Somebody else planned this convention, so no, you’ll actually find it considerably more difficult
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Beetle Bailey, 8/29/24
I was going to say that Beetle’s whining here is unrealistic, as well as being literally, legally insubordinate, but you know what? The damn strip is named Beetle Bailey! If not for him, Halftrack wouldn’t even exist! Put some damn respect on his name, General!
Blondie, 8/29/24
Sorry, man, you don’t put a giant calendar like that on your fridge if you’re counting down towards something you’re wistful about, like the end of barbecuing season. I think it’s clear that Dagwood’s in a doomsday cult, the “last summer barbecue” is going to burn up most of the neighborhood and the people who live there, and he’s pissed because he’s been informed he won’t be able to partake of the Flesh of the Righteous alongside the Leader before he too is immolated.
Gearhead Gertie, 8/29/24
I gotta say, if you’re sitting on a park bench minding your own business and a total stranger decides to start tut-tutting at you about the kids today and their phones, I think indignantly replying “I’m reading about NASCAR” is as good a comeback as any. Maybe it’ll convince them that you’re decent, salt-of-the-earth people, or maybe it’ll just confuse them, but either way chances are good they’ll leave you alone!
Mary Worth, 8/29/24
ME WHEN I ASSSUMED DR. ED WAS TAKING ESTELLE TO A VETERINARIAN CONVENTION BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID SHE WAS GETTING TOO OBSESSIVE ABOUT WEDDING STUFF AND ALSO SO SHE COULD LEARN MORE ABOUT THE PROFESSION: Well, I’m not sure this is really what she’d want but I think his heart’s in the right place.
ME TODAY AS I LEARN DR. ED IS TAKING ESTELLE TO A VETERINARIAN CONVENTION BECAUSE HE “OWES” HER A “DAY OUT” AND WAS GOING THERE ANYWAY: Girl. Dump him. Dump him girl!!!!
157 replies to “Somebody else planned this convention, so no, you’ll actually find it considerably more difficult”
MW: See, this would have been a GREAT time for everyone to be wearing animal masks! What lame-o planned this event, anyway?
RMMD: The most spine-chilling, cliffhanging sentence ever penned: “Truck’s finger locks up.”
BB: Clearly the General has deeper problems than his wife not letting him go pantsless in the house. We’re supposed to find it funny that he can’t remember Beetle because he’s been a lowly private for decades but this is clearly a cry for help.
MW: Larry looks like he could win the award for “Most Generic Soap Comic Extra” which pretty much sums up everything we need to know about him.
Judge Parker: “He was never there for you, or for the kids, or for the company! Naturally I murdered him. Honestly I don’t see what all the fuss is about. This brouhaha is completely unneeded. Are there any of those little sausages left?”
BB: “Listen soldier, I think these days more people read our strip in Sweden than in the USA. Since there you have a different name, I prefer to avoid confusion among the Swedish readers”
MW: Uh… does Karen Moy think that professional conventions are just semi-formal parties for people in those professions? That’s pretty kooky, but I was hoping this would be more like some kind of hobby-con where veterinary fanboys and fangirls could shake hands with their favorite feline pharmaceutical executives and take photos with sexy models wearing cone collars.
DT: Those wacky Lunarians, always using violent intimidation and attempting to instigate lethal firefights as their way of saying hello! It’s even more quirky and funny since the last time we saw them they were planning to exterminate humanity in a genocidal war! Oh, Lunarians, you so silly!
JP: [smacks forehead] Of course! Harold’s girlfriend! Why didn’t we realize her connection to this murder sooner? Well, just spitballing here, but I guess it might be because this alleged mistress character has never been mentioned before. The best time to reveal basic exposition for the first time is definitely to cram it into the epilogue with an incoherent sentence that will never be clarified. Maybe we shouldn’t be too harsh on Trey, though, seeing as he’s aged about thirty years since we first met him earlier this evening.
RMMD: This is your thought process when 98% of the chemicals in your brain are peach cobbler and sausage gravy. “Hand feels strange. Not liking this one bit. Hurts, too. Ow! Banged my shin on the coffee table. That wasn’t good. Leg won’t be okay again for a few minutes. Just gonna rest my hand on the stovetop for a moment. Youch! Some kind of burning feeling. That probably isn’t going to help my sore fingers. Smells weirdly good, though.”
CS: What a storied career Harry Dinkle has had. Of course, Carnagie Hall isn’t the only famous New York venue he’s played. He’s also performed at Rodeo City Music Hall, the Linkoln Center, Medison Square Garden, and even Yankey Stadium!
Well, this is a conundrum. Print calendars don’t fill in the numbers for the first week of the next month, but my calendar on my iPhone does. So Blondie took an old thing and gave it modern features, when legacy comics usually do the opposite like depicting a CRT TV with rabbit ears instead of a flatscreen.
Do soldiers still do all the menial jobs in the USA army? This made sense with the draft, when you have an excess of privates, but with an all-volunteer army, under condition of full employment and the living memory of two bloody and long conflicts, it is hard to recruit new soldiers, so it would be easier and cheaper to hire some civilians to clean the office and let the soldiers be trained in new weapons. Now, this is all speculation, because I know nothing about the US Army. But neither does “Beetle Bailey”!
For a fairly new “legacy” comic Gearhead Gertie is in veteran form, coming off as a lazy, little-effort “strip” with no more content than many panels. Crankshaft should watch its rear-view.
