The Destructors (are bunnies)
Slylock Fox, 6/1/15
Despite the violence that must’ve accompanied the animal takeover of the world in the Slylockverse, it’s actually amazing how much of human culture has been maintained. The animals live in human homes in human cities, drive human cars, even wear clothes, albeit modified a bit to accommodate their anatomy. No doubt they see themselves like the first Germanic groups seizing power from the faltering Romans in the fifth century — they came not to destroy civilization, but merely to enjoy the benefits of it that had previously been denied to them. Thus it’s no surprise that the animals’ new leadership would leave up the statues of the human warriors of old; after all, they see themselves as those men’s cultural, if not biological, successors. But that surly rabbit teen — he doesn’t know anything about the Before Times. He’s grown up in a world run by animals, and he looks around and sees all these statues of hairless apes and he doesn’t get it, man. Why should he have any respect for these dead symbols when the only humans he’s met are opportunists like Slick Smitty or freaks like Count Weirdly? Slylock might look into that angry face and wonder what exactly and his fellow revolutionaries unleashed; but the future, the baffling future in which the animals would have to blaze their own cultural path, would belong to Ronny Rabbit.
Mary Worth, 6/1/15
“Adam’s been great, Mary! So great that I’m going to take one of these roses, which you’re cutting wearing thick garden gloves so you don’t prick yourself on their many thorns, and I’m going to grip it with the palms of my hands as tightly as I can while I think about how great he is!”
Apartment 3-G, 6/1/15
“Yeah, it’s a threat! I’m gonna come back to this … random street corner … where I just kind of bumped into you by chance … and hope you’re here! So if you’re trying to avoid me, you’ll just have to pick one of the thousands of other street corners in this town! I’m very threatening!”