Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/23/19
At first I thought it was kind of sad that Barney Google was sticking around Hootin’ Holler for Christmas. Doesn’t he have any friends and family, back home in the big city of [refuses to consult Wikipedia], let’s say, Chicago? But then I realized: of course he doesn’t. He’s like 120 years old! He’s watched everyone he’s ever loved grow old and die! The only correct place for him to celebrate another in his infinite string of Christmases is with the Smiths, his fellow immortals.
Mother Goose and Grimm, 12/23/19
Ah yes, the tale of nog,? so scary we had to relegate to to off-panel. Now can we get to the real horror: the tale of these eggs, and what their reproductive cycle is? Why is there a “parent” egg and a “child” egg? Have eggs managed to evolve not only sapience and the desire to tell scary stories to each other, but also the ability to reproduce themselves without a chicken being involved at all? Do they just bud asexually? Do they fuck? Do eggs fuck? And why is there a barn? Why are these eggs in a house but you can see a barn outside, a bar like you’d find on a farm where chickens lay eggs? But in this scenario we’ve established that chickens aren’t necessary, so: what’s going on in the barn? What’s going on in the God-damned barn?
Judge Parker, 12/23/19
In the wacky ways of Hollywood, Neddy and Ronny’s movie about April the CIA assassin has now become a TV show about April the CIA assassin, because viewers love binge-watching high-concept prestige longform storytelling but only go to the movies to see superhero flicks with nine-digit budgets. Anyway, the real question is: will April, who only gave her blessing to a movie version of her life, emerge from hiding and murder everybody, and if so will it happen before or after we get to watch trained actors recreate the famous “work them like a claw” scene from April and Randy’s first date?