The fish are the new Adam and Eve
Post Content
Beetle Bailey, 5/10/24
The thing I like about this strip is how numb Sarge looks in the second panel. He scarfed down two plates full of burgers and fries and guzzled two waters in just a few minutes, and for what? Does he feel any better? Does he feel sated? Will he ever feel sated? He didn’t even wash his hands. He ate dinner with dirty hands, and he didn’t even enjoy it.
Mary Worth, 5/10/24
Seeing a disheveled Wilbur gesticulating with a sandwich and talking about “turning off the world” is genuinely chilling. Did he use his Wilbur-Man powers to transform the whole universe outside of his apartment into an endless void? Hopefully his abilities allow him to create as well as destroy, or that’s the last sandwich he’ll ever eat. Eternal peace … but at what cost?
Blondie, 5/10/24
Somebody in the Blondie supply chain has been having real fun with bold and chunky color gradients lately, and I just want to say: I see you, and I appreciate you.
143 replies to “The fish are the new Adam and Eve”
Six Chix: I thought Depressed Chix was the Tuesday Chix. Did I miss a memo?
Dustin: Yesterday Dustin and Dustsis were standing in front of a dizzying array of cards then let the veritable plague of locusts swoop and and snatch all the cards right from under their pointy noses. L’il Jeffy is thinking, “And people say I’m the dumb one!”
Mary Worth Mashups: Do any of these replaced final panels treat this storyline better than the original?
MW: GAAK!! Wilbur is holding his sammich in one hand, so that must mean he’s using the other hand to embrace his solitude…! (Is THAT what they’re calling it these days?)
Note to Sid: It looks like Willa and Stellan like to watch. Ew.
Re: Beetle Bailey, I will say I like the touch of the tableware being on the floor behind Sarge. the busboy didn’t even come at all! Sarge is a very ill man.
Beetle Bailey-Don’t worry, Beetle, Sarge will still take you out in the alley and pound you.
Blondie-“Why don’t you let me write the recipe down for once, Mom.”
MW-Wilbur has issues that needs help beyond Mary’s muffins and platitudes.
FC-“Because with the way I clean this place we most definitely have bedbugs.”
MW: Wilbur essentially becoming a hermit keeps him away from everyone in the outside world with only Mary being the one to miss him since Dawn is off in her own world and his exes have more than moved on. But unfortunately that means we’re subjected to Wilbur Weekend and forced to watch him be his schlubby self with no one to bounce off of except those poor fish. God, we really could have been in Connecticut.
MW meta: Dear god, no, do not let this turn into The Melancholy of Wilbur Weston. Karen Moy drags things out enough without giving her the greenlight to create her own “Endless Eight.”
JP: Looks like we’re not sticking with Neddy, so I guess we’re doing a series of check-ins with some of the series’ increasingly irrelevant former main characters. Sophie canonically doesn’t have anything interesting going on, Reena drops a line mirroring what Judge Parker readers say every day, and Marie continues to float between existence and oblivion in the vast emptiness of the off-page void. On the bright side, if you’re a prospective pet owner with an open mind, Batman is looking for a forever home.
CS: Hope you guys enjoy that clunky “Ukrainian Hall Fundraiser for Ukraine” phrase, because we’ll be seeing it verbatim several times over the next week and a half. This little habit isn’t exactly one of my least favorite aspects about Tom Batiuk’s writing – the competition is far too stiff – but it is one of the strangest.
DT: Uh, what the fuck is going on? Is this Dick Tracy an invisible friend that only B.O. Plenty can see? He was standing right next to B.O. when Croptop pulled up; they can’t have missed him. And that’s just the present peak of the mountain of ridiculous contrivances to even establish this situation. I’m not even going to bother guess what the hell “wa’ll” is supposed to be a contraction of. Anyway, Dick is outgunned here 3-to-1, but I’m guessing some more really stupid shit, probably involving the “Hatmobile,” will allow Dick and B.O. to turn the tables.
BB Gotta love those greasy burger joints that serve their fare on long white tablecloths. Are tou sure that was the busboy and not the maitre d’, Sarge?
