Don’t want my furniture talking or even thinking. Sorry if that’s not “politically correct”
Post Content
Mary Worth, 9/1/24
Hey guys! Sorry I didn’t keep you up to date on the big drama at the Santa Royale Veterinarians Convention, which is that Dr. Ed ran into his ex Shiela and Estelle experienced a frission of jealousy about it. I know you’re all very emotionally invested in the Ed/Estelle relationship (or E/E, as its known in the fandom) and didn’t want to leave you with your feelings all up in the air about it! But don’t worry: today we’ve definitively established that Shiela is Dr. Ed’s former girlfriend, but they’re just good friends now. They each found partners better suited to them! And that goodness for that!
Panels from Slylock Fox, 9/1/24
This has got to be a real downer for the intelligent animals of Slylock Fox: they successfully rose up and overthrew humanity’s domination, but only had a couple decades at the top before a massive asteroid strike wiped out their ecosystem. Their rule was so brief that whatever sapient species eventually evolves from tiny sea lice in a billion years or so probably won’t even notice it in the paleontological record.
Panels from Beetle Bailey, 9/1/24
You ever think about how your bed has to work to support your weight while you’re asleep, and that what you consider to be the restful part of your day is actually when your bed suffers the most? Why would Beetle Bailey, whose title character is truly the patron saint of sloth, be the one to bring us this terrible information?
154 replies to “Don’t want my furniture talking or even thinking. Sorry if that’s not “politically correct””
BB:
Whoa! An anthropomorphized bed? Does this have the makings of a new Stephen King novel? Will the resentful frame rise up and buckle and crush poor Beetle among the box springs?
MW:
“Ed…she’s very pompous and disdainful. Are you sure you’re over her?”
FC-“Under the advice of my lawyers I can’t write about what I did during the Summer. Besides I’m pretty sure the reporters did a good job of writing about it.”
MW-“They want to speak to me” Who’s they?
MW:
The Window Eels stand guard, plastered as they are to the entrance of the convention, jealous guardians of the arcana of the profession.
SF:
The animals look as if they have all just made cameo appearances in a Mark Trail installment.
@Bob Tice: nah. This artwork is much more realistic
Hey, diddle diddle!
The cat and the fiddle!
The cow jumped over the moon!
And then the moon wrought its HORRIBLE VENGEANCE
MW: Another perfect quote for a Sunday Mary Worth: looking forward to the future, grateful for the past, and presumably the present is hunky-dory too. Yep, just easy living, element we all want in a soap opera.
BB: Hey, do you remember the film Death Bed: The Bed That Eats ? Probably not — despite being filmed in the 70s, it wasn’t officially released until 2003 as something of a cult oddity viewed by people who enjoy horror B films or just bad movies in general. Anyhow, it’s about a haunted bed that eats people. So kinda like this, but not really. End of story.
CS: Tom Batiuk’s protagonists are all staunch demagogues for physical-only media, but like all of their deeply-held principles, it can be thrown out the window in service of self-indulgent wish fulfillment or a facile joke. Or maybe this is what Lillian thinks eye doctors mean when they say reading in the dark is bad for you.
DT: Mysta summoned everyone together to discuss a serious and urgent issue, but appears to have completely lost her train of thought after a couple panels of babbling. Meanwhile we have the return of Ro-Zan, the leader of the NSLAP faction last seen being arrested for his attempt to violently overthrow the Lunarian government and slaughter all of humanity to claim lebensraum for the moon people master race. Diet Smith doesn’t know about any of that, though, because hero detective Dick Tracy never told anyone this happened. Now Ro-Zan is free and cozying up to a fellow remorseless murderer in Diet, which means Thorin the Moon Governor (who himself illegally invaded Antarctica, something else Dick never told anyone) is either dead, imprisoned, or simply too arrogant to inform anyone about the racist genocidal sorcerer on the loose, ready to have another go at – sorry, I can’t stress this enough – killing every last human being on Earth. …Sorry, Mysta, I got distracted. You were saying something about getting a driver’s license?
H&L: Just a reminder, these assholes have a dog.
MW: I wonder what line Sheila crossed that “They” want to talk to her.
B. Bailey: The lamest I, Robot take-off possible.
Luann : “Guess that makes us anemones”…? What? What does that mean, where does that come from? …Is this due to the fact that there are two writers on this strip, and the second one added this nonsense sentence because they thought “It’s a wonder anyone can speak english perfect.” “Yeah, only you” is too weak of a punchline?