So how many veterinarians are there in Santa Royale, anyway? I thought Ed was it. This kind of shoots down his “I’m to busy to help you plan our wedding” excuse.
Beetle Bailey : You’d think General Halftrack could be able to bluff somewhat knowing Beetle’s name due to there (supposed to) being a NAMETAG on his uniform.
(Like, if the general had called him “Private BAILEY”, would Beetle have protested?)
**********
Crankshaft :
a) Les Moore, who’s always treated the Lisa’s Story Trilogy as this sacrosanct biography of his dead wife (and has given Hollywood-types countless shit over ‘give it a sequel’), is now all ‘gee, I only ever wrote THREE books’ from Harry Dinkle flexing on him over being a prolific writer
b) Les Moore wrote more than three books; the Lisa’s Story Trilogy AND Fallen Star : Solving the Murder of John Darling. Who do you think he is forgetting? John Darling, who was murdered, or Cayla, the focus of the third book of the trilogy?
Trick question, Les Moore NEVER remembers Cayla existsc) Of course, Harry Dinkle’s biographies all share titles with Funky Winkerbean compilation books that focus on him. Also obviously, you can purchase them today from TOMBATIUK.com.
MW: Uh-oh. That “ED!…” sounds like the mating call of the foxy vixen Dr. Ed dated before he met Estelle….
MW: I’m on tenterhooks waiting to see who is calling Ed in the last panel. Could it be:
1) Ed’s lawyer, who has advised Ed not to appear publicly as a veterinarian due to his multiple pending malpractice suits?
2) Ed’s ex-partner (business) and also ex-partner (romantic), who happens to be Estelle’s estranged cousin (and who bears more than a passing resemblance to Estelle?)
3) Wilbur Weston, who is contractually obligated to appear in every “Mary Worth” storyline, for some reason?
Gearhead Gertie:
“I’m reading Pluggers!”
“Oh, are the dog and hen going to have sex today?”
If we did not know the idiosyncrasies of Dagwood — he’s unhealthily obsessed with food — the message “The US worker has no time to celebrate labor during labor day because he is too busy enjoying free time and cheap food” might sound a bit like Cold War propaganda
Blondie: I think Josh is onto something. Why put a year on the calendar when it’s the last year of your life.
Luann: That’s the other kid’s mother?? This ‘Kim’ must be an even bigger brat than Shannon (if such a thing is possible) to make her mother go prematurely gray like that!
MW: Good grief, I was right! This is a jovial boys club atmosphere circa 1956. All that’s missing is this rando giving Dr. Mr. Ed a big backslap while holding a huge cigar and asking him ‘what’s yer poison?’
@Charterstoned: Exactly! I would speculate who is calling ‘Ed!’ from off-panel, but we all know it’s some ‘devastatingly beautiful’ former flame of Ed’s who is going to make Eshtelle all insecure and Mary-bound.
First we thought this was ‘Mary Worth’s John & Marsha get married’, then it was ‘Mary Worth’s Eyes Wide Shut’ but no, it’s somehow even worse!
This is ‘Mary Worth’s Zak and Irish meet Zak’s old Babysitter Redux’! How have things been… Eddy dear (waggles fingers while making scary rictus grin)??
@Dan: Wrong, that’s Wilbur in Panel 2! He cunningly disguised himself as a vet to infiltrate the convention and win back Eshtelle!
JP: Officer Robin Williams back there is not amused…
In Fairy Tales, your true name is powerful and should be hidden from the Fairy Folks. In bureaucratic modernity, your true name is immaterial and can be ignored. Another strip written by Max Weber!
MW-This doesn’t look like any convention I’ve been to. Where are the bored people at their booths desperately trying to give away free stuff in hopes of a few minutes of human interaction.
B. Bailey: “You’re the Beetle I’ve heard so much about. I thought Snorkel made you up. In any case, you’re definitely not a soldier.”
MW: Turns out it was Ed’s turn to bring the “guest” to this year’s smoker.
Mary Worth: The final panel will be used as the “Wilbur Weston-after” in advertisements for Santa Royale’s “Golden Dragon Deschlubification Spa and Lawnmower Repair Service.”
MW: Pan back slightly to show bright orange sign on Stell’s back that says “Adopt Me!”
GT: Guy on ground: “Do they know we’re on the same team?”
Guy helping him up: “He must have just moved here. He doesn’t know the panel to panel color scheme changes. Give him a week or so and..well, I haven’t figured it out either to be honest.”
“Mary Worth” is confused about what a professional convention is really about. It is not a “break away from work”, it is still work: networking, receiving updated information, examining new tools and medicines, etc. This is depicted like a social club for veterinarians, but given how grim and obsessed Ed is, no one would want to associate with him outside a professional context!
“I thought you were a dumb kid obsessed about stupid things but when I learned you are obsessed about a thing I also obsess about, I reevaluated you”. This is so boomer it should be “Dustin”!
FC: Dolly asks her mom to help find the other piece of her broken shell. Thel answers; “Sure, right after I find the bottom half of my beach chair.”
GG: “I’m reading about NASCAR” It’s about time someone updated the old “No soap, radio” bit.
RMMD: Truck shows the Doc the troubles he’s having manipulating the fingers on his right hand. The Doc suggests he start using his left.
Truck explodes in anger; “Are you crazy!? My one passion in life is Vulcan cosplay.”
