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Thursday cavalcade of sick and wrong

Ziggy, 11/9/06

See, “diversity” used to be code for “black people,” but now it’s code for “gay people.” This represents the new PC horrorshow that awaits us under a Democratic-controlled Congress. Marriage is between one man and one woman, not a cat and two mice. Sickos.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 11/9/06

Speaking of which, I’m not a biologist or anything, but I’m pretty sure only boy cows have horns, which makes this already disturbing strip even weirder.

The Phantom, 11/9/06

This pretty much takes the cake, though. The dude in skin-tight lycra, the dog sticking its tongue in the drugged, blindfolded woman’s ear, the interrobang … sick, I tell you, sick.

And here’s two soaps from today that it would have been sick to ignore…

Apartment 3-G, 11/9/06

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD WHO DO YOU THINK MARGO’S “ASSISTANT” IS? Is it Tommie? Lu Ann? Gina? The hobo who saved her life a few years ago? Margo herself in a blonde wig, answering to “Maggie”? I am on tenterhooks, I tell you what.

Mary Worth, 11/9/06

Mary Worth has of course been delicious all week, as Mary seethes inwardly at her coming obsolescence. Panel two may be the moment at which anger turns to self-doubt, the moment when Mary’s steely self-confidence began to soften just a little. More interesting, though, is panel one, in which she appears to be shoveling off-white glop out of bucket onto a cookie sheet. Many of you have wondered why exactly Mary has a thigh-high bench in the middle of her kitchen; the fact that she needs to drop her … food … from about a foot above its target would seem to illustrate how impractical this arrangement is. But I’ll bet she just likes the sound it makes.

220 responses to “Thursday cavalcade of sick and wrong”

  1. Doc Bill
    November 9th, 2006 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    MW: You assume Mary is scraping the glop from the pot but you’re wrong? The glop is crawling from the pan into the bowl. Yes, it’s a diabolical plot that will unfold itself over the next 5 years.

  2. John
    November 9th, 2006 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, in some breeds of cattle, the cows have horns.

  3. FleaBailey
    November 9th, 2006 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    Why is Mary’s mouth open in the second panel? She’s thinking, not talking to anyone, so it doesn’t make sense for her to have her mouth open.

    Unless, like people whose lips move when they read, Mary can only think by sounding the words she is thinking.

  4. Bombcar
    November 9th, 2006 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    The second panel of Mary Worth is right to the point. Finally she gets to experience the outrage and horror at the cold, capitalistic market that is bringing in outside consultants to do her job cheaper, faster, and quicker.

  5. Iggy
    November 9th, 2006 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    Am I really first? Anyway, momma cows can have horns. A quick web quote: “Surprisingly—for us city folks at least—cows (that is, mature female cattle) can have horns! In fact, there are several cattle breeds in which the cows have horns. To name just a few: the Danish Red, the White Park, and the Texas Longhorn”

  6. AwfulArt
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:05 pm [Reply]


    Rutgers Wins…..

    RUTGERS WINS….!!!!

  7. ComicsFan
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    Mary is looking very trim in that first panel. Juxtaposed against the panel above of Margo pointing, one can almost imagine that they are the same woman at different ages. Maybe Margo will grow up and become Mary someday.

    Is there any reason that someone does not advance a Master’s level thesis comparing and contrasting Margo and Mary? Perhaps that was what Hemingway was at just before he picked up the pistol.

  8. Tim O\'Neil
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    It’s not food, it’s Proty.

  9. Ryan
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    Garfields theme of “We’re bachelors” etcetera… what the hell? Did Arbuckle break-up with Liz? I mean, the strips forte is all encompassing hopelessness and not real human emotion, so I could see it. And if they are proud of being bachelors, how did Garfield discover his love of lasagna? And for analyzing Garfield this intently, I’ll probably never be allowed to comment again.

  10. reader-who-posts
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    “Phantom likes to watch.” – Old jungle saying

  11. J.S.
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    Note that Mary’s countertops are all at that awkward mid-thigh height. The only possible answer: Mary lives in an apartment that was originally custom-designed for a family of little people.

    Or perhaps she’s just going through a late-in-life growth spurt.

  12. Derelict
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    That’s not self-doubt frmo Mary–she knows that Ella has some sort of “edge” in the advice/meddling department. Mary is more determined than ever to expose/undermine/destroy that edge so that she may maintain meddling supremacy.

  13. reader-who-posts
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Mary and Ella can have a “meddle-off”. Ella, you got served, yo!

  14. K Bear
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    or maybe she feels so insecure with ella taking over her identity at charterstone that she had all the furniture legs in her apartment cut shorter so she can feel like a giant at home.

  15. Kirbyoto
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    Ha ha, oh man, Mary! You finally begin to realize that your substandard brand of “advice” is not so great after all! You’ve essentially been replaced by an immigrant!

  16. reader-who-posts
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    At the risk of becoming a serial poster, what the hell is the deal with the chair behind Mary? It faces the side of the microwave! I bet she makes Wilbur sit in that chair.

  17. Squeak
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, that thigh-high bench is pretty weird, but why is there a seat at the side of the microwave?

  18. Len
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    Of course, it’s more difficult to milk a bull than it is to milk a cow.

    But the bull is just SO grateful!

  19. Mikel
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    The sad fact of the matter is that “Mary Worth” currently has more superheroics in the form of its psychic than “Spider-Man” with its dinner date. I still have no idea what it’s trying to prove.

  20. Opus
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    1. Mary’s kitchen is all kinds of wrong and it’s not just the Island For Little People. There’s one of those horrible 50′s vinyl chairs pulled up to a solid cabinet, the refrigerator doors are facing the exit, and the exit is a solid door. Who has a solid door with a doorknob leading into their kitchen?

    People making secret gloppy poison grey brownies for their rival biddies, that’s who.

    2. It’s not like we’ve ever thought of MW as a subtle, nuanced strip, but this is ridiculous. We don’t get to gradually assume Mary is jealous; she tells us right out. It makes the Aldo plot look like a Hitchcockian mystery.

  21. Squeak
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    Oops! Reader-who-posts beat me to it!

  22. Len
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    #18 — And I’m reminded of the scene in “Elmer Got His Gun”…

    Rick Santorum was right! Democrats in control, and look, we got man-on-bull action in the funny papers!

    (I’d rather see Raju and Bobby. Fruity, yes… but I like it, too.)

  23. Wren
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    Mary is cooking her famous barf cake. I have been waiting for you guys to say something about this all day.

  24. GeoffB
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    Unfortunately, however, female cows do in fact have horns. They’re often de-horned, in fact, as calves.

  25. Steve S
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    Not only does the cat have to marry two mice, they all apparently have to live in a bird’s nest. Either that or the Ziggy artist can’t even draw a small rug without his hands shaking from the DTs.

  26. Rarebit Fiend
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure that’s Mary’s kitchen table (I know, I know, we’re supposed to rag on artistic shortcomings of the comics’ illustrators not explain them, but I just can’t help myself).

  27. Interceptor
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    Hemingway, being a very macho guy, used a manly shotgun. None of that sissy-boy pistol stuff for him, ComicsFan.

  28. Eric the DiscoBoy.
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    #27 Interceptor — Being so manly, I thought he used nothing but Brillo and brute force.

    And with all these examples of the sick and wrong, how can we not at least mention the “Weekend at Bernie’s” turn in today’s Dilbert?

  29. Cyd
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    Opus, that door leads to the holding room where Mary will be holding Ella captive (having subdued her with drugged glop)

  30. Francis
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    The Phantom’s comment seems sort of non-sequiturish to me. “Your wife sleeps soundly…as soundly as someone who doesn’t know the capital of the Netherlands.”

  31. Sheilagh
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    Mary’s table is short because she gnawed the legs off, she was so mad at the rival biddy.

  32. Honey
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    Garfield got his love of lasagna from being born in an Italian restaurant. also, john used to cook it and buy it frozen.

    And I loved Garfield when I was in elementary school.

  33. Alex Blase
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    What Mary’s cooking is not a cake, it’s Soylent Gray!


  34. Uncle Lumpy
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    Eindoven! Zzzzzzzzz. . .

  35. Marc
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:14 am [Reply]

  36. Kenny
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    Am I the only one who sees that Mary is cleary dishing out a potent, viscous bowl of tuna-caserole mix straight into that industrial-sized caserole pan?

