What sort of horrible pun on “cubist” is going to make
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Crankshaft, 2/22/21
So the current Crankshaft plot/running gag involves Crankshaft, who ruined the town ice sculpture contest last year by destroying the ice sculptures with his bus, being randomly selected to be a (the?) judge of this year’s ice sculpture contest. My prediction is that Crankshaft will fall in love with the stark simplicity of this uncarved cube, with hilarious malapropic results that will get readers thinking about the true meaning of “art.” Since the last time the Funkyverse took on the true meaning of art, it involved parents mad that the high school was putting on a cancer-themed play, this will come as a blessed relief.
Mary Worth, 2/22/21
Eve has panic attacks triggered by men’s suits and falling because her husband, who used to trip her deliberately, wore suits. Eve’s dog helps soothe her when she has these episodes … a dog that same husband shot. So who’s gonna soothe the dog, Eve? Who’s gonna soothe the dog?
141 replies to “What sort of horrible pun on “cubist” is going to make”
God help the first person to come to Eve’s door wearing a suit. Hmm, do you think the dog can differentiate between a necktie and a bowtie?
Fumbly Circus: You want to eat wax fruit, Dolly? In your ear!
Funk Off And Die: This strip’s bathroom problems are a clear sign of reno failure.
Happy Trails To You: “Speaking of family, Mark did wreck quite a few boats–”
“His piloting skills are awesome! I can use him!”
“And that henchman he left in the water–”
“Obviously underqualified for his job! My boy belongs on my payroll!”
“The police are after him, you know–”
“–and you know they work for me, right?”
“His mother-in-law needs psychiatric help–”
“My kind of woman!”
Rex Snoregan, Mighty Dull: Corey, why don’t you visit the Keane Kompound and share some fruit salad with Dolly?
Wretch Morgan, Medical Derelict: Seriously, Corey?
Come’on Charterstone residents, Emeril just wants in out of the rain.
MW: Okay, so there is more to this plot after all. So…a few days have passed. Is that the sound of headboards banging against the wall? Will Max turn to Mary for advice? Will Eve put him to sleep for shitting the bed? (I mean Max, not Saul, although I wouldn’t object.)
Yes, it’s famously only dogs that have been shot who are terrified of thunder. Thunder, fireworks, vaccuum cleaners: all big triggers for canine gunshot victims. God help Max if someone’s ordered Uber Eats tonight too.
See, this is why you get a cat and not a dog. Cats don’t relieve the trauma of the time they got shot every time there’s a thunderstorm because a cat would never take a bullet for you in the first place, that’s not what they signed up for.
“What harm can it do?” is the most dangerous thing you can say in a Funkyverse strip. No doubt the sunlight refracted through the uncut cube is going to spark a deadly fire, and a firefighter will slip and fall on the ice while trying to fight it. The heavy cube will then fall off the pedestal and crush a promising young footballer’s foot, destroying his hopes of a scholarship. Trying to save him, an equally promising young pianist suffers frostbite and loses her fingers. As the cube slowly melts, it turns out the water is contaminated with poisonous dioxins that leak into the town’s water system. And then, worst of all, ten years from now this tragedy will inspire Les to write another awful book.
@Schroduck: Then Mason turns that book into a movie.
CS: “What harm can it do?” And that’s how Texas froze for days.
@Schroduck: Geez, I was just going to suggest it was going to melt and flood the whole town, though I suppose you need a reason why the uncut cube would do “harm” that the actual sculptures wouldn’t.
Cunther is a gunt.
@Truckosaurus: Of course not. My cats would hire a leg-breaker to protect me. They know the value of a round-the-clock can opener.
MW: Don’t worry, this will all be over once Wilbur gives up and calls Mr Allora to fix the sink.
MW. If you thought Eve’s expressions were wild when Max jumped in front of a bullet, just wait until he tries to save her by diving headfirst into the path of a lightning bolt.
Crankshaft : That’s the hopeful expectation, Josh. It might lead to a “Crankshaft is the only smart person with common sense who realises it’s just an uncarved block and refuses to treat it as art, and is vindicated once the misunderstanding is cleared up” storyline, because “Crankshaft is actually the best at everything forever” is something this strip pushes even though it just further highlights “when Crankshaft breaks things and terrorises people with his ‘screwups’, he’s doing it on purpose”.
