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Two things that are gross (or three, depending on how you feel about an aroused Lu Ann)

Apartment 3-G, 12/14/10

You might find it hard to believe that Lu Ann is sending out radar waves of pure pleasure at the prospect of a quick trip via PATH train to Hoboken, New Jersey, and may think that that she’s just enjoying the music of the pretty man’s voice without bothering to strain her thinking muscle in an attempt to figure out what his beautiful syllables mean. But remember, this is the girl who practically swallowed her tongue in joy at the prospect of a trip to South Dakota, so clearly she’s easy to please, destination-wise.

Beetle Bailey, 12/14/10

You probably viewed this comic with mild disgust at its content, combined with a certain amount of contempt for its portrayal of bedbugs as large enough to be visible. And of course it’s ludicrous that Sarge would be feeding them cereal, since bedbugs subsist on one and only one thing: blood. Which means that Sarge probably isn’t feeding them cereal at all, and is in fact holding a big bowl of scabs. Oh, did your disgust just get a lot less mild?

Mary Worth, 12/14/10

“You and Scott are meant to be together! You’re right to be sure! And sure to be right! You don’t mind if I hover mere inches away from you and talk to you while you attempt to share an intimate moment at a stressful time, do you? Of course you don’t!”

Zits, 12/14/10

Ha ha, Jeremy’s room smells like a dog pooped in it!

264 responses to “Two things that are gross (or three, depending on how you feel about an aroused Lu Ann)”

  1. Carl Barks Fan
    December 14th, 2010 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    MT: Mark is an idiot.

  2. SamECircle
    December 14th, 2010 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Zits:
    We don’t have a dog. I shot him.

  3. SamECircle
    December 14th, 2010 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    A3G- Of course, those action-lines also resemble those of someone frantically shaking their head back and forth…

  4. The Grandstander
    December 14th, 2010 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Elrod is spinning his version of a Noel Coward play with the Mark-Kelly-Cherry mix-up. Sophisticated hilarity reigns. Gotta get Mark a silk lounging robe.

  5. Mr. Goboto
    December 14th, 2010 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    DT: I’m getting more and more creeped out by Doctor Mordred. He’s sort of like a Clive Barker villain/monster—fairly ridiculous at first glance, but increasingly freaky as you beging to ponder: Why criss-crossing chains? Why that belt across his chest? Why a gimp-mask shaped like a frog head? And not just any frog head…look at those eyes…a Kermit The Frog head.

    MW: As I’ve long thought, Mary is really an alien entity, much like John Carpenter’s Thing, able to graft herself from host to host in her quest for sweet, tasty intimate emotions.

  6. Lorne
    December 14th, 2010 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    “How does tonight and Hoboken sound?”
    I suspect it sounds like 18-wheelers gearing down outside warehouses, trains braking in the switchyard, and the sulphur buzz of endless streetlights — always peppered by the elusive mystery that is distant gunfire.

  7. A HREF
    December 14th, 2010 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    My disgust level was elevated because I misread “Lu Ann” as “Luann” and thought that maybe Gunther was working out a crump
    in Luann’s calf.

  8. Lorne
    December 14th, 2010 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    No wait, I have a better one…

    “How does tonight and Hoboken sound?”
    It doesn’t sound that good, apparently. Springsteen only performed it live a few times, and after rejecting it for “Darkness on the Edge of Town” he just kind of left it in the vault.

  9. A HREF
    December 14th, 2010 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    @A HREF (#7): cramp not crump. Although crump is somewhat disgusting in that context

  10. Chyron HR
    December 14th, 2010 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3G (continued from post jump)
    “Lu Ann, what would you say if I asked you for a date?”

    4) “Words, probably.”
    5) “Sorry, we’ve only got some raisins.”
    6) “I don’t think the ghost of Albert Pinkham Ryder would like that.”

  11. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    December 14th, 2010 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    I thought Mary was perhaps bursting from Scott’s back, Alien-style. Or maybe she is, herself, an alcohol-inducted hallucination.

    It goes without saying that her cheerleading is far more annoying than Jill’s ranting. Jill at least has discernable motives – she could be still very bitter from a hard breakup or (more likely in real life but not in this strip) inexplicably in love with Adrian. But Mary just cheerleads insanely at any aspect of heteronormativity, yet won’t marry her own boyfriend or put out and likes to have attractive young female friends . . . hmm… well, perhaps her motivations are also apparent.

    I can’t wait until the end of this story arc when everybody in the closet comes out of it. That’s going to happen, right?

  12. Bryan
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Zits: I’m betting Jeremy’s room smells like spoiled milk.

  13. Kibo
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Of course, technically, Sarge doesn’t have bedbugs, he has cotbugs. And “cotbugs” is “sgubtoc” spelled backwards. And “SGUBTOC” is an acronym for “Sarge Gives Unusual Bugs Treats On Cot”. This proves everything… everywhere.

  14. Backup
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    No one goes to New Jersey on a first date if they want the relationship to go somewhere!

  15. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    preview prevents post-jumpage!

    just in case anyone is unclear on the concept of pork.

    It’s ferret week on Daily Squee.

    There are too many adorable corgsquees on OCD today, so here’s an example of what model of hovercorgi bb,u should probably avoid getting. (note, this vid is kewt and adorable, but does include a gal in a bikini. Use discretion where necessary.)

  16. bats :[
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Geez, Josh (re: BB): that’s just gross! Yuck!

    @Carl Barks Fan (#1): no, Mark just isn’t very adept at using these modern urban conveniences.

  17. Amateur
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    MW: Oh, Jill talked, Adrian. She hasn’t stopped talking. You just haven’t been listening.

    Also, Mary popping out of Scott’s back with a cheery pageant wave is the funniest thing I expect to see all day.

  18. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Josh – I always thought a bag of scabs was what vampires bring to school for a light snack.

    BeetleI realize I’ve underestimated Sarge’s generosity when I see him share his bowl of skin flakes ‘n’ blood with the vermin that inhabit his filthy bed. [*]

    Close – “Soylent Brown is minorities!”

    Smirky – Miles away, in Springfield, a spiky-haired little girl gives up on her attempt to bridge the comic/cartoon gap.

    Hägar – Lucky Eddie is trying to pretend he has a girlfriend, but you can’t fool a Horrible, even though Eddie had the forethought to not wear a horned helmet while lying. Hä hä!

  19. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Mary – Just when you think you’re alone, the Meddlinator detaches from some camouflage spot and starts dispensing dyspeptic platitudes. Truly, this is the Land of the Damned.

    Pluggers know that words only have one meaning, and that meaning never changes, and that meaning is whatever occurs within three feet of their shambling, doddering, corpulent hulk.

    Shoe – It took talent to suck the humor out of that visual gag, but I think it’s been neutralized sufficiently you could carry it onto an international flight now.

    Zits – Hell, Josh spiked this one for me, too. Well, I guess I’m done.

  20. Dood
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Hoboken? Ooooh, Lu Ann’s dyin’! (With apologies to Bugs Bunny.)

  21. Sequitur
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Yo, bats :[ ! Friend of yours?

  22. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    Mark: Now Cherry is listening to George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley! They haven’t even been born yet!

  23. Sequitur
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Hey, cool! Slim is dead.

  24. Dood
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    There’s trouble in Adirondack-chair land with today’s Judge Parker. Abbey’s breast-sense is tingling, hinting that something is wrong with Sophie. Sam gets all petulant as he’s packing for his trip when Abbey asks him to talk with Sophie. “Why me?” Sam responds. “It could be a girl thing!” Funny reason, considering Sam won’t talk to anyone on request unless there’s a cool six figures or so involved.

  25. fishmorgjp
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Zits With restraint and subtlety, the foreground mess has been placed so as to block the sight of the big pile of excrement on the floor.

  26. MattF
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Only Mary would pop out of a breach in the space-time continuum accompanied by a window with ugly drapes.

  27. Dood
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    “How does tonight and Hoboken sound?” “Oh, is Margo being fitted with concrete pumps?”

  28. Nomstrosity
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    From the flatness of perspective, I’m actually guessing that not Mary behind Adrian and Scott, but rather a cardboard cut-out with a series of pre-recorded exhortations on matrimony. She props them up here and there wherever A & S go, to constantly urge them onward despite any misgivings or drunken setbacks. Sh’s not going to let this BEAUTIFUL, PERFECT, GODDAMN WEDDING FALL APART. NO SIR. #$%^&!

    Alternatively, she props them up everywhere to startles and stress A & S to the point where they DO back down in tears and lengthy, awkward cries of anguish. Then she can move in for the meddle-kill.

  29. mojo
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Wow, Paul, it’s like you read my mind! I was getting SOOO TIRED of all the fine dining and the enticing cultural millieu of life in Manhattan! Hoboken it is!”

  30. Shawn S.
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    How many times will Zits use the played out “Jeremy’s room is messy” gag? What are both his parents doing in his room anyway? At least show the scenes after where they rummage through his dresser finding weed and condoms.

