His only escape will be to create a “Chris Gaines”-style alternate personality
Judge Parker, 3/18/15
Guys, guys, guys, you might have thought that this Judge Parker storyline was about the sexual objectification of women, what with Neddy being urged to show off her hot bod and Godiva wearing, well, this. But! Did you know that men can be sexual objects too? Sure, all you young fellas dream of hitting it big in Nashville, but just having a catchy song isn’t enough! To be a country music superstar, you need to constantly make women believe you might be sexually available to them. And not just on TV or through your songwriting: you need to pay attention to individual superfans, an act of emotional labor that you will find far more draining that you can imagine. Flirting, smiling, suggesting: this is the dark side of country music. Enter that world at your moral peril.
Dennis the Menace, 3/18/15
Enforced heterosexuality is extremely menacing, Henry. Here’s looking forward to a mildly awkward dinner with Dennis and a husky, hairy guy named Ted someday!
Family Circus, 3/18/15
The Keane parents’ facial expression here is a thing of beauty to me. “When? When is he going to stop saying the darndest things? When?”