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Outlook: Not so rosy

Mary Worth, 10/15/06

Can I confess something to you? Like Toby, I’m looking for closure: Closure on the Aldo storyline. Sadly, I think this may be as close as we’re going to get. I think the best we can say about Mary’s thought-balloon trip here, which is redolent of an old Burma Shave ad, is that it’s short and to the point. At least she’s trying to make a good show of things: her moronic trio of friends are just openly gawking at her, as if they’d never seen an act of human kindness before in their lives.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/15/06

I was going to say that Rex contemplating whether or not June should quit her job without actually, you know, asking June is a bit retrograde, but then I realized that this is coming from the same creative team that’s having June parade about in a towel for our titillation.

It’s interesting that Rex is encouraging the only other medical professional who works in his practice to quit, especially since he recently agreed to help out at a free clinic for uninsured children. Maybe he finds being around his wife such a distasteful reminder of the heterosexual façade that is his life that he’s looking for any way to minimize his contact with her. “Yes, honey, you stay home with little Sarah, while I work at our practice … and the children’s clinic … I’ll be home … next week … maybe …”

Of course, it’s possible I’m misreading this and that Rex is talking about quitting his job for a while. In which case, I’m actually looking forward to the adventures of Rex Morgan, Unshaven and Unemployed Layabout.

Dennis the Menace, 10/15/06

In an attempt to recapture his “menacing” cred, Dennis assumes the powers of divine judgement and condemns Margaret to everlasting hellfire!

131 responses to “Outlook: Not so rosy”

  1. Dingo
    October 15th, 2006 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    Josh, everlasting hellfire for some of us is the spelling of “judgment” as judgement.

  2. Uncle Lumpy
    October 15th, 2006 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    Y’see Mary giving Aldo half the roses?

    F’n piker.

  3. AhClem
    October 15th, 2006 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    Is than Ann Coulter in the second MW panel? She looks angry enough.

  4. Lee
    October 15th, 2006 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    Toby: “I don’t know!”

    Translation: “I’ve never seen a woman enjoying her stalker’s death so much.”

  5. carla
    October 15th, 2006 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    I think Mary is high as a kite, too. The loopy gaze, the puff of exhalation in the last panel. Toby REALLY doesn’t know what Mary’s doing.

    Intervention time!

  6. Dub Not Dubya
    October 15th, 2006 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    Someone here needs to do a parody of that song “Kiss From a Rose.” You know, “I’ve been kissed by a rose on the grave.” That Karen Moy is really trying to be hip and modern. Too bad that song is several years old.

  7. Harry Paratestes
    October 15th, 2006 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    Somehow the pacing of those last panels in MW remind me of Marv’s speech patterns in ‘Sin City’. Maybe that’s where Santa Royale really is.

  8. reader-who-posts
    October 15th, 2006 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    How does the little ragamuffin know that June is married? Do all of her credit cards say “Mrs. Morgan”?

  9. Lydia
    October 15th, 2006 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    This resolution to the awesome Aldo storyline has pissed me off. Let me know when something cool comes up in MW; I’m going to ignore it in my anger for a while.

  10. BethThe#20Fan
    October 15th, 2006 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    I like how they conveniently chopped off Aldo’s birthyear. Why does Mary have that expression on her face in the last panel? Is Aldo paying her a visit like the ending of “Carrie”?

  11. Harry Paratestes
    October 15th, 2006 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: In the last panel. Nikki appears to be watching “The Hair Show”; apparently his interests lie in that area. His primitive attempts at becoming a hairdresser are the cause of his and his mom’s wretched ‘do’s. Perhaps he should placate Tommy Lee by offering to give him a ‘pageboy’ ‘do.

  12. TDB
    October 15th, 2006 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    That’s what cemeteries need…more vendors! And not just flowers either, beer, peanuts and maybe some cotton candy for the kids.

  13. walter
    October 15th, 2006 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    In Our Father’s House
    There are many a room
    Surely one’s for Aldo
    And his un-Maryed womb broom.

  14. Harry Paratestes
    October 15th, 2006 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    #10
    Maybe Aldo is giving her a ‘Grope from the Great Beyond’

  15. Harry Paratestes
    October 15th, 2006 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    #12
    An awesome idea! Especially if the vendors wander around the funerals and shout advertisements like the guys do in football and baseball stadiums. “PEANUTS! GET ‘EM’ WHILE THEY’RE HOT! BEER, THREE BUCKS A CAN!

  16. Len
    October 15th, 2006 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    I think Chickweed’s Seth Appleby is the only gay-identified comic strip character in mainstream newspapers. Sunday’s portrayal of him kissing Edda (for rehearsal of a ballet), and her envy of his boyfriend Mark, set me to thinking… Have they ever shown Seth and Mark kissing? Might be just too much for the newsprint-reading masses, but it’s a sad commentary.

    http://news.yahoo.com/comics/061015/cx_chickweed_umedia/20061510

    Meanwhile, in “Clear Blue Water,” Fluff Boy has revealled his upcoming civil ceremony to a (as yet unseen) boyfriend.