  31. CanuckDownSouth
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    So the small-town corruption continues unabated in Brenda Starr… after covering up his father’s murder for years, now he can cover up his own coverup. I assume he’s one of the good guys because he, um, didn’t kill his girlfriend – he only lied about what his dad did, preventing both societal justice and closure for her family? And our investigative reporter won’t do an expose … because he’s cute? [sarc]*Awesome* storyline to go out on [/sarcasm]

    GT: only on the comics page would it be a Huge Reveal that a guy would snark at Project Runway

    Luann: Arrgh. Do. Not. Be. An. Enabler. This is not a souffle or a whole roast turkey. If you can follow directions for a jr high chem lab, you can make cookies. This kind of passive-aggressive rot should be followed up with “You’re the one who wants them, you said you’d make cookies, and you’re not 5 years old. I won’t make any until you’ve made some and cleaned up after yourself, so there won’t be any cookies at all until you figure it out.”

  32. Sequitur
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    Garfield: Uh, Santa. Most cat do hack.

  33. Jim North
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    9CL: Uh-huh.

    A3G: Sweet mother, if Lu Ann nods any harder, her poor empty head is gonna shoot straight off her neck, out the window, and into the traffic below!

    DT: It’s gonna be a hell of a light show when all these waveforms finally collapse into a single Dick and Mordred, but at least when it’s over the timelines will finally be realigned and walled off from one another, as stated in the prophecy.

    FW: He’s pretty quick to not write this off as yet another hallucination of his dead wife dead wife dead wife, isn’t he?

    GT: “I know! It’s one of my endearing qualities. My freakish troll hands? Not so much.”

    MT: Ha! Women.

    MW: “You and Scott are meant to be together! You’re right to be sure! Ha ha ha! ‘Private conversation’? I don’t know what those words even mean when they’re put together like that!”

  34. Patrick
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    I’m desperately trying to figure out the spacial arrangement in Panel 1 of Mary Worth. Is Scott standing two stairs down from the top of a staircase, as the portion of banister suggests? If so, where is that planter box secured? Is it just hovering in the air? From the severely-foreshortened angle of the picture on the wall, it would appear that Adrian is much farther away from Scott than this conversation would warrant, but has grown to enormous size.

    In Panel 2, Mary appears to have emerged from Scott’s rectum, but that’s really part for the course in this strip.

  35. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    BB: Adult bedbugs are not microscopic, they are just nocturnal and thus rarely seen. If you can see them crawling over your bed in the light the way Sarge does, however, you have a pretty critical infestation. If you spray the electric sockets with poison, and blood starts to seep out of the walls, then you know where they are. Either that, or the house is haunted – which will be an easier problem to get rid of.

  36. Pozzo
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    The bedbugs obviously worship Sarge as their god and benefactor. Soon he’ll be leading them on a march to overthrow Camp Swampy. Tomorrow, the world…or Charterstone, anyway.

  37. Thomas B.
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    It was only a matter of time before Mary made the jump from annoying meddler to outright puppet master. In panel 1, you can see her throwing her voice to Scott from around the corner. In panel 2, she has her hand up Scott’s back controlling his every move. Next week she’ll make Scott recite his wedding vows while she drinks a glass of water.

  38. Austria
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    A3G: My first thought upon reading “Hoboken” was a Hooverville. Watch out, Lu Ann — Paulinski’s cheap.

    Blondie: O– and now he has MINIONS. I’m telling you, this kid’s going to use his powers of persuasion and intrusion to take over the world someday.

    FW: Oh darn, he hasn’t snapped after all. I was so looking forward to the Holiday Special plotline of Les being put in the hospital.

    GF: I don’t get the punchline, but again, totally good with this deconstruction of kid’s shows.

    Luann: Good g— how stupid do you have to BE?!

    MT: Heehee! “WHAM.” This just keeps getting better and better.

    MW: Honestly, rather than Mary Worth creepin’ on their loveyness, I think what really frightens me is her eyes. They see everything. They can see the FUTURE, and she knows EVERY DETAIL of their marriage. Oh, fun.

    RMMD: Does something seem…different about this to you? Different text? Different art? Something here is off.

    Jeremy’s Parents: “We don’t have a dog. We used to. We were in a strip all about a dog. Then it turned into a strip about us, and how awful the dog is, so the dog ran away.”

  39. Thomas B.
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    Walt, don’t hold your breath waiting for that call from Brad. Actually, you should hold your breath because what you smell is Chad’s body slowly decomposing in Jeremy’s room.

  40. DAS
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @Les of the Jungle Patrol (#11): you only assume Mary doesn’t put out because the alternative is just too squicky to imagine. Note, for example, how Mary and her beau always end up at the Bum Boat, if you know what I mean and I think you do .. n’t want to know.

  41. Matt
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Lorne (#8):

    genius.

  42. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    MW: “Hey everybody! Don’t forget who’s strip this is! You know, the name right at the top?”

    A3G: “Ha ha! You’re so silly. There’s no such thing as a Hoboken! Where are we really going?”

    MT: Cherry vows to get even with Mark by having an affair with George Michael. As Kelly Welly would say, “Good luck with that.”

    HtH: Besides, Lucky Eddie, you’re girlfriend is still attached to your wrist, as always.

    Phantom: “And in conclusion, my friend Lee Falk sends his regards. This is Duke Ellington, signing off.”

    SFx: What in the fuck?

    S4th: David being Darlene’s eventual husband, of course. Is Ces outing Hilary and Faye or what?

    Agnes: “Bone” shout out!

    Momma: I’m trying not to think about what “swimming in the family gene pool” would mean to Francis. Trying. Very. Hard.

    FW: “Where I come from, we have sickness and we sort of have jokes, sometimes. But we don’t cotton to sick jokes.”

    JP: Whenever Sophie has a problem Sam can run off and leave Abbey to deal with her questions about tampons or high heels or whatever. Good thing the Spencer-Drivers didn’t adopt any boys, or else he might be expected to do some parenting.

    BC: Apparently our prehistoric ancestors hunted in cast-off costumes from “Godspell.”

    H&L: “Can you take us somewhere? Mom’s with a client ‘closing a sale’ and she’s got the bedroom door locked.”

  43. But What Do I Know?
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    DtM–Ha, ha, it’s funny because the force of gravity is acting on their sled causing it to accelerate at a constant rate making difficult to get off the sled safely.

    FC–Ha, ha, it’s funny because Billy’s never heard of a deductible

    The Ghost Who Requires a Narrator to Explicate Four Months of Plot Line–Now he wants revenge? Of course, Revenge is his middle name!

    MW–Is Mary Worth’s head growing out of Scott’s back?

  44. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @DAS (#40): LA LA LA CAN’T HEAR YOU

  45. The Real Dan
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:12 am [Reply]

  46. Pseudo3D
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    DT: Sometimes I wonder if the syndicate gets strips published out of order.

    FC: Wow, the Keane kids being bad again! Tomorrow, I want to see Jeffy swing a pillowcase full of plastic toys at PJ. Just sayin’.

    FW: Big words coming from a guy who swears the ghost of his wife was telling him not to mess up on the book.

    Luann: Ah, Luann returns, bringing her special brand of stupidity to the already-idiotic DeGroot family.

  47. Jamus The Bartender
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    A3G: Wow. Hoboken, NJ. You KNOW Paul’s gonna get some.

  48. cheech wizard
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    A3G – Luann is aroused because she thinks Paul said “How about tonight and ho pokin’?” – because no one has ever talked dirty to her before and deep down, she’s really a very bad, bad girl…

  49. Jamus The Bartender
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Luann: …and check out her rack, if you haven’t already. It stands proudly, and proclaims, “I am”.

  50. Mary Ellen
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    It looks like Mary is sprouting out of Scott’s back, like she had herself surgically attached to make her meddling easier. Ugh, that makes The Human Centipede seem so much less horrifying by comparison…

  51. The Real Dan
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#49): Dude, you’re checking out Luann’s rack? That’s grosser than all the other gross stuff today.

  52. Ned Ryerson
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    A3G: Now kiss her where it smells, Paul. Take her to Jersey!

  53. Jamus The Bartender
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    FW: “Oh, sure, Lisa, i’ll ask….IS HUGH E. RECTION HERE? I’M LOOKING FOR A HUGH E. RECTION…” ( and for that I am so so sorry….)

  54. Jamus The Bartender
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @The Real Dan (#51): Well, in my defense, it really was kinda hard to miss….I hold Evans responsible.

  55. The Real Dan
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “Hi, Cherry. I just wanted to explain about Kelly answering the phone. See, I was in the shower, naked and dripping wet, and Kelly was waiting for me to get out, and, and…”

  56. Little Guy
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @Lou Graziani (#y269): Zombie Lisa would be more entertaining.

  57. Mustang
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    MW – I think the concern we’re seeing here on the parts of Mary and Scott comes from a well founded fear that Adrian will get caught up in a Hannah Montana rerun marathon and thus be a no show for her own nuptials.

  58. bats :[
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#21): what it doesn’t say that in the same period of time, over a thousand were bitten by non-rabid vampire bats — and they LIKED it!
    (No. I’m just making that up. Except for the Twilight fans.)

