The Comics Curmudgeon

268 responses to “A plugger defibrillator is an extension cord with a short”

1. Uncle Lumpy
   January 16th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

   “Peace Village? Gaaah! There are sick children in Peace Village, you crazy honky beyotch!”

2. bootsybooks
   January 16th, 2007 at 11:31 am [Reply]

   I want to know who Greta Weber is! Mary’s all over the “Peace Village” part of her dream, but conveniently stops short of looking up Greta.

   Isn’t Peace Village that place in Atlanta where the bomb blew up duirng the Olympics in 2000?

3. Chromium
   January 16th, 2007 at 11:33 am [Reply]

   WTF does Marvin mean? Is there some conventional wisdom about old people wearing really tight underwear to look thin?

4. Randy S
   January 16th, 2007 at 11:36 am [Reply]

   #3: I think it’s just a general jab at fat guys in speedos

5. MossMoses
   January 16th, 2007 at 11:36 am [Reply]

   My Vietnamese colleague said he hopes W launches a B52 carpet bombing raid on the Peace Village while Mary Worth is there.

   Heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who, heard it from another that you wanna be they-ey-ee-eyr in your sit-tay by the bay-ee-ay, woah-ooh-woah, oh-ooh-woah.

6. Jim C.
   January 16th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

   Mary’s not in Vietnam, she’s in Riverdale. See, there’s Archie with Betty in the background.

7. TB Tabby
   January 16th, 2007 at 11:38 am [Reply]

   Ladies and gentlemen…Mary has landed.

8. fishmorgjp
   January 16th, 2007 at 11:41 am [Reply]

   Marvin is one good argument for abortion rights.

9. Ned Ryerson
   January 16th, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

   Awww, c’mon Plugger, it was only a couple months ago when we saw the senior Pluggers calendar, one of those plastic pill holder things with compartments for each day of the week. Did you forget you had one of these? Maybe you forgot to take the pill that helps you remember that you had worked out a system for taking your pills. Maybe the part of you that’s a dog found the plastic pill caddy made a nice chew toy and reduced it to a slobbery, mangled wreck.

10. Donut
    January 16th, 2007 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Uh oh.

    There really is a Peace Village in Vietnam:

    Americans sprayed Agent Orange in the country during the Vietnam War. Now the Peace Village houses and helps children born with no eyes, shortened limbs or other deformities, as well as mental disabilities.

    From this article:
    http://vn-agentorange.org/aspen_20060114.html

    Has Mary Worth suddenly gotten relevant? Say it ain’t so!

11. Edward
    January 16th, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    “The Pluggers overlook things. Maybe your Daddy is a Plugger, and he’ll overlook the beaver.”

    “My Daddy ain’t no Plugger! Now, you take that back!”

    “Your Daddy’s a Plugger! Your Daddy’s a Plugger!”

    “Waahhh!!!”

12. Ned Ryerson
    January 16th, 2007 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    The young couple staying at Mary Worth’s posh Vietnamese resort has purchased a very conspicuous brick of high grade hash.

13. Ellie M.
    January 16th, 2007 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    Re Mark Trail: the fact that both kids are only visible from the waist up in that first panel is REALLY adding to my discomfort…

14. smacky
    January 16th, 2007 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Bootsybooks: Greta Weber is the name of a character played by an actress named Judi Meredith in one (and only one) episode of a show called “The Roaring 20’s” in 1960. The series explored the excitement of the newspaper world of the 1920s in Chicago. There. Mary Worth is just having a flashback of her favorite forgotten TV series.

    Incidently, Judi Meredith was born in 1936, hasn’t acted since 1973, and is still alive. Could this woman be the true identity of “Ella Byrd”? Here’s what IMDB says about Judi:

    She was a star figure skater with the Ice Follies as youngster, but then she broke her back in an accident, and was told she would never skate again. She did – but then broke her kneecap. She turned to acting in 1956, when George Burns spotted her in a stock play, and gave her a steady part on his show. She once dated Frank Sinatra.

    Could our Ella have such an interesting past?

    No, of course not. But it is interesting that Mary’s sleeptime traumas actually lead somewhere. Signs point to Vietnam, mule!

15. Craigers
    January 16th, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    Ha ha! Crankshaft is mad because he thinks that “lifestyle” is code for “gay”.

    Nonsense, Crankshaft’s peeved that it’s been a week since he got down, dirty and gay. The original (censored) third panel was “We don’t have a lifestyle, you never touch me anymore.”

    As for Red In Hanoi, that’s not excitement in his trousers, just a hand. A severed hand, true, but true love will surely find a way. Also, note that the Physics Gnomes have been at it again, reversing the handedness of space to ensure that Mary stays placed away from the borders of the strip. Them Crazy Physics Gnomes!

16. Spunde
    January 16th, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Shouldn’t a Plugger’s child-proof cap come in orange plaid with a chin strap?

17. Craigers
    January 16th, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    #12 Ned Ryerson : a very conspicuous brick of high grade hash

    combined with

    #14 smacky : Signs point to Vietnam, mule!

    Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Mule indeed! Mary’s gray, rubbery hidden places will be the perfect medium through which to transport that baby back to sunny Santa Royale. No sane human being, no matter how dedicated to their job as customs agent, would dare investigate within such a lair of horror as that.

18. Bruce Tinsley
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    I have been reading this site long enough to have had an auto-chortle when I read the first panel of Mark trail over my morning whiskey. I mean “coffee.”

19. Gabe
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Atlanta Olympics were 96, not 00. Just to nitpick.

20. Derelict
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    And in the (unpublished) panel 3 of today’s MW, the hotel clerk is thinking, “Damn! Haven’t you Americans hurt this country enough!?!?”

21. smacky
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    Maybe in tribute to Johnston, the story line in Mary Worth could follow this week’s FOOBs:

    Vietnamese Man at Peace Village: “You’re not entirely without blame in this, Mary. He’s a doctor, she’s a sick kid, you guided them together!”

    Mary: “But who will guide me?”

    Large, disembodied, spectral head of Ella Bryd: “Greta Weber!”

22. gh
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    #13 Ellie M.

    Panel three is perhaps even more disturbing. Randy, er, Rusty, crouching in the bushes. And what about Dad?

23. ygg
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    I *knew* I remembered Marvin looking rather differently in my childhood. Not that that’s an unusual phenomenon in the funny pages, but in this case I’m afraid the li’l tyke may have contracted a case of encephalitis. Or, perhaps his too-tight diaper has caused his head to balloon out and his hair to develop into some sort of lumpen, leaden, orange cornstarch monster.

    http://www.botcollector.com/_images/TFiRL/Marvin2.jpg
    http://www.edcollins.com/chess/chess-comic-38.gif

    (unknown dates. It doesn’t appear that there are exactly a lot of Marvin collectors out there.)

24. Indiebass
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    Just wait until Mary Worth starts to sound like Shannon when talking to the non-English speaking Viet-namese.
    “I.. WANT… TO… SEE… A… BUS… SCHED…ULE. DO… YOU… UN…DER… STAND…?”

25. steven
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    Looks like somebody is smuggling a sopressata into Viet-Nam in the background.

26. J-Phil
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Plugger Lipitor: Bowl of oatmeal (Caption: ‘Cause we don’t need all that fancy crap, Pluggers know how to take care of their own, ya hear?)

    Plugger Viagra: Plugger smiling at his um, er, “wife” after imbibing several Old Milwaukees and a couple hits of meth. Note: Bear/dog-man will have a Playboy (Playdog?) magazine tucked under his arm to combat the visage of his chaste coyote wife.

27. Black Card
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    Vietnam will turn out to be populated entirely by clones of the only Asian guy the artist can draw. The identical reception desk dude and bellboy are just the beginning.

28. reader-who-posts
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Every single strip of Pluggers should just have the caption “Pluggers are fat, poor, and stupid. I secretly hate all of you.” That would be awesome.

    MW: Are light jackets required in Vietnam? Every single person on the airplane and now in the hotel is wearing one. Also, it’s nice how every guest appears to be a white american. Lord knows no one in Vietnam can possibly afford to be a guest at a hotel.

29. Plumberduck
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Did this Pluggers give anybody else a Memento flashback?

    Sammy Jankis: Husband. Amnesiac. Plugger.

30. nancysluggo4ever
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    MossMoses, actually I was thinking of a different song for the recent Mary Worthless developments…

    “God money’s not looking for the cure.
    God money’s not concerned with the sick among the pure.
    God money let’s go dancing on the backs of the bruised.
    God money’s not one to choose.
    No you can’t take it
    No you can’t take it
    No you can’t take that away from me.
    HEAD LIKE A HOLE! BLACK AS YOUR SOUL!!
    I’D RATHER DIE…”
    (well, you get the point)

31. Rhekarid
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Whoever draws Mary Worth is obviously woefully unfamiliar with drawing non-whites OR non-olds. I can’t tell if the bellboy is Asian or Vincent Price.

32. MossMoses
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    32. Asian people are drawn as jaundice-ridden whities. Mary Worth Asians are bananas (yellow on the outside, white on the inside).

33. the disembodied voice
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    Actually, believe it or not, that ritzy hotel exists–it’s called the Metropole, it’s in Hanoi, and it looks almost EXACTLY like the hotel depicted in the script, right down to the reception desk and the staircase. I’m creeped out. Was there actually RESEARCH done on this storyline?!?

34. Maughta
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    I love love LOVE that Bob the Angry Flower poster. I used to proofread for the local paper and the dreaded apostrophe was my biggest pet peeve. Too bad Bob doesn’t mention the most egregious use of the apostrophe: to pluralize acronyms (DVD’S, CD’S, etc.) and numbers (100’s, etc.,,Realtors are especially bad at this, i.e. homes from the 300’s…). Grrrrrrrrrr.

35. MarrG
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Actually I picked up on the fact that Mary’s bow-tied helper is supposed to look “Asian” in this morning’s newspaper–the old-fashioned, black-and-white print edition. Due to a recent obssession with FBOFW I had kind of forgotten what Mary is up to, and so it took me a split second to realize why the guy was squinting at her.

36. JB2
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    FOOB

    What’s with Jesse? Is he on steroids? He grew three feet in less than a year.

    TDIET

    Second squid reference of the year – with 349 days to go!

37. Ran
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Oddly enough, all the asians seem to be tall. Maybe its a clever front, to intimidate the running dog yankee Meddler!

    My new mantra:

    Put Mary in the tiger cage!
    Mary in the Tiger Cage!
    Mary in the Tiger Cage!
    Never let her out!

38. bootsybooks
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    #19 – time flies when you read this blog.

39. kingkong
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    I got all screwed up with MW today.

    When she said Peace Village, I thought she meant the Korean DMZ.

    Mary Worth meddling in the affairs of Fearless Leader.

    That would be cool.

40. Herro!
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    All the Asians seem tall because MW is suffering horribly from osteoporosis, so she is the same height as them.