    And Brewster Rockett found a society of Faeries living under Doctor Mel’s chest of drawers.

    It’s been a rather gay weekend, all told!

  17. andreavis
    October 15th, 2006 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    #6– There’s no need to alter the lyrics to “Kiss from a Rose”… They work pretty well for Aldo as is:

    There is so much a man can tell you,
    So much he can say.
    You remain,
    My power, my pleasure, my pain, baby
    To me you’re like a growing addiction that I can’t deny.
    Won’t you tell me is that healthy, baby?

    Cuu-reepy! just like our dear Aldo…

  18. Ben
    October 15th, 2006 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    Joey the star quarterback? Even in the afterlife, I think that bespeaks “delusions of grandeur.” Kicker, maybe.

  19. carla
    October 15th, 2006 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    #16

    Maybe there are a lot of closeted mainstream comic characters morosely thinking, “Gee whiz, a rather straight weekend for the nth time.” Then they swear in censored Sarge language and fantasize about the gay overtones in RMMD.

  20. LynnyM
    October 15th, 2006 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Double head-bob, here! It’s almost earthquake-like in nature. Or seizure-like.

    “Tommy, did you feel that? There’s electricity in the air!”

  21. moose
    October 15th, 2006 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    aint no titillation without tits.
    and how did they get aldo’s stone carved so quickly I know for a fact it takes 2 to 3 months.

  22. Mikel Podgorski
    October 15th, 2006 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    I though Rex was thinking about quitting his job, too. Either that, or the poor man is so out of touch with his wife that he has to lie to make casual conversation. If this is true, then I can only imagine the dialogue in future strips:
    “Rex, I missed my period!”
    “So did I, dear! Let’s celebrate!”
    “Don’t you know what this means?”
    “Of course I do!”
    Then there would be a blank panel of Rex looking smug and his wife looking aghast, then it would zoom in on her hate-filled visage and the final panel would be the police standing in front of Rex’s house, with the word balloon, “He tripped into the wine cellar, officer. That’s how he was stabbed in the neck with a broken bottle.”

    16- One of Mike Patterson’s friends from “For Better or for Worse” is also a confirmed homosexual. Or so says the Wikipedia entry on the comic.

  23. Key Lime Pie
    October 15th, 2006 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    That’s it…I want to be buried at the Circus Cemetery so that my interveners can buy roses to put on my grave.

    Sniff, sniff…I smell another bumber sticker in the works:

    “Death is clear cut. It’s life that isn’t.”

    My ass.

  24. JonboyDC
    October 15th, 2006 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    Not only is Rex considering giving up his job, he’s also apparently fantasizing about finding a zillionaire to marry. I expect that any day now, the title of the strip will change to Rex Morgan, Kept Boy.

  25. Bill Peschel
    October 15th, 2006 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    If the MW folks were on the ball, the sole panel of Mary saying “Death is” would make a bitchin’ T-shirt.

  26. Freezer
    October 15th, 2006 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    RM,MD: And then we find out that our androgynous young felon is actually the child June gave up during her days as a C-student in high school, and we’ll spend the next couple of years with “him” and June running into each other, Niki stealing some precious memento that brings “him” closer to the truth, only to be set aside for months for another storyline…

    Oh, wait, that’s Funky Winkerbean again… This will probably end with Rex punching someone out. (He hasn’t done that in a while, actually…)

  27. Slylock
    October 15th, 2006 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    #2: I’m afraid life isn’t so clear cut.

    Mary is clearly buying nine roses in panel three. Panel four: still nine. By panel six she’s (possibly) down to eight. Then she puts all eight roses on Aldo’s grave, leaving her with at least four.

    Where did those come from? You work it out. I’m tired.

  28. Freezer
    October 15th, 2006 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    #16 – the “climax” of the “Asteroid” storyline had the various 9CL couples kissing, including Mark and Seth. One of the August strips, IIRC.

  29. Occam
    October 15th, 2006 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    #21 Moose:

    Not only does the tombstone carving take time, tombstones are typically not put in place for several weeks after burial because the ground has to settle first. Otherwise, the stones would fall over. Which sounds like an ideal ending for Mary Worth … Aldo really does get his revenge.

  30. weiser
    October 15th, 2006 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    What’s with Mary’s expression in that last panel? Did she just see something horrifying? Perhaps she realized something’s not quite right here.

    I mean maybe she finally noticed that not only is the headstone engraved with the year, Aldo’s grave is completely covered with year-old grass and he just “died” a week or so (has it only been a week?) ago. She’s been “punked” or is at least the victim of a cruel, cruel joke, and now she finally gets it. Just wait ‘till she tells the others.

  31. leo
    October 15th, 2006 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    Who’s with Margaret? and how can she switch from Caucasian to Asian?

  32. Fred P.
    October 15th, 2006 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    I think that after the “beeper” cartoon, Dennis should be henceforth known as “Denniz tha’ Menniz!” This DOES NOT mean that the comic doesn’t suck, though.

