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Friday panels

Panel from Mary Worth, 1/28/11

Are you feeling anxious? Fearful of the future? Do you lack confidence? Just print out multiple copies of this Mary Worth panel and tape them up pretty much everywhere. “I’m not afraid!” says Mary, as she looks directly at you, through your eyes and into your soul. Either her iron-willed confidence will be transferred to you, or you’ll descend quickly into gibbering madness.

Pluggers, 1/28/11

Pluggers scoff at education, and commerce, and leaving the house, and interacting with fellow humans who aren’t on the teevee-box.

Family Circus, 1/28/11

“The other trees are whores. Stupid naked whores.”

229 responses to “Friday panels”

  1. Petey Potterpoop
    January 28th, 2011 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    MW: Be afraid; be very afraid…

  2. Swordsmith
    January 28th, 2011 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    AS: I actually smirked at this, which is pretty good for AS. But then it occurred to me, the floor is blue and the curtains are some sort of dark tan. The carpet doesn’t match the drapes… turning the “not her natural color” line into a genuine chuckle.

  3. Baka Gaijin
    January 28th, 2011 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Oh, good Lord LuAnn. The man is feeling you out, trying to find out if you’d like to marry him. He should have just had Janie Liggett pass her a note in History Class saying, “Do you love me? Check one Yes No”.

  4. Baka Gaijin
    January 28th, 2011 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: With one two minor changes, that could be Sarge’s thought bubble, too.

  5. Hibbleton
    January 28th, 2011 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Since a retired plugger’s taxi is a hearse, there’s no rush.

  6. Baka Gaijin
    January 28th, 2011 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Buckles: I can’t believe Paul fell for that old trick. Hmm. I have a bridge in Brooklyn I can probably sell him.

  7. Tom T.
    January 28th, 2011 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    9CL: After some brief hope that McEldowney was starting to see his characters like a normal person would, it seems that Arrogance has won out and is back in charge. All hail the know-it-alls!

  8. Gloom Raider
    January 28th, 2011 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: I can only assume the bus that hit Ms. Thornton was full of comics fans who want Angel to stick around. In fact, the longer he’s in this strip, the less I’m convinced we need Judge Parker. Where’s the next bus stop?

    Also, Mark Trail must be in big trouble: Cherry seems to be considering not having sex with him IN SEPARATE MOTEL ROOMS, not just like normal!

  9. Baka Gaijin
    January 28th, 2011 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Dilbert: Don’t laugh, everyone. One more perceived “threat” and that’ll be the new TSA patdown.

    Garfield: Buggy Crispino did it better, kitty cat.

  10. Baka Gaijin
    January 28th, 2011 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns: “Won the football pool.” Is that what they’re calling “it” now? By “it” I mean cheerleader cosplay prostitutes?

    Mark Trail: This whole substory is playing out like an extended, boring, titty-free Three’s Company episode.

  11. Baka Gaijin
    January 28th, 2011 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: From the annoyed look on Mary’s face, Dr. Corey the Falsely-Bravehearted will be wearing his iMeddleBook 1000 in about 2 sentences.

  12. Baka Gaijin
    January 28th, 2011 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Oh, sure Mr. Retired Plugger Dog, scoff now but who’ll be laughing when he can’t get to the Stop N’ Scarf for the early bird all-you-can-eat salmon square special this afternoon. Mother Nature, that’s who.

  13. Patrick
    January 28th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    I know that Family Circus’ fashion sense is stuck in, like, 1961, but did kids really have dual pom-pom hats with cutouts for ponytails back then? And what is PJ wearing on his head? It looks like a balloon tightly pulled over his skull and tied at his chin.

  14. Rachel
    January 28th, 2011 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    Sorry for the late reference to yesterday’s MW, but since Mary’s comment about liking items that don’t rely on batteries or electricity, all I can think of is this:

  15. TheCasey
    January 28th, 2011 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth – When did Dr. Cory grow a pair? And how long before Mary has them bronzed and sitting on her bric-a-brac shelf to replace her swans?

    Rex Morgan, MD – Ha ha! The only way Rex is willing to help poor old Berna is if she shuts her brother out of the money! Oh, you scamp!

    Sally Forth – Why is Ted wearing a wig and infiltrating Hillary’s class?

  16. Chyron HR
    January 28th, 2011 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    JP – In the interest of alleviating the level of generalized anxiety in our pre-2012 society, we now make these reassuring announcements about the current Judge Parker plotline:

    1) Jackie “The Terminator” Thornton is fine. The tour bus bounced harmlessly off her prodigious bosom.
    2) The tour bus and its occupants are fine. The bus landed safely on the even more prodigious bosom of a random female passer-by.

    We now return you to your regular snark.

  17. But What Do I Know?
    January 28th, 2011 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Pluggers — Ha ha, it’s funny because retired people are deadweight who just sit around watching TV. . .

    The Ghost Who Wears The Purple — What is this, an ancient civilization where only the wealthy can afford colored clothes? The Phantom and the courtesan seem to be the only ones with any scrap of dye in their couture. . .

  18. Rusty
    January 28th, 2011 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    @Patrick (#13): PJ is wearing a Willam Holding Drinking Helmet.

    Pluggers fail. Pluggers swamp grocery stores whenever a snow storm is announced, All old people are Pluggers, based on the majority of strips portrayed here.

  19. Rusty
    January 28th, 2011 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    @Rusty (#18): That’s William Holden, the actor who died after striking his head on a table in a drunken stupor. I explained the joke since I spelled his name wrong in the original, while trying to hide what I was doing from my wife. She’s a plugger in many ways.

  20. ScienceGiant
    January 28th, 2011 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: I’m not afraid.
    Yoda: You will be. You will be.

  21. anon
    January 28th, 2011 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    @Rusty (#18): HEY! I might be a Plugger, but I do not FAIL. There has been over 110 inches of snow here, and I swamped the grocery store way earlier and stocked up on everything. While you non-Pluggers are out battling the elements and trying to find your cars under the snow, THIS Plugger just turns on the TV, has another cup of coffee, and laughs! Retired? check. No school age kids? check. Pantry stocked? check. Snowstorms? Bring. It. On.

  22. Doctor Handsome
    January 28th, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    The obvious subtext of every Pluggers is always, “Pluggers honestly don’t give a fuck if they live or die,” but today’s installment is a little on-the-nose.

  23. VochoCinco
    January 28th, 2011 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Nothing says “I’m not afraid” like placing your coffee cup in a defensive position between your heart and what you fear most: a future beyond the control of Mary Worth.

  24. Shawn S.
    January 28th, 2011 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    FC: It’s adorable when a kid says something kinda stupid on rare occasions. When everything they say is kinda stupid, it’s just sad.

    MW: “Hey, I’m not afraid anymore! I said, I’m not afraid anymore! Did you here me? I said I’m not afraid anymore!” Mary then ran back into her house and setup an elaborate array of traps for when the burglars would arrive.

    Plugger: You’re a plugger when natural disasters and lives lost don’t bother you in the slightest.

  25. boojum
    January 28th, 2011 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    MW: This entire story arc neatly defines what I loathe about Mary Worth — well, that and the migraine-inducing “art.” It’s not only boring, but boring about non-issues. My wife has a Kindle; I don’t — for the simple reason that she loves gadgets and I don’t. I’m not opposed to them; they don’t frighten me; I don’t see them as a sign of the end times. They simply don’t, as a general rule, increase my pleasure. For both of us, the joy of reading lies in what we’re reading, and is unrelated to the delivery system. She simply gets the pleasure of the latest electronic gadget while she experiences the joy or reading. I, who couldn’t care less about gadgets, don’t feel any diminishment by their absence.

    Neither of us would walk across the room to change the other’s mind.

    This whole thing, like most MW plots, smacks of the querulousness that is, in fact, only sometimes found among the elderly.

    “Why is everyone always trying to get me to change? I’m perfectly happy with a good, old-fashioned book! Why won’t people just leave me alone? Why do they insist I buy a fancy “electronic reader?”

    “Uh, Gramps, that’s a commercial. Matlock will be back in just a minute.”

  26. DumbBlone
    January 28th, 2011 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    MW: Uh oh Mary. Tread carefully here.

    Mary, I know you keep your thick, hardcover, made-of-paper-as-the-good-lord-intended copy of Bartlett’s Dictionary of Inappropriate, Mangled Quotations Taken Entirely Out of Context always by your side… so I suggest you look up the pearls of quotable wisdom listed under “Mouth, Keeping Shut Your Big.” For example: “Err in haste, repent at leisure,” and “Women and children should be seen and seldom heard,” and “Don’t fill your pretty little head with book learning,” and of course that favorite old chestnut “She who backchats to men will die a lonely broken shell of a woman.”

