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Saturday quickies

Mary Worth, 1/22/10

What an appropriate epigraph for this strip! Just as the silence of John Cage’s 4′ 33″ allows the audience to hear everyday and incidental sounds anew, so too has the mental silence of Mary’s forced forgetting allowed Jill to hear the quiet, clear voices in her head, the ones urging suicide.

Archie, 1/22/10

The Archie gang’s experiment with polyamory does not appear to be going well! Guys, it’s important that you negotiate with your primary partners to establish mutually agreed parameters of relationships with secondary partners if this is going to work.

Luann, 1/22/10

Shannon’s preparation for her future life as a deranged but charismatic dictator is going disturbingly well.

222 responses to “Saturday quickies”

  1. Forky
    January 22nd, 2011 at 5:28 am [Reply]

    I find it uncomfortably appropriate that Luann’s shirt says “Reader Leader” as ‘Leader’ translates to German as “Führer”. Just what is this reading club about, preparing the Book Hall Putsch??

  2. Bill Thompson
    January 22nd, 2011 at 5:39 am [Reply]

    Luann: Shannon’s behavior strengthens my argument that she’s a frustrated mentally-gifted minor. Not only does her rage show, but she gives Dr. Seuss a spin to rival anything seen on this blog. Will she make use of what she overheard the two dim blondes say about the Slug?

  3. Donkey Hotey
    January 22nd, 2011 at 5:48 am [Reply]

    Luann: Shannon has clearly been taking her acting cues from “Cathy.” This does not bode well for her future happiness.

  4. Jack Parsons
    January 22nd, 2011 at 6:32 am [Reply]

    Guys, it’s important that you negotiate with your primary partners to establish mutually agreed parameters of relationships with secondary partners if this is going to work.

    Josh, how do you learn this stuff in Arizona?

  5. Alice Bluegown
    January 22nd, 2011 at 6:39 am [Reply]

    Oh, please don’t do it, Sam-I-am! Please don’t make me read Luann!

  6. gleeb
    January 22nd, 2011 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    Polyamory advice. It’s like having Dan Savage read the comix.

    Cul de Sac: Mostly, I comment on horrible comix, even to the extent of announcing that I’m not reading them (McEldowner, yes, I’m talking about your fairy bondage porn) But this Buckethead Kevin and soil skit stuff has been so well blended that I think a shout-out is necessary. Thompson gets children and he is the bomb.

    Agnes: I like the rat-sized headstone.

    Beetle: Note the browned, roasted exterior of that joint-of-some-animal. It’s already a cooked meal, ready to serve. And now he wants to loaf it? I get the joke, but it raises other issues.

    Curtis: Clearly, he misses “Onion”.

    ‘bean: So we’re going to have a week-or-so of Wally thrusting his service dog-cock in people’s faces? How nice.

    Gil: Is the freckled girl in the first panel supposed to be the annoyed girl in the second and third panels? The weird physics of The Bucket has me confused.

    Phantom: Oh, yeah. Gotta love a guy who breaks into prison. Twice.

    Zip: I get it Griffy. You demand that landfills be more full so you can get your speculation on whether Taylor Swift is carrying Kim Jong-Il’s love child delivered in your preferred format. It’s OK, you’re just a horrible human being.

  7. Shifter Comic
    January 22nd, 2011 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Shannon does bear a passing resemblance to Venture Bros’ Girl-Hitler

  8. But What Do I Know?
    January 22nd, 2011 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    FW — Oh, OK, he’s your buddy. Well, we’ll make an exception for you then, because most of the people who bring their dogs in here don’t like them. . .

    Dennis the Film Critic — I couldn’t agree more.

  9. TheGatwickview
    January 22nd, 2011 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Archie’s forehead seems to be bursting into flames more often these days.

  10. Oregonian
    January 22nd, 2011 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Reading Mary Worth this morning, I found my eyes scanning automatically around Jill’s room, looking for the obligatory bottle of ketchup wine, but all that was left was a lonely head of broccoli stuck into a bottle of growth hormone. Jill’s job in the Alternative Foodstuffs Department at the USDA must have ended badly.

  11. Baka Gaijin
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Is that Chekhov’s wastebasket I see?

  12. Zaratustra
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    It figures that a Dr. Seuss story would be the most exciting, heart-pumping thing in Luann.

    Also, missing from Mary Worth is the third panel where Jill cuts off the bit of the picture with Adrian’s husband (whose name I never bothered to commit to memory) and keeps the bit with her beloved by her bed, forever.

  13. Baka Gaijin
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: MJ finally got her wish. Aunt May won’t marry. Good thing MJ keeps that Ziploc of bag guano handy at all times.

    Pluggers: You know you’re a plugger if you encourage your children to lay on your pajamas to keep them warm.

    Luann: I could swear I saw Ruthie overthrowing the Library Lady’s reading nook already.

  14. Ed Dravecky
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Come back next week when Shannon reads The Turner Diaries and leads the children in a violent overthrow of their dear Reader Leader.

  15. Baka Gaijin
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    If Marvin told the truth.

  16. Donna
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    I like how Jill’s metal wastebasket looms large in the first panel, like she is preparing to torch the place. Meanwhile in panel two her plant she smuggled out of Whoville is doing remarkably well and the trash can is back to normal proportions.

  17. zerowolf
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Luann: We’ve found the anti-Christ.

  18. zerowolf
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    MW: As thanks for the Bora Bora trip they aren’t taking, Adrian and Scott sent Jill a lovely broccoli arrangement.

  19. Scott Bot
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Archie – What’s the matter, Arch? Can’t handle a little competition for Mr. Lodge’s money the hand of the fair Veronica?

    DT – ‘We’ll find Tracy, Chief, if we remain calm.’ This from the guy who’s been spazzing out for the past two months over a little rain?

    Pluggers – Boy, Mr. Plugger better hope his wife doesn’t find out about the sweet young thing he’s brought home…

  20. zerowolf
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    A3G: It’s nice to see Margo has got her groove back. Slap some reality into Tommie’s head.

  21. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    NAoQV has it right, and the effects are being seen throughout the funny pages. Luann is funny, and FW is only half-smirked. The pigs will fly!!!!

    Jumble haz a hotdog

    F-: someone call CIDU Bill on this one. o_O ?!

    JP: at least he’s not going for a Sociology degree . . . .

    PMP: the Reaper is a popular guest-star these days.

    PBS: heee!

    SB: ummm, ok?

    A&J: proving that even good strips can have off days.

    standard oversnark disclaimer.

  22. Bryan
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Safe Havens: Now wait a minute. The only way they can communicate with their dead grandmother in the mirror is when they are wearing the ring, right? But only one of them can be wearing the ring at a time. So how can they both be communicating with their dead grandmother at the same time?

  23. zerowolf
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    FC: He had to learn to not pee on the rug. Something neither you or your siblings have mastered.

  24. zerowolf
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    SM: “…at least he cares about me, unlike that nephew of mine who never comes to see me…”

  25. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    LUANN – And now that mini-Hitler is removed from the picture, Gunt’s worm-cock re-extends down to the floor.

    Seriously, Evans has to realize that the model he is using is inconsistent, doesn’t he? Given the lovingly detailed camel-toe drawings he creates for the (underage) female characters, he must be intentionally using the costume as a symbolic phallus, right?

  26. John C Fremont
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    DT – Sam has bypassed calm and gone straight to mopey.

    MW – “Broken hearts are good for business these days.” – John Cale

  27. word-doctor
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Foob-”Why would I go to Canada, where I’d have to pay child support for Lawrence?”

  28. Mibbitmaker
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Omigod, #s Y125, Y129, and Y130 are the BESTEST COMMENTS EVER!!!
    (Not really, but when one is post-jumped in the normally safe early Saturday timeslot, one gets desperate not to’ve commented in vain)

  29. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 22nd, 2011 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Frazz — It’s called “caffeine buzz” for a reason!

    Shoe — More likely he was in the House of Pancakes or the Temple of Donuts!

    Mary Worth — I beg to differ with Mr. Cage… the past is still very much in evidence from the look of Jill’s overflowing wastebasket!

    And if you take the first letter of each strip, you end up with “FSM”, which is the acronym for “Flying Spaghetti Monster”! A sign from above?

  30. Rixter
    January 22nd, 2011 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    The prominent placement of the trash can suggests Jill is about to embark on some emotional house cleaning. I hope that includes some home renovation. Suspended ceiling, orange and black walls, pink draperies, gray padded office chairs’ shifting perspectives – that’s a nightmare far worse than being left at the altar (Jill-ted?).

  31. Packherd
    January 22nd, 2011 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    I thought I was the only one who flared my bangs when heartbroken. … Has the AJGLU 3000 been stalking me? … I probably shouldn’t post this. … For several reasons.

  32. Mibbitmaker
    January 22nd, 2011 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Luann: Apocalypse Bunny from Prickly City, take note…

  33. cliky
    January 22nd, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Foob – Isn’t that Doc talking to Issac? Is there a Canadian Love Boat now?

