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Colony lovin’

B.C., 2/8/11

The reasons why the various human and animal characters of B.C. exist and each have their iron-clad associated schtick are now lost in the mists of time. One thing I’ve always found striking is that the ants always get the jokes most closely associated with the heterosexual nuclear family. This is odd because, out of all the creatures great and small who inhabit the strip, ants have by far the freakiest sex lives. Can you imagine the weird dramatic possibilities of actual ant family life, which starts when a newborn queen flies off with a host of her brothers, all of whom mate with her and then almost immediately die, and the queen spends the next several decades giving birth to her sister-children, who toil as her slaves? It would certainly be more compelling than these two talking about divorce plans or whatever.

Jumble, 2/8/11

Good lord, I’ve seen few expressions more sinister than the one on that vet’s face as he gently pets that champion pup. What are his nefarious plans for it? You might say he has a “CONNECTION TO A SINISTER UNDERGROUND DOG ORGAN TRAFFICKING RING.”

Funky Winkerbean,2/8/11

Oh, hey, it’s been weeks since someone’s life was destroyed in Funky Winkerbean! Here the strip manages to pull of a nice bit of double destruction: Summer’s dreams of basketball glory are figuratively shattered, because the inner workings of her knee are literally shattered. If only we could see the horrified faces of the crowd as they hear that sickening pop!

220 responses to “Colony lovin’”

  1. Mibbitmaker
    February 8th, 2011 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    Josh, re: Jumble: “More livers, mule!”

    Josh, re: BC: The deep-voiced kid from King of the Hill: “…….Ants are sick!”

  2. wossname
    February 8th, 2011 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#Y287): Told you so!

  3. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 8th, 2011 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker — Probably not a coincidence that I hear this character speak with Jane Krakowski’s voice… she looks enough like the 30 Rock actress to be her twin sister!

  4. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 8th, 2011 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    HAH! preview prevented post jumpage!

    for True Fable: goat riding a donkey. (video, 25 sec.)

    being a mom iz hard werk.

    4th grade art made of bat-win.

    I .gif you a tiger kitteh.

    awesompus.

    Norm’s baby picture. (Ed, where are you?!? we miss you!)

    ikkle floofy otter pups. SQWEEE!

    for bb,u.

    leap of kewt.

    foot warmers.

  5. Mibbitmaker
    February 8th, 2011 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    I don’t mind saying I immediately thought of the ‘#1 song’ from the Dr. Demento Funny Five Countdown!

    9CL: Well, that sure was a waste of…….. something…..

    BBailey: Monty Python did it much better (“How Not To Be Seen”) (3-Trash-Can Monty?)

    DT: Oh, great! Now he’s doing it in the past tense!

  6. Rev. Lovejoy
    February 8th, 2011 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    FW: Those Central Catholics had it coming.

  7. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 8th, 2011 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#y287): yup. worked like a charm.

  8. Charterstone
    February 8th, 2011 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    Jumble: “A BIG STIFFY”. Run Bowser, run!

    Luann: What do two good moments have to do with minutes? Is a certain length of time needed for a good moment? Or is Greg Evans trying to make another sex innuendo and failing miserably as always?

  9. Mibbitmaker
    February 8th, 2011 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    I just got a glass of water… I was getting firsty!

    Okay, I’ll stop now.

    JP: “….sexist and/or ageist pig!”

    MW: “Mary… have you ever heard of … TV Tropes & Idioms…?”

  10. wossname
    February 8th, 2011 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#7): Tomorrow I’m going to wait… tomorrow I’m going to wait… tomorrow I’m going to wait… I was just so pleased with my discovery that Kelly was pregnant, I didn’t want somebody else to point it out first. Ah, hubris.

  11. Mibbitmaker
    February 8th, 2011 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    PBS: Pig is Chuck Lorre???

  12. Professional Mole
    February 8th, 2011 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    GUIDE
    CARGO
    BEETLE
    PRIMER

    a PET DEGREE

    I prefer Josh’s answer. :P Also, my first guess was “DOG BREATH” and I still think this wreck of a pun is better than the actual thing!

  13. Tom T.
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    FW: “What man will want you now!?”

  14. Ned Ryerson
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Jumble:
    DUIGE
    COGAR
    BLEEET
    RIMPER

    “GAG REEELE”

  15. McManx
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Funky W. – If Summer came down on TOP of the players, presumably cushioning her fall, and she still hurt her knee, I belive the “sickening pop” was actually the girl on the bottom’s abdominal cavity rupturing from the impact.

    Jumble – Dog organ trafficking? Nah. That vet’s face has bestiality written all over it.

    BC – Josh, you just conceived the BEST COMIC STRIP EVER!!! A matriarchal society where everyone in the community is related to one another, the women are hard working, the men superfluous, and … oh, wait. This is the plotline for Snuffy Smith.

  16. Chyron HR
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Jumble – “DOG FETISH”

  17. Adfella
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    I hereby nominate #15 McManx’s comment about Snuffy Smith for COTW.

  18. Gloom Raider
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    A3G: Trey’s scarf is replicating and the spawn has attacked Margo! Bad move, cashmere-based life form!

  19. Old School Allie Cat
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    FW – I think it was nice of Special K to change from her red track suit to lilac blouse in honor of knee cancer. Their ribbons are lilac, because you’ll “lie like” a bump on a log without that knee. SMIRK!

  20. bbofun
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    BC- shouldn’t the punchline be “the first thing on HER to-do list is ‘get a lawyer’”?

    FW- in the middle panel, it looks like Summer isn’t even trying to get the ball, like she was just standing there when the other two players came by. This, combined with her Funky TM sardonic smile in panel 3, makes me suspect that she never really liked playing basketball, and she’s happy this happened.
    But that would require the universe to allow someone to BE happy, and this Funky Winkerbean, dammit!

  21. Jon the Red
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Jumble - Bowser comes from a long line of champions, but even his pedigree can’t keep the princess in his clutches.

  22. FafMor
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    @McManx (#15): “If Summer came down on TOP of the players, presumably cushioning her fall, and she still hurt her knee, I belive the “sickening pop” was actually the girl on the bottom’s abdominal cavity rupturing from the impact.”
    That would explain the strangely smug expression on Summer’s face in the last panel. I had initially attributed it to a “I know the quickest way to my father’s heart no matter how many middle-aged seductresses throw themselves at him”, but now you can mix that with “At least I can walk with crutches – you should see the other gal” as well.

  23. Nekrotzar
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    Summer broke her knee, not her neck? I think Batuik has been taking a triple dosage of his SSRI prescription lately.

  24. Terry in Maryland
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    MW: Dude, you are boring. Your daughter isn’t hooked “online”, she’s just tired of talking to YOU.

  25. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox — Bess Truman approves!

    The Argyle Sweater — Coming soon… Seth Rogaine® in The Green Hairnet!

    Pluggers… also put on a decent pair of underpants in case they’re taken to the ER unconscious! (Just like their mothers taught them!)

  26. Doctor Handsome
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    I’ll be honest: I rarely pay attention to Funky Winkerbean, even when it’s featured on this blog (my tolerance for voluntarily wallowing in humorless misery is low), so I have no idea what’s going on here story-wise, or even who most of these characters are. But I’m almost certain that the Batiuk-Default Heavy-Lidded-Condescending-Joyless-Smirk facial expression on the chick(?) in panel three is an inappropriate reaction to the story being told, regardless of whether or not (s)he’s actually the person getting crippled in it.

  27. Ned Ryerson
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Jumble: Bowser comes from a long line of champions. Inbreeding among champion show dogs can produce abnormalities that disqualify the dog from competition in the show ring or lower its value, like being born with one testicle. Some owners will use prosthetics to remedy that situation. The answer is “NAD PACKER”. (The sinister expression stems from the vet charging premium rates to keep unethical breeder behavior on the QT.)

  28. word-doctor
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail-Joycean stream of consciousness… but will he succumb to the red-flagged rack? No. But the pelican flyover on Sunday will tell us how long black bear cubs nurse, before their mother is captured, penned, and shot by guys with shags and stashes.

  29. Dennis Jimenez
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Weak day for the strips, but then MT whacking-off in the bush is a hard act to follow….

    FB – Don’t follow the strip – “The whole gym heard it pop” – so the black chick is VanDyke’s daughter? Heard what? I don’t get it….

    Jumble – Is it, D-O-G D-I-A-R-H-A ?

