Monday is for callouts
Post Content
Crock, 6/13/22
Crock has been in perpetual reruns ever since its creator died and his son decided that doing the thing so many people in this industry do where they continue putting out their father’s strip would be not that much fun, actually, so despite the up-to-date dates on these they were all published years or decades ago. Generally this doesn’t matter much because Crock is “timeless” (detached from any kind of reality as we know it so it can indulge in its elaborately unfunny internal universe) but every once in a while you get a strip like this, with an out-of-nowhere SLAM on some long-irrelevant bit of pop culture detritus. The big question here: is this a wholly justified attack on The Da Vinci Code, the novel from 2003, or on The Da Vinci Code, the movie from 2006? And is its selection as the rerun strip for today meant as an attack on The Da Vinci Code, a stage play that will be running in London for most of this year, or is that just a coincidence? (Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon would, of course, say there are no such thing as coincidences.)
Curtis, 6/13/22
Speaking of out-of-nowhere slams, Curtis has this intermittent running bit where Curtis wildly overestimates the edginess of some webcomic and it feels like a beef with a specific webcomic but I’m not sure which one? I hope they’re aware of Curtis’s laser focus on them, though. I hope they opened the comics pages today and saw Curtis saying to them “Are you just doing Crankshaft jokes? We already have a Crankshaft, buddy, we don’t need you” and felt that burn deep in their soul.
222 replies to “Monday is for callouts”
Mary Worth: Oh, please. If Mary were honest with herself, the question wouldn’t be “Should I tell Dawn?” but “How big a basket of muffins when I tell Dawn? I am so tattling on Jared faster than Dolly narcing on Jeffy.”
Funky Winkerbean One of the many odd quirks of Tom Batiuk’s writing is that sometimes he will have frequently appearing characters who know each other fairly well introduce themselves to each other, and sometimes you will have strips like today when apparently we are immediately supposed to remember who these people are and what their long suspended storyline is about.
MW: “HMMM…He seems especially ATTENTIVE with that woman. It’s like they’re in another world. Or in a GALAXY, FAR, FAR AWAY. And now he’s undressing her…! Oh, my! Now HE’S naked, too—and he’s climbing into her hospital bed! And now he’s—well, Jared certainly knows how to cheer up that one-eyed patient!”
If “Dear Ol’ Dad” is meant to be a Crankshaft parody, then bad news: no-one in the Funkyverse has ever called anyone “dear”. They don’t even have that emotion.
Because the one thing the Crock people can’t stand is authors distorting historical realities for popular entertainment.
Curtis: The Middletons just did a joke like that this weekend. Not a web comic (though I saw it online). Quite a “burn,” as Crankshaft would say.
MW: “Hmph! …and here I had knitted that hussy a sequined eye patch.”
MW: Mary usually waits for her victims to come to her. I guess this economy is tough on everyone.
RMMD: So, The Sweeper expects Snake to make him an ice pack before he leaves?
9CL: lonce (noun): A babbling idiot
MW: Jared leaves the room as Mary watches from the shadows. He returns to find Jess crying —now with two eyes swollen shut.
“I don’t know what happened. You left and then, POW!”
“Who did this?”
“I don’t know but she smelled like mothballs.”
CURTIS: Actual kids today wouldn’t keep referring to people and things as “online.” To them, *everything* is online. It would just be “comic strip” and “cartoonists.”
H&L: Lois smiling; “Screwing up, screwing down. It’s all good.”
OF COURSE YOU SHOULD TELL DAWN!!!!!! IMMEDIATELY!!! Then sit back and let the carnage unfold. This could turn out to be a twenty-dozen-muffin catastrophe — the pinnacle of your meddling career!
There’s nothing to wonder about unless you’re starting to develop a conscience after all these years. But now is not the time to go wobbly, Mare. Pedal to the meddle!
What if the beef is with Crankshaft? And spills out on to the streets in an all-out race war? What then?
Pib: Oops, I think I accidentally called this new strip into existence yesterday. Anyway, it looks like Padraig has a death wish, but he’s going to go down…kissing?
9CL: Errrrrrrr…{drool puddles around me} Edda originated the word, “lonce?!?” She then forgot? I guess since it doesn’t deal with worshiping her, she wouldn’t feel the need to remember it.
Luann: Gunther, of course, cannot be expected to do anything useful, like carrying shit. He’s probably weaker than Amos!
Crock: I’m still trying to figure out how baloney on a hamburger bun is considered a “gourmet sandwich.”
Curtis: My theory is that Curtis has just stumbled onto Comics Kingdom, and he only thinks these are “online comic strip[s]” because he sees them on the internet. If you showed him a newspaper comics page, it would blow his mind.
JP: “I need to talk with her. I need to tell her everything.”
“Hmmm, okay. Then perhaps it would have been wiser to call her rather than me. Just spitballing here.”
(Reena to Sophie: “Your not-Dad knows the mayor?”)
Dustin: It’s special guest star, Bob Newhart!!! Also…I can’t believe Dustin still works at a bookstore. My mind boggles.
FC: “Plus, when they’re dead, they don’t squirm around.”
MW: Mary has adopted her own superhero nom de plume: The Tattler.
CS: Here we see Crankshaft gaslighting a child. That’s a-level assholery!
FW: Considering you’re in your forties (who the fuck are you anyway?!?), of course your mom is going to be excited that you finally found someone to marry you!
@Rube: @taig:
On “Who’s getting married over in Funky Winkerbean? No, seriously, who’s that, I don’t remember who this character is” : That’s Corey Winkerbean (Funky and Holly’s son), and his fiancee Rocky Rhodes (note : that pun is also the name of “SchoolBus Driver who worships Crankshaft (the white one)”).
********
Curtis : Last week, Funky Winkerbean did A Very Special Storyline on black people being confronted with racism. This week, Billingsley opens with (and may do a full six days of) “Crankshaft is unfunny garbage and Batiuk’s constant award-baiting to try and prove he has any relevance is something that would only work on the least intelligent person ever”.
…It’s not that subtle people! Jef the Cyclist over in Pearls Before Swine is less obvious, and yesterday’s Frazz was Jef Mallet going “I know Pastis is constantly ridiculing me over in his comic”!
FW: If Batty intended for Smirk Guy to look roughly the same age as Black-Haired Girl, he’s added another failure to his impressive portfolio.
