Sunday is for old people
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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/21/23
We all know that newspaper comics in general and newspaper soap opera comics in particular are being kept alive by a readership that skews old enough that it is imperative that everyone involved in producing said soap opera comics do everything they can to keep said readership alive, for their own sakes. The tactic Rex Morgan, M.D., has taken to meet this goal is to make everything as low stakes as possible, because even the smallest degree of surprise could cause unpleasant cardiac complications, which is why everyone is treating the fact that an attempted murderer has managed to escape custody and is now at large like a funny little “Oopsie! Ha ha, that’s our Rene!” This cruise ship is still at sea, which means that the killer and his intended victim are stuck together in a limited space, a premise that has powered any number of successful suspense films — but don’t worry, there’s no suspense here! It’s Rex Morgan, M.D. Everything is fine.
Beetle Bailey and Dennis the Menace, 5/21/23
I get and honestly respect that one of the biggest advantages of writing a syndicated newspaper comic is that you can run into one of life’s little modern annoyances and say to yourself, “Hey, you know who else probably finds this annoying? All the old people who read my comic strip.” Of these two examples of the genre, I have to say that Beetle Beetle is by far the more successful, in that it’s integrated the inciting annoyance into a character-driven joke, whereas Dennis the Menace just has Mr. Wilson yelling the things that we all, admittedly, want to yell.
Gasoline Alley, 5/21/23
Not to be a know-it-all, but the average price of a gallon of milk in the U.S. has been higher than the average price of a gallon of gasoline for 19 of the past 23 years! I’m also hung up on why Clovia says that gas AND postage is high and that’s why it’s cheaper to mail something than drive it. Still, I get that inflation can be a confusing economic phenomenon that doesn’t affect all regions or products equally, so I want to reserve my harshest criticism for Slim, who in the final panel reveals that he thinks an oil barrel is some kind of animal or maybe plant that, when properly fed and cared for, produces more oil.
178 replies to “Sunday is for old people”
Anyone taking odds that the “Captain” is really Rene Belluso, master of disguise that he is?
Dennis the Menace-Mr. Wilson didn’t miss a picture that thing will have you go through it several times.
Spiderman-“If loving you is wrong I don’t wanna be right.”
MW-“So any more customers we can talk about it?”
MW-Unfortunately at this moment it is an uncomfortable silence.
JP-“Then I’ve got this concert in our backyard I have to organize.”
RMMD-Rene Belluso is a one note character that the writer pulls out every few months to spice up a story.
GA: Seriously, I thought Slim was saying they should feed the cow the barrel of gas and milk it but Josh’s explanation is more plausible.
Dennis is actually menacing today, though. Now Mr. Wilson will wake up in the middle of the night wondering if he’s really a robot … or perhaps that what he thinks is reality is really a giant simulation.
Dennis the Menace-“I can’t even see what’s in these tiny out of focus pictures.”
RMMD: “As you can see, Hank. The background characters being merely sketches it’s impossible to identify anyone.”
JP: So is phone girl saying that this whole story line, i. e. pile of horseshit, is just a product of Sophie’s imagination? Because Sophie walking the grounds of “The Institute” would make a lot more sense.
H&L: Someone should tell Poncho that it’s Mike’s obsession with dust and the technology needed to control it that leads to the future vacuum uprising in Pooch Cafe.
Once I was sort of casually watching something on T.V. that followed these barbarians in the wilderness. I naturally assumed it was set in the distant past, and that assumption went unchallenged for some time. Then, during a fight scene, I was flabbergasted to see one of the characters suddenly wielding a golf club. That’s what it’s like to see a “Dennis the Menace” comic about a present-day Internet issue.
Beetle Bailey and Dennis the Menace, 5/21/23: “I have to say that Beetle Beetle…” REALLY?! You HAVE TO SAY it?! So that’s why you don’t proofread, AN IGNORANT CONTROLLING DEMON MAKES YOU AUTO WRITE; RIGHT?! GET AN EXORCISM WILL YA?!
RMMD: <sad trombone>
BB: “Don’t forget to mark it all 9s and 10s, because otherwise I look like a loser. Oh…you have input into whether I get promoted? Huh.”
DtM: Dennis is this close to uncovering Skynet.
Rex Morgan Final Panel: Which disguise works best for Rene?
Mary Worth Final Panel: Giant Floaty Heads!
Note: The “You must be 18 years of age…” window may appear when you open these links. None of my mashups are remotely naked, though Imjur’s modbod just may not like Mary Worth. Click through it to see the content.
Frazz: Nice, we’ve got the trifecta of Frazziness: snarking about someone behind their back, Frazz does a lot of exercise, and general smugness.
Luann: I try not to deal in stereotypes, but this strip does all the time, so they’re practically screaming that TJ is gay.
CS: The Shoe crossover nobody asked for!
9CL: So…the joke is the piano is possessed by a demon?
No idea where he is? He’s on a boat in the middle of the ocean, and so are you. You literally have him trapped. Given enough time, you can’t not find him. Do you not want to miss the dolphins jumping or something? Do your damn job.
@Baja Gaijin: I like the MMM disguise, which Yvonne will immediately foil by demanding he play Muddy Boots.
The Madi eye roll is perfect for this occasion.
GA: “Postage and gas prices are so high it’s cheaper to mail something across town than to drive it” is the long thought lost fourth paradox of Zeno.
Wrecks Moregone:
“For all we know he slapped on a fake Tom Selleck moustache and disguised himself as a cruise ship captain. Why are you looking at me like that?”
Wary Morth:
And there, oblivious of their narrow escape, goes the luckiest couple in comic strip history.
@Baja Gaijin: who’s the first Mary Worth floating head?
Rene as Mud wins.
Dustin: I can only suspend my disbelief so far. There’s no way DustinDad losing a case isn’t a common occurrence.
FC: I don’t want to know how the oysters were stimulated to get those pearls.