41. RentedMule
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    MW: Coloring a jumbo, Slavic type with a yellow crayon does not make them “Asian”. Please, please tell me he’s not going to refer to her as “Melly Wolth” to complete the ghastly stereotyping.

42. Craigers
    January 16th, 2007 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    In panel three of today’s Sally Forth, is Ted demanding that his daughter “kneel before” him? Looks like Ted Forth has left Queer Street behind for once, and blown right through Virginia Avenue on his way to Severely Disturbing Gardens. Ted, don’t be surprised if your next Chance card reads “Go Directly To Jail.”

43. jules
    January 16th, 2007 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    You may know it as Myanmar, but it will always be Burma to me.

44. Carrots
    January 16th, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    Marvin looks different because he just recently received a face transplant from Garfield.

45. Beauregard Bugleboy
    January 16th, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Mallard Fillmore, my newspaper tells me, was previously published. Does this mean they won’t let Tinsley have pen and ink in rehab? We can only hope.

46. Motorposus
    January 16th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    I am so hoping that the “Peace Village” is a remote jungle compound where Mary will discover Imperial Grand Potentate Cory surrounded, Kurtz-like, by impaled human skulls. The horror!!

47. Ryan
    January 16th, 2007 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    A Plugger in Minneapolis? Last I checked, the Minneapolis paper doesn’t even CARRY Pluggers. Oh My god they’re everywhere!

48. Harold
    January 16th, 2007 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    I expect Mary will finally locate her long-lost love in a children’s hospital in Peace City, surrounded by the poor, forlorn cases to whom he has dedicated her life. And looking upon this, she will be moved to say “HELLOOO? Don’t they have phones over here? Like you couldn’t just pick one up and CALL?”, all the while making a “phone” sign with her right hand and wagging it next to her head.

49. willethompson
    January 16th, 2007 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Isn’t Mary Worth talking to Mike Anthony, the guy who deliviered checks for John Beresford Tipton? Seems to me that he forged the endorsement on one of those babies and is now hiding out as a concierge in the Hanoi Hilton. Not that he needs the work – he invested in a sneaker factory in the late 80s and is doing quite well. MORE NIKES, MULE!

    In JP, you just know that Cedric is eeeeeeevil. Why? You never see his eyes, and for the past two days, he’s just a disembodied voice! (Unless the car Neddy and Abbey are riding in is Kit from Knight Rider.)

    Also, weren’t they supposed to land at 1:30 in the morning? Shouldn’t the Mercedes at least have its headlights on? Or are they taking this City of Light thing too literally?

50. Steve S
    January 16th, 2007 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    Is every male Plugger middle aged and fat, with major health issues? It doesn’t bode well for the survival off the (hybrid/mixed) species.

51. ridge
    January 16th, 2007 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    MW: maybe this is an obvious irony by now (lord know I can’t resist pointing out the obvious)….it appears that some time and care has gone into researching the Peace Village and the appearance of the Metropole hotel, but the Vietnamese look like eastern Europeans with severe jaundice. And this is because it’s keeping with the Mary Worth theme: if you’re not at Charterstone, you’re a worthless dog.

    And, even more depressing, they figured the vast majority of the readership wouldn’t notice. (”Awww, hell…just color him yellow, then.”)

52. Kenny
    January 16th, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    Marvin is backed-up… stuffed with human-waste. Hence, the shot at old people and constipation. I think that was the joke, right?

53. Dennis Jimenez
    January 16th, 2007 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    A plugger in sophisticated and erudite Minneapolis. Land o’ Goshen – what’ll happen next!

54. Donald The Anarchist
    January 16th, 2007 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft is correct, if a bit defensive. Paging longingly through old muscle magazines and weeping for no reason you can articulate to yourself really isn’t a lifestyle. If kept tightly closed, a closet can turn into a coffin so gradually you never realize it until it’s too late.

    Pluggers: The underlying morbidity of it is its only saving grace. Maybe soon we’ll be treated to, “Pluggers take lots of naps in hopes they’ll die in their sleep.” Or maybe we’ll get a panel of a bear dressed as the Grim Reaper, with the caption, “Pluggers appreciate when old friends come to visit.”

55. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    January 16th, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    #34 Maughta — maybe you already know this, but another poster here (Turtleboy, a mathematician like me) lives in Asheville.

    I live way up in Toronto, Ontario, but I applied for a job in Greensboro that starts in the fall.

56. Bitter Scribe
    January 16th, 2007 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    At least the desk clerk’s skin isn’t tinted the schoolbus yellow that Asians always used to sport in Sgt. Rock and other war comics.

57. KitsuneWarlock
    January 16th, 2007 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    MT panel #2: You know how Mark Trail frequently replaces the middle panel with random animals in the foreground. Today’s comic is obviously brought to you by the friendly neighborhood leech, who has decided to latch onto this little girl’s (honestly, does she even have a name?) forehead.

58. Scott Isaacson
    January 16th, 2007 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    MW: No matter what color the desk clerk is, he’ll be sure to bring Mary what she wants…bring it up to her like room service. Everyone gets what they want after all…

59. Spunde
    January 16th, 2007 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    As for me, I’m just happy Warner Oland was able to get the part of the hotel clerk. We should all be so lucky to look that good at his age.

60. Saxman
    January 16th, 2007 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    33 (Mary in Metropole)

    Good ghod, you’re right. Although the research may have just been done on the Internet.

    http://www.sofitel.com/sofitel/fichehotel/gb/sof/1555/fiche_hotel.shtml

    Be sure to check out the picture gallery, including what real bellboys look like. If MW ends up riding in that bentley or whatever it is I’m going to be creeped out.

    Makes me wonder where the research on psychics was done.

61. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    January 16th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Lockhorns borrows the same basic premise from a Pluggers in September. Specifically, “Because of our miserable and poverty-stricken lives, nobody would prefer to be us.” Comedy gold!

    Also, Leroy is still wearing that [Margo]damn bottom half of a wetsuit!

    Also, this has probably been pointed out before, but perhaps not for many many months: Leroy Lockhorn resembles Dennis Franz.

62. HBGlord
    January 16th, 2007 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    #23 — The early Marvin was a blatant “Garfield as a baby” ripoff. It’s been subsequently redesigned. Now it’s a piece of shit with a style all its own.

63. Gal Friday
    January 16th, 2007 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    MW: That’s not a bell*boy*, that’s a bell*man*.

64. Saxman
    January 16th, 2007 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    42 (Kneel before Zod)

    I’ve never been prouder of SF than today. Not just an obscure movie reference, but an obscure comic book movie reference.

    I’m waiting for a Cogdon Nestor joke next.

    For the 99.999% of readers who don’t own Trivial Pursuit, the Superman Edition, when evil Kryptonian General Zod was released from the Phantom Zone extra-dimensional prison, he attacked the White House and demanded that the President “kneel befor Zod.” The President immediately did so. Zod knew that this must be a fake president, because a real leader would never give in so easily.

    .

65. HBGlord
    January 16th, 2007 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    #64 — Once again proving the point that Ted Forth is the comic-strip character most likely to be a CC contributor (like his “daddy,” Ces, used to be).

66. Cody
    January 16th, 2007 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    I Laughed at today’s Slylock Fox
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/style/comics/king.htm?name=Slylock
    Who wrote the “HELP” message? Panel two suggests iit was the bird.

67. Hap Hapless
    January 16th, 2007 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    Are they implying, in Mary Worth, that Peace Village is worse than a women’s shelter ?

68. Pelagius
    January 16th, 2007 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    In the Mary Worth movie every Asian man will be played by Benicio del Toro.

69. zeeba
    January 16th, 2007 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    1/16 PBS

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/1/16&name=Pearls_Before_Swine

    I may have to renounce my screen name “zeeba,” as I am mightily disappointed in Pastis today. What an old joke!!! Not even original!!! I last heard this one told by Steve Carell in The Office in the “Casino Night” episode. Pastis–watch it, or you’ll turn into Johnny Hart!!!

70. treedweller
    January 16th, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    People, I don’t understand your hostility toward dimestore lipstick’s excellent suggestion to replace “Granthony” and “Anthony” with the emoticon 8{. For the purposes of FOOB, of course. All your Marc Anthony references may use the text version of the name.

71. General Zod
    January 16th, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    42 (Kneel before Zod) – It is something you all will have to practice because I, General Zod am running for President of the United States

72. Plinko Commie
    January 16th, 2007 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    Apparently the people who write for the newspapers are as contemptuous of the FOOBiverse as those who read said papers:

    http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/index.php/topic,36145.0/topicseen.html

73. Hogen Mogen
    January 16th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    #66 – Cody – Yikes – Man-on-Seagull action is not that for family fare. Since he is well fed from fish, crab and turtle soup (not shown – fried squid ala Scaduto, too), surely he wouldn’t try to use the bird in hand for a simple meal, but to share the lonliness of the high seas.

    Marvin: What a suckfest. Since babies do not choose their wardrobe (unless this Marvin is really five years old like he is drawn), one just begins to wonder what kind of parent puts an even smaller diape on, when we have seen Marv’s nascent super powers of gastrointestinal output.

74. AeroSquid
    January 16th, 2007 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    I can’t help it ! I’m visualizing Mary Worth laying on a chigger-infested matress; drunk as balls, under a slowly rotating ceiling fan….in Saigon. The ceiling fan sound morphs into the sound of a twin-engine Huey flying over ‘Peace Village’……and destroying it.

75. Islamorada Girl
    January 16th, 2007 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    I don’t care if it says Metropole. We know Mare is checking into Heartbreak Hotel.

76. Saxman
    January 16th, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    General Zod

    As tempting as your candidacy is, I must stay the course and once again vote for Great Cthulhu’s “why settle for the lesser of two evils” party.

    In the unlikely event GC doesn’t make the ballot in Texas, you can count on me (Cthulhu could never prevail against Zod in a state where spelling counts during write in campaigns.)

77. andreavis
    January 16th, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    FC: Wow, when I read in today’s strip that Billy is getting a beard, I was SO not thinking he meant a goatee.

78. majolo
    January 16th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    MW: a quick google reveals that Greta Weber is at zorgkantoormiddenijssel, working as an “adviseur hulpmiddelen”. Clearly, she is an advisor to help with meddling. I leave it to funnier minds than mine to try to translate her organization’s name.

79. cheech wizard
    January 16th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Tracy doesn’t seem too worried about the admissability of Dr. Froid’s thought-confession in court. Diet Smith must have ordered Froid to make sure his invention not only erases memories, but eliminates all those messy civil liberties as well.

80. Jimbo
    January 16th, 2007 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    #45

    Maybe your paper didn’t print today’s Mallard for reasons of taste? The Boston Globe printed it, and apparently so did the Houston Chronicle:

    http://chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070116&name=Mallard_Fillmore

81. Mr. O’Malley
    January 16th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    The Hotel Metropole in Hanoi was, as I’m sure many of you will remember, the location of the International Pho Conference. Didier Corlou, executive chef at the hotel and renowned pho expert, was the conference organizer.

