TRIUMPHANT RETURN COMICS
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Hello everyone! I am back from my vacation! Did you miss me? Did you realize you liked Uncle Lumpy better? Did you not even notice any changes? Feel free to only answer those questions in ways that won’t hurt my feelings. Anyway, I do want to thank Uncle Lumpy for his fabulous fill-in duties, and thank everyone who donated to the annual fundraiser (said donors will be getting individual thanks from me, this week!).
Mary Worth, 9/22/24
I also want to give thanks to the usually cold and unfeeling universe and/or the vagaries of the King Features editorial calendar. It seems strangely common that truly wild Mary Worth action, like the legendary Operation H-Town warehouse shootout, happens when I’m on vacation. But this year, I’ve gotten home just in time for the truly incredible panel in which Estelle decides to murder her fiance, and probably a bunch of sick animals too. Can’t wait!!!!
The Phantom, 9/22/24
An extremely long-simmering plot in The Phantom is that at one point the Phantom had amnesia, and ended up enlisting under the name “John X” as a patrolman in the Jungle Patrol, the paramilitary unit he ordinarily leads from the shadows as the perpetually unseen “Unknown Commander”. Before too long he regained his memory and had to juggle both roles, which was increasingly more trouble than it was worth, as fun as it was to intermittently show up as John X and make all the patrolwomen extremely horny. So our hero has finally decided to wrap up his double life by having the Unknown Commander order John X off on what’s widely understood as a suicide mission. This has the added benefit of modeling for the patrolpersons he commands the idea that they’re expected to nobly sacrifice themselves for unclear ends at any time, which could make his life a lot more convenient even ignoring the whole thing where he has one less identity to juggle now.
Beetle Bailey, 9/22/24
The throwaway panels assure us that Beetle is aware that he is a member of the U.S. Armed Forces, but it’s fascinating that in subsequent panels he contemplates various increasingly fantastical transportation modes only in terms of the convenience they would offer him, and not the incredible tactical advantage they would grant his platoon in combat. I guess there’s a reason he’s never been promoted: he simply doesn’t have the mind for military leadership.
Mark Trail, 9/22/24
WOW, Mark Trail, you had an opportunity to depict a GRAPHIC vulture vomit scene in the Sunday full-color comics and you chickened out? For shame, for shame!
172 replies to “TRIUMPHANT RETURN COMICS”
MW:
Uh-oh! — is Estelle having a tryst with Ohio Art’s entomological writing implement Bizzy Buzz Buzz?
MW: Estelle, you put up with Wilbur abusing your cat, letting you think he was dead, and repeatedly embarrassing you in public. But God forbid that Ed isn’t there for you to parade in front of your cousin like a trophy wife at a high school reunion because he’s (gasp) doing his job!
Phantom:
“I’m going to trust that our commander’s right about all of us…”
“Well, now, that’s a horse of a different color. Take a look at the second panel of today’s strip by contrast!”
MW-Estelle is going to report Ed to the school management.
FC-The clown who lives in the sewer just gives Billy his boat back right away and that’s it.
MW-“We lost the puppies. For newborn puppies they can run surprisingly fast.”
MW:
In an illustrated dictionary, Cousin Pam’s image would be next to the definition of rabble-rouser.
“I knew that stupid bitch would ruin things! Damn you, Mitzi!”
– Estelle, animal lover
JP: Well, it took a week of blabbering and dithering, but everyone, I am happy to report that the pancake question has been answered!!
Luann: Go clog a toilet, Luann.
Cranky Funkershaft (Title Panel only): Subtle…
MW: BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Mary Worth could have come up with any veterinary emergency for Dr Ed. Making it involve the death of several puppies is so hilariously bleak that I can only salute it.
CS: The only thing Tom Batiuk has to fear is fracturing a vertebra from all this patting himself on the back.
DT: Why didn’t Ro-Zan make his move when he was a somewhat trusted guest rather than a completely discredited malefactor under house arrest? Because pointless self-sabotaging incompetence is all Mike Curtis knows how to write. Anyway, this is almost definitely a trap, but why bother? Ro-Zan should already be on death row or imprisoned without any chance of parole for treason and at least several murders; what difference does a count of corporate espionage make in this comic’s Slylock Fox-esque justice system?
H&L: Oh noes! A light breeze and a few falling leaves! Everyone, back into the house! Forget the food, just run!
Welcome back, Josh.
Talking about talking is peak Judge Parker.
MW: Holy moly. I’ve got a lot of disconnected feelings about this, so I’m just going to do it bullet-point style:
– This is an annihilation of Estelle’s established character. Estelle is supposed to love animals; it makes no sense for her to react to mass puppy death and a dying mommy dog with this petty fury.
– I don’t know if Karen Moy realizes that this is permanent. Estelle’s character will never recover from this. She will forever be mocked and abhorred for this absurdly selfish and nasty response.
– At least we’ve conclusively settled the Team Ed vs Team Estelle issue.
– Still laughed pretty hard.
– Why was Estelle lying about the excuse for Ed’s absence from the beginning? I’m not even asking for a good reason, just a reason.
– Why can’t the greatest and most dedicated vet in southern California keep any animals alive ever? You’d almost think Ed was deliberately cutting down his workload for the next 10-15 years.
– Misguided or not, Karen Moy still has 100 times the writing cojones of Tom Batiuk.
Originally I went into this Mary Worth storyline feeling like Moy was going to try and manipulate the situation so that Ed would suddenly turn from Estelle’s perfect partner into making her wish she was back with Wilbur. But this is even worse than I thought it was going to go because after this, it’s clear that Estelle has completed her transformation into being a narcissistic sociopath like the other Charterstone residents.
