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The Dolly Lama will enlighten you

Family Circus, 2/24/07

Siddhartha Gautama was born a prince, and his parents vowed that he would never experience any suffering. When, as a young man, he slipped out of the palace and saw an old man, a sick man, and a corpse, the shock set him on a spiritual journey, at the end of which he became known as the Buddha, or “the Awakened One.”

Since Dolly has apparently been kept in some kind of hermetically-sealed plastic bubble, protected even from insects, for her entire life, I’m curious as to what sort of religion she’s going to found as a result of her stunning first encounter with these tiny filth-eating creatures. I’m guessing it will really, really like ants, or really, really hate them.

Mark Trail, 2/24/07

Who knew that Dan would make this the sexiest Mark Trail storyline ever, what with his strolling around naked day after day? Admittedly, random objects intervene so we can’t see his perky man-nips, but this is Mark Trail, where a lady’s sexiest outfit is a pink polo shirt, so you have to take sexiness where you can find it. The first panel in particular, taken in isolation, would work if Dan were about to go on stage one more time tonight as part of some tawdry Chippendale-style revue; even though he’ll be subject to the drunken stares and hooting of dozens of women, he assures his lady love that hers is the only gaze he really cares about.

I’m assuming Dan’s “thing” is actually some kind of ill-conceived insurance scam involving faking his own death. The plan will fail because it relies on Sally’s anguished reaction in the wake of Dan’s feigned demise; since she never seems to have any dialogue, I’m guessing that her inability to speak will derail the scheme.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/24/07

So, yeah, this happened. Do you think maybe all the other FW suffering is in video game form too? Harry Dingle could get his hearing back if he just got more power-ups? Cancer Girl is really playing Halo’s “Remission” mod?

They’ll Do It Every Time, 2/24/07

I’ve mostly posted this so that you could unironically enjoy the Loyal Order of Caribou roll call (including “Anson Pantz” and “Harv Buttly”). But I do wonder whether Schnookly is less a “member” of the club and more its “hired servant.” It would explain a lot.

67 responses to “The Dolly Lama will enlighten you”

  1. hypochrismutreefuzz
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    I wonder if Anson Pantz is related to Paulie Poopenpatz?

  2. hypochrismutreefuzz
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    I meant to Paulie Poopenpantz.

  3. P-Supe
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    I read th Family Circus punchilne as “Little Bugs” for the first time and thought this was just an incredibly zen moment for the Keane Kids.

  4. Lorinne
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    How on earth did Dan Dangler ever get into Loyal order of the Caribou?

  5. PeteMoss
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    4. Lorrine, Dan Dangler’s hung like a caribou. That’s how.

  6. Tats
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    I think the beauty of “They’ll Do It Every Time” comes in the fact that the author has no fundamental idea of how to tell a good joke. The bones of a witty observation are there, but the joke is completely castrated by the execution. “And who doesn’t get noticed? Mhm. Y-ep. That’s right! Goooo figure! Tell me about it! It’s crazy! Every time!”

  7. Stuart P. Bentley
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    Why-the…Hell–does,“TDIET”, always-have-so..much..punctuation-n-n-n–…?

  8. Zach
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    Man, the demons spirits who write TDIET must have had a field day, using all the throwaway names they concoct by dropping acid, cutting their tongues off and putting out cigarrettes on their eyeballs. I can imagine it now: “BOO BAARFLOOO SCRAAMBOLA DOOOOOFISSSS SCHNOOOOOKLYYYY…” There was urine everywhere.

  9. Sam L.
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one who thinks the wrapper in Family Circuis looks like a yellow miniature goat sleeping?

  10. PeteMoss
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    9. I was thinking yellow sea horse

  11. Lorinne
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    #5 PeteMoss: Oh, thank you. No need to explain Pete Dragtail’s qualifications now…

    #9 Sam: I’m not sure, but I definitely thought it was a banana slug.

  12. Douglas E. Iannucci
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    Where’s Seymour Butz? Mike Hunt? It must be attrition!

    Meanwhile, The Family Circus regales us with another splendid joke.

  13. Tuan Jim
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    I guess showing someone out of breath is the only way to portray actual work. Either that or he’s a closet asthmatic.

  14. Freezer
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    I’m convinced Batiuk, Lynn Johnston, and Greg Evans are having some sort of twisted competition to see how many of their readers they can drive up bell towers with fakeouts, rehashes, and their own naked contempt for their own charachters.

  15. willethompson
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    Josh, the comment under the FW was spot on, esp. the power-ups for Dingle. Would Donkey Kong’s barrels tear off Frau Winkerbean’s arm? Can Wally upgrade to Spartan? And would Batiuk become the Prophet of Regret?

