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Biddy on biddy: The battle begins

Judge Parker, 11/12/06

Oh man, Sunday’s pre-”Meanwhile” Judge Parker packs in as much queasy adolescent sexuality as a John Irving novel. The image of Ned sticking out her ass for her mother, and asking “You don’t think it’s too revealing … too sexy?” is somewhat alluring, but mostly horrifying. Abbey’s blatant look of mingled horror and arousal in panel five adds to the squirm. She probably would like to complain about her daughter’s trampy outfit, but realizes that she doesn’t really have the moral authority to do so since you can totally see her buttcrack in panel three.

By the way, Neddy, French women dress in sexy and stylish clothes, not like … that. Prepare to be mocked.

(Incidentally, Abbey isn’t Ned’s bio-mom … and I’m pretty certain Ned was adopted as a teenager. I’m not sure if that makes the underlying tension here better or not.)

Post-”Meanwhile,” the phrase “Nice work, Celeste … you smell like a still!” may be the best marital put-down this side of the Lockhorns. Still, it’s nice that Reggie gave her a full two hours get her drunken mess of a life together enough to get to the press conference.

Beetle Bailey, 11/12/06

There’s a lot to hate about today’s Beetle Bailey. It follows the weird stumbly, improvised, cumulative-joke rhythm that’s been somewhat typical of the Sunday strips of late. I also wonder what happened to Beetle’s perfectly presentable t-shirt-and-shorts combo while he was in the truck, or why Miss Buxley is the only person Beetle can think of to call in his predicament, or how Miss Buxley could possibly be so femme that she doesn’t own any clothing item that isn’t a dress, or any shoes that aren’t high heels. However, I’d like to reserve the brunt of my ire for the phrase “But it sure left its output,” which has never been and will never be uttered by any speaker of idiomatic English ever.

Mary Worth, 11/12/06

As Mary walks towards her date with destiny, it’s amazing just how rattled she is. First off, in the first panel she appears to actually be practicing her first greeting to her new archrival. In panel three, she looks like she’s sneaking down the hall way, ready to leap around the corner and bash in roller-suitcase-woman’s skull with her pan. But mostly I’m charmed by the look of grim determination on her face, which gives way to an utterly insincere smile in the final panel. Next week is going to be great.

Family Circus, 11/12/06

The lesson: You can’t have nice things when your kids are morons.

138 responses to “Biddy on biddy: The battle begins”

  1. Dingo
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    Give the Family Circus kids credit. They brought Mom gifts from her secret lover at Tony’s Pizza.

  2. max
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    cacti are “nice things”? since when?

  3. Shave Ezra
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    I actually thought she was running toward the kids with the cactus to pop their balloons.

  4. Opus
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:40 am [Reply]

    “Its output” makes me think Beetle is staying in Rain Pee.

    Meanwhile, the writer of Beetle Bailey produces a completely ridiculous sentence but manages to get the “its” spelled correctly for its usage.

    Does Beetle normally sleep on the ground?

    Why am I thinking so much about a Beetle Bailey comic? Curse you, Josh!

    P.S. I’m mesmerized by Mary’s evil eyebrows in panel 3. She’s out for blood, I tell you.

  5. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    Once again, censors ruin the point of a comic: here’s the original comic…which gives you a better idea what Thel was thinking about, and why she needed to hide the cactus pronto.

  6. leo
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    It’s a motion lines bonanza, a hullaballo of kenetic movement!

  7. Francis
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    When did Sarge’s uniform change from olive drab to mustard yellow? Is this a “new army” thing?

  8. Donald The Anarchist
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    Damn it!! I was just enjoying the clearly implied sexual tension in JP, it really feels like the start of a Penthouse letter “Then, in a husky voice Abbey didn’t even know she possessed, she suggested, “Maybe you’d like to change into it…right now?””

    But then you go and switch it around and show me Beetle Bailey in DRAG!!! It wouldn’t feel quite so disturbing if I hadn’t seen “Shortbus” earlier tonight. Just for humor value, they really should have Beetle go all the way with makeup and maybe even a purse. This could lead to a whole week’s worth of strips. “Why’s Sarge looking at me like I’m a ham sandwich?” “Gulp !! I think I liked it better when he was beating me up!!”

  9. Dub Not Dubya
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    Monday’s MW:

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/style/comics/king.htm?name=Mary_Worth&date=20061113

    I think the woman walking by in the first panel is a barely disguised Kelly Stirling, stepping out on her husband with another man. Excellent work by Moy and Giella, giving us a subtle illustration of how piss-poor Mary’s advice really is.

  10. badfish
    November 13th, 2006 at 2:05 am [Reply]

    Funny, I thought Ma Keane was hiding the peyote before the fam came back. Or maybe the balloons were just a manifestation of a really bad halluncination…

  11. Dingo
    November 13th, 2006 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    Dios mio! Ella is an aging Amy Sedaris from Strangers with Candy. And the blonde man walking Kelly Stirling to their tryst is no other than Gig from Brenda Starr.

    I have no life.

  12. Dub Not Dubya
    November 13th, 2006 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    Monday’s Watch Your Head (hi Cory!):

    http://www.unitedmedia.com/wash/watch/archive/watch-20061113.html

    The real question is, does that heifer have horns?

  13. Mr. Barkie
    November 13th, 2006 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    FC: I’d say Mama Keane is the nitwit. If she was sharp (no pun intended), she would have left the cactus where it so those goddam ballons would die a sudden death. Balloons are nothing but trouble.

