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Barfin’ ski-maskin’ retrogradin’ comics

Beetle Bailey, 1/10/07

I’m sorry, Beetle Bailey, I think you misunderstood me. I said your lame jokes make me want to vomit, not that I’d like to hear some lame jokes about vomit.

This may be the most disgusting Beetle Bailey ever, which is saying a lot in a strip that focuses so heavily on the Halftracks’ sex life. Still, I have an unaccountable urge to try to make some sort of sense of it. Are we meant to understand that:

  • Gen. Halftrack was so literally sickened by Lt. Fuzz’s by-the-book, all-school-smarts-no-street-smarts, over-footnoted, armchair-general report that he registered disgust the way a real man’s man would: by emptying the contents of his stomach onto it?
  • Gen. Halftrack read the report and was so shocked by how out-of-touch he (the General) was from the realities on the ground, both in Camp Swampy and in the unravelling military situation overseas, that he vomited on the report in terror?
  • Gen. Halftrack was very, very drunk?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/10/07

I can’t even begin to tell you how disturbing I find the third panel of Rex Morgan, M.D., here. I know intellectually that Elvis is supposed to be in a shadow … a shadow that denotes his own sinister nature. But he sure looks like he’s wearing a ski mask — or, God help me, a leather gimp mask. Since Gruff But Kindly Landlady Lady knows exactly who this chump is, the only possible reason Elvis would have for putting such a thing on would be to up the squick factor. (Actually, Mrs. C. just offered another possibility: “‘Scuse me if I wear my ski mask while you get that … it’s cold out here in the hallway.”)

You’ll notice that I have not been following the antics of these meth-addled losers very closely of late. There comes a time in every RMMD plotline when my interest peaks, and it’s all downhill after that, no matter how many car chases and SWAT team shootouts ensue. In the Troy storyline, that point came during Rex and Troy’s Big Gay Golf game. In the the current plot, it came during June’s Mrs. Robinson/Mrs. Letourneau sequence with Niki. I realize that the last two sentences have really made me sound like a pervert, but I’m going to post them anyway.

Funky Winkerbean, 1/10/07

Yes, because if your mother works outside the home, you’ll turn out to be an emotionally crippled terrorist. Just like all the 9/11 terrorists, who came from countries with strong feminist movements and equal participation of women in the workforce. Welcome to 2007, everybody!

76 responses to “Barfin’ ski-maskin’ retrogradin’ comics”

  1. Allie Cat
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    FOOB – Uh, I was really hoping Susan would come to the door at least looking disheveled…

    What kind of proof does Liz have, other than the foobiversal degree that she’s going to end up with Blandthony anyway?

  2. Allie Cat
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Foob, again…although, if Paul were genuinely happily surprised to see her early, he would have hugged her or something, right? Instead, he’s just sort of cowering in the doorway hatching his “this isn’t what it looks like” story.

    Maybe Susan and Paul are just innocent pals, and maybe it’s Liz’s paranoia that men are all no damn good that will be the undoing of this relationship.

    Either way, she’s leaving Mtig Mountie-Free….

  3. 420
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    General Halftrack was dope sick. They don’t call him “Tracks” for nothing you know.

  4. John C Fremont
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    RMMD – I’m going with gimp mask.

  5. Sheilagh
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    “Rex Morgan artist” is an oxymoron.

  6. atrip
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    I can’t understand the ski mask on Elvis, but the sheet wrapped around his body is even more curious. Does he have a bondage fantasy about old women? Did he bring his own sheet because she hasn’t changed hers since 1952?

  7. True Fable
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    I posted this in the other thread but as usual it was apropo for this ‘un.
    FBo FW Liz got there too late for what? To catch them naked and in the midst of the act? Another potlatch in her honor?

    Here’s a theory: Paul isn’t cheating, but he’ll be so hurt/ childish/ offended by her suspicions (”you don’t trust me!” he wailed!) that he will call off the romance himself. This will still effectively break Liz’s heart, and she’ll get to be the tragic heroine after all.

    Pew. It smells of foobinity.

  8. Mr Froth
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Maybe this particular storyline of Rex Morgan, M.D. should be titled “The Squick and the Dead” ?