MW Good news Wilbur: you’ve been turning off the world for years now! Not just your world either, I’ll bet: if intelligent extraterrestrial life is observing our planet from beyond, they’re disgusted by you too.
Blondie: I like how even Dagwood seems to notice the blue background in the second panel. ‘Where are we exactly? The sky? Shit, is this Roz’s? I better go, I’ve done some terrible things to fowl in my life…”
BB – There’s a lesson here – don’t go hungry for a little shit on your hands. Fort Swampy folk wisdom….
MW – I knew that I would – na-na na-na nana na….
Blondie – The Campbell’s is coming – hurrah, hurrah….
MW: My guess as to why Willa and Stellan are smiling as they look at Wilbur is that they like to eat maggots.
MW: Did Wilbur get baked between strips? I’m pretty sure he’s high right now.
MW: “The neighbors were alerted by the worse-than-usual smell.”
RMMD: Emotionless and stone-faced isn’t the worst way to deal with a teenager. Rex and June have finally hit their stride.
9CL: I’m warming to Fleurrie. Maybe because she keeps her mouthful of crocodile teeth to herself.
BB: Sarge didn’t hide the dishes UNDER the table? You’d think he’d be better at larcenous gluttony by now.
I don’t know if Moy is trying to make us feel sorry for Wilbur turning into a misanthropic shut in but I don’t feel any sympathy towards him at all. He’s spent literally years being obnoxious and borderline abusive to the point where he’s less “lovable loser” and more “self absorbed jackass.” Only Mary seems to really enjoy his company while even his own daughter, who is just as self absorbed as he is, has nightmares about becoming like him.
A Dinkle concert for Ukraine? Haven’t they suffered enough?
@Banana Jr. 6000: If it’s catered by Parma Pierogies, I’ll go.
BB: Sarge’s scheme relies on Beetle being unable to look a couple feet beyond the table to see the empty plates and glasses. Menace level: Presumptuous.
MW: Hopefully, Wilbur knows he can order fish flakes for Stellan and Willa.
Blondie: Ha ha! It’s not just a bit of advertising; the soup is actually homemade!
DT: How many times is this that Dick doesn’t solve the case, but everything falls into his lap?
MW: Time for Extrovert Mary to barge in with her muffins and demand that Wilbur join the rest of humanity, over humanity’s objections.
Curtis: “My external stimulation isn’t working…. but I hate your external stimulation for reasons.”
BB: Y’all missed it; Sarge ate the busboy, too.
Mary Worth: It makes me damn proud to know that, in a country torn by conflict and ideological strife, we will all rise up to answer the clarion call and fight, together as one, the horror of Wilbur Weston “feeling pretty good.” This cannot stand! College students, get out your tents! Waiters, pucker up! Biddies, start greasing those muffin pans!
B. Bailey: Must be a dinner theater. Why else would their chairs be on the same side of the table. I must admit though, a military themed, all-male version of Lysistrata does sound interesting.
Frazz: We’ve got a regular RL Stine here.
Luann: Luann has been transported to Z-Land.
CS: Here we discover the moment Batiuk learned about Ukraine, so he could
pretend toshow he cares about it.9CL: Tell Fleurrie a Kristi Noem joke and see how she reacts!
Zits: Well, yeah, Jeremy is a teen boy.
FC: Thel leaves, thinking, “I told him I’d get him back for sneaking those cookies. Heh heh.”
@jroggs:
Crankshaft: “Hope you guys enjoy that clunky “Ukrainian Hall Fundraiser for Ukraine” phrase, because we’ll be seeing it verbatim several times over the next week and a half.”
Yup. Tom’s got his sights on the next big issue that might, JUST MIGHT, get him that Pulitzer. Right up there with breast cancer and climate damage. Also, what kind of musician—or really any human being with a functioning brain—needs to be reminded about the gig they have THE NEXT DAY?? Unless Batiuks is suggesting they all have dementia, in which case they have bigger problems than remembering a date. They might have trouble remembering how to play their own instruments.
Also too, so much fucking smirking.
@Baja Gaijin: Panel 3 shows the fish’s true reaction to seeing Wilbur.
Luann: Haha, it’s funny because she’s a dullard who sleeps her life away!
