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Mark Trail, 2/13/19

Well, it’s finally happening: newspaper revenues are plummeting so much that they’re resorting to desperate measures. Starting this month, every comic strip in the paper is going to have to dedicate at least three strips a month to having the main characters grinning and saying how much they love comic strips, and implying that talking to other people about comic strips is a great way to pique their interest in you, sexually.

Mary Worth, 2/13/19

Boy, Toby’s been worried about the state of her marriage, but it turns out that all that happened was that Ian became so sexually obsessed with a student who had only shown passing interest in him that he couldn’t figure out what kind of grade to give her even though she had failed to do any of her classwork! I bet Toby feels pretty silly, now.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/13/19

“Ha ha, get it? It’s funny because he doesn’t remember words any more, because of the brain damage! It’s OK to laugh — he’s not following any of this! His brain is pudding, and someday soon mine will be too!”