(The joke would be that “speak english perfect” is incorrect, so Gunther saying “Only YOU can” is a backhanded compliment, right?)*************
Slylock Fox : you’re partially wrong, Josh, because you didn’t spot the EXTRA DIFFERENCE : in the image on top, this is the asteroid that STARTS the Animalocalypse.
FC: Billy finds that without an anchor point of truth, the fantasy world he builds in his mind bursts when confronted by reality.
Beetle loves sleep so much he humps his mattress. Fine. But today we learn his bed just thinks of it as a job – and one that doesn’t have sufficient paid time off. Bed-sex work is work!
JP. Welp, once again, the “writer” got bored with his own story, checked the calendar, realized fall was coming to Cavelton, and decided to move in. I suppose we should be thankful he at least had the bad guy confess on camera.
Fred Basset Spanish to English.
MW’s quotation box reminds us that reading this strip is a Dirty Job.
MW: Sheila is either super popular or thinks that everyone is lining up to get a glimpse at a non-WASP person in the most “totally not New England” city west of Connecticut. Either way she’s succeeding Carol of the Frenchie as the closest thing to a Karen Moy self insert this comic has.
@Liam: Probably school management.
CS: Remember last week, when “Batton Thomas” lamented not getting hired by DC or Marvel 50 years ago, and now there’s an out-of-nowhere comic book cover in a story that’s supposed to be about something setious? Yeah. He’s still auditioning.
@pugfuggly: Love this board. I would have believed I was the only one in the world who had seen Death Bed: The Bed that Eats.
@Bob Tice:
Death Bed: The Bed That Eats is a pretty obscure film from the 70s that most people thought was lost media until a few years ago. It’s ridiculous and enjoyable, I highly recommend it.
BB: You know who else had a bed that never got any rest? Procrustes.
I give bonus points to Slylock Fox for depicting a star-nosed mole.
Sentient furniture?
::Chairy has entered the chat::
::JDV has entered the chat::
::Chairy has left the chat::
MW quote box – Wait, “Mike Rowe” is one of those prank names, isn’t it? It’s supposed to sound like “my crow”! The Mary Worth team slipped that one past the anti-crow sensors. But “they” want to speak to Sheila about her recent article in Pet Care magazine, in which she advocates adopting pet crows. Oh yes, “they” want to have a very serious talk with her…
Don Abundio, translated:
“Hey! Don Abundio brought his car in again”
“What’s he want this time?”
“Replacement parts…”
“I recommend you start with the driver”
SFx – In a recent Slylock Fox, we learned that only female mosquitoes suck blood. Today, we learn how to tell which mosquitoes are female, the Comic Strip Way. Ha! Fooled you! That’s a male mosquito in drag.
MW: “Veterinary Association management wants to speak to me about my recent article in Pet Care magazine. It seems I was mistaken about my scoop that the association president runs an illegal puppy mill.”
MW: For God’s sake, Estelle, try to muster up at least some shred of self-respect, willya?
CS: “. . . and your defense attorneys, Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe!”
BB: Forget the bed, can you imagine being Beetle’s sheets? Yuck, they’re not even white anymore.
@Rube: tbh I’ve only seen clips, never the while thing front to back. But yeah, it was the first thing I thought of.
How was it in its entirety?
MW: The non-drama is bad enough, but I’m mostly annoyed that this casual little mixer keeps getting touted as a “convention.” Conventions are large, multi-day affairs, involving lots of speeches and presentations, pushy trade show vendors, and an evening where you’re served dry hotel catering chicken and cheap wine while watching someone receive “The Cornelius J. Pumpernickel Award for Humanitarian Excellence” and wondering if you can sneak out to the casino downstairs. I mean come on, there’s not even one person wearing a name tag on a lanyard.
RMMD: Guess you shouldn’t have crossed your fingers, Truck.
H&L: Yeah, you LIKE polluting the planet, don’t you Hi? You pig.
JP: Livid with jealousy and betrayal, Lucas murders his brother, sticks his legs in a tub of wet cement, and dumps him next to dear old dad.
BB: Yeah… I recently saw an announcement for a dating simulator videogame, where you are in a house and literally everything in the house can take on a human form, the bed, microwave, vacuum…. so you can date them. You can even date the game’s code itself.