    I’m sure it is due to the restorative properties of the pho at the Hotel Metropole that Mary can fly a third of the way around the world and not suffer from jet lag.

82. Allie Cat
    January 16th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    Foob – So Jesse has something he wants to give back to Liz? I’m sure they mean it in a figurative sense as in, “You taught me so much, I and I want to pay it forward”, but part of me is hoping he stole a pair of her panties before she left last year and he’s feeling guilty.

83. Forthillrox
    January 16th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    Why in the world would the artists bring Mary Worth to Vietnam when they can’t even draw Asian poeple? I mean honestly, they should just go all the way and outfit them in red silk robes, coolies with bucked teeth and fu manchus. As egregiously wrong as it would be, at least readers would have some idea that Mary was supposed to be somewhere in Asia.

84. SmartPeopleOnIce
    January 16th, 2007 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    #68 (Pelagius) …or Tony Randall

85. Saxman
    January 16th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    85

    The Chron included Mallard in our on-line edition, but strictly speaking hasn’t “printed” it in their hardcopy edition for a long time.

    After today I’m thinking it won’t be coming back any time soon. (There was once some talk radio buzz that it would return once Boondocks came back to balance it).

    Even Ann Coulter is occasionally amusing, but I can’ think of the last time I really liked an MF.

86. MrG8000
    January 16th, 2007 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    Re: today’s “Mallard Fillmore”…I’m still trying to figure out the meter that Tinsley had in his head when he composed his little, um, poem.

    It must only scan if you’re completely plastered.

87. Joe
    January 16th, 2007 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    How hilarious would it be if Mary Worth found Dr. Jeff had gone mad, Colonel Kurtz-like, in a Cambodian fortress populated with half-naked villagers and complete with heads-on-pikes? Answer: sort of hilarious.

88. Cornwhacker
    January 16th, 2007 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    These poorly-drawn Asians are making me question everything I knew about Charterstone. Perhaps Mary herself is Vietnamese? “Worth” is her married name, after all, and it would explain her lack of need for a visa.

89. Dennis Jimenez
    January 16th, 2007 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    And then Brando/Kurtz/Dr. Jeff says, “Get the butter.” Last Tango in Peace Village.

90. Donut
    January 16th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    #82 alliecat:

    Foob – So Jesse has something he wants to give back to Liz?

    I think the implication is that he stole borrowed her harmonica.

91. Hogen Mogen
    January 16th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    #71 – General Zod – I’m not kneeling to some petty dictator who merely wants to be a Stalin-like dictator over our pathetic planet. Subservience of the Americans, intimidation of lesser nations. I want, as you once did, to rise through the ranks of an interstellar army to pillage, plunder and conquer entire worlds. I want to visit utopian paradises in exotic far-off star systems and rain fire down from the sky on their unsuspecting alien villages. That should be your campaign pledge. Of course, if I did rise through the ranks of such an armada, you could expect a military coup in a few years. I didn’t tip my hand there, did I?

92. Dingo
    January 16th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Mark Trail makes me glad I have a rule about no beverages near the computer. Staring at The Courtship of Daddy’s Beaver was too much! When playing doctor in the woods, it’s always best to keep one’s pants or skirt at a level where they can be quickly raised (this also works for lonely hikers receiving oral pleasure on a trail, but I digress). Rusty and his little girl-whore woodland friend should learn to walk farther (further?) into the woods before their show-and-tell games. Then again, based on some of the truly bad comics I’ve seen lately, you could half expect Dad to join in (NSFWHWA*).

    * not safe for work, home, the woods, anywhere

    Is it just my imagination, or is that Mary’s bellboy in that one comic strip?

93. Hogen Mogen
    January 16th, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    Re: The couple in MW: I present to you Jane and Josh Hand.

94. reader-who-posts
    January 16th, 2007 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    MW: My Mary in Vietnam fantasy involves Mary finding her snuggle-bunny in prison, where they are both forced to play russian roulette while throngs of vietnamese men gamble on the outcome. Needless to say, we win, Mary loses.

    BB: Gizmo was created several years ago to be hip to us young kids with our cell phones and computers and music thingamabobs. He was promptly forgotten until today, showing up with a camera that looks like it is from the 70’s. His next appearance he’ll repair the general’s slide rule.

    B.C.: On second thought, please return to lame boomerang jokes.

    Lockhorns: I don’t think the writer understands what happens when identity theft occurs. I also don’t think he understands what happens when someone draws a funny comic.

    FW: For the love of God, could Batiuk go one day without throwing a pathetic pun in the strip?

95. Poppinjay
    January 16th, 2007 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    #50 “Is every male Plugger middle aged and fat, with major health issues? It doesn’t bode well for the survival off the (hybrid/mixed) species.

    They procreate like… uh… stray dogs in a trailer park.

96. Dingo
    January 16th, 2007 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    So, last night the BF and I drove into Chicago and attended It’s Just Bingo Bitch! at a northside bar. One of the ‘hostesses’ told a joke:

    Q: What has two legs and bleeds a lot?
    A: Half a kitten

    Liz Patterson has entered half-a-kitten territory this week. There is no good way out of this trainwreck. Paul dumped her, the village hates her, Anthony emotes for her, and Warren is hovering above. No amount of collagen injected into those sputtering white lips will ease the pain. It’s time to search for an ice floe, Liz.

    (with apologies to Henry Gross)

    Another day is at end
    Susan says she’s tired again
    ‘Cuz Liz is knocking on the door
    How do we rid ourselves of that whore?
    But maybe there’s a better way
    Paul, do you hear?

    I’m sure he’d tell her
    “I’ve got a gun.”
    So beat it, urchin, time to run
    It’s time for you to go away
    Maybe you’ll find another man
    With a shady tickler
    Just like the one in your hometown
    C’mon, don’t be a stickler
    You’ve been keeping these feelings
    All inside
    But finally the tears will fill your eyes
    And I know that somewhere tonight
    You’ll dream of Anthony

97. AeroSquid
    January 16th, 2007 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    Will Mary have to eat Monkey brains straight from the Monkey skull ? I like Monkeys. Monkeys are funny.

98. cheech wizard
    January 16th, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    97 – With a spork, preferably. Perhaps they can set a place for Bucky as well.

99. AeroSquid
    January 16th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    Monkey-licious !

100. Pozzo
     January 16th, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

     Hey, Plugger dogman – why take three pills every day? Just one pill will end all your problems. This message brought to you by the Friends of Kevorkian (FOK).

101. Ernesto _Chuck_Guevara
     January 16th, 2007 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

     Kudos to Bob the Angry Flower — there’s only one thing that irks me more than superfluous apostrophes, and that’s the “quotation-marks-as-decoration” school of sign making. Believe me, if you haven’t noticed this phenomenon before, you’ll see it everywhere now.

     Examples:

     “QUALITY” WALL HANGINGS!

     TODAY’S “SPECIAL!”

     Implying, of course, that the items in question are “SPECIAL” or possess “QUALITY” only in a Margo-style finger-quotin’-ly ironic way…

102. AeroSquid
     January 16th, 2007 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

     Mary’s camo-grease painted head rises from the steamy Mekong river. Her eyes wide and alert like two active early warning radars. This is the end…dum dum dum….my only friend….the end. dum dum dum.

103. Robert Whitaker Sirignano
     January 16th, 2007 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

     I think I mentioned that today’s MALLARD FILMORE didn’t make much sense, and it’s selecting a loopy, and easy target. There is no comparison between Saddam and Castro. If there were Bush would have invaded it first. (It’s a lot closer.)

     Anyway, MARVIN’s little gremlin character ought to be shoved up the nether regional end of a “Plugger”, and maybe he would have a reason to take his three laxative pills at one time.

     We can only hope Marvin does lose some weight and vanishes.

     Come to think of it, though I loathe the strip, Marvin’s thinking is a lot clearer than any of the microcephalic cretins in THE FAMILY CIRCUS.

104. athena
     January 16th, 2007 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

     I’m embarrassed to admit it, but thanks to this blog I now read FW online every day. So can someone here explain today’s (Tuesday’s) strip to me: why is Ms. UniArm running away from the freckled dude in such distress?

105. kolacheman
     January 16th, 2007 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

     101 Ernesto: Locally, we have a kolache shop that advertises “Hot and Fresh” pastries. I dont like to contemplate what that means.

106. cheech wizard
     January 16th, 2007 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

     You know, the one thing everyone’s been overlooking in the Foobacalyspe is Jesse — poor, brilliant, troubled Jesse. The only light in whose misguided life is the White Goose Butt Who Will Always Return. Gee, what will become of him when she waddles away for good? Who wil he blame? JOHN LAW, that’s who!

     JOHN LAW drove her away!

     JOHN LAW ruined his life!

     JOHN LAW is gonna pay!

     Tough break, kid. But then, not everybody gets to grow up to be an astronaut.

107. AeroSquid
     January 16th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

     104: Easy. she was preoccupied and walked into the boy’s room by mistake. Freckle dude had his pants down around his ankles…..take it from there. This is known as the setup for the rest of the week. One of them will be in therapy by the end of the month.

108. cheech wizard
     January 16th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

     104- Because the walking slot machine accidentally ambled into the boy’s restroom while lost in thought.

109. Dingo
     January 16th, 2007 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

     Cheech wizard: walking slot machine? I’d hate to know what drops out when you hit three cherries.

110. AeroSquid
     January 16th, 2007 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

     108: More Southwest Asian babies.

111. Forthillrox
     January 16th, 2007 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

     Are Crankshaft and Dick Cheney supposed to be the same person on purpose? Or is it a coincidence?

112. cheech wizard
     January 16th, 2007 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

     108 – me too, though they’d probably have to call the janitor.

113. Gabriel
     January 16th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

     hey Josh, I just discovered your site, and it’s great!
     you rule, and thanks for doing this!

114. Harvest
     January 16th, 2007 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

     “He’ll see the beaver!”

     It’s kind of sad really that it comes down to that. What is the comics page coming down to when a respectable, deus ex right-hookin’, bear-lovin’, beaver-savin’ park ranger can’t even control the rapscallions running around his park playing ‘doctor’? The Good Ranger is losing his touch. Maybe he should see about hiring on Mary’s long lost doctor friend…he seems to have a way with sick children.

115. Detroit Diesel
     January 16th, 2007 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

     FOOB: Looks like Lynn is at least consistent about how similar types of people should be with their own kind. While perusing thru FBOFW’s archives, found this little gem.

     http://www.fborfw.com/strip_fix/archives/000621.php

116. ianscot
     January 16th, 2007 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

     Crankshaft is truly breaking new ground with its two latest plotlines:

     1) Characters come up with two weeks’ worth of carping remarks to make about the Netflix service our artist just subscribed to — none of which complaints is either funny or particularly adroit;

     and now:

     2) Characters whinge about cable television.

