COTW coming in a moment, but first, some items! Earlier this week I challenged you to create hilarious “FAMOUS CONSERVATIONIST RESCUES RACCOON” newspapers, and you did not disappoint! I received entries from faithful readers thatquietkid, greatbignerd (here’s his blog), mon-ma-tron, willethompson, and a faithful reader who prefers to remain anonymous. And one faithful reader (who works for a real Gazette) even offered his up on his own blog! Click and enjoy, and let me know if I left yours out.
Also! Slylock Fox cartoonist Bob Weber, Jr., wants you to know that he’s auctioning off original Slylock Fox art — featuring Cassandra Cat! — on eBay. Contact him if there’s some other Slylock panel you’re interested in!
Also also! Faithful reader the Divine O’F asks me to pass along this invite:
Crossword-loving Mudges — please join our Cryptic Crossword Group over in the Discussion Forum. We’re in the Cardinal’s Lounge section, and once a week we do a British cryptic puzzle (privately) and discuss it (publicly). It’s fun! It’s brain challenging! We’ll help you learn how to do it!
And now, at long last, the COMMENT OF THE WEEK!
“With ‘Your momma sure can cook up a tasty, hot and spicy Mexican dinner!’ Herb and Jamaal has finally reached that magical milestone of 10,000 phrases no human being will ever say except as extremely bizarre euphemisms for unspeakable acts.” –GG
And the runners-up! So many, but I loved them all!
“Herb and Jamaal is always a long walk for a short joke.” –Rusty
“I hope that when Lynn is finished shredding the scarf, she takes her fingernails to Mary’s face, all the while wailing, ‘Shredded! Shredded! Like my soul!'” –Angry Kem
“You can always count on Mary Worth to have a visual perspective as forced as the characterizations.” –Lithros
“‘You only get to do that once!’ No, motherfucker, this is Crankshaft. He’ll make shitty puns a thousand times. Oh, or did you mean the smirk? He’ll do that too.” –Old Doc Yak
“I am so sick of all this endless inquiry and doubt as to whether my name is actually ‘Rabbit’! For the last time, OF COURSE NOT!!!!” –Violet
“Slowest. News. Day. Ever.” –Eli
“RABBIT: What can I do for you, Mister? CHARLIE: Is your name Rabbit? RABBIT: Yeah, what about it? CHARLIE: Can you grow some facial hair and join me in villainy?” –Phred22
“Obviously it was a bad move for Sally to invite her idiot sister to visit. This will probably be what drives Ted to have the hot sex with Aria. Actually, the sex will likely only be lukewarm since it’s bound to be frequently interrupted with obscure sci-fi references and crossword clues.” –Digger
“I like the Winkerbean principal’s strategically greying hair. It’s like his own personal dark cloud of doom looming over him at all times.” –Mischief Maker
“Rabbit is becoming my favorite character in Mark Trail — not that there is stiff competition for that dubious honor. He already had me at ‘You got to be kidding’ and now comes ‘Yeah, what about it?’ I think this guy should be re-cast from MT villain to Mark’s curmudgeonly sidekick. Every time Mark utters some awkward bon mot as he punches someone, Rabbit can stand to the side, commenting: ‘Give me a break.’ ‘Jesus Christ.’ ‘For the love of Pete.’ ‘Blow it out your gas-hole.'” –Kevin Moore
“She didn’t say ‘You only get to do that once’ to Crankshaft, but to one of his fellow drivers. She was only speaking a fact, which translates to: ‘You are a minor character. You only get one punchline. Ever. The rest of your existence will be as a non-speaking character who gets to agree wordlessly with the strip’s star once in a while.’ And he’ll think ‘You mean, a nodding acquaintance.’ — and he won’t even be allowed to say it.” –Muffaroo [almost back]
“Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit. You only have to say one word to get Mark Trail to leave town: commitment.” –Dingo
“Bourbon for Tommie? Not likely. Tommie is the type who finds warm milk too thrilling to be a sleep aid. She’ll take her milk room temperature, thank you very much.” –Whippersnapper