    And about that Army bivouac….how is it that Beetle Bailey is the only guy who got drenched. Shouldn’t Beetle have absent mindedly wandered into a minefield years ago. I say it’s time for a cagefight with Zero.

  14. Mibbitmaker
    November 13th, 2006 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    The Monday MW: What a sloppy strip! There’s a couple of characters from a future scene, on “camera”, learning their lines. That just breaks the reality of this….. uh, I mean, the “reality” of this strip (thanks, Margo!)

    Some psychic she is! She can divine the name of her competition by…. asking around. Mare may have an easy job of this Biddy War yet.

  15. Scott
    November 13th, 2006 at 2:25 am [Reply]

    Anyone else notice that Eric Mills in A3G appears to have been on the verge of tears for the past few days? So Margo doesn’t want to cater your party. Get over it. On the other hand, Margo making someone cry isn’t really surprising.

  16. Mibbitmaker
    November 13th, 2006 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    BBailey: Besides all the stuff mentioned, there’s that kid seeing Beetle… in broad daylight… obviously wearing a sheet, and he thinks he’s a ghost?! That boy’s dumber than the FC brats!

    Beetle Bailey: Ghost-That’s-Clearly-Some-Alive-Guy-Covering-Up-His-Nudity.

  17. reader-who-posts
    November 13th, 2006 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    The thing I love about Judge Parker is no matter how I try I really can’t figure out who these people are. All I know is that the women appear to have a come hither look in every panel of every damn strip. Does Judge Parker ever actually appear in this thing, or is he hiding out with Barney Google?

    I also want to know how in the first panel red-haired chick is sitting on the bed, and Neddy is standing in front of a window, with a chest of drawers next to it. Then in panel three red-haired chick still hasn’t moved but now Neddy is standing in front of a door and a bookcase. I think they just realized too late that if they kept the first arrangement she would be sticking her ass out the window.

  18. elyse
    November 13th, 2006 at 2:44 am [Reply]

    I think that today’s Family Circus cartoon would be funnier and more realistic if Mama Circus was running to hide her improvise lightbulb meth pipe.

  19. DariaFan
    November 13th, 2006 at 2:51 am [Reply]

    #5: I guess she didn’t want Daddy Keane feeling “inadequate”.

  20. JonnyVanPelt
    November 13th, 2006 at 2:55 am [Reply]

    re. Family Circus: Where’s Panel 4, showing her on the floor with her face impaled on the cactus after having tripped and fallen on her face running into the next room? And wouldn’t SHE have an absolute cow if any of those kids were RUNNING WITH CACTUS in the house??

    re. Beetle Bailey: My theory is Beetle thinks there’s a bunch of men’s clothing under Miss Buxley’s bed left there from all the guys….oh, never mind.

    re. Mary Worth: I brought this up in the discussion room, BUT — OK, the person in the lower right corner of Panel 4? I’m tellin’ ya, it’s none other than Dr. Ruth Westheimer…..

  21. Dingo
    November 13th, 2006 at 2:56 am [Reply]

    #17 Reader-Who-Posts: I think that’s a great title for a comic strip: Ass Out the Window We could have guest appearances by other comic strip denizens…

    Dagwood stands up in the bathtub to confront the painter. Next panel has Dagwood’s ass being thrown out the window.

    Beetle Bailey mouths off to Sarge while mopping floor. Next panel? Ass out the window.

    Ella gently tells Mary that casseroles shouldn’t contain so much paprika. Next panel shows Ella being tossed out of the window while a maniacally laughing Mary Worth touches her own nipples.

    Blanthony finally gets to home base with Liz. Realizing that his entire life was devoted to this moment and that now all he has forward to look to is her growing the inevitable Patterson buttocks, he throws her naked ass out of the window. She lands on Francoise, playing in the yard, and allows ANthony to become an individual and start life away from Ellyville.

    The Phantom travels with his wife to Manhattan during the weekend of the gay pride parade. Not one to miss a party, he dons his outfit and walks the streets of New York. At night’s end, countless minions gather in the alley beneath his window and beg for him to press the Derriere of Death to the cold panes of glass. Jungle saying — I’m not gay but – man! – what an ass!

  22. Da Scrodfather
    November 13th, 2006 at 3:40 am [Reply]

    Clearly, Beetle is the kinda guy who sleeps au naturel, and slipped off his shorts to be more –y’know– comfy w/ himself. No guessing how he lost the briefs in the morning, though.

    As for JP, hey w/ all the crappy art we’re subjected to here, props to the artist for bothering to insert a b&w cutout of Reggie into panel 6. For no reason.

  23. Mikel
    November 13th, 2006 at 3:41 am [Reply]

    If there’s any justice in the “Judge Parker” world, the next week will involve lots of heavy lesbian undertones from Neddy and Abbey. However, any universe that would elect that bastard Parker to be a judge obviously has no justice.

  24. Craig Shergold
    November 13th, 2006 at 3:58 am [Reply]

    MW: That’s biohazard personnel in panel 3. Charterstone is a Superfund site?

  25. Dingo
    November 13th, 2006 at 4:06 am [Reply]

    Children! Children flee!
    Mary Worth brings casserole!
    Biddy bye. Boo hoo.

  26. Mr. O’Malley
    November 13th, 2006 at 5:57 am [Reply]

    FC: Don’t cacti have some kind of roots? Surely you can’t grow a cactus that big in such a shallow pot? Also, I thought they lived in a suburb. If you look out the window, their house seems to be in some kind of remote Arctic wilderness. Who was supposed to fill the background?–”Not me!”.

    Also, helium-filled balloons are very dangerous to wildlife, especially birds. We need to have Mark Trail rush into the Keane house and bring the cactus back into the living room.

