Why is Chip dragging Trixie into this. What went on in that house
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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/1/24
Obviously Snuffy Smith’s whole deal is that he doesn’t care about the greater good of the polity and routinely engages in lawbreaking and antisocial behavior, but I gotta say that this is a new low. Many Hootin’ Holler residents who enjoy a lazy day on the lake fishing from their little canoes — including Snuffy himself! — will now have their leisure disrupted by flatlanders zooming around in their big powerboats. And for what? Was this little joke so irresistible that he had to have the sign in his bedroom, and are his literacy and scrapwood-scavenging skills so lacking that he had to take the extremely nonprofessional looking sign down from the lake?
Dick Tracy, 7/1/24
Mr. Borden is being blackmailed by Mr. Gabriel in some way related to those those salacious pictures in a manila folder that were hinted at a couple of weeks ago. I’m impressed that today’s strip includes a shoutout to the famous album cover of Big Black’s “Songs About Being Blackmailed Over Salacious Pictures In A Manila Folder.”
Hi and Lois, 7/1/24
No you absolutely can not, kids! Something you did is what’s made her so upset in the first place!
Mary Worth, 7/1/24
Oh, silly Wilbur! Fish are innocents, incapable of sin, and you will not be meeting Stellan again in hell.
221 replies to “Why is Chip dragging Trixie into this. What went on in that house”
Happy Canada Day all you Canuck Curmudgeons!
Judge Parker: On a very special Judge Parker, Lucas comes to terms with his homosexuality. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Mary Worth Mashup: Oh come on! Moy’s just pulling my chain now.
H&L: Lois wants a hug from Hi so she can pretend that he’s Thirsty.
MW: Wilbur is like the titular creatures in the Gremlins movies in that giving him attention after sunset will make him believe that people actually care about him.
@Baja Gaijin: And there was much rejoicing.
JP. It’s been a long time since I saw “Fast times at Ridgemont High,” but I bet it hasn’t been that long for Marciuliano
Oh God. Yesterday Wilbur made this whole thing about his relationship with Estelle. So is he implying that he’s going to dredge that relationship up again. Kill him now!
BGSS: It’s “wake” in the sense of an Irish funeral party, and Hootin’ Holler put that sign on the lake specifically to keep Wilbur from disturbing the peace with his constant weepy fish funerals.
H&L: God these faces are bleak. This isn’t “The kids have made your day stressful through their mildly troublesome antics”, this is “The kids have been conscripted as cannon fodder in humanity’s desperate last stand against the extradimensional psychic horrors laying unstoppable waste to our planet.”
I’m just extremely relieved Barney Google Inc demanded a rewrite of the first draft, which involved an anti-woke sign.
BG&SS – I know the Smif house is never full diagrammed out, so it’s hard to remember which wall is an actual wall, and which one is a patched old blanket serving as a wall.
Dick Tracy – Mr. Borden looks like he’s come down with a condition that ought to get him an appointment with Rex Morgan, not this Dick Tracy villain.
Hi and Lois – Hi and Lois is dabbling in political cartoons, but in a way like a horoscopes are just interchangeable and can apply to anyone and everyone. Instead of being mostly uplifting, though, Hi and Lois knows that anyone reading the rest of the newspaper feels like Lois and the kids right now.
Mary Worth – Let’s not discount reincarnation in the world of Mary Worth. Stellan may in fact be reincarnated as a shark, and find Wilbur one day when he’s swimming in the waters of Santa Royale!
As the Number One Fan of Dark Hi and Lois: Woohoo! Their domestic situation is strained and everyone’s unhappy!
MW:
Somewhere beyond the sea
Somewhere, waiting for me
My other lands on golden sands
And watches us drips that go flailing
Somewhere beyond the sea
He’s there waiting for me
If I could try like nerds’ outcry
Then straight to his arms
I’d go flailing
It’s far beyond the scars
It’s near beyond this toon
I know beyond a doubt
My heart will lead me there soon
We’ll greet beyond the shore
We’ll miss, just as before
Sappy we’ll be, beyond the sea,
And never again I’ll go flailing
Ah!
I know beyond a doubt (ow!)
My heart will lead me there soon
We’ll greet (I know we’ll greet) beyond the shore
We’ll miss, just as before
Sappy we’ll be, beyond the sea,
And never again I’ll go flailing!
Since the Flagstons long for physical comfort but recoil from touching each other, it was awfully nice of Thing from the Addams Family to help Chip hold Trixie up.
MW:
“I’ve changed my mind! Turn around! I want him back in my freezer!”
H&L: In a case of good news bad news. Lois’ reaction has made his original murder-suicide plan a little easier to justify but now seeing the kids sharing in their misery has made the situation a lot more complicated.
I’m a little unnerved that Wilbur might be darkly implying a murder suicide plot but his general incompetence means that the worst thing he can do is leave a bag of poop at Dr. Ed’s doorstep. Not even a flaming bag or picked up from a stray dog either…
@Hibbleton: You’re suggesting the kids weren’t already included?
PHANTOM:. This rocketship will make quite a splash in Kit’s effort to keep Skull Cave, the deep woods, and the “jungle people” out of public view. And what reporter or entrepreneur would fail to check out that statue of a bald man’s head?
MW:. We have only ourselves to blame. In the interminable last arc (was it Keith Hillend and his ex and his non-daughter?) we begged for something different. Even a Wilbur story.
And thanks, Josh for clarifying Stellan’s eternal status. It answers my question what happens when one person’s heaven is to make his ex an eternal hell.
