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Thursday quickies

Spider-Man, 5/5/11

I was about to give this dreary Spider-Man vampire plot credit for its first genuine bit of horror, as Martine and Morbius’s eyes are suddenly and without explanation transformed into awful, toothy mouths, but then I realized that their pupils have just turned into bats — very, very crudely drawn bats — and it’s supposed to be, like, symbolic or whatever.

Apartment 3-G, 5/5/11

Ha, and now that Trey’s softened up the old man, Margo comes in to apply some brutality. “I hope the money’s coming from Herriman and Fowler! Just make that check out to ‘Trey and Margo’s sex vacation fund,’ or my associate here will be forced to do terrible, terrible things to you, and not the fun kind.”

Funky Winkerbean, 5/5/11

Have you been thinking, “Damn it, I wish Les would stop toying with these two women who for unexplainable reasons are attracted to him and just pick one to share his lovemaking stylings with”? Well, I’ll bet you’re sorry now.

Mark Trail, 5/5/11

As Mark squirmed into his cocoon, he thought of the many long-haired and bearded men whom he had defeated via fisticuffs over the years. But little did he know that he would soon be facing his greatest nemesis ever: Jesus Christ.

312 responses to “Thursday quickies”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    The Dorian Gray of Gasoline Alley?

    A dangerous fiend lurks among the peaceful denizens of Gasoline Alley. In this legacy strip, characters are born, grow up, marry, adopt children (usually) and grow old before they’re replaced by a new generation of Wallets. But not Uncle Walt — who’s now his own mummy. However, one major character has managed to remain completely unchanged since the Frank King era of GA.

    As this partial Sunday from around 1950 proves, Rufus the Village Idiot hasn’t aged a day in over 60 years:

    http://www.art4comics.com/gasalley.jpg

    Skeezix and Nina are the young couple, and the child is their son, Chipper. Nina’s Aunt Hessie expired in 1951 — bludgeoned to death by person or persons unknown. According to contemporary newspaper accounts, Aunt Hessie’s nude and battered body was found near the old town dump…

  2. Mibbitmaker
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    S-M: Josh, it really means that Batman is up to some very wrong stuff! Who says rival comic book companies don’t play rough?

  3. Jorge Barnes
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    I know comments are typically reserved for witty observations, but all i have to say is: classic Trail riff there, Josh m’boy! Laughed out loud on the REAL.

  4. gleeb
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    A 3-G: Zippy the Manager is glad to escape a discussion of what Trey was discussing with the owner of the Mills Gallery.

    Blondie: Oh, that Dagwood. He’s as lazy as a Mexican. Seriously, that’s the joke?

    ‘bean: Who’s going to be in Creepy Les’ bed? Bull? Khan? A mannequin dressed like the Deadwife?

    Non Sequitur: Updated without cravat. Or maybe without belt.

    Zippy: Yes, they’re all peasants, thoughtless, unsophisticated peasants, says the guy who’s been drawing out something that was over 35 years ago.

  5. Psychid
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Was today’s “Spider-Man” comic purposely supposed to feature a “Batman” cameo in the characters’ eyes? I mean, SERIOUSLY!

  6. Mibbitmaker
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Y’ever notice how little difference there is between Spider-Man and Mary Worth right now?

    9CL: Nice to have Seth pay for his smug-ass self lately. Now, what’ll someone do about Edda’s smug-ass self?

    A3G: “…though I’d have to babysit Herriman’s pet cat, dog, and mouse. I hear they’re quite a handful!”

    BBlues: Overheard in the audience: “Is this a fashion show or a late-night comedy skit?”

    Y’ever notice how little difference there is between Zippy the Pinhead and Mark Trail right now?

  7. Anansi
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Yeah, everyone I know and love wants to kick my ass: You, Michelle, my parents, Ms.Nelson, Derrick, “Onion”,…….

    Baby Blues: Why is Hammie cosplaying as Linkara???

    Pluggers: Well one man’s place mat is another man’s toliet paper.

    Funky Winkerbean: You just know that once Les climaxes, he’ll shot out his dead wife’s name. You also know that despite that, Cayla will still be horny for him becasue once you go nerd, you always go abserd!

  8. S. Stout
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    S-M: This is how women everywhere get men to do things around the house. It also confirms why they’re always making sure you know what their eye color is.

    FW: This is actually an exciting plot development! I’m interested to see how one of them gets cancer during sex.

    Luann: Just yesterday, Luann “humbly” announced that she cares about people’s feelings. Then today, she immediately turns to Tiffany to insult her. Our wonderful protagonist…couldn’t go one day without being a huge bitch, huh?

  9. Nekrotzar
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Interestingly, the authors of todays SpiderMan have realized that the entire strip is going off the rails and has sent out an emergency request for a real superhero – Batman – who doesn’t really have any superpowers to speak of, but who at least has a habit of showing up.

  10. Scott Bot
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Today’s Pluggers explains in one panel why strips like Family Circus, Beetle Bailey, Hi and Lois and the like still exist.

  11. Lake Neuron
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    MT: And I thought corncobs smelled bad on the outside.

  12. GidgetN
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Oh wow, that’s supposed to be bats in their eyes? I thought it was just MORE TEETH.

  13. Nekrotzar
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    @Nekrotzar (#9): todays
    It looks like my apostrophe was stolen by a third-person singular possessive pronoun.

  14. Scott Bot
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    FW – Weiner cancer!!!

  15. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    AD – Ha ha! Cavemen and their limited understanding of American history, am I right?

    PS: Okay, there’s Mason Mastroianni, Mick Mastroianni (who apparently also writes Id), and Perri Mastroianni. So who or what the heck is the “HEM” next to Mastroianni’s sig?

    Beetle – Wow. Beetle’s standing under an awning. Perhaps in some part of the world, that constitutes comedy gold. Some part of the world where that means something. Anything at all. Awning. Doorman? Bouncer? Um. Rain? Closet? Okay, it doesn’t even have to be funny now; just somebody tell me something in the damned world that this could mean.

  16. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Close – McPherson should letter the captions as well. Then no part of the strip would be eve remotely decipherable, and I could just skip it every day.

    Marfield – More out-of-control laffs as we find out just how funny it can be to label each member of the strip’s continuing cast as a member of some other continuing cast. (See how funny the description was? That’s exactly how funny it is!)

  17. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Popeye – “Back in 1 Hour. Goon to Lunch.”

    Spider-Man – Now, if Morbius blinks the right way, he can call Batman, who will actually show up and do something to advance the plot beyond the re-re-explaining stage it’s been at since 2008.

  18. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#y189): Which one sounds like Tok Pisin? The existing creole/pidgin dialects, or the made-up one I never actually got around to making up? (Darn the beautiful ambiguities of the English tongue!)

    @animus (#y214): A bolero has a rhythm similar to a foxtrot, and if they insist on dancing a tango to a foxtrot I’m going to need some whiskey.
    Heh. I guess I’ll spoil your jokeronym slightly by mentioning that I have a fox trot version of Ravel’s Bolero, from the “Ravel’s Greatest Hit” album.

  19. mucketyslim
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Delightful. Now the Funkyverse is introducing “post dead spouse from cancer sex” to its horrifying repertoire of ghoulish life lessons.

  20. Mibbitmaker
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    DT: ……Cue?……….

    Dilbert: He so wanted in on the bin-Laden raid!

    ReFOOB: It’s either because he’s destined to be gay and doesn’t “get” straight relationships (in this case, who can blame him?), or, that was just plain nauseating.

    H&J: Hey, ease up, Hobart!

    H&L: Somebody please tell Fernando over there to shut up?

    MT: If that’s the younger Mr. Thrasher and not one of the crooks, I think we have him pegged as a Vietnam vet. At least according to the movies.

    FW: Off panel, PLEASE! WAAAAY off panel!!

  21. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    ps: Apologies for oversnark, to those who beat me to it while I was re-working snark that had already been stepped on. There comes a time when you just have to quit re-writing and hit Post. And that time was (by my reckoning) 8:54 am.

  22. Flummoxicated
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Let’s begin the “When and Where will Lisa’s Ghost Appear” betting pool! I bet she will appear tomorrow, hovering over the bed where Cayla is dragging Les. While the apparition of his dead wife is always creepy, it’s for some reason not as creepy as the thought of Leisure Suit Les getting laid.

  23. pugfuggly
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Moooooorbius….do you like my new novelty contacts…..? I got you a pair too! They had a sale on at Hot Tooooooopic….

  24. Bill the Butcher
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    I hope Jesus turns Mark’s other cheek.

  25. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail — Armed with only an ax, a beefy J.C. (without his toupee) took on a bear in this 9-21-60 daily:

    http://www.art4comics.com/dod9_21.jpg

  26. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    sqwee not post-jumped!

    for Austria.

    memetic mutation.

    a second Star Wars Day bit of awesome. (short video)

    not for Baka Gaijin or people at work. (implied naughty)

    not a fennec but in the same ballpark.

    corgsqui.

  27. Rimrock
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Yes Josh it IS Jesus in the Mark Trail today. That is what I thought as soon as I saw it. And in Rex Morgan….has anyone called the police yet to go to Rex’s office to thwart the bad guy who is going to steal the ticket?

  28. SDL no more!
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    SM: It’s symbolic of how much the artist wishes he was working for DC. “‘Make Mine Marvel’, I said. Idiot!”
    FW: Hey how great would some McEldowney-inspired handfucking be? That’s be…oh yeah, exactly as off-putting.

  29. Tom the Sailor Man
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Nooobody expects Margo Magee!

  30. Scott Bot
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Considering Les’ obsession over Dead Lisa, I’m anticipating that he will be thinking about opening a motel, taking up taxidermy and talking about how ‘Lisa, uh, what is the phrase? She isn’t quite herself today.’

    Whatever you do, Cayla, don’t take a shower there.

  31. Scott Bot
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    @Tom the Sailor Man (#29): Her chief weapon is surprise…surprise and fear…fear and surprise…her two weapons are fear and surprise…and ruthless efficiency…her *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency…

  32. Dood
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Tips from Mark Trail: If you’re out in the woods and without a sleeping bag, find a giant summer squash, cut it open and use it as your sleeping bag. It’s squishy, but warm.

  33. Trail Guide
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    MT: Hey! I thought that SEAL team took that creepy guy out a few days ago. WHAT’S he doing lurking around Mark’s camp site?

  34. Nekrotzar
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#31):
    Amongst her weapons are surprise, fear, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical disregard for those things that mortals refer to as “feelings” or “emotions.”

  35. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    FC: Mark the date: Today, Jeffy came up with the line that would earn him big bucks on the street.

    MT: No cougar will attack Mark now, for he is watched over by a raccoon, Andy, and Jesus, the Elrodian Holy Trinity.

    A3G: Oh, Trey, I hope you don’t expect that Margo will work off the fee in oral sexual favors; that will only lead to bite marks and tears.

