The Comics Curmudgeon

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Rampagin’ ragin’ beasts!

Mark Trail, 3/11/07

Holy smokes, this is one of the bestest “Mark Trail Teaches You About Nature And Crap” Sunday Mark Trails ever! None of the usual “Aren’t animals interesting/endangered/cute” nonsense today; instead, we get a crazed gang of killer elephants, harassing a pair of fleeing stereotypically garbed natives, flinging some red-shirted white dude across the savannah, and molesting a field of innocent sweet potatoes like so many 15,000-pound gophers. Mark himself, who usually strolls fearlessly into the frame to narrate as his chosen beast of the week menaces the nameless extras who are clearly desperate to break into the comics, has wisely chosen to stay safely off-camera when it comes to the tusked menace that is the elephant.

I’m guessing that the strong elephantaphobic slant of today’s strip was made possible from a large check from the International Federation of Ivory Harvesting Professionals.

For Better Or For Worse, 3/11/07

Yes, the whole point of this overcontrived family drama was to make John think that his wife was shaving her nether parts in front of several of her children; and yes, it’s both horrifying and kind of shamefully funny. I mostly want to point the second panel, which would make an excellent LiveJournal icon to sit atop the phrase “Mood: Suicidal”.

The Phantom, 3/11/07

I haven’t been covering the current Sunday Phantom storyline at all, because it’s pretty dull; it has centered some kind of weird temporal anomaly that has allowed the Ghost-Who-Violates-The-Laws-Of-Physics to interact with a group of gangsters from the ’30s who have been trying to stop a thinly veiled Amelia Earhart stand-in from making an historic flight of some sort. I’m kind of intrigued by the last panel, in which the very married Big Purple Guy allows the comely aviatrix to rest a hand on his enormous left pectoral muscle; I guess his logic is, “Hey, it’s 1937, I’m not going to be married for about 50 years, so anything goes!”

(UPDATE: Thanks to several commentors who pointed out to me that “Beryl Markham” is not actually some made-up character meant to avoid a lawsuit from Amelia Earhart’s estate, but a real person who actually lived in East Africa. I never should have doubted this, as the Phantom’s devotion to authenticity is notorious. Also, time travel is real.)

Curtis, 3/11/07

I could point out that Gunk’s “balloons” look remarkably like condoms, or that while “FOOO!” is a legitimate onomatopoeia, “TWIST!”, “BEND!”, and “SHAPE!” are not. My main concern, however, is that Gunk has used his devilish Flyspeck Island powers to create living beings out of inanimate matter, only to force them to end their short lives in a mercy killing and suicide. The face-flop is a usual exaggerated Curtis response to a joke, but here I hope that our protagonist is weeping openly at the sadistic little performance he was just forced to watch.

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 11, 2007 at 06:12 pm and is filed under Curtis, For Better or for Worse, Mark Trail, Phantom.

130 responses to “Rampagin’ ragin’ beasts!”

Artist formerly known as Ben
March 11th, 2007 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

I’m just amazed that Curtis showed an on-panel suicide before FW got around to it.
Pinback65
March 11th, 2007 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

But you’re missing out on the best part of The Phantom: The lifeless hand draped over the side of the car from last week’s car crash. That’s Sunday entertainment!
Ron
March 11th, 2007 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

Some of those Curtis panels are going to end up as LiveJournal icons for “Mood: Mind Freakin’ BLOWN.”
Harry Paratestes
March 11th, 2007 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

I think that Gunk is just pantomiming out some family drama that happens daily back on Flyspeck Island.
Tukla in Iowa
March 11th, 2007 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

MT: Is Elrod telling us that people are getting HIV from wild elephants?
Harry Paratestes
March 11th, 2007 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

FOOB: What a sad place the Foob household is if the max entertainment is seeing some mindless housebeast shaving the sheets instead of springing for some jersey sheets.
Blynneda
March 11th, 2007 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

Neat. So Foob, like its magazine-counterpart, Family Circle, now offers handy household tips for the attentive housewife.

Shoot. When I say “Family Circle,” I don’t mean the Keane comic strip, I mean the women’s periodical. Man, this comment makes no sense.
Harry Paratestes
March 11th, 2007 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

MT: Given the way that humans fuck up this planet, I’m thinking that panel five is tremendously positive. Elrod should have dumped the remaining crap in panel six and had a huge banner saying “Say it now and say it loud, I’m a pachyderm and I’m proud! ELEPHANT POWER 4EVAH!”
Francis
March 11th, 2007 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

Actually, Beryl Markham was a real person. She probably got tired of people thinking she was an Amelia Earhart stand-in when she was alive, too.
Francis
March 11th, 2007 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

Also, I love that the last “gallop” sound effect in “Curtis” is actually “galoop”.
Harold
March 11th, 2007 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

Mark Twain/Samuel Clemens already did that whole Curtis thing in The Mysterious Stranger.
the disembodied voice
March 11th, 2007 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

I’m ashamed to say that my first reaction to the bed-shaving strip was, “Does that really WORK?!” I HATE those little balls that cheap sheets get after washing them, they feel like sand in the bed.
the disembodied voice
March 11th, 2007 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

I’m ashamed to say that my first reaction to the bed-shaving strip was, “Does that really WORK?!” I HATE those little balls that cheap sheets get after washing them, they feel like sand in the bed…
Sheilagh
March 11th, 2007 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

Josh, NO! That’s not Amelia Earhart, it’s Beryl Markham! I mean, I’m not following it or anything, but he’s CALLING her “Miss Markham,” so that’s a clue, right? :-) 1930’s style aviatrix — wrote a terrific (if possibly somewhat fictionalized) book called West With The Night. I’m sure she NEVER consorted with masked men in tights, though — I mean, oog.
Sheilagh
March 11th, 2007 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

Oh, I see Francis beat me to it :-) I did hurry!
Ukulele Ike
March 11th, 2007 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

9: Too cool! Falk probbly wanted to use Anne Morrow Lindbergh at first, but couldn’t figure out how to weave her love of Nazi Germany into the narrative.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anne_Morrow_Lindbergh
ElSanto
March 11th, 2007 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

Wow.