RMMD:. Rex had a great success in being a Big Brother to Nicki. Will Parker or Bully Boy be his next project?
MW: [Stellan floating head approaches]
Mary: [shakes head]
[Stellan floating head recedes]
H&L: Hi: “Phew! I guess the mystery of what happened to all the rum is solved”
Luann: Okay, first I was surprised that we are continuing this Guest Artist fantasy sequence for another week. Then I was surprised to find it’s the same guest artist. Once again, Evansii, why are you letting yourselves get shown up so badly in the art department?
RMMD: Uh, can some random teacher just excuse a student to leave school grounds like that?
JP: ‘Leave me alone! Can’t you see I’m preparing a batch of roofies? Do you want to screw these girls or not?’
“I’ll see Stellan again… someday”
“How did you know we are going next to the Bum Boat?”
BGSS: C’mon Loweezy: bedroom, dining room, bathroom? It’s all the same room.
DT: This looks like one of those poorly-translated foreign films you used to see on cable, where you’d have two characters screaming at each other with swords drawn, and the subtitle would say something like ‘I have to say, I disagree with you, sir.’
H&L: Ha, every last member of that family is truly and deeply depressed. Now that’s comedy!
MW: Mary, I want you to think about everything that has happened over the last couple weeks that has led Wilbur to this exact point, and then see if you can’t answer that question yourself.
MW: I know everyone has the same feeling, but it still must be named, again and again: Jesus Christ, it’s just a fucking goldfish!
MW — “Soon!” All the ‘mudges shout. . .
Hi and Lois: 3/15/2024: The National Association of Realtors announces a settlement ending their standard 6% commission. 7/1/2024: Lois experiences a very bad day. Coincidence? Probably. Grim? Oh my, yes. [Chortles darkly]
FC: Thel sadly watches the birds chirping gayly and thinks; “I’d like a different song to sing.”
DT – Ooh, I’ve got this one! It was Colonel Sanders, in the study, with the candlestick. (Phone.)
Jaws theme plays
Or Hi and Lois: Yes, this is the darkness we come to the daily funny pages for. More! I need more…
MW: In a terrifying and yet somehow satisfying conclusion to the story, Wilbur’s combover suddenly takes over, spreading inexorably from his pate, down his face, below his chin, and across his dark suit to creep in all directions across the deck, enveloping the boat and everyone on it in myriad sparse but strong strands of hair that choke the life out of them all before continuing over the railings and below the hull, jamming the propellers and weighing down the boat, dragging it into the very depths of the sea. The end.
Don Abundio, translated:
“I carved our names in this tree, Debbie Sue!”
“How romantic, Don Abundio!”
[Tree: ABUNDIO LOVES BEATRIZ ALEJANDRA]
“I gotta try harder to remember which tree goes with which escort”
DT: Thanks guest writer Eric Costello for scratching my “G.K.Chesterton as a gangster” alternate history itch. Now do George Bernard Shaw as a bootlegger.
MW: “Yes, Mary. I’ll see Stellan again…someday.”
Said with the conviction of someone who frequently falls out of boats.
MW: Wilbur seeing Stellan again “SOMEDAY” presupposes that Wilbur’s fuck-ups in THIS life will bad enough to lead to his reincarnation as a lower-order animal in the next. If that’s the case, we have much more of this nonsense in store until Wilbur passes from this earthly plane. Fasten your seatbelts.
It doesn’t matter if they did it, that kind of thing is hard on kids, especially with how much of the yard is now technically Dawg.
BGSS: “Time to shoot all our roosters!” {Tongue lolls}
DT: Nice of this strip to show the perils of making a phone call while on the can.
HnL: Who knew existential dread could be so funny? I certainly didn’t.
MW: Wilbur understands that he should expect Stellan’s vengeful spirit to haunt him for the rest of his life.
MW: Mary says “all right” and not ‘alright’. You win this won, Moy.
Frazz: Well, Mrs. Olsen has guaranteed that Caulfield will have yet another thing to make fun of her for.
Luann: Toni wants a robot, and Brad is OK with Toni cleaning up after a bunch of “their” children. This is definitely going to work out.
CS: “I’m sure the burgers taste good, regardless.” “Burgers?”
MW – Yes, you’ll see Stellan again – because you didn’t weight his box with stones or pieces of metal so it would sink, like it’s supposed to in a sea burial. Now his rotting corpse is going to wash up at your feet in a few days. I warned you about this yesterday!
Then again, maybe a seagull will snatch Stellan out of his floating coffin and wing past the boat on his way to lunch. Wilbur could see him again sooner than expected.
9CL: Today’s strip is absolutely overflowing with jokes.
@2 Baja Gaijin:
Ever see a shark puke its guts up?
Zits: Connie gets to do naked Zoomba after Jeremy leaves the house.
FC: “It either ends up in syndicated comic strip, Shoe, or it shits on everyone’s shoes.”
@Baja Gaijin: Awww. It brings a tear to my eye.
MW: I am certain that to Stellan, Heaven has a great, big “No Wilbur Weston” sign at the gate.
Fred Basset Spanish to English.
GT: P2 was supposed to say “I’m _A_ familiar. The dictionary defines that as a demon attached to a witch.”
MW: Panel 3 would say the same thing.
HI & LOIS: “I need a hug, Hi. Sunbeam wasn’t there, so I had to actually watch Trixie for once” (starts unabashedly bawling.)
MW-If the sea doesn’t reject Wilbur again hopefully a lot sooner.
