Mostly baseball
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Shoe, 5/25/23
I’m not sure if we’s supposed to understand here that Skyler is literally running away from home (if he is, he’s violating the cardinal rule that a runaway child in a comic must have a bindle over their shoulder) or if the Perfesser is staring morosely into his meatloaf a few seats up, leaving Skyler to engage in idle chitchat with a local old guy, who’s advising him on just kind of checking out on life and doing the least possible until death inevitably takes you.
Hi and Lois, 5/25/23
Speaking of coasting through your days, sports sure are fun when they’re easy! You’re not supposed to say this — giving your all and playing to the best of your ability are supposed to be their own rewards — but Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC doesn’t have patience for society’s meaningless pieties.
Gil Thorp, 5/25/23
Look, I’m not going to say that Milford High is weird, exactly, but I don’t think it’s quite normal for teens to be extremely supportive of a classmate who’s secretly going blind but then cruelly turn on him when the learn that his dad got caught up in a print media plagiarism scandal years earlier. How much could these kids care about journalism ethics? The media figure they have the most contact with is Marty Moon!
191 replies to “Mostly baseball”
MW: Eve bears an eerie resemblance to Jared. Did she leave him on a doorstep years ago, when she realized he just couldn’t rock a neckerchief?
RMMD: “The honeymoon isn’t over, darling! There are TONS of things at home to kvetch about!”
Hi and Lois: Ditto gives a shout out to 90-year-old actress Barbara Feldon with his uniform number.
GT: HBP Home Bound Puppy
RMMD – Those pet names they have for each other are adorable!
Shoe – The most rewarding part of this guy’s life is filling his Depends(TM)….
H&L – I haven’t seen smuggery like that since Les Moore….
GT – Don’t forget HPV and STD….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Shoe-“Regrets? Sure I’ve got regrets. I’ve got plenty of regrets.”
Spiderman-“Shall I carry you across the threshhold?”
RMMD-If you were any sweeter you would kill diabetics.
MW-Just dragging the story out until Mary makes an appearance.
JP-Now now they just had you confused for Sophie with the sunglasses on you look alike.
FC-Ya got crayons at home.
Shoe: If you have a foot-long beak but spend all your time trying to drink out of tiny coffee cups, of course life will pass you by! (Hint: This place has straws, man — stop being a weirdo!)
Hi and Lois: You know what makes pop-ups even easier, kid? Closing your glove so the ball doesn’t fall out. (That’s something your dad would have taught you if he weren’t so busy doing… say, what does Hi do all day, anyway?)
Gil Thorp: “Yooo, is your dad that plagiarist?” “He apologized!” “Whatever, dude. Anyhow, I have to go see if ChatGPT is done writing my English paper.”
Dennis the Menace: The lesson here, Gina, is that men can do housework! But also that it’s incredibly emasculating, so they shouldn’t! Okay, actually, the lesson here is that you should find people other than the Mitchell family to hang out with. Anyone would be better, really. Does Joey have parents?
Hagar the Horrible : is unexpectedly dark today. And it raises a bunch of uncomfortable questions, such as “What if learning this is all the Horribles have pisses the guy off, and he decides this means he should kill them in retaliation?” and “What about Honi and Hamlet? Are they okay, or are the guy’s accomplices running a train on them off-panel?”
…Too far?…***********
Hi & Lois : this comic strip features someone putting minimal effort and catching a super-easy freebie, yet acting like he hit a game-winning homerun. But enough about the artist : today, it also has drawings of Ditto Flagston playing baseball.
**********
Gil Thorp : actually, the only journalist the Milford teens know being Marty Moon WOULD lead them to be hyper-critical of journalistic ethical failures, especially from the viewpoint of “if Marty’s gotten away with all the shit he did, what Gregg’s dad did must have been EXTRA bad for him to get fired and blacklisted!”
**********
Rhymes with Orange : that fear is not unfounded, because that’s not a severed taxidermied head, that’s a live bear sticking his neck through a hole.
GT: “Make your pitch count, because it could be the last. Speaking of pitch, also watch a lot of porn because you never know when you will lose use of your eyes. Everyone is maudlin about never seeing another sunset, but they don’t tell you how much you’ll miss the ability to watch porn, especially as it is now so plentiful. Listening to audiobook of erotica is really not the same!”
H&L: Thurston tips his beer can at Ditto. “That’s it kid. Easy does it.”
Was Ditto drafted by the Yankees? I know they’re not having the best season, but I didn’t think that they were this desperate.
Hi and Lois doesn’t always make jokes that allude to 21st Century popular culture, but when they do, it’s about the “Most Interesting Man in the World” advertising campaign that ended five years ago.
Shoe: This is the kind of unsolicited, head scratching advice a kid will get when parked near some random old guy who incorrectly assumes the soda pop he’s drinking is spiked with as much gin as is in his coffee.
DtM: Henry thinks; “What!? Coming home drunk and vomiting on the kitchen floor isn’t man enough for you!?”
FC: “No! You know you’re not allowed to eat in the car.”
Shoe: This strip is great, because you never know if you’re going to get a silly pun or a bleak commentary on the meaningless of life. It’s like if Carrot Top decided to start a double act with Sylvia Plath (and they were both dressed as birds but never acknowledged it).
H&L: Is it just me, or does this sound like an ad for Easy Pop-Ups Toaster Treats (now with 25% more cheese product!)
GT: I know that Gil Thorp is the ultimate “tell-don’t-show” strip, but I swear to god, if we don’t get five solid days of these blindfolded kids pelting each other with baseballs and running into fence posts, I’m going to write the angriest letter…
MW: I’m becoming almost morbidly fascinated by the lack of action in this strip. Two weeks of Mary and Jeff commenting on sunsets and strangers is now followed by two old people commenting on their dogs. Moy wants us to be on the edge of our seats with the building anticipation, but about what, exactly? Okay, I’ll bite. WHEN will Eve and Max be called in from ANIMAL HOSPITAL’s waiting room? Will Max be given a doggie treat? Will anyone compliment Max and Eve on their matching neckerchiefs? Will Dr. Harding euthanize Max on the spot?
