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Soap quickies

Mark Trail, 3/22/11

As Mark’s sojourn on the Island Of Drug Dealing And Also No Razor Blades continues and his stubble begins to sprout forth from his unwilling cheeks, this strip must, in order to maintain its rigid grooming morality, offer up villains with ever more outrageous facial hair. This handlebar-mustached fellow is hilarious enough, but once Mark is sporting a full-on beard, he’ll no doubt encounter the island’s kingpin, who will resemble a young Chester A. Arthur.

Mary Worth, 3/22/11

You probably read yesterday’s Mary Worth and thought, “Gee, what could be more unsettling than grown woman Dawn Weston lounging around her pretty-princess bedroom and clutching her teddy bear like a little girl?” Well, today you get your answer: Dawn talking about how much she loves her dad while her teddy bear’s eyes suddenly pop open in arousal/terror.

Apartment 3-G, 3/22/11

“Flying in from Colorado?? We both know that no real place has ever been given such an outlandish name! To say nothing of the laughable proposition that a man might fly through the air like a bird.”

323 responses to “Soap quickies”

  1. Esther Blodgett
    March 22nd, 2011 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Post-jumped…crap! Eh, too lazy to repost.

  2. Maggie the Cat
    March 22nd, 2011 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    Really Dan? Flying in from Colorado? I’m not going to judge you, we both know you’re here to sing your greatest hits at the Ramada Inn Lounge on 52nd St. Now let’s hear some “We’ve got tonight”.

  3. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 22nd, 2011 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    The Other Coast — Deuces Wild!

    Marvin — Unfortunately for Junior, all of today’s comics are “scratch and sniff”!

    Family Circus — Thel has to buy Boudreaux’s Butt Paste Diaper Rash Ointment by the GROSS since Bil and all four of her children are plagued by chronic sore ass and other ailments*.

    *Like heat rashes, hemorrhoids, chaffed skin, jock itch, poison ivy and oak,
    rectal itching, bed sores, abrasions, shingles, feminine irritation and incontinent rashes. Plus: decubitus ulcers, minor burns, chapped lips and fever blisters.

  4. your father isn't mr. cohen
    March 22nd, 2011 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    I’m most disturbed by the fact that Dawn has a picture of herself on her nightstand. Not one of her with friends, or even with her Dad — no. Just Dawn, by herself, grinning maniacally.

  5. Mibbitmaker
    March 22nd, 2011 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Crank: Oh, shut thou the fuck up! (a tip of the hat(lo) to Sequitur, yesterthread)

    DT: Who came up with their aliases? Dick Locher?!?

    Garfield: Not mustard — mustard gas!

    FW (addressing the characters): What imaginations? Everything’s superheroes with you guys!

    Lockhorns: Stop stealing from Ed Crankshaft!

  6. Baron Bizarre
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Hot damn! The new baddie in Mark Trail is the Iron Sheik!
    “Drug smuggling – number-r-r-r one! Mark Trail – ach, ptooie!”

  7. Chip Whittle
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: I like the idea that in the world of Apartment 3-G, proclaiming that you have flown in from Colorado is ipso facto proof that you’re lying. “You can’t fly in from Colorado! You don’t even ski!” Now that his deception’s been established I can’t wait for Mark Trail to fly in and punch him.

    Dick Tracy: Gah, what is this? There’s been like a new plot point or bit of information conveyed every strip this past week! We’re going to break under the strain! Do you realize by this time in a Locher/Brozman story, none of this would have happened?

    Gasoline Alley: Hey, isn’t it dangerous for the office there to be that optical illusion where you look tiny in one corner and giant in the other? Aren’t they worried Slim will starve trying to put food in the giant corner while staying in the tiny one himself?

    Mark Trail: We finally see the elusive Otto! He’s taken some time out from his job of wearing a poofy chef’s hat and apron carrying pizzas for the “You tried the rest, now try the best” brand pizza box art.

    Pluggers in suits going to funerals. Good lord, Pluggers have discovered continuity.

    Spider-Man: Ah, so Morbius’s clever plan to escape Spidey is to sneak behind his back. Fortunately Peter has the ability to slightly turn his head of a spider, too, so this works.

    I think now Morbius isn’t actually up to anything, he’s just messing with Spider-Man’s head.

    Zippy the Pinhead does its best to take out Crankshaft. We can’t blame it for failing; we can only admire it for trying.

  8. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane’s Seth and Fernanda audition for the new WONDER WOMAN television series:

    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_FR87g-YIx2s/SbCM32hmmEI/AAAAAAAAIxU/Zsi1_BtQ9fY/s400/sensation+comics+wonder+woman+cover+94.JPG

  9. But What Do I Know?
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    DTM — That’s only menacing to a poststructuralist. . .

    A3G — Gosh, your arms must be tired!!!

    MT — In which Otto is revealed to be Ben Smith’s brother who grew weary of his strong-man gig in the circus and turned to a life of crime. . .

  10. Mibbitmaker
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#3): re:FC: That’s certainly GROSS, alright! *rimshot!*

  11. S. Stout
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    MW: I pulled back with terror when I read that our mustachioed fiend had been busy with his daughter! But no, it was the woman hiding under his armpit. That makes it better, I guess.

  12. Doctor Handsome
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    That drug smuggler won’t be so smug when he gets chopped up by an airplane propeller while fistfighting Indiana Jones.

  13. UncleJeff
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    MW: Ick Ick Ick Ick Ick

    Doonesbury: When Trudeau runs old strips, I often wonder if he’s either hit a creative block or if he’s worried about any real life events he’s using for his current arc (wars) are getting too serious for him to want to joke about.

    Prick City: Oh well, back to Washington and more “all elected officials are evil” jokes.

  14. Cooler King
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    @your father isn’t mr. cohen (#4): I thought it kind of looked like a younger Nell Carter… maybe Dawn was spending all that time online cleaning up all the [citation neeed] for the “Gimme’ a Break!” episode where Sam steals the Chief’s squad car.

  15. Sharktattoo
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Um…how old, exactly, is Dawn? Because anything over 12 makes that strip creepier than usual.

  16. Esther Blodgett
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    9CL: Apparently Seth slept with Marlo Thomas. What would Donald say?

    MT: Looks like Otto’s going to invite her to the gun show. I’ll bet he reeks of Sex Panther, too.

    DT: Dick is hot. There, I said it.

  17. Effluvius Erratus
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    A3G: “You think I’m lying through my teeth, don’t you? DON’T YOU!?! I told’em. I told them aliens, ‘You can’t breath under water,’ but they didn’t believe me, no sir. Are you calling me a liar? ARE YOU? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM! I can help. I can help. The parasite—it’s right there—between the eyes. I can help, you. I can take it out. Dig it right out, like coring an apple! RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES! DON’T LOOK AT ME! STOPPING LOOKING ME IN THE EYES! STOP! I SEE IT! I SEE IT! AT THE CENTER OF THE GALAXY! AN EYE! AN EYE! HUAAAAGH!!!!!”

  18. Scott Bot
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    GT – Remember, Parker, baskteball season is just about over. Cortez won’t be able to beat the snot out of you too much longer. Unless you’re both on the baskteball team, in which case I’d start looking out for flying bats.

    MT – Otto is so discombobulated over this blatant come on that all he can say is ‘Jack Elrod.’

    MW – Where does Dawn get shoes for those huge feet?

    Pluggers – Nah, Andy’s not coming from a funeral, he’s all dressed up for his date with that hot wolverine that just moved in across town.

  19. Not Just Any Dipstick
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    MW: The teddy bears eyes were always open, they just suddenly turned white. I think that means it just died. Dawn has strangled it thinking it just wanted a hug.

  20. Not Just Any Dipstick
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    FW: Even in imaginary scenes, all goes from bad to worse. Imagine that.

  21. schmeerp
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    MW: Cut Dawn some slack. There was a time when she was 200 pounds heavier, wore coke bottle glasses and claimed to be engaged to a guy who didn’t know she was alive.

    FW : Today’s strip is very retro. Back in the 70′s a typical Funky strip consisted of someone telling a lame joke , followed by someone else frowning

  22. Pseudo3D
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    9CL – Congrats to all who said it would be Edna to get mad at Seth for not having sex with her.

    DT – Sniff! I miss Locher and Brozman already. There’s just nothing really to make fun of.

    GT – Why is Lini wearing Mickey Mouse gloves?

    FC – Dear Mr. Keane: I don’t care if he doesn’t have genitals, but never show P.J. naked ever again.

    MW – Creepy!

    ReFOOB – Yes, hide from your spiteful, hateful mother! You’ll turn out marrying your ex-boyfriend anyway!

  23. twg
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#12): Win Forever.

  24. Dood
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: All right, the truth is I rode in from Colorado on my horse, Shadowfax. He is the lord of all horses and has been my friend through many dangers.

  25. nescio
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    So Pluggers don’t go to church regularly? Or do they go dressed like slobs?

  26. nescio
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Olive Oyl would say “Yike!” but unlike Popeye, she doesn’t know which part of a Goon the fuzz is shaved off of.

  27. Poor Thompson
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    MT: Clearly this man is a genie, as you can even see Lonnie rubbing the lamp in panel one. Also, he seems to be a genie who is bearing the One Ring. In other words, MT now a fantasy genre strip, which will open all kinds of doors in terms of facial-haired punching targets.

    MW: It was awfully cruel of Dawn to steal Pooky from Garfield. Speaking of which, this has me thinking of other “famous” comic strip teddy bears. There’s the afro-sporting bear Barry carries around in Curtis, and then Hi & Lois ‘s Trixie has one that wears a monocle and top hat. I’m trying to remember if either of these has a name. I’m almost certain the latter does. Anyone know for sure?

  28. Chip
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    SPIDEY: Why don’t you shoot a web at his FEET? Then you can drag him down to your level! Like you’ve done to the rest of us…

  29. Gene S.
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail – Didn’t that guy get his face propellered off in Raiders of the Lost Ark?

  30. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    A&J: Arlo is drinking the iKool-Aide.

    Lio: bad monster, bad!

    R&R: now THAT’s how you do a Big Dog joke! :-)

    Ghost-who-cribs-from-TheDarkKnightReturns: “good boy, you know what to do with an open door.”

    RwO: that could be a JUMBLE joke.

    JP: not Baretto level, but still Abbyliscious.

    standard snarpologies.

  31. Dr. P and the Women
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    MW: I had no idea Tarantino had started directing Mary Worth comics but the inane prattle and focus on Dawn’s giant club foot make it pretty obvious. Next week we’ll meet Tommy the tweaker’s supplier and it’ll be a skinny agitated dude who can’t stop looking at the camera.

  32. TheTJ
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    I think it’s a little late for Dan nor embarrassing himself here, seeing as he came to the party in a Howard Hughes costume

  33. Calico
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#12):
    Oh, thanks for reminding me of that. : P

  34. Flummoxicated
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    MT: Oh no, the circus strong man materialized suddenly into Lonnie’s bungalow, where did Mark hide? Oh wait, this is Mark Trail, where the panels often have nothing to do with conventions such as time-space reality.

    MW: Looks like Dawn could give Peggy Hill some serious competition in the “fictional ladies with big feet” competition.

  35. Nekrotzar
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Oh, Dan, I know you aren’t lying through your teeth. I realized when I first saw you that you don’t have any teeth.

  36. LogopolisMike
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    So while Gil Thorp is doing a gay bullying storyline, it looks like there’s a possibility that Dick Tracy is going to mock ridiculous conservatives with its “America for Americans rally”

    pl?o? ??

  37. Thomas B.
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    A punch happy, stubble bearded, khaki shirted outdoors man. A muscular villian with a shaved head and mustache. A brunette in distress. A daring escape plan.
    An airplane propeller.

    I thought screwing up Indiana Jones was The Phantom’s gig.