  34. bats :[
    January 22nd, 2011 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    I want to be Shannon when I grow up, or backwards, or something…

    Re, The Grapes of Wrath, I would’ve liked to have seen her performing the Tom Joad speech that Henry Fonda is so well-known for.

  35. bats :[
    January 22nd, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Fun with Funky!
    Because nothing really, really good happens in Funkytown. You know it. Now admit it.

  36. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    The thought occurs that the people who design commercials probably aren’t trying for “laughing until they cry” as a response. The queeksgirl and I were having breakfast, and when I turned the TV on, the ad was one for the “shake barbell” doohicky. Now, we’ve seen the female version of the ad, and it was bad enough, but seeing the male version, with muscular, oiled men shaking a phallic dumbbell up and down in front of them with both hands was beyond hysterical. It was as close to gay porn as it is possible to get without actually renting some. (or chasing Dingo links, but I digress.) I had tears running down my face by the time the commercial ended, in hysterical fits of laughter. I managed to get the channel changed to ESPN, and soon thereafter, they had one of their “sub-titled owls talking about the X-Games” ads. One subtitle was “snow owls talking about the X-Games” and we said in unison, “those aren’t snow owls, they’re BARN OWLS!” I am assuming that “Did Not Do The Research!” was also not high on the list of anticipated responses by that ad’s creators.

    pardon the digression to TV related comments, but it was amusing on our end of things. Also, have you seen that Alka-Seltzer has brought back Speedy for their latest ads?

  37. wossname
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    Congrats to Doctor Handsome and all the funny folks on the float!

    JP – Wait a minute. Human nature is now an academic discipline? Or is that sarcasm/metaphor? For some reason, I think he’s seriously saying he’s working on his Ph.D.

    Pluggers – Lies, dammit, not lays. I guess I shouldn’t expect any better from Lester Morrow, but couldn’t Brookins fix it up? I won’t even get into the fact that the Plugger-dog has a pet dog.

    @Dingo, the Essence (#Y84): Great to see you posting again. Are you going to gradually add words back to your nom de blog until we’re back to “DtEoPaVI(TM)”?

  38. Hibbleton
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    JP: I always wondered what the initials DHN following someone’s name stood for.

    MW: Jill, suicidal yes, but I think she’ll destroy herself by proxy by attempting to kill Adrian, which means she’ll be driving off a cliff soon.

  39. Anonymous
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    9CL: To no one’s surprise, today’s 9CL considers being a gossipy loudmouth somewhat kinky. (Guest starring Conrad Veidt as our protagonist.)

    Crankshaft: I think there’s something vaguely Freudian about those “big tomatoes” and “zucchinis”, but I’d rather maintain my sanity and refrain from speculating about Cranky’s sex life.

    Curtis: “‘Socialization’? Hah! In my day, son, we had none of them fancy-schmancy ‘psychological development theories’. You either found a niche in the pecking order or you were locked in the basement along with them ‘autistic kids’ and ‘sensitive males’ and whatnot!”

    GA: Why all the hassle? Can’t you just ask Walt? He’s almost as old as than this frickin’ zombie strip!

    Luann: Greg Evans shows he’s in touch with today’s youth by demonstrating the concept of a “dramatic reading” (though he loses ten points by putting Dr. Seuss at the same level as The Eye of Argon).

    MW: Nonsense! The past shall not only be destroyed but rearranged! Lady Worth says so! Are you going to believe a guy who charges you to attend a concert where the pianist does nothing over the Holy Meddler?!

  40. Vinnie
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Gah! #39 was mine.

  41. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#34):

    Shannon backwards is “Nonnahs”… careful what you wish for! Have you learned nothing from the parable of “Andrew and the Brengir”?

  42. Jim North
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    9CL: Wow, you can almost see dude’s brain chip kicking in in the second panel.

    A3G: “Things are tough at the moment, Margo, but I still have hopes and dreams!” “I know, Tommie! Here, let me crush them for you!”

    DT: We can hold out until the new creative team shows up, gang. We just have to stay calm.

    FW: Ah, Batiuk’s “All Employees Are Complete Assholes” parade is still going, I see.

    HtH: No no no, Hagar. It’s “get a haircut and get a real job”. Learn the lyrics, dude!

    MT: “It’s in my tackle box! Along with a nice TRAILIAN PUNCH!

    S-M: Just like Peter with Aunt May, the writer really needs to learn when to just pull the plug and let the plot die in peace and dignity, free from the feeble twitchings of pain and the horrific torments of an illness-riddled life.

  43. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    I am vengeance! I am the night! I am BATKITTEH! doin pretty well, akshuly.

    o dear. After doing that one, I went to the next page of lolcats, and found this. Serendipity and Memetic Mutation, at their Worlds Finest.

    When OCD and loldogz combine forces.

    more Memetic Mutation for the Spidey fans.

    A thought for the gals in A3G. (contains sterotypical humor.)

    Baka Gaijin’s nightmare.

    Hu’s on first.

    Monorail Red Panda delayed due to snow.

    hovercorgi awaits runway clearance.

    mollificent-sized moment of win

    corgsqui.

  44. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    9 – Roger Ebert has a fake chin now. Just saying it’s possible.

    Crank – Those are from ACME? Get the hell out of that dream. Now, you fools!

  45. John C Fremont
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#28): Speaking of y125, wouldn’t it be wacky if Dick pulled off Mordred’s wet clothes & it turned out he was wearing a Bum Boat T-shirt? To borrow from Sam Elliott, it’d make me laugh to beat the band.

    @Rixter (#30): “Jill-ted” caused me to make audible “snurk, snurk” noises just like the sneezing kitty next to me at the time. Guess you could say it made me snurk to beat the band. Parts of it, anyway. Have I mentioned my Big Lebowski obsession?

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos (#36): Speaking of that thing that Sam Elliott said, that shaking barbell commercial pretty much leaves this household in stitches as well. It’s right up there with the current Five Hour Energy commercial where the Michael J. Fox wannabe comes down the stairs, adjusts his tie and says, “Let’s do this!” in a voice that sounds like a butched-up Percy Dovetonsils. Commercials; What a country!

  46. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Dick – Psst! Stop picking your nose. You’re on camera!

    Family“What kind of test did Sam hafta take to get his license?”
    It was a urine test. He passed it easily. He’s a whiz.

  47. bbug
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    This is the third reference to John Cage I’ve seen this week…what’s up with that?

  48. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    Marfield“I DON’T EVER WANT TO GROW UP!!!”
    There’s a cure for that. Look under the kitchen sink.

    Mary – Today’s strip, with its John Cage quote, is appropriately set to the tune of his most famous (and probably best) composition.

  49. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Momma – I wouldn’t be surprised to find that Momma’s mother is still alive somewhere, about the size, shape, and texture of a calcified potato, making grumbly noises all day. If any of her kids ever stopped and thought they might end up like Momma one day, they’d forsake their lazy ways, leap off the couch, and kill themselves Right Now.

    Pluggers – The canine sex slave, peering in submissive horror at his perverted ursine master, thinks that this is the most horrible life possible, little realizing where the bones come from.

  50. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    JP: Sam sure likes to say Angel’s name. And with that dreamy, rapt expression in panel 2, I’m imagining him saying it with increasing affection: “You drive really well, Angel. And that’s a great hat, Angel. You’re such an…. angel, Angel!”

    FC: The dog’s look of superior intelligence indicates that he’s aced not only the SAT but the GRE and MCAT, too.

    MT: Way to maintain a low profile there, Ben: “My lure? One of my fishing lures?! I…. I mean…. I …. it’s part of a complete set of fishing lures. It would be a shame to break them up. And there are no diamonds inside of them, either.” This guy has all the subtlety and subterfuge of, well, a Mark Trail character.

    MW: That looks like one of those vacant-lot trash cans; maybe tomorrow we’ll have an extended sequence of Jill huddled over the fire, hoodie pulled over her head, singing doo-wop versions of John Cage music.

  51. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#6): re: CdS—Absolutely agree. Richard Thompson is a genius.

    @wossname (#37):

    Human nature is now an academic discipline? Or is that sarcasm/metaphor? For some reason, I think he’s seriously saying he’s working on his Ph.D.

    I wondered the same thing. It could be sarcasm—or Wilson could be so out of touch as to believe that there really are doctoral programs in human nature.

    And: Happy Birthday, Sequitur!

  52. Baka Gaijin
    January 22nd, 2011 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#38): “Jill, suicidal yes, but I think she’ll destroy herself by proxy by attempting to kill Adrian, which means she’ll be driving off a cliff soon.” Ahh, the old Frank Johnson Maneuver. Cue the giant deer at Kelrast Pass!

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos (#43): IT’S NOT KAWAII! Why did I click on that? Why why why?

    Also Happy Birthday, Sequitur! Here’s hoping your day is clown-free.

  53. CanuckDownSouth
    January 22nd, 2011 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    RMMD Sooo … you could have saved a week’s strips or more by just having Rex come out and say “okay, we’ll set you up with our accountant – why did you think we ever handle investments on our own?”

    FW Cut. It. Out. That training had to include the “these are your rights” talk about keeping the working dog’s ID on and how they’re covered as a service animal. Funky should have been instructed in to point this out clearly and succinctly.

