveyard rather then on a paved parking lot. Shows you how much Mary really cares…
sephohnek
October 10th, 2006 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

that’s a dog. it’s: a dog. fuck.
Trent
October 10th, 2006 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

Why no freshly dug grave? After that wreck, they probably decided to save money and just injected Aldo’s remains into the earth using a Popeil Solid Flavor Injector.

That said, why are Mary and Co there? Do they really think the family is going to believe that they want to pay their respects? Someone is going to spend 5 minutes chatting with Professor Chinbeard during the wake and realize that the quartet is just there to taunt the police, who, no doubt, suspect Mary’s culpability in Aldo’s death…

If only there were proof!
Cafangdra
October 10th, 2006 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

And why does Mary look like sheâ€™s about to barf in her purse in the final frame?
TurtleBoy, I assume it’s an open-casket affair.

I ♥ ♥ ♥ the way Toby and Ian cling to each other, staring blissfully into the rosy, Aldo-free future that now lies before them. I guess they just came to make positively sure Aldo’s gone. I guess.
Steve S
October 10th, 2006 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

TurtleBoy, I originally wrote that comment nearly verbatim before deciding against it. I’m glad I did–nothing more embarassing than showing up at an event with the same vomit joke as someone else.
blimpy
October 10th, 2006 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

what’s with the Disney World like line to the gravestone? is someone collecting tickets at the end? in the last panel it appears they jumped the barricades and are hiding behind the talking tree…
NotYourAveragePenguin
October 10th, 2006 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

Today’s TDIET is something that has never happened. And they admit that it has never happened, so why is it in a comic called They’ll Do It Every Time?!
Richard Onley
October 10th, 2006 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

Though Halloween is nearing fast, there still may be time to cobble up the front porch ornament of Wilbur, Ian, and Toby declaiming “You’d better not!” to the tune of Beethoven’s Fifth.
Bill Peschel
October 10th, 2006 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

I wonder why Mary and her Mad Koffin Krew are taking the escalator to visit the boneyard. Did the town build it on top of a landfill?
Adfella
October 10th, 2006 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

Is it just me, or is the ginormous squirrel in Mark Trail affecting a more studious, intellectual appearance than Mark himself?
Kaliflower
October 10th, 2006 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

The slight smirk on Wilbur’s face seems to indicate he’s playing a rousing game of hide and seek with some unseen character, possibly someone of his own invention. However, I have to admit that, before I figured out he was leaning on a tree, I initially thought he was coming out of a coffin.
Doug Puthoff
October 10th, 2006 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

In the past month or so we’ve had: juvenile delinquency (Gil Thorp and Rex Morgan M.D.) , teenage gambling (Zits), drunk driving (Mary Worth), child abuse (RMMD again), a runaway kid (Popeye), incest (Fox Trot), and cute animals robbing liquors stores and bopping people (Pearls Before Swine). Next week the Rev Will B. Dunn will probably hit Kudzu. Nothing like the comics for wholesome entertainment!
Derelict
October 10th, 2006 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

Luann’s tear may be her realization of Alan’s deep and abiding love.

Or it may be her realization that she will never leave the studio alive.

Or it may be her realization that, despite all the money spent on Hooked On Phonics, she still doesn’t really know how to read.
Nyssa23
October 10th, 2006 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

Personally, I’m disappointed that Lu Ann’s letter didn’t say, “Read! Read!” Or at least her cute little brow could have said, “Furrow! Furrow!”

Oh, and Professor? It’s always better if you kill someone you *don’t* know. Fewer questions from the police that way.
Poteet
October 10th, 2006 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

Is anyone else having trouble posting on the forums? Thanks.
braini-eek
October 10th, 2006 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

And now, on a completely random (well, maybe not that random; after all, I am making the conscious effort to type this in. I guess I just wanted to give some sort of warning that what I have to say has nothing to do with either the exciting antics of Molly or the Charterstone Quartet’s need to make sure that that outsider Aldo was truly dead, and why Luann is reading a letter aloud instead of using an internal dialogue – what, is she dictating or something? But I seem to have strayed to far and should get back to the point I was making before I began on this tangent).

Nietzsche
Family
Circus

Random Nietzsche quotes + Random Family Circus = hilariousness. Maybe this has been refrenced before. I don’t know. And I have better things to do than search and search for it. I am much too lazy for that.
Since this site has brought me minutes and minutes of amusement, I decided that this was just something that had to be shared. Here are some of my favorites:

Dolly explains the Lockhorns’ marriage

Jeffy, the Beatnik

Dolly explains’Tough Love’

Billy begins to understand the education system

Dubya explains the 2004 election

Fashioneesta Billy

Jeffy the Atheist comes clean

Enjoy
Cobra
October 10th, 2006 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

“co-bloviate”?!
weiser
October 10th, 2006 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

All I can figure is that MW and company spent so much time finding slightly more appropriate clothes, they not only missed the funeral, but have arrived late to the graveside, forcing them to park in the upper lot and take the moving sidewalk down to the cemetery.

If this is the case, I feel so cheated. I canâ€™t forgive the Charterstone-four if their tardiness caused me to miss the entire service; the eulogy, congregational hymns (think Tobyâ€™s a soprano?), the 23rd Psalm, Aunt Somebody-Ancient singing the Lordâ€™s Prayer, yes even the open mic.

We better not have missed the after service reception (a dead-spread where I come from) complete with bad coffee, meatballs and whipped Jell-O. I canâ€™t wait for Wilburâ€™s small talk in buffet line.

OR, There was no funeral because as Mooncity has known all along; Aldo is not dead at all.
punchmonkey
October 10th, 2006 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

After struggling through almost 2 months of Gil Thorp, I’m convinced that regardless of standard comic strip procedure, the wackos that draw this thing insist on making each day about 12 frames long. This forces the poor editors to hack out 8 frames, leaving us trying to follow this incomprehensible mess of a story with only every 3rd frame. That’s got to be it, right? Please tell me that’s it. sob.
AhClem
October 10th, 2006 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

For some reason, I’m picturing the Charterstone Four slowly walking through the cemetery in single file, chanting a dirge and smacking themselves in the head with stone tablets. “Intervenus Aldo Spiritus Cliffdivus.”
http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_pictures/grail/large/HolyGrail023.jpg
Doug Puthoff
October 10th, 2006 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

10-11 MW: Funniest strip I’ve read this week.

RMMD: Elvis is about to leave to leave the building.
Bill Peschel
October 10th, 2006 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

#34: weiser, like you, I was confused. But I peeked at Wednesday’s strip and saw that we haven’t gotten to the funeral yet.

In fact, Josh should be warned. Wednesday is a red-letter day:

MW: Chinbeard’s jaw-dropping inappropriate remark.

FBOFW: Granthony’s fantasies revealed!

Doonesbury: Conservative guy turns into Zippy in the last panel as Duke continues his tribute to FBOFW’s Grampa Chinnuts.

FW: 30 percent less depressing than usual!

Mark Trail: Prediction: The now weinerdog-sized Molly will not understand the hostility from the men in the truck! Unfortunately, not having read the Sunday Trails Molly will not know she could respond by shredding their faces off with one swipe.
edgeways
October 10th, 2006 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

puke in the grave, PUKE IN THE GRAVE… seriously why the hell are these people at this burial? Good god.
Chance
October 10th, 2006 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

13: funniest comment of the day.
Dingo
October 10th, 2006 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

If only Molly had the same Judy Garland hand action as Elvis!
Richard Onley
October 10th, 2006 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

#33: Cobra says:
â€œco-bloviateâ€?!

This from a person named for an undergarment worn by Siamese twins . . . !
Dingo
October 10th, 2006 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

Thank the gods there isn’t a crossover between Apt. 3G and Rex Morgan. Who knows what we might have witnessed had Lu Ann encountered that dildo instead of the cot.

Next week, Lu Ann sees a bucket filled with water and a frayed electrical cord covered in lingonberries.
AwfulArt
October 10th, 2006 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

Mark Leiknes who writes “Cow & Boy” has gone gaga over God today.. Invert C & B and drop the & and you get “BC”… Written by another God freak…..
Dingo
October 10th, 2006 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

It’s too early in the night for me to find out. Was the dildo in Judge Parker?

