Sammy, stand up for yourself. We’re on a deadline here
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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith 8/31/24
You know, I’ve been doing this blog for two decades now, and yet somehow until today I’ve never paused to ask myself the question, “I wonder how Snuffy and Loweezy’s sex life is going?” It’s immediately clear that there’s no “good” answer to this — all the possibilities summon up further unpleasant thoughts and imagery, in their own way — but I’m here to tell you that the answer is “not well.” You can understand why Loweezy might have thought that tonight was a night she was going to get lucky: panel one makes it clear that Snuffy wore his extra-tight overalls to flatter his shapely buttocks, although I guess that’s just to entice Parson Tuttle to get wild and crazy and switch over from CBS to NBC tonight.
Mark Trail, 8/31/24
OK, sorry, I’m willing to accept that Mark is going to write a story about a movie director who accidentally trapped himself in his Catalina Island home with a bunch of lions and is even taking Rusty along on the trip, but if there’s one thing you know I won’t stand for, it’s abuse of Los Angeles geography. If you’re driving from LAX to the Catalina ferry terminal in Long Beach, Santa Monica is in the exact opposite direction of where you’re going! You just added at least an hour to your trip, depending on traffic, and there’s always traffic! Rusty needs to be banned from the next three fishing trips, minimum!
Hagar the Horrible, 8/31/24
Now, keep in mind, when Hagar says “epic,” he’s not talking like some 21st century bro; he literally means that his clan’s bard will be composing an epic oral poem about his warband’s voyage to the Kingdom of Mann and the Isles and the strange Brythonic magic they encountered there. The mutilation of Lucky Eddie’s face will be one of the “funny” parts.
151 replies to “Sammy, stand up for yourself. We’re on a deadline here”
MT:
Why do all the characters depicted in this strip always look as if they’ve just ingested a fistful of gummies?
HtH: The real question is which poor sap did Merlin turn into beer so he, Hagar, and Lucky Eddie can drink Man Beer?
MW:
“I used to sing Kate Bush’s ‘Running Up That Hill’ from the magnificent Hounds of Love album to piano accompaniment to Sheila.”
“Why? Because your relationship with her was Sisyphean, never quite achieving what you hoped to accomplish?”
“No. Because the key to that song is ‘See-minor.’ Of course, I would also do a ‘See-major’ song for her — it was an adaptation of a Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods hit in which I exhorted the owner of the famous NYC punk club CBGB not to have the affect of a ballpoint pen.”
“Really? What was that one called?”
” ‘Hilly, Don’t Be a Biro‘ !”
BGSS: Bad news, Snuffy: the United States switch from analog to digital signal like 15 years ago, so I’m guessing that Parson Tuttle’s Zenith CRT set is probably picking up nothing but snow. Weird that this hasn’t come up before.
MT: Honest question: what is Mark talking about with ‘Lion Houses’? Like, just literally houses with lions in them? I mean sure, sightseeing does seem like more fun than that.
HtH: I was wondering about a product named ‘Man Beer’, but I guess in a universe where men can be transformed into all manner of animals, maybe that’s more of a warning.
SS: I’ve seen enough commercials to know that the phallic log they’re sitting on is supposed to convey something about Snuffy and Loweezy’s sex life. If it had been a bathtub, or a banana, or a geyser, okay, that would have been easy. But a huge, dead lumpy thing that has been hacked off at the end…?!! A circumcision gone dreadfully wrong? A rare, unspeakable disease that affects the male population of Hootin’ Holler? The result of a Lorena Bobbitt-like moment of insanity where Loweezy just couldn’t take it anymore? Whatever it means, it’s disgusting, but I can’t unsee it. My whole weekend is going to be ruined, thinking about Snuffy Smith’s penis.
MW: I sincerely hope that Ed is going to reveal that he has had a crack at every female vet at the convention.
RMMD: When does Truck’s finger malady REALLY become a problem? When it interferes with him snarfing his free meal.
MW:
What kind of entertainment do they provide at a veterinarians’ convention, anyway? — does someone, like, stand at center stage and make balloon animals for the attendees?
RMMD:
Making a hamburger, like the one depicted in yesterday’s strip, and a pecan waffle, as described today, on the same griddle gives each of those entrees a rather distinctive taste.
BGSS: Like always, Loweezy is going to get Luke’y tonight.
MT: Rusty gets to see in the same day both the meme houses and a human skeleton stripped of its flesh by starving lions for his best childhood memory ever.
Flash Gordon : Hollo is also content because he didn’t actually “help” his old enemy Flash Gordon; remember, Hollo said he has NO IDEA *where* the portal leads to, or if it even *IS* a portal, and not a wall of disintegrating energy.
*************
Hagar the Horrible : I went to check to see if Merlin’s design changes everytime he shows up. Sure enough, it does!