  37. Other_Sally
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    Oh good God, there’s another Rutgers person here (or maybe just a fan). As if all the screaming kids outside my window weren’t bad enough.

    I’m much amused at Mary’s teeth-grinding as she contemplates the surprisingly high quality of the new neighbor’s “advice” product. I would like to remind Mary though, that she usually gives totally unsolicited advice to people who’ve just moven in, so it’s not like she “knows” them either.

    I do have a feeling though that since the Aldo storyline, the writers have really been a lot more self-conscious with the strip. It’s like they’re exposing the patent ridiculousness of Mary’s meddling. First we get to see how her and her friends’ interference KILLS a man, and now we get to see her for the controlling hag she is, bitterly jealous that someone else might actually be helping anyone.

  38. Marc
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    I like how Mary’s oven defies logic…one might think…”oh well it’s a cooktop above the oven.” Well, the controls are a protrusion behind a thought bubble, and then there wouldn’t be controls for the oven…but the countertop goes right through it….augh. Don’t mind me..I just hate it when they mess up essential details.

  39. Tj
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    By ‘diversity stuff’ Ziggy means the ‘bad stuff’ that got Tommy sent to jail….

  40. MonkeyHawk
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    First off, there’s no such thing as a “boy cow” any more than there are “girl bulls.”

    Secondly, Holstein cattle (they’re the black & white ones) of either gender can grow horns, but they’re generally bred not to. I went to school with a kid whose dad was the Holstein King of Kansas. When they’re young, calves are screened and those who have horn buds are de-horned; it’s a recessive gene these days. Apparently dehorning promotes growth since it takes a lot of protein to grow the things.

  41. Mr. Barkie
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    Welcome to Mary Worth, State Prison Chef.

    Tonight’s episode: Nutraloaf For Cell Block D

    Special Guest Star: Bea Arthur as Butch

  42. MonkeyHawk
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    More information on dairy cattle can be found…aw, screw it.

  43. Brunhilda
    November 10th, 2006 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    I see a “Single White Female” plotline coming up in Mary Worth.

  44. Weasel Boy
    November 10th, 2006 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    Tomorrow’s strip will feature Mary proclaiming “I will not be ignored!” followed by her sitting alone in her bedroom clicking the light on and off while listening to Madame Butterfly.

  45. MGArchitect
    November 10th, 2006 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    Regarding the strange arrangement of Mary Worth’s kitchen why dont we ask the architect here, *ahem*, namely myself. First of all, this is the truth: Her kitchen is mostly correct for what we call “universally designed” which is interior-design-speak for a person who will live most of her life in a wheelchair throughout her elderly years. It’s also correctly designed for a disabled person, like a person who becomes permanently wheelchair bound after getting her legs broken with a brownie pan. I say, Good forward thinking Mary!

  46. fillmoreeast
    November 10th, 2006 at 1:20 am [Reply]


    Foob: Granthony’s back, and creepier than ever! Look, he’s just like someone who’s just had a massive stroke! Only less dynamic! And while you’re reading today’s strip, thrill to the exciting “sitting in a municipal building’s waiting area” scene! Gad, when is Elizabeth going to go out and fight Doc Ock or something?

    Wait, I’m confused.

    (Also, I think Lynn managed to beat Funky Winkerbean to the “hearsay about incestuous rape” subplot. It’d be groundbreaking, but I’m pretty sure Bil Keane went there back around ’62.)

    Doonesbury: Look at the last panel. Zero from Beetle Bailey got shipped to Iraq!

    GF: The return of Booger. Howard Erk will be pleased.

    Mallard: One of the other benefits now that we’re “minorities,” fellow married people, is now Bruce Tinsley hates us, too!

    TDIET: My God, for some reason parents aren’t happy when their teenage kids have messy rooms! Alert the media! And from the looks of it, Scaduto came up with this gem without “help” from one of his “read”ers. Well done, Al. But the semi-orgasmic turn Loppie’s* mother takes at the end of her word balloon is a mite troubling.

    Spidey: Gah. GAH. GAAAAAAH.

    *: Loppie? What the heck is that short for? Lopperick? Lopward? Loptopher?

  47. Mikel
    November 10th, 2006 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    46: I concur with your views on the 11/10 Spider-Man. No one on Earth should have to see such a thing!

  48. MGArchitect
    November 10th, 2006 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    Also, why we are on the subject of Mary Worth, does anyone else here see the developing plot as a thinly veiled reference to the famous historical elderly duo of Alice B. Toklas and her lesbian friend Gertrude Stein and their Hashish Brownies? Or is that too much of a stretch here? I mean, put a grey haired bouffant wig on Gertrude Stein and you really do have an eerie close resemblance to Mary.

  49. Genevieve
    November 10th, 2006 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    Is Mary Worth “accidentally” going to poison Ella with the dish she is whipping up?
    I feel a bit like I am witnessing a dark and sinister version of Arsenic and Old Lace.

  50. Dactyl
    November 10th, 2006 at 1:46 am [Reply]

    MT: Oh. God. Kelly Welly and Ranger Rick have been outsmarted by Mullet Jake (Snake)? Outsmarted by the man who invented the “find a bear in a Jeep and tie her to a tree” form of poaching? Apparently, Kelly was being very, very foolish. AGAIN!

    Also, in MW, I can only conclude that the authors of this strip have come to hate their title character. It’s the only thing that explains the last 3 weeks of piss-poor attitude and facial grimaces. Maybe they, like the rest of us, are mad at her for killing Aldo.

  51. NotThatGuy
    November 10th, 2006 at 1:53 am [Reply]

    I thought Mary was pouring a quick cement slab in preparation for her next “Worth-y” victim. Remember Aldo’s headstone, appearing suspiciously before the earth on his grave had time to settle? Well, then.

  52. jnik
    November 10th, 2006 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    It’s been a long time since I read “The Phantom”, but he always had a wolf.
    And, she-cows have horns.

  53. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    November 10th, 2006 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    #40: “First off, there’s no such thing as a ‘boy cow’ any more than there are ‘girl bulls.’” Obviously you haven’t seen that “Farms of San Francisco” documentary…

  54. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    November 10th, 2006 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    To make up for that last one: so, nothing to do with daily comics, but…remember the Hawaiian Punch mascot (cleverly named “Punchy”)? What the hell is that on his head? A menorah drawn by a math-challenged Dr. Seuss?

  55. Tenderfoot
    November 10th, 2006 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    God, a week’s worth of Mary seething with resentment. Enough already! Bring on the Battle of the Busybody Biddies!

  56. Aerin
    November 10th, 2006 at 2:45 am [Reply]

    55: “Busybody Biddies” is fun to say.

    I’m surprised no one has commented on Eric’s appearance in the first panel of A3G. I was trying to figure out what was wrong with his face, and I can only conclude that someone must have hit him upside the head with a very large frying pan, which has flattened out half his skull.

  57. Marion Delgado
    November 10th, 2006 at 3:00 am [Reply]

    #46: fillmoreast you got it!

    As I have said for MONTHS

    NO ONE tops Lynn Johnston for incestuous rape hearsay backstory. No one.

    All you wanna be gonna be
    roadside, gig ride prankstas
    When Papa Foob come in
    What the FOOB you gonna do?

    DAMN it feels good to be a Patterson!

  58. Marion Delgado
    November 10th, 2006 at 3:09 am [Reply]

    Only a menorah drawn by Theodore Geisel (who in fact struggled with crippling trigonometry his whole life) and made into a hat can give the wearer the mystic kaPOWla power that is the Hawaiian Punch.

    Margo bought one at an auction in Wallachia and she’s keeping it for those special occasions.

  59. Marion Delgado
    November 10th, 2006 at 3:14 am [Reply]

    #46 okay wait.

    they’ll do it every time has some splainin to do.

    it’s mandatory josh deals with this deeply disturbing strip in a way that provides some sort of counseling and closure

    or we’ll have people all over north america leaping off of newspaper boxes.