Times are weird…
MW: “They want to speak to me about my RECENT ARTICLE in Pet Care Magazine…” is clearly code for “I’ll meet you behind the dumpsters where YOU belong, you taupe-haired bitch! Keep thinking that you can horn in on MY ‘recent article’ and I’ll show you that Ed isn’t the ONLY one who’s good at euthanizing dogs, you bitch!”
@pugfuggly: As Mehe says, ridiculous and enjoyable. But then, I love strange movies from outsider filmmakers, the guys who seem to have heard that something called “movies” exist, and want to make one, but have never actually seen one themselves.
MW – Shilling for Mary Worth is the dirtiest job ever. I just feel so dirty now. I don’t think I’ll ever be clean again.
Mike Rowe
SFx – In panel one, Jebus comes again. In panel two, it’s just the beginning of the great tribulation….
BB – My bed wears a hair shirt….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@Peanut Gallery: The quote is indeed from former opera singer and thief of working-class valor Mike Rowe. And… wait a minute, narration box, you’re not supposed to use that about someone’s ex! “Ed is happily remembering the sex he had with Sheila, while lubriciously anticipating the sex he’s going to have with Estelle.” That is… kind of a healthy attitude, maybe, but it’s not healthy to acknowledge it?
C’shaft: I suppose when the people in your reality are actually named things like “Les Moore” and “Skip Townes,” the punny names in your fiction will be even lamer by comparison.
Dustin: There’s a certain pecking order to the cruelty in Dustin: health professionals are mean to Dustdad, who’s mean to his wife and daughter, who are mean to Dustin, who’s mean to his friend, who like the forsaken child of Omelas is the poor soul on whom the stability of this entire systems.
JP: Lucas has been missing for quite a while. Are we sure Glen didn’t use the chaos as his dad’s murder for cover…?
Luann: Poor Gunther thinks he’s the one doing the mocking in the last panel.
Count Weirdly has threatened to crash a moon into the Earth, but Max isn’t worried – he can see Earth’s Moon shining bright in the night sky! Why is Slylock concerned in the brief moments he has left before he’s turned into incandescent plasma?
Answer: Slylock knows that there are many moons in the Solar System, and recognizes the unique icy surface of Europa, and the plasma rocket Weirdly has attached to it, as it enters the atmosphere.
Mary Worth, 9/1/24: “And that goodness for that!” If you would only double check you would change “that” to THANK and thus not look like such an !D10T!
Beetle is leaning against the headboard and the bed doesn’t have a headboard. Just looking at that herniated three of my vertebrae.
Another hint of drama ends in a wet fart. So, if you don’t count “Wilbur had a goldfish, and it died,” how long has it been since there’s been an actual plot in Mary Worth?
Josh, it’s Sheila, not Shiela. I can see how her jaw-dropping attractiveness might have temporarily caused you to misspell her name, though. What a… beauty?
HAPPY LABOR DAY EVE and
HAPPY 901 DAY to those in Western TN.
MW:. Yes, this was just the social hour before the serious seminars begin (organizers were cheap as I didn’t see any fruit cups or jelly doughnuts).
First Up–. Euthenasia for Beginners. “No, this is not about puppies in Singapore or baby kitties in Kyrgyzstan. Sorry folks, that joke is required of every euthenasia speaker.”
#37. TheDiva:. Totally agree. Something has happened to Lucas, and either he also is tied up/dead or he is investigating conspiracy I wrote about yesterday. He’s my gyro!
Marvin shitting and pissing or Marvin intentionally spreading his cold to an innocent dog. Which is worse?
@Rube: I do love a good ‘outsider’ film, but with age my tolerance for horror/gore, even the goofy kind, has really diminished.
BB: The “When do I get some rest?” bubble is actually coming from the very crusty rag Beetle just threw under the bed.
@Activist:
#43. JP. Oops, misremembered conspiracy comment. Made it Aug. 30, #70.
@TheDiva: @Activist: It was a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it cameo, but Lucas did make an appearance one week ago. He popped out of his room just long enough to tell Glenmom about the cops arriving.
At least, I’m 90% sure that’s supposed to be Lucas in the last panel. His shirt is untucked (unlike Glen’s) and his hair is just slightly different, and he’s talking in a manner that suggests he doesn’t understand what’s going on. Then again, coherence and consistency are not exactly skills Marciuliano and Manley can claim. Maybe it’s more of a 75% certainty.