Curtis just screams “bad acid trip.”
Nookette
March 11th, 2007 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

FOOB – If Elly in panel two is ‘Suicidal’ what does that make her in panel six?
Nookette
March 11th, 2007 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

By the way, did anyone else notice how much Elly in panel nine looks like Elephant in panel two?
Buck Ripsnort
March 11th, 2007 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

11– Dammit Harold! I worried that my name-dropping Mysterious Stranger would be too high-falutin’, and you beat me to it. Margo!
migellito
March 11th, 2007 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

Remember, every purchase of real ivory helps an African farmer! Buy Ivory (red) today!
Red Greenback
March 11th, 2007 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

MT: Trerrorizing “neighborhoods”!? Those must be those dope-pushin’ spray paint can totin’ drive-byin’ Elephants I read about in The World Weekly News a few weeks ago.
Luprand
March 11th, 2007 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

I have to say, For Better or For Worse is about the last strip I would have bet on having the words “fuzzy little balls” in it.

… then again, I don’t know which one I would have expected it from.
Red Greenback
March 11th, 2007 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

Scuse me, that, of course would be “Terrorizing”–Kinda got my Scooby Doo on there a little bit.
Kevin E.
March 11th, 2007 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

Makes you wonder how often Elly shaves John’s “Fuzzy little balls.”
Mandee Heil
March 11th, 2007 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

I can’t believe you did not comment on the Family Circus child orgy that was happening here:

http://www.arcamax.com/pic/25205/653802
stinky pete
March 11th, 2007 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

The Josh Reads Millenary Moment

Josh Reads post #200 (the bicentennipost) celebrates Josh’s flair for acronyms. Admirers of June Morgan may find a different reason to shoot off some fireworks.

This has been the â€œJosh Reads Millenary Moment.â€ 15 more posts till the millennipost!
Analyzer
March 11th, 2007 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

I am baffled by Curtis’s reaction to the scene he has just witnessed. If I saw a young boy bring to life two balloon golems that subsequently danced around until their demise by murder-suicide, the floor would be covered in my poop.
David T
March 11th, 2007 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

Mark forgot to mention that the population of elephants has tripled in the last year. Should have done his research on Wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Elephant&oldid=113120905
MonkeyHawk
March 11th, 2007 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

#5 — Tukla in Iowa wrote:

MT: Is Elrod telling us that people are getting HIV from wild elephants?

It’s a little-known fact that, yes, you can catch an STD from a wild elephant, albeit not without a sturdy stepladder.
Harold
March 11th, 2007 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

#26 Mandee Heil, I’m not sure that’s an orgy.I left a comment on the previous thread, which quickly died:

Now we know what the father in the Family Circus was doing with the kids in the wheelbarrow the other day. He was making a compost heap.

Slylock Fox, you BASTARD! Weâ€™ve already established that your adventures take place in a cold climate. Why indeed would a cold-blooded amphibian be sitting under a source of hot air in the final weeks of winter? Is no animal safe from your miscarriages of justice?

And why are so many of the fish in this strip dead or dying?

Iâ€™m hoping that Hercules Mouse in the doctorâ€™s office will be kicking sand in Max Mouseâ€™s face this Summer.
Rhekarid
March 11th, 2007 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

“So ends a long night of mystery and danger in the Wambesi grasslands.”

This is redundant. We already know the excitement is ending because The Phantom is appearing onscreen.
Aaron T.
March 11th, 2007 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

7 Blynneda: Did you know that The Family Circus was originally titled The Family Circle, until the magazine publishers objected? It’s true! At least, as true as something found on Wikipedia can be.

9 Francis, 14 Sheilagh: Plus, Beryl had the fantastically hilarious birth surname, Clutterbuck!
Lettuce
March 11th, 2007 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

Fine, Mark. Blame the elephant for feeding on crops planted on their traditional grazing lands. If the racoons and badgers infesting your crudely-drawn cabin built an Outback Steakhouse in your kitchen, don’t tell me you’d not eat there. And then fling the pink-shirted waiters out the window with your trunk.
True Fable
March 11th, 2007 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

MT “The very animal that is considered one of Africa’s most valuable assets has has become one of its biggest problems”

And no one picked up on that? Look again up there.
True Fable
March 11th, 2007 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

Curtis That child is pure evil, I tell you. Pure evil.
If I was Curtis, I’d run away from home right now. Yes, I know he should stay with his parents and complete his public school education until he graduates or turns 18 whichever comes first for an idiot like Curtis, but living anywhere near such a twisted, malignant little cretin like Gunk is like having the Omen’s Damien across the hall.

FBoFW Okay, we know Elly is cheap and has to support all those people in her house (because goodness knows the widdle pwecious prince and princesses can’t rent on their own!) and that Elly is Wierd to the tenth power, but did we have to get an ass shot of her in panel 6, followed by a flop-open mouth with pink tongue in panel 9, not to mention she is clutching that nice and sharp razor in a Margo-inspired shaking fist. Enough, enough! I HATE Elly, damn you Lynn!