  9. Joe
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    I just realized the secret to enjoying Beetle Bailey. Imagine someone laughing out loud at it. This hilarious idea is easily 25 times funnier than anything to actually come out of the characters’ mouths, including vomit.

  10. Hogen Mogen
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    1/11/07 – Turns out Elvis wasn’t really wearing a ski mask at all, and that Nolan & Wilson merely believed that Tommy Lee/Alice Cooper/Maralyn Manson in the shadows would look like he had a ski mask on. Of course, it would make no sense for him to wear one, since the old lady knows who he is and anyone passing by in the hall would have seen him and identified him as one of several goth/metal scabs who used to have a career. Since this lady can tie together May, Nikki and Elvis – and June Morgan, too, maybe Elvis should off the old lady too for the sake of completeness. Maybe he should draw a diagram of all the people who can tie Elvis to May, like who their mutual friends are, who they saw when they went out and keep a checklist of who he has yet to grease. That time that they went out to see the Philharmonic performance, for instance, Elvis has to track down and knock off everyone who attended. He’s got a long day ahead and I don’t envy him.

    Foob: We all knew this would come for almost seven months now. I did not expect my reaction to be pure glee while it is unfolding. I am really loving every minute of it and eagerly awaiting tomorrow’s installment. Johnston has really captured my attention – although unintentionally. Hey, “attention” and “unintention” is good enough for a Patterson pun, right?

  11. Chupper
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Halftrack presides over a base in which he sees that even Sarge’s savage beatings of Beetle have no effect on behavior. He decided to take a different route and stuck his fingers down his throat to induce vomiting on the offensive material. Be prepared for this to become more graphically presented in the coming months as it will be drawn directly into the strips as the punchline, probably once every week and a half or so. It will culminate in a strip in which he forces himself to vomit during sex with his wife.

  12. Calico
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    From other thread – True Fable said “Another potlatch in her honor?”
    TF, I do believe Liz just missed the potlatching, by about 20 minutes.
    Now time for some fish soup…

  13. Frank Drackman
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    I don’t follow FW except when its featured on this site..but WTF?!?!? Her husband will make MORE in Iraq than he does stateside…(Combat pay, hazardous duty pay, plus everything earned in the combat zone is tax free) They might take away his COMRATS(meal money) but then he doesn’t have to pay in the chow hall so thats a wash. Its not like her Pizza Parlor job really pays alot, certainly not enough to pay for a babysitter.

  14. Calico
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    …and some tuna casserole.

  15. marykat
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    OK, I was definitely in the camp that thought Elvis was wearing a ski mask…and quite excited about it. The old lady folds like a map without him even trying too hard.

    On to the FOOBiverse…I am quite disappointed that everyone is still fully clothed. Clearly Mr. Mountie has a shameful expression, but I was hoping to see him in full Mountie action. Damn you Lynn for making this a family strip (and for so much more…).

  16. blacknosugar
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    More information on hoods can be found on the internet:

  17. Michael
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    FW: Cruel manipulation of a fragile human being who, by panel three, seems fully entranced by the manipulator.

    What could this portend? Well, it is FW, so, worst-case scenarios…

    Aw, crap. Becky’s being recruited into Scientology.

  18. Archivalist
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Peter Parker, World’s Worst Husband.

    I amazingly hate Spider-Man. You too, Jonah.

  19. blacknosugar
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:13 am [Reply]

  20. gh
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    (Slight return, anyone?)

    Well, I’m standing next to a mountie
    And I slap him down with the back of my hand.
    Well, I’m standing next to a mountie
    And I slap him down with the back of my hand.

    Well, I pick up the pieces of my dull life,
    Had it with that man!

    “Cause I’m a fooboo chile,
    Lord knows I’m a fooboo chile!

    (extended jesusjosephandmargoingmarymotherofchrist guitar solo that leaves you breathless and your eyeballs bleeding if you’ve got the sound turned up all the way as you should)

    I want to say one more last thing

    I didn’t mean to burn down their love nest
    And go right back to Warren (in second place)
    I didn’t mean to burn down their love nest
    And go right back to second place

    If I don’t meet you no more in this strip, Lynn, uh
    Says I’m in the next one
    And ain’t that great
    Ain’t that great!

