Turkey Tuesday
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Blondie, 11/14/23
I confess that I find the idea of a butcher who thinks about individual animals (whose carcasses he plans to eventually sell to people who want to eat them) as if they were sports prospects, to the extent that he knows their detailed stats, to be kind of charming. That’s why I’m profoundly disappointed that the final punchline involves the fake “MPG” stat, which sounds like a car thing, when they coud’ve used a fake sports thing. It’s all about the execution, buddy, and you screwed it up!
Six Chix, 11/14/23
Oh, I guess these space aliens are a recurring Six Chix bit now. Today we learn that, while these futuristic beings have evolved beyond our primitive views on gender, they are here to remind us that having a big juicy ass transcends the binary.
163 replies to “Turkey Tuesday”
Luann: Hey! They used my comment on this strip! “They both blow”. They left of the last half: “but not each other.”
Mary Worth Mashups: Additional slightly-NSFW panels.
MW:
“Kitty, let’s you and I run off together and simply forget about the obnoxious little brat!”
“Deal!”
RMMD: This strip turned into a story about Southern preachers so slowly I didn’t notice.
MW:
“I see from P-1 that this meeting of ours is described as taking place ‘next week.’ You weren’t exactly in a hurry to make amends, were you, Keith.”
“Listen, this new neighbor lady of mine foisted casserole and muffins on me that have played absolute havoc with my intestinal system. I’m finally back to more-or-less normal after a week.”
FC: That was old newspaper slang for getting a newspaper edition printed, if I’m not mistaken–one from the days when digital 24/7 news was science fiction. Perhaps we’ll finally see the stories about Mommy doing her exotic dancing, Daddy playing with “Uncle Roy” or Dolly offering a satanic ritual, but I kind of doubt it.
Phantom: Ah…the past 2 1/2 years of plot have just been one of Mozz’s pranks. He is a funny old guy.
RMMD: “‘Cause let’s face it — when you’re lookin’ at ‘roots country,’ you’re not really seeing a lot of money.”
Blondie: I know I’m thinking *way* too much about this, but how is that MPG metric useful at all? I mean, surely the weight of the bird already tells you all you need to know about the quantity of meat. Unless the portion size is variable, and the butcher knows that Dagwood consumes, on average, 1.36 pounds of turkey at each sitting? I suppose that figure would also have to adjust for non-edible, which would depend on how much gristle a eater can tolerate (for Dagwood I assume that would be high). Nevermind, I take it back. This is a far more complex problem than I thought…
6Cx: Since I’m already on a pedantic streak today: why would you assume that those were ‘ancient’ hieroglyphics? Is that facility not still being used? Unless of course those aliens are visiting the ruins of our civilisation millenia after we’ve all died out? Oh man, I made myself sad.
Blondie:
“This turkey was MVP”
“MVP?”
“Most Voluminous Poultry!”
@pugfuggly: Also it makes no sense to use a “per gobbler” stat about a single gobbler. It’s like saying a strip has zero laughs per strip. Just say it has zero laughs!
MW: Definition of “big nope:” a person you could stand for only two months twenty years ago hits on you, after proudly announcing that he hasn’t changed ONE SINGLE BIT.
RMMD: Can’t you just see the little angel and devil on Fergus Mud’s shoulders?
DtM: I’m struck by the relatively formal attire of Mom and Dad Mitchell for a dinner at home. It’s so Ward and June Cleaver.
BLONDIE: If they’d stayed consistent with the car lot theme, the butcher could have left to “talk to his manager.”
@matt w: Also, “gobbler” twice in a 3-panel comic is no good. Creative Writing 101.
@MKay: I’m struck by that meal of orange and green stuff with a side of orange and green stuff. With buttter.
New Flash Gordon: The problem with an angular art style is that your women come out angular, which reduces the visual appeal. You could slice a loaf of sourdough with Dale’s ass.
6 chic: The alien is the only thing that isn’t half-assed about this strip.
Six Chix: While its not about f**king Bigfoot this time, not even about f**king aliens, but lord know they’re trying to go there.
RMMD:
With a wingspan like that depicted in P-1, Buzzy should be playing in the NBA instead of hawking Li’l Fergus-themed feelgood seminars.
GT: Pedro: “I need protection out there!”
Teammate: “needed. You needed protection out there…so Keri wouldn’t get…you know.”
MW: Since Kitty isn’t biologically likely to get pregnant again, Keith can stick around a little longer.
9CL – This reminds me of Homer Simpson trying to explain the “Love Is” comic.
“There are these two six year old children, and they are in love. Also, they are naked.”
“That doesn’t sound like a very good comic, Homer!”
It might help the verisimilitude of this “World’s Greatest Love Story” epic if the author didn’t insist on putting his avatar at the center of it all and then consistently drawing him looking as repulsive as possible.
MW: Kitty, maybe Keith at 2 months and 1 day is a guy you no longer desire and -in fact, cannot stand.
Blondie – Dagwood would be the type to follow the 4H Club social media to see if his butcher would eventually win the auction for the top prospect farm animals.