  60. Marco
    November 10th, 2006 at 3:19 am [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure only boy cows have horns

    I grew up in a city too, but still find pretty incredible that someone might be _this_ ingnorant…

  61. OohShiny
    November 10th, 2006 at 3:40 am [Reply]

    I suppose the message in Ziggy is that “‘diversity’ stuff” makes us unhappy (they certainly seem unhappy) and that we’d all be happier if the straightscats would just do the natural thing to queersmice: torture them to death and consume them.

  62. bubujin
    November 10th, 2006 at 3:48 am [Reply]

    Actually, #54 & #55, it’s more fun to say “Busybody Biddy Battle.”

    So if two busybody biddies battle in a bottle, we have a busybody biddy battle bottle. And if that bottle’s in a puddle, we have a busybody biddy puddle battle bottle. And if two biddies battle with paddles, we have a busybody biddy paddle puddle battle bottle.

    * With sincere apologies to Dr. Seuss.

  63. Tethys
    November 10th, 2006 at 3:57 am [Reply]

    No. 20, what’s so weird about having a proper door to your kitchen? Don’t houses usually have kitchen doors? …I’ve lived in like four houses and they all had kitchen doors… what’s going on?

  64. Mr. O’Malley
    November 10th, 2006 at 6:55 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth’s casserole pan mysteriously changes sizes from one panel to another!

    Yesterday it was about the size of a headstone.

    Today it goes into the oven about 6 inches wide and comes out about 1 foot wide.

    And the geometry of her kitchen still seems rather strange. Yesterday she was 7 feet tall and today she seems about 5 feet tall.

    This is like some weird SF story!

  65. Mr. O’Malley
    November 10th, 2006 at 7:12 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley is getting interesting. Walt is communing with the ghosts of old strips. Moon Mullins, the Yellow Kid, Major Hoople and the Toonerville Trolley.

    Actually it’s a nice tribute to the old strips.

    I fear this is part of Walt’s dying experience, but where better for him to spend eternity than in Comic Strip Heaven?

    I’d say it’s worthwhile keeping an eye on GA, it looks like comics hostory is going down.

  66. Mr. O’Malley
    November 10th, 2006 at 7:16 am [Reply]

    Not “hostory”, I meant “history”! Comics history!

    Walt being transported to Comics Valhalla!

  67. roscoe
    November 10th, 2006 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Whenever Mary Worth whips up a batch of toxic foodstuffs, she likes to imagine that she’s on her very own Food Network cooking show. Perhaps “30 Minute Murders” or “Good Kills.” Thus, she has a low-cut table so that the bank of cameras have an unobstructed view.

  68. fillmoreeast
    November 10th, 2006 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    Hey, kids! Nov. 10 is Bovine Education Day!

    Note the Jersey, at the bottom.

  69. treedweller
    November 10th, 2006 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    Those cows’ horns remind me of Aldo Kelrast.

  70. Ianscot
    November 10th, 2006 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Mary, if you’re so very connected with the Charterstone community, why the heck aren’t you greeting newcomers? Your moment is past.

    Have we yet experienced the pleasure of Ella and Mary Worth encountering one another? Mary’s petulant, resentful thoughts will of course be an open book to psychic Ella. The strip may take several weeks to bridge just that opening moment — thought balloon after thought balloon will fly up there, as Ella slowly unwinds the meddlesome coil of Mary’s past words and deeds. The part where Ella gets to the Power Walking plotline should take a week, at least, all on its own.

    (Mary’s attempt to poison Ella will be cut short as Ella divines the recipe for that lamb-whatever-it-is being glopped into the pan today.)

  71. Ianscot
    November 10th, 2006 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    The sad, ineffectual look on the cat’s face in Ziggy tells us all we need to know about them lib’ruls and their ways. Kitty, you been whupped.

  72. Ianscot
    November 10th, 2006 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Friday’s Mallard Fillmore continues the rant about married people being a disadvantaged minority group.

    Today he comes out in favor of teen marriage, apparently, which I guess fits into the whole social conservatism thing. Yes, Mallard — the share of people who go off to college having already tied the knot is really quite small.

  73. dimestore lipstick
    November 10th, 2006 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    I can’t believe how many faithful MW readers can’t even recognize Mary’s “Famous Apple Cake” when they see it.

    #28–I’ve been enjoying this week’s dead guy arc quite a bit. I especially like that Adams named him “Mort”.

    #54–that’s a stylized drawing of a Caribbean-style straw hat–which seems awfully weird anyway, considering that it is Hawaiian Punch.

  74. Justafoob
    November 10th, 2006 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Gwampa in the fooberverse communicates with his eyes.

    What a coinciedence, Blandthony communicates with his mustache.

  75. One Happy Claude
    November 10th, 2006 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    When busy biddies battle
    With their busybody buddies
    And the buddies hit the bottle
    That they got from good old Aldo
    And then the bottle spills
    To make an Aldo bottle puddle
    And the busybodies waddle
    Through the puddle from the bottle
    It’s a busybody biddy buddy Aldo bottle puddle waddle.

  76. big_old_geek
    November 10th, 2006 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    More information on cows (and licorice) can be found on the internet.

  77. anne
    November 10th, 2006 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    I nominate 75, One Happy Claude, for COTW. Genius.

    Also I’d like to add to today’s MW. “My visit with Ella should be interesting! Maybe she’ll be able to fix my face, which appears to have undergone millenia of geological metamorphosis.”

  78. Widdle Jeffy
    November 10th, 2006 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    going hunting with yer squirt gun, eh, Jeffy???

    And I doubted your sexuality.

    I guess you are hunting Big Pussy. . .

  79. Albatross
    November 10th, 2006 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Death Becomes Her

    Death has arrive in FBOFW just in time to save the strip from jumping the shark. Death appears in the second and third panels as a dark figure, actually moving in the background of the online strip as he stalks his prey.

    Many hoped that Death stalked Granthony, or at least, distractingly, Granpa Chinnuts. Unfortunately Death seems to have arrived for the shark, meaning that we can expect the FBOFW strip to continue waterskiing its way towards the jump-ramp of dreadfulness…

  80. Von Zeppelin
    November 10th, 2006 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Interesting changes in dimensions in the pan of Soylent Beige a la Razoblade as Mary (11/10) places it in the oven. In panel 1, it appears to be a loaf pan. By panel 2, it has morphed into a 9×12 baking dish. Also, the kitchen counter appears now to be at about elbow height. Universal design, #45 MGArchitect?

    Perhaps the sinister, James-Bond-Archvillain look of grim satisfaction is meant to hint to us that Mary has acquired the power to MANIPULATE THE DIMENSIONS OF THE PHYSICAL UNIVERSE ITSELF!! Take that, Psychicbiddy!

  81. Groddeck
    November 10th, 2006 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Today’s FBOFW: I think the line Liz says next to Anthony is “Yeah, just like you’re doing. Only not as creepy.”

  82. mattt
    November 10th, 2006 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    #75 – Awesome!

  83. yellojkt
    November 10th, 2006 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Today’s Antholeer is the creepiest one yet. He wants to play “What’s the judge got under his robes?” with her. We get it already.

    Also, Liz is really regretting the double chili dogs for lunch.

  84. merchmesh
    November 10th, 2006 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Perhaps Mary was defeated in the midterms and has to step aside when her successor is inaugurated in January. Once she gets past her initial denial of the tallies, she may claim that it was merely a referendum on Aldo, but her administration at Charterstone fell though from more than simply a one-issue failure.

  85. Erika
    November 10th, 2006 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    This “biddy-off” at Charterstone better happen soon. My popcorn is getting cold.

  86. Concerned Citizen
    November 10th, 2006 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    The cat doesn’t seem to be getting off on that diversity stuff. I think Jack Chick said it best when he drew a panel of a guy in stark terror and had Two-Stroke say, “Dig that LSD Express! Woo-woo!” to which the flat-topped hero (not J. Jonah Hitler) replied, “It doesn’t look like he’s on a pleasure trip.” As for diversity, Arnold Schwartzenegger reminds us that “Gay marriage should be between a man and a woman.”

  87. Concerned Citizen
    November 10th, 2006 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    And, despite the tight crotch shot, Mary does not seem to have the same cameltoe issue enjoyed by the aptly named Toeby. No wonder Dr. Jeff bolted. Nothin’ to see there, folks, as smooth as Barbi.

