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Shoe, 8/15/17

Today’s Shoe takes us on a fairly baffling rollercoaster of the Perfesser’s emotions as he quickly cycles from grinning mania to dead-eyed ennui. Are we meant to believe that our love-starved protagonist is getting excited at the prospect of a companion that he can enjoy late-night strolls with, only to abruptly realize that the construct of an outgoing, active romantic partner he’s building for his dating profile is a web of hopeful lies? Or did he have this gag all plotted out, hoping to tickle this poor dating service employee’s funny bone if only briefly, but then realized halfway through it — too late to pull out — that it wasn’t funny and wasn’t going to make anybody laugh? If it’s the latter, then both depressed-looking characters truly represent all of us in that final panel.

Mary Worth, 8/15/17

Please clip ‘n’ save this second panel, as it I feel fairly certain this is going to be exactly as happy as Dawn will ever be in this medical love triangle scenario. Let’s just refer back to her gazing enraptured up into Dr. Ned’s calm, handsome face in six to twelve weeks after the dumping, or the murders, or the dumping-murders, or whatever we have in store for us.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/15/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because Hootin’ Holler is so impoverished that its citizens have to resort to robbing one another just to survive!

Hagar the Horrible, 8/15/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because this man’s job is to kill people one by one to enforce the brutal will of the state, and he is haunted by each and every one of their faces!