Am I jaded or as out of touch as the Blondie brain trust? Or BOTH
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Shoe, 9/13/23
A comic strip is such a condensed bit of storytelling that I generally think it should do one joke and and do it well. Today’s Shoe, for instance, should just lean into the fact that it’s doing a version of the well-worn “psychic fails to predict something that would actually have been quite helpful for them to know” bit or do something with in the fact that there’s a new psychic in town named “Claire Voyance.” “But Josh,” you’re probably saying, “‘Claire Voyance’ is an incredibly dumb and on-the-nose thing to name a psychic, I’m not sure how you’d squeeze anything funny out of that,” and you’re not wrong, but keep in mind that Shoe’s recurring psychic character, the one who’s featured in today’s strip, is named “Madame ZooDoo” for some reason, so you can see that the strip isn’t operating on a particularly high level to begin with.
The Lockhorns, 9/13/23
Man, I want to know about the chain of thought that led to Loretta hanging up a “Happy Anniversary” sign from Party City for a dinner of leftover orange goo and bright red wine. Normally I’d think this was set up to drop some kind of sick burn on Leroy, but instead it just made her an easy target, so I have to assume she just gave up, which is sad, honestly. You hate to see a great competitor in marital combat leave the arena.
Blondie, 9/13/12
It’s been a while since I watched the Weather Channel, but based on the general trajectory of basic cable channels, I very much would believe that America’s Greatest Weather Injuries is a big part of its lineup now. Gotta give the people what they want!
194 replies to “Am I jaded or as out of touch as the Blondie brain trust? Or BOTH”
Zoodoo that voodoo that you do so well.
Phoebe and Her Heavenly Nostrils: Funny today especially for cat lovers and entomologists.
Blondie : I’m sure you can at least get ONE thirty minute special out of a compilation of “TV weather reporter gets WRECKED by the weather emergency he’s reporting on while on the field” clips…
Heck, now I’d be surprised if it hadn’t happened already!
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Dustin : it’s kinda weird for them to pop this question out of nowhere while playing Monopoly, isn’t it? Man, if only Hasbro produced a different board game that was all about asking those kind of TRIVIA questions… but I guess trying to find such a game is a hollow PURSUIT…
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Lockhorns : “It’s both, actually. We’ve been eating the same thing at every single one of our anniversaries.” “Which of the anniversaries is the ‘congealed glob of inedible, unrecognisable stuff’ one? The 47th?” “Nah, that’s Amethyst.”
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Ripley’s Don’t Believe It :
a) …I’m going to refrain from making jokes about a man who became quadraplegic at a young age, so no extra “fun” “fact” for this one.
b) The illustrated example shows a chess-like game, which is wrong; everyone knows that Ancient Egyptians played a children’s card game where you summoned REAL monsters to banish your opponent’s soul to the SHADOW REALM ™
c) a year’s salary in a single month, but you have to spend that entire month shilling a game that’s a combination of Crazy Eights and Drop Four. Would you do it?
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Six Chix : “Look, I don’t care about the OTHER advertisements, I wanna know if they kept the one where I grossly wipe my ass in public.”
Shoe: You just know that “Claire Voyance” will end up in “Crankshaft.” The genius of Tom Batiuk and names like “Mason Jarr” and “Rocky Rhodes” is bleeding over.
Blondie: With those big feet, Dagwood needs to be very careful since his TV is on a cart with wheels. And then what will his wife do since she can’t bother to look over her shoulder to see what he is watching?
MW: [Saul can see into Eve’s open closet door -with about a dozen of the same outfit hanging]
[Saul reflects on his own closet of about a dozen green jackets and tan slacks]
The Fonz: [Above the Cunningham’s garage, opens his closet of t-shirts on hangers for some reason]: “Heyyyyyyy!”
LH: It’s not so much they are eating orange goo, but the quantity Loretta prepared. There will be anniversaries of these leftovers Leroy.
Shoe is increasingly becoming a cry for help. It’s the comic strip equivalent of self-harm. How much lamer can the jokes become before the syndicate get the hint and let them die?
Shoe: To get rid of Claire Voyance, just send her on a date with Pat McRauch. Problem solved.
Shoe: Tom Batiuk is rolling over in his grave. Oh…he’s still alive? That’s a shame.
Blondie: They like to film Jim Cantore negotiating his salary.
Shoe – Claire Voyance would be an excellent name for a burlesque performer, especially given that it basically translates to “clear view” – a fine aptonym for a fortune teller, sure, but even better for a lady who gives you a clear view of her…tassels.
After drawing this, I am suddenly sympathetic to the formless voids of some strip backgrounds and the tou-like tanks and helicopters of Beaten Daily. Ouch!
The guy who says “Yowchee!” is my new favorite “Blondie” character.
@Old School Allie Cat: I would also be amazed if there hasn’t been a drag queen named Claire Voyance.
Frazz: I hope Mrs. Olsen gave Caulfield more work to do.
Luann: Understandably, the colorist doesn’t read this strip, so those turnips look like onions. Also, of course, Bets looks so happy, precisely because she is without you!
CS: That girl is about to say, “I’m right here, you assholes!” I do love how Batiuk t0rtures the English language for…reasons.
9CL: I’ve been skipping 9CL for a while, and I think it’s been good for my general well-being, but today I fell for the temptation to check it out. And the little mystery posed here – how does winning a burping contest straighten your hair? – almost made me want to go back and check out what’s going on.
But no, I’m not falling off the wagon this time! Brooke can have his little mystery for himself. Maybe Slylock Fox decides to cross over and investigate the mystery, and in that case I’ll no doubt see the solution in his comic, but otherwise I can live with not knowing the solution.