  36. True Fable
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Truman’s Wistful Thinking Department:

    Wouldn’t it be great if Crazy Blonde Lady in Mary Worth were to become so obsessed and stalkery with Drew “Love Shack” Cory that she went completely Fatal Attraction on him? I don’t just mean burying him under tons of text messages. I mean going all out and gesture wildly with a knife in the motel room where she has him trapped like a bunny in a cage, declaring her undying love one minute and threatening the slice his salami the next! Come on, Karen! I know you can write this scene, you’ve been waiting for the chance! And then Mary can rush in fifty panels later (that’s rushing in Charterstoneland) and we can witness the Duel between ten-inch carving knife and Sharp-tongued Meddler!

    Oh the joys of anticipation!

    Meanwhile, Mark Trail tries desperately to figure out how to punch Jesus Christ of the Woodlands without risking Hell. Or as he knows it, “sexy with Cherry”.

  37. Dood
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    The Right Fist O’ Justice vs. the Son of God. Game on!

  38. Maggie the Cat
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail is a real life “Survivor Man”. He’s fashioned a camping abode from a giant, wild ear of corn, commonly found on the sides of mountains. The cob was hollowed out with Mark’s axe, which he’s never without, and the remaining kernels will insulate, holding in his hot blooded body heat. There’s even room for Andy right in the crook of Mark’s crotch, which will add to the warmth.

  39. Tom the Sailor Man
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    She’s going to make Professor X, I mean “Karl”, sit in the Comfy Chair!

  40. Dood
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Family Circus: Something bubbly to drink, Jeffy? Try some of Billy’s bathwater.

  41. Maggie the Cat
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#20): He can’t be a Vietnam vet. Vietnam hasn’t even happened yet in MarkTrailWorld. The Korean War has barely been kicked off. It’s circa 1952, isn’t it?

  42. Not just any Dipstick
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    ‘Dick’ Tracy: How to make a ‘stereotype’:1. Black 2.Earrings 3. Dark glasses 4.Rings 5. Shaved head. Perfect.

    Mark ‘s his Trail: Small, very small mountain indeed. First night out and, heeeeer he is.

    MW: Stop with the lame excuses. Take the ‘freebie’ already. Then you can dump the witch.

  43. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#37):

    sounds like a Sinfest strip. I’d read it.

  44. Nekrotzar
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    @Flummoxicated (#22):
    With Lisa’s Ghost floating overhead, Ms. Suicidal-over-Les peering in the window, Masky McDeath hiding in the closet, and metastatic cells pretty much ubiquitous, the phrase we’ve got the place to ourselves has never been less accurately used.

  45. bobbinator
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    I can’t be the first one to wonder why Mrs Vampire just had to drag Mary Anne up to the roof top. I mean, nobody could possibly be able to interfere with her plans up here, nobody would find this secluded location, ’cause, I mean, he’d have to be like Spider man or something, and he hasn’t been seen around here since, like, yesterday!

  46. Roto13
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Yeah, at first glance I totally thought those two vampires were going full-Corinthian for some creepy eye-eating, twink-loving serial killing. Instead it’s morel like “Look into my eyes! Hey, the Batman symbol! Cool!”

  47. Kibo
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    “Mark Trail” turned into “Deliverance” so slowly that nobody noticed or cared.

  48. Mark B
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    @Not just any Dipstick (#42): I was looking at the colorized version of Dick Tracy here and he’s not noticably racially stereotyped. More Lex Luthor than anything else … although he really resembles Mr. Clean more closely than any other character I can think of. Why he’s named after a horror movie director, I can only guess.

    Once the Plenty baby starts snorting the Flakey ‘flour’, it’s going to be even MORE scary.

  49. TheNate
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Bat eyes! Nun nuh nun nuh nuh nun nuh nuh! Bat Eyes!

  50. Patrick
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    I’m fascinated with the geometry in the first panel of Spider-Man. Did they paint bricks on the roof of that building where Mary Jane is tied up, or is she stuck to the wall with Velcro or something?

    Also, did she get bit by a vampire and that’s why her neck is so swollen?

  51. Kibo
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    I should add that just like in “Deliverance”, the night sky is glowing brilliant cyan with a weird shimmering edge around it. Man, that movie has bad special effects even compared to other Jon Voight classics like “Fearless Frank”.

  52. Illustrator Steve
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    MT:
    (Panel#1) Poor Mark falls prey to the pods from the invasion of the body snatchers which were cleverly hidden in those mountains after the movie was over in 1956.
    (Panel#2) “There’s nothing for old woodsmen like us to be worried about!”. Okay Mark, If you say so. But that giant racoon sure looks kinda hungry, and kinda rabid as well!
    (Panel#3) That MUST be John Thrasher ’cause he’s still wearing his chest full of metals!

  53. Poor Thompson
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    “Ok, ok, my dear. “I’ll do whatever you say, as long as you promise me we can go to the optomitrist as soon as were done. I really think we need this thing checked out.”

  54. Kibo
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    @Patrick (#50): It’s yet another instance of a supervillain tying their victim to Escher’s “Waterfall” in the hope that the hero won’t be stoned enough to try to walk into an Escher print to rescue her.

  55. Mark B
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    DT: Also the colorizers missed a cue when they didn’t color Romero’s glinting tooth gold.

  56. Poor Thompson
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Aw, just look at those two, “batting” their eyes at one another, yuk yuk. (Sorry, but somebody had to say it.)

  57. AhClem
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    FW – Much to Les’ disappointment, Cayla’s plans are limited to a rousing game of Scrabble-oma, a version of the gane where all words must be found in the NCI Dictionary of Cancer Terms.

  58. Scott Bot
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    @Mark B (#48): I actually thought Yul Brenner when I first saw him. I anticipate he and Mz. Rise will be performing a duet of ‘Shall We Dance’ sometime soon.

  59. AhClem
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    “Gane”??? Stoopid fingers.

  60. Not just any Dipstick
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    @Poor Thompson (#56): ‘Batting’ their teeth too, it seems.

  61. ElkMeadow
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    @animus (#y214):

    It’ the whole ice skating thing, back in the 80′s when the couples won the Olympic gold with “Bolero”, and the wonder to all commentators was that the ice didn’t melt. Now it’s so overdone.

  62. Esther Blodgett
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    DT: George Romero, director of Night of the Living Dead, etc. etc.? If you’re here to research freakishly rendered creatures, you’re one artist too late.

  63. Mark B
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#58): Let’s just split the difference, give him a Tootsie Roll pop, and call him Telly Savalas.

  64. Esther Blodgett
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    FW: Retcon Les was actually a male model and part-time porn star in college, so there’s no chance he’ll end up crying and calling Cayla “Mommy” when it’s time to perform.

  65. Krazy Kat
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Only in Spiderman would the vampire villain be having a crisis of conscience about doing something villainous and vampiric. Finally, the perfect foil for the hero who wants nothing to do with heroism! I don’t know about you, but I’m on the edge of my seat.

  66. Dood
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#61): Was that Torvill and Dean or Herriman and Fowler?

  67. Mibbitmaker
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#17): re: Popeye: Reminds me of a Jack Mercer line from one of the animated cartoons that applies to this storyline as well as a moment in the cartoon:

    “Hair today, goon tomorrow.”

  68. Effluvius Erratus
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Fist O’Justice vs. His Other Cheek … too close to call.

  69. Spunde
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    FW: Lisa’s tears in panel 1 are a nice touch.

  70. Krazy Kat
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Wow. Is it just me, or is anyone else getting kinda turned on by Les’ smarmy “Aww yeah, I’m gonna hit that” face?

    KIDDING! KIDDING! Oh God, I’m just kidding. Just a joke. Sometimes you just need to make light of things in order to keep from succumbing to the terror brewing inside of you, you know?

  71. Bill Thompson
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    FW: Okay, you two, get a tomb! (Since somebody is about to die from cancer.)

    S-M: Now we know who’s wearing the pants in this relationship. Unfortunately it’s Dick Locher, who has taken control of pacing & logic. Yes, Martine and Morbius, hurry up and kill that actress who is set to star in a major Dracula movie, nobody will notice her disappearance after she goes to see the Human Vampire!

    MT: Jesus? Of course. Even He is impressed by the Miracle of the Backpack. Tomorrow Mark Trail will pull a barber shop from his Pack of Tricks and give Jesus a chance to repent of his beard and hair.

  72. Kinghasnoclothes
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    FW: I see a very special Funky Winkerbean storyline about penile dysfunction. Les will write a bestselling book about it called “Les is Less.”

  73. Mibbitmaker
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    @Flummoxicated (#22): Whenever she does appear, she’ll be hovering over the bed while Les and Cayla are having sex — the entire time smiling approvingly, giving them the double thumbs-up sign, the “okay” sign (sans “It stinks!”), and, to the surprise of no one, The Shocker.

    Meanwhile, Brooke McEldowney reads the sequence, and spouts *, “Damn, I wish I had thought of that!” (but, you know, with the hand signs accompanying hand “sex”, of course)

  74. LaurenM
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Spidermun: Whoa! He’ll obey her and do as she says?! What next, are they going to kill MK and murder her too?

  75. Esther Blodgett
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    S-M: “You will obey me…and you will do as I say. Also, you will follow my directions, and comply with my instructions, and submit to my will. Oh, and acquiesce, toe the line, and and knuckle under. Honey, I can’t thank you enough for this thesaurus. It’s great. And awesome, and swell, and…”

  76. tb4000
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    FW: Girl, you just signed your death warrant. I hope you realize this.

  77. Scott Bot
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    @LaurenM (#74): @Esther Blodgett (#75): She’s moonlighting as a vampire; her day job is with a large corporation in the Department of Redundancy Department.

  78. Ned Ryerson
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    MT: The next morning…

    Andy: Mark… Why did you kiss my ear?
    Mark: Why are you holding my hand?
    Andy: Where’s your other hand?
    Mark: Between two pillows…
    Andy: Those aren’t pillows!

  79. Edgy DC
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    I sing of Trail
    Whose fists swing true
    He beats the bearded
    Black and blue

    To nature drawn
    To justice sworn
    Makes his bed
    In an ear of corn

  80. Krazy Kat
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    @Edgy DC (#79): That needs to become the first verse of a “Davy Crockett” style ballad.

  81. Jacquilynne
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    At first, I thought the eyes were supposed to signify that they were seeing Batman come to administer some kind of appropriately violent punishment upon the unholy duo. But then I remembered that this is Spiderman, where superheroes actually doing stuff is verboten.

  82. Fester Morgenstern
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Hey Josh, just wanted to tell you that “to be” is two words in the Spider-Man comments.

  83. Just Call Me E
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    FW: Nah – it will never happen between Cayla and Les. Suicide Susan will show up at the door in a minute with some fresh-baked cookies before they make it up the stairs. And I don’t think that Batiuk is imaginative enough to think of a ‘threesome’! (well, with dead Lisa there too, it would be a ‘foursome’ I guess!)

  84. Flying Manatee
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    BC: A “President Taft was fat” joke?? Talk about legacy humor…

  85. Katy
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#64): Thanks. Thanks for that, Esther. Thanks ever so much.

  86. Maggie the Cat
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @Krazy Kat (#80): @Edgy DC (#79):

    I was singing it similar to “The Edmund Fitzgerald”.

  87. Tagged
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Baby Blues: And just think, in about ten years Hammie & Zoe’s parents will be complaining about their kids’ therapy bills. (Assuming they’ll be aged that far, which is unlikely at best.)