  33. Brendan
    October 15th, 2006 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    10, 30:

    Right on! I saw Mary’s expression in the last panel and assume the Aldo storyline is not over yet. While I think the idea that she’s been punked is solid, I prefer to imagine one of two things:

    1. Aldo’s reanimated corpse is clawing through the ground, poised to turn Mary Worth into Mary Worth vs. the Living Dead.

    2. As the car crashed, Aldo was stung by a bee and was buried still in anaphylactic shock; Mary gasps as she sees the bell pull attached to Aldo’s now-underground wrist beginning to twitch.

  34. Uncle Lumpy
    October 15th, 2006 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    #31 Leo -

    Probably Gina – she’s Italian.

  35. weiser
    October 15th, 2006 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    33, The was-never-dead scenario works best for me.

    That would explain the totally lame ”funeral”; no mourners, no service, no church, no cleric (a “man of the cloth” wouldn’t participate in such a ruse), no reception, no funeral home, no casket, no taps (no messin’ with the US Armed Forces), just an unkempt cemetery, a bogus headstone and cousin Hal.

    Can’t wait to see what’s next. Ashton Kutcher or Aldo himself

  36. Anonymous
    October 15th, 2006 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    “Maybe I should come back home to take care of Sarah.”
    “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

    A.) Your daughter was ostensibly on death’s door for weeks (or hours–I can’t really keep the time straight in this world) and your big solution was to fatten her up with ice cream, but now that it’s just a simple dog-related injury, you decide to come home and take care of her?

    B.) Hey, Rex, your wife is there now. Get your stinking head out of that book and cross the bridge already!

    Yup, the Morgans should be up for Parents of the Year soon.

  37. Katie
    October 15th, 2006 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    Given the proximity to Halloween, is it too much to ask for Aldo-Thriller?

  38. dramashoes
    October 15th, 2006 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    This Christianization of Dennis the Menace disturbs me. The religious reference in Marmaduke might disturb me, if it made any sense at all.

  39. BethThe#20Fan
    October 15th, 2006 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    Awww Aldo was buried next to his dead wife. If I can see clearly, he was…71 years old? Am I reading right, he was born in 1935? I thought he was younger. I know his wife’s name was Elise but the way the strip is cut off, it looks like “Family Ties” mom Elise Keaton.

  40. Steve S
    October 15th, 2006 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    Your special guest artist for Rex In the next to last panel of Rex Morgan, MD has been Tom Tomorrow.

    Your special guest artist for June has been every kid from your high school who wanted to illustrate superhero comic books for a living.

  41. Summerhouse
    October 15th, 2006 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    I was completely freaked out by the next to the last panel of RMMD because I thought June’s towel was Rex’s left knee and the pillow was his right knee, leaving him in a stirrup-like position. Too much information! Do not want!

  42. Bombcar
    October 15th, 2006 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth is a stingy bitch; she can’t even give all the flowers to Aldo for his gravestone! Gotta keep some for herself!

    I cannot buy you happiness, I cannot by you years;
    I cannot buy you happiness, in place of all the tears.
    But I can buy for you a gravestone, to lay behind your head.
    Gravestones cheer the living, dear, they’re no use to the dead.

  43. Nehdeen
    October 15th, 2006 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    #39 – I noticed that, too. Either Aldo was remarkably well-preserved, or something sinister was going on…

  44. Poteet
    October 16th, 2006 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    RMMD — I notice that June, like Niki and his mom, now appears to have a sea creature sitting on her head. If the sea creatures are contagious, I hope Rex will be next. He’s becoming the prettiest man in the comics, and I want to see what sea-creature hair will do for him.

  45. ben
    October 16th, 2006 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    #18 (the tastefully-named Ben) — you had a chance to say something about Joey being on special teams, and you blew it.

    “I’m special!”

  46. Flealick
    October 16th, 2006 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    #39/43 — I was taken aback by that as well. At first I thought it was just the poor resolution of the online comics, and the “5″ looked like a “3″. But the more I look, the more it definately reads 1935. One possible explanation is that the original artwork read 1935-1977, until someone reminded the creators of MW what century it is, and they just didn’t bother to correct the DOB as well as the DOD.

  47. phil
    October 16th, 2006 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    Gina – yes she’s “Italian”; i’m so old I remember when she was introduced as a new character to give Dennis a love interest much to Margarette’s chagrin. Damn.

  48. Summerhouse
    October 16th, 2006 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    In Sunday’s Judge Parker, who is that cute blond girl Horace is telling to put the kids to bed and he’ll be right along? Please say she is someone who does not have to have carnal knowledge of Horace. She’s a nanny, right? And the actual mother of the kids died from a chronic case of the willies. Ewww.

  49. Nori Chan
    October 16th, 2006 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    Actually, considering Margeret’s idea of heaven, maybe she would enjoy hell.

    So, I guess you could say everybody wins.

  50. Mibbitmaker
    October 16th, 2006 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    10/16:

    MT: Wow, I think that’s the first time I’ve ever seen a speech balloon say something itself! Also, who are the poachers in this new story again? Shake ‘n’ Bake?

    MW: Actually a nice little conclusion today. Uh, that is the conclusion… right?

    RIP, Aldo

    BBailey: Oh, god, let that be dirt!