@44 Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Marvin spreading his cold by shitting and pissing on someone.
@jroggs:
#48. JP. Thanks for linking to the strip. I’d thought it was Glen but you’re right, the sloppy shirt is convincing.
@Liam: Sheila’s adoring fans of course.
@jroggs: At first I thought you said Tom Batiuk’s propagandists. That fits as well.
MW: Folks, I wanna thank all of you – and you know who you are – who visited our merch booth yesterday at the Santa Royale Veterinarians Convention! What a great turnout for the special promo appearance by our Animal Stars! And a special shout-out to Daisy, who bought one of each and every item from our inventory! She got the coveted bonus of a selfie with Intern! Oh, and Baja, could you give me a call? There’s a problem with your credit card info…
I must apologize to all who were injured in the ruckus when a Catfight broke out between Needless Exposition and Activist over the last paw-printed Libby photo! Ladies, hair-pulling is never the answer! But I gotta say… the Convention-goers seemed to enjoy the scene…. said it really livened up the proceedings!
And due to popular demand, we’ll be back this afternoon – at an unannounced time – with a new stock of merch and extra security. I’ll not say *who* but he’s Big and Furry and GRRWWWs!
As more women walk by, Dr. Ed is heard saying, “Banged her. Banged her. Got a hummer from her. That one likes anal. But don’t worry, Stell, having done it since we got engaged.” Estelle replies, “Whew!”
Is it just me or is one of the differences in today’s SFx 6 Differences extremely subtle?
Mary Worth: I see this is turning into a repeat of Iris’ pre-marriage drama, just thankfully(?) devoid of all the creepy Freudian aspects.
Slylock Fox: In tomorrow’s installment, that meteor will crack open as Slylock and Max investigate it, unleashing the Blob upon the animal people. Preferably the ultra-gory 80s version so that we can see Slylock’s skin melt off his bones.
Beetle Bailey: Today’s comic casually reveals that beds are alive and sentient in the BB universe, which is pretty horrifying if you think about it.
Josh has discovered that the most effective way to mock Mary Worth is to quote it. Trouble ahead.
@Josh:
Especially if JD Vance is on it. (Sorry to get “political”, but the reference is right there, man!)
@Anonymous:
I think the joke is supposed to be that he meant to say “anomalies”. It took me a while too.
SFx: okay, what’s the difference between the first item in the solution? I spent way too much time looking.
“I assure you Estelle, I have a normal relationship with Sheila”
“Glad to hear”
“We only have sex at events this”
“WHAT?!”
“As I told you, it’s just a ‘conventional’ relationship”
“I am still jealous Ed! What if I started spending more time with a friend like Wilbur…. AHAHAHAHA, sorry, I cannot even pretend to say this with a straight face!”
SF: The chicken is like “The meteorite has arrived! Our empire is falling! The ancestors warned us about that!”
@2+2=7: Got the reference!
“When do I get some rest?” Mmm, I guess the other 16 hours Beetle is not sleeping on you! The bed is lazier than Beetle!
MW – At least, in the Yak and Irish variant of this non-story, there was Yak’s Nan, named Nan, who plied him with hamburger gravy. So that was conflict. Kind of. (‘Mudges who don’t read Mary Worth must swear we make this stuff up. We don’t.)
Kudos for Brigman for perfectly capturing the smug look of someone announcing that some people at a professional convention wish to speak to her about an article she wrote for a niche magazine that is lucky if its readership in the tens of thousands. Sheila definitely has “published writer” in her social media bios now.
MW: I think Estelle is checking out Sheila’s ass as she walks away.
Moy has heard that doctors and other intellectual professions go to “conventions” and “publish articles”, but she has no idea of what this entails in reality, so her characters just do a pantomime with little accuracy. She probably thinks that real Americans are not interested in the minutiae of eggheads. Sorry to inform you, Moy, that real Americans do not read newspaper comics anymore. Your actual audience is depressed PhD-havers enjoying Wilbur ironically
“They want to speak to me about my recent article. Something about “use of AI”, “lack of transparency in the peer-review process” and “massive falsification of data”. As if I cared, being so close to retirement!”
@Durandal_1707:
Yeah, but thinking a while about this joke made me realise that Les’ “exceptions” to Gunther’s “rule”… aren’t?
