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Gil Thorp, 2/12/09

You know, Gil gets a lot of crap for not actually coaching his players as such. And sure, he doesn’t spend a lot of time on what lesser minds call “the fundamentals” of any of the sports in which his teams compete; but then, that’s why he has assistants like Coach Kaz (whom I don’t think we’ve seen since around the middle of football season) or random old coots who just wander by. No, Gil instead spends his time psychologically manipulating his players to turn them into finely honed sports-playing machines. Whether he’s ordering his athletes to kill or publicly humiliating them with exaggerated “sit your ass down”
pantomime, he seeks to break their wills in order to build them up again.

Pluggers, 2/12/09

Number 1 Thing That Is Awkward To Bring Up When Your Comic’s Characters Are All Anthropomorphic Animals, And Sometimes There Are Mixed Carnivore-Herbivore Marriages: the food chain. Still, the vagaries of evolution and geography have prevented us from enjoying an epic bear vs. kangaroo battle to the death, so perhaps we should be thankful if our bear-plugger goes crazy and start mauling half the restaurant.

Apartment 3-G, 2/12/09

You know, when I was in college, I worked at the library, which was a great job for a number of reasons, not least of which was the fact that I could use the checkout computers to look up the address and phone number of anyone associated with the university, along with the books they currently had checked out. While this was fun (oh my gosh, the dean of students likes books about the 19th century British navy! that cute girl in my English class appears to be a chem major! Greg Graffin never has anything checked out!) it did not, in fact, drive me mad with power, nor did it cause me to keep the people I loved at arm’s length. In other words, this is one of the worst it’s-not-you-it’s-me speeches ever. I could see if Gary had run into Tommie unexpectedly that he might come up with something this weak (“Uh, yeah, I can’t hang out with you at work because of the … computer … information … that I know?”) but presumably he’s had a while to think this up. I give you a D+, Gary. The aggressive pointing isn’t helping.

Momma, 2/12/09

Oh, that Momma and her chronic constipation/diarrhea/flatulence/some other distasteful digestive problem that is no doubt being implied here! The really sad thing, of course, is that whatever it is, it isn’t the most unpleasant topic that’s ever been used as a Momma punchline. It’s probably not even in the top five.