  38. TheDiva
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    A3G: Iris, have you ever been through the security lines at DIA? Prospector hair and beard is a natural side effect of the ordeal. Dan must have flown on a weekday, otherwise he’d have a collection of cobwebs and dust to go with it.

    MT: “Mr. Victorian Side Show Strong Man, are you trying to seduce me?”

    MW: I love my dad. He raised me well, he’s a wonderful grandfather to the Divaling, and I’m glad that he lives within reasonable driving distance. I still find Dawn’s behavior extraordinarily creepy.

    C’shaft: AAAAAAAAAAAARGH

    DT: If I turn Flyface upside down, does his face become that of a young woman?

    FW: I’m suddenly reminded of Roger Ebert’s review of Napoleon Dynamite, where he described the title character as “the sort of nerd other nerds avoid.”

    Luann: Why are we supposed to like her again?

  39. Mibbitmaker
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    GF: I’m actually liking the wordplay (something one rarely says about a comic strip since the original Pogo ended)(puns in PBS excepted, of course)

    JP: “I’m sorry, Ma! I — I just saw Wilbur and Dawn over at Mary Worth, and it spooked me alittle, that’s all!”

    MT: I do like the menacing framing of Lonnie in panel 3. That’s actually visually clever. Jack Elrod did NOT plan that out! No way! No — wait… the “perspective” makes her look like she’s wee tiny.

    That’s Jack Elrod, alright!

  40. Tom Allen
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#24): Hmm. Gandalf versus Margo? It’ll probably end in some sort of “You shall not pass!” stalemate.

  41. TheDiva
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    GT: So, if someone bullies another person, threaten to bully him until he stops. It’s the Christian thing to do.

  42. Calico
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @LogopolisMike (#36):
    DT – So is Glenn Beck writing this strip now?

  43. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:40 am [Reply]

  44. Terry in Maryland
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    MT: Why Otto certainly is a well mannered and respectful drug kingpin.

    Phantom: Still veering toward prison porn.

    MW: Charterstone needs a good psychiatrist. Yes, I know that Mary Worth probably personally makes sure that doesn’t happen, but they really really need one.

  45. word-doctor
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    MT-When I saw Otto, I flashed real heavy on an organ-grinder gone to seed, but Chester A. Arthur and the Iron Sheik are the real deal.

    Archie-Mad Magazine referenced “Mucous Face” as a DT villain many years ago. Jughead is clearly falling prey to the same condition.

  46. Dood
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @Tom Allen (#40): Gandalf vs. Margo’th. Bards will sings of this epic confrontation in the halls of kings for centuries to come.

  47. LogopolisMike
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    @LogopolisMike (#36): was supposed to read “my world” turned upside down. Teaches me to trust Preview to do my little Unicode tricks correctly.

    I actually think the Dick Tracy strip might be going anti-Glenn Beck since it’s the baddies who are going to attend the Americans for America rally. And that’s what I meant by my world turning upside down.

  48. Gap-Toothed Starey "HOOOO" Guy
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    @Poor Thompson (#27):

    I don’t know about the one in Hi and Lois, but the one in Curtis is named Snackers.

  49. Mibbitmaker
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    MW: The father exposition in last night’s How I Met Your Mother puts this strip even more to shame!

    NS: Ridiculous! Any sensible person knows you can’t reason with that which is intrinsically incapable of reasoning! I’m surprised at you, snow!

    Popeye: That can’t be a big deal — it only rates one “yike”!

    DtM: The More You Know (two rainbows), CBS Cares (Craig and Geoff, in unison)!

  50. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#y246): I was thinking something along these lines, but couldn’t make coherent snark out of it. Ms. Blodgett did so in fine style.

  51. Effluvius Erratus
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Questions (well, mostly statements) to Peter Parker

    Q: Why don’t zap Mobius’s foot with some webbing and drag the bastard down?
    A: Because he can break my webbing.
    Q: It’s not like he’s going to flex his foot and snap your webbing.
    A: He could grab it and break it with his hands.
    Q: That would break his glide, and he’d plummet like a like a stone.
    A: But then he would fall to his death!
    Q: Not if you zap him a second time as he falls and catch him. Can’t you do that with your spider reflexes?
    A: But he’ll just break the webbing again!
    Q: And let himself fall to his death?
    A: But he’s heavyyyyyyyy….
    Q: Uh, no, he isn’t, and anyway, you have the proportional strength of a spider.
    A: But once we’re on the ground, he’ll just break the webbing again.
    Q: We’re back to that again, are we? Well, why don’t you double, no, triple-zap him with webbing, totally cocoon the guy, and while he’s struggling to free himself, break his arms and legs and beat him unconscious?
    A: Who do I look like, Daredevil?
    Q: Hey, when he broke your webbing before, why didn’t it still stick to him? I mean, I can accept that he’s stronger than your webbing’s ultimate tensile strength, but adhesiveness is a totally different property.
    A: …

  52. Sequitur
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#51): A: … I’m gonna go watch TV now.

  53. Mumblix Grumph
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    “I lost my dad five years ago and nothings been the same since.”

    Well, get off the phone and go looking for him, missy!

    I’m so sorry…I used to be a gag writer for the Family Circus and I still have flashbacks.

  54. commodorejohn
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    A3G – Now, Iris, it’s not very nice to impugn the honesty of ZZ Top members!

    A&J – But Arlo! Don’t you believe in the Good News about Steve Jobs?

    Crankshaft – What does it say that I’m kind of impressed that this was an actual pun and not just a cheapo malapropism?

    DT – So let me guess: Chester Gould created a villain who was the living embodiment of the Fifth Amendment because he didn’t like the government being unable to force someone to testify against themself?

    FW – Wow. I hate him already. (P.S. quit your smarming, dumbass – multiple fertilizations have nothing at all to do with your junk.)

    GT – Lini, look, I don’t want to tell a man that he shouldn’t dress as flamboyantly as his heart desires, but…Mickey Mouse gloves!?

    JP – “God,” Sophie thinks. “Look at those things. I’m going to need a titanium-alloy support structure.”

    Luann – Ah, our heroine: a cheating bitch. Blast her with the fire hose, Toni.

    Mandrake – Because hey! Who says assassins can’t be jovial, sociable sorts!?

    MT – Uh-oh! Elrod has learned about shooting a scene through something! Expect to see the giant foreground animals take up entire panels now, with humans visible through the gaps in their legs, or over their shoulders, or whatever.

    MW – NGYRGH.

    NAOQV – A-yup.

    PBS – I already knew I was old (at 25, no less!), but…yeah.

    Popeye – don’t ask don’t ask don’t ask

    RMMD – Yeah, well, he’ll lose interest as soon as the lawyer explains to him that “bazillion” is not a real number.

    SM – A-yup. That’s our Spidey.

    WoI – “You were a gladiator? Wait, when is our strip set, relative to the fall of the Roman Empire?” “Beats the hell out of me.”

  55. Swordsmith
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    RMMD: So he’s spent 1% of “his” money. Admittedly he can’t keep spending at that rate for long (100 days, actually) but splurging some at the start isn’t going to kill anyone. But the question is, how did he manage to spend that kind of money given that as far as I can see he doesn’t have any sort of job and lives with his sister?

    AC: This is much funnier if you imagine they are in Little Britain.

    A3G: I had for many many years long hair and a full beard, and nobody ever reacted to me the way Aunt Iris is. His hair is clearly clean and well cared for, he’s dressed nice, it takes more than this for people to pick “bum” instead of “wannabe rockstar” or “college professor” or “renfaire geek”. Maybe in the 50′s the go-to assumption might have been bum. I’m forced to assume Dan reeks of garbage and booze, since there are no visual cues to make Iris this adamant about her bum theory. He’s too fancy for hobo and too hot for tramp.

    Beet: Why, in a wargame situation, would anybody ever talk? Where’s the threat? Also, you didn’t specify what this person was to do while behind enemy lines, thus far the dog fits all requirements. We do have K9 units in real wars, I’d hate to think Mort is putting down those fine soldiers and their handlers.

    Curtis: Same thing.

    Doone: What is going on in that picture, some girl riding a bike backwards, with the partially visible …atisty written above it. Is that some sort of demotivational? I’m blanking on what the word could be, and the online rhyming dictionary I tried said it had nothing either.

    Frazz: Isn’t that a student? I don’t see her having this response, the joke only works on people who have some sort of “job” (even if its editor of the student paper or some such)

    GmG: This strip hasn’t been funny since January at least. Today is close, but still doesn’t quite make it.

    : Facial Hair at last! Wonder why he thinks the widow of the man he murdered would be avoiding him? Luckily she was fast thinking enough to…oops, claim she was busy with her daughter, when the excuse she gave the henchman was “doing laundry”. Next she’ll say “I mean, I had to wash my hair”.

    MW: She’s telling her friend she’s lucky to have her dad, but she’s removed the creepy picture of him mauling her from her nightstand, and replaced it with one of… her mom? Some woman by herself anyway.

    PBS: That was just cruel, Pastis.

    FW: Sorry, there are two types of twin, there is no known genetic correlation for identical twins (so the father’s fertility isn’t a factor) and fraternal twins are caused by the mother dropping multiple eggs, nothing the father is responsible for (there is some genetic correlation here, passed thru the maternal line). Did not do the research.

    DT: Handwatch, day 9. And now they’re getting tricky with it; Liz is flashing some kinda gangsign there!

  56. Mibbitmaker
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    DT: A neo-isolationist group honoring someone who (supposedly) helped in the War on Terror? A scheme to lure in a very confused Ron Paul, perhaps?

    I may actually be missing the coherence and storytelling sense of the Locher era!!!

    The art, Mibbit! Just enjoy the art…!

  57. bats :[
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:03 am [Reply]

  58. Swordsmith
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    er, dropped my MT somehow…but I’m sure you could guess which strip I meant

  59. bats :[
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#8): huh. I thought it would’ve been the new, if troubled, Wonder Woman musical on Broadway, “Seth: Turn Off teh Geh.”

  60. The 48th Ginger-Headed Sailor
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    I just can’t wait for the big reveal in Apartment 3-G: Dan will whisk off his beard and wig to reveal he is yet another dark-haired chap with a neck scarf.

  61. Scott Bot
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    GT – I certainly hope Lini’s not wearing Mickey Mouse pants to go with those gloves.

  62. Harold
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @your father isn’t mr. cohen (#4): As wossname pointed out yesterday, Dawn also has a glamour shot of herself on her dresser, next to the can of Barbasol:

    @wossname (#y178)

    So now she’s gone from being an internet addict to a total narcissist. Still, today’s Mary Worth reinforces my belief that she is now a camgirl specializing in foot fetish and “daddy’s little girl” videos:
    @Harold (#y117)

  63. Zork The Mighty
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    MW: Dawn’s idea of “quality time” involves using dark magic to turn her teddy into a vessel for Wilbur’s anguished spirit, which explains why the bear seems to be contemplating chucking itself out the window to freedom.

    A3G: Dan’s beard seems to indicate he’s going through a “da Vinci phase”. He probably flew from Colorado by air-screw.

  64. Harold
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: “Funeral? No, today was his hearing on that indecent exposure charge.”

  65. bats :[
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @Thomas B. (#37): while I’m this close to begging Mr. Elrod for an Indiana Jones tableau, I’d be okay with Mark having an epiphany and realizing that he could get a clean, close shave (and subsequently punch ALL the hirsute bad guys on Isla de la Druggie) by standing next to the airplane’s whirling propeller.

    @Dood (#46): either that, or Tommie will make a musical number out of it, and Blaze will offer an interpretative dance of the epic struggle.

  66. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    A3G: You’re calling Dan Diller a liar, Iris? That’s not going to do much for the cut of your jib.

    MW: You might as well devote yourself to your dad, Dawn; no one will ever love you with that freakishly large right foot anyway.