*************
Luann : See, the Karen WAS wrong! Toni and Bwad ARE good parents, and Shannon HAS been tamed, because she drew a picture where she celebrates them as her REAL parents/caretakers.
It’s not like she’s done this before, only to be rejected by Toni and Bwad with a “we’re not actually your parents, you dumb kid”.
and then the VERY NEXT YEAR Toni and Bwad were throwing a temper tantrum over Shannon not seeing them as her parents, and only accepting Jonah as her dad***************
Mark Trail : But Josh, is this better or worse than that time Funky Winkerbean acted as if a fire that burned down ALL OF LOS ANGELES was a small thing that could just be ignored with a shrugging “I guess this is just the new normal, and we have to live with it”?
***************
Ripley’s Don’t Believe It :
a) Oh yeah, I remember pouring artificial organic human skin to make a robot look like a fake human! …But my parents never bought me that Terminator 2 action figure playset…
b) But could AI Steve do the most important thing an independant UK election candidate can do, which is “stand in the back, looking like an idiot” and “force the winner to shake hands with weirdoes (like “Rick, the Amazing Flying Brick” and “Guy inexplicably dressed as the muppet Elmo”)?
c) Did the guy who had his heart replaced then suffered a near-death experience, where an interdimensional imp gave him the opportunity to relive his life so he never had to get his heart replaced, only to realise that would mean a lifetime of timidity and mediocrity, and thus learned a lesson about how your mistakes also inform who you are?
MW: It was only two conventions ago that Ed and See were voted the couple most likely to euthanize.
Apparently whoever is drawing Hagar the Horrible these days is doing so with a pencil clenched between his buttocks.
SS: “Atmospherics“, my ass. This is Hootin’ Holler, where they live in God’s own pure air. All that technical mumbo-jumbo about “thermal layers”, “electrons”, “turbulence” – why, that’s the Devil’s work. Parson Tuttle shore ain’t goin’ to let you watch none of that, Snuffy!
BG&SS: Snuffy can’t pronounce words like “just,” “your,” and “the” to save his life, but “atmospherics?” Rolls right off his grotesque waggling tongue neat as you please.
FC: Stirrups are probably the most overrated innovation in history, but if this situation results in an irritated pony bucking the Keane Kids headfirst into the ground for treating them as “foot swings,” they’ll start earning that inflated reputation.
H&L: “Men are watching sports! As a woman, I am compelled to be upset by this! What brilliant social commentary this is!”
JP: You know, Reena, you can just go by yourself. I mean, not really, because everyone involved here should have been driven or summoned to the police station to give proper statements about this murder, but since Trey has already been convicted in the high court of Sophie’s Baseless Suggestions, you can just call your own damn Uber while Sophie says goodbye to Glen
and Lucas.MW: Estelle was really hoping her fiance was a 63-year-old virgin.
SS: When the sky is very clear, the mountaintop longwave receiver can just pick up distant broadcasts refracted across the Atlantic. The rare blessed days when they get free-to-air German late night pornography are Hootin Holler’s Christmas.
HTH: Actual Norse myth involves Loki transforming into a female horse, knocked up by a stallion, and giving birth to an eight-legged freak pony. Suffering a little minor nose injury counts as “getting off easy” in this kind of scenario.
FC: Kudos to the artist. If ever the expression on a pony’s face could say; “What an asshole” this is it.
BARNEY GOOGLE & SNUFFY SMITH: You look disappointed now, Loweezy. But just wait until your husband gets back from watching the scrambled porn channel at Parson Tuttle’s. It’ll be the
bestmost adequate 30 seconds of your life!@jroggs: Re: JP: Especially since Reena is the most expendable person here (other than Lucas, who’s been retconned away faster than a DC Comics character.) Sophie discovered the body, so her testimony is crucial. I think the police have hit their “contrived sassiness” quota for the day, so Reena is free to go whenever.
Hootin’ Holler may not think much of the flatlanders’ book learnin’, but who understands the propagation characteristics of radio waves, how they can reflect off the atmosphere and are affected by cloud cover, precipitation, and the like, and how VHF and UHF signals behave differently, and can correlate that with the location, transmitter power, directionality, and transmission frequency of the nearest signals to determine how likely they are to overcome Hootin’ Holler’s rugged terrain to get picked up even by Parson Tuttle’s low-altitude improvised rabbit ears, at least without him and Snuffy having to assume “Fox viewing position” to see any of the good stuff? Probably not anyone in the Holler, I’ll tell you that much.
MW: Estelle is dismayed and insecure because Ed knew another woman — dated her, even — twenty years ago. But her fears are completely alleviated when he assures her they’re “just friends.” Jeez, what a simpleton.