JP: Gee, when you put it that way, it does sound like the plot of a bad movie…[both look directly at the audience]
The first draft of “A Clean Well-Lighted Place” had the waiter think “Our Wilbur who art in Wilbur, Wilbur be thy name thy kingdom Wilbur thy Wilbur done in Wilbur as it is in Wilbur.” But Hemingway realized he had gazed too deep into the abyss.
Luann: Awwww, the infantile title character fell asleep just like an infant does when they hear quiet music. Too bad she’s supposed to be a young adult. Maybe if her brain wasn’t smooth she wouldn’t be such a blank slate, “born without any “natural” psychological traits and that all aspects of one’s personality, social and emotional behaviour, knowledge, or sapience are afterwards imprinted by one’s environment onto the mind as one would onto a wax tablet.
What did Dagwood spot in the second panel? It must be something special, to take his mind off of food.
BeBa– Is this a date? It reads like a date. Not a great one. I expect to see Beetle making out with the waiter while Sarge wonders if he’s going to get any backseat over-the-pants action.
Mary Worth: I got nothing joke-wise this morning, but I immediately wanted to shout at Wilbur, “Don’t turn off the world, turn on the news!” So I got that going for me, which is nice.
Hmm, I’ve tried posting twice today about CS, Betty, Lola. Wonder why my innocuous comments are blocked.
Sarge is lucky they never send Camp Swampy to war, because for this kind of bullshit he would be fragged
Crankshaft-“Anything that’ll keep him out of the house and away from me and my lover.”
Sarge is contemptuous of the soft modern army and he has decided to die as the great warriors of old: by dysentery
MW — Just remember, readers, it’s always darkest before the Dawn. Next week, smash cut to Dawn and Not-Mrs-Wilbur critiquing the local ballet company’s fresh take on The Rite of Spring. . .
CS:. Isn’t Dinkles bsnd comprised of residents of a nursing home? Have residents gotten younger or are they renting out units to deal with housing shortage?
MW: Well, thanks to Sequitur’s
spoilersneak preview yesterday, you folks learned that these panel shots are done in advance. And today, in the interest of total transparency, I’ll let you know that this scene didn’t actually happen! Yes, this vignette was created through the advanced “mash-up” technique, perfected by our own Baja Gaijin!Yes, things were getting so bad on the set at “Wilbur’s digs” that we didn’t want our Stars to have to experience the squalor, even for a short time. Willa and Stellan did their shot remotely at an undisclosed location, and it was then combined witih the Wilbur-stuffing-his-face scene at his apartment. If you look closely, you’ll see if was just stuck on there – they aren’t as skillful as Baja with this technology.
If this appears, it’s the Lola comment that is blocked.
JP:. Sadly, no one on campus cared enough to take flip from flyer to look for lost Cat. She’ll be needed in Sundays PV.
Glad you’re liking those gradients in Blondie… I’m finding them very distracting.
@But What Do I Know?: You sweet summer child. You assume that Moy is going to deprive us of
ourher favorite schmuck realizing that “society needs him” thanks to the Machiavellian hag who outright refuses the idea that no one can be happy alone?Beetle Bailey – Given this place does tablecloths and has bus boy, this is a very high scale place for serving burgers and fries. I imagine some aging hipster restauranteur was forced out of a city by rising rent and post-COVID decline in office workers, and brought their “high end greasy spoon” concept to Camp Swampy.
Mary Worth – Wilbur as the weird shut-in of the condominium would be a nice turn for him. He’d go from main character to stuff of urban legend, with only glimpse of him picking up his sandwich orders from his door and occasionally (but not often enough) dumping his trash at odd hours to avoid the rest of the world.
Blondie – I have to second Josh’s appreciation. Most comics have their characters exist in a void (few as good as the Lockhorns). The Blondie creative team avoids the drab white, or the solid single colors that we see above. Perhaps Blondie hired a hip creative intern that’s on the leading edge to the inevitable reaction to two decades of Apple-inspired minimalism.
@Activist 1234: Did you mention t0rture? A spe1@list? Lee H… Oswald? Spelling out any of those will get your comments blocked.
MW: So…Wilbur is Thanos then? This is the MCU-Mary Worth crossover that literally no one asked for?