Okay, that sounded wrong but I wanted to make 2fs spit his coffee.
Derelict
October 10th, 2006 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

That’s actually the upper part of a wine bottle in JP, but I had to look at it for a couple of minutes to distinguish that. It sure LOOKS like a dildo! And from the dialog coming out of what’s-her-name’s mouth, well . . .
reebchan
October 10th, 2006 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

I’d just like to point out that Anthony may have compromised the entire trial by telling a sequestered witness one of the questions he was asked. Even a halfway decent lawyer could get Liz’s testimony thrown out for this…

…leaving Howant Bunt free to tell Anthony all about his sweet, sweet Patterson loving…

Damn, he’s good.
Marion Delgado
October 10th, 2006 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

I’m glad at least MARK explains things to Molly. Like what errands he’s running. You see a lot of stuff in Mark Trail like, molly doesnt’ understand the 1040 short form or molly doesn’t understand duplicate bridge or molly can’t fathom emo music (join the club, Molly). But maybe, just maybe, one big reason is, no one ever explains things to the bear.

Bless you, Mark Trail. I don’t know if molly understands you, but she knows that you understand her.
cranky
October 10th, 2006 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

FW 10/10: Answer: It frightens you because most “ideas” in this strip lead to death by cancer for somoeone.
Marion Delgado
October 10th, 2006 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

Trent, if ever a celebrity guest appearance by Detective Peter Columbo was warranted mary worth is the strip and now is the moment.
Anonymous
October 10th, 2006 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

Tommorow in Judge Parker: “Dammit, Raju took our last condom!”

I’m impressed that Aldo already has his headstone. I once worked at a momument company, putting the names on tombstones. Our turnaround time was usually a couple months, sometimes over a year if they ordered something really complex. Kinda makes you wonder if someone ordered it ahead of time in anticipation of an “accident”, hmmm?
mcmc
October 10th, 2006 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

I think that’s Detective Columbo over there beyond the tombstone. I recognize the winsome little headtilt. Mary’s in for it now.
blase
October 11th, 2006 at 12:00 am [Reply]

Just when we thought Molly’s troubles were behind her, along come a couple patented Mark Trail Bad Guys complete with facial hair and uncoiffed ‘do’s.

Will Molly face even further hostilities, or do they merely want a lap dance? Bad Guy #2 bears a striking resemblance to a fellow seen earlier on this blog. “Are you thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?”
mark
October 11th, 2006 at 12:08 am [Reply]

I like that the stem attached to the “are you thinking what I’m thinking” balloon exists outside of the frames and into the gutter! What does a talking gutter mean? Elrod is taking cartoons in bold new directions.
Johnny Q
October 11th, 2006 at 12:13 am [Reply]

A3G: Luann is reciting her letter for the benefit of the spirits who were earlier chanting “Empty… empty…”

MARY WORTH: “Closure” is a middle-class cliche. (Pay no attention to Mr. Hastert over there.)
Dub Not Dubya
October 11th, 2006 at 12:15 am [Reply]

Wednesday’s RMMD:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/style/comics/king.htm?name=Rex_Morgan&date=20061011

I think Meth-Manga-Mom now looks like Phyllis Diller crossed with Roseanne Roseanadana.
mumbles
October 11th, 2006 at 12:16 am [Reply]

FBOFW: Good god what’s going on there? Is Granthony flashing back to last summer (which means they at least made out after his dashing rescue)? Or is he flashing back to when they dated? Or is this a new fantasy altogether? Will the answer to this question make the vomit in my mouth any more palatable?

MT: Can this strip sustain TWO animal-kidnapping storylines in a year? Are these the same varmints who done kidnapped Andy a few months ago? The mullets seem slightly different…..

MW: Oh no Ian di’n't….seriously this sickens me…I’m not going to try to repeat what others on this site have said earlier or more eloquently/humorously….but these people have no decency.
dale
October 11th, 2006 at 12:22 am [Reply]

#40 — #13
Wouldn’t that be more like a revival meeting or maybe an AA meeting?
Poteet
October 11th, 2006 at 12:39 am [Reply]

10/11 –

Foob — Is it just me, or is Granthony fantasizing that he has a breast?

MT — Here we go again. I hate you, Elrod.

MW — I hope the next funeral will be Chinbeard’s.

RMMD — A manga-meth-mama named May — that’s different.

JP — The faces of these people keep morphing…
Air Forbes
October 11th, 2006 at 12:49 am [Reply]

Re: the Nietzsche Family Circus generator, I tried this out the other day when Bitter Scribe linked to it. The caption I got or “Dolly explains the Lockhorns marriage” was “And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.” Given that she’s holding a wedding photoalbum (having been recently gazing into the abyss, apparently), this was hilarious. Definitely worth a look.
DJTennessee
October 11th, 2006 at 1:31 am [Reply]

Fer chrissakes, Chinbeard… is that the least feeble attempt at ingenuity for the masses you can come up with?

And is Toby not blatantly smiling??? Perhaps she cannot her hilarity at her own patently absurd short-sleeved dress jacket.
carla
October 11th, 2006 at 1:32 am [Reply]

“Kelrast” is an anagram of “stalker,” right? Did we know this?
Summerhouse
October 11th, 2006 at 1:42 am [Reply]

#48 – You slay me!
Opus
October 11th, 2006 at 1:55 am [Reply]

I know the week has hardly started, but #5 and #13 must already be in the running for COTW. Why oh why can’t *they* be the ones standing around at Aldo’s “funeral”?
jenga!
October 11th, 2006 at 2:08 am [Reply]

I mean, is there a better time to zing a guy than when you are standing over his grave at his funeral?
jenga!
October 11th, 2006 at 2:15 am [Reply]

Also, your a plugger if it takes an entire evening each week to sort out all the pharmiceuticals you need just to keep your body, ravaged by time and bacon, alive . .
left of the pyle
October 11th, 2006 at 2:25 am [Reply]

59 – Re Granthony… dammit, beat to the punch. grr.

Meanwhile LuAnn has fallen for the oldest trick in the book… the old “Use my old studio and you’ll hardly notice the carbon monoxide I’m pumping in to send you quietly to your death, you heartbreaking bitch” trick.
Lurky McLurker
October 11th, 2006 at 3:02 am [Reply]

Mary Worth is really Elly Patterson, a little older not much wiser, only too happy to see Aldo Kelrast’s mangled body, for he reminded her too much of one stalker/wife killer she let into her home. If only she had known about interventions, Blandanthony would never have destroyed her family and forced her to live under an assumed name and meddle in strangers’ affairs instead of her own flesh and blood’s.
Who knew that boring creepiness could wreck lives as much as alcoholic creepiness…
Monkey David
October 11th, 2006 at 3:18 am [Reply]

You know, it’s really sad–there’s a daily comic dedicated to explaining what a Plugger is, and after reading hundreds of comics, I still don’t know what the hell one is.

Oh well, I guess I’ll go eat some ground red bug yogurt.
Pinback65
October 11th, 2006 at 5:02 am [Reply]

Maybe I’m just not properly jacked into the world of fundamentalist dogma, but today’s B.C.–Is there a point? Am I missing something? Will Johnny Hart deliver my soul unto Satan for even asking?
Jimmy
October 11th, 2006 at 5:06 am [Reply]

MW– Toby is wearing a powder blue, no doubt polyester stewardess uniform to an outdoor funeral. Not only will she be sweating like the pig that she is, BUT she’ll be expected to distribute peanuts to all the attendees.
Why wasn’t I invited to this circus of fools?
Dorianne
October 11th, 2006 at 5:09 am [Reply]

I don’t know about anyone else, but at this point, I’m starting to find the anticipation of a FoobVille hookup between Liz and Anthony…well…nauseating. I don’t think it’s a coincidence, actually, that I’m experiencing flu-like symptoms right now. The whole set up makes me want to buy a plane ticket to wherever in Ontario Lynn Johnston lives, so I can shake her by the shoulders and yell, “NOOOOOOOOOO!” until she finally stops drawing this horrid scenario. It’s just so…wrong. So terribly, terribly wrong. I don’t know why Ms. Johnston can’t see that. I dunno, maybe I’m just taking it all a little too personally.
Dorianne
October 11th, 2006 at 5:22 am [Reply]

Ooh, sorry, hadn’t read all the other posts yet, but now see mumbles (#57) had the same thoughts as me on FoobVille’s latest hookup.