MW: As Ed and Estelle circulate the hospitality suite, Ed is mortified to see his old vet school frat buddies Anus, Chug, Boner, and Shitfaced. As Chug gives Estelle a very inappropriate hug, he says, “Hey, did Twinkletoes here ever tell you about the time he and another man . . .”
Beetle – And Halftrack’s a General. He doesn’t need to retire just because he’s experiencing severe memory loss.
MW – “That’s funny, Larry! I’ve never seen you without a beer in your hand!”
GG – “Everyone is obsessed with staring at their phones these days.”
“This is a Pop-Tart.”
“Oh.” (long pause) “What flavor?”
Don Abundio, translated:
“Look, Abundio! I found a penny!”
“Very nice, Lady Veronica!”
“‘Pick it up, and all day I’ll have good luck’!”
“Because I own that scale!”
BB It’s funny because the General is covering up his increasing senility with rank-backed aggression.
Blondie: Hey Dag, as a Canadian I just wanted to point out that you can barbecue literally any time of year! I have literally shoveled away one meter, sorry, three feet of snow to grill some pork chops. There’s a whole world out there you’re missing!
GG I’m starting to feel bad for ripping on Marvin, because their ‘every-punchline-is-poop’ shtick was miles ahead of whatever this is.
MW I like that Larry’s comment seems to suggest that Ed brought animals along with him to previous vet conventions. Like, just lancing stuck anal glands between courses.
Blondie: Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it merely changes form. When Milford stopped the summer bonfire tradition, it had to go somewhere else. Blondie‘s not the worst choice, but I was hoping to see Mark Trail throwing an annual forest fire party.
GG: ‘Specifically I’m reading this article “Annoying NASCAR-crazed grandma ruins race day again”. You heard about this maniac?’
BB: General Halftrack’s computer has no keyboard. He merely taps his fingers against a board. For all we know, it also has no screen, and he just stares at a board, too. His desk has no telephone, pens, pencils, papers, letters, in- and out-boxes, stapler, envelopes, paper clips, or other office supplies. The “computer” has no printer, and if it did, it too would likely be a board. This raises the question… how did the general’s wastebasket get full in the first place? I suspect that some other private, maybe Killer or Rocky, comes in ahead of Beetle, bearing a basket full of trash, which it is then Beetle’s job to empty. Scoff if you will, but this ritual is crucial to the operation of Camp Swampy. If it were not for this steady stream of full wastebaskets emerging from General Halftrack’s office, the Army would have every reason to have him declared legally dead.
CS: “Ha! My CV’s bigger than yours!”
Frazz: Well aren’t you special, episode 14,863.
JP: “Don’t you understand? It was my duty to kill him. And in the cruelest way I could pull off. Sheesh, show a little gratitude, willya.”
BB: I don’t know, replace “Private” with “Lieutenant,” and this comes close to my first couple of years in the military.
Blondie: Summer doesn’t end at Labor Day, Dagwood. You’ve got a good three weekends before the end of summer. Make the most of them!
GG: “I’m reading about Satan.” “Oh, Jeff Gordon? Sorry to have disturbed you.”
MW: I wonder when Larry is going to let them know they’ve. WON. A. NEW. CAR!
OK, why has Larry never seen Ed without animals around? Is it that Larry has only ever seen Ed at one of their places of work, and they’re veterinarians? Because it seems like there’d be a lot of that going around, at the veterinarian’s convention?
MW – A convention for Santa Royale veterinarians only? That’s good. Keep the group small so you can work out collude with one another on price-fixing for medications, treatments, and euthanasia.
Note to Baja Gaijin: Don’t look at today’s Non Sequitur.
GG: Not sure I can agree that ‘“I’m reading about NASCAR” is as good a comeback as any.’ The nudge might be a NASCAR fan, as in fact Gertie is, thus leading to the danger you will enter a conversation about NASCAR. Better to claim that you are looking at some extraordinarily bizarre and disgusting form of pornography.
Do…do the
creatorscreative teaminheritors of Beetle Bailey not remember his given name, Carl James Bailey? Does he not remember it? It’s on Wikipedia! Look it up, folks!CS – Hey, Batiuk. How do spell Carnegie Hall? Practice. Practice.
CS: Welp. I said I’d do this if Batiuk followed through on his threat to show us this event, and a promise is a promise. So here we go.
Lillian’s bookstore is bullshit nonsense and this author signing is triply the same.
Let’s start with the store’s interior, which you can see in today’s comic and realize immediately that Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis have never been inside a used bookstore in their lives. Used bookstores require a large selection to justify their existence. Lillian’s shelving capacity allows for a few hundred books at most. And no, it doesn’t get better in other views, which even show that Lillian clears lots of her already limited shelf space to make room for her cats to nap or for Crankshaft to drink himself to sleep next to a Christmas tree, not to mention the large comic book rack that Darin and Pete
forciblygenerously installed to push a few more sales of their own unreadable funnybooks. The room is already tiny as it is, so there’s maaaaybe room for one rickety folding table for a visiting writer to sit without blocking the too much of the merchandise. Even with Lillian’s ridiculously inefficient use of her store’s space, there’s absolutely not enough room for the multiple writers – excuse me, authors – Lillian had scheduled for today even before adding Harry. Speaking of which, Harry’s sitting at a long wooden desk all by himself. Where did it come from? Did he bring it himself?Next, we have the storefront. The store is in Lillian’s home attic, requiring customers with small children and delivery drivers with heavy packages to scale a narrow exterior staircase. Got a mobility disability? Tough shit, cripple. Come to think of it, Lillian is over eighty years old and theoretically has to carry in lots of stock herself. How the hell is she schlepping these boxes of books up to her store.
