Metapost: Comedic comments of the week!
Folks, it’s coming! It’s happening! The Internet Read Aloud is back on stage at its new time, ONE WEEK FROM TONIGHT, Friday May 6 at 7 pm in Los Angeles! This month starring Katie McVay, Gena B Jones, and Kylie Brakeman!
We’re at The Clubhouse in Los Angeles and the show is free! Be vaxxed, masked, and emotionally available! Here is the Facebook event!
And here, meanwhile, is your comment of the week!
“Dithers is wearing yellow pants in solidarity with the French gilets jaunes movement, in the highly-topical-but-also-garbled fashion that Blondie fans know and … love? That doesn’t sound right.” –Jack Brounstein
Your runners up: also very funny!
“Ian has no idea who Helen Moss is. It’s purely coincidental that at the exact moment Toby mentioned her name, he had his epiphany: The potholder and oven mitt should be hung up by the oven or at least in a drawer by the oven! ‘And … and the towel … should be hanging by the sink!’ Ian thinks to himself madly: ‘Yes, a towel! Ian, you mad genius, you’ve done it again!’” –Carsick Yankee
“Making Coffeehead drink the slop they call coffee down at Police Headquarters is some serious level of warped Dick Tracy torture. He’ll confess to anything after one sip!” –JBoy
“The Street Sweeper’s biggest contribution to crime-fighting was actually encouraging more people to go out at night, reducing opportunities for muggers to isolate victims and driving business revenue upwards. Gradual improvements are too boring for Hollywood movies, but they are just fine for legacy strips.” –Ettorre
“I’ll stay in the shadows until I’m needed. These shadows, right here at the open end of the alleyway on a busy street, just casually wearing my costume and proudly holding aloft my symbol. I sure do hope nobody sees me and asks to buy the film rights to the Street Sweeper character for a very reasonable price!” –Schroduck
“Man, the dugout fence in Gil Thorp has sure given us some fun times, hasn’t it? Clambake, and now scopophobic Anderson Cooper knock-off, and … well … hell, that’s at least two more fun times than anything else in Gil Thorp has given us.” –Voshkod
“I feel like we don’t talk enough about how Spark Plug’s (and Li’l Sparky’s) ever-present horse-blankets are clearly the result of the original artist realising that the alternative is figuring out how you actually draw a horse.” –Horace Broon
“Amazing that she and Ian managed to get a full-page spread in the yearbook. We’re they voted ‘most likely to drift apart after a torrid affair?’” –pugfuggly
“Yearbooks typically go to print before graduation, but Helen was so scholarly that she walked around campus in a cap and gown, which makes it all the more stinging that Ian ended up with a bimbo.” –jenna
“Matt, we’re cutting you loose. You tried to be a Dick Tracy villain, but your whole gimmick is ‘one sorta weird eye,’ it’s just not gonna cut it. And tell your pal that we didn’t think ‘enjoys a good cup of coffee’ was even worth dignifying with a one-on-one critique.” –Dan
“Do the math, Tonsils. If I pin the drug dealing charge on Coffeehead he gets two years in the pen, tops. But if I catch him red-handed standing over your bullet-riddled corpse with a smoking gun, I’ve got him for life.” –Guillermo el chiclero
“It was mild day in Santa Royale, like any other day, the kind of day that makes you forget all your problems, if you had problems, which you don’t because problems are for people renting 400ft2 at $3k in Goleta. Name’s Cameron, PhD, and I’m about to have a problem–of the Title IX kind…” –ArtOfWargames, on Twitter
“Ian tries to stare Helen down using techniques he learned from Professor Mesmer … or Dracula. I forget. Have we established if Ian is among the undead?” –Hibbleton
“Hey, Helen. Glad I found you. Is the dark lavender tie with the light lavender shirt too much? Toby said I couldn’t pull it off. Which reminds me: stop threatening her.” –Weaselboy
“Say what you will about their ethics, but I appreciate the fact that these two criminal scumbags keep profanities out of their conversation. It makes me think these two are redeemable. The bald one does say ‘ain’t,’ but we can work on that.” –Joe Blevins
“I love it when Gil Thorp breaks from its ‘Sports can help high school students gain confidence while learning teamwork and responsibility’ message to bring us ‘Some kids are bad at sports, and lose horribly while being miserable no matter how hard they try, with zero help from their non-existent coaches.’ It’s going to be heartwarming when this storyline ends with the team discovering Gregg is blind, followed by everyone pointing and laughing at Nomar for being suckier than a blind pitcher.” –Drew Funk
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