Gunther says : We say “Trumpeter”, but “Pianist” because you can “trumpet”, but you can’t “piano”. We say “Drummer”, but “Guitarist” because you can “drum”, but you can’t “guitar”.
Les counters with the examples of vocalist/singer and fiddler/violinist.
Except you can’t “vocal”, but you can “sing”, and you can “fiddle”, but you can’t “violin”.
Hi and Lois – The first rule of Hi and Lois is that Hi’s joys must be ruthlessly crushed. It’s a family project.
MW: “She’s very attractive?” thinks Dr. Ed. “Funny, I never noticed. All we ever did was drink wine and talk about ear mites. Maybe I took her for granted!”
MW: Estelle is a bit concerned. She’d been assuming Stylish Retired Schoolteacher was Ed’s type, but is he actually more into the Artsy Congresswoman aesthetic? Or has he put that behind him, one hopes?
@McCapwell: It took me a while, too. Shall I spoil it for everyone?
@DAS: The first meteor is achondrite, the second is iron.
@Peanut Gallery:
El problema parece ser el tequila, como siempre.
9CL: Previously, the sunday editions were reserved for innocuous comics about the cat. Now we get squicky sex talk seven days a week.
BB – I would assume that you get to rest when there’s no one lying down on you. So stop complaining, bed.
…
…
…
Damn, I just told a bed to stop complaining.
@DAS: No, you’re not the only one. (My nitpick: the two asteroids are coming from different directions. Maybe it’s a double-whammy of coincidental impacts of two completely unrelated objects.)
DT: As Junior and Sparkle wait for Mysta to stop telling them things they already know and get to the point, I’m getting a sinking feeling that two Moon People plotlines happening at the same time is a complete coincidence.
JP: Ah, the moment when a Judge Parker storyline stumbles to a halt, and you experience relief that it’s over, tempered with annoyance that this means it’s never going to make any sense, and the sense of foreboding that tomorrow is just going to bring you another damn Judge Parker storyline that won’t make any sense.
OTF: The first Hallowe’en strip of 2024. Doubtless on Tuesday, Bianca Xunise will be adding fan-favourite(???) character A Rotting Pumpkin to the current “what if food, but sex?” theme.
Phantom: Quick reminder that the X the Unknown Walker is gaslighting the entire Jungle Patrol, not just the colonel.
PV: Like Sí an Bhrú, Clochán an Aifir is real; it’s the Erse name for the Giant’s Causeway. It’s amazing how much research went into this, without learning that the Saxons never actually settled in Ireland!
@Anonymous: SHHHHHH! The Evanses think they’re witty.
— obscure The Producers reference
9CL – Not subtext anymore. Just Amos and Edda groping each other on the couch while The Twins, back to being children today, lean over the back of the couch and watch and critique their parents dry humping technique.
And they have it wrong. That’s not “spooning”, it’s just groping. Spooning is when you are both facing the same direction and nestled together like spoons in a drawer. Check your dictionary, Brooke.
MW – If you’re keeping score, the closest we got to conflict between Estelle and Sheila was “er, nice to meet you…” Maybe if Sheila were to give a talk about how stupid it would be to have an animal-themed wedding, it might have got interesting.
BB: Why is Beetle carrying two cacti and why is his blanket covered in cactus needles? That *can’t* be comfortable.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean
Lillian, would anybody care if you died by murder
Yesterday’s 9 Chickweed Lane
Why hasn’t McEldowney been kicked out of the funnies yet?
The strip of yesterday is literally about a woman touching a man’s junk
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: Say, Sid, that “Singing Libby” broke the first time I wound it up. Can I get a refund?
Yesterday I went to library to check out first volume of “Maus”. Couldn’t find it so librarians directed me straight to it, saying both had recently read it. Both recommended it highly and suggested I check out both volumes as it’s a fast read.so guess what I’m doing this Labor Day?
Thanks for the recommendation.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!:
#63. Sid, thanks for intervening yesterday as Needless Exposition and I have never quarrelled before. Your suggestion to cut photo in half was Solomonic in wisdom. I think the departing Libby also enjoyed the attention. Hope things are calmer this afternoon.
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: “Spooning” is also 1910s-20s American slang for “making out,” or “snogging,” or “groping each other.”
See “Shine On Harvest Moon,” “By the Light of the Silvery Moon,” etc. The classic Tin Pan Alley “Moon/June/spoon” hat trick.
The nestling thing is more common usage, but you know how Brooke is about his archaic slang.