     The well is dry, folks. Ed C. needs to get committed to a home by the family he’s abused for so many years, just to get some new material.

117. Nyssa23
     January 16th, 2007 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

     #92, 96–Dingo, you are officially my favorite plugger. That “half a kitten” line is hilarious. As for the NSFW comics, I just hope they’re not “based on a true story.”

     …However, as a longtime fag hag, I don’t understand Charlie’s hostility toward me. *sniffle*

     And #108–The cherries, sadly, are long since gone thanks to Wally Sr. But it would appear that three watermelons gets you an all-expenses-paid trip to the maternity ward to drop out Wally Jr.

118. Gabe
     January 16th, 2007 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

     112: There’s only room for one of me.

119. Gabe
     January 16th, 2007 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

     113: Mark’s a journalist, not a ranger. Yeah, I know. Crazy.

120. HammerGirl
     January 16th, 2007 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

     Damn! Maybe it’s because I’m an artist myself…I sensed particularly the sting of Margo’s BITCH ASS comment in 3G today!

     It really made me feel for Luann. Which kinda sucked.

     #101 – There used to be a pet store in Louisville called Pet Supplies “PLUS”. To make it even worse, the quotation marks at the beginning and end of the word PLUS were both facing in the same direction. So, so horrible.

121. Motorposus
     January 16th, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

     Mary Worth arrives at a remote hut.
     “Greta Weber?” says Mary. “I believe that’s Dr. Cory’s ox cart in your driveway.”
     Jeff appears. “Mary! I never meant to hurt you!”
     She cleaves his skull with a machete.

122. Ribinin
     January 16th, 2007 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

     I’m pretty sure that “Greta Weber” was the name of Dr Jeff’s sled when he was a boy.

123. reader-who-posts
     January 16th, 2007 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

     103: Although I do loathe Mallard Fillmore, I would agree that the main difference between Saddam and Fidel is that while Saddam is a dead murderous dictator, Fidel is a live murderous dictator.

124. Key Lime Pie
     January 16th, 2007 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

     I thought that Toby was sitting next to Mary on the plane, and now there is a Toby-alike at the Honky Hotel….

125. Tommina
     January 16th, 2007 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

     MW: Yesterday Mary Worth is napping on the airplane and now she has finished checking-in at the hotel. I’m feeling a little disoriented since that period of time in between would normally cover two weeks in the MW universe. Why, Rex Morgan, M.D. would have milked the hotel checking-in procedure for a solid week.

126. Tice
     January 16th, 2007 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

     I like to think of Pluggers as a continuing socratic analysis of what is and what is not a Plugger, open to public input as to what qualities their philosophical ideal of a Plugger possesses.
     But today’s perplexed me. If I drew a Venn diagram with a “Plugger” and “Not Plugger” fields, “often overlooks things” would fall in that overlapping area. Then I realized Brookins is being allegorical with us today. If you look beneath the surface, you’ll see it’s a demonstration of true Plugger non-elitism. When Brookins found in his Inbox a crumpled, beer-stained Carl’s Jr. napkin with “Pluggers often overlook things” scrawled on it, he could’ve dismissed it as weak, humorless, and uninspired. But that’s not the Plugger way. Instead, as Richard Dahl of Minneapolis, MN’s submission is sincere and not demonstrably anti-Plugger, it is drawn, published and canonized, just as good as anybody’s else’s.
     It’s really quite ingenious, like a zen riddle. A puzzle wrapped in a mystery wrapped in an engima.
     …Oh, wait. No, I misread my notes. I didn’t mean like a zen riddle, I meant like a McGriddle. That’s a bacon wrapped in an omelette wrapped in a pancake. Now that’s Pluggerism.

127. JeffM
     January 16th, 2007 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

     FYI – “Greta Weber” unscrambled is “Great Ebrew” which is the Cockneys name for Moses.

128. willethompson
     January 16th, 2007 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

     #121 Ribinin – Don’t DO that! That one caused me to spit my Laphroiag on the monitor. (too funny – bravo!)

129. Dean Booth
     January 16th, 2007 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

     DTM: Dennis’s mom looks like Bill Cowher in drag!

130. Anonymous
     January 16th, 2007 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

     #124 – no kiddin’, Mary is bending the hell out of the space-time continuum of the second dimension. You can teleport from strip to strip for guest shots, but you don’t by golly go messin’ with the time honored, tradition bound heel-dragging storytellin’.

     “It ain’t fittin’, it just ain’t fittin’.”

131. jules
     January 16th, 2007 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

     Ernesto Chuck Guevara (#101) – I’ve maintained for years that if a sign or billboard has only one word in quotes, that word is a baldfaced lie.

     Stop at Smalltown Shell Station – “Clean” Restrooms!
     Ma’s Diner “Great” Coffee
     Dewdrop Inn – “Best” Motel in Town

     Like that. I spent a lot of time on this great nation’s Interstate system when I was young, by gar. A lot of time dosed up on “great” coffee from a “convenience” store. Lots of time to “think…”

132. Dean Booth
     January 16th, 2007 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

     #49. Nice reference, willethompson. Aside from family members years ago, I’ve never heard anyone mention Mike Anthony. He was soooo cool.

133. Harry Paratestes
     January 16th, 2007 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

     Well, since Uncle Lumpy resides in the US, I guess that the redheaded guy in MW should be called ‘Nephew Lumpy’.

134. monica
     January 16th, 2007 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

     Don’t know if anybody’s still interested, but I have a Foxtrot replacement update. The call-to-vote program continues at the Philly Inky. After two weeks of running Cow & Boy and Sherman’s Lagoon, they’re now offering us The Pajama Diaries (first impression: bland) and……….Mallard Fillmore. And yeah, they ran the Saddam/Fidel strip today.

     But on a more cheerful note: today’s Get Fuzzy. “My inner kitten says bite me” would sure make for one helluva t-shirt!

135. Gal Friday
     January 16th, 2007 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

     #96, 120, 121–LOL Soon I won’t be able to read at work for fear of blowing my cover (that I’m working).

136. Syd
     January 16th, 2007 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

     Today’s Plugger = Pluggers like to pretend they forgot they already took their medication. “Hmm, did I already have three happy pills today? Maybe I oughta take a fourth… just to be sure.” They’re only human. The thing is, I am expecting a mallard the duck-esque one to pop up like “Pluggers sometimes forget how much they’ve had to drink’ or something.

137. horse_with_no_name
     January 16th, 2007 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

     Little is known about Mary Worth’s military service in Viet Nam. Due to her petite size and finely-honed negotiating skills, she was recruited to be a “tunnel rat”. And she can do things with a punji stick that defy all explanation. Well, punji sticks and ping pong balls.

     “Jeeefff…. pop pop pop”

138. Syd
     January 16th, 2007 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

     Crud, forgot to mention. What kinda baby has a pronounced ‘dunlap’ belly? Babies are not supposed to be bloated and saggy. I mean by their very nature they are fresh and new. His belly button is already stretched out like a faux-pouschua. And if I remember correctly his father is thin and modest. :P

139. Trixie Belden
     January 16th, 2007 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

     My fellow curmudgeonites! I have a sad confession to make re FOOB!

     Remember how exasperating it was to watch Liz stupidly decide to leave her job up north? Remember how selfish and deluded she was when she decided Paul could just transfer south to be with her?
     Remember how it seemed like it would be really enjoyable to watch her get her comeuppance?

     Well….now it’s happening…and…you know what?

     I’m not feelin’ it
     Zip. Zilch. Zero. Nada. Rien. I can’t get no satisfaction.
     I don’t know why. I suppose one reason might be my disgust that Lynn violated all laws of character development and decided to make Paul a cheat. I admit I was one of the “deadenders” against the whole “Paul will cheat with Susan” idea. Now, I know as well as anyone who reads this blog that Johnston is an author who is completely unashamed to grab a plot line and tug it around one hundred and eighty degrees to try get her audience where she wants them to be, but I just didn’t think she’d completely disregard the character of Paul as she had created him thus far. Silly me! Commenter Brendan posted some links to his excellent blog, Brendan Calling, where he explains much better than I can why the “Paul cheating” idea is absurd. As Brendan succinctly puts it “If the guy’s been talking with her every night after [she acted like such a jackass about deciding not to sign her contract] odds are in that in real life, he wouldn’t be nailing the round the way girl”. Not after a scant six months, anyway. I figured Johnston would take the easier route and have Paul tell Liz that he’s thought it over, and he just did not want to leave his part of Canada, he loved it too much, so their relationship had no future and had to end, etc. This would leave Susan as the woman he could turn to after Liz, and it would play down the disagreeable “brown people belong together” theme that comes up in Johnston’s work from time to time.

     I know lots of readers are taking the same tack that Brendan does: that Liz was already a psychological cheat, because her rush back home appears to have been precipitated by the news that Anthony was divorcing, so she deserves to have Paul cheat on her. I’m sorry, but I can’t agree. It’s true that her homesickness followed right on the heels of the infamous “Wait!” strip. But – now that she’s been home, she hasn’t sought out Anthony, and when they were pushed together by the deus es machina of the trial, she didn’t actually do anything. She may have expressed a mysterious and extravagant admiration for Anthony’s abilities to father a child and own a house, but in all her romantic yearnings, she appears to have been faithful to Paul.

     It may be Johnston will later decree that Liz must have some sort of subconscious well of loving feelings for Anthony, and at the right time, these feelings will rise up and flood her conscious mind and heart and everything will be wonderful. However, right now all of her conscious romantic thoughts are true to Paul. Yeah, maybe she was deluded and selfish to expect him to transfer South when he had never shown the faintest interest in doing such a thing, but he did agree that he would try to transfer. So, I have to say that makes Paul the cheat.

     Now, here is the part that spoils all the fun for me. I remember lots of readers predicted that Johnston would subject Paul to some sort of ex post facto character assassination. Interestingly, (and appallingly) the opposite appears to be true. Usually, in Johnston’s world, cheaters are horrible people who deserve to be beaten up and have their hockey gear taken away and donated to charity. Not so in this case. Why? Well, it’s because Paul cheated on Liz with someone who was more ethnically appropriate for him.

     I find it is beyond my powers of expression to convey how utterly repellent this notion is to me.

     Also, my lack of enjoyment in this storyline may be gender related. It may be, as a woman, I simply had a deep visceral reaction of horror at the thought of hopping out of a helicopter with love in your heart and happy thoughts about seeing your wonderful boyfriend and all your dear friends in Mtigadoon, only to discover, within a few minutes after you arrive, that: 1) your boyfriend is cheating on you and; 2) all your “dear friends” (remember how they said that they understood that you wanted to be closer to your family and thus had to return home, and there were no hard feelings? In fact, they even had a kind of “adoption” ceremony, so you would always be just like one of their own!)have been watching the affair unfold over the past months, didn’t think it was any of their business to tell you about it, and frankly, they all think his new girl is a better match for him!
     AND NOW, the helicopter has already left and you’re trapped, TRAPPED! For THREE WHOLE DAYS! With NO ESCAPE in a tiny, tiny, village with your ex-boyfriend, his new girl and all the other people – all of whom know everything that’s happened and think it’s just peachy!
     Call me a softy, and perhaps Liz is sometimes whiny and selfish, but I can hardly think of anyone I dislike so much that I’d enjoy watching them go through that.