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Judge Parker : Oh no! Look in the background! That’s not really Godiva’s ghost, it’s an illusion, using Neddy’s familiarity with that form, summoned by that demonic doll to entrap Neddy into Hell!… Though when did Neddy visit Sally Forth’s sister second-hand shop to buy it…?
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Luann : Bernice is insane. That is all.
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Marvin : Yeah, I’m sure the delivery people will appreciate having to trek through an unshoveled path and/or have to toss your groceries from the street to your porch without damaging them.
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On the Fast Track : “Nah, I’m just messing with you. The reason the Russians didn’t hack us is because they don’t care, we already directly work for them. They really appreciated the bug Dethany planted on her mother when she visited last week.”
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Safe Havens :
1) “Oops, wait, sorry, that wasn’t a mermaid DNA potion, that was a urine sample. I’ll go get the correct beaker.”
2) “Didn’t you turn into an octopus woman by wanting to really hard? Maybe if you want to turn back into a regular mermaid hard enough, it’ll do the trick?”
Mary Worth: “That thunder sounds like gunshots,” said no one ever. Because they don’t. It was a real gunshot. A real attempt at suicide. The last desperate act of a character who realizes that her ultimate fate in this strip means her character will be settling down with the paunchy Saul and his collection of quirky but oh so lovable bow ties.
MW: “My dog was very upset during the storm yesterday. You see, she’s afraid of gunshots. What should I do?”
“Move to Canada”
MW: “That thunder sounds like gunshot! At least, I think it is the thunder and Wilbur is not getting creative in his suicide attempts. I hope not, Heaven and Hell already made it clear that they don’t want him”
The only source of help in Charterstone is Mary, but Eve has never really been with Mary, but Eve is “helped” by her dog Max, so Mary is a confirmed Warg and is meddling on a much grander scale than we ever realized…
CS: What harm could it do? My guess is that Ed sees this sculpture and thinks to himself “Ha ha, it’s an ice cube!” before realizing that actually yes, it is an ice cube, and what he thought was a pun was a completely factual statement. Then he starts thinking about how subjective reality really is, yada yada yada, he’s running random citizens down in his bus in a nihilistic rage.
MW: Meanwhile in Eve Lourd’s apartment, Max worries that the weather stripping the condo board decided on might not be up to the task…
MW: Max gets through the thunderstorm unbothered but Tommy Beedle relapses after repeated reminders of CRACK!
Hi and Lois: That’s one heck of an argument if Lois changed her top in the middle of it.
What harm can it do? Ask that of George Keesterman’s family. George, who was driven to drink by Crankshaft’s daily destruction of his mailbox. Keesterman, who saw the giant ice cube as a challenge. “Liver Let Die,” he called the challenge.
*smirk*
DtM: That sure doesn’t look like a jug of milk and sure does look like a bottle of bleach. Are you sure Dennis doesn’t need glasses, Alice?
GT: Thank you, Sir Patrick Stewart, for trying to class this strip up with some William Blake.
Hagar: “No, just get his recipe! This fermented feces pie is literally knocking me off my feet with its rancid heinousness. We gotta start using them in sieges!”
@The Dimensional Otter:
“Hey, Mary – ya know how ta bam? BAM!!”
Anonymous “Crankshaft” Character: “What harm can it do?”
Batiuk: “Hold my beer…”
My mind is madly trying to think of ways that an unattended block of ice can somehow cause harm and or misery and it just keeps coming up blank. so this might actually be the first Crankshaft story-line I’ve ever actually looked forward to!
@Jude Fawley: Hi and Lois: That’s one heck of an argument if Lois changed her top in the middle of it.
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Good observation. It also makes High and Lower similar to Rex Morgan, MILF Diver in that they omit the panel that might actually be interesting.
The ice cube grows uncontrollably!
The gunshot reminds Mary of those Depression years when she helped Jack Worth run rum from Canada with a .38 tucked in her garter. She felt so alive.
RMMD-Buck Jr. you have failed at that. There is no laughs here.
MW-“Odd. The weatherman says that it never rains in Southern California.”
FC-“And is this the one that makes humorous put downs.”
JP-“Neddy, I’m here to tell you that you will be visited by three spirits.”