@53 Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!:
Sid, did you see Peanut Gallery and myself at your Spanish booth. We were translating for everyone.
No Spanish speaking person understood a thing we said. And English speakers were going, “That can’t be right.”
Seeing the last panel in Curtis suddenly made me nostalgic for an old comic from childhood. I’d love to see Curtis end every strip with him sitting on an upended pail and talking directly to the reader. Oor Curtis.
@53 Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: That wasn’t me. I tapped into the Santa Royale Convention Center’s security cams to get the 411. Tell your intern that someone with big hair and painted smile is not Baja Gaijin. I suggest you contact that EVILSCARYCLOWN inhabiting Poncho’s attic in Pooch Cafe-land. Or Miss Avis in One Big Happy.
FC: Writer’s block got you down, Billy? Do like Lee Falk. Go to the local hash house diner and get yourself a steamy cup of joe. Then visit your favorite newsstand and get of copy of last week’s Sunday Family Circus.
@Frank Lee MeiDere: I’d love to see every strip end with the main character falling out of bed exclaiming “Oh! Oh! You can not tell me that Dutchman did not put something in that rarebit besides ale. Oh! That was fierce. Weow!”
At least once a year on Winsor McCay’s birthday.
Especially Flash Gordon, Slut Friend, Abby Arden, and Tiger.
Luann: Tomorrow (or Tuesday if they do a holiday strip), we see the return to college and the 3rd semester in a row of the same creative writing class. You keep failing the same class over and over, and eventually you’ll run out of student loan money.
And Sid, Intern looks like he’s lost a LOT of weight. You manage your office as you think best, but please think of increasing his food allowance. Even young idealistic interns need more than chicken feed. We care.
9 Chickweed Huh?: What the actual hell. Have I been drinking already today?
@Charterstoned: re “Singing Libby” — Did you put in the required twelve AA batteries (not included)? If that doesn’t work, please come by today and speak with our security and complaint liaison, Ol’ Rex.
@Activist: We’ve got a new supply of photos available today – we can give you the other half, for only half price! And Intern appreciates you concern about his weight, he’s receptive to home-baked cakes, cookies, and pastries, in case you’re stopping by…
@Sequitur: Mucho gratchee to you and P.G. for your bilingual assistance! My Intern speaks 99 languages, but Spanish ain’t one of ’em.
@Baja Gaijin: Oh, come on! That had to be you! We found discarded white gloves with your fingerprints inside! If, by chance, it *wasn’t* you, then an ESC is stealing your identity. He’s probably INSIDE YOUR HOUSE!
I would have commented earlier, but that sixth difference bedeviled me.
Frazz: She’s not even close to getting “YMCA” right.
MW: Oops. I didn’t realize we were going to get a recap of yesterday’s breathless drama today.
BB: Are the blanket spikes a defensive measure against Sarge pounding on Beetle?
Funnier one or funnier two?
CS: I’ll tell you what this is a load of.
9CL: Did the Overlook Twins wish themselves into the cornfield? I would have.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: HAR!!
MW: Sheila looks a little bit snockered. I’m guessing that soon it will be Estelle’s turn to take back the obligatory Slightly-Snockered-Woman role in MW.
MW: As Sheila walks away she thinks: “What a couple of dip shits.”
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: My Libby tee shirt is beautiful, thank you! But it turned out to be a little undersized, so I’ll gift it to a friend and will be back to get a shirt that is larger. Sid, I know this event is in svelte California, but in my long experience, larger-size tees always run out before the smaller sizes. You might ask Intern to keep that in mind re future ordering.
@Ukulele Ike: Thank you. As earworms go, “Shine On Harvest Moon” is very pleasant.
@DAS: Please do.
Mary Worth – Estelle is not going to get jealous and decide she’s going to have to write her own article to match Sheila’s professional accomplishments? One which would send her to the only professional writer she knows…Wilbur? Which of course would turn into a recounting of his mourning his dead fish? And make Wilbur think he has a chance to will back Estelle, only for Willa to die (from embarrassment at Wilbur’s long-winded monologues to her?)
Really, it’s as if Mary Worth writers aren’t hanging around in this comment section.
Slylock Fox – Count Weirdly, tired of his attempts to fix the abominations he created, decides to take notes from the original regretful creator, Yaweh, and wipe out his creations in natural disaster. Little did he know, of course, that Slylock and Max would hide out in bunker, and both they and he would be exposed to a perfect dose of radiation that would give them immortality.
