When you call me, you can call me AI
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Phantom, 9/13/24
The AI-powered Avarice bot learns from the creatures around it and imitates their behavior! It won’t be long before it’s hoarding priceless relics, lording it over the natives, and acting like a dick to the Jungle Patrol!
Zits, 9/13/24
Jeremy achieves Singularity with a polite, considerate, relatable AI version of himself. But I call shenanigans: there’s no way the AI learned those behaviors by training on the Internet.
Rhymes with Orange, 9/13/24
Oh c’mon everybody knows commercials are for looking at your phone.
Gil Thorp, 9/13/24
My only connection to football is a vestigial fondness for the Green Bay Packers from the dairyland of my birth. But in the words of our compatriots over at This Week in Milford, what the hell is going on here? Green Team’s QB is passing left but Milford’s defenseman intercepts it on the right. Did our point of view cross the line in panel two? And where’s the runback? Anybody looking to disprove the General Relativity theory of space-time should fire a couple electrons into Gil Thorp.
Sherman’s Lagoon, 9/13/24
Fillmore sits in homage to his idol Truck Tyler, waiting for inspiration. Sadly, Hawthorne’s assaults will cause his pickin’ finger to lock up.
Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/13/24
All that bullyin’ don’t sit well with Truck, who knows a thing or two about sittin’.
The Comics Curmudgeon offers 100% handcrafted content daily, undiluted by annoying AI filler. Isn’t that worth a few bucks? I thought so!
And just a reminder that there are no Comments of the Week on my watch, so 2+2=7’s gem will ride up there for at least another week.
—Uncle Lumpy
147 replies to “When you call me, you can call me AI”
Sherman’s Lagoon-“Well I have been working on a song about a truck stop and by working on it I mean stealing it.”
FC-“Can she be taught to walk on a leash,” Jeffy asks.
RMMD-“I think my doctor’s a quack.”
RMMD:
“Got in a fight at school, huh?”
“Yep. If this had been Judge Parker, there would have been cafeteria trays involved!”
Gil Thorp:
Why is the Milford defender in the forefront of the first panel running away both from the action and from the direction in which the ball is being thrown?
Gil Thorp:
This play is going to be called back because Milford had too many men on the field. There are eleven defenders in the first panel, none of whom are in a position to intercept the ball because of its forthcoming arc and trajectory. Therefore, the pass had to have been intercepted by a twelfth person on the gridiron.
Zits: I’m no health nut, but if you really want your teen to avoid annoying mood swings, maybe don’t let him eat two entire boxes of generic Froot Loops for breakfast.
Sherman’s Lagoon: I’m not quite sure the genre or song quality matters here anyway. If you could get a turtle to play guitar like that, it would be a huge success on TikTok — and that’s where all the hits come from now, according to people who are too young to read this comic strip.
Pluggers: You’re a plugger if you’re bitter and resentful over male pattern baldness, because for some reason you don’t realize that so many other aspects of your life are far more terrible.
Mary Worth: “I like vanilla cake, but my fiance likes lemon. There’s a metaphor about our sex life in there somewhere, but I’m so vanilla I can’t even figure it out!”
@Bob Tice:
The first panel of today’s Gil Thorp is explained by the colorist having NO IDEA which player is on what team (more than usual!), other than the fact that Milford was on defence, so they colored EVERY PLAYER ON PANEL in Milford colors except for the ball carrier.
The third panel is what perplexes me more. The poses seem… off, unnatural somehow.
************
(I’m having problems with GoComics this morning, so I got this off of Arcamax)
Luann : it’s weird for this strip to portray the delinquent, lazy character as 100 % in the right and triumphant, especially when his “stop being so fussy” is in reaction to “HOLY SHIT DON’T PUT YOUR CAT ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME WHEN I’M CHOPPING VEGETABLES ARE YOU INSANE”.
Like, maybe the final panel, where Les demonstrates that by “live a little”, he means “watching TV” is meant to poke a hole in his argument, but look! He’s smiling and enjoying himself! If the idea was to sell that Les DOESN’T have a more enjoyable life despite having less responsibilities, then have him look BORED and ANGRY as he watches TV, to show that he DOESN’T have a happier, more relaxed life!
Why do I think so much about frickin’ Luan…Phantom: “I learned it from watching YOU, Dad! I learned it from watching YOU!”
MW: You know, Estelle, you can just pay for samples at the bakery and take them to Dr. Ed. Or are they going to make you pay a deposit for them too?
RMMD: Beatty’s just going to parade Pat…I mean, Parker around until they wear out their welcome. Too bad the welcome has been worn out from the first week of their appearance.
@Anonymous:
Perhaps the guy holding the celebrating defender who made the pick is going to dunk him over the goalpost crossbar.
Sherman’s Lampoon — Just quit whining and play Muddy Boots. . .
The Ghost Who Techs — Just wait until it learns the Bandar tongue!
GT: Sorry Lumpy, but despite some wonky posing and the coloring that puts 12 Milford players on the field (obvious penalty) the action reads all from the same angle.
Panel 1: Bobcats QB Riley throws a pass towards his end zone, leftwards.
Panel 2: Milford defender jumps in front of the Bobcat receiver, so they would be to the right of the receiver.
Panel 3: Milford defender has run right to Milford’s end zone, scoring a touchdown.
@Dan: Well thank goodness that’s all cleared up! Now do all the other Gil Thorps.
Blondie: “Well, maybe some (placeholder) music, but that’s a small price to pay.”
(Writers do quick and dirty research on New Fangled Music understood by Olds, but not too New Fangled to upset Not-Olds people. Writers remembers the Great BeeHive Outrage of 2022.)
@Chance: uh, um, uh… gotta go! *runs of in some direction, viewed by some other angle*
GT: Not to say that Gil’s coaching leaves a bit to be desired, but seeing as the Central Bobcats were only allowed to field a few players and Gil was allowed send out as many as he wanted, given that the Mudlarks were able to bring an eleven-man rush against no offensive line and still cover the opposing receivers, 7-0 is a pretty dismal result.
