Mary Worth, 12/17/16
Look, Iris, you have every right to be excited about this date and its potentially sexy aftermath, but … just don’t go into it thinking that Zak is super smart or subtle, OK? Like, based on how enormous your eyes got in panel two, I assume you think “It’s good to try new things!” is code for “We’re gonna do all the sex stuff that’s been invented in the past 15 years that you’re going to enjoy very much and that Wilbur isn’t physically capable of!” But in fact I think he really just wants you to try to squid ink pasta. Trust me, when he wants to do sexy talk, there will be no confusion or ambiguity.
A plugger has absolutely zero loyalty to his family, to his friends, or to his country. Donuts and muffins: these are all a plugger cares about. If you aren’t a donut or a muffin, you’re on your own.