    JP: I still miss Barreto’s art, although Manley’s is growing on me; I am, however, glad to see that Manley has done away with Sophie’s post-makeover Butterfly-clip Braid.

    RA: Today’s strip was the most amusing so far. Of course, that’s kind of like a 14th-century European saying, “Hey, this round of the plague was the best one so far!”

    FC: “Yeah, PJ, I’ve been changing mine for years now!” (And wouldn’t diapers explain the huge asses on those kids?)

    CdS: Best mom on the comics page, or what?

    MT: Wow, Otto is getting the full Elrod here: an unnatural, shaved head; a distractingly large facial-hair accessory; rolled-up sleeves, not properly buttoned at the wrist; and a Mrs. Robinson approach to seduction. Otto, you might as well just walk on over to Lonnie’s cabin and present your chin to Mark for punching.

  67. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    A3G: “I’m not going to judge you,” she said judgmentally.

    MW: Since Dawn’s cyber-addiction can be attributed to her being stuck living in her father’s retirement community, and now she’s saying that spending more time with dad is going to be her “antidrug”… Let’s just say that even the Teddy bear can’t believe his fluffy ears.

    MT: It’s a shame that Mario has lost his moral compass since his days in the Mushroom Kingdom.

    BB: Since the unit at Camp Swampy has never shipped out, what exactly does Gen. Halftrack mean by “behind enemy lines”? The convenience store that’s already caught him shoplifting?

    FC: Gotta love PJ’s look of icy remove here. “Why are you people watching me? It’s creepy.”

    WofI: It’s funny because the Wizard thought he meant he was a real gladiator, because they’re in Ancient Rome. Except they’re in Medieval something, but where tourists drive through in SUV’s. I’d say “back to the ol’ drawing board” but we all know nothing good will come from there.

    FW: Black hair. Glasses. Is an insufferable smug prick. It’s official. Cody is Les’ clone.

    DT: Some elementary searching has revealed that the Fifth is a villain from the late fifties/early sixties. I’m not sure what his schtick is, yet. He looks like Dick as a WWE fight promoter.

    9CL: Who knew that the sight of a man sandwiched between two leggy dancers could be so dull? If you were planning to come back as Bob Fosse in the next life, don’t even bother.

    PBS: As far as I can tell the mass disappearance of pay phones is a relatively recent occurrence, like the last couple of years, as telecom companies are trying to push everyone to buy cell phones. I guess remembering that far back could make you sort of old by rodent standards.

    SSmith: “Enough jawbonin’! Are we gon’ rob this here grave or whut?”

  68. Dood
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    MW: So, Dawn understands the benefits of limitless supplies of breads, mayonaise, cheesses, thinly sliced meats, lettuce, tomatoes and a variety of condiments? It’s good to be the daughter of the sammich king.

  69. Sequitur
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#66):

    CdS: Best mom on the comics page, or what?

    I’d like to see her with Lio’s dad. A CdS/Lio crossover strip might prove interesting.

  70. Comcis Fan
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @Terry in Maryland (#44):

    Apparently you have forgotten that Charterston is a mental health institution, a fact of which the residents and cartoonists are unaware.

  71. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    (#y210): Nicely done! (And like others, I’m just looking for an opportunity to use “shut thou the fuck up.”)

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#y220): While my students can drive me crazy sometimes with sloppy thinking and writing, I’m often impressed with the kinds of learning tasks they took on in high school and are taking on in college. I require them to write papers that are far more difficult than anything I ever had to write in college, and they can handle the work. (Granted, my students might be more prepared than the average student—but I don’t teach at an Ivy or anything; it’s a decent, second-tier institution.) So while there are real problems in education, I think that at least in the U.S., many of those problems occur in schools with the most disadvantaged students; middle and upper-class students are, in general, served pretty well.

  72. Chip Whittle
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    The Big Picture: Hey, here’s a suggestion for how to medicate McEldowney, Batiuk, and Evans. Just saying.

    Big Top: Besides messing with clown minds, the strip also…you know what, it’s enough to mess with clown minds.

    Bo Nanas: When Gallagher Attacks! Whowever wins, Gallagher just leaves us all feeling sadder.

    The Flying McCoys: Ha-ha! Wait, what? Huh?

    Get A Life: Ha-ha Wait, what? Huh?

    Home and Away: See, it’s funny because both parents are ashamed their child has a strong imagination and uses it for a widely popular and generally creative purpose. Before long they’ll get to crushing that annoying personality from her!

    Ink Pen: Suddenly, Tom Batiuk thinks of a sequel to Lisa’s Story and Lisa’s Story II: The Lisorrier.

    Nancy: That is one horrified-looking rabbit by the third panel. I’m guessing Sluggo forgot to connect through the digital converter box.

    Pibgorn: So, Pibgorn, who was tired of having no point to her life since she decided not to do what she was supposed to do, and not being able to die, arranges to steal Death’s body, in which she’s supposed to go kill Pibgorn’s body, which she doesn’t want to do. This is the kind of tight narrative logic we expect from Popeye.

    Raising Duncan: I don’t quite get what’s going on but I snicker at a cat throwing a bird ineffectively.

    Wee Pals: threatens to bring about the apocalypse by telling a joke that’s actually got sting to it.

  73. commodorejohn
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    THE ULTIMATE COMIC STRIP FOR THE REMAINING NEWSPAPER READERSHIP
    A play in one act.

    Scene One: the Entryway.
    (Late Middle-Aged Dad enters.)

    DAD: Boy, I have had another difficult day at my non-specific white-collar job which isn’t in the financial sector because we don’t like them anymore! I swear, this job eats away my soul a little bit every day! Ha ha!

    (Younger, More Attractive Mother Who Is Still Old Enough To Be “Relatable” To Middle-Aged Women According To Marketing enters.)
    MOM: You think your day is hard? Mine has been hell! First I worked my part-time shift at Some Industry Which Is Not Threatening For Male Readers But Still Allows Female Readers To Feel “Empowered,” then I came home to find God-Awful Older Child Who Makes Us Feel As Old As We Are, The Worthless Monster listening to his awful rock punk rap grunge hip-hop! I swear, why can’t that child put on something nice like Lawrence Welk Pat Boone Barry Manilow some times?

    DAD: Yes, our oldest certainly is a hideous living embodiment of our own mortality, which is why we hate him/her! I’ll have to pressure that no-good punk to get a generic entry-level job they’ll hate, just to show them how much I hate them!

    MOM: And on top of that, I found out the innocent little snacks I’ve been unable to stop myself from eating because I am a woman and therefore as incapable of self-control as I am free from blame for my binging are actually loaded with fat calories carbs! I’M GOING TO BE A HORRIBLE, BLOATED FATTY MCFATSON! SHRIEK OF INARTICULATE CATHY ANGUISH!

    DAD: Ha ha! Yes, you sure are! Good thing I have an attractive young secretary co-worker to threaten our sham of a marriage and embody your self-loathing! Now, on to the living room, where I will stare blankly at the TV until the pain of existence goes away!

    Scene Two: the Living Room.
    (Dad enters.)

    DAD: Oh, Elderly Parent Who Embodies The Reader’s Suppressed Hate For His Own Parents But Is So Old And Doddering As To Make Elderly Readers Not Feel That This Is Supposed To Represent Them, you sure are a worthless old lout! Even though I still feel obligated to respect you because doing otherwise would be admitting that my shrieking harridan of a wife was right!

    GRANDPA: Consarnfabulation, I’m trying to watch the teevee!

    DAD: Ha ha! Right you are, and I am going to sit limply in the easy chair and pretend that we’re bonding until I can’t stand it anymore! Bye!

    GRANDPA: Call the cable company and tell ‘em to get these colored people off the goddamn news!

    DAD: Ha ha!

    Scene three: the Kitchen.
    (Dad enters.)

    DAD: This is where I will regurgitate the standard schtick about men having no idea how to cook! What dark mystery arts are you using to prepare tonight’s meal, wife?

    MOM: Forget the food, why haven’t we had your father euthanized yet!?

    DAD: Ha ha, right you are! But we can’t do that because a comic strip that’s not in perpetual stasis might give our older readers heart attacks! Say, where is Young Child Who Represents Our Desire For Grandchildren On The Theory That They Will Necessarily Be Better Than Our Existing Children!?

    MOM: Oh, he murdered a cat and set the garage on fire, the adorable little scamp! Ha ha!

    DAD: Ha ha!

    Curtain.

  74. odinthor
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#41):

    GT. — Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Cortez.

  75. SequelMan
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @Poor Thompson (#27): Not a comic, but the BEST Teddybear in literature (and public TV) ever… Sebastian Flyte’s bear Aloysius… frequently quite ‘naughty’. (Hope I spelled those names right!)

  76. Mibbitmaker
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    ~ A Brief MST3K Parody ~

    CROW: “I… I can’t look!”

    SERVO: “Me, neither! The next one could be Mary Worth!”

    JOEL: “Well, at least peak…”

    CROW: “Ah, the cautious approach.”

    SERVO: “I like it! Okay, here goes…..”

    [both peak at next strip]

    CROW: “…Huh….. a woman’s legs. Not bad… in fact — seeeeex-YYYYY!”

    SERVO: “Saaay! Me likey! (Bob Hope) Where have you been all my life? Mrrrrrowwwww! (sudden shock) WAIT–”

    CROW: “What? I gotta see this angel of…OMIGOD! NOT HER!!! It’s DawnWestAAAAUGH-Augh-augh (continues sobbing)”

    SERVO: “Wha- Oh, NONONONONONO!!!! Not Dawn! Not Dawn!”

    CROW: “AAAAAUgh-agh-aghDaddy’s little grown love objeAAAAUGH-AGH-AGH…”

    SERVO (indignant): “Even Mitch Hurwitz would find this creepy! Joel, can a robot join the priesthood? Sex is ruined for me!”

    CROW & SERVO (crying in unison): “WAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAWWWWWWWWWW!!!!”

    JOEL: “Now, c’mon, guys. Why don’t you just check out the next strip in the paper?”

    CROW: “Gee, that’s a great idea! Nothing can be as bad as that! Okay….”

    SERVO: “…Except the next strip is 9 Chickweed Lane!!!”

    CROW: “NO! NO! WuAAAAAAAGHEVENTORGOPEAKINGINTHEWINDOWWASN’TTHISBAAAAAAAGGH!!!!”

    [both 'bots sob uncontrolably]

    JOEL (over crying): “The funny pages. Fun for the whole family! We’ll be right back.”

    [MST3K globe spins to outro music]

  77. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    shiba-sun.

    an F-U to BMcE.

    a slightly less political F-U to Batuik.

    can we get an OVA for this?

    Oh, Bat-Rocky!. (this is made of so much win.)

    Red Panda haz a Monday.

    possibly the best 47 seconds of True Fable’s day.

    for that which we are about to nom, let us be truly grateful.

    The Daily Puppy is a yellow lab.

    Borgi.

    pup, pup and away!

  78. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:43 am [Reply]

  79. Shem
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    9CL: Oh my God. I think I’ve finally found my breaking point, and it’s seeing two chicks in bathrobes hanging all over an alarmed Seth. It’s like a stupid, hurty version of Three’s Company.

  80. Jim North
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    A3G: Thinking that he’s a lying bum is not, of course, to be considered “judging him”.

    Crank: I’m ignoring the awful pun by concentrating on the fact that the bridge of that guy’s glasses have apparently disappeared. Of course, there’s every chance that they’re always drawn like that because this is the Funkyverse and therefore his glasses are welded directly to his skull due to an industrial accident he suffered earlier in life. This causes him nearly constant inconvenience on top of unbearable pain, which explains his acquaintanceship with Crankshaft. He’s used to that unique level of suffering already, so a little more isn’t going to make any difference.