I didn’t really finish the thought in my previous post, but…the thing is, I know Lynn Johnston bases her characters on her real family, and that Liz is a cartoonized version of her real life daughter. And as a single woman, whenever I see the doom that lies ahead for Liz, my insides start screaming, “Is this REALLY what mothers want for their daughters? REALLY??”
Geoff
October 11th, 2006 at 5:44 am [Reply]

Um… has #62 Carla hit upon something none of us knew? Sorry, I’m new to the site so maybe someone already mentioned this months ago.
smacky
October 11th, 2006 at 6:19 am [Reply]

All right, what the hell is going on with Mary Worth? Is Aldo already in the ground? If not, why are his three friends standing on his grave looking at his tombstone? If Aldo has been buried, did Mary’s group show up fashionably late (like two hours late)? They had time to fill in the grave (and lay down sod, apparently). Or are Aldo’s friends browsing tombstones of Aldo’s future neighbors in death before they enter the church for the service? What denomination was Aldo? Will this be a civil service?

Where’s Aldo’s coffin? WHAT IS GOING ON?!?

And Ian: Making a joke at Aldo’s funeral. I can’t wait to see you have a heart attack on the toilet. As your pitiful life passes before your eyes in your final moments, what will be worse: No time for one last look at Toby’s camel toe, or the fact that your pompous ass will be found with your pants around your ankles?

I have never been more on the side of the alcoholic stalker in my life.
One Happy Claude
October 11th, 2006 at 6:31 am [Reply]

#62 and 74 … no, nobody ever mentioned that. Just like nobody ever mentioned that Aldo looked like Captain Kangaroo.
tefflan
October 11th, 2006 at 6:36 am [Reply]

Garfield: Whoever sold Jim Davis and his crew a dictionary full of adjectives ought to be shot. We could go on like this for weeks. “Beware of Lonely Dog,” “Beware of Timid Dog,” “Beware of Noisy Dog,” and so on.
tefflan
October 11th, 2006 at 6:39 am [Reply]

A3G: Josh, Luann’s lips ain’t movin’, pal. She just can’t shut her mouth any more because of all the fat the plastic surgeon took out of her ass and injected in her lips.
Mumblix Grumph
October 11th, 2006 at 6:39 am [Reply]

“I hope we’re not asked to say anything. I certainly lack words for this.”

Well, thank God that you guys don’t have jobs that require language skills like a newspaper columnist or a freaking college professor!
Ran
October 11th, 2006 at 6:52 am [Reply]

I expect the cousin to be the next victim of the charterstone death club. First, Mary will draw him in, then the others will begin their slow process of mental torture until the drive him over the edge. Combover and chinbeard will find out his normal route home and remove the guardrails on the highway. A bottle of ‘Johnny’ left in the car, cut the brake lines and bang!, another notch on the belt.
Archivalist
October 11th, 2006 at 6:54 am [Reply]

Looks like Mary’s about to play a bluesy riff on her purse/harmonica, in memory of Aldo.
Sheilagh
October 11th, 2006 at 6:57 am [Reply]

WTF? There’s a gravestone in today’s MW that says “Aldo Kelrast” on it. Since when are gravestones all carved and in place IN TIME FOR THE FUNERAL? Jeez, in real life it takes weeks. Or months.
Allie Cat
October 11th, 2006 at 7:04 am [Reply]

FOOB – I liked the Police Parking Only sign in the last panel. It seemed to be a subtle reminder that -HELLO- Paul’s still in the picture, for at least, oh, another week – until he finds out that Liz can’t leave the city to come visit him and he turns to the new teacher for solace.

I never thought I’d say this, but I’m ready to wrap this strip up.

Also – wouldn’t Lawrence be somehow involved in these proceedings – it would be nice to have him there to chaperone wild Blandthony before he does something we all regret.
Summerhouse
October 11th, 2006 at 7:05 am [Reply]

#70 – One way to look at the B.C. cartoon is : There are always those who say any miracle or message from God is just an ordinary event, imbued with extraordinary meaning by people desperate to delude themselves. So the burning bush is saying that its whole burning – but – not – being – consumed thing really frustrates those people. (Non-believers.)

Or, he could be implying that President Bush is burning due to war, scandal, etc but still going strong, and nobody knows why. Well, I think this is blatantly untrue, isn’t it? I am not a Bush supporter, but I have the misfortune to live in one of the few pockets of Bush support in the country (East Tennessee.) I think it’s us and 12 guys in Utah. I don’t know how much more “consumed” Bush can get.
JohnWadd
October 11th, 2006 at 7:16 am [Reply]

#71Jimmy: The wardrobe inconsistencies in MW drive me nuts, but you’re right; the powder blue (short-sleeved!) outfit on Toby is totally out of line. The salmon one was, well, salmon but at least kinda hot. Note that MW and the perfessor also changed clothes.

Methinks they arrived like weeks late for the funeral just because of all the time they wasted choosing inappropriate outfits! That would explain the headstone and the grass covering, at least.
Rusty
October 11th, 2006 at 7:27 am [Reply]

If Molly the bear gets any smaller she will be riding around in a Hollywood starlet’s handbag.
ragthetiger
October 11th, 2006 at 7:36 am [Reply]

Several people have commented on Ian’s “inappropriate” remark. What? I thought it was great! It’s the only time EVER in MW that someone has said something that a real person would actually say! And the only time the strip has ever actually been intentionally funny.

Yeah, Chinbeard!
blacknosugar
October 11th, 2006 at 7:45 am [Reply]

I believe Molly and most bears are normally small. The only reason we think they’re big is because they invoke “Inuk-chuk!” just like the Apache Chief whenever they get a whif of human.
David C
October 11th, 2006 at 7:46 am [Reply]

87 – You said it, ragthetiger! Way to go, Professor Chinbeard! It may not be tactful or appropriate, but it’s *honest* – and let’s face it, Aldo *was* a creep!
some guy
October 11th, 2006 at 7:47 am [Reply]

More Nietzsche Family Circus: Grandma is ready to join Grandpa. http://www.losanjealous.com/nfc/perm.php?c=27&q=98
JonboyDC
October 11th, 2006 at 7:54 am [Reply]

â€œI hope weâ€™re not asked to say anything. I certainly lack words for this.â€
The unmitigated ego demonstrated by this statement is absolutely disgusting.

As for the tombstone — could it be that this is a joint burial plot that Aldo is sharing with his wife? It’s not uncommon for the names of still-living spouses to carved into a tombstone, just leaving the date of death to be filled in later. (Of course, this doesn’t explain why there’s no hole, why there was no actual church service, and why Aldo only has three non-Charterstone people at his funeral. I’m not a miracle worker, people.)
Jennifer
October 11th, 2006 at 8:06 am [Reply]

FOOB:
Yep, nothing more romantic and alluring than your childhood romance/loserboy/almost-stalker fantasizing about kissing you at your attempted rape deposition. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Zack
October 11th, 2006 at 8:06 am [Reply]

“We didn’t really know Aldo Kelrast! If asked, our words would be insufficient, as was our knowledge of him. So little were we aware of Aldo Kelrast, and so few things we learned of him, in that our brief time that was shared together, we were not able to procure the information which is so readily available in traditional relationships, being that such relationship are often characterized by warmth, as such was not the case with our relationshipt to Aldo Kelrast. And as such the knowledge we have of him is limited, in the extent that it is not the amount of knowledge which we would have of him that should be had, and we would not be able to speak of it, because we do not have the knowledge that is required of us of Aldo Kelrast.”