    Because, Mary, I think I recognize that feisty look in your eyes from your last argument with Dr. Jeff, and I’m afraid you are about to blurt out something you may regret, like “Ron Amalfi would never tell me to read one of those interwebs books!”

    Now I don’t want to dwell on the past, because the past is only how you choose to remember it, but surely even you remember the last time you and the good doctor had a falling out? Turns out “eating seafood at the Bum Boat” (ahem) is a pretty specialized kink… and as you learned to your chagrin with Kelrast and Amalfi, it’s not easy to hit pay dirt twice in the Santa Royale area; that is, unless you stop being such a Luddite and just get on freaking Craigslist personals already.

    On Craigslist, Mary, you will have your choice of every kind of Bum/seafood eating experience you could dream of, if you know what I mean. And I think you do. (Fortunately, I don’t. I’m going to take a shower now.)

  27. boojum
    January 28th, 2011 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Sorry: …..’electronic reader.’” Rants is bad for your style.

  28. Maggie the Cat
    January 28th, 2011 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    @boojum (#25):

    So, what you’re saying is “I am not afraid”? I hear ya. I am not afraid, either. I also prefer what I can hold on my lap with my two hands. And I like knowing a tree died for my entertainment. It’s real books only for me, too.

  29. Mr. Goboto
    January 28th, 2011 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Is that Mary Worth panel and outtake from Jim Cunningham’s video?

  30. Scott Bot
    January 28th, 2011 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    DT – I wish to revise my original theory that Dick Tracy is a strip in real time, and each daily strip progresses the action roughly one minute. By having Sam tell us about the storm and the breakdown of communication for about the 50th time, apparently they are now going backwards about a minute for each strip. Either that, or the writer thinks that the daily readers have the attention span of a hamster.

    FW – Ok, the band mom saves the day while the professional has a nervous breakdown. Way to inspire confidence there, lady.

    GT – Now I have the Harlem Globetrotters theme song running through my head…

    Pluggers – No, no, no! This is wrong! I married into a family of Pluggers, and one of the many things Pluggers are obsessed with is weather. To the point where many of them will switch from one station to another, looking to see which weatherman has the most favorable forecast.

  31. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    For non-fans of Marmaduke and Howard Huge (does anyone still print that?), I offer the far more amusing Super-Fun-Pak Comix, today featuring Dogs of Very Large Size Corner!

  32. Mibbitmaker
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    MW: In the Ron Amalfi storyline (thanks for the reminder of the character’s name, DumbBlone), Jeff is a doormat for Mary to walk all over; in this one, he’s an intollerant bully. Jeff, you “grew a pair” in the wrong storyline, buddy!

    9CL: Yeah, right, Brooke: everybody’s gay! Straight men are gay! Homophobes are gay! Someday Edda will find out her guy’s gay! In a strip full of arrogant jerks (which Seth wasn’t until recently), that’s hardly progress!

    Of course, the women aren’t gay — they’re supposed to seduce the gay guys! Again, way to show “progress”, Brooke!

  33. monkeyboy
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Can’t Mary just imagine a past where she tried an e-reader and didn’t like it?

  34. Dennis Jimenez
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    MW – What Choo Talkin’ ’bout, Jeffrey….

  35. Mela
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Friday’s stuff:

    A3G: “Sacrifice you to my god for guidance.”

    Archie: Gotta love any school district with a dress code that allows for furries.

    Curtis: Y’know, I know someone who finds this strip’s blase “normal rite of passage” attitude towards bullying offensive, and I never fully understood why… until now. It takes effort to be this disconnected from reality.

    Edge: Ha, ha, it’s funny because only paranoid helicopter parents can prevent their kids from being victimized!

    GA: I’m telling you, Cashmere was the one and only member of the family who vanished into the night and found success in a world not built around hillbilly-friendly industries.

    MW: That night, Mary discovered that the Kindle is, indeed, sturdy enough to bludgeon someone to death.

    Pluggers: Bullshit. I know from experience that Pluggers are the ones who rush to the supermarket and hoard all of the basic staples, since they will use those seven gallons of milk faster than (in a true example) a family of five.

    R&R: I hope TCM screens that on their Underground block soon.

    Sly: How to draw a baby beaver whose negligent parents let it sit around in its oversaturated diaper for hours.

    Zits: Jeremy, if you are going to be one of those tools who douses himself in Ax to try & pretend he’s sexy, I will no longer be able to defend you in good conscience.

  36. commodorejohn
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    A3G – “Well, I could tear down and rebuild you. How would you feel about something in early Soviet Constructivist?”

    A&J – I am also good at picking up and manipulating things with my feet, but I don’t look nearly as sexy as Janis doing it.

    Buckles – Someone having a two-way conversation with a dog probably doesn’t have grounds for calling things “stupid.”

    DT – Oh, stop pretending this is ever going to make any sense.

    FW – Wow. Is Batiuk trying to make me hate every one of his first-gen characters? What a fucking drama queen.

    JP – Okay, I’m going to arbitrarily decide that “hit by a bus” means “had her cover identity compromised and has to move to another part of the country while the Bureau sends in another secret agent.” At least until this storyline decides to get moving.

    MT – It was good of Cherry to get loaded up on black-market antidepressants before she arrived. She might want to get someone to help correct her balance in panel three, though.

    MW – How do you say “!…” anyway?

    Phantom – It’s the hottest disco in Rhodia!


    SF – Are we sure Nona isn’t actually Ted in drag?

  37. Spiff Bereft
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    FC: The tree is Dolly’s last desperate choice for a role model for Jeffy in the hope that, at least for a while, he’ll keep his pants on.

  38. DumbBlone
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary Worth is taking a decidedly anti-Kindle turn. At first (per Josh’s e-reader marketing hypothesis) I thought maybe Amazon didn’t come through with the payola… but then I realized that this is actually a clever stealth marketing plan, a la Burger King’s Dancing Chicken. The kiddies, you see, when they hear their great-grandparents parroting the Worth-approved party line “I like the feel of paper, and at my age I ought to know what I like, gosh durn it!” will come to associate paper with the overpowering smell of Ben Gay commingled with denture cream, and will learn to reflexively spurn all paper products in favor of their electronic equivalents. (Prediction: e-TP will soon be all the rage.) As a middle-aged bibliophile, when I find myself pressing the wee button to slowly turn the e-page, I harbor mixed feelings about the seemingly imminent demise of the crisp sound of a briskly turned piece of paper; but even I have to take my hat off to Amazon on this one… as usual, they are on the bleeding edge of customer experience manipulation. Well played, Amazon, well played.

    RMMD: Meanwhile, we have been plodding through the “Berna wins the Lottery OMG!” storyline for the last month (or year? In RMMD, every “day feels like a year, a year whose days are long.”) At long last, we have finally reached the payoff this week. Turns out the whole thing has just been a paid advertisement for “Gary Miller, the gentle financial advisor.” (The advertising rates for the soap strips are pretty cheap – if you are a small entrepreneur, you should really check ‘em out!)

    But actually, wait, no… actually it is an even CLEVERER and even STEALTHIER super-stealth advertising campaign by Gamblers Anonymous. And it works! Just the other day I was uncharacteristically tempted to play the lottery, since the huge jackpots have been getting a lot of press lately, but this thought stopped me short in the nick of time: “Nah. Winning the lottery is, like, really dull. And after all the droning, you’ll still just end up working for minimum wage for smug douchebags.” Well played, Berna, well played.

  39. Josh
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @DumbBlone (#26): RON AMALFI! God, you don’t know how long I tried to remember that guy’s name last night with plans to write something along the lines of what you posted, before giving up and just going with the quick one-panel idea. I’m forgetting the name of minor Mary Worth characters from 2-3 years ago! What’s happening to me?


  40. Neal R
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    MW – She is not looking at me, nope, she is enjoying the sight of the assassin with a huge knife approaching behind my right shoulder. The bliss she will feel (you do know what I mean) when my blood is gushing to the ceiling makes her almost cringe with delight.

  41. Anonymous
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @Gloom Raider (#8): Yeah, when she finds Mark and the KeWelke together perhaps she’ll move in with Ben Gay – now that would kick this comic up a notch.

  42. John N
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    How many legs does the girl in Family Circus have, looks like 3 to me.

  43. Neal R
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Plug em. At least the TV has some wires, but is that an Atari on top?

  44. LoFoMoFo
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary is also not afraid of grabbing Jeff’s device and inserting it where he will have no chance of reading it.