    @Jim North (#33): re A3G: and the downside of this is…?

  59. TheDiva
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    9CL: Is that an “I’m not really listening to you” uh-huh, or an “You DO realize how stupid what you just said sounded, don’t you?” uh-huh? Either way, good on mom.

    BR: This explains everything!

    C’shaft: Had a comic from last February stuck in the drawer, huh?

    FW: That’s the only kind of joke permitted in Funkytown.

    Luann: Hey Nancy, it’s the funniest thing, I was just reading this article about a study where two groups of toddlers and their parents were each given a tool to grab out-of-reach toys. The first group of toddlers simply watched their parents use the tool, while the second group was allowed to experiment with it themselves. Turns out the second group of kids learned how to operate the tool faster than the kids whose parents did everything for them. I don’t know why that popped into my head just now, but I thought you might find it interesting.

    MT: And the Idiot Plot swings into full gear.

    MW: GAAAAAH!!! Mary’s worse than the slasher killer in a horror film!

    SM: Sure, bring the cave ceiling crashing down on all of you. What could POSSIBLY go wrong?

  60. Dood
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Maybe Paul and Lu Ann will bump into the Chairman of the Board during their sojourn to Hoboken. Then it’ll be ring-a-ding-ding for those two bozos.

  61. Little Guy
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    9CL: Wait, I’m confused. Why does Edda have to tell Uncle Roger that he’s gay? Unless it’s a Burber perrogative to designate sexual orientation, and Julii claimed dibs without Edda’s knowledge.

  62. Jim North
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#58): RE: AG3 – That’s the best part. There is no downside! Especially if it all happens just as Margo is making her way back home. She’ll see the head splatter on the hood of someone’s car, traffic will screech to a halt, fist-fights will break out in the middle of the street, and Margo will give the entire scene a single nod of satisfaction before going on her way.

  63. wossname
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    DT – this story is clearly stuck on an ice patch, spinning its wheels, making noise but no progress. Anybody got a bag of kitty litter? OK, now let’s all PUSH

    GT – OK, here’s what we’ve got: His name is Lini. He liked to watch “Project Runway” and make bitchy comments. And he’s a psychopath with giant hands.

    BrS – The justice system in Pokeville seems to resemble the one in LoFo.

  64. Harold
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    I’m having visions of “Mary Worth minus Mary Worth”: what if Mary is just a spectre, and only we the readers can see her? That would make this a much happier comic. And would also explain that second panel.

  65. Carlo
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Is this week the start of a “Very Special Sally Forth”? I’m actually intrigued to see how Ces would pull that off.

  66. Dennis Jimenez
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    A3G – I’m picturing a magic time travel night of entertainment from ‘ol Blue Eyes -
    dreamy….

    MW – I really (really) like the art of the strip today – Adrian’s clenched fists of anguish – the 1940′s movie poster romantic pose in panel two – and Mary’s rapture, with just a hint of whistling through the graveyard expression….

    Zits – Don’t follow the strip, but I like the Peavey T-60 – Carl Perkins used to play one….

  67. AhClem
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @Les of the Jungle Patrol (#11): In the name of all that is Holy, do not use the words “put out” in a Mary Worth context ever again.

  68. Doctor Handsome
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    R.I.P., unseen Beetle Bailey character Pfc First.

  69. numbersgame
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: world’s most disturbing photobomb. (Ten bucks says she finds her way into all of their wedding photos tomorrow).

  70. Hamburger Cheesedoodle
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    I would like to applaud Beetle Bailey today! For the first time, they are out at the forefront of an issue instead of lagging months or years behind; of course, the issue is the swell in number of bedbug infestations currently plaguing the US, so it’s hard to be all that happy about it.

  71. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#63):

    GT – OK, here’s what we’ve got: His name is Lini. He liked to watch “Project Runway” and make bitchy comments. And he’s a psychopath with giant hands.

    Oh please please PLEASE, Neal Ruben. Put Lini on the basketball team ASAP

  72. Hibbleton
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    JP: Abbey decided to wear only her left ginormous boob today.

    A3G: Hoboken is a pretty cool place nowadays.

  73. Terry in Maryland
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @But What Do I Know? (#43): “The Ghost Who Requires a Narrator to Explicate Four Months of Plot Line–Now he wants revenge? Of course, Revenge is his middle name!”

    But first, he needs to travel to NYC to get Diana’s uncle in further trouble with DHS and figure out how to keep both Diana and Savarna from doing him in. The Python is WAY down the list, just after powerwashing the floor of the cave.

  74. MarkTwail
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Paul: “How does tonight and Hoboken sound?”
    Lu Ann: “It sounds like ‘tonight and Hoboken.’ I must be missing something, try it again.”

  75. Neal R
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Why does Lu Ann have an adam’s apple, and Paul doesn’t? Both cross-dressing? Explains a lot of things… or does it? And I know they just met, but who repeats names every sentence?

  76. Neal R
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    A3G: again. The walls, the walls, they change color. I think I’ll just sit down and have a couple more drinks to calm me down.

  77. Walker of Dog
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#38): Agreed on the strange Rex Morgan artwork – yesterday’s too.

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#42): “Nobody Barney-Googles Mary Worth. NOBODY!”

  78. Fashion Police
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#24):

    “Why me?” Sam responds. “It could be a girl thing!” Funny reason, considering Sam won’t talk to anyone on request unless there’s a cool six figures or so involved.

    Even at corporate attorney rates, Mr. Driver still qualifies as a tradesman. Ms. Spencer is landed gentry, and all the money is technically hers. One presumes Mr. Driver charges her the regular tariff for services rendered.

  79. Dennis Jimenez
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    BB – DADTDCDFTS – Don’t Ask – Don’t Tell – Don’t Care – Don’t Follow this Strip….

  80. ohyes
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “And for dessert, I know a little place near the train station in Newark!”

  81. bunivasal
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    The reason for Beetle Bailey’s name has finally become apparent: his slovenly, lackadaisical attitude toward all forms of work–hygiene included–has infested Camp Swampy with an infection of blood sucking parasites.

  82. Dood
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Lu Ann: “Hoboken? Is Gail Martin playing there?”

  83. Walker of Dog
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Lu Ann’s Jersey-sense is tingling.

    RMMD: Berna’s brother (and sole heir) spots his opportunity: “Berna, you know the old test to see if you’re in a dream – stab yourself in the gut. If you don’t bleed, you’re dreaming, probably.”

    S-M: “Nooo! I just had the cavern walls reslimed!”

    GT: This strip’s obsession with hands is getting out of hand.

    Jumble: She had downed three plastic cups of white wine during the in-flight movie starring Brad Pitt, so the mood was set. Flying through the storm was frightening at first, but then the turbulence, oxygen depletion, and inadequately-padded seat combined to transform her anxiety into something deeper. To her surprise, then to her rising delight, when the plane bounced around in the storm, she felt |U|P|L|I|F|T|E|D|.

    And when the other passengers cheered with relief during the bumpy landing, her shouts came from a different source, one that her fumbling boyfriend would never discover. Yes, she got deflowered on Virgin Atlantic.

  84. The Real Dan
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Ah, every guy needs a malignant Mary-Loma growing from his back, to make sure he marries the Mary Approved Bride!

    Bristol and Levi

    J-Lo and Ben

    Kate and Johnny

    This is one of the most useful cut-and-paste Mary Worth panels ever!

  85. Pseudo3D
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    SF: There’s something in Sally’s creepy leaning-forward-ness that suggests something far more sinister.

    MW: Mary Worth has the advantage of hammerspace!

  86. Johnny Q
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    “Luann, what would you say if I asked you for a date?” “That’s easy, Paul. I’d say when and where?” “Good, I’ll ask you for a date someday.”

  87. js
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    Obviously, this is just an excuse to draw Luann into the tawdry world of indie rock, where men have beards and women have bangs, since the only thing to do in Hoboken is visit Yo La Tengo.

    At least her wardrobe will be hip, ironically.

  88. teddytoad
    December 14th, 2010 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    MW: God, I love when people pop up and talk at an angle in the comics. I so wish people did that in real life, but the closest you ever get is Patsy on Absolutely Fabulous.

    But I’ve spent several minutes staring dumbstruck at Adrian’s hair, and really trying to find words for how truly horrible it is. It’s always bothered me, but after months of exposure, my patience is exhausted. It is bar none the worst haircut in all of comics history. Did someone skin a drowned muskrat, dye half of it blue, and paste it to her head? I mean, remember in Calvin & Hobbes when Calvin accidentally cut off his own hair and then Hobbes drew hair on his bald head with a yellow highlighter? That was a better haircut. That must be what happened to Adrian, except instead of a yellow highlighter, substitute the evil alien tar that is the Venom Symbiote, which has attached itself to Adrian’s skull but cannot bring itself to touch any other part of her, and clings and perches, humiliated, in an oily pageboy.

  89. commodorejohn
    December 14th, 2010 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Yeah, South Dakota is nice enough, if not especially interesting to people who aren’t prairie nuts, but New Jersey? Maybe she’s just ecstatic to be going anywhere that’s across a river from Margo. Can Margo cross rivers? I’m not up on exactly what kind of evil spirit she is.