MW: Two seconds later: “Oh no, now she’s getting up to go to the bathroom by herself.”
Flylock Socks:
And so Silk Smitty knew he’d committed the perfect crime; breaking into the red jackal and yellow rat’s office during a power cut and with a nonfunctional and redundant torch, he read nothing of the secret files. Why not? Because he wasn’t interested in the secret files, he was interested in the covertly taken nude photos of Cassandra Cat stuck to the walls. Now he has so much blackmail material against Slylock that he might even be able to steal a hubcap next time without being railroaded. Winning!
@15 taig: She does have the exasperated eye roll perfected, doesn’t she?
@18 Ukranazi Stepan: The first Giant Floaty Head is Gameboy from Dick Tracy.
MW – Karen Moy, searching the internet: “I need to find a quote that refers to things not always being what they seem…hey, here’s one!
@taig:
Re Luann:
It would, assuming sexuality of any kind existed in Evansistan.
@Baja Gaijin: I don’t read Dick Tracy, so thanks for telling me.
Madi wins the Mary Worth mashup.
@Pozzo: that was my first thought.
RMMD – “Do you suppose he could be on this ship somewhere?”
I know it’s just a typo, but I wish Beetle Beetle were a real comic strip. About a beetle named Beetle. And he’s not in the army, he’s just a beetle.
On the other hand, I would not be at all amused by a comic strip in which all the characters exhibit signs of advanced dementia and/or severe head injuries, the case in point being Gasoline Alley.
Jungle Jim – The odds are uneven. But aren’t odds always uneven? Otherwise they’d be evens.
MW: Me to significant other: ” When’s the last time you reciprocated with neutral expressions throughout? Where’s the magic gone?”
Him: “Do you need to lie down?”
RMMD: Um, he’s on the ship, or he’s in the water, right? Can’t be that hard.
DtM: “Danger, Dennis Mitchell! Danger!”
Slylock Fox Mystery: I’ve never seen a pulse oximeter used as a lie detector before.
Garfield: We now know what Wilbur Weston’s been doing while he’s off-panel in Mary Worth.
@Peanut Gallery: And he’s always saying his signature catch phrase, “Beetle Beetle.” (as voiced by Mel Blanc)
Lockhorns: Despite Leroy’s usual sour disposition, his aphorisms, e. g. “if you see something try it on or it may not fit,” are, although somewhat trite, well intentioned.
BB – “Your minutes feel like hours. Are you DONE?” “Uh…I haven’t said anything to you except ‘I only need a minute, sir.'”
I’m pretty sure it’s always cheaper to mail something across town than to drive it there.
Beetle Bailey : While the enlisted men are being butchered in the trenches, the officers are having pointless meetings in air-conditioned offices, far away from the battle lines. Grim.
I mean, it was just YESTERDAY Beetle and Plato were ruminating on how peace was never given a chance while bombs went off all around them.*********
Dennis the Menace : “I found the crosswalks… NOW THEY’RE DEMANDING I DRAW A *CLOCK*!?” I think the robot detector was programmed to take Mr Wilson’s age in consideration and is now testing for something else.
*********
Heart of the City : Okay, so Charlotte is the “Strong, but slow” character, Kat is the “balanced” one, Heart is the “Fast, but weak” one, and Dean is the “weirder, harder technical gameplay” one. Did I get it right?
Weird they’d make the main character/hero be “Fast but weak” rather than the “balanced” one, but whatever.**********
Hi & Lois : Of course, Ditto’s friend has to be pained and resigned on having to actually clean his room and keep his collection nice and well-maintained. This is consistent with this strip’s “joy is a bad thing and must be avoided” and “kids are awful” themes.
***********
Luann : “Good job noticing the belt”, says TJ to Bwad, but not to the colorist, who forgot it was there in panel 2.
***********
Pardon my Planet : Uh, yeah, that part of the story is REALLY messed up, but we try not to talk about it? Because of how messed up it is?
***********
Rex Morgan M.D. : Oversnarkpologies for “the captain is just René Belluso HIMSELF in disguise”.
…Hey, maybe he’ll tell them “Oh no! Look behind you! You’ve turned your backs on René Belluso!”, and then the Hardwoods turn around and go “We don’t see René anywhere… In fact, you seem to be making us look out into the sea!” and then René shoves them overboard with a “Well, I’m right that you have your backs turned to René Belluso.”
**********
Slylock Fox : EXTRA DIFFERENCE : in one panel, the dog looks into the petshop at a potential surrogate child/younger sibling. In the other, she’s looking at a potential lover.
FC: Dolly counting to three is what authors call ‘poetic license.’
@Chip:
I’m pretty sure it’s always cheaper to mail something across town than to drive it there.
This being Gasoline Alley that “something” might be an old shoe or a tuna fish sandwich.
GA – Tell me you don’t understand economics without telling me…you know what. Never mind. Just shut the hell up.
MW: Moy has finally outdone herself, leaving readers with the cliff-hanger of Mary and Jeff sitting in silence as they eat their food, after nothing happened. Is this a denouement, or an ominous foreshadowing of a developing story, or (as I suspect), just a strange interlude?
@taig:
Beetle Beetle:
Panel 1: “Oh look, another DO NOT LITTER sign.”
Panel 2: “It’s a good thing trees can’t read.”
Panel 3: “Leaf litter makes up most of my diet!” [munch munch]
@boingboing: For your entire life, people have complimented you on what a pleasant and sane person you are, haven’t they?
RMMD:
“How did he escape!?”
“He tunneled his way out. Oh, and the ship is sinking.”
MW: “Yeah, you can shut the fuck up about NOW, Mary.”
Just occurred to me that Gasoline Alley is probably going to outlive gasoline.
RMMD-Rene probably jumped ship when the ship docked somewhere.
Beetle Bailey-“And be sure to like and subscribe.”