    JP: I suppose that if you went to France, you would find some people employed as maids. But somehow I doubt that they would have bought their outfits at a Hallowe’en Outlet Store. This child seems to have acquired her knowledge of foreign countries from reading Funky Winterbean. Soon (maybe some time around 2008) she’s going to get kicked out of Chartres Cathedral for being improperly dressed.

  27. Nate Birch
    November 13th, 2006 at 6:26 am [Reply]

    It looks like the Family Circus mom has tripped and is now hurtling face-first into a pot of cactuses…which is one of the more amusing things I’ve seen in that comic in a whiel.

  28. Marion Delgado
    November 13th, 2006 at 6:34 am [Reply]

    So is she being renamed “Mary Worthless” here? Or just ‘Mary Exposition”

  29. Von Zeppelin
    November 13th, 2006 at 6:53 am [Reply]

    A3G 11/13: I have finally figured out why Margo and Eric are circling around each other for the past several days, with each panel showing them at different angles. The are actually dancing “La Bamba,” the Veracruzano folk dance in which the couple use their feet to tie a long ribbon into a bow while dancing. Se necesito una poca de gracia.

  30. Von Zeppelin
    November 13th, 2006 at 7:01 am [Reply]

    That would be “se necesita un poca de gracia.” Damn, I hate it when my brilliant cultural references are ruined by using the wrong grammatical gender.

  31. Harold
    November 13th, 2006 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    Not being familiar with the characters and their relationships in Judge Parker, I was kinda hoping this was a prelude to some redhead-on-brunette lesbian action. Now that I know that they’re mother and daughter, I still am.

    Either the artists at Mary Worth have never seen a casserole dish, or Mary Worth has no idea how to make a casserole. Maybe this will be a plot point, as Ella makes Mary realize that she’s so distracted that her “casserole” isn’t a casserole at all.

    By the way, anyone who owns the Totally MAD CD-ROM collection would be well advised to use the search function to find all the Mary Worth parodies and references that have appeared in MAD Magazine. It’s great to see what they had to say about Mary back in 1961, and compare and contrast to the 21st Century Mary. (Bonus: in the 1961 special Color Comics bonus, you’ll see a butched-up Dagwood punch Blondie in the mouth…and she likes it.)

  32. Jeff Coleman
    November 13th, 2006 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    Isn’t Beetle actually on the army base where he lives? Why does he need to sleep in a truck?

  33. Basil Wrathbone
    November 13th, 2006 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    Von Zeppelin,

    To make your faux pas worse, the problem with necesita/necesito isn’t that you had it in the gender, you had it in the wrong person.

  34. Basil Wrathbone
    November 13th, 2006 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    Then to make it worse for me, I left out the word wrong before the word gender. I guess that proves how easy it is to make mistakes. I won’t be so quick to point out the obvious motes in my fellows’ eyes, when there is a freakin’ beam sticking out of mine.

  35. Ianscot
    November 13th, 2006 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    Monday morning’s B.C.: Angriest lame punchline deliverer yet?

  36. yellojkt
    November 13th, 2006 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    Neddy didn’t spend a lot of money on that dress. She got it second hand from Jessica in Funky Winkerbean and just tore off the vomit-stained apron. She’s pocketing the money she saved to spend on club drugs once she gets to Paree. Damn fake mom tagging along is going to spoil all the fun.

  37. Edward
    November 13th, 2006 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    Biddy two knows biddy one’s name without introduction! She is a witch! Get her in a car with a bottle of gin, Pronto!

    While it is true that you can’t have nice things when your kids are morons, um, a cactus is not a nice thing. Just ask Molly the Stockholm Syndrome bear.

  38. yellojkt
    November 13th, 2006 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    Neddy is going to be a little chilly in that outfit. She started her shopping spree in late September. At this pace, Air Sophie won’t be touching down at Charles de Gaulle until mid-January.

  39. Robert Whitaker Sirignano
    November 13th, 2006 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    Well, if the panels were a bit longer in the FAMILY CIRCUS, Keane could have showned the burial places of the balloons after they had “died”. Or if one of the kid’s balloons popped, Billy could chastise them and said that the soul of the balloon was going to hell (or ride that broomstick of the baby witch).

    I think that’s a mirror on the bathroom door in BLONDIE.

  40. yellojkt
    November 13th, 2006 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    Abbey’s constant “GULP!”ing indicates that she has developed a throat irritation since she put Sophie to bed. We know Sam didn’t cause it unless Abbey goes trolling in Some Public Park disguised as a trannie hooker just to get some attention from her closeted companion.

  41. Charlotte
    November 13th, 2006 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    It is settled – Miss Buxley is some type of fem-bot and Beetle must be part android as well. How else do you explain that Beetle screwed his head onto her body (check out the last frame)? She must have rows of pre-fabbed bodies in her closet at home. Might explain how Beetle has survived so many beatings over the years – he just goes to see the Army mechanic when things get out of alignment.

  42. yellojkt
    November 13th, 2006 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    Have I just made three comments about Judge Parker?
    Yes.
    Am I a little obsessed with comics featuring scantily clad teenagers?
    No more than anyone else around here.
    Should I get to work while I still have a job?
    Absolutely.
    Do I have a lot of conversations with myself as if I’m Donald Rumsfeld?
    Just recently.