    NS – so leaving the extra profits in piles on the ground is a magic spell that brings jobs into being? There’s an argument for reinvesting into expansion, or increasing wages allowing more commerce by the employees, or even more indirectly giving a larger dividend to investors who will then have money to do more in the economy (how many levels of trickle-down could one build?)… not all of these are going to work equally well, or maybe even at all.

    No matter how ridiculous the ratio is or whether there’s a moral/ethical argument against sky-high ratios, there’s no magic cause/effect link between CEO/lowest-paid earnings ratio and the strength of the national economy; plenty of countries with lower ratios like Britain and Mexico are doing as badly or worse…

    I’m not sure *what* Wiley should stick to, but glib politico-economic commentary isn’t it.

  54. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos
    January 22nd, 2011 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#52): I tried to warn you. ;_;

  55. UncleJeff
    January 22nd, 2011 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Today’s “Billy the Bookworm Club” is brought to you by the Letter “F”

    “F” as in “flaccid”…..and “fear”.

  56. Maggie the Cat
    January 22nd, 2011 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    MW- Okay, okay, enough moping… let’s just get to the wrist-slitting-in-the-bathtub scene already. Sheesh.

    RMMD- So Rex finally reconciles himself to blowing Berna’s wad of cash ONLY if a financial adviser helps him do it. And Berna, too pea-brained to realize that she’s agreeing to the pretty much the exact thing she refused, is giddy with relief…. until she returns home to find her mentally inept brother has already spent all the money on a car with a swimming pool in the backseat, bubble gum, televisions, and one legged hookers.

    A3G- Margo can’t help but point out that Tommie will likely clear $16 when “Big City” ends it’s illustrious run.

    FW- Wally seems to be enjoying telling people, “He’s a service dog, so fuck off, dickhead.” Glad he’s found a new sense of confidence.

  57. TheDiva
    January 22nd, 2011 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Well, of course Green Eggs and Ham is terrifying! Imagine being stalked by a madman determined to moldy food down your throat under any circumstance he can devise. Freaky stuff.

    9CL: So is she a sweet soul who can’t bear deception, or a sadistic bitch who loves to ruin people with gossip? You can’t have it both ways, Brooke.

    C’shaft: Sometimes a garden is just a garden. Since the woman in Cranky’s dream is his own daughter, I’m going to pray that this is one of those times.

    FW: Is it just me, or does Batiuk have a major hate on for service jobs? Nurses, flight attendants, waitstaff…all are portrayed as having the sole aim of making life as miserable and difficult as possible for his protagonists. What’s the matter, Tommy–did you not get your breadsticks fast enough last time you were at Olive Garden? Or are they just instruments of the perpetual misery you “write” every day?

    Lio: I like his way of thinking.

    MT: I don’t see why this is a big deal, unless the lure has “INSERT DIAMONDS HERE” engraved on the inside. Then again, it probably does.

    MW: At first I pitied Jill for being meddled out of her awesomeness, but it turns out the awesomeness was all a facade, one meant to hide the sad creature who still clings Miss Havisham-like to the relics of her aborted marriage. Oh well, we’ll always have that magical night at the rehearsal dinner when ketchup wine and curse symbols flowed like water.

    SM: Now, of course Mole Man will have to let Aunt May go back home, and he cannot accompany her to the surface world because…um…because…look, he just can’t, all right?

  58. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos
    January 22nd, 2011 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    TheDiva reminded me about today’s Lio. It would have been better 4 or 5 weeks ago, but the details on the Magic Hat were wonderful, much like Ces’s holiday efforts over at Medium Large.

  59. Baka Gaijin
    January 22nd, 2011 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#57): “I don’t see why this is a big deal, unless the lure has “INSERT DIAMONDS HERE” engraved on the inside. Then again, it probably does.” Of course not, silly. The lure has “INSERT STOLEN DIAMONDS HERE” stencilled in dayglo orange on the outside, on each side just under the dorsal fin.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos (#54): Yes, yes you did.

    @TheDiva (#57): “Now, of course Mole Man will have to let Aunt May go back home, and he cannot accompany her to the surface world because…um…because…look, he just can’t, all right?” It’s because MJ would be hounding him to death to leave Aunt May alone. You know, the same as Mary Worth and a person with a problem.

  60. Écureuil Écumant
    January 22nd, 2011 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    9CL: So truthiness and civility are incompatible in your universe? Hmmm.

  61. Calico
    January 22nd, 2011 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @Alice Bluegown (#5):
    An LOL nom for comment of the week!

    If Shannon wasn’t half-crazy before meeting the penis-worm, she certainly is now.

  62. Jamus The Bartender
    January 22nd, 2011 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I have no idea if anyone has mentioned this, but this beats reFOOB’s Shannon’s lunchroom rant all to hell. I’m calling it now, Shannon becomes the breakout character and sends the others to the minors.

  63. TheDiva
    January 22nd, 2011 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#57): Argh! “…determined to shove moldy food down your throat.” I hate it when I read what I meant to write and not what I actually wrote.

  64. Calico
    January 22nd, 2011 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#18):
    Who knew “Edible Arrangements” was “branching out”?
    Jill will take this bouquet of antioxidants as a sign that she should start “stalking” her ex.

  65. Chip Whittle
    January 22nd, 2011 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#39):

    GA: Why all the hassle? Can’t you just ask Walt? He’s almost as old as than this frickin’ zombie strip!

    You can’t ask Walt, because if you repeat the question enough times that he actually hears your question, he’s liable to start telling you the answer.

  66. Calico
    January 22nd, 2011 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#62):
    The new Shannon reminds me a bit of Mafalda, Quino’s socialist fireplug from Argentina.

  67. Bill the Butcher
    January 22nd, 2011 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Luann:

    Shannon proves that she’s not just a North Korean spy, but almost certainly Kim Jong Il’s daughter as well.

  68. Baka Gaijin
    January 22nd, 2011 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @Bill the Butcher (#67): As soon as she starts wearing ridiculously huge glasses and teases her hair the proof will be irrefutable.

  69. Russ H
    January 22nd, 2011 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Green Eggs and Ham? I suppose you could read that. It can’t go worse than your reading of “Mein Kampf” to the toddlers last week, Shannon.

  70. VochoCinco
    January 22nd, 2011 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan skillfully demonstrates his financial expertise by a finger wag so forceful his index finger enlarges exponentially in the next panel. Downtrodden Berna can only muster a grimace of gratitude, perhaps because she is wearing a cardigan so small that actually buttoning it would garrote her.

  71. Scott Bot
    January 22nd, 2011 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    MT – Tune in today, as Ben screams, ‘I can’t have one of Mark’s lures, they clash with my scarf,’ while Kelly contentedly eats her imaginary food.

  72. commodorejohn
    January 22nd, 2011 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos (#43): The bit for mollificent gladdens my heart, and I’m not even Irish :)

    6Chix – …you know, I don’t think I can really argue with this.

    Agnes – A much more nuanced and touching take on death than the Lisapalooza, no?

    A3G – Oh, Margo, Margo. You’re awesome.

    DT – “Calm/calm,” today. My, will these intriguing word parallels ever end?

    FW – Wait, there are other restaurants in Funky Winkerbean than Montoni’s!?!?

    Mandrake – Yeah, tell your opponent your only weakness. Smart. Real smart.

    MT – “He is sure concerned about his lures,” Mark thinks. “Ha ha, it is almost like they contain something important! Ha ha, that is a silly thought!”

    MW – Jesus, the only way this could be more evocative of the last chapter of 1984 is if she was playing chess with herself.

    OB – Mmm, nicely done, Jay.

    RMMD – I don’t care what you do, just get that awful melty putty-face off-panel. Gah!

    SM – May, you kick ass.

  73. kkarenb
    January 22nd, 2011 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#57):
    Re FW – Les’s treatment of people in what he considers “lowly” positions is a sign of his true character. What a small man.

    Pluggers – It appears that Pluggers take their showers at night instead of in the morning, and then put on their flea-infested pjs and crawl into their flea-infested beds. Their coworkers during the day must love them.

  74. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2011 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#51): and @Baka Gaijin (#52):
    Gee thanks, guys. I’m sure glad you don’t have to crawl up the hill once you’re over it.

    Oh, and Baka, thanks for the free clown!

  75. ElkMeadow
    January 22nd, 2011 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Rixter (#30):

    that’s a nightmare far worse than being left at the altar (Jill-ted?).

    *smacks yo’*

  76. tb4000
    January 22nd, 2011 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Now if we can only sic the little goose stepper on Mama DeGroot to defend Toni, everything would be kosher.

  77. Hank
    January 22nd, 2011 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#13): You know you’re a plugger if you encourage your children to lay on your pajamas to keep them warm.

    Michael Jackson was a plugger?

  78. Écureuil Écumant
    January 22nd, 2011 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @61 Calico wrote:

    If Shannon wasn’t half-crazy before meeting the penis-worm, she certainly is now.