    DtM: Some of you may say, “Oh, well, sitting around reading, that sure isn’t menacing!” But I prefer to think that since Dennis is not actually reading but being read to, he’s being totally menacing. He’s defiantly asserting his own illiteracy by not reading for himself, but he’s still absorbing all the knowledge that Gina is imparting to him so that he may later use it to his own twisted ends. He intends to become an Anarcho-Punk later in life, knowledgeable without being well read and always turning The Man’s own institutions against him. FIGHT THE POWER!

    DT: “Yes, Lizz, I’m well aware of my exposed penis. There’s no need to point it out to the rest of the station.”

    GT: Vigilante heroism like this deserves a great big kiss, I think. Go get ‘im, Lini!

    JP: Y’know, on the bright side, the clingy parenting here in Judge Parker is way hotter than the clingy parenting in Mary Worth. And Sophie was adopted, right? So no blood ties along with the fact that she obviously turned 18 since we last saw her means we don’t have that disturbing creepy factor, either! I call this a definite win.

    Pluggers: Dude, you’re at a funeral right this very second. I’m sure Andy and the rest of the people there would appreciate it if you’d snap out of your delusional state and put the emaciated corpse of your chicken lady wife back in the damn coffin already.

  81. Zork The Mighty
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#73): *lone person in audience stands up and begins to clap, escalates into rousing ovation*

  82. But What Do I Know?
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:47 am [Reply]

  83. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#70):

    @Terry in Maryland (#44): Apparently you have forgotten that Charterston is a mental health institution, a fact of which the residents and cartoonists are unaware.

    It’s still a relief to me that Terry Bryson was able to able to break out of Charterstone and escape to “The Free State”!

  84. Grizzly smith
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: it’s nice to see Dan Haggerty getting some work again. I think this is a step above some of his Grizzley Adams shows.

  85. Joshua
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @LogopolisMike (#47): I wonder how a person whose hygiene is so poor that he is constantly surrounded by flies could be an effective leader for the rally. Generally I would expect such a person to be kept way out of the spotlight, and closer to the bug zapper.

  86. Scott Bot
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Pluggers – I know it’s probably some dumb nickname his drinking buddies gave him, but I really, really hope that ‘T-Bob’ is a name Mr. Taylor’s grandchildren suggested he use, so he would appear to be hip and/or with it to all the teens reading the paper. ‘Yeah, Gramps, call yourself T-Bob, just like the rappers do. It’s cool… ***snickersnickersnort***’

  87. Mibbitmaker
    March 22nd, 2011 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#76): As I wrote this, I forgot about the foot fetishist wet dream sharing space with the leg-man fodder. It’s just as well, though — if I subjected the ‘bots to that, they’d have barfed up all their ram chips! (just like I did typing “foot fetishist’s wet dream”!)

  88. Apeman
    March 22nd, 2011 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worthless: Dawn is drawn as a grown woman, but are we sure her true age isn’t 17? Internet addiction, clutching a teddy bear, gossiping on the phone while lying on the bed? This isn’t Mary Worth with a storyline featuring Dawn; it’s a scene from Gilmore Girls with Rory talking to one of her friends wondering where her dad is.

    Spider-Fail: Peter has no idea how to defeat a villain as lethargic as he is. “I’m just going to float away from you!” “Oh, no! Morbius has out-lazied me! And he’s not even in front of a TV! Quick to the Spider Couch! I can bore him to defeat with a Pawn Stars marathon!”

  89. Red Greenback
    March 22nd, 2011 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    A3-G: “Well, ya got me there, Iris. Actually I just flew in from China Grove, and boy is my blue-eyed soul tired.”

  90. Dood
    March 22nd, 2011 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    When female pluggers die, wouldn’t there just be a barbecue instead of a funeral?

  91. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 22nd, 2011 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @Jim North (#80):

    the clingy parenting here in Judge Parker is way hotter than the clingy parenting in Mary Worth.

    Admit it: You’re just waiting for the scene where kite-flying Abbey frolics through the park, aren’t you?

  92. boojum
    March 22nd, 2011 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#13): On Doonesbury: It’s been established that Trudeau has a much shorter gap between the production and running time of his strips; repeats are usually run during a vacation or some other commitment. I believe he’s currently on one of his periodic USO tours. He’s a big draw with the troops.

  93. Nosyt
    March 22nd, 2011 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    MT: I expect the mustachioed villain to be clad in belted shorts, lifting old-timey barbells with “100″ printed on them and heartily laughing with arms akimbo.

  94. Scott Bot
    March 22nd, 2011 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#90): There’s my COTW nominee!

  95. Jim North
    March 22nd, 2011 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#91): I admit nothing!

    . . . but yes. Bring on the incredibly hawt redhead frolicking already, dammit!

  96. wossname
    March 22nd, 2011 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @Terry in Maryland (#44): Don’t forget Dr. Mike and the infamous Freud vs. Jung debate with Mary! I’m not saying he’s a good psychiatrist, I’m just saying don’t forget him.

    @Swordsmith (#55): Re Doonesbury – the framed thing on the wall says “Variety.” (Showbiz, ya know.) But what the person on it is doing is anyone’s guess.

  97. Baka Gaijin
    March 22nd, 2011 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Apeman (#88) on Spiderman: I almost plotzed, Plotzed! reading your comment.

    @Dood (#90): Why just limit it to females?

  98. schmeerp
    March 22nd, 2011 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know, but one tine Gil Thorp had a player named Ted Bare (or Baer) who carried around a teddy bear

  99. pugfuggly
    March 22nd, 2011 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “Yep, I just flew in from Colorado and BOY ARE MY REINDEER TIRED!!! HA HA HO HO HO……anyhow, got any spare change?”

    MT: This Otto, is he a relative of a certain historic german chancellor…? His mustache seems to suggest it….

  100. Effluvius Erratus
    March 22nd, 2011 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#91):

    Admit it: You’re just waiting for the scene where kite-flying Abbey frolics through the park, aren’t you?

    On horseback. As sprinklers erupt around her.

    While wearing a shirt of white linen and khaki short-shorts.

  101. jvwalt
    March 22nd, 2011 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    FC: So the truth is revealed. Thel and Bil don’t toilet-train their children; they just teach ‘em to clean up after themselves. Somebody please call Child Protective Services.

    Also, no parent in their right mind would crouch like that while changing a diaper. Thel’s left herself wide open for a face full of PJ pee-pee.

  102. Baka Gaijin
    March 22nd, 2011 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: You learn something new every day. Sams Club sells suits.

    Slylock Fox: Lady, you need a red towel if you’re trying to attract Buford Bull to satisfy you as your lazy man hasn’t been able to even with Viagra during an earthquake.

  103. schmeerp
    March 22nd, 2011 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    Thompson, I tried to reply to your post but it did not come out as a response. See #98:

  104. Baka Gaijin
    March 22nd, 2011 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Dan, man to man, the dustmop look is not, nor has ever been, in.

  105. Baka Gaijin
    March 22nd, 2011 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: I always wondered what Mr. Clean did between commercials.

  106. Not Just Any Dipstick
    March 22nd, 2011 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#42): For all liberals: Name a city, state or nation that has taxed itself into prosperity. (And you cannot).

  107. Effluvius Erratus
    March 22nd, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#102):

    You learn something new every day. Sams Club sells suits.

    Yeah, they come in rolls, like paper towels, and you buy’em in cases of 50 or 100 rolls. They’re usually at the end of the bulk Caskets & Gravestones aisle.

  108. yahtzee
    March 22nd, 2011 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    In a totally sincere way, I want to say that the last frame of Mark Trail is really nicely done today — the visual of her face framed by the arm actually creates the sense of intimidation and fear the story is trying to convey. Now that I have sincerely admired the artwork of “Mark Trail,” I have to reassess everything I have ever previously despised. Maybe Velveeta will now taste like real cheese. Maybe guys who wear Dockers actually are hot. Maybe Dubya was actually a competent president. Or maybe I just need to lie down.

  109. Baka Gaijin
    March 22nd, 2011 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#107): “They’re usually at the end of the bulk Caskets & Gravestones aisle.” Plugger directions to the bulk Caskets & Stuff aisle: Take a right at the sausage sample lady, go left at the cookie sample lady, avoid the Sham-Wow display (no food), then about 20 feet beyond the cheese sample lady.

  110. Chyron HR
    March 22nd, 2011 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    MT – I’m not sure why you all seem to have so much trouble recognizing the fire-breathing Russian strongman, Karnov.

  111. Red Greenback
    March 22nd, 2011 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#38): Damn, your MT comment made me laugh so hard I coughed up a lung! I like the cut of your jib, TheDiva.

  112. Effluvius Erratus
    March 22nd, 2011 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#109): ….if you come to the pyramid of 50 gallon drums of formaldehyde, you went too far.

  113. littlestevie
    March 22nd, 2011 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#90): Male pluggers = Barbeque, Female pluggers = Tupperware Party

  114. littlestevie
    March 22nd, 2011 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#100): And a sudden cold snap.

  115. A HREF
    March 22nd, 2011 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Of course “Dan” didn’t fly. He’s really Leon Russell and he took a tour bus.

    http://pinoytutorial.com/lifebytes/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/leon-russell.jpg

  116. Scott Bot
    March 22nd, 2011 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#109): And the restrooms are two aisles over, to the right.

  117. Liam
    March 22nd, 2011 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke-One way or the other Marmaduke will feed.
    Curtis-I can’t wait for the day when Curtis becomes dark and we get to see him turn into a creepy stalker.
    Mary Worth-It is truly amazing the power that flying a kite for an afternoon has. This strip has inspired me to take up drinking and heavy drugs then I shall quit them all with some kite flying.

  118. Scott Bot
    March 22nd, 2011 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#54): A3G – Now, Iris, it’s not very nice to impugn the honesty of ZZ Top members! Yeah, give him a break. He’s just looking for some tush.

  119. Old School Allie Cat
    March 22nd, 2011 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    MT – Mad props to Jackelrod on his homage to The Graduate in that last panel. Mr. Trail, you’re trying to seduce me, aren’t you?

    He’s not.

  120. CanuckDownSouth
    March 22nd, 2011 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    About the only realistic thing in FW lately is that a jerky male teenager would incorrectly think that twins = the guy is super-potent.

    (The obligatory unrealistic part is that the reader is clearly supposed to sympathize with the guy and hate on the girl for being a snob. Sorry, but I’m on her side. And it’s not even the Terese Effect – I’d hate being paired up with a guy who seems to think project pair = date.)

  121. Dennis Jimenez
    March 22nd, 2011 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    MT – I’m going with a circa 1950s Keenan Wynn in casting my film version….

    MW – This is the creepiest ever – BTW – shouldn’t she be using a pink ATT analogue princess phone….

    I’m sticking with my theory, that much like the Lone Ranger and his mysterious old prospector disquise, Jebus occassionally walks among us with flour in his beard and hair, testing our moral rectitude – just what he makes of the late John Ritter in drag, is anybody’s guess….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  122. Esther Blodgett
    March 22nd, 2011 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    DT: I’m going to guess that the Fifth is called the Fifth because a) that’s what he takes, b) that’s what he drinks, or c) the first four characters didn’t turn out right.

  123. Esther Blodgett
    March 22nd, 2011 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#73): *writes down “consarnfabulation” to use later, just under “wattle-scrotum thingy”*

  124. Dood
    March 22nd, 2011 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Don’t worry, Gandalf. With Aunt Iris, all you have to do is speak friend and enter.

  125. bats :[
    March 22nd, 2011 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

  126. Josh
    March 22nd, 2011 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Not Just Any Dipstick (#106): Ha ha, yes, everyone needs to read the rules, apparently.

    Josh

  127. Jim North
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#110): If he gets the jump boots, he might actually give Mark’s punchin’ fist a run for its money!

  128. greghousesgf
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    Home and Away;
    OK, you idiots can put your arms down now.

  129. But What Do I Know?
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#99): The same German leader with a city in North Dakota named after him?