  45. Bill Thompson
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Pighorn: Like death isn’t annoying enough already.

  46. Calico
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#11):
    Wearing it? I think he’s going to find it being shoved up his ass in due time.

  47. teenchy
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Of course Mary’s not afraid; she just got her lower lip pierced.

  48. ScienceGiant
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @The Spectacular Spider-Brick (#31): Dude, Darthfield without Darthfield is HILARIOUS!

  49. Calico
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @LoFoMoFo (#44):
    Haha, I didn’t see your post!
    Great minds, tips, veal, waitress, etc.

  50. Rob
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    A3G- Well if I was going to sell it to a total stranger of course I would have to tear it down and rebuild something of a higher quality, but for you a run down unsafe house is just fine, lets move in.

    Archie- I was going to mention the absurdity of a student studying while in a mascot uniform but then I realized I’m accepting someone studying while wearing a crown to be perfectly acceptable.

    Better Half- Why is he eating a bowl full of eggs?

    Curtis- Not sure I’d want to take on a bully who could rip the door right off your locker.

    DM- hehe, I love the punishment of not just having dennis sit in the corner but putting him in a rocking chair so that if he even moves he’ll smack his head on the wall

    Dilbert- Not sure which is the more annoying side effect of 9/11, the increased airport security or thousands of repeated jokes about airport security.

    Gil Thorp- We’re all going to ignore that lini has demon eyes in panel three right, I think its the safest thing to do.

    HH- because who doesn’t set a table for one with a giant watermellon.

    MW- Ohh the irony, trying to repeat I’m not afraid while being terrified of the look she is giving.

    PBS- Nope you just poked him lower then the belly

    Plugger- You know your a plugger if you have to sit so close to the tv that you move your legs to the side of the tv stand.

    SlyFox- Wait your showed me how to draw all the easy stuff but how do I draw the puddle of piss the beaver is sitting in.

    SM- Yes if you wake up and can’t remember last night and think you might have ridden the mole man’s giant worm, you should go to the nearest hospital.

  51. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    crap. post-jumped, badly.

    off to search for squee.

  52. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#16):

    Interesting how “life” imitates art. The commercial I’ve seen for Harry’s Law — Kathy Bates’ new lawyer series on NBC — shows the title character being broadsided (no pun intended) by a car and knocked unconscious. The fact that the rest of the commercial has Bates’ character walking around like nothing ever happened is totally unrealistic. Which is why I predict Jackie Thornton, like Harry Korn, will soon “bounce” back from her close encounter with several tons of steel and glass!

  53. terrapin
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    MW: Watch it Dr Jeff. From the look on Mary’s face I’d guess she’s already decided the fate of your reading device and is just wondering which orifice would suit it best.

    FC: Hey Keane! Know what would make this scene look more like winter? Some snow!

    BB: I love that the dog in the upper right of Otto’s thought bubble is pooping a tennis ball into the toilet.

    FW: Yeah, it’s just like that.

  54. Dennis Jimenez
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @Neal R (#43): I’m guessing it’s Telestar Pong….

  55. Speshul K
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Oh…my…god. Whenever I hear someone say, “She has legs up to here” I’m now going to think of … Dolly.

  56. Dood
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Wouldn’t most male retired pluggers just kind of hibernate through the winter?

  57. q 3
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    I’m glad to see Mary has finally kicked her drug habit.

  58. Esther Blodgett
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Today in Mary Worth…oh, snap, it’s ON!

  59. Corporal Agarn
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    Pluggers – Every day is a snow day for Pluggers because they have yet to convert their analog TVs to digital.

  60. Mustang
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    FC — I don’t know what kind of horror has caused Dolly and Jeffy to flee in haste from the Keene ranchette, but not only, as others have mentioned, has Jeffy tied something non-hat like on his head (the arm protector from the La-Z-Boy?) but Dolly has put her stirrup pants on over her shoes. That’s right, Dolly — the tree keeps its clothes at all times on so it can make a quick escape when its mommy starts screaming out bible scripture and chasing the kids around with a hairbrush and a vacuum hose.

  61. Maggie the Cat
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Thank God the band mom saved the day and the dumbass kid will have his trumpet after all. I could hardly sleep last night for worry.

  62. Matt
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    I’m betting today’s Pluggers star is a hardcore tea party supporter.

  63. commodorejohn
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @The Spectacular Spider-Brick (#31): Gah, “Ellington” looks like it stepped right out of a bas-relief from some eldritch temple in the frozen wastes of the Antarctic. Its eyes stare into me without even looking in my direction, that’s how unnerving it is.

    …not gonna be sleeping tonight…

  64. anty a
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    MW: This whole absurd, droning week of Jeff refusing to take no for an answer regarding a “reading device,” and using every manipulation tactic in the book (pun intended), becomes at least faintly more entertaining when viewed as a metaphor for unwanted sexual advances. Normally this would disturb me, but Mary is such a formidable opponent that I can only look forward to finding out which of Jeff’s orifices is going to be the “device’s” new home tomorrow.

  65. DownWithOPP
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    OK, so that’s clearly not a Plugger, because when the hell did Pluggers start using fancy-Dan cable boxes and big-time-Charlie remote boxes? Pluggers use rabbit ears and believe that remote controls shoot lasers that could take out an eye. Fucking frauds.

  66. MapDark
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    The full strip is hilarious though.

    You get Jeff shamelessly insulting Mary by calling her a luddite XD

    “Suit yourself , your luddite self”

    Watch out Jeff , your kindle will end up where the sun doesn’t shine!

  67. Esther Blodgett
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    FW: I don’t understand why a band member forgetting his instrument would cause Becky to turn into Doctor Who, but OK.

    DT: “I can talk better without these chains…hey, this shirt is chafing me…oh man, now my PANTS are chafing me.”

    PBS: That is, of course, why we can never allow genetically-modified dough to roam free in the real world.

  68. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    Seth-based giggles.

    a response to the current MW kindleyawnfest.

    Lab pup. ’nuff said.

    for True Fable.

    hovercorgi comes around for another pass.


  69. terrapin
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:06 am [Reply]

  70. TheDiva
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    9CL: Oh please, Seth, Roger is hardly the first person in the world to call his spouse his “best friend.” Hell, I watch Wheel of Fortune and nine times out of ten at least one of the contestants will say “I’ve been married x years to my best friend, So-and-So…” I’m not particularly fond of the practice myself, but I don’t think everyone who employs it is a terminally repressed homosexual.

    FW: Wait, wait…is that supposed to be Owen’s mother? If she’s Band Mom Extraordinaire, how come she didn’t make sure he had his trumpet when he left the house? Even allowing for that she still comes off as more competent and likable than Becky, which is really sad.

    MW: I wonder if this plot is meant as a rebuttal to all of us who mocked the technophobia implicit in the and Ted Confey affairs. Mary wants it to be known that she’s not afraid of technology, not by any means. It’s just that the old way of doing something is always best. Always.

    Pluggers: He’ll care very much when he hears the local fast-food restaurants and liquor stores are shut down.

    SM: See? By Brooke McEldowney’s logic, this makes May a lesbian.

  71. greghousesgf
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    why does Dolly appear to be sporting a pair of Muppet testicles on the top of her misshapen head?

  72. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    9 – “We’ve already established what you are, Roger. Now we’re just haggling over the price.” You know, this strip is annoying and pretentious sometimes, but lately, it’s downright disgusting.

    Beetle – I can look forward to my eventual demise with the peace of mind that comes from knowing that Otto thinks about a dog wearing four garters displaying its hindquarters.

  73. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    Dennis – “…an’ please strike Mom down an’ smite her with many boils. Thanks. Amen.”

    Dick – Yeah, Italians and mass murderers really talk with their hands, man!

  74. Maggie the Cat
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    I am LOLing at y#281.

  75. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    Mark – I love how far this storyline has gotten on simple confusion between “fishing” and “fisting.”

    Mary – Dr. Jeff wants to make damn sure Mary won’t ever look at his Nookle before he starts loading it up with stroke books.

  76. Pseudo3D
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    9CL: Who writes this crap?

    A3-G: “Wouldn’t you to know.”

    DT: Who writes this crap?

    MT: Wait, so meanwhile, Mark Trail with a perm walks into an office and asks about Mark? I’m confused.

    MW: This is what TV shows call “filler”.

  77. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Momma – She must have looked a long time to find a chair that was too small for her miniscule, shriveled frame just so she could suffer being too big for it. In her own goddamn house.