Six Chix – We learn today why the government not only changed from saying UFO to UAP (Unidentified Ass, Phenomenal!) but that the agencies responsible for monitoring are technically satisfying disclosure requirements by publishing anatomically correct drawings of this bootylicious, beyond-gender species that has been visiting Earth since Roswell in the newspaper, just hidden within the Six Chix comics.
There are going to be some choice letters to the editor being written today by boomers having unexpected feelings stirred up by naked alien ass in the funny pages.
Blondie: Just once, I’d like to see one of these food service people not be as enthusiastically committed to specialized hedonism as Dagwood. Just once, let there be a butcher who stares with dead eyes as Dagwood describes at length his ideal (i.e. enormous) turkey, only to finally interject in a monotonous voice, “Why don’t you just buy two instead, you weird gluttonous fuck?”
6C:
HtH: “Actually, you should probably go ahead and empty that out right now. They didn’t have restrooms back at the boat launch and I had to, uh, improvise.”
H&L: Great dialogue writers make certain that their characters’ individual voices are so distinct that almost any random line pulled from the content would typically indicate the speaker even without context. But what do you do if you want the same effect but have zero writing talent? Easy – give every character exactly one character trait that they reinforce every single time they appear. So when your strip’s dialogue equates to “I whine about everything!” and “I’m a problem drinker!” everyone instantly recognizes that it’s another riveting pairing of Hi and Thirsty.
JP: I can’t. I just can’t. Not today. It’s just too much.
I’m trying to imagine how big a turkey would have to provide 38 meals, especially considering how much Dagwood eats. In life, that thing would have to have been as big as a Volkswagen.
Blondie: Folks, it looks like I’m already behind schedule for my annual warning to Turkeys with show biz aspirations! Do NOT sign up with nefarious agents like Butterball, or even local deli owners! Your career path will come to a dead end, literally!
Unfortunately, this advice comes too late for that 38-pound Gobbler. And the final indignity – his carcass didn’t even get a panel shot!
Blondie: Unfortunately, in a strip that trades in stereotypes, the used car salesman stereotype is what you’re going to get from a turkey salesman.
Also, that statistic is horrifyingly inaccurate. Adjusted for Dagwood, it’s actually .28 MPG.
6C: Dat azz.
Six Chix – This would be funnier if Xunise could indicate how human genitalia differs from that of aliens. Then the confusion would be understandable. However, this is probably something Bianca already has in mind for the next time up in the lineup. Couldbe Unified Next Tuesday.
Hi and Lois Spanish to English.
Luann: Oh. I guess it’s over, then. Gosh, conflict resolution sure is easy when you just write it so the characters just agree with each other. Remember how Gunther was steadfast in his position of not doing anything to obstruct Bets’ freedom? Well, Bets decided to cast away her aspirations and free will on her own, so it’s all just fine!
And as for the people who were baited by the Evanses into buying the 50-page novella detailing the decline and fall of Bets and Gunther’s relationship? Haha, you got screwed! Two months later and they’re just back together again! Thanks for those $26-46 purchases, losers!
Chix (sic): Considering where the hinges are drawn on those doors; when they swing open, that Alien is going to find out that a binary sandwich isn’t always a good thing.
Frazz: “Oh, and it looks like you sharted. Again. I’ve often wondered on what grounds you can make fun of Mrs. Olsen. She can literally keep her shit together.”
Luann: It looks like the rest of the party guests (if there ever were any) left out of sheer boredom, so they missed this heartwarming reunion.
CS: “Don’t worry, I gave you the shot with the active flu virus. Hope to see you never.”
9CL: “OK, now to go on an adventure like The Goonies and find out what adults do after they get married…”
Zits: Poor Sara. She’s going to put all that work and pain into making something for Jeremy, and he’s going to hand her a Starbucks gift card.
FC: “Thank goodness. They needed to resolve the latest dramatic story in Luann.”
MW: 30 minutes later (29.5 of that being a drive to Keith’s apartment): “I remember why I decided to break up with you, Keith.”
Six Chix – Stupid sexy alien!
@Baja Gaijin: I can’t put my finger on it, but I’m sensing a theme in today’s mashups.
@33 taig: Could the theme be…horniness?
FC – “Not here, Bil. We might wake them up.”
Don Abundio, translated:
“Congratulations, Rodney! With this bubble we will be able to give everyone at the old folks’ home influenza!”
[The first panel shows Don Abundio’s taste in art was way ahead of his time, having a framed QR code on his wall.]
@Kevin on Earth: re MW: “Since Kitty isn’t biologically likely to get pregnant again…”
She’s what – mid 40s? Don’t be too sure. I can see the author giving us a heart-warming story about them having another kid. “And this time we’ll do it the right way.” I just hope I’m wrong.
Aliens are nudists.
So the target market for Luann is schlubby guys who have been dumped by their much hotter girlfriends and who fantasize about them making a groveling return. It’s a niche market, but who am I to judge?
@Baja Gaijin: Kitty’s weary look in No 2 is perfect. “Let’s screw and get it over with, ” she thinks. “I need to go do my laundry.”