140. doughy lawyer Roy
     January 16th, 2007 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

     Why hasn’t anyone pasted up the “who’s guiding mine” foob strip with a fifth panel with the “Edith Prickley” picture of Lynn Johnson?

     I don’t have a website, so i couldn’t post it.

141. Mr. O’Malley
     January 16th, 2007 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

     #96 I keep waiting, but so far no one has risen to the bait:

     Shannon … is … gone

142. Pendragon
     January 16th, 2007 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

     MW: It’s great that Jimmy Olsen was able to hook up with Lucy Lane at the Metropole.

143. Poteet
     January 16th, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

     # 96 & 140 — BWAHAHA! Dingo set it up nicely, O’Malley delivered, and I’m cleaning my keyboard again.

     # 138 — Trixie, please don’t be mature about this situation. You’re harshin’ my schadenfreude:-).

144. doughy lawyer Roy
     January 16th, 2007 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

     Don’t clink on the Dingo link…don’t click on the Dingo link…don’t click on the Dingo link…don’t click on the Dingo link…don’t click on the Dingo link…don’t click on the Dingo link…don’t click on the Dingo link…don’t click on the Dingo link…don’t click on the Dingo link…

     AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

     GREAT JOLENE RAPTOR!!!!

145. Pendragon
     January 16th, 2007 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

     MW again: Greta Weber is Dr. Jeff’s post-op name.

146. Vince M.
     January 16th, 2007 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

     Mary was thinking “Get a Weber” – time for barbecued casserole!

147. don hosek
     January 16th, 2007 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

     For the mallard fillmore commenters, I’ve set up a dedicated blog to critiquing the duck, although I have to admit that if he does what I expect him to this week, it’s gonna be a long tough slag.

148. Jobiska
     January 16th, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

     Some of you may enjoy The Gallery of “Misused” Quotation Marks: http://www.juvalamu.com/qmarks/

149. Dean Booth
     January 16th, 2007 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

     #94. reader-who-posts, here’s your MW fantasy (from the other day).

150. yellojkt
     January 16th, 2007 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

     The Metropole is the swankiest hotel in Hanoi at over $200 a night. I stayed there in 2005 and loved it. Speaking of redheads in Hanoi, my Blogger profile picture is a cropped version of me sitting by the pool.

     I think it ironic that Mary is living la vida colonial while Dr Jeff is off catching malaria in the deforested jungle.

     Also, a little research would reveal that you can’t fly direct from the US to Hanoi. You fly into Ho Chi Minh City and then catch a domestic flight to Hanoi.

151. Mibbitmaker
     January 16th, 2007 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

     Mary Worth’ll find out that Dr. Jeff has been doing his medical mission of mercy with (and forgive me if I’m channeling someone else here from earlier by accident) Doctors Without Biddies. No wonder he never called!

     Dejected, she leaves Vietnam (clinging to a helicopter* from on top of a building, naturally), only to be scandalized when Jeff’s old collegues form the ‘Not-So-Swift Boat Veternarians for Storytelling’ and harrass Mare for not confronting the Communist gov’t while there.

     All this gives her PTSD in the form of more dreams, all involving loads of giant swan statues falling down around her.

     *No one I.D.ed the pilot, though rumors that it was Warren of Foob are likely untrue.

152. Dean Booth
     January 16th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

     #146. Don, nice site. I recommend it to the politically inclined duck haters.

153. Lenore
     January 16th, 2007 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

     Dear Ms. Olive Oyl of Popeye fame:

     It has recently come to my attention that you are trying to be the first woman “Presidink” of Goon Island, and I have some advise for you. If you truely wish to win this election, I suggest you pick a campaign manager who won’t sell you out for a Big Mac. I realize that Wimpie is an old friend, and he does indeed have the whole mooching thing down, but the man takes hambergers as currancy. Please reconsider for your own sake.

     Sincerely,

     Lenore

154. yellojkt
     January 16th, 2007 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

     Not to bore people with more travelogue, but most of the guests at the Metropole are white, not that I was taking a survey or anything. While in Vietnam, I stayed at the upscale colonial era hotels that cater to European and Australian tourists. At the Morin in Hue, there was a large group of Vietnamese travel industry guests there as part of an incentive package.

     The plane ride over (we transfered to JAL in Tokyo) was overwhelmingly Asian and on the domestic flights I was about the only non-Vietnamese on the plane. Mary must be traveling on the rich meddler package tour.

155. Loppie Scaduto
     January 16th, 2007 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

     80: Not meanin’ to be contrary, Jimbo, but it seems to me that any newspaper that would decline to print MF “for reasons of taste” would never print MF at all, if ya catch my drift. Ohhh yeahhhh…

156. True Fable
     January 16th, 2007 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

     #138 Trixie Belden! I admire your way with words, and agree with them as well.

     Speaking from another place in the spectrum as I am, I am ashamed to take a degree of satisfaction in Liz’s long overdue comeuppance.

     Is this Lynn’s ham-fisted idea of what First Americans are all about? She freely borrowed the whole potlatch scenario so Liz would feel accepted by the Noble Savages of the Wilderness – why bless my soul, if it isn’t St. Anne, the patron saint of Canada, herself! See how she effortlessly handles her first teaching assignment, it’s meant to be! Witness how she easily fits in with the local townspeople, it’s meant to be! Marvel how she is just the dagnabbest most wunnerful lil gal you ever saw, it’s meant to be!

     So now that she’s made the Mtigatingcircumstances out to be accepting, noble savages the way too many white authors do, Lynn’s had to do a reverse when she realized Liz talked herself into a corner by “Wait!”ing for Anthony. So now we have – wait for it! – Indian givers!!

     We accepted you, we believed in you, you done us wrong, we will spell it out for you and make you sympathetic again to the white readers of the freakin’ frakin’ Talking Leaves or whatever the hell. We will totally ignore the whole you-are-part-of-our-community line and will now treat you colder than a blizzard. You are dead to us. We are closing ranks around Paul, who is being made out to be the Evil Cheater, in constrast with your purity.

     I had a great visceral reaction to the thought of a man who was doing just fine in his life, when he sees a picture of a pretty girl and, in a moment of inspired lunatic impulse, decides to check her out. He falls for her, tries to do everything she asks of him even though some of it is hard to swallow or understand, only to have her just walk off from his hometown, as if it isn’t good enough.

     She figureatively took a bite out of a candy sampler and found one with ickky nougat and decided to toss the whole box out. She didn’t want to renew her contract even though she expected him to follow her to Toronto without question.

     Hello, he knows Toronto is there, he knows how to read a map. If he wanted to live and work in Toronto he would have gone there by now. And when he didn’t hop to and bust a move, she decided not to come back. Boom, just like that, after telling everyone how special they made her feel and promising she couldn’t imagine living anywhere else by Mtinoughalready.

     I imagine it would be harsh to find your boyfriend and an entire town turned against you, but this should honestly not bring down the house for a girl who cavalierly toys with men’s hearts and then walks away. He made no secret how much he wanted her, but Liz slapped him with her solid gold chastity belt and pushed him away. When a man gets hit with enough cold water and stiff arms, when his girlfriend takes off for the south and whistles an order to “come hither, mule!”, he just might turn to an actual warm body and say “not in this lifetime, honey.” She ain’t coming back, and she disses you along the way to boot.

     Call me an unsympathetic jerk, but I am satisfied so far.

157. Douglas E. Iannucci
     January 16th, 2007 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

     #43: You may know it as football, but it will always be soccer to me.

158. reader-who-posts
     January 16th, 2007 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

     Lynn Johnston isn’t racist, she just doesn’t think “northern people” should live in Toronto. Or date white people. Nope, no racism there.

159. Red Greenback
     January 16th, 2007 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

     Dingo, your post #182 wa-a-a-y back in the METAPOST: DO PAUL RIGHT.”the great Aldo peppered story”. I finally got it!

     Here is a song I been trying to parody, But just can’t kiss it and make it any bettal

     “Your red scarf matches your eyes
     You close your cover before striking
     Your father had the shipfitter blues
     Loving you has made me bananas.

     You burned your finger that evening
     While my back was turned.
     I asked the waiter for iodine,
     But I dined all alone”.
     Summerhouse:
     That was scribed by the great Guy Marks-1968

160. Dingo
     January 16th, 2007 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

     Pour yourself a Lebeck’s, grab your sweetie (or co-worker), stand next to the monitor and in your best Vanessa Williams, please sing the following:

     with apologies to Alan Menken and Stephen Schwartz

     Colors of the Lynn

     You think of them as noble but as savage
     And you’ve been so many places…
     Just T’ronto!
     But still you cannot see
     That the savage one is thee
     How can there be so much that you don’t know?
     You don’t know …

     You think you own whatever man you land on
     That cocks are rocks like diamonds you can claim
     But I know that every cock you flee, you creature
     Is a man, who has a life, and has a name

     You think the only people who are people
     Are Pattersons, yes Pattersons, like you
     But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger
     You’ll learn just what a bitch they think of you

     Have you ever a woman cry “pleeeee-aaaaaaugh-ooolah”?
     Or asked the grinning Shannon if she’s sinned?
     Is your heart as pure as Ivory or a tempest?
     Can you paint with all the colors of the Lynn?
     Can you paint with all the colors of the Lynn?

     Come back to Mtigwaki on the tundra
     Come running back for Paul (or was it Viv?)
     Your eyes will water when you see it’s Susan
     That your man has chosen (can you ever live?)

     April is your sister and your brother
     Is writing novels Austen surely rends
     You’re all connected to each other, Lizzie
     In a circle of despair that knows no ends

     How low can Lynn Johnston go?
     Though we cut her down, it seems she never knows
     And you’ll never hear “pleeeee-aaaaaaugh-ooolah” yourself

     For whether we are white or copper skinned
     Lynn Johnston says to each stay with his own
     The Maple Leaf is pure and should remain so
     No interracial babies should be sown

     You can own the copyright and still
     What you write comes down to nothing but swill
     When you can paint with all the colors of the Lynn.

161. Dingo
     January 16th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

     Red Greenback #158: Thank you for getting that. For others, I was riffing The Great Waldo Pepper, a Robert Redford movie.

162. King Folderol
     January 16th, 2007 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

     MW – I’m just happy that the desk clerk doesn’t have some inappropriately racist accent.

     Pluggers – It’s hard to remember if you took your pills or not when someone’s constantly grinding them into your Dog Chow.

