COFFEE IS FOR CLOSERS, LIZA
Mary Worth, 6/29/11
So, this might not be the most outrageous moment in Mary Worth history — nobody died in a fiery car crash, or was lured into a sex den or thrown bodily out of a rehearsal dinner — but it’s delightfully shocking all the same. Mary has decided to help Liza by finding an outlet for her persistent nature! And by “persistent” we means “psychotic.” Liza will be the kind of salesperson who repeatedly calls you to urge you to buy whatever it is she’s peddling, shows up at your work and home unannounced with already filled out paperwork so you can “just finalize that deal we worked out,” and eventually rifle through your trash to find your signature, the better to forge it and close the sale with your consent. She’ll be a millionaire within a year!
Speaking of aggressive salespeople, Marmaduke has done pretty well in establishing this magazine shill as threatening with only some sunglasses and a leer. Not that he’ll be trouble for long, as Marmaduke is going to eat him in a minute.
“Oh, and in unrelated news, we dogs have managed to develop bipedalism and opposable digits. Combine that with our powers of telepathic communication and you humans are totally screwed!”
“Oh, that’s right, I had to fire everyone at the paper, because of the Internet. Welp, guess I’ll update the blog and call it a night!”