Blondie: Oh boy, It’s Couchpotatoman!
MW: Estelle should take some hints from the Veterinarians Convention for her upcoming zoo-themed nuptials. There are the expected glasses of milk, from various animals, of course. Then, Ed’s tiny feeding dish includes a tasty array of Snausages and medication balls spiked with edibles, guaranteed to lead to the wild, orgiastic sex that Veterinarians Convention is famous for (among the experienced professionals). I wonder if Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars! has anything to do with the convention’s catering…?
I can’t get past the “Man Beer” logo. Was branding really a thing in pre-medieval times?
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith: Loweezy’s sexual anticipation began earlier that evening, when Snuffy softened those nose hairs with possum tallow.
No fruckin’ shit. Is Estelle going to be asking Ed if he banged someone every time she meets another woman who knows him. Ed’s already ignoring enough red flags with her, but this one is too much. Unless, of course, Ed is just marrying Estelle to get free secretarial work and his is out there banging every woman in sight. Well played, Ed.
But if you want a real woman of integrity, look no further than Sophie in Juggs Parker. She promised Glen a hand job before she left, and by gosh she’s going to deliver.
MW: what Estelle really wants to know is if Ed saw See naked and if See saw Ed naked.
MW-It’s amazing how people can become instantly jealous in this comic.
FC-The lesser known fifth horseman of the Apocalypse. Melonhead.
FC-Jeffy’s disappointed because he wanted to ride a white pony.
RMMD-You can only order what’s on the menu. No substitutions!
MW- Me, yesterday: “Hmm, maybe this Dr. See will provide some much-needed conflict in this story.” Me, today: “Aaaaand…it’s gone.”
MW – The real mystery is at the right in panel 1. Is Chuckles hitting up Dr. See by asking, “Did you used to pork that guy over there?”?
MT – So… Those houses are where memes live? Is it where memes are born? If we burn those houses to the ground, there will be no more memes? You really know how to tempt a guy.
Don Abundio, translated:
“I’ve always wanted to have a pet plugger”
Mark Trail: Are they talking about the movie “Roar”?
@Bob Tice:
Because Jooles probably just ingested gummies.
H&L: Has Chip been exposed to 1950’s style radiation poisoning? As noted by Matt W, he’s not only grown shorter than Lois but now has less body mass than his little brother.
HtH – Merlin is having a nightcap while wearing a nightcap. In addition to being an expert magician, he totally kicks ass at wordplay.
DtM: When Dennis asks whether he has to say grace over food he doesn’t eat, Alice says; “Yes.” He mocks her by going and kneeling in front of the plastic-fruit bowl. As he sits in his corner he mutters; “It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere.”
BGSS: One of those channels is Cinemax, where if you time the channel changing just right, you might get a clear view of a boob.
MT: I think I’d rather be surrounded by lions than by dank memesters.
HtH: At least it was his nose, rather than another part of his anatomy. Wizards can get pretty freaky.
HtH:
“He turned me into a woodpecker!”
“A woodpecker!?”
“I got better… except my nose is still messed up.”
Frazz: Wow, are you going to be embarrassed when Caulfield yanks Hiaasen out of his ass!
Luann: The “are we good ‘parents’ while completely ignoring the child” skit, everyone!
CS: They’re all in one place. Come on, The Burnings, start now!
9CL: The art does a good job of obfuscating exactly how Chedda is defiling Hugh’s body.
HtH: Man Beer would actually be a plausible local variety, assuming they’re on the Isle of Man.
HtH: Nice Isle of Man logo! My snarks are silenced.
MW: This has to be a world record: drama defused in one panel.
Zits: “It depends on when the edibles kick in.”
FC: Isn’t there a rule that you have to be smarter than the pony to ride it?
HtH: So Lucky Eddie was turned into a woodpecker, to the extent where he felt the innate impulse to drill holes in trees and expose bugs for his consumption, and yet he was not granted the musculoskeletal structure that would prevent him from doing so without injury? That’s some complex (and harsh) magic there, Merlin.
MT: Rusty doesn’t do fishing anymore; that’s so Elrod-era. These days he’s all about the cryptid hunts. Mark should punish him by leaving him home when Mark is sent on assignment to Mexico to write about the chupacabra.
@Bob Tice: MW: My zookeeper convention story from yesterday.
JUDGE PARKER: Why does Sophie need to find Glen? Shouldn’t he be, you know, there? I don’t think they give hall passes during a murder investigation. If nothing else shouldn’t he be there to, at least console his grieving mother (and some other boy they’re related to in some manner whose name slips my mind. A “Rufus” or “Pukeass” or something. Well it’s not that important)?