    BC – It should stand for a standard for humor “Beneath (even) Crock.”

    Adios Amigos. DJ.

  30. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Dick – Well! That was certainly an exciting couple of panels, kids! Now, where were we? Oh, yes.
    “Take these chains off me!”
    “It’s raining!”
    “I’m gonna kill you!”

    Smirky – Gee, that’s sad. I guess for Batiuk this is a humorous punchline. “Everybody could hear it break! Then there was that ‘waa-waa!’ trombone sound and a bunch of canned laughter.”

  31. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    Hägar – I’ve heard of “This is ridiculous!”, but this “This is ridiculous!” is RIDICULOUS!!

    Marmaduke – “And now he wants us to call him ‘Marc Anthony.’”

  32. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    Pearls – Jeez, Pig! If you’re going to set a tiny-type Bronnereque infodump out for drivers to try and read, follow the time-honored tradition and put it in a bumper sticker!

    Id – It’s funny because shut up, that’s why.

  33. Matt
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    FW: Although we’re spending enough time on Summer’s problems to understand their scope, the physical pain and emotional turmoil of her injury will of course take a back seat to Les’ anguish over now having to pony up for his daughter’s college education.

    Maybe there’s a sequel book in it, Les–”Summer’s Eve”?

  34. Esther Blodgett
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    MT: It’s funny because Mark runs like a girl (with apologies to girls who can run).

    PBS: Self-promotion win! (And do visit Pastis’ blog; it’s quite good.)

    FW: Another plotline that hinges on the fact that Les has no cellphone. Is Batiuk getting money from a special-interest group? Something like Crusade Against Noisy Cellphones Ever Ringing?

    JP: Sam, given a choice between a hospitalized accident victim, a new mother, and a hippie-preppie intern chick, chooses to take comfort in his own smug arrogance. Again.

  35. Alice Bluegown
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    In my haste, I read FW panel 2 as “Summer went down on one of the players, and hurt her knee”, which momentarily rendered the strip awesome (and the more I think about it, doesn’t it stand to reason that in the Funkyverse, characters would be badly injured during sex?)

  36. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    JUMBLE – You might say that a veterinarian has this. A “PET GRUDGE.”

    @Professional Mole (#12): It’s customary to hide a spoiler in a tooltip. Provided one cares about one’s fellow Mudges, of course.

  37. BeamStalk
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    What is up with Summer’s expression in that last panel? IS she thinking now she will get to go the hospital, get cancer, and escape the depressing FW Universe? Too bad she has never learned any kind of biology, because she would know that she just tore her ACL and will be unable to fully realize all her dreams and become as depressing and loathsome as her father. The FW Universe claims all into its utter despair and only rarely lets them escape.

  38. Longhorn
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    FW: With apologies to nursery rhyme afficionados everywhere…

    Round and round the gymnasium
    lesbos chase each other
    Summer fell and hurt her knee
    POP! goes the cancer!

  39. Shrug
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    Today’s Mark Trail:

    In panel one, Mark is apparently about ten feet behind Bad Guy; Bad Guy has had time to grab his tackle box (presumably putting the last of the lures in first), shut said box, and bolt out the door of the cabin while Mark remains standing, gobsmacked, in the bushes.

    In panel two, Mark has sprung into action, running at full speed.

    In panel three, we see that nonetheless Bad Guy, though burdened by having to carry said tackle box and presumably not being the fit outdoorsy type Mark professes to be, has extended his lead to such an extent that he (Bad Guy)had time to reach the boat, stow the tackled box, get the outboard motor on the boat started (!), and advance thirty feet or so in the water before Mark, running at full speed and starting just ten feet behind Bad Guy, could even reach the shore.

    I think Mark has been taking SuperHero Slacking Off lessons from Spider-Man.

  40. Scott Bot
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    DT – I just love this witty repartee – it’s almost worthy of a Noel Coward play.

    JP – ‘This plot ain’t going anywhere unless you accept the fact that I’m you’re publicist, so sit down and shut up!’

    MT – ‘Shane! Come back, Shane!’

    Pluggers – This is Bernard Whitacre’s finest moment – the day he admitted in a nationally syndicated comic strip that he regularly forgets to zip his fly. I hope they paid the guy a little something to make up for the fact that all his friends are gonna make fun of him.

  41. AtomicDog
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Curtis – Mom, your son had been bullied for how long without you lifting a finger to stop it and you want to punish the Principal for finally ending it?

    BTW, are you even aware that your husband smokes in front of his children?

  42. Austria
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    BB: “Stomp,” Beetle Bailey style.

    Curtis: Oh boy, Angry Parent Bonanza! First it’s getting the principal fired, next it’s prohibiting the marching band from playing “Tequila” at football games. What fun!

    MT: And all of a sudden it’s daytime?! More importantly, Mark is now the Six Flags Guy. Somebody cue the song!

    reNuts: This is one of the reasons I was never fond of Snoopy.

  43. Ned Ryerson
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Has anybody located an online image for the Pearls Before Swine strip where the text is completely legible? The one in my paper was impossible and the one on gocomics.com looks like it’s been crunched a little bit. I can tell that it’s actual text and make out some of it, but it’s not sharp enough to read the whole thing.

    Yeah, I sometimes pause my TV and read the Chuck Lorre Productions screens. What’s it to you?

    (A tip of the hat to [Old Man] Muffaroo for his Dr. Bronner reference: Dilute! Dilute! OK!)

  44. Bill the Butcher
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Aviatrix (your Yesterday’s No 244)

    You mean WEB TWAT FALLS FLAT, don’t you?

  45. teenchy
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    FW: I’m guessing somewhere behind Summer’s smirk is satisfaction knowing that Les will have to cough up of the book-related gelt to pay for her education.

    9CL: Is McE setting us up for another convoluted 9-month backstory to justify Seth’s relentless outing of Uncle Closet? What a pantload.

  46. teenchy
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @Matt (#33): Aargh, I should’ve read your post before posting. My apologies.

  47. Little Guy
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    FW: Knee cancer?

    Curtis: Since this storyline could have been wrapped up nicely last week, we have Diane tromping down to the Principal’s Office. I’m calling it that she meets Derrick’s “Onion”‘”s”, and Veranda’s mothers at the school, where they have a “Real Housewives of Inner City Whereever” Smackdown.

  48. Jim North
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#y273): Reruns happened to Bucky’s door — I can juuuust make out “2009? in the indicia on the 2/8 GF.

    NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

    @Aviatrix (#y270): I thought A3G looked like rural Wales. Can’t you just see sheep grazing around those little stone walls?

    I would have replied to this message last night, but it turned out I could see the sheep . . . and then I started counting them . . . and then . . . and then . . .

    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  49. Doctor Handsome
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @Professional Mole (#12): @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#36): My answer was “PET eGREED.” Look in that vet’s eyes, and tell me you see anything but avarice based on the knowledge that purebred dog-owners are goldmines because they look up animal diseases online and become hypochondriacs-by-proxy.

  50. AtomicDog
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    Strange Brew – Somebody’s never heard of descent stages.

  51. Obstreperous B
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    What gets me is Les’s expression of commingled boredom, confusion, and disgust as he tries to cope with listening to a conversation that’s not about him in any way. If there were a fourth panel, we would see him suddenly blurt, “I HAVE TO GO TO A BOOK SIGNING! FOR MY BOOK!” The fifth panel would just see the characters staring at each other silently, while Les waits for the women to apologize for boring him with the details of their petty misfortunes, and to offer to give him a ride to the signing and a foot massage afterward. In the sixth panel, that is exactly what would happen.

  52. bats :[
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    The “Wide Gate”? Nice.
    Yep, no doubt about it. BMcE: personification of the “Oh So Tight Orifice.”

  53. Pseudo3D
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Congratulations on showing how African-American parents are horrible people.

    FW: Wait, so SHE came onto the opposing team and hurt herself when they broke her fall? Sounds like a little WEAKLING to me.

    9CL: Edda’s fantasy is probably to have sex with Mark, Amos, and Seth, all at the same time.

  54. AndyL
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    I like to pretend that the ant family in B.C. is actually a nuclear family consisting of the marriage of two infertile lesbians and an adopted daughter who’s trying to act like a tomboy. It’s a good deal funnier this way, and it feels justified because even small children know that all worker ants are female. It’s not my fault if Johnny Hart decided to change how ants work without explaining it.

  55. ChicagoJohn
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    You play ball with us papists, you’d better be prepared to deal with the repercussions.