CS: Okay, Ed, so maybe pay attention the next time a toddler is about to steer into a fence and then prevent it from happening. But then, that would mean you have more foresight and cognitive awareness than the kid does, so perhaps I’m expecting too much.
So I’m sure that Johnny Hart did the same thing I did back then, which was to look up the sources that Dan Brown’s characters used. And surely he found that, except for Elaine Pagels, they were all conspiracy freaks. So he created the entry as a subtle nod to the novel’s false history…ah, who am I kidding? Hart just wrongly assumed the book was anti-Christian.
@Anonymous: Thanks for the information. Like Rube pointed out, Batiuk will cheerfully exposition the hell out of the identity of someone we’d seen two weeks prior, but can’t be bothered with characters that make an annual appearance at best, because they’re so beloved(?).
Also, I’ve gained a new appreciation for Curtis.
@Joe Blevins: Thank you! I’ve been trying to sort out Greg’s expression and it finally makes sense – He’s puzzled that Curtis is summarizing the strip he just read in the morning paper, and alarmed that Curtis found it amusing.
RMMD: Snake isn’t going to tear off the Sweeper’s mask to see what he looks like? Jeez, he literally is dumber than a broom.
GT: “Yeah, but you missed the two extra points. Everybody, drop and give me twenty!”
Hoping for three solid weeks of Curtis trying to drum up a whisper campaign for what is clearly his webcomic. “Oh man, what will the daring, anonymous truthsayer behind ‘Dear Ol’ Dad’ do next? He doesn’t care whose toes he steps on! And ha ha look at this, you can read all his in-your-face takes on modern parenthood at freewebcomichost dot com slash dearoldad, interesting! And it seems he has a Patreon?”
Crock: “Yeah, that silly novel, full of historical inaccuracies and misrepresentations. Not like us here in…where is this again?”
Curtis: I, for one, did not know that Curtis was involved in some kind of protracted battle of words with some unnamed webcomic. Ironically, my ignorance made this strip a whole lot funnier: just look at how shocked Curtis’ dad is that somewhere in cyberspace, artists are publishing antipatriarchal comics without anyone stopping them! Time to pull the plug on this whole ‘internet’ thing before fathers are disrespected any further.
Mary Worth: Time to take my pet peeve out for a walk:
It is incorrect to place a question mark after Mary’s thought in panel 2. She expressed a simple declarative sentence (“I wonder . . .”); she did not ask a question.
We don’t know if this is Moy’s error or Brigman’s error, but they are culpable since neither corrected the other.
Frickin’ hacks shouldn’t be allowed to disgrace the English language like this.
Try my new gourmet sandwich, it’s called “Crock”. You can choose whatever ingredients you want, but the result is always going to taste stale.
Slylock: Looks like David Blaine, aka Count Weirdly, survived the animal-apocalypse with more or less the same level of sanity.
MW: Yes, Mary, you should tell Dawn. And Dawn should come to the hospital and beat this abuse victim’s ass for flirting with her man.
@Inspector Gotcha:
JP: “I need to talk with her. I need to tell her everything.”
“Hmmm, okay. Then perhaps it would have been wiser to call her rather than me. Just spitballing here.”
Easy mistake to make when your speed dial icons are pics of different sets of boobs.
Crock: Unfortunately unbeknownst to the cook, Poulet is a proud acolyte of the Priory of Sion. Tomorrow’s soup will be suspiciously chunky.
(Appropriately named) Crock – My new submarine sandwich! What’s in it? Semen, of course….
Curtis – Yer just crocking my crank…and did I mention I’m a Plugger….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@The Grammar Hammer:
Just as I am culpable of letting righteousness overcome competence and doing a sloppy-ass proofreading job by not noticing that I left out the word “both” before “culpable.” Frickin’ hack.
HtH: I suppose “Hagar’s Mailbox” is some metaphorical reference that was commonplace during the Italian renaissance pictured here.
From yinz’s comments, I gather that Mary Worth is replaying the “Meddling older woman sees someone paying attention to one of their clients and makes a big deal of it” storyline? But this time the meddler is Our Heroine? If I’m doing the math right, this ends with Mary confessing her love for Dawn and then leaving town? Please?
@Anonymous: Thanks for the information about FW. I guess I kinda remember these characters, but to the extent I thought about them, would have assumed they had been married for years.
@taig: Dustin works for a temp agency that sends him out on very short-term assignments to anyone who needs a straight-man to set up a joke for them. In the comics world, it’s a pretty good business model!
MW-“I wonder if I should tell Dawn? Oh of course I will,” Mary says tenting her fingers and feeling quite excited at the thought of ruining a relationship.
JP-Sam then hangs up and calls Abbey.
FC-When you lie down with melonheads…
Spiderman-Unlike cats Spider-Men don’t land on their feet.
Mary Worthless – Meddling Mary strikes again. Should I tell Dawn ? . Does Dawn even give a fuck?.
Curtis – Does Curtis even realize that he’s gonna end up like “Dear Ol Dad”?
Zits – At least Jeremy has something in common with his cabin mates . They are both mooches who forage in trash.
Pluggers prefer Whole foods. As in “You ate that whole thing!?”
@taig:
Mary’s “Tattler” villain costume should consist of an eye mask a brightly colored cape with a ‘T’ on it. Not very imaginative I suppose.
Curtis: What IS going on? I swear this is a repeat… maybe Billingsly reused the exact same panels but inserted new dialogue… but I swear I recall Curtis yukking it up over “Dear Ol’ Dad” before with the exact same expressions.
Curtis: Someone in the Curtis-verse made a webcomic ripping off Crankshaft, except for the fact that whoever wrote “Dear Ol’ Dad” is already a superior writer to Batiuk, seeing as Curtis (i.e. at least one person) is unironically laughing.
Crock – In a world where most food is a glop derived from camel shit, Baloney on a Bun is indeed a gourmet treat.
Crock: So many jokes he could have used.
“I created a soft-drink”
“The taste is dull and uninspired, what is this?”
“The Da Vinci Coke”
Zits: Aren’t those guys adorable?? We’ve found that an ensemble works better for Raccoon humor than an individual appearance. And we’ve put together this talented troupe for these scenes where the picture tells it all.