After all, no one else seems to be as bothered about Ed not being able to show up except for Estelle because she spent ages bragging about him to her cousin. She wants Ed to be there to show off to Pam that she’s not a dried up prune of a widow. Because she’s perfectly okay with him making gobs of money for her fancy wedding but when she can’t show him off like a fancy toy, she gets upset.
MT: The most disturbing factoid is that turkey vultures have adapted to live indoors, soaring over heat vents. Keep your furnace under sixty degrees in winter, if you don’t want acidic carrion vomit everywhere.
So, uh, Zero is smart enough to make a dad joke now? Like, he’s aware of wordplay, not simple-minded and criminally literal?
As much as I hate the dumb hick trope, this is not better.
@jroggs: I don’t think Moy herself realizes that Estelle has gone from being a happy volunteer cooing over Rottweilers to “Ignore those stupid dogs so I can get one up on my estranged cousin.”
Welcome back, Josh! Hope you are all rested up from – uh – whatever. Thanks for giving some Curmudgeonly love to my fave, Phantom.
Should I be concerned that the ads running on this page are in Chinese?
MW: Yep, life is what happens when you’re making other plans. Or death. The death of puppies, even. Sorry, don’t mean to be a downer, but that seems to be what happened.
Ph: Nothing like the Bengalan dusk, when the setting sun bathes the world in warm glowing light, and everything looks like it’s covered with a thin layer of piss.
MW: I’m still only 60% certain we’re supposed to believe Estelle is being way over the top here. In a typical real-world situation, the partner who got stood up would be sympathetic about her veterinarian partner having to deal with a traumatic situation (for him and the pet owner), but, as I’ve learned, Moy is somewhat distant from the real world.
BB: Segways were invented in the late 1990s and marketed in the early 2000s, so this strip is surprisingly current.
MT: I think every nu-Mark Trail comic would be improved by vulture barf.
This strip contains no less than TWELVE ellipses, including one absurd exclamation mark ellipsis and Ed’s text message that reads as if he’s dictating a speech to text message and it somehow faithfully captures his tearful trailing off at the end of four unfinished sentences in a row, with the only two periods appearing in a) a quotation and b) a sentence that seems meant to sound awkwardly cut off. And then the last panel comes in to really forcefully show us the writers do know how to use periods effectively and it’s not just a holdover stylistic choice from pre-1980s comics writing where they desperately try to avoid periods because back then they thought it didn’t work with uppercase lettering. That’s the last straw!
MW: Cue up the Casey Kasem dead-dog-dedication tirade…
Frazz: It does matter if your solutions are all stupid, Caulfield.
Luann: Why exactly are you ironing her shirts, Nancy? You know she’s just going to get them all wrinkled up any thanks to her Inner
BeautySlobiness.CS: Just once, I’d like for Pam to slap Jeff’s hand away and yell at him to stop being so patronizing, but then I remember that Batiuk writes this strip, and women are only there to be patronized.
Zits: Jeremy knows how to play his mom.
FC: No. I hate that Jeffy had to ruin yet another pair of pants.
MW: “Your Fiance the Veterinarian.” Cousin Pam is not buying this ONE BIT. Ed is going to have to text some pictures of the disemboweled Mitzi on the table, so that Estelle can save face.
RMMD: True to form, Truck is going to be a pain in the ass every little step of the way.
Welcome back, Josh. I hope you enjoyed your vacation.
I don’t care for the “ha ha” in Beetle Bailey. It changes the throwaway gag from “Zero does not know what ‘infantry’ means” to “Zero is injecting a bit of levity into the proceedings, ha ha, just a little wordplay from Camp Swampy’s resident wit.”
MW – There’s no period after “last,” so Estelle can’t be that mad.
MW: But . . . but . . . puppies, Estelle! PUPPIES!
CS: How very damn profound, Jeff. I’m surprised Les hasn’t asked you to be a guest lecturer in his class.
CS: Well, golly Jeff. That tuition money was sure well spent.
MW: Under BBC murder mystery rules, after witnessing Estelle’s jealous rage first hand, Detective Pam realizes that it was Estelle who murdered Jimmy all along.
MT: Of course turkey vultures can eat carcasses infected with rabies and not get sick, rabies only infects mammals. Step up your factoid game, Mark!
BB: For fuck’s sake, just steal a Jeep.
MW: Josh returns just in time for Estellle to become a Marvel witch.
Oh boy we got a good one. Yes John Lennon used that line in a song. But he got it from… Mary Worth.
CS: So Jeff went to Kent State (like TomBat), studied the great political speeches, and the best he can come up with to be “profound” is an FDR quote so trite that Robot Chicken did a sketch about it.
I realize a hand ailment isn’t likely to be fatal, but I hope Truck dies.
On a softer note, the bleeding heart in me doesn’t wish Wilbur upon Estelle, as much as she deserves it. Perhaps a lesser punishment for her would be to re-connect with Artheur.
Welcome back, Josh!
MW: If you had asked me which Mary Worth character would exhibit incandescent fury over a dying dog that had just miscarried her litter being prioritized over them, I would have guessed Wilbur. I think we all would have guessed Wilbur.
Phantom: “Refusing to say comforting words of farewell to his ardent and grieving groupies” is the cherry on the manipulative asshole sundae that has been this arc.
MW:
mitzis run off to fill rhe starring role in the santa royale players forthconing production of south pacific…i dont know what to do!
The Phantom shows Ed how to do emotional unavailability right. “Me and my animals are riding off to fake our deaths. If anyone cares about me, tell them tough shit.”
Pluggers: News from Bridgewater VA — An arrest has been made in regard to the mysterious disappearances of baled-up hay from local farmers’ fields, thanks to a tip from an alert motorist. One of the haybales was spotted from the road, grotesquely defaced almost beyond recognition and ruined for any commercial use. The suspect was caught pink-handed trying to leave the scene.
Josh, glad you had a great vacation! Be sure to tell us all about it or we’ll have to tell you how Great Uncle Lumpys work was.