    A.D. – Didn’t hunting season start, uh, early last month? Around here, you can tell because about half the congregation will be absent that Sunday.

    Curtis – I’m always kind of charmed by the time-warped dialect in Curtis – even Dennis the freakin’ Menace doesn’t use the phrase “pizza pie.”

    FW – And with Batiuk’s self-insert railing against someone playing a “sick joke,” the Funkerverse collapses into a singularity of hypocrisy.

    Garfield – taunts us with the prospect of much more interesting things happening off-panel.

    JP – Jut, Abbey! Jut like there’s no tomorrow! Also, ha ha, Sam’s worried that having a conversation with his daughter will give him cooties. Silly Sam! Everyone knows that they can only be transmitted by physical contact!

    Lola – This guy looks and acts suspiciously like one of the Santa elves from Medium Large. Ces, you didn’t have a hand in this, did you?

    MT – hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    MW – “Don’t mind me! I’m just sprouting from your spine to remind you to bring new people for me to eat the brains of meddle! It’ll make you feel really good!”

    Momma – AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH

    Pluggers – A senior Plugger was mocking those brave pioneers in the field, with their System/360s and their LGP-30s and whatnot, claiming it would “never catch on” and acting smug and sanctimonious because their town hadn’t even switched from a party-line phone system yet. Pluggers are a constant across the generations.

    SF – Ted, we love you.

  90. Apeman
    December 14th, 2010 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worthless: “AAAAHHHH! Goddamit, Mary, would you stop popping up like that!? It’s called “personal space!” Look into it!

    Apt. 32AA: “How does tonight and Hoboken sound?”

    “Like the sound of you turning around and walking out of my life.”

  91. chrishocker
    December 14th, 2010 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    Zits seems to be all about the exposition lately. “Our son Chad, he’s in college you know, my wife.” “Yes, he’s a business major. Did you know we don’t have a dog?”

  92. Fashion Police
    December 14th, 2010 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @teddytoad (#88) said:

    But I’ve spent several minutes staring dumbstruck at Adrian’s hair, and really trying to find words for how truly horrible it is.

    Excellent observation, Mr. toad! We are agog with anticipation at what miracles will be wrought tomorrow when she has her hair done for the wedding. We haven’t a doubt in the world that Mr. Adrian at the Santa Royale Whack ‘N Yak will surpass himself.

  93. Fashion Police
    December 14th, 2010 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    At first blush, the idea of fashion in Milford sounded intriguing, but we have come to our senses. No Mudlark will ever confuse fashion with either style or good taste.

  94. Red Greenback
    December 14th, 2010 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Seriously, he means it.

  95. Dan
    December 14th, 2010 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    Those are not head bobbles. Those are sonic transmissions. Lu Ann is alerting the Hive.

  96. Dood
    December 14th, 2010 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    When was the last time anyone visited Lu Ann’s “Hoboken”?

  97. Buck Ripsnort
    December 14th, 2010 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Zits: “We don’t have a dog.” So where’d those chew-marks come from? O Gawd, Jeremy’s got the pot-munchies again.

    MW: This reminds me of Bill Griffith’s parodies of MW, particularly her all-seeing eyes and her edging in from higher space. No snark really, just an observation.

  98. UncleJeff
    December 14th, 2010 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @The Real Dan (#84): Beautiful. (and imagine a “ping” noise each time Mary pops up)

  99. UncleJeff
    December 14th, 2010 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    Tomorrow’s Phantom.
    Panel 1: Picture of Phantom unloading a full clip from his .45 into Chtutu’s face.
    Panel 2: Zombie Lee Falk: “Well, that was quick.”
    Narration Box: “NEXT!”

  100. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 14th, 2010 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#82): Lu Ann: “Hoboken? Is Gail Martin playing there?”
    Yes, at the Bum Bucket. The opening act is the Chip Flagston Experience.

  101. Stroker Ace
    December 14th, 2010 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    Zits – A cadaver dog could find the source of the smell. And discover why Chad hasn’t called.

  102. bats :[
    December 14th, 2010 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @The Real Dan (#84): I think it can happen to the ladiez as well. Behold!
    “Jen” and ANYBODY

  103. Dood
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    “How does tonight and Hoboken sound?” “OK, but only if I get to see your Schenectady.”

  104. Dood
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#100): Woo-hoo! Tarzana Nights!

  105. bats :[
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#98): Yes, I neglected to mention that this is super insight (and PhotoShopping skillz), The Real Dan!

  106. cheech wizard
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    Dec. 14, 2010 – The comic strip Funky Winkerbean becomes
    self-aware.

  107. bats :[
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#99): beautiful. Don’t even need a mashup to visualize that! (I salivate in anticipation of “Next!”)

  108. The Insensitive Schnook
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Come on, ‘Mudgeons! Cut Paul some slack! He has to take her to Jersey now that the NYPD are on to him. He already bought the barrel and everything!

  109. professor fate
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    FW: “I’m not Lisa, My name is Julie, Lisa left you years ago” I don’t remember the rest of the song but for some reason this strip triggered that pop snippet. And doesn’t he know any other Lisas? or once the sainted one died did he push them all out of his life?

    MW: cudos to Mary Worth for demonstrating what “three’s a crowd” means.

    Luann: Today we learn how to make the baking chirstmas of cookies into a soul destroying slog through guilt and resentment. Thank you for that.

  110. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Crock: Um, what?

    thorps.Update for the non-Thorpophiles out there: “Someone we don’t know calls someone else we don’t know, who’s watching a TV show with yet a third person we’ve never heard of, who is probably being established in this strip’s usual ham-handed manner as being gay.”

    JP: Sam, who just half a plotline ago demonstrated a suspicious affinity for women’s shoes, suddenly develops a gynophobia worthy of Rex Morgan. Also, for the second day in a row, we’re treated to a Picassoesque view of Abby’s chest from two different angles at once: her right side in 3/4 view and her left in profile.

  111. Earl Butz
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    It appears Lu Ann’s vibrator just kicked into full-power mode. Either that, or she’s epileptic.

  112. The Real Dan
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#103): Schenectady shall henceforth be my favorite wiener euphemism!

  113. cheech wizard
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#24):Sam is getting all petulant, while Abby’s getting all pendulant. Seriously, this guy usually draws boobs a lot better than this.

  114. Mr. Goboto
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @The Spectacular Spider-Brick (#110) re: GT: What you said, but with extra emphasis on his ham hands.

  115. Joe Blevins
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    MW: A study in contrasts — Adrian takes her complaint directly to God, while Scott makes sure that he and the potted plant in the corner are still cool. Meanwhile, in panel 2, we see that alcoholism is contagious as Mary is clearly half in the bag judging by her expression and posture.

  116. Zork The Mighty
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Why is there a pie-chart hidden under the covers of Jeremy’s bed? Is he making a dangerous foray into the scummy world of accountancy porn?

  117. cheech wizard
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    BC – Um – aren’t these guys supposed to be cavemen? For them, it’s always hunting season. Except for late winter, when everybody just starves.

    DT – Why does Dick have a cast-iron stove chained in the back seat?

    Phantom – Kit is going to seek justice against a guy who’s already serving a life sentence in a country with no death penalty. But he’s going to make damn sure Chatu’s commissary privileges are suspended for at least six weeks.

  118. Zork The Mighty
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#117): Dick Tracy doesn’t agree with anything Ben Franklin has ever done.

  119. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    (WT)DT: By the way, who wants to bet money that sometime during the two strips Dick was unnecessarily out of the car, someone freed the killer and substituted a cleverly prepared perfectly matching dummy?

  120. marshmellen
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Zits – Ha ha! Jeremy is a horder!

  121. commodorejohn
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#113): He’s probably trying to find his balance between the resplendant boobage of the Baretto years and, well, the real world.

  122. mgm
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    Continuation of A3G comic:
    Lu Ann: “That sounds perfect, Paul! I love Hoboken!”
    Paul: “Ok, just curious about what you would say. See you later”

  123. terrapin
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    JP-”It could be a girl thing. And you know what pains I’ve taken to avoid girls’ things!”

    LUANN-I’m old enough to remember the tradition of Moms passing on their baking skills to their daughters. That may be a thing of the past these days but it doesn’t make me love Nancy any more.

    A3G-”How does tonite and Hoboken sound?” “Silly! How can a ho be boken?”

    MT-Huh huh! Gurlz sure is unreasonable when they’s angry.

    Zits-”We don’t have a dog. Remember, we agreed to have nothing in the house more smarter than us.”

  124. tb4000
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    A3G: If he had said he was taking her to Dover, I do believe she would have creamed herself right then and there.

  125. ElkMeadow
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#23):

    Wow, about time.

    Hm, between this and FW, is there a theme going on in the comics? Any other strips dealing with dead people talking?

  126. ElkMeadow
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @MattF (#26):

    Years ago, when one of the characters in Doonesbury was dying and her deceased husband came to escort her to heaven, the last panel had the word balloons, “What dreadful curtains!” “Shh, Mrs. God picked them out.”