MW – Face it, Wilbur. You’ve been turning off women for years now. Turning off the world isn’t that big a leap.
MW – Ohhhh, this is it! Wibur has that look in his eyes again that says he’s gettin’ on The Alkeehol Highway and flooring it! Next stop, Stalker City!
The weirdest thing about the Mary Worth universe is the way pets sit still and enraptured while humans prattle on at them. Dogs, okay, maybe (though Pierre zooming away when unleashed at the dog park was the funniest and most realistic thing an animal has done in this strip). Cats, come on, have you met a cat? At least these are mammals, however, with memories and ears and capable of affection. These are goddamned fish. No. Maybe they associate this giant blob with food. Maybe. But don’t give me them listening to this bozo with stupid grins on their friggin’ faces.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: Well, THAT’s a relief. The way Wilbur was reveling in his solitude, I thought it wouldn’t be too long before he realized the two goldfish were spoiling his alone time and decided it was time for Willa and Stellan to make friends with Mr. American Standard.
MW: As long as there’s extra mayonnaise on that sandwich, Wilbum will be okay for a an hour or so.
@Old School Allie Cat: Sarge already did it with the busboy. The busboy is really fast there.
Don Abundio, translated:
“What’s for dinner, Pierre?”
“Artisanally cured cuisse de cochon, crowned with delicately seared oeufs de poulette”
“Sometimes I wish he’d just make something simple, like ham and eggs!”
Beetle Bailey : why did Sarge set the plates and glasses on the floor in the second panel?
…are they a late addition, like the artist drew a bare table originally, then thought “oh no, what if people think Sarge ATE the plates and glasses?
***********
Luann :
A) Tara, the character introduced as a reckless, rebellious delinquent, is used here being serious and studious, as a contrast to Luann.
…why is the character introduced as the antithesis of Bernice playing her role here!?
B) “no lecture today, I’m just going to play music while you write whatever comes into your head, no prompts or goals or assignments or anything.” This is a serious, legitimate course for adults at the collegial level.
Wilbur becoming a shut-in after the millionth failed dating attempt just so he can avoid the pain of things going wrong is agonizingly in-character. But we all know that soon, Mary’s gonna take a battering ram to his door to make sure she can save the dullest, least pitiable character in town for reasons unknown.
FC – Repeat from September 2, 2022.
@Tabby Lavalamp: re MW: hmmmm… tough crowd today.
MW: unfortunately, the broadway debut of Wilburman: Turn Off the Universe was a disaster, not because there were any dangerous stunts but because the only people who showed up were tourists who mistook the show for a Danny DeVito themed musical.
@Rube:
#43. Rube, thanks for the suggestions but it must have been something else. Let me try it in typo language:
L0LA:. A11 ajes kin apprec1ate fyne ahrt.
BETT1:. I f1gure 1f a charitee kin affort 2 sind unsol1c1ted g1fts, thay d0nt needed mi m0ney.
9CL – I see we’re completely rewriting Fleurry’s character.
When we first met her, she was an angry rural vet. There was a scene where she breaks into a farmer’s house at night to confront him over how he treats his livestock.
Now she’s apparently a meek simpleton and also lacks the insight to be able to understand humor. Like Lt. Cmd. Data, sans the Enterprise.
Meanwhile, The Twins continue to merge, these past two days they have been drawn like two of those marshmallow Peeps that have melted together.
Poor abominations, it would really suck to go through your entire life having no personality of your own, just one you share with your sister. I wonder if mom knows which is Polly and which is Lolly. Or cares.
BB: My first thought was that Sarge had eaten the tablewear on top of everything, but then I saw he had hidden it behind his chair in a desperate attempt to pin the effects of his gluttonous indulgence on the busboy. Maybe Beetle was charged with taking him away for a couple hours while the rest of Camp Swampy prepares an intervention for his binge eating?
MW: Please, please let Sunday’s strip reveal Mary is bricking Wilbur’s door up “Cask of Amontillado” style. In miseria requiescat!
@Anonymous:
My first take was that the plates and glasses on the floor were added at the last minute so people didn’t think the joke was simply a really fast busboy. Like…I did. In my defense, in my peripheral vision as I read the word balloon, I thought the plate and glasses were on an adjoining table in the foreground.