  16. PeteMoss
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    Now I’m seeing the ad bots at the top of my screen. The new thread is bringing in the Buddhists instead of the Republicans. Nice contrast.

  17. Trotzenbonnie
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    FW – And Becky is playing “Champions: Return to Arms”

  18. Analyzer
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    #13: I guess showing someone out of breath is the only way to portray actual work. Either that or he’s a closet asthmatic.

    I don’t think he’s gasping for breath; I think he is just constantly speaking the phrase “puff puff.” I find that this interpretation increases my enjoyment of this TDIET by over 5%.

  19. wocket
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    I like how our poor, unnoticed TDIET hero is wearing a different suit color than the rest of the party goers. Such a subtle way to differentiate! Truly, Mr. Scaduto is a master of metaphor.

  20. PeteMoss
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    I was once a member of the Loyal Disorder of the Alley Cats. No matter how much Puff Puff, we couldn’t organize a “big blast”.

  21. dramashoes
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    See, Shnookly, if you don’t like the way the club members treat you, just quit the club. It’s quite simple. They won’t track you down and force you to attend treatment if you quit showing up. After all, it’s not a twelve step group.

  22. Red Greenback
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    Just in case y’all haven’t heard yet, Dingo is still with us!

    I’m as giddy as Ed Dunker at the big bash!

  23. PeteMoss
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    22. Red Greenback, I believe Harve Hangnail was the real giddy one.

  24. TurtleBoy
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    A Family Circus koan:

    A small child asked Master Billy, “what is the dharma?” He replied, “Ask the ants.”

  25. Red Greenback
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:37 pm [Reply]


  26. Tim
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    9,10; Maybe I’m just morbid, but that looked like a dead, yellow baby bunny to me in FC… you can see the hind legs and tail at the left and the head and ears to the right.

    In any case, I sure didn’t see a candy wrapper.

  27. Prehumous
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    Dramashoes — Yes they will. They signed an exclusive contract with his employer, Tongue/Dong Interaction Every Time (or TDIET) and if he tries to leave they’re legally obligated to hunt him down and bugger him with a rusty spear.

  28. PeteMoss
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    TDIET – I think W.Gmora of Chicago must have gotten slighted quite a bit while V.Sodom hogged all the glory. Now he rants through Scaduto.

  29. Red Greenback
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    Wait’ll ya see what Bo Barfo does later on. Talk about yer “BIG BLAST” Wh-a-a-a-h-h?

  30. Blade Runner
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – How about that vanity licence plate on our ol’ pal Elvis’ k-car?!!! Niiice.

    JP – That was pretty surprising when Abby replied to the snarky registrar in fluent French. And what’s up with the new character, Cedric’s friend Angela? Whe must have been the mystery woman smoking in the car and dreaming about cleaning out Neddie’s garage.

  31. Rhekarid
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    #9: Looked like a dead canary to me, but then I knew better because Family Circus is the anti-Winkerbean, where nothing ever dies. Except for dreams.

    The king’s finest horse to whomever names their firstborn child “Alf Scrambola.”

  32. weiser
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    Dramashoes – or maybe you’ll dress up and interview to show your commitment to the “club” only to be asked leave because you’re not lovely, er loyal enough.

    Not you of course Dramshoes, I’m certain you’re plenty lovely

  33. Red Greenback
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    Sorry,I forgot to add elipses and arrows and shit. My Scaduto cred rating just took a huge hit. …..Oh, W-e-l-l-l-l

  34. weiser
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    Blade Runner “RMMD – How about that vanity licence plate on our ol’ pal Elvis’ k-car?!!! Niiice…”

    My thoughts exactly.
    How handy for “tailing”, and of course I mean that in the law enforcement sense of the word.

  35. Red Greenback
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    Well…Hush my mouth and call me Old Fogeyette! I made a new thread! And I’m drinking decaf!!!

  36. The Porridge Bird
    February 25th, 2007 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    MT: That first panel is just too easy a setup. “In a few hours I will go out and do my thing… and after that I’ll put my evil scheme into action!”

    FW: It looks like they went to war with the computer games they wanted. I’d really like to see a game with graphics so good that my name is printed on my helmet in big capital letters when I yell “I.E.D.!” Of course, I’d probably enter my name as “Fragger Rock” or something.

    TDIET: What exactly is Schnookly puffing? It may explain things.

  37. Gg83
    February 25th, 2007 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    # 31 Rhekarid
    Looked like a dead canary to me, but then I knew better because Family Circus is the anti-Winkerbean, where nothing ever dies. Except for dreams.

    And pets. So many, many pets…

    #36 The Porridge Bird–That may be the best wargame name I’ve ever heard. Well done!

  38. The Porridge Bird
    February 25th, 2007 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    TDIET Continued: He’s making heavy-breathing calls with the club phone! What’s not to like?