    Yep, her Seussian fugue illustrates her mental state all too floridly. Between now and tonight when the opiates finally, blessedly kick in, she’ll be doing anything to divert her thoughts so that dreams — if they come — will be of anything but wormschlong My Little Ponies.

  79. ElkMeadow
    January 22nd, 2011 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#52):

    Cue the giant deer at Kelrast Pass!

    Lack of commas have been a problem on this blog. Let me fix that for you:

    Cue, the giant deer at Kelrast Pass! Funny, I never would have thought he was a shape-shifter.

  80. ElkMeadow
    January 22nd, 2011 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#56):

    RMMD- So Rex finally reconciles himself to blowing Berna’s wad of cash ONLY if a financial adviser helps him do it. And Berna, too pea-brained to realize that she’s agreeing to the pretty much the exact thing she refused, is giddy with relief…. until she returns home to find her mentally inept brother has already spent all the money on a car with a swimming pool in the backseat, bubble gum, televisions, and one legged hookers.

    And that she hasn’t won the lottery at all. Lost ticket, wrong date, a lesser amount of $500, whatever. All that fuss for the whole first part of January, and the Morgans are still going to trash Sarah’s college fund as their patients lost their patience in the wating room and left.

  81. Hank
    January 22nd, 2011 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#57): Now, of course Mole Man will have to let Aunt May go back home, and he cannot accompany her to the surface world because…um…because…look, he just can’t, all right?

    I’m expecting to learn that Mole Man can’t leave his kingdom for long because otherwise his mutant subjects would run amok and attack the surface. Meaning that even the strip’s current villain has a better of understanding of the “with great power” concept than the newspaper Spidey.

  82. Pseudo3D
    January 22nd, 2011 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Edda is really starting to scare me now. She can contort herself in different ways, jaws and teeth that can compete with Trinklet the Lamprey-Dog, and can turn her legs into a giant black tentacle.

  83. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos
    January 22nd, 2011 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#82): Amos being into tentacles wouldn’t surprise me one bit.

  84. commodorejohn
    January 22nd, 2011 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#82): I look forward to the day when Edda just straight-up turns into a shoggoth under some minor provocation or other.

  85. Écureuil Écumant
    January 22nd, 2011 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#51) on Angel’s continuing ed: “It could be sarcasm—or Wilson could be so out of touch as to believe that there really are doctoral programs in human nature.”

    Can’t rule out the latter, but in voting for the former, my guess is more of a sly poke rather than fullbore sarcasm. Angel has that twinkle, in the first panel, that emanates from someone gleefully just about to pull off a zinger: “Human nature,” rasclot, mon!

    So it looks like the joke’s on Sam (his quizzical pout in the rearview in panel 3 seems to indicate some cognitive difficulties with the information just imparted, at least). But if so, that implies that Wilson’s in on the joke, which I’m not necessarily prepared to concede.

  86. Écureuil Écumant
    January 22nd, 2011 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @82 Pseudo3D said:

    Edda is really starting to scare me now. She can … turn her legs into a giant black tentacle.

    A giant black tentacle with ballerina toes. Balrogs stand no chance.

  87. Vinnie
    January 22nd, 2011 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#57): No, no, see, you’ve got it all wrong. Those service people don’t need to be rude or anything for Les or Wally to be mean with them. (Example: Les’s Sunday Rudeness Spree from a few weeks ago) You see, Les and Wally are POOR, TORTURED SOULS, which grants them the right to be jerks to everyone they meet, since THEY JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND. If you disagree, it’s obvious that you are a Philistine who DOESN’T UNDERSTAND.

  88. joseph hurtgen
    January 22nd, 2011 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Perfect Homage for Mary Worth since john cage’s music is just as incomprehensibly retarded as the strip.

  89. joseph hurtgen
    January 22nd, 2011 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Perfect Homage for Mary Worth since john cage’s music is just as incomprehensibly retarded as the strip.
    -joseph hurtgen. youknowfunny.net

  90. Braniff
    January 22nd, 2011 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#23): Could it be that the kitchen is carpeted with newspapers (including FC cartoons) in order to housebreak the little melonheads?

  91. Hasty Penguin
    January 22nd, 2011 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    The perspective in Mary Worth is actually boggling my mind. Either the garbage bin is capable of changing sizes, or Jill owns two identical garbage bins, one of which is the public industrial model, and one that is meant as a small in-home wastebasket. If it’s the same garbage can, in the first panel, it resides beside an ominously dark bookshelf with a strange cube with some green patterned design protruding from it, which transforms itself into a desk in panel two – if only the angles worked. Or perhaps the bin changes locations from somewhere in the foreground to directly beside the desk, unless once again, Jill has bought a second identical desk and chair set. Or an identical wastebasket, which I could accept if the monolith from panel one didn’t suddenly turn into what looks like is the place of a bed and the space where Jill was standing wasn’t suddenly a black wall. Maybe those pink drapes are the curtains being blown by the wind? But the window isn’t open, and those aren’t the right angles at all. Wait, is that plant on another desk? What is that plant? What is going on in this room? My mind is blown, and all that remains are the lingering echoes of John Cage playing in the absence of logic that my mind failed to construct.

  92. The Ridger
    January 22nd, 2011 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#37): He is, in his trademark “funny” way. His degree, as he reveals Sunday, is in “Communication Ethics” – but “ethics = human behavior”. So I guess Sam isn’t human…

  93. Baka Gaijin
    January 22nd, 2011 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#74): What? No. NO. NOOOOOO! That’s exactly opposite what I wished you. NOOOooooOOOoOOO.

    @Hank (#77): Heh heh heh!

    @Hasty Penguin (#91): My Dear Penguin, Mary Worth’s perspective is, “The past only exists by how you remember it.” You must be remembering the sizes of the wastebaskets wrong. Remember them the same size and you’ll be fine. Reality doesn’t matter.

  94. This Guy
    January 22nd, 2011 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    9CL: This isn’t about today’s strip in particular, but after Scott’s orange eyes in MW a few days ago, I thought about that fake Tleilaxu spice and how it turns your eyes orange… then, later, another comics-Dune connection hit me. The Burber women are all time-traveling Honored Matres. It’s the only plausible explanation for how they can subvert the wills of men so utterly via sex. Yes, we men typically have a preference for sex, but there are limits–limits that come before being willing to spend large blocks of time with these fanged, serpent-jawed word-geysers.

  95. bats :[
    January 22nd, 2011 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    Happy Birthday, Mr. Sequitur, with many, many more to follow!

  96. AndyL
    January 22nd, 2011 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    It’s not fair! Veronica’s been dating that other guy more than me! Oh well, I gotta go, I’m late for my date with Betty.

  97. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 22nd, 2011 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#85): Oh dear. I just realized that Angel, this unique, gen-you-wine person of color, is probably going to turn out to be nothing more than a magical negro.

  98. Vince M
    January 22nd, 2011 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos (#58): I found the timing for the Lio strip to be perfect – he happily picks up the theme just as the Calvin & Hobbes ‘Snow Goons’ story arc ends.

    There’s a very similar ca. 1932 cartoon called “The Snowman” that was real High-Octane Nightmare Fuel for me back when I was these guys’ age.

  99. Vince M
    January 22nd, 2011 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#71): I’m casting David Cross for the live-action version.

  100. Calico
    January 22nd, 2011 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#72):
    FW – The Catastrophe Café, where diners can get heaping helpings of passive-aggressiveness, smirks, accidents, cancer, and unrequited sex love.

  101. Calico
    January 22nd, 2011 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    Yes, and Happy Birthday Sequitur! Have a wonderful day! : )

  102. ArchieNemesis
    January 22nd, 2011 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail’s attempt to develop a complicated story line is getting tedious. Remember when Mark beached the station wagon on top of Rusty, for no particular reason? And that stupid dog was running around, and the tide was coming in? And Mark had to belt the sheriff in the face, just to get him to believe Mark’s dopey story? Those were the good ol’ days.

  103. commodorejohn
    January 22nd, 2011 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#97): I wouldn’t be too sure. This is a Woody Wilson strip, so the odds are at least as great that he’ll just stick around being interesting and entertaining for a week or two and then vanish from the universe entirely.

  104. Joe Blevins
    January 22nd, 2011 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    Today Zomby Ziggy sticks it to the man.

  105. ArchieNemesis
    January 22nd, 2011 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Note to Jack Elrod, if you’re out there reading this: Mark Trail better start with the fisticuffs pretty quick, or I’m going to give up on the daily comics and go back to re-reading my Life In Hell compilations.

  106. Poteet
    January 22nd, 2011 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#6): Well said. I like Cul de Sac more every week. And after reading certain other comics, I need Cul de Sac more every week.

  107. Poteet
    January 22nd, 2011 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    S-M — It’s not that I find Mole Man so very appealing. It’s just that I find him far more appealing than Spider-Man, and he gets a lot more done in a shorter time. I vote for making Mole Man the new protagonist and changing the name of the strip.

  108. Poteet
    January 22nd, 2011 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    MT — Somehow I have a feeling that Cherry is going to end up being kidnapped by the diamond smugglers, probably for reasons so stupid I don’t want to try to imagine them, and this epic will drag on past Easter. *muffled sob*

  109. Bill Peschel
    January 22nd, 2011 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    Pssst, Tom! You’re missing the fourth panel where the maitre’d says “I was referring to your girlfriend.” Woof!