    @Rob (#50): I was going to mention the absurdity of a student studying while in a mascot uniform but then I realized I’m accepting someone studying while wearing a crown to be perfectly acceptable.
    You have to remember that back in the 60s, Jughead ingested a whole lot of Imperial Margarine, and the crown pretty much became permanent.

  78. bad wolf
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    Hey Pluggers: No one’s coming to feed you!

  79. Comcis Fan
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @Rachel (#14): Hilarious!

  80. True Fable
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    I want a tee shirt of today’s final Mary Worth panel with Jeff saying “Suit yourself… your Luddite self.” That is Just. So. Fucking. AWESOME.

  81. Esther Blodgett
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    I can’t snark on Pluggers, because my retired parents react to winter storms the exact same way. And if my parents are Pluggers, then what does that make me? Oh, God, what does that make me?

  82. Esther Blodgett
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]

  83. Jim North
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    A3G: “What other option is there, Paul?” “Well, I could live there as a squatter, scaring neighborhood children with my insane rantings and flagrant disregard for personal hygiene. But nah . . . that’s just a silly pipe dream.”

    Archie: “Why do we have to learn like this? With the ever-watchful eye of Big Mascot gazing upon us, judging our every move, our every word, our every thought? Why can’t we be free of his unceasing polymascotfomalate stare?!” “Ssssshh! Dude! He can totally hear you!

    Crank: “Extra batteries for the TV remote! And in a pinch, they can be used for my pace- urk! My pacemak- ARGH! Quick, help me get these damn things open!”

    JP: “Is she alive?” “Nobody knows yet . . . it happened about 30 minutes ago, and as everyone who is aware of even the slightest thing about medicine or biology knows, it takes at least 45 minutes to determine whether someone is living or not!”

    MT: “He should be on the boat dock!” “Thanks!” “He’s down there with Kelly Welly!” “Uh, okay!” “I saw them talking with each other!” “Alright, that’s enough!” “I think Mark may be cheating on you with her!” “Dammit all to hell!

    S-M: “Not till — I say farewell . . . to my dear, dear friend — gimme some sugar, baby . . . OM NOM NOM NOM SLURP GLOM AHLAHLAHLAHL NOM” “Would you look at that! Mole Man is actually sucking all of the Spelunker’s Lung straight out of May and into himself where it can disperse harmlessly! The wedding is back on!

  84. Shawn S.
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    @John N (#42):

    I can’t believe I didn’t notice this! Yes, it appears Dolly has grown a third leg.

  85. Corporal Agarn
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @Jim North (#83): S-M – In “The Green Mile” this was interesting. But what you describe in “Spider-Man” is sort of yeech producing. Good job.

  86. Mr. Goboto
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns: I’m gonna try that line out next time I bring home two hookers.

    MT: “Can’t you see the sign on the clubhouse, Kelly? ‘No girlz allowed!’ Nyaah!”

    MW: Oh no you didn’t, Jeff! Comparing Mary to a rabble-rousing, proto-proletarian populist like Ned Ludd? You might as well call her Satan’s Whore while you’re at it. It doesn’t metter if you’ve never shared a bed with Mary; you’re sleeping on the couch tonight, bub!

    Phantom: I wonder how many African terrorists/criminals go for the 80s movie villain ponytail as part of there look. Seems to me maintaining your conk in that humidity is more trouble than it’s worth.

  87. Jim North
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @Corporal Agarn (#85): Mission accomplished!

  88. bats :[
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    We haven’t had a good spat like this since Mary was dating that moribund old lady’s son who didn’t like the Bum Boat (the moribund old lady NOT being Mary Worth)!

  89. Mr. Goboto
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Mandrake: Hector reminds me of 80% of the gamers I see at Historicon. “I only failed that last morale check and my general is still alive, so it doesn’t matter if you out-manuevered, out-played, and out-gunned me! It’s a tie! It’s a tie! I’m gonna tell the organizers about you! But first I need to get another three liters of Mountain Dew!” Compliments on the verisimilitude to whoever writes Mandrake these days.

  90. bats :[
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    @DumbBlone (#26): Ron Amalfi! Well done! (Then again, my memory is like a sieve.)

  91. Mibbitmaker
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    DT: The tape loop continues. wrrr– *click* — The tape loop continues. wrrrr….

    HotC: THOSE AREN’T THE CLASSICS! potrzebie is a classic! Furshlugginer is a classic! The MAD Zeppelin is a classic! AXOLOTL is a classic! Osszefogva is…. (tuning out. This may take a while…)

    Phantom: Talking to a cross-dresser is apparently one of the options.

  92. Little Guy
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Okay, so in essence, Mole Man takes Aunt May down below and then back up to the surface, with a preempted wedding in the middle and a bunch of fights interspersed.


    I hate to say it, but that more action in the same time period as Mark Trail and more logical plot line than 9CL.

    Candorville: This whole custody “he isn’t really crazy” plotline needs a Robert Pirsig cameo.

  93. Mibbitmaker
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    S4th: I hope that, if robots take over the world, they’ll still mock movies (and be talk show skeleton sidekicks!)


    Let’s see if the commentary on HotC has concluded yet…

    …MICKEY BITSKO is a classic! VEEBLEFETZER is a classic! ARTHUR the AVOCADO is a classic! IT’S CRACKERS TO SLIP A[snip]

    Nope. No surprise, really…

  94. Mustang
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @DumbBlone (#38): Re: MW: I think you are spot on. I often reflect that the way to stop teenage pregnancies immediately would be as simple as airing a series of public service announcements featuring people over forty talking about how much they enjoy sex.

  95. Uncle Lumpy
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#91):

    DT: The tape loop continues. wrrr– *click* — The tape loop continues. wrrrr….

    Tape loop, ha: it’s a 78! Dick Tracy: Kill you so wet!

  96. Scott Bot
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    Archie – Big Mascot is watching you.

  97. Neal R
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#81): Pluggers, like yer folks, and me, don’t sweat storms, we all have whole house generators and an extra freezer of food in the garage.

  98. bats :[
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#90): again, I am in awe. Who could forget such good times?

  99. Neal R
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#90): Oh Bats, the line is ‘like a stainless steel sieve’. A rusty one might actually trap something.

  100. Neal R
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @Neal R (#40): Look a little closer! There are FOUR! Two facing each way.

  101. Neal R
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    FC – Billy actually has a knotted kerchief on. His brain hurts!

  102. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    A3G — I gotta say it… I like Lu Anne’s new hairstyle.

  103. Scott Bot
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @Neal R (#101): What brain?

  104. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    Soup to Nutz — A pundit was originally a learned person in India (specifically a Brahman) who was an expert on Sanskrit and Hindu philosophy, law and religion. I hate that the term has come to include the dozens of self-styled “experts” currently polluting the air waves!

  105. Katy
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @monkeyboy (#33): you are a genius.

  106. Chip
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    JP: “The Terminator” is FINE! She stopped only long enough to ruin the bus driver’s marriage! And those of the police officer and paramedic who showed up… odd since the police officer was a woman!

  107. gnome de blog
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#36):

    SF – Are we sure Nona isn’t actually Ted in drag?

    Are we sure Ted isn’t actually Ted in drag?

  108. Gal Friday
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#30): Backwards! Ah . . .

    It would be cool to put all the current DT “Mordred” strips in a flip book–then we could see if things basically stayed in one place or moved backwards.

  109. commodorejohn
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

  110. Chip
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Anon@#21: Pantry stocked? Check. Internet? Che…*BLINK* Oh, crap!

  111. A different JD
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman: “The Broadway District.” Oh, yeah, that’s how real New Yorkers talk. Not “Broadway,” not “the Theatre District,” but “The Broadway District.”

    What next, taking a “Metro Train” up to “The Centrally Located Park”?

  112. Chip
    January 28th, 2011 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    As I predicted yesterday, Spidey and his band of … of … friends? relatives? Well-wishers?… anyway, they’ve been deposited right back on the street from whence they came, leaving the Fantastic Four’s jet-car-rocket-sled-hovercraft thingy sitting on an island in the Bermuda Triangle. Now poor Thing is going to have to enlist the help of Iron Man to go get it, as Spiderman sure as hell can’t web-swing over the Atlantic!

    And while he’s been helping Spiderman, poor Human Torch has been killed off…

  113. Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer
    January 28th, 2011 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    Fucking thank you. But a Kelly Welly episode really deserves a daily update, if not more. “Just tell me what to do”! Poor Kelly! If she really thinks that a line like that is going to get a “rise” out of Mark, well, she’s got to be dumber than Mark. But she never quits! That’s what makes her great!