  56. Walker of Dog
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Jumb: Bowser’s owner needs to keep a close eye on his dog’s collar, because the vet is clearly imagining how it would look around his own neck at tonight’s party down at the Choke Chain. You might say that a veterinarian has this: a |S|U|B| |F|E|T|I|S|H|.

    Plug: The plugger wonders how he got his shirt buttons fastened with so many fingers missing.
    Then he wonders what he is doing with fingers in the first place.
    Then he wonders how a loving God could have created such a Plugger-abomination as himself.
    Then he turns and goes back in the house.

  57. TheDiva
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    FW: Summer’s looking pretty smug for someone whose dreams of WNBA glory (how’s that for an oxymoron) are shattered. She must be praying that her father will finally cut her loose, now that her potential usefulness as his retirement plan has vanished. It’s quite a gambit, but when it comes to buying freedom from Creepy Les no price is too high.

    reFOOB: And yet, trying to tie up his sister is harmless fun.

    ….I don’t know. I don’t want to know.

    GT: See, this is why I don’t read Gil Thorp much. Every time it looks like something interesting might happen, it inevitably devolves into random vaguely sports-related words and images. It’s like randomly switching channels between an after-school special and Pardon the Interruption.

    MT: Well, he’s in a boat, so I’m guessing…the airport?

    MW: “I don’t know, but it has something to do with girls and a cup…”

    SM: MJ: “Please say Edward Cullen please say Edward Cullen please…”

  58. Chip Whittle
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Wait, suddenly Curtis was running a sting for his principal? Did one of the main cast get into the Kwanzaa Story Helper mix for lunch?

    Edge City: Len’s right; the kids don’t know how excited they’ll be going to State Capital City to meet Governor Herb and/or Jamaal. Or see the exciting police force work of Dick Tracy.

    Mary Worth: Maybe Wilbur would be happier about Dawn being hooked online if he knew she ran a hugely popular Virtual Hoagie Shop on Second Life.

    The Phantom: Hasn’t any of the President’s Secret Service noticed the intrusion of the mail-carrier guy from Funky Winkerbean?

    Pluggers: Apparently, Pluggers are trying to fool people into thinking they have somewhere to go that calls for shirts with buttons.

    Safe Havens is authoritative in its declaration of Male and Female traits because, after all, it… Um. C’mon, Holbrook, this sort of gender typing we tolerate in the legacy strips that got started before the Great Schism over the Nicene Creed but you’re normally better than this.

    Slylock Fox: I know this is just my quirks but I’m a little uneasy when the Six Differences include color changes. I just don’t trust the colorizing process to not introduce spurious differences, even if the difference is black-versus-white.

    Tina’s Groove is looking for one of those fat crossover paychecks. Poor little strip.

    Spider-Man: So, Mary Jane figures the Bugle is liable to panic New Yorkers with a story about a small-time crook attacked by a “vampire”. These are the same New Yorkers who yesterday had to put up with Mole-Man tearing up Broadway and disrupting subway services, a four-month-long power blackout from Electro or whatever his name was, and for that matter deal with the city being invaded by Namor every June and the planet almost getting eaten by Galactus every seven weeks. But, yeah, a report of a “vampire” attack is the scary thing.

  59. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Dogs of C-Kennel — I think we know which bird is the cuckoo one!

    Watch Your Head — Ja, Ja, Ja’ Vonquis! (Not to be confused with Jar Jar Binks!)

    Dog Eat Doug — It’s a mystery to me why Brian Anderson hasn’t been named Jack Elrod’s replacement on Mark Trail!

  60. Sciencegiant
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    FW: It’s the little touches, like how Bautik has framed the middle panel as a keepsake photo in a scrapbook. It’s that loving attention to detail that is fucking creeping us all out.

  61. ms. docweasel
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    GUIDE
    CARGO
    BEETLE
    PRIMER

    PET DEGREE

  62. Just Call Me E
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Argyle Sweater – uh…I don’t get this. My family thought The Green Hornet was an awesomely fun movie and most of my friends did too. Maybe we are just tasteless losers?

    FW: Imagine Summer’s chagrin when her knee brace gets cancer!

  63. Red Greenback
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    If the comics have taught me anything, and going by the vet’s sinister expression, I’d say that he has “LOG CHAINS”.

  64. Walker of Dog
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#16): Oops – apologies for the semi-oversnark.

    @Ned Ryerson (#27): Check out all the satisfied pet owners over on the Neuticles testimonials page. And if your submission catches their eye, “we’ll send you an official Neuticles tshirt…” Because who wouldn’t want to walk around in public wearing something that says “Neuticles: It’s Like Nothing Ever Changed”?

    (Also available: keyrings and necklaces with artificial testicles attached. Not kidding.)

    @Sciencegiant (#60): Precious memories.

  65. Uncle Lumpy
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    FW — It won’t be long before we all hear that sickening pop: say something, Les!

  66. zenvelo
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    of course you’ll be gettin’ hurt by any team coached by Father O’Batiuk.

  67. Felix
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    On FW:

    She’s smirking in that last panel because she’s doped up with all sorts of painkillers. She’s not even listening to what they’re saying.

  68. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 8th, 2011 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    BC:

    Can you imagine the weird dramatic possibilities of actual ant family life, which starts when a newborn queen flies off with a host of her brothers, all of whom mate with her and then almost immediately die, and the queen spends the next several decades giving birth to her sister-children, who toil as her slaves?

    So basically it would be Snuffy Smith with antennae, is that what you’re saying?

    Jumble: Something tells me we’re seeing the tragic backstory of Aldo Kelrast.

    A3G: Wait until Trey and Paul meet up where their lots border one another. Those two haven’t seen each other since the last serial killer’s convention, so they have a lot of catching up to do.

    MW: “Her body may be present, but her mind often is not,” isn’t what you say about your daughter tweeting at the breakfast table. It’s what you say after making love to a widow. And since this is Wilbur, you can have the brain bleach when I’m done with it.

    DT: Dick adds sarcasm to his list of weapons. It’s not flying hot lead, but you have to pace yourself.

    S4th: So the Forths’ inexorable descent into cannibalism continues. Maybe in the future Hil will be telling her friends, “I like to think my mother is still with me, in some way.”

  69. Gabacho
    February 8th, 2011 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth – Could Mary look any more apathetic? I think MW is developing consciousness and even she realizes that a Weston family drama is both insane and dull.

  70. Ned Ryerson
    February 8th, 2011 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    That Sickening Pop: Summer’s ACL’s Story
    The riveting new bestseller by Les Moore.

  71. Government Cheese
    February 8th, 2011 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Ah yes, as you can see the mind is in my head Mary, I’m pointing at my brains! Can I not make this any more clear?”

  72. new_squid_in_town
    February 8th, 2011 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    MW: In a heartwarming twist it turns out that Dawn is spending all this time online getting her dear old dad a Ukrainian bride, but is having trouble filling in the “Interests” section of his profile. It’s taken her two weeks to come up with “Mayonnaise sandwiches”, “Shirts covered in squashed slugs” and “Standing in the background looking concerned.”

    MT: “Ben! Stop! I want to talk some more about lures! Little lures and big lures! I’m sorry I’ve been acting weird! I didn’t see anything! I was looking for a contact lens in those bushes, honest! I want to explore the salty, innermost crevices of your tackle box!” And so on. Also, why is he wearing black shorts over his trousers in the 2nd panel and Alice Cooper eye makeup in the 3rd?

  73. Scott Bot
    February 8th, 2011 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    Curtis – I am a newcomer to this strip, and don’t quite get the artwork yet – I understand that the John Deere cap glued to the back of his head is supposed to be an inner city thing, but why is he wearing a white tutu?

  74. commodorejohn
    February 8th, 2011 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @AndyL (#54): Oh man, that is funny. I’m adopting that as my official explanation, thanks.

    A3G – Don’t do it, Margo! You’ll give him a license to yammer at you for forty minutes straight about how The Man is keeping alternative energy down! Flee! Flee!

    Crock – Because if there was one thing that Crock needed, it was to change the desert from banana yellow to baby-shit green-brown. Joy.

    DT – WHAT. God dammit, Mordred, you get a chance like that and you fail to deliver? You got the jump on him, dammit! Man, I hope he does “accidentally” kill you in transport, you stupid sack of fail.