Beetle Bailey-The worst part was when Lt. Fuzz broke out into an ad in the middle of his demonstration.
MW – They did it! It only took them a week and six panels of a seven panel Sunday, but Jeff and Mary finally shut the fuck up and stuffed their faceholes!
But, alas, it’s gone on so long that Brigman forgot Jeff’s order, and drew a lobster like object on his plate rather than the bowl of Chowder he ordered.
Gasoline Alley-When you are siphoning milk from a cow be sure you are sucking from the right one.
RMMD: Someone finally told Terry Beatty that Rene getting convicted for attempted murder on top of his previous arrest record would guarantee he’d never leave prison again, and this is Beatty desperately trying to rescue his boring villain from permanent erasure from the series. In service of that, I expect that the authorities will do nothing sensible (or lawfully responsible) to find the water-averse murderer at sea and will proceed directly to port to allow everyone to immediately disembark. This cruise debacle is shaping up to be possibly even dumber than Wilbur faking his death to deliberately horrify his loved ones and waste the resources of rescue authorities.
Dustin: D’awww, what an unusually tender moment of compassion and gratitude. But if this strip went on for a few more panels, Ed would start complaining about his wife forcing rabbit food on him after such a miserable day, which Helen would respond to by saying that just because Ed’s unhappy doesn’t mean he’s not also disgustingly fat. That’s the Dustin we know
and love.Luann: It’s bad enough that Toni is openly cheating on Brad, but does she have to make him approve of her date outfits by playing Six Differences as well?
Well, this has been a thrill a minute. Can’t wait to see what the morrow brings.
SlyF – So, you can build a “lie detector” using a pulse oximeter and a sphygmomanometer? Well, I guess when it comes from Weirdly Medical Devices, it’s the best you can expect.
GA – But as the old saying goes, why ride a cow when you can get free gasoline?
RMMD:
“What we’d like you to do is to jump in the water right now, Mr. Harwood. Rene will think that his task of drowning you is complete, and that will draw him out!”
@28 Peanut Gallery:
Man, that Doc Beard just can’t stand having a bathroom inside the house.
6C – What the holy hell? Why are these witches riding the broom side-saddle?!?!
@Sequitur: He doesn’t trust these newfangled “water closets.” A two-mile walk the jungle outhouse in the middle of the night builds character!
Brewster Rockit: Space Guy: A panel problem for Baja.
Which one these panels need to go?
Gasoline Alley – Slim is one step away from walking into a bank with a crudely drawn poster featuring big-breasted women and asking for a loan to buy gasoline in bulk, a la the Gang in “Always Sunny.”
Dennis the Menace has captured the deep existential angst and despair that comes from failing to prove one’s humanity to a computer screen. It’s less of a comic strip and more of a collective primal cry to indifferent gods.
Beetle – Lt. Fuzz needs some guidance on how to administer a survey.
DT – All that for a Rarebit Dreams joke?!?
MW: As they tucked in to their meal, Mary at first enjoyed the comfortable silence she was sharing with Jeff. The restaurant didn’t feature music, so the patrons could savor the calm with the clam. Even the view from their table was a soothing expanse of water. Mary started to relax into the moment, when Jeff took another swig from his bottle of beer. He had a way of inserting his tongue into the bottle as he took a sip, an endearing quirk she had noticed before. It always produced a gurgling sound. Funny, it hadn’t bothered her before. She took a small bite of her salmon and let it dissolve in her mouth, barely needing to chew it before she swallowed it and rested her fork on the plate. “Jeff must be really hungry,” Mary thought, as she observed him. The Bum Boat did not supply knives as a rule. Jeff stabbed his steak with his fork and held it to his mouth, tearing off another large chunk with his teeth and lipping it eagerly it into his mouth. Jeff chewed methodically, his eyes roving around the restaurant as he assessed the relationships of the other diners. He said nothing, but Mary could hear his insistent grinding as he worked to reduce the steak down to a size he could safely swallow. As Jeff finally began to swallow the steak, he took another gurgling gulp of the beer and sighed in gastronomic satisfaction. He masterfully suppressed a burp, but Mary was now alert to every sound, and she winced. Jeff took up his fork and prepared to lift the steak for another bite. Mary watched him, her body rigid with tension. Their comfortable silence had been strangely shattered, and she felt herself becoming irrationally enraged by each tiny sound around her. The noise was becoming too loud to bear. She now heard only too clearly the distant clatter of dishes and utensils in the scullery, the high-pitched scraping of forks on plates at nearby tables, the clink of wine glasses as a couple several tables away toasted their anniversary, and the shuffle of the waiter’s feet on the carpet as he moved about the dining room. She watched in fury as Jeff opened his mouth to rend another piece of steak. Mary’s hand closed around her own fork, a tiny part of her mind pleading silently, “Don’t do it…don’t DO it…!”
RMMD: “I don’t understand it. I had my best men on it — Lieutenant Drebin, Petty Officer Fife, and First Mate Schultz.”
MW: Mary can see their facial expressions even though their backs are turned to her. Menace level: Very High
CS: Don’t the birds have a bird doctor who could fly around and vaccinate all the other birds? Couldn’t be any stupider than this.
Blondie: Ah, the wildly popular morning bowling tournament — Grits and Gutters.
BB – No point in giving him an NPS survey, Fuzz, he’ll never promote you!
RMMD – I was expecting that their Discover card was rejected….
BB – It’s funny if you remember Halftrack is drunk…no? What if Fuzz farts the last line….
DtM – If George Wilson is the state of artificial intelligence, we are doomed….
GA – I’ve often wondered about the negative impact on the GNP of GA….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
RMMD:
“You look as if you want to utter a limerick, Captain.”
“We want to again nab Belluso
We hope that you’ll help us to do so
I’ll be rather frank —
You help catch that skank?
He’ll sing like Enrico Caruso!”