  43. Lyman Returns
    November 13th, 2006 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Beetle Bailey was very surreal. I hadn’t had my morning coffee when I read it, which was a big mistake. There are things you should not undertake without the sweet supercharge of caffeine coursing through your blood, and reading Beetle Bailey is one of them. In my half-asleep haze, I peered at this strip through squinty eyes and had a train of thought that went something like this: “Rain…truck….ghost…cross dresser…oh, forget it. Let’s just read Frazz.”

    I like Beetle’s assertion upon waking up: “I must be having a nightmare!” I can symphasize, Beetle. I exclaim the same thing when I stumble out of bed in the morning and try to comprehend your bizarre adventures. Only I don’t put on women’s clothes afterwards.

    Seriously, doesn’t Miss Buxley at least own a pair of sweat pants and at least one t-shirt? Does she sleep in those tiny mini-dresses?

    And also, wouldn’t Beetle’s sleeping bag keep him dry? If not, what did Zero, Killer, and the rest of the gang do? Wallow in the mud all night while Beetle snoozed inside the duece-and-a-half?

  44. Squawk
    November 13th, 2006 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Somebody please tell me that the hot chick “Ned” is not a transsexual.

  45. John C Fremont
    November 13th, 2006 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    # 17 – Even though I like the ass-sticking-out-the-window concept, we’re actually seeing the girls from 2 different angles. In panel 3, the window is off camera, as it were, to the right. Please believe me, for I have spent WAY too much time looking at this particular strip. Way too much. But as Sheryl Crow once observed, “If it makes you happy…”

  46. JEdens
    November 13th, 2006 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    The teddy bear in the bottom left corner of the first panel of Judge Parker seems to like Neddy’s new outfit – check out that smile…

  47. Squawk
    November 13th, 2006 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Another thing: Maybe Miss Buxley does have t-shirts and jeans at her house, but Beetle just couldn’t resist the temptation of prancing around the army base in a dress and high heels.

  48. Black Card
    November 13th, 2006 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    I’d just like to say that today’s FOOB is the preachiest, pertest, most saccharine, and most sanctimonious drivel I have ever seen.

    And I read BC.

  49. Krazy Kat
    November 13th, 2006 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    JP-I dn’t know how many of you have ever smelled a still before but I can tell you that is a worse put-down than you know. The ‘mash’ usually smell like vomit and then there’s the heat source (wood if this is an illegal still) and the vapors of all the hootch being driven off. It’s pretty foul.

  50. yellojkt
    November 13th, 2006 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    How big are the bedrooms at Casa Spenser? She’s rich and all, but there are rooms in Versailles not that big. It’s easily 20′ by 30′ based on these perspectives.

  51. TaxiGirl
    November 13th, 2006 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Here’s what I don’t get about this Beetle Bailey strip: despite their appearance in Panel 6, for him to be wearing Miss Buxley’s shoes his shoe size has got to be about a women’s 6, maaaaybe 7… which would be a men’s 4 or 5.

    You know what they say about men with big feet? Apparently they can’t say that about Beetle.

  52. King Folderol
    November 13th, 2006 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    #31 – I’m with you, Harold. I don’t care what the relation is between this two, it’s all good from where I’m sitting. But I thought Neddy was wearing lingerie and not a dress. She might have been coming on to her “mom”, but Abbey was too dense to figure it out. Or maybe the “gulp” indicated that she had figured it out.

    Beetle Bailey was extremely irritating. I, too, hate these ridiculous set-ups, but I’m still mad at the recent insinuation that Miss Buxley and Beetle are now dating and that she isn’t the army base ho that she used to be.

    I don’t know what pizza joints are like in Family Circusville, but every pizza joint I’ve been to on the East Coast is a dimly-lit narrow storefront with a thin layer of grime covering most everything where three or four hirsute brutes work behind the counter. They are NOT giving out balloons.

  53. Archivalist
    November 13th, 2006 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Ha! In today’s A3G, Margo looks totally flummoxed by Eric’s question. Which means she’ll have no choice but to jump on him and chew his face off in the next panel.

  54. Opus
    November 13th, 2006 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    In Monday’s MW, you can see that Ella (who is already flattering Mary into submission) has the biddie version of a serial killer wall in her apartment. It’s on.

  55. DoubleJeopardy
    November 13th, 2006 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    JP: best. underlying. sexual. tension.ever.

    MW: NewBiddie jabs with the ultimate put-down: she calls Mary “Ms” Worth!!

  56. Meanwhile
    November 13th, 2006 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    55: I don’t get it. How is “Ms.” a put-down or even a mild jab?

  57. Harold
    November 13th, 2006 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    #43, regarding to your question about Miss Buxley, “Does she sleep in those tiny mini-dresses?”, the answer is…”No.” But tiny mini-dresses are the only items of clothing she owns.

  58. Internet Find
    November 13th, 2006 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Can someone explain Andy Capp to me? Does “cat” mean something else in England?

    Peanuts has cycled back around the the 1950s, when Snoopy was an adorable dog instead of a blank dog-person who’d never be hugged.

  59. LittleGuy
    November 13th, 2006 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Between Judge Parker, Candorville, and Blondie, Sunday was a Good Day for Comix Cleavage.

  60. DoubleJeopardy
    November 13th, 2006 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    56 Meanwhile: I would guess that “Mrs” or even “Mary” would be coin of the realm in Charterstone as far as greetings, but it was the intentional emphasis on “Ms” (through the use of bold typeface) that led to my comment.

    Some of my best friends/lovers/meddlers are Ms’. No offense intended.

  61. JEdens
    November 13th, 2006 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Neddy is wearing a French Maid’s outfit on her trip to France?

    Will Neddy be practicing with ping pong balls for her trip to the Phillipines?