DT: Ro-Zan came back?! He knows he’s been outed as Space Hitler by Mysta and he came BACK?!?! And Diet is just kind of fine with it and giving him the run of the place anyway? Or he’s setting a “clever” trap for Ro-Zan with the expectation that Ro-Zan is the most monumentally stupid entity in the known universe, which he was able to plan in advance because he correctly assumed Ro-Zan would openly return despite having every reason not to? What the absolute goshdang is this story?!
JP: Judging by the expression on Neddy’s face, Ronnie should spend less time quipping and more time shoulder-checking the door as hard as she can and making a desperate break for the back exit. Nothing good can come of a smile like that.
MW: No, Estelle, Ed isn’t absent because he’s a workaholic. He’s absent because Karen Moy has arbitrarily decided to make him the most exaggeratedly preoccupied person on the planet to force this storyline. Get it straight.
RMMD: You know what would totally redeem this week of bland small talk? If tomorrow Parker just said “Well, nice meeting you, bye,” and got on their bike and rode away, with all this dull chitchat amounting to absolutely nothing. Comedy gold.
CS: Is anyone in this story ever going to explain why these books have to be handed out at a bookstore specifically? Obviously Batiuk wants his dipshit protagonists to be lauded for their moral courage (while permitting them to face no actual consequences for their actions) and has to contrive ways to get them in position for that, and I never had any expectations about most of the really important questions and issues with this dumbfuck plot being answered, but it’s still so bizarre how this bookstore-requirement thing has been presented as though it’s an obvious given. “How kids get books if not book place? No sense make!”
Luann: Goofus puts cats on kitchen counters and eats ramen in front of the TV. Gallant fastidiously sanitizes all his food prep surfaces while whining like a toddler and building sexual tension with his identical mother.
FC: Billy pulls a leash out of his pocket and looks at Jeffy. “Did mom tell you that Barfy and Sammy are sick? Put this on. … And she said you’d better go before dinner.” Heads towards neighbor’s house who chased him off the lawn yesterday.
@Dan: Seems exactly right. I’d snark about Milford blitzing three defensive backs from the same side, but I bet that numbers under 40 don’t necessarily mean the same thing in high school football as in the pros. But I do feel bad for whichever Milford player made the play of the game and got buried in the passive voice.
FC: Do you think we can teach her to do it doggy style?
GT: Milford’s all-out 11-man pass rush has destroyed the Bobcats’s offensive line. Literally. They’re gone. All gone.
MW: Estelle sets the wheels of her impending divorce in motion.
CS: On the other end of the line, Les smirks.
HOWEVER given that the defensive back has clearly hurled himself up and backwards to catch that ball, serious demerit to the Bobcats receiver for not finishing the tackle.
GT: Gil’s’ controversial 11-man rush is unexpectedly successful against the Bobcat’s even more controversial 0-man line.
Phantom: Avarice is the nimblest of the Deadly Sins.
Zits: Sara trained that AI. Also, real Jeremy will soon be politely asked to leave the house.
RwO: Or maybe pay some attention to how you’re eating that burger.
GT: Even worse, where are the Green team’s linemen? I know Milford is pretty incompetent at football, but there’s no way that QB should have gotten to make that pass at all.
RMMD: “Is the doctor Rex Morgan?” “Yeah.” “Oh. Well, you’re fucked, my dude.”
“Avarice climbs trees” sounds like a bit of pseudo folk wisdom your increasingly demented grandfather would come out with.
I suppose I’ll wait to comment on strips I read on GoComics. I can guess, though. That one kid in Frazz is going to be a sanctimonious little bitch, Gunther is going to be a sanctimonious little bitch, Les or Lillian is going to be a sanctimonious little bitch, and the situation in 9 Chickweed Lane is going to make me retch.
MW: “Er, derr herr herr…cake…”
FC: Spencer’s sister is going to get sick of this before too long, and Spencer is going to know what it feels like to have a stick where the sun don’t shine.
GT: Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey make a cameo appearance in P3.
GT: Having the QB hold the ball and just say “hike” is a great timesaver.
FC: The first signs that future mass murderer Spencer is a psychopath.
Frazz: No way Frazz plays basketball. That’s way too mainstream. He’s more of a hacky sack with 35-lb. foot bags fanatic. C’mon Mallett, respect the snobbery.
Dustin: a.k.a., The Virgin Chronicles.
6Chx: Wow, that’s pretty topical. (No it’s not, it’s oral.)
H&L: Well, moron, if you chop up the leaves while you’re cutting the grass, you kill two birds with one stone.
@Dan: Not so sure about the twelve men. From this angle, it looks like 31 is just a conjoined twin, with two torsos emerging from a single thorax. Pretty amazing, if you think about it.
JP: “Forget Declan! Did you know his mother’s Diane Keaton??”
Luann: Hey, Gunther’s lived! He finally got a pretty girl to touch his privates!
*In an off-panel book that was obviously a grift by the writers so the majority of the audience have no idea it ever actually happened**
**Even I wouldn’t know about it if others here hadn’t taken the plunge on our behalf, but still!
I for one look forward to The Phantom being improved by dramatically terrible answers to factual questions and images of big-tittied anime women. Not because of any particular love of big-tittied anime women, mind you. It’s just The Phantom, any direction from the present is up at this point.
I feel like the whole “Ed works too much and it’s bad” conflict really shows just how Moy’s thought process is when it comes to jobs. Ian is a tenured professor who is only occasionally seen being a smug asshole to his students. Dr. Jeff is a super rich
meal ticketdoctor who takes several “missionary trips” a year. Wilbur is apparently so useless at his columnist job that he can work from home and rot for several weeks. And Moy wants us to see them as highly desirable men who spend time with their significant others (though Jeff likely is at metaphorical gunpoint)…and, well, Wilbur is supposedly such a catch.Has Parker been gaslit into calling their assault a “fight”? It pissed me off when it first happened in the comic, but I wasn’t angry at the writer because we have real life examples this kind of thing being downplayed by insinuating both sides were involved in the violence and having this happen in the story is just realistic, but there is no excuse for having the victim use that word. Anyway, now I’m too angry to make a joke about the funny pages. Not even about Jeremy eating an entire box of cereal.