RMMD “You should know that I am extremely upset and intend to sue your cruise line.”
“Well, I understand, it doesn’t look good that we allowed a wanted criminal aboard under a false name, and inexplicably allowed him to escape from a locked cell in a confined area after he tried to murder you…”
“Huh? I mean over only hearing ‘Muddy Boots’ once all cruise.”
RMMD: the captain is actually master of disguise Rene Belluso himself.
Mary Worth missing final panel – “And no, Jeff, you’re still not getting any tonight.”
Pluggers remember what they had for breakfast by checking their shorts, not their shirts.
The current writer of Dennis the Menace (who is definitely NOT an artificial intelligence…) wanted to vent it seems.
High and Loused-Up: it appears Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor LLC’s new Large Language Model AI has included a lot of “Funky Winkerbean” strips in its training set. I am not OK with this.
I’m not even sure if Rene is still bloodthirsty to kill Hank Jr.
He only wanted to silence him, so his secret doesn’t get out, but now that his secret is out, what’s even the point except for petty revenge?
I for one and looking forward to this cruise-ship mystery where almost all of the passengers get killed off one-by-one.
We won’t get Hercule Poirot nor Miss Marple.
Even Granny from “Sylvester and Tweety Mysteries” is overqualified for this
(Although I wouldn’t say she’s a bad detective)
HtH: The lemon store carefully weighs each fruit before putting them out for sale. Any lemon greater or lesser than 4 ounces goes right in the dumpster. It’s a pretty poor business model, but it beats making a new sign.
MT: The Humble Millard also installed the first bathtub in the White House! (– totally fabricated urban legend)
RMMD – We found out he was gone a few days ago, but this is the first I’ve seen you and thought I’d give you a heads up. Totally our bad. I mean, whoopsy-doodle doesn’t cover it. Here’s a voucher for one free top-shelf cocktail, tip not included. Good luck!
RMMD: Hank, next cruse, no diving overboard and don’t forget your blue pills again!
@Ukulele Ike: The lemon-weighing is also crucial to helping Slylock Fox find the fake lemon Reeky Rat substituted for a real one that he stole.
RMMD: Rene needed to escape the ship so he, like Mud, could go grovel for Buck’s forgiveness in person.
BROKE: Mr Wilson is a robot
WOKE: Mr Wilson is stupid and technologically illiterate
BESPOKE: Mr Wilson is showing the first signs of dementia and it will be all suffering for him and his wife from now on. I’m really sorry
MW: Is that —A FROZEN LOSTER TAIL next to Dr. Jeff’s gray piece of beef? Did this sneaky fucker go behind EVERYONE’S back — probably claiming to go and take a leak — stick his head into the kitchen — and CHANGE HIS ORDER? “Hold the clam chowder and strip steak….I want SURF N’ TURF!”
Vile bastard.
RMMD: Didn’t lock the door, didja, Cap?
6Chx: It’s nearly six months from last Halloween and six months until the next, so why are we getting a Halloween strip? Or is this a Walpurgisnacht strip?
SFx: Max loves it when they get to do shit at the Police station because of the free doughnuts.
RMMD: Not sure what Belluso’s endgame is. In modern cruise disembarking, your feet aren’t touching US soil without the proper paperwork. Perhaps, he’s condemned to forever sail the seven seas on country-music themed Disney cruises hunted by obsessed private detective Hank Jr in the spin-off strip Clodumbo.
BB: The General is regretting the endless bureaucratisation of the military profession. In the old days, chiefs and subordinates did not express mutual dissatisfaction through surveys and forms, but by Uriah gambits and fragging.
GA: “Ugh, these rising prices are so annoying, why can’t the government simply control them?!”
[Diocletian, digging out of his grave in Split]: “My time has come!”
RMMD -Which is a pro forma way of saying “We threw Mr. Belluso overboard during the night, so neither you nor anyone else ever need worry about him again, much less give any testimony. Legal systems are nasty things, and since we operate in international waters, we try to avoid them as much as possible. Cheerio!”
Rex Morgan: How incompetent is this cruise line that their brig couldn’t contain a middle aged con artist with no appreciable physical capability? How would Rene even get out? What did he just say “fuck this” and open his cell door?
Beetle Bailey: As he fills out the form, General Halftrack starts pondering what the most minor offense punishable by firing squad is.
Dennis The Menace: “You’re a robot!” Dennis jokes. The laughter disappears when Mr. Wilson shrieks “mission threat detected” and reveals his true form as a killer robot assassin.
Gasoline Alley: On this episode, a writer who knows absolutely nothing about even the most basic of economics tries to talk about economics!
Rex Morgan, MD: I’m not saying any newspaper comic is like Barry, but I am saying this is the most Barry-like one.
@taig: “9CL – So…the joke is the piano is possessed by a demon?”
The joke is that Edda is SO PASSIONATE of a pianer player that she SLAMS DOWN on the keys SO HARD, which is the universal signal of how amazing a piano player one is. When Edda slams her hands down on the keys as hard as she can, it’s literally as if she was on a swing set and leapt off right when it was swinging forward and then SLAMMED DOWN with her fingers on the keys SO HARD that she smashes right through the keyboard.
So, naturally, the piano is terrified of her lonce passion and energy and attempts to flee before she destroys it.
@Ukulele Ike:
Re Mary Worth:
Would Mary, in the middle of her pontificating, even notice?
@taig: “ Luann: I try not to deal in stereotypes, but this strip does all the time, so they’re practically screaming that TJ is gay.”
Teej ain’t gay, just path dependent.
Bwad’s car fixin buddy TJ long ago stopped fixin cars. The arc where he takes a job at weenie world and works there for months so that he can earn Ann Eiffel’s trust and use it to make her quit her job, for the reasons, and thus get revenge for the time Ann tried to repossess a paper crown from Shannon, was a turning point.