  110. Jim North
    January 22nd, 2011 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#107): I find your ideas interesting and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

  111. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 22nd, 2011 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    MW: If Jill’s next move is to pick up the I Ching and throw it at a prepared piano, I think we’ll have the best Sunday Worth ever on our hands.

    Luann: Gunther has changed out of the worm costume. Whether this is due to a belated dose of common decency or the knowledge that Shannon has made him obsolete is unknown at this time.

    SFx: The undignified death of Frosty the Snowman. The fire six inches in front of him is bad enough, but what the older boy is doing to him? Bad touch!

    HtH: Since Hagar’s idea of “a real job” is being cannon fodder in one of Hagar’s raids, Boyfriend of the Week #googol should remember the phrase “not worth it.”

    S-M: Aunt May has decided that death here and now is better than continued life as a supporting character in the newspaper Spider-Man strip. Pray that none of us are faced with the same choice.

    Phantom: He sneaks into the warden’s boudoir and then punches out a guard? What am I missing here?

    DtM: Dennis’ new philosophy: If you can’t be a menace, be a dismissive prick.

    Momma: Wha? He can’t be Sonia’s age! He’s not pocket-sized.

    C-Shaft: An old man dreams of showing his daughter his giant plump tomatoes, and promises that an enormous zucchini is next on the agenda. Anything further I could say about this is too horrible to even think.

  112. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 22nd, 2011 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#108): Are you saying, then, that like daffodils and robins, there will be no punching until spring? *sob* indeed.

  113. maggie
    January 22nd, 2011 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    I truly never thought that any Archie comic would be applicable to my own life, but there we have it. At least I’m not dating Archie.

  114. Master Softheart
    January 22nd, 2011 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    JP: Non-academics may not believe it, but doctoral students really are as interesting as this strip portrays them. Sadly, they are also as insane; I’m just surprised that Dixie Julep wasn’t in a Ph.D. program somewhere.

    That said, I have no idea what field one would enter to earn an advanced degree in “Human Nature,” so I suspect that Angel is just messing with Sam and his race/class stereotypes.

  115. greghousesgf
    January 22nd, 2011 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    umm, Archie, I fail to see how repeating “it’s not fair” even constitutes a joke.

  116. Esther Blodgett
    January 22nd, 2011 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    FW: Wally Winkerbean is the first person in human history ever to bring a service dog on a plane or into a restaurant. Apparently that’s Batiuk’s story and he’s sticking with it.

    FC: Sam the dog is smarter than Billy and, by the look on his face, smokes much better weed.

  117. cj
    January 22nd, 2011 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    Worth:
    I know Mary Worth is not a dependable source for actual tidbits of wisdom, but this John Cage must have been a moron. Causes have effects! CAUSES HAVE EFFECTS!

  118. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2011 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#95): and @Calico (#101):
    bats :[ and Calico. Thank you so much for your well wishes.

    and
    @Baka Gaijin (#93):
    Oh. I guess you meant flea clown!

  119. Cranky
    January 22nd, 2011 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    I never realized how easily Archie’s trademark hairstyle could become Satanic horns until I saw panel 3. This knowledge has not changed my life in the least, although I look forward to the new direction in heralds for the strip.

  120. dale
    January 22nd, 2011 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail will solve the crime and beat a confession out of Ben.
    What happens to his journalistic creds when word gets out that he works part time for the Feds?
    He had best think twice before wandering around some wilderness area “just looking for rare plants”.

  121. mollificent
    January 22nd, 2011 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos (#43): D’awwwww! *sniffle* I have TOTALLY used that rationale in the past. ;) (P.S. Still laughing madly over Stupid Sexy Spidey.)

    Archie: Josh, I wish I could go back in time and give your advice to my old polyamorous college roommate. To her “polyamorous” basically meant “a stable of young men hanging on my every utterance.” She did, however, kindly offer to lend me one of her boyfriends for a weekend in exchange for a bottle of Drambuie. (I declined.)

    Baby Blues: Hmph! As my friend exclaimed indignantly while listening to “One of These Days…Pow!” by Jackie Gleason: “Darn your own frigging socks!” In other words, Darryl, if you’re so desperate for a home-cooked meal…knock yourself out.

    Beetle: Well, at least he’s trying!

    Luann: I prefer the Moxy Früvous version.

    MW: You know, I rather like Jill’s robe.

    PBS: LOL!! I know how you feel, Pig.

    Phantom Yeah! Finally some Right Fist O’…um, oops, wrong strip. Still, panel 3 wins.

    Oh Brother: Suddenly they hear, “Pipe down! My melon-headed child and I are trying to watch the movie!”

  122. Master Softheart
    January 22nd, 2011 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    9CL: “Malice wears the false face of honesty.” – Herodotus, if I recall correctly.

  123. Oregonian
    January 22nd, 2011 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#111):

    Phantom: He sneaks into the warden’s boudoir and then punches out a guard? What am I missing here?

    I assume Mr. Stripey Pants has already tied up the warden and stuffed her in his laundry basket. (Maybe he’s taking her to Keela Wee for a threesome with Diana?) But, yes, given the usual glacial pace of The Phantom, this is a dizzying acceleration.

  124. Maggie the Cat
    January 22nd, 2011 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    I’m not really an Archie reader, so can someone help me out? What is up with that hat Jughead wears?

  125. Jim North
    January 22nd, 2011 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#124): It’s a bit of fashion from a bygone era. Behold!

  126. Baka Gaijin
    January 22nd, 2011 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    @mollificent (#121): “Oh Brother: Suddenly they hear, ‘Pipe down! My melon-headed child and I are trying to watch the movie!’” Ah ha ha ha! Great one.

  127. Écureuil Écumant
    January 22nd, 2011 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: Hey Dag! Why bother picking up Daisy’s dogshit. It’s frozen now, and when it does thaw, it probably won’t stink for very long anyway.

  128. Écureuil Écumant
    January 22nd, 2011 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#112) re Fists-o-Fury: It could be more like — turn the heat up enough and we might see one or two even though it’s winter — y’know, like stinkbugs.

    @114 Master Softheart said:

    I’m just surprised that Dixie Julep wasn’t in a Ph.D. program somewhere.

    For my part, I’d automatically assumed she was in the midst of completing her thesis in applied ballistics — of metallic and organic substances both, as I recall.

  129. Maggie the Cat
    January 22nd, 2011 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    @Jim North (#125):

    Very interesting! I just read it and my curiosity is satisfied :-)

  130. Baka Gaijin
    January 22nd, 2011 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#127): I’m not sure I agree with the latter half of your thesis. It was never pleasant driving by the animal (mainly cow) farms during the spring thaw. It seemed miles and miles of nose-burning stench. Granted, I don’t think Daisy has the same output as a cow, but if she eats like Dagwood and maintains that shape, well, maybe she does.

  131. Red Greenback
    January 22nd, 2011 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    “The past is wearing a collar – that makes it easier to chain to a log!”
    -Mr. Rabbit, or whatever his name is

  132. mollificent
    January 22nd, 2011 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    P.S. to @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos (#43): I forgot to mention that my unofficial title at work is “Harp Pixie”. ;)

    @Baka Gaijin (#126): Hee hee! I was actually rather shocked to be the first person to comment on that (unless I missed something).

  133. Pop Goes the Weasel
    January 22nd, 2011 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#62):

    or sends them to the showers.

  134. Baka Gaijin
    January 22nd, 2011 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    @mollificent (#132): You are the first. Big Internet pat on the back to mollificent.

  135. TheDiva
    January 22nd, 2011 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#116): Well, of course not. Nobody had ever heard of service animals until Batiuk in his infinite wisdom thought to devote his writing to them, just as nobody had ever heard of breast cancer or teen suicide or the dangers of distracted driving until he addressed them. This is why it’s so important that he devote so much of his time to Serious Subjects and not capitulate to the uneducated Philistines and their demands for such shallow things like “humor” and “entertainment.”

  136. This Guy
    January 22nd, 2011 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    @cj (#117): John Cage said a lot of things, such as that writing “TACET” on a page three times constitutes creating art.

  137. Lola Heatherton
    January 22nd, 2011 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#131): I love you, Red Greenback! I want to bear your children!

  138. Écureuil Écumant
    January 22nd, 2011 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#130): Well, you’re one up on me there. I worked on a dairy farm for most of my teenage summers but never had the thrill of being there when the manure lagoon de-congealed. No doubt the pent up volatiles would raise corneal blisters if you were misfortunate enough to get caught downwind.

    However, my remarks were more intended to chide Dag about his new slacker ethos; he’s got enough petty tyrants in his life that he really doesn’t need the HOA on his ass for not shoveling his walk within eight hours of the end of the snowfall, let alone not collecting his dogshit for the winter.