  114. Mibbitmaker
    January 28th, 2011 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    ***HotC Comment Update***

    It looks like the marathon comment is nearing an end at last. Really, that’s alot of stuff from someone who rarely looks at the old MADs anymore. Still, the inclusion of the endings of “Mickey Rodent” and “Clodumbo” in the list was a classy move. …Okay, looks like it’s nearly upon us…..

    …was a classic! HOWEVER — “Max Korn” is not a classic! That one was pretty lame, really. And gross-out body function gags are definately not classics, Dean!


  115. Mr. Goboto
    January 28th, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Non-snark on Mary Worth: I’m somewhat sympathetic to Mary and her annoyance at Jeff making a issue out of a total non-issue, but at the same time, Mary needs to realize that Jeff wouldn’t be razzing her if she didn’t come off as such a goody-goody. When you present yourself to the world as a fount of perfect wisdom and propriety, folks are going to pick on every perceived flaw, however minor or nonexistent, just to reassure themselves that you’re human and relatable. I sincerely hope that Karen Moy is using this so-called plot to make Mary realize that presenting oneself as flawless is itself a character flaw and thereby give Mary a greater degree of self-awareness and genuine humility.

  116. Scott Bot
    January 28th, 2011 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @Gal Friday (#108): That would be fairly easy – all you would need are four panels. One with Sam saying ‘There’s a huge storm out there, all communications are out,’ one with the Chief saying ‘Dick is in terrible danger,’ one with Dick saying ‘Modred, you’re inhuman scum,’ and one with Modred saying ‘Take off my chains, I’m going to kill you.’ Add a couple stock shots of the granary in the storm, and you have Dick Tracy for the past three months.

  117. Jim North
    January 28th, 2011 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#30): Wait . . . wait . . . I just realized . . . if time in Dick Tracy is actually moving backwards, then we are actively receding from the point where the new creative team will take over!


  118. Rob
    January 28th, 2011 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    We’ve seen Mary Worth interfere in relationships between people plenty of times, I’m not sure we’ve seen her interfere in a relationship between a person and an inanimate object, this should be good (and by good I mean boring and by no mean interesting)

  119. yaoi huntress earth
    January 28th, 2011 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    9CWL: Congradulations, Seth. You’re now the worst character in this series. At least you know where you stand with the women.

  120. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 28th, 2011 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Dolly looks like The Fly, facing us. “Help meeeeee.”

    @Mibbitmaker (#114): Actually, the works of Al Jaffee, in particular, seem to show some interest in gross-out bodily functions. Except for the jackal retching (which was illustrated, but not written, by Jaffee), they usually weren’t shown in detail.

    @Scott Bot (#116): I say do it in two. Sam and the Chief in panel one, and panel two could be an outside shot of the granary in the rain(-ary, tra la) with speech balloons. That also allows enough room to add “Ha ho!” to Mordred’s dialog.

  121. graypark
    January 28th, 2011 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    I’m too lazy to look through all 100+ previous comments, but did anyone else notice Dolly’s pink tripod of three legs?

  122. Jim North
    January 28th, 2011 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    “Jeff, you have to understand that too much technology can be dehumanizing, and that in the end, you need to set your digital reading thing aside to find joy in the simple things in life. Your over-dependence on your relationship with this device isn’t healthy.”

    “Well, Mary, are you sure it isn’t actually you who needs to understand that technology is not something to spurn just because you feel contrary, and that in many cases it can improve your quality of life without requiring a sacrifice of your own humanity?”

    “No, Jeff, I’m pretty sure that this strip is still named after me, so I don’t have to understand anything. Now throw that damn thing away already.”

  123. Scott Bot
    January 28th, 2011 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    I’m a tad confused by the reaction of the Plugger to the weather report, especially considering where the suggestion came from. I have friends that live in this general area of the country, and calmly sitting around and chuckling while a major snowstorm is about to arrive is not the typical reaction of someone who lives in Richmond, Virginia. Unless he’s already gone to the store to stock up on his emergency supply of milk, bread and beer…

  124. Baka Gaijin
    January 28th, 2011 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    Damn, Dolly does look like an immature minotaur. That hat doesn’t help.

  125. Scott Bot
    January 28th, 2011 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#120): I say do it in two. Sam and the Chief in panel one, and panel two could be an outside shot of the granary in the rain(-ary, tra la) with speech balloons. That also allows enough room to add “Ha ho!” to Mordred’s dialog.

    This could very easily be part of a conversation between Dick Locher and Jim Brozman.

  126. MaryAnnTheRest
    January 28th, 2011 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: It’s reassuring to realize that dogs think of, in this order of importance: 1) the human femur; 2) firefighting; 3) the invention of fuzzy slippers for dogs; 4) live bats; 5) army rations; 6) throwing their owners’ possessions in the toilet; and 7) didn’t garbage cans look different in the 70s? I had no idea dogs were that intelligent.

    As for MW, I will have a very difficult time today NOT working “Suit your luddite self” into conversation.

  127. k#
    January 28th, 2011 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    MW: Mary is *not* afraid. She knows that using a Kindle is the first step on that slippery slope to an Internet porn addiction. But afraid? Nosiree.

  128. Baka Gaijin
    January 28th, 2011 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Is that the “Marvin” of the furries set?

  129. bunivasal
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    So…. who else is waiting for the Mary Worth adult illiteracy story arc?

  130. Mr. Goboto
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Now where have we heard that anti-technology ranting before, Mary? Now I remember! We’re on to you, Mary!

  131. bunivasal
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    Also, while everyone’s doing it:

    “One more smug comment, Dr. Jeff, and the E in “e-reader” will stand for enema.”

  132. Corporal Agarn
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @bunivasal (#131): Good. A multipurpose tool. Most efficient.

  133. Stroker Ace
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers – Retired Pluggers residing in warm climates see The Weather Channel as Comedy Central. ‘Ha! Ha! Freeze suckers!’.

  134. new_squid_in_town
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    MW: And then one morning, Dr Jeff will come down to breakfast and find Mary crouched in a corner giggling inanely about not being “afear’d of Satan’s shiny portal”, and his beloved reading device battered and fried on his plate.

    MT: Let the synchronized Cherry/Kelly and Mark/Ben punchfest commence. Has Mark ever punched a fellow’s cravat off before?

  135. Jim North
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @new_squid_in_town (#134): RE MT + Punching Cravats: “I-I’m sorry. You’ll have to forgive me. This is my first time . . . “

  136. Pseudo3D
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#76): Whoops, that should be

    A3G: “Wouldn’t you like to know”

  137. Mibbitmaker
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#120): Yeah, it’s not like MAD’s been lacking in that dept. all this time, including some of Will Elder’s stuff, not to mention the cover of #1!

    And how can we forget Jaffee’s “Motorist’s Guide to Wildlife” in 1973? Really, I’d like to know! PLEASE!! ;o)

  138. ElkMeadow
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Um, Mary, go ahead, take the device and when Jeff is out of the room, pour some coffee on it. That’ll teach him about calling you a Luddite. And Jeff, accidental water damage voids the warranty on it, just to remind you.

    And Dex has already done his damage.

  139. Écureuil Écumant
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    MW: She’s not afraid! Why should she be afraid! Why should she be afraid! Why should she be afraid! Why should she be afraid! Why should she be afraid! And who the hell sez she shoulda knocked off and gone ta bed three mugs of Potato-Ade ago!

  140. Marion Delgado
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    Mr. Goboto criticizes family comic strips using words like “bring home two hookers,” “‘No girlz allowed! Nyaah!”, “rabble-rousing,” “Satan’s Whore,” and “terrorists/criminals.”

    :( FEAR <=|=|=|=|=|=|= O =|=|=|=|=|=|=> LOVE ? ?

    Where is Mr. Goboto?

  141. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Josh (#39): What, you don’t have a spreadsheet for each comic, listing all the characters and the dates of their appearance? I’m disappointed.

    @Scott Bot (#123): I agree. Richmond, Virginia, is not exactly the Snow Capital of the World. On the other hand, when it does snow, they do tend to react quite strongly.

    (I’d say overreact, but the poor things don’t have much in the way of snow-clearing equipment, so couple of inches there is more of a pain than it would be elsewhere.)

  142. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    I just realized that Dolly’s head looks like a fish, with little pompom fins on top and a ponytail tail.

  143. trey le parc
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    MW: Of course, Mary Worth has no fear. She has a jacked up 4X4 in her garage with a decal proudly proclaiming her lack of fear. She also has a decal of Calvin pissing on a Ford logo. Late at night she secretly farms the lawns of her rivals, a gesture so out of character that nobody, NOBODY, suspects Mary Worth. Santa Royale’s chief of police thinks it’s the work of a chilanga girl gang recently spotted roaming the mall. And you thought you knew Mary Worth.