@Anonymous: re RwO: “a live Bear sticking his neck through a hole in the wall.” Listen, we’re not supposed to spoil the illusion, okay? ALL taxidermied heads in comics are played by live actors… at least if I have anything to say about it.
But you’re right – Young Orson is not giving the proper impression here. It was probably a mistake to cast him so soon after his Mark Trail gig – he didn’t have time to learn the material and create his characterization.
And a great job by Willa and Stellan! It seems their return as Wilbur’s piscene companions … and therapists… has been postponed for a bit – much to their relief.
Appropriately, a popular legacy comic strip inherited by the sons of its creator and now its third artist is making a case for easy success with no personal direct effort.
Shoe: “You can’t run away from life, Skyler. But you can let it pa- oh, right! Suicide! Well, there you go, kiddo, I guess you can run away from life!”
GT: Greg(g) Hamm truly is an inspirational figure who faced the odds and beat them. Well, retcon Hamm is, at least. In the original story from last year, Hamm did nothing to solve his problems and barely even cracks the top 5 most important characters in his own story. Instead, his friend and team shortstop Scooter came up with the creative solutions, with Coach Thorp pitching in slightly when he could find an angle where he could be a douchebag about it. Hamm himself was useless beyond simply doing as he was told.
Dustin: Sure, Helen, go ahead and mock Ed’s struggle. Nothing bad has ever come from discouraging an extremely hostile asshole from pursuing art.
JP: Setting aside how deserved this wary treatment is, isn’t this “boo hoo people stare at me when I buy coffee” thing also a complete recycling of exactly why Toni left Cavelton after running for mayor? And why Abbey wanted to leave Cavelton before deciding to run for mayor? In fact, I think it might also have been an occurrence in Alan’s criminal fiasco and subsequent failed bid for mayor. It’s a bizarre pattern, but I guess it means April’s in line for her own campaign to conquer city hall. Makes as much sense as anything else.
Shoe – Skyler doesn’t even react to the old Birdman. It looks like he is distracted by something off panel. Probably a girl. Whatever wisdom the old guy is imparting, it can’t compete with Linda from homeroom.
Hi and Lois – Is cartoonist Eric Reaves taking a swipe at Yankee’s player Aaron Judge’s ability to play in the outfield?
Gil Thorp – Young folks don’t care about media ethics as much as they hate content theft. Various forms of influencer top the list of most popular jobs teens want to have when they grow up, and the last thing they want is for someone to steal their latest dance on TikTok*
*There is a good chance I have dated myself by referencing TikTok, which for all I know has become the Friendster of Gen Z as they have moved on to a platform and technology I’m not even aware exists.
@jroggs: re JP: new title – The Mean Coffee Shops of Cavelton
Mary makes all Charterstone residents check in with her every hour whenever they are not in the compound.
RMMD: Having somehow had an arrested criminal break out of the hold in the ship, the obvious next step is to just release all the passengers at the dock.
RMMD: Sure enough, the cruise ship arrives in port and dumps all the passengers out, allowing the known murderer to just slip away without difficulty. We’ve got a few more days of guess-you’re-rights and suppose-that’s-trues to wind matters down formally, but this is effectively the end, so let’s sum up and conclude.
Despite clearly attempting to commit homicide, Rene has been treated as a total non-threat from the moment he fell over the railing. Similarly, Mud has been treated as an unambiguous Good Guy whose worst crime is not playing “Muddy Boots” frequently enough, and he could not possibly be a suspicious accomplice of Rene’s misdeeds, despite the fact that Mud is an established accomplice of Rene and at least some of his misdeeds, and he has his own immoral and unethical past stretching back decades. Not to mention the possibility that Rene could have had other criminal partners on the ship; none of this was ever acknowledged, let alone ruled out. Even after Rene escaped from the brig (which couldn’t possibly have been facilitated by, say, a known accomplice of Rene’s, possibly in the form of an opportunistic and deceitful scoundrel musician), Hank continued to chillax and profess his belief that that rascal Rene definitely probably isn’t something to worry about.
So now the Harwoods are off the boat. Problems over, right? Absolutely not. Just the opposite, in fact. Now the once-contained Rene is loose in the world. He has more reasons than before to kill Hank, and now he’s also got incentive to kill Yvonne and Mud as well. Rene’s already facing a minimum of life in prison if he’s caught and the Harwoods and Mud testify against him, so he has little to lose in attempting to murder the trio to cover up his previous crime as well as seek revenge. He knows where the Harwoods live and can now strike at the time of his choosing. This should be absolutely terrifying. But instead, these diner-dwelling dipshits are just babbling sweet blandnesses to each other as they plan their next boring vacation.
Remember when Terry Beatty had Jordan-Like-The-Country lying about serving in combat for an ostensibly noble purpose (something along the lines of not bumming people out with the realities of hazards that support troops have to face)? Beatty received a thorough social media beating for that blunder, and conceded the point with the explanation that he just didn’t know better. I can understand that to an extent; the fine points and consequences of stolen valor aren’t necessarily widely discussed or understood. But the nature and ramifications of premeditated attempted murder? How is Beatty so ridiculously lost on something this simple?
CS – If you want to see Cranky actually sitting on the toilet, you have to subscribe to his OnlyFans.
RMMD: Unbeknownst to the Harwoods, master of disguise Rene Belluso has transformed himself into Hank’s Rollaboard.
GT: Normally, an announcer would not say “fourth HBP”; he would say “fourth hit batter.” But that’s normally.
JP: What are you whining about, April? You’ve got cachet. You’ve got swagger. Ain’t no fool gonna mess wit you.
CS: We now return to “Crankshaft” and join Ed in mid-shit.
Marvin: Gotta say, at least this strip is internally consistent.
“Thinking outside the box, okay. Going outside the box, not okay.” (I assume Jeff is wearing a diaper)
Don Abundio, translated:
[Sign: SALE]
“I love these cute dolls!”