JUDGE PARKER (2): I’m being silly, of course. Obviously Sophie needs an excuse to listen in on Glen’s motive rant, as he confesses to be the “Real Killer” this whole time. (To (mis)quote the great Jabootu.com, “This is supposed to be a ‘twist’. Instead it’s a ‘bore.'”)
Mark Trail: Apparently Monday’s strip establishes that according to Rusty, “the map says” that the Santa Monica beach houses are only twenty-five minutes away. Which in turn means that, in all his days of watching Dora the Explorer, Rusty never learned that Map is an annoying bastard and you should never listen to what he says. At least Backpack’s song is a bop.
Mary Worth: Estelle, because of you Ed had to listen to Wilbur rage-karaokeing “Somebody That I Used To Know.” You have no standing to complain about being introduced to his exes.
@jroggs:
#15. JP. Thank you for crossing out “Lucas”. BTW, who was Lucas?
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: I WARNED Y’ALL! I told you guys! See, while you were all worried about the sweaty, greasy invasion of Wilbur, I was pointing out that this story was really just the epic Jared-and-Dawn romance for oldz, with all the included neediness and petty jealousies (just substitute uninteresting mind-numbing “zoo-based factoids” with uninteresting, mind-numbing “zoo-based wedding-prep” and human asses with pitbull ones for what the other partner is checking out instead of listening, and you’re good to go!)
@taig: 9CL: The art does a good job of obfuscating exactly how Chedda is defiling Hugh’s body.”
He seems to have some sort of extra dimensional sleeve coming out of his lower body, and Chedda can reach up into it and squeeze his balls to express affection.
I’m not surprised Curtis didn’t recognize the five thousand. He’s never seen a number that large.
DtM: Henry needed to order that side salad; Alice and Dennis are on an all-meat diet.
DT: I wore a bow tie to work exactly one day in my life, and I still remember the feeling of being an over-the-top freak. If Junior doesn’t take his off immediately after arriving home, it’s a certain sign that he lost a bet.
Meanwhile, Mysta is wearing actual clothes instead of her usual Moon Hooker costume.
@TheDiva: Furthermore, woodpeckers have prominent upper and lower mandibles that protrude far past their nostrils, and Lucky Eddie also has prominent upper and lower mandibles that protrude far past his nostrils, so how he bonked his nose is not clear on any level.
C’shaft: Just as any cassette left in a car for more than a fortnight turns into a Queen album (Gaiman and Pratchett 1990), all Funkyverse characters eventually metamorphose into smug, falsely modest writers.
DT: Oh no, not Glenna Ermine!….Um, who exactly is Glenna Ermine again?
Dustin: I mean this is basically how cold reading works, right?
GT: “Tarnation”? “Aint”? I think someone’s suddenly threatened by Tim Walz’s folksy Midwestern demeanor and is overcompensating…
Luann: Being a good parent is easy when your creators have deemed you to be one!
MW: Yes, because “you totally boinked her, didn’t you?” is a perfectly normal and rational reaction to have to a casual networking encounter. Estelle is edging dangerously close to Wilbur territory here.
Phantom: Looks like Fake Elon watched a lot of Voltron as a kid.
Pluggers have lived far, far longer than they should have.
@Hibbleton: #34: Chip is a bigger age and shape shifter than Shannon over in Luann. Some times he’s depicted as a scrawny little eleven year old while at other times he’s a strapping, six feet tall, lusty teenager hitting up on every high school girl in sight.
MW: Yes someone I used to “know”. She was my little bitch and I was her big stud. Fond memories fond memories….
FBoFW:. Mike’s known Gordo all these years and just now learns his parents are addicts? Not likely.
PEANUTS:. Who knew that in the classroom, sweet little Sally Brown was “Teacher’s Terror”?
SALLY FORTH:. Jackie’s shop was an existing business with huge recent profits. Why didn’t she even try selling it?
MANDRAKE:. “Dr. F, we googled your name and know you don’t exist.”
GIL THORP: Meanwhile Ed Crankshaft is out here fuming! It’s bad enough that he’s been pushed out of his own strip by interlopers, but now someone dares to pilfer his trademark cranky malapropism as well? This outrage will not stand!
GIL THORP (2): We shouldn’t be too hard on this strip though because the “funnies” cannot produce anything more hilarious then a grim-faced Gil trying to sound “tough” while invoking “Candy-Land” (wrongly, at that!) This should now be the standard for any “sports cliche” movie or show. (Coach Hardass: “This ain’t no Connect Four, buddy!”)
There’s also plenty of humor in how Barajas has spent two years trying to convince us that Gil is some modern, up-to-date parent and now has just said “fuck it”, and gave him the dialogue of a grouchy old fart.
Now hear me out… “The Princess Bridezilla,” a remake of the classic movie except Buttercup is a kaiju. I know it’s got nothing to do with the comics today, but it’s either that or thinking about Snuffy and Loweezy having sex.