“Charlie wishes Trail would stop writing about the wetlands as he reads the front page article of today’s Gazette. Conclusion: Mark Trail wrote his own raccoon-saving hero article, dubbed himself a famous conservationist, and went on down to Sears Portrait Studio to get a shot with him and Sneaky. He chose the classic blue background with clouds for the article, but made sure to get a few with the neon lasers background for his scrapbook.” –Bootis
“Rabbit can never tell when people are kidding. He must have a faulty sarcasm detector, which goes a long way towards explaining his haircut.” –Joe Blevins
“Isn’t ‘Conservationist saves animal’ the ultimate ‘Dog bites man’ headline? Why is it the top story in a newspaper? ‘Famous conservationist skins raccoon alive’, now that’s a headline.” –Ginger Yellow
“For as much as Margo complains about being left behind ‘dealing with the aftershocks,’ it’s not like she’d be happier in South Dakota. Just two minutes of standing around that crappy tiny airport would have had her ready to rip off Cody Stiles’ head with his own sassy neckerchief before he even managed to offer her a ride in his old pickup truck. ‘Hang on,’ you say, ‘that sounds like Margo’s dream vacation.’ And that’s a fair point, but there’s no bar at an airport that small, so trust me, it really would be hell for her.” –Trilobite
“‘Marty harps on an old one’ may be the most obscure euphemism for masturbation since ‘boat wrestling.'” –Pozzo
“I’m pretty sure Moon’s vampire fangs are a Twilight homage, to appease all the thirteen-year-old girls who read Gil Thorp.” –fancywabs
“Goatee so soft, so silky … must stroke …. yeeeeeeees that’s nice.” –Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
“Tommie is merely making homage to her namesake — U.S. Sprinter Tommie Smith — who in the 1968 Mexico City Olympics raised a black-gloved fist in the air during his gold medal ceremony to protest the treatment of blacks in America. Of course, she’s representing an altogether different, but equally discriminated minority … that is, virgins.” –Lettuce
“I like to think that Ned has married to find a stepmother for his 12 children from his first wife, who finally left him to pursue a doctorate in sociology in whatever mid-sized city she could reach first. The new wife, likewise, has quickly realized that it would have been better to remain alone, thereby suffering all the stings aimed at unmarried women in this community, than to tie herself to Ned and his demon brood. She has therefore decided to slowly poison him. Good for her.” –A New Day
“Also, ‘let it go, Mary?’ I’m always impressed by how often the characters in Mary Worth overestimate Mary’s ability to not be a completely terrible person.” –Tats
“BTW, I admire how swiftly Rex pockets the bag of weed he has just purchased from the Rastafarian dude.” –tbell61
“At first, I couldn’t imagine why someone would use the phrase ‘tasty, hot, and spicy Mexican dinner,’ but then I realized that Herb is probably reading from a Zagat review. As they would say: this ‘annoyingly bland’ strip ‘excels’ at creating ‘distractingly unnatural’ dialogue.” –ratnerstar
“Of course Sue hasn’t met anyone like Mark in business. HR puts out an annual ‘Face Punching: Don’t Do It!’ pamphlet to discourage the Fists of Harassment.” –Patrick
“Hi, I’m Kromarr, the giant mutated fiddler crab. A nuclear accident may have given me my giant stature and ability to speak, but I was born hating stilted dialogue. That’s why I’m bearing down on Mark Trail and his latest bimboid. After I snip them in half, it’s back to Lost Forest to slaughter and devour Cherry and Rusty. Don’t bother to thank me, America. The knowledge that one less legacy strip will be left to vomit its utterly inhuman blather across your funny pages is thanks enough. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get all the killing done before my lunch date with King Ghidorah.” –ouranosaurus
Also many are the thanks go out to everyone put some change in my tip jar! And our advertisers too are worthy or praise:
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