    FW – What really makes this is the look of queasy disdain on Les’s face. Don’t burden him with things like facts, he’ll make his daughter’s injury into his next book however he damn well pleases! You know, like how he reinvented his affable-dork past self into a troubled beat-poet artiste last week.

    JP – It’s okay, Connie, you can smack him. We don’t mind. Actually, we’d very much appreciate it if you did.

    MT – Aaaaand suddenly it’s broad daylight.

    The Norm – I gotta remember that one.

    Phantom – That is the snappiest damn bathrobe ever.

    SF – I love this strip. How far into the abyss will they sink?

    SM – Whoa, slow down there, Peter! I’m not sure we’re ready for so much action! Can’t you at least loaf around and whine at the TV for a week or two first?

    WoI – ???

  75. carbunicle
    February 8th, 2011 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#53): Edda’s fantasy is to join with the creator a la V’ger. No wait, that’s Brooke’s fantasy a la Sq’ick.

  76. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 8th, 2011 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @McManx (#15): Apologies for the BC/Snuffy oversnark. Now let’s watch for the “Draw Ant Lo’weezy” art contest.

  77. Comcis Fan
    February 8th, 2011 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    H&L: I am confused. Does the garbage man carry around a mannequin — an amazing Hensonesque mannequin that seems to stand on its own two feet — or did old Fitch there come down to the big city from Hootin’ Holler to fulfill his garbage-man dreams?

  78. Kinghasnoclothes
    February 8th, 2011 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    FW: Now no one will believe Summer when she’s tossing back beers at the pizza joint and bragging about how she used to be able to slam dunk a basketball. Her nickname will be “Slam Dunk,” said with a smirk. Many guys will misunderstand.

    By the way, I predict a future storyline in which a movie company buys the rights to “Lisa’s Story.” The producers reject Les’s screenplay, and want to totally rewrite the story. Les is horrified and is willing to walk away from the lucrative deal until he meets the actress who is to play Lisa. She immediately falls in love with Les. He smirks.
    Then she gets cancer.

  79. Stij
    February 8th, 2011 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#65): This is seriously the best thing I’ve heard all day.

    MW: I hope this this turns into something like Reefer Madness, except with the sinister internets instead of the wacky tobaccy. But that would actually be entertaining, so it probably won’t happen.

  80. Katy
    February 8th, 2011 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    Wait. If Summer has torn her ACL, doesn’t she need an operation to repair it? Is this the *hospital* we’re seeing? Is this Summer, post-operation? How did they get a minor into the hospital and operate on her without getting the consent of her father?

    Seriously, I don’t know about the details of ACL problems, but isn’t a torn ACL the kind of thing that would prevent Summer from being upright for, like, weeks? So is this cast-and-crutches rig completely inappropriate for her injury?

    Someone please help me. I am actually getting upset about the medical verisimilitude of Funky Winkerbean. And to distract myself, I looked at Mark Trail for the first time in weeks, and I lost the will to live.

  81. Effluvius Erratus née Mr. Goboto
    February 8th, 2011 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “What the fuck, Shulock? I can’t draw a gravity bong! This is a family…”

    “It’s a gravity WELL.”

    “Irregardless, I can’t draw one.”

    “Aw, ferfucksakes. Do what they do in B-movies. Draw tight on the characters in the foreground and put a vague landscape in the background, and I’ll have Margo and Trey talk about what they see with textbook detail. You think you can do that?”

    “…damn bitch. Wait’ill she sees the matching ascots…”

    DT: “Say goodnight, Tracy.”

    “Goodnight, Tracy!”

    Phantom: Spider-man would sneak in and leave the perps webbed up with some dumbass “anonymous” cutesy-poo note stuck to them, but the Ghost-Who-Rams-Trucks-Into-Presidential-Palaces prefers to terrorize his own allies, just to remind them who’s who and what’s what.

    Popeye: Popeye could have used his spinach-strength to build a bridge and improve his equipment. Instead he’s going to use it to literally muscle out his more efficient competition. If this isn’t a parable for capitalism, I don’t know what is.

    Ziggy: Man, the Internet has really put the screws to LiveLinks.

    Zits: From today’s Jerry’s Notes: “This strip was originally titled ‘Teenagers! Ain’t They the Worst? Part CXLVI: This Shit Is Played.’ I called it that because I hate what I do and I hate myself for doing it, but but I’ve got a triple-balloon mortgage I took out for home improvments (never made’em; I blew it all on S&M sessions with a Connie look-alike), so what am I gonna do? Get a job? Kill me now.”

    @Scott Bot (#40): Funny thing is, “Noel Coward” sounds like a Christmas-themed Dick Tracy villain.

  82. Calico
    February 8th, 2011 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    For Jumble, given my experience this past week with a cat with Cystitis (he has to be catheterized AGAIN today), I would say “Fat Wallet.”
    I love my veterinarians, but geez…St. Francis, pleeeease give us a break, would you?

    And Ms. Doc, please show a little class and don’t post the spoilers, at least until the end of the day. Merci Beaucoup!

  83. Marion Delgado
    February 8th, 2011 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    That sort of knee injury is the commonest cause of knee cancer in young female athletes. I hope Summer doesn’t have a family history of cancer.

  84. Dastardly Pale
    February 8th, 2011 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    Everyday I’m hoping that a meteorite will land on the world of Funky Winkerbean and they all would die. It would really be a mercy killing, considering how horrific their daily lives are.

  85. Charles
    February 8th, 2011 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    FW: Summer is so, soooo baked in that last panel, which is just the sort of thing that happens when you smoke the back half of your friend’s head.

  86. Jedzz
    February 8th, 2011 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    9CL: If you turn your head, Brooke McEldowney wins!

  87. bats :[
    February 8th, 2011 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#70): That Sickening Pop: Learning to Live with My Widower Father, Les Moore, by Summer Moore.
    The Sequel.

  88. Maggie the Cat
    February 8th, 2011 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    Sigh… Dex is still alive for another day. I’m patiently waiting for the strip that is surely coming soon where Berna does him in.

  89. jayjaybear
    February 8th, 2011 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @#64: And Hil should eat her mother’s ears first.

  90. Hamsterpants
    February 8th, 2011 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Everybody in FW looks like they just took a bong hit of some major dutchy (slack jaws, half-mast eyes), but no one ever has any fun. Teh chronic, Funky, ur doin it rong.

  91. Hank
    February 8th, 2011 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Adfella (#17): Too far from Friday. ;)

  92. Effluvius Erratus
    February 8th, 2011 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#88): “Berna, we’re missing some barbiturates from stock, you wouldn’t know…”

    “What’s a few barbiturates among friends?”

    “Yeah, but we’re talking Jim Jones quantities, and I could lose my medical license…”

    “Hahaha! Medical license! Good one! But seriously, ask June. Surely you’ve noticed her dime-sized pupils…”

    “June has eyes?”

  93. Longhorn
    February 8th, 2011 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    I’m no doctor, but really…….chemotherapy for a torn ACL?

  94. Anonymous
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#52): I meant to say that very thing, but less amusingly.

  95. Moonbeam McSwine
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    Oops. That was me @94.

  96. Carlo
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    FW: Don’t you see the larger, rosier picture? Summer is smirking because she knows she can spend the rest of her life in Westview. She’ll get her teaching degree at Kent State and be the P.E. instructor/coach for the Lady Scapegoats. Now she doesn’t have to travel to far off lands like Cleveland, Cincinnati and (gasp!) Chicago.

    Or maybe she’s just high on pain killers.

  97. Black Drazon
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    Having not noticed the crutch in panel 3, I assumed that “came on top of one of the other players and hurt her knee” meant that Summer had hurt the other player’s knee! As such, instead of the catharsis intended in panel three, all I saw on Summer’s face was the glimmering spark of a new, grim hope: where she realizes and embraces that the only way to escape the doom waiting for her in every shadow of her universe is to be the one that causes it instead.

  98. terrapin
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    MT: The scene changes from dark to light so fast I’m starting to think it’s an Ed Wood movie. Tune in tomorrow when the prop background buildings fall down and they don’t bother to re-shoot.

    FC: Love the look on Jeffy’s face today. “Could the couch really move if we put our seatbelts on? Could it Dolly?” It will be another half hour before he realises that there are no seatbelts.

    FW: Like everyone else, I saw that coming.

  99. ElkMeadow
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @Obstreperous B (#51):

    I agree. He hasn’t even hugged his daughter. He just stands there with a bored, disinterested look on his face while two women to whom he is not related, stand there and give him the backstory, while he daughter stands on her crutches too. Other than that first glance at her knee, Summer may as well have stayed at the gym.