@Baja Gaijin: Excellent work, BG! It’s a beautiful thing to see someone find their true calling in life, as you have! Thanks for including the Gulls and the Dolphins o’ Death. The Shark isn’t one of my clients – he’s a free-lancer – but he said he’d work pro bono in this case.
You may have noticed that none of my other clients appeared yesterday for the Climactic Scene. They all agreed to stay off panel and not be a distraction from Stellan’s Swan Song performance. Whatta truly selfless act, but that’s just how Show Biz folks are! Why, they’d give you the feathers or skins off their backs…
We’ll be mulling future career paths for Willa and Stellan in the coming weeks (or days) but for now let’s just let Stellan bask in the acclaim for a story and performance you will never
be able toforget!I think what Wilbur is saying is that he feels that the time of the Change is upon him, and he will, soon enough, be reunited with Stellan off the coast of Insmouth.
I know we complain about the lag time in comics, but today’s Snuffy Smith responded with lightning speed to the end of Chevron deference. And congratulations on your J.D. if you thought this comment even remotely amusing.
@14 Hibbleton: @15 Needless Exposition: I would just like to point out that two different comic strips drove two different posters to make two different murder-suicide jokes, within the same minute. What are the odds?
@Charterstoned: On the other hand, Stellan having to put up with Wilbur means that he’s due for a promotion in the realms of samsara, possibly as a frog who devours the fry Wilbur not long after he’s hatched.
BGSS: Has Snuffy Smith done an “anti-woke” joke yet? If not, what can we do to prevent that from happening?
MW: Why wait? *shove*
Snuffy longs for eternal oblivion
REX MORGAN M.D: Corey: “May I be excused to go to the hospital”
Teacher: “Well, I’m not your teacher, young man, but kids can come and go to classes as they please at this school anyway so…eh (shrugs).”
REX MORGAN M.D.(2): Corey: “May I be excused to go to the hospital”
Teacher: “I can ok that, as the school’s sole designated adult and authority figure. You’re current on all your classwork. I was just going to go over more lessons from the “Standing in the Hallway Like a Dumbass” textbook, but you seemed to have reached the intermediate level, so you won’t miss much. You’re excused.”
C’shaft: Last week, it was revealed that Pete lives in a barely-furnished apartment at a level of squalor normally reserved for squatters and people in active war zones. Today, we are reminded that he still might be getting the worst in this relationship.
Dustin: So what would be a “Simone assignment,” then? “Where open contempt meets naked cruelty?”
GT: I’m guessing the answer is “fielding calls from her bruised-ego ex who’s upset that she went back to her maiden name.”
Luann: Ugh, I think I almost preferred last week’s “Stepford Suburbia” look.
MT: Isn’t this from The Lion King? Is Mark about to get flung off a cliff by his usurper brother?
@TheDiva: That’s Karma for you!
@2+2=7: Corey: May I be excused to go to the hospital? Parker’s got no family but their aunt.
Teacher: That’s probably not a bad idea, since somebody should inform Parker’s legal guardian of the situation at some point. It occurs to me we probably should have been keeping emergency contact information for each of the students in case something like this happened, but well, hindsight is twenty-twenty and all. Just be sure to give her a ring when you’ve got a minute, okay?
BG&SS – Check your bait box, bilge and hull for zebra muscles…WtF is that supposed to mean….
DT – Thus spoke Zarathustra….
H&L – This is a Zoloft commercial….right?
Adios Amigos, DJ.
RwO: When Hilary Price saw Marvin do a cats-in-the-sandbox joke yesterday, I wonder if she just smiled a bit and thought “jinx,” or if she accepted reality and decided to retire out of shame.
MW-“Now let’s go home where our beds and tv are.”
BARNEY GOOGLE & SNUFFY SMITH: Snuffy Smith isn’t “woke”: Comicdoms least surprising development (the most surprising development is that the strip is using the term more accurately then a lot of politicians and pundits.)
I don’t follow Dick Tracy but I assume this current story is about a male prostitute who does Col. Sanders cosplay and the customer who is consumed with shame over his own kinks but can’t fight the urges. Surely the comic isn’t going to show him deep throating a chicken leg, right?
REX MORGAN M.D: Teacher (thinking): Hmmm. An assault just happened at our school. One so severe that an ambulance had to be called. I wonder if I should call the police, or at least inform our principal about this publicity-attracting altercation. But, hey I already did my part when I asked one question about the incident. Better just leave the entire investigation to this gangly bespectacled woodchuck here. That’s just the way we do things here at Neglectful Intermediate.
MW: I was hoping this storyline was finally over but, even though this seems like a conclusion, today is Monday, so I’m bracing myself for yet another week of this crap.
MW: If you knew nothing about Mary Worth, it’s characters and stories, and you saw this strip out of context, this would be a weird, dark comic.
Unfortunately, I have all the context, but…if I just ignore the dialogue and forget for a second that Wilbur has become this pathetic, self-involved man baby, I can appreciate that June Brigman is damned good at this.
Snuffy Smith: The one thing holding Snuffy’s marriage together is the fact that his wife is the sort who enjoys incredibly stupid and lame puns.
Mary Worth: “And by someday, I mean today,” clarifies Wilbur as he takes out a gun.
@Tabby Lavalamp: Guy Being Blackmailed (in depressed panic): “If only this porn wasn’t so finger-lickin good….”(sobs)
RMMD: Wait… Parker… lives with their aunt… bullied and wears glasses… Great Googly Moogly! This is the secret origin of non-binary Spider-Person from Earth-1197!
Dustin: This is the intro to the most boring temp agency porno ever. Repellant too.