     Marvin – Two months of changing diapers has made Marvin even more unfunny, which I thought was a scientific impossibility.

     MT – “Your homework? OK, but let me make sure your beaver’s OK, first.”

     Crankshaft – No, no, no. He doesn’t mean “gay”. He means Lifestyle brand condoms, which he hasn’t needed for years since he’s been shooting blanks and hasn’t slept with an egg-producing woman in god-only-knows-how-long.

163. yellojkt
     January 16th, 2007 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

     The Great Waldo Pepper is a great obscure Redford flick. Almost as good as The Hot Rock.

164. True Fable
     January 16th, 2007 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

     #160 Dingo, if I were wired the appropriate way, I’d give you a big sloppy man-kiss for Colors of the Lynn. As it is, I’ll just bow in recognition of exceptional talent.

     *bows*

165. Finger Quotin Margo
     January 16th, 2007 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

     Candy:

     Hi “Daddy!” Let’s go back to the “House” – I want YOU you “check my homework!”

     “Daddy”: Your “homework?”

     Candy: Ooh, you’re so “strong” and “hard” and muscle-y, “Daddy!”

     and that’s what you can “add” to that!

166. LariLee
     January 16th, 2007 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

     Come on, you have to love Mark Trail! Where else can you snicker at jokes involving beavers and not be thought some sort of pervert?

     “Oh, I don’t want my dad to see that beaver! It’s mine! All mine!” Sophocles couldn’t have written it better (though I do understand he could draw better).

167. Booper
     January 16th, 2007 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

     #23 — More cornstarch, mule.

168. Red Greenback
     January 16th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

     OK, because so many of my esteemed colleagues have done so:
     I give you again: “I Feel Like An Ol’ Douchebag Rambo”
     *now with spellcheck!*
     (sing along, Summerhouse!)

     Gimme an M!
     M!
     Gimme an A!
     A!
     Gimme an R!
     R!
     Gimme a Y!
     Y!
     What’s that spell ?
     MARY!
     What’s that spell ?
     MARY!
     What’s that spell ?
     MARY!
     Yeah, come on all of you, meddlin’ biddies,
     Doctor Jeff’s treatin’ hare-lipped kiddies.
     He’s got himself in a terrible jam
     Way down yonder in Vietnam
     So put down your casserole, and pick up a ticket,
     You might get lost in the thicket.

     And it’s one, two, three,
     What am I looking for ?
     Don’t ask me, I don’t give a damn,
     Next stop is Vietnam;
     And it’s five, six, seven,
     Open up the plot device,
     Well there ain’t no time to wonder why,
     Whoopee! it’s gonna add spice.

     Well, come on dreamer, let’s move fast;
     Your big chance has come at last.
     Gotta go out and get that Doc —
     The only last chance to get some c**k
     And you know that peace can only be won
     When you’ve finally got you some.

     And it’s one, two, three,
     What am I looking for ?
     Don’t ask me, I don’t give a damn,
     Next stop is Vietnam;
     And it’s five, six, seven,
     Open up the plot device,
     Well there ain’t no time to wonder why,
     Whoopee! it’s gonna add spice.

     Huh!

     Well, come on Mary, don’t move slow,
     Why gal, this is meddlin’ au-go-go.
     Money’s no object for to take those rides
     “Cause of the comfortable income your ex provides,
     Just hope and pray that if you platitude,
     it won’t offend the local’s ‘tude.

     And it’s one, two, three,
     What am I looking for ?
     Don’t ask me, I don’t give a damn,
     Next stop is Vietnam;
     And it’s five, six, seven,
     Open up the plot device,
     Well there ain’t no time to wonder why,
     Whoopee! it’s gonna add spice.

     Well, come on ‘mudges throughout the land,
     Mary’s going to Vietnam.
     Come on snarkers, don’t hesitate,
     I know you won’t, ’cause you’re never late.
     Be the first one in the queu
     To make COTW.

     And it’s one, two, three,
     What am I looking for ?
     Don’t ask me, I don’t give a damn,
     Next stop is Vietnam;
     And it’s five, six, seven,
     Open up the plot device,
     Well there ain’t no time to wonder why,
     Whoopee! it’s gonna add spice.

169. Adam
     January 16th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

     I think the official name is “Myanmar formerly Burma”. At least to me it is.

170. Artist Formerly Known as Ben
     January 16th, 2007 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

     Congratulations Marvin. You look like redneck sleaze and yuo’ve doubled your odds of getting diaper rash.

171. yellojkt
     January 16th, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

     Red Greenback, you made my evening. Now I’m going to be humming the M-A-R-Y song all night. You do Country Joe proud.

172. Kimberlyrose
     January 16th, 2007 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

     #160 Dingo –

     You are the wind beneath my wings. That was great.

173. AwfulArt
     January 16th, 2007 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

     For all you fans of the Big 12 ** in college football today’s “Tank McNamara” is a must read…!!!
     **Also known as the Little 11 + the Oklahoma Swooners…..

174. Conor
     January 16th, 2007 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

     I have to say, Josh, that your site actually has me reading the newspaper comics again, and while enjoying them would be too strong a word, I am having fun mocking them. Or ironically appreciating them…whatever.

     Oh, and Granthony is really a woman living as a man, like that film “boys don’t cry,” I’m quite sure of it. His/her real name’s Amanda.

175. Red Greenback
     January 16th, 2007 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

     Summerhouse, I KNOW you know this One!

     Goin’ out east
     To the Village of the Peace
     Out in back of Da Nang
     Where the catfish farmers run, I had to
     Make up my mind
     And I know I’m gonna go to Peace
     Village, good God I hope the
     Wind don’t blow

     It take the paint off your car
     And wreck your windshield too,
     I don’t know how the people stand it,
     But I guess they do
     Cause they’re all still there,
     Even Doc Jeff Cory too
     In the Village of the Peace
     Village of the Peace, Sheesh!
     Village of the Peace, Sheesh!
     (Peace Village to you . . . you-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo, well!)

     Little Mary, and Toeby, and Greta too, now
     Where Ho Chi Boulevard, wo!
     Cuts on through
     Past the Hanoi Inn, well, & Barbecue now, yeah
     (I heard it ain’t there . . .
     Well I hope it ain’t true)
     Where the meddlers gonna go
     To watch the lights turn blue?
     Where the meddlers gonna go
     To watch the lights turn blue-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-wahhh?

     (Boogity-boogity-boogity-boogity)

     Goin’ back home
     To the Village of the Peace Out in back of Da Nang
     Where the catfish farmers run, I done
     Made up my mind
     And I know I’m gonna go to Peace
     Village, good God I hope the
     Wind don’t blow-wow-wow-wow-wow-wow-wow-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-oooh

     It take the paint off your car
     And wreck your windshield too,
     I don’t know how y’all people stand it,
     But I guess you do
     Cause you’re all still there,
     In your exposed underwear
     In the Village of the Peace
     Village of the Peace
     Village of the Peace, capisce?
     (Peace Village to you)
     Cory boo (HA HA HA HA!)
     What you gonna do?
     Cory boo (HA HA HA HA!)
     What you gonna do?
     Jeffrey boo (HA HA HA HA!)
     What you gonna do?
     Mary BOOOOO . . .

176. tommy
     January 16th, 2007 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

     shouldn’t it have take like 1000 months of real time for mary to have flown to vietnam?

177. Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
     January 17th, 2007 at 12:09 am [Reply]

     Mary Worth – Isn’t this how “Missing in Action” (featuring oscar nominee Chuck Norris) started?? It shant be long now before Mary goes cro-magnon and gives General Trang and his cronies a .50 caliber asskicking ..

     Pluggers – Dog… pills, potential for overdose…comedy gold

     Mark Trail – “He’s going to see the beaver”..The unwholsome nature of this strip makes me cringe with discomfort.

178. Summerhouse
     January 17th, 2007 at 12:14 am [Reply]

     That Pluggers reminds me of one of the funniest comments I’ve seen here at CC in the relatively short time I’ve been attending. Re: The high cost of Plugger medicine, somebody posted, “It’s not just the cost of the medicine. It’s the cost of all the lunch meat and cheese he has to hide the medicine in to get himself to take it.” Bwahaha! Wish I’d said that.

     I just got back from the Walgreens with my Tamiflu. Blecch. So much for incessant use of Purell handcleaner. Anyway, I saw a guy there that looked exactly like Gadge Cubic, buying peanut brittle. Sorry I didn’t say “Hi,” Gadge, I’m woozy. I hope you enjoy the brittle.

     Red Greenback – If I try to sing along, it sounds like an old SNL skit, Tarzan, Tonto and Frankenstein Sing.

179. Heckler123
     January 17th, 2007 at 1:04 am [Reply]

     #175, Red Greenback – I enjoyed your song, but I don’t know what it’s parodying. Can you help me out? (Forgive my ignorance.)

     #160, Dingo – I enjoyed you song, too, and I recognized its source. But don’t even get me started on my opinion of the Pocahontas movie.

     #164, True Fable – You said, “Dingo, if I were wired the appropriate way…..” So, you think you’re wired inappropriately? Are you a 220-volt appliance trapped in a 120-volt casing?

     Regarding FBoFW and the whole Elizabeth thing…. doesn’t anyone else share my opinion that it is never necessary to cheat on someone? If you want to break off a relationship, just do it. Don’t run around behind your partner’s back. Cheating is just wrong.

     I realize FBoFW is just a comic, and I know that people justify their infidelity all the time. But cheating still sucks, and each one of us is responsible for how he or she lives life.

     I will shortly return to the sarcastic, flippant persona that you have come to know and love.

180. mumbles
     January 17th, 2007 at 1:11 am [Reply]

     FOOB: Wow, the life has just been kicked out of Lizardbreath….it’s not the kid’s fault for stealing her grandpa’s harmonica, it’s her own fault for not giving it to him?!? No self-worth, a newfound desire to be a human doormat – sounds like her inner psyche is preparing her for a life with Granthony.

     MW: I love how it’s all about Mary. The hotel guy just mentioned these poor kids affected by Agent Orange….an invitation for a heartfelt conversation about them, and she’s all yeah yeah yeah, who’s Greta Webber?

     A3G: It sounds like LuAnn is about to join some downtown art scam, a la Mark Kostabi or Andy Warhol in his later days. More silkscreens, mule!

181. Dingo
     January 17th, 2007 at 1:12 am [Reply]

     What the hell is up with Luann in today’s Apt. 3G? In panel 1, she’s Sarah Chalke from Scrubs. In panel 2, she’s Cybill Shepherd during the Moonlighting years. In the final panel — panel 3 — she’s a cross between Sally Field as Sybil, Shannon from FOOB, and a Peter Max poster. Is there a gas leak in that apartment? Tommie, however, remains the same in all three panels: as intoxicating as a Highlights magazine in the Library of Congress.