  88. markytom
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    MT: Looks like Mark is frustrated by his “best friend” as Andy just keeps ignoring Mark. So the only way to get any response from Andy at all is for Mark to continually scream at him. Hey dog! LOOK AT ME, DAMMIT!!!

  89. Scott Bot
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    The Ballad of Mark Trail (sung to the tune of the Caisson Song)

    Over hill over dale, he will hit the dusty trail
    Now that Cherry’s not tagging along.
    Up and down, in and out, see a moustache, punch it out,
    Now that Cherry’s not tagging along.

    For it’s ho-ho-ho, in the woods of old LoFo, punch out that beardo hard and strong.

    Facial hair attacks, and he will fight back,
    Now that Cherry’s not tagging along.

  90. Katy
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    In the Thorpiverse, nothing gets your pulse racing like the quack of the bat.

  91. Bill Thompson
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): Actually both Joel and Rufus have never aged. I suspect that Rufus keeps young through witchcraft, and that his kitten is a witch’s familiar. Joel, however, must be a vampire, and one who does it right. Unlike the Batting Bickersons in Spiderman, he keeps a low profile: no fancy costume, no fancy arguments, no exotic name that screams “Stake me!” He and Joel lead quiet lives as they secretly rule Gasoline Alley, with a success unknown to any creature in Steven King or Anne Rice.

  92. Walker of Dog
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Jumb: The distressed motorist found more than just a helping hand. Strong, resourceful, with a classical Greek beard and those crazy mathematician eyes, the trucker brought just the lumber she had been looking for. When she didn’t have the right equipment to change her flat tire, she found a(n) |A|R|C|H|I|M|E|D|E|S|.

  93. Edgy DC
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    Does any man know where the love of God goes
    When the Right Fist of Justice is swinging?

  94. Uncle Lumpy
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    Arlo and JanisThis is how to do a Twitter® joke.

  95. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @Edgy DC (#93): as the arcs take months to show hours. . . .

  96. But What Do I Know?
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    SM — OK, I realize that I’m being a bit silly looking for consistency here, but according to the rules of Vampirism, doesn’t the bite of a vampire cause the victim to become a vampire, not kill them; i.e., what happened to Martine? So if Martine wanted Morbius to become a vampire, wouldn’t she just bite him?

    JP — At least Constance is doing something useful with her electronic device–unlike the girls in Mary Worth. . .

    MT — I thought that was Jeremiah Johnson, not JC. . .

  97. Callidus
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    MT- Actually Jesus is coming to test Mark’s faith vs. his hatred of facial hair. “Truly I say to you that this very night, before a cock crows, you shall punch me three times.” In the end Mark will, of course, have to convert to paganism.

    BC- A Taft joke? Apparently they’re no longer just recycling their own jokes, they’re also recycling jokes from The Katzenjammer Kids.

    FW- This being Funky Winkerbean, the end result of this story line will involve impotence. For once the Funkiverse works to our favor.

  98. But What Do I Know?
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @Tom the Sailor Man (#39): Professor Xavier is made of sterner stuff–show him the plush cushions!

  99. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    as found linked on TDC, The Simpsons Do Pulp Fiction.”

  100. Baron Bizarre
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    MT: I just figured Johnny Damon had grown his beard and hair back.

  101. Jim North
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    9CL: I want to take the second panel, blow it up to about five times its current size, frame it, and bolt it directly onto McEldowney’s forehead so he can’t see anything else.

    Archie: Not about today’s strip in particular, but about Archie in general . . . did I read right, that there’s a new artist working on the strip? Does . . . does that mean no more Hot Hallway Chicks?! Please tell me that doesn’t mean no more Hot Hallway Chicks!

    BC: There are so many ways that today’s B.C. violates the concept of “timely” that I’m surprised the entire space/time continuum didn’t just fold up and die in response.

    DT: Since I’ve missed a week or so of the snark around here, I’m not sure if everyone else was as disappointed as I that the previous storyline kinda wrapped up all extra-sudden-like, especially since there wasn’t a sneaky-peek shot of Liz changing from the robe to the trenchcoat. What I am sure of is that the third panel, with its combination of a) promise of another storyline setup as crazy awesome as the last and b) THE NOTORIOUS MASTER HARMONY THUGG DAWG, any and all minor shortcomings have been completely forgiven, and the new Dick Tracy continues to rule supreme over the newspaper comics page.

    PS, when did the Eleventh Doctor turn into a hot redhead?

    FW: Hey, what’s that high pitched keening noise? Man, it’s kind of annoying. I’m trying to read comics here, dam- oh, wait, that’s me, screaming and weeping in utter revulsion, my tears two viscous trails of dark red blood running down my face. Don’t worry, it should stop just as soon as I move on from Funky Winkerbean.

    HtH: Love it or hate it, at least Hagar the Horrible is talking about a more current topic than B.C. today.

    JP: I’m not sure what the hell is going on here, but if it doesn’t end in a threesome, I am going to be very disappointed.

    Jumble: Jeez, just like a woman to think she can just change a tire. The tire has to want to change! Am I right, guys?

    Luann: Having been an amateur stage actor before, I know that it can sometimes be difficult to figure what to do with your hands. Having also been a webcomic artist, I know that this can be the case when you’re drawing people in comic strips as well. That said, I would simply like to inform Mr. Evans that there are other things that teenage girls can do with their hands besides putting on makeup.

    . . . lol.

    Phantom: “You lost your wedding ring?! Well shit, that means we’re not married anymore! And I went to all that time and trouble to save you, too! Well that was just completely pointless now, wasn’t it?! Dammit!

    S-M: Oh, neat, it’s one of those optical illusion puzzles! So, do you see bats, or do you see gaping maws of horrible fanged teeth filling up hollowed out eye sockets?

    Pluggers of the Future were once Comics Curmudgeons of Today. Behold your fate, ye snarky, and despair!

  102. Charles
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    FW: People, please! They’re just going upstairs to read Les’s book and talk about his feelings about Lisa. Which comic strip have you been reading the last seven years?

  103. commodorejohn
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Bizarro – This is funnier without the caption.

    Curtis – This is a very interesting definition of “friend,” this is.

    DT – The ventriloquist’s dummy turned out to be evil? Who would have guessed? But what I really want to know is, what’s a “punk” extra from an ’80s schlock B-movie doing as a secretary in a comic strip?

    FC – The adorable new family comedy, The Littlest Alcoholic!

    FW – Aw fuck. Where did I put my airsick bag?

    Garfield – What.

    HTH – Oddly enough, if I had to guess what the creator of Esperanto looked like, Lucky Eddie would be my first guess.

    JP – “Gee, sorry you’re feeling responsible for the deaths of thousands there, Emma! Let me rattle off a quick list of your accomplishments in inventing ways to kill people – maybe that’ll make you feel better!”

    Mandrake – Psst, Mr. Dekker? There’s this thing you may want to look into called a “bomb.” They can be quite effective! Even more so than an alligator!

    MT – There are no better words for this than what Josh already posted. I have to wonder, though: John (Fucking) Thrasher may be hairy and beardy, but he’s lacking the Neanderthal brow and perpetual scowl of your standard Mark Trail beardy villain. Could it be possible that Mark Trail morality differentiates between hair grown on purpose and hair grown from lack of hair-cutting tools? Perhaps the latter is only a venial sin?

    MW – Karen Moy never does anything halfway, does she?

    Phantom – Lady, you’ve been married since 1978 and you have two children with the guy. You really think losing your ring is going to invalidate that? (Then again, when you’ve got to contend with Captain Sea Goddess, I guess you want any little bit of leverage you can get.)

    RMMD – I dunno, Rex. I’m pretty certain Dex leaves a discernable trail of animal-cracker crumbs wherever he goes.

    SM – Happy face…sad face!

  104. Mysterious shirtless lawyer
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    “There sure are a lot of different noises around here, Andy!”

    “Mark, please, please, please, just shut the fuck up before I kill your fucking ass!”

  105. Calico
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Flummoxicated (#22):
    Or, “When is Suzie Suicide going to knock on the front door, walk in, and hear Les and Cayla going at it”
    As Gordon Ramsay once said, “Ding ding…round fucking two.”

  106. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    S-M: I initially thought the same thing as Josh, which would be effectively creepy even if Neil Gaiman did the “toothy eye” thing first in the Sandman comics. As it is, it looks like Martine bought herself and Morbius matching contacts. How cute.

    A3G: Margo’s arrival is heralded by Ruth Buzzi’s beloved Gladys Ormphby character. Come back any time, Ruth.

    FW: Tune in tomorrow for McEldowney-style closeups of Les and Cayla’s hands. No, it doesn’t sound inviting. But maybe we’ll get lucky and one of Les’ thumbs will turn cancerous and fall off.

    GA: There’s no way Slim can stay mad at a guy who will publicly make a pun that stupid. They’re brothers under the skin after all.

    GT: No, Marty didn’t just paint a pingpong ball black and glue it to an old pair of headphones. Why do you ask?

    BB: More troubling is the fact that Sarge can’t recognize his lover without using a large red canopy as a visual aid. Time to get something checked.

    Phantom: “Then the warden called it something zirconium and everybody laughed.”

    JP: “CEO, that’s a pretty sweet job! By any chance did you have to push anyone in front of a moving vehicle to get that far? Just curious.”

    H&L: The repeated use of the word “marvelous” is of course a reference to the 1986 “Hi and Lois Animated Special”, in which Dolly was voiced by Billy Crystal.

    DT: So in just today’s installment we have (electronic drum roll please): Annie Lennox-lite in Jimmy Olsen drag; a chick with a total-lee punk shock of hair and cat’s-eye glasses; and a cleanheaded dude in Cyclops shades. If you’ve been waiting for a Dick Tracy storyline where the bad guys are all Valley Girl extras, your time has come.

  107. Calico
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @TheNate (#49):
    Hahahaha!
    Maybe they’re trying out some new chic Gotham City designer contact lenses.

  108. Scott Bot
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Garfield – I know there’s a joke here somewhere, I just don’t know what it is.

  109. Calico
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#106):
    OMG apologies – I did NOT see your post!
    As the 90′s song siad, “How bizzare, how bizzare.”
    Comics Synchronicity-where the Hell is the other Gordon (Sumner) when you need him?

  110. Calico
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#106):
    Re: FW – Thumb-you’re hoping for just a THUMB to fall off? ; )

  111. Dood
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Excuse me, Andy, while I pupate.

  112. McManx
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    MTrail — I don’t think Jesus has a mullet, so I’m pretty sure this is the Anti-Christ. So it will be okay when Mark punches him out.

    Spiderman — I notice that Mrs. Morbius shed her bathrobe to reveal a nifty leather and chains outfit, and now she’s demanding obediance. She’s not a vampire; she a dominatrix.

  113. Walker of Dog
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#106): Don’t root for that thumb to fall off, unless you want to see it grow a whole new Les.

  114. MWILF
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @Bill the Butcher (#24): LMAO! Comment of the Week!

  115. kkarenb
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Karl is unable to move his head without giving it a push with his hand.