LUANN – Ah, the ironclad Law of Conservation of Characters is still giving us a ninety two (96?) year old instructor for this course. Is this still a creative writing seminar? Or has the Ocarina of Time written and then moved on?
This is yet another of these sequences that not only come from nowhere but have zero chance of going anywhere. We will have a few days of this where they struggle to reach a punchline, and then drop it again for a few months, or forever, and never have any kind of payoff or resolution, just a lazy way to fill a few days worth of strips.
@TheDiva: Unfortunately Mary is the only person who thinks that Wilbur shutting himself out of the world is a bad thing.
Dustin: “Give that sympathy card to Mom. Be sure to write how sorry you are for ever being born! No, seriously, nobody loves you.”
Luann: Luann then dreams of playing Zelda: Ocarina of Time.
Blondie: Did Lou’s diner suddenly turn al fresco? How interesting!
@25 taig: Did you notice I converted the handheld into a mayonnaise sandwich?
MW: Wilbur is elated that his new-found psychic powers have virtually eliminated all life on earth, having sent *everyone* into the cornfield. He’s keeping his beloved fish, however, as they will never disappoint him.
9CL: That’s okay, Brooke doesn’t understand them either.
C’shaft: Why couldn’t Harry have been one of those workaholics who loses all sense of purpose and dies within a year of retirement?
Dustin: Both Dustin and Dustsis are failing at doing the bare minimum for Mother’s Day, yet somehow it’s all Dustin’s fault.
JP: Reena, have you seen the sort of “spies, shoot-outs, and political intrigue” Sophie has been involved in? I’m just saying, her life hasn’t exactly been The Bourne Identity up till now.
RMMD: Not saying that Rex isn’t the sort of person to completely forget how old his child is, but in fairness Sarah’s development has been somewhat erratic. She’s gone from “maddeningly precocious early grade school” to “completely ordinary nine-ish-year-old” to “I dunno, I guess she’s what they call a ‘tween’ now, right?” Her younger brothers are even more confusing. Are they in preschool? Kindergarten? Early Village of the Damned?
@Needless Exposition: Fine, then Stella can do it. Or Iris. Hell, get a coalition of Wilbur’s exes; many hands make light work and all.
Mary Worth: Of course Wilbur is feeling pretty good: earlier in the day his Amazon order arrived, an Orgasmatron 3000.
@Baja Gaijin: #2
I like #3, simply because I relish the thought of Wilbur being slowly pulled into his fish tank and morphing into a blob fish with human sentience, like the Incredible Mr. Limpet.
@Baja Gaijin: I did not. I just assumed that’s what Wilbur ate.
@68 TheDiva: I’d love to see them all gathered in his living room, critiquing his effectiveness as a date. It worked well when “The Big Bang Theory” did it.
@70 Daisy: What did Willa and Stellan do to deserve THAT?
@71 taig: For some reason, they keep drawing Wilbur with non-mayo sandwiches. They obviously forgot about Wilbur’s “brand.”
It’s great that you feel good about yourself, Wilbur! I mean, someone has to!
Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of Wilbur
@Needless Exposition: #13
Totally agree, and seeing Wilbur as a disheveled slob is making him even more repulsive.
Mary Worth: So Wilbur’s newest dumbass adventure is that he’s become a NEET.
Blondie: My God, an actually somewhat clever and amusing Blondie comic! Pigs are flying!
FC: Looks like little Jeffy is going to have a nasty encounter with brain-eating parasites. The Jeff Keane/RFK Jr. crossover nobody asked for.
CS: I hope those geezers can play polkas because that’s what you’ll hear at any event hosted by a Slavic ethnic organization. BTW: There is a Ukrainian Club in Lorain, Ohio, across the street from the steel mills. A buddy of mine and I used to go drinking there a lot. Just down the street was a Croatian Club and a Romanian Club. You didn’t have to be of those ethnicities to patronize their bars, just buy a social membership. Came in real handy when Ohio still enforced their Sunday blue laws against liquor sales. Private clubs were exempt.
Dustin: You two nitwits could, like, try another store before you throw up your arms in defeat.