9CL: I hope she’s pointing them to some sort of medieval t0rture device.
Shoe: “There’s a new psychic in town.”
“Who?”
“Some kid named Charlie McGee.”
(The Perfesser and Madame ZooDoo burst into flames.)
@taig: On Luann Also: “She gave you a kick on Route 66, man” — It’s good to see that the Evanses still are right on top of how 21st Century young people talk.
@gardenornament: Fortunately(?), you’d only have to go back to the previous strip, which doesn’t explain the mechanics of Amos’s hair straightening out. It just happened, because it’s, um, funny, I guess.
FC: Jeffy led a trail of footprints through the neighborhod, through the lots of the Wilsons, the Mitchells, the Andersons, the Flagstons, the Cleavers, the Douglases, the Davises, the Taylors, the Rutherfords, the Keatons, the Sopranos and the Waltons.
Zits: You wouldn’t see Ed Kudlick getting up on a ladder to paint the house. No way! He’d stand around at the bottom of the ladder, eating a hamburger and criticizing Dustin.
FC: I see someone recently read Grant Morrison’s The Filth.
MW: It’s nice of Saul to promise Greta a joint, but why does he insist on making her wait for it?
@Rube: I liked “Gave you a kick on Route 66.” Of course, I’m not a young 21st century person (your point exactly), but I am going to try and work that into my convo at the vendo today.
You left out the Millers (where Marvin lives).
Luann:
I’m sure all the rubes who shelled out money to buy the Evensii’s Summer Roadtrip book got their money’s worth.
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Wary Morth:
How in heaven’s name is this still not over?
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Crankshafted:
Cranky is going to murder an old lady by giving her pneumonia.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Wrecks Moregone:
What’s Rene going to use the money for, to buy a brain?
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Pudgy Jerker:
Maybe April’s mother, March, has been visiting Claire Voyant?
@Rube: David Lynch can get away with his young characters talking like they wandered in out of a ’60s movie, why can’t the Evanses? No, wait…I see the difference now.
Yes, “Madame ZooDoo,” if that’s even your real name, you should have seen that coming, and you know why? Because “Claire Voyant” was a villain on the classic computer game Where in America’s past is Carmen Sandiego?, a computer game that came out thirty-two years ago. (I mean, I’m sure the joke was made before that, too, but look, any time I get to reference a game that includes characters like Rhoda Lottamiles or Tippi Canoe, I’m gonna.) (Also Shlomo Replay.)
MW: So now we know: it takes more time to put on two bandanas than two bowties. I hope I never need this information.
LOCKHORNS: There must be a sign that better reflects the look of sheer, miserable resignation in both of their eyes. Party City probably doesn’t carry it though, you may have to slip into a funeral home and pinch a sash off a wreath.
Non Sequitur: Wiley’s got his theology all wrong, because all dogs go to Heaven. Thus, there’s no way cats would be running things there.
JP: “Stealth” as practiced by a renowned veteran international spook: Honking the car horn twice and then driving away in broad daylight, not even bothering to don shades and/ or a wig, with locally notorious and striking blonde daughter in the passenger’s seat.
With mad undercover skills like this, it is no wonder Pavel can’t find her.
Shoe: “I no longer need your guidance to the spirit realm. I’m seeing other dead people.”
Lhs: How much of this traffic cone chili did Loretta make if this is leftovers and the container is still overflowing even after serving two heaping blates of it?
CS: “Hopefully your granddaughter’s parents learn some responsibility, because your kid’s mother is a gigantic idiot. How much longer are you and your father’s great-granddaughter going to stand around in the rain before she gets on the frigging bus so I can finish my damn route?”
JP: DRAMA! No time for chitchat, April; we’ve got to leave immediately! …after we take a minute or two to quip and eyeroll about theft prevention and magic keyfobs. On a semi-related note, has it ever been explained how April was able to get a CIA job and a security clearance when she had two internationally-wanted crimelord parents?
RMMD: As Mud explained that his phone was not capable of dispensing cash and they’d have to wait until the bank opened, Rene discovered the true depth of the folly of kidnapping two smelly old men on a Saturday night.
Luann: “Bets gave you a kick on Route 66, Gunther! You had to let the country roads take you home to the place where you belong! Face it, you were born a ramblin’ man!”
MW: Now that they are a “family”—notwithstanding their different species of human, canine, and gnome—Eve, Saul, Max, and Greta will be sporting the same color neckerchiefs and spotted bow ties. This will help distinguish them in a crowd of similarly attired pet owners walking their four-legged friends, and make it easier for them to spot each other if they should get separated. Also, those blue-themed accessories will give everyone else a chance to avoid them like god doo on a hot summer sidewalk, when they see them from afar.
Did Blondie get a hold of a copy of Sudoku For Pre-Schoolers? That puzzle looks incredibly easy!
LUANN – It’s not for nothing that the character of Gunther is always portrayed as a whiny, petulant little bitch. The authors do no spare any opportunity to portray him this way. With Bernice it can be speculated that she’s not meant to come across this way, but Gunther is consistently an entitled mommas boy.
9CL – he spent years building a stable of characters and potential plot lines, but day after day it’s this bottom of the barrel crap. Child Edda and Child Amos need to retire.
Luann – That pictogram of Bets looks like the ones I see advertising “gentlemen’s clubs.”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Damn, you’re right, exactly like that.
Also, I am trying to think of a recipe where either turnips or bell peppers would work. There’s certainly a lot to unpack in today’s strip.
Shoe – Perfesser is a misfortune teller.