  127. ComcisFan
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#42):

    My thoughts exactly on S4th. Not only is he outing them, he’s outing them to themselves and arranging a life partnership — for two 10-year olds.

  128. cheech wizard
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#121): Oh. Well, I guess he and I have something in common, then. I’ve been struggling to find a balance between the resplendent boobage of the Baretto years and the real world myself.

  129. cheech wizard
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#121): But he saves his real contempt for John Locke.

  130. Walker of Dog
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#124): Or Sioux Falls.

  131. Mibbitmaker
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    Only had time to skim. Oversnark apologies, where applicable…

    9CL: It’s all ridiculous once again (“comestibles” now?), but I just really like the last panel.

    A3G: Bugs Bunny: “Hoboken?! Ooooooh, I’m dyyyyyyyyinnnn’!”

    GF: Can that also explain that other deformed aardvark, Cerebus?

    JP: Yeah, Abby — “Sam, butt out, it’s girl stuff!”, “Sam, talk to her even if it’s a girl thing!” Make up your mind, lady! (Remember, the former applied to Neddy with her French shoe maker relationship issues not long ago. Maybe Neddy’s female problems are exclusively Abby’s business, and Sophie’s exclusively Sam’s? Odd.)

    MT: Cherry’s a regular one-woman kangaroo court, isn’t she? Welcome to Richard Jewell’s world, Mark.

    SL: “Business plan”? Don’t let him near Sam Driver!

    Other Coast: Plus there’s that whole “being exhausted” thing.

    Popeye: “Mockin’ th’ unwoikin’ wealt’y! What is dis, Arresked Developmink?”

    OBH: Fat free water? There’s water with fat???

    Phantom: The new storyline is the continuation of the old storyline? For the love of God, don’t let Mary Worth or 9CL know you can do that!!!

    MW: Plodding pods.

  132. cheech wizard
    December 14th, 2010 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @Zork The Mighty (#118): Oops that last one was supposed to be a reply to #118.

  133. un malpaso
    December 14th, 2010 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    Ah, the word “Hoboken”… music to the ears of any woman or man who still believes in true love and romance. Second only to Armonk.

  134. Aviatrix
    December 14th, 2010 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: If the narrator with the cane would just sit down and stop yapping, maybe I could see an exciting horseback chase where Kit and his bride escape on horseback from hordes of poorly-trained yet fanatical soldiers, then watch the duo swim out to the boat where a dripping wet Diana in a white cotton nightie gets acquainted with Savarna.

  135. Calico
    December 14th, 2010 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    I wonder if Luann would take a gander to visiting beautiful Bridgeport, Connecticut?

  136. Aviatrix
    December 14th, 2010 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: I’m looking forward to the first plot twist, because so far we’ve had what a week or is it two of “important prisoner in outlandish restraints, very important that he not escape” without enough barely connected WTF to keep my mind off the artwork and dialogue.

  137. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 14th, 2010 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

  138. Moebius
    December 14th, 2010 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#48):
    Thanks Cheech, for both your “ho pokin” joke and the great flashback to the National Lampoon funnies from your name…

  139. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 14th, 2010 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @ComcisFan (#127): Okay, glad I’m not the only one who sees it. Wonder how many fifth-grade life partnerships last to high school, anyway.

  140. Aviatrix
    December 14th, 2010 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Mary hired Jill to stage this lunacy, as insuarance against Adrian suddenly coming to her senses. It explains Jill being Adrian’s ‘friend,’ why she went along on expeditions she clearly hated, and the ridiculouslness of her outbursts. Knowing Adrian has the emotional stability of a child, Mary can be assured that the reverse psychology will dispell all Adrian’s doubts about the marriage. And then when they are wed, Mary can collect. Ah, the long con. Mary probably recommended her hairstylist, too.

  141. bats :[
    December 14th, 2010 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#137): so they’re going to a Toshiro Mifune film festival? I guess LuAnn let slip that she’s visited East Dakota and her new swain figures that she’s enamored with the mysterious Orient.

  142. Neal R
    December 14th, 2010 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    DT: You can take my word for it. That guys in there tight as drum. I did not, repeat, did not loosen any of his ropes, or cut his seat belt, or unlock any padlocks. No sirree, I did not do any of that, so you just hop back in there without a care in the world. I ‘ll be sure to write home about the time I met the one and only DT, and I know DT would see a fake uniform miles away. Of course he would. You just drive on now, like nothing happened, nothing here, move along.

  143. Baka Gaijin
    December 14th, 2010 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#134): “…where a dripping wet Diana in a white cotton nightie gets acquainted with Savarna.” Our friend who draws Judge Parker could do an excellent job with this scene. I just know it.

  144. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 14th, 2010 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#123):

    Re: A3G – Well, they can be broken like this: http://gawker.com/5713259/four-bodies-found-on-long-island-beach

    Actually, if you ask their therapists, most hoes are broken, both as cause and effect of their occupation.

    @Mibbitmaker (#131):

    re: A3G – “I knew I never shouldda taken that left turn in Poughkeepsie!!

    Even the town names in New Jersey reinforce its image as the worst place in the world. Hoboken. Poughkeepsie. Hackensack. Newark.

    Plus, the Jets play there.

  145. Neal R
    December 14th, 2010 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: All taxidermists are also undertakers. Hence the next Pluggers will feature the store window ad saying “Either way, ya gets yer dawg back”.

  146. Hibbleton
    December 14th, 2010 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

  147. Mr. Goboto
    December 14th, 2010 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#134): Meh. I’d rather it just jump-cut to Kit, deep in the jungles of Bangalla, that is, Diana.

  148. DirtyDragon
    December 14th, 2010 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    FW – Don’t get on the plane, Les.. DON’T GET ON THAT PLANE!!!

    (The only question I have is whether or not the plane is going to crash directly on Funky’s new car, the one with the four different kinds of seat belts, and the 77 air bags. “Hello, this is OnStar.. Hello? Hello?”)

    Brenda Starr – Totally awesome “Take That” by writer Mary Schmich to the morons in her office that tried to makeover Tribune Company’s WGN radio into a conservative trash talk format, with a not-all-that-veiled reference to convicted City Hall Clerk Jim Laski, who was hired by the station right after serving his sentence for public corruption.

  149. commodorejohn
    December 14th, 2010 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @DirtyDragon (#148): Ah, is that what that was. I kind of recalled the bit about the criminal getting a talk show, but I wasn’t aware that Brenda Starr‘s home paper was involved. Double bravo, Ms. Schmich!

  150. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 14th, 2010 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#144): Isn’t Poughkeepsie in upstate NY?

  151. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 14th, 2010 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#150): Ah, Hibbleton already got there. @Hibbleton (#146): You let the “refresh” button go for half an hour and you’re lost.

  152. terrapin
    December 14th, 2010 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#144):I suspect that Lu Ann doesn’t know about such things.

  153. lenoxus
    December 14th, 2010 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    The mystifying thing about this particular Bedbug Baily is why Beetle is following Sarge into his room after having said goodnight. Well, there’s certainly one answer easily guessed by this blog’s readers, and it’s at least a less gross activity than Sarge feeding the insects blood — until you realize that that particular answer would likely involve the infested cot EWWWW

  154. Neal R
    December 14th, 2010 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    Zits: Why, oh why does that monitor have post-its all over it. White-out too I spose. Don’t hang that floppy disk with a magnet either Jeremy. Jeremy!?

  155. Calico
    December 14th, 2010 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#144):
    Hacken sack ack ack ack ack ack! (And Cathy’s not even here!)

  156. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 14th, 2010 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    I oughta know by now.

    The Poughkeepsie is in New York. I blame Jersey Shore, where the Princess of Poughkeepsie reigns, playing the part of a “guidette” from New Jersey, despite being a Brazilian from New York.

  157. Carlo
    December 14th, 2010 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#144): That’s a fine grasp of geography you have there.

  158. zerowolf
    December 14th, 2010 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Of all the places in and around NYC to take a first date, Hoboken isn’t one of them.

  159. odinthor
    December 14th, 2010 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

  160. Old School Allie Cat
    December 14th, 2010 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    Doonesbury is about as subtle as a sledgehammer, but you have to at least give him this; GBT is timely in his “issues” strips. None of this “Why do kids wear the crazy jeans that look like a hobo lived in them?” stuff.

  161. Poteet
    December 14th, 2010 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#89): Thank you for enabling me not to have to rant again about the beauty and wonderfulness of South Dakota. I’ve never been to Hoboken, so others will have to defend it as needed.

  162. zerowolf
    December 14th, 2010 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    9CL: If I had a dollar for every time I used or even heard “comestibles” used in casual conversation I’d have exactly zero dollars.

  163. gnome de blog
    December 14th, 2010 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    @ComcisFan (#127), @Artist formerly known as Ben (#139):
    Not that it matters but Hilary and Faye made it to Jr. High a year or two ago. They’re at least 12, and I think Hil commented a couple of months back about being 13 – which is only a year younger than Sophie Spencer.