Paraphrase from someone smart like Abe Lincoln:. ” You do a man [kid] no favor when you do for them what they could and should do for themselves.”
Parents, teach your children well:
– Luann:. Ignorance of house skills
– Zits: Ignorance of cleaning skills
– Curtis: ignorance of paying requirements
MW:. Ed, get an associate or forget getting a life
DOONESBURY (which I imagine is banned since Mallard Fillmore is): great send up of non-prosecutable media bias.
The Ghost Who Colonizes — “We stand against evil.” Jungle Patrol motto
“Evil, when we are in its power, is not felt as evil but as a necessity or even a duty.” Simone Weill
@taig:
#18. Taig, yeah, Ed is also trying to prevent having a his business closed in a malpractice suit.
@nescio: I was wondering whether rabies could spread by ingestion rather than a bite, but the Wikipedia article didn’t’ seem definitive, and I don’t want “can you get rabies from eating an infected bat” hanging around in my search history.
(It does say that birds can be infected, but they’re largely asymptomatic, so “not get sick” is certainly redundant. And I guess the citation suggests that scavengers can get rabies antibodies from eating infected animals.)
Beetle, my d20srd states that when you teleport you can bring along objects as long as their weight doesn’t exceed your maximum load. Don’t front like you can lift that bed, your toothpick arms are visible.
@matt w: I’m certain RFK, Jr., has that in his search history.
Also…much appreciation for the D&D reference.
MW – So, Estranged Pam turns out to just be a nice, normal, friendly person and she’s not going to fuck Dr. Ed.
As always, we hope for something from this strip and we get nuthin’.
C’shaft: Please, the woman lives next to Ed Crankshaft. You can’t tell me this is the first time she’s had scorch marks on the siding.
Ask most Americans in the Year of Our Lord 2024 what “fear itself” looks like, and the responses would be as diverse and multifaceted as the nation itself. Some might point to the death of George Floyd, others to the riots sparked by the anger at that death. Still others might invoke significant dates: January 6th, September 11th, December 7th. “An old white suburban woman experiences minor property damage” would be pretty far down the list, an image so narrow-minded and provincial it could only come from someone absolutely incapable of relating to or empathizing with anything that does not affect them personally.
Dustin: Dustfriend thinks that’s prehistoric, wait till he sees the old school models with the incandescent bulb in them.
JP: “….What? Sorry, are we still talking about something that has nothing to do with me?”
Luann: The problem, as I see it, is that you’re wasting time ironing your daughter’s shirts in the first place. Are you making sure she’s ready for the high-pressure, high-stakes world of a community college freshman?
@astroboy: At worst she’s Passive Aggressive Pam judging by her comments but she would probably be sad about dead puppies instead of fuming in petty rage.
Re: Trail. When I was living in Nashville, I would have to regularly drive a stretch of Due West Avenue, where a
flockcommittee of vultures made their home. Often they would slow (or often block) traffic as they feasted on some dead animal. What MT fails to relate is how fucking enormous these birds are. I’m 5’8”, and those things came up to my waist, maybe higher. They don’t give AF about cars, either. The only way to get past them was to go around them.Cool birds, but annoyingly entitled.
MW: It was awkward enough that Stell’s long-estranged cousin Pam turns out apparently to be Iris’s twin sister. Now it will get even more awkward when Stell storms out of the restaurant and 10 minutes later comes back, with Wilbur. “Never mind meeting Ed – here’s the man I’m going to marry!”
JP: “You’re doing something remarkably stupid,” says the woman who can’t figure out how to hold a fork.
Phantom: “We stand against all evil,” says the man who is looking with great respect and admiration at the man who is actively engaged in stealing a horse.
BB – Russia is pioneering the concept of sending assault troops into battle on motor bikes, to reduce the amount of time they spend in the open while advancing into combat.
Beetle is on the cutting edge of military innovation.
@seismic-2: No, better than that, Eshtelle calls up Wilbur and tells HIM to be Dr. Mr. Ed. ‘Just think of Stellan and cry a lot! No one will know the difference!’
Like I said the other day, collision course with wackiness!
@Uncle Lumpy: Talking about talking is peak Judge Parker.
______________________________________________
Also, talking about something, possibly interesting, that happened somewhere else.
CS: “Mr. Murdoch: Zero point zero.”
MT: Ah, so that scene from Birdemic where the vultures kill a busload (aka 5) people by throwing up acid on them makes sense! I take back everything I’ve ever said about James Nguyen, the world’s greatest orthologist.
Welcome back, Josh!
Beetle Bailey: Does Beetle even understand that the Army has him walk long distances with a full backpack because that’s how he would have to get around in a war zone? But perhaps correctly, he realizes that his character will never leave the confines of his safe American military base, and it wouldn’t even matter if he could mentally transport himself while lying immobile in bed, eventually turning into one of the blob people from Wall-E.
Mary Worth: The Ogden Edsl Wahalia Blues Ensemble Mondo Bizzario Band was right — dead puppies aren’t much fun.
Pluggers: Okay, I Googled images of “hay bale yard decorations, pig” and learned that this is actually something people out in the country might do. That’s right, Pluggers just taught me an actual fact about rural life, which is more than I can say for Snuffy Smith.
Hi and Lois: C’mon, Hi and Chip, you have a quarter-acre backyard with two trees in it — stop kvetching about the leaves.
HAW HAW – that’s just what I wanted you to think!
Jack Chick
MW. Of the many narrative and creative sins committed by today’s Mary Worth the most egregious may be that the quote box wasn’t the Dr. Demento Show’s “Dead puppies aren’t much fun.”
MW – Wilbur’s starting to look like a real catch now, eh Estelle?
Rex Morgan – I’m thankful that RMMD didn’t spend a week talking about Wanda completing the online check-in. After weeks of talking about making an appointment, that would be too much drama.