  62. Harold
    November 13th, 2006 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    #58, I believe the operational phrase is “jumping on a chair”. Please see Arthur Dent’s opening comments to Startibardfast in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy for a description of this phenomenon. More information on mice is available on the internet.

  63. cheech wizard
    November 13th, 2006 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Why is Neddy stocking up on new fashions before going to Paris? Perhaps she ought to pack along a few cases of wine as well.

    But Abbey is being a thoughtful, responsible step-parent, going along with Neddy to ensure that her upcoming deflowering in a Paris elevator goes smoothly.

    Ned – “You don’t think it’s too revealing?”

    Abbey – “Of course not. French women are whores, and you want to fit in while you’re there.”

    Of course, as Josh pointed out, Neddy’s little black dress is not exactly what the French would consider fashionable.

    Jacques: “Sacre bleu! Look at zee American pig!”

    Pierre: “Oui! Eet looks as if zee pig has been ground up and squeezed into a sausage casing! And where is her beret?”

    Jacques: “Not only zat, but where is zee hair on her armpits? Hmmm- perhaps she has shaved her petit feline as well!”

    Pierre: “Haurgh, haurgh, haurgh!! “

  64. Daniel
    November 13th, 2006 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    I like the way Squawk (#47) thinks! :D

    Anyway, if I had a dollar for every time I’ve seen Beetle naked, in women’s clothes, or doing something that makes me wonder about his sexuality, I’d probably have enough money to buy myself a really nice hooded sweatshirt. I love Beetle Bailey, but only for the sexual frustration and homoerotic undertones.

  65. Joe
    November 13th, 2006 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    What the hell is going on in the Family Circus? You would think by now Momma Keane would be so apathetic in this situation she would just holler out from the toilet: “Stay away from the cactus!”

  66. Da Scrodfather
    November 13th, 2006 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    #53,King Folderol– You, sir, have obviously never been to Chuck E Cheese. You are a lucky, lucky man.

  67. Greg
    November 13th, 2006 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    This may be my wistful imagination, but take a CLOSE look at the fifth panel of Sunday’s Get Fuzzy, particularly the third item of Bucky’s Must-Do list for Rob. Does that really say “eat shit”?

  68. JohnWadd
    November 13th, 2006 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    I will have troubled sleep tonight as visions of Beetle in a dress flitter by to a backing track of Abbey repeating over and over “You are a beautiful girl with a great fashion sense”.

  69. Tukla in Iowa
    November 13th, 2006 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    #1: Oh, Dingo. Just look at Bil’s face. It’s no secret.

  70. doolz
    November 13th, 2006 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    I remember, starting about 10 years ago, that Family Circus used to regularly make me wish I had a gun that could shoot into the cartoon world. I haven’t read the newspaper for some time, so it’s been a while since having that urge, but reading this site has made me want to go out and buy some hollowpoint loads for my index finger again.

  71. cheech wizard
    November 13th, 2006 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    66/Scrodfather : Ah, but have you ever been to Upchucky Cheese in Milwaukee? See

    http://www.jsonline.com/story/index.aspx?id=529383

  72. Biddiphile
    November 13th, 2006 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    #20: re MW: I was sure it was the dwarf from Twin Peaks.

  73. fishmorgjp
    November 13th, 2006 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    #41: Beetle must be part android as well.

    Yes, exactly. “But it sure left its ouput.” Whrrr, click, beep!

    Actually, many news=strip characters are androids. MF is programmed to spew out random talking points, BC is programmed to insert poorly thought-out religious comment…

  74. Von Zeppelin
    November 13th, 2006 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    33 Basil Wrathbone: I hang my head in linguistic shame. I better stay away from “my old friend Johnnie” if I am going to try to be bilingually witty at 7AM.

  75. DobleJeopardy
    November 13th, 2006 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    VonZep/Basic Wrath: to close the capitulo on this, the lyric should read “se necesita una poca de gracia”

    Reflexive verb, gender-specific adjective for that little bit of grace.

    de nada, pues.

  76. DobleJeopardy
    November 13th, 2006 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    hmmm…now that I sing it over in my head, perhaps it IS “un poco de gracia” – but that still keeps the modifier correctly cross-gendered (!) with the little noun.

  77. dimestore lipstick
    November 13th, 2006 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    Judging from Sarge’s panicked response in the last frame, “Beetle Bailey” is making a rather obvious “don’t ask, don’t tell” joke.

    Jokes about a policy instituted in 1993.
    How…topical.

  78. Matthew
    November 13th, 2006 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Why aren’t his shorts-and-shirt good enough? Why does he call Miss Buxley? Why doesn’t she have something other than a dress and heels? The answers, my friends, are right there in the last panel. He was looking for an excuse!

  79. brendan
    November 13th, 2006 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know where the FC kids live, but I have never once been to a pizza place that hands out balloons. Admittedly, I’ve never been to Chuck E. Cheese, but that’s more of a corporate theme restaurant, like Burger King etc.

    Small businesses like Tony’s aren’t going to be wasting money on balloons.

  80. andreavis
    November 13th, 2006 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    FC– I can kind of appreciate Thel’s idea, in trying to keep the balloons safe… if you’ve ever seen a kid who’s lost his balloon, it’s heartbreaking (especially if it’s your kid, you feel like the worst parent ever.) And heaven help you if your other kid still has her balloon. The jealousy, taunting, and tears, it ain’t worth it.

    I am appalled, however, that they keep a cactus in the house. At kid level. Shouldn’t it be lodged in one of those kid’s eyes by now?