“Egad! What’s this hideous gnome?”
“I don’t know. What does the tag say?”
“Sex doll”
Shoooey — “You can’t run away from life, Skyler. But you can fly away from it! You’re a bird after all, and not the roadrunner kind. I’ll never forget how he just laughed at my advice–sorta wish the coyote would get him.”
MW: Mary’s instincts are telling her to get extra muffin mix at the Food Team.
RMMD: Yvonne: “It’s Yvonne Anderson. I kept my name.”
Hank: *sigh* “Yes dear…”
Phantom: I guess I’d want to see how/if this radio from the 1930 worked, so I can’t blame the entire Jungle Patrol crowding around.
RMMD Cruise ship departures are extremely methodical and done through a controlled checkpoint. It would be totally impossible for Rene to escape. Of course, it would be totally impossible for him to get out of the brig, too, so, hey, whatever.
9CL – Poor twins. Destined to go through life with matching outfits and rhyming names and sharing a personality, and with not a single means or reason to tell them apart. Then, to top it all off, their artist can’t draw children as anything but chubby miniature adults.
It’s a safe bet that they have spent every second of their lives together, in the same room, wearing the same outfits, finishing each others sentences, using the same Thesaurus. It’s no wonder their tolerance for the situation is wearing a little thin and that they are taking it out on each other.
Luckily, their doting mother is there to sigh ostentatiously and make it very clear that the twins are on their own to work it out themselves as mommy is busy showing off her bikini body for the grateful fish swimming in the pond.
Shoe: I think another possible scenario is that this Mister Magoo looking motherfucker kidnapped Skyler and the Perfesser of course didn’t care, so now Skyler is just being dragged around by his demented, Alzheimer’s stricken captor as he rants madly about life.
Gil Thorp: Ah. Thank you for linking to the post featuring Funky Winkerbean’s nakes ass, Josh. I had forgotten about that. Thank you for researing it into my mind.
Shoe – It’s no good talking to Skyler right now. He just found out where eggs come from.
Archie – Poor Milton doesn’t understand why “Sippin’ Donuts” never caught on.
Wrecks Moregone:
Are you all blind?!? Rene’s literally over there to your left with the green woman!
Wary Morth:
Max: “I want to take another bullet for you. I mean I literally want to receive a bullet and give you in exchange. I’ll figure out what to do with the bullet afterwards.”
And Ditto is still standing there smirking as one of his teammates has to run over to scoop up the ball he threw six feet in front of him.
@Rube: #31: On the only cruise I’ve ever been on they didn’t just release us in one big uncontrolled mob at the dock. We were released in small controlled groups into a building connected to the ship by a covered gangway. Once in the building we were processed by US Customs and had to show our appropriate papers and IDs before being let out onto the streets of Galveston.
FC – Dolly had a few crayons with her, but she used them all up improving the artwork.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Yep, that’s how reality works. Something that has no connection to this strip, of course.
Shoe: “Also, if you wear a loud shirt it makes it easier for Life to spot and avoid you.”
Rex Morgan: Based upon the mass release of “passengers,” I’m thinking The Harwoods just disembarked from Disney California Adventure’s newest attraction, “The Disney Cruise Experience.” The Imagineers recreated the look and feel of “The Love Boat” without having to leave Anaheim. Explains a lot of the improbabilities of this excursion, doesn’t it?
@Baja Gaijin: That would be especially hilarious, since of the cruise lines I’ve been on, Disney is by far the most anal about departure procedures. (And as has been pointed out, that’s not even counting the necessity of going through Customs.)
Gil Thorp – I’m sorry – only The Phantom is allowed to use asterisks to explain their cryptic Bandar tongue and to remind you that Walker is for Ghost-Who-Walks. Please find a different way to explain to those readers who are there for the soapy plots, not the sporty plots.
DTM: The requirement for men doing house work is to have a shirt and tie on, with a frilly apron over it.
GIL THORP: Henry Barajas: “Yes, I did too do my homework and researched past stories, shut up!”
–Panel #2 (and possibly this entire arc) in a nutshell.
Ditto is wearing the uniform of… is it the New York Yankees? Yeah, probably so. Which implies that he… his family… his hometown… Look there is a limit to how much cultural imperialism I can endure, draw your own conclusions about Baseball
HnL: Ditto wasn’t even looking at the ball when he caught it. Has he been taking lessons from Greg Hamm?
GT: We all remember SportsGate and its focus on “ethics in sports journalism,” with no other agenda whatsoever, don’t we?
@43 Rube: Which underscores my point. Passengers don’t need to go through immigration when disembarking from a “ship” that never left Anaheim. The “ship” could quickly pluck Horrible Hank, Jr. and Rene Beluso from the “ocean” because it doesn’t actually move. The duo could float in the “ocean” because it’s a large swimming pool heated to comfy 84F year-round. They could survive the plunge into the “ocean” because the main deck is truly only eight or ten feet above the water’s surface. And so on.
Frazz: “None” is a personality, right?
Luann: Bernice is the bestest of friends to Luann! She’s proved it time and time again. Meanwhile, Jack is subtly throwing in his own challenge to win Piro’s affections.
CS: “Or that very popular comic strip, Crankshaft?”
9CL: Weird. The Overlook Twins are kind of acting like normal human children. Edda is having none of this, though. Where’s the indirect praise about her lonce sexiness from their father?!?
@Baja Gaijin: By George! I think you’ve got it!
Dustin: “I don’t have to follow the numbers, man. If I want this unicorn to have a houndstooth pattern, I can!” {Storms out of the room to eviscerate Dustin}
FC: Dolly found that painting of Captain Kangaroo to be quite inspirational. Now she wants to scribble on some paper and call it art. (Still better than what DustinDad can do)
MW: “He reminds me to take my meds by chewing them up and then vomiting.”
RMMD: I’ve been away from this story a couple of days. Are Hank and Yvonne are walking through a field of hastily constructed mannequins or specters of the recently deceased?
BB: Daryl is supportive of Hammy wanting to spread his seed around town.