Thus in the rebuilt world Weirdly would be the controlling Old Testament Deity and Slylock would be Satan of the Book of Job, less horned-devil than interrogator of Count Weirdly’s claims of omniscience and authority. Thus the cycle repeats itself.
Beetle Bailey: Honestly, I’d feel more sorry for the office chairs that have to directly deal with flatulence for 8 hours a day.
@Mehe:
Thanks for the tip! This sounds as if it might be the perfect break from watching Hallmark movies at Christmastime with Mrs. Tice!
“Are you sure you’re over your ex?” possible answers:
A) Well now I’m not sure.
B) If I wasn’t, do you think I’d answer honestly at this point?
C) Yes, dear. (The emphasis is very important.)
D) I’d rather not have this argument in public.
E) And what great weather we’ve been having.
Answer correctly and win a wedding!
Wizard of Id: Apparently, the Wizard was responsible for inventing Toxoplasma gondii.
@Amelie Wikström: Other.
F) Yeah, she didn’t do anal.
> Ed/Estelle relationship (or E/E, as its known in the fandom)
Oh, please – it is VERY DEFINITELY Edstelle.
Don’t ask me how I know.
** Rushes off to spend quality time with very precious stash of Edstelle Hentai . . . **
@Poteet: I’m very sorry about the fit of your Libby tee shirt and that my Intern directed you to the wrong size
instead of properly measuring you. This wouldn’t have happened had I not been on break at the time. Please see me when you return and be custom fitted at no extra charge! We now carry a variety of larger sizes in all shirts, thanks to suggestions by you and by clients Melody Mare and Ol’ Rex.@99 Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: Nope, not me. The EVILSC…Miss Avis just made up a number. And you know I’d never have a BastardCharge card issued by the Bank of Harlequin…Check the video.
Given the Army that Beetle inhabits,this means the bed is one of those metal frame things built to function with little care for comfort. And little imagination. All it is able to do is think a little instead of dancing across the rooftops of the city (see #95 Ukulele Ike for reference).
BB: If you read the whole comic it has Killer and Plato telling Beetle he should get a new bed, which in the Army seems like a decision that would be made by someone in a higher pay grade. Josh did get the most horrifying part, though. The cot is weary from…whatever Beetle has been doing in there.
MW: Too bad Dr. Sheila didn’t have time to tell Ed and Estelle what her article was about. My first guess is that it’s on the danger veterinarians face of becoming rebound relationships for gullible morons.
SFx: When reached for comment Chicken Little (second from left) had only one word to say: “Vindicated.”
9CL: This strip is a target rich environment, but among other things, Edda’s conversation has never been up to snuff.
C-Shaft: If the character names represent the baseline of Lillian’s creativity I suspect that 90% of the text in her novels is copied from a lorem ipsum generator. Who’s going to notice?
DtM: “It will give me some reason to endure the joyless sham our marriage has become. Did I say that part out loud?”
DT: Might be a lucky break that Beatty ran out of space before we could be subjected to a second lunatic infodump.
Luann: Les likes cats, but he really needs a dog. You walk dogs, which goes a long way to not having to talk to Gunther.
Phantom: Lee Falk is invigorated, having broken through his writer’s block. I…guess?
PV: There’s some attractive flesh on display here, but I question whether the day of a skinnydipping scene is the right time to use the phrase “recognize Val’s spear.”
RMMD: Tragically Truck’s fingers locked up while he was crossing them, so no one will believe he’s telling the truth now.
@Ukulele Ike:
I would pay good money for the Slut Friend/Abby Ardin porno DVD.
@Uncle Lumpy: SO grateful you didn’t include Tiger, there.
(Flash, no — he’s already got a fine piece of ass in Dale, not to mention a Hot Witch Queen and Bones Malone horny for him. He would not be interested in a whiny MILF Jewish American Princess, or a Canadian)
9CL: Mystifying. As Edda is a Asshole, you would expect her to be a follower of the Yankees.
FG: I wish the toxic radiation of the Magnetic Mountains hadn’t mutated such chubby cheeks onto this guy. Every time I see him I think he’s halfway through gorging a hoagie.
Foolish Mortals-Upon reading today’s ‘Foolish Mortals’ Wilbur is brutally reminded of Stella’s death.