    /obscure Simpsons reference

  130. This Guy
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    BC:
    Spring is here, ah-spring is here
    Life is skittles and life is beer
    I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring
    I do–don’t you? ‘course ya do.

    DT: The fifth, I give you.

    Garfield: Where are they, Planet Spaceball?

    H&J: This is the same dude who just yesterday was smirking evilly at the fact that (according to him, anyway) nothing is taboo in a barbershop, and it’s the last refuge of men who want to speak frankly.

    Ziggy: Ziggy hits rock bottom so hard that even his snarky, uncaring doctor is visibly discomfited.

  131. littlestevie
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    BIZZARO: Why Otto from Mark Trail also has a guest shot in today’s Bizarro.

  132. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    Pajama Diaries: Ha! That’s funny because the mother has no control over her kids.

    FC: Ha! That’s funny because the baby has no control over his bladder.

    Crankshaft: Ha! That’s funny because the old man has no control over his vocabulary.

    Crock: Ha! That’s funny because — wait. What?

  133. Indichik
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Fred Basset: Ha! Fred won’t find that birthday cake so “yummy scrummy” when he falls over dead from chocolate poisoning.

    Also, there’s no joke here, but what else is new?

  134. Katy
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#130): But there’s one thing that makes Spring complete for me
    And makes ev-e-ry Sunday a treat for me …

    [everybody, join in!]

  135. Poteet
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    ReFoob — I do understand that preschoolers can climb to amazing places sometimes. But as a non-parent, my first thought is that leaving a precious breakable item within fairly easy reach of a preschooler is the act of a dimmish bulb and/or someone who is looking for a chance to become furious.

  136. pugfuggly
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @But What Do I Know? (#129): Hmmmm…that is obscure. And I thought I had every episode (prior to season 10….) memorized….

  137. Katy
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#73): I … I can’t even … Willy Loman … Mr. Blandings … [falls dead from amazement at the sweep and scope of it all]

  138. Poteet
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    JP — I sorta thought it was generally agreed that trying to be your kid’s best friend, when in fact you are your kid’s parent, is not a good idea.

  139. Poteet
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#73): Well, folks, after that, I think we may be done here. I know I’m heading off to the kitchen to down some innocent little snacks.

  140. JupiterPluvius
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Obviously he’s not flying in from Colorado, he’s flying in from the Island of Ridiculous Facial Hair, where Mark Trail is. Look for some guy with Dundreary whiskers to show up in “Rex Morgan, MD”.

  141. Cloudbuster
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    MT: Because we know when you’re a “cooking and laundry” slave on an isolated island full of drug dealers who murdered your husband, they just let you avoid them.

    When do we find out that Lonnie’s hubby was the former drug kingpin, murdered in a power struggle? Because only if Lonnie’s as dirty as the rest of them does she get to lounge around in her own house with her copious free time.

  142. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#134):

    “All the world seems in tune
    On a spring afternoon,
    When we’re poisoning pigeons in the park.”

  143. TheDiva
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#135): As a parent of a toddler, I had the exact same reaction, ie. “Who’s the twit who left the precious breakable object within easy reach of little hands in the first place, hmmm?”

  144. Anonymous
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @But What Do I Know? (#129):

    “Hitler, North Dakota?”

  145. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Shem (#79): No, it is actually a stupid, hurty version of Three’s Company where Jack really is gay, and Mr. Furley is getting some (usually on a Bosendorfer).

  146. Baron Bizarre
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    “Anonmymous @ 144″ was me.

  147. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    Hitler, North Dakota?

  148. Calvin\'s Cardboard Box
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Curses, foiled again! (Twirls mustache)

  149. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 22nd, 2011 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#143): Easy… it was Rod John.

  150. Katy
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#142):

    Every Sunday you’ll see
    My sweetheart and me
    as we poison the pigeons in the park.

  151. jvwalt
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @jvwalt (#101): Disturbing additional thought: If Thel hasn’t learned not to crouch over a naked infant’s crotch by now — after raising two boys through the dydee years — maybe she secretly likes being golden-showered by her own children.

  152. This Guy
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#150):
    When they see us coming
    The birdies all try and hide
    But they still go for peanuts
    When coated with cyanide

  153. wossname
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#141): Heeeeeyyyy – maybe Lonnie’s husband wasn’t really killed (although she may think he was). Maybe he snuck away from Drug Smuggler Island to the mainland, and got a fake identity, and began a new carreer as Ben Smith, Diamond Smuggler!

  154. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#142), @Katy (#150), @This Guy (#152): I want to see Seth and Fernanda do “The Masochism Tango”!

  155. Phred22
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    JP: “Come on, Sophie. We’ve spent weeks letting the Judge, Sam and friends talk themselves to death. If we don’t have a spat now, something will actually have to happen to them.”

  156. Bootsy
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#154):

    I want to see Fernanda take her cigarette from its holder and burn her initials in his shoulder!

  157. Effluvius Erratus
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @jvwalt (#151): I’ll call your two disturbing thoughts and raise you a disgusting throught:

    I’m pretty sure the Keane children have their genitals buffed off shortly after birth. Some minor home surgery connects the severed uretha to the rectum and voilà! No naughty parts means no naughty thoughts!

  158. Baka Gaijin
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#121): Keenan Wynn? I’m glad I Googled him up. Confusing him for Ed Wynn, the role just wouldn’t work.

    @But What Do I Know? (#129): Alex, the answer is “Who is Kohl?” [*]

    @bats :[ (#125): It’s creepy and it’s spooky! bats :[ you’ve been hanging around Wilbur Weston too long.

    @Calvin\’s Cardboard Box (#148): “(Twirls mustache)” Do you have a shiny bald head? Do you have a proclivity to stand with your manly hands on your hips? Is your only jewelry a medallion from the Telly Savalas collection? You may want to avoid Elrod Balls for a while. Just sayin’.

  159. bats :[
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#158): oh, now you’re just being mean! :P

  160. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#125):

    Yes, it’s uber-creepy, but I figured either you or Dean’s Comic Booth were planning to have a naked Bil spread-eagled on the changing table!

  161. Katy
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#152):
    But it’s not against any religion
    To want to dispose of a pigeon.

    I’d go for the Masochism Tango with Seth, except for the line where I’m supposed to swear we’ll never part.

  162. Katy
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#160): By the way, do you see me in the corner singing Tom Lehrer songs? DO YOU? It’s because I’m NOT LISTENING to the Family Circle speculations. Or looking at them either lalalala

  163. Trey Le Parc
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    MW: All Dawn needs is a shapeless, color neutral item of food to eat awkwardly and her transformation to Charterstone Dowager-In-Waiting is magically complete!

  164. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

  165. Calvin\'s Cardboard Box
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#158):

    My plan is to hoard the island’s only razor blade until the last minute, at which time I will shave myself clean and cause the Elrod ball to mistakenly go after the scruffy man with the two weeks’ worth of growth on his cheeks.

    If Mark finds the blade first, I will deter him from using it by screaming “It is Rusty!” and then hiding under a car.

  166. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    Curses! Ah, the cutting irony of having my post about razor blades befouled by a slashed possessive!

  167. Baka Gaijin
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin\’s Cardboard Box (#165): Ah, yes, the old “hide under the Studebaker station wagon” gambit. It’s worked before.

  168. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#162): Shall I? No I think I’d better not. In my home town.

  169. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#125): So far I’m taking the NSFW warning seriously, but when I’m home I’ll be taking a look. How badly do I need to steel myself.

  170. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#162):

    Could I interest you in a couple of unused tubes of Boudreaux’s Butt Paste Diaper Rash Ointment? (I used to rub it on my eight-year-old’s bum when he was a baby. Highly recommended!)

  171. Baka Gaijin
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#169): Steel yourself as hard as, as hard as, as hard as Mark Trail being hugged by Cherry Trail. Wait, that came out wrong. Steel yourself as hard as day-old salmon squares.

  172. boojum
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @Bootsy (#156): And maybe she’ll have a first name, and a middle name or two, and a saint’s name, and a couple of compound surnames on both sides. Like Maria-Fernanda Victoria Charles Counter-Reformation Borromeo Guttierez-Martinez y Fernandez-Sosa.

  173. Katy
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#169): Don’t worry. It’s not at all icky. The NSFW label was just to spook people.

  174. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 22nd, 2011 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    MT— So Mark is going to take on the evil Pringles man. I guess we all know how this story will end: Goodbye, Mr. Chips.

  175. bats :[
    March 22nd, 2011 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#173): well, it’s pretty icky, I think, but in a more intellectual way (if you think about it too much, it’s kinda gag-inducing).

  176. But What Do I Know?
    March 22nd, 2011 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#144): To you and Calvin’s Cardboard Box: Bra-vo (clap, clap)

  177. ArchieNemesis
    March 22nd, 2011 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Remember Wilbur’s sarcastic Twitter lesson, way back in this Mary Worth storyline?
    Remember Dr. Jeff mocking Mary’s fear of the Kindle?

    Well, I predict a Charterstone pool party in the near future.
    A sobbing Wilbur, and a shamefaced Dr. Jeff, will stand side by side.
    They will admit to Mary that she was right all along – about Kindle, about Twitter, about everything!

    Meanwhile, Dawn, now only nine years old, will frolic in the background with a hula hoop.
    And Mary will gloat with an intensity that outshines the Santa Royale sun.

  178. Violet
    March 22nd, 2011 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    I think today’s Pluggers is kind of misleading. Pluggers automatically think, “Do you suppose he’s been to a funeral?” whenever they encounter any of their acquaintances, sartorial choices notwithstanding.

  179. seismic-2
    March 22nd, 2011 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    MW: Based on the size of Dawn’s pedal extremity, and from her instinctively clutching that Teddy Bear to her bosom in spite of her advanced age, we are now finally able to resolve the long-standing mystery behind the circumstances of her conception: Wilbur mated with a Sasquatch. Why does that not surprise me?

  180. Effluvius Erratus
    March 22nd, 2011 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#177):

    And Mary will gloat with an intensity that outshines the Santa Royale sun.

    Isn’t “Santa Royale Sun” one of the epithets her worshippers use when praying obeisance to her hundred-breasted effigy?

  181. A different JD
    March 22nd, 2011 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one who finds it weird that every male character in Dick Tracy now wears a hat? And they don’t take ‘em off indoors, either, the cads.

    Also, should the kids in Riverdale be worried that their high school science teacher believes that the brain has muscles?

  182. Nosyt
    March 22nd, 2011 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#110): I was trying to come up with his name earlier! Well played, sir! Well played.

  183. Baka Gaijin
    March 22nd, 2011 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#179): And explains why no one can find the Sasquatch. She’s cloistered herself in shame.

  184. Cyranetta
    March 22nd, 2011 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    MW: Besides the general creepiness of the storyline, I am somewhat disturbed by the magically resizing bed on which Dawn is reclining — it’s almost as narrow as a coffin in panel 1

  185. Esther Blodgett
    March 22nd, 2011 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#174): Take that, evildoer! Mark Trail will not abide your unnaturally identical stacks of potato crisps.

  186. sporknpork
    March 22nd, 2011 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    MT: Since large, foreground subjects are typically reserved for only animals in the “Mark Trail” universe, I’ll wager my guess that in the third panel is actually an island-dwelling North American Joint-and-Fisted Elephant.

  187. Dr. Weird
    March 22nd, 2011 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @Dr. P and the Women (#31):

    If Tarantino has taken over Mary Worth, we should expect a LOT more carnage… perhaps even Mary being decapitated by a katana!

  188. Bootsy
    March 22nd, 2011 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#86):

    In these parts, I am familiar with “T” being a nickname that means “small”. I went to school with a guy named T- Jean, so named because his father’s name was Jean. Jean was pronounced in the French way, so my classmate’s name rhymed with Dijon, like the mustard. I know quite a few guys with T as the first part of the name when named after their fathers or other relatives. Beats Junior.