Getting shot, it CHANGES a dog, y’know? Makes it so you hear your former master’s gun in every loud noise, no matter how dissimilar those sounds may be. And on the really bad nights, it’s like you’re right back where it all began, reliving the trauma all over again. But old Max has the answer for that, yes sir. Because he held onto the master’s firearm. He’s got it right here, in his comfy dog bed, just waiting for the next startling noise. Like the crack of thunder … or a gentle knock at the door from the man with the bow ties, the one who schemes to replace Max as his mistress’s favorite. Either way, Max is flipping the script tonight…
Once again Zeus visits Chatterstone for Mary, once again he will have to accept Toby as a consolation prize
MW: So it begins the storyline about the dog getting into Xanax addiction. The dog had a more successful recovery than Tommy
GT: I’m trying to wrap my brain around the idea of Gil Thorp recognizing William Blake.
Crank: Ice cube? What?…oh, sorry, I was still chuckling over last Monday’s “block head” quip.
MW: it’s a good thing Mary said what Max is thinking or I’d have no idea what triggered the poor animal. BTW I’ve experienced a lot of thunderstorms in my life, but I don’t think I have ever, not even once, thought thunder sounded like a gunshot. But I’ve never spent the time on the mean streets like Apple Mary did.
love is... scratching behind your ear with your foot like a dog.
The dog awoke to the sounds of gunshots, and remember a pledge from long ago. Never again It slipped into a canine bullet-resistant vest, grabbed the sawed-off in its mouth, and went out to meet its destiny.
MW: Greta will be Max’s therapist. The session will end with them awkwardly holding paws.
MW: If I has been asked which strip today would be most likely to address the issue of climate change and how it would do it, I would not have predicted “Major thunderstorms become commonplace in coastal Southern California!” However, I’m all for it, so long as Wilbur is standing outside Estelle’s apartment with a boombox over his head, and the antenna is fully extended.
Meanwhile, in Eve’s flat, it’s a real gunshot! Eve finally had enough of failing to scare Saul away and took drastic measures.
By the way, anyone know if Baka is OK? I don’t have any way of contacting him or I would have by now. His absence worries me.
Crank – I was one of the first to work in translucent cubes…well, mostly in highballs….
MW – BAM-BAM will reduce Max to Fruity Pebbles….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Pudgy Jerker:
Brunhilde “Godiva Danube” Ackerman was rejected for the part of a female zombie in Night Of The Living Dead Part CCXXI. She was the only one who looked alive, and she was dead!
Crankshaft introduces Checkov’s Block of Ice.
C’shaft: Looks like we’re in for a week of “lol, modern art amirite”? One of Crankshaft’s fellow judges will wear a beret and speak entirely in cobbled-together vernacular like “Post-Neo-Modern Abstract Expressionalism.” Crankshaft will malaprop a lot. The uncarved cube will win first place because the art world is so stupid, you hear me you hoity-toity gallery owners, you’ll do an exhibition of that hack Charles Schultz’s work but not mine?
MW: Now I know why Max looks so concerned. “Thunder that sounds like gunshots? Thunder isn’t supposed to do that!”
FW: Women be shoppin’ and spendin’ money, amirite fellas?
MT: So, we’re just going to ignore the fact Mark blew up an entire yacht, then?
RMMD: Great idea! If you think of a joke, let us know.
@Jihadi Colin: If he lives in Texas, he may still be having power issues. But yeah, that’s a prolonged silence.
Mary Worth: “That thunder sounds like gunshots!” Mary Worth doesn’t need a narration box. Mary’s function is to be a narration box. (She could dial up the snark setting a little, though.)
9CL The hell kind of stroke-induced fever dream is Brooke in now? “People with a shared past”?? That’s barely a concept, let alone one ripe for mining a whole week’s worth of jokes, which he will inevitably attempt to do. Might as well title every strip in March with “People next to each other in the phone book,” and make non sequiturs about Thorax’s fetish for naked women sitting on birthday cakes, Achewood-style.
If Mary Worth is doing the anagram thing like “Kelrast” = “stalker,” “Eve Lourd” = “rude love.” Thought I’d mention that.
MW – Max is thinking, “I did my bit. Let the old lady take this one for a change.”
GT: This would have been funnier if Tom Munchkin had a foot injury and got benched by Toe Blake, Stanley Cup winning coach of the Montreal Canadiens.
MW – Does anyone else remember that kids’ book about a lady who got married, and her whole life she wore a choker and told her husband she could never take it off? Then on her deathbed she told her husband to take it off, and her head fell off? What if it’s the same deal with Max, and his head came detached from the gunshot, and now the only thing holding it on is that red kerchief?