    To the contrary, I’m horrified at the turn this thread has taken. I’m desperately trying to claw through the last couple chapters of Paul Theroux’s “Millroy the Magician”. I never should have opened the cover; it was an ill-conceived venture that now threatens, with this evil omen, to end much worse than it began. If you know the book, you’ll understand why this sudden talk of mountains of excrement might tighten my sphincter. So I hope we can move along now.

  139. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate
    January 22nd, 2011 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#37): Give me time, Dude. Give me time. A family member bought me a Mega Millions Bingo card today and I just about went apeshit. Seriously. Just numbers. Can’t imagine arranging salmon squares on a plate.

  140. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    January 22nd, 2011 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    I found that damn ™!

    When I was a kid, Robbie Benson was in a movie in which he got a brain tumor and my mother could never watch another Robbie Benson movie. Luckily, I don’t look like him (Martin Sheen on a cold July night with a stilton hardon in the breeze wafting up from behind you).

    Can’t wait to wear the t-shirt.

  141. Paddy
    January 22nd, 2011 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    Oh, I dearly hope those are supposed to be tiny chianti bottles on Jill’s desk.

  142. Black Drazon
    January 22nd, 2011 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#112): Of course not, Spring is the season when young men’s hearts turn to thoughts of love! So Mark is in hibernation, is what I’m saying.

  143. mollificent
    January 22nd, 2011 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

  144. Rixter
    January 22nd, 2011 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#45):
    Ah. This could be my first snurking.

  145. Aviatrix
    January 22nd, 2011 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#51): You can do a thesis on pretty much anything. I have no problem believing that Angel is a psychology, business or theology grad student with a thesis topic on human nature. It could be “Human nature as exemplified in Friends seasons one through three: a Kantian perspective.” He didn’t give the whole title for fear of embarrassing his passengers through reference to works they might be unfamiliar with. He thought maybe the old guy didn’t stay up late enough to watch Friends.

    @Hank (#81): Mole man could leave his underground kingdom for two hours every second Thursday evening and still be providing more companionship and romance for Aunt May than Peter Parker does for Mary Jane.

  146. Rixter
    January 22nd, 2011 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#75): But not a first smacking

  147. Écureuil Écumant
    January 22nd, 2011 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    “… on a cold July night with a stilton hardon in the breeze wafting up from behind you …”

    Stilton™ Hardon, another great band name. (Edam Schmierkase, lead singer.)

  148. Aviatrix
    January 22nd, 2011 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    Could someone please remind me why there is a missionary-preacher-diagnostician in Mole man’s underground kingdom. Did mole man capture him in preparation for abducting a bride, or was he just there evangelizing?

  149. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 22nd, 2011 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#118):

    Bizarro* also premiered on a January 22. Coincidence? I think not!
    (Happy birthday, man!)

    *Piraro’s 1st panel ran on 1/22/85 (Happy birthday, Dan!)

  150. Spiny Norman
    January 22nd, 2011 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    Crock: You know you’re a plugger if you’re having an orgasm-inducing dream about giant tomatoes—and they’re actual tomatoes.

  151. Just some guy
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    The AJGLU3K can only “think” in terms of ones and zeros.
    That’s why it thinks that this tautology is a “joke”.

    Dating = Not fair
    Therefore, it is not fair.

    THE HUMANS WILL BE LOLZING AT THIS 4 SURE!!!

  152. Just some guy
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#148): I don’t think they explained it. He just popped out of nowhere.

  153. ElkMeadow
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#148):

    Melvin gave a large donation to the guy’s church. I’d like to know how they met, if Melvin worships there or at least shows up at Christmas and Easter, and if the “donation” was money or gems. Lots of stuff I’d like to know. The minister might even have some sort of super-power.

  154. ElkMeadow
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    @Rixter (#146):

    Nope, none of that Mark Trail stuff here. basically more-sound-than-contact type of slap. Punch-buggy at the worse, but then, that would have to be a really, really bad one.

  155. Caroz
    January 22nd, 2011 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    OK, I’ll admit I never expected to tune into Luann and see a kid doing a Jesse Jackson impression.

  156. Walker of Dog
    January 22nd, 2011 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    Happy birthday, Sequitur, and many more. Dingo, sorry to see you found that trademark – I was just about to use your title for nefarious purposes. (You would have enjoyed it, until the police dropped by.)

    @Poteet (#Y121): Kit took one look at the impressive results of the warden’s workout regimen and beat cheeks (to the extent that cheeks can beat when confined in too-snug jockey shorts).

    @TheDiva (#57): Mr. Batiuk finally wore me down…
    Service-industry workers are worse than Hitler.

    @Poteet (#108): It’s OK – Easter’s in February this year, right? RIGHT??

    @Baka Gaijin (#11):

    Mary Worth: Is that Chekhov’s wastebasket I see?

    Watch out – it’s loaded!

  157. Kyle
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    Over at my blog we take John Cage pretty damn seriously, and we’ve started our own series of Cage quotin’ comics characters:

    http://www.artsjournal.com/postclassic/2011/01/in-which-the-mainstream-notices-us/

  158. Walker of Dog
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    FW: He didn’t call ahead to make arrangements for a service dog? Wait – does this mean they don’t even have a dinner reservation? Bad Buddy.

    JP: “A doctorate in human nature”? Angel is a pimp?

    S-M: Check out MJ, with her shoulders up around her ears and her anxious knuckles pressed together. Dial it back, drama queen.

    RMMD: As Rex orates, June looks askance at his gesticulating hand. She knows where that finger has been.

    MW: Wait, the past is gone? I thought the past did exist, but only how we choose to remember it. Now I don’t know what to think, or how to live! My poor, deflated weltanschauung!
    (Wait, that doesn’t sound good…)

    Phan: Those dots are little flakes of dead skin being punched off the guard’s face.
    Thanks, Ghost-Who-Exfoliates!

  159. Matt
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    Little girl better watch herself before she goose-steps right off that desk. Ach, mein lawsuit!

  160. mollificent
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#158): “The past is goooooooone…it went by like dusk to dawn…” Oops, that’s not John Cage! Sorry!

  161. Sgt. Stoned
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    MW: But, Jill, William Faulkner said: “The past is not dead. In fact, it is not even past.” And Faulkner won a Nobel Prize. Did John Cage?

    DT: According to the Book of Genesis, it rained 40 days and 40 nights during the time of Noah, wiping out all life on Earth, except for those in the Ark. Locher is going to break that record!

    Archie: Jughead is a Zen master.

  162. Walker of Dog
    January 22nd, 2011 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    @mollificent (#160): And Jill was just looking in a mirror! That song has so many levels.

  163. UncleJeff
    January 23rd, 2011 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    Hooray! Dingo is back in all his glory!

  164. Comcis Fan
    January 23rd, 2011 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    MW: I hope those are bottles of White Shoulders perfume and not vials of hemlock on Jill’s table.

    Luanne: … right down to the goose-stepping.

  165. Baka Gaijin
    January 23rd, 2011 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#156): “Beat cheeks.” I didn’t know what that meant. It’s either “ran” or “doggie style.” Both definitions work for this comment. I guess I’ll have to pop into Phantom to see.

  166. Poteet
    January 23rd, 2011 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    LUANN — The more I’m forced to look at that alleged “worm” costume, the harder I find it to believe that any library would encourage someone to wear it in front of children.

  167. Sequitur
    January 23rd, 2011 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#166): If you think Gunther is an EVILSCARYBOOKWORM, get a load of this…

  168. Sequitur
    January 23rd, 2011 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#166): Or if that was too harsh, just go with this…

  169. Sequitur
    January 23rd, 2011 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    I thank all of you who wished me a happy birthday. That was much appreciated.

    Let me tell you, when you reach my age it’s best to do away with the spank for every year tradition. Especially if you’re wearing assless chaps.

    I think I’ll be crawling off to the clinic now.

  170. demoncat
    January 23rd, 2011 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    jill look of peace is saying its soon going to be over i full filled my bargin with Mary peace is mine. . Lu ann is smiling over the fact she has unleashed Shannon on her class mates traumitizing them for life. the phantom. he told the warden he would be back for her and is now fulfilling his promise by taking her for a ride in a laundry cart. and the guard almost stopped the fun.

  171. Norma de Plume
    January 23rd, 2011 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    Archie: AJGLU 3000 has finally discovered Elizabethan humor, but I’m not sure cuckolds’ horns apply to dating relationships.

  172. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 23rd, 2011 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    @Kyle (#157): Awesome. I love Cherry Trail’s reaction, which is exactly right for when you start hearing egghead quotes from Mark, of all people.

  173. bats :[
    January 23rd, 2011 at 1:39 am [Reply]

    Well, heck, the Sunday Mark Trail serves up a mighty ugly fish, both physically and temperamentally. I was kind of hoping it would deal with an endangered species we were talking about a few threads back…

  174. Buchholz Surfer
    January 23rd, 2011 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    Random Lines From Today’s Funnies:
    I think the infatuation stage is over. I’ll show her! I’ll make a meatloaf for dinner! Wait till you see the zucchinis! Which will be worth squat if “Big City” flops. I had no idea this story was so scary. And the ten-day forecast is not good. A parade in your honor will be arriving shortly. Ordinarily, I’m not in the habit of lying. Now that you put it that way… I know you’re full of it.