@Hibbleton:
GT: Gil’s’ controversial 11-man rush is unexpectedly successful against the Bobcat’s even more controversial 0-man line.
In the huddle prior to the interception, Central’s quarterback calls the play: “Okay, everybody go long.”
RWO: When I’m out at the diner, I really love to watch the Two Guys In Suits Talking Directly To Me channel. I always ask the server for the table right under the TV set just to make sure I really relish every moment.
Apparently you’re a Plugger if you don’t know how to buy a turntable from Amazon for less than 200 bucks.
GT: Seeing as all 11 Milford defensive players are in P1 there should be several wide open receivers the QB can throw to.
Phantom – Tech bros like Elon Musk will create AI avatars of themselves, fed on their own tweets, speeches, emails, etc. Then, like a two-pack a day smoker catching their 13 year-old lighting up, blame everyone but themselves for the mess they have created.
Zits – This teen boy AI was trained by the same writers of cheap romance novels with Fabio on the cover. The average middle class, middle America Mom just wants a shallow fantasy of an engaged teen son.
Rhymes with Orange – A truth of our modern anxiety is, in spite of all our forms of communication and automated chores, every person
diesdines alone.Gil Thorp – The Bobcats’ defense strategy of having the quarterback stand alone against the entire 11-player Milford squad is either a crazy attempt to shake up high school football, or the coach of the Bobcats team is deep in debt betting on juvenile offender football games and really needs to throw this game to save his knees from his bookie’s pipe wrench.
Sherman’s Lagoon – The turtle will pretend to shit his shell in order to steal the lead stage time from roots country waterfowl Duck Dyler.
Rex Morgan, MD – Truck Tyler is going to insert his working brain into Parker’s young, still able to bicycle body, allowing him to live on and create more music, while Parker is decrepit in both brain and Truck’s worn out body, stuck on that bench.
Crank: Lillian Loathsome, International Woman of Mystery.
DtM: Dennis enthusiastically adopts the “just fucked” look.
JP: Declan’s parents are cocaine importers, and they just couriered a “welcome to the family!” eightball to Neddy’s place. Declan will be furious.
RwO: Diners are watching TV instead of gaping at their phones? What strange world is this?
I think I’ve got it figured out. One of the 11 blitzers tipped the pass, one of the other blitzers (or, heck, the same guy who tipped the pass) caught the ball. Then…teleportation.
CURTIS:. Take a second look at Chutney, she’s getting WAY cute and someone else will soon love her.
MW:. Estelle, you’ve already had that talk. Twice. Thrice is a nag.
FRAZZ:. We love what we played as kids.
GoComics is back up.
I was wrong about Frazz. Frazz was being a sanctimonious little bitch.
I was mostly right about Luann. Gunther was indeed being a sanctimonious little bitch. So were the Evanses, though.
I was also mostly right about Crankshaft. Both Les and Lillian are being sanctimonious little bitches. I kinda set myself up for that one.
I was definitely correct about 9 Chickweed Lane. *urp*
Okay, The Phantom is ripping off The Omnidroids from “The Incredibles” now, which was already kind of a loose (GOOD) ripoff of Watchmen, how far down will this rabbit hole go…?
CS: Have you noticed that Les’ insistence on teaching Fahrenheit 451 is putting a lot of people at risk? No one in the story has.
Chix (sic): Patrinos tries to convince her husband that ED medicines are nothing to be ashamed of. “Look, I did a whole strip about them and no one blinked an eye.”
Curtis does not relish the idea of being near Chutney. He is certainly in a jam…
@Banana Jr. 6000: Les’s fatal flaw is being stubborn to get his way. Along with every other fatal flaw he has… which is MANY.
Phantom – I’m pretty sure Sloth is the one that climbs trees. You probably shouldn’t be trying to school the Devil himself on the seven deadly sins.
If my doctor were Rex Morgan, I would also be saying doctor in a sarcastically emphasized way.
GT – I know almost nothing about football, and after reading Gil Thorp I know even less. I thought making touchdowns was the job of offense, and the job of defense was preventing the other team from making touchdowns. In which case, “Milford’s defense delivers a touchdown” should be a sarcastic way of saying that the other team scored.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Can I tag along with you?”
“No! You just want to leer at me!”
“Seriously! I want to be in show business”
“Then come with me and do what I say!”
“By my calculations he’ll land in the lions’ cage!”
[Sign: SABINA THE HUMAN CANNONBALL]
@Peanut Gallery: If the defence is able to take the ball from the offence, they are free to try to run it for a touchdown, which is what seems to be happening here, although in the strip’s typically incoherent fashion.
@Rube: Thanks for that clarification! This football thing must be more complicated than I thought. :-)
Hope this is an okay time for a Scrotal Interlude:
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
James
September 6th, 2024 at 5:42 am Reply
When is the last time that 9 Chickwood Lane had a strip that wasn’t about how every single character is hornier than a 14-year-old boy in the women’s underwear section of Wal-Mart?
Mr Not Cool Guy
September 6th, 2024 at 7:51 am Reply
I’m not happy that I know this, but Lolly is not underage. She is 20. The reason she hasn’t fucked Alistair yet is because they aren’t married. This may be a horny, sex-obsessed comic but it’s a *Catholic* horny, sex-obsessed comic.
Cleveland Mocks
September 6th, 2024 at 5:44 am Reply
CS: “I need a quote from you about the book store that was set on fire last night.”
“Oh my!”
“Could you elaborate on that?”
“Oh my God!”
“Got it. That’s gold! Thanks.”
Anonymous
September 6th, 2024 at 6:40 am Reply
Luann: Hey, did the Evanses forget about that TJ guy? Somewhat shady fellow, with an off-putting rictus grin and hair like Eriq LaSalle in Coming to America? Variable ethnic appearance, depending on which Photoshop skin tone was most easily clickable that day? Lived with Brad and Toni and did all their cooking, cleaning, and various other chores for them, up to and including babysitting Shannon? THAT guy. Where is he? Are Brad and Toni keeping him in a gimp box now? (If you got a mental image of what that might look like, I’m sorry.)