Jihadi ColinFebruary 22nd, 2021 at 6:54 am Reply
By the way, anyone know if Baka is OK? I don’t have any way of contacting him or I would have by now. His absence worries me.
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Me, too. I’m hoping he’ll reappear with news that it was only a computer problem that kept him away. That happens.
This reminds me (and I am definitely not trying to make light of how Baja is) of Rube Chat, a Minnesota on-line sports forum with people who snark as well as we do. Caretaker was missing, and the Froobs were able to surmise that he had died. One of the Froobs, who goes by Donald Douchebag, paid his respects on the Minneapolis dead tree web site for obits and used his screen name. His condolence message said Donald Douchebag (sorry about the name) . . .
I’m hoping no such action will be needed for Baja, although I’d bet he’d appreciate his page including Scratchy Scrotum LXIX (sorry about the name) . . .
If anyone out there does have a connection of any kind, please check it out. We care about one another. Maybe we even care about the Trufans. Someday I might be able to write a note of sympathy for Morcock 69 that says Scratchy Scrotum LXIX (sorry about the name) . . .
@Sequitur: love is… scratching behind your ear with your foot like a dog.
Indifference is… letting her think what she wants.
MW: Max isn’t upset by the thunder; he’s a good boy and made of sterner stuff than that. He’s worried that the blue lightning can only mean one thing: The Sith are back and are going to be featured in another ill-advised “Star Wars” sequel.
Crankshaft: We are about to learn of a recently discovered disease called Uncarved Ice Cube Cancer.
RMMD: narration box says “zzzzzzzzzzz”.
@Will: I figure it just means he likes it up the ass.
Oh I thought Mary Worth was taking an interesting turn and they were having a nighttime mass murder spree where the killer gets away because Mary Worth doesn’t know anything about what guns sound like, but no. It’s a plotline about a dog who is scared of thunder storms.
Almost got my pulse up there, Mary. Almost.
@erdmann: MW: Max isn’t upset by the thunder; he’s a good boy
You know who isn’t a good boy?
CS: I hope some rogue sculptor cuts a statue of a penis from it. And to prove that she’s a sophisticated artiste who understands and incorporates irony in her work, if only to fly far over the heads of the masses, it will be uncircumcised.
@Truckosaurus: #5
“Yes, it’s famously only dogs that have been shot who are terrified of thunder.”
Well, also those who have been traumatized by The Thunder Riders in PHANTOM EMPIRE. Or, you know, super-villain dogs who came off second-best in battles against Thor. Or got in the way of Red Ryder as he was urging his horse to even greater speed. Or those who were once punched by Ingemar Johannson. Or who had bad experiences with a dating app — wait, that would be “terrified of Tinder.” Probably close enough though.
@Shrug: y125?
I went to the SF Hall of Fame in 2010, before Harlan was inducted. I left a note in their guest book, “What? No Harlan Ellison?” The next year, he was in. And I’ve always taken credit for it. It’s no more than he would do.
@Truckosaurus: #6
“a cat would never take a bullet for you in the first place”
Probably the one in “The Price” by Neil Gaiman would do so (at least for Neil Gaiman). But admittedly that was a pretty exceptional cat. I do think if someone were about to shoot me, my cat might be willing to trip me so the bullet would miss, but I think that would be mostly accidental.
Luann: Has Borenice been hanging out at Charterstone with Mary Worth? She’s gone from petty jealousy last week to outright meddling this week.
What a shitty best friend.
@WLP: #27
“My mind is madly trying to think of ways that an unattended block of ice can somehow cause harm and or misery”
Aside from other ‘mudge suggestions to date, there’s always the old “just happened to have a prehistoric and/or legendary monster trapped in suspended animation within it, which escapes and causes harm and/or misery when the ice melts and it comes back to life” trope. But the block depicted isn’t big enough for a T-Rex or even Grendel, so, I dunno, maybe a basilisk?
9CL – it’s hilarious because he said she looked good enough to eat and then they both had fun naming different rare and pretentious desserts they could compare her to. Unfortunately, they are both rather slow witted and have no sense of humor to speak of, so the items were chosen for the pretension value only, passing up choices like:
“You’re like a popsicle, because you melted down when I dropped you on the sidewalk the other day”
“You’re like baked Alaska in that your stoned a lot and usually more complicated to try to prepare than you are worth”
“You’re sweeter than a cherry pie with Reddi Whip topping!!”
But why be humorous when you can show your intellect by naming pretentious sounding desserts instead!?