  175. Sequitur
    January 23rd, 2011 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#173): Endangered species. At first I thought you may have been refering to assless chaps, but no. However, the creature may be wearing them.

    There is almost a resistance zenlike quality to your mashup. ohm.

  176. Maggie the Cat
    January 23rd, 2011 at 2:15 am [Reply]

    RMMD- FINALLY! Berna has finally realized that she will have to “take care of Dexter”, and by “take care of” I think she’s implying getting him a new pair of concrete shoes and a swim in the river.

  177. Maggie the Cat
    January 23rd, 2011 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    Baby Blues- Uh… what? Isn’t Zoe supposed to be like 8 or something?

  178. Jason1981
    January 23rd, 2011 at 2:43 am [Reply]

    S-M: “STOP!” Hammer time?

  179. Jason1981
    January 23rd, 2011 at 2:49 am [Reply]

    FW: Just one of the reasons that dogs are awesome. (they DO seem to know what you’re feeling at times. Even without training. )

    I forget, did any of the FW strips ever say what breed of dog Buddy is? Looks like a Labrador Retriever to me.

  180. This Guy
    January 23rd, 2011 at 3:13 am [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#161): RE Faulkner/Cage: There isn’t a Nobel Prize for music, but your point is well taken. Faulkner at least never published a blank book and claimed that the readers were supposed to supply the words.

    Yes, music fans, I know Cage wrote some music in his career. It’s just that the very existence of 4’33″ frosts my ass. I put in some damned effort in studying composition, and that “piece” just mocks everyone who’s ever done the same. I can’t supply a definition for art (or even just music,) and I do have probably a broader definition of “music” than many, but I think there’s a requirement–necessary but not sufficient–for art I know for certain: the creator has to do something. If you didn’t do anything, it’s not art. A blank canvas that you sign is not art. A bunch of trash on your kitchen floor (or a museum floor) is not art. A sheet of paper that says “I TACET II TACET III TACET” is not art. Silence is not art, nor is random ambient noise. These are just phenomena. Phenomena can be beautiful, but they’re not art; art requires artifice.

  181. Aviatrix
    January 23rd, 2011 at 3:17 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#173): That’s way better than the original. Can you rewrite every Mark Trail Sunday before I read it, please? I’ll be checking the comics in about 30 minutes.

  182. ElkMeadow
    January 23rd, 2011 at 3:24 am [Reply]

    Happy Birthday, Sequitur!

    Some weeks ago I gave the back history of how then teen-ager
    Prince Valiant accused Queen Aleta of putting a spell on him, so he couldn’t stop thinking about her, until someone told him that infatuation was just a normal thing? Well, now it looks like Valiant was right, oh-so-long-ago. Like the guy in “A Midsummer’s Night Dream,” he’s been living his life under King Oberon’s spell.

    Yeah, Berna, you’re going to kill your brother when you get home and find that television, food and hot tub party going on.

  183. Baka Gaijin
    January 23rd, 2011 at 4:27 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Married pluggers are henpecked. By giant hens.

  184. Baka Gaijin
    January 23rd, 2011 at 4:32 am [Reply]

    Luann: When personal robots get here, I hope they either look like trash cans on wheels or have better hooters than that Mombot has.

  185. Baka Gaijin
    January 23rd, 2011 at 4:35 am [Reply]

    Arlo and Janis: Arlo, it’s the “Don’t share personal items” Janis has a problem with. You never clean off her dildo after you’re done with it.

  186. Baka Gaijin
    January 23rd, 2011 at 4:38 am [Reply]

    Zits: Do these parents even know how to say “No?” Outside the bedroom, that is.

  187. Baka Gaijin
    January 23rd, 2011 at 4:40 am [Reply]

    Retail: Too bad stores don’t realize that. Too often stores do things to scare off their customers, like, I don’t know, hire clowns as their mascots. I’m looking at you, McDonalds. Not really looking, Ronald may be there.

  188. Bill the Butcher
    January 23rd, 2011 at 4:44 am [Reply]

    Luann: I’m still wondering how long Nancy D was carrying around that Mombot sign waiting for a chance to slap it on her chest at a moment’s notice.

    Nancy D has more problems than we realised…

    Hoppy Bathday, Sequitur!

  189. Baka Gaijin
    January 23rd, 2011 at 4:45 am [Reply]

    Henry: Smart thinking, kid. Putting a cake with an inferno on it near a creaky old man’s beard is a disaster in the making.

  190. Baka Gaijin
    January 23rd, 2011 at 4:50 am [Reply]

    Curtis: “I never know what to expect when I set foot in there [Gunther's Barbershop]!” I do. Gunther calls you the wrong name, then he sets off on this wild improbable story about one of his brushes with fame, then you get disgusted in the final panel. Every single freaking time.

  191. Baka Gaijin
    January 23rd, 2011 at 5:00 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox Six Differences: What the hell is that mutant plugger thing on the couch? An oversized hybrid dog-teddy bear? Reeky Rat in a teddy bear costume, waiting for a convenient time to leave since, between panels, he’s already stolen the bone and thing with eyes under the chesterfield?

  192. Baka Gaijin
    January 23rd, 2011 at 5:01 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Be this a warning to those of you who yap on about how you can’t lend “books” on e-readers. This could be you!

  193. Baka Gaijin
    January 23rd, 2011 at 5:08 am [Reply]

    Herb & Jamaal: What Sarah should have said in the last panel: “Ooh, great! Now let’s get to the ‘store which sells gems and precious metals and things which tell time’ to fill it up!” [*]

  194. Baka Gaijin
    January 23rd, 2011 at 5:33 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox Mystery: Detective Dog there is on the right track. Yank off that owl mask to reveal…Reeky Rat! Wearing IR night vision goggles.

    Mary Worth: Yes, I called it! Checkov’s wastebasket! Not a big achievement but I gotta take what I can get since I can’t seem to get back on the COTW float.

    Garfield: That was actually unique. I cracked a smile.

    Drabble: Wiener dogs are Pluggers.

    Dilbert: It was a long buildup to the last panel but it was almost worth it.

    The Lockhorns: With a security line that empty, they must be at the Alpena County Regional Airport.

    Bizarro: I’d listen to that NPR.

  195. Baka Gaijin
    January 23rd, 2011 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    Wake up everyone! It’s boring in here. Do I smell Texas-shaped waffles?

  196. gleeb
    January 23rd, 2011 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Slylock: only bats can “see” in total darkness using echo-location, but Slylock will probably make something up about the raccoon memorizing the floor layout or something, becayse he hated raccoons.

    Dr Angel: None of which answers the question of if he’s such a valuable employee for Dewey, Cheatham why does he waste his time driving the car?

  197. wossname
    January 23rd, 2011 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    BGSS – For some reason, Li’l Tater is my favorite baby in the comics. Maybe because he has the face of an old man. Much more interesting than Trixie or Wren.

    Beetle – Who… whaaa…. Who are these people!?!?!? I vaguely remember that Beetle is somehow related to Hi and Lois, but did we know that he had a little brother named Chigger? And a dad named Tick? And a mom named Mosquito?

    FW – Aww, good Buddy.

    JP – I’m embarrassed to admit how much time I just spent on the MIT website trying to figure out if this is plausible. I guess it is. There’s no department of communications ethics, but there is at least one lecturer, in the Sloan school of management, who calls his field “communication and ethics,” and there’s a Comparative Media Studies program (which includes a course on fandom… but I digress).

    MT – Whoa – a taser fish!

    MW – Well this is a great time to ask that question, Scott. What if, as you motored toward Heaven’s Orchard Resort, she collapsed in sobs and said “No, Scott, I can never forget Ted – we should never have wed!”?

    Sly – bats:[ did it! She hid the diamonds in an oversize fishing lure, and eluded the guards in Gravelines Prison, and… wait… where am I?

    S-M – For Christ’s sake, get her a dust mask from Home Depot. Problem solved. Do I have to explain everything to you people?

    Lio – Win! I particularly like the signs “We love you” and “You win games.”

    Belated happy birthday, Sequitur! And Dingo, glad to see you got your ™ back!

  198. Anonymous
    January 23rd, 2011 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    A3G: The place where anything is possible, except excitement.

  199. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos
    January 23rd, 2011 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    GF: I am seriously considering not reading the Sunday Get Fuzzies anymore. Mean spirited and just not funny.

    Pickles: o goddess, Opal is AARP Hanalore!!! *runs screaming*

    NAoQV: repeat, but full of WIN! (FC haterz will want to check this one out.)

    Lio: I do believe Mr Tatulli haz an issue. (drop it again! KLANG!)

    Bizarro: Darwin Fish FTW!!!

    FW: 3-d’awwwwwwww.

    MT: very nice Sunday strip. still could have used a fish skeleton somewhere.

    MG&G: warthogs are not inherently funny. /fail.

    PMP: oooooooooo Fanservicey!!! (it was Lolly that had the never-ending ‘pink slip’ joke back in the day, wasn’t it?)

    Phantom: and then the witch-doctor, he told me what to do!