***
Funky Winkerbean was a comic that went from being about jokes to being more serious, but not in a good way. Mark Trail went from being more serious to being more jokey, but not in a good way. The lesson here is that when you mangle your comic’s premise, Los Angeles’ geography suffers.
Curtis: Ahem, Greg. What decade are you living in? Five hundred dollars is a pittance for a summer job. I once made $500 for a summer job, back in 1973. Adjusted for inflation that would be like $3,500-4,000 in today’s money.
If I weren’t already familiar with Lucky Eddie, I would have no idea that was a bandaged nose. Looks like someone dropped a bundle of something — a used diaper? a dead chipmunk in cerecloth? — on his upper lip. It’s not, like, ATTACHED or anything, see?
BGSS: Nice try, Weezy. Now hike up those bloomers around your ankles and get back to work.
MT: Amazon sells Mark Trail collections by Ed Dodd and Jack Elrod, featuring beautifully drawn animals of the Great Smoky Mountains and North America. I imagine Amazon also sells collections by Jules, listed somewhere between Charmin and Scott.
MT-If I was to go to Santa Monica I would want to checkout the shopping center from “Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure”.
CS: VomitingFaceEmoji
Curtis-“Now, Curtis, just sign this check over to me,” Greg says salivating at the thought of how many cartons of cigarettes he can buy.
BG&SS – What wonders await – the home shopping network? EWTN? What viewing magic is in store….
MT – Ida Know – it’s not like they can talk like the old MT cabins….
Hth – It would be funny if he had a twig coming out’a his fly….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
MT: Ooh, let’s go see the meme houses. Three minutes later: Okay we saw them. Let’s go.
@MKay: MW: Hey! Leave Ed’s crack out of this!
AC: Better punchline: “You were jailed for fiddling the taxman? I thought they legalised that in 1967!”
Curtis: Okay, that’s an even bigger jump than the pounds/dollars confusion I speculated about, but a much harder one to explain. Miscounting the zeroes, sure, but shouldn’t it also say “five thousand” in words? Also, the pillow thing continues to be stupid, and even if it wasn’t, I fail to see how you could actually make money from it.
DT: I think Glenna Ermine is Mysta’s birth-name, which makes me a slightly different flavour of confused than most readers.
JP: Do you? Why? Come to that, when did you lose him? He was right there on Wednesday!
MT: So, the story is “some dude has probably been eaten by lions” (except that won’t have happened for some reason), Mark has decided to take Rusty to see this, but Rusty is all “Wait, what if we also went and looked at this random thing Jules Rivera really wants to draw because she saw it on the internet?” Yep, dropping this during the feral mustangs story was the best idea I’ve had in ages, and the feral mustangs themselves couldn’t drag me back.
Phantom: You know, I’ve actually put a lot of thought into how this could become even dumber, and Cheetor from Transformers: Beast Wars honestly never occurred to me. Say what you like about DePaul, but at least he’s not predictable!
@Charterstoned: re MW: Nah, we’re not involved with catering the Veterinarians Convention – that’s being sponsored by Purina. But we do have our booth set up over in the vendor area – I hope some of you can stop by. Oh, they just told me that only convention registrants are allowed in here… but I think you can still sign up by paying a late fee.
Yes, we have all our Pet-related merch on display here! Many items are available for immediate purchase with no shipping fees – just pay a modest handling charge. And for those vets who wanna get in on the action – we offer bulk purchases of items they can resell through their offices at a sizeable markup! Share the wealth!
And — we have a Special Guest Appearance at 3pm by… you guessed it … my Intern!! heh heh heh No, just kidding! The Terrific Threesome of Libby, Pierre, and Odin will be here paw-printing their publicity photos while you watch! (They will not be available for selfies) And my Intern? He’s been here since 5am getting things set up…
H&L: It’s a rare, rare occasion when Hi is able to smile about anything, and here his wife has to come and dump all over it.
Pluggers: In other words, you’re a dead man walking. Real nice.
GT: “What in tarnation”???? Who is this, Pop Warner reincarnated? Better listen to him, you young whelps, or he’ll tan your hide with a switch.
@Lord Flatulence: Well, I’ve done that. Last time I was in the Haight District I made a point of walking south on Ashbury Street to see the “painted lady” at 710, where the Grateful Dead lived communally in 1967. “Welp, there it is.” Not much else you can do. I doubt the present homeowner welcomes knocking.
I probably wouldn’t go to see the Minaret of Jam, because it takes several weeks of rough travel over dangerous terrain to reach it, and you can’t knock on the door there either, and there isn’t even a souvenir shop. But I DO enjoy jam.