Pluggers – I can see small rectangular hay bales arranged with pumpkins, but painting an enormous round bale is a bit much. That seems like a waste.
I always think that round hay bales in their white covers look like huge marshmallows.
Mary Worth – Wow. In a rage because her fiance can’t be there because of dead puppies. Moy is deliberately turning Estelle into a narcissistic shrew, isn’t she?
@matt w: Mind blown.
@Bob Tice: Estelle’s going to wash that Dr. Ed and his dead puppies right out of her hair.
Welcome home, Josh!
FG: “Flash picks his nose when he thinks nobody is watching, and eats it.” Well, something needs to be done before we edge completely into Mary Sue territory.
Crank: In real life, Kent State alumni rarely mention they went to Kent State during “When I was at college” anecdotes. The profundity and substance of that memorable poly sci course offers a clue why that is.
MW: Hey, panel three foreground guy. Ladies and gentlemen break their bread at table before stuffing it into their mouths. And don’t let me catch you drinking the fingerbowl, either.
MW – Look on the bright side, Stell. At least you know he’s not banging Cousin Pam. Yet.
MW – Stell must be pretty short on friends and relatives to end up seated next to Formerly Estranged Cousin Pam. Apparently it was either her or Random Guy Who Likes Bread.
I’m a turkey vulture. That’s the only explanation for why I’m always reaching for Tums.
Beetle – You know your comic strip’s in trouble when Designated Dumb Guy’s lame little pun is the closest thing to a joke you’ve had in months.
Don Abundio, translated:
“The boss started a caterpillar collection?”
“Yes, but these fads of his never last long…”
“Most of the caterpillars are gone already!”
Mark Trail: I mean, even the PBS show Dinosaur Train once showed a Brachiosaurus take a massive dump onscreen.
But regardless, after reading this comic anyone else hungry for pizza?
@Dennis Jimenez: Hey, welcome back! I noticed you were away the whole time Josh was on vacation. Hmm, and have we ever seen you and Josh together… ??
MW: OK, so as I see it Moy has left 3 ways this can go:
1) Stell blows her stack & Ed realizes what a self-absorbed, heartless beeyotch she really is & moves on, bullet dodged.
2) Immediately after her rant/ultimatum/breakup w/Ed, one of Stell’s own pets suffers an acute medical crisis & of all the many veterinarians in Santa Royale only Ed can save him/her, leading to forgiveness & the wedding being back on (though no genuine self-revelation for Stell, cuz that just isn’t a MW thing).
3) Stell ends up back w/Wilbur, which is I suppose the next & ultimate notch up in narrative cruelty for a writer who just exterminated a whole litter of puppies (if only off-panel, thank you).
Seeing as the comic Little Nemo has been dead for ages, maybe we can have a spin-off where Beetle in his magical flying bed goes on whimsical dream adventures?
Just saying, it would at least be interesting.
@matt w: Wow! Life is what happens all around you while you’re wasting time reading Mary Worth.
MW: That’s the last straw. Now we can’t drink our ice water.
Mary Worth: “Oh, he’s coming, Pam. His obsessive masturbation has caused him to miss many a social event. Ha ha.”
@I speak Jive: Yeah I was like “I’d be a little surprised if Lennon invented that but it seems like even the BrainyQuoters would blow a quote that recent,” and then WOW.
@jroggs: @Needless Exposition: I see your entirely valid points and yet this is like Christmas in September. That single panel makes all the pain of reading Mary Worth for years and years worthwhile. (Well, it doesn’t, but my time’s not that valuable.)
Phantom: We stand against evil. We kneel before Zod. We brush after eating.
Mary Worth: What would I not give to see the next phase of this story told to a bouncy 50’s beat, Freddy Cannon-style.
CS: Atomik Komix Presents: What if…. Tom Batiuk Had an Editor?
Panel 1: Jeff: FDR said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” This [motions to the scorch marks on the garage] is what fear itself looks like.
Panel 2: Pam: Shut the #@%§ up!
MW: This whole story arc is just to make us think that, by comparison, Wilbur isn’t so bad, isn’t it? It’s not going to work on me; I can heartily dislike Estelle and still have plenty of loathing left over for Mayo Boy.
MT: All kidding aside, I’ve had the opportunity to observe turkey buzzards up close and they are awesome.
MW: My grandfather used to bury the dead dogs/family pets in the back yard. Much simpler.
Can’t wait for them to be dug up by a zealous gardener someday. (Queue ominous music.)
MW: Dr. Ed, realizing Estelle will be disappointed and angry at his text, thinks better of his decision to skip his engagement dinner and arrives at La Rosa with the dead puppies and Mitzi in the midst of her surgery. “There! I hope you’re SATISFIED.”
B. Bailey: Halftrack’s latest brainstorm, infantry men on Segways carrying acid-vomiting vultures on their helmets, insures his continued assignment at Camp Swampy.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: That last panel does make for some prime mashups. But Estelle’s firmly settled in being one of Charterstone’s finest along with the ephebophilic professor, his drunken child bride, the perpetual college student, the meddling she-devil, and Wilbur.
Time to order more straws, Josh!
@59 JBoy: You obviously forgot about the babies.
Murder? The last panel makes it clear that Estelle is accessing witchy powers sufficient to destroy the universe.
Moy is trying to rehabilitate Wilbur in front of our eyes by making Ed even more of an asshole! And you know what, bailing on your engagement party through a text is pretty cold and unforgivable. Good game, Moy!
Faking your death to inspire greater loyalty from those around you? I guess he’s the-ghost-who-imitates-Wilbur-s-modus-operandi!