    By the way, what’s with Dr. Jeff’s suddenly prognathous lower jaw?

  144. Calico
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Goboto (#130):
    Oh man that is so wrong…but the hoodie works on her, fashion-wise.

    Oh, and Josh wrote “Just print out multiple copies of this Mary Worth panel and tape them up pretty much everywhere.”
    Great idea…but howzabout a T-Shirt too?

  145. Calico
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#137):
    I think I remember that one.
    Turtles – thup thup thup thup
    Snake – Squissssshhhhhhhhh (with nauseated driver)

  146. Dood
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    Mary’s just channeling Jim Morrison and The Doors’ “Touch Me” over her refreshing cup of coffee and tête-à-tête with Dr. Jeff.

  147. Baka Gaijin
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    Looking again at the Mary Worth panel at the top of this post, I just realized Mary’s face isn’t warped like a Picasso, her face fits her head, and her head is approximately the shape of a human noggin. Too bad she has 5 fingers shoved into the mug’s handle.

  148. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    When we were taxing her patience, my mom used to tell us, “You’re cruisin’ for a bruisin’.” Well, reading today’s Mary Worth, I couldn’t help but hear my mom’s words again. Dr. Jeff is cruisin’ for the mother of all bruisin’s. But when Mary Worth bruises you, the injury is soul-searing, psyche-scarring, manhood-minimizing. Dr. Jeff, give it a rest; recruiting Mary to your new electronic-reading cult just isn’t worth (ha!) the punishment you’re risking: listening to endless recitations of successful meddlesessions from the past; self-congratulatory meals at the Bum Boat, dining on pureed scampi and drinking Kool-Aid wine; servicing Mary’s sexual needs, which involve a great deal of “advice on how to do that better.”

    . . . That’s probably your life right now, isn’t it? Um, sorry. Seriously.

  149. Corporal Agarn
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    Funky – Why do I have the feeling that Band Mom’s husband is going to have a horrific accident on the way to the performance hall?

  150. Mooncattie
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    A3G “What other option? Why, a mausoleum, Luann! A mausoleum for a red-head, a brunette, and a blonde. But the blonde has to be first, Luann. The blonde has to be first!

    MW – It’s the height of rudeness to have someone over for tea, then to just sit down and start reading a book. But Mary Worth isn’t concerned with that. Oh no, it’s the hint of the 21st century creeping into a character’s lifestyle that’s the problem here. Toeby’s online shopping, Wilbur’s social networking, and now Jeff’s reading device – and it always ends badly. The Doctor will capitulate, of course. He always does. Next up: the scandal of Anesthetics arriving at the hospital!

  151. Baka Gaijin
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#148): And all this time I thought Mary to be a wang shriveler.

  152. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2011 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @trey le parc (#143): She secretly raises crops on her neighbours’ lawns? Not that I can’t picture Mary meddling with a hoe, but is stealth beet-planting really a thing?

  153. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2011 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    for Poteet and other fans of nature. (and ferrets!)

  154. Scott Bot
    January 28th, 2011 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#152): …meddling with a hoe

    Oh, you mean a GARDEN hoe. I thought maybe there was going to be a story arc where Mary meddles in the life of a prostitute.

    At least it would be more interesting than what’s happening now.

  155. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 28th, 2011 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Josh said it all, pretty much.

    Phantom: The caption in the second panel seems all wrong, but I guess “Maybe he’s buying drinks for an old Tina Turner impersonator and won’t find out until later that she’s a he,” wouldn’t have fit.

    9CL: Gayry Worth notches up a successful meddle. Time for another Juilliard pool party.

    SFx: Somebody better change that beaver tot. It just Marvined itself.

    DT: The chains aren’t wrapped around your tongue, asshole.

    JP: It’s kind of hard to “chill” when you hear that someone you were supposed to meet has just been hit by a bus and may or may not be alive. Unless you’re totally self-absorbed and don’t really acknowledge other people. Oh hi, Sam.

    Shoe: Loon, you need a picture of your boss with an underage girl. There’s other places to get that kind of insurance.

    SSmith: Those are takeout menus from the Big City, ladies. And really, you’ve never heard of General Tzo?

    Lockhorns: The brunette cheerleader is completely lacking in eyes. This makes it much more believable that she followed Leroy home. The blonde must have astigmatism.

    S-M: Hey Spidey, now that this whole mess has wrapped up, any chance you’ll actually take Aunt May inside the hospital? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

  156. Oregonian
    January 28th, 2011 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    The middle panel of today’s Phantom must have been included as Curmudgeon bait. There’s just no other rational explanation.

  157. Calico
    January 28th, 2011 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Corporal Agarn (#149):
    And don’t you know they’ll still be more concerned about the damned trumpet.

  158. Biiirdmaaan
    January 28th, 2011 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: So the joke is that dogs think about pretty much what one would expect them to think about? I don’t get it. I guess it must be a meta Andy Kaufman-esque joke about audience expectations in the comics medium, i.e. if you expect humor content in Beetle Bailey, the joke’s on you.

  159. Bill Thompson
    January 28th, 2011 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Corporal Agarn (#149): That horrific accident could be a good thing in the Funkyverse. The guy could die and his left arm could be grafted onto what’s-her-name. Then all sorts of people could suffer each time they saw the band leader with her donated arm, and she could feel guilty over having not doublechecked that the kid had his instrument. After that she could undergo tissue rejection and lose the arm after all. It’s pure win for Batiuk, except for the part where he couldn’t blame cancer.

  160. Mr. Goboto
    January 28th, 2011 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @Bill Thompson (#159): I’m not sure. The left arm could have that contagious cancer scientists discovered in Tasmania.

  161. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 28th, 2011 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Bill Thompson (#159): Unless the tissue rejection came from a form of cancer…

  162. Biiirdmaaan
    January 28th, 2011 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#161): Then later it will be revealed that the arm wasn’t removed before it had metastasized and spread throughout her body.

  163. Chip Whittle
    January 28th, 2011 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: “Hey, somebody broke into my locker! I can tell from several feet away with the locker behind me! I just feel very strongly I somehow know my locker was broken into!”

    Gasoline Alley: I’m suspecting now that Walt Wallet just goes making up names for his Family Tree to drive crazy these lunkheads trying to figure it out. I know that’s what I’d do.

    Hagar the Horrible: Do you suppose the tax collector just saw the watermelon as a convenient thing to stick the knife in, or did he bring a watermelon just in case? If there wasn’t anything to jab the knife in, would he have not left a message? I’ve now thought about the joke longer than Walker-Browne Amalgamated has, and now, so have you.

    Phantom: “Maybe he’s got a girlfriend!” “Yeah, or something happened to him!” Just pointing out, these fates are not mutually exclusive.

    Sally Forth: Wait, I missed the one where Ted Forth got turned into a teenage girl. How’d that happen?

  164. Dood
    January 28th, 2011 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#147): It looks like Mary and Dr. Jeff swapped hands. Or has Mary always had man-hands?

  165. Scott Bot
    January 28th, 2011 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    JP – Jackie Thornton got run over by a bus? Wow, I didn’t know Ed Crankshaft’s bus rout extended that far…

  166. commodorejohn
    January 28th, 2011 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#163): Wait, I missed the one where Ted Forth got turned into a teenage girl. How’d that happen?
    Soooo many possible answers…and no good way to choose between them! Dilemma!

  167. Dood
    January 28th, 2011 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#164): You don’t suppose hand-swapping is how Mary and Jeff, uhm, do it, in sort of a twisted 9 Chickweed Lane variant?

  168. trey le parc
    January 28th, 2011 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @trey le parc (#143): She secretly raises crops on her neighbours’ lawns? Not that I can’t picture Mary meddling with a hoe, but is stealth beet-planting really a thing?

    Waaaaay back in the 70s, if someone transgressed against me, a teen with inadequacy issues and raging hormones, my favorite retaliation was to drive across their front yard and rip up large chunks of sod, thus “farming” their yard. I’ve grown up considerably; I have a Bobcat now.

  169. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2011 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

  170. Hasty Penguin
    January 28th, 2011 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    The terrorists in today’s Phantom are currently holed up in 3G? If Phantom is playing with comic strip realities, A3G has one exciting plot line coming up!

    Also, that thought bubble in the second panel is probably as close to sexual contact as anyone in A3G has ever been.