    A3G: LuAnn: “Oh, Margo, go take a drunken drive off an unguarded road drop-off!”

  51. arto
    October 16th, 2006 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    I’m fairly convinced that Rex Morgan is quitting the medical practice to concentrate solely on his hugely popular blog, “Rex Appears in the Comics So You Don’t Have To.”

    Well, either that, or the whole “Troy’s secret identity” plotline has been a huge ruse designed to conceal his being Rex’s new sugar daddy.

  52. Dingo
    October 16th, 2006 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    In my eyes, it looks like “Aldo Kelrast 1935-2096.” Mary Worth is set in the future! A future without common sense.

  53. Dingo
    October 16th, 2006 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    Oh, that’s not the Sunday strip but the Monday one that looks like 2096.

  54. saint ruby
    October 16th, 2006 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    For what it’s worth, I assumed that Rex was talking about taking time off himself. But who the hell am I kidding.

  55. blase
    October 16th, 2006 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    MW: Not only does the headstone read 1935, but if you download the jpeg and zoom in on it, the death year reads 2096, appearing as if someone tried to write over “1996″. Which leads us to several possibilities:

    1. Stalkeroo, on the lam for murdering his wife, stole a dead man’s name a la Troy Gainer. Now he’s waiting in the shadows to see if Mary is weeping over his “grave”, whose date had been altered.

    2. This story arc was originally written ten years ago, but was rejected by the editors at the time for being too tasteless and maudlin (although now pretty tame by 2006 standards). Either that or they were afraid they’d get a letter from Bob Keeshan’s lawyers.

  56. blase
    October 16th, 2006 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    Heh, looks like everyone noticed this and wrote about it all at once.

  57. blase
    October 16th, 2006 at 1:03 am [Reply]

    (Oops, not everyone, just me and Dingo.)

  58. Dingo
    October 16th, 2006 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met. — Fran Lebowitz

  59. Craig Shergold
    October 16th, 2006 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    RMMD: June’s reflection in the mirror doesn’t make sense with her position vis-a-vis the dresser. It’s bad enough to have the random-hopping-about-the-room camera angles, but get the mirror reflections right.

  60. Summerhouse
    October 16th, 2006 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    10/16 RMMD – Rex says, “If I were married to Milton, and we summered at the Vineyard and wintered in South Beach and took the occasional jaunt to Monte Carlo to play baccarat and see Princess Steph, I …I’m sorry June, I’ve lost my train of thought. What were you saying about our hideous life together?”

  61. 10-96
    October 16th, 2006 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    I’m optimistic about Mary’s parted-lip-expression of surprise in the last panel, but dishearted there’s no accompanying head bobble lines. I want Aldo to be alive but I’m afraid Mary merely realized she gave the Cemetary Vendor Man a Benjamin & only got change for a $10. Our Mary’s no LuAnn but I think her head would bob like an apple if she discovered she’d been punked on a plot.

  62. Squeak
    October 16th, 2006 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    You what would have been cool? If the two signatures and the date in the last panel of MW were placed an inch lower, so they’d be on that tombstone – that would be cool!

  63. Canaduck
    October 16th, 2006 at 1:39 am [Reply]

    I think the best we can say about Mary’s thought-balloon trip here, which is redolent of an old Burma Shave ad, is that it’s short and to the point.

    She drops flowers
    And waxes poetic
    At Aldo’s grave
    Her friends
    Look pathetic.

    Burma-Shave.

  64. Shave Ezra
    October 16th, 2006 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    Is that Ian standing on the gravestone in the last panel?

  65. Wirrrn
    October 16th, 2006 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    MARY WORTH: My first thought with Mary’s Monosyllabic Thought-Balloon Eulogy was that she was attempting some kind of Haiku but couldn’t fit ‘Alcohol-related Defenestration’ into the Iambic Pentameter.

    REX MORGAN- Notice that 4th panel-June’s reflection in the mirror doesn’t quite match the ‘real’ June- the hair colour is more of a charcoal than a blue-black, and the doppleganger’s ‘do is a lot more straggly and with wild bald patches. Next panel, June moves away from the mirror- and her reflection *stays* there, turning around and growling through huge canines at Rex when no-one else is looking to remind him to stay away from all women or the succubi will get him when he sleeps…

    DENNIS THE MENACE: What bothers me here is that all the kids imagine themselves in Heaven- as kids! Either they’re part of some castration-happy suicide cult (explaining why they haven’t reached puberty in decades) or Dennis’ home-town has one hell of a Mortality Spike in the population growth charts.

  66. mdrew
    October 16th, 2006 at 2:59 am [Reply]

    65: What? Who was thrown from a window?
    Did I miss an exciting day at Charterstone?

  67. mdrew
    October 16th, 2006 at 3:24 am [Reply]

    Death is clear cut,
    It’s life that isn’t.
    The gorge took Aldo,
    but mine has risen.
    BURMA SHAVE

  68. Edward
    October 16th, 2006 at 3:50 am [Reply]

    He took a corner
    At ninety per,
    Now Charterstone’s short
    One drunk stalker
    BURMA SHAVE

  69. Shave Ezra
    October 16th, 2006 at 4:18 am [Reply]

    I meant “is that Wilbur standing on the gravestone in the last panel?”