We might laugh at Zero’s ignorance, but “infantry” comes from the same Italian word that gave English “infant”, because foot soldiers were usually younger and lesser men than knights. So Zero is technically correct, the best kind of correct
@Ettorre: Estelle can forgive animal abuse, repeated gaslighting, being constantly embarrassed in public, and thinking that her boyfriend is dead but not showing up to a dinner party so that he can be paraded like a fancy toy because of dead puppies and their currently dying mother? Truly that is the most egregious sin of all.
New Mark Trail knows that it is not enough to pander to male readers interested in mainly nature adventures! You also need to cater to female interests, such as true crime and how to dispose of a body!
@Needless Exposition: the ephebophilic professor, his drunken child bride, the perpetual college student, the meddling she-devil, and Wilbur.
______________________________
…..are here on Mary Worth’s Isle……
Mary Worth: HOW FUCKING DARE MY FIANCEE DO HIS JOB THAT I KNEW HE HAD BEFORE I BEGAN DATING HIM
@Needless Exposition: We know Ed is not the only veterinarian in town, we saw dozens of them at the convention. And it’s not a special occasion, he constantly make it clear that his job comes first and Estelle is just a marginal concern. If he cannot even be bothered to attend his own engagement party, it’s clear he will invest nothing in this relationship. Of course, Estelle should have seen this coming from afar, but she’s a terrible judge of character
Beetle wants to visit remote places without much physical exercise. They really should have recruited him for the drone squad years ago!
@I speak Jive:
There may be precedent for this for Estelle. Was Wilbur on a cruise in the South Pacific when he fell overboard and thereafter faked his own demise, sparking Estelle to get rid of him for good?
@Activist: Paraphrase from someone smart like Abe Lincoln:. ” You do a man [kid] no favor when you do for them what they could and should do for themselves.”
No no no! You can’t just spring a quote on an audience like that! As every Pulitzer-Prize-worthy writer knows, the proper way to quote someone—even if the quote is extremely well known—is to first tell us you attended a well-known university where you took a political science course. Then be sure to mention that the curriculum of the course included the discussion of quotes from political figures. Next, give the name of the political figure you’re quoting and explain when and where that person was when they said the quote. You are then free to recite the quote—out of context is perfectly fine—but be sure to conclude by smugly explaining how the quote somewhat applies to the current situation.
And you’re right, that quote is from William J. H. Boetcker, who was indeed someone smart like Abraham Lincoln.
Talking about funny names for vultures–the sanctuary Wild Wings south of Rochester NY has various birds that can’t be released into the wild. Most of them have fanciful, noble names–think Apollo or the like.
Their turkey vulture is named Barf.
And unfortunately they’re not immune to avian flu, since a lot of the Connewingo Dam (PA) vultures died of it pretty recently.
@Needless Exposition: Passive Aggressive Pam
_______________________________
Well you should see Passive Aggressive Pam/she’s so good looking she looks like a man….
MW- Ed was present at Stelle and Wilbur’s hate karaoke match, he must know she’s a witch.
After the breakup will we finally see a counseling session with the title character? If not, it’s time to re-name the strip to “Horrible People of Charterstone” and let the fireworks fly
@Ettorre: The problem here (with the writing) is that the last straw was a legitimate (and ultimately fatal) medical emergency of type that would typically require a doctor/surgeon to come in off hours, rather than something fairly routine that Ed could have /should have referred out or rescheduled.
@GarrisonSkunk: That was in my head while I was typing it out.
@Where’s Rocky?: He should not have been in the vet clinic at the time, make somebody else be on call for emergencies. It’s part of a long pattern of never putting Estelle first.
BB: good show on the Moon phase!
@Cartoon Moon Pedant:
You are doing God’s work, or at least making sure that God’s work gets appreciated.
@matt w: Good grief. Join us next week, when Moy attributes the well-known phrase “My very own meth lab!” to Oscar Wilde.
@Where’s Rocky?: Exactly. He was fully prepared to go to the dinner and even offered to have Estelle stay at his place so she could get ready. This wasn’t a case of “oh, this cat needs their daily ear drops” but an unexpected life or death situation that he was called to help with. Estelle’s frustration with this situation is because she wanted to show off Ed to her cousin who she had a rather acrimonious relationship with which suggests that she just wanted to shove Ed in Pam’s face. She’s put up with much worse when she was dating Wilbur who actually was a borderline abusive asshole instead of a well meaning workaholic.
Jump Start: Crunchy’s brief retirement or Josh’s vacation? (BTW: great art by Armstrong).
DT; home detention is easily foiled when you have sparks coming out of your fingertips.
A&J: Why are you giving Arlo that “look”, Janis?
You were the one who decided to get naked while he was watching the game.
Phantom/PV: Well, dahlings, this looks like my farewell appearance in the Sunday Phantom, as “John X’s” (stolen) Horse. Do you like the blaze makeup? I think it becomes me…. although I’m not happy with the lighting in panel 5 which gave me that unnatural hue. I was brought in for the role since Hero is too recognizable, and he refused to use any makeup or coloring products, even though they’re all plant-based and organic.
I’ve been able to get away some Sundays from Prince Valiant and Medieval Times, where I’m now a featured player as well as Chief Equine Choreographer! The Saxon and Gael Horses are quick learners and have a good work ethic, not like those snooty Noble Horses in Camelot. So they’re able to do their scenes without a lot of supervision. Don’t worry… none were on the set today when all that rock came crashing down!
While my sojourn in Prince Valiant has been rewarding, I would be receptive to a new role, a new challenge, a place where the names aren’t unpronounceable. You think it’s hard distinguishing all those place and people names – you should hear what they name their Horses! I’m not really interested in Weekday Phantom right now, there’s a Horse-attacking robot on the loose there! I’m sure Hero will be OK, but I’m not so sure about the fate of any supporting-role Horse.