The Lockhorns – It’s a challenge to keep a marriage fresh, whether it’s a loving and spicy one, or a spiteful one. Loretta didn’t have it in her to try a new recipe for the anniversary just for LeRoy to drag it down. Yet LeRoy can make do with what he has. He found a way to put a new whine in an old whine-skin
Blondie – Newspaper comics readers are also among those still holding on to their cable subscriptions, and who are sad their new-fangled Netflix DVD by mail subscription ended.
@Rube: I did a quick Google search on substituting bell peppers for turnips. You’ll be surprised to learn that the best substitutes for turnips are…other root vegetables.
RMMD: Is Muddy about to be scammed by both Rene AND Buzzy? Are those two working together? Buzzy did conveniently show up on the ship to take over Mudd’s career, and he seems remarkably calm after being locked up in the trunk of his car. Buzzy’s “accountants” may be non-existent. Makes as much sense as what seems to be happening here.
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box:
Incel and Trufan in Chief Mordock99/Moose seems to believe he is Gunthybaby.
@Rube: @taig: turnips vs bell peppers – where’s Baja and his recipe cards when you need them?
MW – The guest writer is Jean Paul Sartre. There is No Exit from this story line.
@Weaselboy: That, or it turns out that Charterstone is located firmly within the boundaries of the Twilight Zone.
Pudgy Jerker:
“I hope you said a nice goodbye to your daughter. You’re never going to see her again.”
“You mean?”
“I gave her to Pavel in return for my safety. He says she’ll be a decoy for kidnappers or something. Must be a game his daughter wants to play with yours.”
Dustin: I actually found today’s punchline somewhat funny, and unironically so. This isn’t normal. Do I need to see a doctor?
Dustin: This is a rare occurrence: the Kudlick family are engaged in a fun activity together, without snarking at each other. This isn’t normal. Do they need to see a doctor?
BB: I refuse to believe this. If Camp Swampy lives up to its name, nobody at base would even consider shedding a tear over a dead mosquito.
Shoe – And she’s living incognito. Cognito – that’s near Pittsburgh, right….
Schlockhorns – Well…at least Loretta can take comfort in a stable society…competent and cooperative political leadership…comfortable predictable climate….
Blondie – I endure the stale gag for the side boob payoff….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
sharknado joke or gtfo Blondie
“I want a hanging sign that reads ‘Happy Anniversary.'”
“No problem. Here at Party City we have dozens! Shiny gold or silver, festive red, rainbow, what color do you want?”
“Black. Matte black. Funerial matte black.”
“Uh . . . looks like we’re out of stock! Try Goth Gala, two doors over.”
The Lockhorns: That may look like defeat on Loretta’s face, but it’s in fact a bit of sadness for the end of her long struggle, even as she wins it, for “happy anniversary” is merely an anagram for “navy piranha preys,” and Leroy should really check what’s swimming in his pumpkin soup.
Shoe: The weirdest part of this joke is how enthused and happy the Perfesser seems to be about telling Madame ZooDoo about competition to her business. “Yo, bitch! Guess who’s monopoly just got busted!”
The Lockhorns: One of these days, we’re gonna get another strip like this but instead it’ll be Leeroy choking on his own blood after Loretta put poison in his orange goo.
Blondie: What is the joke here? That the weather forecasters are fighting on-air? That, like Josh suggests, the forecasters have taken to airing footage of people being horribly injured in storms? Or is this strip trying its own hand at Arctic Circle-style climate change alarmism by insinuating that weather has gotten so bad it’s akin to wrestling shows? We can only speculate.
DT: I’ll wager that a neo-hippie like Sprocket has more hair in her armpits than her boyfriend Adam has on his head.
Phantom: Guran’s fire? We haven’t let that fat oaf play with matches since he burned half the village down.
RMMD: Smart move, Rene. Turn your back on some guy you just brutalized. Don’t be surprised when Lampy back there comes crashing down on your skull.
Dustin: What happened to yesterday’s set up where one of Ed’s friends(?) was going to give Dustin a job? I guess not showing up at 8am was a deal breaker.
MW: Wimmin be takin’ forever to get out of the house, amirite?
Blondie: Don’t know about the Weather Channel itself, but their Kindle Fire app does have short TikTok-esque videos of weather disasters. Good to know someone is getting something out of climate change, I guess.
Luann: Kudos to Loretta for finding the saddest “Happy Anniversary” sign in existence; you gotta love her commitment to the mood.
Shoe: I was going to say that sounded like a good drag queen name and, lo and behold, Google turns up two who go by “Claire Voyant:” one based in Chicago and another from New Zealand. Is that allowed? I would think drag names would be like joining an actor’s union and you’re not allowed to take one already in use.
@Anonymous: Oh, bother these cookies. That was me.
JP – Pavel wished really really hard and April’s mom magically appeared.
Luann: Who substitutes a Capiscum cultivar for a starch? Do they think we all just fell off the turnip truck?
@Rube: #35 (& Scratchy S & taig) Should be onions anyway. boo hoo hoo let the tears roll. By the time this posts likely oversnark, though
@Guillermo el chiclero: “DT: I’ll wager that a neo-hippie like Sprocket has more hair in her armpits than her boyfriend Adam has on his head.”
I’m not so sure about that. Apart from her going barefoot, her hippie vibes seem pretty weaksauce. Not a tie-dye in sight, no long, flowing skirts, and judging by the way she’s jutting she may even be wearing a bra. So I wouldn’t be suprised if she’s given in to the Man and started shaving as well.
I guess the no-shoes thing is her last stand, her only remaining way of showing that she’s counter-culture. I wonder what will happen when she’s denied boarding on that plane for “safety reasons” or whatever they’ll say.
