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Today is Christmas Eve, and as Christians prepare to celebrate the birth of Jesus, we need to ask our selves: which comic has blasphemed the most heinously today?

Beetle Bailey, 12/24/19

Is it Beetle Bailey, which posits that every being in the universe, every soul, is encompassed by God’s love … except for one person, who, for reasons nobody can explain, remains forever out of reach of His redemptive grace?

Family Circus, 12/24/19

Is it Family Circus, where the two younger Keane Lads seem to believe that if they dress like Jesus, they can be like Jesus, and also think they’re not allowed to say his name, like he’s Voldemort or something?

Mary Worth, 12/24/19

Ha ha, trick question! The answer is today’s Mary Worth, where Estelle seems prepared to take Wilbur back and even says “I look forward to seeing you!”, a scenario incompatible with the existence of a loving God. Anyway, I need to step away from the site for a few days in the face of this horror, and also to travel for Hanuchrwaanza and such. See you sometime in the first few days of the ’20s, kids! Expect another year (dare I say, decade?) of the same business on this site, which is to say hilarious jokes about Mary Worth and stuff. I love you all!