You remember that Zits Enterprise owes us for those unused Zoo Animals we had procured for Zoo Prom. So we negotiated a new deal where we’ll provide some Wildlife talent for this Camp Episode, at increased rates to make up the shortfall. I hope they don’t let us down again. I’d hate for *anything* to happen that would spoil the light-heartedness here…
I don’t have to read the comics because Josh does it for me, so the last thing I need is some brat walking up and describing them and look, kid, I’m just trying to relax here. When he makes what he thinks is a trenchant political point I’d have to remind him that this is why children don’t have suffrage. Yes, I’d make him look up the word. Now shoo and let me enjoy my Cup-a-Soup.
Part one of Crankshaft’s School Bus Driving Class is over. The kid passed.
High-effort, well-researched (if distorted) crock: The Da Vinci Code.
Low effort Crock: this.
Curtis: “Also, they can rip off big conglomerate companies and get away with it because no-one knows that their comic exists… like how ‘Legend of Bill’ seems eerily similar to Disney’s ‘Dave the Barbarian.'”
Mary Worth – “Your boyfriend was compassionately listening to a patient who looked like she had the stuffing beaten out of her. What a worthless sack of skin!”
Luann – In Gunther’s defense, there is a method to loading a truck effectively, but that’s a lesson best learned by doing it wrong a few times. Also, Ox is just a Nice Guy ™. This guarantees that he won’t just finish last, but possibly not at all.
Curtis – Oh, buddy, if only! If only we could censor some of the stuff online – like Pibgorn!
Slyf – The physics seems suspect here, Weber is not accounting for gravity and the pressure it would cause the liquid itself to exert. Siphons of any kind rely on that.
Of course, there’s also the problem that Weirdly merely states that he has removed all air from the bell jar. Replacing it with oxygen would allow his statement to remain literally true.
Now, for serious social commentary that beats out Curtis’ “Dear old Dad,” consider the tableau – Weirdly hawking bullshit to an all too credulous media while Slylock, the Avatar of science and reason hangs back in the margins, where Weber invites the reader to join them.
Crock: Ragging on Dan Brown will never go out of style, I don’t care what anyone says.
Curtis: Turns out all legacy comics needed to do to get a young audience was to let them assume they’ve always been web-based.
MW: That Mary could see a situation for two seconds, make assumptions, and wonder if she should “tell Dawn” makes her look like a high school girl with white hair and it’s just too early in the morning for that.
“Baloney. It’s all baloney. And baloney isn’t kosher. And if you put the word baloney through the Gematria you get 1214, and 12:14 in the Gnostic gospel of Saint Anaxamandar states that ‘the Holy Word and the holy Maghreb stand together under the light of God.’ Don’t you see? We stand for the Holy Word, Catholic imperialism out of the City of the Lights standing under the noon light of the sun in the Maghreb! The Grail is here! We have to start digging. But first we get rid of Crock . . . .”
@pastordan: “So, uh, where did you get this baloney from, in this bleak, featureless void in which we exist?” “The same place Dan Brown got his narrative. I pulled it out of my—” “HIYOOOOOOOO”
FW: You would think over the course of their seven-year engagement Holly’s excitement would have ebbed away. In real life, these two would have a kid old enough to serve as ring bearer by now.
It’s never easy to predict what direction Batty is going to take a storyline, but my guess is Holly’s mom will butt in, wanting a big church wedding with Holly leading the processional with her flaming baton.
The kids (who are what now? Thirtyish? Fortyish?) will go their own way, however, opting to marry at the park gazebo with music provided by the Bedside Manorisms and Dinkle’s church choir. The reception will be at Montoni’s.
Of course, along the way, Funky will commiserate with Les, which will lead into a two-week flashback about Les’ wedding to Dead St. Lisa.
@richardf8:
Actually, water in a vacuum would boil at sea level in earth’s gravity. Not taking place on earth, however, would explain a lot about this strip.
C’shaft: “Very good, my young apprentice. Your next lesson: making willfully obtuse comments while your family fumes at your destructive behavior.”
FW: “Did I also mention I’m suddenly a suburban dad in his early 40s?”
MW: “Or would her breakdown me more satisfying if she discovers it on her own?”
Pibgorn: They both drowned, the end.
Small brain: The Da Vinci Code
Big brain: Crock ranking on The Da Vinci Code sixteen years after its publication
Galaxy brain: Josh ranking on Crock ranking on The Da Vinci Code until the sun sheds its outer layers and shrinks into a white dwarf, on publication of Crock is put on hiatus
Curtis: Greg is confused, and rightfully so. How is it possible that Curtis know about webcomics, yet doesn’t understand that webcomics are for furries, not social commentary?
@TheDiva: Re: Pibgorn—That would entail narrative closure, which we all know Brooke is incapable of providing.
DtM: As we can tell from her expression, Alice recognizes the coded message of her secret lover. This afternoon she will give Dennis a quarter and send him off to the double-feature while she enjoys a rumbustious lace-and-leather sexual romp.
MW: “I wonder if I should tell Dawn now, or wait until she’s over her hangover?”
Crock — This strip is unfunny tedious garbage that doesn’t even have the decency to disappear. C’mon, the clue is right there in the title! Wake up, sheeple!
@erdmann: Corky and Rocky* have been kept in suspended animation capsules since we saw them last. Corky’s developed a gas leak, which is why he aged and Rocky didn’t. Luckily, he brought along a magazine.
* and I defy you to come up with a cute celebrity relationship name. All I can see is “Corky” or “Rocky”
Wait…Jesus didn’t marry Mary Magledene and produce offspring?
MW: why would deeply loathsome meddlesome bitty Mary feel any to tell Dawn? Isn’t Mary told to respect patient privacy?
@Santa Christ:
Not everything in The DaVinci Code is baloney…Paris is a real place.
FW: Addressing racism didn’t win Batty enough brownie points, time to move on.
MW: The sight of two people of the opposite gender having a conversation that isn’t laced with passive aggression and naked loathing is enough to make Mary’s skin crawl.
RMMD: “Sure, I started all this by trying to break into cars and then smashing their windows in order to lure you out but you’re the one who held me hostage and wants to give me a lobotomy! I’m the innocent party here!”
@68 Professor Well Actually: You silly boy. You think HIPAA applies THE Mary Worth.
@Santa Christ:
The other Annunciation:
“Joseph, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you’re going to be the father of God.”
This Crock rerun is a fun time capsule, because “The Da Vinci Code” was the last instance of a complex conspiracy theory presented as quirky, fun and innocuous, even a bit progressive. Today, “a secret cabal manoeuvre the world behind the scene” is such a mad, resentful and paranoid conspiracy theory that can only be expressed by lone wolf terrorists, the craziest corners of the Internet and a major news networks with huge political influence.