@40 Ukranazi Stepan: You got it!
9CL – Amos would be at least as tall as Edda is, if it wasn’t for his horrible, crippling case of scoliosis.
Six Chix-“What is this thing called a ‘joke’ you speak of?”
FC-Translation: “This bit has run it’s course.”
MW-And so they pickup where they left off twenty years ago with her on the table and legs in the air.
@Ukulele Ike:
@#12: There are so few gifted food artists drawing for the comics. Shame.
Blondie-Sad thing about this comic is that Dagwood will most likely stuff that turkey in the sexual way.
Curtis: No, I agree with Curtis. Giving their living situation of being in a run-down apartment complex, that’s a reasonable prayer.
Dustin: $300 for a bottle of vodka? Where the hell do these people live?! Where I am, you can get a 1.75L bottle for about 20 bucks. But, maybe that’s the Dustparents in a nutshell: spending that much on alcohol just to numb their feelings of hating being parents.
Hi and Lois: Is “nip” really a term for a quick drink? I know it’s a term for…something else, but I won’t say it here.
Luann: “They both blow”? Makes you wonder about their sexual activities.
CS: “I’m over 65”? Ed, you played pro baseball in pre-revolution Cuba, with black players who weren’t yet fully integrated into American leagues. If you were 21 in 1959, you’re at least 85 now.
Six Chix – I would think that advanced lifeforms would have figured out elimination to a point where it could be done without having to use a private room, let alone one that is gender specific. Like, their waste evaporates through their skin and resembles glitter.
I think it kind of depends on their diet, as well.
And now I’ve put more thought into this strip than the artist.
Blondie: I feel like you could mangle this slightly into Dagwood buying slaughtered football player meat from his butcher and it’d be much funnier.
Six Chix: The message of today’s Six Chix is that aliens probably wouldn’t ascribe to the human gender binary, and also that they/them pussy is… out of this world.
Dustin: Had a Russian friend who said “Vodka is vodka. All made from potatoes.” He kept it in the freezer and would bring it out for shots.
@matt w: Nonsense stat aside, I feel like they kinda step on their own punchline by using the term ‘gobbler’ already in the first panel.
Luann: I paid a visit to the TruFans today, hoping to see much incel/shut-in outrage that the notoriously prude Evansii used “the both blow” as dialogue. Unless they don’t realize that “blow” is shorthand for “blow job,” ie: “They both suck dick,” and let’s face it—the TruFans are not the sharpest knives in the drawer. OTOH, these are the same folks who melted down over the Fuk-Shak and Kip’s jizz towel, so who knows.
Anyway, they’re freaking out over whether Cuntyboi and Wagers get back together, and whether this “arc” will wind down before Thanksgiving.
To the Evansii’s credit, this is probably the first time they’ve actually concluded a storyline. I mean, does the marriage of B-wad and Tone-Eye even count, since they clearly haven’t consummated it yet?
6C: Some businesses now indicate genderless restrooms by adding an alien to the traditional male/female signs, often accompanied by a pithy “Whatever, Just Wash Your Hands.” For humans, this is a bit of a mixed message, providing a place for trans and genderqueer folk to do their business while implying their identity is as fanciful as little green men from outer space. But it would be a great boon to the alien in today’s strip, who just wants to know where xe can express waste from their xyr cloaca.
Blondie: Are those “meals” as in individual servings, or as in occasions where one or more people may sit to dine? Either way I think you need to lower that number for Dagwood, who could put away a 38-pound bird in one, two meals tops.
@48 Old School Allie Cat: I prefer to think aliens have Star Wars-like transporters and just beam the poo from their insides to the Marvin dimension.
@53 TheDiva: on Blondie: After inhaling a 38 pound turkey, Daggy’d be looking around for the 18 pounds of dressing, 15 pounds of potatoes, and half a green bean salad.
Big juicy space alien ass, eh? I’m tapping out, I got nothing.
Ziggy-Life is rough when you’re the only fish in a small pond.
Luann-“Guntsie, I dropped some money and read the graphic novel about our trip.”
Luann-“I was visited by Mary Worth and three bags of muffins.”
9CL: Protip, Amos: you’d look less shrunken if you didn’t stand like a Homo habilis. (The twerp part is pretty much incurable.)
C’shaft: The nurse assumes he’s counting in decades, not years.
Dustin: Dustdad, unsurprisingly, is a “quantity over quality” type when it comes to booze.
GT: Should have thought of that before Keri got knocked up.
JP: Look, YOU’RE the CIA, aren’t you keeping tabs on the local Russian oligarchs and arms dealers? Wouldn’t you know Sam had been seen coming and going from the Lebedev compound? (Also, “Lebedev” sounds like it should be the name of a guy who runs a Toyota dealership serving the greater Novgorod area.)
Luann: *hits “like” on the last comment*
MW: “The same guy” is apparently a tedious bore who doesn’t have a single interest or pastime outside of his job. Don’t go throwing yourself into the path of the bullet you dodged, Kitty.