Gotta say, the entire family looking so glum in the second panel calls to mind the finale of Jim Henson’s Dinosaurs. I think Foofram Industries may have doomed the planet
I like how the Dick Tracy artist can draw Mr. Effete Intellectual holding a candlestick phone very naturally, while the tortured Mr. Modern holds his cell phone to his right ear very awkwardly.
Candlestick phones have been a thing of the past since maybe the 1950s, and are used in this strip as a signifier that Mr Effete Intellectual metaphorically lives in the past. Did the artist experience some cognitive dissonance over his ability to draw The Past naturally, while still using the candlestick phone to mark that character as a villain?
Also, I just realized I hold my cellphone to my left ear, which is probably the legacy of a life of office jobs where I had to take notes or write addresses or something while listening to a phone handset.
DT: I’ve seen enough film noir to know the Colonel Mustard-looking guy is gonna be dead by midnight.
MW: I have no words…I just…have…no…words…so “heaven” for Wilbur is reuniting with his goldfish? That’s it? No mention of the unending peace and joy of being in the presence of incomprehensible love and the companionship of blessed souls for eternity? Just seeing his goldfish again? Wilbur needs to be born again.
Smif: Josh, those are questions that will plague me all day. Thank you, I think.
@Baja Gaijin: #2
These are fantastic. You just made my day…or week. This *is* going to drag out all week, isn’t it…*sigh*
@Maltmash3r: #6
Please, please, please PLEASE don’t let there be another rehashing of Wilbur chasing after his ex-girlfriend just when she’s rid herself of him and found happiness with a nice man who loves cats.
@Schroduck: #7
““The kids have been conscripted as cannon fodder in humanity’s desperate last stand against the extradimensional psychic horrors laying unstoppable waste to our planet.””
Good Lord…sounds like the plot of the next “Quiet Place” movie…
@Daisy: I think we all want Estelle to be happy because if Estelle is happy, then the best character will be happy. #LibbySupremacy
Rex Morgan, MILF Diver – If Parker’s aunt sues, I hope Flat Top Bully gets sentenced to being Parker’s butler.
That’s GOLD, Jerry. GOLD!
MW: Yes, Wilbur, you’ll see Stellan again some day. Estelle, not so much.
I love today’s “Arlo and Janis” – especially the last panel where the house sitter tells the cat “You can be very useful advancing a struggling plotline.” Karen Moy, ARE YOU LISTENING????
Sid, get ready to deploy Libby and Odin!!!! (the dogs, too – they’re great in supporting roles for the cat stars!)
@Needless Exposition: #79
Yes!!!!! Be sure to read todays “Arlo and Janis”!!!!
[Smash cut to black screen. James Bond theme starts. White text appears.]
Stellan will return in Goldfish are Forever
@Voshkod: I already saw “Mayopussy,” “The Exes Who Loathed Me,” and “The Man with the Golden Fish.”
“… I’ll see Stellan again .. someday.”
Mary, you have devoted your life to helping others and trying to bring good into the world. Because of that, and for the benefit of all humankind, I implore you: One quick push, and Wilbur’s “someday” can be “today.” Please.
@Needless Exposition: The early ones – “Dr. Hell No,” ‘Goldfisher,” and “On Mary’s Secret Service” are classics. The series did go downhill with such flops as “Goldenfish,” “Tomorrow Never Happens At All,” and “Fishfall.”
MW: Wilbur must think that not only do All Dogs Go To to Heaven, but that All Fish and All Selfish Jerk Humans do as well.
CS: “Thanks for coming” to “our house”? Um, don’t they live together in their own tastelessly cardboard-box-appointed apartment? Or has she moved back out already?
RMMD: “Yeah, you might as well go to the hospital. No adult who actually works at this school is going to bother.”
H&L: Uh-oh, the family goldfish must have died.
@AhClem: The sea: “I have already rejected him twice, foolish humans. No means no.”
@Baja Gaijin:
TODAY’S MASH-UP: Brilliant, Baja!
Aren’t goldfish freshwater fish? And wasn’t Stellan likely born in a Thai or Indonesian goldfish hatchery, and lived his life in a foot-diameter bowl? What possible relation could he have to the briny deep of the ocean? It would be like burying a human on Venus – yes, it’s a rocky planet, but other than that it bears no similarity to the place where the person was born, lived and died. All in all, rendering Stellan up to the freshwater toilet and sewage system would been apt.
MW: That night, Stellan appeared to Wilbur in a dream, screaming “I’m a fresh water fish you @&@”$@@ idiot!”
@Voshkod: I don’t know what they were thinking with “Santa Royale” or “Spectacle.”
MW: Stellan’s ghost: He’ll see me again? I *died* to get away from him!
Alternatively, Wilbur and Stellan will meet again after Stellan is reincarnated as a salt-water fish, and Wilbur is reincarnated as seaweed.
@Needless Exposition:@Voshkod: I thought “Fishraker” was good, campy fun.
H&L: Hi is desperately trying to shoo those kids away, because he knows if he plays his cards right he’s about to get some very hot and heavy Needy Sex right now.
@Voshkod: Stellan will return in Goldfish are Forever
The Fish Who Loved Me (But Who I Filleted Anyway), featuring the hit song Nobody Grills It Better.
DT: John Borden is advancing through the five stages of baseball owner grief pretty quickly, starting at contract negotiation denial, proceeding to media-manipulation anger, and now finding himself stuck at collective bargaining. By which I mean Gabriel is going to have to argue not with just Mr. Borden but the rest of the Blackmailers’ Association who are all clamoring for their slice of the extortion pie.