Voshkod
September 6th, 2024 at 8:02 am Reply
It’s impressive how the couple in Luann (Boni and Trad?) manage to be both smug and judgmental and horny at the same time. That is art.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
MKay
September 6th, 2024 at 6:44 am Reply
MW: Like the gullible sap that I am, I got all excited; “Oh boy, a plot twist!” But then I came back to earth. I’m sure it’s just that Ed has bouts of existential angst.
taig
September 8th, 2024 at 5:43 am Reply
MT: I’d ask why Mark is saluting with his left hand, but I’m pretty sure I know the answer.
Weaselboy
September 8th, 2024 at 6:51 am Reply
CS – “How nice that we can engage in clever wordplay while discussing arson and censorship!”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Cleveland Mocks
September 8th, 2024 at 6:11 am Reply
MW: *sob!* “I already know what you mean, Sheila. He’s just too busy to help me pick out animal masks for our zoo-themed major nuptials.”
“Your what, now”
“During the ceremony and reception, I want people to dress up in their finest party attire and wear masks depicting different animals. But he doesn’t seem interested.”
“Holy crap, I’m warning off the wrong person.”
Ukulele Ike
September 9th, 2024 at 4:47 am Reply
BF: 1) “So….I’m going to Canada WITH YOU!!!! (Sings) Ton histoire…est epopee/Des plus brilliants exploits…..”
2) “So….We going to fuck before you go, or what?”
3) “So….can you mail me back some poutine? And a box of Mackintosh toffee?”
Needless Exposition
September 9th, 2024 at 4:34 am Reply
MW: “You really should listen to what I have to say about how dedicating yourself to your job is not a good thing. I’m an Asian woman and in this white bread SoCal city, that makes me the equivalent of Morgan Freeman in those 2000s movies. And trust me that as an Asian woman, you should jump to conclusions as often as possible based on what a complete stranger tells you rather than actually talk to your partner.”
I speak Jive
September 9th, 2024 at 9:58 am Reply
FC – PJ must be around fifty years old. Pregnant women haven’t worn that look since the 1970s.
9CL – Positive: The twins are not adults, showing off meticulously drawn and shaded legs to tempt their thralls.
That zinger in the last panel wasn’t bad, especially if you remember that Brooke wrote it.
Negative: Thorax.
Mary Worth – The problem isn’t Ed’s workaholic lifestyle – it’s becoming more and more obvious that the problem is Estelle’s stupidity. I don’t know how Mary will meddle this, because you can’t fix stupid.
Cleveland Mocks
September 9th, 2024 at 5:49 am Reply
MW: “Many of us vets sacrifice our personal lives for the sake of the animals, but I chose a different route. I don’t really give a shit.”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
But What Do I Know?
September 9th, 2024 at 4:40 am Reply
RMMD — “Hey mister, are you Truck Tyler? I think you’re great, but my dad says you don’t try hard enough, except for the Emmy’s.”
Ken
September 9th, 2024 at 3:37 am Reply
RMMD: Damn, looks like I lost a bet with myself. I was sure they were setting up for Truck to be found dead on that bench from a heart attack.
MKay
September 9th, 2024 at 4:33 am Reply
RMMD: Just when things are at their lowest, Truck meets his son from a forgotten fling. He owes LOTS of back child support.
Everything Is Better With Monkeys
September 9th, 2024 at 4:48 am Reply
If this kid is inviting Truck to speak at his elementary school’s Roots Americana club, I’m down for the next 6 months of strips.
TomD
September 9th, 2024 at 5:40 am Reply
On this bléssed day we are ALL Truck Tyler.
Hibbleton
September 9th, 2024 at 5:16 am Reply
RMMD: The kid reminds Tyler of the restraining order keeping him at least a hundred yards away from schools and playgrounds.
Tabby Lavalamp
September 9th, 2024 at 5:11 am Reply
No, Rex Morgan, M.D.! No, no, NO! I will accept that roots country is unfathomably popular amongst the adults in your little universe, but I will NOT accept that some random kid in a park knows who Truck truckin’ Tyler is!
Has it been previously established that Hi is a doorknob or is this new to the canon?
Rube
September 9th, 2024 at 5:39 am Reply
A joke about how adults can’t open child proof caps, but children can? Hi and Lois is now only 50 years behind the times.
Turgid Cake Defiler Sequitur
September 9th, 2024 at 7:52 am Reply
Dennis the Menace Spanish to English.
“I use those things late at night to make my porn calls.”
[Scrote Note: How did this slip by the Modbot?]
Ukulele Ike
September 9th, 2024 at 11:27 am Reply
GT: Keri is upset because Daddy’s fucktoy is going to be working behind the Bud stick at a local dive bar pouring cheap shots for rummies, and everyone on the team is going to know about it. Also, the Chinese restaurant shorted them an eggroll, so guess who didn’t get one.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Bob Tice
September 10th, 2024 at 2:31 am Reply
RMMD:
“Oh — you’re a friend of Corey’s, huh? Nice kid.”
“Actually, that’s an incorrect grammatical expression. In the sentence you just uttered, the preposition ‘of’ makes the prepositional phrase that it introduces possessive to begin with. Therefore, the correct formulation should be ‘you’re a friend of Corey‘ — not ‘Corey’s.’ That’s an improper double possessive!”
“Listen, you little wisenheimer. Why don’t you ride that bike of yours into the deep woods and not come back this way?”
Truckosaurus
September 10th, 2024 at 2:55 am Reply
Much more interesting alternative:
“Yeah, I’m Truck Tyler. You know me?”
“Nah, some cops were asking about you earlier. You’re sick, mister.”
Weaselboy
September 10th, 2024 at 5:50 am Reply
RMMD – I’m eagerly awaiting “Park Bench,” the follow-up to “Glenwood Motel.”
Liam
September 10th, 2024 at 2:39 am Reply
FC-Jeffy, your kite is an offering to the Kite Eating Tree. After the disappearance of that roundheaded child Daddy is hoping the tree will take more than just kites.