Path dependence has led TJ to where he is trapped in this life. Lives full time with his best bud, cooking and cleaning up after him. Ambiguous sexuality – he’s not gay, he’s Brad-o-sexual in that he only exists to make Brad happy however he needs to.
But he has no inner life. No goals, no storylines, no character development. We forget he even exists until the final panel cutaway to him sitting on Brad’s couch with that shit-eating grin permanently attached to his face.
@jroggs: re: Luann: “Go with the no belt look. The guy you’re openly cheating on me with will be able to get your pants off all the faster.”
@Charterstoned:
The only flaw in your masterful prognosis of future events is DrJeff is far too meddled to even imagine doing anything that might potentially annoy Mary.
GA: I suppose using the internet to send information or make payments is out of the question here. Maybe they could save both postage and gas if they got off their lardasses and WALKED across town.
SFx: Fox burrows are dark even in daytime. Try again, Detective.
CS: It’s nice to see Crankshaft’s birds all agree to wear the little facemasks, considering birds are both left-wing and right-wing.
The entirety of my waking hours will now be devoted to finding Rene Belluso skulking in the background of Rex Morgan, M.D. panels. Thanks a lot, Terry Beatty, couldn’t you at least give him a striped hat and sweater?
@pastordan: re RMMD: You have to admit this was a smart move on Beatty’s part. We now have to read the strip every day to find “where’s Rene?”
MW: Phaedrus my ass!
“Things are not always what they seem,
Skim milk masquerades as cream.”
-W.S.Gilbert (& Sullivan)
Dennis the Menace: Today’s joke, such as it is, is much improved by reading the lines in the voices of Futurama characters. Martha is either Leela or Hermes, Dennis is the Professor or Dr. Zoidberg calling George a ro-butt, and George of course has to be Bender muttering curses under his breath. Get that man a cigar and some square pupils, stat!
@Midtown: What’s good for Rex Morgan, M.D. is terrible for nursing homes, which will now have to deal with endless arguments. I mean, beyond the usual “Matlock vs. Gunsmoke” and “Which Kid Put Me In This Home.”
Pluggers: Have Andy Bear and Sheila Roo split up? Because I can’t believe she would let him go to the doctor’s office wearing a food-stained shirt. Or ___-stained underwear either.
Harwoods! Just checking to see if you recognize me, Rene Belluso, through this disguise! No? Good! Carry on… for now.
Gasoline Alley: A farmer friend of ours had his own tank of gas and pump, as many farmers do. His daughter related the scoldings she and her sisters would get for filling up their cars at home because “That’s not free, you know!”
This has been another edition of “Mild stories that are nevertheless more entertaining than Gasoline Alley.”
It took a lot of work, a lot of pain, and a lot of planning, Rene Belluso thought to himself, but they’ll never find me now. The warm Caribbean water splashed against his bow, and he shifted his rudder five points to the starboard.
@Baja Gaijin: Rex Morgan – definitely Mud. Mary Worth – definitely Madi.
That Madi panel is a universal reaction to MW.
@taig: Re Frazz – the big difference from the usual snarking behind the back is that Caulfield and Miss Plainfield approve of Frazz. I guess the smugness comes in because they consider themselves in the same in group as Frazz.
When they and Frazz snark about everyone else, they are clearly superior to the ones they are cutting up.
@richardf8: I think that witches are almost always pictured as riding their brooms sidesaddle. Remember the cartoon credits from the Bewitched TV show? However, the witches in 6Chix look like Bianca drew them in a sort of crouch and then drew a broom behind them. That isn’t sidesaddle.
MW: So we’ve been watching Jeff and Mary watching another couple at the restaurant – is another couple watching Jeff and Mary…and yet another couple watching the third couple and so forth through an infinite regression of watchers, like the reflections in a pair of infinity mirrors? IS SOMEONE WATCHING US????
@pastordan: Bender: “Of Course, I’m a robot! We’re better at this than you meat bags.”
Zoidberg: “Meatbags, you say?”
Hermes: “Fill out da form first!”
DtM: Getting someone to doubt the Turing Test? Menacing Ex Machina!
RMMD: There are two possibilities here, both equally stupid:
1.) Rene is still on the ship, which is a contained space and, despite its size, has few if any places where a person can conceal themselves for a decent amount of time–it’s not like the cartoons where you can hide out under the lifeboat tarp or in a smokestack. Even assuming he could do so the dialogue indicates they’re headed back to their port of origin in the US, where CBP can do a thorough sweep of the vessel and pick him up.
2.) Rene managed to slip off at one of the ports of call. To do this, he would have to a) escape the brig, b) successfully avoid the detection of both his escape and his location until the next docking time, which depending on the itinerary could be 16-36 hours away, c) somehow get off the ship where standard points of egress are limited and watched over by crew who scan every person disembarking, and non-standard points invite the risk of serious injury or death, AND d) find a way back into the United States via air or sea so he can harass the Morgans and their circle again.
At this point, Wilbur’s Overboard Adventure is looking like a masterpiece of literary realism by comparison.
@Voshkod: “I’ll be all around in the dark – I’ll be everywhere. Wherever you can look – wherever there’s a fight, so hungry people can eat, I’ll be there. Wherever there’s a cop beatin’ up a guy, I’ll be there. I’ll be in the way guys yell when they’re mad. I’ll be in the way kids laugh when they’re hungry and they know supper’s ready, and when the people are eatin’ the stuff they raise and livin’ in the houses they build – I’ll be there, too. Stealing from them while building up their self-esteem.”
“I don’t understand it, Rene.”
“Me, neither, Ma, but – just somethin’ I been thinkin’ about.”
@I speak Jive: I think that witches are almost always pictured as riding their brooms sidesaddle. Remember the cartoon credits from the Bewitched TV show? It they aren’t being pictured as riding side-saddle, then you’ve got some goth babes flying around with long pieces of wood between their legs, and for some guys that just ain’t right…
@TheDiva: RMMD: and Rene would have to get away without his passport.