BG&SS: What are they complaining about? They’re the lowest prices they’ll get within several days’ walking distance!
C’shaft: It’s funny because professional childcare is prohibitively expensive even for dual-income families and a lot of people rely on their relatives for assistance.
Dustin: I find it hard to believe the entire Dustfamily is willing to sit down to a board game together, even one as notoriously contentious as Monopoly. Do you suppose Dustmom is sitting just off-panel, or did she give up and the rest of them haven’t gotten around to divvying up her properties yet?
GT: You know, Gil Thorp is probably the only man on the planet who gazes longingly at his estranged wife and her new lesbian lover without fantasizing about a threesome.
Luann: He’s so very, very close to getting it.
MW: Ah, and now we finally come to some conflict, as Saul has difficulty adjusting to living with another person’s rou–oh, never mind, he’s done waiting for Eve and the tedium may continue.
Pluggers are, in fact, neither practical nor stylish.
Phantom: Man, the Bandar throw the best campouts!
RMMD: “You know, Rene, I have the account information for your share right here and can–”
“You stay out of this, Buzzy!”
@gardenornament: Yeah, if Sprocket has any counter-culture vibe she could maybe pass for beatnik (what with the sunglasses and the funky handle), but generally speaking the only thing that separates her from the average soccer mom in line at Starbucks is her lack of footwear.
FC-Jeffy, you’re supposed to leave the dotted line trail outside.
Luann-“She gave you a kick on Route 66.” Only because Gunther wouldn’t go down Route 69.
RMMD-Don’t believe Mud, Renee. There is no way he can pull up his bank account information on that device. He’s faking it.
JP-“I’m on the run for stealing a car and taking a hostage.”
Crock: Of all the gross things in this comic, the aptly named Grossie is perhaps the grossest. The way her obese body parts seems to protrude in an oddly lumpy way under her clothes, how her breasts (at least I think those protrusions are supposed to be her breasts) hang below her knees, the way she seems to have somehow painted her lips on the outside of her clothes…
But the second panel today, with that giant tongue emerging through a convenient slit and licking the outside of her hijab/veil/dress/whatever out-grosses everything we’ve seen so far. I’m afraid this sight will haunt my dreams for years to come, and no amount of brain bleach will erase it.
Pluggers: OK, that’s a new one. We’ve already heard ad nauseam that Pluggers are old, fat and decrepit. Now Pluggers are apparently delusional as well.
Speaking of psychics, I saw someone on a live stream independently make up the Claire Voyance joke not 24 hours ago. >_>
“But wait – there’s also Preet Cognition, Di Vination, and Esther Sensoryperception!”
FC: I’m eternally grateful that this isn’t happening in Marvin (with brown stuff rather than black, of course).
Shoe: In the missing next panel, The Perfessor uses the crystal ball as an anal bead. Wait a minute–he’s a bird; would that be a cloaca bead? Any orinthologists in the house?
@26 MKay: on The Lockhorns: My inner 12 year old is laughing at “pinch[ing] a sash.”
@35 Rube: Take a look at the Late Thread Cuisine entries. Plenty of those recipes can make those substitutions and still be more repellant than Loretta’s antiquated orange glop.
@40 Myrtle: Ninja’d!
Zits: It’s funny because not only is Jeremy so cellphone-addicted that he can’t imagine his dad reaching him through any other way than texting, but his hearing is so impaired from playing loud music that he can’t hear his screams for help.
Blondie turning her chair away from the TV to read in the living room is normal. Turning it 180° from Dagwood is a move that would make Loretta Lockhorn salute her.
Blondie – That “YOWCHEE” is sure to make Dagwood hungry for Korean take-out, but he won’t know why.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Hey! My fortune cookie has no fortune inside it!”
“I’ll open another”
“What does it say?”
“Your future was accurately described in the previous cookie”
9CL-Edna does have that ability to make anything straight.
Hagar the Horrible-“I am Hagar.”
Blondie – I admit, the weather news has been pretty scary lately, what with homes flooded or swept away, and dams bursting due to torrential downpours.
Then again, I remember the good old days of the Weather Channel, before I had a weather app on my phone, watching their intrepid reporters standing in hurricane force winds giving you the latest updates live on camera.
I always wondered if they had their weather channel baseball caps riveted directly into their skulls, as I have no idea how else they could keep them on their heads.
@Read Em and Laf: Yeah, I know Blondie is on a time-delay of several months to several decades, but bad timing to have this strip come out just after five to twenty thousand people may have drowned in Libya.
At least they still included a jut in the last panel. Nice to see that puppy.
Zits: It’s funny because dad is going to fall to his death because of his son.
H&L: It’s funny because Lois feels oppressed by her emotional housework and can’t take delight in her infant daughter (who is, what, 67 by now).
Sally Forth: It’s funny because working in a nice office with genial co-workers is as soul-crushing as taking care of an infant. Wimmen, right?
GT: It’s funny because Gil exhibits a complete lack of leadership yet still holds a coaching job.
Luann: “As happy when she’s shagging a guy in the van and I had to watch.”
Pluggers: It’s funny how for decades wearing socks with sandals screamed ultimate nerd but now all the kids are wearing socks with sandals. Who would’ve thought the Wilford Brimley beast-man was a trend-setter.
RMMD: It’s hard to tell right now, but it seems like April’s mom is breaking new ground by wearing something other than the plain-T-shirt-and-jeans uniform the characters have been required to wear in this strip for the past several years.
Luann: So, what, Gunther has it set up so he gets a notification every time Bets posts online? I think that goes beyond just not over her.
Also, “Gave you a kick on Route 66”?
MW – Make it stop. Please. Woof.