P&HU: I relate to this song. I too use my sleeve on rare occasions and am generally unable to perform juitsu.
Pluggers will use any excuse to stuff their face, really.
RMMD: “Good, because I’m really excited to expand into the prosperity gospel market!”
Also, Buzz seems to be confusing the universal symbol for “gimme that sweet, sweet moolah” with the universal symbol for “here’s the world’s smallest violin playing a sad little tune just for you.”
MW: After weeks of this strip grinding to the inevitable, Keith and Kitty, who have nothing in common except alliteration, marry. Sonia will no longer be illegitimate, which is great because no bastards are allowed at Charterstone.
“…I didn’t have enough time to really know that guy. Unless, of course, you mean in the biblical sense.”
GT: As posters at Go Comics correctly pointed out, Pedro’s little hissy fit would earn his team a 15-yard penalty and his coach would likely bench him for the rest of the game. Also, is this supposed to be the playdowns, or was the regular season extended to make time for the medical drama, vampire erotica and guest appearances by T-Swift and T-Kelce?
Daggy — I call BS! There’s no way that any turkey could provide 28 meals for Dagwood. And the stat should really be MAR — Meals Above Replacement. . .
Zits – “Still holding the needles upside-down, I see. Don’t you read The Comics Curmudgeon?”
MARY WORTH: Wow Keith looks like he’s ready to make even more kids that he won’t see for twenty years.
@59 Wool Worth: I’m not sure about that “no bastards are allowed at Charterstone” thing. Need I mention Wilbur Weston?
6C: Aliens wouldn’t be so clueless about genitalia if they’d bother probing both sides.
Pluggers: A real plugger would never use a semi-colon, Nancy Burns.
CS: Seeing how that Walgreens pharmacist gives Crankshaft a shot barehanded makes me wonder what his skin must feel like, especially under his upper arm; it’s probably a bit like an iguana’s, but squishy like a puppy’s belly.
Twenty-eight meals in one sitting might be enough for Blondie to be spared from the DAGWOOD’s maw once again. The children and Daisy? It’s a crap shoot.
@Rube: One only needs to look at the TruFan comments section to discover the Evanses’ plan is working!
So the 6 Chix’s kinks are Big Foot Feet and Alien Butts? If you Chix decide to use that line for a collection book title, I can be reached through my commissions email for compensation. Nice doing business with you. Also, FWE could use a job…how about a lion showing off FWE’s body with makeup making it look like the lion scratched “THIS COULD BE YOU” into his back. Your punchline: The lion telling his lioness “That
herd will get the message, I sent an e-maul.” I don’t have FWE’s contact info, but I’m sure Sid does.
6C. How aliens are like us: 1. They have asses. 2. Ancient Egypt is part of their historical record. How aliens differ from us: They have no Rosetta Stone.
BB: Cosmo used to be the operator who sold candy bars in the barracks and would loan you $5 in return for $10 nest payday. Now he’s moved into the big time.
@Baja Gaijin: Wilbur’s the exception. He either has something on Mr. Allora, who secretly is running everything at Charterstone, or Mary.
6C – Well, the problem Xunise presents is handily solved in Minnesota State Parks by a picture of a toilet over the word “Toilets.” Probably wouldn’t help the space aliens though, heaven only knows what their bathroom fixtures look like!
FC – Daddy Keane is getting excited over the prospect of putting his “paper” to “bed.” Boy, is he going to be disappointed.
Pluggers – Emptying the fridge means that he’s going to gorge on everything in it, including that half hoagie from July.
6Chix – Xunise forgot to draw a rotting pumpkin on the alien’s head.
Mary Worth – Two months was long enough to know that Keith was bad in the sack. And to get knocked up.
@Hibbleton: #4
Move over, Kenneth Copeland and Frederick KC Price! There’s a new prosperity gospel preacher on the make – Brother Buzzy!
@Garrison Skunk: Oh, come on, Garry! Just because I’ve been outta touch doesn’t mean I need work! (snort,snort) I’m enjoying a comfortable semi-retirement here in suburban LoFo. You wouldn’t believe how Lost Forest has changed since I made my Mark Trail debut, now TEN sun cycles ago! Where does the time go…
I’m still in good health, although age does take its toll. I didn’t participate in The Rut this year. A lot of the old guys I used to bang heads with are gone now, and the younger Bulls just don’t have respect for tradition. They just want to connect with Cows on BikBok. I’m tellin’ ya, the only good thing about “social media” is that I accidentally connected with you guys all those years ago!
So, Garry – I’ve done many a corpse scene in my time, but I’m gonna pass on your offer. I hope nobody has me in the Dead Pool, because you’re gonna lose! (snort,snort) Take care, everyone. Go outside and enjoy the sun on your back and sniff the…. is that roasted peanuts?
@Baja Gaijin: I suspect that fucking was the problem twenty years ago, and that it won’t be any better this time around.
@Peanut Gallery: Not only are the needles upside down, the attachment of the yarn makes no sense. Each needle has its own skein of yarn, which isn’t right.