Other BB: Beetle getting a sore throat from swallowing his pride would have worked better in June.
Luann: so Piro isn’t looking for a girlfriend? Are the Evansii planning on introducing a gay character? He will be sexless of course.
Hi and Lois: It’s the entitled self-satisfaction that really sells this. Around the nation’s breakfast tables, aging mediocre white men are reading these panels shouting “Yes, YES! Finally somebody GETS IT! Thank you, supporting character in a minor legacy comic strip! THANK YOU!!” (“That’s enough coffee, Dear” their wives say.)
If The Lockhorns were Millennials would they actually recognize a pinball reference?
JP:
“Everyone looked at me like I was going to kill them.”
“B-b-but you did kill them.”
“Yeah, sure. But they didn’t know that, hmph.“
@Professor Well Actually:
Who in this strip is not sexless? Except those bitchwhoresluts Ann Eiffel and Stef, of course. How dare they have sex and enjoy it?!?
Which is the most incel-oriented comic strip? I mean apart from Luann.
@Rube: George?
George Wilson?
Gotta say, Gil Thorp has a finger on the pulse of youth thinking. All I ever hear from my kids is how bad Steven Glass was, Janet Cooke and her Pulitzer, Jayson Blair and the damage he did to the old grey lady. Plagiarism and journalism sins are to today’s youth what grunge and hip-hop were to earlier generations.
Shoe: “You can’t run away from life, Skyler. But you can let it pass you by. That’s why I dress in red. I’m a volunteer stop sign from 6:00 to 9:30 on Tuesday mornings. It’s a great hobby, other than the diesel exhaust.”
The comic strip equivalent of the old man yelling at clouds? Grousing that Shoe can’t be bothered with even minimal rewriting of a tired cliche into something an anthropomorphized bird would actually say, such as “fly away from life.”
@Voshkod: All I hear from The Youngs today is how much they enjoy vaping while they pitch blindfolded. I think it’s a Tikkety-Tok challenge?
Amongst the many mysteries of Gil Thorp, the question of how Marjie Ducie returned & Heather Burns continued is, well, one. Not up there with the State JV tournament, or why baseball teams only have one pitcher, or how a softball pitcher throws, or how Toby chewed up 35 seconds on a 3 yard run, but still, amongst them.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Well, sure, pitching a baseball blindfolded while vaping and discussing journalistic integrity is like getting to third base for these kids (side note: getting to third base is something no one on Coach Thorp’s team has ever done, in any sense).
GT – “Dorothy, pitch! You’re a blindfolded pitcher throwing to a catcher who can’t see! Feel the Farce! Let the Farce be with you!”
9CL – Edda sure does spend an awful lot of her time wearing a revealing swimsuit and sitting next to a small body of water while staring at her own reflection. It’s a good thing that twin girls basically raise each other and don’t need much parental oversight.
@Voshkod: GT – “pitching a baseball blindfolded while vaping and discussing journalistic integrity is like getting to third base for these kids (side note: getting to third base is something no one on Coach Thorp’s team has ever done, in any sense).”
Stretching a double into a triple by racing for third base is the same in baseball as it is in sex. A lot of extra work for minimal extra payoff. Nobody aspires to reach third base. It’s just that you have to cross it if you want to get all the way home.
FC: I hope Thel made a bid on that portrait of Aldo Kelrast. Who wouldn’t want that hanging in the bedroom?
JP: It was the shades, April, that made you so suspicious-looking. If you had opted for a simple set of Clark Kent empty frames, everyone would have assumed you were just some mild-mannered reporter. Also, all that time you spent locked up left you with a severe case of agoraphobia.
Phantom: By the way, Colonel. That whooshing sound you’re going to hear soon will no doubt be a Rhodian guided middle homing in on your radio signal. I guess I should of thought things out before I committed an out and out act of war against a paranoid militaristic dictatorship and then implicated the Bangallan government. Oh well, what’s that old jungle saying? No guts, no glory.
I do like the subtly ominous way the shadows grow in Skyler’s drink as the old man talks of mortality. Symbolic of his loss of innocence, the more the fledgling listens to the old . . . uh . . . stork? Crane? Cormorant? Heron? Uh, never mind . . . where was I . . . ah, yes, symbolic of his loss of innocence, the more the fledgling listens to the old bird, the darker his soda, and his future, become. If only the species of the birds was as easy to see as the foreboding omen.
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: Meat Loaf’s wisdom does enlighten us all.
@Voshkod:
Here’s the pitch, he’s going
And what a jump he’s got
He’s trying for third
Here’s the throw
It’s in the dirt, safe at third
Holy cow, stolen base
He’s taking a pretty big lead out there
Almost daring them to pick him off
The pitcher glances over, winds-up and it’s bunted
Bunted down the third base line
The suicide squeeze is on
Here he comes, squeeze play, it’s gonna be close
Here’s the throw, here’s the play at the plate
Holy cow, I think he’s gonna make it …
“It’s in the dirt”. That’s the problem with going for third base. You think you’re sliding into home, but Baseball is a game of inches….
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: What, you forgot Luke “The Loner” Gofannon, (.372 lifetime) who loved triples more than sex?
REX MORGAN M.D.: Panel #1: I bet you this is what Yvonne was saying while lying in the bedroom, unsatisfied, staring at the ceiling.
REX MORGAN M.D. (2): Geez, did the Harwood’s ever actually change their clothes once during this entire cruise? I bet you that Hank’s is still wet too (unlike his wife.)
@Downpuppy: “What, you forgot Luke “The Loner” Gofannon, (.372 lifetime) who loved triples more than sex?”
And let’s not forget George Bush, who was born on third base and thought he’d hit a triple!
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: Of course, it would have to be the case that the subject of that punchline was named “Bush”.
MW – Uh oh. This phone conversation is the pet owner’s version of the policeman saying he’s only two days from retirement. Dr. Ed will find something terribly wrong with Eve’s dog. Fortunately Dr. Ed is a whiz at euthanasia.
In a strip with a history of bad phone holding, today’s is one of the worst I’ve ever seen.