  70. LB
    October 16th, 2006 at 4:32 am [Reply]

    toby’s glare is filled with disdain and contempt towards mary’s act of kinedness.
    it’s not “i don’t know .. :-\ ” but more like “i don’t know >-( ”

    i don’t understand her hostility towards aldo.

  71. Von Zeppelin
    October 16th, 2006 at 5:35 am [Reply]

    64-69 Shave Ezra–That is neither Wilbur nor Ian. It is a statue of Tomas de Torquemada, Grand Inquisitor of Spain, “hammer of heretics.” The book he holds before him is the Register of the Inquisition, detailing such sins as Conducting an Intervention without a License from Holy Mother Church, Hounding Poor Confused Alcoholics to their Deaths, Self-Righteousness in the Extreme, Grotesque Hypocrisy, and Having a Beard with No Mustache. His grim visage reminds the Charterstoners that they will never have “closure,” but be haunted forever by the deserved guilt for their actions.

    Oh, Mary–nice thought, the flowers.

  72. JonboyDC
    October 16th, 2006 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    In the last panel of the 10/16 A3G, why is Tommie suddenly three feet taller than Margo and LuAnn? Did she suddenly climb a ladder? Is she secretly one of those stretching superheroes? Or did a ghost from Alan’s studio follow LuAnn home and decide to randomly levitate Tommie?

    And apparently B.C. is set approximately one thousand years before the advent of modern archeology. I guess 900 A.D. was too long for the title of the strip.

    Judge Parker – If the “family man” conversation taught me anything, it taught me to expect an entire week of these two guys on the phone using the words “family values” and “drunk wife” in every day’s dialogue.

  73. AhClem
    October 16th, 2006 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    Mary told Aldo
    That they were through.
    Now rest in peace,
    Sir Kangaroo.
    BURMA SHAVE

  74. Edward
    October 16th, 2006 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    Why is Rex reading a coupon book so intently? Doesn’t he have mandatory credit hours to complete to stay competent? The scary blond has more financial foresight than the idiot medics. Does he think there are really zillionaires? Gosh!

  75. Archivalist
    October 16th, 2006 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    It’s clear that Mary planned to do in Kapitan Kangaroo all along, given that his tombstone is already prepared and the looks of unquenchable evil she’s been giving for the duration of this interminable storyline whenever his name is mentioned. The “clearcut” panel only emphasizes this — Mary makes Dick Cheney look like Teddy Ruxpin in comparison.

  76. Pozzo
    October 16th, 2006 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    Mary’s thinking: “I’ve been saving this platitude for just such an occasion.”

    Here’s my take on the “Why is Aldo’s gravestone up so fast?” controversy? He actually died early this year, but came back (in a somewhat younger form than the 71 years he was when he died) in order to make life a living hell for Mary. It seems she rejected him back in third grade after he dipped her pigtails in the inkwell.

    And Rex, if you don’t want June, I’ll take her.

  77. Archivalist
    October 16th, 2006 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    He thought she rocked
    Which was just scary
    Now Aldo’s gone
    Don’t fuck with Mary
    BURMA SHAVE

  78. juggernaut
    October 16th, 2006 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Monday’s MW – is Aldo’s D.O.B. really 1935? I can’t quite make it out on my computer screen. The idea of a 71 year old stalker just ROCKS.

    Altho not as much as the tag-team of Jake and Snake Moore in Mark Trail. Best villain names EVER.

  79. Key Lime Pie
    October 16th, 2006 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    I guess Aldo is buried under the shredded wheat biscuit in front of his grave marker.

    Born 1935? He looked pretty good. considering.

  80. Rose
    October 16th, 2006 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    MW: That wistful “Aldo gave me flowers…” makes me think their are regrets about turning him down. Would it have been THAT bad Mary?

  81. mcmc
    October 16th, 2006 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    I think in that last panel Mary is breathing in the last faint threads of psychic energy that emanate from Aldo’s grave. The human sacrifice is complete. Mary will live on!

  82. leo
    October 16th, 2006 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    I’m just totally pointing this out, but in the last panel, she dosen’t just toss the whole bundle of flowers on Aldo’s grave, no, she keeps some for herself. Greedy bitch

  83. Concerned Citizen
    October 16th, 2006 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    It’s nice to have a flower vendor for those who couldn’t care less about returning to the gravesite on a second trip. The rest of the Charterstone gang is right to worry about Mary’s actions. They had just pissed on Aldo’s grave and now Mary will probably step on it and the car will smell funny when they drive back. Mary never forget the man who got away. If only she hadn’t called him a no-good shit during the intervention, he may have just bought a bottle of Sweet Rosy O’Grady and rear-ended a cop, instead of taking a flying lesson with Jack.

  84. Dingo
    October 16th, 2006 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    #83 CC: he may have just… rear-ended a cop

    My guttersnipe mind totally went somewhere you didn’t mean for it to go with that comment. But, what wouldn’t be better than sex with Mary?