    “Cause I’m a fooboo chile, fooboo chile
    Lord knows I’m a fooboo chile!

  21. Calico
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    And WTF is Holly Near doing in FW, spreading post-holiday cheer?
    Will the “celebrity” cameos never end in this depressing quagmire of a so-called Bande Dessinée? This is nothing like the Funky I used to read oh-so-many years ago.

  22. micedwhale
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    “It will culminate in a strip in which he forces himself to vomit during sex with his wife.”-

    I believe the term for that is “Roman Shower”.

  23. True Fable
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    #12 Calico – Wait ’til they get to the Seal Blubber course, right after fish soup. Liz ought to be very familiar with that dish, since she is the spawn of Elly.

    I think Paul’s mouth is open because in the unseen fourth panel, he’s yelling, “WTF are you doing here, you haven’t missed anything, yes my fly is open but it’s for a good reason!”

    And then he’s out of there in the qwink of an eye.

  24. Calico
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    LOL TF – Now Presenting Elly, the Jogging Whale!

  25. Hogen Mogen
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Today’s Comics

    Spiderman: Just when I thought it couldn’t get any stupider – it doesn’t – it just gets boring.

    TDIET: I love Barfo’s look of sheer panic/horror at being invited to someone’s house for dinner in panel 1. “Sh!t, no! Not the Covney’s! They’ll make me eat some disgusting squid concoction again!”

    Mallard: Boycott China because it has blood on its hands. Also boycott every oil producing nation for the same reason. The US isn’t exactly a neutral party in Iraq, so count us out, too. But, you can still buy all your goods from Elle’s old shop in Foobville. Mallard, it’s been eleven days. Dust off the confetti and please sober up.

    Marmaduke – still a big dog. Ha ha ha.

    Gil: Way to leave us hanging – He takes a shot and …. and…. Yeah, I’m on pins and needles. Yawn.

    Judge Parker: Since they’re in Paris, I was expecting the new butler to be … well… French? Could they have merely introduced Mr. Hart when Neddy and Abbey arrived, explaining that Jeeves was sick and here’s the guy from the agency? No. Not when you can waste a week’s worth of ink over this completely unnecessary non-drama.

  26. Robert Whitaker Sirignano
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    I think what has happened to BEETLE BAILEY is that the strip has run its course, and the writers and artists are just simply dithering. Just like it’s hard for me to understand the appeal of Right Wing Talk radio defending the current President (where the host must cheerfully lie for a few hours each day about his greatness), such is the view of BEETLE BAILEY. It’s hard to read in view of today’s headlines, and vomit must be funnier than loss of life and limb.

  27. teenchy
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Hogen Mogen: My Bill Barilko fantasy did not materialize. Maybe on the return trip?

    #20: I like the first verse. It reads very much like those misheard lyrics which include (from the same artist you parodied) ” ‘Scuse me while I kiss this guy.”

  28. man behind the curtain
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    FBOW — The reason Susan came to the door is that Dudley DoRight is still handcuffed to the bedpost.

    One look at Liz’s lips and you can see why she’s such a big hit with all of the guys. Soon she’ll be with Bill Clinton.

  29. True Fable
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Elly doesn’t have to phone Liz to get the latest news, she just takes a sounding.

    A3G “Does your balloon ever land?” What the [Margo]?!? Margo’s been hanging around Elvis too much, the girl is trippin’ big time.

    DT Inheritance. Rich uncle. Suuure Dickie, whatever you say. Nothing like a little blackmail using that 2 way wrist radio of yours. It was just a prototype of a camera phone, and now “uncle” is paying up. And Diet is hiding something behind his back.
    where is Mr. Pink when you need him?

    MW while Mary is pondering her heart of hearts, I will be taking some Milk of Magnesia while I wait for her to hurry up and pack her bags for sunny Viet Nam already. STFU, Tobey!

    Phantom Oooh lookie! Today the Phantom was shot on location at the Epcot multiplier.

  30. Pelagius
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    The Washington Post has replaced the daily Foxtrot with something called Pooch Cafe.