  88. Emily
    November 10th, 2006 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth is gritting her teeth in the last panel. I read that as, “How could her advice be so GOOD?” with a lot of teeth grinding emphasis on certain words.

  89. yellojkt
    November 10th, 2006 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Devil licking the wife’s ear reminds me of one of the Beethoven movies where the giant St Bernard licks the wife and she says, “George! It’s not even Saturday!”

    That I remember this line is humiliating on several levels.

  90. Tommie’s Dream ”Date”
    November 10th, 2006 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    #11: Interestingly, Charterstone was originally a retirement home for “Wizard of Oz” extras.

  91. cheech wizard
    November 10th, 2006 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    66 – Walt is being transported to Comics Valhalla? Cool. That means we can expect to be treated to scenes of Major Hoople, the Little King, Yellow Kid, Li’l Abner, Henry, et al arising each day to slay each other in viscious combat, only to rise again the next morning to go at it again.

    My money is on the dumb hillbilly, BTW.

    November 10th, 2006 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Two things:

    1. I would wish for Jon Davis’s death if I thought it would end Garfield, but we all know that death doesn’t keep bad strips from going on and on and on….

    2. Ziggy. The first seal has been opened.

  93. ragthetiger
    November 10th, 2006 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Actually, I think almost all cows have horns if they’re allowed to develop naturally. It’s not like deer, where only the males have antlers (except for caribou).

    The cows you generally see without them have been de-horned. This farmer guy is milking them with his hands, so I assume he probably is doing everything the old-fashioned way, including letting his cows’ horns grow.

    And there are some breeds that are naturally hornless but I believe that’s the case for both cows and bulls.

  94. Jennifer
    November 10th, 2006 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    Today’s TDIET: They’ll Do It N’every Time!

  95. Sean-o
    November 10th, 2006 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Can FOOB get any funnier? Yet another brilliant, insightful, chuckle inducing punchline! When do we get to see Iris dumping his bedpan and cracking wise about it? Huh?

  96. Splinky
    November 10th, 2006 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    So, basically Mary is threatened because there’s a more effective meddling old biddy in the neighborhood. I can only assume Mary’s planning on setting up another intervention after the last one worked out so well for her.

    Her new catchphrase: “You’ve been intervened!”

  97. c
    November 10th, 2006 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    Is this really Ken Jennings Jeopardy Champion’s favorite blog?

  98. j
    November 10th, 2006 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Any one notice the shadow person ( in FBOW today?

  99. Luther
    November 10th, 2006 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    I may be mistaken but it appears that Mary Worth in her last panel is practicing her “Clutch Cargo” lipstick. Look it up youngsters.

  100. Christopher
    November 10th, 2006 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    FOOB: No! Boo! Hiss! Go away Anthony!

    I’d much rather watch a fully intelligent Grampa Chinnuts trapped in a useless body. Hell, I’d even take a continuance of that disgustingly contrived Halloween battle of the bands. Anything but Anthony!

    maybe it’s because I read this site too much, but there’s something INCREDIBLY sleazy and gross about Anthony.

    The only way I can think of to redeem him is to make him an explicit pervert. He could dress like the biker from the village people and cruise gay bars. He could become an overworked porno movie producer. Whatever, just as long as he doesn’t stay the way he is.

    It’s like… there’s something festering under the surface. If he had a bondage dungeon, we could say, “Oh, he’s into S & M, that’s his kink”, but as is, we don’t know what the hell his deal is. The fact that he so desperately projects not just normality, but agressive blandness, suggests that it’s something he can’t admit to even in impolite society

    And whatever it is, I can’t shake the feeling that roofies are involved.

    Have I just gone completely around the bend?

    Mallard Fillmore: Oh come on, Tinsley really can’t think of a reason to allow students with mediocre grades into college?

    Jesus, the amount of money your parents have is going to have a BIG effect on both grades and SATs. Rich people can afford tutors and practices tests.

    Poor people might not even be able to afford to take the actual SATs.

    Especially if they’re newlyweds.

    That things other then raw talent could effect your grades shouldn’t be hard to figure out.

    More to come?!

  101. Concerned Citizen
    November 10th, 2006 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    RMMD – June’s been holding that broomstick long enough to make me think it is time for a little instructional sodomy for StarfishDo.

    And speaking of that, today’s Crankshaft is really disturbing. Ed, read the acronym, has overcome, pun intended, his little problem with a helpful visit from the plumber. Too many puns and entendres, gotta go watch “Three’s Company.”

  102. Wisconsin
    November 10th, 2006 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    i’ve been trying to find just the word for the developing mary worth… but, as always, josh, got to it first: delicious. delicious like a certain tuna casserole.

    will mary worth become obsolete?

    my guess is no, if only because of her bleeding-edge taste in carbonated pink button-downs.

  103. Len
    November 10th, 2006 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    #79 — Yeah, the animated version of Friday’s Foob is creepy. The shadowy figure walking by in the background with no particular reason. And of course Anthony’s googly-eyed blink at Liz when she explains how her grandpa has to communicate only with his eyes. Lynne missed the opportunity to have Anthony’s pupils become tiny heart shapes as he stares at her.

    If Liz ever married Paul the Mounty, they would hear a knock on their hotel door during the honeymoon… “Liz? It’s Anthony! You said you’d wait for me. Lemme in!”

  104. Tukla in Iowa
    November 10th, 2006 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    GA: If Walt isn’t already dead, then throwing a surprise party for this 110 year old guy ought to clinch it.

  105. ragthetiger
    November 10th, 2006 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    #63 – Tethys – I’ve lived in, let’s see, three houses and six apartments. Only the apartment in the Bronx had a kitchen door. I think it was a sliding door. It struck me as odd at the time, but I assumed it was there to close off the room in case of a kitchen fire. I’ve never lived in, or visited, another house or apartment with a kitchen door. Where do you live? Were they older houses?

  106. Dingo
    November 10th, 2006 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Josh, believe it or not, the animal to which you referred is a bovine. The female bovine is a cow; the male bovine is a bull. There is no such thing as a male cow. Well, Mary Worth comes close. In slacks.

  107. AhClem
    November 10th, 2006 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Oh, man! I can hardly wait for the great “MBF Smackdown!”

    (MBF = Meddling Biddy Federation)

  108. Bitter Scribe
    November 10th, 2006 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    FBOFW: Is Howard’s female relative refusing to testify because he sexually assaulted her? If so, how is that legally relevant to Liz’s case? I realize it’s another country, but I have a hard time believing that any civilized court system could just pile unrelated charges onto a defendant in the hopes that one of them would stick. Any Canadian legal eagles out there?

  109. cheech wizard
    November 10th, 2006 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    105 – I think it used to be very common for homes to have kitchen doors – the late 50s house I grew up in had one. I think the idea was to hide the food preparation area from the view of those in the dining room – sort of a formal thing. These days, new homes tend to have the kitchen as a center of activity, so it’s less likely to be closed off from the rest of the house.

  110. Randy
    November 10th, 2006 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Mary’s guilt over causing Aldo’s death has triggered a severe case of adult ADD. She walks away from Aldo’s funeral, wonders why she hasn’t heard from her “I’d rather deal with cleft palates in some third-world hellhole than spend another minute with you” beau in awhile, then starts planning how she is going to deal with her new neighbor. This all takes place, in MW time, in approximately three hours.

  111. Dingo
    November 10th, 2006 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    The unshapely melange of cloth surrounding Mary Worth’s pubic region during her baking soiree for the new neighborhood biddy is both intriguing and unseemly. Whereas the curmudgeonesque crowd jokes about Toeby Cameron and her VCL (visible camel lines), the accentuating shading of Mary Worth’s crotch might lead one to suspect that the pot holding the honey has melted like a chocolate Easter bunny hidden on a window sill (an act performed by my grandmother that my sister has yet to forgive, forty-some years later).

  112. MossMoses
    November 10th, 2006 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    111. Dingo: What about that Wonder bread wrapper shirt?

    How can the new biddy’s advice be so good? It’s her Miss Cleo-like clairvoyance that let’s her see the future. Does advising a desperate woman to hook up with her married ex husband on the internet or advising her nosy friends to intervene into someone’s personal life and cause him humilliation constitute good advice? Why did she advise Aldo when she didn’t know him? Supposedly she’s better since the new meddling biddy doesn’t know her neighbors like she does. She usually meddles in strangers lives more than in her boorish waspy neighbors lives anyway so that point is moot. The real source of her smug, condescension and terrritoriality is that she has no wrinkles, whereas this new biddy has a face like a California prune.