  85. Donut
    October 16th, 2006 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail:

    Did anyone see the bear being taken?

    Why, no Mark! People are always leaving their bears in their cars! Lots of times, they forget to leave the windows open a crack, so their bears can get air. It’s good that you left your bear in an open jeep, so she could get plenty of air! You’re a real friend to nature, Mark!

    Yeesh.

  86. Concerned Citizen
    October 16th, 2006 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    #84 – Depends on the cop. Wait a minute, I just scrolled up to the comic, you’ve got a good point.

  87. Krazy Kat
    October 16th, 2006 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    MW-also, is it just me? Am I the only one who has failed to notice the prevalence of pushcart flower vendors hanging out around the graveyard?
    Since I’ve never seen one in my whole state I may have just found a new job.
    Krazy Kat’s Fresh Funeral Flowers

  88. dothedo
    October 16th, 2006 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    #12
    MW. A flower vendor at the grave yard, do they really do this? They can say you saw it first in Mary Worth. At least I saw it first there.
    As for the tombstone Aldo had it made the same time as his dear departed wife stone.
    Mine is up.(tombstone) and is just waiting for me. I do wish i looked as good as aldo . at 75 he looked better than i do at 65.

  89. Krazy Kat
    October 16th, 2006 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    Maybe that is our answer–Aldo drove past the cemetary to seek solace by his wife’s grave, notices that he already had his stone carved with (died) 2006 and, realizing he was in the 4th quarter already, figured it was better to snuff it than go to the trouble of having someone fix it later.
    I would.

  90. Derelict
    October 16th, 2006 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Since I’ve never seen [a cemetary flower vendor] in my whole state I may have just found a new job.

    Great work–if you can live on $25 a day or less. There’s one active cemetary in my town, and it gets just a couple of funerals a week. Mighty meager customer bases there.

    ———–

    Alas! Aldomania ends not with Aldo banging Mary, but with this wimpering funeral scene that is not even a vague simlacrum of any funeral I’ve ver heard of.

  91. nancysluggo4ever
    October 16th, 2006 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Me I’m surprised that #81 is the only one to have commented on that strange white cloud coming out of/going into Mary’s nose in the last panel on Sunday. If that isn’t a sign that Aldo’s not dead (or that Mary’s high as a kite) I don’t know what is.

  92. Harry Paratestes
    October 16th, 2006 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Given Aldo’s age at death, I’d say that his stalking was due to a serious Viagra addiction.

  93. Concerned Citizen
    October 16th, 2006 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    #91 – Looks like exorcism time. The Charterstone Pontiff, Chinbeard the First could have an intervention for the strangely linear spirit and bore it, and us, into submission.

  94. tefflan
    October 16th, 2006 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    MW: I don’t know what is worse. A short, sweet life on Mary Worth, or immortality on Mary Worth.

    Mary: “I’d like to say we’ll meet again someday, Aldo, but we won’t. I’m immortal. The Prof, Tobski, and Fatso, we’ll, I don’t know about them, but nothing can ever happen to me. After all, it’s MY comic strip. I haven’t aged a day in the last seventy years. I can do anything, say anything…hell, I can even drive off of a cliff, drunk as a skunk like you did, Aldo, and I’ll bet you dollars to granny’s douchebag I’ll walk away from the accident without so much as a scratch. Look, I’ve even TRIED to kill myself, and it doesn’t work. You remember a movie called “Groundhog Day?” Well, that was just a movie. This is reality. I have actually stabbed myself, shot myself, and electrocuted myself. I jumped off the north tower of the World Trade Center back in 1998. Nothing happened. I’ve been burned, crushed, frozen and drowned. I got stabbed through the heart by a sting ray. I walked barefoot through a nest of coral snakes. Didn’t even get sick. I even dressed up like a monk and put on a mask like the Lone Ranger’s to try to fool Moy and Giella into thinking it wasn’t me. Then I jumped under the Bronx Express. Know what happened? They put up some crummy statue to me in this very cemetery. Go over there and check it out. It’s over there, right behind me. See the inscription? ‘Nice try, Mary.’ That’s all it says. There is no way out. I thought it was over when the old “Apple Mary” strip ended way the hell back in the 1930′s. But nooooo! Three quarters of a century later, I’m as healthy as a horse and twice as ornery. I’ve even tried to mind my own business, and these three cretins keep getting my ass into trouble. I mean, all I was going to do was to ignore you, Aldo. I swear that’s all I was going to do. Then that idiot Toby comes up with this ‘intervention’ idea. I might have known it would happen. See, if I confessed to murdering you, Aldo, nothing would happen. I mean I could have shot you with a sawed-off shotgun at point-blank range at one of our patented Charterstone pool parties, and do you think the police would EVER show up? No chance. Hell, I could call ‘em and turn myself in, and nothing would happen. The storyline would change so fast that even I wouldn’t be sure I’d gunned you down. So that’s it, dear Aldo, eh, what was your name again? Kelstrap, eh, Kelfast, er…eh, what the fuck.”

  95. LittleGuy
    October 16th, 2006 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    MW: Roadside flowers *inside* a cemetery?