6Chix – At first I thought the sea gull was holding an axe, but then I realized that it’s supposed to be a bullhorn.
Frazz – Oh, they’ll immediately catch on that Caulfield is an insufferable, know-it-all asshole.
9CL – The twins are behaving almost like real children. Edda, however, is her usual self absorbed, narcissistic self.
JP – The story said that the CIA released April so she can perform assignments for them in the future. Now we see that everyone knows who she is Apparently she has a reputation, so everyone knows what she’s done or at least has an idea of it. Serious question: if April’s cover is blown, how is she going to work on covert assignments? One point of being a CIA operative is that no one knows she’s a CIA operative.
@81 I speak Jive: on Judge Parker: April’s new CIA role is “decoy.”
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: That was great casting in Speed Bump today. Everyone is a real pro.
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: One should never doubt that the universe has a sense of humo(u)r.
@Baja Gaijin: That’s a good point, but I think that Marciuliano will have her on covert assignments as the main agent. This strip has no connection with reality.
@Lord_Flatulence: It’s true! Way back in 1955, Jim Backus had no idea he was creating what would be known as a “meme.”
@Baja Gaijin: By the way, you might want to avoid Tom the Dancing Bug today. It’s about Pablo Picasso.
@I speak Jive: “you might want to avoid Tom the Dancing Bug today. It’s about Pablo Picasso”
At least Pablo Picasso was never called an asshole.
Why, he was only five foot three
Girls could not resist his stare
Consequently, Pablo Picasso was never called an asshole,
Not in New York!
@I speak Jive: Re: 6Chx: The “joke” works just as well if it had been an axe.
What’s going on with Lawton? She drew a number of little purple people, a few colorful umbrellas, a horizon, and an entire flock of seagulls! Last Thursday she was barely up for pencilling a half-dozen blobs. Who put the Benzedrine in Missus Lawton’s Ovaltine?
@I speak Jive: I’m loving Pablo’s mad, staring eyes.
Thanks so much for a Mostly Baseball edition, and I am remiss by not getting on until comment 90 or so (and missing almost all of yesterday). My poor excuse is that I’ve been tied up with baseball.
My comments: Thel looks really good today.
Also, and I’d be shocked if I’m not oversnarking because someone must have already commented that Pluggers where long ties to cover up when they pee their pants. Someone must have said this already. Right?
FC: Why would Thel drag her fidgety brats into an art gallery? What’s next on the agenda, take in an opera?
Dustin: Fun factoid: (I’ve read it but not sure if it’s true.) The invention of painting by numbers can be credited to Dwight Eisenhower. Apparently Ike loved to paint but couldn’t draw to save his life. He would have an artist make a drawing on canvas and then he would color it in with oil paints. The artist would also indicate what colors to use by using a numbering system. Each color was given a number which was indicated on the drawing. Someone took note and mass-marketed the idea.
JP- April, coffee shop tip: Don’t have the server put “April, crazed CIA assassin” on your cup
@87 I speak Jive: Thanks for the tip. I avoid Emmit Kelley too. His artwork is EVILSCARY.
@90 Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: on Pluggers: No, you’re the only one thinking about what comes out of Plugger dicks.
Does it include the follow-up when he tops it off by rubbing one out?
At least he’s showing Ditto throwing the ball back, which presumably should be a good throw. A few years ago at Target Field, Judge threw out a runner at the plate with a throw clocked at 97 mph.
Earlier this year, Fernando Tatis (not Sr.) threw out a runner with a throw clocked at over 100 mph.
All Rise!
JP: Everyone stared at me like I was going to kill them. I didn’t want to disappoint so I did. Luckily the CIA let me bring home a few of these thermite practice grenades.
@Ukulele Ike: Also, all that time you spent locked up left you with a severe case of agoraphobia.
It would fun – and actually interesting – if April is just seeing threats everywhere out of a mix of agoraphobia, paranoia, and PTSD. But since it would be fun and interesting, it won’t happen in Judge Parker.
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box:
Listening to that with the voice of Phil Rizzuto is awesome. Most cogent commentary ever from the Scooter.
I have it from a somewhat-reliable-and-now-dead source is that David Ortiz would have any sex after any game in which he hit a triple. So there’s that.
@Ukulele Ike: Re 6Chix – To give credit where it’s due, she drew webbed feet on the sea gulls. She must be exhausted after all that drawing on today’s strip.
Re Picasso – I liked that, too.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Re FC – I thought that, too. The other day Thel and Bil were going to take them to a movie. They don’t seem to have a handle on that age appropriate thing.
GT – Ok, even if these two somehow manage to find the strike zone, how is a blind catcher supposed to catch the ball? Or do those subtle smiles suggest that they’re just going to take off those blindfolds and pelt the living shit out of him?
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Are you guys confusing ‘triple’ with ‘triplets?’
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
I have it from a somewhat-reliable-and-now-dead source is that David Ortiz would have any sex after any game in which he hit a triple. So there’s that.
Like, exclusively? Because that would make for a long “off-season”, so to speak.
The Phantom: Don’t these idiots realize this is a covert operation?
Rex Morgan M.D. What an exciting cruise. They went to a couple of bad concerts and sat on the deck.
Mary Worth: Another phone holding nightmare.
Judge Parker: Paranoid much? You just look like all of the other blondes in the comic.
Blondie: Between slim and none, and slim just left town.
Beetle Bailey:
Uh, how should I know? You’re the doctor.
Beetle Bailey: Uh, how should I know? You’re the doctor.
Blondie: Between Slim and None, and Slim just left town.
Judge Parker: Paranoid much? You just look like all of the other blondes in the comic.
Mary Worth: Another phone holding nightmare.
Phantom: Don’t these idiots realize this is a covert operation?
Rex Morgan M.D: What an exciting cruise. They went to a couple of bad concerts and sat on the deck.
GT: That’s quite a motto. I’m going to apply it to every single thing I ever do in life. Wait, why do I need to wear a blindfold again? I’m not gonna take this! I’m following Tommy, instead. He’s got pinball.
