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Mark Trail, 9/16/11

I feel that this is a good opportunity to point out that Mark Trail is probably the worst comic strip out there when it comes to depicting responsible pet ownership. Remember a few years back, when a terribly depressed little girl got even more depressed because her puppy got kidnapped? Now, far be it for me to blame the puppy-kidnapping victim, but I felt that at some point during the proceedings of that storyline someone, possibly Mark, should have said something along the lines of “Hey, little girl, do you know why those kidnappers were able to kidnap your dog? Because you just let it run freely around your neighborhood at night! In fact, even in some kind of magical fantasy world where puppy-napping isn’t rampant, your puppy could easily have gotten hit by car, or attacked by a raccoon or coyote! Or maybe it just would have decided to run off with another family. Keep your dog indoors or in an enclosed yard, always!”

But of course Mark doesn’t say this, because he’s terrible. In fact, he just lets his dog Andy roam around and go wherever he wants! In this case, Andy has, after pursuing a lady dog named Princess (which implies that Andy hasn’t been fixed, another way Mark is a terrible pet owner), ended up in the hands of Sgt. McQueen’s mother, the lady who’s been putting the Bible bands on the geese. She’s shown her villainy by putting Andy in “prison” (i.e., a fenced yard) and trying to find out who he belongs to. This is exactly the same degree of evil as was displayed by her putting metal bands with Bible verses on the legs of geese, which is to say none at all.

Mary Worth, 9/16/11

Oh my goodness, sexy Bobby Long is on the “New York Blazes!” He’s on their “most eligible roster,” on-field and off! Which means, uh, what exactly? What the hell kind of soccer team has a “most eligible roster” on-field? Or off-field? Maybe the “New York Blazes” is actually a stable of male prostitutes, that soccer ball is just a prop to show he’s “athletic,” and Gina’s long-awaited reunion is about to get spendy.

Six Chix, 9/16/11

As America grows more diverse, our schools need to be able to embrace and educate children from a wide variety of backgrounds. Still, I don’t think I could blame a teacher for disliking a student who’s an actual demon from hell.