    Time for a makeover, don’t you think, Ces? Hilary as a slut-in-training (a la Holly Stone, except funnier) and Sally expressing her inner Nancy DeGroot would be comedy gold.

  164. This Guy
    December 14th, 2010 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#162): Come to think of it, most of the characters in this strip talk like John Cleese’s character from the cheese shop sketch (Mr. Mousebender, according to the script), and by extension, the strange man who annoys Basil in the “Hotel Inspectors” episode of Fawlty Towers. It’s probably too much to hope that anyone will ask the Burbers “Why don’t you talk properly?”

  165. bats :[
    December 14th, 2010 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#159): Wow! Lex Morgan is great! Have you been holding out on us, or did I miss it somewhere along the way?

  166. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 14th, 2010 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    MW: Years ago, I hosted a game-night party at my house, and one friend, who always needed to be the center of attention, got quite tipsy. We were playing Cranium and were all focused on another woman’s quite hysterically funny charade of Titanic. Suddenly, the attention-hog began crying out, “Look at me! Look at me!”

    And that’s what today’s MW reminds me of.

  167. AndyL
    December 14th, 2010 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    Here’s what I want to happen in FW. I want Lisa’s death to be total hoax. She faked her death and started her life anew away from Les. This might require some clever ret-coning, but who cares?

  168. Marion Delgado
    December 14th, 2010 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    M. Night Shyamalan has taken over Gasoline Alley, too. Alas, poor Slim! All of this 6th Sense stuff is a symbolic cry for help from all the artists and writers enslaved to the pointless zombie strips, needless to say.

  169. Red Greenback
    December 14th, 2010 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    This being Apartment 3-G, wouldn’t it have made more sense for Paul to ask Lu Ann to meet him in Canarsie, where everyone looks the same?

  170. Renee
    December 14th, 2010 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    A3G: LuAnn whips her hair back and forth

    BB: Thank you for that lovely discussion of bed bugs, Josh. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go Lysol the hell out of my mattress, and have an emotional break down.

  171. Trilobite
    December 14th, 2010 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    So, how many more weeks are we going to be seeing this gimp-masked killer getting loaded into Dick Tracy’s car, anyway? Two more? Three? Seriously, I don’t know how profitable Dick Tracy is for its syndicate, but it seems like it’d make at least enough money to pay a guy to go around to Dick Locher’s studio every couple of days and jiggle him when his brain gets locked up like this.

  172. The Ridger
    December 14th, 2010 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    @ComcisFan (#127): I think they’re a bit older than that, aren’t they? But at any rate, nobody ever thinks it odd that youngsters know they’re straight. Why should they know they’re not?

  173. odinthor
    December 14th, 2010 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#165): Thanks! Lex is from a couple of months ago. I keep meaning to do some touch-ups on it . . . but I’m too busy shooting up um, with other stuff . . .

  174. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    December 14th, 2010 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    FW: So, in true Batuik-fashion, we will now have 10 more days of “This is a sick joke!” and “No it isn’t, this is Lisa!”, and “Yes, this is a sick joke!”

  175. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 14th, 2010 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#163): I like them as they are, just with the relationship acknowledged. Hil tarted up just wouldn’t work, and Faye is such a delightful bit of rough as she is. (give her a couple years, and she’s Joan Jett in the Runaways. )

  176. Pseudo3D
    December 14th, 2010 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    @AndyL (#167): Could work. Lisa only needed to pay off a nurse that she would die that night, then quietly slip away.

    The fun begins when Summer and Funky have him committed.

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#174): Yeah, the weeks where Funky went back in time went painfully slow. Like cancer.

  177. Nekrotzar
    December 14th, 2010 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    The last panel of Mary Worth reminds me of the climactic scene of the first Harry Potter movie, when Professor Quirrell removes his turban, except that Voldemort is nowhere near as creepy as Mary.

  178. zerowolf
    December 14th, 2010 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    FW: “No Les, it’s really Lisa. There was a patient mix up and I didn’t really die of cancer. My records got confused once again and I was sent to an insane asylum by mistake. I told my story to this nice woman name Roberta. She introduced my to her psychiatrist name Doctor Pop-a-pill or something like that. “

  179. Rumon
    December 14th, 2010 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    Luann is The Incredible Human Tuning Fork! Capable of reaching vibrational frequencies unheard of by man by merely thinking of being anywhere that isn’t Apartment 3-G! Tonight, Hoboken will truly sing.

  180. SF_Reader
    December 14th, 2010 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    Zits – Look at those lips on Jeremy’s mom! I’ll bet they can suck-start a B-52!

  181. Parmalat Loire
    December 14th, 2010 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    Get Fuzzy – Perfect explanation of Arthur.

    Momma – Oh goody. After all, a day without Momma being about incest on some level wouldn’t be complete. My curiousity is piqued as to how far Lazarus is going to go in pushing the envelope to see how blatant he can get and still be in papers.

    Real Life Adventures – You can change “video game” to “porn DVD” and not miss a beat and have it make more sense.

  182. demoncat
    December 14th, 2010 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    Adrien is telling Scot they are stil on since to back out would earn Marys wrath who is smiling over another couple having to unite in marriage increasing her dark power. the smell coming from Jeremy’s room is either him hidding in that mess and due to not showering for a while or some left over lunch that has developed life .

  183. Alison
    December 14th, 2010 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    Mary’s face is totally melting. One eye is way higher than the other.

    Oh ha ha, Beetle Bailey, jokes about bedbugs are so funny, being that there’s a gigantic real-life panic about bedbug infestations these days. I bet last year this strip made jokes about the swine flu.

  184. cheech wizard
    December 14th, 2010 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    So is Mary going to pop up on Scott and Adrian’s wedding night, in what will be a horizontal reprise of that second panel?

    Scott: “I…I… don’t know what’s wrong. I’ve so looked forward to this – and I want you so very much…”

    Mary: “Not to worry! Anxiety is a major cause of sexual dysfunction, even in physically healthy people! It doesn’t mean you don’t love each other! It can often be addressed by talking about it! Why don’t you start by telling me everything you want to do to Adrian? And go slowly – very slowly. Rowr!”

  185. Poteet
    December 14th, 2010 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    LUANN — If Luann is this amazingly stupid, I’m not surprised she’s been stuck in high school for a decade or so while her brother has been sort of kind of slowly moving ahead with his life. Not that he’s the brightest bulb in the chandelier by a long shot, but she’s sure making him look smarter today.

  186. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 14th, 2010 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#184): Mary Worth, Sex Therapist? That’s the stuff of nightmares.

  187. cheech wizard
    December 14th, 2010 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    @Moebius (#138): Thanks – btw, there’s a new Nat’l Lamp retrospective out right now, focusing on the writers (No Bode, sad to say). Has some great stuff in it though, including the notorious “Americans United to Beat the Dutch” pamphlet (they’ll kill all our elm trees and saw our doors in half). Borders is already discounting it, so it probably won’t be around for long.

  188. Amateur
    December 14th, 2010 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#166): Heh. I’ve had friends like that, but they’ve never been quite that blatant about it. In vino veritas.

  189. Comcis Fan
    December 14th, 2010 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    A3G: After dinner in Hoboken, perhaps they can take the train down to Newark International so Paul can buy Luann some parfum in the duty-free shop.

  190. gleeb
    December 14th, 2010 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    @The Real Dan (#112): How about “Sputen Duyvil”?

  191. littlestevie
    December 14th, 2010 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#186): Or some people’s wet dreams.

  192. Understatementjones
    December 14th, 2010 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Santa will light Marvin’s lump of coal on fire before he leaves it in the stocking this year.

  193. Victor Von
    December 14th, 2010 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    “We’re still on for tomorrow aren’t w– AAH! Why do you have a cardboard cutout of your friend Mary? Where did it pop up from? WHY IS IT TALKING?”

  194. Aviatrix
    December 14th, 2010 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Goboto (#147): Perhaps you don’t have quite the same vision of their eventual friendship as I do.

  195. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 14th, 2010 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#104): She sings it as “Hopatcong Nights” in NJ.

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#144): It’s funny to me because I thought NJ was a shithole until I actually spent time there.

    @cheech wizard (#187): Every now and then, I get to missing the funny years of National Lampoon. Fortunately, I have them in a box here. Of course, some of the best of all that was by Bruce McCall, and I have Zany Afternoons right out where I can refer to it at a moment’s notice.

  196. Dean Booth
    December 14th, 2010 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    Ernest Hemingway said he would not re-read the novel From Here to Eternity because “I do not have to eat an entire bowl of scabs to know they are scabs.” And yet I continue to read Beetle Bailey every day.

  197. MWDG
    December 14th, 2010 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    MW: OK, it is time Jeff leveled with his daughter so she can tell Scott…Jill accidently on purpose saw Adrian’s medical records from Mountainview. Adrian Corey was BORN MALE! Adrian is the identical twin of Drew… a botched circumcision (performed by Jeff himself) allowed Adrian and Drew to become a longitudinal study of acquired sexual characteristics currently written by Ian Cameron of USC. When Adrian’s mother found out about the circumcision accident she jumped off the top of Charterstone. She survived thru Jeff’s sick medical experiments (her story served as the inspiration for the film “The Human Centipede.”)