  113. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    #89 (yellowjkt) Devil licking the wife’s ear reminds me of one of the Beethoven movies where the giant St Bernard licks the wife and she says, “George! It’s not even Saturday!”

    Actually, I was thinking more like Harvey Keitel in The Piano.

    Meanwhile, Kelly Welly, Ranger Ick, and Snake and the Fat man are on a collision course for wackyness. And Mark is nowhere to be found. Maybe he was racing towards the scene and saw a sign that said: Bear Left.

    So he went home.

    (Ok, anyone NOT see that punchline comming from a mile away? Anyone? Like Lancelot storming Swamp Castle…).

    And poor Josh. One bovine slip and the faithful turn on you like you’re Bruce Davison with a box of d-Con…

  114. poppinjay
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    Sunday’s Mary Worth… the aging bun headed biddie stands over a crumpled ella, who appears to be bleeding from her anus.
    And says, “I jacked Aldo, I jacked Ella, I am forever! I’m Mary Worth BEYAATCH!”

    Then she’ll pour some from her forty for the homies gone before her.

  115. GoBobbyGo
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    OK. I’ve been away for a while, and I’m trying to catch up, so if someone’s already talked about this, I apologize. But I can’t imagine.

    Here’s a horrifying lens through which to view MW: I just finished reading John Irving’s most recent book, Until I Find You. Unlike most people, I really liked it. Anyway, as with most Irving books, there’s a part where people hang around with prostitutes. One of the hangers-around is a small boy, and his mom explains that prostitutes are women who are paid by men to “give them advice”.

    Now go back and read the last couple of days of MW and tell me you got through it without retching…

  116. Bill Peschel
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    With Mary charging off in a new direction, it’s time to commemorate it with a song!

    Note that some of the commas seem misplaced. This was done intentionally to show how they fit with the pacing of each line.

    French translation thanks to Google Translate.

    PSYCHO BIDDIE by the Talking Marys

    {Starts with bass, playing this riff twice:}

    (A) |–0–0–0–0–0–0–0——–|
    (E) |———————–0–3–|

    [A] [G]
    [A] [G]

    {Hit the G’s hard, then immediately get soft on the A’s}

    [A] I can’t seem to face up to the facts [G]
    Aldo’s dead and I can’t relax
    Can’t sleep and my head’s on fire
    That biddie’s moved in and I won’t retire

    [F] Psycho bid[G]dy, qu’est-ce que c’est
    [Am] Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa better
    [F] Run run run [G] run run run run a[C]way
    [F] Psycho bid[G]dy, qu’est-ce que c’est
    [Am] Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa better
    [F] Run run run [G] run run run run a[C]way
    Oh oh oh [F] oh [G] ay ay ay ay ay

    {As intro}

    [A] [G]
    [A] [G]

    [A] You give advice without, knowing the folks [G]
    [A] What is this now, some kinda joke? [G]
    [A] When I have nothing to say, I squeal plattitudes [G]
    [A] Say it just once? Why not say it for weeks! [G]


    [Bm] Ce qui suis moi allant faire ce [C] soir
    (What am I going to do tonight?)
    [Bm] Dr. Jeff’s allé, Je frappe ce [C] soir
    (Dr. Jeff’s gone, I strike tonight!)
    [A] Realisant mon espoir (Realizing my hopes)
    [G] Je me lance, vers la gloire (I rush towards glory)

    {Back to hitting G’s hard.}

    [A] Ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay [G]
    [A] She’s got to shuffle off, this mortal coil[G]
    [A] It’s time to make my special, casserole[G]


    {Again, as intro.}

    [A] [G]
    [A] [G]

  117. blase
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Fun facts o’ life courtesy the cartoon world:

    According to Yenny, pregnancy will give a woman a big nose. According to Funky Winkerbean, it will make a woman look like Tom Cruise. According to Mary Worth, individuals can suffer from continental drift of the face.

    And according to “Barnyard”, boy cows have udders. Or is it girl bulls? Now I’m confused. I think need a Mountain Dew.

  118. Paul James
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Curtis- “They thought Dad had a hot new girlfriend. Ain’t that a wheeze!”
    If not for Curtis’ inclination towards “Rapper Puffs” cereal I would think he was living in the 30s.

  119. Ted
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Is anyone slightly disturbed that Mary’s body appears to be that of a buxom 20-year old in today’s strip?

    I thought that she was supposed to be frumpy.

  120. Ham Gravy
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    While it’s true that some cows do have vestigal horns, they usually have to wear a bell because their horns don’t work.

  121. Blissful Ignoramus
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    10Nov06 Mary Worth: What kind of casserole has a batter-like consistency when you put in the baking dish? I can’t think of any casserole that doesn’t contain chunks of something: meat, potatoes, pasta, vegetables.

    On the other hand, it makes sense: Charterstone residents are a step away from taking their nutrition intravenously. Mary probably sets her food processor to “puree” when cooking everything from beef stew to spaghettin and meatballs.

  122. Ham Gravy
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    The horrifying secret of Mary’s casserole: It’s naysayers. Mary’s casserole is made out of naysayers. She’s making our food out of naysayers. Next thing she’ll be breeding naysayers like cattle for food. You’ve gotta tell them. You’ve gotta tell them! You tell everybody. Listen to me Hatcher. You’ve gotta tell them! Mary’s casserole is naysayers! We’ve gotta stop her somehow!

  123. Christopher
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Ham Gravy: I’m starting to understand why Olive Oyl broke up with you.

    Speaking of:

    Popeye: Hasn’t this storyline been going on for, like, months?

    Wait, actually, first it involved Popeye feuding with Swea’ Pea, then Olvie with Swea’ Pea, and now Popeye with Olive (And considering the way he dropped him like a hot potato, probably it’ll come full circle and Swea’ Pea will hate Popeye again.

    Incidentally, babies do not make a “plop” sound when you drop them on the ground. It’s more of a sickening thud.

  124. mattt
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Oh, man! I can hardly wait for the great “MBF Smackdown!”


    #122 Soylent Beige is naysayers!
    Ha, ha, love it!

    You know, I think somebody else already made both of these jokes yesterday, and I just ripped them off.

  125. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    Don’t feel bad about your lack of dairy experience, Josh. My dad, while living on a farm in Minnesota, once tried to milk a heiffer. Much hilarity ensued among the hired hands.

    For those who don’t appreciate the source of hilarity, more information about heiffers can be found on the internet.

  126. Harry Mirth
    November 10th, 2006 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    If you notice on Mary’s shelf in her kitchen there is a Book with the title “How to serve the folks at the Charterstone”

    Here is the last thought that goes through many former residents minds

    IT’S A COOKBOOK!!!!!


  127. Marion Delgado
    November 10th, 2006 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    What “They’ll Do it Every Time” said when submitted.

    “When mom gets into junior’s acid stash …”

    Damned censors!

  128. markered
    November 10th, 2006 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    Mary’s furniture is the height that it is to facilitate hot kitchen nookie. When you get to be her age, getting lifted up to a normal sized table for a good rogering ain’t so easy on the bones.

  129. Harold
    November 10th, 2006 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    I think today’s TDIET tells us that Al Scaduto has spotted us and is messing with us.

    Has anyone here ever submitted an idea to him – if, in fact, such a person as “Al Scaduto” really exists? (Since there are zero people with that name in the U.S.!)

  130. parkyakarkus
    November 10th, 2006 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    #103: yep, just you wait; any time now that “shadow” will come into focus, just like the birthday party video in “Signs”…

  131. andreavis
    November 10th, 2006 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    MW: I don’t think that’s a kitchen door; most old houses I’ve been in that had a door into the dining room had a swinging door. It was so you could open it with your (arthritic) hip whilst struggling with an over-laden tray, as your ungrateful family looked on, without offering to help.

    Mary’s door is the back door, that leads directly out to Charterstone’s trash bins. It’s where she got the ingredients for that scrumdilyicious casserole!