FC – I give Thel a pass today. I’m not a drinker, but if my kid did that I’d chug a whole bottle of vodka.
6Chix – It looks like Sid is running a special on his Bears. They’ve been in several comics lately.
It’s a good idea – remember how well the Squirrels did?
Crankshaft – Why is this such a big deal? Why is it hard for Ed to grasp? The parents have to leave for work before the school is open. Their alternatives are enrolling the kid in a latch key program, dropping the kid at a babysitter to catch the bus, or having a babysitter come to their house to get the kid on the bus. They chose to take the kid to the grandma’s house to get the bus there. Is this really the first time Ed has seen this?
Maybe Ed isn’t even thinking about that. He’s happy that the grandma’s slippers getting soaked in the rain, not to mention thinking about the line of cars stuck behind the bus while he and the grandma chat.
@Noel: Also, “Gave you a kick on Route 66”?
It happened when Bets came to the conclusion that Gunther is as gay as George Maharis.
Phantom:
Babudan: You motherfuckers had to eat all the s’mores and not save me any?*
*in the Bandar tongue
Luann I’ve never really understood the trufans’ hatred of Bets. She’s the closest thing to a normal person in her early twenties that this strip has.
@agony: Answered your own question, I think.
REX MORGAN M.D.: Mud/Fergus: “Ok admitted conman, here’s all my personalized bank account records that I’m just straight up showing you. Obviously this is some good decision-making on my part!”
Someone on Arcamax asked what’s going on in Mary Worth and if Weelbur was still a richard. I tried to summarise the current story arc:
Did I miss anything out?
@Noel:
RMMD: It’s hard to tell right now, but it seems like April’s mom is breaking new ground by wearing something other than the plain-T-shirt-and-jeans uniform the characters have been required to wear in this strip for the past several years.
You have understandably mistaken Judge Parker for Rex Morgan. Glenwood, Cavelton, hell – even Milford all exist in the same corner of Bland County, United States of Generica.
@WEP: “Zits: It’s funny because dad is going to fall to his death because of his son.”
Don’t worry. This is slapstick humour, where falling to your death won’t hurt you. I guess it’s funny because dad is so out of touch with young people that he hasn’t got the sense to whip out his cellphone and text.
@Ukranazi Stepan: Nah, that’s a pretty accurate summary. Hope your ankle heals quickly!
@TheDiva: “Yeah, if Sprocket has any counter-culture vibe she could maybe pass for beatnik (what with the sunglasses and the funky handle), but generally speaking the only thing that separates her from the average soccer mom in line at Starbucks is her lack of footwear.”
“Man, I’m getting worried about that Sprocket chick. I mean, I saw her last week and she had gone, like, all square! She had a new outfit that looked, like, it was bought in a store. And it was clean!”
“Thats like shocking, man!”
“And her boobs stuck straight out, like she was wearing a bra… And you know what’s like the worst part? She lifted her arm, and she had shaved her armpits!””
“A bra? Shaving? The world is coming to an end, man!”
“At least she wasn’t wearing shoes. There’s some hope, I guess.”
“Yeah, as long as she’s barefoot, there’s hope!”
REX MORGAN M.D.: “Well of course it’s a considerable amount of cash! Didn’t the plush luxury digs of the place I’m staying at (right near the cross-road of Crackhouse Lane) signal to you that I’m now loaded!?”
mary worth -the never ending story can we at least get a pumpkin spice gag to keep the story up to date
Zits Spanish to English.
Luann: I kinda like the image of Les owning a complete collection of Bobby Troup on vinyl. When he’s alone in the shed he puts a stack o’ platters on the turntable and finger-pops along. “Mmmm….’Lemon Twist!’ This cat is gone.” It would add a character dimension.
Dustin should legally change his surname to “DeWind.” It would drive Ed crazy.
@Ukranazi Stepan: What about Mary and Jeff’s dark date at the Bum Boat and their moonlight walk on the pier? I think it sort of set the philosophical stage in the midst of all the other unfolding events. Or did I dream that part? (God, I hope not!)
@gardenornament: Hope your ankle heals quickly.
Just one more reason to be glad you’re not a horse. Or any patient at ANIMAL HOSPITAL.
Loretta forgot the number one rule of being a Lockhorn: points can only be scored in the moment with a single barb. Long games, like hanging up a banner in the hopes Leroy will remember that he forgot your anniversary, will never get you anywhere. Step it up, girl! Leroy never remembers anything unless he can use it against you! He’s used cheap beer to scour his hippocampus to a fine sheen, becoming a creature of pure id! This isn’t Judge Parker, whose characters can occasionally be induced to feel shame!
@Old School Allie Cat:
Oops. Sorry. You’re right. They have the same artless, uninspired standard pseudo-realistic comic art style that it’s hard to tell them apart at a glance. Looking at them for longer than a glance just isn’t a good use of my time.
From what I can gather from their internet presence and commercials I see on TVs at bars sometimes, the Weather Channel these days does indeed focus most of its time on footage of weather-related carnage. Mostly at buildings being destroyed, though. I think showing people being maimed by debris during a hurricane like today’s Blondie is implying is a bit much even for the low standards of network television these days.
@Charterstoned:
Oh good dog I successfully blocked that from my memory! Until now.
“an incredibly dumb and on-the-nose thing to name someone”
This is hurtful.
Tank McNamara wins today’s “Worst-Timed Joke.” If you have questions about this Aaron Rodgers fellow, feel free to ask any nearby American Sportsball enthusiast. (That’s also the rule for Tank McNamara in general.)