    SFx: sadly, every family has its ne’erdowells. We still love you, bats :[, even if a relative is in the clink. Mr. Weber Jr, that does look more like a stargazer than a piranha, though. ;-)

    TG: car bras DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!

    standard oversnark disclaimer.

  200. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 23rd, 2011 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    The St. Petersburg Times has added Arlo & Janis, Bizarro and The Flying McCoys to their Sunday comics section starting today… all without dropping any of my old favorites. The Sunday comic count now stands at 26 (up from 23).

    This was accomplished in part by enlarging the dimensions of the six-page section slightly. Unfortunately, there’s been a certain amount of shrinkage and/or panel rearrangement — making several* of the already diminished comics even more difficult to read!

    *Poteet and ElkMeadow would not approve of what the Times has done to PV!

  201. CanuckDownSouth
    January 23rd, 2011 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#197): re: MIT – I dunno. They’ve got a few courses, but don’t seem to study it for theses. The only PhD student who’s even in “economic sociology” has a thesis devoted to “innovation and technology policy in the solar photovoltaics industry”. Looks more like behaviour models than ethics studies. The rest of the research subject areas look even less connected to ethics, such as finance or employment research. Harvard would’ve been more believable.

  202. John C Fremont
    January 23rd, 2011 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Texas-shaped waffles? Yay!

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#140): Hey, I remember that movie! An uplifting, feel-good film, and not the least bit depressing. And I definitely did not cry. I just had something in my eye, that’s all. Look, just leave me alone!

    MT – But Mark, aren’t they also an excellent source of protein?

    I’ll bet they’d be easy to catch if you use a small enough lure.

    SFx – As far as I can tell, the answer is, “The bat. This flying mammal can rey on a repikike system of utersycic sunoud waves to avoid obsoccles in compact drekless.” What do I win?

    FC – You know, Bil, maybe you should see a doctor if it’s that much work to blow up a balloon. But when he asks you about the bruising on your face, tell him you fell down the stairs.

  203. Baka Gaijin
    January 23rd, 2011 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos (#199): Oh you are so right! NAoQV for the win!

    @John C Fremont (#202): Sadly you’re too late. I got hungry waiting for everyone and made like Jughead. I just woke up from the carbohydrate coma. Once you get started on Texas-shaped waffles, you just can’t stop. Suck it, Lays!

  204. Baka Gaijin
    January 23rd, 2011 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#140): I remember that movie too. I didn’t watch it, because unlike your mother, I couldn’t watch a Robbie Benson movie period. And enjoy the t-shirt I sent. Unlike you, I have nothing to blame my lack of short-term memory on.

  205. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos
    January 23rd, 2011 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    mmmmm, pancakes.

    got all four Frame Games, GO ME!!!

    off to lol-browse, in case bb,u needs a squeefix.

  206. Hibbleton
    January 23rd, 2011 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Since the print is so small I can’t read it. I’m guessing that this is a charity date auction and that terrified looking creature in the middle has been “won” by Slylock.

    @Baka Gaijin (#194): I read A3G’s Sunday strip yesterday and thought ‘good call’ when I read your snark.

  207. Hibbleton
    January 23rd, 2011 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    That should be MW’s

  208. wossname
    January 23rd, 2011 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#201): I feel so much better, knowing that I’m not the only one who spent a significant period of time poring over MIT’s website to determine if a comic strip character’s claim was plausible.

    And I had the same thought – Wilson should have said Harvard.

  209. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos
    January 23rd, 2011 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Calvin was a blue-light special.

    been kewt iz hard work!

    sadly, Sunday mornings are the worst for lolstuff. :-(

  210. TheDiva
    January 23rd, 2011 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#180): I had a music history professor who claimed he once “performed” (if one can actually apply the word to sitting at a piano bench and doing nothing) 4’33″ at a recital when he was a college student in the sixties. After the recital, he was talking with a couple of, ahem, recreational drug users about the performance. “Yeah, I’m sorry you forgot your piece, man,” one of them said. “Was that what happened?” says the other. “I thought I’d spaced out!”

    Sunday snarkage:

    C’shaft: Ha-ha, women! They sure can’t deal with the presence of small rodents! They also love to shop and can’t drive very well!

    Curtis: What do you mean, you never know what to expect? You’re in Curtis, where Status Quo is Cthulhu.

    DT: Normally I’d complain about Dick being stupid enough to fall for this, but at this point I’ll accept anything that gets the plot moving.

    FW: Wow, that’s…actually kind of sweet. Broken clocks, and all that.

    Luann: Just think: somewhere in the world, someone was turned on by this strip. Sleep well, kiddies.

    MW: This is really the sort of conversation you’re supposed to have before you get married. Jill was probably on to something with these two.

    SM: This is why it’s important to include your “in event of being abducted by a subterranean monarch, getting engaged to him, and subsequently contracting spelunker’s lung” information in your living will.

  211. commodorejohn
    January 23rd, 2011 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    A3G – “Anything was possible. And it still is,” she says, as her head inflates like a balloon. Tomorrow the fridge will open to reveal a merry company of elves who can spin Crispy Crunch into gold, sent by Lu Ann’s fairy godfather, Ron Paul.

    BBlue – …how the hell old is Zoe supposed to be, anyway? Ah well, at least this isn’t Luann, or I’d be vomiting right now instead of asking questions.

    Curtis – Third season. Definitely third season.

    DT – At this rate, Locher’s run on the strip might end just as Mordred is getting his chains off.

    FW – …man, I kind of want to feel heartwarmed by this, but I keep picturing Batiuk hovering above the page, smirking to himself for his exquisite depiction of misery and pain like some not even remotely funny version of Bugs Bunny in Duck Amuck.

    HTH – I spent longer than I care to recount trying to find out if the Vikings even had a legal system. I mean, I know Iceland did (mainly from reading The Story of Rolf by Allen French, which kicks ass,) and I’m sure medieval Norway probably did as well, but the Vikings, even discounting the inflated perception of their savagery, were not exactly gentle law-abiding types. And then I remembered that this is Hägar the Horrible, and I’d just wasted a whole lot of time.

    JP – I’m going with the “Angel is having a hell of a lot of fun tweaking these über-WASPs to see what he can get them to believe” theory, because it’s awesome.

    Luann – Oh lovely, another unsettling fetish for Luann to dive into.

    MT – Is it me, or is Jill’s hair getting longer? Maybe she’s turning into a werewolf.

    OB – I do like this strip.

    PBS – Best satire of Facebook ever. Thank you, Pastis.

    Phantom – Hey, Guran gets a moment in the sun! Well, candlelight, but you know what I mean.

    PV – NEXT: Is Aleta a good witch, or a bad witch?

    Ripley’s – As if Terry Pratchett wasn’t awesome enough.

    SM – Geez, you’d think Peter would jump at the chance to not do anything, if jumping weren’t too strenuous.

  212. Amanda Hugginwhatnot
    January 23rd, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    It’s 2011, right? Every post I see is dated 2010 still.

  213. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos
    January 23rd, 2011 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#211): she turned me into a newt.

  214. Baka Gaijin
    January 23rd, 2011 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#207): Thanks. Sometimes they just make it so easy.

    @Amanda Hugginwhatnot (#212): Huh. You’re right. Are you some kind of proofreader in real life?

  215. Pseudo3D
    January 23rd, 2011 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @Amanda Hugginwhatnot (#212): Josh was gone on New Year’s Eve/Day, thus, time hasn’t changed forward.

  216. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos
    January 23rd, 2011 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

  217. MWDG
    January 23rd, 2011 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    The sad thing here is that Jill was right. Adrian, a successful surgeon in one of our dear country’s most prestigious hospitals marries a policeman? This is not going to work. I only hope that super lesbian, Terry Bryson outs Adrian at the next pool party.

  218. ElkMeadow
    January 23rd, 2011 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#y200):

    Poteet and ElkMeadow would not approve of what the Times has done to PV!

    Good news: They kept it. Bad news: I can guess. I’ve seen what other newspapers have done, and it seems that the consensus is that readers of the strip would be of an age where it is required to have a large rectangular magnifying glass with which to read everything.

  219. Alison
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    Why does everyone bend over backwards for this “Shannon” brat??? Cripes.

    I like Jill’s housecoat.

  220. Roktober
    January 25th, 2011 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    I’d like to think this is the beginning of Archie’s new French New Wave influenced period.

    “Isn’t that the way of life Arch? Once we have a thing we want it ceases to be the thing we want, eh?”

    Then they kiss each other on the mouth and take cyanide.

  221. Reinforcements
    January 25th, 2011 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    The exploration on the subject of polyamory in Archie is why Josh is the master – he avoided the dual low-hanging fruit of “Archie sprouts devil horns in panel 3″ and “how exactly does repeating ‘it’s not fair’ in each panel constitute a joke?”

  222. Marfi
    June 3rd, 2012 at 3:34 am [Reply]

    Posted on Great to hear from you. Our creative agnecy Evolved Digital (www.evolveddigital.tv) know all the secrets and I am sure they’ll be happy to give you some quick guidance if you need any

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