Crankshaft
The “uncarved block”, eh? The Funkyverse is about to get all Taoist on our asses!
@Truckosaurus: But is Max really reacting how normal dogs react to thunder or other loud noises? Nope … he’s moping around thinking to himself “is that thunder or am I gonna get shot again?” and is as resigned to his fate as any character in Shoe or the Funkyverse.
Trufan Morecock69’s daily emission:
This is the beginning of a long and lively conversation about people that don’t actually exist. It also leaves the impression that the folks who read this strip actually think the Evansii read their comments and tailor plots accordingly. It’s kind of like the Q-Anonn idiots, but Lu-Anon—always looking for clues about what tantalizing non-events won’t happen next.
@melissaurus: “People with a shared past” doesn’t even have anything to do with what is going on in this strip. I mean, they spent the last week talking about how Amos was attracted to Edda in 8th grade. That was a shared past. Now they’re talking about how Amos is attracted to Edda right now. That’s called the present, not the past.
@Will: #54
I don’t know of a kids’ book with that plot, but it’s an old creepy story/sick joke trope that’s been used with variatons in a lot of places, including “The Adventure of the German Student” by Washington Irving (1924)
Aha — and the Wikipedia site for that story lists other versions, including a couple in children’s books:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Adventure_of_the_German_Student#Other_versions
‘shaft: “What harm can it do?” is the kind of thing you only have your characters say when something is going to cause harm. So now I’m genuinely intrigued. How is this inert block of ice going to cause harm? Look at it there in panel three, plotting its revenge against this town and everyone in it.
MW: I’m gonna have to call foul here. I’ve lived through my share of thunderstorms, and I’ve never heard thunder, however loud, that sounded like gunshots. Also, you know which dogs dislike thunder? Pretty much all of them. You don’t have to have been shot by your master for that. If Karen Moy had been a little more patient, she could have set this story on the Fourth of July, i.e. dogs’ least favorite holiday. Now, fireworks — they sound like gunshots.
Crankshaft: Um, it could fall on someone and hurt them? Dude, just say you don’t feel like moving it.
@Joshua K.: Amos is finally showing some backbone by describing Edda as a cheap, mass-produced chemical-packed treat sold in plastic wrappers to anyone who’s got enough change for the vending machine, and which has a name that harkens back to Brooke’s favorite “quaint” old-timey euphemism for sex, incidentally Amos’ only frame of reference for his connection to Edda at this point, and she has the gall to look offended? He’s being honest and slightly relatable, and she looks like she just rammed a lemon down her gullet.
Edda should’ve gone with Viennetta—at least she could semi-plausibly hold onto the shreds of her own delusion that anybody likes her or misses her when she goes away. Like those kids she popped out.
@Shrug:
The version I read had no ribbon that I recall. The German student took the girl home, they went to bed, and just as they were about to make love the student realised that the light was still on- and the switch was by the door.
“My love, ” whispered the girl, “don’t worry. Don’t move.” And she stretched out her hand, and stretched it out, and out, over the bed, over the room, huge and overshadowing, until it reached the switch by the door, and, with a terminal click, turned off the light.
MARY WORTH: Glad we spent a week bloviating about Max’s “bold never-look-back resistance” so it can be all rendered pointless in a day. Nope not a waste of time at all!
MARY WORTH (2): Just to add to the pointlessness, this looks like this is actually going to be Max’s story all along (a side-character’s side-character’s pet, mind you). So weeks worth of endless “doggie devotion” crap just to deliver to drop of exposition meant to get us to this point (which is the dog knocking on Mary’s door for an emergency muffin-and-platitude session)
“What’s the worse that could happen?” he asked, not wondering if someone might paint pips on the cube, and that it might accidently fall off the pedestal, tumble down the hill, and roll a one, thus invoking an old codicil of the Westview town charter that states, and I quote, ‘should the community, or any representative of the community, living or inert, fumble a die roll, then all lands on which the community sits are forfeit under the Northwest Ordinance and shall be returned to the Algonquian natives from whom the land was acquired,’ and that this will cause a most unfortunate storyline about native land rights ending with Batiuk trying to draw a casino.
MW: “Meanwhile Wilbur and Saul decided to drop in on Eve after returning from picking up their new suits from the Men’s Wearhouse.”
MT: “I’m glad this story had a happy ending, Happy. Hey, do you hear sirens? Sounds like half the police force is coming up the drive.”