GA – This is Gasoline Alley. I’m sure there’s some demonically possessed critter Slim can sell his soul to for a never ending barrel of Gasoline.
FC – Jef had to change the console TV to a flat screen, but I’m wondering what in the world they’re watching. Those singers look like something from Lawrence Welk or the Andy Williams Show, or maybe Porter Waggoner.
MW – “See…he took her hand, and she RECIPROCATED… with NEUTRAL expressions throughout.” Good Lord, what human being talks like that? I’m getting a strong Beldar Conehead vibe.
Pluggers – That’s not going to help him when he has to repeat the five random words the doctor gave him earlier in the appointment.
I’ve had a few of those Medicare wellness exams, and they’ve never asked what I had for breakfast. They do the five random words and drawing a clock.
Crankshaft – Earlier in the week there was the periodic “Crankshaft isn’t really an asshole” strip, but it looks like the main theme this week has been madcap zaniness, which Batiuk likes to do occasionally as comic relief from that quarter inch from reality day to day crap. This week has been close, but it hasn’t reached the level of stupidity when, in FW, Lisa’s Legacy Run was held in a downpour, and onlookers used PLUGGED IN hair dryers to dry off the runners as they ran past.
9CL: That piano remembers, Edda. It remembers everything. And one day, you will pay.
Dustin: “Okay, but remember we’re only allowed a limited number of genuine expressions of affection per year.”
JP: At some point she’s got to figure out that it’s not worth hanging around the Parker-Spenser-Driver crazy train…
Luann: “Sorry, I was just distracted by the incongruity of wearing a midriff-baring top with business casual slacks.”
MW: That was their pre-arranged signal that they’ve found the next targets for their coast-to-coast killing spree. Enjoy the companionable silence, Mary and Jeff–it will be your last.
Phantom: “What the Hell is up with your hair?”
Pluggers are slobs, and have terrible recall skills.
FC: Down in front, Dolly. Your ponytail is covering up the best part of your mom’s rack.
MW: The Bum Boat would never cut it in Texas, not with those teensy-weensy portions. Did Mary and Jeff order from the kids menu?
RMMD: That officer IS Rene, in disguise.
GA: just wait until Slim meets the first hybrid/electric vehicle towed into his shop.
“Mr. Wilson, you should check out my new blog where I wrote a wonderful tribute to you,” Dennis said, proud of the menacing that was about to commence from his rigged CAPTCHA.
RMMD: I for one enjoy that this strip is turning into Slylock Fox for old people. “Can you spot Rene in the background of this strip, readers?” Of course, Rex Morgan, M.D. readers aren’t as savvy as young children so they’ve got to do endless variations on “hitherto unseen man in hat and/or beard within 5 feet of our main characters.” (Hint: Anyone in panel 3 fit that description?)
@pastordan: You know what they say: It’s Rene’s world, and we’re all just living on him.
Rex: “We did get a call that said ‘I’m meeting an old friend for dinner,’ and that big cowboy guy came by a few hours later with teeth marks in his arm. Kinda weird. I don’t like to dwell on it.”
AC: Okay, so today in “When the heck is Andy Capp even set?” we have a “New Age hippie” who is into feng shui, which I think means it’s set in the sixties and the nineties simultaneously.
(Also, the Andy Capp creative team cannot concieve of an adult male, however countercultural he may be, who drinks anything other than a pint.)
GA meta: “the average price of a gallon of milk in the U.S. has been higher than the average price of a gallon of gasoline for 19 of the past 23 years”. Sure, but to Gasoline Alley characters, anything that happened after VE Day is a recent phenomenon.
HtH: Okay, firstly, the whole point of selling something like lemons by the pound is that you don’t know how much the lemons weigh, exactly. If you’re going to assume they all weight four ounces, you can just sell by the lemon. Secondly, I will accept “pound” and “ounce” as translations of pund and eyrir, but it’s an absolute no on the “$”. The rigsdaler didn’t come into use in Norway until the 15th century, and it was another 200 years before any of the countries that called their currency the dollar adopted that symbol. Those lemons should be going for one silver mark a pund.
JP: You’d think the ancillary characters in this strip would have learned that you never, ever ask a Driver-Spencer how their day’s going. Because they’ll tell you.
MW: Anybody surprised that Mary considers “neutral expressions” to be the ultimate declaration of love? Anyone at all?
@Ukulele Ike: Vile bastard.
***
Not only that, he rubbed one out in the walk-in freezer.
MW: Rene tried a scam with kids. He tried a scam with music. Now he can combine the too and come up with a scam for musical kid’s shows.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: A walk-in freezer is the closest analogue to Mary’s private parts, one assumes. Vast and frigid.
Rex Morgan, MD – Rex Morgan could have made this storyline a cruise ship based murder mystery, where various characters use their particular expertise to figure out clues. Rene could be the Moriarity to Rex & Co. But here we are.
Dennis the Menace – An actual good use of AI instead of replacing journalists and other writers would be to require people to do a short quiz before commenting on a story or sharing a link. Too bad that would cut into “engagement”, the thing that the media bosses claim is paramount, despite the plunging earnings and mass layoffs of the actually productive staff.
Gasoline Alley – While I’ve never had much use for this strip, I will concede it’s not a useless strip. If I was a political professional attempting to understand how lower-education voters understand the economy, Gasoline Alley wouldn’t be a bad place to start. It’s Pluggers without the smugness. The real work would be how to reach the Gasoline Alley audience via scrapbook-based messaging.
Sally Forth-“You forgot tomatoes.” “Really? What do you call these then, Mom,” Sally says cupping and thrusting her breasts.
@Pozzo: Nah,Rene is Julie, Your cruise Director.
Close To Home: Gasoline Alley take note. At least there’s a solution to the high cost of printer ink.