We’ve now gone a full 180 in Mary Worth where instead of heaping praise on St. Jared the PA(thetic), the narrative is now blasting him as a full on cheater for (gasp) actually doing his job and talking to a patient! After all, in Moyverse, men and women can’t have conversations with each other that aren’t obviously romantic inclined. Couples who are already established must openly loathe each other and their conversations must purely be passive aggressive (take that dinner with Ken’s Amish Uncle and Charterstone Barbie in the last story) because showing affection unless it’s deemed appropriate by Tyrant Czar Mary is strictly verboten.
@erdmann: Batiuk is thinking “I love the Comics Curmudgeon! They write my plots so I don’t have to!”
SlyF: Slylock may be the only character allowed to use his brain in this strip, but you’d think the news crew might at least inquire why Weirdly’s “air-free enclosure” has obvious vents for circulating air.
MW: Remember, everyone,
WilburMary is agood guywise and compassionate person withendearing quirksspecial insight.GT: “It’s easy when the guys score two touchdowns. Honestly, it’s not a very fair way to win a baseball game, but Coach Thorp bullied that umpire so hard that he just put his arms up and gave us six points every time we scored a run. That bomb our right fielder planted probably wasn’t very fair either, but a win’s a win. Still, it’s a shame we didn’t convert the point after attempts.”
9CL: Clearly this “lonce” joke was just too clever and funny for a single week.
I wonder if I should tell Dawn, or I wonder if this is all an opiod-induced hallucination. Now, where is that damn pill closet?
@Hibbleton: By those rules, wouldn’t Weirdly explode in a vacuum too? I stand by my second assertion. The bell jar is filled to Standard Temperature and Pressure with pure oxygen.
I wonder if I should tell Dawn, or I wonder if this is all an opiod-induced hallucination. Now, where is that damn pill closet?
Baja Gaijin. I’m here to warn you that in today’s Nancy Classics there is a clown. However, I don’t think you have to worry about a clown from 1949 on a TV set.
Now, this is a face you need to fear. Except it’s from 1952 so maybe not.
@Professor Well Actually: Mary’s professional capacity at the hospital is, as near as I can tell “volunteer candy-striper.” If she knows what HIPAA is at all, she no doubt thinks it’s a bad idea.
Crankshaft – Safety issues aside, who would let a toddler sit on a riding mower and do the actual steering? A somewhat responsible adult would hold on to the steering wheel at the very least. Crankshaft wasn’t even paying attention.
FW – I had no idea who these people are, so thanks to the comments for identifying Cory and his fiancee.
They can have a nice wedding thanks to the money Cory stole from Lisa’s Legacy Run.
MW – Mary is jumping to conclusions here. Holding a patient’s hand is just one of Jared’s endearing quirks.
MW: [flinging down my oatmeal spoon] That she even *asks* herself that question reveals so much about her true character. Okay…I have had it with this sanctimonious hypocrite…sure, Mary…meddle in Dawn and Jared’s personal lives. That’s what you live for, isn’t it. I wish someone would meddle in *her* life for once with unfortunate consequences. I hope she comes upon Dr. Jeff in an affectionate relationship with another lady who can truly reciprocate his love…what would Mary think then??? Argh.
@Peanut Gallery: This is the second week he’s been at the bookstore, though. He’s never held a job this long before.
@jnoble: Yet, it’s still more imaginative than what the current writer could come up with.
FW: So what’s the deal with the luggage? Is Black-Haired Girl moving in with his mom? That would be some pretty intense wedding planning.
@The Grammar Hammer: #33
It’s okay – just take a deep breath and enjoy your walk with your pet peeve! I may join you – I have a houseful of peeves that need to be walked!
@Liam: #38
“MW-“I wonder if I should tell Dawn? Oh of course I will,” Mary says tenting her fingers and feeling quite excited at the thought of ruining a relationship.”
Or as I would put it, “…ruining *yet another* relationship”
@Anty A: That is a perfect description of today’s MW.
@Ukulele Ike: Cocky?
@richardf8: Everyone working at the hospital is subject to HIPAA. It’s surprising who is subject to it. Medical information has to be “safeguarded.”
I worked at a state welfare agency when HIPAA was enacted and implemented and had to deal with the law. Welfare records are considered medical information because of Medicaid, so HIPAA applies to welfare offices.
@80 Sequitur: Now I know where the Mary Worth authors got their inspiration for Wilbur’s shipwreck survival. Used the face in the final panel as a model for Helen.
@40 Hibbleton:
Also, pluggers never shop at Whole Foods.
I just took an enormous dump.
MARY WORTH: “Attentiveness”? I can’t believe that Jared and Jess are turning this sacred place of healing into a house of ill repute with such filth! Do it Mary! Meddle the sin right out of them!
MARY WORTH (2): Um…isn’t Jared doing his job right now? I know for Mary, meddling isn’t a career, it’s a lifestyle, but generally most people at the hospital are here as actual workers, with various duties they have to fulfill (up to and including consoling victims). Just because you come to the hospital to improve Dr Jeff’s “bedside manner” during work hours doesn’t mean everyone else is.
Edited to add: I’m sorry. That was very untoward of me. We all know that Mary isn’t doing absolutely nothing with Jeff. I regret the error.
Barney Google & SS: I bet the actual “local” radio station (where ever that is) does have a patch of sidewalk or something similar.
Mutt & Jeff: “Ha-ha. He hands me a laugh.” Odd locution, that. Originally a German or Yiddish phrase? And what the heck is a “WUXTRA”?
// The noble Count de Beaumont always intrigues.
Slyfox: Phui! The straw works? That merely proves there has to be some sort of gas in the enclosure. The pill is supposed to provide oxygen. Air-free does not necessarily mean vacuum. Count Wierdly probably replaced the oxygen in the chamber with some noble gas, being an aristo himself. I’m betting it’s argon. He probably tried to explain that to Slylock, shouting “Argon! Argon!” to the fox through the heavy glass enclosure. Slylock misheard that as “Air gone! Air gone!”
MW: This is where Bad Professor Well Actually would like this go–Mary talks to Dawn. Hospital administration finds out she has violated patient privacy and they humiliate her by publicly tearing that badge off her, frog marching her out of the building and throwing her ass out onto the sidewalk–followed by legal proceedings. OR Mary meddles and one thing leads to another and abusive SO tracks Jess down and gives her an even more vicious beating. Mary learns nothing.