FW Oh man, this strip is multi-point depressing today. Rain, Cancer talk, interrogation about private convos, flippant talk about whoring it up over the wife’s freshly filled grave, marriage licences regarded as cold-blooded warranties, topped with blatant threats in the last panel. Way to SMIRK, gang! Even I’m impressed!
NotThatGuy
March 11th, 2007 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

I’m having trouble parsing “farm ecosystem” in Mark Trail. //snip facts ‘n’ figures about elephant habitat and population decline vs human habitat destruction and population increase//

But I’m lovin’, totally lovin’ The Phantom and his time travel foray. And I’ll betcha Beryl Markham would have snuggled up to the Purple-Tights Avenger had he been around and, like, a real person– she was big on macho white guys with horses.

And FBOFW confirms my opinion that the Sunday strips harken back to the “slice o’ life” vignettes that originally made the strip so popular.

And Curtis! Given the wails that accompany the inevitable bursting of the twisty-balloon dog or sword or crown or what-have-you, I eagerly await a reader protest of balloon suicide objection to equal that which accompanied FW’s IED game hallucination.
NotThatGuy
March 11th, 2007 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

Also, vis FBOFW, I’m down wit dat razor trick. Got some pilly sheets myself.
Tats
March 11th, 2007 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

Man, it’s just not an episode of FOOB without an unflattering Elly ass-shot, is it?
weiser
March 11th, 2007 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

Dang you True Fable â€“ and all other C-Curmittes like you.

For years Iâ€™ve been content with just my in-paper Mary and the related snarks, poems and songs here; successfully resisting and ignoring the extraneous comments. But today you finally wore me down and I was forced to add olâ€™ Funky to my on-line comic reads.

I guess it wasnâ€™t enough that Iâ€™ve added Judge Parker, Rex Morgan and Mark Trail over the past year; you had to go and force me to read Winkerbean. I draw the line at Apt 3-G thoughâ€¦.
Uncle Lumpy
March 11th, 2007 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

#40 weiser -

Cross that line! The spirit of Margo compels you!
Frinkenstein
March 11th, 2007 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

I’m not surprised that, amid the horrors perpetrated by rampaging pachyderms, corpse parts hanging out of cars and animated latex golems engaged in a murder/suicide pact, no one mentioned the truly repulsive panel today: the “scritt, scritt scritt” sound of a razor blade sliding on a cheap sheet. EEEewwwwww, that gave me the “squeechees.”
NotThatGuy
March 11th, 2007 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

Oh, and the Smithsonian notes:

“Past/Present/Future: African elephants once lived throughout Africa; they now inhabit no more than one-third of the continent and are gone from the Sahara. Over the past 150 years, ivory hunters have ruthlessly hunted them for their tusks. Between 1979 and 1989, Africa’s elephant population plummeted from 1,300,000 animals to 750,000, due mostly to ivory hunting. Since the 1980s, an international ban on trade in ivory has helped many populations hold steady or rebound. However, African elephants have lost much of their habitat to ranches, farms, and desertification. The forest elephant, always far less common than the savanna subspecies, is under threat from logging and market hunting for its meat. African elephants are now found mostly in reserves. In some parks, confined elephant populations have major impacts on habitat, changing open forests into grasslands.”

The best guess for African elephant population in 2002 is about 400,000.

And, Margo you, Jack Elrod. Don’t spend it all in one place.
Kiesha
March 11th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

I think the reason that we as Americans have such a hard time with FBOFW is because in America, when our sheets get pill-y, we just go buy new ones. In Canada they apparently hang onto their sheets for several generations.
Poteet
March 11th, 2007 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

# 11 — Harold, are you saying that a character in a Mark Twain novel caused small balloons to perform a mercy-killing/suicide drama on a table before the horrified eyes of a boy wearing a very strange hat? Because I SO want to read that chapter.

# 26 — Mandee, I barely noticed the child orgy, blatant though it was, because I was too busy reattaching my lower jaw after reading the dialogue. Perhaps Bil and Thel are aliens who were kicked off their home planet because no one there could stand them either. That would explain the large heads of their larvae.
Lettuce
March 11th, 2007 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

I apologize… but these comic selections demanded a FOOB – Trail mashup.

May Ganesh have mercy on our souls…
GG
March 11th, 2007 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

So in today’s Curtis, Gunk uses Flyspeck voodoo to create living balloon creatures and then mercilessly kills them off in front of his traumatized friend’s eyes. Wow. If he was Dennis the Menace, he probably would have been too scared to even blow up the balloons for fear of a latex allergy.
Sarcastic Acid
March 11th, 2007 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

I don’t know why Jack Elrod is so adamant that elephants are “strict” vegetarians. I mean, sure, they might subsist mainly on plants, but I doubt that they painstakingly check each leaf and branch to make sure that no insects are hiding out or anything. Also, I’m not sure how the elephant code of ethics reconciles veganism with beating the shit out of natives and red-shirted tourists.
Dub Not Dubya
March 11th, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

Lettuce, that was awesome!
Doug Puthoff
March 11th, 2007 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

Curtis–Gunk’s power of making living balloon sculptures will only help him if he decides to be a birthday party clown when he grows up.