I’ve tried to talk to Sid to see if there are any Equine opportunities in the pipeline. Not been able to reach him – they say he’s been called to an emergency in Mary Worth. Always the Pets! Oh, well, ta ta for now…
@UncleJeff: Re A&J – And did she have to mention blue balls?
I normally lurk, but the current Cranky Funkerbean storyline has given me something I must get off my chest.
I went to high school in the 80s in a small, rural, extremely conservative Texas town. One of the main local “industries” was being the headquarters for various Christian “ministries,” including a group that focused on going around to churches and community groups to present seminars on how all secular popular music was actually satanic (not just the backward masking stuff, but also looking at the lives of the musicians). The local Baptist minister didn’t quite achieve full Footloose, but he certainly tried. He scheduled youth group counterprogramming for all school dances and made all church staff members forbid their kids from going to any dances, including the prom, and strongly suggested congregation members do likewise.
I say this to set the stage for the fact that the novel we studied for 11th grade American literature was Fahrenheit 451, and there wasn’t even the slightest whiff of controversy or protest. It was an entirely uncontroversial selection (and was chosen as an alternative to The Scarlet Letter, which was somewhat controversial due to subject matter. Let’s just say that it hit really close to home with the would-be Footloose pastor).
So, have people really gone so nuts these days that they might actually burn down a bookstore that’s supplying copies of Fahrenheit 451 to schools? Or is Batiuk trying to be “relevant” without risking any actual controversy by using a book no one is really opposed to, rather than one that really might be protested, like, say, Beloved? He might risk getting boycotted or cancelled if he implied that people protesting books that members of his audience really might be opposed to are the bad guys, while everyone might agree that people trying to burn Ray Bradbury are nuts. Or is he just going for the irony of the book about book burning being burned?
@Anonymous: Batiuk did mention in a recent interview that he liked the irony of people burning down bookstores because of Fahrenheit 451.
AC: Andy don’t like it! Rock the Capp bar! Rock the Capp bar!
DT: Diet Smith’s greatest invention: a door that has the handle on the right and the hinges on the left on both sides!
FC: I love the detail of the water pooling round Billy’s satchel and boots in the last panel, to make it absolutely clear to everyone except him why his mother hates rainy days.
JP: Finally, the answer to the question we’ve all been wondering about and it only took a week! At this rate, maybe the questions we don’t care about, but which are apparently what this storyline is about, might be answered some time this year!
RMMD: Beatty may be contractually required to write the bi-annual “Rex does something medical” scene, but by God, he’s going to put it off as long as possible!
MW: Man, Dr. Ed can’t keep a date because he has to perform emergency lifesaving surgery? That’s such a Wilbur move.
BB: Just say you wish you were Count Weirdly. That would save, like, five panels.
@Needless Exposition: Honestly, if I took my cat to the vet with an emergency and he was like “Sorry, I have dinner plans, there’s another vet just a short drive away,” I think I’d understand.
I would understand so well that I would take steps to ensure I never risked disturbing his dinner plans ever again.
Pluggers: No, it doesn’t make you a plugger. All it means is you live out in the country where those giant round hay bales are common. Where I live they just harvested the cotton and those big, round bales with their blue plastic wrapping makes them look like giant sushi rolls.
MT: Josh is right. When I was a child, I read a riveting old essay about a birder who, as a child, decided to block one end of a hollow log lying on the ground with a big stone and then crawl in the other end so that he could get up close and personal with a turkey vulture mother and her offspring. (Turkey vultures sometimes nest in hollow logs). He realized too late that the hollow log was so small that he could only crawl slowly forward to get out, because he couldn’t go backward. The mother vulture heroically vomited on him to defend her youngster.
Everyone ended up okay and back where they belonged, except a couple of unfortunate deer mice plus a bunch of spiders, etc. in the log, all of which got accidentally squished. But that essay cemented my conviction that turkey vulture vomiting is a vital part of the general turkey vulture story. I can’t believe you didn’t show us, Jules. Awww.
@Ettorre: Merely pawns in the game, one might say.
@Horace Broon: Especially because that encounter with Sheila pretty much sums up that she would refuse to treat any animal that comes into her clinic when she wants her “me time.” I wouldn’t trust my cat with a vet who makes it clear that their level of care is conditional to working hours. Does Ed work a lot? Yes. Is he dwelling too much on his patients at times? Also yes. But at the same time, he’s probably the only person in this comic who actually cares about his job.
That vulture had Mark Trail’s name on it — I expected the comic to be quite a bit more grim
MW: If this is leading to Estelle going back to wilbur, I swear I’ll find Moy’s house and fill her mailbox with mayo.
Ed not only is a workaholic, he seemed to have checked out the instant Estelle accepted his proposal (remember – he’s the one who proposed to her and kickstarted the marriage idea) even before being swamped with work, and apparently none of the other vets are doing their job.
While Estelle is acting like a twenty year old on her first wedding with delusions of Bridezillaness.
ESH.
@Lazy Historian: Correction: MSH (Moy Sucks Here). This story is just designed to make everyone look unsympathetic and self centered. I am a bit more on Ed’s side mainly because Estelle is much less patient with him than when she was being taken advantage of by everyone from scam artists and hobos to Wilbur and Mary.
MW: “Death is what happens when Dr. Ed is busy making other plans, or not busy, or just in general. I love that guy.” –Doggie Grim Reaper
@Guillermo el chiclero: re Pluggers: When huge, long bales of cotton are covered in yellow plastic, those at the back of the field look a lot like buses. So much so that my husband’s elderly aunt thought the company leasing the farmland was housing migrant workers out there.
JP:. Write it out, Ronnie! This is great literature in the making– all you need to add is a plot and drama!
CS:. Smoke coming out of Lillians window? I thought she quit those cigars.