182. Aaron
     January 17th, 2007 at 1:14 am [Reply]

     1/16 FW: Have we ever seen Harry without his bandleader’s hat before? Is Batiuk cribbing from Trudeau and his finally uncovering B.D.’s hair?

183. Aaron
     January 17th, 2007 at 1:15 am [Reply]

     D’oh, that shoud be 1/17!

184. Dingo
     January 17th, 2007 at 1:15 am [Reply]

     Mary Worth:
     Population of Hanoi, VietNam as of 2005 – 3,145,300
     # of white biddies in town – 2

     Will they meet? Oh, yeahhhhh

185. Dingo
     January 17th, 2007 at 1:18 am [Reply]

     Mark Trail:

     Are you two trying to hide something?

     Yes, Daddy, Rusty is trying to hide something. In a BEAVER. Perhaps… your daughter’s.

186. Mr. O’Malley
     January 17th, 2007 at 1:24 am [Reply]

     159. Stay with us, won’t you, for the sweetest music this side of the Monogahela River. Ah, there’s gaiety, merriment and dancing in the Hotel Sheets nightly.

187. Colleen
     January 17th, 2007 at 1:49 am [Reply]

     I find it hilarious that the day after a “memory lapse” Pluggers, we get a joke we’re sure we must have seen somewhere before… but where?

188. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
     January 17th, 2007 at 1:51 am [Reply]

     THE COMICS CURMUDGEON

     is an anagram of

     UNCOUTH COMEDIC GERMS

     I’m sure you all can come up with more. Happy Wednesday.

189. Ron
     January 17th, 2007 at 1:56 am [Reply]

     “FOOB: ….it’s not the kid’s fault for stealing her grandpa’s harmonica, it’s her own fault for not giving it to him?!?”

     I just took that to be typical Patterson self-sacrificing, really, without even going into the recent emotional damage.

190. Mumblix Grumph
     January 17th, 2007 at 1:59 am [Reply]

     Why is Marvin giving the readers such a sexy look?
     Is that why Crankshaft is so on the defensive about “lifestyles”? Hell, I’M on the defensive after that come-hither leer from Marvin.

191. Mr. O’Malley
     January 17th, 2007 at 2:02 am [Reply]

     If you see a Plugger driving, here’s the number to call.

192. MonkeyHawk
     January 17th, 2007 at 2:09 am [Reply]

     1/17’s B.C. –

     I think I speak for all of us here when I say, “Huh?”

193. TB Tabby
     January 17th, 2007 at 2:09 am [Reply]

     BB: “What do you see in Sarge?!” It’s not even subtext anymore!

     FW: That last panel would be funny, except I have the feeling this is building up to ANOTHER rape scene in the funny pages.

     MF: Hating bowl games?! Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?! We’ve accused Tinsley of a lot of things (most of them true), but not this.

194. Spotted HØrse
     January 17th, 2007 at 2:46 am [Reply]

     #174 Conor:
     

     Oh, and Granthony is really a woman living as a man, like that film “boys don’t cry,” I’m quite sure of it.

     Buddy, don’t go and start humanizing Granthony for me at this late stage of the game! The Pornstache was never that ballsy, and never had that much heart.

195. Mibbitmaker
     January 17th, 2007 at 2:48 am [Reply]

     1/17:

     FOOB: The guy who stole something has a better sense of justice than the one he stole from? Jeez, she’s like one of those judges Bill O’Reilly’s always on about.

     And Lizard gets a weirdly drawn expression (with more lips, yet!) while she unloads a MW-like platitude.

     Somebody ought to smash her swans.

196. Mr. O’Malley
     January 17th, 2007 at 2:55 am [Reply]

     188.
     CONCOCTED GRIME HUMUS
     I, UM, RUSH CONCOCTED GEM
     ECCENTRIC DUG HOMO SUM
     ECCENTRIC DOG SUMO HUM
     SUCCINCTER MUGDOME HO
     SUCCINCTER ODE, HOG MUM !
     SUCCINCTER HUMMED GOO
     NUDER COCCI, OH SMUT GEM !
     ICED NUT EGOS OCCUR, HMM ?
     MEDIC, EMU THONGS OCCUR
     DECENT CIRCUS HOMO MUG
     MEN MOOCHED CIRCUS GUT
     CIRCUS DOCENT HOME GUM
     CIRCUS HUG MEET CONDOM
     CIRCUS CHEMO DUG ME NOT
     COCCIDO HURTEN ME GUMS
     CONCOCTE DIS MUGE RHUM
     MORGUE DE SUCCINCT OHM
     COGNOSCERE HIC DUM TUM
     CREDO HIC CUM GENS MUTO
     HIC COGO RECTUM DENSUM

197. Mibbitmaker
     January 17th, 2007 at 3:04 am [Reply]

     More 1/17:

     MT: The zany sitcom continues. “Uh, hiding something…? …why, Daddy, I have no ide— HEY, LOOK OVER THERE! IT’S A GIANT BIRD!!”

     RMMD: Don’t you just hate being stuck all day behind a reeeeeeally slow old lady who takes forever to move your story along? It’s like the DMV…

198. Mr. O’Malley
     January 17th, 2007 at 3:17 am [Reply]

     193. I’m with you. I can’t extract the slightest amount of sense out of MF today. The Democrats are to blame for there being too many football games? I think ROLLED FIRM LLAMA may have had a little too much LOCAL HO.

199. Spotted HØrse
     January 17th, 2007 at 3:18 am [Reply]

     PBS:
     #69 zeeba
     

     Pastis–watch it, or you’ll turn into Johnny Hart!!!

     I’m with you, zeeba.
     I’m a big PBS fan. When Pastis’s jokes don’t work, I usually find that his visuals do. But that fourth panel, with its (awkward silence), bites real hard.

     Regardless of the staleness of the joke, why would anyone want to attempt Anachronism Spoutin’ Lincoln after he was realized so perfectly in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure?

200. Spotted HØrse
     January 17th, 2007 at 3:32 am [Reply]

     Luann:…has been sporting a ubiquiduck all week. In front of children!

201. Chip
     January 17th, 2007 at 4:29 am [Reply]

     Who the hell reads all of this? Too much for me.

202. Chip
     January 17th, 2007 at 4:29 am [Reply]

     Who the hell reads all of this? Too much for me.

203. Marion Delgado
     January 17th, 2007 at 5:14 am [Reply]

     I’ll just say this once: You know what Marvin fills his diaper with? Other Marvin strips. That’s what Marvin fills his diaper with.

     You know you’re in the presence of crap when a visit from Mallard Fillmore, Jr., is the highest point your grotesque Thalidomide baby strip has ever reached.

204. Marion Delgado
     January 17th, 2007 at 5:25 am [Reply]

     Oh and don’t shoot the messenger, but a jealous Miss Buxley just asked Beetle what he “sees in Sarge.”

     Miss Buxley is about to learn a new phrase! “Rough Trade,” Miss Buxley. Rough trade. More of a naval tradition, really, but still …

205. Dingo
     January 17th, 2007 at 5:45 am [Reply]

     Today’s Beetle Bailey reminds me of a New Yorker cartoon regarding Popeye and Bluto. What is the cause of the hostility between Sarge and Beetle? Hmm…

206. smacky
     January 17th, 2007 at 7:15 am [Reply]

     #182: Thank you! I stared at that last panel Of FW and the guy’s “Call me Harry” line for several minutes, thinking “Okay, who the hell is Harry? Should I get this big reveal? Also, is Wally Winkerbean Funky’s brother? Is that how this works? I need a copy of the Winkerbean family tree.

     While Mary Worth is out of the country, the role of platitude queen will be played by Elizabeth “Hips” Patterson: “Give a gift and get another in return.”

     Puke.

207. smacky
     January 17th, 2007 at 7:18 am [Reply]

     Is Dick Tracy actually capable of sarcasm, or in his world do the FBI, CIA, NSA, and Homeland Security all use the same voicemail system, probably an elderly woman named Sharon?

208. Red Greenback
     January 17th, 2007 at 7:30 am [Reply]

     #179 Heckler 123- “Village of the Sun”-from the album “Roxy & Elsewhere”-Frank Zappa-

     #196 Mr. O’Malley-”MEDIC, EMU THONGS OCCUR”(9CL underwear abuse)
     -”CIRCUS HUG MEET CONDOM”—(Bigtop safe sex—Oh, Yeaaah-h-h!)
     And I paricularly enjoy the single word “MUGDOME” for it’s Scaduto-esqe beauty!

209. smacky
     January 17th, 2007 at 7:31 am [Reply]

     (DT)GT: Holy crap! The character named Paris is wearing a mask of human flesh. The lips don’t move when she talks!

210. yellojkt
     January 17th, 2007 at 7:35 am [Reply]

     If you think Marvin’s diaper jokes are nasuea inducing, check out today’s Safe Havens.

211. kilgore trout
     January 17th, 2007 at 7:53 am [Reply]

     1/17 9CWL:

     Panel 1: “It has quite rejunvenated our marriage”

     Panel 2: “we will slit her throat from ear to ear”

     Gosh, those Cialis commericals always make it seem like the wife is happy when the husband’s ED is cured…..

212. Red Greenback
     January 17th, 2007 at 8:01 am [Reply]

     MW: Caucasianam? C’mon Moy and Giella!…get Mary “in the shit”!

213. True Fable
     January 17th, 2007 at 8:09 am [Reply]

     I thought Liz already gave that harmonica to Jesse, back before she fled for White People Town. Am I just delusional about that? Like, after the potlatch, or just when she was about to leave.

214. GypsyMoth
     January 17th, 2007 at 8:36 am [Reply]

     At first, I thought I was coming down with the flu. Then I realized that I had my flu shot this year. Maybe I should have taken a FOOB shot as well.

215. Red Greenback
     January 17th, 2007 at 8:38 am [Reply]

     Summerhouse: I feel yer pain, Just got over the same bug. For lack of a better term…”Be a Plugger, be a plugger”.

216. Mr. Groovy
     January 17th, 2007 at 8:38 am [Reply]

     FOOB: Can this strip get any more offensive? It was bad enough when the only significant French Canadian character turned out to be a vulgar, child-hating, low-class shrew. But now it turns out that Native Canadians are narrow-minded, insular, dishonest, cheating thieves. I mean, come on, does Rudyard Freaking Kipling write this strip?

217. Allie Cat
     January 17th, 2007 at 8:39 am [Reply]

     #213 – I thought the same thing, but reread yesterday’s – clearly, she’s surprised to hear that he has her harmonica.

     I think it has potential only in that her big luscious lips have touched it – but then again, so did Gwampa Chinuts lips…ew.

218. blacknosugar
     January 17th, 2007 at 8:54 am [Reply]

     God, I love beaver [jokes].

219. spegs
     January 17th, 2007 at 9:01 am [Reply]

     FOOB: I think we see now why little Jesse had such a growth spurt since his last appearance. It’s to make things seem just a tiny bit less repulsive when Liz goes all Mary-Kay-Letourneau in her grief.

