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Mary Worth, 8/4/11

As you’d probably guessed by her stunningly attractive face and ponytail, Mary’s new best friend Gina the waitress is irresistible sexual catnip to all the gross old dudes who come in to eat at her crappy diner. Seriously, look at this creepy fellow, who’s slathered on the hair dye so indiscriminately that he’s managed to get a bunch of it in his ear. He’s also given Gina what appears to be a five-digit phone number, so maybe he’s just really nervous, or playing some larger head game with her, imagining her dialing 7-3-5-6-4 and standing at the phone dumbfounded, not understanding why she hasn’t yet reached the stud she desires. But little does he know that Gina has long ago given up any hope for love … ever again. Give her all phone numbers you want, it’ll do no good!

Anyway, obviously this guy is bad because he thinks his big tip will get Gina to have sex with him. Mary, on the other hand, thinks her big tip will get her unrestricted access to Gina’s life decisions, and she’s the hero of this comic. Mary can smell a mopey word balloon a mile away, so now we know that her meddling will be of the matchmaking variety. Probably she’ll try to hook her up with Dr. Drew, because Gina’s drippy passiveness is such a pleasant change from his last girlfriend.

Apartment 3-G, 8/4/11

Tommie’s eyes are crossing as she allows herself to dwell on her favorite fantasy: having kids with Margo. Margo will be the breadwinner, and Tommie will stay at home and teach the kids that they mustn’t ever bother Margo, especially when she’s been drinking or scheming.

Garfield, 8/4/11

So, Garfield is one of those strips where all the animals are sentient and have thought balloons, right? Like probably this fish had thought balloons that we could have seen, before Garfield killed it and savagely tore its skin and flesh away from its bones? Now he Jon are looking at its corpse!