  81. poppinjay
    November 13th, 2006 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Neddy also packed the novelty t-shirt she expects to be all the rage in Paris, “I’f you’re going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair”.

  82. poppinjay
    November 13th, 2006 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Neddy also packed the novelty t-shirt she expects to be all the rage in Paris, “If you’re going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair”.

    Now without stupid apotrophe badness.

  83. MonkeyHawk
    November 13th, 2006 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    I’m kinda disappointed that no one has commented on Thel co-opting the classic Nancy * Sluggo dotted line indicating what she’s looking at (Sunday’s FC).

    Dotted lines in FC are for tracking Billy’s peripatetic journeys to the mail box, by way of mud puddles, the pet graveyard, etc.

  84. brendan
    November 13th, 2006 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    by the way, anyone else noticing the telegraphing going on in Luann? Clearly, we’re looking at a Luann/Gunther hookup.
    A couple of weeks ago he changed his look; now she’s in the library with him, giving him the come-hother look (friday) saying he’s cute (saturday) and begging him to stay close, because she’s afraid to read to children (monday).

    This is actually kind of grosser than FBFW, but then we know how Greg Evans is obsessed with teenaged girls and their budding

  85. Dingo
    November 13th, 2006 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    I can see Tony handing out one balloon over which all four children could fight but to give each of those precocious brats a balloon just screams that Tony wanted Dad to drive over a cliff with kids in tow and leave him and Thel time for throwing the sauce in the air, n’est ce pais.

  86. Hairhead
    November 13th, 2006 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    “Mary Worth tweaking her nipples.”

    ULP!

    “Mary Worth tweaking her nipples.”

    Bleargh!

    “Mary Worth tweaking her nipples.”

    AAARRGGHH!

    “Mary Worth tweaking her nipples.”

    BLEARRVBVHHBLLOOBBBOORRRBHHHHBGHHH!

    You are fucking evil!

    (Runs away to stuff head in toilet and wash image from my mind.)

  87. Mountain Mama
    November 13th, 2006 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    ” I am appalled, however, that they keep a cactus in the house. At kid level. Shouldn’t it be lodged in one of those kid’s eyes by now?”

    We’re just not that lucky. None of us are.

  88. ohyes
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    At least Neddy isn’t wearing low-slung pants with the top rolled down to reveal lots and lots of lower abdomen, like some teenage daughters I could mention.

    Abbey is wise not to waste her breath objecting to the clothes.

  89. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    “Biddy” would have been an excellent NetHack character (you know: Barbarian, knight, wizard, rogue, archeologist, … biddy) .

    Games would end like:

    You eat the casserole… — More –
    The casserole was poisoned… You die.
    Do you want your posessions identified? (Y/N): Y

    a – an uncursed +2 pair of oven mitts
    b – an uncursed +1 pair of semaphore slacks
    c – an uncursed +1 pair of sensible shoes
    d – a blessed scroll of platitudes
    e – a cursed potion of Johnnie Walker
    f – a blessed potion of maalox
    g – a set of car keys
    h – 4 glass swans

  90. ohyes
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    JP: Hmm, a cushioned Roman seat, strategically placed at the foot of the bed ,,, for him, or for her? Sitting, or kneeling?

  91. Marion Delgado
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    This is the most realistic “Beetle Bailey” ever. He’s just trying to avoid being “stop-lossed” in a Corporal Clinger way. No I-raq for Momma Bailey’s boy!

    And since Beetle is over 70 now, I think he has a case. Sarge is still plugging away at 80 years young, though, so he refuses to even consider letting “that punk” out of his endlessly auto-re-upped original commitment, even though Big Band music has had 3 revivals since Beetle enlisted. I think Beetle should come in puffing “the reefer” like those drug-using jazz musicians. That should finaly get him his DD.

  92. Marion Delgado
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    And let’s face it – Abbey and Ned are teh hott. Who, in the final analysis, really cares about this “plot” of which you speak?

  93. Dadzilla
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Baily covering his head with a blanket reminds me of me back in the day at union conventions doing the ADULTERERS WALK OF SHAME back to my room at 7 AM.

  94. techinin
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    #66 – King Folderol’s Queen is expecting their first child soon, so it won’t be long before he is introduced to the hell that is Chuck E. Cheese.

    BB – I, for one, was initially horrified to think that Beetle was on such close terms with Miss Buxley to keep any of his clothes at her house, but then I remembered that no one has sex in the comics, right? Please tell me I’m right.

    Does Miss B not watch Court TV? How can she leave her key under the mat in this day and age?

    Blondie – Dag has very nice wide shoulders and I look forward to bathtime with him.

  95. Paul James
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Foob- I am convinced Liz got a nosejob at some point. Maybe frostbite up in Matawhatever it is damaged it, but in some panels it doesnt even appear to exist!

  96. Marion Delgado
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Dadzilla, I am in CWA, but clearly, more importantly, I am in the WRONG UNION.

  97. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    The stalker misses! You hit the stalker! The stalker’s nose glows red!

  98. Randy S
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    I think the best thing about Sunday’s Mary Worth is in the first two panels she’s expressing herself in terms of a Greek tragedy.

    You gotta know there’s something violent and disturbing bubbling beneath the surface there.

  99. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    You hit the biddy! The biddy mumbles a platitude! — more –

    You turn to stone. Do you want your posessions identified (Y/N)?

    (Today’s snark brought to you by the letters D and D).

  100. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    And check out the lush landscaping surrounding the FC domicile.

    What, Daddy Circus get a good deal on a split-level downwind from Alamogordo?