    Is this strip ever funny? Because it has been stuck on a ridiculous “imaginary friend” plot for the last two weeks, and it isn’t getting any better. I’m on the verge of relegating it to the UNREADABLE pile along with Cathy.

  31. OohShiny
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Gen. Halftrack always vomits on the anniversary of president Bush the Elder’s famous vomiting incident.

    Either that, or Lt. Fuzz recommended on page three of his report that Liz should choose Granthony.

  32. 420
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Has anyone ever Googled the term Granthony before?

  33. Ham Gravy
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    It is plainly obvious that Elvis has hastily smeared on some grease paint, and is about to drop to one knee and serenade the landlady with his famous rendition of “Mammy”.

  34. Justafoob
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Man, what a disappointment. I was hoping that Liz would walk in on Paul getting a hummer. At least then she could have joined in and given Sue some head.

  35. Calico
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    #30 РPooch Caf̩ is just all-out weird.
    I call it “Acid Café.”
    Actually, several comics have had that Acid-y tinge to them lately – I guess eggnog or Johnny Walker Red just isn’t enough these days for the ol’ muse.

  36. Hogen Mogen
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    #30 – I dunno, I sort of like Poop Cafe. It’s not stand-out, but it isn’t one of those comics that are in the papers based on the virtue that it has been there for 40 years, or merely that a lot of other papers carry it. It’s light, sometimes amusing, and when it is flat, it’s not bad enough to get on your nerves.

  37. Gabe
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Apparently no matter what Josh posts, we’re gonna talk about FOOB. Why fight it?

    Also, damn. In most comics, if you announce you’re going to Vietnam, YOU GO TO [MARGO]ING VIETNAM. But in MW land, you sit around for (probably) three months TALKING ABOUT IT.

  38. Lisa
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    MW: Just get your shriveled ass to Vietnam already!!

    FW: The thing that disturbs me most about these past few strips is that the baby is in a high chair. Wasn’t this baby born around Christmas? There’s no way he could be in a high chair. Or is this just some other random baby and she’s left Wally Jr. with a sitter?

  39. Luna
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    FC: Does anyone else here wonder if the real Jeff Keane “gets it” and the joke is on us? I mean, after that thinly-veiled Family Zoo thing, and now the Cookie sandwich? Of course he’s hot for Cookie Bumstead! He wants to have a three-way with her! And he wants Dagwood to watch! There’s no other explanation in my mind. I think Jeff draws the strip now, and he throws these little morsels out there occasionally for us, just to let us know that he knows. He knows.

    Either that, or, he’s as white-bread dumb as one of our other cartoonist-friends-who-shall-not-be-named.

    It’s one or the other.

  40. Da KwanzOtter
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    RM– I repeat yesterday’s snark– Elvis has obviously been taken by the Dark Side, his previous moral misgivings about his Ol Lady pushed aside. Now, he’s just pure Evil.

  41. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    11, Chupper. The sight of Gen. Halftrack heaving green spaghetti-o’s on his naked wife would cause a nationwide chain reaction of yakking. Perhaps global, depending on translation.

  42. andreavis
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    FW: wow, I really thought that the baby belonged to the blonde lady, because there was NO WAY it could be Becky’s, what with the sitting up and all. Unassisted sitting happens at 9 months or so… even if you assume it’s being propped up with a Boppy, that baby is at least 4 months. Does Batiuk think we’re stupid? Are we clowns for his amusement?

    BB: all in all, I’m not too disturbed by the General’s Technicolor yawn. It happened “off-screen”, so to speak, and it’s better than that Sunday strip where the camp denziens hung him in effigy. Now THAT was disturbing!

  43. marta
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    #7 foobinity –heh heh

  44. Ham Gravy
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Ha, ha! Vomit!

  45. GypsyMoth
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    In his younger years, Halftrack was slapped around by General Patton during WW2. Now, any form of leadership starts to make him sick.

  46. Calico
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    #39 – but what exactly does Cookie Sandwich have to do with the Margaret Sandwich?

  47. AhClem
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    BB – Option #4: General Halftrack has been reading FBoFW, and has finally thrown up in his mouth a little — actually, more than a little.

  48. Pozzo
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    My original read of the final panel of RMMD was that the landlady hadn’t changed positions; the “camera” had just shifted position enough to show you the hulking form in her apartment behind her. Is it her lover? Is it a mysterious invader? Stay tuned!