@pugfuggly: #8
Blondie: Actually, we pretty much know that out of 38 total pounds of bird, Dagwood will himself consume 36 pounds, so that leaves 2 pounds (32 oz) to be fought over by the rest of the family. That would probably include Blondie, Cookie, Alexander and possibly Elmo and Daisy, who would be allotted approx 6 ounces apiece, plus a tablespoon apiece of stuffing, four green beans, one-fourth of a biscuit and maybe one-eighth of a cup of mashed potatoes with a drizzle of gravy. Oh – and a teaspoon of cranberry sauce. And forget the pie – that’s already been spoken for.
@Ukulele Ike: #12
I miss the former “Flash” – the stories were amazing and the artwork gorgeous. Sigh…
@jroggs: #21
I gave up on this strip years ago with Neddy and her ridiculous “seniors working in boxcars for next-to-nothing wages” story which was literally swallowed up by a sinkhole…I did enjoy seeing the little dog “Snooty” running away from the crater as his owners were buried alive, though – that was amusing. Not.
LUANN: Aww. It’s sweet that Bets (after having been suitably “shamed” and humiliated”) has tearfully swore to give up a big part of her life (and possible source of income) for her “love”, a dweeby loser who spent most of the time bad-mouthing her and wishing her ill-will. This comic has become “incel porn” so gradually, I barely noticed.
LUANN (2): Te conclusion of this will give you such “feels” you won’t even have time to thing about how all of Luann and Gunther’s “friends” set up these stupid rumors in the first place with their loud constant insinuations of “OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS ARE A COUPLE NOW! I CAN TELL BECAUSE THAT’S THE ONLY THING A MAN AND A WOMAN STANDING IN THE SAME AREA COULD POSSIBLE MEAN!” and they only got mad when it spread out into social media. I guess the moral of the story is that shameless unsubstantiated gossip should be a local pastime only!
@I speak Jive: I learn so much here!
@taig: #29
Frazz: I honestly enjoy seeing Caulfield embarrased. It’s about time.
Luann: Seeing “Steff” and “blow” in the same context makes me a little bit queasy.
@TheDiva: #58
RexMd: Sorry for the oversnark about prosperity preachers! (But if anything, it shows how mainstream those ridiculous charlatans have become…)
@Daisy: I totally agree. It’s just too bad that Mrs. Olsen and Mr. Spaetzele weren’t there to see it.
45 seconds later, Luann yells, “Gunther! Tell Bets how you felt about her numbers dropping after you left! That was soooo funny!”
REX MORGAN M.D.: So…did Rene ask for too much money in his contract and now Buzzy has been cast as his midseason replacement?
@MKay. MW: And Moy insists she has to change instead of him.
Let me know when the next story starts.
RxMD: Again I ask: Which therapist screwed over the writers? Do they expect Mud to be paid in muffins?
Gosh bless Sid. Imagine what life was like before him:
It’s a Living
@Daisy, JP: Naw, I was wondering when the CIA was going to get the info on Pavel’s empire, included his deep contacts in the halls of industry and government. I knew that, no matter how Deep State and Boss Tweed his empire was, he could be dismantled with the drop of a USB.
6C: Well, now I know why aliens are so much into anal probles.
@Formerly Wounded Elk:
Sorry I assumed your career had turned hooves up I guess I was just thinking that a guest spot from a pro like you would be just the thing to kick start 6C into respectability like when Sir Laurence Olivier did ads for Poloroid. Anyway, it’s nice to hear from you,with all the alien and horse mask stuff going on in your neck of the woods. Congrats to the tech team on that alien pawn shop sign showing the other week, I thought it was very convincing. Oh, I’m doing a “Slylock” next week, want me to give them your contact info? I still have it, I just told the Chix I didn’t cause I figured you didn’t want to be in their Roladex™.
FC – Barfy is greatly disappointed that the kids weren’t able to finish the newspaper. He didn’t know who the paperboy was going to be, but he was sure as hell looking forward to taking a bite out of his leg.
Luann: Look, if the Evansii want to use AI to create their own Mungeon commentary, let them. We can focus on other strips while they do the heavy lifting.
MW – “We only dated for two months. I didn’t have time to really know that guy.”
“Yeah, well… Hey, do you still put out on the first date?”
Blondie is a professional caterer who could get good quality birds wholesale, but remembering that would get in the way of this hilarious joke.
Phantom – “Mozz only said one thing to me. He wanted to know when I decided to come home – the exact day and hour. Then he scribbled them down on a piece of paper and ran off mumbling something about buying a lottery ticket.”
@Daisy JP – “I gave up on this strip years ago with Neddy and her ridiculous “seniors working in boxcars for next-to-nothing wages” story which was literally swallowed up by a sinkhole…I did enjoy seeing the little dog “Snooty” running away from the crater as his owners were buried alive, though – that was amusing. Not.”
I used to snark on this strip as much as I do now for 9CL. Such a target-rich environment. The storage crate office. “Where’s Rocky?” “No, I give you my word as an MD that this guy isn’t senile. Why, he’s cogent enough to be President!”
Then the sinkhole came and sucked up everything interesting.