  189. Fashion Police
    March 22nd, 2011 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    It must be said that the Marketing Druids have decreed Honeysuckle Pink – which is approximately the shade of Pepto-Bismol, only with a nicer name – as this season’s must-have color, so we congratulate Miss Weston for being slightly ahead of the curve in her room decor. We are disappointed, however, to see her in cutoffs and a tank top instead of nice frilly print flannel jammies with a peter pan collar, which would be so much more in keeping with her character, and would coördinate nicely with her teddy bear.

    All the evidence points to Miss Weston being at least a year older than Miss Edda Burber, which leads us to believe that Santa Royale is not in California as we had previously thought, but on some island floating in the middle of Never-Never Land.

  190. Effluvius Erratus
    March 22nd, 2011 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @Dr. Weird (#187):

    If Tarantino has taken over Mary Worth…

    “ANY OF YOU FUCKING PRICKS MOVE, AND I’LL MEDDLE EVERY MOTHERFUCKING LAST ONE OF YA!”

  191. demoncat
    March 22nd, 2011 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    dawns teddy bear has the right expression for not only is dawn showing how disturbed her mind has become by having her room like like it does when she was little but also having a picture of herself to admire and stating she loves spending time with her boring old dad. mary worth must be cackling with glee

  192. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 22nd, 2011 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

  193. SideshowJon
    March 22nd, 2011 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    I like the band-aid on Mark Trail’s head. It’s a helpful reminder that he was shot, presumably in the head.

  194. Joe Btfsplk
    March 22nd, 2011 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    Chickweed – Plot Call: In the ensuing escalation of tangled limbs and bodies, Edda and Fernanda will suddenly realize that they are passionately kissing each other, and the three of them will stand frozen in a bug-eyed tableau while they contemplate where they all are on the Kinsey Scale and what it all means.

    Secondary Call: Most outlets will timidly refuse to run the scene, and will instead run some unrelated episode from years ago that just draws the strip more attention than it would have gotten on its own.

    A lot of people dump on 9CL here, but I’m really OK with it for a couple of reasons. It’s like, if the comics page weren’t so crowded with strips whose characters are so determinedly, pathologically sexophobic (RMMD, JP, MT, A3G, MW, SM, Blondie, I don’t have all day here) that there’s no way to accept them as plausible human beings, then we wouldn’t need this one where everyone is continuously humping each other like hormone-crazed rabbits just to maintain some balance in the universe. And yeah, the people in it tend to be high-minded pretentious snobs, but the truth is that there really are a lot of real people like that, and again there’s so much grating heartland folksiness pushed on us (GA alone is enough) that somebody has to keep the gravitational center from sliding into the Plugger-infested darkness. And… yeah okay, I guess I’ve always been kind of attracted to brainy bitchy artsy-type women myself, so there’s that.

  195. Swordsmith
    March 22nd, 2011 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @A different JD (#181): I may have mentioned this before, but there used to be a tradition about hats; everyone wore them outdoors, and indoors, you took yours off IF you were unarmed.

    Buncha cops sitting around the squad room might well all be packing heat.

  196. ElkMeadow
    March 22nd, 2011 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    I didn’t think that any strip would stoop as low as FOOB in parental abuse and neglect (I’m referring to Jim, but I’m sure Wilbur Weston might have disagreed a week ago while Dawn was on-line 24/7), but now I’ve stumbled upon one.

    http://comics.com/freshly_squeezed/

    It’s about a family (duh) in which the parents have moved in with their adult children (tv trope material). We’ve seen this with Marvin, lampshaded in Stone Soup (adult daughter with kids move in with mom).

    So here’s where it gets really stinky, so low not even Lynn thought of this (as I recall)–
    Grandpa Irv is a Korean War veteran. He has a jacket that he likes, that his daughter doesn’t. So without his permission or his even being aware of it, she puts in the back yard, in the compost pile. Ha, ha. Never mind that it was his favorite, or that it may have had speacial memories, or whatever. She didn’t like it, so she’s gotten it out of the house in an environmentally weird way. Which (tv trope forecast) means that it can be recovered, instead of going to Goodwill or the dump. Grandpa is wandering around, sure he has lost his mind because he can’t remember where he left it at. Ha, ha.

    originally posted at calvinsdad, under my other name.)

  197. ElkMeadow
    March 22nd, 2011 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one wondering when Wilbur is going to start kite flying and fishing with currently fatherless Cathy?

    Am I the only one suspecting that Dexter’s lawyer is going to be Holland Dike, Anthony’s business parner?

  198. SideshowJon
    March 22nd, 2011 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @nescio (#25):

    If you’re a Plugger, there is no God

  199. Violet
    March 22nd, 2011 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    It strikes me that Dawn is being perhaps a trifle insensitive to her bereaved friend. “I’m sure you think it’s strange that I want to spend quality time with my dad, seeing as you can’t and all, since your father’s dead. I mean, how much time can you spend at the cemetery, am I right? Even with a kite. I just feel so lucky—like in the way that you’re totally not—to have a father, know what I mean? Sorry, of course you don’t; only people whose fathers aren’t dead would understand that, I guess.”

    On the plus side, she could easily make it up to her by inviting her along on one of the Weston family outings. After five minutes of watching those two interact, Cathy is going to be feeling pretty good about her situation.

  200. SideshowJon
    March 22nd, 2011 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#73): You forgot the hip Granny who is more rockin’ and a’rollin’ then her fuddy-duddy middle-aged son. Without this ingredient, we shall continue to be plagued by The Middletons, Herb and Jamaal, Marvin, and all sorts of unspeakable awfulness.

  201. Joe Btfsplk
    March 22nd, 2011 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @A different JD (#181): Personally I wish hats would come back. A hat is such a useful accessory; you can tip it in greeting, doff it to show respect, toss it nonchalantly onto a hook when you enter a room, and you always have something handy to draw lots from when there are four of you and only three parachutes.

    Mr. Flutesnoot is demonstrating his knowledge here. All Riverdale students’ heads are entirely full of meat.

  202. mr12ozcan
    March 22nd, 2011 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    mary worth- dawn has a foot like fred flinstone . yabba dabba doo if flying kites with your family cured things that dope dr phil would be doing that on tv now .instead of just yelling at people .gotta be a easier way to make millions thanks wilber love dr phil

  203. Joe Btfsplk
    March 22nd, 2011 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and also, “hat hair” isn’t as much of an issue when everybody has it.

  204. Chance
    March 22nd, 2011 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#7): “Do you realize by this time in a Locher/Brozman story, none of this would have happened?”

    Ha! That’s a good’un!!

  205. gnome de blog
    March 22nd, 2011 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#196):
    Are you reading the Oregonian, or does the Bend Bulletin carry the same crappy comics? The Big O seems to have embarked on a policy of picking up obscure, low-priced strips with little regard for quality (Adam’s Apples, Grand Avenue, Edison Lee, etc.). I’m surprised they haven’t dropped Cul de Sac because it isn’t sufficiently insipid.

  206. Little Guy
    March 22nd, 2011 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    MT: Mark’s great plan is to dress up as Stella and start harranging ‘Otto’: “Haaaaaarcourt Fenton MUDD! Have you been smuggling drugs again? Look at you! No wonder your sex slave doesn’t want to have anything to do with you, you replusive thing-thing-thing-thing-…..”

    MW: She’s no June or Abbey in a teddy, but she’s fetching with the teddy.

  207. spike
    March 22nd, 2011 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#189): Here’s the real reason for the Peptol-bismol pink in Dawn’s room:
    “Contrary to the belief that pink is a little girl’s color, it is actually a universally calming color for males and females of all ages. Known as Baker Miller Pink, the deep, almost Pepto-Bismol color is a recognized nonviolent color used to calm prisoners in holding cells of jails in many parts of the U.S. If it can put prisoners to sleep, imagine what it can do for your toddler.”

    Several of us have long suspected that Charterstone is a prison/insane asylum/etc. Q. E. D.

  208. Fashion Police
    March 22nd, 2011 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Btfsplk (#201):
    Hats, like suits, would come back if people who liked them wore them without waiting for the edict from the people who gave us “honeysuckle pink” as this season’s color.

  209. Fashion Police
    March 22nd, 2011 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    We feel terribly sorry for anyone who tosses aside their little black dress for one the shade of Pepto-Bismol.

  210. Fashion Police
    March 22nd, 2011 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    @spike (#207):
    So you’re saying we dress our daughters in pink to keep them docile and subjugated?

  211. spike
    March 22nd, 2011 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    Nothing of the sort! The color supposedly has the same effects on both genders.

  212. boojum
    March 22nd, 2011 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#208): Can this be? Our very own Fashion Police, fomenting rebellion against the Powers That Be?

    If you continue celebrating personal style, good taste and true self-expression over the fickle whims and novelty-mad whoring of The Industry, we may have to promote you to the grander name of Style Police.

  213. Swordsmith
    March 22nd, 2011 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#210): Well it’s working on Dawn…

  214. boojum
    March 22nd, 2011 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    @Bootsy (#188): In these parts, I am familiar with “T” being a nickname that means “small”.

    But isn’t that pretty much limited to French names like Jean, since the “T” is actually a shortened form of ‘Petit’? T-Jean, T-Paul, and T-Claude I’ll give you. Maybe T-Robert (pronounced T-Robair). But T-Bob?

  215. spike
    March 22nd, 2011 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#213): Anything would work on mush-for-brains Dawn. I’m just waiting for Dawn to share her recent experience with The Drak Queen and be platituded to death.

  216. Pop Goes the Weasel
    March 22nd, 2011 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#41):
    Groucho Marx (Night at the Opera) : “Hey, You big bully, stop picking on that little bully!”

  217. spike
    March 22nd, 2011 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    Duh! Make that “Dark Queen”…Note to self: Preview! Preview! Preview!

  218. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 22nd, 2011 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#125): Wow. So Bil is as smooth and hairless as his infant son. That must take some upkeep.

    Gonna pass out now.

  219. Francisco Arrowroot
    March 22nd, 2011 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    I notice that the background characters in today’s A3-G are turned away from Aunt Iris and her homeless companion, in hopes that ignoring them will make them go away. It can’t be the first time for either of them.

  220. Baka Gaijin
    March 22nd, 2011 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    @spike (#217): I like “Drak” better. It’s gives more of Wicked Queen in “Snow White” vibe.

    @Francisco Arrowroot (#219): A simpler explanation: just out of scene, below the lower edge of the panel is Marvin with a knowing grin on his face and a geyser spewing from a “blow out.” You parents know what I’m talking about.

  221. Anonymous
    March 22nd, 2011 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    Fashion Police – what is wrong with you? Well, I guess not just you but everyone else. I admit, I sort of scanned the last 200 or so posts so maybe I missed it, but I cannot believe that no one has commented on Dawn’s MOM-SHORTS… I mean, when was the last time anyone cut off their high-waisted jeans and rolled up the cuffs?

  222. Fashion Police
    March 22nd, 2011 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    @boojum (#212):

    If you continue celebrating personal style, good taste and true self-expression over the fickle whims and novelty-mad whoring of The Industry, we may have to promote you to the grander name of Style Police.

    Well, we have always held the view that The Industry is in dire need of policing.

  223. Sequitur
    March 22nd, 2011 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#220): Wicked Queen? Have you been watching Rocky Horror Picture Show again?

  224. nescio
    March 22nd, 2011 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    @SideshowJon (#198): I hadn’t thought about it that way, but your reasoning seems theologically sound to me.

  225. Cheeky Wee Monkeys
    March 22nd, 2011 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Trail’s “final boss” to defeat will be a giant mustache with legs.

