Animal-people and people-people
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Pluggers, 11/16/24
Big news for people tired of reading my typed words and interested in hearing my voice: if you fall into that category and you are subscriber to the 372 Pages We’ll Never Get Back podcast from Conor Lastowka and Mike Nelson of Rifftrax fame, you can listen to me trying to solve an Encyclopedia Brown mystery and, of course, talkin’ Slylock Fox, Encyclopedia Brown’s spiritual cousin in ratiocination, but with furries. “But, Josh,” you’re no doubt saying, “This isn’t a Slylock strip, it’s a Pluggers panel, an entirely different cartoon! Yes, they both feature unsettling human-animal hybrids, but the vibes are totally different! Slylock’s all unsettlingly amped up, while Pluggers is slow, desultory, depressing, fading slowly into nothingness but never quite getting there.” Well, what if I told you that the Encyclopedia Brown mystery we discuss involves a kid who’s a toilet paper collector? It does, and I’m sorry, this plugger clearly owns a “collection” rather than a “stash.” Each roll is lovingly displayed and meant to be examined again and again at leisure by this dog man whatever weirdos he invites over to look at them. Real sicko stuff, in my opinion!
Hi and Lois, 11/16/24
I was briefly going to suggest that it would be funnier, or at least closer in structure to a “joke”, if Thirsty were just on his side of he fence here, basking in the stolen glow of his neighbors’ fire from his own yard. But I forgot that we’re in the bold new post-punchline era of Hi and Lois and I’m actually pretty OK with the offering we have here, where it’s clear that Thirsty has openly come onto the Flagstons’ property and lit a fire, and they’re standing at the window fretting about what if anything to do about it.
Shoe, 11/16/24
“Soon afterwards, he died of massive internal injuries. He was 56. Rest in power, Mr. Schwartz.”
45 replies to “Animal-people and people-people”
Rex Morgan: Did Truck just call Wanda “fat” right to her fat face?
Mary Worth Mashups: Any of them strike your fancy?
Pluggers:
That’s a delightfully perceptive comment from Mr. Jones, coming, as he does, from a town that can’t decide whether it’s a city or a state.
Hi and Lois-“Get me the hose.”
Dustin-I’m sure some people in the office paid for the bounce and jiggle.
FC-Dolly needs a lot of people who won’t testify against her.
RMMD-Suddenly Mary Worth’s ears perk up. “What’s this? Someone somewhere else is planning a big wedding?”
MW-“If marriage is out of the question how about we put our beds together?”
Hi and Lois-It’s official. Thirsty has been kicked out of the house and sleeps in whatever yard he drunkenly passes out in.
H&L: IDK, falling into a drunken stupor next to an open fire might solve the Flagston’s neighbor problems once and for all.
H and L:
“What’s the origin of that firewood, anyway, Hi?”
“They’re from the estate of the great outdoorsman and early health food advocate and pitchman, Gibbons.”
“You mean…?”
“Yep. Euell logs!”
H and L:
“Look, Lois! — our shrubbery is purple!”
“Hmm. Mary Worth must have been by.”
Steve Schwartz flew six feet in the air. Because he’s a BIRD, right?
RMMD:
“Honey, you know how it’s traditional for the bride to toss a bouquet at a wedding reception? — I’m gonna do a variation on that theme and throw a coffee cup and smash it against a wall!”
Shoe: If you’re doing a joke about birds, and your gag doesn’t actually involve flying, maybe “flew” isn’t the right verb. ‘Thrown’ was available.
Pluggers shit a lot, that’s the takeaway, right?
And suddenly it’s Dagwood.
HI & LOIS: The “joke” is that Hi and Lois was hoping Thirsty’s alcohol-fueled body would catch on fire that close to an open flame. “An accident” Lois suggested. “It’ll look like an accident and once they drag the drunk’s charred corps out of here, our property value will finally stop declining.”
Plugger son comes over and goes to hang his coat in the hall closet. “What the hell, Dad.”
Pluggers: Gotta say, the kinds of people who I see panicking about the risk of another pandemic are the exact opposite of Pluggers. Preppers aren’t Pluggers any more, get with the program!