    FC – Would any child actually say that? This comic seems to pride itself on having the little monsters say “cute” things, but invariable the statements are phrased in a way that no child would ever say.

    MT – He is dangerous. What then to do about Myson John Thrasher?

  116. The Ridger
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    MT: “Nothing to worry about?” Andy begs to differ. Oh, boy, does Andy beg to differ.

  117. Aviatrix
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#18): I was referring to the creole that you described that used “long.” The genitive in Tok Pisin uses bilong, as in laplap bilong alta for ‘altar cloth’, and dokta bilong tit for ‘dentist’. The word long also stands in for a lot of prepositions in Tok Pisin, plus reduplicated longlong means “crazy”. The verb go means ‘go’ as in go lukim ‘visit’ (“go look him”) or go long hap long, the verb ‘cross’.

  118. Calico
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#115):
    Sorry, Jeffy darling, Mommy and Daddy Keane drank up all the Cold Duck last night after tidying up the Apocalypse Shelter. Maybe they have a couple of Alka-Seltzer tablets you can chew on.

  119. Dood
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G I’m digging this Margo vs. Lex Luthor encounter.

  120. Scott Bot
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @McManx (#112): MTrail — I don’t think Jesus has a mullet, so I’m pretty sure this is the Anti-Christ. So it will be okay when Mark punches him out.

    I don’t believe it’s the Anti-Christ, I think it’s Billy Ray Cyrus. Which, now that I think about it, is pretty much the same thing.

  121. The Ridger
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    HTH: Except that Esperanto is anything but a universal language. It’s just an unnaturally regular Indo-European one, full of phonemes half the world can’t pronounce and a grammar and syntax alien to more folks than that.

  122. Jasper
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    MT- The rage pent up in Mark (no one got punched out in the last plot) is having its effect as Mark carries on a one way conversation with fellow “woodsman,” Andy the mandog. This can only lead to a near death beating of the three “clean cut” unemployed, 30 year old kids. C’mon Elrod, you owe it to us.

    FW- Les gets laid, and adds notch #2 to his belt (if you don’t count that homosexual exploration in college). Somehow though, I have to believe that even Les will foul up this sure piece of ass.

    MW- Watch out in panel 1. There’s about to be a puddle of puke/urine at the feet of that drunk staggering against the building. Uh-oh, Liza is starting to turn into psycho-bitch, just look at the expression on her face. Come on Drew, can’t you come up with a better excuse than reviewing peace village reports with your dad, like “I have to clean my bathroom tile grout” Mary’s meddling sense must be tingling right now.

  123. Austria
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#26): I laughed.

    Arch: Kinks. Water. There’s something Dilton isn’t telling us…

    reFOOB: I don’t blame the kid. That’d probably be my reaction to being hit on that way, instead of a diagonal smile…

    FW: AAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
    …Cervical cancer. I’m waiting for Dead Lisa to show up above the bed mid-coitus so Shortpacked can say they called it.

    H&L: Just like this strip! BOOSH!!

    Luann: She’s a better actress than you, at least. You’re not fooling anyone, Luann.

  124. MaryAnnTheRest
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#103): “Could it be possible that Mark Trail morality differentiates between hair grown on purpose and hair grown from lack of hair-cutting tools? Perhaps the latter is only a venial sin?”

    That’s why Andy’s there. I saw this on the Twilight Zone. The old woodsman takes his dog for a walk and is tempted by the devil, but the devil won’t go near his dog, so the old man passes the devil by. Then St. Peter appears and tells him the dog saved the woodsman from Hell.

    So when Mark goes to punch out Jesus, Andy will drag out Jesus’s homemade fishing pole and water gourd, and Mark will realize the error of his ways. And lo, the light will shine upon Lost Forest, and Mark will fall to his knees in worship.

    And then he’ll go kick some motorcycle punk ass.

  125. Hamsterpants
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    Oy, mopey Les sex. What am I bet that he gives her the cancer with his sad, sad wiener?

  126. Effluvius Erratus
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Actually, vampire-friends, unless you want to break your fangs off in her neck, you should probably wait till MJ’s done having a seizure.

    MT: I’d like to see Doug Peacock George Hayduke John Rambo John Thrasher lead Mark on a multimonth goose-chase through the Smocky Mountains of South Tennetuckerado as he engages in various acts of monkey-wrenching and eco-sabotage. Mark imagines that he’s “hot on the trail” when, in fact, he’s being set-up. The storyline ends with Thrasher disappearing with Andy amidst a hail of the flaming remnants of Glen Canyon Dam and Mark being led to his cell in ADX Florence as he exclaims, “IT IS KACZYNSKI!

  127. Aviatrix
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @Jasper (#122): There’s no way Les is going to get laid. It’s as certain as a Three’s Company wacky misunderstanding being resolved by the end of the episode.

  128. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

  129. Little Guy
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    FW: Tomorrow: Eva Longoria cameo as Lisa.

    Big StripeyButt Love: Does Bangalla allow polygamy?

    ScarySpideyShopped: Next week: MJ in “Teeth”.

    MT: Or Dr McSteamy, the babydaddy to the Bisexual Lady of the Lake.

  130. Aviatrix
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    Phantom:
    Normal person response: “Oh honey, I’m so glad to have you back I didn’t even notice. I know you must miss it, though, so I’ll have the same craftsman create a new one for you.”

    Probable Phantom Response: “I will now risk everything to find your stolen ring and bring the thief to justice! I’ll try to be back before the kids graduate high school.”

  131. Alan's Addiction
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    I have a few questions for today’s “Spider-Man;” how did they replace their eyes with the bat signal? And will it call Batman to Spider-Man’s aid? And, finally, what’s with Martine’s eyebrows? They go from being horrifying and monstrous in the first panel to just looking overdone in the second panel. And when I say “horrifying and monstrous,” I’m not making it up; those eyebrows are far more frightening than anything else in today’s Spider-Man (and it features alleged vampires).
    Wow; Lex Luthor better check himself for whiplash after today’s “Apartment 3G.” Also, I’m delighted to see Margo take on supervillains, although I doubt that this signals that she’ll be aligned with the forces of light and justice. Most likely, after destroying Lex for practice, she’ll move on to take over the world.
    Thank you, “Funky Winkerbean,” for implying that Les is going to have sex. However, there is silver lining. Remember, the given the natural laws governing the Funkyverse state that for every remotely good thing that happens, 500 million awful things must happen (eg, if a character finds a dollar on the sidewalk, their dog will be run over later that day). So, we can expect Les and his paramour to drop dead of sex cancer moments after completion of the act. I realize that “sex cancer” isn’t a disease recognized by (or known to) science, but that hardly matters; in “Funky Winkerbean,” unknown horrors from beyond can strike at any time based on the fickle cruelties of the strip’s gods. I’m looking forward to months of Les slowly and agonizingly dying after having an enjoyable fifteen minutes.
    In a few strips, I foresee Mark Trail (and the Fists o’ Justice) going toe-to-toe with that unnamed bearded man. Why? Because he has facial hair; that means he’s evil. I have to give the strip credit, though, for being the most frightening “Mark Trail” strip to date; the thought of a bearded, former super soldier watching Mark Trail sleep is undeniable creepy. Also, you’d think that a former soldier would know that wandering around at night without any form of light is an invitation to stumbling, tripping, stubbing toes, and sore shins.

  132. Fiercebadrabbit
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    Well, either Batman or Neil Gaiman’s Sandman’s gonna sue someone here. Though the arrival of the Corinthian could only improve things in Spiderman. I’d worry that personified Nightmares who devour the eyes of beautiful young men would be out of line for the comics page, but then I remember that Momma exists.

    Meanwhile, Mark Trail is apparently auditioning for a teen Slasher movie. And hey, being as he’s as terrified by sex as the collective cultural unconsciousness of bloodthirsty young men, he should even survive! I, for one, am all for seeing Mark Trail punch Jason Voorhees.

  133. Scott Bot
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Phantom – ‘And if you get me a new one, don’t be cheap about it this time. That last one turned my finger green!’

  134. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @markytom (#88):

    MT: Looks like Mark is frustrated by his “best friend” as Andy just keeps ignoring Mark. So the only way to get any response from Andy at all is for Mark to continually scream at him. Hey dog! LOOK AT ME, DAMMIT!!!

    Andy could easily carry the strip by himself. If you don’t believe me, check out this daily from 2-14-53:

    http://www.art4comics.com/dodd04.jpg

  135. gleeb
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#94): I hate to admit it, but I don’t get it.

  136. greghousesgf
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    NOOOOOOOOOOObody expects–oh bugger!

  137. bats :[
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

  138. Aviatrix
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#135): Likewise. I even forgot who linked it and why, so I’ve been staring at it for the last five minutes asking, “Does the husband also want Thai food? Does he want more coffee? Has he gone from “Thai” to thoughts of bondage? Is it just that the teenagers are going to be out long enough for him to get some action? Is it really a Twitter joke?” Please help.

  139. Jim North
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#135): You’re not alone. If that’s how you do a Twitter joke . . . well, I guess I’m ready for my plugger slippers now so I can shuffle off to the den and watch some old sitcoms on the black and white.

  140. Scott Bot
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#137): That’s me, Scott Bot – dedicated to bringing you your minimum daily requirement of potty humor.

  141. Illustrator Steve
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    MT: Mark refers to Andy as a “fellow woodsman”. Since Andy has full facial hair and is now considered by Mark to be a “fellow” he had better watch out that Mark doesn’t start punching him!

  142. AhClem
    May 5th, 2011 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    @Alan’s Addiction (#131):

    I’m looking forward to months of Les slowly and agonizingly dying after having an enjoyable fifteen minutes.

    Seconds. Fifteen seconds.

  143. pugfuggly
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    A3G: In the last panel, Herriman & Fowler isn’t a lawfirm, it’s Trey’s funny nick-names for alopicious Karl (‘Hairyman’) and his bird-like secretary (‘Fowler’).

  144. MaryAnnTheRest
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#134): Awww, gorgeous drawing of a Landseer running. Sniff. I wish the comics had as much space today. Well, not Funky Winkerbean. If that strip got larger, we’d be able to see Les’s ego.

  145. Mustang
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#94): I love A&J, and I’ve been pondering this one all morning. I’ve come up with several theories about what Arlo means, but none really works. What do you think?

  146. bats :[
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    I’m probably going to be too lazy to mash it (read, go through old FW strips), but how cool would it be for Cayla to discover that Mummified Lisa is lying on the bed?
    Well, maybe not coo, but gross, but you get the idea…

  147. commodorejohn
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#135), @Aviatrix (#138): I think the joke is that Janis thinks her husband is thinking smug thoughts about her using Twitter (past strips have shown him being silently snarky about other social-networking trendiness.)

  148. The Ridger
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    MT: By the way, did we establish just how long my son John has been out in the woods? Because that much hair doesn’t grow overnight.

  149. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#109): Well, I was making a totally different comics reference, albeit still in the general DC camp.

    Oversnarks are a fact of life, though. Not always an unhappy one, either.

  150. pugfuggly
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    As Cayla and Les head up the stairs, suddenly, the phone rings…

    Don’t get on that girl, Les!!!