Then there’s parking. Assuming she puts her own vehicle in her weird barn-door garage, there’s space for exactly one other car in the driveway. That’s not even adequate for normal business operations, but today she’s hosting several authors as well as a “big draw” of customers that these authors are supposed to lure in. Where are these people supposed to park? Her neighbors’ driveways? Even some parking is allowed on the side of the street, this is far beyond what any zoning laws would permit.
And the event itself? Makes no sense at all. There’s no space for these authors in the store, let alone for customers to show up, interact with them, and browse the store. But even for stores with more floor space than a hallway closet, this still isn’t how this works. Most book signings at retail stores, coffee shops, and libraries involve just one writer (or small creative team) for the day for a lot of obvious reasons. This multi-author signing, which has at least Lillian, Les, and Harry (and presumably at least one more person) would be unusual for larger venues outside of conventions and such, and simply doesn’t happen period in tiny bookstores like this.
You’d think this would be something Batiuk would get right because he’s obsessed with this kind of stuff, but as with everything else, his observational capacity for perceiving and representing reality utterly fails him. This story’s already unbelievably stupid and it hasn’t even really started yet.
Frazz: Sure, Caulfield has no friends other than the school janitor, so why wouldn’t he read the collected works of Hiaasen. It will help ensure he remains friendless.
Luann: “My mom drinks a lot. That’s why she’s like this.” “Do you want to live at my house?”
CS: Les just gets dropped into this story with zero fanfare. Batiuk can do some things right.
Also Beetle Bailey: A gold star that has crawled up on his right shoulder. A laptop that is actually a pizza box on an otherwise ornate-but-empty desk. A lowly worker bee to push around. All of this set in front of a featureless, nondescript void. There’s no other explanation: this is the demented confabulation of a former accountant who never got the respect and deference he so desired, before the kids stuck him in a home.
9CL: Don’t worry, Alistair. That lake/pond is only as deep as you want it to be.
If I had to choose between joining the military and having my individuality stripped away, sitting between two NASCAR obsessives, and going to a veterinarians convention, I’d join Dagwood’s cult.
***
Good for you, Halftrack. Use your rank to cover for your sundowning.
Gearhead Gertie: Is the joke here that the Kids Today Always On Their Phones are all right if they’re reading about NASCAR, or that the Gender Non-Binary Today Always On Their Phones are all right if they’re reading about NASCAR? Because that takes things in an entirely different direction. Not a better one, mind you, but definitely different.
MW: Personally, I wouldn’t bring my SO to a professional conference and pretend it was recreational. It’s not a break from work; it’s work. I’d be spending the time networking with my colleagues (contemporaries?) and trying to learn about the current issues in my field. So are we still on that lifeless “Ed has no work-life balance” plot? It sure feels like it.
However, small professional associations sometimes hold an annual formal dinner where they get drunk and give away “Veterinarian of the Year” etc awards, and that might be a more social event where an SO would feel less out of place. Maybe that’s where Ed and Estelle are now? In my experience, these are usually tiresome events with warmed-over food and boring speeches, so still not ideal for a date–but who knows, maybe the Santa Royale Veterinarian’s Convention is more lit than my state-level professional association.
NGL, today’s Pluggers hit a little close to home.
MW: Psst, Estelle. Larry is just Wilbur with a toupee and contacts. He’s taking stalking to a new level.
@jroggs: Forget the books and the authors. There’s barely enough space there for the gigantic word balloons to rest! Lilian little shop is going to need a serious expansion if it wants to fit the colossal egos of these two vainglorious braggarts.
Beetle Bailey: Halftrack makes a point not to bother remembering the names of his soldiers, as he’s used to going through them at truly astronomical rates.
Gearhead Gertie: Gertie doesn’t exactly have much room to judge considering she’s apparently just sitting on a random park bench staring off into space rather than socializing.
Mary Worth: That’s absolutely just Wilbur in a toupee.
Hey, Estelle! Ed sure is busy! I hope he’s not too busy to make it to the wedding (ha, ha, not really joking.) But you know who’s not busy and has plenty of time to hang out? And is right there down the hall from you…?
MW:. Figured out who Estelle reminds me of– an aging Luann from Apt. 3G. She’s been knocked down a few times but has gotten back up so we can say her life, up till now, has been a success.
FG:. One thing that irritates me on this strip is how perfect Flash is– like a male model. Yuck. Characters who have disabilities or are differently made seem mostly to be evil. But today a “mutant” is recognized.
CRANKSHAFT: Don’t let the cranks (see, get it? because….) like jroggs dissuade you: this really is a momentous event! Why, Les is so excited at meeting the Harry Dinkle (an “author” Les has only know all of his life) that Les has started playing “pocket pool” with himself in panel one!
MW: the former flame calling Ed probably preferred doggie style to animal masks.
Hmm, made astute comments about FBoFW, Luann, Frazz, Lola, and a couple others. Wonder why it disappeared.
Let me in w if you want me to try rewriting them. :-/
@Activist: Please try. Check if you might have used anything involving c1@lis, H@rvey, or pr00f read.