Is Clovia auctioning for the role of Mike Doonesbury?
@124 Liam:
“Sally, you call those tomatoes? [rips off blouse and bra] Now THESE are tomatoes!”
[Ted’s jaw drops]
MW: In the category of synchronicity, today I have an email from the New York Times with the subject line, “The secret to better salmon is salt.”
Phantom: Diana: “I am now going to deliver a bone-crushing punch to your nose. First, for attempting to snog my husband; second, for your atrocious hairstyle.”
SF: To tell the truth, I’m on Sally’s Mom’s side here. If you’re not going to plant tomatoes, what is even the point of a home garden?
@DAS: “The Men-trix” or “The Den-trix” — a way to update DtM to thirty some years ago.
@White Rabbit: The NY Times cooking app has been sketchy recently. Clearly the Secret to Better Salmon is “cold-smoke it, slice it thin, and lay it over cream cheese on an onion bagel.”
OTOH, the “Cold Noodles with Cherry Tomatoes” thing has possibilities. How often do you see an Asian recipe that includes tomatoes? I thought they still consider them deadly poison out there.
@taig: It’s only funny once and it wasn’t funny the first time he did it. In fact, it kind of sucked. Even the thorn tree was better.
Mark Trail Mix : “Andy” takes off his mask….”Fools! I’m not some smelly old canine, I am THE Rene Ballusco! World’s Greatest Master of Disguise!”(The bear is not impressed and eats Rene).
@Ukulele Ike: For “traditional” dishes Asian cuisine lacks the tomato as an ingredient as it isn’t native to the region. Post-European presence, say 1500s to today, the only dish that comes to mind is Philippine spaghetti, which includes a kind sweet tomato sauce. It’s been present at nearly every Filipino party I’ve been invited to. Not bad, but I usually go for the lumpias.
SFx: I must confess that I’m impressed by Slick’s audacity not only in breaking into the office of his archenemesis in broad daylight, but also being so confident in his scheme to beat the system: if he’s just telling the absolute truth, the lie detector won’t catch him lying, so he’ll go free.
But though he’s both audaciious and courageuos, both these things are of course extremely stupid, and he’ll soon find himself facing Judge Owl in the Kangaroo Court (and the punishment this time will be much harsher than that he got for stealing soda from Rachel Rabbit, I can guarantee that). I admire his audacity and courage, not his lack of intelligence.
MW: It looks like Mary is going braless again. Arrgh! My eyes!
RMMD – “It seems that Mr. Belluso flushed himself down the toilet and out into the sea, filthy turd that he is.”
@Guy Nerdlinger: True — but the tomato is not native to Europe either, and the Italians have figured out a few nifty things to do with it over the last 500 years.
(The Philippines were infested by Spaniards for over 300 years, so it’s only natural they incorporated big chunks of Spanish and Portuguese into the national cuisine)
Pajama Diaries: At first, I wanted to write something snarky about this strip, but I couldn’t. It’s just unironically funny.
Crock: At first, I wanted to write something snarky about this strip, but I couldn’t. It’s so unfunny that it’s not even ironcially funny.
Phantom: OK, so somehow that uber-unethical Bandar superdrug that was guaranteed to erase Mina’s memories didn’t work. Doesn’t matter; Diana is about to do something unethical that is guaranteed to work. In other words, Mina’s about to get her ass kicked. (“That’s just like Kit. Rescuing this German tramp who should have been left to rot with the beast people. Well, now she’s got me to deal with.”)
@gardenornament: Re: Pajama Diaries: Thanks! I almost never read this, and that was pretty fun.
I understand we have an animated “Harold and the Purple Crayon” movie to look forward to this summer. I hope they do Barnaby next. With Will Smith as Mister O’Malley.
@gardenornament: Remindful of Eric Christmas as the priest in Harold and Maude:
“I would be remiss in my duty, if I did not tell you, that the idea of… intercourse – the fact of your firm, young… body… commingling with the… withered flesh… sagging breasts… and flabby b-b-buttocks… makes me want… to vomit.”
MW: That was a really tactful way to tell Mary to STFU, Dr. Jeff.
RMMD: this bothers me to an unreasonable degree but why wouldn’t Cap’n Stubing not address them as Mr and Mrs Harwood?
@taig:
9CL: So…the joke is the piano is possessed by a demon?
____________________________
9 Weird Chick Lame has jokes now? When did this start? I’ll alert the media!
RMMD: Since they confiscated Rene’s disguise kit when they searched his cabin he had to improvise. After murdering the chief purser Rene skinned him and is now wearing a husk of human skin along with the uniform.
Phantom: The poor woman is desperately running back to the man who abused her, and this is played for laughs. Both storylines really seem to be going out of their way to showcase Kit as casually cruel.
Six Chex and a Cat Named Sam: Fly the freaky skies.
MW: There’s something very wrong about this scene. Since when can Mary content herself with just watching other people, saying how happy they seem, and then just letting them go? I’m just waiting for the catastrophe to happen…
@93 Midtown: Can you find Mr. Beluso in the linked strips?
@gardenornament: The meddle target was Jeff all along. He went and got all big-headed with his new yacht, and Mary had to beat him back down with her faultless logic and wisdom. Jeff’s not going to take his licking sitting down, though, and he’ll fight back the only way he knows how: buying even bigger boats. We’ll see how smug that old cow is when Jeff is waving at her from the bridge of a Nimitz-class aircraft carrier.
@pastordan: Good Steinbeck!
I’ll see your ‘Beck, and raise you a Baroness:
“The artist formerly known as Rene Belluso:
Is he in Heaven, or just chiaroscuro?”
@jroggs: “… when Jeff is waving at her from the bridge of a Nimitz-class aircraft carrier.”
Apparently, Dr. Jeff is a physician specializing in the diseases of extremely wealthy people.
@154 Scud ‘N-ly:
I still say Dr. Jeff got his self a bit of slave trade going on here.