@Old School Allie Cat: He spends his off-season tossing his bat.
LUANN: Aaargh! So now Bernice (!!) is the designated Love-Sex Object of Male Desire????? Frigid, constipated, sex-negative, burqua-clad Bernice? I can imagine the dialogue involved in becoming her “boyfriend”.
BOY: Bernice, I’m really attracted to you; why don’t we go out?
BERNICE: First of all, and this is most important, there is to be NO SEX in this relationship. We won’t have it, talk about it, or even think about it!
BOY: I’m okay with starting out Platonic.
BERNICE: Second, NO KISSING! Bodily fluids, germs, eecchh!
BOY: We can have a good time in each other’s company.
BERNICE: Third, no touching whatsoever! NO hugging, NO handholding. Just adore me from 2 – 3 feet away. Or preferably, over the phone.
BOY: Um, yeah, I have a phone.
BERNICE: Now when we go out together, you know I can’t be actually seen with you because, you know, being with or near a man implies that some kind of emotional, or God Forbid, sexual connection might exist between us.
BOY: Well, aren’t we meant to have a–
BERNICE: So when you are in my presence, you will wear women’s clothing, and I will call you Ethel.
BOY: Okay, we’re done. There is no more attraction!
BERNICE: HOW DARE YOU TOY WITH MY FEELINGS YOU EXPLOITIVE SEXIST PIG!!
(Exit screaming)
Please delete comment 104. Fat fingers.
GT: Yooo! I am either saying “yo” in a dramatic way, or I’m doing an owl impression. Nobody really knows. What a fun day I’m having.
Phantom: I don’t understand what the Patrol is doing. Are they asking if they should send help to Gravelines, or are they just fanboying about talking to the Commander?
Oops. I left an important word out of there. “Anal.” Not just any sex, but that kind. When Papi made his last trip here, he hit a liner to left-center. Buxton tried a diving catch and missed, with the ball going to the fence. Some people in our area got excited and started yelling “Triple, triple!” We then looked and Papi hadn’t been running hard to first and thus was able to get only a double out of it. A big groan went out from our area.
However, some of the Boston writers noticed the excitement of some about the possibility of a triple, seeing Papi getting up at third and clapping his hands in great excitement, etc. One of them came over and said, “So you know about Ortiz and triples?” We acted like, “Sure, doesn’t everyone know that?”
So sorry about the omission. And sorry about the mental image you now have for anytime you ever saw Papi hit a triple.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: My comments: Thel looks really good today.
Her jutting is the only place where she is well-proportioned. She is very odd, in ways opposite to her offspring. In one-frame cartoons it’s less bothersome. In the following animated show, she looks downright creepy, I mean in a Famous Studios / Olive Oyl kind of way.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPZtBD3gUnc
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Not just any sex, but that kind.
This is easily the most amazing thing I have learned this year. Sadly, there is exactly nobody I can share this with who will appreciate it for what it is.
A big groan went out from our area.
Sounds like you needed more Astroglide.
JP:(With apologies to Johnny Rivers)
There’s a woman who leads a life of danger;
To everyone she meets at Starbucks she stays a stranger;
With every move she makes another chance she borrows;
Alan Parker, odds are she won’t let you live to see many tomorrows.
Cavelton beware of pretty faces that you find;
A pretty face at Starbucks can hide an evil mind;
Ah, be careful what you say, or you’ll give yourself away;
Alan, odds are April won’t let you live to see another day.
Alan Parker talking smack to Charlotte one day;
Then layin’ dead in a Cavelton alley the next day;
Oh no, he let the wrong words slip;
Now, April’s given him a knife’s tip.
Secret agent woman, secret agent woman;
They’ve gave you to the Parkers;
And, took away your good name;
Now you live in Cavelton, in caffeinated shame.
@I speak Jive: re Speed Bump: Thanks, we thought it turned out pretty well, once we got all the Sheep cast and ready. You notice how pristine and well-groomed they all look now. I have to say – some were a real mess when they came in for auditions. We had to send all those selected to The Dry Cleaners. Can’t just bathe ’em, ya know… their coats will shrink, being 100% wool. They sure smell better now, too.
And those Dogs! What can I say about their outstanding performance! Dogs are so GOOD!
I remember the storyline today’s strip is recapping but I still find it entirely unintelligible. Gil Thorp is back, baby!
Love Is-Sometimes two love can be fun.
Blondie-“A raise? You’re lucky I don’t raise you through the ceiling.”
Beetle Bailey-Sarge strangling Beetle again.
@Ettorre: Speaking of pitch, also watch a lot of porn because you never know when you will lose use of your eyes.
So that’s how Greg went blind. Also, why he had such a strong right arm.
Hi and Lois-Ditto knocked out the blind pitcher.
GT: I haven’t learned much about GT over the years by studying its CC appearances. But one thing I have learned is that when Josh links previous GT strips in an attempt to help some of us understand GT better, I only get more bewildered. Ye gods.
JP- “April, nobody thinks you’re going to kill them. If they did, they wouldn’t be laughing behind your back.”
HtH: “Wow, it really sucks being robbed! I had no idea!”
Heath: Tortoises are slow, but slugs and snails are much slower. Presumably the tortoise was so confident of victory that it went to sleep halfway…
RMMD: So, just like Hank predicted, Rene’s escape didn’t lead to another confrontation and everything was fine for the rest of the voyage. Beatty is the only writer I know who foreshadows that nothing’s going to happen.
@2+2=7: “Geez, didi the Harwoods ever actually change their clothes once during this entire cruise?”
I didn’t notice Hank’s polo shirts so much, but that does look like the same dress Yvonne was wearing in several scenes before. Unless she has duplicates. I guess when you make your dresses by cutting neck and armholes in pillowcases, you’ll end up with at least some matching pairs.
@jroggs: Remember when Terry Beatty had Jordan-Like-The-Country lying about serving in combat for an ostensibly noble purpose (something along the lines of not bumming people out with the realities of hazards that support troops have to face)? Beatty received a thorough social media beating for that blunder, and conceded the point with the explanation that he just didn’t know better.