@Activist: No, no no no! Toby is “Luann’s* thirty-ish trophy-wife” form.
*Either “Luann.” “Toby” is the inevitable chrysalis stage of any “Luann.
@Activist: Current post-disappears-completely words:
-Checking one’s work for errors; rhymes with “goof breed.”
-H. Weinstein/ Lee H. Oswald name
BLONDIE: Yeah right, comic! Like Dagwood would really be waiting at all instead of immediately throwing a whole cow (and/or one of his children) over a the charcoal briquette.
PIBGORN – Taking “same shit, different day” to new levels of relevance.
MW: “Hon, this is Larry. He specializes in animals with really thick necks.”
Phantom: Jam session!
MW: Here’s a sentence I thought I’d never think, let alone write: Wilbur is looking better and better.
GG: I’m reminded of the time I was at the bar writing a message on my phone and some random shitbag who happened to be sitting next to me intrusively pontificated, “Whoever he is, he can’t be that important.” I said, “Well, it’s my father, so…” He was duly nonplussed.
MW: Looks like the convention center mixed up their signage. The Santa Royale Veterinarians Convention is on the mezzanine level, not on this level where the Window Eels are clearly having their annual get-together.
No one tell THE DAGWOOD that one can place the flesh of cows and chickens and pigs over a fire on any day of the year, not just summer or the herds will be devastated and a terrible famine will claim the little ones!
#60 #62. Rube and Jroggs– I rewrote it all, none of your banned words, and it got deleted again! I surrender.
@Peanut Gallery:
Ninguna señora que se preocupe por su peso se sube así a una báscula en la calle. Especialmente frente a Don Abundio, que parece pesar unos treinta kilos.
MARY WORTH: Oh so that’s why this “veterinarian convention” seems so off. This is really just a backdrop for the lamest entry in the Leisure Suit Larry games.
MARY WORTH (2): Psst, Mary Worth team? If a veterinarian is attending a veterinarian convention, then he is not in fact “breaking away from work.” That Ed thinks this a satisfactory “date night” means that he in fact deserves an expensive “zoo-wedding”, and people should not feel sorry for him, even when Wilbur shows up in an ill-fitting salmon costume (“gross, I can see his ‘pelvic fin!'”)
FC – Forget the seashell – send out a search party to look for Thel’s missing left foot.
6Chix – His knees look like the angled breasts Lawton gives her female characters.
Crankshaft – Les Moore, Harry Dinkle, and a wall of text. All this needs is Loathsome Lillian. She must be off somewhere ruining someone’s life.
Gearhead Gertie – This one note piece of garbage isn’t even worth hate reading.
BB – When I send you to perdition, I don’t want to know your name. Funny, funny stuff….
Blondie – Astronomical Summer…Meteorological Summer…Tourist Gouging Summer….
GG – First I’ve heard of NASCAR porn….
MW – It’s hard to shake hands here without remembering these guys are in the business of expressing cocker spaniel anal glands….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@Rube: @jroggs: I was not aware of the last banned word (the one with the double O). Thanks for the update.
RMMD: gout from all of that rich food from the diner
MW: I don’t think “That’s funny, Larry” is something a person who was legitimately amused would ever say. It almost sounds aggressive.
@Violet: Es cierto.
When I saw that word “falso,” at first glance I thought of translating Don Abundio’s final line as “Oh, knock it off, Fatso!” But although my version of the Abundio character might be that offensive, I don’t want to be. And besides, I didn’t think of a way to make that line funny.
The Family Circus Spanish to English.
GEARHEAD GERTIE: We should be proud. Now that Gearhead Gertie has done a hoary “Kids these days, with their cell phones” bit, it has completed another rite-of-passage to achieve true “legacy comics” status. Now all it needs to do is throw in a mother-in-law joke (“The spinning flaming wreckage of your life!”) and one about how golf is just NASCAR on the Green, and it’ll be a full-fledged member of the club.
@Violet:
Hello Larry can attest to that!
Blondie: What the hell is Dagwood’s damage? On the threshold of the most glorious and protracted food season of the year, he chooses petulance. Not cool, homeslice.
@Peanut Gallery:
I very much see the temptation, and you chose wisely, my friend.
@2+2=7: Hmmm…I think that in order to really fit in, it would need to establish that although ostensibly about NASCAR, it’s writer knows absolutely nothing about how NASCAR works.
@nescio: You’re right. Plus, printed calendars have five weeks per page. This one has six.
CS: “There are eleven volumes to your biography? Christ, I thought *I* was a self-absorbed egomaniac.”
JP: “Officer, just look at this body. Do I look like I could lift a 200-pound man wearing another 80 pounds of cement shoes and toss him overboard?”
“Good point. You can go.”
@jroggs: MW: The conventions I’ve been to do usually start out with a cocktail hour on the day of arrival, followed by seminars on various topics the next day.
@2+2=7:
Holy crap; I recall that piece of garbage and heartily concur. Like many Gen X peeps, I watched pretty much everything that was on television. I remember the short-lived sitcom wherein Ann Jillian played a sexy ghost, and have probably repressed recollections of even more egregious productions.
MW – Estelle’s about to meet Ed’s ex….Her doppleganger down to the white globes permanently attached to her ears.
@Dan: Wilbur has a good manager.
@2+2=7: Hello Larry can attest to that!
No, it’s “Hello Newman!”