  39. Krazy Kat
    February 25th, 2007 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    When I saw FC today it took me back to my childhood…the memory of finding a newly hatched sparrow that had been flung from its nest in a storm, It was in the process of being recycled by about a zillion ants.
    So I thought, Wow, that’s not a subject I expected to see treated in the FC.
    Not surprisingly, it wasn’t. What the hell would ants do with a gum wrapper? NOTHING, unless there is a fetal sparrow underneath it!

  40. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 25th, 2007 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    I’m wondering if this is actually Schnookly’s last ommunique before the killing spree begins. “Ebbo Nerdly, prepare to meet your maker!”

  41. Debt On
    February 25th, 2007 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    So the Funky Winkerbean strip yesterday was just a misleading set up for today’s cop-out punchline. The hell? What if Trudeau had made B.D.’s injury all happen in a video game? And since when are cartoonists allowed to stretch jokes over multiple days? I call shenanigans on Funky Winkerbean.

  42. Sjofn
    February 25th, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean pissed me off with the cop out, and I can’t even really explain why, since I don’t normally follow it in the first place (I only have time to seriously hate on one strip at a time, and FBoFW has a stranglehold there). All I know is that I wanted to punch Batiuk square in the nuts when I first read it.

  43. macb
    February 25th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    TDIET- Many of the previous posters commented on the list of names reeled off by the host of the Caribou Club’s annual bash. Nobody mentioned the name of the person credited by Scaduto with giving him the idea: “W. Gmora, Chicago, Ill.” (I wonder where Mr. Gmora reads the strip, since it runs in neither the Chicago Tribune nor the Sun-Times; perhaps it runs in one of the suburban dailies). Who’dah thought it? Gomorrah right in my hometown! If Chicago is home to Gomorrah, or “Gmora,” where’s Sodom? And spare me the witticisms about “dangling at the end of a rope in Baghdad.”

    9, 10, 11: Sorry, it looked like a used condom to me. Too bad it wasn’t used by Bil Keane’s father.

  44. pesch
    February 25th, 2007 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    Funky’s copout can be directly tied to Batiuk’s crappy narrative choices. The artist deliberately misled the reader into thinking soon-to-be-late Wally was out on patrol, then pulled a Lucy at the last minute.

    If he had set up the scene so that, looking back, you saw that it could be interpreted as a computer game, the reader could shrug and say, “Well, it’s crap, but it’s a fair cop.”

    But the artist didn’t, proving that we’re in the hands of an angry Nelson Muntz.

  45. Tukla in Iowa
    February 25th, 2007 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    TDIET: Jeez, if you can’t make a phone call without getting winded….

    FC: I see an anteater has been doppled into Billy’s body. That’s different.

  46. Frank Drackman
    February 25th, 2007 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    Well Dolly, they’re these Lovely creatures named “Fire Ants”!!! If you step on their mound they’ll show you a really neat trick…

  47. Steve S
    February 25th, 2007 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    Yes, all of Funky Winkerbean is a video game. It’s called “Emotionally Manipulative Misdirection.” Whenever the strip winds down, Batiuk will reveal all the characters standing up from their network terminals as the game shuts down and they go out into the noonday sun. Then, because it’s Funky Winkerbean, the earth will plunge into said sun.

  48. Blondie
    February 25th, 2007 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    Being a comics nerd and perfectionist I’d just like to point out that Dan is actually wearing swimming trunks that match his blue sweater/jumpsuit combo perfectly. Say what you want about his diabolical life insurance schemes. The man really knows how to coordinate.

  49. Donovan Hamstain
    February 25th, 2007 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    I’d just like to say for the record here: I can’t read TDIET. I’m glad that Curmudgeon and Co. are keeping tabs on it, but I just can’t look at the thing. It unfailingly looks like nothing so much as an impenetrable, tiresome wall of text, and my eyeballs simply slide right off of it. Every time.

  50. Decker
    February 26th, 2007 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    43: Mac, I think you’re barking up the wrong tree regarding TDIET muse, W. Gmora of Chicago.

    It’s more likely Dan Dangler’s magic turtle or a Zen Whoberi stalker.

  51. SelfCalledNowhere
    February 26th, 2007 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    Re: Funky Winkerbean–

    Worst. Non-death. Evar.

  52. Cafangdra
    February 26th, 2007 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    Oh, wow. Sallie looks exactly like Jessica Simpson. My mind is blown.

  53. Mibbitmaker
    February 26th, 2007 at 2:36 am [Reply]

    Hell, maybe our suffering’s just a video game, too! The whole aging Funky and the gang and making them unfunny and tragic thing is just a Playstation thing or something, and they’re all still cartoony like during the ’70s and ’80s.