Ah, is that why the story suddenly changed to be that Jordan-Like-The-Shoe was lying about not serving in combat, because he was actually part of a super-secret special ops squad or something?
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: Hey Sid, can you maybe please give us the inside scoop on “Becky” in GASOLINE ALLEY? I’ve worried a little about her from time to time, and hope her personal life is reasonably good, regardless of how weird the GA scripts are. And the current script is even weirder than usual.
Non Sequitur: Hey, Ukulele Ike, get ready!
GA: For those of you who have the good sense to not follow GASOLINE ALLEY, I will report that it now appears Rufus is probably dead (yeah, yeah, stop clapping and whistling, we’re not sure he’s defunct yet) and Joel can’t summon an ambulance or the police because he has no phone. So things are looking up, but we’ve been disappointed before.
@Baja Gaijin: Actually, I think the Imagineers found it was going to be prohibitively expensive to remove all the problematic elements of the old Jungle Cruise, so they just flooded the entire area, threw in a boat and called it a day.
@127 Poteet:
I’m not positive about this but I think that SID has said in the past that Gasoline Alley does everything in-house and he doesn’t provide them with anything.
RMMD: What? WHAT??! After those interesting erudite Mudge comments explaining how, in reality, Rene could not possibly escape from the cruise ship, this, THIS is what we get, no explanation or excitement whatsoever??
Bah, humbug.
@Sequitur: I’ll bet you’re right. However, I can still hope for a little show-biz gossip.
@Poteet: re Gasoline Alley: Well, Becky isn’t one of my clients, but I understand that she is an actual Mule, unlike most of the mimeograph-generated Animals that appear there. I don’t think they allow her to communicate with the outside world, since we’ve never been able to get in touch with her to talk about her possible career options. Of course they’re limited now, due to her advanced age.
But I believe she is well-cared for by Joel, notwithstanding that ill-advised marriage she entered into with Rufus several years ago “for the reasons” … fortunately it was annulled pretty quickly, and no offspring resulted from the union, since Mules are of course sterile, Thank goodness. You can tell she still has a soft spot for poor demented Rufus.. but their relationship is purely platonic. Nothing kinky goin’ on there, at least that’s what they say…..
@130 cheech wizard: That sounds about right. Half-assing everything, even the brig, constructed of candy bars instead of iron ones. No wonder wunderkind conman Rene could easily escape.
GT: “How small was your hometown?”
“My hometown was so small that all the teenagers were up on the latest plagiarism scandals.”
Shoe: You can’t run away from life but you can probably run away from your uncle if he doesn’t know when you’re hanging out in bars.
@I speak Jive: Re MW, someone else speculated that Greta was about to be attacked by a mean dog and then taken to the vet clinic. Make it not so. I’d prefer more boredom to that.
Zits from Spanish to English
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: Thank you, Sid! I’m happy to learn that she’s well cared for. And I can understand why you have tried to get in touch with her in the past, with her good performance today being an example. She’s for sure a better actor than Joel.
@Sequitur: Bwahaha!
@Old School Allie Cat: Slow, awed clapping for you last response there.
9CL: Given that they’re being “raised” by Edda and Amos I’m sure time will prove them both right.
C-Shaft: For the sake of my own sanity I’m not going to speculate as to what he wants to ask the doctor about.
Crock: It’s hard to make Crock any more depressing than it already is but by Jove, revealing that Figowitz was trafficked as a child is a capital effort!
JP: The dude all the way on the left? The one wearing the red (ha-ha) shirt? If April’s interpretation is on target he thinks pointing and laughing is an appropriate reaction to someone you think might kill you. Few would agree.
MT: The judges are conferring over whether it’s permissible to have a billionaire character named “Chet Chedderson” and not put him in the dairy industry.
MW: Max is peering up all, “You do have a second opinion planned, right? I hear this guy is a little trigger happy on the whole euthanasia thing.”
Can Skyler FLY away from life,Buzz? I assume this character’s name is Buzz Buzzard (ala Bob Clampett) Not to be confused with BG&SS’s Busy Buzz Buzz.
That’s service! Just yesterday,I asked for a Shoe/ Six Chix crossover, and here it is! Thank you, Ladies ( and cat)!
@124 Horace Broon:
Beatty looks at Chekhov’s gun and kicks it under the sofa.
love is... wiping their butts on a log… again.
So Echo Point can read a cat’s thoughts and echo it back?
If I took my cat there, I’m sure I’d hear more f-bombs in one minute than in the entire history of HBO.
Nehemiah Scudder! What about those jaunting bouncing buttocks in today’s Mutt and Jeff?
@148 Sequitur: Did you realize they’re playing The Charterstone National Golf Course at Santa Royale?
@cheech wizard: Yes, that was my joke yesterday @Ettorre:
Today’s episode of “Slylick Fox and Comix For Kinx” is brought to you by your local bottlers of Kellogg’s Froot Loop Cola™.
Ziggy-“We found the source of that thumping sound. Did you know the guy in your trunk was still alive?”
@Justice Hairhead: LUANN: BOY: Okay, we’re done. There is no more attraction!
BERNICE: HOW DARE YOU TOY WITH MY FEELINGS YOU EXPLOITIVE SEXIST PIG!!
I mean, that exact thing happened just a year ago:
https://www.gocomics.com/luann/2022/05/23
Good god, Bernice is awful. It’s like her and Edda Burber are in an ongoing competition to be the most insufferable person in the comics.
RMMD-Rene escaped by hiding in Charo’s cuchi-cuchi.
@149 Baja Gaijin:
Does Mary play golf or does she meddle over who is using regulation balls?
@Philip:
I thought the same thing about Aaron Judge!!!!
@Sequitur:
Hi and Lois: Ditto gives a shout out to 90-year-old actress Barbara Feldon with his uniform number.
__________________________________
“Ah yes….The Old ‘hide the Control Agent’s number in the funny pages trick’, fifth time I fell for it this week.”