  226. Fashion Police
    March 22nd, 2011 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#221):
    We regret the omissioin, but rest assured that it did not go without notice. We were similarly aghast that Miss Weston’s tank-top is tucked, Lonnie-like, into her high-waisted cut-off mom jeans. Our mind’s eye, however, sees Miss Weston in frilly print peter-pan-collar jammies in keeping with the decor of her bedroom – which has no doubt remained unchanged (right down to the ruffled pillow-cases) since she was four. We suspect that her My Little Pony and Backstreet Boys posters lurk just out of sight.

  227. Sequitur
    March 22nd, 2011 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail should take Floyd the Barber with him on his adventures. It sure would save his knuckles.

    Oh, ooh, Mark, loooook! There’s another guy with hair on his face. He must be a bad guy. Do you want I should trim that hair off his face? I bet he’s really a good guy under that facial hair. Why, I bet he even would give up drug running!

    Why, yes, Floyd. Do your stuff.

  228. Katy
    March 22nd, 2011 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#175): No no, I was trying to trick him into looking at it. I was being sly.

  229. Anonymous
    March 22nd, 2011 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    Thank you, Fashion Police. I can rest easy tonight, knowing that you’re on the case.

  230. BaHa
    March 22nd, 2011 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    Does Jack Elrod have a deal with Grecian Formula? That’s the only plausible explanation for the fact that everyone in Mark Trail has unnatural blue-black hair.

  231. Écureuil Écumant
    March 22nd, 2011 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#57): Hey bats :[ — what is a toad dexter anyway?

    I guess I could imagine what a toad sinister might be; then again I wasn’t even aware that toads are chiral. But What Do I Know.

  232. Baka Gaijin
    March 22nd, 2011 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#223): Huh. Rocky Horror and Mary Worth? Never in a million years would that pair have appeared in my word association tests.

  233. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 22nd, 2011 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#59):

    Actually, I hate that comic book cover with a passion. It’s totally out of character for Diana to let Steve Trevor (or any other man) treat her like a dainty little flower.

  234. Space Monkey
    March 22nd, 2011 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth, Iris! Gandalf Dan did not pass through fire and death to bandy crooked words with a witless worm!

  235. Rixter
    March 22nd, 2011 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

  236. Sequitur
    March 22nd, 2011 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#229): Yes! That Fashion Police is right up there with Bicycle Repairman!

  237. Sequitur
    March 22nd, 2011 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#232): Well, you got to wonder if Mary Worth is maybe in drag.

  238. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 22nd, 2011 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#162):

    I’m sorry if my FC comments grossed you out. Hope this song makes up for it:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmhoUKUzxr8

  239. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 22nd, 2011 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

  240. schmeerp
    March 22nd, 2011 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    @poorthompson(#27) And ther is also Mike’s “Super Teddy’ from FBOW, he enjoyed a brief revival during the 2nd generation.

  241. Saluki
    March 22nd, 2011 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    With Mark Trail not being able to shave on the island of no razors I figure it’s just a matter of time until he starts punching his own face senseless.

  242. Johnnycakes
    March 22nd, 2011 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    @Tom Allen (#40):

    But does she have wings?

    Trust me, all the Tolkien nerds are laughing

  243. Swordsmith
    March 22nd, 2011 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    PBS: Looking at this again, in panel 3 Rat and Pig are talking to each other on their cell phones, to help sell the joke. This means they too are old, the young folk don’t use those things to Talk to each other, they Text. Or maybe those people are old too, and the young folk Tweet. The fact that they are doing so while close enough to converse normally is, on the other hand, completely accurate and non-geezer.

    Pastis has made me feel many Layers of old with this.

  244. bostonbeertourist
    March 22nd, 2011 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    “Not just your teeth! You’re lying THROUGH YOUR BEARD!”

  245. Charlie the Bursted Carbunkle
    March 22nd, 2011 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “You see, although I cannot truly fly, with my light bones and gliders, I…ARRRRRRRAAAAAAAGH!!! (rips Iris’ throat open)”

  246. Trillian
    March 22nd, 2011 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    A3G: The little I know about this strip comes from this blog, so I hope you can enlighten me. What year is this strip set in? Seriously, Iris is wearing the same glasses my mother was wearing in her senior class picture in 1965.

  247. Swordsmith
    March 22nd, 2011 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#209): You mean like this?

    Also, you know who is ahead of the fashion curve on this? That’s right, every woman in Mark Trail. Don’t tell me the industry is also saying blue/black hair is the spring look?

  248. The Ridger
    March 22nd, 2011 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    @Poor Thompson (#27): Barry’s bear is called “Snackers” (I hate that I remember that). I don’t know if Trixie’s has a name (thank goodness I don’t know that!).

  249. Sequitur
    March 22nd, 2011 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#248): I don’t remember the name of Trixie’s teddy bear but I am embarrassed that I remember that the names of the garbage guys are Abercrombie & Fitch.

  250. Sequitur
    March 22nd, 2011 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    Ever wonder what people said about the comics before Josh’s blog came along? Here’s one from 2001. We’re all downright chipper compared to those people.

  251. Écureuil Écumant
    March 22nd, 2011 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Btfsplk (#201): … you can pull a Portnoy in one …

  252. Sequitur
    March 22nd, 2011 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#251): And great for panhandling!

  253. Maggie the Cat
    March 22nd, 2011 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#189):

    Ohhhhh, I fucking hate the term “honeysuckle pink” and everything it stands for. It’s just a ruse by Big Fashion (like “Big Oil”) to sell more pink shit to people who already have lots of pink shit. If they call it by a trendy, fancy new name then it’s “the must have color of spring 2011″. Hey, Big Fashion, we’re on to your ploys and we aren’t buying it…. and honeysuckle is pale yellow, fools.

  254. Écureuil Écumant
    March 22nd, 2011 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#252): Oh HELL yeah. The bills won’t fly away when a gust comes along.

  255. Maggie the Cat
    March 22nd, 2011 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    @Trillian (#246):
    A3G exists in a time warp. It’s 1965…. it’s 1972… it’s 1981… it’s now, all at the same time. Understanding it is sort of like trying to comprehend the Trinity… mind boggle-deluxe.

  256. Sequitur
    March 22nd, 2011 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#255): Or Doctor Who.

  257. SideshowJon
    March 22nd, 2011 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    @Saluki (#241):

    As all of his former villains surround him and chant “One of us! One of us!” as he descends into madness.

  258. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 22nd, 2011 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    Interview with DICK TRACY artist Joe Staton:

    http://twomorrows.com/comicbookartist/articles/12staton.html

  259. Esther Blodgett
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#250): Wow. It’s like Jerry Seinfeld doing an imitation of someone imitating Jerry Seinfeld. “And what’s the deal with The Family Circus? It’s not funny! And what’s the deal with Hi & Lois? Am I right? And why do they keep running Peanuts? What’s up with that?”

    Worst. Thread. Ever. /comicbookguy

  260. Scott Bot
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    @Bootsy (#188): Wow, thanks, I didn’t know that. Honestly, I thought it was a southern nickname for Thomas Robert or something similar, like Jim Bob for James Robert. That’s not the sort of thing we have here in the north. In my defense, it was Pluggers, so the assumption that it was something some poor old guy did to try to be hip and cool is justified.

    @Esther Blodgett (#259): I spent a lot of time there a few years back; believe me, it’s all like that.

  261. Sequitur
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#259): Your description is perfect!

  262. Scott Bot
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#253): Pink Shit would be a great name for a punk band.

  263. Sequitur
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#262): And Pink Fuckin’ Shit might even be better except it may not fit as well on a marquee.

  264. Poteet
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#253): This discussion is a good reminder that there are different kinds of honeysuckle with flowers of different colors. I myself am fixated on Amur honeysuckle, one of the worst of the many invasive exotics in the Midwest. I deeply loathe Amur h., having spent many hours and dollars killing it in my oak savanna, with more hours and dollars ahead. And Amur flowers are white. A hideous white.

  265. This Guy
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#250): Man, that got really dark (and pointless, and repetitive) in a hurry. Also, I’m seriously baffled as to how anyone could describe “Get Fuzzy,” whether they like it or not, as featuring “a computer hacker, his cat, and his dog.” Ooh, only off by a factor of totally unrelated on the job there.

  266. Anonymous
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#247):
    Mrs. Bumstead is beyond the fashion curve. She knows quite well there is no substitute for the Little Black Dress. That, mes amis, is style.

  267. Fashion Police
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    We beg your pardon. We are responsible for #266.

  268. Johnny Knuckles
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    MT & MW: Lonnie and Dawn are wearing the same pink tank top and mom-jeans cutoffs. Verrrrrry nice.

  269. Poteet
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    MW — Whatever the actress playing Dawn is getting paid for this gig, it’s not enough.

  270. commodorejohn
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#263): Nah, Pink Shit is better. Less is more, as they say.

  271. Sequitur
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#270): Just don’t call them THE Pink Shit. They don’t like that.

  272. ElkMeadow
    March 22nd, 2011 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#205):

    Thankfully the Bend Bulletin doesn’t carry Freshly Squeezed, Adams Apple (which I think is far and away better that FS), or Edison. Sadly, it doesn’t carry CdS either. Another thing about Adams Apple is that it is a local production; using local talent is something that I appreciate about the big O; I wish other papers would do the same and let other cartoonists to have a chance.

  273. Sequitur
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#272): Oh? Are we suppose to get our comics local now like organic produce?

    Crap. That means I’m stuck with Reed Hoover.

  274. bats :[
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#231): toads are usually depicted as tergiant, as are frogs, bees, ants, and beetles.
    Wait…we’re not talking armory?

  275. Uncle Lumpy
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    I would read a comic about Reed Hoover! However, I would not subscribe to his Twitter feed. I’m not sure I should be admitting this.

  276. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#264):

    Hard to believe that anything could be more invasive than kudzu! (I seem to remember a comic strip by that name…)

  277. Sequitur
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    Maybe I can kill two birds with one stone. When I go to Whole Foods to pick up my organic produce, I may run into Reed Hoover.

    Naw. Why in the world would you find a Plugger in Whole Foods.

  278. Maggie the Cat
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#264):

    True… there is pink honeysuckle, but most people don’t know that. I bet if you ask 10 random people on the street what color is honeysuckle, 7 will say yellow and the other 3 will say white. Mostly it just annoys me b/c it’s like someone saying a shirt’s color is “chocolate”, but then you see that the shirt is white!!.

    And it’s pretentious.

  279. Maggie the Cat
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#264):
    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#276):
    Poteet is trying to kill honeysuckle, and I’ve been begging to have some transplanted from our fence row to our backyard, LOL. I love honeysuckle bushes, they smell so good, but you’re correct that they can and will overrun everything in their paths if not controlled. Good luck getting rid of them! But yes, Rocky, I don’t think they’re nearly as destructive as kudzu. That shit is like a plague. And it doesn’t even smell pretty!

  280. Poteet
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#276): Iowa is mercifully free of kudzu, at least currently, but I read somewhere that kudzu is moving north, so who knows. Kudzu may be much worse than Amur. I’m grateful I can remain in blissful ignorance for now.

  281. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    @The 48th Ginger-Headed Sailor (#60): just can’t wait for the big reveal in Apartment 3-G: Dan will whisk off his beard and wig to reveal he is yet another dark-haired chap with a neck scarf.
    See, here’s who should really be writing this comic!

    @Chip Whittle (#72): Damn, that is a good joke in Wee Pals. But who’s he telling it to? Does the rainbow coalition now embrace centuries-old Aztec mummies?

    @Indichik (#133): Also, there’s no joke here, but what else is new
    You’re telling me! I picked up the funnies at the Y and read Fred Basset, and there it was. “I ate some cake!” “It was tasty!!” This is the comic-strip form of Prozac.

    @SideshowJon (#193): I like the band-aid on Mark Trail’s head. It’s a helpful reminder that he was shot, presumably in the head.
    No comment. I just like to repeat stuff.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#239): Hat hair: aka “A plugger perm.”

    @Sequitur (#252): Private eyes will tell you there’s nothing like a hat to put over your hand when you’re busting a window to sneak into some place.