  49. Mibbitmaker
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    A3G: Aw, c’mon, “Does your balloon ever land?” is a great line. Margo really has LoserAnn’s number. The line’s worthy of us, really.

    Lu could always come back with “Does your ego do the same, Margo?”, but it wouldn’t delude the original.

    Mallard: Well, I am sympathetic to holding China accountable for 1989 Tiananmen Square. The Duck should remember who didn’t, though: Bush the elder, Kissinger, and Nixon.

    Still, Mallard’s like the right-wing version of left-wingers whose purchases are all based on sociopolitical concerns instead of, oh, I dunno, what they wanted the item for or something. Doesn’t mean to, by all means, buy that wall clock manufactured by alQaida, Inc., but still.

  50. Marion Delgado
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    Hey, wait, there is good news. Elvis said May’s alive, just in a hospital! That’s good news, right?


    why’s everyone staring at me?

  51. Old Fogeyette
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    LIO: Blech! It replaced Foxtrot in our local fishwrap. I already HATE it. HATE, HATE, HATE! With a white-hot passion akin to that evinced by the Foob-hating Church of Poteet. It is a disgustingly drawn, unfunny, stupid waste of space. I’d rather have space. White space, even just a strip filled with black ink. And would you like to know how I really feel about it?

    MT: Props to Summerhouse in the previous thread for pointing out that Jackelrod draws the animals to be very appealing and the people… well, see my comment above on Lio. I’m thinking now that it might be the art itself that draws us to care about these critters. And I’m SO HAPPY that Theodore and Castoria have been reunited!

    RMMD: I am beginning to worry about myself. Elvis is increasingly becoming the most interesting and attractive (human) character in any of the soap strips. I find myself wondering what sort of tattoos he has on underneath his punkish shirt. I would definitely like to see him continue in the strip, but I fear that he will be no match for June Vader.

  52. Dr. Shrinker
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    Ugh! Who is that smirking blonde a-hole in FW? That expression in the first panel almost made me punch my monitor! Such a smug, patronizing shit who seems to be taking such delight in raking this poor young mom over the emotional coals…I’d like to tear her arm off and beat her over the head with it.

    Oh, wait, that was probably in poor taste.

  53. rich
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    It’s not shadows or a ski mask — I think Elvis just likes to pull his hair over his face now and then for dramatic effect.

  54. Jack Drake
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Foob – Wow, way to jump the gun, there, Liz… you knock on the door of your SO’s old friend and he’s there talking to her (apparently innocently) and you decide it’s too late for your relationship? Maybe she does deserve to be with pr0n-stache after all. If she’s going to immediately jump to the conclusion that he’s messing around on her without any evidence what-so-ever to the contrary, she needs someone so incredibly bland that she never has to worry about him cheating on her… ever.

    After all, who else would want him? Certainly not his first wife and, if the whole pining away for Liz is any indication, no one else would put up with it… they deserve each other.

    Totally Disgusted
    – Jack

  55. Caged Tygre
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    I’m afraid I don’t have the time, so if it’s been said before, I’m sorry, but I think if anything will make the kid a serial killer terrorist, it’ll be the name Wally, Jr.

  56. Anonymous
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    #51 -Actually, I like Lio. It will have these little jokes on other comics every once in a while, and I think it’s a lot more entertaining than a lot of other comics.

    I don’t get FW…do most terrorists come form homes where the dad is in the military and the mom has a job? Is that supposed to be the ultimate form of rebellion, to become that which your father fought against? Or is ‘terrorist’ more hip of a perental fear than ‘serial killer’ among the parents nowadays?

  57. Marion Delgado
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Both Becky and her friend/therapist? are exaggerating “humorously.” Seriously. Kind of a “what’s the worst case scenario of your fears and doubts”

  58. anonymous
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    FW- Wasn’t this kid just born? He’s bigger than my 7 month old and sitting up better than she did at 5 months!

  59. PInk Haired Girl
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    You know, Funky Winkerbean, some of us would rather forget about the conservative republicans once in a while. But will you allow us that? No! Grrrr.