Beetle Bailey – In an attempt to improve morale and impress younger recruits, the Army sent General Halftrack to a trendy new form of leadership training. Turns out it actually is an Andrew Tate knock-off and will cause the General to relapse on his sexual harassment training.
Blondie – Unfortunately Dagwood isn’t a basic white woman, or he would have pumpkin spice to look forward to between now and Thanksgiving.
Gearhead Gertie – Gertie is banned from social media and most news sites due to excessive commenting and stalking NASCAR drivers and related crew members.
Mary Worth – I hope this ends story ends up at the karaoke bar, where Ed can only sing animal related songs
MW: Watch, Ed’s former girlfriend will turn out to be Helen Moss, who got to know Ed when he was a student and she was the school manager at SANTA ROYALE VETERINARY COMMUNITY college.
Rex Morgan – Wait, I was just getting invested in Dorothy’s eating disorder then we smash cut over to football practice? Well, not in my house, sir!
MW: “I’ve never seen you without animals around.” This is a puzzling statement. Has Larry only seen Ed in a work setting? Or, as@pugfuggly suggested, maybe Ed has been bringing patients to the “conventions” to present as case studies. However, if there are scientific and medical programs on the agenda, it would more likely be called a “conference.”
To me, “convention” suggests that this is a more social type gathering, with networking, political issues (lobbying) and more business-related vendors than scientific ones. Estelle shouldn’t have to worry about the “lingo” … or the jargon or the argot.
FRAZZ:. maybe name is what’s censored:. I routinely read Carl H’s columns but could never get into his novels. Think it was a difference in culture I couldn’t bridge though Caufield can– he’s got a better imagination than I.
CURTIS:. Quick, Dad, borrow $20 before he blows the rest taking an ungrateful Michelle out to dinner. (Really, make him put half in a college fund)
GIL THORP: “Not in my house, buddy! We don’t fo ‘coherent sports action’ around these parts!” (which is just my way of asking, not for the first time, what the fuck is going on here? And why doesn’t it answer what the fuck was going on yesterday?
FBoFW:. Dad has a clear vision of the future. He should patent those glasses.
ZITS:. Rats, the arc has ended and Jeremy a Mom, and Dad are again closed minded.
JP:. Ahh, a police officer has been standing by listening but not questioning as Unc confesses. Smart!
Beetle Bailey:
— “What’s your name, kid?”
— “Don’t you know me, sir? I’ve been working on this base since 1951.”
— “Sorry, kid. what’s your name?”
— “It’s ‘Beetle Bailey.’ Some people think that’s actually pretty memorable.”
— “Sorry, son, what’s your name?”
— “I’m Private Bailey. You know, I’ve been dating your secretary for some time now.”
— “My secretary? You mean the one with the–”
— “Yes sir.”
— “How about that. Say, are you private who’s always in the infirmary with strange injuries?”
— “Yes, that’s me. You really should do something about Sgt. Snorkel’s violence toward the troops.”
— “Okay, I’ll look into that.”
— “Thank you, sir.”
— “That’s all right, kid. Say, who the hell are you, anyway?”
— “Uh-oh.”
Blondie: Bumstead, you fool, all you have to do is move to the southern hemisphere for the next six months. Barbeque season will be JUST STARTING down there!
LUANN: Shannon: “Want to be friends?”
Kim (hesitantly): “Well.. I don’t know. I mean I’m only here to serve as an ironic juxtaposition to the “Karen” stereotype playing my mom and as such will probably never be seen in this strip again. Also, according to the strip’s history, you don’t really make friends as easily as portrayed here and….”
Shannon (exasperated sigh): “Read the cue cards, honey.”
Kim: (with fake enthusiasm): “Sure I’d love to be your friend. We’ll be BBFs forever!”
6CHIX:. Joke is that guy sat on a piece of art and became performance art? Saw something like that at a Windsor museum– it was hilarious. Can someone explain please?
Many thanks for putting up with my many posts. We still dont know why first two went down.
Reading about NASCAR is like dancing about architecture. Noisy, pointless architecture.
JP: I’m confessing confusion here. Is that guy confessing to murder just like that?
Day by Dave: This could have been worse. National Chop Sooey Day where you call pigs to slaughter.
@Activist: I don’t know why they even bothered calling the police. Apparently Sophie could have worked a confession out of the perp by just pointing at him in a accusatory manner Phoenix Wright style.
Luann: Who writes this strip? Oh, yeah, Greg daughter, Karen. It takes one to know one.
Dustin: “You want the usual, Mr. Kudlick? Your jumbo tub of ice cream with miniature pies? Oh wait…You know Dustin? Wait…oh, THIS is the Dustin you loudly rant about in the corner every time you come in? Well isn’t that just the funniest thing!”
Non Sequitur: Bar patrons influenced by Baja Gaijin.
Blondie-Dagwood is more upset that Dithers might shove Dagwood’s face onto a burning hot grill.
@JamesBont: This is a red-letter day. Dustin actually set up an amusing situation!
@97 Activist: Really, make him put half in a college fund. Have you never read “Curtis” before? CurtisMom will make Curtis put the whole $500 into Barry’s college fund then berate her older son for breathing and taking oxygen from the air that their beloved revered perfect Barry should be breathing.