Mark Trail–One thing I learned from my tenure as a produce clerk in a grocery store: there is a difference between sweet potatoes and yams. Sweet potatoes came from America, and yams from Africa. You ought to do a strip about that, Dodd.

RMMD–Nuts, now that Elvis is in jail and May the slut queen is out of action, there won’t be trailer park trash to entertain us. RMMD’s writer should take a tip from Jerry Springer: trailer park trash is always your best entertainment value.

FW–Please! Kill somebody!!

Pluggers–Can Pluggers actually afford to eat out?
RedParatroopa
March 11th, 2007 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

In FBOFW, do you think the punchline or setup came first in the writer’s mind? I find it funnier imagining that it’s based on true events.
Alaskan
March 11th, 2007 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

The Mark Twain book in question is about a relative of satan (his nephew), who comes to earth and proceeds to control the lives of several children he befreinds. One the most horrifying incidents involves his creating a small city for his amusment, then killing them all with a board when tired of them. I’ll let you read the rest, if you really want to.
Its the first thing that came to my mind when I saw the comic.
Jim Anderson
March 11th, 2007 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

As always, FBOFW continues its crusade against monogamy.
renata
March 11th, 2007 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

Speaking of Livejournal–this weekend I made a set of Mary Worth (and Aldo!) LJ icons. They are not works of art or anything, but I figure CC readers are more likely to be remotely interested in them than most of the people on my friends page: Iconmania?
Rusty
March 11th, 2007 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

I imagine Pluggers’ satin sheets would just be cheap polyester that has been freshly shaved. And of course this would make the Pattersons Canadian Pluggers, which they would find appalling.

MT: I am tempted to plant sweet potatoes in my yard this summer to see if I can get some elephants to come in and root around, maybe toss a neighbor or two with their trunks.
Dean Booth
March 11th, 2007 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

#45. Well done, Lettuce!
The Avocado Avenger
March 11th, 2007 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

FBoFW: The “John hears something naughty from afar” joke is a classic. My husband still recalls the only FOOB he thought was funny, a 1980s strip where Elly & John are at a potluck party, and someone asks Elly, “Did you bring the dip?” The next scene is everyone pointing and laughing at John, who is in the other room, confused and unaware that he is the “dip”.

That said, I am more than a little concerned that Elly is presenting like a field quail in heat in panel 6. It’s really strange, too, given her obvious lack of self-esteem, sadly evident when she calls her vagina “something weird”.
weiser
March 11th, 2007 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy Iâ€™ll admit, Margo does compel me but I must be strong. I have to raise a family, earn a living, keep a home. Itâ€™s getting more and more difficult to hide my comicsâ€™ addiction from my loved ones.

It started innocently enough with Mary long ago, before Dawn Weston, and Tommy and Rita. And I could cope. She was in my paper. A â€œfriendâ€ turned me on to Josh and it just grew. Shylock was next. Still I wanted more. I searched out Judge Parker, then Rex and June. I thought I could stop but Diver Dan pulled me in to Mark Trail. Now Funky.

Where will it end?
The Bitter Wolf
March 11th, 2007 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

I’m ashamed to admit that I laughed at Foob today. Really ashamed.
Uncle Lumpy
March 11th, 2007 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

#57 weiser -

Look into your heart – you know where it ends: at dark, soggy midnight, sobbing into your bourbon and punching F5 to see if the Chron has posted the new Gil Thorp.

We’ve all been there, and we’re here for you.
Uncle Lumpy
March 11th, 2007 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

Meanwhile, in Funky Winkerbean, tragedy strikes!

Oh. Sorry.
Poteet
March 11th, 2007 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

# 59 — Unclel Lumpy, I’m still resisting Gil Thorp. But I’ve sobbed and punched for Mark Trail. So yeah, I’ve been there. And weiser, it’s easier to succumb now, so more of the snarking will make sense to you.
fizzy logic
March 11th, 2007 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

#54 – Rusty – I’ve always thought if I planted enough bamboo in my yard, I’d attract pandas. Cute little pandas frolicking around the yard, doing somersaults – who wouldn’t want that? I just haven’t gotten around to it yet….

#60 Uncle Lumpy – I was shocked to see something bad happen in tomorrow’s Funky – thanks for sharing that. It does have something funny in it though; in the last panel where it should say “SPLASH SPLASH SPLASH” (that’s what she repeats) it actually says “SPLASH SPASH SPLASH”. See, who says Funky isn’t funny?
A different Josh
March 11th, 2007 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

Lettuce wins the thread.
Moon Mullins
March 11th, 2007 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

#45 Lettuce:

Great work. I laughed out loud.
ElSanto
March 11th, 2007 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

#58 – no need to be ashamed. So did I. Maybe it’s just anomaly, but this Foob seems to be a channeling the humor that make the strip so great in the 90’s.
Uncle Lumpy
March 12th, 2007 at 12:04 am [Reply]

#57, #61

Hey, weiser, Poteet: Gil Thorp is up!
Lenoxus
March 12th, 2007 at 12:19 am [Reply]

More props to Lettuce on that.
weiser
March 12th, 2007 at 12:22 am [Reply]

59 & 66
Ack
Chron.com won’t load for me
will not register, will not register, will not register, will not register, will not register, will not register, will not register……
Uncle Lumpy
March 12th, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

#68 weiser -

Try this.
skulking on the outskirts
March 12th, 2007 at 12:51 am [Reply]

Lettuce-Just want to add my applause to the rest. That’s talent! Bravo! Or brava!, as the case may be.
Lettuce
March 12th, 2007 at 1:11 am [Reply]

Thanks for the kind words everyone!
slinkimalinki
March 12th, 2007 at 1:20 am [Reply]

lettuce wins my heart
Tethys
March 12th, 2007 at 1:47 am [Reply]

But… those statistics in Mark Trail are complete nonsense! They’re just made up! *weeps*
heynoni
March 12th, 2007 at 1:57 am [Reply]

At last, someone brave enough to stand up and proclaim the truth. Those bloody elephants are bad news. Let alone the damage they do to crops, it’s maddening trying to keep them out of the rubbish bins and the pantry. They keep us up half the night, scuttling about in the ceiling and leaving their droppings all over the kitchen sink. To say nothing of the embarrassment when you have a dinner party and all of a sudden a ruddy great African Elephant hops out of the potato salad and skitters across your best china.