  132. RentedMule
    November 10th, 2006 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    If it’s a “boy cow” and you’re “milking”it there’s two things that you really, really need to know:
    1) that’s not an udder your squeezing
    2) that’s not milk

  133. Bitter Scribe
    November 10th, 2006 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    #132: Reminds me of an old Calvin & Hobbes joke: Who was the first guy who looked underneath a cow and said, “Hmmm, I think I’ll squeeze those things and drink whatever comes out!”

  134. yellojkt
    November 10th, 2006 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    Over a year ago, Laura Bush made this joke about her husband:

    “the elite schools he attended, Andover and Yale, ‘don’t have a real strong ranching program. He’s learned a lot about ranching since that first year when he tried to milk the horse. What’s worse, it was a male horse.’ “

    We need to rework it and submit it to Pluggers.

  135. Squawk
    November 10th, 2006 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    The Phantom strip reminds me of an old TV commercial for some cheap wine. It featured a middle-aged guy and some young bimbo relaxing on the deck of the guy’s yacht under a sunny sky drinking this swill, which, it is advertised, costs only $5.29 a jug. The girl says to the guy, “But [whatever the guy's name is supposed to be], why do you buy this stuff when you’re so rich?” And he answers, with a swish of the wine in his glass and a smug look on his face, “How do you think I got so rich?”

  136. BigRedMan
    November 10th, 2006 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    Don’t worry Mary. You can always treat your new neighbor like Aldo. Oh, let’s go ask him. I’ll get the shovels and you get the flashlight.

  137. Internet Find
    November 10th, 2006 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    Re: kitchen doors

    There are three doors in the kitchen of my 70-year-old home. One leads outside, one to the dining room, and one to the hallway. All three can be closed and locked (and have glass doorknobs).

    In fact, if you go into that hallway and close:
    kitchen door
    hall door
    basement door
    bathroom door
    den door
    closet door

    You’re in a little room of doors.

    I knew you’d want to know.

  138. gump worsley
    November 10th, 2006 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    That ol’ hepcat Scaduto is really channeling the Maynard G. Krebs vibe today. Oh yeahhhhhhh.

  139. Josh
    November 10th, 2006 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    I have no idea why but I find this discussion about kitchen doors totally fascinating and feel compelled to contribute.

    For the record, in our house (which is about 95 years old) there’s no door in the doorway between the dining room and the kitchen. There is a hole in the top of the doorframe the looks like it was used at one point to hold a door of the sort that you could push open with your hip.


  140. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 10th, 2006 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    #134 – You’re a Plugger if people try to milk you.

  141. michael
    November 10th, 2006 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Much has been made of the insane layout and furnishings of Mary Worth’s kitchen. I think this is due to her becoming unglued by the new biddy on the block. From Mary’s perspective the very laws of physics that govern the Cosmos are breaking down.

    Next Ella will talk Toby out of that abortion that Mary is so in favor of and birds will fall from the sky. Indoors. Ella will then advise Wilbur to shave the combover and grow a goatee and the rivers will flow backwards. Finally Ella will advise Mary herself to simply “get bent” and the universe will collapse on itself.

  142. brendan
    November 10th, 2006 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

  143. Uncle Lumpy
    November 10th, 2006 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    #139 Josh -

    If you had the same kind of door we did (the age of the house is about right), it had a hinge about 2/3 of the way up the jamb, and a bottom pivot mortised into the floorboards.

    We only closed it on Thanksgiving, so the guys could watch football while their wives washed the dishes.

  144. tonepot
    November 10th, 2006 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    You know what would be cool? To live in Mary’s actual cartoon world for a day or two. I’d like to sit and have a cup of coffee and a cigarette with her. Talk about Aldo and whatnot . . .

    Hmm . . . I wonder what color panties she wears?

  145. hogenmogen
    November 10th, 2006 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    I bet Ella is subletting from Sally Forth’s mother.
    Sally Forth’s mother: Ella, could you house-sit for me? I think your special talents will annoy the hell out of the local busybody.
    Ella: Sure, you mean Mary Worth?
    SF’s Mom: Yeah, how’d you know?
    Ella: I’m psychic.
    SF’s Mom: We’ve been friends for a while, but I don’t know if I’d consider you a sidekick.
    Ella: No I said –
    SF’s Mom: Whatever. Are you going to make her writhe in uncomfortable awkwardness and unfounded irrational suspicion or what?
    Ella: I’m in, but don’t make me eat her overbaked Betty Crocker trans-fat prefab choco-vanilla marbled crap. I’ll cake mix her to the moon!
    SF’s Mom: Yeah, and stay away from the tuna casserole. It stinks up the whole building the day she makes it, and the next two days from her uncontrollable flatulence. Gaahhh! I hate that woman.

  146. bootsybooks
    November 10th, 2006 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Re: Kitchen doors: I am living (temporarily, thanks to Katrina, you bitch) in what’s known here as a “shotgun” house, so called because you could theoretically fire a gun through the front door and it’ll go all the way through the house and out the back door. You walk through each room (except the bathroom) to get to the next room. So, from the dining room to the kitchen, swinging door. From the kitchen to the hallway, pocket door.

    Phantom: There are two men in bed together and Phantom and his wolf dog are watching! That is not a woman with the blindfold on. The first day s/he was shown, he had a firm manly torso, and definitely a guy face.

  147. bootsybooks
    November 10th, 2006 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  148. hogenmogen
    November 10th, 2006 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Margo MacGee has taken on exactly two gigs as party planner since I’ve been reading the strip about a year and a half ago. The first one went belly-up since it was a wedding that got called off. The second one you’d think she’d be absolutely desperate to cling to since without it, she is otherwise impoverished and could never afford the new season of Cydney Mandel’s. But, knowing Margo like I do… intimately…. it’s a reverse psychology ploy. Quite a gamble, but Margo always was and always will be. Eric will be so desperate to keep Margo on the job that he’ll actually start to pay attention to the fact that she’s an attractive woman, even though he’s as gay as the day is long.

  149. MonkeyHawk
    November 10th, 2006 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    144 — tonepot asked about MW:

    “Hmm . . . I wonder what color panties she wears?”


  150. King Folderol
    November 10th, 2006 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: I still can’t wrap my mind around Wednesday’s Phantom: “It is terror for an evil man to awaken in the darkness and see The Phantom” – Old Jungle Saying It’s a saying??? Who’s saying this? I’d be pretty damn terrified to see Phantom in the middle of broad daylight, what with his package on display and all.

    MW – I thought Mary helped people to make them happy. If Ella’s making people happy by helping them shouldn’t Mary be happy since they’re being helped even if Mary isn’t doing the helping? Does that mean that Mary doesn’t want these people to be helped? Then why does she try to help them? My universe is crumbling to dust and it is Mary Worth that is making these atoms crumble before my very eyes!

  151. Concerned Citizen
    November 10th, 2006 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    134 – Hey, any president that tries to jack off a horse is a real public servant.

  152. Harold
    November 10th, 2006 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    I think Tinsley may now be writing Ziggy, too.

    I’ve already drawn up a scenario for Mary Worth becoming a silent recluse who dies penniless and forgotten and is buried next to Aldo via a special provision in his will, ensuring she shall spend her afterlife in a state of eternal annoyance.

    But I’d like to se Mary and Ella have a smackdown that rivals the legendery Miracleman / Kid Miracleman (aka Marvelman / Kid Marvelman) confrontation.

  153. MossMoses
    November 10th, 2006 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    If a chained bear can be used as bait to attract other bears, by the same logic, why don’t chained up dogs draw packs of other dogs?

  154. Dr. Enigma
    November 10th, 2006 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    I haven’t been following Phantom for a while. Please, someone, tell me the I-got-rich-the-evil-way guy isn’t named Malcom!

  155. King Folderol
    November 10th, 2006 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    SF – Why is it so tense, you old bag? It’s because YOU’RE SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF THE ROOM! YOU’RE A HARPY!

    That is the proper response, Sally.

    Blondie – Dithers takes a page today from Jeffy in FC, looking mad in Panel One and absolutely happy in Panel Two. Cora must have only slipped half the usual amount of Prozac into his dinner last night.

    RMMD – What does June really think she’s going to do with that broom? Puncture a kidney? She doesn’t have the grapes.