MW: What, you thought we’d all be done saying “It was just a freaking FISH!” after Wilbur finally chucked the damned thing in the water? Think again. Now we’re getting to the part where we explore what Stellan really meant to Wilbur and the world as a whole, and then what Mary meant to Stellan as well as Wilbur and the world as a whole. On the bright side, it does mean that soon we’ll be able to change our cries to “She is just a freaking NOSY OLD WOMAN!”
CS: Oh goodie, it’s time for Crankshaft to start another lethal inferno while all the drooling morons near him just stand there with their thumbs up their asses and mumble “Oh dear, this isn’t good.” It’s never been funny once, but as long as Tom Batiuk keeps practicing this exact same premise several times a year, maybe he’ll get there one day.
JP: Poor Lucas. He just wanted to make a new friend or maybe a little more, and now he’s stuck babysitting a pair of vile harpies feeding off each other’s nastiness and he just wants it all to be over already.
Luann: Oh no.
Crank: So … is this Mopey Pete’s first summer as Mindy’s partner in the revised timeline? Or did she just decide not to invite him to the comics page’s second-favourite annual fire hazard until he was too invested in the relationship to back out?
DT: Of course, not only did Colonel Scandals ostentatiously visit Borden’s club to extort him in person (which, as I’ve mentioned before, the actual person he’s based on did not do, maintaining a layer of deniability where these people were just investing in the magazine or buying advertising), but Borden now has to visit him in turn, probably carrying a big burlap sack filled with cryptocurrencies.
JP: “Seriously, Lucas, you look like something’s bothering you and I’m concerned. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Dammit, Glen, why do you have to be such a jerk all the time?”
Phantom: Week three of “Stripey deals with a crashed spaceship”, and Stripey and the crashed spaceship are finally in the same general area! I swear, “Wilbur’s fish died and he’s sad” is moving faster than this! (Okay, it really isn’t, but still.)
SH: “Samantha, I’m asking you, as literally the only person in the world who understands the magical nonsense that genetics is in this universe…”
S4th: I’m not saying Hil’s self-absorbed, but if I had a choice between a questionably-real vision of where I’d be in ten years and seeing the Unicorn Tapestries, I’d probably skip the spoilers. Especially if I had questionably-real visions of where I’d be in ten years all the time.
@Everybody Posts, Nobody Reads: Shamelessly ripped-off by Duran Duran when in A View to a Grill.
BGSS: “Snuffy wants t’go t’sleep and never wake up. It’s a sign o’ severe clinical depression!” [tongue loll]
I hate to ask since it might give the impression that I care, but did Mopey and Mindy and his pizza box furniture move in with Ed. I recall them carting stuff up the outside wooden stairs to an apartment above the garage, which is where I think Ed lives. Or were they going into a back room of Loathsome Lil’s non-ADA-compliant book store.
@Charterstoned: #33
I would love to see Wilbur reincarnated as a slime mold. That would be fitting. And loads of fun!
Pretty rich that what passes for government in Hootin’ Holler put up a “No Wake Zone” sign in the first place when most of its residents have never seen an internal combustion engine.
@Les of the Jungle Patrol: That’s an easy fix.
@Horace Broon: (on DT) Instead of a big dollar sign on the burlap sack, it’ll have the Doge image.
@Schroduck: H&L: There have been a lot of sad faces in this family lately. I’m starting to worry.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: My thought was they were moving to Mopey’s apartment, which is indeterminately near the komix shop and Montoni’s.
@taig: #39
Yawn. Ambrose Bierce’s “Devil’s Dictionary” is magnitudes more clever and funny than “Uncle Ethel’s Lexicon from Hell.” McEldowney should be more well-read.
CRANKSHAFT: How long have these two been going out? I mean ignoring that history that’s been reconned out after Crisis on Infinite Funkyverse, the “engagement” timeline is still intact. Yet he and Mindy seem to know nothing about each other lives, personalities or backgrounds.. Boy is Pete going to be so furstrated when an cosmic entity restores his memory and he discovers he was only in love with the Mindy from Earth-2 all along.
@Kevin on Earth: MW: We’ve GOT to have a Stellan floating fish head!
@Daisy: I probably should have been more clear that I was being sarcastic with my comment. :-)
@Banana Jr. 6000: #51
The commenters on this blog are truly exceptional. :-)
@Decima Dewey: #94: Seaweed? Naw, Wilbur will be reincarnated as that toxic pond scum that’s infesting Lake Erie.
MW-“Are you all right?” “No I’m not alright. I’m a grown man suffering from serious psychological problems and you think that having a funeral for a goldfish would automatically cure me.”
Six Chix: Crotchless?
Sally Forth-“Look! It’s Queen Bee dressed up as Mona Lisa with a frame around her neck!”
@Voshkod: Not surprising given that the judicial standards on the the Court seem to have devolved to Hootin’ Holler levels–Snuffy has seen enough of the local judge’s reasonin’ to know how Loper Bright was going to come out. . .
@99 jroggs: on Crankshaft: Have you noticed a parallel between the way everyone treats Crankshaft and how everyone treats Shannon in Luann? Eerily similar. And disgusting.
@104 Daisy: Wilbur as a slime mold isn’t all that much of a change from his current state, to be honest.
@112 Lord Flatulence: Could happen…
MW: I know that, in the long run, this really isn’t the most important thing, but…Why in the world didn’t Wilbur name the boy fish after himself and the girl fish after Estelle? Was there some sort of logic there that I missed?