B: “I tell you, my turkeys are the best! You can’t beat my meat! Unless you’re willing to meet me behind the store, of course!”
RMMD; Anthony Robbins is a billionaire-just sayin’. I do note they got this business up and running in a hurry what with books and audio packages.
6chx: they must have a squat rack on the ufo.
DT: Sure, despite the wealth of actual (circumstancial) evidence against X. Libris, of course Dick’s smoking gun is “I asked her if she knew Miss Caxton, and she failed to tell me her entire family history!”
JP: But … but if Sam has all this evidence that could put Pavel in a neighbouring cell to Helena, couldn’t he have just … given it to the CIA? And then April could have handed her mom over as agreed? And then this storyline could have been over three weeks ago? Oh, hang on, I’m trying to make sense of Judge Parker, an exercise I swore off long before three weeks ago.
MT: So I googled “Can squirrels eat roast peanuts?” and I was told “yes” and “no” and “kind of, but the roasting leaches out all the nutrients” and “yes, because raw peanuts are bad for them”. Also, this is LoFo, where the wildlife does not behave the way it does in other places, so I’m just going to assume that if Squirrelly Sandy says it’s fine, it’s probably fine.
RMMD: I kind of get the impression Buzz and Fergus have different priorities when it comes to the Mirakle Method, but the subtle characterisation makes it hard to be sure. Hopefully, Beatty will spend the rest of the week with Buzz saying “Money!” and Fergus saying “Helping people!” so I can be absolutely certain.
@Daisy: I mean, I just assumed that Dagwood would be eating the vast majority of that bird, if not all. The real question is, what the efficiency of consumption from total weight? Apparently a large turkey carcass is considered to be 75-80% edible for a regular person, but I’m willing to bet that Dag would probably get that up to 90% by consuming the joints, marrow, and probably some small bones during the feeding frenzy.
6C: I know we’re supposed to be focusing on the bathroom doors, but I think what we’re seeing here is the FRONT of a one-eyed alien looking at an elevator. From the low-slung boobs, we can deduce that the alien is an ancient female.
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: Wasn’t the senile CEO storyline Rex Morgan? It seems strange since there wasn’t a single mention of roots country music, but that’s what RMMD was like in those days.
Blondie: Pluggers consume food in enormous quantities, #378806. Oh wait this is Blondie.
BLONDIE: Has anyone done the math on just what percentage of strips involve Dagwood and food? It’s basically his entire personality when he’s not at work (and even sometimes when he is.)
Christ, even Garfield has more to him than just liking lasagna. Who are these readers who wake up in the mornings and go “ooh, what will Dagwood order at the greasy spoon today? Ooh, maybe he’ll make a big sandwich when he gets home again! Haha, I love these repetitive gags so much!”
Blondie: Look, since we’re talking large flightless birds forget turkeys. The only thing that will satisfy Dagwood’s insatiable hunger will be an emu, if not an ostrich.
Phantom: Hey everybody. Go to the Phantom Trail fanboy site. They’re one day ahead. Savarna is showering but buzzkill Diana has placed a word balloon blocking our view of her bare ass.
@Horace Broon: Yeah, that was RMMD. I won’t say that what Ces and Beatty have done with JP and RMMD has worked, but they both definitely differ from Woody Wilson in that they don’t actually celebrate evil.
@102 pugfuggly: I’ll place my bet on 100% turkey going into Daggy’s maw. Those folds on his neck? They expand to engulf his engorged gizzard grinding away on the carcass’s skeletal remains.
A big thanks to all my Plugger friends on this blog who explained the Family Circus gag about the Philadelphia Bulletin the other day! Last night Fred Allan made a reference to the Bulletin’s slogan on “What’s My Line?” and it would have gone over my head had it not been pre-explained.
MT: Back when I was a lad in grad school, we had a technician who had the same relation to the obnoxious squirrels on campus that Squirrely Sandy does to the Lost Forest squirrels. He was called Chester the Squirrel Man. I found a naked, blind squirrel pup, or whatever they are, that had fallen out of the tree, and brought it to Chester. He raised it into a fine, strapping young squirrel.
@Bryan:
Ooh, maybe he’ll make a big sandwich when he gets home again! Haha, I love these repetitive gags so much!
____________
I like how the gluttony angle evolved out of jokes about Dag using his family connections to cheat on war time ration amounts…giving him the extra food to be a glutton with.
@Guillermo el chiclero:
Blondie: Look, since we’re talking large flightless birds forget turkeys. The only thing that will satisfy Dagwood’s insatiable hunger will be an emu, if not an ostrich.
______________________
“With God as my witness, I thought “Blondie” could be funny!”— Arthur Carlson Sr. (Adapted)
@Guillermo el chiclero:
My, I remember this one cartoon from years back, this kid Tino, his mother cooked him an Ostrich burger, he is examining it curiously.
Mom: What’s wrong?
Tino: This isn’t chicken.
Mom: No, it’s Ostrich.
(Tino looks shocked)
Mom: Come’on you like chicken don’t you? What’s one bird to another?