  101. The Ray
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    I think today’s Family Circus actually sheds some light on the strip from a few weeks ago with all the kids’ dead pets. I can definitely envision a scenario in which the children allowed the animals to be felled by something just as dangerous as that cactus. A water bowl, for instance.

  102. Pozzo
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    See, this is why I read this site — otherwise, I would never have seen the first two disposable panels of “Beetle Bailey.” Now I’m just wondering whatever happened to Bunny, Beetle’s steady girlfriend of old, and why he switched to Miss Buxley. Oh, right, Bunny was about as sexy as Thirsty’s wife in “Hi & Lois”. The only reason Beetle ever started dating her in the first place was because the only other woman he ever saw was Miss Bipps, who makes Olive Oyl look like Jennifer Lopez.

  103. Tukla in Iowa
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    I’ve always been a little creeped out at how Beetle Bailey characters have vertical toes.

  104. Von Zeppelin
    November 13th, 2006 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    76 DobleJeopardy: According to this site,

    http://www.musicalspanish.com/bambasample.htm

    it is, indeed, “una poca de gracia.” Spanish, I believe, is subject to “elision,” in which final vowels get lost, especially in singing. If you listen to the Los Lobos version of “La Bamba,” it sounds like “se necesit’ una poca de gracia.”

  105. Canaduck
    November 13th, 2006 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure if anybody has pointed this out–probably, but I don’t have time to read through this many comments right now–but apparently what’s-his-name in Beetle Bailey would rather walk around in the streets with a blanket over his head than be seen in–gasp!–a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Worse than that is the fact that he’d rather wear a STRAPLESS DRESS and HEELS than shorts and a t-shirt. Yeah, that’s a real step up in the decency department. I’m willing to suspend belief a little here, but this just doesn’t make sense at all.

  106. comix
    November 13th, 2006 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    I wonder if Beetle “left his output” anywhere in Miss Buxley’s house ?

  107. Grinderman
    November 13th, 2006 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    I must say that I’m not happy with the direction “Mary Worth” is taking.

    Believe it or not, I have been following this strip for almost 50 years, and its appeal has always been its utter dorkiness and tone-deafness to contemporary culture.

    Now apparently Giella and Moy are going all post-modern and ironic and “Seinfeld” on us, penning a strip that’s a parody of itself, with a wink and a nudge to to us Comics Curmudgeon readers. I don’t like it, not at all!

  108. Laura c
    November 13th, 2006 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    Charterstone is apparently near Mt. St. Helens or Pompeii, judging by the ossifed woman in MW’s hallway.

  109. DobleJeopardy
    November 13th, 2006 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    104 Von Zep: Shore ’nuff the lyric by LL sounds that way, and the original norteña song as well. But never in my life have i heard or seen a little of anything translated as anything other than “un poco” (not “una poca”).

    For example: “Abbey necesita un poco de amor” but NOT “Ned tiene una poca de amor para Abbey”.

    Must be a musical thing. We should check with 4Eva and Evah, they’d know.

  110. Dustin Dewind
    November 13th, 2006 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    And we’re did Beetle get the change for the payphone? In his boxer pockets?

  111. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 13th, 2006 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    What’s with the unsupervised tike tearing underfoot in panel 4? Since when would Mary let that slide? The old Mary would take him aside and offer up some home-spun platitudin’: Young man, there is no “I” in polite. Then she’d slip a hairpin from her well-coiffed bun and gig the kid like a frog.

    Sheesh, I guess the whole Ella thing must have her off her game.

  112. Splinky
    November 13th, 2006 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    It’s good that Mary is finally learning to consider her words more carefully. The last mistake she made along those lines was when she entered a room saying, “I’m nude and hungry for Aldo-sex… I mean, I brought a casserole.” And just look how that turned out!

  113. comix
    November 13th, 2006 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    In TDIET is that her hair or is that lamb stew on her head ? Oh yeah!

  114. Dingo
    November 13th, 2006 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    SPOI: I really shouldn’t read these posts without a cocktail in my hand. Neighbors hearing the laughter through the wall could surmise that I was on a bender but… sober? It could only be my reading phrases such as Mary Worth “gigging the kid like a frog” with her hairpin. You made me laugh like a $20 whore at a plumber’s convention.

    Grinderman, you’ve been reading Mary Worth for fifty years? Have you no decency? Have you no shame? Must you use Mary to find it?

    I’m enjoying the postmodern Mary Worth. Can’t wait for her trip to Vatican City to bring down that German Pope a notch or two.

  115. King Dogmeat
    November 13th, 2006 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    I thank “Bil” Keane for providing us with one of the most spectacular (and obvious) phallic symbols ever to grace the funny papers. That thing came replete with giant testicles. Must be all that religious repression.

  116. Chance
    November 13th, 2006 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    No wonder Sarge is depressed… he has a huge load of Greg and Mort Walker on his desk.

    #20′s comment made me laugh so hard I spat food on my monitor. I knew everyone would want to know.

  117. sandberg
    November 13th, 2006 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    Relax, Mrs. Keane. The kids have never even heard of peyote.

  118. dramashoes
    November 13th, 2006 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    So, uhm, I hate to sound like Captain Obvious here but what do you think’ll happen if June and her assistant in Rex Morgan M.D. actually do call the cops?
    Starfish Head:Thank God you’re here! This lady tried to assault me with a broom and I’m only fourteen! And she thinks I stole her purse but she has no proof! I think this bitch is crazy, officer!
    Cop:Ma’am, you’re under arrest for driving without a license and threatening a minor.
    June: But- you can’t do this- to me!
    Cop: ONE MORE WORD OUT OF YOU, AND I’LL GO OLAF THE TROLL GOD ON YOUR DOLCE AND GABANA ASS!
    It’s true. That’s totally what would happen.