It really is social commentary. “Dear ‘Ol Dad” shares his initials with “Department of Defense,” making it a veiled attack on American military overreach. Using gasoline to light a grill? Sounds a lot like what we did in Libya.
Juliet Jones – The genteel, repressed cousins have a slight Tennessee Williams vibe. I’d like to see what he would do with the cousins and the salt of the earth idiots they’re visiting.
Vintage JP – Well, we’ve seen the last of Ben and his dream of sanskrieg franchises. Time to move on.
I can’t wait to see Abbey’s reaction to this kid. “How did this urchin get in? MARIE! Get him out!”
Rip Kirby – Ye gods. A shootout. The only way I see Rip and Fan escaping this is if Temple and Ming kill each other.
King of the Royal Mounted – King is riding that horse without a saddle. At top speed. Through a snowstorm.
@94 23Scudderoo: on Mutt and Jeff: “WUXTRA” is the old timey word for “FUCK YOU.”
DUSTIN: Are the creators of Dustin feeling alright? They’ve had their protagonist hold down a job for a whole week now, what’s going on?
DUSTIN (2): To be fair though, I do think a guy sneaking a peak at Skank Fancy is going to be put off by a dude asking he “needs any help.”
I haven’t read The Da Vinci Code, but doesn’t it tie in with an earlier theory that Jesus had a son who somehow became the ancestor of the French royal family? So who would benefit, dynastically, from the DV Code getting trashed? The answer is, of course, the Habsburgs?
Crock! Tool of the Habsburg thugs!
HI & LOIS: That’s the tagline for Hi’s new male escort business.
Frazz – For one thing, leaving Christmas lights up doesn’t result in an incomplete grade that prevents passing to the next grade. The little genius should know that.
Last Kiss – Someone is confusing nudity with meticulously drawn and shaded legs.
MW – Can’t wait for Jess-red to double-karaoke with Wilbore and Estupide.
Jared can sing “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” and Jess can sing “Don’t it Make My One Eye Blue”
FUNKY WINKERBEAN:
No you didn’t.
Um…who ARE you, by the way?
@Professor Well Actually: Either is fine if it ends with Wilbur finally drowning. I still feel cheated.
REX MORGAN M.D.: Ugh, that Snake is such a cruel heartless villain willing to not aim his gun (or take any type of aggressive stance whatsoever) at the man who was planning to kidnap and lobotomized him…hmmm something’s not right here….
@Rube: I remember when one of the main characters said to her husband: “My father, John Darling…” You’re right, it seems like he ought to keep that level of needless exposition up, especially when he’s using this throwaway characters.
@23Scudderoo: In the old song “Gone With the Draft,” Nat King Cole sang: “As a sheik I can’t be beat, The boys all hand me a laugh, But since I have got flat feet, I’m not gone with the draft!”
CRANKSHAFT: Ok, nice try Crankshaft but I totally saw your lips move! (Maybe next time it’ll be more believable try it while drinking a glass of water?)
@I speak Jive:re CS: Yes, in some jurisdictions simply allowing a toddler to sit on the riding mower would be considered chlld endangerment. But here in Centerville, it’s just an ordinary Monday, with hilarious property damage.
Scene You Wish You Hadn’t Seen Department
Yaffle
9CL: A “lonce” is, obviously, a louche ponce. With Brooke, what else could it be?
Don’t worry, folks. Dustin will be fired this week because people who go into bookshops tend to be intolerant of morons.
@111 Sequitur: Why are you reposting Crankshaft under a different name? I see him with the giant boil on his face.
@Daisy: I hope Dr. Jeff and Estelle hook up and it turns out that he’s not actually allergic to Libby but instead it was Mary’s hair products. The two of them take Libby and Pierre to go on trips around the world.
@23Scudderoo: It’s like that time Flash Gordon was suffocating and he cried out to Dale Arden, “Air, Dale! Air, Dale!” So she got him a puppy.
That always handed me a laugh.
@Inspector Gotcha: @23Scudderoo: It’s like that time the League of Evil Bastards switched bodies with the Justice League (a la Gilligan’s Island and every other 1960s sitcom) and Lex Luthor walked into the john and said evilly “At least I will learn The Flash’s secret identity!” and took off the Flash mask, waited a beat, and said “I have no idea who this is.”
That always handed me a laugh.
MW: Is it wrong for me to expect a detached MROW! box hovering near Jess?
@Ukulele Ike: Don’t worry, folks. Dustin will be fired this week because people who go into bookshops tend to be intolerant of morons.
***
Now, let’s not generalize. Just because I go into book stores a lot and am intolerant of morons doesn’t mean everyone is.
Meanwhile, the snarky customer looks like Mr. Magoo. His eyesight must have improved since the days when Jim Backus did his voice because now he’s only wearing cheaters.
Side note on bookstores: A friend who worked for Barnes & Noble told me about a clueless co-worker he had who was shelving books. There was a book, C**T, that belonged in Women’s Studies. The clueless guy looked at the title and placed it among the Health books.
Vintage Nancy – Young Pee-Wee Herman discovers 3-D French postcards. Ooh la la!
(Yes, I know he’ll prefer beefcake when he grows up. This is him discovering camp.)
@richardf8:
No, your body wouldn’t explode at the reduction of 1 atm. That’s a myth. Your eyes and capillaries wouldn’t like it but you wouldn’t become a human grenade.
@Anonymous: I sincerely hope you’re right. Billingsley taking the p out of Batuik is like something from my wildest dreams.
Since we can’t embed gifs here, just pretend I posted the one of Michael Jackson eating popcorn.
Beat up Bailey: …on the other hand..you’d think being a Cyclops would help Sarge get his whole face in.
@Needless_Exposition: Yes! I like that! A spinoff starring Jeffstelle and the Charterstone Animal Stars! New locations, new plots… Mary Worth will be history!
Unless .. Melody Mare moves to Charterstone and introduces Mary to Mane ‘n Tail hair care products. Either way looks to be a winner for my clients.
Crank: I can’t decide if Batty suddenly remembered that Max, Hannah and the kid whose name I’ve forgotten moved in with the ‘Shafts last year and this was the best idea he could come up with for his periodical acknowledgment of this, or if he thought “Wouldn’t it be funny if Ed let a small child operate heavy machinery?” and then remembered that there was a small child available.