And why is the supermarket always out of elephant-traps when we try to buy them?
Xenarthral
March 12th, 2007 at 2:13 am [Reply]

Sarcastic Acid,
“Also, Iâ€™m not sure how the elephant code of ethics reconciles veganism with beating the shit out of natives and red-shirted tourists.”
If you’ll excuse my lack of levity, presumably the same way militant human vegans do it.
Alex
March 12th, 2007 at 2:34 am [Reply]

“Curtis” reminds me of a comedian who did a routine about how when taking a family photo, his dad, instead of saying” cheese,” would say things like “donkey balls.” Then he would emulate his family’s facial expressions of combined shock-amusement-horror.

I guess I’m trying to say that all sixteen panels in Sunday’s “Curtis” could have been replaced by the words “donkey balls” and my reaction would have been the same.
Sili
March 12th, 2007 at 2:40 am [Reply]

Now, it’s been a good decade since I read The Phantom, and even then my magazines were old, so I know nought about the current storytelling (outwith what I read here, of course).

But back then it was pretty common for the current Phantom to narrate stories of his forbears – also named “The Phantom” (very imaginative – well, it is the whole point of the immortal “Ghost who walks” myth). So long story short (too late!), the ‘time travelling’ storyline is probably such a story about the current Phantom’s grandfather, The Phantom. Or perhaps his great grandfather, The Phantom.

Yeah … sorry ’bout that …
tropicana
March 12th, 2007 at 2:44 am [Reply]

So…yeah. I laughed at the Sunday Foobland In-Color Family Drama. And in a related story, I just shot myself in the face, just like Richard Jeni! Yes, kids, the news can influence you!
Jack Parsons
March 12th, 2007 at 3:12 am [Reply]

76: A friend’s idea of fun is to show someone the goatse picture and take a picture of the inevitable horrified face. He’s an odd one, but has positive traits also.

No, I’m not giving any research hints, and no, don’t go digging it up.

75: vegetarianism as a moral cult, like other moral cults, does not have the complexity to support such truly rich mental warpage. Militant vegans just beat people up for the hell of it. I’m a fish-o-vegetarian and attended UC Santa Cruz, and so have much experience with moral cultists who don’t realize they need a real religion.
Laura Brown
March 12th, 2007 at 3:23 am [Reply]

Boring serious stuff: Farmers and environmentalists have discovered that they can prevent elephants from destroying crops by planting a border of chilli peppers. Apparently elephants hate the things and will venture no further when they encounter them. There’s even an Elephant Pepper Development Trust, which sells chilli sauce made from the very peppers that stop the elephants in their tracks.
Jym Dyer
March 12th, 2007 at 4:28 am [Reply]

=79= (Jack Parson): Moral/personality/whatever issues aside, fish isn’t vegetarian, so “fish-o-vegetarian” makes no sense. The word you seek is pescetarian, best pronounced PESKYtarian.
The Avocado Avenger
March 12th, 2007 at 4:55 am [Reply]

#79 Jack Parsons – I believe I have your friend on my LJ friends list. He often makes me wish I hadn’t been goatse’d before meeting him.

FOOB – I feel kind of bad for being so disgusted at the thought of Elly and/or John shaving balls and waving their buttocks around. Everyone else here has so much love in their hearts for the Sunday FOOB, and here I go forgetting it’s Snark-Free Sunday. (Void where prohibited, some restrictions may apply.)
Sheilagh
March 12th, 2007 at 6:38 am [Reply]

I don’t get this sheet stuff at all. I don’t buy new sheets until the old ones have worn so thin someone puts their foot through ‘em, but never, NEVER, have I seen these mysterious “balls”. And my sheets are plain old K-Mart percale, so it’s not like they’re madly high quality or anything. Balls? Like on sweaters? Are these WOOL sheets? Maybe flannel? Please explain!
Norville Barnes
March 12th, 2007 at 6:43 am [Reply]

I loved the line “And I’m wounded. Don’t shoot!” from The Phantom, as though he would normally be fine with being shot if he hadn’t been already, like not wanting the same thing for dinner that you had for lunch.
Sheilagh
March 12th, 2007 at 6:48 am [Reply]

I don’t understand how The Phantom manages to keep it up, in the 21st century. Okay, so there’s this tremendously buff white guy who runs around in purple spandex pretending he’s a superhero, though his only superpower appears to be punching people. And the Africans (could we be more specific here? where are we, Kenya, the Congo, where?) act like a bunch of stone-age morons and go “ooooooh,” buying all this Ghost-Who-Walks” crap, instead of saying, “Yeah, right, Mr. Purple Tights Man, why don’t you hang up your Superman underpants and act your age? Like, get a job or something.”