“Helicopters too, Jolly.”
“Do you see that smoke down the inlet too?”
“Yep. Wow, it’s the Coast Guard too. This must be big!”
“Let’s ask this guy getting out of the car.”
“Gentlemen, my name is Horatio Caine. I’m looking for a Mark Trail.”
“That’s my son over there, running underneath that flock of crows.”
“Hmmm…crows. That looks like [removes sunglasses] a murder.”
“YEOWWWWW!!!!!!!!”
“Happy, look, it’s Roger Daltrey!”
The only reason I can think of to compare the sound of thunder to that of gunshots is if you are much, much more familiar with the latter than the former. Which is kind of annoying, because it means Santa Royale has a lot of significant happenings going on, and this comic doesn’t bother with any of it.
Bliss:@Just John: “You know who isn’t a good dog?”
@brendancalling: I love how Morcock69 can’t even spell out H-E-double toothpicks.
@Ukulele Ike, GT: More likely, Milton: “Better to reign in Milford than serve in Charterstone”.
Thinking about it, actually, thunder does sound like gunshots, just not from an ordinary handgun. It needs to be more like something from a howitzer or ship’s cannon. I know Gary was shown holding what looked like a revolver, but how much do we know about the size these characters are actually supposed to be?
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: I love how Morcock69 can’t even spell out H-E-double toothpicks.
We don’t. We hate it with the fiery fire of a thousand hot suns, times infinity.
@Shrug:
And after that, any time you saw a headless mannequin wearing a furry coat, you’d have traumatic flashbacks.
Day had broken cold and gray, exceedingly cold and gray, when the man turned aside from the main Yukon trail and climbed the high earth-bank, where a dim and little-traveled trail led eastward through the fat spruce timberland. It was a steep bank, and he paused for breath at the top, excusing the act to himself by looking at his watch. It was nine o’clock. There was no sun nor hint of sun, though there was not a cloud in the sky. It was a clear day, and yet there seemed an intangible pall over the face of things, a subtle gloom that made the day dark, and that was due to the absence of sun. This fact did not worry the man. He was used to the lack of sun. It had been days since he had seen the sun, and he knew that a few more days must pass before that cheerful orb, due south, would just peep above the sky-line and dip immediately from view.
MW – I love it that Mary’s sole function in today’s strip is to let the reader know that thunderclaps sound similar to gunshots. They might have used a narration box for this, but the advantage of using Mary is that she can be counted on not to snark, whereas with a narration box you never know. Or do you?
@My My My: Foolish person. “To Build a Fire” will only get you on the TBAF list, the Totally Boring As Frank list (not sure who Frank is). You wanted The Call of the Wild, or COTW list, like so:
Buck did not read the newspapers, or he would have known that trouble was brewing, not alone for himself, but for every tide-water dog . . . .
See? I’m in.
@Shrug: #74: Back in the early 70’s one of the Warren Publishing horror comic titles, either Creepy or Eerie, did a graphic version of that story.
FC: “It’s real fruit, Dolly. So as far as you’re concerned, it’s for looking at.”
FW: Really? That wasn’t a one-off Sunday? We’re actually going to do a whole week of this?
MW: Okay, Karen, if the past few days of “Dogs are entirely unaffected by bad experiences because they have no interiority” was setting up an “Actually, that’s not true”, then I take everything back. What I suspect is more likely, however, is that Eve is going to realise Max is traumatised without her or the narrative ever acknowledging that this contradicts what she and Saul were saying earlier.
GT: “Sorry, this young man isn’t boldly going anywhere! Make it so, Number One!”
Phantom: Oh, okay, we’re not getting a weeklong flashback of luchadore cop adventures, just a cursory set-up to the thing where someone hears someone calling their name in a dream and then they realise the person is actually there and trying to wake them up.
RMMD: Seriously, if either of you want to add drama or humour to this story, feel free to start any time.
SH: Mermaid genetics just keeps on making less sense. And, yes, I realise mermaid genetics is never going to make sense because, you know, mermaids, but it’s still weirdly impressive that the strip didn’t just stop at “absolute nonsense”, but managed to keep tunnelling past that.
@Voshkod: Isn’t Frank Luann’s dad? So that’s pretty boring.
Missed opportunity to have Mary say “and I know what gunfire sounds like!” and cut to a montage of all the times a gun has been fired in Mary Worth since 1938.