Shoe: I’m glad the strip has finally entered the
2020s2010slate 2000s with its desktop LCD screen PCs, but it does make the big piles of paper harder and harder to rationalise. Is the Perfesser also a toilet paper hoarder? If so, I dread to think what it means that they’re all loose and crumpled.REX MORGAN M.D.: Truck: “Baby this is going to be such a big hit, I may be able to play at a second bar now!”
@Hibbleton: COTW!
Shoe: “Steve Schwartz flew in the air after being struck by a car. Since he’s a bird like the rest of us, though, that actually means he was mostly unharmed. In grimmer news, an embarrassing incident at Treetop Nursery left new mother Gertrude Grouse with egg on her face…”
JP: As a reminder, this week was supposed to be about Sophie introducing Neddy to Glen. Instead, the poor guy has been Lil Dunk’d in the beginning of his own story. We may never see him again.
MW: “Thanks for dinner, Jeff! I feel so lucky, and so loved!”
“About that… since you keep rejecting my marriage proposals, I was thinking we should probably start splitting the checks and-”
“Now, Jeff. You wouldn’t want to ruin a lovely evening by getting on my bad side, would you?”
“But it just feels like you’re using m-”
“You know, we really should be careful on our stroll. This time of year can be very dangerous. Why, I hear sometimes people suddenly just fall right off the boardwalk and break their ungrateful necks. We wouldn’t want that… would we?”
“…Yes, Mary. Of course. You’re very welcome for dinner.”
“And?”
“…And you are… loved.”
“I think we’ll both enjoy this walk after all. Oh, and don’t forget to leave a generous tip. I have a reputation to uphold.”
DtM: No malice on Dennis’ part. It’s only natural that his focus would be drawn to Henry’s two right feet.
Shoe: Don’t put “ironically” in front of your punchline if you can’t sing like Alanis.
RMMD: Rough sailing ahead for our happy couple. After roots country musician Truck proposed to Darla, she rushed out and bought the new album by alt-rock artist Nick Lowe. I foresee trouble brewing when the couple argue over the music for the wedding reception; Allison Krauss or Elvis Costello? If their music tastes are this divergent, can this marriage be saved? Maybe Mary Worth ca make a guest appearance to help this relationship.
FC: [Noting that shadows appear only under the children’s feet] I shouldn’t say I’m surprised that the Keanes have installed powerful de-lousing lights in their threshold.
@Blinky the Wonder Wombat:
…and bought the new album by alt-rock artist Nick Lowe
Mary is the living embodiment of “Cruel to be Kind.”
MW:
“Now, honestly, Jeff, do you reciprocate those feelings?”
“Mary, the adapted words of the Divinyls come to mind: ‘I don’t love anybody else/When I think about you, I shush myself/I shush myself/I honestly do….’ “
There’s at most 36 rolls in that closet. That’s enough for what? I guess enough for Mr Dog to die with dignity when his medications run out in cause society breaks down to the point there’s no more toilet paper. Come on, if you’re doomsday prepping you’re going to get at least one serious bulk pack with like 108 rolls. (I miss the grocer where I used to live in 2002.) This is such a well paid big city cartoonist elite, I’ve forgotten there are people who buy more than 4-8 rolls at a time to save money mood.
Is it oxymoronic to be classified as a “Plugger” when a defining characteristic of your lifestyle is the amount of preparation you devote to compensating for how your alimentary canal is in fact constantly un-plugged?
@Baja Gaijin:
#1, #2, AND #3, Baja, because they all feature The Barf Boat!.
Shoe- I may be as thick as a whale omelet, but why “pediatrician”. I was waiting for some sort of joke on that. Mr. Checkov would like to have a word with the writer.
@Hibbleton:
And when we observe her at work, we are “Cracking Up” — and not in a good way.
A Plugger-ism and about toilet paper and you don’t feature the bear-man? Are you telling me you’ve never seen a Charmin ad?
MW: “I feel so lucky, and so loved.”