JP: I don’t remember if we’ve been told about “the cottage house” before, but my sympathy for Abbey has dramatically dropped (from zero) on learning/being reminded that she has a whole extra building and still decided that she’d rather refit the barn into something vaguely fit for human habitation rather than let her B&B customers on the actual property.
MT: I would unironically love it if he rolled with this. “Yo, I’m Professor Bee Sharp and I’m here to say/You people are throwing your money away!” Well, maybe a bit ironically.
MW: “I mean, it’s not really any of my busin… hahaha, I crack myself up!”
Phantom: Old Man Mozz’s speech-balloon-tail leading to the flashforward is actually a neat device, but I hope Rubin doesn’t like it so much he wants to extend this story further so he can use it more.
Is Mary turning into Helen? Will she show up with binoculars and report Jared to hospital management? Better yet, will she eventually pack up and leave town?
@Jim Salisbury: The DaVinci Code – Jesus wants you to drink your Ovaltine….
I’m still dying to know what the hell Ian said/did to Helen that caused her to pack up, quit her (presumably tenured) position and leave town on the spot like that.
It must have been something blood-chilling. I WANNA KNOW!
Phantom: Are they in a downfall of rain or just posed against a waterfall? If the former, I want to know what hair products Savarna uses to keep it so fluffy and sexy.
Less important, but did she come all the way from Tibet on a horse? She must be too saddlesore to do Kit any good.
Here’s some news: according to an article in thedailycartoonist.com, other artists are filling in for Mike Manley for both the Phantom and Judge Parker. Manley is having health issues. The article reported that he was feeding very bad, and that a COVID test was negative.
I thought that the last panel of JP looked strange and not like Manley’s usual artwork.
@Horace Broon: but I hope Rubin doesn’t like it so much
DePaul. Rubin does Gil Thorp, which thus far has not featured a year-long flashforward framed by a self-defeating prophecy, although it wouldn’t entirely surprise me if it did.
@Ukulele Ike: Crocky?
@Arabella: Seriously, a child could be badly hurt or worse on a riding mower. It’s not a toy.
I don’t understand why Crankshaft didn’t take over when he saw they were headed for the fence. It’s not like they plowed into the fence at ninety miles an hour with no time to react. I’m not sure if today falls into the moron or asshole column.
@astroboy: Me, too. That was some terrible storytelling. Moy completely skipped over a major story development. It’s especially annoying considering that she spent four weeks on “dogs are good.”
@I speak Jive: re JP artwork: I wondered why they hadn’t shown Neddy at the day spa getting her lips plumped up.
Zits – I’m looking forward to the annual all-out battle with Camp Scratchy down the road. Should be some gruesome injuries.
@Schroduck: Les thinks he has that emotion toward Lisa. He doesn’t. But if you ask him, he’ll say he does (and then won’t stop talking about how much he loves Lisa).
MW: I haven’t been to the hospital recently but aren’t rooms private?
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: It is nice to know that Sneaky the Racoon is getting work again. Oh look, he’s clawing at Jeremy’s face and giving him diseases! What an adorable little scamp that Sneaky is!
Love Is-Morning coffee after last night’s tea bag.
@Professor Well Actually: Guess it’s fuck HIPPA, as long as you’ve got one of those clip-on badge thingies. And with Meddlin’ Mary, if push comes to shove it’s, we don’t need no stinkin’ badges….
@Chance: Interesting. That song came out in 1941. Written by a “Walt Wesley” — according to one source.
9CL Someone who will remind him that he doesn’t have any friends and that he stinks seems like his soulmate. At least she seems willing to accept the horrendous overbite and his lack of a chin.
@Peanut Gallery: “…handed me a laugh.”
All praise
Today’s
Phrase.
@138 2+2=7:
Not only that but Nitro, the exploding fart raccoon, is sticking his ass out from under a bunk.
Crock: This is the first Crock that made me laugh since maybe 1978, when I was ten. Then again, I have a deep-seated disdain for The DaVinci Code because not only is it a terrible book, written terribly, but also it is a cheap knockoff of Umberto Eco’s magnificent ‘Foucault’s Pendulum.’
That said, I appreciated the implication that life in the garrison is so relentlessly grim that a baloney sandwich might in fact constitute a legitimate gourmet meal when compared to the usual fare of boiled camel, deep-fried camel spiders, and tequila fermented in a camel bladder stashed in an outhouse.
@Peanut Gallery:Zits: Is Camp Itchy part of Itchycoo Park? I wonder what the kids do there?
// It’s all too beautiful.
@Old School Allie Cat: I think it’s unfair to call Ox the quote-unquote “Nice Guy™”, as he seems like a genuinely decent fellow rather than one who insists upon some kind of sexual favor in return for his niceness (he was hoping to be Tiffany’s White Knight that one time, but I’m giving him leeway because he never pressed the issue or held a grudge when she blew him off afterward.)
Gunther on the other hand is total incel material. He even ranted one time about how unfair it was that women wanted jerks like Les instead of nice respectful men like him. And remember how he tried to guilt-trip Luann into dating him by saying he should just off himself?
@2+2=7: @Sequitur: re Zits: I see you folks recognize some of these guys from their earlier days, when they tried to make it solo in the horror genre, or in the off-color slapstick circuit. But that’s all changed – they’re Team Players now! Our agency has given them a new sense of purpose, camaraderie, job security, and a great health and dental plan.
We’re hopin’ they’ll get a call back tomorrow, but if not, we have many more photogenic Wildlife characters waitin’ in the wings. This is gonna be a great week….
@Unca $crooge: #142
Edda was a hateful character even from her childhood. She and Amos have a truly sado-masochistic relationship, and I don’t derive any amusement from it at all.
@Chunk: …usual fare of boiled camel, deep-fried camel spiders, and tequila fermented in a camel bladder stashed in an outhouse.
Luxury!
@I speak Jive: #133
“@astroboy: Me, too. That was some terrible storytelling. Moy completely skipped over a major story development. It’s especially annoying considering that she spent four weeks on “dogs are good.””
I am really losing confidence – and respect – for Karen Moy’s abilities as a storyteller. At least today’s strip offers an glimpse into “the banality of evil” that resides within the soul of Mary Worth (the character)…
@astroboy: #128
I understand your feelings…but it’s probably best to resign yourself to never knowing. I did, and I’m at peace now…
:-)
@Enormous Dump: Well, I hope you return it before the weekend.