@Tabby Lavalamp: #47
Speaking of animal silliness, that reminds me of the strip from a couple years back, when Estelle was volunteering as receptionist at Dr. Ed’s vet clinic. A man came in with a sad-looking, ailing boa constrictor and Estelle kindly referred him to the exotic animal clinic down the street, and the boa’s face lit up with a big smile. I love it!
@Daisy: That’s because the snake knew it wasn’t going to meet the same fate as every other animal that went to Dr. Ed’s Abattoirium.
@Baja Gaijin: #72
Well, as their reward for putting up with Wilbur and relinquishing their peaceful tank to his revolting presence, the Universe transforms them into a comely pair of human beings who fall in love and live a long, happy, fulfilling life, while Wilbur-blobfish slowly languishes at the bottom of the tank eating whatever crumbs fall his way.
@taig: #79
Especially since Dusty Crum from TV’s “Swamp People: Serpent Invasion” was waiting in the other room with his razor blade. The snake’s owner would have lost his pet but gained a nice snakeskin wallet.
Josh는 내 그라데이션이 정말 마음에 든다고 하더군요! 이것은 나에게 일어난 일 중 가장 위대한 일이며, 앞으로 나에게 일어날 일 중 가장 위대한 일입니다!
Fred Basset Spanish to English.
@Activist 1234: Lost cat? That’s an “Escaped Werewolf” flyer.
@2 Baja Gaijin:
Gotta go with number three.
Good job using a future panel.
@Peanut Gallery: As cook, Pierre is in control of the household food budget, the menus, and the shopping. By combining three nights of leftovers into hash for dinner, he’s able to pocket a tidy profit at the end of the week.
@taig: #22: Since Kristi Noem jokes are the big thing this week here’s a fun fact. Back around the turn of the last century several European gun makers (mostly Belgian) actually marketed a cartridge specifically for bicyclists to shoot dogs with, the 5.75 mm Velo Dog. Apparently dog attacks were a common hazard for cyclists back then. If you happen to own a velo dog revolver and would like to shoot it there’s an Italian ammo maker, Fiocchi, that still manufactures new cartridges in that caliber.
@Baja Gaijin:
I like Wilber tripping on something in the third panel as it would explain a lot.
@Guillermo el chiclero: It would be difficult to play polkas — or any kind of dance music — without a bass instrument. Or any rhythm section at all beyond the drummer. Batuik has been writing about bands for over fifty years without figuring out how music works.
JP: Hey Reena! For fun and excitement, take Sophie up to one of those reefer houses in Harlem. Maybe it’ll get raided by the ofay cops and we can watch her get slapped around and otherwise humiliated and abused by authority figures.
9CL: I’ve never been a hog farmer, but my impression is that newborn piglets are revolting, like naked wriggling pink fetuses. Does Fleurrie really smile at that, or does she ignore them for a few months until they get cute? Don’t get sick, lil’ piggies!
And by ‘solitude’ we mean marijuana, kids. Wilbur is smoking the weed and when he’s finished with that sandwich, those fish are next.
CS: “Don’t forget that we’ll be playing tomorrow night at the Ukrainian Hall fundraiser for Ukraine and Sunday afternoon at the memorial honoring John Darling, Jessica’s father who was murdered. So don’t schedule any solo car dates.”
MW: The smiling, cartoony fish suggest that Wilbur has finally, severed that last, slender thread tying him to reality. Soon, he will be happily cavorting with Disneyesque animated deer, rabbits and bluebirds. This will be followed by a smash cut back to the real world where Wilbur is seated on the couch in his boxers, his hairy, flabby torso covered in bread crumbs and globs of mayo, his mouth agape and his eyes unseeing. The blowflies are already gathering.
@Guillermo el chiclero: I’m not going to lie. I’ve encountered dogs in my life (usually unleashed dogs while I was on an early-morning run) that I would have used a weapon on if I had one handy.
@Ukulele Ike: Just like Aramark!
(I used to work at a place where Aramark managed the cafeteria. They were always recycling one day’s leftovers into the next day’s pasta salad or whatever. Kinda cheap, but on the other hand I have to commend them for not wasting food.)