Tino: Yeah, but I know an Ostrich, in Mr. Hinkle’s yard I call him Jimmy, he always sticks his head through the fence when I walk home from school.
Mom: Mr. Hinkle is an Ostrich farmer, that’s where I got the meat.
Tino: Jimmy! (drops the burger with a girly scream)
I don’t know where I’m going with this but… I need to really ramble today ^^;
@The Rambling Otter: #115: I’ve eaten ostrich meat (sausage). It tastes more like a red meat and not like bird meat at all.
@Guillermo el chiclero:
Neat!
It would be interesting to try :)
Blondie: Fist bumping, but only with the knuckles of the pinky and ring finger is a new one, and I trust that it will not take off.
6C: Did you know that there’s a subreddit on “Alien Asses”? Betcha the Tuesday Chik does!
9CL: Well, the subtext was never very far from text in the first place. Now it’s just there.
C-Shaft: It’s something of a quantum matter just how much over 65 he is. Like, he’ll probably be a WWII vet again the next time D-Day rolls around.
DT: Wh-what is that supposed to be, anyway? A headline written by a verbose person who doesn’t know how headlines work? A long sentence in the article that for some reason ends on ellipses? It resembles nothing so much as a Random Fact About a Random Person of the Day calendar.
Dustin: I mean, I buy bargain stuff at the liquor store too, but I don’t loudly complain about the existence of top shelf pricing. The cashiers must just love when Ed drops in.
GA: It’s very difficult to say when Joel is joking, since nothing he says is ever funny.
GT: Not having protection when he really should is something of a running theme for young Mr. Martinez. Just ask the Thorps.
JP: “Coercion? From the Russian mob of all people? Sorry, not buying it.”
I’m going to keep saying that Six Chix is insulting their audience by providing these barely-drawn strips for as long as I keep noticing them. Seriously, today’s looks like it couldn’t have taken more than 10 minutes to sketch, ink and color.
@White Rabbit:
Garrison raises his coffee mug, “Three cheers for Chester! Cheer! Cheer! Cheer!”
While on campus that squirrel attended theatre acting classes, finally graduating with a theatre arts degree,
After sending fan letters to Scrappy Squirrel, he was introduced to her agent and in short time became Hollywood’s go-to for squirrel parts The mascot for Purina Squirrel Chow™,– on “M*A*S*H*” he played the squirrel who told Hawkeye the number of bones in the hand. That was to be the summit of his success…the squirrel parts shrunk, but HIS squirrel parts remained firm. He met a nice lady squirrel and started a family on Poteet’s front steps, disguising his family and himself as pregnant cats. You’d think by this time he’d give up acting, but he lucked out and became head squirrel on “Boner’s Ark”,which lead to his current gig as Official Squirrel for Mort Walker Productions. Now you know the REST of the story, Next time you see a malformed squirrel in “Beatle Bailey” or “Hi&Lois” please be kind, he just looks that way because of his traumatic childhood.
@Garrison Skunk: This explains such a lot! Thank you!
@The Rambling Otter:
I’ve eaten ostrich! Roasted with a Twix™ on either side Ostrich S’mores! That’s living, Lincoln,you’ll be happy pappy.
@Poteet:
My pleasure.
@122 Poteet:
So, you are unknowingly harboring indigent squirrels within your brood. Interesting. Keep shiny things hidden.
BLONDIE: Because the butcher uses “farm-raised” as a descriptor, maybe he sells wild turkey meat as well as domestic turkey meat? Otherwise, I’m pretty sure all turkeys are described as farm-raised.
Come to think of it, we almost never see Dagwood talking like an actual foodie. I have a friend who used to raise a few heritage turkeys outdoors where they led happy lives, running around eating bugs, right up to the end. THAT, my dear Dagwood, is “choice” turkey. But you are into mass quantities, right?
Are we entirely sure that Dagwood isn’t from Remulak?
Late Thread Cuisine: After the recent horrors, this recipe’s “peppy.”
@127 Baja Gaijin:
Pasta la vista, baby!
@Baja Gaijin:Imagining Dag slithering away like an engorged python. “I’ll be up in the crawlspace, see you all at Christmas…”
@Baja Gaijin: It’s a lot less frightening too.
@130 taig: That was the point. After all the late thread horrors…
@I speak Jive: Well it is the typical teenage girl mistake of using a boyfriend sweater as a learning project. Hook her up with some Elizabeth Zimmerman books and she’ll do OK. But first, Jeremy must graciously accept a horrible sweater.
If she were smart, she’d start small, like with a watch cap.
@Baja Gaijin: Maybe you can do fewer of the horrors?
@133 taig: Yeah, no. Far too many horrors in the cards, far too few normal or appetizing cards.
@Rube: Blondie is a full time professional caterer who has to police her inventory very carefully against her husband. That’s a boundary that cannot be crossed.
@richardf8: Yeah, that’s true. A sweater is a big project for someone who is just learning. Another good first project is a scarf – it’s larger than a hat, but it can be very simple to make.
@Baja Gaijin: Goodness, that looks like normal food.