    RM: Mrs M is Towlie-HAWT!

  96. Snicker
    October 16th, 2006 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    #30

    It’s like the punchline to some (read: 95%) of those old ghost stories.

    “Aldo? You couldn’t have talked to Aldo, Ms. Worth. For you see, Aldo died thirty years ago…”

  97. gump worsley
    October 16th, 2006 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    You guys can keep ignoring it all you want, but no one — and I mean NO ONE — is exploring the many, many ways the word “punchbowl” can be used for humor like TDIET’s Al Scaduto.

  98. Canaduck
    October 16th, 2006 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    Ah, everybody does Burma-Shave better than me.

    Oh well. Great poems, guys.

  99. Desoto
    October 16th, 2006 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    I think Chickweed’s Seth Appleby is the only gay-identified comic strip character in mainstream newspapers. Sunday’s portrayal of him kissing Edda (for rehearsal of a ballet), and her envy of his boyfriend Mark, set me to thinking… Have they ever shown Seth and Mark kissing? Might be just too much for the newsprint-reading masses, but it’s a sad commentary.

    - Len

    What about Lawrence from FBOFW? Or has Lynn shoved him back into the closet?

  100. 2fs
    October 16th, 2006 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    Mark Slackmeyer and his partner (forget his name: the older-looking, conservative guy) from Doonesbury are gay.

  101. BostonBookEd
    October 16th, 2006 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Isn’t Rex Morgan talking about his own fantasies of hooking up with a zillionaire? Imagining himself in Heather’s dyed-white bridal shoes? “Being married to Milton Avery would be a full-time job!” he announces excitedly, his eyes staring into the distance dreamily… Of course HE’S thinking of quitting his job and being a housewife, caring for his zillionaire husband. And I’m sure he’d be excellent at it – look how pretty he keeps himself, even when going to bed?

  102. Trent
    October 16th, 2006 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    MW: I don’t think Chinbeard and Co. are standing by in dumbfounded horror at an act of kindness. I think they recognize the storm brewing in Mary’s mind. For years she’s been meddling in people’s affairs and yet the world remains as chaotic and befouled as before. But now she understands.

    Can we dare hope that Mary will set out to make the world more orderly, more… clear cut… now that she’s tasted the sweet nectar of death?

    DTM: Quietly passing by the morbid nature of children yearning for death in order to enter heaven, I think I know why the issue is foremost on their minds. Like the children in Family Circus, Dennis and pals never age. Either they’re already dead and this is purgatory (or hell, with Dennis as the devil’s chosen form for tormenting children) or they’re not the first children with their names in this neighborhood. The the moment their voices crack they’ll be on a shadowy train to a comics-world gulag and a new host of fresh-faced kiddies will be hauled out to take their places.

    RMMD: The secret to enjoying Rex Morgan is to take each strip seperately. Intentionally disregard all previous knowledge of who the characters are or what is “happening” and think of each one as an encapsulated work. The end result is a somewhat menacing surreal drama. Add in some quality hooch and RMMD turns downright Lynchian. Imagine the 80s glam-trash talking in Black Lodge backwards-speak to really get the full effect.

  103. yellojkt
    October 16th, 2006 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    Andy Lippincott came out to Joanie in Doonesbury back in 1976. One of Jeremy Zits good friends is light in the loafers. Satchel is gay, but just doesn’t realize it yet.

    Not that I’m keeping track or anything.

  104. Robert Whitaker Sirignano
    October 16th, 2006 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    “Apple Mary” must have met Tor in the THIMBLE THEATER strip in the thirties and drunk or bathed in the “Pool of the Never Die”, just as Popeye did. That might explain why 70 years on, she is still the same age. And still getting involved with strange people who can’t get a grip on their lives.

    Ah well.

    A thought: does the artist /writer of CATHY employ assistants to keep her art crappy?

  105. maerry
    October 16th, 2006 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    My theory is that Mary’s shock and horror is based on the fact that Aldo had already had her name and birthdate etched on to it.

  106. dothedo
    October 16th, 2006 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    # 92—Harry p.
    If Aldos stalking Mary was due to a serious Viagra addiction.I think i will stop taking it.Maybe that would help me with my own serious addiction.
    Internet Chat Rooms!

  107. Bloody Mary
    October 16th, 2006 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    Aldo should not have said Mary’s name 13 times when he was adjusting his bowtie in front of the mirror, or this never would’ve happened, old stalkers never learn.

  108. anonymous
    October 16th, 2006 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    BABY BLUES – I had to look at this, squinting, for a good 4 minutes because it looked like the girl in the center had a CHAINSAW sticking out of her neck. Apparently not, she’s standing in front of….what?….something – I can’t make it out – a towel rack? WTF? What kind of sloppy drawing is that, anyway???

  109. Bonwah
    October 16th, 2006 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    Regarding Aldo’s tombstone birth date of 1935… perhaps this has been discussed before, but could they *really* have meant he was 71 years old? With that head of hair?

    Granted, that’s about the right age for hitting on Mary Worth. And now I’m doubly impressed that he was able to chug Johnny Walker and drive at the same time. His turn signal should have been going for the last ten frames before he drove off the cliff.