  100. The Ridger
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#80): I don’t think we actually know that she tore her ACL, do we? All we know is that “she hurt her knee” and it made a loud “sickening pop” – damn loud, unless the entire gym was filled with apathetic “fans” who weren’t making any noise. It doesn’t get quiet that fast when a player goes down.

  101. Not Worth It
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure what the joke in The Lockhorns is supposed to be today. It reads kind of like the old chestnut, “Not only is the food terrible at that restaurant, the portions are too small also!” but it somehow misses the humor. Instead, it’s just like, “Boy, my mother-in-law sure doesn’t give a rat’s ass about me,” and since Leroy already thinks the woman is the only person in the world more intolerable than his wife, I’m not sure why this seems to make him feel bad.

  102. The Ridger
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Oh, now. Be fair. He hugged her yesterday – granted, one of the stiffest, most awkward hugs ever, but he hugged her. He even asked if she was okay – twice. Her facial expressions are extremely inappropriate, though, unless she is doped to the gills. Which is how I’d spend my life if I were Les’s daughter, but she generally seems to aware of her surroundings…

  103. The Ridger
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#102): @ElkMeadow (#99): For some inexplicable reason (though I blame Windows 7), it att my “reply to” tag…

  104. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#34) re FW: I see what you did there.

    Now that Summer’s career as a rich and famous WNBA player is over, she can pursue her second choice career in paleoncology, the study of prehistoric cancer.

  105. Hamsterpants
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    I guess we’re all ready for an exciting FW/GT Very Special Basketball Crossover (see what I did there?) Event, just in time for March Madness, am I right? No? I’m am unsurprised.

  106. McManx
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @Adfella (#17): Thank you Adfella!! Most kind.

  107. gnome de blog
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    If Dawn’s online addiction involves maintaining her Mistress Aurora website my respect for Karen Moy will increase exponentially.

  108. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#4): Yay—appreciate the squee, especially on such a “meh” comics day: Will Constance Darling be a) comically inept or b) surprisingly competent? Where is Ben Smith going? (Fishing?) When will Aunt Iris wake up—right before Trey and Margo kiss, or during?

  109. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @new_squid_in_town (#72): COTW nom for your MW comment!

  110. McManx
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    No worries. Now “Ant Loweezy” — that’s funny! I could see this as a Lio comic with real ants drawn with bandannas and overhauls.

  111. McManx
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, previous remark to AFKABen at #76. :)

  112. Pseudo3D
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    I’ve written a few short stories already, but now I’m beginning to write something that is going to be a FW-MW-A3G-DT-MT crossover. It’s going to be great.

  113. Baka Gaijin
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    The Lockhorns: Leroy you putz. The reason your birthday card has the wrong name and date is that Loretta’s mother out of habit put your address on your poolboy’s natal wishes. Yes, Loretta is “getting her pool cleaned” by someone else.

  114. Baka Gaijin
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith: Dick Tracy wishes he had hands with fingers as long as Tater’s.

  115. Baka Gaijin
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: I love how off-duty Carnac willed Mary to list to port.

  116. Baka Gaijin
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    Doonesbury: Keep your eyes on the prize, Earl. This is good experience for your next career in international banking.

  117. Carlo
    February 8th, 2011 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#100): It was a girls high school basketball game, where there are usually no more than 35 people in the gym at a time, including the coaches and players. So, it would be relatively quiet in there despite the literal cardboard cutouts in the stands.

  118. Chip
    February 8th, 2011 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    JP: I’m pretty sure Sam went to California to meet Dewey Cheatham when the Judge’s first book was published. Now, they’re in New York. And Cheatham House publishing’s entire marketing department consists of a man-stealing executive, her assistant (who’s on maternity leave), and an intern?! PLUS- every book coming in is proofread and given a reccomendation by the chauffer? Has Judge Parker or Sam actually seen a copy of his book in a store?

    And not for nothin’ but isn’t this book (or his next, I’m too lazy to look back) the story of the assassin who killed Dewey? How is that going to sit with Dr. Chaffuer, PhD? I think they may want a cut of the profits from THAT one.

  119. littlestevie
    February 8th, 2011 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    FW: So Summer tore her ACL, and it was all because of some nasty Catholic high school girls. What are you Batiuk some freaking Lutheran? Oh and don’t worry about Summer’s knee. They are doing great things with ligament transplants these days. You just need to find a suitable cadaver to harvest the ligament from. Ohhh and I’ll bet that Westview has a shitload of those floating around, but wait they do need to be cancer free. Summer’s screwed.

  120. Violet
    February 8th, 2011 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    It was a daring choice to have Jesse Jackson write the dialogue for today’s Mary Worth.

  121. Chip
    February 8th, 2011 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    …and now Mark Trail devolves into a boat chase. Ben in front, tossing diamonds overboard willy-nilly, followed closely by Mark shouting pious platitudes in ALL-CAPS, with Kelly closing in yelling “Mark! WHAT’S going on?” And bringing up the rear will be Cherry saying “I’ll show her! She’s not going fishing with MY husband!”

  122. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 8th, 2011 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    Love isn’t… re-reading all his romantic e-mails to OTHER women!

    Scary Domestic Gary — He’s found the perfect spot — actually three spots — for his macramé hemp hanging plant holders!

  123. Effluvius Erratus
    February 8th, 2011 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @Chip (#118): It could be Cheatham House has been hit hard by recession. I mean, things are tough all over and real-world economic woes are oh-so-rudely threatening to puncture Sam Driver’s bubble of privilege. Soon, he’ll investigate the roots of the global economic downturn, discover that a cabal of rent-seekers has been siphoning off the world’s wealth for forty or so years, and thus solve the Mystery of the Missing Money. (Spoiler: Sam has it.)

  124. Calico
    February 8th, 2011 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    @McManx (#110):
    Ha, that’s perfect!

  125. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 8th, 2011 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Brother! — That was your sister’s drink, you soda jerk!

    Henry — I didn’t know “Handy” went to an all-male school!

  126. Baka Gaijin
    February 8th, 2011 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    LUJBEM FEJF: Did you ever expect this strip, of all your strips, to hit the “Comics Curmudgeon Daily Top Ten Most Snarked Upon Strips That Aren’t Mary Worth, Mark Trail, or by Tom Batiuk”? And such a range of snark, too!

  127. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 8th, 2011 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @Chip (#118): I’m pretty sure he met Dewey in Arizona, but otherwise you seem to be spot on. Yeah, Dewey Cheatham could actually be more of a joke than the name indicates.

  128. Esther Blodgett
    February 8th, 2011 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#80): There now, no need to put more time and effort into the details than the WRITER did.

  129. black butterfly
    February 8th, 2011 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    9CL It actually makes me depressed now.
    What the hell? Why is Mark talking about this with Edda, or anyone?
    Can anyone tell Brooke that tolerance (that this arc seemed to be focusing on when the evil-homophobic-dancer arrived) is more like “so, this character is dark-haired and gay, OK, let’s move on with the plot” than lovingly examining every detail of someone’s personal life while the characters are walking down the street just “because it’s OK and I can talk about it because I’m not afraid to touch on the subject so watch me do it for weeks and weeks”?
    Someone tell me when this arc is over. For once, I’m actually grateful for the tilted frames. I like not being able to read that.

  130. Yossarian
    February 8th, 2011 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    Jumble: Who knew that Gargamel stopped chasing after Smurfs and decided to become an organ-harvesting vet?

  131. Illustre
    February 8th, 2011 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    I was ever so interested in what would be made of the Mary Worth strip today (sight unseen), about the hazards of cruising online in an online comments section. I mean, hello, awkward. This time, one has got to hand it to the writers.. I mean, what are online snarkers going to do with this one? ;P

    its actually a pretty gentle storyline. i mean, mary could have drowned jeff’s baby niece in the bathtub through neglect while coked out on facebook or doing lines of twitter. now i’m just waiting to see if mary gets a call: ma-ary..i’m lost..bumbling off a cliff, saave meee!!! as jeff hurtles into potential oblivion by either following or potentially losing his gps, unable to cope with life as not droidlike.

    but hey, i think even the simians have one over this type of cyborg.. one hopes that certain researchers won’t, at least, try to teach monkeys how to use facebook…! ;)

  132. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 8th, 2011 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#Y201): “Mistaken Rapture Kills Arkansas Woman” http://umour.blogspot.com/2006/02/mistaken-rapture-kills-arkansas-woman.html

    @Aviatrix (#Y210): “The next best thing to pet salvation in a Post Rapture World ” http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/ These SOBs actually increased their rates due to the high demand caused by the 5/21 prediction!