    Ah, I can drrrrrrrrrream, can’t I?

  54. ponzicar
    February 26th, 2007 at 4:58 am [Reply]

    So soldiers in Iraq relax by playing video games involving getting blown apart by IEDs? I suppose that New York City firefighters also compete with each for the the high score in “Dodge the Falling Towers.”

  55. MrP
    February 26th, 2007 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    Considering the way everyone but Jeffrey in “Family Circus” uses speech bubbles to say whatever they need to say, I think Jeffrey never actually says anything. “Family Circus” is actually a sad vision of the world seen through a mute five-year-old’s eyes. Look at the poor kid, staring open-mouthed down at that candy wrapper, thinking up cute things to say, but never being able to truly say it.

  56. Indiebass
    February 26th, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    You know, the only thing the Friday FW was missing, especially in light of the Saturday strip, was the ubiquitous FW “half-lidded smirk”

  57. Francis
    February 26th, 2007 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    Apparently the soldiers in Funky Winkerbean play one of those customizable games where you can put your name right on your helmet, and upload a photo of your own face so that your in-game avatar looks just like you. I know this plot twist seems unsatisfying, but it’ll pay off later when the soldiers get carpal tunnel syndrome from playing too often and Wally’s computer crashes because he bought a beta version of the game that has a lot of driver conflicts.

  58. fizzy logic
    February 26th, 2007 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    Mock old Schnookly’s “puff puff” as being unrealistic, if you will, but as I type, I’m listening to the heavy smoker in our office pant as she’s using the copying machine. Sho’nuff.

  59. Oracle Steven
    February 26th, 2007 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    TDIET – Schnookly’s using one of those typer-writer things and a telephone with an ear/mouth piece and push buttons. I wonder if his phone number is KLondike 5-3456. Is this a reprint of a TDIET from 1974? Or maybe it should be called, “They Did It Once Upon A Time (TDIOUAT).” I’ve also noticed that almost everyone in the comic is curly-haired or balding and every male has a tremendous honking nose. Considering its size, Schnookly should have no problems obtaining all the oxygen he needs. Anyhow, I thought I’d mention, in case none of you had noticed, that this little comic is not good. It is, in fact, bad.

  60. Joe
    February 26th, 2007 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    I’m sorry, “litter bugs?” That’s it, Family Circus, I don’t know why, but that’s it. I am now going to do everything within my power to stop you from being syndicated nationwide. Of course, that pretty much just includes this blog comment, so you’re off the hook. THIS TIME!

  61. Oracle Steven
    February 26th, 2007 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus – Now the kids need to follow the ant trail back to the mound in the backyard, which is right over one of those graves.

  62. Oracle Steven
    February 26th, 2007 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: If you replace the words in the three bubbles with the three lines below, it makes more sense, especially since the guy looks like a 1970′s porn star. Oh, add porn music first… bomp chicka bow-wowwwwwww:

    1. “Hey baby, get on your knees, I’m already naked.”

    2. “Oooohhh yeah. That feels great baby. I got a towel ready for you.”

    3. “Thanks baby. Want me to clean out your garage?”

  63. Foobar
    February 26th, 2007 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    54- That is Billy, sir. This matters so much.

  64. Jack Parsons
    February 26th, 2007 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    55: Jeffy had a stroke. He has since recovered and the only remaining evidence is that he draws his dad built like his mom.

  65. Schlimmerkerl
    February 27th, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    FC is usually surreal anyway, but the candy wrapper looks like the mustache-thing in Dali’s “Persistence of Memory” (the melted-watch painting)— complete with ants!

  66. DocForbin
    March 6th, 2007 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    HA, HA, HA!!!!!!!!!! THAT FUNKY WINKERBEAN STRIP WAS FUNNY!!!!!!!!!! :-)

    And do you know why it’s funny?

    Because people getting blown up by roadside bombs are always funny when it’s in the comics!

    I was hoping that it was for real because I would have really laughed out loud seeing that bitch Becky break down and cry after the soldiers tell her the bad news, then see her lose custody of Rana, who would have been shipped back to Afghanistan and then killed by the Taliban when they attack her school.


    Funky Winkerbean: Making fun of other people’s misery like breast cancer, suicide, divorce and stepping on landmines–and making it FUN!!!!!!!!!!

    And if that asshole Ken Tingley over at the Glen Falls [NY] Post-Star doesn’t drop that stupid, unfunny Cleats and bring back Funky Winkerbean, I’ll stage a mass riot at the P-S’s offices. @-0

  67. Omnywrench
    October 14th, 2007 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    I find it funny and generally disturbing how exhaughted characters in TDIET look like they’re on the verge of sudden projectile vomiting.

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