@Anonymous: Batiuk strikes me as the kind of guy who believes that there are people crazy enough to light up a bookstore over covertly selling copies of Fahrenheit 451 for school despite the fact that in a country of 330 million people, AFAIK absolutely nothing of the kind has happened. It’s the same kind of over-the-top left-of-center fantasy that we saw with the medical malpractice that led to Lisa’s death and the threat of deportation due to mistaken identity storyline that happened a few years back.
MT: In my part of Texas we mostly have black vultures with the dark gray heads, though occasionally I’ll see a turkey vulture with its distinctive red head. We also have the badass of the vulture world, the crested caracara, also known as the Mexican eagle. I’ve seen one of them run 3 or 4 black vultures off from their carrion.
Fun fact: Vulture poo is so acidic that it kills parasites trying to climb up their legs.
@109 Melody Mare, riding into the sunrise: I so wish you could go to Santa Royale, California to be the lead actor in the Charterstone Kick-in-the-Ass Fest 2024. After that, head south to San Diego for the Pittsville Trample-O-Thon at Mooney Uni and The Fuze. Maybe make it a road show with a stopover in Glenview; Centerville, Ohio; Bangal(l)a; and wherever the hell the flat city where “Alice” takes place.
@111 Anonymous: It’s the author being out of touch with 21st Century reality. Simples.
@117 Poteet: The turkey buzzard hadn’t read the entire script otherwise it’d have put Regan’s green pea soup scene to shame.
Phantom;
From the looks of things in the last panel, Devil is nearly one-third the size of that horse. That is one impressive lupine.
Luann-Luann, have you ever seen ‘Mommy Dearest’?
MW: I just got a phone call from my vet, checking on a cat. She has definitely sacrificed some of her personal life for her patients, and her human clients regard her so highly that someone wrote in a letter to the editor that she is regarded as “a saint.” But she does make arrangements with other vets so that she can occasionally leave town or use the bathroom and know that emergencies will be handled. Doctor Ed should do the same.
As for Estelle, it is annoying when someone becomes a supervillain because of a restaurant dinner. I just wasted a minute with a supervillain name generator and it told me Estelle’s supervillain name is Peevish-Woman. Okay.
@Poteet: I suggest Narcissistic Shrew.
Today’s award for artistic achievement:
Will Henry for “Wallace the Brave”.
Look at today’s strip and then look for Raphael’s portrait of Greek philosophers.
(Credit to Daily Cartoonist. I’m not smart enough to figure that out)
MW: It’s OK, folks!!! The role of Mitzi was never actually cast! You saw no balloon bubble picture of her! And she wasn’t really pregnant! Whew – I gotta call from the Syndicate tellin’ me one of my clients was endangered over at Mary Worth and we might lose our agency license. I had to go over myself and confirm that there was no Mitzi, and certainly no deceased puppies! A good thing, since we don’t have any premature Beanie Babies…
What does worry me is the direction this plot is taking Estelle. Libby and Pierre are becoming a little anxious, to say the least, about her new volatile nature and anger threshold. And Odin says Dr. Ed has been neglecting him to care for his beloved patients. I dunno, I hope this gets resolved soon with a contrived happy ending for all. I’d hate to have to remove our Stars from this series.
@UncleJeff: Oh, the painting is “School of Athens”, if you’d like to do a comparison.
MT: Whaddaya mean, “goofy name”?!? — buuur-rrruuurpp. See what you’ve done?? You’ve made me sick!
@Flipper:
#97. Flipper, impressive knowledge and agility in tying it into today’s CS. Great COTW, but would need to be abridged.
PHANTOM: If I had to lose one of two identities, I would try hard to lose the one where I had to wear full-body spandex. Definitely.
@Baja Gaijin: The awesome turkey vulture
@Baja Gaijin Y136: Try fitting this into a Tupperware.
I was chuckling even before I even clicked on the link knowing this was going to be good. I laughed out loud when I saw the photo. Absolutely mind-blowing. Gad, what people will do to their food.
CS:
Jeff: We have nothing to fear but fear itself.
Pam: That’s very nice dear. Now go home and take a nap. You’ve worn yourself out.
MT: Boy oh boy – if I could have just one superpower, it would be to be able to vomit my extremely acidic gastric contents on predators!!!
MW: I have officially renounced all my previous empathy for Estelle. What a selfish idiot. She and Wilbur deserve each other (although her sweet pets Libby and Pierre don’t deserve either one at this point). Dr Ed certainly doesn’t deserve that. Maybe he and Pam will hit it off. Meanwhile, how many days or hours until one of them calls off the engagement?
@Daisy: When you consider that Estelle has handled repeated instances of Wilbur humiliating her, abusing her cat, faking his own death, and getting the shared landlady to gaslight her into taking him back but Ed not being there to feed her cake or be a good trophy fiancé is unforgivable, her empathy is more in the red than the former Soviet Union.
Also what heartless monster reacts like that to news about dead puppies?
@Needless Exposition: #144
I couldn’t agree more.
MW – Say, what if there turns out to be twist where Stell’s thought balloon continues, “That’s the last straw! Dr. Ed is clearly a saint, and from now I refuse to apologize to anyone for his absences!”?
Yeah, I don’t think it’s likely either.
MW: Front page appearance reader here. Isn’t she his receptionist? If so, she must have some idea of his work hours and habits.
@143 Daisy: What if it turns out Estelle is just entering menopause? Could explain the mood swings and sudden onsets of incandescence.
@144 Needless Exposition: Also what heartless monster reacts like that to news about dead puppies? Cruella deVille.
@147 Consul, the Almost Human: Thesis: Estelle’s a super-incredibly oblivious idiot. Proof: Many many different red flags missed in her relationship with Arthur/Arther, many many different red flags missed in her relationship with Wilbur.