  151. Walker of Dog
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @Hamsterpants (#125): I think Aviatrix called it. Cayla will be safe but disappointed, when she discovers that Les has an inney.

  152. The Ridger
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Is he a Landseer? I always thought he was meant to be a St Bernard, and unfortunately, that’s what King Features says, too.

  153. gleeb
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#148): I’m distracted by the name Regina and the mention of Thai food. I’m sure there’s some pun there, but I can’t work it out. Maybe it is just that Arlo has thought snarky thoughts about twitter in the past.

    Since I don’t understand, I guess I should hike up my plugger-pants and call it “the twitter”.

  154. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#126): your MT comment has float potential. In a big, big way. *applaz*

  155. bats :[
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#153): whatever Andy is, he’s a big dog.
    No, not *that* big dog. That one is a travesty to canine-kind everywhere.

  156. trey le parc
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    FW: Some artists struggle depicting different races or ethnicities, but Batiuk’s relentlessly efficient depiction of ‘smug’ across all the peoples of the his turgid little imaginary world is a vertiable “rainbow coalition” of the self satisfied. That’s the first sentence of my imaginary thesis on the crappiness of this strip.

    S-M: I saw a German video once that looked a lot like this.

  157. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#113): So instead of less Les, we’d get more Moore? Yipes!

  158. Tom the Sailor Man
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    Re: Arlo and Janis – Arlo’s disdain for the frivolous use of cell phones and the internet has been well established. My take on today’s installment is that Arlo is proud of the fact that he keeps his thoughts to himself, instead of broadcasting them on Twitter for all to read.

  159. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @trey le parc (#157): ReFW: They’re all avatars in the Smugtrix.

  160. Aviatrix
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#152): Is the metaphorical connection between common terminology for the eventual result of an obstetrician’s knot-tying skills and the relative configuration of male and female genitals one that everyone but me grasped long before now? Because I really want you to be talking about Cayla having a fetish that doesn’t allow her to be satisfied by a man equipped with the wrong sort of belly button, but logic suggests you’re referring to another set of equipment.

    I’m now trying to replay every belly button related conversation I’ve had in my lifetime, to figure out how much of a dolt I am. At least this isn’t as sad as the time I figured out that my dog wasn’t really running free on a farm.

  161. Scott Bot
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    A sneak peek of tomorrow’s Funky Winkerbean:

    Panel 1 – Drawing of Les’ house from the sidewalk, nothing else happening.
    Panel 2 – Drawing of Les’ house from the sidewalk, nothing else happening.
    Panel 3 – Drawing of Les’ house from the sidewalk, a voice balloon saying ‘Wow, I didn’t realize it was that small.’

  162. Pseudo3D
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    DT – Strange people they have working at Flakey, there.

    S-M – She’s struggling but not crying for help?

    FW – It would be hilariously bad writing if Ghost-Lisa killed Cayla while she’s in bed with Les. Death by Sex, indeed!

  163. Aviatrix
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#154): I hope someone provides further enlightenment soon. The company of other confused people has placed me in a feedback loop trying to solve it. I’ve had Thai food in Regina. The restaurant near the museum is much better than the one by the downtown Holiday Inn. Does HRH ER like Thai food? I assume Regina is a regular character, perhaps born in 1977 on the Queen’s silver jubilee, and apparently she likes spicy peanut noodles.

  164. Krazy Kat
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    I’d like to think Les and Cayla are going to at least use protection, but there’s really no prophylactic in existence that can protect you from the horrors of having sex with a man while his dead wife watches on.

  165. UncleJeff
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Love Is…..: Wondering if he’s learned you have herpes.

  166. terrapin
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    FW: Cayla is about to learn that “Les” is a nickname he received in the Westview High locker room.

    MT: “Yeah there’s nothing for YOU to worry about!” Thinks Andy “I’m the one who always has to save your stupid ass at the end of these lame stories! If my contract didn’t provide free pancakes you’d have been dead long ago. Rusty too!”

    Phantom: Oh crap! He’s going back isn’t he?

  167. Dood
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Is Herriman and Fowler the Bialystock & Bloom of architectural firms?

  168. Esther Blodgett
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @Edgy DC (#93): And now all other thoughts have been driven out of my head as that song plays in a an endless loop for the rest of the day. Which, in the case of some of these comics, likely is not a bad thing. So what I’m saying is, thanks.

  169. Esther Blodgett
    May 5th, 2011 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#169): Not if their receptionist is any indication. *ba-DUM!*

  170. Scott Bot
    May 5th, 2011 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#165): It is one of those riddles that has no answer. Like ‘What is the sound of one hand clapping’ or ‘If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound,’ the eternal question of ‘What is the joke in Arlo and Janis of May 5, 2011′ is a riddle meant to help you to clear your mind when meditating.

  171. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 5th, 2011 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @Not just any Dipstick (#42): I wasn’t under the impression that the bald fellow in Dick Tracy was black. He looks to me more like Mister Clean gone bad. The color version on gocomics.com gives him Caucasion Peach skin tones, although that’s probably not the best corroborating evidence.

  172. Dood
    May 5th, 2011 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: “Well, uhm, ahem. Let me try and explain this so that you understand, Trey. You see, people pay us to design buildings. We don’t pay them so they can use our services.”

    “Uh, I still don’t get it, Mr. Herriman.”

    “All right. Look, Trey, let’s say that I have something you want…”

    “And you give me money?”

    “Uhm, no. Say, Fowler can you come in here?…”

  173. Calico
    May 5th, 2011 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#123):
    Re: ReFoob: – I know, eurk, gross.
    “My little cabbage, you’re so munchable tonight?” Almost makes FW look sane today.

  174. Uncle Ritzy Fritz
    May 5th, 2011 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#41): I’d say it could be 1972 as we see Barry Gibb foraging through the wood looking for Robin and Maurice.

  175. mumbles
    May 5th, 2011 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    In the quietly-desperate middle-aged sex showdown (FW and FOOB) that none of us was asking for, my vote is for the Funky one, on account that the concept “munchable” wasn’t introduced.

  176. Effluvius Erratus
    May 5th, 2011 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#130) & @terrapin (#168): You know it, and I think we all see where this is going!

    He’ll check every room at Gravelines Prison except one, then go back and check that one, see the ring, but because it’s dark and the ring is tarnished, he’ll think, That’s not Diana’s ring! Then as he’s sneaking out (again) he’ll overhear the guards talking about the ring and how it’s going to be pawned the next day, so he’ll get Capt. Savarna to bombard the Rhodian capital’s jewelry district while he pulls a smash n’grab. At every jewelry store. Except one.

    This is the story that won’t end
    It goes on and on my friend
    Some comic hack started writing it not knowing what is was
    And it keeps on writing itself forever just because
    This is the story that won’t end…

  177. commodorejohn
    May 5th, 2011 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#178): AHHH!!! Flashbacks! Argh! *shudder*

  178. MaryAnnTheRest
    May 5th, 2011 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#153): You’re right! He’s a Saint Bernard. Not the first time I’ve confused them. Wikipedia says: Andy – Mark’s faithful Saint Bernard. Neutered 2000.

    That must have been quite the strip arc back in 2000.

  179. xanadude
    May 5th, 2011 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: Is the flour delivery “mixup” leading to a meth fueled Hillbilly baby disaster?

  180. cheech wizard
    May 5th, 2011 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    FW – Given that Sex is Death, I’m surprised this didn’t happen a long time ago.

  181. cheech wizard
    May 5th, 2011 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @xanadude (#181): Like hillbillies need more meth. This is what’s called “Sending Coals to Newcastle.”

  182. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 5th, 2011 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @MaryAnnTheRest (#124): Jack Chick wrote for The Twilight Zone?

  183. littlestevie
    May 5th, 2011 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    FW: There is no way in hell that Batiuk is going to let Les do the big nasty with Cayla. Either suicide nut girl is going to come over unannounced or Les will suffer from what I hear is called ED. Les is carrying around so much baggage that “Little Les” is going to stay very very little. If Les did get it on with Cayla, then he might become well adjusted and be able to move on from Lisa. Then what would Batiuk have to write about?

  184. Uncle Lumpy
    May 5th, 2011 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @Mustang (#145):

    I love A&J, and I’ve been pondering this one all morning. I’ve come up with several theories about what Arlo means, but none really works. What do you think?

    I read Arlo’s alarm in the last panel as a flicker of uncomprehending fear that maybe teh Twitterz can see into his very soul.

    And yeah, this strip is so consistently excellent it blows me away.

  185. gleeb
    May 5th, 2011 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#186): Isn’t it more likely that he knows that his wife knows what he’s thinking that would worry him? As well as being more likely to be true?

  186. bugsy
    May 5th, 2011 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    He’ll be in the middle of taking off her shirt and then… “Hey, what’s this strange lump on your breast?” BAM! Cancer cockblock.

  187. Dood
    May 5th, 2011 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    Is this The Phantom or O Brother, Where Art Thou? So now Stripey’s The-Ghost-Who-Ain’t-Bonafide?

  188. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 5th, 2011 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

  189. Uncle Lumpy
    May 5th, 2011 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#185):

    Isn’t it more likely that he knows that his wife knows what he’s thinking that would worry him? As well as being more likely to be true?

    All true, but then I’d expect him to react with resignation, not alarm. It also makes Twitter incidental to the joke, instead of central. Both interpretations could be correct — yet another reason to like A&J!

  190. The Ridger
    May 5th, 2011 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#185): Aha! You’ve slipped up and outed yourself. You’re replying to comments that haven’t been made yet!..

    Wait, is that it? Or have you used your mind powers to twist the fabric of time, so that the comments are now being made in reverse order (sort of like River Song meeting the Doctor, or Merlin)?

    Whichever – points at gleeb – not human! not human!

  191. Calico
    May 5th, 2011 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#180):
    So Les is a Jim Morrison fan. Who knew.

  192. This Guy
    May 5th, 2011 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    Crank: Ha ha! It’s funny because Lena must either hang out with these old pricks who insult her constantly or live a friendless, contact-free existence that’d likely end with her dying alone in her apartment to be discovered only when her neighbors begin to faint from the stench.

    DT: So the new team is trying to kick-start a trend in women’s fashion–the ventriloquist dummy look.

    MT: “As you can see, Andy, I’ve hollowed out this enormous ear of boiled corn to keep me warm tauntaun-style.”

    @Anansi (#7): RE Baby Blues: “Hello and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. Say, do you know what you get when you try to create a comic strip that faithfully depicts the trials of raising children, but then arbitrarily stretch out the time scale so the kids stay young and cute for a couple of decades? If you’re Rick Kirkman and Jerry Scott, you get today’s comic. So with that in mind, let’s dig into Baby Blues.”

  193. gleeb
    May 5th, 2011 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#190): You know that you’ve just signed your own death warrant, don’t you?

    BWA-HA-HA-HA!

    Oh, and yeah, A&J is very good. I wouldn’t waste time over it if it weren’t. Or unless it were very poor, which is why I like teh ‘bean.

  194. Vince M
    May 5th, 2011 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#182): That one was actually written by Earl Hamner (of ‘The Waltons’) – better than it sounds; nobody going “HAW HAW HAW” or “YAAAAAHHH!”