  133. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 8th, 2011 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Illustre (#131):

    hazards of cruising online in an online comments section. I mean, hello, awkward.

    I suppose it would be awkward, if Moy had any notion of what “being hooked on being online” really meant. If, for example, she showed Dawn Weston hunched over her computer, feverishly examining that day’s Mark Trail strip for day/night incongruities, or wracking her brain for ways to convey her delight in Mark’s latest semi-autistic boldism, or revising and revising to express just perfectly the exact nature of the awkwardness of Mark and Cherry’s sex life—well, that might be a little awkward.

    Uh, but not for me, of course. Yeah.

  134. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 8th, 2011 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @BeamStalk (#37): Anybody know anything about the demands of knee rehab? Will Summer be too busy, or will she find time to get pregnant by loser Cory Winkerbean?

  135. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 8th, 2011 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @AtomicDog (#41): Well, Curtis’s mother could be like my parents when they found out I was being suspended for fighting when I threw a haymaker at the school bully. My father’s response to the principal when he called with the bad news: “So the %^& wimp finally stood up for himself? ’bout time.”

  136. Écureuil Écumant
    February 8th, 2011 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    MG&G: I’m looking at that dog, and I sure can’t figure out how they can tell which end is the drool end.

  137. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 8th, 2011 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

  138. Aviatrix
    February 8th, 2011 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Kinghasnoclothes (Y288): Yes! And then Les does another publicity tour, with an agent with huge gazongas. And then she gets hit by the tour bus. Which Crankshaft is driving.

    @bbofun (#20): I’ve never encountered this in real life, but it’s common in fiction: the trope is that the woman makes a list of jobs for the man to do, jobs which he has to complete before he is allowed to go fishing or play golf. Apparently in the fictional model of our species men have no sense of personal responsibility or desire to care for their belongings, while women lack the physical aptitude to carry out the tasks they wish completed.

    @Jim North (#48) & @Bill the Butcher (#44): Between the two of you, you made me laugh so hard I had to get a throat lozenge.

  139. Effluvius Erratus
    February 8th, 2011 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#133):

    If, for example, she showed Dawn Weston hunched over her computer, feverishly examining that day’s Mark Trail strip for day/night incongruities, or wracking her brain for ways to convey her delight in Mark’s latest semi-autistic boldism, or revising and revising to express just perfectly the exact nature of the awkwardness of Mark and Cherry’s sex life—well, that might be a little awkward.

    And hilarious. I would become the biggest Moy fanboy ever if she did that.

  140. Pseudo3D
    February 8th, 2011 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#y236): Not in the Chron, due to money-savings, they cut back a lot of the comics that appeared in print, 9CL being one of them.

  141. LUJBEM FEJF
    February 8th, 2011 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#126): No I did not! I’ve put much more snarkable cartoons out there than this. Josh must be saving energy for the big Mark Trail and Dick Tracy climaxes (due next month). And I knew I shouldn’t have put eyelids on that vet!
    @Yossarian (#130): Very nice!

  142. Baka Gaijin
    February 8th, 2011 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#133): Good one! Take that, Comics Curmudgeons! Oh, wait.

  143. Illustre
    February 8th, 2011 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    bourbon babe 133- ahh.. the technocracy. you argue for it so very well.

    i’ll just paraphrase from Black Beauty: the doctor said that it was a good thing that john wasn’t a drinking man, because if john was a drinking man, that fever would have burned him up to a crisp, and he would be a dead man, now..

    insofar as technology goes, it does have the potential to detract from people’s overall quality of life and emotional health. I’d say that its a valid argument. Karen Moy must have been reading Sherry Turkle. Or who knows, maybe she just heard about those Internet addiction treatment centres in Italy and Korea.

  144. Rembrandt36
    February 8th, 2011 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane: Mark thinks to himself that he could push Edda into oncoming traffic and get a medal from humanity.

  145. ArchieNemesis
    February 8th, 2011 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#100): Regarding the whole gym hearing Summer’s knee pop, you are right, that is impossible. I’ve been to many high school girl’s basketball games – they are loud! The sound of dribbling, and squeaking sneakers, and all those voices bouncing off the gym walls. During a pile-up like the one Summer was in, there would be a loud crowd reaction, along with referee whistles, and sound of bodies hitting the wooden floor. In fact, I saw one of our players wrecked her knee in 3-player-pileup, but nobody knew it until we saw that she couldn’t get back up.

    Moving on to a comic strip where basketball is a lark, rather than a death sentence, the teammate in Gil Thorp seems to be asking if Lini knows he has options other than just shooting the ball. But Lini’s response, “No chance. I could change into street clothes” baffles me. What am I missing here?

  146. Écureuil Écumant
    February 8th, 2011 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    @138 Aviatrix said:

    Yes! And then Les does another publicity tour, with an agent with huge gazongas.

    I don’t wanna start no ruckus, nor is I a-faultin’ your colorful terminology. I’m just kinda wonderin’ if this compound term “huge gazongas” isn’t a kissin’ cousin of our erstwhile favorite “assless chaps”… as in, is there really any other kind?

    “I ain’t lookin’ fer no trouble.”
    “Don’t start none an’ thar won’t be none.”

  147. terrapin
    February 8th, 2011 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    MT: I’m betting Mark is going to grab a fishing rod, cast a large lure and snag Ben by the shirt collar, lifting him completely out of the boat. He’s done it before.

  148. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 8th, 2011 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    @Illustre (#143): Quite true. But let’s not forget: Dawn Weston has no quality of life.

  149. Aviatrix
    February 8th, 2011 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#146): If your huge gazongas are kissing your or your cousin’s assless chaps, you’re probably doing it wrong.

  150. Écureuil Écumant
    February 8th, 2011 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    In today’s Washington Post, a mudgeworthy critic drills ‘Spidey-the-Snoozical’ a new spinneret.

    And in return the producers take it to those nasty critics, thwacking them with their bristling, ichor-stained pedipalps.

  151. Écureuil Écumant
    February 8th, 2011 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#149): That scenario wouldn’t just be wrong, it’d be globularly globally wrong.

  152. Little Guy
    February 8th, 2011 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#150): Brooke McEldowney’s Spiderman?

  153. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 8th, 2011 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#133): or attempting to collect all of the cute animal pictures on the Internet, or posting fanfic of obscure secondary characters from newspaper comic strips.

  154. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 8th, 2011 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#146): some of us prefer plums to gazonga melons.

  155. Jim North
    February 8th, 2011 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#138): I know, I heard you laughing all the way over here! It’s what finally woke me back up!

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#134): It all depends on exactly what happened to her knee and how extensive the damage is. If it only popped out of joint (which is what it sounds like happened) without actually tearing anything, then they’ll probably have her back up and runni- well, walking anyway within a few weeks to a couple of months, I think, without requiring very heavy therapy.

    This is all moot, however, as regards your second question. She will get teen pregnant, even if the unprotected sex has to take place during her therapy sessions. That is Mr. Batiuk’s promise to you, the reader.

  156. Katy
    February 8th, 2011 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#146): You’re right. I own gazongas, so I can state with the authority of ownership that just as babies and brides are by definition beautiful, and chaps are by definition assless, gazongas are by definition huge. If gazongas are small, they are titties.

    However. I think “garbanzos,” when used as a synonym for gazongas, must be preceded by the word “huge.” Not positive of that, but I think so.

  157. Dono
    February 8th, 2011 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    The writers of Mary Worth use the word “online” the way right-wing radio hosts use the word “terrorism.”

  158. kanomi
    February 8th, 2011 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail

    If you’re seeking spicy scenes in your comics lately, you might be following Judge Parker with its inexplicably hospitalized temptress and gabby, hipster ingenue, on the off-chance of some actual physical contact remotely suggestive of infidelity.

    Or perhaps you’re holding out for Apartment 3G’s bizarre, wooing-through-real estate storyline, with its duo of flaccid, house-bearing males, although the narrative tension seems to have sagged to the hardwood floor, and the only lingering question that remains is: Will a third male arrive a dubious fixer-upper to Tommie?

    The answer naturally is: No, of course not, don’t be ridiculous.