I finally realized what I most dislike about the current (relatively new) art style in Mary Worth*: Most of the characters are middle-aged, and this style makes it clear that everyone is in their 40s-60s via clothing, grey hair, small wrinkles around the mouth and cheeks, etc. But rarely any more wrinkles than that, which makes everyone in the strip look like serious botox devotees. It’s bad.
*A horrifying phrase to verbalize.
Crankshaft: Sure, Jeff’s quote is trite and his heavy-lidded moon-mouthed expression histrionic. But its incoherence takes the cake: Jeff, if your fear is all you have to be afraid of, why are you indulging it?
@Baja Gaijin: Don’t know all her threads although I saw some of the Wilbur disaster. This bridezilla turn feels contrived.
@151 Consul, the Almost Human: Agreed. As authentic as a plastic apple.
MW: The color monkeys really missed their chance to give Estelle glowing red eyes in the last panel.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Cue the Kill Bill stinger.
@Baja Gaijin: re MW: It was established a few years ago that Estelle was 60, although she’s drawn to appear younger as time goes by. Menopause should be a long past by now. Maybe it will turn out she has a thyroid problem, like Iris. Only she’s hyperthyroid – restlessness, shaking, increased sweating and blood pressure, irritability, and prominent eyes!
It’s way too much to hope Loathsome Lil will crash through the floor and die, isn’t it?
@155 Arabella: Estelle’s so ditzy she forgot she’s post-menopausal and is starting it again.
Let’s all just stand around and talk instead of doing something about the atmosphere that produces people who think burning books is the right thing. It’s just easier, right, Cranky crew?
Who knew Phantom was close enough to Oz to see a case of A Horse of a Different Color? Pretty intense, too with some humans getting splashed with the changing tint.
BCN: I appropriate dozens of decorative pumpkins and gourds of all sizes every year from a free town bin (from whence they would be taken to be composted). So I can testify that they are not immortal. An Iowa winter turns most of them to mush which is then eaten by wildlife. But a few survive as dried shells, and they often serve as cat toys after that.
CS: When Jeff the Eunuch mentioned the year 1933 I was wondering if he’d start quoting Hitler and blame the fire on the communists, Jews, and freemasons.
Crankshaft-My god! Do you know what this means? We need to go burn Ed Crankshaft’s house down!
Luann-I’m sure Nancy is regretting not having a coat hanger years ago.
MT: I hope the turkey vulture from the throwaway panel got good money for getting a MARK TRAIL tattoo.
MW: Being stood up for her engagement dinner is causing Estelle to go all Dark Phoenix, but you know who should really be pissed? She went to Dr. Ed thinking he was the best man to save this litter of puppies. Or part of the litter. One puppy, at least. Only now does she find out that “Oops, I’m more of a euthanasia guy.”
Phantom: The whole thing just ends with John X praising his alter ego as he rides into the sunset? Hope Lee Falk enjoys his golf game with Chester Gould.
9CL: Tend to think that in any realistic scenario this would end with a screaming Amos falling into a very cold or—if we were lucky—empty pool.
C-Shaft: Well I knew that we’d be seeing a boomer get all self-congratulatory and insufferable today. I wasn’t quite sure which one.
GA: The threshold of “too cool” in Not Electric Acres is pretty much where you figure it would be.
HtH: Wow, if Italy is a menace now just imagine how dangerous it’ll be in a few centuries when it exists.
RMMD: Apparently June decided to prank both husband and patients by having the office painted the most bilious shade of green possible.
Shoe: Shoe doesn’t mind eating other birds but it’s really awkward to learn details about their personal lives. He’s just hoping the waiter doesn’t tell him the dude’s name.
And…: Welcome back, Josh.
@Liam:
“That’s right, dead serious about going to Itchy and Scratchy Land!”
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Sweater Puppies in Woolen Land….
@Ettorre: About twenty years ago, my parents’ dog got out one night and got hit by a car. Frantic, they called a local vet who got out of bed, met my parents at her office, stabilized the dog and arranged for it to go to an animal hospital about 25 miles away. Thank goodness she didn’t say, “nope, sorry, other plans.”
The problem here is that, if Moy wanted Ed to look like an unsympathetic workaholic, there were many other minor medical scenarios she could have written that didn’t involve a legitimate after hours medical injury and a litter of dead puppies. Especially in a comic strip that repeatedly reminds us that “dogs are great(TM).”
@Jeffmcm: the real problem is that they’re all drawn to be about forty but all ( except for Toby) supposed to be in their sixties.
@Activist: Thanks! Your Activist Seal of Approval is all I need. I don’t want my comment shortened, because I strive to be more like Tom Batiuk, of whom Abraham Lincoln once said, “He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met.”
@Flipper: Are there any here among us who do not strive to be more like Tom Batuik?
FG: Flash gets all the chicks. I really want to hate him but I just can’t.
@Ukulele Ike: As my comments indicate, my striving is always TB-ward.
Mary Worth – Wilbur awakens from his slumber, covering in crumbs and gravy from his Hungry Guy dinner. Somewhere, deep inside the recess of his DNA, a call goes out. Despite his lineage standing in defiance of Darwin’s Law of Survival of the Fittest, an ancient survival gene stirs. Sure, Estelle is past child bearing age, but she in such a weak state that bearing with Wilbur as a rebound is possible. That has been the mystery of the Weston line’s continuation, and that primordial, inscrutable means of survival is active once again.
Beetle Bailey – Beetle isn’t denied promotion because he’s not leadership material (See Halftrack, Amos). It’s that he can’t see the obvious and lazy answer before him: Mototorize his bed and he’ll never walk again!
Mark Trail – Mark Trail is being censored! They don’t want you, or America’s enemies, to know the average turkey vulture’s gastric acid vomit could take down any US Armed Force drone. Luckily I have a personal aviary full of vultures and other raptors, and trawl my country roads, byways, and highways for diseased roadkill every dawn before the county road commission cleanup crew has even finished their morning coffee