@I speak Jive:re 6Cx: Believe it or not, we’re gettin’ full price for all those Bear placements! Yeah, ever since Ol’ Rex came outta retirement and did that unforgettable mauling performance in Judge Parker, the demand for our Ursine clients has been through the roof! Everybody wants to get on the Bear Bandwagon.
But as you see here, they’ve started to do the “hibernation” gags. Maybe we could keep the buzz goin’ by promoting Insomniac Bears – write that down, Intern. I doubt if we’ll see Ol’ Rex again this season… he’s left the tour already and is having a stay at [Undisclosed Location] Spa and Resort. He’s getting the pre-hibernation cleanse and detox, as well as the carb-and-fat-load package. He certainly DESERVES it! He covered our entire overhead for the summer, as well as bonuses!
The fact that the Weather Channel still gives weather-related information is a minor miracle. The next time a politician rambles on about “the American people” remind them that TLC started as The Learning Channel but had to pivot because the average American person doesn’t want to do any learning.
@Dr. Larry Erhardt: Oh, dear. They really should have pulled that and gone with “Tank Vintage”.
RMMD: Most ATMs only let you draw out $500 at a time. Are Mud and company going to cruise all over Glenwood at night hitting every ATM in town?
Shoe: I suppose that providing writing advice to the writers of Shoe is pouring water on a goose, but the psychic’s line in the first panel really takes away any surprise value of the punchline. No psychic worth their salt would say “who” when somebody refers to a new competitor – being psychic and all, they should have felt their presence and divined all there was to know about them, including their name. So “I didn’t see that coming” really just restates what she’s already said.
@Charterstoned: “Just one more reason to be glad you’re not a horse. Or any patient at ANIMAL HOSPITAL.”
Believe me, I am.
@Myrtle: RMMD: Is Muddy about to be scammed by both Rene AND Buzzy?
Ding ding ding we may have a winnar!
I was about to comment on the nonsense of conducting a perfectly legal transaction at gunpoint (I know about Aggravated Assault, but is there such a thing as Aggravated Commerce?) but your take is better.
Shoe: “I didn’t see that coming.” “This isn’t a porn video, so I finished inside you like a normal person.”*
Lockhorns: “Is that for us or to commemorate my most recent erection? What’s the 10-year anniversary anyway, latex?”
Blondie: “It’s not a movie, it’s the weather channel, and I’m getting a boner.”
* Yes, yes, they’re birds, they have cloacae, I know, I know.
@Rube: Tank Vintage sounds like it should involve a Panzer IV and a T-38 that have become friends and fight crime.
@Dr. Larry Erhardt: Oh, I’d say it was a WONDERFULLY timed/not timed coincidental joke.
I’ve been thinking of that final exchange between Andy Garcia and George Clooney in “Oceans 13”.
“Do you think this is funny?”
“Well, Terry. It sure as shit ain’t sad”.
(Double A-Ron will collect his money. The Jets record will probably be as good with or without him. The Packers get a second round draft pick rather than the Jets’ first round pick).
@Voshkod: A manga adapted for Netflix.
JP: Just say it…. “It’s your father. He’s trying to kill me again…”
GT: Gil is the last in the stadium to realize the donnybrook with his coaches.
@Myrtle, RxMD: Wait…. that’s… BRILLIANT! But is it too brilliant for this strip?
Zits-“I say let the bastard fall.”
Zits-Text? Jeremy, you’re a Nineties teenager. Texting hasn’t been invented yet.
Mary’s Worst: Saul and Greta wait for Eve and Max to come out of the privacy hut.
Lockhorns: I have actually made orange goo: canned pumpkin sauteed with red wine is quite good. It has never been the centerpiece of an anniversary celebration, however. I’m surprised they didn’t eat out; given how much they must spend on travel, what’s one more restaurant meal?
MW-Who is going to walk whom on the dog leash?
@Liam: “Zits-Text? Jeremy, you’re a Nineties teenager. Texting hasn’t been invented yet.”
Actually, texting in the sense of text messaging between cellphones was a thing in Europe in the mid-to-late 90s, and I think even earlier in Japan. I don’t know about the U.S. (The three regions had different cellphone systems back then).
@UncleJeff: Really, the only losers would be anyone who expected the Jets to be competitive this year. Hypothetically speaking, of course.
I dunno if anyone reads BLISS besides me, but today’s panel is positively BLEAK. Like, Gahan Wilson but he means it BLEAK
Mutt & Jeff – An unfortunate misunderstanding. Obviously, Jeff meant that he was going to make the football stadium “blow up” on social media.
DtM: “Don’t bother talking to your father when he’s drunk and passed out.”
@some guy: re Bliss: Well, yes, we’re affliated with Bliss, and some of our clients have regular gigs there. Thankfully, no Animal Stars were involved today! Maybe this wasn’t quite as bad as some of that smut that shows up on Saturdays! Anyway, that guy actually looks pretty happy to see the Last Limo Driver show up. How old are you, again?
Dennis the Menace-Cause Dithers would beat Henry to death if he would attempt to leave.
RMMD: Rene pretended to be a self help guru. Not illegal. Then he attempted murder. Very illegal. Leaving aside running from the law he wants his share of royalties. He kodnaps Fuzzy at gunpoint. Very illegal. Who writes this shit?
@taig: I beg to differ. The best substitute for turnips is chocolate truffles.
Not in a recipe, of course. If your recipe calls for turnips, you’ve got the wrong recipe.
Man, these 1999 Doonesbury reprints GoComics is running sure didn’t age well.
https://www.gocomics.com/doonesbury/2023/09/13?ct=v&cti=2282709
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
You left out the Millers (where Marvin lives).”
If his trail had gone through the Millers’ house, his footprints would have been brown, not black.