Seriously, you read that last dialogue balloon too many times, all hope in the universe dies.
Dennis Jimenez
October 11th, 2006 at 8:16 am [Reply]

A3G – Oh, I’m suddenly so tired…and so constricted by all this clothing!
John
October 11th, 2006 at 8:23 am [Reply]

A trick of the eye, or in panel 1 does Mark have a hover-Jeep?
slobocrock
October 11th, 2006 at 8:29 am [Reply]

Its going to be Aldo Karaoke
moe99
October 11th, 2006 at 8:47 am [Reply]

for your enjoyment:

http://www.losanjealous.com/nfc/

The intersection of Nietzsche and Family Circus
Frank Drackman
October 11th, 2006 at 8:48 am [Reply]

Wilbur looks like hes straining in mid BM in that second panel. Lu Anns DSL’s are a welcome sight any morning, I especially like the Goth style tatooed tear drop in that last panel. I expect riots throughout the Middle East and Europe when the Arabs hear about Lu Ann getting Love notes from “Alah”
slobocrock
October 11th, 2006 at 8:48 am [Reply]

I want to hear this fab four belt out a rendition of You are The Wind Beneath My Wings…..or else brought up on homicide charges….
JohnWadd
October 11th, 2006 at 8:52 am [Reply]

FOOB: agree, Jennifer. Totally creepy, almost made me push away my cornflakes. Almost.
benro
October 11th, 2006 at 8:54 am [Reply]

#98 – Lu Anns DSLâ€™s are a welcome sight any morning,

wtf is DSL? I don’t see that she is using the Digital Subscriber Line that is installed in the studio.
Concerned Citizen
October 11th, 2006 at 8:55 am [Reply]

This seems a good time to belabor the obvious:

The Gang of Four are actually shit-eating-grin happy over Aldo’s funeral. Mary doesn’t look happy but with her plastic emotion face she may have been grinning a couple of seconds ago. Or looking wistful. Or angry. Or puzzled, etc.

Molly is, in fact, a dog. When Elrod gave instructions to his drawing staff consisting of oversized squirrels, they could not remember what Molly was or what they had for breakfast that day. They drew a dog and it took some deft strokes by Elrod to turn the tail into a spare tire.

No acorns for you for one year!
bootsybooks
October 11th, 2006 at 8:56 am [Reply]

A3G: I sense a bear comix crossover coming! Goldilocks will fall asleep here (that’s why the gals from A3G never get laid – they see a bed, they get sleepy) and Molly, AssArrow, and a bear to be named later will come in and all point at her and say “YOU BETTER NOT!”

Wait wait! Maybe it’ll be the Gasoline Alley CPR perfroming bear! yes yes! I see it all now!

I have to go lie down now.
Concerned Citizen
October 11th, 2006 at 9:02 am [Reply]

DSL? Doughnut shaped lips? Dog slurping lips? Damn sweaty lips? Dim sum lips? Daiquiri swilling lips?
Splinky
October 11th, 2006 at 9:13 am [Reply]

In all fairness, I have been to funerals where they’ve invited people to come up and say a few words. But never one where I ‘ve been worried that they were going to call on me.

Personally, I’m hoping we get a tearful confession from Toby. “It was my fault! In my concern for my friend, I created the confrontation that drove Aldo to his death! Also, I paid a guy to cut his brake lines.”

Then she’ll go on to explain that she couldn’t help but love Aldo, with his facial hair growing above his jawline and that if she couldn’t have him, nobody could. Especially not somebody whose condo smells like old lady.
Mazement
October 11th, 2006 at 9:15 am [Reply]

OK, some people need a lesson in funeral etiquette. I think Mark Twain said it best:

“Listen with as intense an expression of attention as you can command, to the official statement of the character and history of the person in whose honor the entertainment is given, and if these statistics should seem to fail to tally with the facts, in places, do not nudge your neighbor, or press your foot upon his toes, or manifest, by any other sign, your awareness that taffy is being distributed.”

There will be plenty more time to complain about Aldo during the long car ride home, and Aldo’s cousin has already said that the funeral “won’t take long”.

Saying that Ian’s comment was “honest” or “realistic” doesn’t cut it. The Maryworthiverse isn’t about honesty or realism, it’s about slavish devotion to social norms.
Randy
October 11th, 2006 at 9:19 am [Reply]

I, for one, have had enough of Chinbeard’s haughty “so much better than that Aldo loser” attitude. I recall that when he and his wife first entered Mary’s Menagerie (more years ago than I care to admit), he had a little, um, problem interacting with his spouse. In other words, he liked to slap her around when she got out of line. The Charterhouse set were very willing to help him get over his issues. Now, decades later, he is their ringleader, making snotty remarks at the funeral of a man whose death he helped cause.

Smug bastard.
Key Lime Pie
October 11th, 2006 at 9:25 am [Reply]

Those rails at Aldo’s “funeral” make it appear as if Mary and the gang are really filing by an exhibit of a funeral rather than a funeral itself.

Also, please shoot me if I have a bunch of hecklers like those four at my funeral . I’m surprised that they didn’t bring a lunch.
Dingo
October 11th, 2006 at 9:26 am [Reply]

Dammit, I have to leave for the day and that means three hours roundtrip in the car without knowing wtf DSL means! I’m going with dimpled sauerkraut legs for now.

And, bootsybooks, you made me laugh like a late-night waitress in a cow-town diner.
Key Lime Pie
October 11th, 2006 at 9:27 am [Reply]

#107

Ian used to rough up Toby?

Oh, how hard the mighty fall.
MotoMike
October 11th, 2006 at 9:53 am [Reply]

Re: Mallard Fillmore: The ever-observant ~~dinner~~ duck notes that ” … liberals want to stop [Bush] from using the term ‘IslamoTerrorists’ … [they're] mad because he stole their reflexive word for anyone that disagrees with them”.

Setting aside who is wanting the word not to be used any more, the wording of “…word for anyone that disagrees with them” is kind of galling for anyone trying to defend the current administration and the right, who have made a concerted effort to re-define and demonize the word “liberal” for just such a purpose.

I’m just sayin’ ….
On a lighter note, note that in today’s Mark Trail, a sure sign of moral degeneracy is the mullet hairdo combined with the gimme cap. But I really love the lines in the first panel: “… A bear sitting in a jeep!” “Yeah, it must be a tame bear!”

Yeah, must be. See ‘em all over, yup, yup. … and then “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” “Yeah, let’s go do it!” … as they say here in Texas,

Do what?!?? These are two guys that, immediately upon seeing a tame bear, just sitting in the jeep (I guess Mark Trail is in the cafe getting them both coffee), evidently have the exact same thought. I, personally, am on pins and needles waiting to find out exactly what that thought is …. because, gosh howdy, when I see a bear in the back of a jeep, the first thing that goes through MY head (and this happens more often than one might think here in Dallas) is “I’m gettin’ my deer rifle outa the trunk and shoot that motherf&#@er”. I’m not a violent person, you understand, but, hey, this society has gotten a little too lax about bears …what’s next? Walruses driving around in Hummers?
Splinky
October 11th, 2006 at 10:10 am [Reply]

I’m trying to figure out where, exactly, Mark Trail is parked with a bear chained up in the back of his Jeep. And I’m really, really hoping that wherever he is, Hoyt is hot on the trail of another bear that’s been terrorizing this particular location.
Cornwhacker
October 11th, 2006 at 10:13 am [Reply]

â€¦These are two guys that, immediately upon seeing a tame bear, just sitting in the jeep (I guess Mark Trail is in the cafe getting them both coffee), evidently have the exact same thought. I, personally, am on pins and needles waiting to find out exactly what that thought is â€¦.

I’m assuming these are the long-lost poachers Josh was just reminiscing about above. You wanted to get back to the poaching storyline, folks? Be careful what you wish for. Molly’s life hangs in the balance!
Frank Drackman
October 11th, 2006 at 10:22 am [Reply]

“DSL” Junior high slang for “D*** Sucking Lips”..used in a sentence…”Yes, I agree Miss Bixley has some real nice DSL’s”
Red Greenback
October 11th, 2006 at 10:23 am [Reply]

MF today: I, for one, am not afraid of offending terrorists, but absolutely mortified by taunting them w/the term “Islamo-fascists” That statement is tantamount to the boneheaded “bring ‘em on”. And what’s up with the duck in the first (non)panel? Looks like mangled roadkill yet keeps spouting it’s insane screed.

FC today: I enjoy Mrs. Circus’s disembodied head hovering behind Junior Circus (then again, I’m easily pleased)
Old Fogeyette
October 11th, 2006 at 10:34 am [Reply]

I CAN’T STAND IT! More peril for poor Molly. I don’t understand all the hostility toward her.

And just when I was going to stop reading MT forever….
Pozzo
October 11th, 2006 at 10:34 am [Reply]

As to Aldo’s tombstone, I think his family had seen this coming way back and had one made up for just such an occasion. Sort of like TV news programss had their ready-to-go Bob Hope tributes prepared as far back as 1988.