  195. Squidgy
    May 5th, 2011 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Fiercebadrabbit (#132):
    I was waiting for someone to make a Corinthian reference.

  196. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 5th, 2011 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    5-5 Weird Sound Effects:

    Gil Thorp — WAK!
    Archie — SPLOOSH
    Neurotica — PTWEY
    Buckles — MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH
    Piranha Club — SQUINK SQUINK SQUINK

    Rose is Rose —

    http://comics.com/rose_is_rose/

  197. cheech wizard
    May 5th, 2011 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    MT – So Jeebus is coming for Mark tonight. So before he goes to sleep, Mark better prop his arm up so Jeebus knows he believes, just like that horribly injured boy in Uncle Arthur’s Bedtime Stories.

    Then again, what kind of hospital would allow someone to prop up the arm of a manged kid in critical condition who’s supposed to be trying to rest? For that matter, who would tell even healthy little kids they need to keep their arm raised after they fall asleep so they won’t wake up in Hell? How fucked up is that? That goddamn book gave me nightmares.

  198. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 5th, 2011 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#194): I guess that’s one of the handful of old-school Twilight Zones that I haven’t seen. I have seen “Jess Belle”, which was also written by Hamner, and which is to be recommended.

  199. MaryAnnTheRest
    May 5th, 2011 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#198): Oh, the dog episode is one of my favorites, too! It’s on Wikipedia as “The Hunt (Twilight Zone)”.

    Oooh, just looked up Jess Belle and I haven’t seen that episode since I was like 6, when I think it gave me nightmares. I must rewatch it!

  200. Sequitur
    May 5th, 2011 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#196): Wha…huh?

    Doggone it Rocky, you woke me up.

    I just had this horrid dream that Les was about to have sex.

  201. Scott Bot
    May 5th, 2011 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @MaryAnnTheRest (#199): Oh, the dog episode is one of my favorites, too! It’s on Wikipedia as “The Hunt (Twilight Zone)”.

    See, when I see Andy and Mark, I think of the old Looney Tunes cartoon called A Mutt in a Rut with Elmer Fudd. Elmer’s dog sees a TV show where they talk about hunters that kill their hunting dogs on trips when they’ve outlived their usefullness, and the dog decides to take Elmer out first.

    ‘Two go out, but only one comes back!’

  202. Mr. O'Malley
    May 5th, 2011 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#Y223): I’m impressed that the right answer came in the very first post after the question.

    Martin van Buren was born before the end of the Revolutionary War (December 5, 1782), war ended with the Treaty of Paris (September 3, 1783), so by some interpretations, such as the British one, the United States did not exist before that.

    There is another set of people who deny that John Hanson was the first President of the United States. (Hanson was elected President in 1781.) If George Washington was the first President, as those people maintain, the United States did not come into existence until the Constitution was adopted in 1787, hence Van Buren was not born in the United States.

    By another interpretation, the United States came into existence on March 1, 1781, with the adoption of the Articles of Confederation, making Van Buren the first president born an American citizen.

    Van Buren was the only US president to speak English as a second language; his native language was Dutch.

  203. Baka Gaijin
    May 5th, 2011 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @Mustang (#145): Think not of Regina, the person, but Regina, the queen city of Saskatchewan. “Regina” rhymes with “vagina,” which is what’s usually on Arlo’s mind. I got nuttin’.

  204. Scott Bot
    May 5th, 2011 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @Mustang (#145): I thought maybe it was a play on ‘Thai’ and how it looks like it would be pronounced like ‘thigh’ and not ‘tai,’ but I’ve been known to be wrong before.

  205. KarMann
    May 5th, 2011 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#160): Let me help with your navel-gazing:

    #84 Scott Bot
    May 2nd, 2011 at 12:12 pm
    MW – Is ‘I outdid myself’ Liza’s new euphamism for self abuse?

    #85 KarMann
    May 2nd, 2011 at 12:16 pm
    @Scott Bot (#84): Can’t be. She’s an innie, not an outie, ifyouknowwhatImean, so she would have indone herself.

    All cleared up now?

  206. Shrug
    May 5th, 2011 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    HAGAR JU HORORA: Mi ne kredas tion ?i. Sed serioze, ne gravas al mi.

  207. Shrug
    May 5th, 2011 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#206):

    Sorry, that should have been:

    HAGAR JU HORORA: Mi ne kredas tion ci. Sed serioze, ne gravas al mi.

  208. cheech wizard
    May 5th, 2011 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    A3G – I never thought I would see Margo’s name and “expecting” used together in the same sentence. With her heart blackened with hatred and her ovaries shriveled by spite, you’d think that no offspring could ever issue from her cold, cold womb.

  209. Violet
    May 5th, 2011 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    Nurse Colby was quite willfully slow to take a hint, brushing aside Drew’s assertion that he’d rather spend the weekend going over Peace Village accounts with his father than frolicking in a hot tub with her with a playful wag of the forefinger and an arch, “Don’t b like that, luvr!!” But when he added that he’d also scheduled brunch with Mary Worth on Sunday and really hated to miss it, even Liza was like “Okay, okay, I get it already. Geez!”

  210. Shrug
    May 5th, 2011 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#103):

    “HTH – Oddly enough, if I had to guess what the creator of Esperanto looked like, Lucky Eddie would be my first guess.”

    Actually he looked more like Lenin, or maybe like that B-movie actor who always played parts like a small-town druggist and part-time town drunk…

    http://tinyurl.com/3gn9fl3

  211. Effluvius Erratus
    May 5th, 2011 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#196): Hahaha! “SPLOOSH!” makes me think of Archer.

  212. bunivasal
    May 5th, 2011 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    Sir, are you expecting Ms. McGee?

    NOBODY EXPECTS MARGO MCGEE!

  213. Victor Von
    May 5th, 2011 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    We’ve replaced the really hot vampire chick with… um… whatever that is. Let’s see if anyone notices.

  214. Marie
    May 5th, 2011 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    FW: Don’t do it, Cayla! Or you’ll find yourself a la Doonsbury with butterflies wafting past open windows at dawn. Except Les’ll be all: oh hey, I have to go talk to Lisa now.

    @Dood:
    I’m pretty sure the couple famously using the Bolero music were Russian skaters Irina Rodnina and Alexandr Zaytsev.

  215. Shrug
    May 5th, 2011 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#160):

    “At least this isn’t as sad as the time I figured out that my dog wasn’t really running free on a farm.”

    I grew up on a farm and was very sad when it was time to bring my favorite cow to the market. I sat on the fence and watched as she was led away and into this big building. My father comforted me by pointing out that the owner of the company wasn’t going to be doing anything bad to her but would be keeping her for a pet. “Look, the boss even signed the check personally, that proves it!” I forget if I fell for it or not at the time, but I’ve never forgotten the feeble attempted proof.

    And the really sad part was that I was thirty-seven years old at the time. RIMSHOT!!

  216. Alfred E. Neuman
    May 5th, 2011 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    With apologies to @Rocky Stoneaxe , here’s Tomorrow’s Post, Today! :

    1-1 Weird Sound Effect

    FW — SQUISH SQUISH SQUISH

    Get your minds out of the gutter, ‘Mudges. It’s not what you think. Those are the the sounds of Les and Cayla wallpapering the upstairs hallway. Les could never cheat on Lisa. He’s not “up” to it.

  217. Sequitur
    May 5th, 2011 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#216): Geeze. Just as I was noddin’ off again.

    SQUISH SQUISH SQUISH?
    Must be a hand job.
    What? They’re applying the wallpaper by hand.

  218. Joe Blevins
    May 5th, 2011 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

  219. The Hammer
    May 5th, 2011 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    I ‘m hoping that either:

    1) Les, Cayla, Susan and Lisa get into the most bizarre 4 way in the history of the comics; or

    2) The mime is waiting upstairs for them as the house explodes from a gas leak.

  220. Black Drazon
    May 5th, 2011 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    “THERE SURE ARE A LOT OF DIFFERENT NOISES AROUND HERE, ANDY! YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL HERE IN THE PART OF THE FOREST WHERE IT IS BOTH NIGHT AND DAY SIMULTANEOUSLY. IF YOU DISTURB THE WILD YOU MIGHT ATTRACT UNWANTED ATTENTION FROM BEARS, THAT COUGAR WE SAW MOMENTS AGO, OR THE POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS MAN WE’RE STALKING!! BUT ITS NOTHING FOR EXPERIENCED WOODSMEN LIKE US TO BE WORRIED ABOUT! I’LL JUST FALL ASLEEP AN INCH FROM THIS UNATTENDED FIRE AND I’LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNIzzzZZZZzzzzzZZZzZZZ…”

  221. els
    May 5th, 2011 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    Ah yes, the classic sleeping-bag-slash-kayak; a must for the prepared outdoorsman.

  222. kanomi
    May 5th, 2011 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    Hagar: Oh, Lucky Eddie. There’s already a universal human language. It’s called disdain for Hagar the Horrible comics.

  223. Peanut Gallery
    May 5th, 2011 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#90): The floodgates opened, and a duck swam in.

  224. Aviatrix
    May 5th, 2011 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    Heartfelt thanks to two ‘Mudgeons for their explanations.

    @Scott Bot (#170): I feel much better now. At peace with the world.

    @KarMann (#205): Wow, you can’t miss a day around here or you’re out of the loop. But that’s a little disturbing. I’ll have to go back to the A&J strip and re-enter that peaceful state. Ommmmmmphaloskepsis.

  225. Peanut Gallery
    May 5th, 2011 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    @Mysterious shirtless lawyer (#104): “Ah, the peace and tranquility of the great outdoors,” Andy thinks. “I wonder what that’s like.”

  226. Peanut Gallery
    May 5th, 2011 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    MT – Maybe a megaphone would help, Mark. “Yes, I say, I’m looking for John Thrasher! Mr. John Thrasher of Lost Forest! Who doesn’t want to be found! I will have to be very sneaky!”

    SM – MJ in today’s strip looks like she was copied and pasted from one of the older Jumbles.

  227. Libertarian
    May 5th, 2011 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Anyone notice that the plot line of Mark Trail has turned on the fact that his covert intentions have been discovered — BECAUSE HE’S TALKING ABOUT THEM OUT LOUD TO HIS DOG?

  228. AndyL
    May 5th, 2011 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    Oh, I read you! You want to see my shrine to my dead wife in the attic!

  229. littlestevie
    May 5th, 2011 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#217): Those were the sound effects for yesterday’s Bettle Bailey.

  230. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 5th, 2011 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#67): “Hair today, goon tomorrow.”
    And that, kids, is the moral of our Little Bunny Foo Foo song!

    @LaurenM (#74): Whoa! He’ll obey her and do as she says?! What next, are they going to kill MK and murder her too?
    Whoa, he’s like… the Dracula of vampires.

  231. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 5th, 2011 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#128): Yes, farewell to Jackie Cooper. He was one of the great kid actors, and I still think his TREASURE ISLAND (with Wallace Beery) was the best. I don’t think I ever saw SKIPPY, though I’m fond of the strip it was based on. I have the book that Crosby wrote as a sequel to his book Skippy as well.