I’m wondering if it was unknown in the 1970s to prepare a dish ahead of time. The caption makes a big deal of that. Wait until they discover that they can put the lasagna in the freezer and cook it weeks later.
@136 I speak Jive: You’re right–their little minds’ll be blown when they figure out the freezer thing.
@I speak Jive: Have you ever tried the truly bizarre double cast-on technique for knitting a möbius scarf in the round?
@richardf8: No, I haven’t. I’ll have to check it out.
Blondie – Forget everything you think you know about Dagwood’s origins and read the Scholomance trilogy by Naomi Novik. Orion Lake is Dagwood’s brother from another mother.
Pibgorn: Looks like the end of this dreck is in sight at long last. What’s it been, a decade of story telling? Bring in Mary Worth as a guest character for some kind of victory lap and be done with it.
@Baja Gaijin: After the recent horrors, this recipe’s “peppy.”
Peppy la pew, maybe.
rmmd did mudd forget why rennee came up with the merkle method in the first place to get rich out of fleecing people out of money . luann nice knew some how betts would not leave without clearing the air with gunther and luann and tiff then take stefs phone and send her packing to help the reunited couple out
@142 Just John: I try to show something non-horrifying and this is the thanks I get. Tomorrowthread, watch out.
@taig: #85
Yes! As Caulfield’s primary adult targets, they have certainly earned the right to see the little know-it-all put in his place.
Blondie – Avoid Volkswagen turkeys….
6-C – I identify as an incubus. Where do I shit….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@146 Dennis Jimenez:
in a hell hole.
@146 Dennis Jimenez:
In a hell hole.
@Braniff: Yeah, you’re right about “putting the paper to bed.” All the copy is in, the editing is done and the last plates are being mounted on the press. Time to sit back and chill out a bit before hitting the bar just before last call, Until the proof papers reach the newsroom and you see that goddam spelling error in 96-point type blaring from the front page.
@Sequitur: I deserve no better! Actually, I meant Inubus, as a riff on hieroglyphics…then I just found out it’s Anubis, anyway…so I guess I was just fated to shit pants on this one….
Dustin: It’s made from potatoes personally peeled by Vladimir Putin.
@Baja Gaijin: It looks non-horrifying, as you say. For me, whether to try a bite would depend entirely on whether “peppy” means hot pepper (in even the most minute amount). I’ve learned the hard way that words like “peppy” are reasons to beware. But maybe, in this case, it only refers to the lively red color!
83 Daisy November 14th, 2023 at 8:53 am
“Luann: Seeing “Steff” and “blow” in the same context makes me a little bit queasy.”
Well, now we know why she’s wearing knee pads.
@151 Poteet: The strongest flavors come from the chopped onion, Italian sausage which I’d imagine is pretty bland as it was the 70’s, a teaspoon of dried oregano, and 1/8 teaspoon of black pepper. Among the 18 ounce can of tomatoes and 16 ounce can of tomato paste, I’d imagine this wouldn’t be very spicy.
@Sequitur: Thanks for your interest!
My Kitten Era, caused by a rural neighbor’s disinclination to neuter and spay her widely-wandering outdoor cats, plus her cats’ decisions to have their babies in my big shed, has ended. And everybody finally got adopted into good homes (and neutered or spayed), hip hooray. So any cleverly-disguised cat-squirrels are living new lives. Best of luck to them.
@Baja Gaijin: I could try that! Amazing. Thanks for the reminder that there actually was a lot of food in the Seventies that I could eat. And, a little too often, did.
I’ll post this again tomorrow morning (want to get it somewhere before I lose it). This is from Mike Manley’s Facebook page:
I have to thanks all of you who reached out yesterday, which was probably one of the lowest points for me, except for maybe last year when I had to have the amputation. Feeling much better today and I had a few wonderful things happen especially one or one of the Mary maids I had hired this week to come and clean the house, came back on her own, and did some things for me today, including bringing me some coffee and some sandwiches that I can eat over the next several days, so you never know even when terrible things are happening and the world seems like a horrible place. There are wonderful, bright spots of light who seem to come out of nowhere and you don’t even really know them but they are such kind and giving people. I am far from a religious person, but I have to say I feel very blessed.
Hope it’s okay to speak for all of you, but I sent him best wishes on behalf of the Mudges.
@156 Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Thanks for speaking on my behalf.
@156 Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Thanks
ScribeScratchy. I know I wish him best.@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Thank you.
Blondie: You know Dagwood is part of a fantasy league that scores points and bases statistics around various food items. Thanksgiving is his Super Bowl.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Didn’t know any of this about him. Thanks.
It’s hard to express how much I hate this joke. 1) No normal person calls turkeys “gobblers,” which is why the name has to be established in panel 2 for the joke in panel 3. 2) “Meals per gobbler” makes no sense as a metric for a single turkey. The number of “gobblers” is always one in that case. Just say the turkey is good for 28 meals. 3) Have you met Dagwood? He’s going to put the entire roast turkey between two slices of bread and down the whole thing as a midnight snack.