    But if you truly crave hot-blooded romance, powered by symbolism and outboard motors, look no further than today’s Mark Trail.

    First, Mark is ‘lured’ to the chase by a ne’er-do-well with a tacklebox, brimming with diamonds emblematic of adulterous suggestion.

    In the next panel, Trail literally and metaphorically flees the very personification of domesticity and connubial restraint, his wife, whose presence has disrupted his window-peeping!

    But too late! The unkempt ‘anti-Mark’ has made it to a motorboat (an evergreen Trailian marker for freedom) and is churning the waters of marital bliss with a brisk, foaming wake. Clad in his freshly pressed explorer suit and immaculately gelled hair, Trail can only glower confusedly upon the very threshold of adventure – where is he going, indeed? What diamond-strewn wilderness of debauchery, fishing poles, and Kelly Wellies beckons on yonder shore?

    But fear not! In due course, Trail will catch up to this mirror universe backwoodsman, just as he has caught up with countless other manifestations of his own primitive desires — poachers, petnappers, punchy Senators — before pummeling them into submission, within and without.

    A quintessential Trailian triptych! Another Elrodian epic sans peer!

  159. Jim North
    February 8th, 2011 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#156): Considering that “garbanzos” are in fact a type of bean, wouldn’t using it as a euphemism for ta-tas necessarily mean that the ta-tas in question would be, by definition, small?

    Personally, I’m in favor of all sizes, big small or in-between. Bewbs is bewbs!

  160. Shrug
    February 8th, 2011 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    @Chip (#118):

    “And Cheatham House publishing’s entire marketing department consists of a man-stealing executive, her assistant (who’s on maternity leave), and an intern?! PLUS- every book coming in is proofread and given a reccomendation by the chauffer?”

    Even in a tough job market, it’s difficult to get quality help that want to work for a boss called “Dewey Cheatham” — one gets awfully tired of having to pretend to smile at every cocktail party idiot who makes the same obvious joke.

    So all the quality help prefer to seek out jobs at rival Jazz Publishers , so they can work for more upmarket-type boss Hugh Jazz.

  161. Patrick
    February 8th, 2011 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    In the Funkyverse, “The whole gym heard [her knee] pop!” is basically the punch line to the funniest joke any of them ever heard.

  162. Katy
    February 8th, 2011 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    @Jim North (#159): Yes, “garbanzos” as a synonym for “breasts” should imply “small.” But for all the men who’ve shared their views on garbanzos with me, it doesn’t. Anyone who’s called ‘em “garbanzos” has applied the word to large breasts.

    Now, maybe I just know idiots who confuse “gazongas” (by definition huge) with “garbanzos.” I did know one guy who mispronounced “cazongas” as “can-zogas.” Yeah, maybe it’s that my sample is flawed.

  163. commodorejohn
    February 8th, 2011 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    @Jim North (#159): Amen. Variety, as they say, is the spice of life.

    (And there’s the whole issue of fitting ‘em into the aesthetics of the rest of the body. Come on, guys, you wouldn’t chop the front end off a Ferrari and weld it to a Karmann Ghia!)

  164. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 8th, 2011 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#162): Dammit, I’m supposed to be working here, and you all have me distracted into a positively Mendelian self-classification. Definitely not “gazongas.” Nor “garbanzos.” “Plums”? No, not really. Perhaps “average winter-time Florida oranges.”

  165. Joe Blevins
    February 8th, 2011 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    Who has two thumbs and still uses a rotary phone? Zombie Ziggy.

  166. SideshowJon
    February 8th, 2011 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    “If only we could see the horrified faces of the crowd as they hear that sickening pop!”

    Probably the same bored expression that Les is wearing. The sounds of tragedy in the Funkyverse are as common as the wind whispering through the grass is in our world.

  167. littlestevie
    February 8th, 2011 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#164): Would those be Valencias or Navels?

  168. littlestevie
    February 8th, 2011 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    And I thought Gazonga was a Catholic university in Spokane

  169. Uncle Lumpy
    February 8th, 2011 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#163):

    … you wouldn’t chop the front end off a Ferrari and weld it to a Karmann Ghia

    Hey, it’s a free engine, and I get to keep the old one!

  170. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 8th, 2011 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    @littlestevie (#168): Hee!–I went there my first two years of college, and now I have it stuck in my head: the Gazonga Bulldogs. (Those Jesuits would be choking on their communion wafers!)

  171. This Guy
    February 8th, 2011 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#150): The track that came up randomly on iTunes while I was reading the Spider-Man review was “No Power, No Responsibility” from the Kick-Ass score.

  172. The Ridger
    February 8th, 2011 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    Apropos of yesterday’s musings on the Rapture, the downside is that (assuming this loopy brand of Christianity is accurate), shortly after all the annoying RTCs are gone, the rest of us will shortly be slaughtered and spend Eternity in Hell.

    If the Rapture occurs, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship with Turbo Jesus, not move into the empty apartments. (Though, apparently, that won’t actually occur to any of us…)

  173. commodorejohn
    February 8th, 2011 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#171): What a coincidence – “no power, no responsibility” is my motto!

  174. Mooncattie
    February 8th, 2011 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    MT – Hang on, how did Kelly change into those awful clothes so quickly? Or is that Cherry, so actually they’ve both been ogling Mark as he spies on Ben? So how on earth did Ben scoop up his diamonds and race to his boat ahead of Mark, who was standing just outside…in the…uh…no longer darkness of night? And isn’t that awkwardly placed graphic of Mark posing as if he’s running just… an awkwardly placed graphic of Mark posing as if he’s running, that’s been used somewhere before? Above all, how can a storyline featuring fishing off the coast of Florida, diamond smuggling, and a possible love triangle be so incredibly confusing and boring?

    I think that if Mark Trail was a Disney property, and there was a Mark Trail Ride at Disney World, it would be 200 feet high and feature a triple loop, an 80 degree first drop, and a below-ground unlit corkscrew turn, but that the actual ride experience would consist of a stand-up jeep that slowly circles the entire structure on flat ground, avoiding it all, and concluding with a right cross from Dopey.

  175. The Ridger
    February 8th, 2011 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#145): I believe the implication is that Lini is done for the game, since he can’t really play yet, just shoot. He’s saying he could go ahead and change into street clothes because he won’t be coming back off the bench. But! Micah Huang has fouled out, and Gil will have to put Lini back in. Perhaps he’ll actually manage to take a third shot and do something new.

    (I have to confess to a weird fondness for Gil Thorpe… the strip, not the guy.)

  176. Esther Blodgett
    February 8th, 2011 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#145): “Moving on to a comic strip where basketball is a lark, rather than a death sentence…”

    Swish! Count it!

  177. Uncle Lumpy
    February 8th, 2011 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#175):

    I like Gil Thorp too. It’s true to itself, like most of the Tribune strips.

  178. Ned Ryerson
    February 8th, 2011 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#137): Re: Pearls link at Seattle PI
    I’ve been trying that all day and it keeps showing the 2/7 strip.

  179. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 8th, 2011 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#164): an orange is fine too. [*]

  180. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 8th, 2011 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

  181. Aviatrix
    February 8th, 2011 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#172): You mean even after the rapture it won’t be too late to sign up? Good deal! That’s like being able to wait and see if your rototiller breaks down within three years before getting the extended warrantee.

  182. Filthy Assistant
    February 8th, 2011 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    @Queek:

    What the fuck

  183. ArchieNemesis
    February 8th, 2011 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#175): Thanks a ton. I thought the game had ended in panel one, the kids were changing out of their uniforms in panel two, and that we had advanced in time to the next night’s game in panel three. I’d like to request that Gil Thorp’s artist add cheesy narration boxes to the bottom of every panel (such as, “Next Up: The Second Half!”). Since that’s unlikely to happen, I may need to call on you again the next time I get confused by GT’s sequencing.

  184. Ukulele Ike
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    @Mooncattie (#174): That couldn’t be Cherry. Cherry has been waiting obediently in Mark’s room since he sent her there last Thursday.

  185. Pseudo3D
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    @Filthy Assistant (#182): I think it’s a reference to “The Masochism Tango” by Tom Lehrer, but I still don’t get it.

  186. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#185): You know, oranges, tangelos—it’s a citrus thing.

  187. Aviatrix
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    Is there anyone here so thoroughly obsessed with Questionable Content that they could identify for me the strip in which two characters, I believe it is Faye and Martin, discuss the idea of copulative thrusting in Morse code?

