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Gil Thorp, 11/6/19

Aww, sweet injustice-hating Chance Macy nobly faked an injury so that his backup (who is the stepson of his antagonist) could get some playing time and a touchdown in a game where the Mudlarks were already way ahead. Could this guy get any more saintly? Looking forward to Chet getting unmasked and then dumped from the school board and then Charlie Roh’s mom divorces him and then he’s ritually burned to death in next year’s bonfire.

Mary Worth, 11/6/19

See, the difference between me and Wilbur is that if I were drunk and trying to needle a romantic rival about his name, the worst I could do is wonder why a woman would think she had honored a person with a totally normal name lke “Zachary” by giving her son the dumb misspelled name “Zak,” but Wilbur just went there with “Zachary fucked your mom, LOL,” huh? Anyway, shoutout to everyone who only just today discovered that “lovely but stern late-middle-aged woman jams a spring roll down a hapless doofus’s throat while a handsome man watches, smiling” is their primary fetish.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/6/19

“It was cold-blooded murder! I left those keys where I knew he would find them! And I’m not sorry! I’m not sorry at all!