BB: I know this is just conservation of characters, but IRL, would Army privates go out to dinner with their sergeant?
MW-Poor Wilbur. No Dawn around to wash him in the shower.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!:
Don’t take it the wrong way. The fault lies with the script, not the actors.
@erdmann: #91
…wow…
And then with a raspy grunt, the corpse of Wilbur rises up from the couch, shuffles to the now algae-covered fish tank and swallows whole the skeletal remains of poor Willa and Stellan. Wilbur is now one of the walking dead. He stands in the middle of the living room unseeing, unfeeling…until a soft knock on the door catches his attention. A female voice calls out, “Wilbur? I brought you some muffins! Wilbur? Wilbur??”
@82 Blondie assistant graphic technician, second class: I’ll take the bulgogi, extra kimchi.
@85 Sequitur: The panel was perfect for today’s mashup. Thanks for the look at the future, yesterthread.
@89 Ukulele Ike: Batuik has been writing about
high school,medical issues,interpersonal relationshipsbands for over fifty years without figuring out howanythingmusic works.@94 Tom T.: Only if they’re fucking. Each other. Want be clear on that.
MW: Willa and Stellan are smiling because Wilbur isn’t guzzling gin like he did when he used to own goldfish. He would get so sloshed he couldn’t make it to the toilet and would pee into the fish tank. What a horrible way to go.
Looks like Wilbur’s “angling” for a threesome, am I right? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha he’s gonna fuck those fish
@Needless Exposition: Sure, I understand the despair–and you’re probably right. But Sunday is Mother’s Day!
@MKay: RMMD: Emotionless and stone-faced isn’t the worst way to deal with a teenager. Rex and June have finally hit their stride.
“Emotionless and stone-faced is no way to go through life, son.” — Dean Wormer
FC – HTT Grandma: “Hmph. If that harlot spent less time being sloshed and washed the sheets more than once a year, they wouldn’t have bedbugs.”
9CL – If she’s poor taste proof, she has an advantage in this strip.
Mary Worth –
I am a schmuck, I am an island
I have my fish and my mayonnaise to protect me
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb,
I touch no one and no one touches me
I am a schmuck, I am an island.
@Baja Gaijin: All of them do. I like the first and the third one.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Re FC – If a worm ate Jeffy’s brain, how could they tell?
@I speak Jive: When I was about thirteen, I thought that song was one of the greatest songs in the history of Western music. I still like it, but I think you have finally killed my youthful worship.
@Baja Gaijin: I especially like Number Two. I’m thinking maybe Dawn’s mother shouldn’t see it, however.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: Thank you, Sid, that’s a relief. I don’t mind at all seeing just how low Self-Pitying Wilbur is willing to sink. But taking Animals down with him would be waaaay too much.
@TheDiva: Re MW, bwahaha!
@Poteet: Sorry! My love for Simon and Garfunkel is second only to my love for the Beatles. I don’t know why Wilbur lends himself so well to S & G songs. See @Ettorre: #74.
I also loved that song while I was growing up.
AC: Actually, from what I’ve seen, trendy young hipsters in the UK are into traditional pub grub, but, like, fancy versions.
Crank: “Harry never really retired, he just kept attending all school band practices and talking over the actual band leader, and nobody ever had the nerve to question this! Then he decided to create a retirement home jazz band as well! And then he became your choirmaster, so at this point he’s actually got three jobs! Four if you count selling his memoirs! He’s working himself to death, but not quickly enough!”
DT: I feel like Croptop has really bad instincts about when to avoid the cops.
1) When you’re loading a suitcase into the back of a car whose owner
has no reason to beisn’t suspicious, and a patrol car happens to come past? No.2) When you’ve left said suitcase of stolen money with the car owner for some time, and he’s now talking to Neo-Chicago’s most immediately recognisable detective? Yes!
S4th: So this is a “Jackie runs a struggling small business that she needs to maintain in a realistic fashion” week, not a “Jackie runs a Magical Store straight from an urban fantasy story that has no customers but somehow keeps itself running in ways she doesn’t understand” one. Okay then.
Nancy: Remember, I have Sluggo in the dead pool.
@Sequitur: Remember, I have Sluggo in the dead pool.