  119. Marion Delgado
    November 13th, 2006 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    Dustin, he got the money up front – hence the dress.

  120. Kate
    November 13th, 2006 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    Neddy is painting over a white rug.

    No, really. Look at the first panel. There’s an easel, and an artist’s palette, and a rag. The easel is on the white shag rug and the palette and rag are on the … cardboard … floor. Also, the wastebasket is fishnet.

  121. Randy S
    November 13th, 2006 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    105: Actually, Josh himself suggested this in his opening comments, but not quite as explicitly as you did.

    “I also wonder what happened to Beetle’s perfectly presentable t-shirt-and-shorts combo while he was in the truck”

  122. Citric
    November 13th, 2006 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    Sunday Sunday SUNNNNNNDAAAAAY!!! Mary Worth and Ella Byrd go for the BITTYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WOOOOORLD in MEDDLEMANIA 2006!!! You’ll pay for the whole seat but only need the EDGGGGE!

  123. Frank Drackman
    November 13th, 2006 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    Man!!! Abbey got Back!!!!

  124. Susan M
    November 13th, 2006 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    My kids must be even bigger morons. I can’t remember a single balloon actually making it INTO our house. Usually lost to the sky once the kids were out of the car.

    OK, not really. Balloons rarely even made it into the car before they were lost to the sky.

  125. Zorba’s Little Brother
    November 13th, 2006 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    brendan says:
    November 13th, 2006 at 12:28 pm

    I don’t know where the FC kids live, but I have never once been to a pizza place that hands out balloons. Admittedly, I’ve never been to Chuck E. Cheese, but that’s more of a corporate theme restaurant, like Burger King etc.

    There’s a pizza place near our house from a small chain called Donato’s that gives out balloons.

    Nick Theodorakis

  126. careful with that axe eugene
    November 13th, 2006 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    News Flash!! Mary Worth has topped the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette’s “Least Liked Comics List”!!

    http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/06316/737071-42.stm

    ” ‘Mary Worth’ has become vacuous, insipid and repetitive in recent years,” William Ghrist of Highland Park wrote in an e-mail. “You should can it and bring back ‘Judge Parker.’ ”

    Vacuous, insipid and repetitive??? Does this man not READ MW??!!! I mean is he oblivious to the impending MeddleMania Smackdown OR WHAT?

  127. jj
    November 13th, 2006 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    I don’t get Beetle Bailey – are we supposed to believe that Beetle is the winner – the one who is dating Miss Buxley, able to personally call her when there’s something up like he needs a change of clothes for some reason on the street, and get the keys inside her apartment, and so on…

    Give me a break.

  128. Poteet
    November 13th, 2006 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    #126 — Thanks, Eugene. Interesting. That poll is different than the polls taken at my paper, in which Family Circus (pause to gag) is always near the top of the Most-Liked List.

  129. tussilago
    November 13th, 2006 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    Forget Neddy’s skimpy lingerie…I want to know who the man is who got the phone call from Jonah in today’s Spider-Man, and why he’s in bed with Nathan Lane in a nightgown and wig?

    P.S. Congrats on making the Boston Globe’s “cool site” column today!

  130. Summerhouse
    November 13th, 2006 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    In the 6th (or penultimate) panel of Mary Worth, Mary has clearly been replaced by Coach Kaz, she-male offensive line coordinator from Gil Thorp.

  131. Kate
    November 14th, 2006 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    I SAID, NEDDY IS PAINTING WHEN HER EASEL IS ON A WHITE RUG! AND HER WASTEBASKET IS MADE OF FISHNET!

    God, will nobody release her, or me, from this Daliesque landscape?

  132. Craig Shergold
    November 14th, 2006 at 4:12 am [Reply]

    26: She learned about France the same way I did.

  133. Craig Shergold
    November 14th, 2006 at 4:29 am [Reply]

  134. Tukla in Iowa
    November 14th, 2006 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    #131: Did you have to shout, Kate? You startled Neddy, and she spilled paint on the white rug.

  135. Leslee
    November 14th, 2006 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    fortunately, Neddie is mopping it up with the red version of LeSlutWear, allowing her black tiny to slide oh so gently up her backside to reveal only a CafePress cotton thong between her milky thighs. Abbey, who is seized with years of sexual tension and frustration with what has become a chaste marriage, throws herself on her blossoming step-daughter, shouting “take me NOW mon petit…”

    (whiping my brow with my apron)

  136. Harold
    November 14th, 2006 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    Kate, I am not familiar with the Neddy-the-French-Maid-wannabe character, but I am wondering if perhaps she has a painting propped on an easel with a nearby palette and brush as nothing more than decorative items in the room. That, or she has the rug heavily Scotch-Guarded.

  137. Erik
    September 4th, 2008 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    Re. Beetle Bailey:

    Considering that child’s mother seems shocked at the sight of sheet-covering-up-body man, she’s not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer either.

    Though I must admit, I do like Beetle’s expression in that panel. He knows he’s frightening that kid, but he don’t care. He’s determined to finish up his mission, and nothing, not even a lady dropping her shopping bag, will deter him.

  138. Penis Ensmallment
    April 4th, 2009 at 6:58 am [Reply]

    Gosh, what if a guy wants to make it smaller?

    Speaking of that, the dad on Family Circus is so whipped. Everyone knows it’s mom’s job to take the brats to some lame pizza-joint birthday party.

    The station wagon is holding up pretty well. So is Thelma!

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