@132 Ukulele Ike:
C’mon, Ike. You know better then to post long nonenbedded links.
FC: And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the last anyone ever saw of Jeffy Keane.
On my screen, the link is shorter than my comment. Did it jess growed, like Topsy?
@Ukulele Ike: #132
I know. The Roman Catholic Church’s stance on gay weddings has not changed, but society’s attitudes certainly have over the past 24 years.
@Peanut Gallery: Oops. I guess I’d better return this book.
@Daisy: I believe Scot was meant to be an Episcopal priest. He dated Joanie Caucus at one point.
@Sequitur: RIP Sequitur’s Phone
@Ukulele Ike: Because there are no natural breaks for some browsers (like, say, Safari on an iPhone), the link doesn’t wrap to another line, so the browser scooches everything over to accommodate it.
@taig: Interesting that the cover photo of that book does not include any turnips….
@taig: I nearly always imbed my links; this one seemed short enough that I didn’t think it was necessary. I admit that I’m a big old stupid head and I humbly apologize to Seq and to anyone else I screwed over.
@taig: Same thing for those long unbroken lines @Ukranazi Stepan: used as post separators *early* this morning. My android phone has been unusable for this site all day. It wasn’t just Ike’s longish link.
@UkulelIke @Arabella: Ah. Maybe that’s the cause of this, and it just looked like it was UI’s link causing the problem.
Just checked on my iPhone, and it does indeed look like the post separators are longer than UI’s link. :)
@Ukulele Ike: That is weird. It is almost like turnips aren’t exactly selling points even for a book of turnip recipes.
Quick! Someone touch Josh!
@taig:
@Ukulele Ike: That is weird. It is almost like turnips aren’t exactly selling points even for a book of turnip recipes.
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Rutabagas turn Linda Lichtman on.
A case of Satisfaction to the first person to explain the reference! (Put your hand down,Ester Minsky!)
Blondie: The Bumstead’s furniture arrangement fascinates me. Is Blondie not allowed to watch TV? Or does she just sit that way when she’s had enough of Dagwood? Do they drag Dagwood’s napping couch over every time they want to share a movie?
@taig: The cookbook of my nightmares! Still, it’s nice that someone else eats turnips so I don’t have to. (Why does that phrase sound vaguely familiar?)
There’s a deep, deep cavern in Colorado that houses a titanium safe. In that safe are all the punchlines that would produce at least a smirk when reading Hi & Lois.
If anyone else has a better explanation…
@Peanut Gallery: I’m proudly growing turnips.
@Arabella: @taig: @taig: VINDICATION!!!!
Kate Beaton on Willie Wonka and turnips. As is often the case, her afterword is even funnier that her comic strip.
Also, why would anyone eat a turnip when they could get a rutabaga (aka “yellow turnip”). A rutabaga is a turnip that tastes good.
@Ukulele Ike: re rutabegas: I cooked them this year for the first time in my long life. My mother used to prepare them like mashed potatoes, but I was a picky eater and wouldn’t try them because they didn’t look the right color for potatoes.
I managed to peel some and cut them into chunks without needing an EMS visit. Got to get a stronger sharp knife. I coated then with olive oil, salt, pepper, and garlic powder and roasted until they were tender and browned. Surprisingly good and lots of nutrition value.
@Ukulele Ike: “Kate Beaton on Willie Wonka and turnips. ”
And I think part of the joke is that the factory owner’s name isn’t Wonka, but Wanka. Which has somewhat different connotations, at least in British English. Maybe it has those in Canadian English as well.
Nutty ol’ afternoon Family Circus.
OTF: A more honest version of this would have Deth saying “Doos ix Mashina”.
RMMD: “Or, the accountants could just pay you what you’re owed since, y’know, you’re owed it.”
“That doesn’t sound like a devious scheme at all! Do you even know me?”
“Well, since the whole Professor Mirakle thing was a lie, no, not really!”
Shoe: My interpretation is that there isn’t really a new psychic in town, but the Perfessor is, in-universe, making a terrible and well-worn joke. And if Madame ZooDoo didn’t see that coming, then not only isn’t she a very good psychic but she also hasn’t been paying much attention for however long this strip’s been running.
@Ukulele Ike: So much so that here in Scotland they’re the default: when we say “turnip” we mean a yellow one, while the other one is a white turnip. (This is specifically a Scottish [and maybe Irish? Not sure] thing; in England they’re called swedes for some reason.)
@Arabella: My momma always simmered cut-up rutabaga and then mashed them into a roux — because they are more watery and less starchy than potatoes. And only on Thanksgiving.
Me, I put them into stews and soups. Russian beef borscht, in particular, in place of turnip.
@Horace Broon: Damn, this has really turned into Turnip Wednesday! Hats off to Peanut Gallery!
@158 Horace Broon: Then what the hell are bashed neeps made from?
All this talk of turnips. I feel like I’m listening to Baldrick from Blackadder prattle on about them. BTW: A friend’s brother in law, who was from Rhode Island, always insisted on a mixture of mashed turnips and carrots as part of his Thanksgiving feast. He said it was a local favorite.
Late Thread Cuisine: No turnips, parsnips, or rutabagas involved in the attached recipe.
Six Chex and a Cat Named Mr. Whipple: “Big sale on toliet paper!”
@Ukulele Ike:
@Horace Broon: Damn, this has really turned into Turnip Wednesday! Hats off to Peanut Gallery!
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Better turnips then DustinDad’s nips, I always say. (Now, with context!)
MW – Though contemporary audiences may find it dull, back in the 50s it was considered quite impressive to have a couple of Yo-yos walking the dog.