Also, in panel 3 of A3G, LuAnne sure looks like a guy in a blonde wig. Could it be Alan, involved in some bizarre schizo role-playing (which would explain the reading-the-letter-out-loud behavior)?
MotoMike
October 11th, 2006 at 10:36 am [Reply]

Splinky (#112): I’m not sure there’s a chain involved; I think that everyone who knows Molly just thinks of her like a big, a very big, obedient dog. One of these days someone will rue that assumption as she goes all Hannibal Lector on the nearest human flesh. Let’s hope it’s either Mullet Man or his friend, Son of Karl Malden (Malden the Lesser?).
mattt
October 11th, 2006 at 10:40 am [Reply]

MW – Yeah, the professor’s a smug one, but I’ve got to agree his joke-of-poor-taste is one of the first Talking Like Actual People (TM) statements he’s made is a long time.

A3G – Interesting that Lu Ann took the time to peel her unitear from her left cheek and stick to her right while reading the note.

And just when her flashlight went “blink blink dim”, just who turned on that hallway light? oooooEEEEEooooo Is a Very Special Halloween A3G in the works? Eh, probably not. [sigh]
kingklash
October 11th, 2006 at 10:42 am [Reply]

I want a “Hand Rubbin’ Aldo” shirt to mark this solomn occasion.
weiser
October 11th, 2006 at 10:47 am [Reply]

Iâ€™ve been to many-a-funeral, some with an open casket, some with just a â€œphoto displayâ€, some a full mass with communion, some very casual and short, some with a graveside, some without, some completely scripted, some with requests from the congregation to speak (always a little frightening because these can be painfully short or painfully long) but never where casual acquaintances were forced to comment so I think the MW gang is safe as long as they can keep their stupid comments to â€œdotted lineâ€ speech or thought bubbles.

For now Iâ€™m buying the joint plot-headstone scenario and the funeral hasnâ€™t started yet, so even with the wardrobe changes our Charterstone-4 are in time for the service. However, my guess is because the service is at the cemetery; Aldo did not have a â€œhome congregationâ€ so Iâ€™m less optimistic about a reception sponsored by the â€œchurch ladiesâ€ and resulting juicy yet awkward small talk. I can live with that as long as we get a REAL funeral. soon
bootsybooks
October 11th, 2006 at 10:58 am [Reply]

#109, Dingo. High praise indeed coming from you!

I love to watch Molly’s various expressions, ranging from serious to confused (by hostility) to anxious to happy to horny (when she’s frenching a moose) to the expenctant and attention-paying tilt to her head as she heeds Mark’s words and waits for him to buy film!
LaughingOnTheInside
October 11th, 2006 at 11:01 am [Reply]

Molly keeps changing sizes because she doesn’t understand her relationship to the space-time continuum.

Meanwhile, Wilbur’s worried he might be asked to make an impromptu speech and Chinbeard is whispering snide remarks. I wonder if Mary Worth ever asks herself why she hangs out with these dorks.
David C
October 11th, 2006 at 11:02 am [Reply]

121 – “…never where casual acquaintances were forced to comment”

I can think of one example, albeit a fictional one. At Livia’s funeral on *The Sopranos*, the Janet gets the idea they should all “share their memories,” and poor Hesh is cornered into saying a few words about the horrible deceased. Funniest funeral ever!
SmartPeopleOnIce
October 11th, 2006 at 11:10 am [Reply]

Farewell today
Travel on now
Be on your way
Go safely there
And never worry, never care
Beyond this day

Farewell tonight
To all joy and to all delight
Go on, go peacefully
We can’t keep your majesty
Be on your way

Make ready for the last King of May
Make a cardboard crown for him
And make your voices one
Praise a crazy mother’s son
Who loved his life
The Original Steve-Dave
October 11th, 2006 at 11:18 am [Reply]

Aldo’s own cousin only knew him briefly?
Is Mr. Kane being eloquent, or should the word cousin have finger-quotes around it?
Justafoob
October 11th, 2006 at 11:21 am [Reply]

Gotta love a sensitive guy like Granthony. The gal you have been pining for for all these years has had her beloved Gwampa way-laid by a stroke and is having to spend the day giving deposition about the violent attempted rape she endured over a year ago and has just put out of her mind.

Good time to be thinking about boinking her brains out.

Cad.
UncleJeff
October 11th, 2006 at 11:38 am [Reply]

From an Irish funeral (supposedly) –
PRIEST: I’m new to the area and didn’t know the deceased personally, so I’d like to ask the congregation to come forward and say a few good words about this man.
(mumbles and coughs from the audience)
PRIEST: C’mon now, somebody has to say something nice about this man.
VOICE FROM THE CROWD: His brother was worse.
Mountain Mama
October 11th, 2006 at 11:41 am [Reply]

#73—-Do some mothers want their daughters to live comfortably close by and marry the nice boy from high school, even though he does nothing for the daughter? Or worse, stay married to an alcoholic, because “you knew he drank when you married him”? Do some mothers want their daughters to never move more than 20 miles away from home, let alone 2500 miles? Do some mothers want their divorced daughters to remain single and lonely and never remarry, even though the daughter could have unending happiness if she does? IS IT POSSIBLE????

Unfortunately, heart-rendingly, mind-bendingly, yes. Not that I would know anything at all about that situation. Not me! No, sir!

Ahem. Carry on.
some guy
October 11th, 2006 at 11:53 am [Reply]

127–is there ever a bad time?
Zikar
October 11th, 2006 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

Ok, most everybody else took what I wanted to say, Chinbeard is an asshole, Granthony is a perv, so on and so forth, but, there are two areas not taken yet! Yipee!

Spiderman: First panel is comedy gold. Doc Ock sounds like a whiny retard…”Come on…I’m committing crimes here! What does a guy gotta do? Look! Look! Jaywalking! SPIDERMAN!”
More importantly, though, this marks the first time in months that Spiderman is actually fighting a supervillian! The buildup was intense, derailed by crackhead Jonah and sightseeing, but, by God, after how long, the fighting begins!

Phantom: Like a petty criminal, we now have Ghost-who-forgets-little-things-like-the-ring-that-left-a-gigantic-mark-on-the-bad-guys-face! What I find more funny, however, is that the (by Phantom’s words) poor, stupid, slow saps that Ghost-who-is-a-jerk recruited so long ago have the ability to put two and two together…of course, TAKING THE SAME DAMN WOLF CRUISING AROUND TOWN WITH YOU WASN’T SO SMART EITHER! Ugh…

Oh, ok, I just saw one more, in Rex. Tommi Lee/Nikki Sixx/Elvis, in the first panel has the same exact finger action like the Charterstone Four Inteventionists of the Apocalypse!
ohyes
October 11th, 2006 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

What are those guys thinking, in Mark Trail?

“Chained bear? BEAR-BAITING! Turn lose the dogs and grab a seat.”
Gabe
October 11th, 2006 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

I demand an “Aldo Lives” tshirt (quotations optional). I’d buy it.
Non-Shannon
October 11th, 2006 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

Oh my sweet Jebus. You know what I just thought of? Is there anyone else out there who lives in the Austin, TX area who’d like to put together a Mary-Toby-Ian-Wilbur Halloween quartet? That’d be horribly awesome!!!!!
tefflan
October 11th, 2006 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

Cemeteries are so creepy, aren’t they? Especially when we all know that NO comic character ever ends up in one unless they have been knocked off by their creator, and I ain’t talkin’ about Yahweh, neither.

My Motorola Razr has a function on it called the “Mary Worth Death Probability Predicter.” Mary Worth’s probability of death stands at a flat 0.000%, no matter what you set the parameters at. She is not frightened of being at a cemetery because she knows she will never reside there. However, if you set the “Prof Cameron” settings at the following: petty bickering, .50; self-aggrandisement, .305; clever comments, .225; and looking like an idiot, 1.00, then hit the “run” button, we find that Prof Cameron’s fear of being a homosexual climbs to almost unity as his change of being knocked off by a soccer mom driving a Volvo stationwagon reaches 15%. This shows us that anything coming at him that even remotely resembles a woman might send him into a gay panic (yes, I know he’s married to Toby, but it’s just a cover, as we all know).
Justafoob
October 11th, 2006 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

#130 The only bad time is when you think about doing the nasty with a saint. You have to be pure of heart and have lived among the virtuous natives of Mtigawskingo to be able to put your lips onto the sacred privates of Liz.
Merdz
October 11th, 2006 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

DTM: Dennis is well on his way to being the neighborhood drug dealer. This is, after all, what happens to menaces when they grow up.