@Inspector Gotcha:
Hey Joe, where you goin with that gun in your hand?
@Rube: It’s understandable, especially since it looks like Cory’s aged twenty years since the last time we saw him.
@Needless_Exposition: #115
Yes!!! Finally, a potentially healthy relationship!!! But for goodness’ sake don’t let Mary know…
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: There was a book, C**T, that belonged in Women’s Studies. The clueless guy looked at the title and placed it among the Health books.
Wrong. Belongs in bed.
Mary’s Worth It: “Should I tell Dawn? Heck yes! In three part harmony!– Delta Dawn guess what Jarad’s got going on/he’s seeing a Star Wars chick behind your back/Now don’t you know it’s true/ that the only geeks that are true blue are ones who live Star Trek” Note to self…when I sing it to her make back rhyme with Trek.
@Jimmy, Age 8: Don’t be a D**K.
I’m not sure how any piece of media can top the roast of The Da Vinci Code on The Good Place, where reading the book is a catalyst for a main character realizing he’s experienced enough of heaven, but calling it “baloney” is, frankly, a pathetic attempt.
@Daisy: 9CL – So, “lonce” was just a made up word that Edda used over a decade ago to prank Amos with and has since completely forgotten, but of course Amos has nothing in his life except his worship of Edda so he still remembers not only what it means but what threats Edda made against him if he were ever to disclose the meaning. So, when Edda forgets the whole incident and then asks what “lonce” means, Amos fears for his life because he pledged never to reveal the truth, and flees the scene rather than face her vengeance.
It always brings up the question of whether the author thinks he is really writing a perfect and beautiful story of true and pure love, or if he realizes how one-sided the relationship has been portrayed? Is Edda’s refusal to ever compliment Amos just a coincidence, or does Brooke specifically write her as a selfish narcissist because its sexier that way, or does he just think all women are completely selfish narcissists but he loves them for it anyways because of the sexy legs?
@259 Blast Hardcheese:
In bed.
@I speak Jive:
Will the fill-in artists be able to draw more than one face?
@Garrison Skunk:
That was supposed to be ‘love Star Trek’,spell check, but ‘lives’ works too.
@Blast Hardcheese: And I realized that my c**k kept going off and just wouldn’t stop vibrating and waking everyone up no matter how hard I banged it against the dresser to try and make it go back to sleep.
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box:
Maybe she meant ‘vonce’ -Yiddish for bedbug as every MASH fan knows.
GT: Hey, I think they might be returning to the Incognito Dad Storyline.
MW: Mary is losing it. She’s supposed to ”help” Jared by meddling in his life, not just rat him out.
@Blast Hardcheese: Don’t be a D**K
Good advice, except in…
@Sequitur: In bed.
Oh. I see that I have an admirer. In bed.
9CL-“I want more people to fawn over and worship me.”
@I Hand You a Laugh — The Psychedelic Scudders: I don’t mind them getting high, but don’t they know they shouldn’t feed the ducks with a bun? There are signs and everything!
@Arabella: Yeah. When I read JP this morning I did a double take when I saw those lips.
@Daisy: I almost did a double take at Mary Worth, too. Since when does Mary go trawling for trouble? She always sits back with her muffins and waits for the meddlees to come crawling to her.
Moy probably thought that she was writing Mary as concerned and proactive. However, to me she came across as a malicious busybody.
@Buck Ripsnort: The one today drew some different lips.
Crock-“What’s in it?” Crap.
@Daisy:
Wait…you had some to begin with?
9CL: So, is he really stretching this out for two weeks, or did he just lose track of how many strips he submitted last week, and run over by a day?
Mary’s grown too impatient to wait for meddling after she found Charterstone Barbie’s “problem” too amateurish for her to solve except to give her the “advice” of telling her to make her man take care of it. But because she finds the Westons to be her most loyal subordinates, she’s feeling “obligated” to be the one to stir the drama pot. “Jared having a conversation with a woman that isn’t Dawn who happens to be a patient…that cannot do! But Dawn intentionally lying to Jared and going out behind his back to dance with other men…yes, that’s perfectly fine.”
@Peanut Gallery: All the cool kids are feeding raccoons.
@178 Itchycoo Scuds:
Yeah, raccoons have a penchant for eating cool kids. Especially in the summer.
FW: Thanks to all you mudges who reminded me just who the hell these two are. The last time Corey was involved in a story wasn’t he the one who set Adeela up to be nabbed by ICE by sending her to deliver a pizza to a fake address? OK, so he didn’t do exactly that but how did the ICE people know that Adeela would be a last second substitution on the delivery? A better story would’ve been for Adeela to be a last second substitution because Corey had something more important to do and she walked into a trap set up by robbers. And yes, that is a common criminal method, ordering pizzas to a fake address and robbing the driver. Adeela is viciously assaulted and while clinging to life in the ICU, Corey is wracked by guilt for sending her there. Oh wait, that’s good storytelling, won’t happen.
@I speak Jive: #130: Different artists? No wonder that horse looks so mopey in the last panel of today’s Phantom. Of course, if I were a horse I’d be more than mopey after being forced to carry someone from Tibet to Subequatorial Africa.
love is... grinning like a couple of loons not aware the police are zeroing in on them for public nudity.
Pluggers: Pluggers are motherfucking fat #4538.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Mopey? He just spent several months between Savarna’s legs! I’d be downright chipper.
@richardf8: The bell jar is filled to Standard Temperature and Pressure with pure oxygen.
And to celebrate pulling one over on the news crew, Weirdly decides to light up a cigar.
@2+2=7: 175
…um, good point…perhaps I was conflating her with Brooke McEldowney, who is a consummate storyteller. I am so confused…
@I speak Jive: #172
“Moy probably thought that she was writing Mary as concerned and proactive. However, to me she came across as a malicious busybody.”
That’s exactly what she’s becoming. This is so maddening.
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: #161
Plumbing the depths of Brooke’s psyche is not where I ever want to go, for sure, but it seems like he does not have any affection for any of his characters…they are all portrayed as amoral and shallow – to me, at least. There’s no warmth or humor…just endless erotic pas de deux with interludes of religious angst and sprinkles of pretentious wordplay.
Crock: The burn in today’s strip was actually pretty timely:
“Tom Hanks Calls The Da Vinci Code Movie Series ‘Hooey’ ” —People magazine, June 13, 2022
(If you’ll pardon the expression, even a stopped Crock is accurate twice a decade.)