@Sequitur:
Grandma and Billy play that old Keane family favorite…”What Ass Am I?”
@Baja Gaijin: PARSNIPS! Don’t get us started on parsnips. Parsnips make turnips look like ambrosia.
@Horace Broon:
(This is specifically a Scottish [and maybe Irish? Not sure] thing; in England they’re called swedes for some reason.)
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So THAT’S what Swedish Fish are made from…
@167 Ukulele Ike: NO parsnips on the linked meal. None. Nunca.
I have never cooked anything with turnips because Mr. Jive hates them and won’t eat them. I don’t think I have ever eaten them, and I don’t miss them.
I do remember seeing a British reference to a “swede,” and I wondered what that was.
@Baja Gaijin: WTF is that? Onions stuffed with potatoes? The meatballs (or sausage; it’s impossible to tell) add a jaunty touch.
@170 I speak Jive: It’s stuffed onions au gratin. They’re “wiener sausages.” How about that clay pestle in the background?
@Ukulele Ike:
PARSNIPS! Don’t get us started on parsnips.
__________________________
Someone’s getting parsnippy!
@162 Baja Gaijin:
Have ya’ll been following the latest Sherman’s Lagoon story about Hawthorne the crab getting a rash/fungus on his claw from pinching a human’s toe? Well, whatever malady Hawthorne has contracted I think we see it in Baja‘s link today.
@Baja Gaijin:
70 I speak Jive: It’s stuffed onions au gratin. They’re “wiener sausages.” How about that clay pestle in the background?
__________________
The vessel with the pestle has the pellet with the poison.
@173 Sequitur: I recently started reading Sherman’s Lagoon. And ewww. That, that, stuff in the link does look like the crab’s fungus. Maybe he pinched a stuffed onion au gratin instead of a toe?
Blondie: Blondie must not be a movie buff. Those sound FX sound more like Road House or vintage Jackie Chan than anything in the horror genre.
Shoe: You could potentially have to pay a $15 to hear someone like Cosmo test out his unfortunate new material. At least the psychic is getting paid.
@Baja Gaijin: I can hear the “Bork! Bork! Bork!” from that image.
@Garrison Skunk: Swedish Fish are made from English people! Well, I’m glad they’ve found a use for them.
@Baja Gaijin:
@70 on The Lockhorns: I was really just indulging in a little Brit-speak, sorry to trigger your inner tween.
BB: You can tell that Killer is thinking, “Yeah, I used to wanna hit that, but uh, why not let Beetle have this one.”
C-Shaft: Glad to see the first panel is just an “arty” drawing of their reflections in a puddle. I’m not ready to watch Funkyverse characters experiment with psychedelics.
DT: “Let us celebrate our new arrangement with the addition of chocolate to milk.”
Dustin: “Dad and little sister forget to insult Dustin while the three of them are playing Monopoly” is as heartwarming as this strip gets.
GT: The crowd is thrilled. They have more in common with Jerry Springer’s studio audiences than you might think.
JP: How long has April’s mother been an intelligence asset? In an interagency mission, she actually helped J. Edgar Hoover decipher the lyrics to “Louie Louie.” Bet you didn’t even know “chitchat later” was in there!
Luann: This keeps up Les will have to switch to something stronger than store brand lemon lime soda.
RMMD: Fergus could have easily buzzed the fuzz while he had his phone out, but I guess he wants to help his old mentor get over his trust issues.
@Ukulele Ike: My outspoken distaste for turnips has saddled them with the un-alliterative occasion Turnip Wednesday, when they obviously would have been more successful with Turnip Tuesday. Bwa ha ha ha!
@179 MKay: No apologies necessary. Sometimes it’s fine to let the inner 12 year old out.
@180 Artist formerly known as Ben: on Rex Morgan: This whole thing is so stupid. Dumbass Rene could have had his cash in hand hours ago had he just used his words with Buzzy instead of tossing him into the car’s trunk. Dumbass.
@181 Peanut Gallery: “Turnip Taco Tuesday” just doesn’t have a ring to it.
Beetle – “Unlike us. We’re soldiers. Give us an order, we’ll kill anything that *@#$in’ moves!”
@Sequitur:
Have ya’ll been following the latest Sherman’s Lagoon story
_______________________________________________________
Last time I looked in, Sherman was a shark shaped blimp,did someone shoot him down over the Sea of Japan?
Just realized for the first time that Blondie sits like that because she doesn’t want to watch Dagwood’s shows.
MW – The way Eve’s jutting them out, I’m not sure Saul understands just which puppies she wants to unleash.
Phantom – “Quick, where is Guran’s fire? It didn’t work! He’s coming back!”
JP – “Get in. Pavel is blackmailing Sam and Abbey into helping him find me.”
“How did you learn that?”
“I saw it in my huge crystal ball. Now come on, we have flying monkeys to dispatch.”
@beer farmer: If MW is going to be a never-ending story, can’t we at least have a luckdragon? Or a word balloon coming out of their bedroom window with Eve screaming “Say my name! Say my name!”
@184 Garrison Skunk:
…he spun in. There were no survivors. That’s why we now have a story of a crab with a diseased claw.
@Rube: Twenty three skiddoo!
@Ukulele Ike: “PARSNIPS! Don’t get us started on parsnips. ”
Slowly he turned…
@191 nscud:
Q: What is the difference between parsnips and snot?
A: Children will eat their snot!
@Peanut Gallery: turnips are quite good as a pickle. Otherwise, they are horrible and mainly only good for making stock.
@Ukulele Ike: “Swedish Fish are made from English people! Well, I’m glad they’ve found a use for them.”
That, and grinding their bones to make one’s bread.