Mary got all excited when she went below decks and noticed some shackles.
The Familliar Mucus: “Mr Keane! There’s a Lucy Van Pelt on line 6 for you, she says she’s been saying that carp to her brother since Dolly was still a blob in the inkwell. She intends to sue, but will defend you in court if you pay her five cents. …in advance.”
RMMD: Rene won’t get far. Eagle-eyed readers will note an incognito Matt Murdock in panel 3, ready to leap into action as Daredevil!
RMMD: I refuse to go back and check, since I still have a little human pride left, but didn’t Rene bring, like, a couple of white fake heads aboard so he could store his weird hairy disguises on them? I am begging you, Rene, please don’t use that beard again.
@TheDiva: Bwahaha!
Damn, I was going to lay some money on the lifeboat-tarp option.
@158 Poteet:
Poteet, were you referring to this?
@cheech wizard:
RMMD – “It seems that Mr. Belluso flushed himself down the toilet and out into the sea, filthy turd that he is.”
That’s it! You nailed it, cheech! It’s the Shipstank Redemption!
Garfield-This coming from a middle aged cat.
Luann-“Belt? I just noticed that she wasn’t wearing a bra.”
FC-“My mommy has to stimulate my daddy into giving her a pearl necklace.”
Dustin-“Can you make that a double?” Only on your birthday and special occasions and today isn’t that special.
Willy Black and Rae the Doe shared a topic today, bathroom humor. A topic the legacy strips would never touch, but both Rae and Willy are done by younger cartoonists, so we can see where comic-strip humor is going in an attempt to be relevant..
What happened to Clovia? She used to look pretty close to human, but today she looks — zombie-ish. Those eyes — someone please put her out of her misery (the main one, of course, being married to Slim for eternity).
An entire Sunday comic about mallard ducks and not one sighting of Daffy? All that was needed was a one-panel ackground placement, but no, not even that. Too serious for a little frivolity, eh, Mark?
@ectojazzmage: Look, the standards for security in their brig is only a little bit better than the prison system in Fascist Rhodesia.
RMMD: “Our only theory is that some idiot said something about how Mr. Belluso wouldn’t be bothering anyone for a long time, thereby assuring he’d escape according to the Laws of Fiction.”
9CL: Unsurprising that the piano is now scurrying away from Edda after all it’s been through. Maybe it’s taken out a restraining order as well.
DT: You can’t really fault a dream sequence for being nonsensical, but you can object to it being so pleased with itself about it.
Dustin: Uh-huh. That’s a lot of alleged investment in a case he never seems to have discussed with his wife before. If it ever turns out that his entire law practice is fake and his days are considerably less busy than his son’s, I for one won’t be surprised.
FC: I’d say the program Thel is watching with three guys catching flies is weirder than anything Dolly has to say about it.
HtH: No excuse for Helga’s old teacher here. Assuming someone is innumerate just because they’re illiterate is fallacious as well as rude.
MW: Well if Mary and Dr. Jeff can shut the fuck up for a few more days I’ll sure be more comfortable.
@gardenornament: 141 ” (“That’s just like Kit. Rescuing this German tramp who should have been left to rot with the beast people. Well, now she’s got me to deal with.”)”
Umh, Diana, wait until you see who he rescued from Gravelines. (Hint – Savarna)
@I speak Jive: Now, of course, I’m wondering how Liniers does it. He’s got goo, solid witches. That side-saddle BS in BeWitched was all about building a bulwark against feminism.
Ah, here: not sidesaddle.
@richardf8: 54 “6C – What the holy hell? Why are these witches riding the broom side-saddle?!?!”
As Witch Hazel says in a Warner Brothers cartoon, “I always ride sidesaddle ’cause I’m a lady.” As she plumps up her hair with a coy look. Then flies off with hairpins scattering behind her.
@Nehemiah, the Scudly: “….that damn’d, elusive Pimpernel!”
@Baja Gaijin: Rene Belluso has disguised himself as Jeffy, the rat bastard.
@170 Ukulele Ike: Not just Jeffy, but Jeffy Fucking a Piggy Bank!
@Professor Well Actually: Harwood isn’t their name, it’s their species. Anytime you see some of them around, you can get their attention by yelling “Harwoods!”
PV: Hey, Sid! You’re not going let those starving Welshies eat Melody Mare, are you?
Jungle Jim: Looks like those Indians needed a few of those Bandar archer babes. They wouldn’t have missed.
@171 Baja Gaijin:
Gives a whole new meaning to the term “sperm bank”.
@gardenornament: Judge Owl is NOT going to want Slylock’s Dossier on him being introduced as evidence, so Smitty’s gonna walk.
GA: why doesn’t he also just buy a barrel of milk? You don’t have to feed a barrel.
Wary Morth, Monday:
So, let’s see, Eve Lourd is at the vet’s, Saul goes looking for her at the park, doesn’t find her, panics, calls whatever the Charterstone emergency number is. Mr Allora, as first respondent, drives up in a powered lawnmower and begins Sherlock Holmesing the park. Greta runs off to look for Madi and runs into Weelbur, who, stalking along the shrubbery as usual. Weelbur captures and takes her to the vet to identify her, sees Eshtelle, and throws a fit. Meanwhile Eve agrees with DrEdHarding and Eshtelle that Dogs Are Great. Hilarity does not ensue.
Flylock Socks:
So, Slick Smitty got away with the break in yesterday. And how lucky for the red jackal that the stain manufacturer knows his customer base is so illiterate that he has to mention in bold letters that it’s an oil based paint! Anyway, Slick will just get away again once he bribes Slylock with half the contents of the package. Which then turns out to be carrot chips.
Wrecks Moregone:
It’s almost as though he had a disguise kit available in his luggage and can make himself look like anyone; a clean shaven blond man in a flower shirt for example. Oh well, never mind then.