MW – That “Whew!” is hilarious. “For a minute there I was sure my fiancé was going to say he’s suddenly realized he’s still in love with his ex and he doesn’t want to marry me after all! Well, it’ll be smooth sailing from now on. Unless another potential alternative partner ever comes within his range of vision.”
Thankfully, Lucky Eddie will be able to forget his pain later that night, as he and Hagar dine on ale and goat curry.
@Ukulele Ike: The Grateful Dead would’ve been the perfect band to do a concert at the Minaret of Jam.
Or leave Rusty in Santa Monica (aka Soviet Monica) and tell him to hoof it to Long Beach.
“Hey, it’s not far, right?”
JP: Watch just where you’re waving that meaty paw of yours, Big Daddy.
MT: As environmentalists, Mark and Rusty should insist on taking the Big Blue Bus from L.A. to Santa Monica, then rent some bikes to continue up the beach. The bus is pretty quick and scenic, going right by a wetlands reserve. In fact, why didn’t they bring a kayak instead of hiring a driver, I thought they were outdoors adventurers?
(If you dig far enough down in that trip-planning phone app that Rusty’s using, you’ll find technology that I worked on to optimize transit journeys. Not that I’m bitter.)
FC: “Buttercup” the pony was standing her ground this time. “This time,” she thought, “I’m not playing their little games. This time, I will be the proud war pony of my ancestors, the ponies of the prairies that the proud Comanche warriors rode into battle, earning them a reputation of being the fiercest, most dangerous and skillful horsemen on earth. If this pudgy, pitiful little clown wants to swing her feet in the stirrups, shake the reins and yell ‘Giddyup horsie!’ then by Pegasus, I’m not budging! I want her to cry her heart out! CRY, you little pudding – CRY!! “
After Dolly’s epic meltdown in the pony ring, Bil sighs as he drags his crying kids to the car for the long drive home. “Another 5 dollars wasted,” he sighs. At the end of the day, as Buttercup settles into her stall, she smiles. It was the smile of vindication – of honoring her ancestors and their legacy. Her bucket of oats never tasted so good.
Mandrake: !!
I’ll say this, pluggers are prepared!
Marvin Spanish to English.
BG&SS: Snuffy can’t get a boner to save his life. (Who can blame him?)
MT: The gang takes a side trip to see some interesting, colorful erections.
HtH: Eddie has the bandage on the wrong pecker.
@Peanut Gallery: Oh, I’d make the trip for THAT, if only for the guaranteed small crowd size.
I went to a Dylan concert about thirty years ago in a bullring in Asturias, and noticed during the second set that nobody was hanging out directly in front of the stage. So I made my way down and wandered over just as the band took a break and Bob played a very nice acoustic “Mr. Tambourine Man” just for me.
@83 Ukulele Ike:
Well, did you toss a quarter to him?
Nickel.
@Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women: #24
Oh my gawd…and Loweezy spritzed herself with a fancy-pants watered down parfum reminiscent of Snuffy’s barley corn linker…that’s some bodacious romancin’ in th’ boondocks!
SS&BG I have seen enough “Tijuana Bibles” to know where this *could* have gone, and to be deeply glad that it didn’t.
BG&SS: Speaking of atmospherics after several weeks of triple digit temperatures here in SE Texas daytime highs hovering around 90 feel downright pleasant.
GT: MEAN Coach Thorp.
Phantom: Today’s installment is brought to you by Boston Dynamics’ robodog. Tomorrow we’ll see their robotic horse. Then, an android version of Diana. Behold your future, Ghost Who is Suddenly Obsolete!
@Horace Broon: DT: Glenna Ermine was genetically altered to create Myta Chimera.
BG&SS – I don’t doubt that if you dug through some newspaper or church archives, you’d find plenty of cases of clergy decrying the impact of the television on the birth rate and “family values”. Then again, by the 1970s it was clear the power of television to create affluent televangelists, and the media and religious establishment locked arms. The televangelists only decry that other television programming, while the TV stations sold blocks of non-prime airtime with programming that cost them nothing to fill.
Mark Trail – Miley Cyrus claiming she can see the Hollywood sign from LAX long ago that geography is an afterthought when creating content for social media.
To give Mark credit, unlike Buzzfeed which jettisoned its attempt at legmimaticy by shutting down the Pulitzer-winning Buzzfeed News, he seems to allow using the click-bait crap to fund the real work of nature conservation.
Hagar the Horrible – Perhaps the Isle of Man is becoming the Las Vegas of Medieval Europe. You’ve got a magician show, and a branded form of beer in an era where most brews are made in the home by women for local trade.
It could also be a good insurance policy against Viking raiding. If you are a band that chooses to invade you’ll have clans of other Vikings there, annoyed you’re ruining their good time, and they will fight you. It’s also a place for royals and other to go blow off steam outside the prying eyes of the church and enemies, and you piss one of those princes off, and they’ll raise an army and navy to come to your homeland.