@2+2=7: Fair point. Maybe there are sharks out there with no senses of smell and taste.
@23 But What Do I Know?, @53 TheDiva, @67 ectojazzmage: Take a look at the link in comment #2.
@40 Sequitur: Had the mashup space for one more panel, we may have seen that.
@121 LTJpezcore1: Because naming the boy fish after himself would be creepy. Wait, maybe I have that backwards. No, it’s creepy no matter how they’re named.
FC – A bird with a fear of heights is like a woman in an evening dress in the middle of the day.
Bob Mankoff Presents: Show Me The Funny (Animal Edition): Slow turtles be slow.
Did Bianca Xunise ghostwrite today’s Hi and Lois?
Well, probably not, as she wouldn’t have Lois asking for a hug, she would just have several panels of Lois crying.
Because that’s apparently what passes for entertainment now in King Features.
@Sequitur: But okay, to be fair, I actually found that pretty funny.
@LTJpezcore1:
Probably for the same reason why Will and Jada Smith named their daughter Willow and son Jaden.
@Baja Gaijin: 123 I honestly don’t know how I didn’t notice it til now. It’s super creepy. Some kind of “You are me and I am you and we are one” lovey-dovey stuff that no real human ever really does
@AhClem: MW: You’ve heard of the Mako Shark. Well now meet the dreaded Mayo Shark.
MW: “Someday I’ll stand on the beach and his little skeleton will wash up on the shore! I might mount it on the wall, or make earrings out of it for Dawn!”
@127 The Rambling Otter:
Yeah, me too.
Blondie Spanish to English.
RMMD:
“Can I be excused to go to the hospital?”
“No, you may not be excused. ‘Can’ connotes the physical power or ability to do something. ‘May,’ by contrast, connotes the permission that you are seeking with your request. Obviously, you haven’t kept up on your grammar studies, so — off to class for you!”
Close To Home; How subway brawls get started.
@135 Sequitur: Two notes:
HI & LOIS: You know, people often make fun of comics (particularly legacy comics) for being perpetually out-of-touch with the modern world and behaving as if time never progressed beyond 1961. But give Hi & Lois credit for being extremely up-to-date with today’s news.
@136 Baja Gaijin:
Yeah, that Velma is one bad MF.
Red and Rover: Guess the target audience of this strip when they run a contest and the winning entry is a quip from a 1960’s television cartoon show.
@MasterMahan: #102
So Loweezy calls Granny Creeps to meddle instead o’ Mary Worth…hilarity ensures when Granny gives Snuffy a mushroom muffin.
@Lord Flatulence: #108
Nor have we seen “Mr. Sunbeam” for a while. Perhaps the sun is going supernova and they are just now finding out.
Yaffle: HAPPY CANADA DAY!
You’ll see the exact same cartoon on Thursday with a U.S. flag and the yaffle wearing a USA cap with the caption, HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!
MW: Smash cut to panel three: Wilbur walking along the street, while a seagull – who snatched up Stellan’s corpse just minutes after the funeral – drops a Bob-Weber-Jr-style fish skeleton on his head.
FC: Thel looks like she closed down the bars last night, slept in a strange bed, rushed home in the morning and didn’t have time to change out of her fuck me dress.
FC: HTT Grandma is thinking. “Hmph. I’ll wager that hooker dress Thel is wearing is just as low cut in the front as it is in the rear.”
JP: What the first panel is really screaming for is Wilbur in his Speed-O.
@Baja Gaijin: Getting on to Imgur is very spotty for me, unfortunately–very rarely am I able to see the Mary Worth mashups. Thanks for posting, though–I occasionally get through and other people here don’t seem to have a problem. . .
Luann: I cannot stand the way this child is depicted in this strip. Brad and Toni care for her often, and know that she does not have particularly stable responsible parenting at home. She’s depicted as being somewhere between 2 and 8 years old, depending on the needs of the plot, but it certainly supposed to be a *little* kid.
And nobody, not one of these supposedly “good” characters, is ever shown as giving her any guidance, any care, any parenting. They’re just all “Wow, she sure is a brat, isn’t she? Too bad nobody is doing anything about it”.
@145 Baja Gaijin:on Wilbur in Speedo
Imgur required an age check. (heh, heh)
@145 Guillermo el chiclero: Are you sure you want to see Wilbur in his Speedo in Judge Parker‘s panel 1. Are you REALLY sure? OK, click away. If you run screaming, it’s your own fault.
@146 But What Do I Know?: Aw, this is a pretty good one. I extended it to Sunday size, two rows of panels:
@147 agony: “Brad and Toni care for her [Shannon] often…” I take exception to the word “care” in this context. To me it’s more “Shannon is often near Brad and Toni, who typically don’t care whether she lives or dies.”
Wilbur wants to jump off that boat SO BADLY.
@taig: #113
Oh, I got that! And my “Yawn” was in reference to the [totally absent] “humor” in today’s 9CL, not a response to your comment.
I wonder what “Mary Worth’ would be like if a master storyteller like Brooke wrote it?? (no…I don’t want to see that, actually…)
@Daisy: I don’t even want to wrap my mind around what that would be like. Would Wilbur be his Author Avatar the way that Mary is Karen Moy’s? Or would we see Toby with a hellmaw?
@Lord Flatulence: #112
Floating fish head? Just wait for the next “Late Thread Cuisine” from Baja…
@LTJpezcore1: #121
It was Wilbur’s lame attempt to mash/blend his name with Estelle…or something…
@Sequitur: #125
Cute!!