As Bertie Wooster so eloquently put it, “Did you ever in your puff see such a perfect perisher?”
Clovis Sangrail
March 12th, 2007 at 7:15 am [Reply]

I don’t believe that wild animals kill more people in East Africa than, oh, say, cancer or car accidents or heart disease or famine or genocide. I just don’t.
Josh
March 12th, 2007 at 7:16 am [Reply]

#78 Sili — Since I’m compelled by my inner demons to read every damn episode, I can assurey ou that it really is the present Phantom. There’s some kind of weird time travel anomaly going where local Wambesi tribesfolks have seen the same old-timey cars driving by night after night, stuck in some sort of temporal loop; the Big Purple Dude stepped into the area and apparently back in time in some way, determined to break up the time-loop the only way he knows how: by beating the crap out of some folks.

#86 Sheilagh — the Phantom lives in the totally made up African nation of Bangalla, which features both comically stereotyped black people living in a white cartoonist’s idea of traditional African venues and a gleaming, western-style capital city and a (black) president who dresses in tuxedoes. There’s also a not insignificant white minority in Bangalla, which makes me guess that at the moment the country is being modelled on post-1994 South Africa. Nearby is the evil, military-ruled state of Rhodia which does seem to be run by white people, which is probably based on pre-1980 Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe).

Josh
Chip
March 12th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

If there is a God then that IS Mark Trail being flung by the elephant. That’ll teach the smug bastard!
Hogen Mogen
March 12th, 2007 at 8:05 am [Reply]

I think a better title for the post would have been something about death & destruction. What do all these comics have in common?

The murderous elephants of doom- complete with picture of one flinging a hapless farmer to his demise.

Foob – some veiled reference to ending her own life caused by the depression of menopause. I’m actually sort of elated that Elle is just one hot flash away from a razor blade to her own jugular, but it’s not family fare to be shown in the comics. But then, neither is the reference to shaving one’s private parts in front of the kids and they went there.

Phantom – as previously mentioned, there’s a dead hand eerily draped over the door in the car. Nice touch, but wouldn’t such a thing sort of creep out the kiddies? Of course you can’t spell “kiddies” without “dies”, can you.

Curtis and his sociopath Aryan friend obviously take the cake. Murder suicide – not just a reference, but depicted clearly for all to see. I recall in the days of my youth seeing wacky tv cartoons that have since been long censored, when something particularly bizarre was happening, some random character would show up and say “Now I’ve seen everything!” and immediately blow his brains out, unmourned and never to be heard from or mentioned again.

Man, what a weekend.
Hogen Mogen
March 12th, 2007 at 8:09 am [Reply]

After re-reading the horrifying disaster that is Foob, I’m left with some doubt. Is Elle assumed to be shaving her own privates or the “fuzzy little balls” that she mentions….

But she “shaves them off”??? Yikes! At least now we know why the Patterson men are such wimps. All others, do yourself a favor and stay the hell away from that Lorena Bobbit woman!
Hogen Mogen
March 12th, 2007 at 8:12 am [Reply]

Foob once again revisited: In the last panel is John casually blowing on his coffee while he hears that his wife is performing some exhibitionist kink with the family, or is he whistling Dixie? Or, is he just imagining giving Granthony a BJ he’ll never forget? It’s all just shameful.
Foobar
March 12th, 2007 at 8:14 am [Reply]

Yeah, I’m sure. The two biggest killers go HIV, then “wild animals”. Maybe they mean that wild animals are contaminating their drinking water or somehow directly blocking off supply routes for food and medical equipment. I remember seeing that documentary on the Elephant/ Gnu militia drug syndicate raising funds for an ethnic cleansing campaign. I’m only surprised that more information about this CAN’T be found on the internet.
Sean
March 12th, 2007 at 8:27 am [Reply]

Until this morning, I was entirely uninterested in the dark world of international ivory trade, but I would totally wear a T-shirt bearing the logo of the International Federation of Ivory Harvesting Professionals. IFIHP (pronounced “IFIHP”) will become the new standard bearer in the heretofore neglected discipline of veterinarian dentistry.
seanman
March 12th, 2007 at 8:32 am [Reply]

92 – Hogen…I think its a bit less lurid than you imagine; he appears to be performing the classic “spit take” used by comedians when required to convey a sense of extreme shock or surprise by spraying their mouth’s contents over everyone around you. Danny Thomas was considered a master of this trusty comic device.

That said, it is still revolting, as are the other ideas in this increasingly weird strip. Like some other readers, I really thought the “joke” involved the slicing off of testicles. Ha-ha!
Randy S
March 12th, 2007 at 9:01 am [Reply]

82: But what about someone who eats both fish and vegetables?
Would they be pescevegetarians?
Randy
March 12th, 2007 at 9:13 am [Reply]

FOOB–I was almost amused by the whole idea of Elly, uh, doing what John seems to think she was doing. Then the complete image came into my mind, and I had to drink myself into a stupor.
slobocrock
March 12th, 2007 at 9:24 am [Reply]

I was downtown Friday evening and I saw this street person wandering around. He had this long wild gray hair and a long wild beard and was swilling from a bottle of Ripple or something like that. He was wearing a Green Lantern shirt. Then I remembered that every planet has its own Green Lantern, and this guy was probably the Green Lantern for Planet Earth!