Who do you have in the Cracked Rib Pool? Because that’s about all the small open manhole is going to do to him.
Pluggers: Pluggers, unlike the rest of America apparently, eat highly sugared breakfast cereal.
“Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs! Plugger tested and mother disapproved!”
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: If the fish were somewhere else, what the heck were they looking at? Or were they just high?
Luann: Today we learn that 92-year old Mrs. Horner still remembers how to blow. My bingo card for today is now filled.
@Sequitur: Sluggo has walked into plenty of open manholes starting with the Bushmiller years, so I don’t think one or two more is going to bother him.
The Familliar Mucus: Someone needs to spray Jeffy’s imagination with RAID!™
@113 Just John: & @117 Dr. Pill:
You guys sure like stompin’ on a dream.
@Tom T.:
IRL, would Army privates go out to dinner with their sergeant?
_____________________
Nah, the Sergeant would more likely eat alone with his own privates.
love is… full frontal nudity.
@Dr. Pill: re MW: Willa and Stellan *high*?!? Of course not! Their watery environment is carefully checked every day to make sure no foreign substances are present. Anyway, our local dispensary doesn’t offer Fishnip. And what are they looking at? It’s called ACTING!
Sid, Agent etc. I sure liked your giant squirrel in Bliss today!
Late Thread Cuisine: As declared by Sequitur yesterthread, Aspic Friday! Maybe you should have thought about Stay Puft Marshmallows.
@Sequitur: re Bliss: Hey, thanks! We like to keep a few of the larger breeds of Squirrels around for the wacky one-panels! Since they normally do sight gags, acting ability isn’t all that essential. In fact, they tend to over-act, as you see here today. But they do work for peanuts, the jumbo variety….
@Baja Gaijin: At least no recognizable clients. Thanks for that … I won’t have to cut off the internet to the Aquarium Complex.
@124 Baja Gaijin:
Hmm. Maybe if I dust it with “ASPIC AWAY” I’d be left with roast beef and carrots seasoned with Worcestershire sauce, thyme and a bit of parsley. I could deal with that.
A small salad on the side would be nice.
@Baja Gaijin: Art in the 60s was weird…
@126 Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: True, it does look like food swimming in water.
@127 Sequitur: It’s just Jell-O. Pop it in the microwave for bit.
@128 taig: The recipe card’s copyright date is 1967. Good guess!
@Baja Gaijin: That’s why I put “60s” in my totally unedited post.
@129 Baja Gaijin:
It’s not Jell-O, it’s gelatin made from pig’s hoofs.
@130 taig:
It’s also from Canada where they don’t know any better.
@131 Sequitur: And just what do you think Jell-O is made from, unicorn farts and elf wishes?
@133 Baja Gaijin:
That’s just as bad.
MW: Probably everyone has had this experience. You were on a first date that went badly, and you were sad about it. Then a little time passed and your brain metabolized the sad chemicals. Now you just need a shower and a shave (if you’re a guy), and you’re back to baseline: happy and oblivious and hurling people into traffic.
@Blondie assistant graphic technician, second class: The greatest thing? I feel sorry for you, Wilbur.
@Baja Gaijin: So “in Aspic” means sealed away for thousands of years?
I missed the original reference. I don’t know what aspic is (looks like some sort of meat juice jelly to me) but it “sounds” like something Wilbur Weston does.
The Phantom: The Ghost Who Taunts is just off panel singing “Chain chain chain, chain of fools…”
@Sequitur:Isn’t that redundant? I always thought that is was well known that gelatin was was mammal hooves. Again, I may have missed the original joke.
@137 Dr. Pill: If there’s anything I learned from Funky Winkerbean is that “slabbed” means “sealed away for thousands of years.”
@138 Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: Yes, aspic is in fact meat jelly/gelatin. Apparently in the past, the stylish hostess served food suspended in what appeared to be space-age plastic. Sometimes the clear gelatin would be replaced by lemon Jell-O for that day-glo psychedelic look.
Is Mary Worth finally giving us what we want, a week-long series of strips detailing Wilbur’s death from what must be a gas leak?
@Baja Gaijin: Thank you for your ongoing efforts on our behalf. I am now thinking about Stay Puft Marshmallows.