@ectojazzmage: Re MW: Never bee so sure that you’ve seen the last of the creepy Freudian aspects.
@Jeffmcm: The left-side meteor in the top panel is slightly “above” the red star. The left-side meteor in the bottom panel is slightly “below” the red star.
Pluggers: No, all it means is you live out in country and own a good-sized chunk of land. I’m sure Poteet has to ride her John Deere ATV or her mule Sal on her morning trip to the mailbox.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Poteet’s mule Sal goes out to the mailbox by herself, and brings the mail back in her teeth. At the same time, Poteet’s border collie Lassie saves little Timmy from the well. Meanwhile, Poteet sips her Darjeeling with a splash of milk with her feet on the kitchen table and reads the funny pages in the Des Moines Register. A pot of pinto beans and a ham hock are simmering on the stove and the skillet of cornbread is in the oven, thanks to Poteet’s monkey.
— Uke’s masturbatory dream of the rural life
Wilbur Weston’s Sunday Dinner. Loving the lemons.
@129 Baja Gaijin:
It’s baaaack!
@130 Sequitur: Hey, there’s no green olive slice eye.
@131 Baja Gaijin:
I speak jive will be ecstatic.
@Ukulele Ike: Surely Petey from Cul de Sac should be included in this?
@Baja Gaijin: Salmon mousse has a special significance for those of us who’ve seen Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life.
@134 Artist formerly known as Ben: For those of us who haven’t seen the movie, what’s the special significance?
@135 Baja Gaijin:
Six fish in a restaurant’s tank greet each other, then see their friend being eaten. This leads them to question the meaning of life.
@Baja Gaijin: @Sequitur: Not quite what I meant. Warning that there are SPOILERS ahead. In the final act an upper crust dinner party is interrupted by the Grim Reaper, informing the hosts and guests that they are all dead. When one person asks how they all could have died at the same time, he replies that it was the salmon mousse. Which somehow even killed someone who didn’t eat the mousse.
@137 Artist formerly known as Ben: Did the salmon mousse look like a salmon?
Today’s Popeye comic gave me the willies.
@Ukulele Ike:
This is all completely accurate.
@140 Uncle Lumpy:
Poteet’s monkey’s name is “Boog”.
@Baja Gaijin: From what I recall it’s already eaten so there’s no way to tell.
@Bob Tice: 39 minutes agoDetails
So, Josh doesn’t mind if his air conditioner does a jig, but he doesn’t like his bed complaining.
MW: ugh. Mike Rowe. If I want a take from a stupid POS then Wilbur is good enough, we don’t need somebody worse.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Salmon mousse has a special significance for those of us who’ve seen Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life.
________________
Didn’t he write “The Satanic Verses”?
@Sequitur: Six fish in a restaurant’s tank greet each other,
__________________________
Then the barkeeper asks the swordfish, “Why the long face?”
@Uncle Lumpy: This is all completely accurate.
_____________________
Everybody’s got something to hide, ‘cept for Poteet and her monkey.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: . When one person asks how they all could have died at the same time, he replies that it was the salmon mousse. Which somehow even killed someone who didn’t eat the mousse.
_________________
“Aw, but that trick never works, Bullwinkle!”
“Guess they got themselves a new moose, Rock.”
@Guillermo el chiclero: @Ukulele Ike: @Uncle Lumpy: @Sequitur: @Garrison Skunk: I just laughed so hard that my cats all left the room. To go mop the kitchen floor and fix me a midnight snack, of course.
In a twist of irony that does not escape me, my fifth attempt to respond to the very entertaining discussion about my bucolic life was made impossible, like the first four, by an ad for farm equipment that did not know how to be a small polite size and then go away. Thank you for the good laugh to the Mudges who provided the discussion, and I hope the ad will let me post this comment, at least. *colorful rural expletives*
@149 Poteet:
How’s your monkey?
@Sequitur:
#150. Poteets monkey makes an amaizing cornbread. Is in the running for Top Chef.
I’m up early this Labor Day because like Frazz I too have a race to run. First one in years. Goal is just to complete, not to compete.
Beetle Bailey: There’s a very topical political joke to be made about someone in the missionary position on a piece of furniture, but it’s Labor Day and I’ll be damned if I’m doing Walker Enterprise’s work for them.
@Garrison Skunk: I think that was Salmon, Rusty. BtW, how’s Rin-Tin-Tin….