Explains a lot….
Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
March 12th, 2007 at 9:26 am [Reply]

93: Well, technically the malaria parasite is a protist. In the old days, the protists were considered animals. And this group also includes the parasites that cause African sleeping sickness, and then there are the worms that cause schistosomiasis. Surely all these critters are wild, and some might still call them all animals (though the remnants of chloroplast DNA have been found in malaria parasites, suggesting they have an origin among the algae). Considering that a previous strip referred to fungi as plants, maybe it’s fair to say that wild animals are a major cause of death.

And about the “stereotypically garbed” Masai depicted in the first panel– they really do dress that way, and not just for the tourists.
scan
March 12th, 2007 at 9:38 am [Reply]

Was Mallard Filmore’s Bruce Tinsley the guest writer of today’s Mark trail or what? Maybe he’ll do a comic strip plea for the Republican party to adapt a new animal for its symbol, since the elephant seems to be coming mankind’s biggest problem.
Buck Ripsnort
March 12th, 2007 at 9:39 am [Reply]

Ooo, I just guessed the next MW “plot” line! Friendly Ben is gonna learn how a simple game of Office Grabass leads to a Sexual Harassment Suit!
SatanicMechanic
March 12th, 2007 at 9:49 am [Reply]

I would suggest that the writer of Mark Trail hate republicans, but thats probably too much to hope for.
Randy S
March 12th, 2007 at 10:26 am [Reply]

“Surely all these critters are wild, and some might still call them all animals (though the remnants of chloroplast DNA have been found in malaria parasites, suggesting they have an origin among the algae). ”

Or it could be an example of endosymbiosis. (A theory which suggests that the chloroplasts found in plants were originally free-living cyanobacteria. In which case, the same could have occurred in protists such as the one responsible for malaria)
Monster Jamz
March 12th, 2007 at 11:01 am [Reply]

i find it “funny” (read as: Horrifying) that Mark Trail’s anti-elephant comic coincides with the March 2007 National Geographic cover story regarding the plight of the dwindling elephant population in central Africa “since the early 1970s, the number of elephants across a large portion of central Africa has shrunk drastically”.
NG makes no mention of vicious rampaging vegetarian beasts throwing people in its War on Humans. seriously, did Elrod base this strip solely on some weird dream he had?
fuzzmaster
March 12th, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

#88 Josh: I believe the president of Bangalla wears not that symbol of Western evening frivolity, the tuxedo, but rather more authentic African clothing, the morning coat (a cutaway with striped pants). In this, the diplomatic Bangallans have influenced America’s presidents, as Burke’s Peerage notes:

“Ronald Reagan reintroduced the wearing of a club coat [vulgar American term for the cutaway], striped pants and grey vest (waistcoat) at Inaugurations. He did not go to the extent of donning a top hat, however, and Kennedy remains, somewhat surprisingly, the last [U.S.] President to do so.”
Monster Jamz
March 12th, 2007 at 11:18 am [Reply]

we cut off your face and take your ugly ivory tusks and make beautiful things of them: back scratchers, toothpicks, bracelets, little elephant figurines. and in return you want to eat our potatoes? the elephant menace has gone too far!
kingklash
March 12th, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

*foooooo!*
Marion Delgado
March 12th, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

Poor Elly, she should never have used that American aluminum cookware.

Seriously, this is one of those white-bread vs. brown, the old, sloppy way is better things.

Either (a) buy new sheets and recycle the old ones for some other purpose or (b) leave the damn things alone. You are definitely shortening their life by shaving them. It’s the kind of trick I’d expect from a cheap B&B which has a minor celeb visiting but, for some reason has no spare sheets (meaning, it’s hopeless).

But she’s right, too, in the sense that the family she raised and their SOs are like the Children of the Damned. She brought them into the world, and all it’ll take is a carelessly left on gas stove to take them out of it.
merlinsulchek
March 12th, 2007 at 11:23 am [Reply]

If you combine Phantom, MT and Foob, you get a long night in the Wambesi Grasslands where Elly shaves elephant nether parts. Curtis, sadly, but perhaps wisely, remains trapped in balloonicide hell.
Kaimon
March 12th, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

Apparently, Mark Trail gets his elephant information from Wikipedia articles edited by Stephen Colbert.
Jamus The Bartender
March 12th, 2007 at 11:30 am [Reply]

FOOB: Just before I left home for college, I remember seeing in my family’s house a wooden placard,it said “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t NOBODY happy.” Something not out of place in Pluggers, but I digress…
Mike, Deanna, Mike and Deanna’s kids, Liz…
Get the f*ck out NOW.
Do it. Do it now.
Your mom is waving a razor blade around….shaving sheets…let me repeat that…SHAVING BEDSHEETS. And screaming. This is not healthy behavior. You may wanna take April with you as she’s still a minor. Or not. But get out NOW.
Take with you only what you need…no Mike…don’t take your laptop. Leave it there, there’s nothing worth saving there anyway…
I mean it. Get out of the house. Get on with your lives. Get a hotel. John, you get a hotel too…okay, you can take ONE train…
Marion Delgado
March 12th, 2007 at 11:34 am [Reply]

I have to say Colbert has made his point. They STILL haven’t removed that 300% thing? Even though it’s tagged “Stephen Colbert?” Wikipediality indeed!

Honestly, the African elephant, for instance, saw its population reduced to less than half in less than 20 years from 1970-1989, from 1.3 million to 600 THOUSAND worldwide, and over a longer period, the Asian elephant declined from probably a similar number initially to around 30 THOUSAND worldwide.