  188. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    Tuesday leftovers:

    Brevity — Zombie strip!

    Frazz — Rama Lama Ding Dong!

  189. zerowolf
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    MW: One look at Mary’s face and you can hear the meddle gears a grinding.

  190. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#185): it is.

    tango = tangelo

  191. zerowolf
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Wow a gravity fed water system, what will those Romans think of next?

  192. zerowolf
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    GT: The guy being tripped gets the foul called against him? The referees are apparently as inept at their job as Gil is at his.

  193. zerowolf
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    9CL: If this is going to devolve into Seth fingerbanging a Nazi…..

  194. zerowolf
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    SM: Is it your aunt? At this point she has to be what, 197?

  195. Écureuil Écumant
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

  196. cheech wizard
    February 9th, 2011 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#193): Nah – more likely we’re headed toward an interrobang.

  197. cheech wizard
    February 9th, 2011 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    @Mooncattie (#174): That may be the best Mark Trail analogy I’ve ever read. Then again, maybe it’s just because I recently ran into Mark in the comics world section at Universal Studios in Orlando.

  198. Maggie the Cat
    February 9th, 2011 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    @Jim North (#159): @Katy (#156): @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#164):

    Garbanzos” are just perky nipples on “gazongas“.

    Example 1-

    Random Guy: Wow! Check out the garbanzos on THOSE gazongas! She’s either cold or happy to see me!”

  199. Mustang
    February 9th, 2011 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    BC -If you read this backwards it sort of makes sense. but it’s really sad. So it’s either not funny or sad. I love the funnies.

  200. Poteet
    February 9th, 2011 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    Just popping in briefly to say that I’ll probably be mostly if not entirely off the grid for a few days, so don’t worry if you don’t see much from me. (Yeah, I know, promises, promises:-). Merry snarking to all and to all a good night!

  201. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 9th, 2011 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#197): Is that a reference to the wall mural showing one of the melonheads — Jeffy or Billy — with Mark Trail? When I was walking by it last month, I almost collided with the actress playing Betty Boop!

  202. Peter Parker's Universal Remote
    February 9th, 2011 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    FW: I love how the middle panel has old-timey photo corners on it, as if teen maimings were quaint and nostalgic in the Funkyverse. In the third panel, Summer looks smugly proud that her knee has been obliterated, while Les just looks like he wants to get back to his disastrous book tour and harem of hopelessly desperate women.

  203. Buchholz Surfer
    February 9th, 2011 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    Random Lines From Today’s Funnies:
    Sweetheart, do you know what “retail therapy” is? You mean solar and wind power, Trey? WHERE IS HE GOING? We’re not going anywhere till you fasten your seatbelts! Call the White House! We’re assessing a threat sir! I’m simply livid at your principal!! Her body may be present, but her mind often is not! The whole gym heard it pop! Garbage is my life! Two moments of fun in six hours? What’s the matter with you?! I think I’ll circle this day on the calendar as the day that Ed Crankshaft beat the system! Now back off slowly or have a lead lunch! This is just like one of those scary Japanese game shows.

  204. Hobbes Fan
    February 9th, 2011 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    So, is Les going to start having imaginary conversations with the ghost of Summer’s intact kneecap now?

  205. Just some guy
    February 9th, 2011 at 2:41 am [Reply]

    Jumble:

    GUIDO
    GORAC
    BELETE
    PIMPER

    “A DOG STYLE”

  206. CanuckDownSouth
    February 9th, 2011 at 2:50 am [Reply]

    Now Judge Parker‘s superfantastic advance and book tour make sense – it’s a gift from the faery folk! Item 2 on Constance’s agenda: adjust the spell to make her closer to human-size. Or maybe she needs to shrink the furniture.

    Oooo – looks like MW‘s “explain a new techy thing to the audience and why we should hate it” day will be Wednesday.

    RMMD Yes, Berna, quick – stop Dex before he bankrupts you buying a 6$ pizza!

  207. This Guy
    February 9th, 2011 at 3:02 am [Reply]

    @Just some guy (#205): “BELETE”? Are you positing that Homestar Runner guest-wrote the Jumble?

  208. Aviatrix
    February 9th, 2011 at 3:58 am [Reply]

    @Just some guy (#205): I think you may have hit upon a way to thwart those who value their display of ability over other people’s fun. If the comments were already filled with hilarious alternate solutions, they might think some one has beaten them to it or they had the wrong day, and not post unspoiled Jumble results.

  209. Mr. O'Malley
    February 9th, 2011 at 5:57 am [Reply]

    MT: This is going to be pretty entertaining when Mark guns the engine, because it looks like Kelly didn’t actually untie the stern line at all.

    MW: Say, that’s just like my unemployed friend! I’m not worried that he sits at home all day listening to the radio…as much as I’m worried about the frequency!

    SF: The Forths are foolish enough to have an electric stove? I hope there’s still some propane left in the barbecue. (Reminds me of when we had a blackout while preparing Xmas dinner a few years back. Hardly slowed us down. Although remembering Melbourne, we have some electric cooking equipment stashed in the garage for gas emergencies.)

  210. John C Fremont
    February 9th, 2011 at 7:06 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#209): What’s the frequency, Kenneth?

  211. Swordsmith
    February 9th, 2011 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#172): “If the Rapture occurs, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship with Turbo Jesus, not move into the empty apartments.”.

    Although I’m pretty sure that the God of christians, muslims, and jews does not exist, if it were proved that he did, I’d still not be worshipping him. See, the guy is a major major asshole. He’s out of hand. God the father? Abusive father, maybe.

    With great power comes great responsibility, but this Guy is worse than Spidey, when he’s not doing Nothing (which is, like Spidey, most of the time) he’s busy Inflicting.

  212. gleeb
    February 9th, 2011 at 7:20 am [Reply]

    Phantom: More exciting threat assessment action!

  213. bad wolf
    February 9th, 2011 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    Pluggers–Wait a second, there is no Sam’s Club in Eugene, Oregon! Faux Plugger or hipster UO student?

  214. Little Guy
    February 9th, 2011 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    (wrong topthread….)

    Curtis: So, Diane is going to torment and harass the principal, using physical and emotional means to get her way? Doesn’t that make her a…. um, er, uh… I have it… starts with a “B”….. buh- buh- buh-…. AH, that’s it! a BITCH!

    9CL: Who knew fantastic oral sex could turn a gay man straight? Or did McE just make an inference that, gay or straight, a man is a man and he’ll fuck anything?

  215. Harry F
    February 9th, 2011 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Did anyone notice that the Amazing Spiderman goes to bed in a t-shirt and shorts and wakes up in pajamas? Is that a spidey power? Maybe his excess webbing is knitted in to PJs while Peter sleeps.

    Nor shall we mention what M J sleeps in or that the Daily Bugle can print a story on an event that happened that night.

  216. Vince M
    February 9th, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#208): Someone else posted yesterday’s answers hours before the usual suspect did, and that didn’t stop them – since consideration is not in their vocabulary, I’m afraid Jumble players will have to play before reading if the strip is up on this site.

  217. teenchy
    February 9th, 2011 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#145): Re the impending FW/GT crossover: But Lini’s response, “No chance. I could change into street clothes” baffles me. What am I missing here? I think he’s implying that he has no idea how to play the game of basketball beyond shooting from three-point range.

    Today’s (9 Feb) FW baffles me more. “The paramedics got to the gym right away…and both teams went to their locker rooms while they looked after Summer.” Is Batiuk trying to imply that the injury was so sickening that none of the players should have to see it? At no level of competition, amateur or professional, have I ever seen that happen. Even when football players lie paralyzed on the field, their teammates and opponents take a knee on the sidelines out of respect.

    For someone who incorporates sports into his strips frequently, Batiuk doesn’t seem to have a grasp of the actual workings of sports…unless it’s only baseball, which I can’t confirm as I don’t read ‘shaft regularly.

  218. cheech wizard
    February 9th, 2011 at 9:38 am [Reply]

  219. The Ridger
    February 9th, 2011 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#211): I didn’t mean to say you should switch to his team, just that if the Rapture actually happens, then a lot of things will probably happen shortly (within a few years) that will mean taking advantage of all the stuff left behind will be a very low priority very quickly.

  220. Nosyt
    February 9th, 2011 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    BC: Shouldn’t the joke be: “the first thing on HER to do list: get a lawyer”? (Or would that be a criminal invasion of Mrs. Acerbic Ant’s privacy?”)

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