FOOB: It’s one thing that a discussion of attempted rape would trigger lustful thoughts, it quite another thing to be wearing a freakin’ turtleneck in your fantasy! Someone please shoot Granthony now.

MW: You’re his cousin. What do you mean you only knew him briefly? Are you seriously holding a funeral just for the benefit of Charterstone folks?
Bitter Scribe
October 11th, 2006 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

I get the feeling that by the time this is over, Mark is going to be really, really sorry he didn’t invest in a digital camera.
Lurky McLurker
October 11th, 2006 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

#115 I’m actually having trouble finding the most recent Family Circus on the Internet, what’s up with all these damnable pay sites, oh well, I like how the FC official site has a compilation of comics that did a take-off on them.

I think Aldo’s cousin Hal(do) is really him, he just took the pillow from under his shirt, removed the `stache, and combed the bangs.
Johnny Q
October 11th, 2006 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Niki should say, “This is MY money! I stole it by myself!”
LaughingOnTheInside
October 11th, 2006 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

MT: That’s got to be the best drawing of a squirrel’s armpit I’ve ever seen.
ohyes
October 11th, 2006 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

A3G: LuAnn isn’t just tired, she’s bored. That Alan is so tedious, so lame. His protestations of love at a distance are so… empty, empty.
Krazy Kat
October 11th, 2006 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

FOOB-Well, in Granthony’s defense, she probably is feeling pretty vulnerable just now.

BC-Words fail me. What the hell is this?
benro
October 11th, 2006 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

In that last panel of today’s Mary Worth, it’s not clear whether it is Hal Kane or Mary who is saying that, as the voice balloon seems to be up for grabs. Anyway, it’s kind of odd for Hal to be reassuring Mary that the funeral won’t take long, as if he’s apologizing for their inconvenience.

Poor Aldo, he has been nothing but an inconvenience to the Charterstone crowd, even in death.
Justafoob
October 11th, 2006 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

So Granthony will go for the vulnerable bang and get Liz knocked up.

That will ensure that Dudley will remain in Mtigawskibum in the arms of his native harem.
ragthetiger
October 11th, 2006 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

#134: I’m nowhere near Texas – but for that, I’ll move.
Jeff R.
October 11th, 2006 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

143: Likewise. Can someone please explain this to me? I mean, I sort of guess that Ape and the Bush are both ‘weird things that believers in evolution/the Bible are supposed to believe in’, but I don’t think that the Bush’s not being consumed by the fires are even part of that story, let alone the major objection to it. And what does this have to do with pollsters?

Maybe, working together, we can reconstruct the attempted humor in this strip. But I can take it no further.
David C
October 11th, 2006 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

“Maybe, working together, we can reconstruct the attempted humor in this strip. But I can take it no further.”

Ooh, I sense big possibilities here! CSI: King Features Syndicate Comedy Scene Investigators!
JonboyDC
October 11th, 2006 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

I’m strangely touched by Hagar’s admission that he’s illiterate.
Albatross
October 11th, 2006 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

#137 Merdz: not only is he wearing a turtleneck in his fantasy (or memory?), but Lizardbreasts seems to have his moustache into her mouth. Maybe he’s not dreaming of being kissed: maybe he is dreaming of getting the rancid-butter smell of yesterday’s pizza sucked out of his ’stache.
David C
October 11th, 2006 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

Hang on, I think I’ve cracked the B.C. case!

Deconstructed, a bird (no clue what the bird is supposed to symbolize) is speaking with George W. Bush.

Bush is “burning” because his poll numbers are low.

Bird: “Your poll numbers are low, but you haven’t been destroyed!” (I.e., Bush hasn’t changed his policies to get better poll numbers, or resigned, or started doing what Democrats tell him to.)

Bush: “Yeah, the pollsters are pissed off because I haven’t bent over backwards to please them.” (I.e., Bush is sticking to his guns, isn’t terribly concerned by bad polls since he’s not running for a third term….)

Bad Comedy Forensics at work!
Allie Cat
October 11th, 2006 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

FOOB – Is there any chance that Lynn J. is just trying to set us up to think that Lizardbreath and Blandthony with end up together, but in the end, she’s going to kick him in the teeth yet again and have Liz end up with Paul.

Is she clever enough to pull that off? She clearly, inexplicably loves Anthony, but…why? He was a good non-threatening high school boyfriend. Beyond that, he’s a good father who got a bum steer by marrying a shrew, but…SO WHAT? He and Liz haven’t dated in maybe six years – have they not changed a lot in that time?

Why am I giving this as much thought as I am?

Maybe I need an intervention.
Mazeville
October 11th, 2006 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

# 150 Albatross:

OK, now I’m officially ill.

Has anyone actually tried to write Lynn J. and plead with her about this story line? I’m actually generally pro-FBOFW (I like sappy, sometimes), but this impending union grosses out even ME.
benro
October 11th, 2006 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

I don’t think that is a turtleneck. I think they are both naked..
SmartPeopleOnIce
October 11th, 2006 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

Channeling Peter Griffith: Holy Crap! It’s the children of the corn!

In other news:

FOOB I can’t bring myself to follow the tragic kingdom that is FOOB and here’s a good example why. Not only is what’s his name fantasizing about what’s her name in the middle of a police parking lot, his fantasy-self has man-boobs. Yeah, just close your eyes and think of Ernest Borgnine. You be Clara Peller.

Could there be anything more depressing?

Oops, there is. You know you’re a Plugger if god lets you live with a head like that. She looks something the Tick should be fighting. Spoooon!

Speaking of god, some good folks here have been puzzling over this. If you want to understand BC, you must understand Hart. Try this and substitute “non-christian” for “zebra”. Interesting factoid: You know those people who believe Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs to church? They outnumber the people with college degrees in this country by 2:1. Halllo unbeeliva neeba!

MT Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Yeah, Let’s do it. Unless that first line was supposed to be from Molly (hey ya never know) then baseball cap dude is talking to himself. …so I says to myself, myself I says, if you’re like me, and I know I am, then I’ll have what I’m having… Then again, if the question was directed to the driver guy, the answer probably would have been: Waffles?

And I must say, I called it Sunday: squidgy .. squidgy.. squidgy…

DTM A single four letter word inserted in front of the caption makes this glorious: Your..

Phantom The ring!. H-His mark!

Those chinos.
Justafoob
October 11th, 2006 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

Liz has never been naked since the day she was born.
ohyes
October 11th, 2006 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

B.C. interpretative reading:

Our President speaks in the form that God assumed to reveal His laws.

Bush is not being “consumed,” that is, people are not “buying” his act. For example, 85% of the public now recognize that he is lying and hiding reality about Iraq, according to a poll released this week.

This “frosts” pollsters, because their job is to find any uptick, say from 37% approval to 39% approval, that can dutifully be reported as a “Bush bounce” in all the media.

Didn’t want to get into politics, but people are asking what it means. Maybe this isn’t what was meant, though.
Krazy Kat
October 11th, 2006 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

MT- I think it would be cool as hell to ride around with a bear in your Jeep!
MossMoses
October 11th, 2006 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

Even Granthony’s wet dreams are dull and lifeless. Lizardbreath must have gotten a mouthfull of brush bristles from that face sucking. Only a needy, prematurely aged loser like Blandthony fantasizes kissing rather than say a blow job or mating or something.
Spunde
October 11th, 2006 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

I’d say what we’ve got is a Ghost-Who-Looks-Damn-Sharp-In-Khakis-Black-Windbreaker-And-Fedora.

But why is he tailing Vincent Van Gogh?
Senator Wizzrobe
October 11th, 2006 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

Is it me, or does Mary appear to be pouting in the final panel? No doubt this is because no attention is being focused on her at the moment.
rich
October 11th, 2006 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Migraina — wait, wrong strip — Niki’s mother, whatever her name is, goes from scary and skanky in panel one to super-cute (albeit with skanky hair) in panel two. Whyizzit??

MT: Mark Trail is the WORST animal guardian EVER!!
Dorianne
October 11th, 2006 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

#139, Mountain Mama, point taken!

#152, Allie Cat, I keep hoping so too, but then, I went and looked this up….