Baja Gaijin
September 10th, 2024 at 4:33 am Reply
Family Circus: Jeffy, your kite is shaped like a tombstone. [Daddy thinks: He just won’t take a hint. Maybe I should get him some lawn darts.]
Little Blue Bicycle
September 10th, 2024 at 6:00 am Reply
GT: People are complaining about the new NFL kickoff rules, but they’re not as strange as wherever Milford is, where you kickoff to you own team.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Calvin’s Cardboard Box
September 10th, 2024 at 9:26 am Reply
LUANN – Once again skirting the question of whether Gunther is intentionally written as a childish dweeb or if the authors think he is endearing.
Liam
September 11th, 2024 at 2:36 am Reply
FC-Dolly, be sure to miss the balls when you swing the bat.
Tom T.
September 11th, 2024 at 5:17 am Reply
Zits: They’re teenagers sitting alone on his bed. IRL, wouldn’t they be crawling all over each other?
TheDiva
September 11th, 2024 at 7:02 am Reply
Zits: Sarah knows being fluent in corporate buzzword BS will give her a leg up when she goes to business school, and immersion is the best way to learn a language.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Everything Is Better With Monkeys
September 11th, 2024 at 4:42 am Reply
RMMD – this is a schtick, right? The whole cast of the strip will be sitting on this bench sometime in early 2028 when this arc finally ends.
Voshkod
September 11th, 2024 at 7:04 am Reply
“Answer me think son. Why do you Parker on a bike, but bike on a parkway? Huh?! Answer me!”
pugfuggly
September 11th, 2024 at 4:45 am Reply
RMMD Take your time, Rex Morgan M.D., we’ve got nowhere to go…
FW “But then how would I wedge in some unnecessary exposition? I swear, you haven’t changed at all since I married you twelve years ago, once I was done grieving the death of my first wife…”
Her Father, John Darling
September 11th, 2024 at 7:18 am Reply
@TheDiva: C’bean: I wonder what Les’ ringtone is. Part of me wants to say Weird Al’s “Word Crimes” because it fits his pedantry, but there’s no way Les is cool enough to like Weird Al.
It’s probably his own voice reading a passage from “Lisa’s Story.”
MKay
September 11th, 2024 at 4:40 am Reply
CRANK: When you have a character as vibrant and full of joie de vivre as Les Moore, there’s just no canceling him. Wait, what? Damn AI.
MW: And now for a week of Estelle whining about venues and Ed not giving a rat’s ass. Because he has this riveting case involving a rat’s ass…
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Myrtle
September 11th, 2024 at 6:19 am Reply
Pluggers: Rhinoman checks his morning spam:
— Your National Geographic subscription has EXPIRED!!
— African secret to make your horn HUGE!!!
— Local pawnshops paying BIG BUCKS for computer monitors!!!
Liam
September 12th, 2024 at 2:19 am Reply
RMMD-“I’ve been punched out a few times myself. You should see what hookers charge for that.”
Crankshaft-“No. The store was burned down for the insurance money.”
Inspector Gotcha
September 12th, 2024 at 8:03 am Reply
CS: I wonder why Les didn’t force them to read “Lisa’s Story” instead. That was also banned by school management.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Needless Exposition
September 12th, 2024 at 4:20 am Reply
MW: I think the saddest thing about all this is the realization that Estelle has no friends at all.
BigTed
September 13th, 2024 at 3:39 am Reply
Zits: I’m no health nut, but if you really want your teen to avoid annoying mood swings, maybe don’t let him eat two entire boxes of generic Froot Loops for breakfast.
Hibbleton
September 13th, 2024 at 5:10 am Reply
GT: Gil’s’ controversial 11-man rush is unexpectedly successful against the Bobcat’s even more controversial 0-man line.
mstgator
September 13th, 2024 at 5:18 am Reply
GT: Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey make a cameo appearance in P3.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. seismic-2
September 8th, 2024 at 8:29 am Reply
RMMD: My favorite part of today’s strip is the panel in which waitress Wanda and waitress Cindy discuss Truck’s behavior when he stormed out of the diner, and Cindy admits “I got nothin’.” It’s good that from time to time Terry Beaty has a character give voice to the strip’s mission statement.
69. Baja Gaijin
September 9th, 2024 at 7:19 am Reply
Mary Worth: Estelle isn’t worried about Dr. Ed’s work/life balance. He may not give her a lot of his time but it’s good quality time with good quality dick. She had Wilbur who had lots of time and, well, she’s glad she doesn’t have to go anywhere near his dick.
69. Liam
September 12th, 2024 at 8:04 am Reply
RMMD-“We also didn’t associate with people who had the Devil’s Red Hair either. Now move along.”
MW: Estelle watches the happy couple as the woman feeds her fiancé cake off the little wooden spoon from a dixie cup. She decides she better have a talk with Ed. She then watches the woman follow the man into the bathroom so she can wipe his bottom. “Uh, on the other hand…”
Oops, didn’t mean to interrupt. Carry on, Scratchy.
love is... not understanding what being horny is.
Thanks for the mention, Scratchy!
GT: Fortunately for the Bobcats they were playing sandlot rules. Their qb drew his line with his foot and couldn’t be touched. Unfortunately, he is a bad passer and he was picked off.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: According to the High School Football Association rulebook, two torsos are better than one, so they count as two players.
For more football talk, here’s a nice clear video of what today’s Gil Thorp could have looked like: the Bears defensive player runs in front of the intended Seahawks receiver and intercepts the pass, running all the way back to the Bears endzone for a touchdown (“pick-six”): YouTube
@Hibbleton:Oops, didn’t mean to interrupt. Carry on, Scratchy.
**
No problem. I was done. (That’s what she said.)
GT: In keeping with the trendy “AI” theme, panel one appears to have been created on DALL-E.
RMMD: “The doctor? What are you, some kind of namby-pamby wussy kid? Everyone knows you react to chronic pain by cursing loudly, breaking dishware, and then going off to sulk on a bench for several hours.”