@Daisy: Whew! I was worried for a second that someone thought I found intentional humor in 9CL.
Let’s see…I have a feeling he’d move everyone out of Charterstone and move his characters in. None of them do music, except for karaoke, which is for beefwits.
@The Rambling Otter: #127
I did, too! Now why can’t “Mary Worth” be like that?? (wait…it already is slow as a turtle…)
@154 Daisy: Is that a challenge? It sounds like a challenge.
Maybe Wilbur will see Stellan again when Wilbur is flotsam drifting under the Rainbow Bridge!
@But What Do I Know?: #146
Imgur is dicey for me as well…sometimes the screen jumps to the next page when I try to zoom in and I have to “page back” only to see it jump forward again. But I almost always manage to see Baja’s posts.
MW: I’m sure it says something about me that I take pleasure in seeing Wilbur’s nose looking so weirdly deformed today. I don’t care. Hahaha, Wilbur, your schnozz is an outward manifestation of your inner ickiness!
@Sequitur: SHUT YO MOUTH!
@Little Guy:
But I’m talkin’ ’bout Velma.
FC: Given that dress, I figured Thel was on her way to a fancy afternoon cocktail party and looking for a barren field to leave the kids in for a few hours while she gets liquored up.
GA: “I’ve been called a freakin’ saint for putting up with your ass, but never an angel!”
@Needless Exposition: #153
The comedic potential is just endless, isn’t it…Mary would be the new “Edda,” the manic pixie dream girl…uh…”matron”…Jeff would be her thrall “Amos,” Ian would be bombastic “Uncle Ethel”…the new Mary and Jeff would spend all their time in his giant boat in a pond…Dawn would be portrayed by uncanny twins “Dawna” and ‘Wanda”…
@Baja Gaijin: #159
You *bet* that’s a challenge!!! Bring on the fish heads!! FISH HEADS FISH HEADS!!!
LUANN: Readers were reminded within the last month that Shannon is six years old. Not two, not three, but six. A six-year-old really needs both good care and wise guidance, and watching Bwadoni utterly fail to provide either is not amusing. Even though the Evansii apparently think it’s hilarious.
Any chance Future Hil is going to show us Ted’s grave?
FC: That’s a dress? I thought Thel was wearing just a black slip. For those who remember when ladies wore undergarments known as “slips.”
Gasoline Alley: Did Walt just give Gertie a death threat?
Late Thread Cuisine: Per Daisy @168.
Happy Canada Day! I’m so grateful you’re up there, Canada! I was raised in the Detroit area where we visited beautiful Canada via tunnel and bridge, found interesting Canadian coins in our change, and paid attention to Canadian news. And of course I had no idea back then that some of you Canadians are such gifted and hilarious comic-strip snarkers! Hope you all are enjoying your special national day! No, I am not either trying to get on your good side because I’m thinking of possible future scenarios. Why would you even think of such a thing? I’m just full of admiration, is all! Hail, hockey and Hortons! Also I like your goose, your warbler, and your jay! O CAAAnadaaah *giant hook appears and does the necessary*
Snuffy Smith-Snuffy is telling what he wants when his pet goldfish dies.
@Baja Gaijin:
STELLA!
@Baja Gaijin:
#173
Wonderful, Baja, but for the green olive eye. Any chance we can see a diner sucking a real fish head? In some cultures, fish brains/cheeks are a delicacy.
@Baja Gaijin: I can’t remember how to read those Roman numerals (sorry, Miss.Goheen, fourth grade), but here go the Seventies again, right? That really is sauce that is completely covering most of the fish, right? Ye gods. I am very fond of sauce, fonder than is prudent, but even I can recognize when a good thing goes way too far.
@Poteet: And looking at that particular sauce again, I’m not sure it’s a good thing.
@Activist 1234: That “eye” is in Bad Taste. Literally, in my case, because I don’t like olives.
: @Needless Exposition: I… don’t think Mary is Karen Moy’s avatar. Moy would have to be more personally invested then I suspect she is for that to be the case (See Funky Winkerbean and Dustin for details). I see her more akin to the executive in Network, willing to unscrupulously exploit mentally disturbed people simply for ratings.
GA: Scancerelli doesn’t know how halos work.
@Poteet: And how will that fish pay the ferryman Charon to cross the river Styx with olives instead of drachmas? (Oh, right. It’s a fish.)
@Baja Gaijin: It’s a wonder people in the ’70s and ’80s didn’t have constant nightmares.
@Poteet: Luann: The authors seem to think that Shannon’s behavior reflects badly only on Jonah, and that Brad and Toni are powerless.
@Horace Broon: CS: I’ve been having the same thought. Last week was the first time she’d seen his home, now this week it’s like it’s the first time he’s visited hers.
JP: This really makes it look like the guy is preparing to shove that ice down his own bathing suit to calm himself.
@173 Baja Gaijin:
Whose bright idea was it to leave the head and tail on a fish filet? Some lazy cook, no doubt.
@Tom T.: (Luann) Well, they have tried nothing, and they’re all out of ideas.
@176 Liam: No, it’s STELLAN!
@177 Activist 1234: But, but, but the green olive eye is the finishing touch on the hideous fish recipes. It’s almost a requirement.
@178 Poteet: 1984 is the copyright year.
@179 Poteet: The sauce is drizzled over the naked fish–just after taking the fish from the oven, you’re supposed to peel off the skin.
@183 Dr. Larry Erhardt: SNERK!