@187 Daisy:
I feel Mary has always been a busybody but the “malicious” part is something new and I don’t like it.
If Crock is recycling old strips, I wonder how long it will be before they get around to this one from May 6, 2012 where they did a jab at Josh. Not only did the old one not make any sense to the majority of comic readers at that time, today it would mean even less because Josh no longer lives in Baltimore.
Hmmm. I wonder if that’s the reason Josh moved?
Luann: I’m with Ox on this. Just start loading the shit and get the job done. The secret is load the biggest, bulkiest things first and pack the small stuff in the spaces left. I once helped two buddies move and they acted like two field marshals planning to attack Poland. We wasted a whole hour or two of work time while they were arguing over their loading “schematic”.
Phantom: You’ll remember, dahlings, that it was ME who Savarna was riding when she left Tibet – or at least they pasted in my archived image for her departure shot. But I’m definitely not the Horse she rode in on today!
“Mopey” is right. That’s Stuart “Sad Sack” Stallion they got for this appearance. This out-of-narrative scene was shot while I was on location for Prince Valiant, and was not available for other gigs. They said this footage might be used for either flashback or prophetic purposes, as the situation required. Stuart wasn’t happy about not getting paid for the work until it actually appeared. But if it weren’t that, it would have been some other gripe… he’s known to be a wet blanket – that’s his brand.
Of course they hadn’t “ridden” from Tibet! That would be ridiculous. Savarna’s private jet dropped them off at Bengalla International.
@The Rambling Otter: You may be thinking of this one: https://joshreads.com/2021/06/sincerely-hope-tweens-are-out-there-reading-crankshaft-to-their-horrified-dads-in-real-life/
@Guillermo el chiclero: Thing is, I have learned from experience, is that there is a huge difference between people like you and me, who intuitively get where things should go, and people who regard it as a dark art. They are better off just leaving us alone.
@Hibbleton:
Shouldn’t that be “she smelled like muffins”?
@Bryan: Didn’t Gunther lose the “incel” label once he started porking Bets?
@Rube: In my experience, I’ve learned to let the Big Thinkers carry out the packing.
Once I’ve helped carry the shit out, I can leave them scratching their heads and lifting the heavy things while I sit and have another cuppa and a smoke.
Pluggers: So it’s come to this, a doughnut joke from “Simpsonville.” Not Springfield?
@Ukulele Ike: I think we all can agree that a guy like Gunther, who would come up with a useless plan, not carry anything heavy, and not go for beer and pizza, is the worst.
@Rube: #200: And after not doing shit other than unsolicited supervising, Gunther will demand an equal cut of the money.
@Melody Mare, on R&R: #193
Melody, it’s only a mere 7000 km from Tibet to “Bangalla” (via Kenya & Uganda) – I bet you could make that trek! Of course, you’d probably go through several sets of horseshoes and have to go without your regular spa treatments and luxury accommodations but you’re a real trouper! And think of the fame such an adventure would bring you and all horsedom! It would be worth it! You’d even make it into the Guinness Book for world’s longest equine trek! Oh, I get thrills just thinking about it!!
@Sequitur: #190
“Devious” is right. I don’t like it either.
Crock-“What’s in it?” Horse meat.
@Rube: SURELY Gunther would be able to carry beer and pizza? Although SoCal pizza is certain to be ghastly. Maybe they could ship his useless ass to New Haven, Connecticut, to pick up a few pies from Sally’s Apizza?
@Ukulele Ike: Didn’t Gunther lose the “incel” label once he started porking Bets?
That doesn’t mean the mindset went away.
@Bryan: How could you resent women for denying you sex once you were getting it on with a lusty hot young woman of color? I may not understand the incel lifestyle. It has always been alien to me.
@Rube:
I helped a guy friend move, and as the only female in the group, I was tasked with procuring breakfast (coffee and chicken biscuits), and packing fragile glassware. Know your strengths.
Would Sid represent poo animals?
@Baja Gaijin: Oh, fer the love of Pete – what kinda tomfoolery are those wacky Japanese up to now? Everybody’s gotta gimmick, I guess. Though I wouldn’t have guessed poo animals.
I don’t think they’ll replace my clients in the grand scheme of things…
@210 Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: You have to admit, they’re cuter than Marvin and more loveable than Wilbur Weston.
@Old School Allie Cat: You weren’t lifting anything heavy, and you got your pick of the plumpest juiciest chicken biscuits. You did all right.
@The Rambling Otter:
“The taste is dull and uninspired, what is this?”
“The Da Vinci Coke”
____________________
“I created a comic”
“The taste is dull and uninspired, what do you call it?”
“The Da Vinci Crock”
@Hibbleton:
@Baja Gaijin: Well, I don’t represent Marvin or Wilbur either. I run a high-class shop here.
@BigTed: “Hooey”!? I know Tom Hanks is trying to spice up his nice-guy image, but there’s no need for him to resort to profanity.
@215 Peanut Gallery
Hooey! Just in time for Father’s day.
@Old School Allie Cat: #208
“I am Woman…see me pour…”
Sincere apologies to Helen Reddy and everyone else…
@Melody Mare, on R&R: As one of your many devoted fans, I know that many of us really appreciate your taking the time to provide us with this inside information, though, of course, “Sad Sack” Stuart is less interesting to us than you are.
And we look forward to seeing you again whenever and wherever you appear in future, including, maybe, when Aleta meets Morgan le Fay, as strongly hinted in the latest episode of PV. That meeting (which it’s hard to believe hasn’t happened before) sounds interesting but potentially explosive, literally. I hope that if and when it happens, the producers will make certain that you are safe.
@Sequitur: Bwahahahaha! Thanks, I needed that.
@197 Ukulele Ike: I’m still not convinced he and Bets had any use for the disgusting disturbing Boink Tent other than to make fun of it on her social media account. She and what’s-his-face, the Gunther’s roommate in the disturbing Backyard Shed, they’re probably boinking while Gunther fumes outside.
@205 Ukulele Ike: WRONG! SoCal has great pizza. Just like everywhere else, you have to go to the locals. You’re making me miss Pizzaman Dan’s.
@Rita Lake:
Thank you!! I was certain I wasn’t losing it xD
@The Grammar Hammer: This has been a battle for me since grade 4 back in 1962 when a teacher put a question mark at the end of a similar statement.