Zits: It’s like a generationally-inverted “The Veldt.” I look forward to Connie trapping her flesh-and-blood son in his room so her AI son can murder him.
Dennis the Menace Spanish to English.
RMMD. I know Parker is non-binary, and presumably transitioning, but I didn’t realize the transition was into a 40 year old man.
@Anonymous: Luann’s 10th year at Community College has left the strip even more plotless than usual. Has anyone in the cast, other than Gunther, had a date or life event since the Obama administration? The closest thing to a plot this year is Brad & Toni dithering, and as a joke a day strip, forget it.
The Phantom: Boy, is Phantom gonna feel silly when he shoots at what he thinks is a robot and accidentally kills an ultra-endangered animal!
Zits: I really don’t like the look that Jeremy’s mom is giving to robo-Jeremy. Is it incest if you’re making a move on the robot double of your son?
Rhymes With Orange: This comic’s suggestion that anybody actually watches the televisions in restaurants is one of the most delusional things I’ve ever seen.
Gil Thorp: This kinda highlights a major problem for Gil Thorp, which is that the confines of a newspaper comic aren’t really conducive to depicting sports action in a way that actually makes any sense, or is even nice to look at really.
Sherman’s Lagoon: Y’know, a lot of sea turtles eat crabs. Just saying.
Rex Morgan: Yep! They’re still sitting there alright! Thank God for this riveting update!
C’shaft: Several years ago (late 90s, probably, since I’m pretty sure it was after the Oklahoma City bombing but before 9/11) Funky Winkerbean had an arc where an unseen man, prompted by the rantings of a Rush Limbaugh-esque radio host, bombed the post office that Blessed Saint Dead Lisa had the misfortune to be visiting at the time. (Even before the cancer diagnosis, BSD Lisa was the strip’s chew toy.) In that case, the faceless nature of the attacker made sense, as the focus was on how the radio host’s rhetoric, which some characters dismissed as absurd nonsense that nobody in their right mind could take seriously, was inciting people to violence.
It feels like Batiuk is trying something similar here (and let’s be honest, overblown media fear-mongering having severe real world consequences is extremely relevant right now), but it doesn’t make sense. In the first place, there’s no media personality literally fanning the flames, just Skip Townes poking around for something to fill the space between the engagement announcements and the high school sports scores. Second, the people calling for book bans aren’t some shadowy domestic terrorism cabal; they’re proudly proclaiming themselves in front of school boards and cameras and social media feeds. By reducing the antagonist to a literal faceless torchbearing mob, Batiuk is unable to engage with the subject on any level beyond “burning books is wrong, and I’m so brave and noble for saying that it’s wrong!” which tells you a lot about the level and quality of his activism.
DT: Didn’t the real Moon Maid die in a car bombing or something? I would think Diet would be far less chill about Obviously Evil Ro-Zan poking around their vehicles.
Dustin: No interaction that is prompted by “I’ve got a new pickup line to try out” has any chance of ending well. I suspect Dustfriend knows this, and his “give it a shot” equates to “go ahead, I could use a good laugh at your expense.”
Luann: Wait, are we supposed to think that cuddling up with a cat in front of some comfort television is not “living”? Because it sounds like a good way to spend an evening to me, especially if the alternative is “listen to Gunther be a smug little shit all night.”
MT: No, no! It’s, “It’s dangerous to go alone, take this!” Get your memes right, Rivera.
MW: Yes, the problem is Ed being a workaholic, and not you ignoring the “I don’t need or want a big, fancy wedding” messages he’s been sending out like the semaphore version of Wuthering Heights.
Pluggers don’t know that you can still buy record players. They’re even Bluetooth-compatible now, although Pluggers think “Bluetooth” is a sign that your crown needs replacing.
SH: “Investigating white-collar crime by turning into a cat” sounds like the sort of thing Disney would have made a movie about in the 1970s.
Thanks, Scratchy!
SHERMAN’S LAGOON: Hawthorne is a terrible manager. Just let your star loaf around a diner or a park bunch all day and it’ll be find. (Psst, Hawthorne? You also might want to be a bit more schlubby and nebbish to if you want to successfully manage a country act.)
GT: Barajas and Whigham have to be trolling us, right? I mean, they have to be doing this on purpose, because nobody whose job it is to create a strip about sports can be so utterly clueless about sports.
Okay, you got us, guys. Good one. But the joke is really getting old now.
@2+2=7:
Psst, Hawthorne? You also might want to be a bit more schlubby and nebbish to if you want to successfully manage a country act.
Don’t forget learning to answer a phone while tilting your head at an angle that both really draws attention to your double-chin, and allows everyone to see right up your nostrils!
Cranky: “I think the ‘feeling safe’ ship left the dock quite a long time ago.”
Yes, when you ruined your sister’s life.
JUDGE PARKER: “I was right to contact Declan’s parents. Turns out they’re coke dealers who give in-laws free samples!”
While you continue to decipher the football action in Gil Thorp, try to speculate on why the basketball in Frazz suddenly stopped bouncing and landed on the ground like a dropped muffin.
Mary Worth – That’s where this is going? Dr. Ed told Estelle that he’s a workaholic who’s dedicated to the lives of critters, yet she’s persisting in trying to drag him into wedding planning. Not only is Estelle stupid, she’s obtuse and self absorbed. Good luck meddling this one, Mary.
Crankshaft – Yeah, sure.
As we speak, Batiuk is imagining winning the Pulitzer for this dreck and then appearing in the strip to give it to Les.
FC – Billy would do the same with Jeffy, but Jeffy would just run in circles and then poop in the yard.
@Inspector Gotcha: To borrow a football analogy, I think Rod Whigham is “running out the clock”.
Dailycartoonist.com is reporting Whigham is being replaced (no explanation by the site) after 16 years of GT by a new artist.
From the samples they showed, I think it might be Jules Rivera under another pseudonym.
Yike.