  282. Poteet
    March 22nd, 2011 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#279): Honeysuckle species vary a lot in terms of invasiveness. Some Asian honeysuckles are fairly polite, but in this area, Amur is a white plague in oak woodlands, shading out wildflowers and baby oaks and also being horrible habitat (songbird nests in Amur are more often destroyed by predators than nests in native species). I hope you can get your transplanting wish fulfilled. And thank you for your good wishes. Death to Amur!

  283. Uncle Lumpy
    March 23rd, 2011 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#282):

    I’ve heard of folks taming hillsides full of blackberry by cutting to ground level, watering well, covering with black plastic, and letting the sun cook the soil. I don’t have any first-hand experience, but it sounds reasonable for a sunny area.

    Out here we have jubata grass, for which the only effective herbicide is a 50:50 mixture of diligence and hatred. I’ve got extra, but it doesn’t sound like you need any.

  284. Poteet
    March 23rd, 2011 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#283): HAR! I’ll remember and share that one. Sympathies also. I know California has many invasives that can’t live here.

    For Amur, the recipe is a variable combination of diligence and hatred (thank you!), lopping, sawing, forestry-mowing, stump-treating, pulling with the help of tools (a “Honeysuckle Popper” is available from MisterHoneysuckle), and prescribed fire. Cursing is frequently added.

  285. Aviatrix
    March 23rd, 2011 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#179): In Kwakiutl mythology, the female sasquatch is called sonaqua. She likes small children, kite flying and sandwiches[*]. Sounds like a match made in heaven.

  286. YoungMrGrace
    March 23rd, 2011 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    I love the cast of Wayne’s World as much as the next person, but I don’t know how to feel Apartment 3G’s controversial decision to feature a romance between Church Lady and The Love Guru.

  287. gnome de blog
    March 23rd, 2011 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#272):
    I applaud the Big O’s decision to give space to a local guy. And I guess it rises to the same level of mediocrity most of the other stuff they run.

  288. Here Come ole Flattop
    March 23rd, 2011 at 1:48 am [Reply]

    FW (23Mar): “Yeah, you’re about to see the inside of your “tighty-whiteys.” They’re going to look real good pulled up over your head.” Who knew that Batshit would draw himself a new avatar? Apparently, this one’s been chosen last more than Smirkey Les.

  289. bunivasal
    March 23rd, 2011 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    Why, Mr. Drug Smuggler, are you trying to seduce me?

  290. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 23rd, 2011 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    Somehow I read your comment as a poem:

    For Amur,
    the recipe is a variable combination
    of diligence and hatred
    (thank you!),
    lopping, sawing, forestry-mowing, stump-treating,
    pulling with the help of tools
    (a “Honeysuckle Popper” is available from MisterHoneysuckle),
    and prescribed fire.

    Cursing is frequently added.

    I like it as a poem.

  291. Joe Btfsplk
    March 23rd, 2011 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    Somebody said KUDZU?

  292. This Guy
    March 23rd, 2011 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    3/23
    RwO: Wow, is Price secretly Just Another Perl Hacker? Has she been holding out on us with some major skills?

  293. This Guy
    March 23rd, 2011 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#292): And I didn’t even notice right away the singer’s xkcd t-shirt. Nice.

  294. Uncle Lumpy
    March 23rd, 2011 at 2:16 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#284):

    Mr. Honeysuckle is candy for weed-haters: check out the video!

  295. Jordan Levells
    March 23rd, 2011 at 3:21 am [Reply]

    Apparently, the Lord Almighty has come down to Earth and only Aunt Iris knows it’s Him. Only time will tell if this makes Apartment 3G any interesting.

  296. Dr. Weird
    March 23rd, 2011 at 4:35 am [Reply]

    @Jordan Levells (#295):

    Sure! When Iris introduces Him to Margo, Margo will start changing forms and then we’ll see the start of an epic confrontation between good and evil! Then we’ll cut to Tommie wondering what happened to her nursing career and Luann captivated by a weed poking through the sidewalk.

  297. Mordock999
    March 23rd, 2011 at 4:58 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann – 03/23/2011

    WAIT! You were the “Queen of Aberdeen 1946″, Mrs Horner?

    “Aberdeen” as in “Aberdeen Proving Ground?!?”

    WOW! NOW, I’m IMPRESSED!!!!

    Did you get to handle the FG-42s?

    Did’ja, Did’ja, DID’JA?!!?

    ______________________
    DEATH to TJ!!!

  298. Charlie the Bursted Carbunkle
    March 23rd, 2011 at 5:17 am [Reply]

    DT: Ah, now that’s what I was whining about: the hand-drawn lettering on Lizz’ mug seems much more natural than the previous strips’ shooped lettering on everything in the room and city.

  299. The Ridger
    March 23rd, 2011 at 5:48 am [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#253): Actually, honeysuckle comes in lots of colors. Most of the wild vines around here are white or yellow, but pink isn’t unheard of. And if you Google it, you’ll see deep oranges, fuschias, and everything in between… Otherwise, I agree.

  300. Little Guy
    March 23rd, 2011 at 6:27 am [Reply]

    Luann: …those, we sell.

    Zits: Of course! The old “there’s more than one stupid teenager in this strip” trick!

    yF&E: I forgot to give this one props. Nicely done!

    JP: Yup. They’re getting the Chris Hansen Bleacher Seats ready.

  301. John C Fremont
    March 23rd, 2011 at 6:31 am [Reply]

    Wow, is that the Mr. Honeysuckle?

  302. gleeb
    March 23rd, 2011 at 7:18 am [Reply]

    Facial Hair Nature Theater: Is it just the shadows, or does this guy have enormous muttonchops?

    Phantom: I don’t want to fault the Bangalla Interior Ministry, but letting prisoners keep firearms is a pretty serious security breach.

  303. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 23rd, 2011 at 7:40 am [Reply]

  304. Ned Ryerson
    March 23rd, 2011 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    MT: Is that the KEY to the PLANE?

  305. Little Guy
    March 23rd, 2011 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    9CL: After all these years, Edda discovers her winkie.

  306. Écureuil Écumant
    March 23rd, 2011 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    FC: Jeffy’s looking particularly battered today, with his lumpy calvarium, cauliflower ear, swollen eyes and strawberry nose.

    But at least Princess Sparkle Pony can finally rest easy. Today, the FC world has one less nozzle.

  307. Little Guy
    March 23rd, 2011 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    @Mordock999 (#297): Oh FRAK!

    Now Evans is getting into the “Old Lady in the Strip was actually a fetching figure during the War” business.

    I expect to see a flashback in Mary Worth where she personally dropped bombs during the Doolittle Raid* Dresden Firebombing.

    * – too soon

  308. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 23rd, 2011 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#305):

    Apartment 3-G’s Frank Bolle discovered his winkle first:

    http://www.frankbollestudio.com/photos/winnie_winkle2.jpg

  309. Écureuil Écumant
    March 23rd, 2011 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    DT: Uh-oh! Fanservice overflow! Sam’s hands have way outgrown his elfin visage, forcing him to resort to the prestidigitation technique of laptop mastery, so beloved of comics artists.

    Delighted to see Dick did such a professional job on his most recent assignment that he’s been promoted from the Prisoner Transport Detail to their in-house messenger boy position.

    The atmosphere in the new strip is wicked awesome. This new team’s got it goin’ on.

  310. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 23rd, 2011 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#307):

    This came up in my search for “Doctor Doolittle Raid” (NSF Breakfast or Any Other Meal):

    http://www.jabootu.com/acolytes/bnotes/images/nukied.jpg

  311. Swordsmith
    March 23rd, 2011 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Doctor Doolittle raid?

    I honestly thought turkeys could fly!

  312. DairyStateDad
    March 23rd, 2011 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    MW, 3/23: At last, the explanation why Josh’s saturday postings always come so late! He’s in, too!

  313. tb4000
    March 23rd, 2011 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    9CL: Goodness, between Dawn showing off her legs yesterday and Edda today, as a hot blooded heterosexual male, I am just slowly choking on my own vomit.

  314. wossname
    March 23rd, 2011 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    A3G – Oh, wait, it just hit me – “Dan Diller”??? Really? 2Ds? Looks like a disheveled homeless guy but is in fact a millionaire? Any relation to, oh, let’s see, 3-D D’Buckworth???

    DT – I’ve been willing to cut them some slack on the thing of demoting Lizz so Pat Patton can come back. But if, when Dick says “Let’s roll,” he means he and Sam are going to roll while Lizz sits there and drinks coffee – I’m gonna be pissed off.

    MT – OMG, this is the sexiest scene we’ve ever seen in MT. Actual lechery is implied! Logical next steps would be: (a) Lonnie gets the plane keys off the hook where they’re hanging, right above the Elrodball; (b) Otto comes back, leers at Lonnie and puts his hand on her shoulder (gasp!); (c) Mark arrives, punches Otto, grabs Lonnie (in a chaste way, of course) and puts her and Ava on the plane, which takes off in a hail of gunfire from Otto and his henchmen. And oh yeah, (d) Mark somehow knows which direction home is, flies there, and walks off the plane with Lonnie and Ava to the consternation of Cherry and Kelly. Good times!

    MW – Oh no oh no oh no, Dawn is going to start an anti-internet cult. The idea of “Offline Saturdays” will soon go viral and crowds of youth, liberated from their horrible addictive computers, will be frolicking and kiteflying every Saturday.

    Phantom – Um, Chatu, has it occurred to you to wonder why your cell door was open and there was a gun lying there conveniently waiting? Or what that mist is that’s been wafting around for the last few days? Not the ripest coconut on the tree, are ya, Python?

    RMMD – Ooh, what big foreshadowing you have, Dr. Morgan!

  315. Ned Ryerson
    March 23rd, 2011 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#314): Kites are fun!

  316. Anonymous
    March 23rd, 2011 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail (3/22) I love the fact that the villian is sporting an open shirt and a gold medalion. I keep thinking to myself: Disco dude meets 1890′s strong-man.

  317. Dennis Jimenez
    March 23rd, 2011 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#279): I’m glad you are still among us – I must have mistakenly heard that like Burl Ives and Paul Newman, you had succumbed to the curse of Tennessee Williams….

  318. Maggie the Cat
    March 23rd, 2011 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    Haha, not this kitty!

  319. Shaggy
    March 23rd, 2011 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    Wait, why is swinging 70′s Mr. Clean harassing this single mom again? And why hasn’t Mark just punched all of that facial hair off of his own face by now. And is this why Mr Clean doesn’t have the pornstache anymore? Did Mark punch it off?

  320. Bagelsan
    March 25th, 2011 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    Once Mark is sporting a full-on beard”? What the hell do you call Cherry?

  321. Illustrator Steve
    March 25th, 2011 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    MT: Today’s Mark Trail (Friday), with the cabin door held wide open Lonnie shouts at the top of her lungs, “I HAVE THE KEY!”, loud enough for every drug thug on the island to hear her. Normally this would be really stupid but I guess since Otto and his men are at the drug plane they hear the expression, “I HAVE THE KEY!”, mentioned as each package is unloaded from the plane.
    …..HEY! Maybe Mark landed on Fantasy Island. “DEE PLANE! DEE PLANE!! HEY BOSS, EET’S DEE PLANE!!!” If this is so, Mark could swipe the jitney Jeep and simply DRIVE Lonnie and Ava to DEE PLANE!!
    (Hey Mark, I know you don’t bother with preflight check lists but at least make sure you check the fuel level of “DEE PLANE!” before taking off! OKay?)

  322. MK03
    March 25th, 2011 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#73): So how many installments of Dustin did you have to read to be able to summarize it so astutely? And how the hell were you able to withstand such torture?

  323. Kate
    March 26th, 2011 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Wait, isn’t Dawn married?
    Why is she still with her dad instead with her husband?

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