    Jeff told Mary about this explain that he has not been able to perform sexually since he castrated his own son/daughter. Since Toby knows about Adrian through Ian …everyone in Charterstone knows…except Adrian. Even that nutjob Charlie knows.

    In the recent past…Adrian has been attracted to women (i.e., Terry Bryson) and was caught playing doctor with Dawn Weston.

    Mary is “fascinated” by Adrian and treats her as her own play toy.

    It is only a matter of time before Jill blows the whistle on this whole sick story.

  198. Elaine C
    December 14th, 2010 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    FW: Good thing Batiuk gave Lisa a really unusual name, so that anyone calling Les claiming to be “Lisa” couldn’t logically be some poor random schmuk unlucky enough to have to get a hold of him (say, some intern from his agent’s office or publisher). I mean, really, the only possible explanation of anyone else ever having the name “Lisa” would be that it’s a cruel joke aimed at Les.

  199. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 14th, 2010 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    @littlestevie (#191): Only if they’re wet with the salmon-scented sweat of horror.

  200. The enlightened buddha
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    One can only imagine Mary will be hovering this close over Scott and Adrian throughout the entirety of the wedding, which leads to the discomforting image of her standing at the foot of their bed as they try and consummate the marriage.
    “Yes that’s right, Scott, deep powerful thrusts. Now Adrian, arch your hips. Accept him into you. Yes, yes.”

  201. Mikey
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    People, relax. Mary is just practicing, as she’ll be popping out of a giant salmon square later tonight at Scott’s bachelor party.

  202. Riff Chick
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    MW: “..and I would know! I’m Mary Worth, dammit! MARY WORTH!”

  203. The Ghost of Jarrod
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    The last two days of “Mary Worth” really make me wondering if we’re not seeing executive meddling at work. I rather think the conversation went like this:

    Syndicate: Hey, why don’t we see Mary Worth in these “Mary Worth” strips?

    Moy and Giella: Uh, it’s just a conversation between Adrian and…uh…that guy she’s marrying. Mary isn’t involved.

    Syndicate: Mary isn’t involved? But then how will people know this is “Mary Worth?”

    Moy and Giella: The title?

    Syndicate: Please. You know the median age of the readers of this strip? 114. They turn to the strip daily, looking for Mary. If they don’t see it, we get dozens of angry letters sent by pony express asking why we’ve replaced their “Mary Worth” with some newfangled cartoon like “Rex Morgan, M.D.”

    Moy and Giella: Well, actually, we have a large following who like the cartoon for ironic reasons….

    Syndicate: Never mind that! Look, we need Mary in this strip, and we need her now! Have her telling the girl with the Prince Valiant haircut and the guy in the orange suit how lucky they are to get married, because marriage is wonderful. The centenarians will love that.

    Giella: Do I have to redraw the strip?

    Syndicate: No, just kind of draw her in like she’s physically attached to the guy. The old folks can’t see that well anyhow.

  204. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    @SF_Reader (#180):

    Zits – Look at those lips on Jeremy’s mom! I’ll bet they can suck-start a B-52!

    Well, I guess Fred Schneider will try anything once.

  205. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#175): Yeah, I can definitely see the resemblance.

  206. Married Agnostic Woman
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    I’d rather go to South Dakota.

  207. Peter
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    Obviously when drawing a 2D comic, it’s hard to show depth of field. However, I think even a 6 year old could have done better than today’s Mary Worth. It appears as if Mary was just cleverly hidden behind Scott until the right moment to pop out and creep the hell out of both of them. Another explanation is that Adrian and Scott somehow randomly teleported in front of Mary. This seems more probable, since somehow the background changes completely between the two panels.

  208. Hugh Mongous
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    “Milder” is better than “less mild.”

    I am betting that this won’t be one of the comments of the week.

  209. Jason1981
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    Blondie:

    “Can we look inside your oven, Mrs B?”

    “My OVEN?”

    “Yeah, we actually didn’t come for the cookies. We came over ’cause Elmo said you’ve got a really nice rack, and we wanted to see for ourselves. “

  210. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    What’s missing most this week from Mark Trail is that blissful “un”communication that Ricky and Lucy used to have. Mark has some ‘xplainin’ to do and she’ll have none of it. Now if we can just get her to put frozen chocolate bananas down her brassiere, all will be good.

  211. Aviatrix
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#210): Cherry needs to go to one of her girlfriends so we can see the two of them get properly worked up about it, and decide on a scheme of revenge.

  212. Old School Allie Cat
    December 14th, 2010 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#201):

    There are so many sick ways we could go with this one.

    I’ll stick with a Rated-G one:

    Sounds fishy to me!

  213. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2010 at 12:27 am [Reply]

  214. tb4000
    December 15th, 2010 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    I saw Black Swan today, and I honestly do believe that Darren Aronofsky’s first instinct was to create a live action version of 9CL, but decided at the last minute to change the title.

  215. AhClem
    December 15th, 2010 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    MW Mary’s disturbing appearance in that last panel is the Charterstone equivalent of a “You have won a free laptop!” pop-up ad.

  216. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2010 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    bourbon babe, unbuckled: Do you ever have grading problems like this?

  217. Baka Gaijin
    December 15th, 2010 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    @Mikey (#201): “[Mary Worth] popping out of a giant salmon square…” When those commercials admonish you to go to the hospital if you’ve had a boner for more than 4 hours, this is the treatment.

    @Hugh Mongous (#208): COTW!!!

    @Aviatrix (#211): But but, but the scheme has to involve a special guest star to save the day? Who will that special guest star be? Johnny Mallotte? Sergeant McQueen? Molly the Bear?

  218. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2010 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#217): on your comment for @Hugh Mongous (#208): COTW!

  219. Nekrotzar
    December 15th, 2010 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#162):

    I once used the word comestible on a snark on this site that ended up a COTW runner up. Shall I send you a dollar?

  220. Nomstrosity
    December 15th, 2010 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    I imagine that Les’ mysterious caller, as with Funky’s purported time travel, will flirt briefly and excitingly with breaking out of the strip’s mundane and tragic norms before being explained away by something mundane and tragic. My guess is that Tom Batiuk is trying to increase the misery of the strip’s universe in the only way that’s left at this point – by allowing us a momentary glimpse of something that might be remotely intriguing, and then snatching it back from us. Misery has broken the fourth wall!

  221. Carly
    December 15th, 2010 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    Mary just sort of rose out of that last panel, much the way a puppet might make its entrance on Sesame Street. “Oh, hello, I was just lurking below the camera lens horizon. Don’t mind me.”

  222. Poteet
    December 15th, 2010 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    MW — Is there some special Charterstone regulation that requires all residents to keep their hands above their shoulders most of the day? And do they have to sleep that way as well?

  223. Poteet
    December 15th, 2010 at 1:39 am [Reply]

    MW — And how did a green wall with a plant and a framed print suddenly turn into a large window with garish pink curtains? Is there some kind of secret prize if we spot and report these things?

  224. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2010 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#222): It makes it real interesting when they tie their shoelaces.

    @Poteet (#223): You just won a free trip to Iowa!

  225. ElkMeadow
    December 15th, 2010 at 1:48 am [Reply]

    Sheesh, Sailor Twain has already loaded for Wednesday, and we’re still stuck on Tuesday’s Mary Worth. Adrian wished she knew what it was that Jill wanted to tell her, but Scott and Mary renew their mind-numbing spells on her, so she won’t ask any more questions, just like they cursed Jill so that she couldn’t tell the direct truthes about why Scott didn’t want to leave town for the honeymoon, or why Mary won’t let Adrian be alone with Jill.

  226. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2010 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#225): And yet Wednesday is in the gutter.

  227. giraffe-o
    December 15th, 2010 at 2:17 am [Reply]

    ZITS : That stench must be Jeremy’s own feces. Or the days-old corpse of the apocryphal Chad.

  228. Jason1981
    December 15th, 2010 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    FW: What a surprise — Les is such an annoying prick that Lisa’s trying to keep him from joining her as long as possible.

    reFOOB: I haven’t even read today’s strip, but I’m sure it’s stupid.

    MT: “And every time I see a guy with facial hair, I know it’s punchin time!”

    S-M: Once again, someone else does the work for Spidey.

    Curtis: That, or you tell an even bigger, tougher kid that the bully insulted his mom.

  229. A New Day
    December 15th, 2010 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    @Elaine C (#198): Exactly. I assume he also accuses all Michaels of pretending to be Michael Jackson, and all Johns of pretending to be John Wayne. It’s the only logical explanation, really.

  230. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2010 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    @giraffe-o (#227): Actually, that stench is from the punch lines.

  231. Comcis Fan
    December 15th, 2010 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    FW: I’ll be really confused if Les wakes up next to Suzanne Pleshette (may she rest in peace).

  232. bunivasal
    December 15th, 2010 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#160): I don’t regularly read Doonesbury but I found a collection of early strips in a library. Looking it over and doing a little more research online, I think it’ safe to say that Garry Trudeau deserves a lot more respect than he’s given.