TED FORTH: Now, now, hear me out. In the pilot episode of “H.R. Pufnstuf on Uranus” starring Geraldine Chaplin, Pat Carroll, Shane Sinutko, and Shields and Yarnell, which depressingly no major network picked up, there was a virtual in-law suite where visitors could disappear into an alternate dimension until dinnertime. So what I’m thinking, thanks to the encouraging Voice of Lowe’s–Mr. Gene Hackman–we could build over the garage a centrifugal holodeck rerouted hyperplex for Faye and her mom and–
SALLY: Ted, I…I won’t listen to anymore of this.
GERALD: Do I smell dinner?
MW-“That thunder sounds like Saul and Eve having rough sex.”
Hi and Lois-That’s it, Lois, insult Hi in front of the kids by calling him little.
RMMD: maybe son Corey the funny will spike everything dear old dad eats with a spoonful of sugar-just for the laughs.
Sally Forth-Ted is just one more girl away from having his own Charlie’s Angels group.
CS: In tomorrow’s strip, we will see that the ice block has attracted a vicious polar bear. Never leave your ice outside where bears can get it, kids!
FW: “Kitchen reno? That’s an odd turn of phrase, do you mean ‘kitchen remodel’?”
“No, kitchen Reno. We’re opening an unlicensed casino.”
AO Today’ strip is funny because Alley Oop is clearly dumb as a caveman; pure comic gold. Only the 132nd time that Joey Sayers has used a riff of that line since she took over writing the strip a couple of years ago. Something that I guess she’ll never get tired of just like so many other cartoonists with dumb characters in their strips. Come to think of it, they are all men, aren’t they?
JP: it looks like ghostly Godiva has grown a double chin since dying. At least she’s eating well.
Crankshaft-“I mean it’s not like an old man who has lost control of a school bus is going to drive into it.”
@Jihadi Colin: #78
I’ve read that story/anecdote somewhere too, but I don’t think it involved a German student, and I think the woman/monster reached across the room to snuff a candle rather than flick an electric light switch. If I had to guess, I’d say it might be one of Lafcadio Hearn’s Japanese-folklore-derived short short stories.
Both Mary Worth and Rex Morgan had reached a viable terminus to their arc, and could have started something fun and funky fresh for their fans.
And yet here we are, still grinding the bees out of Buck’s Diabeetus and The Love Song of Max Alfred Evesdog.
Luann – In defense of Bernice, it can be very frustrating when you’re “dreaming” about someone hot, and your brain then brings up someone less appropriate to be “dreaming” about – like, your creepy boss, or a sibling, or Abe Vigoda. It can take you right out of that “dream state” to the point where you just quit trying to “dream” and roll over, go to sleep.
@Horace Broon: By George (Wilson), I think you’ve got it!
MW – Well, I’ve heard thunder, and I’ve heard rain.
I’ve seen Mary Worth plots that I thought would never end.
I’ve attended Charterstone Pool Parties where I could not find a friend.
But I always figured we’d end up back here again…..
@pachoo: Oh? You don’t recall when a certain officer of the law took a few rounds during a drug bust, and a young doctor and con victim was called up to take care of him, so love blossomed? Mary remembers. Mary remembers infiltrating the Santa Royale drug scene, getting in close to the kingpin, setting up the deal, alerting the cops, and then firing the two fateful shots from a silenced .38. Mary remembers quite well that sometimes you have to take a more active hand in making sure your advice lands.
@Schroduck: COTW!
(Gets hit in the face with a brick) Ah…there’s that Mary Worth subtly. I was wondering where it went.
REX MORGAN M.D.: Buck: “I’m think about you to Mr comedian because this is your future in about 30 years.”
Buck Jr. ( get horrified look on his face and runs of crying.)
REX MORGAN (2): Panel #3: This comic is just as balanced because it hasn’t achieved either.
JUDGE PARKER:
Well because Mike Manley still draws this comic and….
(Incidentally, by sheer coincidence, Neddy’s eyeline appears to be right below Godiva’s shoulders.)
JUDGE PARKER (2): For the duration of this story, we should call the dead girl “The Ghost of Titsmas Past.”
FAMILY CIRCUS: Ha! Look at Dolly pretend that she’s not going to shove them down her gullet either way!
MW – Know what does sound like gunshots? After an ice storm, the ice on tree branches breaks with a loud crack that sounds like a gunshot.
I thought it was a given that most dogs are afraid of thunder. My family had a dog that was so terrified of thunder that my mother had to give him tranquilizers.