  171. Snuggs
    January 28th, 2011 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    By “snow day”, they obviously mean that retired pluggers inhale unprecedented amounts of cocaine every day, which would explain why this specimen is sitting 12 inches from the tv set, having a heated argument with the weatherman.

  172. Baka Gaijin
    January 28th, 2011 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#164): Man-hands? No, they’re real and they’re spectacular!

    @trey le parc (#168): You have a Bobcat? White with a black and red trim? I am so in awe.

  173. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2011 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    you can haz sleepeh otterz? (big pic)

  174. Not Worth It
    January 28th, 2011 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @DownWithOPP (#65): Sadly, since the change to digital pluggers (and luddites like me) can no longer get reception through the rabbit ears on their 1990s-era 10″ TV, but require a converter box to interpret the signal, which then comes in erratically and with large coverage gaps. For this reason, many pluggers I know have thrown in the towel and gotten those fancy cable boxes so they can watch the local weather for $60/month. My system is to watch what I can still get, and make funny guesses as to what might be happening during the “signal lost” moments, but I’m not a plugger.

  175. ElkMeadow
    January 28th, 2011 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Family Tree outshines all other strips with its bittersweet reality.

  176. Rob
    January 28th, 2011 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Hmm, this e-reader is telling me that I may have had a child out of wedlock some years ago, that seems odd.

  177. Joe Blevins
    January 28th, 2011 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

  178. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2011 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#175): I had tried to forget just how ugly the art was in FT. *shudders*

  179. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 28th, 2011 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @Not Worth It (#174): You can’t be a true boonies-plugger without a roof-mounted Yagi antenna anyway.

  180. SF_Reader
    January 28th, 2011 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    MW – What a hoot! The grin on Jeff’s face as he likens Mary to violent reactionaries while she stews. Will she destroy his “E-BOOK READER” because she’s threatened by technology?
    What would make this story even hootier is if Jeff broke up with Mary and starting dating someone his daughter’s age and Mary had to start going to the Bum Boat with a plugger, particularly the rhino man.

  181. DumbBlone
    January 28th, 2011 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    To set the scene: I’m snowed in and work is really slow, so I hit joshreads again – but I couldn’t remember where I left off so I started reading the comments in reverse order. After being cheered by much hilarity & otters & ferrets & corgis & etc., I worked my way back to (#90) and was pleased to discover that regular contributor bats:[ was kind enough to thank me for recalling Ron Amalfi’s name (and then #98 perfectly rendered the ensuing scene exactly as I had dreamed it would occur, thank you bats :[!) And I thought to myself: “Hmmm. bats :[ is a regular contributor to this site, and is pretty darn sharp. And I’m usually pretty dull. Well, that is just a fluke.”

    And then I got to to @Josh (#39) … and my heart sank into my stomach… and my nascent pride collapsed into a sense of foreboding.

    If even a professional, our gracious host, Josh himself – Josh, with-a-memory-so-prodigious-he-has-competed-on-Jeopardy – Josh, who-knows-that-Jeremy-on-Zits-has-an-obscure-older-brother-named-Chad, for crissakes – if even Josh has wisely chosen to allocate the portion of his brain that would be used to remember the name “Ron Amalfi” for other, more noble purposes… what does that say about me? Seriously. Why can I instantly summon the name of a minor Mary Worth character from the previous decade?

    It’s not like I can recite the value of pi to the 1,000th decimal place or anything. On most topics my memory is depressingly subpar: I look up words in the dictionary, only to find them *already underlined, with a note in my own handwriting.* I regularly set off to races only to find myself arriving *without my good running shoes.* I get a new cell phone and *I can’t remember my own number.*

    Then it began to dawn on me… clearly, there is a causal relationship between these two phenomena (i.e. my unbidden recall of minor soap strip characters –> my increasing forgetfulness in my daily life). The only possible explanation is that the overlords at the newspaper syndicates, desperate to retain market share, have been gradually rewiring all my neural connections and replacing my actual memories with fabricated memories from Rex Morgan, M.D. and Mary Worth.

    This can only end badly.

    In a few months, I will find myself sitting in the corner of some institution, rocking back and forth, incoherently mumbling the names of minor soap strip characters (interspersed with the secret messages sent to me via Jumble clues), chuckling to myself:

    Tweaks. Vera. DAYMAL. Cue. Sean Finnery. VEFER. Toots. Charley. ELASPE “J. Elhew Bisbee, at your service.” “Oh no! Silly is not the look I’m going for.” PELH EM

    As instructed, I have duly clipped out today’s fearless Mary Worth panel and placed it prominently throughout my home.

    Because now I am afraid. I am very afraid. Help me Mary. Help me not be afraid.

  182. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 28th, 2011 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    The Knight Life — This is ironic coming from a guy who doesn’t have arms half the time! (According to Keef, he HATES drawing arms on his characters!)

    Arlo & Janis — If she lived in the 30th century, Janis would be eligible to join the Legion of Substitute Heroes as “Prehensile Toe Girl”!

  183. Rob
    January 28th, 2011 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    I had to actually go back and check and I can’t believe this e-reader thing in Mary Worth took up a whole week. No drama, no story, just one person saying e-readers are neat and another saying no thanks I prefer books over and over for a whole week.


  184. tb4000
    January 28th, 2011 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    MW: If no one changes the text in Mary’s word bubble to “I ain’t scurred”, it will be a crime against humanity.

  185. Neal R
    January 28th, 2011 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

  186. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 28th, 2011 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    Alley Oop — Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown!

    Tom the Dancing Bug — Parodies of Marmaduke, The Lockhorns and Garfield!

  187. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2011 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#182): y’know, I clean forgot to include a “yowza!” in regards to A&J today. Thanks for reminding me.

  188. Bill Thompson
    January 28th, 2011 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Goboto (#160): (plus Al of the CSJP and Biiirdmaaan) Of course! The cancer spreads with an aggression matched only by the way Les More writes and markets a book about the tragedy, then seduces several women. How could I miss anything so plain, so obvious, so Batiukian? Forgive me, I’m new to snarking at Cancer Central.

  189. Dood
    January 28th, 2011 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @SF_Reader (#180): The idea of Mary Worth meddling pluggers — especially rhino plugger — is kind of cool in a disturbing way.

  190. Mr. Goboto
    January 28th, 2011 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    @Bill Thompson (#188): The twist this time will be that Les will contract the contagious cancer and spread it to his not-girlfriends through totally innocent, completely Platonic contact. The girlfriends will die, but Les will survive and write a third novel that is so inspiringly soul-searchingly sensitive that Oprah will have to come out of retirment just to book club it. Still, he won’t be able to enjoy himself, even as Oprah fellates him (literally) on national TV because of the oh-so heavy burden of survivor’s guilt…and because the growing gallery of ghosts is finally starting to creep him out.

  191. gnome de blog
    January 28th, 2011 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#163):

    <b?Sally Forth: Wait, I missed the one where Ted Forth got turned into a teenage girl. How’d that happen?

    Ted Forth has always been a teenage girl.

  192. commodorejohn
    January 28th, 2011 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Goboto (#190): …and because the growing gallery of ghosts is finally starting to creep him out.
    Say, now you’ve got me thinking…you know what would be pure awesome? If, instead of Lisa watching with a wistful smirk as Les puts the mopey, passive-aggressive moves on Cayla, it was JOHN DARLING.

  193. MaryAnnTheRest
    January 28th, 2011 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    @DumbBlone (#181): I’m laughing hysterically at your sad story, but I also remember who J. Elhew Bisbee is and I get my kids’ names mixed up. So it’s truly the laugh of the fellow deranged.

  194. gnome de blog
    January 28th, 2011 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    @DumbBlone (#181):
    If it won’t raise your anxiety level further, I would like to nominate #181 for Comment of the Week. It’s too long, of course, but definitely worthy of Papal commendation.

  195. Mr. Goboto
    January 28th, 2011 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#192): Whatever happened to his daughter?

  196. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 28th, 2011 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    Ripley’s — I always wondered why there were so many fat Samoan wrestlers… like the WWE’s Rikishi! Must be a combination of genetics and diet…

    Thatababy — Paul Trap’s strip about an “enfant terrible” doesn’t break any new ground… and manages to make Tom Armstrong’s Marvin look good by comparison!

  197. Corporal Agarn
    January 28th, 2011 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Goboto (#190): Oprah will contract cancer. Les is a carrier you know. Les will then go on Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil will be so frustrated with Les that he’ll pull out a gun and shoot Les. The bullet will barely miss Les and strike a production assistant. The production assistant dies and Dr. Phil is carted off by the police. Les shrugs and goes back to Westview and writes another book about his experience with the rich and famous.