MW: Estelle had no need to worry about how she would fit in at the Veterinarians Convention. This is likely an old-school event (last century) when most DVMs were male, and I’m sure they’ve scheduled some “spouse” activities, so the little ladies won’t get bored with all that shop talk. Pick up your tickets for the fashion show, followed by the demonstration on flower arranging. You may win the door prize!
MW – “Your wedding? Hah! That’s a good one, Ed! What’s your wife gonna say about that? Oh, that’s right! Nothing! Because she’s been in a coma for 10 years! What, why is everyone looking at me like that?”
@Baja Gaijin:
#115. CURTIS: You’re right about Curts’Mom of course, but the secret no one seems to see but me (ahem) is that Dad identifies with his first born. Dad wasn’t a genius like Barry, no one cuddled and coddled him. No sirree, he had to walk uphill to school both ways! He had to work just like he makes Curtis work. Note their similar sense of humor.
In short, Dad would con Mom into saving only half. When Barry gets funds, it will be$15 for a prize at a science fair. Followed by $85 from Mom’s purse.
MW: I’ve only ever been to conservation-and-ecology-related conventions, where no one makes much money and the refreshments and venue are very modest and even most speakers, from what I recall, don’t wear suits. But those conventions do have actual specific informative names that clearly indicate what, exactly, the attendees are attending.
This convention, not so much. Is it a gathering of veterinarians who live and practice in the Santa Royale area? Is it a gathering of veterinarians from California, or a larger region, or the U.S., who happen to be meeting in Santa Royale this year? Is it being held by an actual named organization of some kind? Who knows? Who cares? Pass the ketamine.
love is… getting your heart metal mint tin by parachute.
MW: I just read all the MW comments above and am in awe. Also I laughed a lot.
@Activist: Did you use a word that could be formatted from orture-tay? That has been my downfall on several occasions.
@taig: re BB… my experience as well. In fact, a halfway decent general officer would never ask a private to empty the garbage, but would definitely make a 2LT do the job.
@Poteet: I think that with that word and the words about ED medicines, you get a notification about awaiting moderation. If you use the name or catchphrase of a banned poster, your post totally disappears.
BB: What’s unrealistic is Halftrack missing an opportunity to call Miss Buxley in to “empty his basket” (metaphorically speaking, please God).
@Baja Gaijin:
#115. CURTIS:. Just realized you said she’d put it in the trolls college fund! Yikes!
@119 Poteet: If someone held the Southern California regional veterinarian conference in Barstow, it would have fewer attendees than a fish’s ocean burial. Santa Royale would be far more desirable a location provided the anti-biddy defenses were active at the site.
Mary’s Worst: Did anyone else misread the first speech bubble as “I SHOULD TAKE A PHOTO OF YOU LIVE!” For one brief moment I thought Dr Ed was one of The Living Dead. For one brief moment it seemed as if something interesting was happening in Mary’s Worst!
For one brief moment there was character development!
Aw well….moment’s over….back to yesterday’s raccoon discussion.
The best part of raccoon paws is waking up in a cup.
“How’d you get him to break away from work?” As Dr. Ed is at a work related event… really great work/life balance there, Ed. Good luck with that marriage, Stell!
Curtis: I … guess that when the Hobknockers moved back to London they didn’t close their US bank account? And then they suddenly realised they still had this account, and the accompanying chequebook, and what else were they going to do with cheques marked with dollar signs in London? Either that or it’s actually five hundred pounds and Curtis hasn’t looked at the little squiggly thing properly. (If so then he’s quids in; the internet tells me £500 currently equals $658.59.)
GG: I suspect everyone in Gertie’s town knows who she is (she seems like news that would get around), and knows that every time she complains about the existence of some non-NASCAR thing, you just need to say “Ah, but it actually is connected to NASCAR” and she’ll stop. Yes, as Acilius says, there’s a danger that she’ll then start talking to you about NASCAR, but she was probably going to do that anyway.
Heath: I feel like four days into a bit about “the cat lady” is a bit late to suddenly think “Hey, what if Cat Lady was like Batman, huh? Man, I bet nobody’s thought of a character who’s like Batman but a woman and into cats before!”
MW: The more I think about Larry’s opening line, the weirder it gets. Firstly, wouldn’t he mostly have seen Ed at these events, where he’s probably not surrounded by animals, just like he isn’t at the moment? Secondly, even taking this as an exaggeration for alleged humorous effect “Hey, Ed, you’re the guy who’s always looking after animals, right?” is still a really weird thing to say at a vets’ convention. (I guess it’s possible Larry knows Ed also has a menagerie at home — while all the other vets presumably view their homes as the place they go to get away from the bloody animals — but I don’t get the impression they’re that close.)
Phantom: The Ghost Who Walks isn’t walking. The Phantom rides alone, accompanied by his faithful wolf. This narration box is nothing but lies!
S4th: The more important bit of paperwork in this context, of course, is that Ted’s contract says nobody’s allowed to do the Chadwells gag when he’s not in the strip.
SH: I apologise for my previous comment criticising Holbook for not having Samantha dive to below the level of the waterspout. Today, as Moon claims a waterspout is projected outward from the ocean, I realise I had completely failed to grasp just how much Holbrook doesn’t understand waterspouts.
Zits: Thoughts on … what to do for day four of a theme week. (Picture of the strip creators with their heads flipped open and little signs saying “Nada” and “Let’s do the joke we were going to run next Monday”.)
MW: so far this storyline is not outrageously stupid as usual. It’s just mind numbingly boring.