@Daisy: #86
Tarnation…I meant “likker”!
@Daisy: Your eloquent pony rant made me look up FC today. But I forgive you:-).
A lot of folks seem to think that Estelle’s “Whew!” is an expression of relief. I can’t say you’re wrong, but it’s really ambiguous (as is Estelle’s pleased and/ or deeply concerned expression), and my read on it was more of an “Oh dear, now the baggage comes out…” As though Estelle has any high ground here. Honey, you dated Wilbur Weston; your baggage comes with its own 18-wheeler.
Anyway, I read ahead and found the real answer: Estelle is a big Ric Flair fan, and tomorrow she’s going to hit Ed with the Nature Boy’s signature “low blow.”
LUANN: One of the aspects of LUANN that I like best is the respect for reader intelligence, as shown by the artful subtlety of the stories. Yes.
MT: Maybe this has been brought up before, but Mark’s previously-described plan for Rusty while he, Mark, is searching through the multi-lion house for the film dude, is for Rusty to stay all day in their motel, playing in the motel swimming pool and maybe feeding himself via room service and/or vending machines. Cherry seemed to think that plan was just fine. How old is Rusty? Is that acceptable parenting? Am I really asking that question? Is my cheese finally slipping all the way off my cracker?
HtH: One of the odder impacts of my years on CC has been the looking up of information on Vikings. I’m no expert, but at least I know more now, including that they didn’t spend all their time fighting over kidnapped princesses and whacking off braids with thrown axes.
@Poteet: Do they all look like Tony Curtis, Ernest Borgnine, and Kirk Douglas?
@93 Daisy:
Hold on. I might have some in the cabinet.
“Any side effects from the guy I turned into Woody Allen?” “He wants to have sex with mermaids, he’s “fine”.”
Do you suppose Hagar pronounces it EPOCH?
@Poteet: @Daisy: Your eloquent pony rant made me look up FC today. But I forgive you:-).
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“Why would someone leave a comic packed with ponies to go to a non pony packed comic?”- Jerry Seinfeld (adapted).
@Daisy: Tarnation…I meant “likker”!
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I don’t even knows her!
@Daisy: I’ll thank you not not refer to whisky and reheated bacon grease that way!
@Poteet: HtH: One of the odder impacts of my years on CC has been the looking up of information on Vikings. I’m no expert, but at least I know more now, including that they didn’t spend all their time fighting over kidnapped princesses and whacking off
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But there was so little for the men to do on those long ocean voyages and just a limited supply of mermaids to go around, you should cut them a break. Give them a KitKat™, Merlin has a supply of them in his dressing room, even the Japanese Green tea and Soy sauce flavored ones.
BG&SS: As a cord cutter I’d welcome Snuffy to the fold, but let’s not pretend Hootin’ Holler ever contained enough people (let alone money) for Comcast to have inundated with their junk mail.
For Cummudgeons who like classic comics to Cummudgeon to, The Stripper’s Guide can now be found at http://www.comicstriphistory.com.
@Lord Flatulence: @Horace Broon: DT: Glenna Ermine was genetically altered to create Myta Chimera.
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They should have hired Samantha from “Safe Havens” to do the job, she would have gotten her to look more weaselish in no time.
@Lord Flatulence: “Sammy, open a travel portal to San Jose so we can see the Winchester house.”
Dustin: When has Ed ever NOT given Dustin a hard time?
@Garrison Skunk: Clicked on your link and was blocked.
Hagar the Horrible-“Then who was the guy I gave the giant pecker to?”
@ValdVin: BG&SS: As a cord cutter I’d welcome Snuffy to the fold,
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If Snuff cuts the cord, his pants will fall down, no one wants to see that except Loweezy.
9CL-She’s jerking him off in public.
@Hibbleton: @Garrison Skunk: Clicked on your link and was blocked.
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Sorry about that, it works for me…do you have a program installed that reacts to the word ‘stripper’?
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: @Liam:
I was under the impression Xiulan was not grabbing Hugh from the front, but poking him
infrom the behind, as if Brooke was trying to depict Kanchô without understanding what it looks like or that it’s more of a japanese thing.@Garrison Skunk: The Winchester house is a good one. We’ve been there.
Mary’s Worst: cue the Kareoke version of “You’re The One That I Want” and the lovebirds first argument: “Stale, you idiot, it’s WO, WO, WO, not WHEW, WHEW,WHEW!”
@Guillermo el chiclero:
#59. CURTIS:. True, $500 check was nothing for Dad to spill his voffee over. But I think Curtis is only 11 and exempt from minimum wage law’s (if allowed to work for hire) and he’s already been paid his weekly wages. This was a bonus.