And actually, in general the elephants are expanding neither their population nor their range, both of which are declining. People are overpopulating and infringing on their habitat, just like you’d guess. Just saying, Josh is absolutely right, and even if in one or two anecdotal locations there are actually increases in elephant populations, it’s against a background of decline. Shame on you, Mark Trail!
zeeba
March 12th, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

FOOB: LJ must be running out of ideas for Sundays, so she raided the Pluggers’ mailbox for an idea.
Foobar
March 12th, 2007 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

99- Oh, I know ALL about malaria. But you show me a protist reserve, or the Protist Pavillion at a zoo and then we’ll talk. I mean, Mark Trail is talking about elephants here.
AirForbes
March 12th, 2007 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

Lettuce, I love the FOOB-hair on the elephants, the book contract, and Mike’s head on the guy getting tossed in the air by the elephant. Brilliant!
nsr
March 12th, 2007 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

That hand in the car wreck is a nice tip o’ the hat to old EC comics. We missed the “No…no…EEYAAH!” part.

Also, the fact that Gunk disappears during the little balloon drama strongly suggests that Curtis is hallucinating.
bunx
March 12th, 2007 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

You’ve got to hand it to Mark Trail, and author Jack Elrodâ€”always on the cutting edge of Safari Sports, this week, “Human Tossing!”

As for Curtis, do you think he went for the polka-dot acid or the smilley-faced acid?
ccradio
March 12th, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

MT: Maybe it’s the Star Trek geek in me, but it stands to reason that if you wear a red shirt, you’re going to get hurt.

BOFW: I’m thinking we just missed one of the better spit takes ever. They couldn’t draw him one second later!?

Curtis: I don’t know; I’m still trying to figure out the conceit behind this kid. And where was he during those seven panels?
jennifer
March 12th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

For some reason this week’s MT reminded me that the Sunday MTs are totally plagiarized by Elrod. (Why did I know this? I have no idea.) And lo and behold, Google gave me this. Which was also rehashed in a recent article in the local rag.
So Elrod just seems to have conflated Kenya with Africa (and what white man doesn’t?) and simplified the whole thing to blame it on the elephants. Who clearly deserve it, don’t get me wrong.
PInk Haired Girl
March 12th, 2007 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

Hippos are actually the number one animal killer in Africa.

Seriously.
Junior Tracy
March 12th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

I propose an amalgamation of two tired, clapped out comics, to be called “Fooby Winkerbean”. All the characters get cancer, die, the strip ends, and the world becomes a better place.
Foobar
March 12th, 2007 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

75-
Didja ever notice?– Whenever elephants are nowhere to be seen…

“Huff-f-f… phew! How’re we supposed t’get around the grocery store with all these elephant traps everywhere?”

But… when neighbour Buttbrain leaves vegetation lying everywhere and those pesky pachyderms mo-o-o-ve on in, what then? Heh heh– you have to ask?

“Wh-wha? Howzat? What’s that you say? No elephant traps? B-but…”
Jack Parsons
March 12th, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

The hippos stampede and kill people. On the other hand, Hippo of The Brak Show never killed anybody.

As to the sheet pills, they are really spider eggs. This is a spring cleaning thing. As is the other shaving thing.
Uncle Lumpy
March 12th, 2007 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

#118 ccradio -

Gunk is the cruel god of Funky Winkerbean, who occasionally vacations in Curtis.
zqfmgb
March 12th, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

I get the distinct feeling that flyspeck island is an barren nuclear atoll where radiation has cruelly shaped the inhabitants into mutated freaks with faces like sole. Of the multitudes that perished due to radiation sickness, cancer or debilitating birth defects, Gunk is the anomaly who is now developing telekinesis and invisibility powers. On the other hand, that’s way too interesting to ever happen in Curtis, which is a shame, because I’d really like to see Gunk terrorizing the Curtis ‘hood, wreaking carnage and saying abyssmally stupid things.
Jym Dyer
March 12th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

=96= While there are pesky vegetarians (especially in Santa Cruz), pescevegetarian is a misnomer. Generally the word form is understood to include foods that are “lower on the food chain*.” So, “pescetarian” includes plant foods. With the exception of Inuits, Dennis the Menace, and victims of fad diets, everyone eats veg-tables.

________________________________________
* An outmoded term. We’re all worm food.
Tim McDonough
March 12th, 2007 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Christ! What is Ellie’s damage? No sense of humor and she goes ballistic at the slightest, good-spiritied “provocation.” Look at her face, her mouth roaring in spittle-flecked rage. I hate her.

Curtis: The “sound-effects” text reminds me of an old Peanuts strip where, in addition to “CRASH”, “BANG” and “WHAM”, the wry Schulz penned in “SOUND OF GLASS BREAKING.”
Buck Ripsnort
March 12th, 2007 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

#120–Pink-Haired Girl, surely humans kill more animals than the hippo. The hippo is merely the number one killer animal. Word placement makes all the difference!
Sili
March 13th, 2007 at 5:42 am [Reply]

#88 – Thank you, Josh.

I’m sorry to have given The Phantom the benefit of the doubt. I should just accept that my childhood has been ruined.

(Well, the memories of my childhood, and I’m sure that happened long time ago. I mean, it’s just the sort of thing one says. It’s not like I care enough about TP to let that bother me. Block!, I read slash — it’ll take more than shoddy timetravel to make me flinch.)

Also, thank you for reading the comics so that I won’t have to.
Evilhead
March 13th, 2007 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail is right!

Drunken elephants die in accident

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Rampagin’ ragin’ beasts!

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