  198. Not Worth It
    January 28th, 2011 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    Mr. Wallet (Walt? Slim? Help me here, DumbBlone), from Gasoline Alley, apparently fails to recognize his own last name. Good Lord, he is as dumb as paint. Alternatively, he is intentionally trying to make a funny, in which case he is actually dumber than paint.

    And in Marvin, the “artist” has decided to time jump a few years, so that Marvin, formerly an infant, is now old enough to sled and make snowmen. I hope, though, that new toddler-Marvin continues to poop his pants, or where will the humor come from?

  199. Baka Gaijin
    January 28th, 2011 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    @DumbBlone (#181): If these symptoms continue for more than 4 hours, please seek medical help.

  200. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 28th, 2011 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    Reality Check — Who’s he dating… the Asbestos Lady*?

    *Fireproof adversary of the Golden Age Human Torch!

  201. Mr. Goboto
    January 28th, 2011 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    @Not Worth It (#198): I have this sneaking suspicion that this whole tortuous family tree story has been to set up that one awful joke.

  202. Not Worth It
    January 28th, 2011 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    @Not Worth It (#198): Is it proper etiquette to reply to myself? Do let me know!
    Anyway, I wanted to point out that I considered the possibility that Marvin’s parents put their little one on a sled in hopes that, since its rider has no motor control abilities, it will slam headfirst into a tree, but I just couldn’t figure out how you kill a baby by getting it to make a snowman.

  203. trey le parc
    January 28th, 2011 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    Baka Gaijin: You have a Bobcat? White with a black and red trim? I am so in awe.

    I do not own a Bobcat at present. I was abusing artistic license. However, the foreman of Rancho Le Parc has recently informed me that my network of pump tracks would be completed much more quickly if I’d buy him the Bobcat he’s been bugging me about since I assigned him the task of building my network of pump tracks. The man owns three different shovels and he wants ME to buy HIM a tool to make his job easier. All I’m asking is for a series of four intertwined tracks that terminate at a single point about three feet beyond the edge of my balcony, thirty feet above the yard. How hard can it be?

  204. Mooch
    January 28th, 2011 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    We have nothing to fear but Mary herself…

  205. Mollie
    January 28th, 2011 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been trying to figure out why Dr. Jeff is so insistent on getting Mary to try out his not-a-Kindle. He has never to my knowledge stood up to her for any reason, ever, and now he wants to start a relationship-killing fight over this? What’s with the pressure? It’s almost as though the electronic reading device is a stand-in for something else, something Jeff desperately wants Mary to try doing. Mary begs off: “It’s just not the same experience for me!” She prefers the “traditional method.” But Jeff really thinks if she just overcame her fear and tried this new way, she might get used to it, and even enjoy it… “Flipping its pages with my fingers…” Oh. Oh my.

  206. Purple Prosecutor
    January 28th, 2011 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    I can only hope that panel is part of a Mary Worth/Eminem collaboration.

  207. This Guy
    January 28th, 2011 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    BC: Clever girl… (*)

  208. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2011 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    Cabin fever has set in hard, and there is only one cure:

    massive amounts of fennec squee!

    google images for “fennec” start getting into furry/plushie territory after a few dozen pages. . . . .

  209. bats :[
    January 28th, 2011 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @Rob (#183): Best Buy?

  210. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2011 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#207): I see what you did there.

  211. Jesse C
    January 28th, 2011 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    @ScienceGiant (#20):

    I love you for this.

  212. gnome de blog
    January 28th, 2011 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    If Les Moore is such a chick magnet, where is Jackie Thornton? You’d think The Terminator would be all over him like Marvin’s diapers. Of course, if she had been there she would have gotten run over by a bus or something.

    Does this mean Woody’s fishing in Batiukian waters?

  213. bats :[
    January 28th, 2011 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    @Jesse C (#211): oh, yeah, that’s definitely a lot of SW love there.

  214. Anonymous
    January 28th, 2011 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    @DumbBlone (#181): I, myself, use the term “my friend” to refer to people at work whos name I have momentarily forgotten. Unfortunately, they’ve caught on.

  215. eric-the-ded
    January 28th, 2011 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    @ScienceGiant (#20):
    I came here specifically to see this in the comments.
    On account of my dorkiness, you see.

  216. DumbBlone
    January 28th, 2011 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    @Not Worth It (#198): My current paper doesn’t carry Gasoline Alley, so I went to GoComics to see today’s strip. Sadly, just one look made me pretty sure that must be Slim’s father-in-law, Walt’s adopted son, Skeezix Wallet with a few more years put on him since I last saw him in The Bulletin during my suburban Philadelphian childhood. Again – I ask you – I don’t remember anything I learned in geography class during the same year, but I remember this??

    There is one sign of hope… the neuron replacement specialists have not yet programmed my brain with any information on why the hell someone would name a child “Skeezix.” ‘Mudgeons, please don’t tell me. I don’t want the precious memory of my first date with my now-husband overwritten with that information. (Another hopeful sign: I had to wiki how to spell ‘Skeezix’.)

    @MaryAnnTheRest (#193), @gnome de blog (#194),@Baka Gaijin (#199) & Anonymous: Thank you for your kind support. If they allow visitors at the institution they send me to, I hope you’ll come visit.

  217. Red Greenback
    January 28th, 2011 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    Richie. Donna Amalfi’s other son’s name is Richie. *sigh*

  218. commodorejohn
    January 28th, 2011 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    On a comics-related note, I’m a regular follower of Stupid Comics at, and I thought I’d share the latest installment, which should give the older ‘Mudges a little misty nostalgia and the rest of us a good chuckle.

    Ah, the dreams of yesteryear…

  219. Jamus The Bartender
    January 28th, 2011 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    @Chip (#112): I wouldn’t worry. Knowing Reed Richards, he’ll use it as an excuse to upgrade the current Fantasticar, complete with…oh, I dunno, Negative Zone GPS and an ” I Brake For Galactus” bumper sticker or something. Meanwhile, the Cubans will get their hands on the crashed Fantasticar, making it the most advanced piece of technology on the island since the Cuban Missile Crisis.

  220. demoncat
    January 28th, 2011 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    mw her expression and saying she is not afraid means that even technology will be no match for her power she will find a way to use it to her ways. fc Dolly and jeffy think plants leaves are clothes and are also whores. proving how their minds are truely empty

  221. Jamus The Bartender
    January 28th, 2011 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Not ONE of you said “nice beaver” today and for that, I am VERY proud of you. Each and every one.

  222. gnome de blog
    January 28th, 2011 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    @DumbBlone (#216):

    If they allow visitors at the institution they send me to, I hope you’ll come visit.

    Please let us know before they affix the straps, if possible. I’m sure a breakout can be organized. It would be the greatest road-trip since crashing Shawna-Marie’s wedding a few years ago. If Galactic Emperor Chennux is unavailable, one of us surely can engage Mole-Man for the necessary tunneling.

  223. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2011 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#221): oh, I said something worse, Jamus, but it was on yesterthread. *embarrassed*

  224. DumbBlone
    January 28th, 2011 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#222): Thanks to you (and Mole Man) for the generous rescue offer! But now that I’ve read Red Greenback(#217), I have reason to hope that I’ll remain a free woman for awhile yet.

    Don Amalfi’s brother was *Richie*? I did not know that. Praise be to sweet merciful Mole Man, I did not know that.

    So… it seems like it might be awhile before a bed opens up at the Institute for the Treatment of Inadvertently Memorized Irrelevant Trivia. All of us ‘mudgeons will just have to take a number and wait in line.

  225. bats :[
    January 28th, 2011 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    @DumbBlone (#224): I’m just hoping that Red Greenback actually had to look that nuget of wisdom up, rather than knowing it off the cuff.

  226. Just some guy
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    That plugger loves his tee-vee so much, his legs have become fused with the TV stand, effectively creating some sort of cable/television/recliner hybrid.

  227. cooby
    January 28th, 2011 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    MW: Is that a cold sore? Stressing much, Mary?

  228. Molly
    January 29th, 2011 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Was Mary Worth around during World War II? She singlehandedly got us through by selling war bonds, tending her victory garden, and painting stocking seams on the back of her legs.

  229. jones
    February 2nd, 2011 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Little Dolly Keane isn’t wearing stirrup pants. She’s wearing what used to be known as leggings. They were made of wool and usually sold as a set with a matching coat and hat. Dam things itched like crazy, but little girls wore dresses and leggings kept the little legs warm.
    They were designed to be worn outside of the shoe, so the pant would cover the ankle.
    Only old people know this stuff. YVW.

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