@I speak Jive: My uncle used to have a farm dog who was so afraid of thunder that if it stormed while my uncle was away, the dog would swim across the river so he could get into our house.
We did have a farm dog who was afraid of guns. He hadn’t taken a bullet for me or anything, I kinda imagine that he thought guns sounded like thunder.
@Rube: I’m sure that any loud noise such as a gunshot would frighten most dogs that haven’t been trained to acclimate them to it.
MW – Was the Chester the dog story so popular that someone decided that Mary should meddle dogs now?
FC – “They’re to look at. You don’t want to be like Eve and eat of the tree of knowledge.”
9CL – A tiny hook nose and no chin are the very definition of toothsome.
Frazz – She’d be more likely to present the choice as 25 k bike race and a marathon scheduled for the same time, but then there would have to be a different misunderstood punchline.
MW-“Wait a minute those are gunshots. Damnit,” Mary exclaims throwing her book down, “How many times have I told Wilbur not to eliminate people so close to the building. I don’t want to attract any unwanted attention.”
@I speak Jive: Re: Frazz– Exactly. Although whatever these characters say is 99% head-scratchingly annoying anyway.
@GeoGreg: Maybe their reno can include some vendos.
MW: So this storyline is going to be about… dog PTSD, huh? Okay. Sure. Why not?
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Reno vendos are perfect when you have a last-minute solo car date.
@GeoGreg:
“The Adventures of Reno Vendo, brought to you by the smooth taste of Winstons.”
And when spring arrives, Pluggers gripe about pollen. In summer, mosquitoes. Fall, all them dern colored “leafs.”
Then the cycle starts all over again.
Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days… FUCK!!!
Luann – Ah, Bernice is finally arguing with the voices in her head. Maybe she’ll get to go hang with Cherry’s mom?
MW: that’s not thunder. That’s just Wilbur after taco night.
Overly Specific Long Sentence Guy is now my favorite “Crankshaft” character.
@Liam: Eve? I thought her name was Greta….
@Barnaby Scones: Christ, this reminds me of Richard Elfman’s “The Forbidden Zone.”
CS: If those small cubes are what the sculptors will carve, this year’s festival will not be featuring 5-foot-wide dragons and dolphins like last year. What will be the same is placing the carvings such that they overhang the street where cars and buses parallel park.
@126 Dennis Jimenez:
Greta is Saul’s dog. Eve is the woman.
@Joe Blevins: You think that’s bad? Just wait until next week’s tornado that sounds like an abusive husband’s screaming.
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: Asking Brooke to not be pretentious is like asking Tony Stark to not be snarky.
@Sequitur: But he’s screwing the pooch…right?
MW: Every time you think this dead story is finally about to be shoved into its shallow grave, it twitches again. Going to guess that Max somehow gets outside and runs off into the storm, prompting Eve to seek Saul’s help in searching for Max in the pouring rain and lightning. Then Eve will be about to take a lightning bolt, but Max will leap in front and take the lightning for her, because who really cares anymore? Nah, probably they’ll just find the dog after a few minutes (weeks, for us) and then we’ll be back on the epilogue path without anyone’s world views having been shaken or changed in the slightest.
@jroggs: Don’t forget several weeks of praise for Mary.
@Shrug:
It’s more than possible that my brain is conflating different stories into one.
MW-Max is traumatized by the sounds of Eve’s headboard banging against the wall.
MW: Max isn’t scared. He just recognizes a loud, drunken Wilbur fuckin’ up Mellencamp lyrics again. Owoooo!
‘Shaft: My two favorite outcomes for this are Crankshaft being ironically crushed by the ice block pedestal or being sued out of existence by Queen.
@Liam:One time we were in a cheap hotel and the headboard in the next room starting moving our headboard. After a couple of minutes of our muffled laughing I told my wife “I think her name is Debbie.”
FW – Get out your steno and take some dicto. Now before we start the reno, we’ll need to do some demo. And we have to shore up the foundo, because we’re getting some vibro. And that’s just the intro. Whew! I need a bromo.
I’m not sure where this is leading, but I kinda feel if we shift that comma the man is even more diabolical: “…because her husband, who used to trip her, deliberately wore suits.”
Crankshaft: If the Ice Sculpture Extravaganza doesn’t end with a sculpture spattered with blood I’ll be extremely disappointed. Or, rather, I’ll be as disappointed as one can be when one literally could not care less.