In The Lives Behind the Lines, a FoobWorld retrospective by Lynn Johnston (YES, I own this, OK? It was a gift, damn it! I keep it in the bathroom), she actually writes so glowingly of Anthony that it’s kind of creepy. Take this exerpt, for example: “In fact, he’s the kind of kid that a girl’s mother would point out. ‘See him? Wait twenty years and he’ll knock the socks off any jock in the city! That’s the kind of guy who’s going to do well in whatever he chooses to do, and by golly – when he’s got a little gray in his hair, he will be so handsome that every woman at your twentieth high school reunion will wonder why they didn’t beg him to go out with them when they had the chance!’”

Um, projecting a little much, Lynn?

Which really makes me grieve for Liz’s future.

#153, Mazeville, yes, I actually did think about writing, crazy as it seems. But then I thought, yeah, I am taking this wayyy to personally! Anyway, after reading everything Johnston wrote about Anthony in the book I mentioned above, I don’t think her mind can be swayed. *sigh*

I really am taking this too personally. But still, I sure hope MY ma isn’t holding out some vicarious high school boyfriend hopes for me…
Dorianne
October 11th, 2006 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

Oops, sorry, that was #129, not #139….
tefflan
October 11th, 2006 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

The artist that draws FBOFW has mastered the “Satan just goosed me” look that seems to be on the face of every single character in the strip. It appears to be a cross between desperation and frustration, but in the final analysis it simply defies description.
Mooncity
October 11th, 2006 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

I still say that Aldo’s not dead. His death was faked, and until I see his rotting, mangled corpse and can run conclusive DNA tests on it, I’ll stick to my guns AND my Aldo Death Conspiracy Theory.

That’s right! The conspiracy to end Aldomania is unravelling day by day. First, two distinctly different models of car, the the one Aldo drove, and the other car, which crashed. Then the doomed driver covering his face to conceal his true identity. And we’ve never actually seen the corpse from the wreck. It all adds up to “NotAldo” in that coffin, and NOT Aldo Kelrast.

So, WHO was the driver of the second car, you ask? The car which drove off Grassy Knoll Cliff, and crashed, killing its occupant? Well, lemme give you a hint courtesy of fellow card Gnome de Blog…

… has anyone seen ol’ Doc Jeff lately?

Doc Jeff has been missing for way to long for there not to have been some foul play. I say Aldo put a newly-arrived-back-in-town Jeff in that second car, so he could take out the competition for Mary’s love. Now Aldo will assume Doc Jeff’s identity, and promptly take up with Mary once more… and still not get any.

Aldo and Ol’ Mary
(sung to the theme from “Chico and the Man”)

Aldo, don’t be discouraged,
Ol’ Mary, she ain’t so hard to understand.
Aldo, if you try now,
I know that booze can lend a helping hand.

Because there’s good in everyone
And a new day has begun
You can see the morning sun if you try.

And I know, things will be better.
Oh yes they will for Aldo and Ol’ Mary!
Yes they will for Aldo and Ol’ Mary…!
anne
October 11th, 2006 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

dear reader-who-posts: your comment (13) made me laugh, and nearly spit up. thanks for that.
tefflan
October 11th, 2006 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

#166 Mooncity: I think you’re on the right track. I’m going to do some research into your theory and try to validate your findings. I say the whole thing stinks on ice, and won’t believe any of it until I see some autopsy photos or other conclusive evidence that Aldo was driving that car, or cars. Who the hell knows, there may have been as many as THREE cars involved in this little deception. Hang in there. We’ll get to the bottom of this.
snuff film
October 11th, 2006 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

How’s this for TDIET:

Whyzit that Touchy Theresa always complains about men making jokes about retards… [Theresa looking angry, wagging her finger at a group of men, saying "Wakkity wakkity wak wak!" as the men look taken aback] …but when she finds out her own child is to be born with a mental defect, she wants to have an abortion! [Theresa points to her belly, and tells a doctor, "Whennaya gonna git this dunce out of me?"]
treadwell
October 11th, 2006 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

re: FOOB “Satan goosed me stare”…

I’m too lazy to search the archives to confirm, but I seem to remember sometime in the 80s where Lynn started drawing all eyes that way. That is, if my cobwebs serve me, there was a time that she didn’t. I think it came into being when middle-school-age Liz got eyeglasses, and Lynn had trouble making the eyes recognizable within the lenses.
MossMoses
October 11th, 2006 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

10. Fred P. – Only evildoers call him “Trail”. Does this mean the terr’ists have won yet?
mcmc
October 11th, 2006 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

I fear that Ian’s inappropriate humor is the first hint of a degenerative brain disease, Creutzfeldt-Jakob Syndrome or something of the kind. He will become less and less able to censor himself, begin to stagger like a zombie, lose all semblance of rationality, and eventually keel over and die, hopefully on top of Toby. This will be a just punishment for his intellectual pride. The world of Mary Worth is harsh but fair.
Uncle Lumpy
October 11th, 2006 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

#171 MossMoses -

More likely it means Fred P. is an evildoer!
K Bear
October 11th, 2006 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

162. laughed with your MT comment.

I can’t make better comments on today’s comics (which i was forced to read today to find out what Chinbeard said, thanks so much), but about that sending mails to Lynn idea…I second the motion. What if we start a petition? Can anyone make a website where people who don’t want Liz to end up with Blanthony can sign? Sort of like the “make dvds of my cancelled show you morons!” sites made for northern exposure and nikita and the like? Maybe it would give Lynn some perspective. Might not work, but hell…at least we tried something.

And on another subject, could somebody please tell me what the hell Jeremy is carrying around when he gets home from the poker game? Is that his rolled up shirt? Because it looks more like one of those vacuum sealed packs of ribs or bacon you get at costco. Any thoughts?
Cedar
October 11th, 2006 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

snuff film–your tasteless joke combined with your handle makes me suspect you’re this guy I dated awhile ago. Do you live in Minneapolis, by chance?

I was assuming that Blandthony’s missing mustache in his horrible fantasy meant he was remember the last time he kissed her, which would have been in high school. Am I right, or did they date afterwards? Regardless, dude is pathetic and I can’t stand looking at him.
Mooncity
October 11th, 2006 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

I don’t think I’d wanna be buried in that place. I mean,[i] look [/i]at it! Leaving aside the mourning-one-of-their-members barbershop quartets roaming freely around, when was the last time someone mowed the damned grass at this cemetary?!

Aldo LIVES!
Renee J
October 11th, 2006 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

Foob: Grandpa Jim (pre-stroke) had better fantasies than Blanthany.
King Dogmeat
October 11th, 2006 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

#32: Thank you for the Family Circus/Nietzsche site. I knew someday somebody would find a perfect use for that comic strip. I think Cathy would work well with random quotations from Mein Kampf, but I’m too lazy to set up a web page for such a formidable project.
Poteet
October 11th, 2006 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

#138 & 141 — Bitter Scribe and LOTI — Thanks for distracting me from my deep fears for Molly by providing excellent laughs.

To all you writers of comments on Foobville — Thank you, thank you. For so long, my sister and I thought we were the only people unbalanced enough to actually think about and try to analyze that strip. But now, we’ve found a haven, a refuge, an entire community of spot-on wonderfully sarcastic Foobville analysts. Oh Toto, there’s no place like home.
Chris
October 11th, 2006 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

Snuff film #169…brilliant.
dramashoes
October 11th, 2006 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

Has everyone seen today’s Mary Worth? I don’t know about you but my opinion of Professor Cameron has changed. I used to think he was a somewhat arrogant but generally harmless windbag. Now I know that he is a loathsome, condescending, disrespectful, elitist piece of shit. I wish he’d been in that car instead of poor Aldo. Seriously.
rich
October 11th, 2006 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

Really, after all that Molly’s been through, for Mark Trail to say “just sit there in the jeep while I run some errands”! — and mere months after similarly shoddy parenting led to his faithful Andy being dognapped! I mean come on, the bear hangs out in hospital rooms, how hard would it have been for Mark to let him into the cabin? “Just hang out there in the barcalounger until I get back. Watch some tv — you know how to use the remote.”
roydrink
October 11th, 2006 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

Geez, everyone missed Josh’s cameo role today.