  110. ragthetiger
    October 16th, 2006 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    mdrew wins the Burma Shave contest.

    Because I said so, that’s why.

  111. ragthetiger
    October 16th, 2006 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    mdrew wins the Burma Shave contest.

    Because I said so, that’s why.

  112. ragthetiger
    October 16th, 2006 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    (but I didn’t mean to say it twice)

  113. alsoReallySheila
    October 16th, 2006 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure Aldo’s hair was enhanced. The cut reminds me of an old coworker, who had three similarly colored wigs of differing lengths. He’d always sport the Aldo length the day after his “barber” appointment.

  114. blase
    October 16th, 2006 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    Another theory: It was all the colorists’ fault! After all, they couldn’t even decide on the hair color of the previous incidental character!

    And yet another theory: Aldo, in his hopeless state of arrested development, had Phil Spector syndrome, believing that a ’60′s-era hairpiece would somehow preserve the impression of virility.

  115. BethThe#20Fan
    October 16th, 2006 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    Mary really needs to start quoting Hall & Oates again because we all know she’s a maneater. All Aldo was trying to do was give her a little adult education, a little one on one and her kiss was on his list but now he’s out of touch and she’s out of time. Oh well, I guess that’s the method of geriatric love.

    I can’t go for that, no can do! This storyline, that is.

    I need to get a life.

  116. ragthetiger
    October 16th, 2006 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    #108: Anonymous, it took me a while, but – FWIW – I finally figured out it’s a water fountain.

  117. Craig Shergold
    October 17th, 2006 at 3:06 am [Reply]

    MW: frame 4: the railing is coming out of her mouth.

  118. anonymous
    October 17th, 2006 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    #116 – thank you! Your eyes are better than mine!

  119. JonboyDC
    October 17th, 2006 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    “The cut reminds me of an old coworker, who had three similarly colored wigs of differing lengths. He’d always sport the Aldo length the day after his ‘barber’ appointment.”

    Buddy Cianci, former mayor of Providence, had a number of different hairpieces for different situations, including one that was all mussed up for those times he was woken up to deal with some late night crisis.

  120. David Thiel
    October 17th, 2006 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    A couple of observations about the tombstone: either it’s asymmetrical or it has been replaced between panels. Also, in the final panel, the word “Kelrast” takes up so much room that it would be impossible to fit “Aldo” on the same line, assuming that the curve of the left side of the stone matches the right!

  121. Alan S.
    October 17th, 2006 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    #120 David, I just got here and was amazed no one had commented on the stone discrepancy. My guess was that there was too much Aldo, in too many pieces, to fit in one grave. Or maybe they couldn’t separate him from his awesome generic sports car and had to inter it too.

  122. nancysluggo4ever
    October 17th, 2006 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    #120 – 121: you’re both right…it ISN’T the same tombstone! In panel 6 there’s a flat part on the top left side of the tombstone before it makes its little arc, in panel 7 the arc comes right down to meet the side of the tombstone. I’m assuming of course that the left and right sides of the tombstone match…not even Aldo’s world was so f***ed up that he rest eternally under a lopsided tombstone.

  123. blase
    October 17th, 2006 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    …the Sunday/Monday tombstones would further fit in with the 1996 theory! …Because the original dates might not have included a Sunday strip during this part of the story!

    These buggyboos will haunt us for days! But I’ll bet it’s really due to having a bunch of different ghost artists working on the strip!

  124. blase
    October 17th, 2006 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    …and furthermore! Notice how the gravestones in panels 5 and 6 are the same shape as in the Monday strip, but not in the final panel of the Sunday strip. Unless that’s supposed to be Elise’s gravestone. Did she die that recently?

    I’m guessing panels 4,5, and 6 were really the original daily strip meant to run ten years ago. The ghost artist added the other Sunday panels without getting a chance to see the older panels that the syndicate told them they were going to add in.

  125. alsoReallySheila
    October 17th, 2006 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    # 119

    JonBoyDC, funny that both people who posted about hairpiece shenanigans are from DC! Correct me if I’m wrong about your handle.

  126. Key Lime Pie
    October 17th, 2006 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    Blase:

    I could not agree with you more. I knew, when Toby and Mary’s outfits changed in the time that it took for them to get to the funeral, that what we all were looking at was stock funeral panels conceived of long ago.

  127. j
    October 19th, 2006 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Homer: I sure could go for a hot dog right about now.
    Marge: Homer! This is a funeral!
    Vendor: HOT DOGS!
    Homer: WOO HOO!
    Marge: Do you just follow my husband around everywhere?
    Vendor: Lady, he’s putting my kids through college

  128. Cathy Viviano
    February 1st, 2010 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    June, it’s time to take off the towel and…well you know!

  129. Anitra
    September 4th, 2011 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    This info is the cat’s pjamaas!

  130. Sareff
    January 2nd, 2012 at 3:20 am [Reply]

    The best ever follow up to this strip is Aldo popping out from the bushes and saying “I KNEW YOU CARED ABOUT ME!”

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