220. Michael
     January 17th, 2007 at 9:05 am [Reply]

     Dick Tracy: So there’s one number you can call that will immediately connect you with the FBI, CIA, NSA, and Homeland Sec? Does it just go straight to the inner sanctum of Cheney’s lair, to the phone behind the bookcase, maybe, or the one hidden under the bust of Vlad the Impaler?

221. Red Greenback
     January 17th, 2007 at 9:07 am [Reply]

     Josh, when you delete posts, do you archive them in a special place, or are they black-holed 4evah, Just curious.

222. Jimmy
     January 17th, 2007 at 9:11 am [Reply]

     “Plugger’s” often overlook things …
     I didn’t read all 220-plus comments… did anyone else catch this appalling and incorrect use (Read: Plugger Grammar) of the apostrophe?

223. Dennis Jimenez
     January 17th, 2007 at 9:11 am [Reply]

     FBOFW – So, the “gotta give you back” is a harmonica, huh. And here I was hoping for the crabs.

224. andreavis
     January 17th, 2007 at 9:14 am [Reply]

     FOOB: Liz, I was almost begining to feel sorry for you, until your self-serving regifting of grandpa Chinnut’s slimy harnonica today. You somehow manage to take everything in life and make it about you. Blech, I hate you, yadda yadda yadda, die already.

     MF: Uh, Tinsley? I don’t think a playoff system would have benefitted Boise State. Assuming there was a 4-team playoff, they’d have been left out. And in a 16-team playoff, they’d have probably been eliminated; miracle games are nice and all, but you’ve got to be consistently good to make your way up the bracket. Stick to the tailgate outside the stadium, duck, the beer is better out there.

225. doughy lawyer Roy
     January 17th, 2007 at 9:15 am [Reply]

     CES… CES

     Come back, all is forgiven. We need Medium Large and Teenage Girl President back!

     P-L-E-A-S-E ???????

226. Charlotte
     January 17th, 2007 at 9:18 am [Reply]

     A3G: The reemergence of Tommie
     She appears (panel 1), grows to a normal size (panel 2), and takes the foreground (panel 3). But, fear not, her purpose is only to forshadow the antics involved in Luann’s upcoming stay at the haunted loft. No emerging story lines for our favorite redheaded doormat.

227. treadwell
     January 17th, 2007 at 9:30 am [Reply]

     DT: That’s one helluva conference call Dick’s having in the last panel.

     FOOB: Liz should totally give Jesse his first one.

228. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
     January 17th, 2007 at 9:39 am [Reply]

     Finally, finally, FINALLY, nobody in the Lockhorns is wearing the bottom half of a wetsuit!

     Also, in Luann, Tiffany’s story was apparently given its title by Snoop Dogg.

229. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
     January 17th, 2007 at 9:41 am [Reply]

     Also re today’s Luann, I like the not-so-subtle hint at vulgarity in the term “Duck-head”. Hm, many different potential insults for Mallard Fillmore start coming to mind…

230. Splinky
     January 17th, 2007 at 9:54 am [Reply]

     Except for the slightly happier mood and the lack of “extreme prejudice” overtones (so far, anyway), isn’t this Mary Worth strip basically how Apocalypse Now started?

231. Michael
     January 17th, 2007 at 9:54 am [Reply]

     Hi & Lois: Whoa. Future Trixie looks like a Popeye character with alopecia.

232. scuppers
     January 17th, 2007 at 10:10 am [Reply]

     FOOB–At any time, Johnston could have wrapped up the Paul/Liz thing with a telephone exchange in which he confesses that he’s seeing Susan. But she didn’t do that. She set up her character to say he was going to tell Liz the truth about Susan when he picked Liz up at the airport/bus/train station. Now that wasn’t just shitacular; it wasn’t necessary. So the question gets to be, why would Lynn use this device to end the relationship. And I think she’s deliberately and with malice aforethought manipulating her readership into disliking brown-person Paul. I suppose we are lucky that she chose this route instead of a few others I can think of. For instance, she could have shown us Paul pursuing his favorite hobby — be it clubbing baby seals, staging pit bull death matches, or making child porno.

     Hmm. Maybe she’s saving the nasty-hobby scenario to dispatch Warren.

233. Ribinin
     January 17th, 2007 at 10:14 am [Reply]

     222. Jimmy – Knowing this crew’s apostrophetic obsession, could you have doubted it?

     MT- Meanwhile, over the hill is our sweet, sweet couple, Theodore and Castoria, trying to make their way in the world in the only way they know how. Did you see how they paused it their work to touch paws the other day? I got all misty.

     It is all so tragic. They have never understood the hostility toward them.

234. Josh
     January 17th, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

     #222 — HEY! I talked about the apostrophe! Like, up in the actual blog post! Doesn’t anyone read this site for me anymore? *sniff*

     Josh

235. Herro!
     January 17th, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

     Josh–maybe people don’t understand the difference between “possessive” and “plural,” even though they’d like to think they are Grammar Nazis.

     And I read the posts daily…I’m a new CC addict, but I’ve already read all the archives. Always good for a laugh. :-)

236. Mike
     January 17th, 2007 at 10:34 am [Reply]

     224 – The benefit of a college playoff is the fact that a team such as Boise State would actually get a shot to win the national championship. In the status quo, that could not happen. The playoff system’s benefit to a team like that is not that they’d necessarily have the same result, but that they’d at least get the shot at the top.

     Division I-AA, Division II, and Division III all have used playoffs for years. The only thing stopping Division I from doing it is that no one wants to give up the big bowl payoffs.

     MW – There are approximately 83 million people in Vietnam. Regardless of whether someone with the name of Greta Weber would stick out like a sore thumb in southeast Asia, asking the front desk person if he knows this one person — who could be anywhere in the country, given the dozen peace villages — reminds me of stories I’ve heard about Canadians being asked if they know someone living in Halifax, when that Canadian lives in Vancouver.

     I really hope this story ends with Mary on the losing end of a jungle tiger.

237. Retro Trivia Lad
     January 17th, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

     Is it just me, or does the Dog-Man in Pluggers bear an uncomfortable resemblance to Jeremy’s dad in Zits?

238. NEW-ME
     January 17th, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

     MW- Those are the worst drawn Vietnamese people in the universe! How the hell is some front desk person supposed to remember someone named Greta Webber? Most of the “front desk people” i have met are barely able to remember their own name. MW go get in the “shit” already!

239. The Great Ka-Floopa Gush
     January 17th, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

     I, for one, actually enjoyed the Lincoln joke in PBS.

240. Snoop
     January 17th, 2007 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

     228:

     Fo shizzle!

241. mindfunk
     January 17th, 2007 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

     I don’t get that pluggers at all. I mean usually its some kind of cute folksy typ e thing. This was “Pluggers forget to take their medication.” I mean whats next “Pluggers often beat their wives.” or “A Plugger child really doesn’t care if they live or die.”

242. Neilando
     January 17th, 2007 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

     Mary Worth is awesome. It has exciting story arcs like Marvel Comics and 24. Except in the end of an arc, instead of fighting Mysterio or saving the president, she solves a friend’s problem.
     Or murders Aldo.

243. don hosek
     January 17th, 2007 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

     Foob: I thought grandpa gave the harmonica to April, not Elizabeth. Which explains why she’s so quick to regift it to Jesse: She’s gotta keep the evidence hidden.

244. Allie Cat
     January 18th, 2007 at 8:38 am [Reply]

     A3G – If Tommie would get out there and talk to other people instead of staying in her apartment talking to herself, I bet she’d be less lonely…

245. Saxman
     January 18th, 2007 at 9:37 am [Reply]

     BB

     OK, I was doubting Sarge’s evolving sexual ambiguity yesterday, but you have to admit, today is the first time I have ever seem him singing show tunes. What stereotype will they mangle next?

246. Plinko Commie
     January 18th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

     FOOB: Nice to see the lessons the village people (YMCA!) taught Liz went in one pretty little white ear and out the other.

     I think we need to see this:

     Shannon (staggering into the Patterson dining room): Elizabeth Patterson’s … plane … was shot down … over the Sea of North … it spun in … there were no survivors *exhales and leaves*

     *silence*

     *Deanna chokes back a sob*

     *silence*

     John: *drops train caboose*

     *everyone goes back to eating*

247. Mumbles
     January 18th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

     Could Lizardbreath’s last line been a kiss-off to Mtigwaki? As in, these people steal harmonicas and never bother to drop a dime to let me know of my boyfriend’s cheating? Yeah, great people.

248. Remus - (A Tater Tot Man)
     January 18th, 2007 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

     #54 – Please submit those two ideas to Gary Brookins immediately. I live in Richmond and work (in a very freelance manner) for the Times-Dispatch, so I will do my best to shepherd them through.
     #59 -Nice reference. Though Oland is the gold standard of British/Anglo people badly and racist(ly??)imitating Chinese in motion pics, I prefer Karloff’s or Chris Lee’s brief bits as Fu Manchu, or Lorre’s Mr. Moto (which Lugosi once took over, I believe). Or if you wanna go old school, the real winner would be Lon Chaney SENIOR’s many deisturbingly real silent characterizations such as The Shock.
     #64 C’mon, now , Zod is not an obscure reference – unless you’re under 25 – that site zod2008 is gold, tho.
     DINGO!!! Tell us your song titles, sir!!! (preferably with a link to the tune – I’m finding your selections usually to be in the ever-expanding arc of my ignorance – possibly b/c of my lack of knowledge of showtunes -no offense. However,
     #175 -Red- I was gloriously happy to see a Zappa tune, but confused by your insistence that Summerhouse might know that obscurity when she was unaware of Pink Floyd’s biggest hits…oh well – nonetheless thanks for bringing the greatest mustache until Blandthony into the mix…if I get any indication of other Zappa fans on this blog, there may be more Foobappa parodies on their way…

249. Red Greenback
     January 18th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

     #248-Remus- I was merely being ironic by stating Summerhouse could remotely recognize that ditty.

250. Edgy DC
     January 18th, 2007 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

     Lynn Johnson isn’t a racist.

     Stop drinking the Hatorade.

251. Dadzilla
     January 18th, 2007 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

     # 225 Lawyer Boy (and anyone else) what has happened to Medium Large???

252. MossMoses
     January 18th, 2007 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

     Lynn Johnston isn’t just a racist, she’s a sexist who believes men are pigs (Granthony doesn’t count as a man). That’s a sickeningly regular theme in FOOB. Doesn’t Elizabeth being with “her kind” come off borderline racist? I’m not even drinking the hateoraid, either.

253. comicsn00b
     January 19th, 2007 at 4:39 am [Reply]

     Speaking as a man, I think we are more like dogs than we are like pigs

     The dog is actually the dirtiest of all animals – your pig is as clean as a surgeon, compared to a dog. But dogs are very loyal.

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