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Mark Trail, 3/22/11

As Mark’s sojourn on the Island Of Drug Dealing And Also No Razor Blades continues and his stubble begins to sprout forth from his unwilling cheeks, this strip must, in order to maintain its rigid grooming morality, offer up villains with ever more outrageous facial hair. This handlebar-mustached fellow is hilarious enough, but once Mark is sporting a full-on beard, he’ll no doubt encounter the island’s kingpin, who will resemble a young Chester A. Arthur.

Mary Worth, 3/22/11

You probably read yesterday’s Mary Worth and thought, “Gee, what could be more unsettling than grown woman Dawn Weston lounging around her pretty-princess bedroom and clutching her teddy bear like a little girl?” Well, today you get your answer: Dawn talking about how much she loves her dad while her teddy bear’s eyes suddenly pop open in arousal/terror.

Apartment 3-G, 3/22/11

“Flying in from Colorado?? We both know that no real place has ever been given such an outlandish name! To say nothing of the laughable proposition that a man might fly through the air like a bird.”