CS- So all of these “heroic” people are just ignoring the fact that nobody knows what the cause of the fire was? But instead they’d rather assume the worst and act accordingly? So what are they going to do when it turns out the fire was from faulty electrical wiring, a candle left burning, a cigarette in a trash can, an arson for insurance attempt etc? Just say “Ooops- my bad BUT I would have still been wiling to defy those evil book banners if I had to !”?
@UncleJeff:
Thanks, Unc, I checked it out. While the new artist is obviously not as terrible as Jules (I cannot stand to look at that strip anymore), there are unfortunately similar elements. But if she knows her sports, then I guess we can live with it.
@UncleJeff:
I dunno, Rachel Marrow looks pretty gifted (here’s the Daily Cartoonist link). Eisner Award for illustrating the Tori Amos graphic novel; check out the cover in magnified view. I get a bit of a Modesty Blaise vibe from her sketches of women, and want to go on record that that is perfectly OK with me!
Congrats to all of this week’s Scroters, and thanks for the shout-out, Scratchy!
@Uncle Lumpy: I LIKE Rachel’s art samples in the Daily Cartoonist article! The Monarch from Venture Bros, Buster Keaton, pretty girls, and a chicken butcher. My four favorite things.
“Avarice takes drugs,Devil! ” Averice: “I learned it from watching you,Dad!”
@The Rambling Otter: Don’t worry, he’ll just get mustered out again.
Zits: You can call me A.I., or you can call me I.A., or you can call me Art Intel.
Congrats to the scratchies!
DT: I honestly can’t tell if Diet Smith is brilliantly dissembling so Ro-Zan doesn’t realise he now knows the truth, or if he’s still in the “Eh, I’m sure it’s all fine, mustn’t be rude to a guest” dumbass mode he’s been in all story.
GT: I don’t know anything about American football, but that’s an excellent pas de deux Milford are performing. If the whole sports thing doesn’t work out, maybe these guys should look for colleges with a notable dance program.
JP: I’ve just realised what’s been bugging me about this (apart from, you know, everything). Neddy met Declan at Ronnie’s wedding to Emergency Backup Neddy, right? Was it ever explained how he knew the happy couple? Because throughout this whole family drama bit, Ronnie has seemed to be aware of him entirely as Neddy’s New Boyfriend. Maybe he’s a friend of Emergency Backup Neddy, and now that Original Neddy has barged into their home EBN will give some background that could have been done ages ago, if anyone had asked. Or maybe Ces will continue to forget she exists.
S4th: Yep, I called it yesterday; nobody told Jackie that running a non-magical shop requires knowing how anything works.
Zits: Hmm. Jeremy’s parents are usually portrayed as quite liking him. I’d say this feels like a Dustin script that got sent to the wrong family, but it has a sense of whimsy about it, so maybe not.
@Drew Funk: Rex Morgan: Gotta see the *air quote* “doctor.”
@GarrisonSkunk: Curtis just can’t catch up…
@Uncle Lumpy: I kind of see what UncleJeff means about the Rivera look, but I never really had that much problem with Rivera’s art (in particular, I liked how she made Rusty look like a human child) — just her storytelling. I quite like the idea of soap strips moving away from the Standard Soap Strip Look for quirkier and perhaps more stylised art styles — it worked on Flash Gordon! (Well, it worked for me on Flash Gordon, I can’t speak for others.)
@Horace Broon:
I think comics are in transition from pen-and-ink (Heart of Juliet Jones, Rip Kirby) to tablet-and-stylus technologies. First-generation new technologies tend to mimic the old: horseless carriages with whip-holders, LED bulbs sold by “wattage,” vape pens shaped like cigarettes, “file” and “save” icons on computers, etc. Flash Gordon and to a lesser extent Dick Tracy look more like second-generation “born-digital” strips. Watercolor Breaking Cat News is an outlier.
GT: I intend to remain ignorant about football until the day Bastet takes me. And right now, I very especially want to remain ignorant about whatever is going on in that third panel. Ye gods.
9CL – A few weeks ago, Edda and X were concocting a plot to pretend to be bringing their children a cake, in the hope they could catch them fucking. For the laffs.
But today these same two women are expressing it is “torture” to see their children kissing each other.
Also, it’s a couch!
No, wait, it’s a cozy love seat they are both squeezed into!
No, wait, it’s a couch agian! Yay! Wave your hands in the air!!
Continuity is overrated.
Curtis: If Chutney is getting stronger she can be a bodyguard and keep Derrick and ‘Onion’ of Curtis’s back.
@jroggs: After reading your long Cranky comment yesterday, I’m somehow envisioning DYSTOPIA: THE MUSICAL! It’s a hilarious melodic romp that puts together wacky fun from dystopian novels, films, and TV shows. Burning books, walking dead, global flooding, deadly firestorms, terrifying motorcyclists, Room 101, bring it all! The song possibilities are endless.
JP: How is Ned stupid? Let me count the ways…
@Poteet: I’d watch it.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Thanks, Scratchy.
Thanks Scratchy!
@Poteet: I’m imagining something along the lines of History of the World Part I.
@I speak Jive: I don’t think this is going to be that hard for Mary. “Obtuse and self-absorbed” are her specialities!
@2+2=7: “Obtuse and self absorbed” describes a majority of the “heroes” in Mary Worth from “fan favorite” Wilbur to Mary herself.
Thanks for the mentions, Scratchy! I guess Baja takes his holidays at the same time as Josh.
Or maybe they’re vacationing together! Sharing a rental cottage in Fire Island or Mendocino or Sheboygan. “Whose turn is it to wash the dishes?” “Did you drink my milk? I clearly wrote JF on the carton.” “Why is there no beer left? Weren’t you doing a beer run?” “Why is my shampoo no longer in the shower stall?” “God, I hate you.”
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Bring on the big-tittied anime women!
GT: I dunno, it looks to me like the running back is throwing both the ball and his own QB through the goalpost, which would be unorthodox to say the least.
RMMD: “Also the concussion caused me to bomb with the comedy act I was working on with Buck’s son. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.”
RWO: As far as I can tell a total of one guy in the restaurant is paying attention to what’s on TV. If I were one of the network’s sponsors I wouldn’t be thrilled.