    Doonesbury has run for nearly forty years, always written and drawn by Trudeau himself. It’s smart, topical, and has more cast members than zombie strips like Beetle Bailey has plot devices.

    He’s the face of what long-running comics should look like.

  233. bats :[
    December 15th, 2010 at 2:35 am [Reply]

  234. Ed Dravecky
    December 15th, 2010 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    Zits is doing Edward Albee’s Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woof. “Don’t talk about our dog, Martha!”

  235. Comcis Fan
    December 15th, 2010 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    Hi & Lois: Lois’ plan to feed Trixie to the dog hits a snag.

  236. AndyL
    December 15th, 2010 at 2:48 am [Reply]

    Oh, for crying out loud Funky Winkerbean! Are you really doing this story? Really? Did you pick it up cheap down at the used plots store?

  237. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2010 at 2:55 am [Reply]

    @AndyL (#236): It’s called writing! Dammit.

    Heh, heh, heh. :->

  238. plain bellied sneetch
    December 15th, 2010 at 3:00 am [Reply]

    With the glazed eyes, the forced smile and the overly enthusiastic statements, if it were any character but Mary Worth I’d swear we were seeing a recreation of a classic episode of The Twilight Zone.
    “It’s good that you’re getting married!”
    “You were right to send Jill to the cornfield!”

  239. Dr. Weird
    December 15th, 2010 at 3:11 am [Reply]

    @Trilobite (#171):

    The syndicate is probably overwhelmed by the novelty getting new art in each strip instead of something traced or recycled from a previous strip years or decades ago.

  240. The Ghost of Jarrod
    December 15th, 2010 at 3:23 am [Reply]

    Don’t get on that plane! You’ll crash, and you’ll live, but then through a zany paperwork mishap, it will turn out you have cancer and that you’re actually a POW in Iraq! Will this win me a Pulitzer? Will it?!?

  241. Mibbitmaker
    December 15th, 2010 at 3:24 am [Reply]

    Preview…

    MT: “…One minute Cherry shuns me, the next I’m up a bird’s ass!”

    Archie: Miss Beazly IS Mary Worth!

    9CL: Solange: “I’m the last character in this strip to still be likable! Leave me out of this!!”

  242. The Ghost of Jarrod
    December 15th, 2010 at 3:37 am [Reply]

    MW 12/15: If this was “Kill Bill,” the opening of “Theme from ‘Ironside’” would be playing right now.

  243. agony
    December 15th, 2010 at 4:04 am [Reply]

    Wednesday’s RWO for the win.

  244. Mr. O'Malley
    December 15th, 2010 at 4:21 am [Reply]

    FW: “This is Lisa from Book Nook in Ann Arbor. Your publisher forgot to send us any copies of your book, so we cancelled your signing. So turn back now while you can still get a refund on your ticket!”

    MT: Well, no wonder … who wants to listen to your Neil Diamond impersonation?

    MW: So far things are continuing well. Mary’s all “Unhand that bottle! Hmm, Penfolds Grange… An excellent choice!” Too bad the impending meddle is nearing.

    Phantom: Entering Bangalla is like driving the Klondike Highway into Canada — the customs post is 12 kilometres from the border. At which point they’ll tell him “You can’t bring that horse into the country without a vet’s certificate” and they’ll have to walk the rest of the way back to the cave.

  245. Apeman
    December 15th, 2010 at 4:59 am [Reply]

    Stinky Wienerbean (Dec. 15): Les, please, please get on the plane. It will be so refreshing to have a cause of death other than cancer in the Funkyverse.

  246. dale
    December 15th, 2010 at 5:24 am [Reply]

    Funky
    Guessing: There is another Les Moore in the world.

    A3-G
    Does Paul’s father own the moving company, making Paul wealthy enough to be socially acceptable (even if he does at times help out on a truck)?

  247. whozitwhatzit
    December 15th, 2010 at 5:43 am [Reply]

    Wednesday’s Beetle Bailey: !!!!!!! (There are no words..)

  248. Baka Gaijin
    December 15th, 2010 at 6:23 am [Reply]

    Archie: You’re not fooling anyone, AJGLU-3000. We know those are salmon squares©. You just didn’t want to run afoul of Mary Worth Meddling Inc. copyright lawyers.

    Beetle Bailey: Seconding whozitwatzit @ 247.

    Curtis: ?????? (There are no words.)

    Doonesbury: Injecting a little levity into a serious topic. Way to go, Trudeau!

    Garfield: Pot, meet kettle.

    Hagar the Horrible: Helga’s sorta horrible, too.

    Luann: I think I exasperated this before. Oh pleeze, just cut through the shiny plastic wrapping to unleash the glutinous goodness. How freaking hard is that?

    Mark Trail: Warning to those with sensitive sensibilities–talking ass ahead.

    Mary Worth: Jill better watch out. After double-crossing the Orange Twins, she’s got to deal with Mary’s Frowny Face of Concern™.

    One Big Happy (Chron edition): James always has a reason. It may not be the most sane reason but there is logic nonetheless.

    One Big Happy, second thought: James, do you have any rubber bands that keep
    the clowns out?

    Rose is Rose: I don’t know what’s more puke-inducing: today’s strip or Mary Worth’s Frowny Face of Concern™.

    Snuffy Smith: Oh thank God it’s a guitar he’s picking instead of a random orifice.

    Spiderman: Boooo!

  249. Chad Duncan
    December 15th, 2010 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    Hi! I’ve been gone for two weeks. Have I missed anything?

  250. gleeb
    December 15th, 2010 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    Head: Not Marlon Obi! Ha! Honestly, I never have any idea what the heck is going on in this strip. It’s the opposite end of the spectrum from Dick Tracy, which goes so slowly that you lose track through boredom.

    Beetle: They had to redraw this to put pants back on Killer.

    ‘bean: Crap, he’s really doing this. Let me guess, Batiuk, he’ll wake up in a bed in Omaha or somewhere still on his book tour and it will all have been a dream. You spent that dime already! And it was ridiculous then, too.

    Rex: Is that an oblique prostate reference? Because if it is, I like it!

  251. Rooty-Toot-Toot
    December 15th, 2010 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    MW (12/15): Oh this comic keeps giving and giving.

  252. Ned Ryerson
    December 15th, 2010 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail in Bad Day At Pelican Butt!!

  253. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 15th, 2010 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    @Chad Duncan (#249):

    And I’ve been gone for a week. Anyone want to bring us up to speed?

  254. CanuckDownSouth
    December 15th, 2010 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    FW: If he wakes up and it’s all a dream, the only way to redeem the storyline would be for him to not get on the plane, it goes down, and having thwarted death’s dark design, Les has to keep on dodging increasingly-improbable deadly coincidences which take out all the other annoying characters, before he succumbs himself.

  255. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    December 15th, 2010 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Deathy Pantysniffer: Oh, come on, Batuik. I’m sure you can make this “dead Lisa phone call”-arc drag out more than THIS.

    Mary Worth(less): In panel 1, we see Jill practicing for her encounter with the Best man later on….

  256. 8th Man Fan
    December 15th, 2010 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#253): Not sure about, but you may want to start catching up with Monday’s post.

  257. 8th Man Fan
    December 15th, 2010 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    @8th Man Fan (#256): Not sure about Chad, that is. (Preview is your friend)

  258. Gloom Raider
    December 15th, 2010 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    FW: Is it too much to hope Les stays in the airport, only to have the plane from Airplane crash through the wall and kill him stone dead? Maybe Lisa misses him!

    Luann: I’d really like Dirk to walk in, make the cookies for Mrs. DeGroot (with piped icing and dragees!) and then leave without a word.

  259. Amateur
    December 15th, 2010 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    FW: Report this to whom? The Society for the Prevention of Prank Phone Calls from Dead Wives?

    MW: Mary’s going to meddle a drunk person? That should get her the Olympic Gold Meddle.

  260. Nosyt
    December 15th, 2010 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    A3G: LuAnn’s tacky-sense is tingling.

    Zits: Is that a pie-chart next to the amp!? What does it represent, time spent hanging-out/texting/sleep/eating/aggravating parents? Also, what teenager these days still listens to CDs?

  261. shegotzen
    December 16th, 2010 at 2:17 am [Reply]

    Look at how Mary Worth’s body defies physics by professing to occupy the same space as Scott’s. The incongruous facial expression, the improbable body tilt, the oddly enhanced clavicle . . . is it possible that she’s been photoshopped? Photoshopped into a comic? Is this a new meme, a la “Sarkozy Was There”? Are we doing “Worth Was Meddling” now?

  262. Paddy
    December 16th, 2010 at 2:53 am [Reply]

    ZITS: Meanwhile, Chad’s room must look like Miss Havisham’s mansion.

  263. Motorcycle Accessories
    December 16th, 2010 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    I thought a long time, Mary is truly a foreign firm, just like what John Carpenter is able to accommodate the graft host on his search for a sweet, intimate feelings tasty.

  264. Anonymous
    December 16th, 2010 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Check these out, it’s totally hilarious. wix.com/bridgetwaters/comics

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