“You are. I feel so used, and so toyed with.”
“You are.”
@Hibbleton: re Pluggers: “What the hell, Dad?”
“That’s your inheritance, son.”
Pluggers: I doubt pluggers have a huge need for toilet paper being plugged and all.
@Maltmash3r: I read it that way at first as well, but it says “pedestrian”, nit “pediatrician”.
GT: An excited Marty Moon calls the action: “AND GORDON FUMBLES THE BALL . . . Oh, wait, that’s not the ball, it’s seat cushion or something. Boy, I don’t know *what* the hell that is.”
Frazz: The solar system — just one more thing that doesn’t measure up to Caulfield’s standards. You suck, planets, and so do your stupid moons!
Blondie: “Yeah, I’m raking in extra moolah, Mr. B. Of course, these kids don’t have any money, so I make them steal it from their parents.”
JP: Must be nice to have so much money that you can afford to flit from coast to coast and back in one day just to satisfy your erratic, neurotic whims. In other words, to be a Spencer.
CS: Um, Batty, I believe that kids are not allowed to stand while the bus is moving, and therefore every one of them will have a seat available to them in the morning before . . . Oh, what’s the frickin’ use? Carry on, moron.
Pluggers: “Have you checked out my Patreon? How about the cool Hollywood people i hang out with now, have i ever mentioned them? Did you know i live in LA, the cultural
wastelandcapital of this country? Did i ever mention that I moved out here ten years ago to become a writer and/or standup comedian? Anyway, what’s this strip again, another Barney Google or something, look, just amuse yourselves, i have to practice my opening for next week’s podcast.”“Firebowl”? Isn’t that a brazier?
MW: “You are, dear! Lucky to BE loved, that is!”
@Baja Gaijin: #3.
Can’t wait for the next strip showing Mary stealing a pickup truck, getting a rope and dragging Dr. Jeff out of the Bum Boat parking lot.
Pluggers – A two week supply – BFD….
H&L – Shouldn’t Thursty have a bottle in a roll-down sack, a bindle, and a knife opened can of pork and beans heating up in the fire…
Shoe – Now he’s in a Red Bull commercial….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
MW- As Tina Turner said “What’s love got to do with it?”
MARY WORTH: I swear, Mary is the anti-Beyonce.
“If you like it you shouldn’t put a ring on it/If you like it, then you shouldn’t put a ring on it….“
Pluggers: ah, yes. The great Pandemic Toilet Paper Panic.
I saw a 90 year old Plugger grabbing 5 packs of 96 rolls FFOMO.
Angry Pluggers screaming at our employees for limiting sales of so many packages to a customer.
Plugger women standing post by our TP display area and calling their friends when our boys began unloading boxes.
Noticing at one point we had 12 different brands of TP. Some from foreign countries.
(I was hoping we’d get to the point of selling “Rough As A Cob”).
I’m sure our new Secretary of Health would prevent such panic when a new emergency arises.
Crank: That’s … that’s not even a thing Amazon does. That’s an “if airlines took kids to school” joke, maybe. The “upgrading” joke for Amazon is clearly that you need to subscribe to Prime to guarantee your kids will arrive the same day, or maybe go for the Prime TV analogy rather than delivery and say that without the upgrade, the kids are forced to spend the whole trip watching ads. It’s still not funny, for all the reasons Batty’s jokes about the bus service’s mistreatment of kids are never funny, but it’s coherent!
GT: Y’know, if anyone wants to reboot iconic British misery comic The Blind Ballerina, Merrill’s portrayal of sports action would be perfect!
JP: I don’t know why I phrased that thing yesterday about Ces’s Wheel Of Random Plot Developments as if it were a joke.
Pluggers: It was easy to miss because, well *gestures at the general state of the world,* but there was a brief run on toilet paper a few weeks ago when people feared the dockworker strike might cause a shortage. It was a needless panic as that particular supply chain was not expected to be affected and the strike lasted a grand total of three days, but it’s consistent with this strip and the general theme of Pluggers as ignorant reactionaries afraid of any change in their routine.