Later that day in Ed and Stale’s hotel suite… (Gary Owens’ voice)
Ed surprises Stale in his BVDs. “Stale do you believe in the hereafter?” “Yes.” “Then you know what I’m here after!” A confused Stale says, “Umm, no….I don’t, but I filed the Pomeranian death certificates in your filing cabinet.”
The ghost of Artie Johnson materializes,shakes his head, and says “Verrrrrrry interestink, but you two have absolutely no timing or chemistry together.” He proceeds to tie them together and leaves them on the bed to be discovered by the maid in the morning. “Look that up in you Funk & Wagnalls!”
I despise Gearhead Gertie, but I would like to see a crossover with her and Frazz. She, Frazz, and Caulfield would hate each other with the heat of a thousand suns. Frazz and Caulfield would get together with all of the other characters in the school to mock Gertie behind her back. Gertie would retaliate by commandeering a NASCAR vehicle and running over everyone.
Another possibility is a crossover with Crankshaft. I wouldn’t be upset if Loathsome Lillian decided to ruin Gertie’s life.
Phantom: The Ghost who Walks, and literally everyone within earshot of jungle drums knows all about it, including where he’s going. How did they find that out, anyway? Did he stop and file a safari plan with the Worubus? In the Bandar tongue?
@Garrison Skunk: You bet your sweet bippy!
@jvwalt:
Apple Mary – No. No. No! You take that back! If Dr. Whatshisname is a bad partner, Estelle should dump him, but no matter what, she should not, under any circumstances, go back to Wilbur. Consider — would you rather die alone and miserable, or die with Wilbur by your side? Right, the answer is alone and miserable, because at least there’s dignity in it.
BB: That’s not an army-issued computer, it’s Amos’s personal laptop. And if Beetle looks at the screen while he’s emptying the wastebasket he’ll find out that well-endowed blondes are one of the general’s more wholesome fetishes.
Blondie: Sure, summer technically lasts until the 22nd this year. And no, nobody will stop you from barbecuing well into autumn. But this is Dagwood. Be thankful you don’t live in that spiny head.
MW: Did Ed mean funny ha-ha or funny strange? Because neither definition fits unless we’re talking about Larry’s face.
9CL: tfw you can’t wait for your identical twin and her huge dork of a husband to breed a new race.
C-Shaft: It may seem strange for Les to ask such beginner questions of Harry Dinkle, the former bandleader at the high school where Les was both a student and a teacher, but if anyone will approach the Master on tips for how to be the absolute worst, it’s Les Moore.
Dustin: I’m not saying that it’s a relief to see Dustdad exactly, but his pullover does provide some variety among all the pastels.
GT: Daft Punk are sacking quarterbacks at my house, at my house…
MT: Jules Rivera has brought the strip more contemporary perspectives and topics, such as *checks notes* the financing of Uwe Boll’s films.
Phantom: It’s never bothered me that we can’t see Kit’s eyes because they’ll turn you to stone or whatever but I feel a little cheated that we can’t hear his kickass percussive leitmotif.
RMMD: I’m starting to get the idea that maybe Truck is feeling pain and stiffness in his hands, but it will take me several more days to be sure.
6C: Ha-ha, it’s funny because it says “site-specific” but the background is just two fields of drab color.
@Recyclops:
Well you have to admit that a character who’s like Batman, but into cats, but still wears a batwing scalloped cape is original. And confusing!
@Baja Gaijin: #115: When precious Barry goes to college Greg and Diane will work two jobs to put him through an Ivy League school while if Curtis wants funds to attend the local juco they’ll put on their rattiest 1930s Mississippi sharecropper clothes and give him the we be so po’ act.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: I honestly am surprised at an LCD Soundsystem reference here.
MW-“Gee, Ed, what’s going on? Usually you have the women you bring on a leash.”
Aside from Jef (eye roll) Mallett’s ego, who is really the target audience for Frazz?
“I realize I’m not the most militarily hip person around, but General,shouldn’t your uniform have buttons,and your laptop have keys?”
How about some burgers from Japan? Warning to the easily titillated: some of the buns look like buttocks.
@B Hexo: who is really the target audience for Frazz?
__________________________
People who thought Calvin and Hobbes had too much of those annoying elements of charm,cleverness and humor.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Sorry, this was supposed to be a reply to Horace Broon.
@taig: It’s Gil Thorp. I like to throw the occasional curveball.
I can’t be the only one rooting desperately for Estelle and Dr. Ed’s successful marriage, can I? I don’t care if they love each other or not, mind, just so long as Wilbur gets his nose rubbed in it.
@146 Baja Gaijin:
That’s appropriate. They probably make one fart.
Bettina must be in high school now. What does she think of this potential move?
@taig: We must be losing our edge!
@152 Sally…Sally Fif:
On July 28, 2024 we see that Bettina is still a little girl.
After all, we can’t have her older than Hillary.
@Sequitur: Hillary has aged 2 years in comics time vs 6 years in real time whereas Bettna has gone from infancy to kindergarten age in less time than a rotation of the theoretical axial m input as shown in the Copernicus formula D.94
MW:
“Wait a minute! —you’re not Larry! You’re Jerry Mathers of ‘Leave It to Beaver’ fame! Man, you child stars all look completely different when you grow up!”
@Charterstoned: @Charterstoned: Yes!! Specifically, Addison from Grey’s Anatomy vibes