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2006/10/11&name=Luann

first panel, non-speaking part.
Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
October 11th, 2006 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

Threeoutoffourbloggers Girl has made me forget all about Gitsum Girl.
Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
October 11th, 2006 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

I like the way Mark is driving today. I often have no tires on the road as I head out to buy film. But to keep Molly under control, shouldn’t he have taken the old Checker Station wagon?

What is film, anyway? Something to wrap up leftovers?
blase
October 11th, 2006 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

Apt. 3G: I’ve only now started reading this strip, being new to this blog. Has anyone tried to explain why the characters look like generic 1970’s clip art for hair salons?
Zikar
October 11th, 2006 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

#181 – Dramashoes, I couldn’t agree more! Of course, I wish that all of the Charterstone Four Sociopaths of the Intervention would have been blown to platitude hell instead of Aldo.

Take heart, though, Aldo is in heaven, far from the naysayers, while they will be in Hell licking Satan’s ass for all eternity. (Too much? Sorry, Mr. Hart.)
Summerhouse
October 11th, 2006 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

To those wondering about BC – the Apteryx, “a wingless bird with hairy feathers” is a recurring character from a zillion years ago, when clams had hands and BC was actually funny. On rare occasions, I have introduced myself in the manner of the Apteryx. Nobody ever gets it. Re: the burning bush part, my explanation is attempted in # 84.
Kate
October 11th, 2006 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

Chinbeard is loathsome. But so was Aldo. I am glad Aldo is dead. My only sorrow is that, as the car went over the cliff, Chinbeard’s weewee wasn’t caught in the tailpipe.
Binky Betsy
October 11th, 2006 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

If you want to express your displeasure with FOOB, write to the syndicate.

Universal Press Syndicate
4520 Main Street
Kansas City, MO 64111-7701

You’re right when you say that LJ won’t care, but the syndicate has to protect their interests.
Trapper
October 11th, 2006 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

Actually, to me, it seems the MW group was going to break out in song. I mean it looks like Mary herself is carrying around a harmonica, about to break out in some good ol’ burial tune…….
Pinback65
October 11th, 2006 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

Okay, I’ve reread today’s B.C. armed with the various explanations posted here. Still doesn’t make sense, and in addition, I’m struck by the desire to beat this strip, beat it without mercy, and taunt and spit on it as it lies quivering. Does that seem harsh? Or reasonable?
SmartPeopleOnIce
October 11th, 2006 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

We didnâ€™t really know Aldo Kelrast! If asked, our words would be insufficient, as was our knowledge of him.

Doesn’t Wilbur know that more information about Aldo Kelrast can be found on the internet?
Sheilagh
October 11th, 2006 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

JohnboyDC, I submit that if rumors were swirling about Aldo MURDERING his wife, there wouldn’t have been a tombstone for the two of them together.

BTW, they just plain dropped that whole thread about the murder. No fair! I wanna know if Mrs. Kelrast met an untimely end, or what.
Sheilagh
October 11th, 2006 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

#163, Dorianne, the mind BOGGLES. “Thatâ€™s the kind of guy whoâ€™s going to do well in whatever he chooses to do” — wha???? He’s the lackey at GORDON’s amazing mega-dealership. He frosts the goddam CINNAMON BUNS. He is a major, big league, capital-L LOSER. “Do well” my ASS — I suppose he “did well” in his MARRIAGE, for instance?

Oh, the whole thing makes me tired. Liz, Liz, run off with goddam Paul before it’s too late……….
Richard Onley
October 11th, 2006 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

#91: “this doesnâ€™t explain why thereâ€™s no hole”

How deep a hole do you need to bury quarter-of-an-inch-thick roadkill?

#101: “wtf is DSL?”

Dripping salty lachrymosities?

#108: “please shoot me if I have a bunch of hecklers like those four at my funeral ”

It is kind of like Mary Science Theater 3000, isn’t it?
rich
October 11th, 2006 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

190: Also, if you go to the foob website (www.fborfw.com), look under “Behind the Scenes” and click on the wittily(?) titled “Q and ‘Eh’” (which I took at first to be an expression of Lynn’s understandable malaise, though I now realize it’s a Canada joke), there’s a place to leave comments for Lynn’s staff. I sent them one this afternoon.

Oh, it looks like I misread Mark Trail — I thought they were outside Mark’s Country Hideaway all this time…should’ve recognized the “op” of “Shop.” But can you really kidnap, or gut, a bear in the time that it takes to buy film?
Genevieve
October 11th, 2006 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

While Lynn Johnston made me cry out in horror today I am hoping and praying that Granthony will let his feelings be known to Liz and she will join all of the readership by saying, “ewwwwwwwwwwwwww, noooooooooooo.” Someone needs to stop this fantasy and Lizardbreath is the only who can do it.
mumbles
October 11th, 2006 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

#191: to me Mary and the Worth(lesses) look like a college a capella group. They’re about to break into “The Longest Time” or some other song that kids aged 18-22 have no business knowing.
BewaretheCreeper
October 11th, 2006 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

The BC comic is the revelation that although fire and brimstone is being hurled at the Bush he just keeps on shining. The Bush is not concerned about the heat being inflicted but on doing the job the Bush was designated to do. Hope this helps to explain that everyone must heed the burning Bush! LOL
Mibbitmaker
October 11th, 2006 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

NS: The only “clueless male*” I can think of at the moment is David Wiley Miller!

MT: Molly can’t understand her own pituitary gland’s hostility towards her.

MW: Have you no sense of decency, Dr. Chinbeard? At long last, have you no sense of decency?

FC: At least he didn’t say, “Mibbiting”.

*(paraphrased)
Dorianne
October 11th, 2006 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

#179, Poteet, welcome home, hon. I felt exactly the same way.

#195, Sheilagh, I KNOW. Of course, keeping in mind the book was published in 1999….but you’d think the cartoonist, who is basically the GOD of FoobWorld, would have been able to predict one of its inhabitant’s future a little better??

All of which makes you have to wonder….if aliens have taken over Lynn Johnston’s brain….?

#197, rich, thanks for posting that! I did make a comment – a very sincere plea where I stated Lynn Johnston MUST also know how wrong Anthony is for Elizabeth, since she herself depicted him thinking about kissing her while she was talking about her attempted rape experience….

#198, Genevieve, from your lips to Lynn’s ears….
Marion Delgado
October 12th, 2006 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

I think the bush/Bush pollster connection is solid. Particularly gross and offensive is the implication that “the pollsters” are all in a conspiracy to get Bush, but the people truly love him. I wondered where my mom was getting that meme lately about the pollsters all being Bush and GOP enemies and therefore polls are false – I think the RNC started that after the 2004 discrepancies. But this one is an easy one in terms of exegesis.

I now think the Columbus day strip was a combination of what everyone was saying.

To sum it up, Hart was basically saying “yada yada, PC people. Western Europeans killed the Indians, enslaved the blacks, Hispaniola” and as a taunting response he talks about “buying” a baseball player from Haiti. The island Haiiti is on has produced several US baseball players (from the Dominican Republic). Haiti was a slave colony.

It’s simply an “in-your-face” about Columbus and about the European legacy in the New World. Clearly he thinks Columbus’ courage and what he believes to be his strong faith is being washed away by the application of modern standards in a PC way. As part of an attack on the West.

Basically, there are three right-wing big deal comics now, Mallard, Prickly and BC. AS A FORUM TOPIC, it might be fun to compare them. I’ll toss out the first red flag. of the three, mallard fillmore is actually by far the best :) IMO.
Dingo
October 12th, 2006 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

To BC: a burning bush isn’t funny; a burning Barbara Bush is.
Key Lime Pie
October 12th, 2006 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

Aldo questions:

How old was he when he, bottle in his cold dead hand, bit the dust?

What, aside from octagenerian ogling, was his occupation?
BethThe#20Fan
October 12th, 2006 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

Today, Mary quotes a Hall & Oates song.

Another H&O song could be said about all this: “You’re out of touch, I’m out of time.”
bumbleguppy
October 13th, 2006 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

#144 – Almost fell out of my chair laughing. I can see the Charterstone bunch turning to see, in Hitchhikers Guide fashion mile-high flaming letters:

“Sorry for the inconvenience – Aldo”
Jim Walsh
October 25th, 2006 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

The Mark Trail sketcher(s) obviously have a problem with the depth perception thing; for a minute there, I thought Mark & Molly were driving through the Land Of The Giant Squirrels…

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Apartment 3-G: Adult literacy edition

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