  60. danzhallqueen
    January 11th, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    #39. yea i’m with you luna. the keanes are messing with my head. if i had to pick a comic that was going to dabble with pedophilia, incest, bestiality and other such delights, i think Family Circus would not have topped my list.

  61. Pendragon
    January 11th, 2007 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    Old Fogeyette, do you recall the Chester Gould-era Dick Tracy strips where he had a running joke about four cartoonists drawing a comic strip about sawdust? That might be a good substitute for Lio. Or better yet, for Dick Tracy.

  62. dale
    January 11th, 2007 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    Thank you for using “try to make some …” rather than the too often used and vomit inducing “try and …” construct.

  63. macb
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    #20- I’ll never hear “Voodoo Chile-Slight Return” (one of the greatest songs ever written, by the way; not quite Beethoven’s Ninth, but close) without thinking about Lizardbreath and her tedious multi-guy soap opera. Thanks! I think.

  64. heckler123
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – Wait…that’s Elvis in the last panel? I thought it was Chewbacca.

  65. SelfCalledNowhere
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    FW–Becky’s looking awfully masculine lately. I guess it’s supposed to look like she’s a mom of a kid and an infant and therefore not keeping herself up, but…she looks like a guy.

    Where’s the little girl that Wally and Becky adopted? Is she home with a sitter? Already old enough for school? What?

    Her new kid looks like a young Charlie Brown.

    The know-it-all blonde has GOT to go.

    That’s all I got for now.

  66. reader-who-posts
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    FW: Given that it is Funky Winkerbean, any childbirth that doesn’t include post-partum depression would be a shock. I was just surprised the baby wasn’t stillborn, Wally wasn’t killed in Iraq during childbirth, and that Becky didn’t somehow lose the use of her arm in the process.

  67. Poteet
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    # 21 — Calico, based on my one old album, I kind of like Holly Near. If she is actually like that blonde in FW, I may have to melt my album.

    # 51 — BWAHAHA! Fogeyette, I can’t say Elvis strikes me in quite the same way at this point, but please do keep sharing your musings about him.

    # 58 — anonymous, I think that baby may be the human equivalent of Clifford The Big Red Dog. Becky better start saving up for a much bigger house.

  68. phil
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:17 pm [Reply]


  69. rich
    January 12th, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Panel 1 (above), Funky Winkerbean — the know-it-all blonde looks like Gary Oldman…in a really ugly wig.

  70. Admiral Crunch
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    When I saw the bald baby in FW, I assumed it had cancer.

  71. David
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    I don’t remember exactly, but didn’t Liz more or less run out on Paul to move back home, after he had been planning his own life around her? I don’t even remember anything about their communicating at all since she left.

  72. Joeypants
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    There are layers and layers of nonsense in that Funky Winkerbean. It’s like a lasagna of stupid.

  73. fishbang
    January 12th, 2007 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    about funky winkerbean: I’d think the concerned about the kid is due more to the fact that he doesn’t really know whether his father is still alive or not at any given moment.

  74. King Folderol
    January 20th, 2007 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    BB – Try not to think about the vomit. Just enjoy the happy little ride.

    RMMD – I missed this one, but did wonder why Elvis inexplicably looked like one of the terrorists from the 1972 Olympics.

    FW – I don’t think this is a negative commentary on feminists. Rather, I think Tom Bialuk is the anti-Johnny Hart. Instead of picking a random word or phrase to insert as a punchlne, Bialuk picks a random un-funny word or phrase to insert into his comic in the hopes that we all jump off the nearest bridge, thus lowering property values and opening up some prime real estate for his choosing.

  75. Godjesus
    August 23rd, 2009 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    Nobody will ever, ever read this, but I just have to point out that a lot of Timothy McVeigh’s anger either originated in, or was directed towards, his mother, who left him and his father when he was a child.

  76. Roger M. Wilcox
    January 23rd, 2014 at 3:15 am [Reply]

    You wrote:

    “I realize that the last two sentences have really made me sound like a pervert, but I’m going to post them anyway.”

    Wrong conjunction. You should have said:

    “I realize that the last two sentences have really made me sound like a pervert, SO I’m going to post them anyway.”

    You perv.

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