Phantom: Other monkeys: This new monkey is a quick study at climbing but seems like he can’t pronounce “OOOK.”
Blondie: The other night I heard some overhead punk rock music by the vendos before I left on my solo car date. I’d tell you if I went roadside but I’m a gentleman.
C-Shaft: It would be an interesting twist if Lillian used the controversy as cover to burn down her own store for insurance money, so we know that’s not gonna happen.
DT: Right, the dictator from the ultra-advanced civilization on the moon is running around like an Amish boy on rumspringa. In John Munch terms Ro-Zan seems to believe he can lie to Diet Soap like he’s Montel Williams, and maybe he’s right.
Dustin: Looking at Dustin’s saucer eyes in the first panel I’d guess there are a few lines he’s already tried out, nasally.
Luann: The final panel seems meant to indicate that Les’s question is invalid, and yet it still stands.
MW: With the foreground couple, the bride-to-be is making airplane sounds. These two just have to move to Charterstone.
Ziggy: So I guess it’s been a good 30 years since Tom II has taken an elevator?
@110 Ukulele Ike:
That’s funnier than anything in the comics today.
D-Daze: Yep, BLURF! is what I’d expect a pudding cup explosion to sound like.
@BigTed: I know life in Sherman’s Lagoon is supposed to be pretty normal despite being underwater, but I’d really like to know what a guitar sounds like played at that depth. Let’s see Truck match that.
@jroggs: You guys are overlooking the absolute courage Loathsome Lillian is showing here. Her bookstore could be in danger! (I’ve not heard of current book protesters setting fire to any bookstores, but let’s not get mired in minutia.) This is her chance for redemption. (But let’s be honest — Fahrenheit 451? Not a book to get real incensed about.)
GT: In all this discussion about a new artist (who’s work samples do show promise), no one’s asking why Gil Thorp needs to continue. I’m not aware that high-school kids are following the strip breathlessly or its impact on popular culture. Perhaps it’s time to retire it and let someone come in with a new strip with new, contemporary ideas and a finger on the pulse of pop culture come in and take a shot. (Ha-ha-ha-ha! Such a dreamer!)
Pluggers – Come off it; all the pluggers are listening to 60s and 70s music on YouTube.
And congratulations to the scratchies, natch.
@Dr. Pill:
Apparently several schools took it off their reading lists, citing foul language, depictions of drug use, and (in one case) burning of a Bible. This was in the 1950’s.
@118 Peanut Gallery:
I bet their 8-track tape players still work.
@Ukulele Ike: I’d watch it.
Thanks, Scratchy!
PHANTOM: WOW. Dang. I had no idea. Does Avarice have a fake-human relative with a strong back and no desire for world domination, a relative that would work for fuel, regular maintenance, and frequent praise? Because there’s a whole lot of outside work that needs doing around here.
@110 Ukulele Ike: I posted the Shadows on last week’s Metapost hours ago.
@The Quiet Man: I didn’t know about this Luann book and wasn’t going to read it, but now that you’ve told us about it I’m definitely not going to read it.
@Baja Gaijin: How very Ozymandias (the Watchmen character) of you.
Thanks for the mentions. :-)
@124 Baja Gaijin:
Well, that sucks. Nobody goes there. That includes me.
@Sequitur: Yeah! Don’t hide your light under a bushel, Bajy.
@Baja Gaijin: Thanks for all the Shadow-y love, Baja.
@Sequitur: You haven’t really heard “Do You Feel Like We Do” unless you’ve heard it with a track change in the middle!
@Dr. Pill: Re Loathsome Lillian – In that recent interview, Batiuk talked about discovering a depth of courage in Lillian while he was writing the banned books story.
Yeah, sure.
I find it amazing that a person with an overinflated opinion of his own abilities could write a Pulitzer bait story and get every detail wrong. I should have expected that.
Thanks, Scratchy and Baja. I didn’t realize that Baja posted his on last week’s post.
Could someone please show Uncle Lumpy the button he needs to push on his newfangled Apple™watch to access the COTW?
@128 Ukulele Ike: Not my light. I don’t qualify for Shadow COTWs.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Phantom: Other monkeys: This new monkey is a quick study at climbing but seems like he can’t pronounce “OOOK.”
______________________________
How is he at murdering silent film comics?
@GarrisonSkunk:
Apple Watch hgnf hgnf! Flip phone or GTFOH.
Should JEREMY IS EATING CHARLIE BROWN’S GUTS FOR BREAKFAST! be added to the rafters of Comic Commudgeon Center alongside other previously retired CC tropes such as BEETLE BAILEY AND LOIS FLAGSTON ARE KILL BOTS BUILT BY HI FLAGSTON’S COMPANY, SIX CHIX MAKES SENSE IF YOU DETACH YOUR EYES AND STARE AT IT UNTIL THE CATS AND SANDWICHES ARE IN 3-D, SARGE AND BEETLE ARE LOVERS and MARMADUKE IS A HELLHOUND OWNED BY HITLER? Please discuss…….
@Uncle Lumpy: Flip phone or GTFOH.
_____________________
I’m afraid I can’t flip your phone at the moment, my flipping off finger has locked up. I CAN give it the toe,Uncle Lumpy, if you have a few minutes. Sorry for any inconvenience.
@Sequitur: Nobody goes there.
____________________
“Nobody goes there, its too crowded.”-Yogi Berra
@Baja Gaijin: @128 Ukulele Ike: Not my light.
_______________________________
Baja Gaijin is lit!
Okay, quick question for our favourite uncle on ths last day of the fundraiser
I’ve been on a bit of an archive binge lately, rereading old posts, and I noticed that ifs been a few years since Josh linked to the merch store (and it doesn’t seem to be linked on the site here). How active is it still? Would ordering something be a viable way to show support?
@Peanut Gallery: [Sign: SABINA THE HUMAN CANNONBALL]
_____________________________________
No Groovy Ghoulies?
@Baja Gaijin: Thanks, Baja!! I appreciate the ride!
Thanks, Scratchy, and congrats to all award recipients!
Thanks for the float ride, Baja.
Thank you, Baja!