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Funky Winkerbean, 2/9/11

Oh, thank goodness: I was a bit concerned that yesterday’s strip seemed to skip over Summer’s physical suffering, but today we’re reassured that Funky Winkerbean remains true to its core mission: lingering over the anguish of its characters. Note that Westview paramedics have black crosses on their first aid kits. That’s because they view their main role not so much as saving lives as helping you navigate your inevitable and painful voyage towards death.

Blondie, 2/9/11

Mr. Dithers may be more right than he knows, as I have a hard time believing that Dagwood holds anything more sacred than greasy, fatty, delicious food.

Mary Worth, 2/9/11

Sorry, everyone at Twitter! I know you’ve worked hard over the past few years to make your company a social media powerhouse and all, but now that Wilbur is about to explain to Mary what “tweeting” is, I think it’s best for all concerned if you lay everyone off, give whatever cash you have on hand back to the investors, and quietly shut down your Website, forever.