    DM – For some reason, Dennis using the term “old school” prompted me to picture Mr. Wilson pledging the frat in “Old School”, with Vince Vaughn uring him on, yelling, “you’re my boy, Blue.”

  156. Skullturf Q. Scaduto
    November 10th, 2006 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    This only just occurred to me today: Some internet sleuthing by fellow Curmudgeonites seemed to reveal that nobody in the US is named Al Scaduto (or Noam Chomsky). So then howcum the email address given in TDIET is alscaduto2?

  157. messy
    November 10th, 2006 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    Will Scanarelli finally kill off Walt Wallet? He’s been threatening to for the past ten years or so.

    it looks like it.

  158. Merdz
    November 10th, 2006 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    Does anyone else get a sneaking suspicion that MW is being written to appeal specifically to Curmudgeon fans? I guess I always assumed that Mary’s meddling was incidental to the storyline, but now she’s turning all psycho because she must be Queen Meddler.

    As for the weird countertop, it’s simple: the artists for MW made a ridiculously short one because they absolutely had to draw in Mary’s gratuitous cameltoe. Since when do old ladies wear tight pants? And what is that hideous magenta bubbles pattern on her shirt?

  159. Harry Paratestes
    November 10th, 2006 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    They do if the dogs in the pack are hungry…
    A3G: God, I’m glad that Margo is getting her comeuppance from Eric. She’s such a bitch, always dumping on everyone else, like his hot little assistant, who got an unwelcome view of Margo’s uvula on Wednesday. I hope Eric makes Margo give his niece a piggyback ride up and down the street.

  160. Harry Paratestes
    November 10th, 2006 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Another thing that bothers me is the constant change in position of Margo and Eris. In panel 1, she’s facing him from his right. Moments later, she’s on his left and facing away. Are they talking while doing a Do-Si-Do?

  161. Kate
    November 10th, 2006 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    Anthony is a droopy, clingy, saran-wrappy skank. Are we really supposed to side with him? Because I want to stick forks in my eyeballs whenever he shows up. That can’t be the effect Lynn had in mind.

  162. Chance
    November 10th, 2006 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    #75 One Happy Claude:

    I nearly died laughing. Sheer brilliance. Cow of the week, easily.

    Whoops, a subliminal cow got in there. I meant comment.

  163. Internet Find
    November 10th, 2006 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    Re: 158, I have a very hard time believing that there’s any comics artist who hasn’t checked out this blog. May it continue to influence the, uh, art.

  164. Chance
    November 10th, 2006 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    Also, I thought #116′s song was pretty good too. Surprised to see no props for it. Where’s the love, people?

  165. Da Scrodfather
    November 10th, 2006 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    #153-Mossmoses: Chained bears don’t attract other bears, they attract brain-damaged nature photographers.

    155: King Folderol, Dithers is happy in panel two because he’s the only boss who can legally beat up his workers whenever he wants.

  166. gh
    November 10th, 2006 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Dithers & Dagwood are both in the Army Reserves and Dithers decided he could go all Sarge on Bumstead.

  167. RentedMule
    November 10th, 2006 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    #165 What about Sarge in Beetle Bailey? Every other strip is about him kicking the crap out of the enlisted men.

  168. hogenmogen
    November 10th, 2006 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    #144 – Tonepot said:
    You know what would be cool? To live in Mary’s actual cartoon world for a day or two. I’d like to sit and have a cup of coffee and a cigarette with her. Talk about Aldo and whatnot . . .

    What are you, sick, Tonepot? You really want to smoke in front of that woman who has a maniacal urge to interfere with other people’s lifestyle? She’d revv up the engines and you’d be seeing charts, graphs & diagrams on the host of diseases you suscept yourself to and ills to mankind and the planet in general. Then come the platitudes, nothing would be complete without the platitudes. Random quotes from obscure authors are sure to follow. Throw in some advice found in a fortune cookie from Mary’s last order from Hong Kong Buffet, and you’re done.

  169. Poteet
    November 10th, 2006 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    Foob — Eeww, eeww, eeewww. Granthony’s nausea-inducingness is steadily increasing. By the time he and Liz actually fall into each other’s arms, I’m gonna have to keep a bucket next to the computer.

    #66 — Mr. O’Malley, thank you. I wouldn’t have seen those strips if it weren’t for you, and as a fan of old comics, I’m really enjoying them.

  170. DemonNick
    November 10th, 2006 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    Has anyone read today’s Mary Worth? Between the look in her eyes and referring to herself in first-person plural, I’m wondering if she’s baked something into that white goop other than… well, whatever it is that usually goes into the white goop.

  171. Concerned Citizen
    November 10th, 2006 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    Actually in older Blondie strips, Mr. Dithers would beat on Dagwood with impunity. And not just puff of smoke with extended fists stuff either. Dithers would often pound on Dag’s head with his fist, old upright typewriters, or any other blunt object he could get his hands on. He’d also flash a perverse sadistic smile while Dagwood would yell in pain and horror.

    I sure miss the good old days.

  172. dramashoes
    November 10th, 2006 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    I just looked at today’s FBOFW. That last panel fills me with an overwhelming urge to pluck out Anthony’s eyeballs with a pair of needle nose pliers, then defecate in his eye sockets and burn his moustache off with a 2000 watt soldering gun. I suspect there is perhaps something wrong with my brain.

  173. Islamorada Girl
    November 10th, 2006 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    Npo, Dramshoes, yours is a perfectly normal reaction.

  174. cheech wizard
    November 10th, 2006 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    re: Kitchen doors: Ours was a solid, swinging door you could bump open with your hip or a tray bearing a turkey. But being Dutch, we cut it in half. Right before we killed all our elm trees.

    More information on old National Lampoon gags can be found on the Internet.

  175. Jorge
    November 10th, 2006 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    SF: Why doesn’t Ted just smack the shit outta the old bag? Man up Ted!

  176. Mitchelka
    November 10th, 2006 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    Look at the masterful use of perspective lines in the kitchen: the doors, countertops, giant cupboards in the background, strangely bisected counter in the front, even the microwave. Everything draws the eyes in toward the Soylent White crawling out of the bowl into the pan.

  177. Red Greenback
    November 10th, 2006 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    #54-GC,MP-”Punchy” sort of does relate because he is wearing a well-used Paniolo hat , Paniolo being a Hawaiian cowboy, er, boy-cow, um cow “puncher”…OK, maybe not.

  178. Poteet
    November 10th, 2006 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    #172 & #173 — Dramashoes and Islamorada Girl, thank you. I was just thinking that mere slow strangulation wouldn’t be enough, and then along came your highly inspirational comments.

  179. Zinco
    November 10th, 2006 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    Haha, Mario’s milking the cow.

  180. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 10th, 2006 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    Has it been pointed out that the men in A3G all invariably get drawn in the same icky blue sport coat? Alan, Eric, Dr. Zaius, Ted, random street guy. What is up with the “cyan empire”? Is this symbolic of something?

    Guess the strips get sent out to the great Asian cartoon sweatshops for colorizing with “blue suit” hastily scribbled on the back of the enclosed cocktail napkin, Bolle and Trusiani intending something approximating a tasteful Armani. Instead their guys wind up looking like an Arbys manager with a family history of Tritanomaly. Add a lapel flower that squirts water and these guys would all be Captain Kangaroo.

    Heck, even Tinsley figured out university professors all wear 70′s-era grey tweed sport jackets with elbow patches. Then again, he probably gets his strips colored in North Korea, where university professors really do all wear 70′s-era grey tweed sport jackets with elbow patches. It’s what they were buried in.

  181. PInk Haired Girl
    November 10th, 2006 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy just gets more depressing every day, doesn’t it.

  182. Ham Gravy
    November 10th, 2006 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    #123 – I guess I’ll never know why Olive ran off with that sailor, but I’ll never foget that awful day:

    At least now I have the satisfaction of seeing Mr. Eye suffer the same humiliation at the hand of Miss Oyl that I did so long ago:

  183. Von Zeppelin
    November 10th, 2006 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    156 SQS: Perhaps Scaduto2 lives on Earth 2, a parallel existence where doctors wear head reflectors, people put on coats and ties to go to the movies, tablecloth restaurants have bottles of ketchup on the tables, and when your plasma TV goes out, you call a repairman who arrives in a panel truck and is wearing a military-style cap and a snappy bowtie.