@184 taig: I dunno. Apparently back then apparently everyone drank lots of wine and beer, necessitating the presence of MADD to keep the drunks off the road. Maybe they needed all that alcohol to deal with the mealtime monstrosities?
@186 Sequitur: In other countries, the fish is served with head and tail on. Personal experience speaking.
@187 taig: It’s time for the University of Minnesota Spankalogical Protocol.
@Baja Gaijin: “If you don’t straighten up girl, I’m fixing to tan your hide!”
@Horace Broon: Phantom: Just think what this strip could look like, if it was paced like the rebooted Flash Gordon.
@Baja Gaijin: At first glance, I thought the title was “Half Baked Fish.” I see the card was printed in Holland. Maybe some Ditch pranksters having a little fun with olives.
Mary Worth – This needs to be repeated as long as this dreck continues: It’s. A. Fucking. Goldfish.
It’s long past the time for torches and pitchforks.
Frazz – The pet deer can’t wait to hear Frazz and Susie Jerkins mock Mrs. Olsen behind her back.
Rex Morgan – Has anyone considered calling the police and trying to catch Haw Haw boy? This was a pretty serious injury, so maybe the authorities should get involved.
I can’t wait to see if Rex is the surgeon on call. Eye surgery and brain surgery aren’t that much different, are they?
@Baja Gaijin: Mashup – Oh, please let that happen.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: I get the reference!
@Liam: I get the reference!
@Daisy: I’m sure that no one wants to see Mary Worth with meticulously drawn and shaded legs.
@Baja Gaijin: Late thread cuisine – Gaaah! That’s downright morbid. The olive eye doesn’t help.
@188 Baja Gaijin:
I know that. They have lazy cooks in other countries. If you ask them to remove it they will.
FG: From the expression on their faces, it’s gotta be somebody they like. So it ain’t Bones Malone, it ain’t Renegade Hippie Airman, it ain’t Hot Witch Queen, it ain’t Creepy Bellows Boss…..come to think of it, they haven’t liked ANYONE they’ve met since the reboot happened. It’s cheating if it’s just Dale.
“I’ll see Stellan again…someday.” “Oh, you mean when her sun-baked mummy washes up on the beach? I guess I was wondering why you made sure her coffin would float.”
RMMD: Watch Parker’s aunt be some chain-smoking hag in curlers and a muumuu who upon hearing that Parker was ‘badly injured’ in a ‘fight’ will declare “serves that good-for-nothing pansy right!”
@jroggs:
On JP: Hey, there’s an easy way to solve that. Just dump the ladies’ belongings in the neighbor’s garbage, then call the cops and tell them that they’ve got two trespassers on the grounds. Sophie might be okay, but sadly Reena will be caught ‘resisting arrest’, and the strip will be minus one vile harpy.
@Voshkod: Who can forget Goldenfisher? Frumpy Galore stole the movie.
@TheDiva:
Lucky and Snuffy sit under a tree.
Lucky: Hey, Snuffy! Are you Woke?
Snuffy: Only fer a couple hours a day.
@Baja Gaijin: Aw, poor ol’ Herb. He was a good fish. Maybe we shoulda given him a funeral.
@Baja Gaijin: Oops, I spoke too soon. That’s not Herb. That’s just some rando fish who smoked so much herb he’s totally baked.
@Baja Gaijin: I’m not sure if this dish not being incased in aspic is a good thing.
@Poteet: Home of the beaver! Home of the maple leaf! TAKE ME, CANADA! TAKE MEEEEEE!
@Baja Gaijin: Willburp, give Karl Malden his nose back!
@taig: Oh, we did, we did.
@Peanut Gallery: That’s n ot Herb
__________
Did he finally go to Burger King?
@Garrison Skunk: He gave up and went to White Castle with Harold and Kumar instead.
Anyone care to see what Hi and Lois looked like seventy years ago?
It’s before they bought a house.
@174 Poteet:
Home of Moosehead Lagar! Home of Molson Canadian! Home of Labatt Blue! Home of Nanaimo Bars!
What a place!
@Liam: Sally Forth-“Look! It’s Queen Bee dressed up as Mona Lisa with a frame around her neck!”
Thank you for the nice memory.
@Sequitur: Holy shit. I bet Hi was still wearing his Army shoes.
@Sequitur: Home of Mackintosh’s Creamy Toffee! Rip your fillings right out of your head, but worth it.
@213 Ukulele Ike:
The last time I ate toffee that’s exactly what happened. A trip to the dentist wasn’t worth it. I haven’t touched toffee since.
@Ukulele Ike: #213: Going by his broken nose Hi probably got into a few punch ups in his army days too.
@Sequitur: #210: That was in the days when people would put on their Sunday best just to attend a house showing. Today the men will be wearing cargo shorts and flipflops. That house looks like the one my parents bought in 1955. Houses were a lot smaller then. McMansions were only for certified millionaires. If you had two bathrooms and two poopers back then you were a plutocrat.
BTW: I still have my parents original mortgage. Their monthly note was a whopping $57 a month.
@pugfuggly: 21
BG&SS: Bathroom? In that house? More likely a stinky one-holer outhouse buzzing with flies and corn cobs for toilet paper.
All dogs go to heaven; all goldfish GO TO HELL
Six Chix: Hold the pickle.
Oh, I almost forgot. Baja did you want this?
“Fish are innocents, incapable of sin”
I’m guessing nobody told Josh about a certain Moby-dick
Go on Mary – *conk* over the back of the head with a heavy wine bottle and one swift push.
No need to fake a scream as he hits the water, everyone there will understand.