“How old is that trick,Max?”
“So old they were still called ‘funny pages’ when it was invented.”
@Baja Gaijin:
@148 Sequitur: Did you realize they’re playing The Charterstone National Golf Course at Santa Royale?
____________________________________________
Are the reanimated corpses of Bing Crosby and Bob Hope playing? After all, dogs are good, but Hope & Crosby were better.
@Sequitur:
love is… wiping their butts on a log… again.
__________________________________________
The Log Lady reads the future in their butt prints. “Twin Peaks : The Animated Series” has been a WHAT IV Production.
The Familliar Mucus: “No Dolly,you’ve had enough to eat already.”
RMMD – This is building toward a big single Sunday panel with “find Rene!” in the style of one of the old Highlights for Children puzzles, where you need to spot the crafty con in his various disguises, such as the leaves on a tree, smoke coming from one of the ship’s stacks, smiling approvingly while gazing upward from within the folds of a woman’s skirt and totally disgusted in the puddle where Mud is on all fours barfing up the results of his backsliding at the ship’s buffet.
Pluggers: Ah yes. Wide ties, wide lapels, and flared slacks. The Carter administration.
Sex Organ V.D.: When do they start calling each other ‘Schmoopy’?
Sex Organ M.D.: “You were so sweet of you to let Rene try to kill you so I could cash in that million dollar life insurance policy I tricked you into signing,Shmoopy.” “Ah,it was nothing….wait,what?!?!?”
Mary’s Worst: calling it now: the dogs are going to be at some point dressed as Laurel and Hardy.
Slider-Man, does whatever a White Castle® can: “Wait, did I think that out loud????”
@Sequitur: Causing the trigger to get pulled…
…but the safety was on.
@167 taig:
Whew! Almost had a plot!
MW: “They don’t call me Hank Hardwood for nothin’!”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Saw Tatis’ grandfather play in the minors (Denver Bears), which definitely makes me old.
CRANKSHAFT: Do not read the CC comments about today’s strip, I told myself. They’ll be funny, but you’ll be sorry, I told myself. But resistance was futile. Arrrrrrrrgh.
@Sequitur: @taig: If a gun appears on the mantle in Act 1, it must have its black spraypaint flake off half a second later in Act 1, revealing that it is a harmless children’s toy and not a dangerous weapon.
@171 Poteet:
Pro tip. I rarely, if ever, read any of the comments at Comics Kingdom or GoComics. I find the comments on this site to be sufficient.
@155 Sequitur: It takes two balls to ride a motorcycle and only one to golf. What do you think Mary’s going to do?
@Sequitur: The pear-shaped gent does show good fashion sense in wearing those trousers with slimming vertical stripes. Major Hoople, also a stoutish man, often makes the mistake of wearing checks and plaids.
@Sequitur: Even jauntier in the Spanish, eh?
@cheech wizard: To cite my favorite ever Questionable Content strip:
Claire: “He masturbated so much his hand WITHERED AND FELL OFF!”
Marigold: “Wait…..wouldn’t that have made the hand STRONGER….?”
Clifford: “IT WAS A FIREWORKS ACCIDENT”
@Ukulele Ike:
Ancient joke:
“Masturbation will make you go blind.”
“Okay, I’ll just do it until I need glasses.”
@jroggs: Or the gun could be made of licorice.
”Licorice — I LOVE licorice.”
— Spencer Tracy, best line in Adam’s Rib (1949)
Oh, good. it’s on YouTube!
@Ukulele Ike: I’m guessing he must have been 19, then?
@Walk him and pitch to the giraffe: There are many routes by which one can reach the uncanny valley. At one extreme there’s the very expensive CGI 3-D animation route, and at the other extreme, the insanely cheap made-for-TV cel animation route. Yikes!
@174 Baja Gaijin:
And three balls to run a pawn shop.
@176 Onward Scudly Soldiers:
Oui, oui!
@cheech wizard: Clifford, or Spencer Tracy?
Blondie: This is like reading the translated dialog in an old video game. There are no real errors, but it’s worded in a way no native English speaker would talk.
Gil Thorp: Speaking of translations, the definition at the bottom of panel one is helpful. If this feature were employed more often, I’d be able to follow the strip’s incomprehensible sports discussions, and would only be confused by its incomprehensible human interactions.
@185 Lee Sherman:
You’re certainly right about Blondie.
The first panel reads, “Boss, where are you in regards (should be “regard”) to arriving at my raise decision?” Should be “Boss, have you made a decision about my raise?”
The second panel Dithers says, “I’m at the intersection of unlikely and not a chance.” Should be, “You’re not getting a raise.”
Third panel Dagwood says, “He makes a lousy GPS.” Should be, “Damn fuckin’ Dithers!”
@Sequitur:
I am at the crossroads of continuing to read this tedious zombie strip and dumping it in the memory hole like I did 9 CL and Mark Trail New Version.
@187 Ukranazi Stepan:
I don’t blame you one bit. Like you I have dumped 9CL and Mark Trail New Version (among others) I can’t seem to shake Blondie since I have been reading it as a wee lad in the 1950’s much like Gasoline Alley.
@Ukulele Ike:
Back when the strip was still occasionally funny.
Wary Morth:
Oh no! Greta ran away to sea! Oh wait, she’s back! Only it’s Rene Belluso disguised as Greta! Now he can scam Saul forever!
Wait, he can scam Saul forever of kibble and dog biscuits. Didn’t think this through, Rene.
********************
Wrecks Moregone:
Which of the roadside attractions they come across will be Rene Belluso in disguise?
(Sadly for the daily strips, an incompetent scammer is the least uninteresting character in all of them put together.)
********************
Luann:
OK, that’s not altogether unrealistic. I wouldn’t want to look up a painting’s nostrils either.
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Questionablecontent:
I know nothing about video games. Anyone has any idea whether the gobbledygook of the last few days means anything, and if so, what?
@pugfuggly:
you’re going to get a silly pun or a bleak commentary
_____________
Would ‘a beak commentary’ be a sufficiently silly pun?