    @essay writing (#147): Thanks for interesting info.
    F.O.A.D.
    D.I.A.F.
    F.O.A.D.I.A.F.

    @Squidgy (#195): I had a Corinthian reference in my rough draft, but it seemed like someone else wrote a comment that made mine go suddenly stale, and I rewrote it. Then I saw that every time I rewrote, someone stepped on another one of my comments, so I stopped rewriting and started posting.

  232. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 5th, 2011 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#225): Mark and Andy in the Great Outdoors.
    “Oh, Andy, if only you could talk!”
    “(Oh, Mark, if only you could stop.)”

  233. Pseudo3D
    May 5th, 2011 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    Ooh, this post is the last one with four digits. See? It’s 9996 (yesterday’s was 9991). Get ready for ?p=10000-something!

  234. Violet
    May 5th, 2011 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @kanomi (#222):

    No diggity. Perhaps you recall the Simpsons episode wherein Homer is away and talking with the family and Bart is complaining that in his absence Marge has forbidden him from reading Hagar the Horrible, which she justifies with “I just don’t think it’s funny!”

  235. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 5th, 2011 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    @Libertarian (#227): I can fault Mark for many things, but I can’t fault him for talking to Andy. For one thing, I talk to my dog—a lot. The topics vary, but no matter what, she’s interested and attentive because she loves the sound of my voice. (She might think I’m saying, “Oooh, Lolly, I’m going to feed you a squirrel for dinner,” of course.)

    For another, I suspect that Andy is the most intelligent listener Mark encounters. You know that head-tilt that dogs do when they’re confused? Yeah, that’s Cherry’s signature move. (Rusty just pees on the carpet.)

  236. Sarah Marie
    May 5th, 2011 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    SpiderMan: “Twilight” would have been cooler if Edward’s eyes did that.

  237. H-Bob
    May 5th, 2011 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    “just pick one to share his lovemaking stylings with” ? FW would even become tolerable with threesome sexytime !

  238. TheDiva
    May 5th, 2011 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    Belated snark from the technologically impared:

    FW: Nothing more to add here, except for the general prayers for erectile dysfunction.

    SM: How old-fashioned. Most vampires drop the “obey” from their unholy vows.

    9CL: “Can’t you pare down your comments to a couple of words?” Seth, which comic strip do you think you’re in?

    C’shaft: Go on, Lena, bash his groin in with your 9 iron. You know you want to.

    Luann: “How did you like the pageant, Tiffany? Because, you know, you didn’t win it. You lost. You’re a loser. How does it feel to lose, loser?”

    The most annoying thing by far is that if the roles were reversed, the emphasis would be on what a terrible, terrible person Tiffany was for rubbing Luann’s nose in it. Yet because Tiffany is the Designated Awful Popular Girl, we’re supposed to giggle at her supposedly deserved humiliation at the hands of our nominal heroine. I really want to see a story where Tiffany’s apparently superficial, self-absorbed exterior conceals a young woman struggling with an eating disorder, or neglectful parents, or crippling depression, or any of the numerous problems that can eat up teenage girls from the inside out. But this would require Evans to acknowledge that teenagers exist as something other than broad archetypes, so that’s never going to happen.

    MW: Liza should take a tip from Martine and turn on the Batsignal eyes. It seems to work wonders.

  239. commodorejohn
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#238): I’d actually prefer a storyline in which Tiffany gets fed up with her designated villainhood and just guns down Greg Evans.

  240. Wasabi Jane
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    I finally realized that Mark Trail is just Walker, Texas Ranger in comic form. Except…Walker has a beard…and Mark…hates…beards…..AAA! Mind blown! Is one of them the evil twin? Which one? Were they to come to fisticuffs, who would win? WHO. WOULD. WIN?

  241. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    @Wasabi Jane (#240): I’m guessing the one with the meme that extends further than just this site. (more’s the pity.)

  242. ElkMeadow
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    @Sarah Marie (#236):

    For whatever it is worth, I’m glad that the Twilight vampires DON’T do the bat stuff. For all that there is about transfigurations, I never could grasp a man that weighs about 200 lbs transforming in something that weighs only a few ounces and could fit into the palm of my hand.

  243. ElkMeadow
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1):

    I think it’s going to turn out that Rufus belongs to the species of immortals that people certain Ray Bradbury books, including “Somewhere a Band Is Playing,” or the man who’s looked six years old for decades, and who has to move from town to town, adopting himself to childless couples for two or three years, until someone makes a comment about how he hasn’t changed, and then he’s on the road again.

    Or maybe he’s an angel, who is imagining this whole story.

  244. ElkMeadow
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @True Fable (#36):

    we can witness the Duel between ten-inch carving knife and Sharp-tongued Meddler!

    I rather suspect that Mary would think that Liza is the only one who is doing the job right–pick out the guy and go in for the commitment.

  245. Spunde
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#215):

    I grew up on a farm, too.

    We didn’t have cows, but we were up to our elbows in sick old dogs left by suburbanites.

  246. ElkMeadow
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#73):

    Or, oh crap, “Ghost,” or “The Lovely Bones” where spirit of dead person occupies the body of the living. In each, though, the host went off into a corner to allow ghost person the use of the body.

    In other words, Cayla is not going to have a very good time.

    And is anyone else wondering is “Liza” is Lisa, and simple did a shift to another universe? She’s got Les tied up, but wants more!

  247. Comcis Fan
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    FW: At least he picked this one, although I’m sure the other will pop in with cupcakes or lasagna. Let’s hope we’re not treated to a the-younger-one-waxes-down-there-and-the-older-one-doesn’t storyline.

  248. Comcis Fan
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#247):

    On second thought, that would be Pluggerific. Mashup material?

  249. ElkMeadow
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#197):

    For that matter, who would tell even healthy little kids they need to keep their arm raised after they fall asleep so they won’t wake up in Hell?

    I recall that the arm of the horribly burned and in a lot of pain boy was supposed to be propped up so that Jesus would take him that night, a form of suicide. I was in the hospital once as a kid and thought about half-way propping it up, thinking that he’s just stop by and say high, but I shot a pain shot instead and slept all night.

  250. ElkMeadow
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#197):

    Then again, what kind of hospital would allow someone to prop up the arm of a manged kid in critical condition who’s supposed to be trying to rest?

    It was the boy in the next bed. (I think he had a sprained toe, or something that would keep in the hospital overnight, but allow him to get in and out of bed and bug other patients who should have been in some sort of ICU.)

  251. ElkMeadow
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#238):

    “How did you like the pageant, Tiffany? Because, you know, you didn’t win it. You lost. You’re a loser. How does it feel to lose, loser?”

    And of course, Quill admires what we see as bullying.

  252. Maggie the Cat
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    @Spunde (#245): LOL…. yes, that’s where all sick old dogs go. A nice farm in the country, with open fields to run in, chickens and rabbits to chase, and downhome table scraps for dinner…

  253. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#226):

    MT – Maybe a megaphone would help, Mark. “Yes, I say, I’m looking for John Thrasher! Mr. John Thrasher of Lost Forest! Who doesn’t want to be found! I will have to be very sneaky!”

    Will the real John Thrasher please stand up?

    http://www.realjohnthrasher.com/images/header.jpg

    (FYI this John Thrasher is a Florida State Senator and high mucky-muck of the GOP hereabouts!)

  254. Maggie the Cat
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    “I’m not sure I can go. I was going to review peace village reports with my dad.”

    If you hear this as the reason your object of affection can’t see you, you’re fucked. And not fucked in the way you want to be. Maybe shit out of luck would be better suited.

  255. The Not So Great One
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    From the motion lines radiating from MJ it is apparent she was drugged with ACME Ltd. Earthquake pills. She’s going to shake here self right through that roof.

  256. Stev0
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    How long has Moby been working for Apartment 3G?

  257. Scott Bot
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#224): I live to serve.

  258. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#200), @Alfred E. Neuman (#216):

    We should be so lucky. Because TomBat will never allow Dick-Les and Okayla to consummate their relationship. Or to quote Master Cho in the current Liberty Meadows:

    “BOOM! POOT” (Which is also the sound of Moore shooting his wad before the deal was sealed!)

  259. Rusty
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Ritzy Fritz (#174): I was thinking Bob Seger looking for his Silver Bullet Band.

  260. Poteet
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    MT — I was kinda worried a couple of days ago about how the mountain man could be surviving in those weird green mountains without breaking the law via poaching, trespassing, or both. But since it’s Jesus, neither food nor toilet paper are needed, and all places are his. Cool.

  261. Poteet
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    S-M — It seems kind of unfair that Martine was allowed to keep her nose and Morbius wasn’t.

  262. Baka Gaijin
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: For all of you who think a threesome would be a positive development in this storyline, I have one word: SQUICKPOCALYPSE.

  263. carbunicle
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#197): Thanks for introducing Uncle Arthur Registrata into my life. Too bad that Batiuk is illustrating his own ‘writing’ because that material is right up his alley.

  264. Maggie the Cat
    May 6th, 2011 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    Friday’s A3G- Oh yes, Margo Magee, there is something you can do to benefit his firm. And it involves rubber gloves, leather, and lots of lube.

  265. Maggie the Cat
    May 6th, 2011 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    Friday’s MT- So Mark has found the telltale signs of a moccasin track? With all the obvious tread and specific shape a moccasin has, I’m not surprised in the least. The only thing more noticeable than a moccasin’s print would be… everything else.

  266. Maggie the Cat
    May 6th, 2011 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    Friday’s FW- So Les and Cayla are doing it with the curtains open? Does he stop at nothing to repulse everyone??

  267. bats :[
    May 6th, 2011 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#242): “Fat White Vampire Blues,” by Andrew Fox, explains the conservation of mass pretty well. Of course, the titular vampire lives in New Orleans and feeds from the well-fed residents there, so in his “human” form, he weighs 400 pounds, and so the mist he transforms into is more like a low-hanging fog. His bat forms (I seem to recall that it takes a number of bats to distribute the weight) are too fat to fly.

  268. Yr Obt Servt
    May 6th, 2011 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    Batman eyes? Forget that. Morbius has Michael Jackson’s NOSE.

  269. bats :[
    May 6th, 2011 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    Well, I don’t know about you, but I could use a cigarette right about now…
    (I keed, I keed. It’s just that I loathe Les so very, very much.)

    And all is forgiven if Drew punches out Lize.

  270. Bill Thompson
    May 6th, 2011 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    Finky Wankerbeat: Does this mean they scored? Ordinarily three static scenes of a cold, bleak, depressing rainfall would suggest failure, but this is the Wankerverse. We won’t know for sure until we see a dejected Les in the basement of Montoni’s, playing the arcade game to wilted beeping sounds and questions about scoring, wrist action and racking ‘em up.

  271. WhTaft
    May 6th, 2011 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    Friday FW: We were all expecting something tragic to happen, but I have to be honest, Radon gas was not on my list.

  272. Yr Obt Servt
    May 6th, 2011 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    Phantom, 5/5…where the hell’s his left forearm?

  273. bats :[
    May 6th, 2011 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    I just like knowing that the Official Phantom Wedding Ring belonged to Livia or Messalina. So romantic, Kit & Co.!