I think Mark Trail has become Too Online, guys.
Mary’s Worst: “Its all over between Sheila and me, it was just my pouch fetish taking over my brain. By the way, would you object to having a pouch installed? I’ve got a guy who’s a wonderful plastic surgeon.”
@Jeffmcm: I think Mark Trail has become Too Online, guys.
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Or he’s become Too Much Online Guy, which I admit is an improvement over Too Many Pancakes Guy.
@Jeffmcm: I think it’s become Too Horrible Art And Stupid Dialogue
@Bob Tice: I’ve not been able to read this strip since the new artist took over. The art is — well. And the writing is perhaps not bad, but it’s not particularly Mark Trail.
@Frank Lee MeiDere:It shows Schultz’s wisdom in not letting anybody take over Peanuts. Nobody wants to see stick figures labeled “Charlee Brwn” and “Dog” watching TikTok videos about “sportsball”.
@Poteet: #94
Ha! I’m sorry for making you look at that. But it was worth it to see the pony’s expression of exasperation like it can’t wait for the ordeal of being climbed on by melonheads to end. (“For the love of Flicka, not *them* again…”)
@Frank Lee MeiDere: #125
I have to agree. The “rebirth” of this classic strip is a literal headache for me to look at. I genuinely miss the great art and entertaining writing of the old strips – there’s something to be said for “vintage.” Sure, the stories were cornball at times, but fun to read and look at. The Rivera revision is (to me) just too frenetic and confusing.
@Garrison Skunk: #108
What a great site! I bookmarked it. Thanks for sharing!
@Garrison Skunk: #104
Aw, dadgummit…
@Sequitur: #100
Next to th’ bear grease an’ gunpowder!
@Guillermo el chiclero: #88
=:0
90’s???? Time to haul out the flannels!
Hargar the Horrible doing Njal’s Saga
@tlachtga: a reference only for me
BG&SS: well, at least the Moon is in the correct orientation.
@Garrison Skunk:
Weird, had to use a VPN to get through the block. Must not like Florida IP’s
GT: Gil’s being possessed by Snuffy Smith.
@tlachtga: Well, it could be related to Njorl’s Saga.
MT: Nice houses and I’m not so old as to object to calling them “meme houses,” but you generally don’t have to here someone talking when you see their selfie and that’s a good thing.
SSmith: Did…did Snuffy just say “atmospherics” without mispronouncing it? Is this something that happens on some particular night of a crescent moon?
BB: Walker-Browne takes a folk horror turn as the dinner is only a pretext for their next virgin sacrifice. Miss Buxley is definitely Not It but things don’t look good for Beetle.
C-Shaft: Showing Les, Lillian, and Harry all smirking at the same time isn’t banned but it should be.
Dustin: Ah, Hayden is doing the Carnac the Magnificent bit again. Admittedly, his knowing who Johnny Carson isn’t really more unlikely than his knowing who Jimmy Fallon would be.
GT: Not shown: the solid two minutes both players spent laughing at Gil saying “what in tarnation.” Okay, Jed Clampett.
Luann: Okay, get Shannon away from these self-absorbed assholes pronto. She’ll be better off with her dad even if they have to keep going with some kind of door-to-door Paper Moon scam.
MW: Dr. Ed: And we definitely haven’t been meeting in motels every other weekend for the past year to do things that leave the beds quivering in fear.
Estelle, inside head: God, that is such a relief.
Phantom: Did Avarice just spit out a robo-dog to fight Devil? Someone bring it a woman with big tits. I want to see what happens.
@Ukulele Ike: I’d really like to think their genetic pool was much deeper and wider.
@Garrison Skunk: That certainly got me curious…
@Garrison Skunk: Bwahaha!
@Daisy: It’s interesting that the pony looks pretty much like a real pony, but the melonheads look like nothing that exists on this particular planet. No wonder the pony is not at all enthused.
@144 Poteet:
There’s a pile of pony shit in Dolly’s shoes.
@145 Sequitur: As opposed to every other day when there’s a pile of melonhead shit standing in them.
@146 Baja Gaijin:
Dolly’s grandmother’s “holier-than-thou” persona is a ruse. She’s actually a prankster who told Dolly if she would shit in her shoes walking would be so much more comfortable.
Dolly actually learned to love the squish between her toes.
@146 Sequitur: My late night implication wasn’t clear enough: I was implying Dolly is the pile of shit standing in her shoes. That “shitting in the shoes” is more of a Jeffy thing.
@148 Baja Gaijin:
Shit lives!
@149 Sequitur: Marvin’s motto.
@Poteet: #144
True! The animals in FC are more realistic than the people. Maybe the Melonheads are related to the Coneheads.