  184. johncomic
    November 10th, 2006 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    175: Jorge, are you kiddin me? That “bag” can curl her fingers right round Ted’s noodly wrist! That translates into a fist the size o’ Ted’s head! And she looks to me like she knows how t’ use it! [A stint in the Marines lurks in her shady past, perhaps?] Man, I wouldn’t put money on Mike Hammer up against that harridan!

  185. Tukla in Iowa
    November 10th, 2006 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    I can’t get the image of Mary Worth and Ella facing off Highlander-style out of my head.

  186. Harry Paratestes
    November 10th, 2006 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    Imagine Mary and Ella facing off, Highlander style, wearing only thongs.

  187. sandtarts
    November 10th, 2006 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    #121 & 122:

    Mary is making a Pluggers casserole – a seven course dinner for Ella.

    Mary’s expression has been so dark lately that the only person who could beat her in a glowering contest is Sawyer on “Lost.”

  188. Tukla in Iowa
    November 10th, 2006 at 8:49 pm [Reply]


  189. AhClem
    November 10th, 2006 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    #186 – Thanks a lot, Harry P. I’m going to stay awake all night to avoid the inevitable nightmares created by that image.

  190. dramashoes
    November 10th, 2006 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    #178 poteet: I’m glad I could make your evening brighter and more sadisitic. I’m thinking of selling Anthony’s slow death to the Hallmark people for a Mother’s Day card.

  191. Islamorada Girl
    November 10th, 2006 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    Where I come from, a seven course dinner is a six pack and a slice of pizza.

  192. Dicky
    November 10th, 2006 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    #79 – If that’s Death walking by, he’s got a pretty hot silhouette… Rawr~
    I wouldn’t mind being taken by him.

  193. Summerhouse
    November 10th, 2006 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    #116 – Excellent work! Tres amusant(e?)!

  194. Christy
    November 10th, 2006 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    It’s my birthday today – and, #75 One Happy Claude, you helped make it great! Thanks for that.

  195. Dingo
    November 10th, 2006 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    #186 Imagine Mary and Ella facing off, Highlander style, wearing only thongs.

    Imagine Mary and Ella facing off, Highlander style, wearing only merkins.

  196. tWB
    November 10th, 2006 at 11:29 pm [Reply]


    Actually, given the way MW has been going lately, nothing would satisfy Mary except Tonepot falling asleep with a smoldering Virginia Slim and burning half of Charterstone to ash and bone.

  197. Poteet
    November 11th, 2006 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    #195 — Gee, thanks, Dingo. I really needed another image for my nightmares.

    Foob — And speaking of nightmares, I asked for another one by going to the Foobsite and clicking on that weird image of old Gwandpa and young Gwandpa, whereupon I was hurled to a page where there are two images of young Gwandpa, but one looks sort of reasonably normal (at least for Gwandpa) and the other does not, the other being a reverse of that weird Young Gwandpa on the home page. I suspect that Weird Young Gwandpa was drawn by someone better at depicting uniforms that human faces. And now I’m going to do my best to forget the whole thing.

  198. Poteet
    November 11th, 2006 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    THAN human faces. Sorry.

  199. Jennifer
    November 11th, 2006 at 1:10 am [Reply]


    I can’t believe no one commented on Bill’s song ’til #193!

    I would have said something sooner, but I had to go find my autoharp.

    Aaaaand… *strum*strum*strum* Rock on!

  200. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    November 11th, 2006 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    191: So you’re saying you’re from a family of Pluggers?

    This week’s MF rant shows just how far ’round the bend Tinsley’s gone. I mean, now he has to make up hypothetical things pretend liberals might say about a stupid statistic he’s discovered? God – I just hope he doesn’t discover that, technically, men are a minority…

    116: Nice…reminds me of the other parody of that song, “Psycho Chicken” by the Fools…

  201. Jason O.
    November 11th, 2006 at 3:02 am [Reply]

    OK, I’m a noob and all, so maybe this has already been hashed out here, but why in the hell does Ziggy never wear pants?

  202. Craig Shergold
    November 11th, 2006 at 4:01 am [Reply]

    150: But his costume is faaaaaaabulous.

  203. dryman
    November 11th, 2006 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Christ, Mary Worth is such a bizzatch! The new neighbor helps somebody and she has spent all week seething and lip-gnawing while making a plaster-of-paris casserole.

    Obviously Crazy El is going to give her some shocking advice about how Jeff Cory is shacked up with a Cambodian houseboy cos she wouldn’t put out. Bet I know what’s in that dish.. “I made you some salmon, Ella!”

  204. crankyshopper
    November 11th, 2006 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Cows don’t have horns? Clearly you have never encountered Walt Wetterberg’s cartoons of Ada the Ayrshire.

  205. Craig Shergold
    November 11th, 2006 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    That’s the third horn you’re thinking of. Cows don’t have those.

    But sometimes they have a glass window on one of their stomachs. Ok, only once. UC Davis implanted a glass window on a cow so they could watch. Nobody had cable back in 1970.

  206. Dingo
    November 11th, 2006 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    Actually, Craig Shergold, my parents had cable back in 1970. Ottawa, Illinois is located 90 miles from Chicago, from Peoria, from Rockford, and from the Quad Cities. It’s location as such did not allow for good broadcast reception. In the early 1960s, Sammons Communication installed cable throughout the community. So I always grew up with cable television available and I’m 42.

  207. Bill Peschel
    November 11th, 2006 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for the shouout, Jennifer, this is a tough room with lots of great competition. Gotta go back and try again!

  208. Key Lime Pie
    November 11th, 2006 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    Mary’s chickens will begin to come home to roost on Sunday…see-all, know-all Ella Byrd is gonna sock it to Charterstone’s self-absorbed, Kangaroo-killin’ sociopath…make book on that…

  209. Phoebe
    November 12th, 2006 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    Oh, Mary. Her mouth isn’t open, per se – it’s simply her gritted teeth, showing pent-up rage. The next strip of Mary Worth we see will have a newpaper headline in the first panel ‘Crusty Old Lady Goes On Murderous Rampage.’ Oh yes.

  210. Phoebe
    November 12th, 2006 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    Is it just me, or is the unconcious drugged lady making a suggestive comment? IN A FAMILY NEWSPAPER?! Shocking!

    And next time, Josh, don’t feel like you have to go through so much trouble to read a Plugger strip. Seriously.

  211. Harold
    November 12th, 2006 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    #201, it may be because Ziggy is a filthy, filthy pervert.

    Actually, I always assumed he wore some sort of leotard. ‘Cause his feet don’t have any toes.

  212. lefthanger
    November 12th, 2006 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    Batman: Look at the horns on that guy.
    Robin: Holy Cow —– those are gorgeous!
    Catwoman: You guys better look a little lower.

  213. dingey
    November 12th, 2006 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    Ohboyohboyohboy! The oven mitts are off now! MARY IS IN ELLA’S APARTMENT!!!!!!!!

  214. lefthanger
    November 12th, 2006 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    Reading what i just said, I think i may be gender confused—- thanks a lot Josh.
    I may have ment to say–
    Batman: Look at the size of the horns on that girl.
    Robin: Holy Cow Batman—those are huge!
    Catwoman: You guys need to look a little lower,and get your minds out of the gutter.

  215. heynoni
    November 12th, 2006 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    Girl cows have horns.

    …Ã…nd there’s no such thing as a “boy cow”.

    This is what comes of reading comics during biology class.

  216. Key Lime Pie
    November 13th, 2006 at 12:33 pm [Reply]


  217. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 13th, 2006 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    #194 (Christy) It’s my birthday today – and, #75 One Happy Claude, you helped make it great! Thanks for that.

    What tha? A CC Priestess says it’s her birthday and none of you droogies respond? See Josh, this is what happens when you don’t whip your supplicants. Sheesh.

    Anyway, belated it may be but: “Happy” Birthday Christy

  218. Spears
    November 7th, 2008 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Boy cows are not the only cows with horns. thats just a dumb thought

  219. earnermBymn
    December 21st, 2008 at 1:31 am [Reply]

  220. eminkethatret
    September 14th, 2009 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    hi, how are you? google

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