  274. Aviatrix
    May 6th, 2011 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    @Bill Thompson (#270): You know how in old movies the scene cuts away from the embrace to a train going into a tunnel, a pumping oil rig, and finally fireworks over Niagara Falls? With Les you just cut straight to grey drizzle trickling off the roof.

  275. Poteet
    May 6th, 2011 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#274): BWAHAHA! Also, eww.

  276. Dr. Weird
    May 6th, 2011 at 1:53 am [Reply]

    FW

    Well, he’s ripping off Doonesbury with this approach to showing a couple in bed together for the first time. The alternative is that he’ll do a comic book cover tribute symbolizing the act. Perhaps this Wonder Woman bondage cover, in with the Elongated Man is filming her… that sounds right for Creepy Les. http://www.bestcomiccovers.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/Wonder-Woman-219.jpg

  277. Hobbes Fan
    May 6th, 2011 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    Oh, that nutty Batiuk! He forgot to add the gunshot sound effect! What a spaz.

  278. ElkMeadow
    May 6th, 2011 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    The vampire couple in Spiderman or the couple in Mary Worth…. Which one is crazier?

    Liza must have a spell on Drew, or he would have made up his mind ages ago. But Mary wants him to settle down, so settle he will.

    Now, over to RMMD. Dexter, Holly borrowed your car. If your car is still there, Holly is back. Also, Holly has your car keys. I have no idea where “out in back” is, as that is usually the area where the bathroom windows face out at, and I’m guessing that that is where Rex and Berna are parked. I do remember one motel where “out back” was the parking lot were the main hallway door went out to, opposite the main entrance, but Holly would still be able to see you leave, unless you went out the front, where the night manager is alerting Tony to your having male company while he and Holly are gone.

  279. KarMann
    May 6th, 2011 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    Time to go vote for which Funky Winkerbean Groovy Blinkerlegume apparition mash-up you like best!
    (And I would have beaten bats :[ to it if I hadn’t had to go hurl so many times!)

  280. This Guy
    May 6th, 2011 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    5/6
    Pluggers: Yeah, I attended some free lectures in college. It was all just scientists and politicians and world leaders and shit, though. Oh, and Spalding Gray. Nothing like a local weatherman!

    @KarMann (#279): Can’t see it. Apparently, Flickr doesn’t trust that I know what I’m doing unless I have an account with them.

  281. KarMann
    May 6th, 2011 at 2:48 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#280): Well, you can also see it here, I think, for now. But no comments & stuff, and it’s over a slow connection, and I’m on the brink of domain renewal so it might not work at all. But, it’s better than nothing, I suppose.

  282. This Guy
    May 6th, 2011 at 2:51 am [Reply]

    @KarMann (#281): Well, I gotta go with Zombie Lisa. She’s the ghost with the most… horrifying proclivities.

  283. KarMann
    May 6th, 2011 at 3:38 am [Reply]

    DtM: Looks like Dennis is going to that farm with the dogs, too.
    DT: Tony who?!? Aww, hell yeah!

  284. Mr O'Malley
    May 6th, 2011 at 5:22 am [Reply]

    FW: It looks a little damp to have “skyrockets in flight” for this “afternoon delight”.

    JP: Wow, topical reference. This strip must be running on a Doonesbury-like lead time.

    Male Pluggers particularly enjoy the “avant-garde theater” offerings at the local community college, if they can get the chicken to stay home.

    GT Looks like Peace Cap Girl is a budding Plugger.

  285. Ned Ryerson
    May 6th, 2011 at 5:37 am [Reply]

    FW: Oh no, chubby rain!

    Phantom: Wait, so he’s had the ring this whole time? Christ, what an asshole.

  286. KarMann
    May 6th, 2011 at 6:11 am [Reply]

    Well, this warning fail obviously came from Westview.

  287. gleeb
    May 6th, 2011 at 6:27 am [Reply]

    Gil: Spring, when a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of the Bucket.

    Up on the Roof: No wonder they were holed up in the hotel for so long. Th writers were waiting for a natural disaster to not blame on Dr St John.

    Luann: It’s only a shock because Rosa doesn’t know what she looks like. This is because she never opens her eyes.

    Phantom: And when was the Ghost-who-Keeps-Things-from-His-Wife going to mention this? Anyway, doesn’t he know Eric Sahara, The Nomad, is coming for him?

  288. John C Fremont
    May 6th, 2011 at 6:49 am [Reply]

    MW – It’s a good thing that Liza with a “Z” realized her top was on backward between panels.

    DT – I hope this time that Tony stays away from Marcellus Wallace while he’s got that “throwin’ guys out the window” look in his eyes. Fool me once, etc.

    @Mibbitmaker (#67): Man, I use that Popeye line more often in real life than I probably should.

  289. vanya
    May 6th, 2011 at 6:51 am [Reply]

    9cl: Well, at least today Brooke has given us a new euphemism for female masturbation.

  290. Bill Thompson
    May 6th, 2011 at 7:01 am [Reply]

    S-M: Call of the Wildly Obvious: This is going to be like Aunt May’s almost-marriage to the Mole. Spiderman will raise objections, Morbius will object to the objections, MJ will announce that she rather likes it all, and Martine will find clever ways to keep the ceremony on track. “Renfield!” she will exclaim, when she suddenly recalls she has a deranged servant under her spell. “Forget about the flies! Come here and eat this nice, juicy, couch-raised spider!”

  291. Carl Barks Fan
    May 6th, 2011 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#265): MT Wait a minute, moccasin’s don’t have treads! Or is that what you are saying. Yeah, that must be it.

  292. Little Guy
    May 6th, 2011 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#287): Rooffie Judge and Groovy Boobikins: Silly writers. Justin Bieber was always available.

    GA: See? I was telling yuz the truth. See? See??? *nyahuuuuuuu*

    Curtis: So…. Chutney and Curtis are back together? No Diane outrage? How long before Billingsly will let this storyline lay low until we forgot about it Curtis will thwart the technologically-savvy teachers?

  293. Little Guy
    May 6th, 2011 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    @Baron Bizarre (#100): After Manny “retired”, I guess he decided to go on a Bill Lee Walkabout.

    @TheDiva (#238). HaHaTiffanyLost: More than that, this pageant was Tiffany’s idea to profit, control, and win, and the Good People of the Evansverse took every opportunity to take that away, piece by piece. The plot was such a strawman from the getgo. It wasn’t Granthony Epic against Therese, but it was painful enough.

  294. smacky
    May 6th, 2011 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    Once every ten years, Les plants his seed and a new generation of failure rises up.

    So did Les just push Lisa’s mummified corpse off the bed, or just turn her to face the corner?

  295. JD Rhoades
    May 6th, 2011 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    FW: Oh no. No. Please God, if you are a god of mercy, kill me before Batuik takes our POV into that window.

    Phantom: Okay, lets start a pool. How many days do you think it will be before the Anti-climax Who Walks reveals he’s had the damn ring all along? I call ten days.

  296. CanuckDownSouth
    May 6th, 2011 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    Archie: Ah, reruns, leaving some younger readers thinking “Hey why would you find a quarter at a phone-vending machine?”

    Oh good, suicidal CEO doesn’t care that she makes deadly weapons but that she’s been booted out of the business after some downturn related to a natural disaster. For a moment I thought we might be seeing some glimmer of NON-self-involvement, but we’re back to the JP we know and love.

    Phantom: 3…2…1… annnd he’s a jerk again.

    Seriously, he obviously got the ring back and didn’t give it to her for days – including while going off to risk his life! He makes her have to bring the subject up. Wow. He’s been saving up the jerk-points for this one.

  297. Whippersnapper
    May 6th, 2011 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    FW: Meanwhile in Winkerville: Les has sex, and God cries.

  298. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 6th, 2011 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    Bizarro: umm, yeah, I’m gonna step over there now. . . .

    DT: dropping a Pulp Fiction ref?!? nice!

    JP: !!! I did not see that coming.

    OBH: *facepalm*

    PMP: ow. ow. ow.

    SF: *insert obligatory “There’s no crying in baseball!” ref here.*

    SFx: another worthy candidate to take over the art in Reply All.

    SB: ok, that’s FUNNY!

    my snark-fu is weak, but it’s still likely to cause thread-death.

  299. You Who
    May 6th, 2011 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    FW: It’s no coincidence that these panels look like the setup to a horror movie. Eeeyuck.

  300. Scott Bot
    May 6th, 2011 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#285): FW: Oh no, chubby rain!

    Is Chubby Rain the sequel to that well known Prince movie, Purple Rain?

  301. Kinghasnoclothes
    May 6th, 2011 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    FW: I stand by my Les’ erectile dysfunction storyline prediction. Tomorrow’s strip will feature the same three panels of the exterior shot of the windows, but this time with sobbing coming from inside.

  302. One-Eyed Wolfdog
    May 6th, 2011 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    Crock: That’s actually pretty funny, and doubly so when you realize that it’s more or less a 3000-to-1 condensation of the essence of Funky Winkerbean (which is incidentally the aftershave preferred by oncologists and morticians everywhere) over its past decade or so.

  303. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 6th, 2011 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    FW – No, this will resolve itself the same way as the recent bullying flashback did. We will hear moaning and panting from inside the room, and see a liquid substance oozing down the wall. Then, for the reveal, we move inside to learn that Les’s paramour is watching porn and taking care of herself, while mopey Les works out his ED-related depression by sloppily eating a Wilbur’s Special Sandwich – extra mayo.

  304. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 6th, 2011 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    poor Andy and what he puts up with.

    but Mark approves of this concept.

    in response to today’s FW.

    one for the ladies. (sfw) and one for Dingo. (implied naughty.)

    floptacular wolf pup.

    otters doing the meerkat.

    teh sleepeez are winning.

  305. One-Eyed Wolfdog
    May 6th, 2011 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    GT: “I was think more like the barber’s. The Bucket. Not barber. Ha ha! You don’t have a moustache at all.”

  306. Chip
    May 6th, 2011 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    FW: For some reason, as I read this, “Brown Sugar” by the stones was playing in my head…

  307. Anonymous
    May 6th, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#265):
    MT: Mark may want to consult with Andy’s expert ability of sniffing things out regarding those moccasin tracks, maybe they’re WATER moccasin tracks!

  308. un malpaso
    May 6th, 2011 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Reading over the comments, I’ve pretty much determined that the repeated prediction of Les’ impending erectile problems is simply a mass form of mental self-defense, in order that none of us have to imagine seeing Les’ greying, goateed “O-face.”

    Whoops, with a single horrible image, I just destroyed those mental defenses, didn’t I? *Slaps my own face* MUST RE-ENTER DENIAL STAGE…. ah, there we are. Happy place.

  309. balthazar
    May 6th, 2011 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    297 ftw

  310. kanomi
    May 6th, 2011 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    @Violet (#234): I have not seen that episode, but it’s a perfect line.

  311. Marie
    May 6th, 2011 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @Dood: Of course, my being “pretty sure’ is no substitute for facts! You were right re. Torville & dean.

  312. seann
    May 6th, 2011 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    Tony RockyHorror? Really? The character mentioned in the opening scene of resevoir dogs? Can we have a MR Pink Crossover?

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